All language subtitles for Half And Half s01e08 Ex expectations.eng

[Exhales deeply]

I know I'm gonna regret
this, but What'll you have?

The lady will have the
seared ahi tuna salad,

but instead of seared,
she'd like it grilled. Thanks.

And instead of the ahi,

she'd prefer the
mahi-mahi. Thanks.

And substitute the vinaigrette

with an extra light dijonaise.

And can you
drizzle that? Thanks.

He'll have the same. Thanks.

Oh, and with the dressing,

can you make it
more than a drizzle

but less than a
downpour? Thanks.

Are you referring
to the dressing

or the tears I shed every time
you come through that door?

The dressing. Thanks.

Please, god, don't
let them reproduce.

Dee Dee, do you know
how much I've enjoyed

these last few weeks with you?

Funny you should mention that.

Happy 2-week anniversary.

Ohh!

See, I figured
red's a power color,

and you attend a lot
of power meetings,

so power on with your bad self.

Dee Dee, I love it. I just
wish I'd remembered.

Please, don't give
it a second thought.

Just make up for it on
our 3-week anniversary.

[Personal organizer beeps]

Ah, what do you know?

"2-week anniversary
with Dee Dee.

Present her with a gift."

Neil, you little perpetrator!

You did remember.

Oh. It's a swizzle stick.

With teeth marks.

It's from the first drink
I ever bought you.

You were so nervous,
you almost chewed it in half.

Corny, huh?

What does this tell you?

I'm sorry, I couldn't hear
you. Could you repeat that?

[Tapping table] Do you mind?
People are eating. Thanks.

♪ Through this
journey of discovery ♪

♪ in finding you
and finding me ♪

♪ now that I have
someone special ♪

♪ who brings out the joy ♪
♪ who brings out the joy ♪

♪ inside of me ♪
♪ inside of me ♪

♪ we can become
whatever we want ♪

♪ all we need is lovin' you ♪

♪ that's the way our
feeling should be ♪

♪ you and me ♪

[Off-key] ♪ me ♪

Ooh. [Chuckles]

[Knock on door]

Guess who just had
another amazing date?

Who wants to smack her first?

I'm sorry. I should
be more sensitive

considering you're
all so alone.[Scoffs]

But I'm just so damn happy.

Well, I'm not happy. I
mean, tell me, Dee Dee,

can this man, this Neil,

give you everything
I can give you?

Let's see. He's an
investment banker,

has a house in presidio heights,

and drives a Lexus when
his jag clashes with his suit.

Tsk! Just as I thought.

Brother don't know how to dress.

[Sighs] Now, Mona,

when Neil comes over
tonight to pick me up,

I want you to come
up and meet him.

Wow, you actually want
my opinion on this guy?

That's a first.

Your opinion means a lot to me.

You're my sister

and I want to share
this great guy with you.

Really? Y'all talking
about a threesome?

Oh, I mean I would never

get involved with
something like that.

Unless somebody asked me.

I wouldn't want to be rude.

Why do men always
fantasize about 2 women?

Isn't it bad enough
they can't satisfy one?

Now, Mona, I need
to know what you think

before my mother
gets wind of it.

If Neil can't impress you,
my mother will eat him alive

and leave nothing but the bones.

So, what do you want me to do?

Just tell if you
think he's worthy.

If you say he's not,
I'll cut him loose.

Seriously?

No.oh.

But I might wait
a few more dates

to open the candy store,
if you know what I mean.

Mmm! You women just talk dirty.

And I like that about you.

And this is his gift to me

for our 2-week-and-one-day
anniversary.

Wow. He pays for dinner
and buys you presents?

I gotta get me one of
those.[Knock on door]

Ooh, that must be
Neil. On time as usual.

How do I look? Do I look ok?

Wait, what am I doing? I'm
meeting your date, not mine.

But still, do I look ok?

You look fine.

I look dazzling.

A girl could grow old
waiting for this door to open.

Not that I will, ever.

Mom, what are you doing here?

Honey, I just stopped
by to drop off... ohh!

Tiffany, fall
collection, details now.

It's just a butterfly pin.

It was a gift from a friend.

The only kind of
friend who spends

$750 on a butterfly

is a friend who wants to
get in the butterfly's pants.

Don't you agree, squashblossom?

I was just leaving.

No, you weren't.
Mom was just leaving.

The pin man is
coming over, isn't he?

I do believe this
day has a purpose.

[Knock on door]

Mom, I really like this one.

Please don't ask him
for proof of employment.

Neil. Ohh!

How did you know
godiva is my favorite?

It was number 6 on the list of "Dee
Dee's likes and dislikes" that you gave me.

Well, Dee Dee likes.

And I want to introduce you
to... Mrs. Thorne, the mother.

So about my daughter...
Your intentions?

Well, I intend to treat her

with the tenderness
she deserves,

the respect she commands,

and the affluence
she was born for,

so as she moves forward in life
she'll do so with the same grace

and beauty that her
mother obviously has.

You had me at "affluence."

And this is my sister.

Mona? neil Crawford. Heh!

Small world, huh?

I'll say. You two
know each other?

Yep, from high school. He's a
great guy, Dee Dee. I gotta go.

I left the window open.
The cat could get out.

You don't have a cat.

Well, a cat could get in!

Ok, Mona. Neil's
gone. Start talking.

I'm sorry for leaving like that.

It was just weird
seeing him again.

Yeah, well, he told me

you guys went out for a while.

And I know you
and I haven't been

in contact for a few years,

but I never heard
you mention him.

Should you have mentioned him?

Well, we dated
most of senior year,

and then on prom night,

like so many girls
across this great nation,

I came home with
my dress inside out

and my underwear
in my evening bag.

So you and Neil were...

Naked on a picnic table.

He was my first.

Not at all what I
imagined it would be.

Ewww!

What do you mean "ew"?

Mona, my friends and
I don't even share men.

I can't do that with my sister.

Thank god I haven't slept with
him yet. I should just end this.

Wait, wait, I didn't tell you
that so you'd break up with him.

Mona, I just don't want
some guy to come between us.

And I don't really know what the
sister etiquette is in this situation.

It's simple. The older sister
tells the younger sister to go for it.

So you really are ok with this?

I know how much
you like him, Dee Dee,

and me and Neil were
a million years ago,

so I'm fine with it if you are.

Then I guess I'm
fine with it, too.

Thanks, Mona.

This is what
sisterhood is all about.

Just don't make
the mistake I did.

Be sure your dress
is on right side out

before you go to
breakfast to Denny's.

Yeah. Me at Denny's.
That'll happen.

Hey, Mona. Hey, Neil.

So, another date?

Yeah, with an angel.

By the way, Dee Dee tells me
you're in the music business.

I always knew you'd
achieve your dream.

[Giggles]

That is so sweet.

Oh, hey.

I dropped off some mail of
yours that got mixed in with mine.

It's a bill. Otherwise,
I'd keep it. Oh, thanks.

Neil and I took a jog
around the presidio.

It's getting hot out there.

In here, too.

Oh, allow me.

Thanks.

Still wearing that Cologne, huh?

Yeah, just call
me Mr. Obsession.

I will.

I think you're still sweet
on this guy. No, I'm not.

I just have this slight
attraction to Neil's smile.

His personality. The way his
eyes twinkle every time he asks,

"have you seen Dee Dee?"

Oh, god, I'm pathetic!

What is wrong with my life?

I feel like I'm
back in high school

and Dee Dee's a cheerleader
who's stealing my guy.

I feel you, sister.

Those bitches stole
the quarterback from me.

Adam, have you
been eavesdropping?

There's so little in my
life that makes me smile.

Don't take this away, too.

I think your ears should be
tuned to those phone lines.

Now get out there
and answer them.

They'll call back.
They always do.

So what am I supposed
to do, Spence?

It's not like I want to
start seeing Neil again.

Well, maybe I do.

No, I don't.

Maybe I could.

No, I can't.

I don't know.

Dee Dee dating
him just feels wrong.

Then you've got to
be honest with her.

She's your sister.
She'll understand.

Do you think so? I don't
know. I don't have a sister.

But it sounds like the
right piece of advice.

Thanks, Spencer.

Even though you
basically offered nothing,

I will extract
something useful from it.

Hey. Awww!

Aw! If you're giving out
hugs, I could use one.

Not now, Adam.

I wasn't talking to you.

[Knock on door]

Hey, Dee Dee. What's up?

I just want to return your
blouse. And one more thing.

Remember that conversation
we had about it being ok

for you to see Neil?
Well, I take it all back.

I don't want you to
see him again, ever.

Are you saying you
want to date him again?

All I'm saying is I don't
want you dating him.

You lay this on me after I've really
started having feelings for Neil?

You're the one who encouraged
me to keep seeing him.

And now I'm encouraging
you not to see him.

Mon, you can't just jerk
people around like that.

Hey, I can hear you two
all the way downstairs.

You need me to
referee or something?

Back off, Spencer. This is
between me and my sister.

Fine. Y'all can
have your chick fight.

But if competition over a man

doesn't get some
clothes to ripping,

I don't know why I bother
hanging out with you women.

There isn't gonna
be a chick fight.

Maybe there isn't,
maybe there is.

I was explaining to Dee Dee that everyone
knows you don't date your sister's ex.

It's an unwritten law. Would've
been one of the commandments,

but they wanted an even number.

Yeah, well, lucky for you

they put in that
"thou shalt not kill."

Dee Dee, it's not your fault. You just
haven't been schooled in "Mona speak."

See, sometimes "yes" means "no,"

and sometimes
"yes" means "hell, no,"

and sometimes "yes"
actually means "yes,"

but I never trust it.

"Mona speak," huh?

Well, here's a little
"Dee Dee speak."

I'm dating Neil,
I'm digging Neil,

and I'm done with this conversation.
Oh, and one more thing...

Get out. You see, sometimes
"get out" means "get out!"

That's fine, 'cause it smells

like old boyfriend
in here anyway.

So now she refuses
to stop seeing him,

myold boyfriend. The
nerve of some people.

Thank you. I knew
you would understand.

I'm talking about you.

You have tripped
right off the planet.

What? honey, you dated
Neil way back in high school,

and after you broke up, I never
heard another word about him.

But Neil wasn't
just any boyfriend.

He was special.

I know, baby.
Your first always is,

and I understand
why seeing Neil again

can confuse you. But
you know what I think?

I'll tell you what I think.Oh.

I think you are
romanticizing this

because he was your first.

And by the way, if I had known

what you two were
up to on prom night,

that man would be walking
around without a kickstand.

But I was really into Neil,

and I'm feeling
those feelings again.

Mona, look me in the eye

and tell me that he
was one of your greats.

Like Keith from San Jose state,

or Mark with the razor bumps,

Armando from the gardening
service. You knew about Armando?

Please! Your hair always
smelled like miracle-gro.

Mona, don't let some
guy from your past

screw up your life.
Be strong, move on.

I've moved on from your
father. No, you haven't.

It just seems that way because
I'm obsessed with hating him.

Bottom line is you need
to give up this ghost.

Neil isn't a ghost. He's very
real, and so are my feelings.

Besides, you're my mother and
you're supposed to be on my side.

Now tell me that I'm right and that
I'm pretty like a good mother should.

Ok.

And now she wants
me to stop seeing him

because she's not
comfortable with it anymore.

"Mona speak."

I think mother needs
to tell you a little story.

Have any Frangelico?

No.

I suppose I can
do this straight.

[Sighs] When we were growing up,

your aunt Vivian had a romance

with a tasty Cuban trumpet
player down at the club.

She took me to see him
one night to show him off.

Well, needless to say,
he took one look at me

and it was vaya
con dios, vivian.

We had a feverish
affair for a few weeks

till I realized they pay
those people scale.

Vivian has never forgiven me,

and I have never
forgiven myself.

Is that why she sends

those nasty cards at Christmas?

Every year I can
count on a fruitcake

and a death threat.

And, Dee Dee, I
thought your agenda

was to get close to Mona.

It was.

But Neil is the most attentive,

challenging, exciting
guy I've ever dated.

But you only have one sister,

and if you lose her, you
might never get her back again.

You have to decide what's
more important to you.

That's the most
unsuperficial thing

I've ever heard you say.

All great divas have a
trick or 2 up their sleeves.

Keeps the wannabes
in their place.

Phyllis.

Big Dee Dee.

Is that concern I
see on your face,

or is it time to call Dr. Botox?

Giving your daughter more advice

that's going to keep
her emotionally stunted?

Fyi, I told Mona

to move on and
forget about Neil.

Oh, my god. I just
told my Dee Dee that.

So we agree on something?

It appears so.

Both: Ugh!

Trust me, Phil. A
merger at this juncture

would only weaken both firms.

Great. We'll settle it at
the niners game Sunday.

All right.

Opening a satellite
office on the stairwell?

Uh, just waiting for
Dee Dee to get home.

Since you've been seeing
Dee Dee, we haven't

had a chance to
talk about old times.

My god, we had so much fun

in high school, didn't we?

Yeah, we did.

Remember those
cheesy fake ids we had?

I think I looked damn good

for a 41-year-old Asian guy.

Ooh, remember the
senior ski trip to Tahoe?

Ohh. They should never
give a black man ski Poles.

What about the night
we snuck into the school

and we put the bra and panties

on the statue of president taft?

That wasn't me. It wasn't?

No. I had to write that essay
on teenage responsibility.

Oh, yeah. The
principal read it to me

right before I got suspended.

But still, we really
had something.

I mean, we went out
for, like 6, 7 months.

That's decades
in high school time.

That was a really
great time in our lives.

It was.

What we had
together was special.

Too be we have to
grow up and go on.

Yeah. It's too bad.

These garlic mashed
potatoes are ok,

but they're not half as
good as my mother's.

Does your mother have a
specialty? Mmm. Shrimp scampi.

Ohh. and if it's not
spiced just right,

the cook catches hell.

Here's your bill in
advance. Thanks.

The dessert special is cobbler.

You can have it with
or without ice cream,

but it doesn't matter because
we're out of both. Thanks.

Gratuity's included because I
don't trust you not to stiff me. Thanks.

So, Neil, I want to
talk to you about...

Sorry to interrupt, but can I
borrow Dee Dee for a second?

I need to talk to her about
something very important.

Mona, it's one thing
to fight in private.

In public, it's just ghetto.

I'm not here to fight.

I want to talk
about Neil. I just...

Don't say another word.

I'm breaking up with him. What?

I was just about to give him
the ax when you walked in.

Mona, if you're not comfortable

with me seeing him, then...

It's just not meant to be.

My relationship with my sister

is far more important
than any man.

Do you mean that?

Dee Dee, don't
break up with Neil.

Now, I realized today
that what he and I had,

it wasn't some
storybook romance.

We were just 2 kids
who wanted to do

what our parents told us not to.

But you and Neil are adults
who are disgustingly compatible.

You deserve a chance.

And you're not gonna
change your mind this time?

No, I'm not.

I want you to be happy.

At least one of us should be.

Thanks, Mona.

I really want to give this
relationship with Neil a shot.

This sister thing is
gonna work, isn't it?

Despite my best efforts.

You know, I have to say

that it's pretty impressive

that even when it comes
to matters of the heart,

we can both be so unselfish.

When you think about it,

I'm really the unselfish one.

No, see, I was willing
to drop Neil on principle.

You only came around when you realized
you didn't have feelings for him anymore.

Look, kid, take
what you can get.

Now go on back to your man.

I'm gonna do just that.

Cheers.

Something terrible's happened.

My dog misty got hit by a car,

and we don't know
if he's gonna make it.

I feel so alone now.

I could really use a hug.

I'm not touching
you, man. Back up.

Fine. I don't have a damn
dog, anyway.[Mona laughs]

Put a lock on the door.
Put a lock on the door. No!

Every time I come to
work... you're so irresistible.

Mona, I'm not his type.

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