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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,970 --> 00:00:05,005 (fanfare) 2 00:00:11,279 --> 00:00:14,382 - [Whispering Voice] Mystery Library. 3 00:00:17,551 --> 00:00:21,555 (radio static and interference) 4 00:00:26,994 --> 00:00:30,298 (jaunty country music) 5 00:00:36,003 --> 00:00:40,541 * Well I'm strong as a bull, I can lift a ton * 6 00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:42,776 * I can supe up an old jalopy 7 00:00:42,776 --> 00:00:45,079 * And I'm a pool-shootin' son of a gun * 8 00:00:45,079 --> 00:00:49,583 * I've got a reputation of bein' a lady's man * 9 00:00:49,583 --> 00:00:51,952 * I got a black guitar and I play it hard * 10 00:00:51,952 --> 00:00:54,155 * In a kicking country band 11 00:00:54,155 --> 00:00:56,457 * I'm a jack of all trade, I can weld that steel * 12 00:00:56,457 --> 00:00:58,826 * Got a nine-pound hammer, ain't got no bill * 13 00:00:58,826 --> 00:01:00,861 * Guess I was born lucky, I know I got it made * 14 00:01:00,861 --> 00:01:05,065 * There ain't much I can't handle, I'm a jack of all trade * 15 00:01:22,783 --> 00:01:25,085 * When it comes to hard work 16 00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:28,889 * You won't see me back down 17 00:01:31,892 --> 00:01:35,163 * Ain't a thing so tough 18 00:01:35,163 --> 00:01:38,866 * That I can't get over now 19 00:01:40,468 --> 00:01:42,069 * Well I'm a jack of all trade 20 00:01:42,069 --> 00:01:43,171 - Mm, mm, mm. 21 00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:48,176 (muffled clattering) 22 00:01:48,176 --> 00:01:49,143 God-damnit! 23 00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:54,982 If it's not one thing, it's another in this damn shit hole. 24 00:01:54,982 --> 00:01:57,551 (radio static) 25 00:01:57,551 --> 00:02:00,020 - [Radio DJ] 101.1, The Lips. 26 00:02:01,155 --> 00:02:03,924 Today's hits, yesterday's classics. 27 00:02:03,924 --> 00:02:05,293 - [News Anchor] Here's a special bulletin. 28 00:02:05,293 --> 00:02:07,461 Supernatural serial-killer Edgar Friendly, 29 00:02:07,461 --> 00:02:10,798 AKA Mr. Bonejangles on the loose in the warehouse district. 30 00:02:10,798 --> 00:02:12,466 He's already killed three people tonight. 31 00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:15,035 Conventional weapons are useless against him. 32 00:02:15,035 --> 00:02:19,240 (suspenseful music) (machinery rattles) 33 00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:39,393 (steam hisses) 34 00:02:51,272 --> 00:02:53,040 (light zaps) 35 00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:55,643 (steam hisses) 36 00:02:57,645 --> 00:03:00,113 (rumbles) 37 00:03:00,113 --> 00:03:02,216 (growls) 38 00:03:04,652 --> 00:03:07,988 (music swells) 39 00:03:07,988 --> 00:03:09,957 (thud) 40 00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:14,127 (bones clack) (heavy breath) 41 00:03:14,127 --> 00:03:16,230 (growls) 42 00:03:19,767 --> 00:03:21,969 (wheezes) 43 00:03:26,073 --> 00:03:28,175 (grunts) 44 00:03:29,277 --> 00:03:32,045 (hammer scrapes) 45 00:03:35,616 --> 00:03:38,386 (hammer scrapes) 46 00:03:41,989 --> 00:03:43,724 (suspenseful music) 47 00:03:43,724 --> 00:03:44,592 Shit. 48 00:03:46,860 --> 00:03:48,362 (screams) (Bonejangles growls) 49 00:03:48,362 --> 00:03:49,397 (thud) 50 00:03:49,397 --> 00:03:52,266 (muffled screams) 51 00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:54,602 (Bonejangles growls) 52 00:03:54,602 --> 00:03:57,671 (bones crack) (muffled screams) 53 00:03:57,671 --> 00:04:01,875 (thuds and cracks) (muffled screams) 54 00:04:05,913 --> 00:04:10,117 (cracks and squelches) (muffled screams) 55 00:04:23,230 --> 00:04:25,699 (steel scrapes) (bones clack) 56 00:04:25,699 --> 00:04:28,402 (ominous chord) 57 00:04:42,350 --> 00:04:44,385 (officer sighs) 58 00:04:44,385 --> 00:04:45,252 - Wow. 59 00:04:46,053 --> 00:04:48,589 What an exciting night. 60 00:04:48,589 --> 00:04:49,457 - Sure is. 61 00:04:50,324 --> 00:04:53,461 This is why we joined the force, right? 62 00:04:53,461 --> 00:04:55,329 All the action. 63 00:04:55,329 --> 00:04:56,263 - No doubt. 64 00:04:57,531 --> 00:04:58,966 Speaking of action. 65 00:04:58,966 --> 00:05:00,801 What'd you do last weekend? 66 00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:02,936 Rearrange your doll collection again? 67 00:05:02,936 --> 00:05:04,938 - They're called action-figures. 68 00:05:04,938 --> 00:05:06,707 And no, I had a date. 69 00:05:07,608 --> 00:05:08,709 Yeah, a date. 70 00:05:09,843 --> 00:05:12,145 You don't know her but I had a real hot date with her. 71 00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:13,013 - Wow! 72 00:05:14,348 --> 00:05:18,852 And by a hot date, do you mean your right hand, 73 00:05:18,852 --> 00:05:21,221 or your left hand this time? 74 00:05:22,122 --> 00:05:24,558 - I had a date with a girl. 75 00:05:24,558 --> 00:05:25,626 A real one. 76 00:05:25,626 --> 00:05:27,127 We had sex and everything, too. 77 00:05:27,127 --> 00:05:28,596 - Randy, there's no shame 78 00:05:28,596 --> 00:05:32,199 in you still being a virgin, right? 79 00:05:32,199 --> 00:05:34,968 No, no actually, there kind of is. 80 00:05:34,968 --> 00:05:36,637 But you don't have to lie to me about it. 81 00:05:36,637 --> 00:05:38,038 - I don't know what you're talking about. 82 00:05:38,038 --> 00:05:39,473 I've had all kinds of sex. 83 00:05:39,473 --> 00:05:40,741 - (chuckles) For sure. 84 00:05:40,741 --> 00:05:41,842 - Stand-up sex. 85 00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:42,876 Lay-down sex. 86 00:05:42,876 --> 00:05:43,977 Sideways sex. 87 00:05:44,912 --> 00:05:46,213 - [Radio] All available units, request you go over-- 88 00:05:46,213 --> 00:05:48,382 - Bed sex, car sex, shower sex. 89 00:05:48,382 --> 00:05:50,183 - Hold that thought. 90 00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:51,151 This is 80. 91 00:05:51,151 --> 00:05:53,421 - [Radio] Car 80, do you copy? 92 00:05:53,421 --> 00:05:54,588 Are you there, Doug? 93 00:05:54,588 --> 00:05:56,524 - Roger that, on our way. 94 00:05:56,524 --> 00:05:58,626 - Can't we let somebody else take care of this? 95 00:05:58,626 --> 00:06:00,594 - If they say they need everybody, 96 00:06:00,594 --> 00:06:03,397 it's probably something pretty big. 97 00:06:03,397 --> 00:06:05,999 Now come on, let's go be cops. 98 00:06:05,999 --> 00:06:08,235 - What the hell is a 327 anyway? 99 00:06:08,235 --> 00:06:09,503 - I don't know. 100 00:06:16,644 --> 00:06:18,178 - Alright, listen up, guys. 101 00:06:18,178 --> 00:06:20,247 Perp has already killed three people tonight. 102 00:06:20,247 --> 00:06:22,716 He should be considered armed and extremely dangerous. 103 00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:26,319 - [Officer] Who exactly are we dealing with, Captain? 104 00:06:26,319 --> 00:06:28,021 - Edgar Friendly Jr. 105 00:06:29,322 --> 00:06:31,492 - Why does that name sound so familiar? 106 00:06:31,492 --> 00:06:34,662 - [Officer] Captain, he's slaughtered over 100 people 107 00:06:34,662 --> 00:06:37,097 and they say he can't be killed. 108 00:06:37,097 --> 00:06:38,799 - [Officer] Yeah, I heard his mom was a voodoo priestess 109 00:06:38,799 --> 00:06:41,101 who infused him with all sorts of dark supernatural powers. 110 00:06:41,101 --> 00:06:43,971 - Alright, that has yet to be determined, alright? 111 00:06:43,971 --> 00:06:46,039 But what we do know is that his father was 112 00:06:46,039 --> 00:06:47,407 the New Brunswick Ripper, 113 00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:50,077 fairly notorious serial-killer in his own right. 114 00:06:50,077 --> 00:06:51,479 In fact, it was his death 30 years ago 115 00:06:51,479 --> 00:06:53,547 which led Edgar down his own bloody path. 116 00:06:53,547 --> 00:06:55,015 (eerie tones) 117 00:06:55,015 --> 00:06:55,883 - Edgar! 118 00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:00,788 Edgar. 119 00:07:01,889 --> 00:07:03,891 It's coming for me, boy. 120 00:07:03,891 --> 00:07:05,425 It's coming for us! 121 00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:09,997 You just remember what I taught you over the years. 122 00:07:09,997 --> 00:07:12,666 You stay away from these women! 123 00:07:12,666 --> 00:07:14,802 They got nothin' for you 124 00:07:14,802 --> 00:07:18,672 and once they get into you and your wee winky, 125 00:07:19,573 --> 00:07:21,408 you're just as good as dead. 126 00:07:21,408 --> 00:07:24,478 - [Officer] Edgar Friendly, come out with your hands up. 127 00:07:24,478 --> 00:07:26,747 You're surrounded, this is your only warning! 128 00:07:26,747 --> 00:07:28,448 - You just remember, 129 00:07:30,217 --> 00:07:32,920 the only good pig is a dead pig! 130 00:07:36,857 --> 00:07:40,193 You can't let 'em take you away. 131 00:07:40,193 --> 00:07:42,896 You wait for the screamin' to die down, boy, 132 00:07:42,896 --> 00:07:45,065 then you get outta here, 133 00:07:45,065 --> 00:07:47,968 and go on and do your daddy proud. 134 00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:50,170 You want me, pigs? 135 00:07:50,170 --> 00:07:51,539 Well, here I am. 136 00:07:53,106 --> 00:07:54,174 - Now, the chief wants him taken down 137 00:07:54,174 --> 00:07:56,143 and he wants him taken down tonight. 138 00:07:56,143 --> 00:07:57,578 There's a few precautions that I wanna go over 139 00:07:57,578 --> 00:07:59,146 with you guys. 140 00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:01,682 - Hey, Doug, when you were a kid, 141 00:08:01,682 --> 00:08:04,351 did you dream about becoming a cop when you grew up? 142 00:08:04,351 --> 00:08:05,519 - Yeah. 143 00:08:05,519 --> 00:08:06,854 What about it? 144 00:08:06,854 --> 00:08:08,689 - Did those dreams involve you going toe-to-toe 145 00:08:08,689 --> 00:08:10,824 with an inhuman serial-killer who could rip your spine out 146 00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:12,492 through your asshole? 147 00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:13,426 - No! 148 00:08:13,426 --> 00:08:15,395 No, they never did. - Hey. 149 00:08:15,395 --> 00:08:16,697 Neither did mine. 150 00:08:16,697 --> 00:08:17,631 Weird, huh? 151 00:08:19,533 --> 00:08:21,068 Let's bail on this. 152 00:08:21,068 --> 00:08:22,369 - What? 153 00:08:22,369 --> 00:08:25,005 - They'll never notice if we just blend into the background 154 00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:27,808 and then disappear while they're rushing inside. 155 00:08:27,808 --> 00:08:30,377 - You're a true credit to the badge, Randy, you know that? 156 00:08:30,377 --> 00:08:33,647 - You wanna get sliced and diced by a inhumane serial-killer 157 00:08:33,647 --> 00:08:35,515 with daddy-issues, be my guest. 158 00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:37,885 But me, I'd like to live to, 159 00:08:39,319 --> 00:08:40,588 lose my virginity. 160 00:08:40,588 --> 00:08:41,755 - I know you do. 161 00:08:41,755 --> 00:08:43,791 - What's the matter, Myers, your butt-buddy Partridge 162 00:08:43,791 --> 00:08:46,594 come down with another bad case of pussyitis? 163 00:08:46,594 --> 00:08:47,427 - Lisa? 164 00:08:47,427 --> 00:08:48,562 Oh, hi. 165 00:08:48,562 --> 00:08:51,031 I didn't notice you when you're not down on all fours. 166 00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:52,265 - That's cute, 167 00:08:52,265 --> 00:08:55,402 considering you've probably never even seen a woman naked. 168 00:08:55,402 --> 00:08:57,638 - You should probably just conserve your bullets, alright? 169 00:08:57,638 --> 00:08:58,972 Conventional weapons, 170 00:08:58,972 --> 00:09:01,508 they don't seem to do much for this guy. 171 00:09:01,508 --> 00:09:04,311 He's been shot, stabbed, burned, drowned, 172 00:09:04,311 --> 00:09:08,048 doused with toxic waste, and even frozen, for god's sakes. 173 00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:10,784 Now, electricity, now that's proven effective 174 00:09:10,784 --> 00:09:13,320 at incapacitating him in the past, which is why 175 00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:16,189 you're all armed with these industrial-strength tasers. 176 00:09:16,189 --> 00:09:19,627 So don't hesitate to use them, and godspeed all of you. 177 00:09:19,627 --> 00:09:23,997 And remember, most of you won't be coming back tonight. 178 00:09:23,997 --> 00:09:25,532 Alright, let's go. 179 00:09:49,456 --> 00:09:51,424 - You two, go check out the west wing 180 00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:53,593 while the rest of us head to the east wing. 181 00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:55,062 - Why do we have to go off on our own 182 00:09:55,062 --> 00:09:57,197 when the rest of you get to stick together? 183 00:09:57,197 --> 00:10:00,100 - Um, oh, mostly so you two pussies don't fuck up 184 00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:02,736 our only chance of catching the bad guy. 185 00:10:02,736 --> 00:10:05,572 But if you see a scary spider, call it in on your radio, 186 00:10:05,572 --> 00:10:07,607 and we'll come save you. 187 00:10:08,776 --> 00:10:10,210 - Cunt. 188 00:10:10,210 --> 00:10:12,345 And you search for Mr. Bonejangles in the west wing, 189 00:10:12,345 --> 00:10:14,648 that's what we'll be doing. 190 00:10:21,755 --> 00:10:23,924 - Come on, I'm sure getting brutally murdered 191 00:10:23,924 --> 00:10:26,126 in the west wing is just like getting brutally murdered 192 00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:28,495 in any other part of this place. 193 00:10:28,495 --> 00:10:31,498 (suspenseful music) 194 00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:49,482 - This is messed up, we shouldn't be here, 195 00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:51,218 especially by ourselves. 196 00:10:51,218 --> 00:10:53,553 We suck at being cops, man, everybody knows it. 197 00:10:53,553 --> 00:10:55,388 We're the laughing stock of the entire force. 198 00:10:55,388 --> 00:10:58,058 - Hey, I know, how about keeping your voice down, buddy? 199 00:10:58,058 --> 00:11:01,294 You know, 'cause of the whole mask-wearing psycho guy shit? 200 00:11:01,294 --> 00:11:02,162 - Sorry. 201 00:11:05,933 --> 00:11:08,836 Way to stand up for yourself with Lisa, by the way. 202 00:11:08,836 --> 00:11:11,972 You could have said something to get her to take us with her 203 00:11:11,972 --> 00:11:14,074 but you pussied out like you always do. 204 00:11:14,074 --> 00:11:16,476 - What's that supposed to mean? 205 00:11:16,476 --> 00:11:19,079 - Every time you get a chance to do something, 206 00:11:19,079 --> 00:11:21,715 even a little bit heroic and prove yourself, 207 00:11:21,715 --> 00:11:24,651 you wimp out, let someone else take all the glory. 208 00:11:24,651 --> 00:11:28,588 Why'd you even become a cop in the first place? 209 00:11:47,274 --> 00:11:49,642 (guns fire) 210 00:11:51,344 --> 00:11:52,645 That sounded like-- 211 00:11:52,645 --> 00:11:53,513 - I know! 212 00:11:54,481 --> 00:11:56,449 - What are we gonna do? 213 00:12:00,087 --> 00:12:01,088 Dude! 214 00:12:01,088 --> 00:12:03,857 I was just kiddin' about that hero stuff. 215 00:12:03,857 --> 00:12:06,493 You do not have to do that right now! 216 00:12:06,493 --> 00:12:07,360 Doug? 217 00:12:08,461 --> 00:12:09,329 Doug! 218 00:12:13,300 --> 00:12:14,267 Doug, look. 219 00:12:18,005 --> 00:12:19,706 Do you think he's in there? 220 00:12:19,706 --> 00:12:20,573 - Maybe. 221 00:12:22,509 --> 00:12:25,612 - If he is, what are we gonna do? 222 00:12:25,612 --> 00:12:27,180 - We go in. 223 00:12:27,180 --> 00:12:28,315 Guns blazing. 224 00:12:29,716 --> 00:12:31,584 - Pulaski said bullets don't do dick against this guy 225 00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:33,753 except piss him off. - (chuckles) Right, right. 226 00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:35,255 Okay, um. 227 00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:37,190 Okay, you go in guns blazing, 228 00:12:37,190 --> 00:12:38,792 and while he's distracted by that, 229 00:12:38,792 --> 00:12:41,428 I'll hit him with a taser. 230 00:12:41,428 --> 00:12:43,596 - That is a really shitty plan. 231 00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:44,932 - Yeah, okay. 232 00:12:44,932 --> 00:12:46,366 You ready, buddy? 233 00:12:50,637 --> 00:12:53,240 - If you get me killed, I'm gonna be so pissed. 234 00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:54,474 - Yeah. 235 00:12:54,474 --> 00:12:56,009 We go on three. 236 00:12:56,009 --> 00:12:56,944 One. 237 00:12:56,944 --> 00:12:57,811 Two. 238 00:12:57,811 --> 00:12:58,645 Three! 239 00:12:58,645 --> 00:13:01,781 (both scream wildly) 240 00:13:06,253 --> 00:13:07,254 - Holy fuck! 241 00:13:10,357 --> 00:13:11,758 Jesus Christ. 242 00:13:11,758 --> 00:13:13,226 They're all dead. 243 00:13:15,028 --> 00:13:16,429 Oh, shit. 244 00:13:16,429 --> 00:13:17,630 That's Captain Pulaski. 245 00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:19,799 - Would you keep your voice down? 246 00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:21,734 He could still be close by. 247 00:13:21,734 --> 00:13:24,104 - If that's the case, we gotta get outta here! 248 00:13:24,104 --> 00:13:25,238 We got-- 249 00:13:25,238 --> 00:13:28,375 (Bonejangles snarls) 250 00:13:32,846 --> 00:13:34,681 (bones clack) 251 00:13:34,681 --> 00:13:37,250 (both whine) 252 00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:38,118 (taser fires) 253 00:13:38,118 --> 00:13:42,322 (Bonejangles groans) (taser zaps) 254 00:13:50,463 --> 00:13:52,332 - Thanks to last night's debacle, 255 00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:55,235 we are dealing with a severely-depleted police force, 256 00:13:55,235 --> 00:13:57,670 namely the three of you and a new transfer 257 00:13:57,670 --> 00:13:59,472 who should be here at any moment. 258 00:13:59,472 --> 00:14:01,308 Officer-- (eccentric electronic music) 259 00:14:01,308 --> 00:14:02,475 - Hi! 260 00:14:02,475 --> 00:14:05,278 - Juan Larumba? - Nice to meet you, kisses. 261 00:14:05,278 --> 00:14:09,082 And kisses to you, and kisses to you, and, 262 00:14:09,082 --> 00:14:11,618 kisses to you, Mr. Boss Man. 263 00:14:11,618 --> 00:14:13,053 (claps) 264 00:14:13,053 --> 00:14:14,354 - Right. 265 00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:16,656 So the situation is that Mr. Bonejangles 266 00:14:16,656 --> 00:14:19,192 is being held downstairs under heavy sedation. 267 00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:20,894 The mayor wants him out of town as soon as possible 268 00:14:20,894 --> 00:14:22,495 and frankly I could not agree more. 269 00:14:22,495 --> 00:14:23,897 - Where are we taking him, Chief? 270 00:14:23,897 --> 00:14:25,865 - Smithsgrove Sanatorium have agreed to take him off 271 00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:30,070 of our hands, they have more experience in these situations. 272 00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:32,906 - But that place is like hundreds of miles away. 273 00:14:32,906 --> 00:14:34,474 I don't wanna be locked up in a transport 274 00:14:34,474 --> 00:14:36,276 with that freak for so long. 275 00:14:36,276 --> 00:14:37,544 - Put a lid on it, Myers. 276 00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:40,147 - No, he's absolutely right, Smithsgrove has agreed 277 00:14:40,147 --> 00:14:42,249 to send a transport team to meet us halfway. 278 00:14:42,249 --> 00:14:44,517 In the town of Argento. 279 00:14:44,517 --> 00:14:45,852 - Argento? 280 00:14:45,852 --> 00:14:46,886 - Officer... 281 00:14:47,921 --> 00:14:48,888 - Partridge. 282 00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:50,657 - Partridge, that's right. 283 00:14:50,657 --> 00:14:52,192 You know the town? 284 00:14:53,293 --> 00:14:54,594 - No. 285 00:14:54,594 --> 00:14:56,063 - Wait, aren't you from Argento? 286 00:14:56,063 --> 00:14:57,464 - Shh! 287 00:14:57,464 --> 00:14:59,666 Sir, with all due respect, 288 00:15:01,301 --> 00:15:02,535 we can't go there. 289 00:15:02,535 --> 00:15:03,937 - Why the hell not? 290 00:15:03,937 --> 00:15:06,406 - Well, it's a long story, you see-- 291 00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:07,340 - Let me stop you right there, 292 00:15:07,340 --> 00:15:08,275 we don't have time for stories. 293 00:15:08,275 --> 00:15:10,377 You are all going to Argento. 294 00:15:10,377 --> 00:15:13,380 You'll leave at 0800, get Bonejangles out of town, 295 00:15:13,380 --> 00:15:16,316 and all of our troubles will be over, I promise. 296 00:15:16,316 --> 00:15:17,684 - Hey, what's the matter with you? 297 00:15:17,684 --> 00:15:20,853 Why can't we go to your hometown, what's so bad about it? 298 00:15:20,853 --> 00:15:22,589 - It's complicated. 299 00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:24,191 (Juan claps) 300 00:15:24,191 --> 00:15:26,293 - Road trip! (chuckles) 301 00:15:26,293 --> 00:15:29,997 (peaceful orchestral music) 302 00:15:45,278 --> 00:15:46,713 - Dang, there's a lot more people in here 303 00:15:46,713 --> 00:15:47,947 than there were last year. 304 00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:50,050 - Oh yeah, tonight's a very special night. 305 00:15:50,050 --> 00:15:51,985 By the way, are you going to the wedding? 306 00:15:51,985 --> 00:15:52,919 - You bet. 307 00:15:52,919 --> 00:15:55,122 So, uh, what's with those? 308 00:15:56,356 --> 00:15:57,224 - Those? 309 00:15:58,325 --> 00:16:00,093 They fuck shit up. 310 00:16:00,093 --> 00:16:02,429 - Alright, alright, alright. 311 00:16:05,932 --> 00:16:08,135 - What do you think, dearie? 312 00:16:08,135 --> 00:16:11,438 - Oh, it's uh, it's beautiful, Marlo. 313 00:16:11,438 --> 00:16:14,041 - Well, I tried my best, which isn't easy with-- 314 00:16:14,041 --> 00:16:16,609 (wolf whistle) 315 00:16:16,609 --> 00:16:17,910 - Hubba, hubba. 316 00:16:20,013 --> 00:16:24,517 Sally, do you look good enough to eat. (chuckles) 317 00:16:24,517 --> 00:16:28,721 In fact, I think I'm gonna get me a bite right now. 318 00:16:30,123 --> 00:16:31,524 (both chuckle) 319 00:16:31,524 --> 00:16:35,028 I bet that dress is gonna look real good on you tonight, 320 00:16:35,028 --> 00:16:37,564 but I bet it's gonna look even better all crumpled up 321 00:16:37,564 --> 00:16:41,768 on the bedroom floor, if you know what I mean, huh? 322 00:16:47,074 --> 00:16:48,575 Here you go, Marlo. 323 00:16:48,575 --> 00:16:49,942 A little somethin' extra for your troubles. 324 00:16:49,942 --> 00:16:52,879 (hook clanks) Shit! 325 00:16:54,047 --> 00:16:55,715 Sorry, Marlo. 326 00:16:55,715 --> 00:16:57,784 Forgot you had that thing. 327 00:16:57,784 --> 00:16:59,052 Fuck. 328 00:16:59,052 --> 00:17:00,487 You should really think about puttin' a mitten on that thing 329 00:17:00,487 --> 00:17:03,823 or somethin' so you don't freak out the normals. 330 00:17:03,823 --> 00:17:04,757 No offense. 331 00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:08,661 Babe, spill it. 332 00:17:09,762 --> 00:17:11,164 Okay, what's bothering you? 333 00:17:11,164 --> 00:17:12,999 - No, I'm fine. 334 00:17:12,999 --> 00:17:14,834 - No, you ain't! 335 00:17:14,834 --> 00:17:17,370 Old Clint can always tell when his girl's feelin' trouble, 336 00:17:17,370 --> 00:17:19,806 unless she's on the rag. 337 00:17:19,806 --> 00:17:21,408 Shit, please tell me that ain't it. 338 00:17:21,408 --> 00:17:23,110 - No, it's just I... 339 00:17:25,612 --> 00:17:27,280 Do you really think today is a good day 340 00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:29,116 for us to get married? 341 00:17:29,116 --> 00:17:31,451 - Yeah, why wouldn't it be? 342 00:17:31,451 --> 00:17:34,387 Oh! (chuckles) 343 00:17:34,387 --> 00:17:36,123 You mean 'cause of all the? 344 00:17:36,123 --> 00:17:36,989 No. 345 00:17:37,924 --> 00:17:40,893 You're just gettin' the wedding day jitters. 346 00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:42,762 But not old Clint. 347 00:17:42,762 --> 00:17:46,966 Don't worry, baby, tonight is gonna go off without a hitch. 348 00:17:49,035 --> 00:17:51,738 - And I was all "stop frontin'" and she was all 349 00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:54,941 "I'm not frontin'" and I said "uh-huh" 350 00:17:54,941 --> 00:17:57,377 and she said "nuh-uh." 351 00:17:57,377 --> 00:17:59,912 (suspenseful music) 352 00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:02,249 - Does anybody wanna trade places with me? 353 00:18:02,249 --> 00:18:05,152 - Don't get your panties in a bunch, Myers. 354 00:18:05,152 --> 00:18:07,220 I'll babysit the big bad guy for ya. 355 00:18:07,220 --> 00:18:09,722 Don't want you to wet your pants now, do we? 356 00:18:09,722 --> 00:18:12,325 - Okay, just try to resist the urge to drop down 357 00:18:12,325 --> 00:18:13,860 on your knees and blow the guy. 358 00:18:13,860 --> 00:18:14,994 I know that's gonna be hard for you to do 359 00:18:14,994 --> 00:18:19,199 being a raging homo and everything. 360 00:18:21,134 --> 00:18:25,004 So, how long since you've been back to Argento? 361 00:18:25,004 --> 00:18:26,706 - 10 years. 362 00:18:26,706 --> 00:18:28,208 - That long, huh? 363 00:18:28,208 --> 00:18:29,075 Well, 364 00:18:30,910 --> 00:18:32,912 I guess a lot has changed since then. 365 00:18:32,912 --> 00:18:34,281 - Nothing's changed. 366 00:18:34,281 --> 00:18:36,149 - You are freaking me out. 367 00:18:36,149 --> 00:18:38,318 If you don't tell me what's so awful about going home, 368 00:18:38,318 --> 00:18:40,387 I'm gonna assume it has something to do with a 369 00:18:40,387 --> 00:18:42,589 grove of evil rape trees. 370 00:18:42,589 --> 00:18:44,123 - Evil rape trees? 371 00:18:45,192 --> 00:18:46,693 - Pretty ridiculous, huh? 372 00:18:46,693 --> 00:18:48,161 But I'm assuming it's no more ridiculous 373 00:18:48,161 --> 00:18:50,062 than the real reason you don't wanna go home. 374 00:18:50,062 --> 00:18:52,199 So come on, what's wrong? 375 00:18:52,999 --> 00:18:54,901 - Have you ever had to make a decision in which 376 00:18:54,901 --> 00:18:57,770 your entire future depended on the choice that you made? 377 00:18:57,770 --> 00:18:59,939 - Yeah, like at lunch yesterday. 378 00:18:59,939 --> 00:19:02,409 I could have gone with the double-bean burrito, but I knew 379 00:19:02,409 --> 00:19:05,144 I'd be spending the rest of the day on the crapper so, 380 00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:08,581 I went with the chicken quesadilla instead. 381 00:19:08,581 --> 00:19:11,251 (indistinct) 382 00:19:11,251 --> 00:19:14,354 I'm thinking that's not what you meant. 383 00:19:14,354 --> 00:19:17,857 - I had a choice many years ago and it's one that 384 00:19:17,857 --> 00:19:22,094 took me away from Argento and led me to becoming a cop. 385 00:19:22,094 --> 00:19:23,496 - And now you're wondering if you made 386 00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:25,698 the right decision or not? 387 00:19:26,733 --> 00:19:28,601 - Something like that. 388 00:19:37,444 --> 00:19:40,012 - So there old Clint was, 389 00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:41,648 surrounded by evil, 390 00:19:42,815 --> 00:19:43,783 low on gas, 391 00:19:44,851 --> 00:19:47,854 and down to my last two shells in old Bernese here. 392 00:19:47,854 --> 00:19:49,489 - So what'd you do next, Clint? 393 00:19:49,489 --> 00:19:51,558 - I did what I always do. 394 00:19:51,558 --> 00:19:53,993 I kicked their asses! 395 00:19:53,993 --> 00:19:55,895 Yeah! (group cheers) 396 00:19:55,895 --> 00:19:57,997 - That Clint can certainly weave an entertaining yarn. 397 00:19:57,997 --> 00:19:59,299 Can't he, Sally? 398 00:19:59,299 --> 00:20:02,134 (group cheers) 399 00:20:02,134 --> 00:20:05,305 I never get tired hearing about his many adventures. 400 00:20:05,305 --> 00:20:07,574 - That makes one of us. - I'm sorry, what? 401 00:20:07,574 --> 00:20:08,375 - Hm? 402 00:20:08,375 --> 00:20:09,809 Oh, nothing. 403 00:20:09,809 --> 00:20:11,378 Thank you so much again for letting us 404 00:20:11,378 --> 00:20:12,779 have our wedding here, Mr. Mayor. 405 00:20:12,779 --> 00:20:15,114 - Oh, think nothing of it, it's the least we can do 406 00:20:15,114 --> 00:20:17,350 with Clint saving our bacon year after year. 407 00:20:17,350 --> 00:20:19,886 I mean, truth be told, if it wasn't for Clint, 408 00:20:19,886 --> 00:20:22,221 Argento would have been destroyed years ago. 409 00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:24,090 - Well I mean, still, you didn't have to go through-- 410 00:20:24,090 --> 00:20:26,759 - Oh, excuse me a moment. 411 00:20:26,759 --> 00:20:28,428 Hey, could I get everyone's attention, please? 412 00:20:28,428 --> 00:20:29,696 Please, thank you. 413 00:20:29,696 --> 00:20:32,299 Now look, there's only a few more minutes left until sundown 414 00:20:32,299 --> 00:20:34,434 and I know we've been through this many times before, 415 00:20:34,434 --> 00:20:36,369 but I think our best course of action is just to hold up 416 00:20:36,369 --> 00:20:38,471 in here for the night and in the morning we'll just 417 00:20:38,471 --> 00:20:40,573 go about our lives as we always do. 418 00:20:40,573 --> 00:20:43,543 No, nothing to worry about at all. 419 00:20:43,543 --> 00:20:48,247 - [Woman] It's almost time, my pet, time for the progeny 420 00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:52,585 to once again pay for the sins of their forebears. 421 00:20:52,585 --> 00:20:56,523 Time once again for my wrath to be unleashed. 422 00:20:56,523 --> 00:20:59,459 (laughs deviously) 423 00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:05,131 - Ooo, I do not like the looks of this fog. 424 00:21:05,131 --> 00:21:09,336 It's gonna mess up my do and give me the frazzles, for sure. 425 00:21:12,939 --> 00:21:15,107 (level cranks) 426 00:21:15,107 --> 00:21:18,110 - This van is a piece of shit. 427 00:21:18,110 --> 00:21:21,581 - We here, y'all, but I don't see anybody else. 428 00:21:21,581 --> 00:21:23,350 We could look for them on foot, I suppose, 429 00:21:23,350 --> 00:21:26,252 but that's gonna be a biatch in all this fog. 430 00:21:26,252 --> 00:21:27,253 - Fog? 431 00:21:27,253 --> 00:21:28,120 Oh, shit. 432 00:21:30,890 --> 00:21:33,059 - Geez, he wasn't kidding, it is pretty foggy out. 433 00:21:33,059 --> 00:21:35,094 - What's the date today? - What? 434 00:21:35,094 --> 00:21:36,829 - The date, what's today's date? 435 00:21:36,829 --> 00:21:38,631 - The 17th, I think, or the 18th? 436 00:21:38,631 --> 00:21:40,132 - Which is it? 437 00:21:40,132 --> 00:21:40,967 - The 18th! 438 00:21:40,967 --> 00:21:43,770 Jesus, what is the matter? 439 00:21:43,770 --> 00:21:45,572 - Hello, there. 440 00:21:45,572 --> 00:21:47,340 - [Lisa] Relax guys, this guy's from Smithsgrove. 441 00:21:47,340 --> 00:21:49,275 - That's right. 442 00:21:49,275 --> 00:21:51,778 You must be the officers they sent me to meet. 443 00:21:51,778 --> 00:21:54,080 Man, it's foggy out here, isn't it? 444 00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:57,183 I seem to have lost my car, can you help me look for it? 445 00:21:57,183 --> 00:22:00,286 - Where'd you come from? - Over there. 446 00:22:01,220 --> 00:22:03,222 Hey, maybe I could ride with you guys. 447 00:22:03,222 --> 00:22:04,891 - Fuck this shit, yo! 448 00:22:04,891 --> 00:22:07,026 - In the van, just get back in the van. 449 00:22:07,026 --> 00:22:09,429 (zombies grunt and groan) (squelches) 450 00:22:09,429 --> 00:22:11,030 - Who was that guy? 451 00:22:15,134 --> 00:22:16,168 - Oh my god. 452 00:22:19,906 --> 00:22:21,574 - Spill your guts, Partridge! - What? 453 00:22:21,574 --> 00:22:22,975 - You're from this town, aren't you? 454 00:22:22,975 --> 00:22:26,145 What the hell is going on? - Yeah. 455 00:22:26,145 --> 00:22:29,015 Sorry, bud, I got caught up in the moment! 456 00:22:29,015 --> 00:22:30,750 - [Lisa] We're waiting. 457 00:22:30,750 --> 00:22:32,184 - Okay, fine. 458 00:22:32,184 --> 00:22:33,520 For as long as anyone can remember, 459 00:22:33,520 --> 00:22:35,755 the town of Argento has been cursed. 460 00:22:35,755 --> 00:22:36,789 (zombie wheezes) 461 00:22:36,789 --> 00:22:37,624 Three o'clock. 462 00:22:37,624 --> 00:22:39,291 (gun fires) 463 00:22:39,291 --> 00:22:40,159 - Go on. 464 00:22:41,127 --> 00:22:44,196 - Every year on April 18th, the dead rise up 465 00:22:44,196 --> 00:22:46,533 to feast on anything living that crosses their path. 466 00:22:46,533 --> 00:22:48,067 - How do we stop them? 467 00:22:48,067 --> 00:22:51,037 - You don't, all you can do is wait until morning. 468 00:22:51,037 --> 00:22:53,239 At dawn, the dead return to their graves. 469 00:22:53,239 --> 00:22:56,208 I mean, at least that's the way it always used to be. 470 00:22:56,208 --> 00:22:57,644 - Zombies? 471 00:22:57,644 --> 00:23:00,279 And you didn't feel compelled to mention any of this before, 472 00:23:00,279 --> 00:23:02,749 when you had the chance, Doug? 473 00:23:02,749 --> 00:23:04,083 - Well, to tell you the truth, 474 00:23:04,083 --> 00:23:06,085 it all kind of slipped my mind. 475 00:23:06,085 --> 00:23:08,588 It has been a while since I've been back here. 476 00:23:08,588 --> 00:23:10,457 - Why the hell didn't you wanna come back here 477 00:23:10,457 --> 00:23:13,993 if it's not the zombies you're worried about? 478 00:23:13,993 --> 00:23:15,762 - Nevermind that now, we've gotta get to safety. 479 00:23:15,762 --> 00:23:17,564 - Okay, what about Bonejangles? 480 00:23:17,564 --> 00:23:19,098 - It doesn't matter, there's enough sedative in there 481 00:23:19,098 --> 00:23:20,633 to keep him quiet till sun-up. 482 00:23:20,633 --> 00:23:22,168 - Okay. - Let's go. 483 00:23:29,609 --> 00:23:30,943 (zombie snarls) - Oh my god! 484 00:23:30,943 --> 00:23:32,278 (tires screech) 485 00:23:32,278 --> 00:23:34,914 (car clatters) 486 00:23:38,885 --> 00:23:40,487 Oh, Mr. President. 487 00:23:40,487 --> 00:23:42,522 What will your wife say? 488 00:23:50,229 --> 00:23:52,331 (groans) 489 00:23:58,871 --> 00:24:02,975 (whines) (thuds) 490 00:24:14,453 --> 00:24:16,956 (suspenseful music) 491 00:24:16,956 --> 00:24:18,324 Oh, shit. 492 00:24:18,324 --> 00:24:20,627 Oh well, it's not like it's the first time 493 00:24:20,627 --> 00:24:23,863 I've found myself dazed and confused. 494 00:24:23,863 --> 00:24:25,464 And covered in goo. 495 00:24:26,398 --> 00:24:27,233 (whines) 496 00:24:27,233 --> 00:24:29,802 (moody electronic music) 497 00:24:29,802 --> 00:24:31,504 - Damnit, where is everybody? 498 00:24:31,504 --> 00:24:33,540 - No one's at home, they're all at the rec center. 499 00:24:33,540 --> 00:24:35,508 Everyone gathers there to wait out the attack. 500 00:24:35,508 --> 00:24:36,876 - Where is that? 501 00:24:37,877 --> 00:24:38,811 - This way. 502 00:24:43,115 --> 00:24:44,917 - Look, I know we've got a lot going on 503 00:24:44,917 --> 00:24:46,485 with the zombies and everything, 504 00:24:46,485 --> 00:24:48,454 but can you offer any explanation for this? 505 00:24:48,454 --> 00:24:49,556 - [Doug] Geez, Randy! 506 00:24:49,556 --> 00:24:50,623 - I know. 507 00:24:50,623 --> 00:24:52,424 I've had it ever since we stepped out into the fog 508 00:24:52,424 --> 00:24:54,994 and I haven't been thinkin' about boobs or anything. 509 00:24:54,994 --> 00:24:56,529 Weird, huh? - Yeah. 510 00:24:57,630 --> 00:24:59,532 (zombie snarls) (gun fires) 511 00:24:59,532 --> 00:25:01,534 - Do you fuck-wits wanna stop jerking each other off 512 00:25:01,534 --> 00:25:03,302 and come help me out? 513 00:25:13,512 --> 00:25:14,814 - [Randy] Doug! 514 00:25:15,648 --> 00:25:16,482 Lisa! 515 00:25:22,388 --> 00:25:24,156 (guns fire) 516 00:25:24,156 --> 00:25:24,991 (gun clicks) 517 00:25:24,991 --> 00:25:26,593 - I'm out. - Me too. 518 00:25:26,593 --> 00:25:28,127 We gotta get to that rec center now. 519 00:25:28,127 --> 00:25:29,195 - Okay, okay. 520 00:25:29,195 --> 00:25:31,931 Randy, come on, we're moving! 521 00:25:31,931 --> 00:25:32,832 Randy. 522 00:25:32,832 --> 00:25:34,701 Shit, I must have lost him in the fog! 523 00:25:34,701 --> 00:25:35,935 Randy! - I'm sorry. 524 00:25:35,935 --> 00:25:37,637 We're as good as dead if we stay here now. 525 00:25:37,637 --> 00:25:39,238 We gotta get to that rec center. 526 00:25:39,238 --> 00:25:40,439 - Okay. - Okay. 527 00:25:48,347 --> 00:25:49,481 - No bars. 528 00:25:49,481 --> 00:25:51,383 How am I supposed to update my Instagram 529 00:25:51,383 --> 00:25:53,485 when I ain't got no bars? 530 00:25:55,287 --> 00:25:56,122 Worst. 531 00:25:56,122 --> 00:25:57,156 Trip. 532 00:25:57,156 --> 00:25:58,024 Ever. 533 00:26:01,127 --> 00:26:04,563 (dark atmospheric music) 534 00:26:32,291 --> 00:26:34,994 (zombie snarls) 535 00:26:39,331 --> 00:26:40,833 - Tic, tic! 536 00:26:40,833 --> 00:26:43,369 (whines) Tic! 537 00:26:44,303 --> 00:26:46,505 (screams) 538 00:26:52,111 --> 00:26:54,313 (screams) 539 00:27:01,020 --> 00:27:02,388 Much better now. 540 00:27:04,824 --> 00:27:07,193 Now, what am I going to eat? 541 00:27:08,227 --> 00:27:11,530 Tum-tum's been grumblin' ever since I left the highway and 542 00:27:11,530 --> 00:27:15,234 there doesn't seem to be a Pinkberry anywhere around here. 543 00:27:15,234 --> 00:27:16,268 (gasps) 544 00:27:16,268 --> 00:27:17,103 Twinkles! 545 00:27:19,638 --> 00:27:20,773 Oh, Twinkles! 546 00:27:23,509 --> 00:27:26,378 (gasps) Twinkles! 547 00:27:29,682 --> 00:27:30,549 Oh, snap. 548 00:27:31,550 --> 00:27:32,719 - Well, well. 549 00:27:32,719 --> 00:27:34,954 What we got here, Eustace? 550 00:27:34,954 --> 00:27:38,157 - Looks like we got one of them, what do you call 'em? 551 00:27:38,157 --> 00:27:38,991 Lady-boys. 552 00:27:40,159 --> 00:27:41,027 - Mm-hm! 553 00:27:42,829 --> 00:27:43,863 - Thank you. 554 00:27:49,335 --> 00:27:51,771 (moody electronic music) 555 00:27:51,771 --> 00:27:53,239 - Oh, down there. 556 00:27:59,345 --> 00:28:00,479 (grunts) 557 00:28:00,479 --> 00:28:01,781 It's locked from the inside. 558 00:28:01,781 --> 00:28:03,115 - There's gotta be a way in here. 559 00:28:03,115 --> 00:28:05,718 - Yeah, of course, I mean they always keep a spare key. 560 00:28:05,718 --> 00:28:06,585 Spare key! 561 00:28:09,388 --> 00:28:11,490 (laughs) 562 00:28:18,697 --> 00:28:20,532 - Why are all the lights off? 563 00:28:20,532 --> 00:28:22,068 - I, I don't know. 564 00:28:26,105 --> 00:28:27,306 - Dingleberry? 565 00:28:29,041 --> 00:28:31,243 Little Dougie Dingleberry? 566 00:28:32,578 --> 00:28:34,781 What the hell are you doin' here? 567 00:28:34,781 --> 00:28:38,384 Don't tell me you're a cop now. (laughs) 568 00:28:38,384 --> 00:28:43,255 I guess they'll let anybody join the force nowadays. 569 00:28:43,255 --> 00:28:44,123 So. 570 00:28:45,024 --> 00:28:46,826 You a cop too, little chucks? 571 00:28:46,826 --> 00:28:49,028 - Gee, what gave that away? 572 00:28:49,028 --> 00:28:51,463 It's Officer Guitierez. 573 00:28:51,463 --> 00:28:54,000 But you can call me Lisa. 574 00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:55,467 - What's going on in here? 575 00:28:55,467 --> 00:28:57,669 The undead are rampaging through your town 576 00:28:57,669 --> 00:28:59,872 and you're having some kind of wedding. 577 00:28:59,872 --> 00:29:00,739 - Doug? 578 00:29:02,809 --> 00:29:05,411 (thud) 579 00:29:05,411 --> 00:29:08,280 - You let 'em chain you like an animal. 580 00:29:08,280 --> 00:29:09,982 You gotta bust free. 581 00:29:10,983 --> 00:29:13,953 You gotta avenge your daddy, Edgar. 582 00:29:15,087 --> 00:29:18,958 But you got your mind on the womens, don't ya? 583 00:29:20,226 --> 00:29:22,028 God-damnit, boy! 584 00:29:22,028 --> 00:29:25,231 Pay attention to me when I is talkin' to you! 585 00:29:25,231 --> 00:29:30,136 I had sex once and she put some kind of voodoo hex on me, 586 00:29:30,136 --> 00:29:33,672 the result of which was your unholy birth. 587 00:29:34,506 --> 00:29:37,243 That's why you can't die. 588 00:29:37,243 --> 00:29:40,379 But you're vulnerable during sex. 589 00:29:40,379 --> 00:29:42,882 Never forget that, boy. 590 00:29:42,882 --> 00:29:45,184 Protect your wee winky. 591 00:29:45,251 --> 00:29:47,353 Protect your wee winky! 592 00:29:47,353 --> 00:29:50,556 (Bonejangles screams) 593 00:29:58,998 --> 00:30:01,367 - What are the chances that the same day I decide to go 594 00:30:01,367 --> 00:30:02,902 hitchhiking across Mid-America, 595 00:30:02,902 --> 00:30:05,604 I get picked up by you fun-lovin' kids? 596 00:30:05,604 --> 00:30:07,739 - Play us a song, Bruce. 597 00:30:07,739 --> 00:30:09,275 - I can do that. 598 00:30:09,275 --> 00:30:11,043 I know just the song. 599 00:30:14,780 --> 00:30:17,749 * I knew a man, his name was Bonejangles * 600 00:30:17,749 --> 00:30:21,954 * He'd stab you in your ass with a huge fuckin' knife * 601 00:30:25,091 --> 00:30:28,260 * You run so fast, you run so far * 602 00:30:28,260 --> 00:30:31,931 * But he'll still get you 603 00:30:31,931 --> 00:30:34,300 * He had mangled face and bloodied hands * 604 00:30:34,300 --> 00:30:38,470 * Hanging bones, that old boogie man * 605 00:30:39,538 --> 00:30:43,509 * Mr. Bonejangles, Mr. Bonjangles will still * 606 00:30:43,509 --> 00:30:46,145 * Kill you all 607 00:30:47,379 --> 00:30:51,583 What, you guys have never heard that song? 608 00:30:51,583 --> 00:30:54,253 Dang, I thought everybody knew that song. 609 00:30:54,253 --> 00:30:56,522 Well, you see, once upon a time-- 610 00:30:56,522 --> 00:30:58,457 (can clangs) 611 00:30:58,457 --> 00:30:59,758 - Nobody cares. 612 00:31:01,360 --> 00:31:02,761 Where the hell is Wes? 613 00:31:02,761 --> 00:31:05,764 He left to go get more beer at the camp almost an hour ago. 614 00:31:05,764 --> 00:31:08,000 - Relax, Toby, he probably got lost. 615 00:31:08,000 --> 00:31:09,535 He'll find us soon enough. 616 00:31:09,535 --> 00:31:11,470 - He has been gone an awful long time. 617 00:31:11,470 --> 00:31:13,672 Maybe someone should go look for him. 618 00:31:13,672 --> 00:31:15,674 - Well, Jamie, you are his girlfriend. 619 00:31:15,674 --> 00:31:17,543 What are you waiting for? 620 00:31:17,543 --> 00:31:19,511 - We've only been dating a few weeks. 621 00:31:19,511 --> 00:31:21,647 He hasn't even gone to second base yet. 622 00:31:21,647 --> 00:31:23,349 He can find his own way back. 623 00:31:23,349 --> 00:31:24,783 - And now what are we gonna do? 624 00:31:24,783 --> 00:31:27,954 We don't know anybody in this town and we're out of beer. 625 00:31:27,954 --> 00:31:29,321 Any suggestions? 626 00:31:30,689 --> 00:31:32,158 - A forest orgy? 627 00:31:32,158 --> 00:31:33,192 - Hell no. 628 00:31:33,192 --> 00:31:34,226 - I could play you a song. 629 00:31:34,226 --> 00:31:36,295 I could play you some of my work in progress. 630 00:31:36,295 --> 00:31:39,431 It's about noted French philosopher Pierre de Chardin. 631 00:31:39,431 --> 00:31:40,967 - So, forest orgy? 632 00:31:43,402 --> 00:31:44,536 (twigs snap) 633 00:31:44,536 --> 00:31:45,704 - What was that? 634 00:31:45,704 --> 00:31:47,139 - It was probably just-- 635 00:31:47,139 --> 00:31:49,075 - Booga, booga, booga! 636 00:31:49,075 --> 00:31:51,877 I'm Mr. Bonejangles, or something! 637 00:31:51,877 --> 00:31:53,379 And I'm here for your bones. 638 00:31:53,379 --> 00:31:54,346 Your bones! 639 00:31:58,951 --> 00:32:01,087 Just kidding, guys. 640 00:32:01,087 --> 00:32:02,955 - Not funny, Wes. 641 00:32:02,955 --> 00:32:04,590 - I thought it was pretty funny. 642 00:32:04,590 --> 00:32:05,958 You should have seen your-- 643 00:32:05,958 --> 00:32:07,126 (thud) 644 00:32:07,126 --> 00:32:07,960 (coughs) 645 00:32:07,960 --> 00:32:09,828 - Come on, Wes, seriously. 646 00:32:09,828 --> 00:32:11,297 (Wes splutters) 647 00:32:11,297 --> 00:32:12,498 - Dude, knock it the fuck off. 648 00:32:12,498 --> 00:32:13,932 You're freakin' out the girls. 649 00:32:13,932 --> 00:32:16,602 (squelch) 650 00:32:16,602 --> 00:32:20,806 (Bonejangles snarls) (moody electronic music) 651 00:32:26,145 --> 00:32:28,380 (Bonejangles snarls) (cans clink) 652 00:32:28,380 --> 00:32:30,816 What, not a beer drinker? 653 00:32:30,816 --> 00:32:31,683 Fuck. 654 00:32:34,553 --> 00:32:36,655 (groans) 655 00:32:39,625 --> 00:32:41,827 (screams) 656 00:32:47,499 --> 00:32:49,868 (phone keypad bleeps) 657 00:32:49,868 --> 00:32:51,603 (phone rings) 658 00:32:51,603 --> 00:32:52,871 - Please. 659 00:32:52,871 --> 00:32:54,673 Please, help me. 660 00:32:54,673 --> 00:32:57,976 A big guy just killed one of my friends, 661 00:32:57,976 --> 00:32:59,078 and I don't know who else-- 662 00:32:59,078 --> 00:33:01,080 - [Recording] All emergency services in Argento are 663 00:33:01,080 --> 00:33:03,049 suspended tonight until sunrise. 664 00:33:03,049 --> 00:33:05,617 Please remain indoors and keep your doors and windows 665 00:33:05,617 --> 00:33:06,952 locked and fortified. 666 00:33:06,952 --> 00:33:08,754 Thank you, and have a pleasant evening. 667 00:33:08,754 --> 00:33:09,688 - What? 668 00:33:09,688 --> 00:33:13,025 What the hell is wrong with this town? 669 00:33:13,025 --> 00:33:15,527 (Bonejangles grunts) (screams) 670 00:33:15,527 --> 00:33:16,662 - That was Marilyn. 671 00:33:16,662 --> 00:33:18,164 I think he got Toby, too. 672 00:33:18,164 --> 00:33:19,931 Who the hell is that guy? 673 00:33:19,931 --> 00:33:21,467 - I think that's Mr. Bonejangles. 674 00:33:21,467 --> 00:33:23,569 They say he can't be killed, and he was born-- 675 00:33:23,569 --> 00:33:25,437 - Now is not the time! 676 00:33:26,338 --> 00:33:27,973 - Um, let me think. 677 00:33:29,075 --> 00:33:31,343 Um, I'll make a distraction. 678 00:33:31,343 --> 00:33:32,911 I'll be right back, I'll go get my guitar. 679 00:33:32,911 --> 00:33:34,946 I'll make a distraction. 680 00:33:41,287 --> 00:33:42,454 Alright, I'm gonna make a distraction, 681 00:33:42,454 --> 00:33:43,722 and when I do that, you run. 682 00:33:43,722 --> 00:33:44,823 - You'd do that for me? 683 00:33:44,823 --> 00:33:46,892 - Don't worry, just get out of here and run, okay? 684 00:33:46,892 --> 00:33:49,661 Just get out of here. - Thank you. 685 00:33:51,930 --> 00:33:55,401 (guitar strums) - Hey, she's over here! 686 00:33:55,401 --> 00:33:57,769 Uh, you can use this on her. 687 00:33:58,637 --> 00:33:59,471 (Bonejangles grunts) 688 00:33:59,471 --> 00:34:01,873 (thud) 689 00:34:01,873 --> 00:34:06,078 (Bonejangles grunts) (guitar thuds) 690 00:34:14,052 --> 00:34:16,522 Oh, I'm so sorry it had to be this way. 691 00:34:16,522 --> 00:34:19,725 Oh, I'll go on and I'll be the greatest singer-songwriter 692 00:34:19,725 --> 00:34:22,261 in history and I'll dedicate my first 693 00:34:22,261 --> 00:34:24,363 Grammy win to your memory. 694 00:34:24,363 --> 00:34:25,864 Jessie, Jenner, Jenny. 695 00:34:25,864 --> 00:34:28,667 Jenny, that's it, we'll go Jenny. 696 00:34:48,120 --> 00:34:48,987 - Sally? 697 00:34:51,022 --> 00:34:53,024 You're, you're an angel? 698 00:34:54,893 --> 00:34:56,162 - [Sally] What? 699 00:34:57,829 --> 00:34:58,697 - Nothing. 700 00:35:02,067 --> 00:35:02,934 Hi. 701 00:35:04,403 --> 00:35:05,404 - Hi? 702 00:35:05,404 --> 00:35:09,040 It's been 10 years and all you can say is hi? 703 00:35:09,040 --> 00:35:12,478 - Well, I meant to call or write or maybe email. 704 00:35:12,478 --> 00:35:14,680 - What are you doing here? 705 00:35:14,680 --> 00:35:17,048 - Well, we were transporting Mr. Bonejangles, 706 00:35:17,048 --> 00:35:19,685 an unkillable serial-killer, by the way, 707 00:35:19,685 --> 00:35:24,156 for pickup by Smithsgrove Sanitarium when we were attacked. 708 00:35:24,156 --> 00:35:26,658 - Just the two of you? 709 00:35:26,658 --> 00:35:27,826 - No. 710 00:35:27,826 --> 00:35:30,896 No, Randy, my partner, was with us. 711 00:35:30,896 --> 00:35:34,200 I lost him in the fog, I'm sure the zombies got him. 712 00:35:34,200 --> 00:35:35,967 Oh, and then there was Juan, 713 00:35:35,967 --> 00:35:36,902 and he's... 714 00:35:38,470 --> 00:35:40,672 I'm sure he's in a much better place now, too. 715 00:35:40,672 --> 00:35:43,909 * And they closed the narrow lane * 716 00:35:43,909 --> 00:35:45,177 - [Sally] Look. 717 00:35:46,412 --> 00:35:48,614 You can stay here through the night but it's, 718 00:35:48,614 --> 00:35:51,683 it's probably best that we don't see each other again. 719 00:35:51,683 --> 00:35:56,422 Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to get married. 720 00:35:56,422 --> 00:35:59,458 - Do you remember when we first met? 721 00:36:00,692 --> 00:36:02,228 - [Sally] How can I forget? 722 00:36:02,228 --> 00:36:03,729 (Doug chuckles) 723 00:36:03,729 --> 00:36:06,965 You were the most pathetic thing I'd ever seen. 724 00:36:06,965 --> 00:36:10,135 - [Doug] I'll admit, high school was an everyday battle 725 00:36:10,135 --> 00:36:12,904 of me versus pubic humiliation. 726 00:36:12,904 --> 00:36:14,573 - [Clint] Heads up, Dingleberry! 727 00:36:14,573 --> 00:36:15,674 (thud) 728 00:36:15,674 --> 00:36:18,244 - [Doug] With public humiliation usually winning out. 729 00:36:18,244 --> 00:36:20,111 Science class was even worse. 730 00:36:20,111 --> 00:36:22,381 - [Clint] Heads up, Dingleberry! 731 00:36:22,381 --> 00:36:23,615 (thud) (water splashes) 732 00:36:23,615 --> 00:36:26,718 - [Doug] And don't even get me started on shop class. 733 00:36:26,718 --> 00:36:29,421 - [Clint] Heads up, Dingleberry! 734 00:36:32,658 --> 00:36:35,927 - [Doug] But there was one person there, 735 00:36:35,927 --> 00:36:39,097 that made everything seem worthwhile. 736 00:36:39,097 --> 00:36:43,101 You were the only person who showed me any real attention. 737 00:36:43,101 --> 00:36:46,272 And for that, I am forever grateful to you. 738 00:36:46,272 --> 00:36:47,639 - [Sally] So why didn't you ever tell me 739 00:36:47,639 --> 00:36:49,608 how you felt about me? 740 00:36:49,608 --> 00:36:51,042 - I just couldn't. 741 00:36:51,042 --> 00:36:52,644 Well! 742 00:36:52,644 --> 00:36:53,579 Goodnight. 743 00:36:53,579 --> 00:36:56,214 I desperately wanted to, but, 744 00:36:56,214 --> 00:37:00,151 I didn't wanna risk ruining what I already had with you. 745 00:37:00,151 --> 00:37:04,456 - Did you ever think that maybe I had feelings for you? 746 00:37:04,456 --> 00:37:05,757 - Yeah. 747 00:37:05,757 --> 00:37:07,726 Yeah, I mean, sure I did. 748 00:37:07,726 --> 00:37:11,630 So, so I planned to finally tell you everything. 749 00:37:11,630 --> 00:37:14,300 Pour my heart out to you. 750 00:37:14,300 --> 00:37:15,501 - Really? 751 00:37:15,501 --> 00:37:16,368 - Yeah. 752 00:37:17,536 --> 00:37:21,707 I had the perfect night and location picked out for it. 753 00:37:22,641 --> 00:37:24,943 Here, of all places. 754 00:37:24,943 --> 00:37:27,045 (moody guitar music) 755 00:37:27,045 --> 00:37:28,647 At our senior prom. 756 00:37:37,188 --> 00:37:38,023 - Best. 757 00:37:38,023 --> 00:37:38,857 - Prom. 758 00:37:38,857 --> 00:37:39,725 - Ever. 759 00:37:42,260 --> 00:37:44,396 - [Doug] Which, if you remember, 760 00:37:44,396 --> 00:37:48,600 happened to be held on April 18th that year for some reason. 761 00:38:17,463 --> 00:38:19,331 It was do or die time. 762 00:38:20,632 --> 00:38:23,535 I was gonna be the hero, save the day, get the girl. 763 00:38:23,535 --> 00:38:25,303 - [Sally] So what happened? 764 00:38:25,303 --> 00:38:28,340 - [Doug] What do you think happened? 765 00:38:32,678 --> 00:38:35,814 - [Clint] Heads up, Dingleberry! 766 00:38:35,814 --> 00:38:37,516 (thud) 767 00:38:37,516 --> 00:38:40,852 - [Doug] I woke up a few hours later, 768 00:38:40,852 --> 00:38:42,554 but it was all over. 769 00:38:44,255 --> 00:38:45,724 - Hey, kid, you're safe. 770 00:38:45,724 --> 00:38:47,626 Your friend was able to pull you to safety. 771 00:38:47,626 --> 00:38:48,494 - Who? 772 00:38:48,494 --> 00:38:49,895 - That guy. 773 00:38:49,895 --> 00:38:52,598 - So I says, "heads up, Dingleberry!" 774 00:38:52,598 --> 00:38:55,801 Grabbed this little love monster here. 775 00:38:56,935 --> 00:38:59,304 And old Clint saved the day. 776 00:39:01,807 --> 00:39:05,243 - They labeled him a hero, gave him a parade, 777 00:39:05,243 --> 00:39:06,845 and above all else, 778 00:39:07,813 --> 00:39:08,780 he got you. 779 00:39:10,215 --> 00:39:11,983 I dropped out of school the next day, left town, 780 00:39:11,983 --> 00:39:14,019 and I never looked back. 781 00:39:15,421 --> 00:39:17,355 - And you became a cop. 782 00:39:20,626 --> 00:39:22,794 - I joined the force to prove to myself that I could 783 00:39:22,794 --> 00:39:26,432 look danger in the face without backing down. 784 00:39:26,432 --> 00:39:30,536 It's not been working out too well for me so far. 785 00:39:32,904 --> 00:39:34,540 - I waited for you. 786 00:39:35,907 --> 00:39:36,775 Every day. 787 00:39:39,478 --> 00:39:42,614 Every day I waited for you to come back to me. 788 00:39:42,614 --> 00:39:45,150 Even after your parents had given up hope and moved away, 789 00:39:45,150 --> 00:39:47,786 ever after I agreed to marry Clint, I, 790 00:39:47,786 --> 00:39:49,755 I held out hope that you would come back. 791 00:39:49,755 --> 00:39:50,822 - Sally, I-- 792 00:39:50,822 --> 00:39:55,026 - But then I realized, you were never coming back. 793 00:39:55,026 --> 00:39:57,295 And now that I'm finally ready to move on with my life, 794 00:39:57,295 --> 00:39:58,430 here you are. 795 00:40:00,131 --> 00:40:02,167 I can't do this to myself anymore. 796 00:40:02,167 --> 00:40:03,869 I've, I've moved on. 797 00:40:04,736 --> 00:40:05,837 - Hey! 798 00:40:05,837 --> 00:40:07,739 What's taking so long in here? 799 00:40:07,739 --> 00:40:10,442 (chuckles) Dingleberry crap himself or somethin'? 800 00:40:10,442 --> 00:40:13,278 - He's fine, Clint, what do you want? 801 00:40:13,278 --> 00:40:15,146 - The mayor wanted me to tell you, 802 00:40:15,146 --> 00:40:17,549 that the wedding has been delayed. 803 00:40:17,549 --> 00:40:18,817 For 30 minutes. 804 00:40:19,785 --> 00:40:21,286 So go take a leak or somethin' now 805 00:40:21,286 --> 00:40:23,221 while you've got some time. 806 00:40:23,221 --> 00:40:24,222 (slap) 807 00:40:24,222 --> 00:40:25,591 (chuckles) 808 00:40:25,591 --> 00:40:27,392 Pussy said what? 809 00:40:27,392 --> 00:40:28,226 - What? 810 00:40:28,226 --> 00:40:29,260 - Ha, pussy. 811 00:40:31,196 --> 00:40:34,733 (sexual moans and groans) 812 00:40:45,010 --> 00:40:47,513 - Was that good for you? 813 00:40:47,513 --> 00:40:48,379 - Um. 814 00:40:49,180 --> 00:40:50,115 Yeah, sure. 815 00:40:51,883 --> 00:40:54,352 - Well, I know we've only been dating for, like, 816 00:40:54,352 --> 00:40:56,387 three weeks and all, but, 817 00:40:56,387 --> 00:40:59,825 this has been the best three weeks of my life. 818 00:40:59,825 --> 00:41:02,360 You're an amazing woman, (muffled rock music) 819 00:41:02,360 --> 00:41:04,530 and you give my life meaning. 820 00:41:04,530 --> 00:41:07,132 That's why I, I wanna tell you, 821 00:41:09,868 --> 00:41:11,436 I love you, Heather. 822 00:41:11,436 --> 00:41:13,705 (muffled rock music) 823 00:41:13,705 --> 00:41:16,307 You probably didn't hear what I said. 824 00:41:16,307 --> 00:41:17,342 - Oh, I did. 825 00:41:18,343 --> 00:41:19,778 That's nice, Sam. 826 00:41:22,113 --> 00:41:24,149 - I'm gonna take a piss. 827 00:41:25,383 --> 00:41:28,920 - Cool, could you grab me a beer while you're out there? 828 00:41:28,920 --> 00:41:29,788 Thank you! 829 00:41:30,956 --> 00:41:34,826 * They call it bad love, baby 830 00:41:37,128 --> 00:41:38,864 - "I love you, Heather." 831 00:41:38,864 --> 00:41:42,233 What the fuck are you thinkin', man? 832 00:41:42,233 --> 00:41:43,068 (sighs) 833 00:41:43,068 --> 00:41:45,837 (urine splashes) 834 00:41:48,907 --> 00:41:51,610 (moans frightfully) 835 00:41:51,610 --> 00:41:55,814 * But you just can't find the door * 836 00:41:58,083 --> 00:42:00,385 - How about that beer, Sam? 837 00:42:03,421 --> 00:42:04,289 Sam? 838 00:42:12,163 --> 00:42:13,298 Sam, where are you? 839 00:42:13,298 --> 00:42:16,835 I'm freezing my ass off out here! 840 00:42:16,835 --> 00:42:18,870 (sighs) 841 00:42:20,939 --> 00:42:25,811 - (groans) Run! (Heather gasps) 842 00:42:25,811 --> 00:42:28,680 (loud pop) (blood squelches) 843 00:42:28,680 --> 00:42:31,549 (Heather screams) 844 00:42:32,651 --> 00:42:36,121 (dark atmospheric music) 845 00:42:45,731 --> 00:42:47,699 (thud) 846 00:43:24,535 --> 00:43:26,504 (thud) 847 00:43:28,874 --> 00:43:32,744 - So what's old Clint gonna do for 30 minutes? 848 00:43:34,746 --> 00:43:36,748 (chuckles) 849 00:43:36,748 --> 00:43:37,615 That. 850 00:43:50,295 --> 00:43:52,998 (chair scrapes) 851 00:44:00,005 --> 00:44:04,442 - The two of you made a very attractive couple, 852 00:44:04,442 --> 00:44:06,812 if you don't mind my saying. 853 00:44:07,612 --> 00:44:11,817 - (chuckles) Um, thanks. 854 00:44:11,817 --> 00:44:13,451 - Yes. 855 00:44:13,451 --> 00:44:15,486 She is quite the looker. 856 00:44:18,924 --> 00:44:22,460 I'm sure you and her had all kinds of, uh, 857 00:44:24,295 --> 00:44:28,466 formal relations in the back of her daddy's station wagon. 858 00:44:31,770 --> 00:44:33,204 Ohh. 859 00:44:33,204 --> 00:44:35,140 Touched a nerve, did I? 860 00:44:37,976 --> 00:44:39,110 Tell me, boy. 861 00:44:40,245 --> 00:44:42,080 You still ain't a virgin, are ya? 862 00:44:42,080 --> 00:44:43,081 - What? 863 00:44:43,081 --> 00:44:45,150 No, what does that have to do with anything? 864 00:44:45,150 --> 00:44:46,417 - Good. 865 00:44:46,417 --> 00:44:47,919 Good. 866 00:44:47,919 --> 00:44:51,322 That'll keep you safe from Rowena, then. 867 00:44:51,322 --> 00:44:52,190 - Rowena? 868 00:44:54,159 --> 00:44:58,329 - Ain't you originally from this town, boy? 869 00:44:58,329 --> 00:44:59,530 Little Dougie. 870 00:45:01,967 --> 00:45:03,001 Dingleberry. 871 00:45:03,869 --> 00:45:05,370 - Okay, look, it's Partridge. 872 00:45:05,370 --> 00:45:07,438 Doug Partridge. 873 00:45:07,438 --> 00:45:08,306 And, 874 00:45:09,274 --> 00:45:10,241 yes. 875 00:45:10,241 --> 00:45:12,577 I am originally from here. 876 00:45:12,577 --> 00:45:16,782 - Then surely you've heard the legend of Rowena Abernathy? 877 00:45:18,183 --> 00:45:23,154 The witch that cursed this town over 100 years ago. 878 00:45:23,154 --> 00:45:25,991 - Yeah, I've heard the stories, but that's all they are. 879 00:45:25,991 --> 00:45:27,192 Stories. 880 00:45:27,192 --> 00:45:29,260 - The curse is real. 881 00:45:29,260 --> 00:45:30,128 So is she. 882 00:45:31,629 --> 00:45:34,232 I should know, it was ancestor, 883 00:45:35,733 --> 00:45:38,703 that passed sentence on her 884 00:45:38,703 --> 00:45:39,805 back in 1872. 885 00:45:43,374 --> 00:45:46,577 And damned this town for all eternity. 886 00:45:48,479 --> 00:45:50,115 - Yeah, alright. 887 00:45:50,115 --> 00:45:52,550 Look, mister, I don't have time for your creepy bullshit, 888 00:45:52,550 --> 00:45:55,186 so, I would much rather sit here alone 889 00:45:55,186 --> 00:45:57,422 and wallow in self-pity. 890 00:45:57,422 --> 00:45:59,424 If that's alright with you. 891 00:45:59,424 --> 00:46:03,528 - In addition to being one of Satan's concubines, 892 00:46:04,629 --> 00:46:06,998 she was also the town whore. 893 00:46:07,966 --> 00:46:11,069 She ran her services out of the old bordello 894 00:46:11,069 --> 00:46:12,871 down by the cemetery. 895 00:46:14,105 --> 00:46:15,340 - Well, crap. 896 00:46:15,340 --> 00:46:16,674 This is happening, isn't it? 897 00:46:16,674 --> 00:46:20,711 - Legend has it that she was quite the pro, too. 898 00:46:23,148 --> 00:46:24,015 She could 899 00:46:26,251 --> 00:46:29,454 suck the chrome right off a door knob. 900 00:46:34,759 --> 00:46:35,626 Anyhoo. 901 00:46:37,028 --> 00:46:39,297 A group of young men, 902 00:46:39,297 --> 00:46:42,400 went down to her bordello to, uh, 903 00:46:42,400 --> 00:46:44,102 sew their wild oats, 904 00:46:45,937 --> 00:46:48,073 and they never came back. 905 00:46:50,375 --> 00:46:52,677 The town became suspicious. 906 00:46:53,578 --> 00:46:55,847 - She was killing them? 907 00:46:55,847 --> 00:46:57,048 - Not exactly. 908 00:46:58,383 --> 00:47:00,651 She was keeping them alive. 909 00:47:02,253 --> 00:47:05,690 Feeding off their life force through, um, 910 00:47:08,126 --> 00:47:09,260 carnal means. 911 00:47:12,597 --> 00:47:16,101 You see, Rowena was not some simple witch. 912 00:47:18,369 --> 00:47:20,005 She was a succubus. 913 00:47:20,939 --> 00:47:22,407 (Doug chuckles) 914 00:47:22,407 --> 00:47:25,643 - Wait, so she was sexing them to death? 915 00:47:25,643 --> 00:47:28,646 Well, I guess it's not the worst way to go out. 916 00:47:28,646 --> 00:47:30,081 (slap) Ow. 917 00:47:30,081 --> 00:47:34,285 - Don't joke about things you know nothin' about, boy! 918 00:47:36,054 --> 00:47:39,290 It soon came to light that she was responsible 919 00:47:39,290 --> 00:47:44,129 for many of the plights that befell our fair town. 920 00:47:44,129 --> 00:47:48,333 And that was when my ancestor, the sheriff at the time, 921 00:47:49,434 --> 00:47:51,402 sentenced her to death. 922 00:47:53,871 --> 00:47:56,507 - Let it be known, on this day, 923 00:47:57,308 --> 00:47:58,276 April 18th, 924 00:47:59,177 --> 00:48:00,045 1872, 925 00:48:02,113 --> 00:48:06,317 the people of Argento have found you, Rowena Abernathy, 926 00:48:07,818 --> 00:48:10,755 guilty of the crimes of witchcraft. 927 00:48:11,589 --> 00:48:16,194 Of killing Vincent Halloway's prized goat Isabelle. 928 00:48:16,194 --> 00:48:19,197 - [Vincent] She was to retire in two days! 929 00:48:19,197 --> 00:48:21,933 - Ruining the good looks of Agnes Cremshaw, 930 00:48:21,933 --> 00:48:25,803 formerly the most beautiful resident of our town. 931 00:48:25,803 --> 00:48:29,807 - Even Simon won't pleasure himself outside my bedroom now. 932 00:48:29,807 --> 00:48:34,579 - It's true, my pecker is as flacid as cornmeal mush, 933 00:48:34,579 --> 00:48:37,648 every time I look at her repugnant form. 934 00:48:37,648 --> 00:48:41,719 - And finally, you gave Simon the pervert 935 00:48:41,719 --> 00:48:44,422 the most severe case of crabs, 936 00:48:44,422 --> 00:48:46,291 of which he assures us, 937 00:48:46,291 --> 00:48:49,560 was not contracted by fornicating 938 00:48:49,560 --> 00:48:53,664 with Vincent Halloway's prized goat Isabelle. 939 00:48:53,664 --> 00:48:54,966 - My naughty bits, 940 00:48:54,966 --> 00:48:57,835 they're burning like the fiery pits of hell. 941 00:48:57,835 --> 00:48:59,670 It must be witchcraft! 942 00:48:59,670 --> 00:49:01,039 - [Man] Yeah! 943 00:49:01,039 --> 00:49:02,773 - Have you any last words to say 944 00:49:02,773 --> 00:49:05,876 before your sentence is carried out? 945 00:49:05,876 --> 00:49:10,381 - If I am to burn, then on this night and every year hence, 946 00:49:10,381 --> 00:49:13,184 my vengeance will be carried out upon you in ways 947 00:49:13,184 --> 00:49:16,787 your feeble minds cannot even begin to comprehend. 948 00:49:16,787 --> 00:49:18,223 - That'll do! 949 00:49:18,223 --> 00:49:21,159 Your death sentence shall be carried out! 950 00:49:21,159 --> 00:49:23,328 (flames roar) 951 00:49:23,328 --> 00:49:24,429 - Fools! 952 00:49:24,429 --> 00:49:26,964 (cackles) 953 00:49:26,964 --> 00:49:30,568 You think this form contains my power? 954 00:49:30,568 --> 00:49:33,604 All of you who have succumbed to your mortal lust 955 00:49:33,604 --> 00:49:36,107 and have lain with me now have a portion 956 00:49:36,107 --> 00:49:39,144 of my dark essence within you. 957 00:49:39,144 --> 00:49:42,947 You will be transformed into my minions of darkness, 958 00:49:42,947 --> 00:49:46,817 and you will stalk the earth and feast upon the living. 959 00:49:46,817 --> 00:49:48,986 Vengeance is mine! 960 00:49:48,986 --> 00:49:51,156 (cackles) 961 00:49:52,423 --> 00:49:57,295 (explosion) (townsfolk cheer) 962 00:49:57,295 --> 00:49:58,663 (sheriff chuckles) 963 00:49:58,663 --> 00:50:01,266 - Well, it's a good thing, 964 00:50:01,266 --> 00:50:04,169 none of us had sex with that evil witch! 965 00:50:04,169 --> 00:50:05,203 Right, fellas? 966 00:50:05,203 --> 00:50:06,371 - [Men] Right. 967 00:50:06,371 --> 00:50:07,672 - Right, right. 968 00:50:09,107 --> 00:50:13,744 - [Creepy Guy] Rowena's retribution began that night, 969 00:50:13,744 --> 00:50:17,615 as all the poor souls who fornicated with her, 970 00:50:18,749 --> 00:50:20,218 were transformed, 971 00:50:21,452 --> 00:50:23,321 into her vile minions. 972 00:50:25,223 --> 00:50:28,326 And it is those same minions 973 00:50:28,326 --> 00:50:31,962 who rise from their graves every April 18th 974 00:50:33,398 --> 00:50:36,901 to carry out her vengeance upon this town, 975 00:50:38,469 --> 00:50:39,837 year after year. 976 00:50:42,940 --> 00:50:45,943 And as for Rowena, (thunder cracks) 977 00:50:45,943 --> 00:50:50,148 they say her evil spirit still resides in that old bordello. 978 00:50:52,617 --> 00:50:56,387 And nobody's brave enough to go in after her. 979 00:50:57,822 --> 00:51:00,858 Not that they could stop her anyway. 980 00:51:01,926 --> 00:51:03,894 Her power is too great. 981 00:51:06,997 --> 00:51:10,034 - Okay, so, let's just say that 982 00:51:10,034 --> 00:51:13,238 this isn't all a bunch of demented old man nonsense 983 00:51:13,238 --> 00:51:15,706 and you're actually telling the truth, 984 00:51:15,706 --> 00:51:18,008 if one could defeat Rowena, 985 00:51:20,645 --> 00:51:24,249 would that in turn end the curse? 986 00:51:24,249 --> 00:51:25,116 - Perhaps. 987 00:51:27,452 --> 00:51:30,155 To do so, you would need a being 988 00:51:31,156 --> 00:51:34,425 of almost unlimited supernatural power. 989 00:51:37,528 --> 00:51:41,065 You happen to have one of those just 990 00:51:41,065 --> 00:51:42,200 lying around? 991 00:51:46,971 --> 00:51:48,439 (glass smashes) 992 00:51:48,439 --> 00:51:51,876 (dark atmospheric tones) 993 00:51:57,014 --> 00:52:01,619 As long as she has the juice lad to feed off of, 994 00:52:01,619 --> 00:52:04,322 her power will continue to grow. 995 00:52:10,861 --> 00:52:12,363 Pay attention, god-damnit! 996 00:52:12,363 --> 00:52:13,898 - (gasps) What? Sorry. 997 00:52:13,898 --> 00:52:17,335 You were saying something about a juice lad? 998 00:52:17,335 --> 00:52:18,203 - He... 999 00:52:20,771 --> 00:52:22,207 He was my nephew. 1000 00:52:24,509 --> 00:52:28,779 She's currently sucking all of the juice out of him, 1001 00:52:28,779 --> 00:52:31,749 to keep herself strong and vibrant. 1002 00:52:34,385 --> 00:52:37,755 All because the poor bastard's a virgin. 1003 00:52:40,358 --> 00:52:41,226 That girl. 1004 00:52:43,894 --> 00:52:46,163 She broke your heart, yeah? 1005 00:52:47,398 --> 00:52:49,634 Well you know nothing 1006 00:52:49,634 --> 00:52:52,169 what true rejection is. 1007 00:52:52,169 --> 00:52:54,539 You were spurned by one girl. 1008 00:52:54,539 --> 00:52:59,510 I was spurned by the whole town for what my forefathers did! 1009 00:52:59,510 --> 00:53:03,013 - Hold on, you said your nephew is a virgin? 1010 00:53:03,013 --> 00:53:04,815 - That's right. 1011 00:53:04,815 --> 00:53:09,019 Only virgins can give her the power that she needs. 1012 00:53:09,820 --> 00:53:12,723 She has been suckin' on poor Courtney now 1013 00:53:12,723 --> 00:53:14,425 for almost 20 years. 1014 00:53:16,661 --> 00:53:19,464 He's gotta be about all dried up. 1015 00:53:20,965 --> 00:53:24,735 - And, what happens when she uses him all up? 1016 00:53:25,870 --> 00:53:30,074 - Well, I suppose she gets herself a new juice lad. 1017 00:53:32,410 --> 00:53:33,678 Another virgin. 1018 00:53:36,514 --> 00:53:37,848 - Oh, god. 1019 00:53:37,848 --> 00:53:38,716 Randy. 1020 00:53:40,585 --> 00:53:41,452 - Whoa. 1021 00:53:45,456 --> 00:53:47,157 Oh, come on. 1022 00:53:47,157 --> 00:53:48,025 Still? 1023 00:53:52,297 --> 00:53:53,163 Go down. 1024 00:53:54,098 --> 00:53:54,965 Go down! 1025 00:53:58,336 --> 00:54:01,205 Susan Boyle wearing a thong eating a cucumber. 1026 00:54:01,205 --> 00:54:05,810 Susan Boyle wearing a thong and eating a cucumber. 1027 00:54:05,810 --> 00:54:06,644 Damnit. 1028 00:54:08,279 --> 00:54:12,483 (muffled chuckles) (dark atmospheric tones) 1029 00:54:19,223 --> 00:54:21,526 (tones swell) 1030 00:54:21,526 --> 00:54:23,428 Jesus Christ, who the hell are you? 1031 00:54:23,428 --> 00:54:26,263 - I'm Courtney, but you can call me the juice lad. 1032 00:54:26,263 --> 00:54:28,198 Everybody else does! 1033 00:54:28,198 --> 00:54:29,734 - What happened to you? 1034 00:54:29,734 --> 00:54:31,902 - Rowena happened to me! 1035 00:54:31,902 --> 00:54:35,406 She has quite the appetite for virgins, like me! 1036 00:54:35,406 --> 00:54:39,444 Oh, and judging by Mr. Happy there, you're next. 1037 00:54:41,145 --> 00:54:42,580 - Hold on a second. 1038 00:54:42,580 --> 00:54:44,281 So you're saying that this witch-- 1039 00:54:44,281 --> 00:54:45,282 - Rowena. 1040 00:54:45,282 --> 00:54:47,318 - Right, you're saying that she brought me here 1041 00:54:47,318 --> 00:54:48,853 to have sex with me? 1042 00:54:48,853 --> 00:54:50,187 - Yes. 1043 00:54:50,187 --> 00:54:52,289 But it's more than that. 1044 00:54:52,289 --> 00:54:54,792 The act of sexual intercourse with her 1045 00:54:54,792 --> 00:54:59,697 will take you to heights you've never felt before. 1046 00:54:59,697 --> 00:55:00,898 - That's good. 1047 00:55:00,898 --> 00:55:05,035 - But, she will drain the life force out from your body, 1048 00:55:05,035 --> 00:55:08,406 making her more powerful in the process! 1049 00:55:08,406 --> 00:55:09,474 - That sounds bad. 1050 00:55:09,474 --> 00:55:13,378 - Until you're a dried and useless husk like me! 1051 00:55:15,446 --> 00:55:17,848 - But I'll still have sex, right? 1052 00:55:17,848 --> 00:55:20,618 - Have you been listening to anything I've said? 1053 00:55:20,618 --> 00:55:23,153 She's an evil succubus. 1054 00:55:23,153 --> 00:55:25,255 - A succubus, that means that she'll suck my-- 1055 00:55:25,255 --> 00:55:27,592 - It doesn't mean what you think it means. 1056 00:55:27,592 --> 00:55:31,662 Fornicating with her will damn your immortal soul! 1057 00:55:31,662 --> 00:55:34,164 - Right, but I'll still get to have sex. 1058 00:55:34,164 --> 00:55:36,834 (solemn chanting music) (door creaks open) 1059 00:55:36,834 --> 00:55:38,469 - I will have you now. 1060 00:55:38,469 --> 00:55:41,439 Give yourself over to me, body and soul. 1061 00:55:41,439 --> 00:55:43,941 - No, don't listen to her! 1062 00:55:43,941 --> 00:55:46,544 Only you can protect your soul and your precious, 1063 00:55:46,544 --> 00:55:48,513 precious juices within. 1064 00:55:50,381 --> 00:55:53,818 - Well, you both have really compelling arguments here. 1065 00:55:53,818 --> 00:55:56,587 I'm not really sure whose side... 1066 00:55:59,690 --> 00:56:01,759 I think we've got a winner. 1067 00:56:01,759 --> 00:56:02,627 - Oh, no. 1068 00:56:05,129 --> 00:56:08,198 (zombies groan) 1069 00:56:08,198 --> 00:56:10,901 (steel scrapes) 1070 00:56:16,140 --> 00:56:18,476 (whooshes) 1071 00:56:18,476 --> 00:56:22,012 (flesh and blood squelch) 1072 00:56:27,585 --> 00:56:31,789 (machetes swoosh) (blood squelches) 1073 00:56:39,730 --> 00:56:43,934 (moody electronic music) (blood squelches) 1074 00:57:06,591 --> 00:57:09,193 (Clint laughs) 1075 00:57:10,695 --> 00:57:12,830 - Do you wanna keep it down, what if your fiance hears us? 1076 00:57:12,830 --> 00:57:17,301 - Oh relax, she's too preoccupied with the wedding. 1077 00:57:17,301 --> 00:57:19,203 Shit, speaking of which. 1078 00:57:19,203 --> 00:57:20,971 Yeah, we still got a few more minutes 1079 00:57:20,971 --> 00:57:22,807 before I have to head back for the ceremony. 1080 00:57:22,807 --> 00:57:25,275 Let's kick it into high gear. 1081 00:57:29,113 --> 00:57:29,947 Oh, yeah! 1082 00:57:30,981 --> 00:57:34,151 Oh, King Kong ain't got shit on you, baby. 1083 00:57:34,151 --> 00:57:35,853 Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo! 1084 00:57:38,122 --> 00:57:41,191 - Please don't do that, you're really bad at talking dirty. 1085 00:57:41,191 --> 00:57:43,594 (loud thud) 1086 00:57:43,594 --> 00:57:44,829 - What was that? 1087 00:57:44,829 --> 00:57:49,066 - Probably just the zombies, they do that from time to time. 1088 00:57:49,066 --> 00:57:50,501 - Shouldn't those doors be locked or something? 1089 00:57:50,501 --> 00:57:51,569 - No, no, no. 1090 00:57:51,569 --> 00:57:53,403 Those doors are too heavy to be broken down. 1091 00:57:53,403 --> 00:57:55,640 They lock from the inside. (chuckles) 1092 00:57:55,640 --> 00:57:58,643 Unless some undead retard has a machete or somethin'. 1093 00:57:58,643 --> 00:58:00,645 Don't worry, don't worry, don't worry. 1094 00:58:00,645 --> 00:58:02,713 Everything's gonna be alright. 1095 00:58:02,713 --> 00:58:04,649 (thud) 1096 00:58:05,683 --> 00:58:08,318 Well, shit, color me surprised. 1097 00:58:10,354 --> 00:58:11,989 (gun fires) 1098 00:58:11,989 --> 00:58:14,625 - Do something, he's coming right for us. 1099 00:58:14,625 --> 00:58:17,127 - Relax, sugar-tits, old Clint's got this. 1100 00:58:17,127 --> 00:58:19,363 (whoosh) 1101 00:58:19,363 --> 00:58:21,566 (screams) 1102 00:58:23,367 --> 00:58:24,334 (blood squelches) 1103 00:58:24,334 --> 00:58:26,704 (bra tears) 1104 00:58:32,509 --> 00:58:33,711 - Come get me. 1105 00:58:34,712 --> 00:58:37,147 (Bonejangles breathes heavily) 1106 00:58:37,147 --> 00:58:38,448 - Sally, Sally! 1107 00:58:40,384 --> 00:58:42,319 - Doug, please, I don't have time for this. 1108 00:58:42,319 --> 00:58:43,988 I'm trying to find my fiance. 1109 00:58:43,988 --> 00:58:46,056 - Well, he's most likely banging Lisa right now 1110 00:58:46,056 --> 00:58:48,258 in the locker room. 1111 00:58:48,258 --> 00:58:49,994 Okay, okay, look. 1112 00:58:49,994 --> 00:58:54,699 I am so sorry about hurting you all those years ago. 1113 00:58:54,699 --> 00:58:58,302 But please, please, don't marry Clint. 1114 00:58:58,302 --> 00:59:00,638 That guy is an asshole. 1115 00:59:00,638 --> 00:59:02,840 And he's not right for you at all. 1116 00:59:02,840 --> 00:59:04,041 - You don't... 1117 00:59:06,010 --> 00:59:08,212 (groans) You're right. 1118 00:59:08,212 --> 00:59:09,580 He is. 1119 00:59:09,580 --> 00:59:11,215 But if you think you're just gonna come in here 1120 00:59:11,215 --> 00:59:12,650 and win me over, you've got another thing-- 1121 00:59:12,650 --> 00:59:15,119 - No no, no no no, that's not what this is about. 1122 00:59:15,119 --> 00:59:18,923 I think Randy is still alive and I might have a way of 1123 00:59:18,923 --> 00:59:22,593 saving him and possibly ending this curse once and for all. 1124 00:59:22,593 --> 00:59:25,863 But, I have to wake up Mr. Bonejangles. 1125 00:59:27,264 --> 00:59:29,033 - The serial-killer. 1126 00:59:29,033 --> 00:59:31,368 - Yeah, that's the one. 1127 00:59:31,368 --> 00:59:33,237 I can't do this alone. 1128 00:59:34,304 --> 00:59:36,406 I need your help, please. 1129 00:59:37,407 --> 00:59:39,610 Hey, Clint, what ya doin'? 1130 00:59:41,178 --> 00:59:44,014 - What the hell's it look like I'm doin', Dingleberry? 1131 00:59:44,014 --> 00:59:45,816 I'm gettin' the hell outta here! 1132 00:59:45,816 --> 00:59:46,784 - Now? Why? 1133 00:59:47,652 --> 00:59:48,518 - Why? 1134 00:59:49,553 --> 00:59:51,088 Why? 1135 00:59:51,088 --> 00:59:54,024 Why the hell do you think? (blood squelches) 1136 00:59:54,024 --> 00:59:56,894 I'm no use to anybody anyone and it's all your fault! 1137 00:59:56,894 --> 00:59:57,728 (thud) 1138 00:59:57,728 --> 00:59:58,863 - Clint! 1139 00:59:58,863 --> 01:00:02,099 - I don't know if you knew this or not, Dingleberry, 1140 01:00:02,099 --> 01:00:04,401 but I never really liked you. 1141 01:00:04,401 --> 01:00:06,704 - I had my inclinations. 1142 01:00:06,704 --> 01:00:08,706 - You know, I know the real reason 1143 01:00:08,706 --> 01:00:11,208 you came back here tonight. 1144 01:00:11,208 --> 01:00:14,544 You're tryin' to win Sally back, aren't ya? 1145 01:00:14,544 --> 01:00:17,347 I don't know what she ever saw in a wuss like you, but, 1146 01:00:17,347 --> 01:00:19,850 I know she still loves you. 1147 01:00:19,850 --> 01:00:21,318 - You, you do? 1148 01:00:21,318 --> 01:00:23,420 - So here's your chance, 1149 01:00:23,420 --> 01:00:26,556 to finally get the girl and be the big hero. 1150 01:00:26,556 --> 01:00:30,661 'Cause old Clint's hero days are officially over! 1151 01:00:33,363 --> 01:00:36,166 (Sally chuckles) 1152 01:00:37,501 --> 01:00:42,072 - What's the matter, too afraid to show yourself? 1153 01:00:42,072 --> 01:00:46,176 Especially 'cause I know exactly how to kill your ugly ass. 1154 01:00:46,176 --> 01:00:50,380 - Fuckin' shit, motherfucker, god damnit, fuckin' shit! 1155 01:00:56,687 --> 01:00:58,022 - There you are. 1156 01:00:58,022 --> 01:01:00,257 Come and get me, you ugly fuck-tard. 1157 01:01:00,257 --> 01:01:02,159 Just a few more steps and you can stab the shit out of me 1158 01:01:02,159 --> 01:01:03,260 all you like. 1159 01:01:06,063 --> 01:01:07,331 - Come on, Clint, come on, Clint. 1160 01:01:07,331 --> 01:01:08,999 Come on, Clint, come on, Clint. 1161 01:01:08,999 --> 01:01:12,069 Now! (screams) (buzzes) 1162 01:01:12,069 --> 01:01:14,504 Fuckin'! (screams) 1163 01:01:14,504 --> 01:01:15,372 Fuck! 1164 01:01:17,441 --> 01:01:20,010 - [Lisa] Fuck my life. 1165 01:01:20,010 --> 01:01:22,612 - Don't worry, we've been prepared for this kind of thing. 1166 01:01:22,612 --> 01:01:24,749 The backup generators will kick on any minute now, 1167 01:01:24,749 --> 01:01:26,083 and we'll be just-- 1168 01:01:26,083 --> 01:01:28,218 (zombies snarl) 1169 01:01:28,218 --> 01:01:29,086 Fuck. 1170 01:01:30,020 --> 01:01:30,855 (Bonejangles grunts) 1171 01:01:30,855 --> 01:01:35,059 (sharp thud) (flesh squelches) 1172 01:01:36,761 --> 01:01:39,563 (Lisa splutters) 1173 01:01:41,298 --> 01:01:42,699 How is this possible? 1174 01:01:42,699 --> 01:01:44,134 How did they get in? 1175 01:01:44,134 --> 01:01:45,235 This is all your fault. 1176 01:01:45,235 --> 01:01:46,570 Everything was fine till you showed up! 1177 01:01:46,570 --> 01:01:47,604 - Let go of me! 1178 01:01:47,604 --> 01:01:50,107 (Bonejangles roars) 1179 01:01:50,107 --> 01:01:52,576 (moody electronic music) (townsfolk scream) 1180 01:01:52,576 --> 01:01:53,610 - Oh. - My. 1181 01:01:53,610 --> 01:01:54,478 - God. 1182 01:01:55,813 --> 01:01:56,914 No. 1183 01:01:56,914 --> 01:01:58,582 (machete scrapes) (blood splatters) 1184 01:01:58,582 --> 01:02:01,285 (zombies grunt) 1185 01:02:08,025 --> 01:02:08,893 - At last. 1186 01:02:10,594 --> 01:02:14,564 A dark warrior has sent to free us from Rowena. 1187 01:02:16,100 --> 01:02:17,067 Our savior! 1188 01:02:22,472 --> 01:02:24,909 (sharp thud) 1189 01:02:27,044 --> 01:02:31,248 - Come on, Sally, we gotta go. (townsfolk scream) 1190 01:02:32,416 --> 01:02:35,452 (ring clinks) 1191 01:02:35,452 --> 01:02:38,755 (townsfolk scream) 1192 01:02:38,755 --> 01:02:41,025 - Even if we make it to the bordello and find your friend, 1193 01:02:41,025 --> 01:02:42,192 I mean, what then? 1194 01:02:42,192 --> 01:02:44,594 If Rowena has him, there's no way to stop her. 1195 01:02:44,594 --> 01:02:47,798 - Well, that's where tall, dark and gruesome comes in. 1196 01:02:47,798 --> 01:02:48,999 Here. 1197 01:02:48,999 --> 01:02:51,035 - You think he's strong enough to stop her? 1198 01:02:51,035 --> 01:02:53,203 - If he's not, maybe he can at least keep her busy 1199 01:02:53,203 --> 01:02:55,672 long enough for me to find Randy. 1200 01:02:55,672 --> 01:02:57,674 (grunts) (thuds) 1201 01:02:57,674 --> 01:03:00,377 First we have to get him to the bordello. 1202 01:03:00,377 --> 01:03:02,646 (yelps) (Bonejangles grunts) 1203 01:03:02,646 --> 01:03:04,949 (Machete clangs) (Bonejangles roars) 1204 01:03:04,949 --> 01:03:07,384 - Hey, asshole. (Bonejangles snarls) 1205 01:03:07,384 --> 01:03:09,954 Why don't you quit wasting time on Dingleberry, 1206 01:03:09,954 --> 01:03:12,957 and step up the plate against a real man? 1207 01:03:12,957 --> 01:03:15,292 - Oh my god, Clint? 1208 01:03:15,292 --> 01:03:16,393 - That's right! 1209 01:03:16,393 --> 01:03:18,996 I'm back, baby, and I'm badder than ever! 1210 01:03:18,996 --> 01:03:22,632 (chainsaw buzzes) 1211 01:03:22,632 --> 01:03:23,500 Funky. 1212 01:03:24,634 --> 01:03:28,805 (groans) (chainsaw buzzes) 1213 01:03:31,976 --> 01:03:35,012 (Bonejangles roars) 1214 01:03:35,980 --> 01:03:37,714 - Where is he? 1215 01:03:37,714 --> 01:03:39,049 - He's gone! 1216 01:03:39,049 --> 01:03:40,684 Damnit, he was right behind us. 1217 01:03:40,684 --> 01:03:42,853 (distant screams) 1218 01:03:42,853 --> 01:03:45,856 - It sounds like Rowena's torturing some poor girl in there. 1219 01:03:45,856 --> 01:03:47,491 - No, that's Randy. 1220 01:03:48,725 --> 01:03:50,527 - Seriously? 1221 01:03:50,527 --> 01:03:52,662 What is she doing to him? 1222 01:03:55,632 --> 01:03:58,802 (sexual moans and pants) 1223 01:03:58,802 --> 01:04:02,606 - It's, it's, it's starting to hurt a little now! 1224 01:04:02,606 --> 01:04:03,673 - Told ya! 1225 01:04:03,673 --> 01:04:07,077 You should have ran when you had the chance! 1226 01:04:07,077 --> 01:04:08,445 (Rowena grunts) 1227 01:04:08,445 --> 01:04:10,915 Look at what you've done, look at her! 1228 01:04:10,915 --> 01:04:12,416 (Randy screams) 1229 01:04:12,416 --> 01:04:13,717 (Rowena grunts) 1230 01:04:13,717 --> 01:04:16,720 You found her g-spot, you can keep this up! 1231 01:04:16,720 --> 01:04:18,788 (Rowena roars) 1232 01:04:18,788 --> 01:04:20,024 (Randy screams) 1233 01:04:20,024 --> 01:04:22,059 (Bonejangles grunts) 1234 01:04:22,059 --> 01:04:23,193 - Doug, no! 1235 01:04:23,193 --> 01:04:24,494 (gun fires) 1236 01:04:24,494 --> 01:04:26,196 - Sally, get out of here! 1237 01:04:26,196 --> 01:04:28,165 (machete swooshes) 1238 01:04:28,165 --> 01:04:30,667 I'll hold him off as long as I can, just go! 1239 01:04:30,667 --> 01:04:31,868 (machete swooshes) 1240 01:04:31,868 --> 01:04:33,337 - Doug, you don't have to do this. 1241 01:04:33,337 --> 01:04:35,205 - Yes, yes I do. 1242 01:04:35,205 --> 01:04:36,740 I love you, Sally. 1243 01:04:37,607 --> 01:04:39,876 - I love you, too. 1244 01:04:39,876 --> 01:04:41,045 I always have. 1245 01:04:41,045 --> 01:04:41,878 - Really? 1246 01:04:41,878 --> 01:04:44,214 (Bonejangles grunts) 1247 01:04:44,214 --> 01:04:46,416 (thud) 1248 01:04:46,416 --> 01:04:47,985 Lucky. 1249 01:04:47,985 --> 01:04:49,753 Lucky punch. 1250 01:04:49,753 --> 01:04:50,787 But guess what? 1251 01:04:50,787 --> 01:04:53,690 I know that you've still got one weakness. 1252 01:04:53,690 --> 01:04:56,526 Some motherfuckers are always trying to ice skate uphill. 1253 01:04:56,526 --> 01:04:58,862 (Bonejangles groans) 1254 01:04:58,862 --> 01:05:00,064 (grunts) (taser clicks) 1255 01:05:00,064 --> 01:05:00,998 (Bonejangles laughs) 1256 01:05:00,998 --> 01:05:02,266 Oh, come on! 1257 01:05:02,266 --> 01:05:04,034 Are you kidding me? 1258 01:05:04,034 --> 01:05:06,003 (thud) 1259 01:05:08,405 --> 01:05:10,941 (Juan cheers) 1260 01:05:13,543 --> 01:05:16,346 - That a boy, Eustace, you nailed that sumbitch 1261 01:05:16,346 --> 01:05:18,082 like a five-point bug. 1262 01:05:18,082 --> 01:05:19,549 - Mm-hm! 1263 01:05:19,549 --> 01:05:20,517 - Oh no you didn't. 1264 01:05:20,517 --> 01:05:23,920 That's what you get for messin' with my man. 1265 01:05:23,920 --> 01:05:25,389 - Larumba? 1266 01:05:25,389 --> 01:05:26,456 You're alive? 1267 01:05:26,456 --> 01:05:27,457 - You know it, sweetie. 1268 01:05:27,457 --> 01:05:30,127 Thanks to these two stud muffins here. 1269 01:05:30,127 --> 01:05:32,196 (slap) (giggles) 1270 01:05:32,196 --> 01:05:33,964 - That is so great! 1271 01:05:33,964 --> 01:05:36,633 What took you so long to find us? 1272 01:05:36,633 --> 01:05:37,834 - What are you talkin' about, honey? 1273 01:05:37,834 --> 01:05:40,404 I tried ringing you on the radio all night long. 1274 01:05:40,404 --> 01:05:41,271 - Radio? 1275 01:05:42,539 --> 01:05:44,041 (radio bleeps) 1276 01:05:44,041 --> 01:05:45,375 - Um. 1277 01:05:45,375 --> 01:05:47,811 Oops, I forgot to turn it on. 1278 01:05:48,645 --> 01:05:50,780 I really am a shitty cop, aren't I? 1279 01:05:50,780 --> 01:05:52,649 - Yes, you are. 1280 01:05:52,649 --> 01:05:54,251 - Wait, is he dead? 1281 01:05:55,185 --> 01:05:56,886 (dark atmospheric tones) 1282 01:05:56,886 --> 01:06:00,324 - Well, on any other night I would hope so, but, 1283 01:06:00,324 --> 01:06:02,859 we still need him to take out, 1284 01:06:04,294 --> 01:06:05,129 her. 1285 01:06:05,129 --> 01:06:07,797 - Look upon me, mortals, and despair. 1286 01:06:07,797 --> 01:06:11,435 The hour of your annihilation starts now. 1287 01:06:11,435 --> 01:06:12,669 - Doug? 1288 01:06:12,669 --> 01:06:13,803 - What are you doing? 1289 01:06:13,803 --> 01:06:15,672 - I think we should see other people. 1290 01:06:15,672 --> 01:06:18,108 It's not you, it's me. 1291 01:06:18,108 --> 01:06:20,144 We can still be friends! 1292 01:06:23,847 --> 01:06:24,781 - Randy? 1293 01:06:24,781 --> 01:06:26,383 You're okay? 1294 01:06:26,383 --> 01:06:28,985 - No, he's not okay, look at him. 1295 01:06:28,985 --> 01:06:29,986 - Eugh. 1296 01:06:29,986 --> 01:06:31,321 - Yeah, I am. 1297 01:06:31,321 --> 01:06:33,457 Just a little parched, that's all. (chuckles) 1298 01:06:33,457 --> 01:06:35,559 Anybody got a bottle of water? 1299 01:06:35,559 --> 01:06:37,561 - Oh god, Randy. 1300 01:06:37,561 --> 01:06:38,528 You didn't. 1301 01:06:39,363 --> 01:06:40,597 - Didn't what? 1302 01:06:40,597 --> 01:06:42,499 - You had sex with the witch. 1303 01:06:42,499 --> 01:06:43,800 - What? No. 1304 01:06:43,800 --> 01:06:45,302 No, I didn't. - Of course you did. 1305 01:06:45,302 --> 01:06:48,805 Look at you, you look like a half-filled sausage casing. 1306 01:06:48,805 --> 01:06:51,141 You totally banged the succubus. 1307 01:06:51,141 --> 01:06:56,146 - She didn't do anything with her mouth, actually, so... 1308 01:06:56,146 --> 01:07:00,517 I mean I have no idea what you're talking about. 1309 01:07:00,517 --> 01:07:03,720 - Go forth, my damned legion. (dramatic electronic music) 1310 01:07:03,720 --> 01:07:06,356 Go forth and devour these mortals. 1311 01:07:06,356 --> 01:07:10,560 Your master commands you. (zombies groan and snarl) 1312 01:07:19,569 --> 01:07:20,837 (Bonejangles roars) 1313 01:07:20,837 --> 01:07:23,039 - [Juan] Oh shit, oh shit! 1314 01:07:24,174 --> 01:07:25,041 Oh, shit. 1315 01:07:27,777 --> 01:07:29,079 - Randy, do you have your taser? 1316 01:07:29,079 --> 01:07:31,315 - I did bang the succubus, okay? 1317 01:07:31,315 --> 01:07:32,782 Will you drop it? 1318 01:07:32,782 --> 01:07:34,751 - Never mind. - Silence! 1319 01:07:37,687 --> 01:07:40,157 I've tasted the flesh of mortals, 1320 01:07:40,157 --> 01:07:43,026 but never the flesh of an immortal. 1321 01:07:43,026 --> 01:07:44,294 I must have it. 1322 01:07:45,129 --> 01:07:46,530 Come to me. 1323 01:07:46,530 --> 01:07:47,797 Come to Rowena. 1324 01:07:54,771 --> 01:07:57,073 - What's with Captain Stabby all of a sudden? 1325 01:07:57,073 --> 01:07:59,343 - She has him in her power. 1326 01:07:59,343 --> 01:08:02,712 - Wait, if she gets her strength from having sex with 1327 01:08:02,712 --> 01:08:05,749 normal human virgins, what's gonna happen 1328 01:08:05,749 --> 01:08:09,085 when she has sex with something like him? 1329 01:08:09,085 --> 01:08:10,053 - Oh, shit. 1330 01:08:11,555 --> 01:08:17,627 By bringing Mr. Bonejangles here, I might have made Rowena all-powerful. 1331 01:08:17,627 --> 01:08:18,928 Oops. 1332 01:08:18,928 --> 01:08:22,932 - Hey, we've all done things we're not proud of tonight. 1333 01:08:22,932 --> 01:08:23,867 Am I right? 1334 01:08:25,369 --> 01:08:29,573 (leaves crunch) (winds blows) 1335 01:08:34,043 --> 01:08:38,348 - You are the most powerful creature I have ever seen. 1336 01:08:38,348 --> 01:08:42,852 Your power will be mine once you give yourself to me. 1337 01:08:42,852 --> 01:08:46,923 Prepare yourself, the orgasmic moans of our coitus 1338 01:08:46,923 --> 01:08:51,428 shall echo downward into the deepest, darkest pits of hell. 1339 01:08:51,428 --> 01:08:54,564 (Bonejangles groans) 1340 01:08:57,267 --> 01:09:00,570 - Protect your wee winky, boy. 1341 01:09:00,570 --> 01:09:02,372 - Wee winky not safe! 1342 01:09:02,372 --> 01:09:06,576 (sharp thud) (blood squelches) 1343 01:09:07,611 --> 01:09:10,447 (lightning booms) (screams) 1344 01:09:10,447 --> 01:09:12,482 - What the hell is going on? 1345 01:09:12,482 --> 01:09:13,750 - I don't know! 1346 01:09:14,884 --> 01:09:17,254 (explosion) 1347 01:09:20,224 --> 01:09:21,791 - Doug. 1348 01:09:21,791 --> 01:09:22,659 Look. 1349 01:09:24,194 --> 01:09:27,231 (flames roar and crackle) 1350 01:09:27,231 --> 01:09:29,633 I don't know what just happened but I, 1351 01:09:29,633 --> 01:09:33,102 I think the curse is finally broken. 1352 01:09:33,102 --> 01:09:35,239 Rowena's gone, it's over. 1353 01:09:37,607 --> 01:09:38,975 - See? 1354 01:09:38,975 --> 01:09:41,778 I don't know why everybody was so upset with me before. 1355 01:09:41,778 --> 01:09:45,215 Everything worked out alright in the end. 1356 01:09:46,250 --> 01:09:48,518 You still think I slept with that witch? 1357 01:09:48,518 --> 01:09:50,454 I can see why you would think that, 1358 01:09:50,454 --> 01:09:52,989 but the thing about that is, she was just making me watch 1359 01:09:52,989 --> 01:09:55,625 while she, with the other dude. 1360 01:10:06,670 --> 01:10:08,171 - Hey. 1361 01:10:08,171 --> 01:10:11,441 Don't worry, Randy, once you get some fluids in you, 1362 01:10:11,441 --> 01:10:13,777 you're gonna be as good as new. 1363 01:10:13,777 --> 01:10:15,044 - [Courtney] Me too? 1364 01:10:15,044 --> 01:10:17,213 (flatulence) 1365 01:10:17,213 --> 01:10:18,815 - Yeah, yeah, sure. 1366 01:10:20,083 --> 01:10:22,018 - This is my new friend Courtney. 1367 01:10:22,018 --> 01:10:23,287 Say hi, Courtney. 1368 01:10:23,287 --> 01:10:24,454 - Hello! 1369 01:10:24,454 --> 01:10:27,291 I'm Courtney but you can call me the juice lad! 1370 01:10:27,291 --> 01:10:28,124 - Yeah! 1371 01:10:28,124 --> 01:10:30,494 Well, I'm not gonna do that. 1372 01:10:33,229 --> 01:10:35,198 I'll see you at the hospital, bud. 1373 01:10:35,198 --> 01:10:36,400 Get some rest. 1374 01:10:36,400 --> 01:10:37,367 - Yeah. 1375 01:10:37,367 --> 01:10:38,535 Will do. 1376 01:10:38,535 --> 01:10:39,869 And Doug? - Yeah. 1377 01:10:39,869 --> 01:10:44,040 - Between you and me, I totally banged the succubus. 1378 01:10:45,008 --> 01:10:47,110 - I know you did, buddy. 1379 01:10:47,110 --> 01:10:48,412 I know you did. 1380 01:11:02,091 --> 01:11:02,959 - So. 1381 01:11:04,561 --> 01:11:05,429 What now? 1382 01:11:06,796 --> 01:11:07,831 - Well, now, 1383 01:11:09,933 --> 01:11:12,569 I start drinking heavily in an attempt 1384 01:11:12,569 --> 01:11:15,572 to forget everything about these past few days. 1385 01:11:15,572 --> 01:11:16,440 - Really? 1386 01:11:17,273 --> 01:11:18,207 Everything? 1387 01:11:19,409 --> 01:11:21,878 - Well, maybe not everything. 1388 01:11:22,879 --> 01:11:26,182 (eccentric horn honks) 1389 01:11:28,184 --> 01:11:30,654 - Y'all need a ride somewhere? 1390 01:11:30,654 --> 01:11:31,521 - Nope! 1391 01:11:31,521 --> 01:11:33,490 No, I think we're good. 1392 01:11:34,324 --> 01:11:35,525 - Are you sure? 1393 01:11:35,525 --> 01:11:38,161 There's plenty of room in here. 1394 01:11:39,329 --> 01:11:41,164 - No, we're uh, we're fine! 1395 01:11:41,164 --> 01:11:42,265 - We're fine. 1396 01:11:43,199 --> 01:11:46,069 - Little man, we're gonna get you home and me 1397 01:11:46,069 --> 01:11:48,938 and Eustace are gonna make you squeal like a little piggy. 1398 01:11:48,938 --> 01:11:50,073 - [Eustace] Uh-huh! 1399 01:11:50,073 --> 01:11:51,941 - Oh, that's so sweet! 1400 01:12:02,085 --> 01:12:04,253 (Doug chuckles) 1401 01:12:04,253 --> 01:12:06,255 - How about that? 1402 01:12:06,255 --> 01:12:10,093 I guess true love really does conquer all. 1403 01:12:10,093 --> 01:12:11,695 If those three love birds can make it in this 1404 01:12:11,695 --> 01:12:14,398 crazy mixed-up world we live in, 1405 01:12:15,832 --> 01:12:16,866 anybody can. 1406 01:12:18,067 --> 01:12:19,403 - Doug? 1407 01:12:19,403 --> 01:12:20,269 - Yeah. 1408 01:12:21,571 --> 01:12:23,440 - Shut up and kiss me. 1409 01:12:35,985 --> 01:12:36,853 - Well. 1410 01:12:39,022 --> 01:12:40,490 - Worth the wait. 1411 01:12:40,490 --> 01:12:41,558 (Doug chuckles) 1412 01:12:41,558 --> 01:12:44,594 (lively rock music) 1413 01:13:06,950 --> 01:13:09,152 * Welcome 1414 01:13:14,891 --> 01:13:18,227 * It's time to be spectacular 1415 01:13:18,227 --> 01:13:20,396 * Time to seize the day 1416 01:13:20,396 --> 01:13:22,532 * It's all right here 1417 01:13:22,532 --> 01:13:26,002 * It's so clear and we can lead the way * 1418 01:13:26,002 --> 01:13:29,873 * It starts right here and today's the day * 1419 01:13:29,873 --> 01:13:33,409 * Here we are and we're alright * 1420 01:13:33,409 --> 01:13:37,080 * Now we're gonna hit you like a lightning strike * 1421 01:13:37,080 --> 01:13:40,584 * Here we are and we're alright * 1422 01:13:40,584 --> 01:13:44,754 * When we come together it's a lightning strike * 1423 01:13:46,255 --> 01:13:49,392 * Oh, let me hear ya 1424 01:13:51,595 --> 01:13:54,130 * Bring it up 1425 01:14:05,575 --> 01:14:07,877 * Everybody, hands up 1426 01:14:07,877 --> 01:14:10,179 * Come on 1427 01:14:10,179 --> 01:14:12,482 * Hands up 1428 01:14:13,717 --> 01:14:16,019 * Hands up 1429 01:14:17,320 --> 01:14:18,588 * Hands up 1430 01:14:18,588 --> 01:14:21,057 * Come on, come on 1431 01:14:21,057 --> 01:14:23,326 * Hands up 1432 01:14:26,062 --> 01:14:28,932 (soft rock music) 1433 01:16:08,598 --> 01:16:12,035 (moody electronic music) 1434 01:17:02,351 --> 01:17:05,789 (dark atmospheric music) 93936