All language subtitles for Half And Half s01e09 In with the Crowd.eng

You know, I have
a cool apartment.

How come we
never hang out there?

Because your place
smells like socks.

And to get into your building, I
have to run past that homeless guy

who says touching my
hair will bring him good luck.

Well, he's still there, so
I guess it's not working.

[Knock on door]Hey, people.

Hey, Dee Dee. You're
looking especially fly today.

Sorry, Spencer. It ain't
ever gonna happen.

So, Mona, what are you
doing tomorrow night?

Oh, girl, I got so
much going on.

It's really a matter of whether

it's this club or
that party or...

Yeah, I got nothin'.

Great! I am hosting
this girls' night,

since you are one
of my girls now,

I think it's about
time that you all met.

So please say you'll come.

Ok.

Really ok? Not ok but
then you accidentally forget

or pretend to be sick or...

I only did that once,

and it was Spencer's idea.

[Chuckles] That's before I
knew how cool you were.

Still ain't gonna happen.

Dee Dee, I'll be there. Me, too.

Spencer, it's girls' night.

Oh. So what time
should I show up?

♪ Through this
journey of discovery ♪

♪ in finding you
and finding me ♪

♪ now that I have
someone special ♪

♪ who brings out the joy ♪
♪ who brings out the joy ♪

♪ inside of me ♪
♪ inside of me ♪

♪ we can become
whatever we want ♪

♪ all we need is lovin' you ♪

♪ that's the way our
feelings should be ♪

♪ you and me ♪

[Off-key] ♪ me ♪

Ooh. [Chuckles]

And of course he asks me
how many men I've been with.

Oh, brother.

So I shave off the requisite 7

so he can be in
his comfort zone.

And I tell him 3,

and he still thinks
that's too many.

Men are so insecure.

They feel like the more
guys you've been with,

the greater the odds you've
been with someone better.

You know, wait. We are the ones

constantly trying to make ourselves
seem all pure and good for them.

Maybe the problem is really us.

All: Nah.

[Knock on door]

Hey, everybody.

Girls, this is my sister Mona.

Finally, the mystery sister.

Ooh.

Oh, we've been wanting
to meet you for years.

Dee Dee is always
talking about you.

What she means is,
your sister won't shut up.

This is Delilah,
Jasmine, and merce.

Delilah's a buyer at saks,

Jasmine works at
eye on San Francisco,

and merce is in med school.

We wanted her to be nurse merce,

but no, she just
had to be a doctor.

Bunch of slackers, huh?

That's a joke.

Ok, I'll stop talking now.

You know, uh,
Mona's got a cool job.

She's an a & r exec
at delicious records.

She scouts bands,
oversees video shoots,

and she hangs with the
who's who and the what's what.

She is it. Take a whiff.

Mmm. So you get to hang out
with people like Nelly and pink?

No. But I know the poo
pilots and big phat slim Jim.

They're huge in Germany.

Ooh, I was just in Hamburg. It
was beautiful. Have you ever been?

No, but I test drove a
Volkswagen last week.

Ah-ah-ah. Use coaster.

I forgot. We're in miss
perfect's apartment.

And it's about time. It's been, what, 3
months, and you're just now inviting us over?

Well, some of the
tiles in the bathroom

are a little crooked, and I
could barely stand to live here,

let alone have you
picky bitches over.

Oh, please. We would
have never said anything...

To your face.

So, Mona, that is some hair.

You know the
natural bed-head look

is all over the magazines.

Thanks. A little bit of
serta goes a long way.

Yeah. Not many people can
sport that "I just don't care" look.

Ha ha. Just lucky, I guess.

Jasmine: You know
what I don't care about?

Those new boots
from dona & scarpelli.

Girl, they make your legs
look like leather tree trunks.

[Women expressing agreement]

Then Todd gave me this.

Or was it ed?

Maybe it was Sam.

Well, it was definitely
a man with good taste.

Which goes without saying,
because he was dating me.

[Cell phone rings]

It's mine.

Oh, it's Jeremy.

He'll call back. He's so sprung.

Hey, you guys all
have the same purse.

I think Dee Dee
even has one of those.

I had it first. These
hags copied me.

All's fair in love and
accessories, darlin'.

That's a cute bag, Mona.

Oh, I got this from a street
vendor up at the haight.

For 20 bucks, he will
whip up an original creation

from recycled stuff
from all over the city.

Oh. So it's made from trash.

Pretty much.

[Knock on door]

Ladies, what a surprise
to see you all here.

I just finished my volunteer
work at the children's hospital.

I took them some orphan
puppies I saved from a fire.

I just wish there was
more that I could do.

Is there more that I could do?

Spencer, I told
you, it's girls' night.

Well, girls night without boys
never made any sense to me.

Hello. I'm Delilah.

And I'm in love.

Clasp. [Giggles][Door knocks]

Dee Dee: Hey, Mona.

I brought you something

to thank you for
meeting my friends.

They loved you. They did?

The same girls from last night?

Did they have a lot
to drink after I left?

No. They just went on and on.

"Mona's so bright
and Mona's so pretty."

They said I was
pretty? I really like them.

Wow! This is so designer-y.

It's a special bag
for a special person.

Now you're officially
one of the girls.

Thanks, Dee Dee. It's beautiful.

[Knock on door]

Hey, people. You
remember Delilah.

She's my friend, you idiot.

She may be your
friend, but she's my lady.

Since last night?

Lust knows no clock.

This man is sexy.

Sexy.

Yeah, and it's refreshing to be with a guy
who's not all about his stock portfolio.

Yeah. And with me, she'll
never have to worry about that.

I'm just sexy.

Honey, all I'm saying is, as
long as we're in the neighborhood,

let's see how much
miss Dee Dee spent

on that sack with a strap.

Fine, but we're going
to dairy queen after.

May I help you ladies?

Yes. You could
explain this price.

I mean, anyone who would
spend 500 bucks on this

needs to have their
head examined.

For that amount, they can
come to my office 5 times,

and I'll tell 'em they're
crazy each and every visit.

Well, if you are
looking for discounts,

Walmart is...

Actually, I have no
idea where that is.

I don't know how you can
afford that attitude at 7.50 an hour.

And I know you got
those shoes at payless,

'cause I got the
same pair at home.

Ma, let's go.

Now, my daughter
got a gift from this store

and wants to know what it cost.

At lucci's, we are not
concerned with price.

Well, we are.

So how much?

It's 1,200.

Dollars?! american dollars?

It's the hottest
bag of the season.

All of San Francisco
is clamoring for it.

It's how you might feel about

39-cent cheeseburgers.

Oh, I'll will whip...
ma, ma, ma.

I don't know if I feel
comfortable carrying this bag.

It's worth more than my car.

What isn't?

Look, just return it. Do you know what
you could do with that kind of money?

You could pay your
bills, your parking tickets...

Maybe I could get showtime.

I would like to see soul food.

Oh, but I can't. It was a gift.

Oh, honey, get real.

Dee Dee only bought that so you
would fit in with her snooty friends.

Girl's trying to make you
over.No. She would never do that.

Are we talking about the same
girl who took over your birthday party

or who changed your hair and
clothes before your father's banquet?

But she was just trying to help.

Wasn't she?

Was she?

One of Dee Dee's friends did
make a comment about my hair.

Oh, and Dee Dee said the
purse made me one of the girls.

Maybe you're right. Of course
I'm right. I'm always right.

Except when I thought I was having
twins. You were just an extra large baby.

I would like to
return this purse.

Why am I not surprised?

I'll take small bills.

I'm taking my
mom to dairy queen.

It's inside the Walmart.

[Chuckles]

Mm-hmm.

Are you gettin' some?

No. I'm just excited
to pay off some debt.

The words "Mona
Thorne" and "paid in full"

have not been used in the
same sentence in a long time.

Yeah. Neither have the words

"Mona Thorne"
and "gettin' some."

I don't know what
I was thinking.

I feel guilty about
returning Dee Dee's gift,

but not so guilty that I can't
treat my best friend to a meal.

Mmm. Love to, but can't.

Aah, Delilah's taking me
to aqua for surf and turf.

I hear they make you wear
a bib, so you know it's fancy.

Check out what she bought me.

Wow. Much nicer than your folex.

Yeah.

But did you ever wonder why

Delilah's buying you all
these expensive gifts?

[Scoffs] Gratitude, baby.

She don't want this
good thing to get away.

And you're not worried that
she's trying to control you?

Please. I got Delilah
right where I want her.

[Cell phone rings]

[Ring]

Hello.

I'm leaving now.

Gotta go. Delilah's in the mood.

Oh, and by the way, this is
what getting some looks like.

Mrs. Thorne, Dee Dee,

how lovely to see you.

And how is little coco?

Depressed. All the
bolero jackets she tried on

made her look like she has the
waistline of a German Shepherd.

Tsk, Tsk, Tsk.

Now, I need your help
finding an evening wrap.

Oh, I will bring you something to
match your beauty and excellent taste.

[Chuckles] You see, dear?

You don't get that kind of
sucking up at the lower-end stores.

You know, mom, this is
where I bought Mona that purse.

Oh, how sweet of you, dear.

At least now she
has one nice thing.

You should've seen her
face when I gave it to her.

She loved it so much.

Oh, that's strange.

This looks like the
exact same purse.

Excuse me. Bridget?

I bought a purse
like this the other day,

but you told me it
was the last one.

I'm afraid it was
recently returned.

Uh, tell me, Bridget, the girl who
returned it... did she have crazy hair

and shoes made for killing bugs?

Sadly, she did.

That doesn't prove it was Mona.

If it helps, she was
with another woman.

And did this woman
have a bad attitude

and have on a tacky outfit designed
to draw attention away from the hips?

Sadly, it didn't.

And on her way out, she
dumped the whole bowl

of lucci mints into her handbag.

[Sighs] So, big hips,
steals mints, bad attitude.

Well, it's either
Phyllis or al sharpton.

Oh, wait. Al never
stole any mints.

[Knock on door]Mona,
I need your help.

All of a sudden, Delilah
expects gifts from me...

Jewels and whatnot.

I tried to tell you.

Now's not the
time for a lecture.

What you got lying around?

I need it fast and
I need it wrapped.

[Knock on door]

Oh. Hey, guys.

Yo, Dee Dee! Let me hold
those earrings you have on.

Get away from me.

Fine. I'll just find
something around here.

Ooh. Potpourri.

So, Mona,

I was wondering
why I haven't seen you

carrying your new purse yet.

Right. The purse.

See, what had happened was...

I was mugged, and he
said, "your purse or your life?"

And I think it's obvious
the choice I made.

And did this happen
before or after

you went to
lucci's to return it?

Uh... after?

If you didn't like it, why
didn't you just tell me

instead of feeding me some ridiculous
story? It wasn't a ridiculous story.

It could've happened. And
anyway, you only gave me that purse

so I'd fit in with your friends.

That is just rude and wrong.

I bought it to say thank you.

Flowers say thank you.

A muffin basket says thank you.

A $1,200 purse says, "you
need some new accessories

if you want to hang with me."

You got all that from a purse?

Lucky I didn't give you
that platinum necklace.

Ooh! You still have that?

Mona, people buy each
other gifts all the time

just to be thoughtful, without
a hidden meaning or agenda.

Hallmark built an
entire business on it.

But hallmark didn't
make me feel invisible

and then try to make it up to
me with an overpriced handbag.

Uh, do girls like plants?

Both: Shut up, Spencer!

You know what, Mona?
I'm tired of being the only one

trying to make this
relationship work.

Being nice to you
is a waste of nice.

You know what makes me
feel better after a big fight? Ahh.

Giving away something
Delilah would like.

Ma, I just wanted those
girls to like me for me,

not because I was part of
their stupid purse-carrying club.

Baby, I never would have
pointed this Dee Dee thing out

if I thought you were
gonna obsess over it.

I'm not obsessing. I just
can't stop thinking about it.

Face it, ma. Nothing
ever changes.

Mona: Remember how I
struggled to fit in as a kid?

Hey, can I jump rope, too?

Sure.

[Girls laugh]

When I can see
where all of you are,

I'm gonna kick some butt.

Mona: And I guess that's
how it's always gonna be.

And what did I tell you
about girls like that?

That they would be pregnant,
drug-addicted, or bulimic by the age of 16.

After that.

You said that anyone

that doesn't accept
me the way I am,

isn't worth my time.

That's what I said, and it
sounds like you remember,

so I really don't understand
what the problem is.

I know. You're right, ma. And
I charge big money for this.

Ooh! That reminds me. I
have a client in 20 minutes.

If I keep her waiting, she will eat
all those good mints I just stole.

[Cackling]

[Knock on door]

Hey, Dee dees, big and small.

Hello, Spencer. We're
just having tea. No, thanks.

I wasn't inviting you, dear. I was just
letting you know you were interrupting.

Sorry. Listen, Dee Dee, I gotta talk
to you about Mona and I gotta talk fast.

If she finds out I'm telling
you what I need to tell you,

she'll kill me for
telling you, so don't tell.

And I should care
about Mona why?

Just listen. You need to
understand something about Mona.

She never had it easy in the friends
department and she doesn't have that many.

Deep down, she's worried
people are judging her.

News flash... they are.

So you see,

Mona's just trying to protect
herself from, you know,

being rejected.

Wow. That never
even occurred to me.

Now I feel bad about what I said. I
thought Mona was just being bitchy.

Oh, honey, you had her
confused with her mother.

[Knock on door][Man
speaking on TV]

[TV clicks]

Oh. Hi. Dee Dee's not here.
Have you checked upstairs?

Actually, we came to see you. We
had such a good time the other night.

You did? All: Mm-hmm.

Really? all: Mm-hmm.

Oh. Well, come on in.

Sit down. Imagine
the place vacuumed

and pretend those
are non-fat ho hos.

So, girl, what are
you up to tonight?

I hadn't planned anything specific,
but I'm pretty sure loose pants

and spongebobreruns
will be involved.

Your place is fantastic. If my place
had this vibe, I would never leave, either.

I mean, the colors are
funky, the fabrics are lush,

and this couch is so
comfortable, I can't get up.

[Giggles]No, really, I can't get
up. Could you pass me the chips?

Oh. Shall I wait for a plate?

Please. Just eat
'em out of the bag.

Oh, my god! I just
love this giant pillow!

[Knock on door]

Mona, can I borrow some...

Oh. I'm sorry.

I didn't realize you guys were here.
Looks like you're having a great time.

What are you doing here?
Yesterday, you were so mad

you lost the ability to blink.

[Forced laughter]

There she goes
with that wit again.

Oh, I'll just sit down.

So all you guys just keep
doing what you were doing.

We were just gonna hang out
with Mona like you asked and...

Hey, look! Ho hos!
Wait, wait, wait.

What do you mean,
"like you asked"?

You planned a pity party
for me? Unbelievable!

Zip it!

So I do another nice thing for
you and you're mad at me again?

Do you know how stupid I feel that you had to
force people over here to pretend to like me?

Pretend? Mona, you
obviously don't know my friends,

because not one of these heifers
would do anything they didn't want to do.

Why don't you all just leave?

You know why you feel
awkward around my friends?

Because you make
yourself feel that way.

And you returned the
purse for the same reason.

You don't feel worthy.

You are so afraid that
people are gonna hurt you

that you don't even
give them a chance.

What are you, reading my diary?

No, I just had a feeling.

So you just wanted
to give me a purse?

Mona, who's always telling you

how unique and cool you are?

You are. And who's always
trying to hang out with you

even though you
give me a hard time?

You are.

And who's staring at somebody
who feels really foolish right now?

You are.

I'm sorry.

I guess it just reminded
me of too many painful times.

Well, those times
are behind you.

So come on.

Good. Mona is back.
Jasmine is hogging the ho hos.

Are you sure these are fat-free?

'Cause I just ate 6 of 'em.

Hey! This is the other half of
the bookend Spencer gave me!

He told me he got
it at bloomingdale's.

Well, it might've come
from bloomingdale's

before I bought
it at a yard sale.

He is in much trouble.

But I do like it.

And there's no point in having
one bookend without the other.

That's Delilah.
Just keep a list.

Her dad will send you a check.

[Scoffs] So Delilah
and I are through.

I just couldn't handle
being a kept man.

Yeah, right. You just couldn't
handle a bookend upside the head.

Well, I hope you learned a
little something. I probably did,

but ever since I got hit, I can't
remember... what was I saying?

So Delilah and I are through.

I just couldn't handle
being a kept man.

Come on. We're going to the
emergency room. Come on.

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