All language subtitles for You.S03E05.Into.the.Woods.1080p.NF.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.x264-AGLET

Previously on You:

I have a plan.

Mrs. Engler was involved
in an extramarital relationship

with Gil Brigham.

In a written letter, Mr. Brigham confessed

that he murdered Mrs. Engler
and disposed of her remains.

Find the people that get you.

- How do you know who those people are?
- You just do.

I can't be thinking
about you like this. No.

You okay there, Joe?

Oh, no. This is bad.

We've really turned a corner.
We barely fight anymore.

And when we disagree,
we discuss it directly, then we move on.

Guess you could say we're just

- a normal, boring suburban family.
- Whoo!

She said boring. Not me.

Everything's fine.

Sure, little bit of a yawn.

Oh, it's been six months.

- And we don't know how to say this.
- Come on, Love. Spit it out.

Do we need to keep coming?

I know we're already down
to every other week,

but we rarely have anything
to talk about with you.

Or with each other.

Is this financial?

We talked about your mom buying
the vineyard and you feeling strapped.

- No, business is good.
- Love is being modest.

The bakery is a huge success.

I can't believe I'm so happy here.

I'd never call Love a pod person,

but let's just say she's assimilated.

- Joe? How have you been?
- Oh, I'm fine.

Bored, trapped in Pleasantville,
aging so fast,

I forget to jack off in the shower.

I'm good.

Work is good.

- Uh, I've really gotten into lawn care.
- Oh, my God.

- He is obsessed with the lawn.
- The lawn is the foyer to the home.

My love of our glorious foyer is genuine.

After Gil, I realized there's a price
to pay if you want a stable life.

And I am happy

to forego excitement and chaos for that,
to be the husband and father I want to be.

I can do it, for Henry. I'm great at it.
Lawn mowers are very fun.

Joe's been having
a harder time making friends here.

Excuse me?

I have plenty of friends.
I do, at the library.

- Any friends you don't work with?
- Well, no.

Everyone else is an asshole.

Let me tell you what Love is not saying.

Not having friends puts
a lot of pressure on a partner.

- Do you feel pressure, Love?
- Yes.

She does?

One person cannot fulfill all our needs.

It's crucial to have friends
outside a marriage.

It takes some of that pressure off.

I don't see great candidates
for BFF here in Madre Linda, but...

Okay.

I will try harder.

I'm annoyed, but promises are easy
when your priorities are clear.

Make our marriage work.

So our time's almost up, but I should ask.

How's your sex life been?

- It's good.
- It's great.

It's great. I should have said great.

Wait.

Ah. Not again.

Hold on, I just...

- I need a sec.
- Hey, it's fine. It's fine.

I'm tired anyway.

Remember what we used to say? I wolf you.

Yeah.

We should bring that back.

We also never rip each other's clothes off

and fuck like wildcats anymore.

We've been domesticated.

- I'm sorry about...
- No, it's fine.

I wolf you.

Wolf? We're dog-on-a-leash now.

This is fine. It's normal.

It's fine.

And if it feels like it's not,
maybe I'm the problem.

Maybe you and Dr. Chandra are right.

My introvert tendencies are
the reason I feel off.

Joe, mm, can you tilt your chin forward?

But did you have
to make Sherry your best friend?

Oh, my God.

The camera is loving Henry's authenticity.

Um... Guys, are we sure
puppies is the right theme for the party?

I'm not usually indecisive. It's just...

Sherry keeps saying that...

Parties indicate your child
and family are socially adjusted

and an integral part of the community.

And a critical part
of getting into The Ashman School,

Madre Linda's premiere private Pre-K.

- Shoot me.
- We're doing everything right.

Joe, no one wants
to go to a birthday party

where Daddy looks
like a Cymbalta commercial, okay?

So, Love, let's get
some singles over here,

and, Joe, just shake it off.

Just shake it off.

Come on.

Something about fitting
into suburbia has changed you, Love.

You went from being horrified
by the ostentatiousness of a kids party

- to Keeping Up With The Conrads.
- The other side.

And yet, you make belonging look
so effortless.

- You do seem happy.
- No Cymbalta here.

Why do I still feel
so on the outside?

Joe, come over here, sweetie.
The vibe is much better.

- Wow.
- Oh, yeah.

I think Theo's visiting home.

Theo.

Yes! Yes!

Finally!

We got it.
These invitations are gonna be adorable.

Yeah.

- Thank you so much, Sherry. Really.
- Yeah.

Joe, I like it when you appreciate me.

Oh, my gosh.

If you could see his hair.

Mari, do me the favor of describing.

Oh, my.

Okay.

Whole vibe's very
Patrick-Bateman-meets-Venetian-gondolier.

Oh, okay. Right. Let me just go fix it.

Oh, no, no. No. Wait, wait.

Dante, cover the floor?

Okay, here's one.

Favorite classic fantasy series.
Let's say 1970s through '90s?

Okay. Give me a minute.

Yes, I notice Marienne in that way,
but I cut it off instantly.

I'm married, so she and I are friends.

Am I supposed to feel bad
that I'm friends with people at work?

Dragonriders of Pern, maybe.

Okay.

But, you know, as a kid, I hid them.
I was afraid they were for girls.

Why? It's dragons fighting space worms.
That is not gender-specific.

- Trying to fit in is the worst.
- Exactly.

- How is this helping your portrait?
- Who said I was doing a portrait?

Well, I mean, I guess, sort of.

I had been working on this sketch
of the Little Prince and the Fox.

Couldn't get the Fox,
and your vibe today inspired me.

It's for this illustration contest
put on by this fancy imprint,

and this year, it's reinterpret
a classic of children's lit.

"It's the time you lavished on your rose

that makes your rose so important."

Hmm.

Um, anyway, I probably won't
even submit, so...

You have a habit of talking yourself out
of things. Is this something you do often?

All right, Sigmund Freud,
sit back and sit still, please.

I thought this wasn't a portrait.

- So why The Little Prince?
- Just always loved it.

Translations never do it justice,

but the original will always be
my favorite.

Do you speak French?

- My first language. I was born in Paris.
- You don't have an accent.

You wanna be friends
with people who can surprise you.

I moved when I was young,

and it's really just
not that interesting a story, so...

Maybe to her.

Why so wary?

So scared to be seen.

That's what I want in friends,
to be inspired to wonder.

Joe?

- Who is she?
- Show me.

Your drawing.

It's going to be beautiful.

- Thank you.
- Marienne, you have to submit this.

No, no, no.

Did I learn nothing from Natalie?
Why am I holding this?

Put the bracelet down.

- Are you okay?
- Yeah.

I mean, you look paler than usual,
and that's saying something.

No, everything's fine.

Okay.

Shit. Feeling drawn
to Marienne is just a symptom.

The problem is me, running away from
my perfectly good life and devoted wife.

So, if I'm the problem, how do I fix it?

Smells good, bro.

But the key to truly orgasmic BBQ
is catching the meat yourself.

Yeah, you mentioned.

Six times.

But it's okay because look at you.

Happy wife, happy life, right?

What could say more about my commitment

than agreeing to dinner
with the fucking Conrads?

If putting up with Cro-Magnon man gets
the tips you need

to make Henry's party a success,
I'm all in because I am all in, damn it.

- Are you sure you don't want a top off?
- Ugh. It won't kill me.

Ugh.

That one.

I heard he's on probation at school
for showing up to a midterm drunk.

- Oh.
- Thanks.

Imagine what his grades look like.

Actually, I thought he was doing okay.

That one's determined to self-destruct.

He got arrested in high school, two DUIs.

Just a matter of time before he starts
cooking meth like Jessica Sherman,

winds up dead in a ditch.

Mm.

I mean, he seems like a good kid
in a tough situation,

- but I know you know him better than I do.
- No.

No, you're right.

- He just needs some better influences.
- Yeah.

Pretty capable in the kitchen,
Miss Quinn-Goldberg.

Next time we'll be hunting
the pigs ourselves.

Is that right?

That'd be my husband.

Better watch out, Joe.

Cary's gonna wind up dragging you
on his hunting trip tomorrow,

make you a better man.

Actually, there's a spot
with your name all over it.

It's just what you need, my friend,

to recharge those masculine batteries,
if you know what I mean.

- I do not.
- We hike. We hunt.

We don't have to restrain
our, uh, natural impulses.

It's an incredible feeling,

letting out that part of yourself
that you have to cage.

Unleashing my impulses
is the opposite of what I need to do.

No, thank you. Hard pass.

It sounds great, but I do think
that we have Henry's party...

No, no, no. It sounds great.
You should totally go.

Sherry and my mom can help
with party prep.

Be great for you
to get to know the guys better.

Saved by the bell.

We're almost to the day.
My brother's September 2nd.

- Theo.
- Hi.

You look nice.

- What are...? What are you...?
- Oh, I, um...

It's street cleaning tomorrow,
so thought I'd give you a heads-up.

Car's in the driveway.

Yeah, but to warn you
not to put them on the street.

Okay.

- Okay, wait. Wait, wait, Theo.
- Yeah.

Are...? Are you okay?

Yep.

Never better.

Really? Because I heard that...

Hey.

Why do I feel like I walked
into the middle of something?

Oh, by the way,
the lawn, it looks impeccable.

Richard Yates-level attention to detail.

He's read Yates?

- He's weirder than ever, huh?
- He's not weird.

He's a kid. Kids are weird.
Cut him some slack, okay?

Why are you acting so...? No, no, no.

Stop looking for trouble.
You are fine. I am the problem.

So why do I feel
like you're hiding something?

Dr. Chandra would say
I'm falling into old patterns. No.

I'm committed
to being a good husband and father.

That involves things like lawn care

and making sure there are
no fraudulent charges from hotels

where you're conducting an affair
with the stepson of the woman you killed.

Yeah, I know how crazy I sound...
Love! What the fuck?

One, two...
Twelve Uber charges in Palo Alto?

Are ride-shares
the seedy motels of NorCal?

How the fuck did I miss this?

Hey. He's down.

What? Something wrong?

Do you know about
these Uber charges in Palo Alto?

Are you asking me or accusing me?

I'm calling the credit card company
to cancel. I just wanted to make sure.

Sometimes Theo texts me when he's drunk
and I get him an Uber.

What?

Nobody looks out for him, Joe.

And with Matthew,
it's good to keep a line open.

Is there something else
you're not telling me?

Love?

- Okay, he kissed me.
- He kissed you?

Yeah. It was before he left for school.
I mean, obviously, I shut it down.

- That's shutting it down?
- Don't yell.

- You've been sneaking around.
- That's crazy.

You made me feel
like something's wrong with me.

And I've done everything you asked.
You've been lying to me this whole time!

What the fuck was that, Joe?

You are clearly not happy.

I hope this weekend helps you get
your shit together. Something has to.

Being with men
in the woods is not my thing,

but I couldn't say no to you
after what I did, so here I am.

You can go on ahead without me if you...

Nah, no man left behind.

Cary and I made that pact at 'Manjaro.
He carried me up the Barranco Wall.

Kilimanjaro. What an amazing...
How much longer to the campsite?

Nothing bonds you like the altitude shits.

Why is male small talk so terrible?

'Manjaro was such an eye-opener.
When I got back,

Kiki and I started unschooling the kids.

Unschooling?

It advocates for child-chosen activities

instead of textbook-based learning.

Books can be the worst.

Mind-confiners, right?

Cary's the expert, even though
Sherry's all in on The Ashman School.

I respect how they make it work.

Can I tell you something?

Cary saved my marriage.

I made all this money in my 20s.
Didn't have to work, so I stayed home.

I loved being the kids' unteacher.
But, also, I was...

I just didn't feel like a man.

I was angry all the time.

I came here broken.

Cary helped me embrace my inner beast.

To grunt and breathe and scream and...

And cry.

To let go.

All's fine and well for this guy,
his inner beast's a Persian kitten.

Letting go is scary.

It's something about these woods,
with these men, that makes it feel safe.

I'm excited for you.
Your life's about to change.

How coddled was his life
to believe he's safe among men?

I wasn't even safe among boys.

You like that shit, buddy?
Huh? Huh?

Oh, this is so fun. This is so fun.

You're gonna cry for your mommy too, huh?
Just like your buddy Joe!

You okay?

Yeah. Yeah, I guess
I'm in worse shape than I thought.

...if you hadn't been snacking
the whole time...

You know what?

Welcome to the Promised Land!

- You went all out.
- His minions went all out.

Got here hours ago.

It started off as a hike
and ended as a run.

Way too much energy. Yes!

Claim your digs.

Then we'll gather more wood.
I'm glad you're here, boys.

Let's go.

Faith over fear. It's time to check out,
so we can check in.

Let's hydrate! We're gonna do
some sweating, boys.

Mm-mm.

Rule number two. Only food we eat
is what we kill ourselves.

We'll go over the rules at dusk.

What is this,
Fight Club in the redwoods?

- I haven't eaten all day.
- Yeah.

Let me tell you a story.

One time I got caught in a 'lanche,
split-boarding at 'Hoe.

In the snow two hours
before they rescued me.

Most suffocate in five minutes.

If I can survive that,
pretty sure you can survive this.

Let me translate.

Cary got stuck in an avalanche in Tahoe.

Must we abbreviate everything? Confusing.

Who's got the arms to gather fuel with me?

I'm on it.

Chop-chop. Let's run.

Yeah! Let's do this!
Fire is life, boys. Fire is life.

- You actually like these trips?
- I like that Andrew likes them.

No, in all honesty, they really have been
a savior for our marriage.

I'm sorry.

How?

We come undone.

The first time I came out here,
I wept like a baby.

All it took was trying to make fire.
Some make it farther before they break.

Why would anyone wanna get to that point?

Your kid hasn't reached the terrible twos

or my personal favorite,
the fucking fours,

but he still has tantrums?

Henry's an overachiever in that area.

So don't you ever wanna scream
and cry and break shit?

Cary says this trip's about being a man.
I think it's about being a kid again.

Hmm.

Here.

You can have a meaningful experience
while maintaining

a normal blood-sugar level.

Thank you.

Hello. Welcome. What can I get you?

Uh, yeah, can I get one of everything?

Oh. I forgot my wallet again.

Ugh.

Well...

That's all right.

On the house. Study fuel.

Mm.

I'm actually taking some time off.

To process the whole Natalie thing.

You could have told me
you were struggling.

No, I couldn't 'cause you drew a line.

- No more e-mails, only Ubers.
- Right.

Thank you.

But, um...

I am worried about you.

Are you?

'Cause I've been worried about you.

I... I heard your husband yelling at you
the other night,

and I know that we are, like...

Whatever,
but if you need someone to talk to...

- Yeah, I have friends for that.
- Right.

Sherry Conrad.

- We have more in common than you think.
- You're both human women.

Totally.

Come on, she's, like, an inch deep.

You're only friends
because she's the only option in town.

It's not a crime to fit in, Theo.

Maybe you'll understand that
when you're older.

You've changed.

That's not always a bad thing.

Enjoy the muffins. Okay?

I learned this mating call
outside of Cartagena.

Three minutes later, a doe popped out
of the brush, started nuzzling my cock.

Will it ever stop?

All right, let's go. Circle up!

Rules!

One, we already know, make our own fire.
Well done, my brothers.

Whoo!

Two, we only eat what we kill.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Three, issue with a fellow hunter?
You fight it out.

Four, no phones, no shirts. No exceptions.

Other than that,

no rules!

- Yeah!
- Grunt!

Scream!

Embrace your inner beasts!

- Yes! Yes!
- Yes!

Yes!

Come on! Let's go, Goldberg!
I'm gonna get you dirty tonight, boy.

Shit.

Love, you had your tribe in L.A.
You even found one here.

But if this is my pack,
I think I'm meant to be a lone wolf.

You ready to feel like a high-speed,

low-drag apex motherfucking predator
out there?

Shit.

Thattaboy.

Now listen to that drum.

Huh?

How does it make you feel?

Appropriative.

You've been disconnected for so long
that your manhood is literally shrinking.

Love told Sherry about your dick issues.

You told her?

Come on.

Feel that.

You feel alive right now, don't you?

And you want more.

Tell me I'm wrong.

He's wrong.

It's fine.

I do, yeah.

You're my charge tonight, Joe.
I'm not letting you leave my side.

Now we hunt.

I can't believe they said no presents.

At least I won't be paying
for his therapy.

Got any more wine?

Hello?

Theo, I can't talk.

You're where?

Keep up the pace, Goldberg.

I didn't give you permission to stop.
Beasts don't stop.

Faster.

- Wait. Hang on. I need a second.
- Boo-hoo. Get up.

- I need a minute.
- There are no time-outs in life.

On your feet.

Jesus Christ.
Does your penis have mounds on it?

No. I am not that guy,
as much as Cary deserves it.

Quiet.

- You hear that?
- What?

Oh, what the fuck now?

Wait here.

Things aren't gonna work out
between me and Cary.

I'd say now is my chance to escape.

But if he doesn't come back, I'll starve,

or be eaten by whatever I'm hunting.

This is what I get for being a pacifist.

Woo-hoo!

- Uh... No.
- Take it.

- Take the squirrel.
- No.

- Kill it.
- No, no, no.

Are you okay with your life as it is?
If you wanna get your dick up again...

- I don't see how the two are related.
- It's about being a man!

Let go of the squirrel. You're hurting it.

Yeah. You think I'm a bully?

Fine.

You know the rules.

"You got a problem with a fellow hunter,

you fight it out."

Come on, Joe.
I'm gonna need you to hit me.

No one is coming to save you, you pussy.

I'm not playing this scene
from this movie.

Come on, bro! Clock me, motherfucker!

What you gonna do, Goldberg?

Fucking hit me!

Now!

Oh, shit.

No one is coming to save you.
What you gonna do, Goldberg?

Don't!

- Help. Help.
- What happened?

- Cary...
- He fell.

Is he okay?

- He fell.
- Shit.

Hey! No phones.

Are you serious? This is an emergency.

- He's not breathing.
- Shit, there's no signal.

- He's dead.
- We don't know that.

What's going on? Oh, God.

We don't know that. He might not be.

Come on. Come on.

- Come on!
- What are we gonna do?

Come on, wake up.

Wake up.

What are you doing, Goldberg?

You saving me?

I'm fucking moved, man.

- Oh, my God. You're alive.
- Of course I'm alive.

Been taking glutathione for a decade.

I'm impossible to kill.

Ooh.

And this fucking guy...

He's gonna tell them
I threw him off a fucking cliff,

that I'm crazy, whatever
the opposite is of "part of the tribe."

Goldberg is a fucking animal.

Come here.

You are one fine specimen of a man, Joe.

Let it out.

Yes, Joe. Let it out.
Good man. That's it. You got this.

You got this. This is your 'Manjaro.

- There he is.
- You're good.

Welcome to the other side.

You got this. Yeah!

I came to the woods,
afraid of the darkness inside me,

but they saw it

and accepted me anyway.

Is this what it feels like
to have friends?

Fitting in is not always the worst.

Yes, they're silly. Yes, what happens
out here is fucking nuts.

All I know...

is I feel like me again.

- I didn't think it would take so long.
- You could have killed yourself.

- Or someone else.
- That might be stretching it.

- You don't know that!
- I was driving a scooter.

An electric scooter.

Ah.

They arrested you
for driving drunk on a scooter?

Yeah.

You ever been on one?

- All right. Ready?
- Yeah.

- Ready for the hill?
- Yeah.

We're charging the hill.

Let's go!

Oh, fuck.

- Ow.
- See? It's not that easy.

Is it?

I can't believe
I've never done that before.

Well, you know, it is a perfectly
socially-acceptable way

for adults to get around now, FYI.

Um...

So the rumors about...

me taking a leave of absence
because of Natalie...

Um...

They're not true.

I...

I'm flunking out because...

I can't stop thinking about you.

If you want me to shut up, I will.
I'm not trying to be an asshole.

I'm just trying to figure out...

how I can focus when all I want is you.

Theo, shut up.

No.

It's like you're playing house.

But none of this actually makes you happy.

I'm playing house?

You're a teenager chasing
after a married woman.

What's your endgame?

Did you go to the bakery
for that frosting tip or Alaska?

I got distracted
with the sourdough starter.

I saw that boy get out of your car.

What are you doing?

It's nothing. I'm just helping him out.

You missed Henry's first steps.

What?

You might have seen
if you'd picked up when I FaceTimed you.

Oh, he's down for the night now.

Love, Love,

all parents make mistakes.

God knows I did.

I missed my son's first steps.

It was anticlimactic.

I don't even think
I really remember yours.

What the fuck am I even doing?

I mean, I'm happy here.

- Everything's fine if Joe would just be...
- Blame Joe all you want.

The truth is, you preferred him
when he was a problem to fix.

You like someone to save.

It's the dynamic you had
with your brother.

So let me be blunt. Grow up.

That boy will distract you from your son.

I know you love Henry,
but that doesn't mean you won't harm him.

Here, have some of my cab sauv.

Much healthier addiction than a teen boy.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
my crush Rachel Maddow is waiting.

This is very impressive.

Hey. Hi. Wow, you made it home on time.

Are you kidding? I wouldn't miss it.

I'm...

I think
Henry's a little young for hunting.

These are gifts from Cary.

They're for us. His and hers.

Huh.

Wow.

Hey.

Hi, hi.

- Hey, you smell bad.
- Yeah, I know, it's awful.

I'm gonna shower,
but first, I need to apologize.

- No. Joe...
- I have been working so hard

to keep myself in line,

I forgot there are healthy ways
to let things out.

I'm sorry I didn't tell you about...

You don't need to tell me everything.

I trust you.

- Wow. That was some weekend you had.
- Yeah. Really, it was.

Fuck, okay, okay.

- People are here. Get a shower real quick.
- Yeah.

Okay.

- Hi.
- Hi.

I can't remember a time
when I didn't long for someone

who totally accepted me.

The bad with the good.

Why is it that a person who can do that
always comes at a cost?

Your friend Paulie's doing better.

Thought you might wanna know.

If you'd given it back to that bully,
I wouldn't have told on you.

It's what he deserves.

- I chickened out, I guess.
- Yeah.

'Cause you're not like him.

I know what it feels like
to get picked on.

I'm sorry, it's not fair.

We'll look out for each other.

Deal?

Deal.

You were right, Love.
This party wasn't just about him.

We did it. We kept him safe.

Doesn't mean he'll happy all the time,
it just means we're here for him,

no matter what.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

You're an animal.

I think we're gonna have to get...

somebody to...

soundproof the bedroom.

- I think I know a guy.
- Mm-hm.

What?

- Fuck.
- What is it?

Fuck. The bakery. The alarm's been off
for, like, four hours.

It's probably okay.

- What if someone...?
- Look, I'm sure the sensor's

- just on the fritz, but I'll go. I got it.
- Yeah?

I really got it.

And by that,
I'm afraid what I really mean...

is that I used primitive tools
to carve out the time and space I need

to go on a certain kind of hunt.

I'll admit, this is all a bit elaborate.
And this ploy will only fool you once.

But after what happened with Natalie,
you can't blame me for covering my tracks.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, my God.

Oh, fuck.

Cary actually taught me
an important lesson, Love.

I can't completely cage
what's inside of me

or, when it bursts out,
it comes for blood.

Better to feed it just enough
to keep it in check,

keep it on a leash, take it out for walks,

but make sure it knows the rules.

No keepsakes.

Are you okay?

No social media, just watching.

So now I have you, Marienne.

Arms always full of books.
Never leaving the library before dark.

No one to hurry home to.

We're just friends.

So, what is it about you?

I can't pin it down.

All I know is that I've felt more alive
these past few days watching you

than I have in a long, long time,
Marienne.

But... you can trust me
with this secret, Love.

Juggling the two of you is confusing,
I'll admit.

But I'm up for the challenge.

You won't find out.

You can't.

I'll be careful. So, so careful.

Things will be different this time.