All language subtitles for The Kennedys s01e03 Vikings.eng

♪ I can dim the
lights and sing ♪

[Emma narrating]
It was a Wednesday

and mum was beside herself.

There were new
faces in jessop square.

Apart from that, everything
was pretty normal.

I was enjoying my
Wednesday liquorice pipe.

Marbles were on.

Julie was giving someone
the classic monkey scrub.

But something enormous
was about to happen.

(Queen sings "good
old-fashioned lover boy"

something terrible
and disastrous

that would cause a
disturbance in the force

so intense that not even
obi wan Kenobi could fix it.

♪ That's because I'm a
good old-fashioned lover boy ♪

They're wearing highly
knitted jumpers, Jenny.

Here, have a look.

Complex weaves.

Patterns are way beyond
anything I've ever seen before.

It's the sort of knit I could
only ever dream of, Brenda.

Imagine being so
effortlessly modern.

Continental.

Oh, hello.

I see you have moved in.

Trella.

La la la la.

Hello.

Do you like finger buns?

We need to tread carefully.

I'm not sure scandinavians
like finger buns.

It's different
cultures and all that.

You're right, Jenny.

Friendships are
based on similarities

and shared experiences.

We're gonna have to find some

if we want to be
friends with them.

It's like you and me.

We love knitting.

I don't like that.

Oh.

We both love being feminists.

No, I don't.

I mean, I know I sort of
have to but shoes, Brenda.

I like cheese and onion crisps.

I like cheese and
onion crisps, see!

This is why we're friends.

Oh, actual scandinavians
in jessop square, Jenny.

Did you ever think
you'd see the day?

No.

It's like when it's a
knock, I went to Belgium.

What are they doing now?

One of them is rubbing her...

Wait.

That must be her
Swedish massage thing.

Swedish massage, Jenny?

It's like we're
living on the moon.

Jenny gave me this.

Do you think it's a hint?

Of course it is.

Five months and
counting, then that's it.

You're a dad for
the rest of your life.

Some women find it hard
to cope with a new baby

so feel free to
lend a hand, right.

So it's not compulsory.

It's fine.

It's just feeding,
bathing, putting to bed.

There's nothing difficult.

But it's not compulsory.

It's the new thing, Tim.

Hands on dad skills.

The days of sitting back
and doing nothing are over.

Trust me.

You need to prepare yourself.

Last time someone
told me to prepare myself

it was a doctor with a
grease finger in the...

Hey, what about now?

No.

Thump it.

There you go.

Ruddy hate TV.

It's always going on the blink.

I don't know why we need
three channels anyway.

Jenny's asked me to make
a cot from scratch, Tony.

I don't even own a spanner.

You can manage it.

Four posts, planks
across the base, that's it.

It's easy.

Right, I was thinking more
along the lines of you doing it

for me.

No, Tim, no.

I'm not doing
this stuff for you.

Beer first, cot later?

Cot first, then beer.

Dad skills level one, you'll
be glad you've done it.

It's like I've joined
the marines.

[Crying loudly]

Dad.

Donny osmond has got married.

My life is over.

No, his life is over.

Would it help if I told you
we were gonna go to Alderaan

on the millennium falcon?

Are we gonna go to war to
ride the millennium falcon?

Are we?

No, no.

[Cries loudly]

Never try and cheer
up a woman, Tony.

It's like trying to
calm a fury seltzer.

Tim, this is a perfect
chance for you to try out

some of your dad skills.

Go on, say
something nice to her.

Hey!

I like you.

More than I like beer.

Is that true?

No, no it isn't.

[Cries loudly]

Come here, come on.

Happy day, come on.

All right.

He wasn't good enough
for you anyway, was he?

Guess what, guess
what, guess what.

Actual scandinavians have
moved into jessop square.

Actual scandinavians.

I heard they know abba.

Is that true Jenny, or
have you just made it up?

I just made it up.

See we're giddy with it.

Oh, no, what's the
matter with you?

Donny osmond just got married.

Oh, no, no, no, he's
got far too many teeth.

It'd be like kissing a cliff.

Come on.

Dry your eyes.

Actual scandinavians
in jessop square.

What sort of scandinavians,
because I know a man

who has a Swedish au pair
and she does the washing up

in her nightie.

Pardon?

She doesn't even charge extra.

Stop!

Tim, just stop.

Have you made that cot yet?

No.

You're gonna borrow some
tools off me, aren't you, Tim?

Well, hang on, let's
not get over excited.

He is, he is.

It's dad skills, level one.

[Sniffles]

Here, have that.

Dry your eyes or something.

Can I have a beer now?

No.

Holy moly.

[Emma narrating] When
it came to making friends,

mum was like a ferret
clamped down on a rabbit.

First rule of making new
friends, overwhelm them

with unnecessary gifts.

Works every time.

[Emma narrating]
Failure was not an option

and there was no escape.

First impressions
are so so important.

[Brenda squeals]

Oh, you're
collecting for charity.

I've got some stuff I
was going to throw away.

Come in, come oi.

Oh, no, no, we're not...

Just stay here and I'll go
and get something for you.

You're collecting for charity.

No, no, we're your neighbours.

We thought we'd
come round, say hello.

Bring some gifts.

Trelala.

You know, it's a
welcome to britain box.

Gifts, really?

Goodness.

That's the second box of
presents we've had today.

Mr. and Mrs. Palmer came
around earlier with cakes.

Do you know them?

The Palmers, yes.

So, they've been here before us.

Yes, just about an hour ago.

Oh, they're so lovely.

So clever and funny.

[All laugh]

Oh, we love them.

Please.

Yes.

Oh, what is this?

It's a sweet, a stick of rock.

Stick of rock?

Farrah fawcett shampoo?

I know she's not
technically British,

but hair that good, it
transcends borders.

Just some tokens.

We weren't really
sure what people

from scandinavia would like.

Who knows what
worlds you've travelled to.

You know.

Like doctor who.

I hate to disappoint you,
but we're not time lords.

[Brenda and Jenny laugh]

Goodness.

There's more.

Now, what is this?

It's a string picture
of Angela ribbon.

Angela ribbon.

She's like the queen.

But in a way, more important.

Oh, I get it now.

Some children
put all this together.

So, where are you from?

I'm from Denmark.

You know, vikings.

[Growls]

- Denmark!
- Denmark!

Yes.

- Denmark.
- Denmark.

When I was five, I
was given some lego,

and I was told that
came from Denmark.

I thought that Denmark
was the name of the shop,

you know like budgens.

Well.

Bacon!

That's a thing, from Denmark.

That's it, we don't know
anything else about Denmark.

Here you go.

Oh, thank you.

A pair of old slippers.

Oh, no, no, no.

They're not
collecting for charity.

It's of box of gifts, look.

Stick of rock and
shampoo and they live here.

This is Marie and I'm lottie.

- Hello.
- Hello.

[All laugh uncomfortably]

Welcome.

They've been trying
to think of things

to say about Denmark.

Moomins.

No.

- That's Finland.
- That's Finland.

Tell you what, why don't you
come over tomorrow night?

You can learn more about Denmark

and we could have
a cultural exchange.

That'll be fun.

Cultural exchange!

Brilliant idea.

Oh, is that okay
with you, darling?

Yes, of course.

Great.

You're a couple.

Yes, yes we are, yeah.

So so super.

So you're a couple as well?

Yes, yes we are.

Amazing.

Another lesbian couple
on an estate in stevenage,

what are the chances?

Really really slim.

For the cultural exchange,
we could bring our friends

Tony and Tim, because
they live here too.

You'll really like them.

Are they gay as well?

Yes!

- What?
- Yes, they are.

What is this?

A gay paradise?

I can barely believe it.

Neither can I.

Jenny, what have you done?

It just happened.

I thought it would make them
like us more than the Palmers.

Oh gosh yes.

They must like us
more than the Palmers.

If we're gay, then
we'll be their favourites.

You're a genius, Jenny.

So that's that, Brenda.

From now on,
you're my girlfriend.

Hang on.

We haven't even got a cat!

Right.

Wood, there.

Tools over there.

Everything you need.

I'll leave you to it.

What do you mean leave me to it?

You're gonna make a cot, Tim.

I'll be back in an hour.

An hour?

Hang on, Tony, I thought
you were my friend.

What, you're leaving me here?

It's a garage, Tim, it's
not the normandy beaches.

And I'll be back in one hour.

What?

Blimey.

It's a lot of wood.

Now let's think.

What's really British?

We could turn off all
the lights in the house,

pretend we're
having a power cut.

I'm not feeling the fun, Jenny.

What about a strike?

And a picket line.

I've got an old dust bin,
we could set fire to it.

We can't stand around
a burning dust bin

in their living room.

Besides, I don't have a cloth
cap, or a northern accent.

What about a picture of the
queen made from roast beef?

If a string Angela ribbon
didn't blow their socks off,

a beef queen is
getting us nowhere.

No, we need to think
up something glorious.

Something cultural.

Something with a wow factor.

I could do my impression
of frank Spencer.

Oh, Betsy, I've done a
whoopsie on the carpet, hmm.

Jenny, that's dreadful.

We need something greater.

A nation expects.

I've got something.

I just need to get
hold of a costume.

Oh, we should all have costumes.

Yes.

[Both laugh]

Our cultural exchange
is gonna be brilliant.

Oh, we're gonna be
friends with Danish people.

It's such a sharp thrill.

Banksy, I have lottie.

Hang on, I saw her first.

All right.

How you getting on?

I've only gone and done it.

I made a cot, Tony.

I feel magnificent.

Hmm.

Is that safe for a baby?

Yeah, it'll be all right
if it sleeps at that end.

Have you tested it?

See if it'll bear weight?

No.

Okay, then.

Try that.

Pretend that's your baby.

Look, I made the cot.

That was the deal.

Can I have a beer now, please?

Dad skills level one, Tim.

I'll tell you what, let's
try something easy.

Cheer up Emma, how's that?

Hey, Emma, come here a minute!

Do you like bonfires?

It's like the sun
has gone in forever.

I thought you said
you liked bonfires.

I feel dark inside.

You took a child to some
wasteland, set fire to a baby,

and then told her that
her childhood was over.

What is the matter with you?

I never said over.

He did.

You're such a snitch.

Did it cheer you up, Emma?

Of course it didn't.

Can't I just give
her some money?

No, you can't.

Being a dad is a complicated,
almost mystical business.

But at its very core,
it's simply about

making things all right.

Money will never do that, Tim.

It's fine.

I can take the money.

[Tim] Great.

Yes.

Cheered up yet?

No.

Why you...

Now then, the good news is

we're going for a
cultural exchange

with the the Danish
scandinavians.

Danish.

They're the ones with
the big dogs, aren't they?

Great Danes.

I thank you.

And Hamlet.

He was a great Dane.

Amazing jokes, Tony, top notch.

And they're not just Danish.

No, they're not.

Guess what else they are.

- Goat herders.
- Spies.

Sexy ones that strangle
people with their thighs.

No.

They're lesbians.

Actual Danish lesbians.

Danish lesbians.

What's a Danish lesbian?

Well, um...

It's a woman that
loves another woman,

and there's absolutely
nothing wrong with that.

At all.

But the problem is, Jenny
has accidentally told them

that we are lesbians as well.

Hello.

And that you two are a
homosexual gentlemen couple.

- What?
- What?

That you two are gay.

You're gay.

Sorry, what?

We're gay?

Yes, gay.

No one's going to believe that.

We're as straight as plates.

Well, for the purposes
of the cultural exchange,

we are all gay.

Jenny, what were you thinking?

I didn't think it
through, all right?

I didn't think it through.

Happy now?

Am I a gay as well?

Not yet.

But you can come too.

It might cheer you up.

But I don't want to be gay.

Well you're going
to have to be gay.

We don't want to let Jenny down.

Please.

[Emma narrating] Dressing
up was for special occasions.

Going to the theatre,
eating a curry, and now this,

impressing foreigners.

I never thought we'd get
a chance to put you in that.

Honestly, em, my
chest is fair bursting.

Look at you.

Your grandmother would be proud.

Now, try it again.

Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwlll

[both laugh]

That's gonna knock
their socks off, innit?

How are you feeling?

Full of feelings, like you were
when r2-d2 was left behind

with the jawas.

I had a wet neck, em.

I don't care who knows it.

Who needs Donnie osmond there,

when you're decked out
in proper Welsh clobber?

It smells funny.

Like an old pond.

As god intended.

Come on, we'll pull
through together.

This cultural exchange
is going to be mortifying.

Less of that, thank you, Tony.

It's our time to shine.

Now then, Emma, I want
the foreigners to like us,

so we're going to
have to act a bit weirdly.

Don't worry, I'm used to it.

And to explain you, i'm
going to say you're my niece

from wales.

This is nuts, Brenda.

We'll be fine.

[Rock music]

Amazing!

Jenny, you've come
as a Morris man.

And Tim, you've come.

I'm killing two birds
with one stone.

Cultural exchange and, well,
one of us has to be the man.

Oh.

Hello, Tony.

Cool, you look lovely.

No, not on the lips.

Hey, Emma.

Nice hat.

You cheered up yet?

Not really.

Have you made your cot yet?

Shush you.

Stick to the plan
and we'll be fine.

For Harry, St. George,
and jessop square,

let's do this.

[Hard rock music]

Brenda, you know
you asked us to think up

some British customs to share?

For the cultural exchange, yes.

Well, there was this man I knew.

He used to be in the Navy, and
he could knock a snooker ball

- into pocket with his own...
- Tim.

Is this going where
I think it's going?

Yes, in the pocket off the pink.

Stay quiet, and offer to do
the washing up at the end

or something.

Washing up.

Right, let's do this.

[Door knocks]

We can totally pull this off.

They know nothing about us.

♪ God rest ye merry Danish men ♪

♪ that nothing ye dismay ♪

♪ remember that you're ♪

[all mumbling]

No, no, no, abandon, abandon.

It doesn't work.

It's not Christmas,
and you're not a man.

It's just a bit of fun for
the cultural exchange.

Well, for Christmas in Denmark,

we like to put cats in barrels
and roll them down hills.

What?

Not real ones.

Oh.

[Laugh uncomfortably]

Welcome, come in.

It went through him quicker
than a marble down a pipe.

[Laugh]

Oh, hello, hello!

How lovely to have
everyone together.

Oh, hello.

- Hello, hello.
- Hello.

We can't pretend to be
gay in front of the Palmers,

- Brenda.
- Shh, push on through.

Culture, culture.

Let's get the cultural
exchange started.

Dee, why don't you show
Brenda your Nigerian welcome.

It's where we tell you
everything we know about you.

It's tradition.

[Banging on bongo]

Brenda, [speaking
foreign language]

You are an excitable woman.

You like to stare at people
through your bedroom window.

You are possibly on tablets.

You are married to Tony and...

♪ God save our gracious queen ♪

♪ long live our noble queen ♪

♪ long live our queen ♪

♪ send her victorious ♪

♪ happy and glorious ♪

♪ long to reign over us ♪

♪ god save the queen ♪

that is our national anthem.

Quite kicky, isn't it?

Woo, the queen.

Our national anthem
has got billions of verses

and it takes two days to finish.

[Singing Danish national anthem]

Honestly, we'd all have
grey hair before it ends.

If we were trees,
we'd grow another ring.

[All laugh]

What I'm saying is, it's long.

So, Tim and Tony,
Jenny told us all about you.

Oh, no, I bet she did.

I love what you've
done with the room.

Don't you, Tony?

Yes, it's lovely, yeah.

With the skirting
boards, and that.

I like your helmet.

Thanks.

I'd be saying something nice
back about what you're wearing

but Danish people are very rude.

Oh, who are you?

I'm Emma, the niece from wales.

They made me
come, to cheer me up.

So they thought
dressing you like that

would cheer you up?

No, that's Welsh
national costume.

That's very traditional.

It stinks.

Who made you come?

She did.

Ah, so you are her aunt.

No, no, she's mine.

Em, pretended to be a niece.

Active imagination.

So she's your child?

How?

Oh, you don't know.

Because you are lesbians.

Well, Tony...

Do you think I could
have a drink, please?

I'm really [clearing
throat] thirsty, actually,

quite parched.

The costume's quite warm.

I'm thirsty as well, actually.

Oh, well, we have a
traditional drink for you.

See, the Danish like to start
an evening with some snaps.

You take it and down in one.

That's the Danish way.

Thank you very much.

[Growls]

[Blows horn]

And now, we burn
down your houses

and sleep with all your women.

And I'm not even joking.

Don't touch us, [mumbles]

[Laugh]

Oh, no thank you, I'm pregnant.

[Coughs]

I'm fat.

And now, Emma will say the
name of a Welsh train station.

Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwlll

yes, stunning.

[Claps]

Can you think of a train
station with a long name,

David?

Welwyn garden city.

Doesn't count.

Not even one word.

And now we have an
English Morris dance.

[Accordion music]

Morris dancing, a tradition

that goes back
millions of years.

Huge, you see, huge, huge.

So is that it?

It's just sticks and skipping.

No, there's more
to it than that.

As routines go, it's
quite challenging.

And the hopping and the bopping.

It's very technical.

[Speaking foreign language]

Yep.

[Disco music]

All right everybody, let's eat.

So this is [speaks Danish].

Say what?

[Speaks Danish]

[Others attempt
to pronounce word]

And over there you
have [speaks Danish]

Lots of snacks.

That's the Danish way.

I love new approaches.

But the food, terrifies me.

When I met Dee, we were
at a technical conference

in Tanzania.

We're both scientists.

And I had to eat a yam
soaked in yak's milk.

It was like journeying into the
darkest recesses of my soul.

He didn't like it.

I feel like that
about blancmange.

Mm.

You're both scientists?

So impressive.

I teach English.

Actual English,
and Jenny can type.

120 words a minute
with my eyes closed.

130 if I don't have to use q.

Well, he farted the first
line of land of hope and glory

once.

That's really British.

And the desk counts.

How lovely that you
have the same job.

It helps if you have
similar interests, doesn't it?

Yes, it does.

Yes, we have similar interests.

Really, like what?

- Cheese and onion crisps.
- Cheese and onion crisps.

Why are you two behaving like...

Look at those
extraordinary snacks, Jenny.

Look, they're like sort
of not-done sandwiches.

No, no, no, no, no, these
are Danish sandwiches.

They don't have bread on top.

A sandwich with no top.

Amazing.

And what are these?

This is [speaks Danish]

Pickled herring.

Here, have one, David?

Yes.

Eat it.

[Coughs]

[Gags]

Lovely.

Thank you.

Here, have another.

Here, look.

If you hold it this end, shove
everything down that end,

fold it over.

Hey, presto, it's a
workable sandwich.

Careful, Tim,
that's dad skills, eh.

Dad skills?

Em, are you cheered up yet?

- Way off.
- Come on.

Dad skills.

You'll be needing those when
Jenny has your baby, Tim.

No more snaps for Dee.

My baby.

As if.

Wait, Jenny's baby is Tony's?

You're a homosexual
sperm donator for lesbians.

Is that your job?

You wish, mate.

Sperm donator?

No, no, I'm an art teacher.

Those are very different
things in this country.

Very different.

No, no, no, no, you
have misunderstood.

They're not lesbians
or homosexuals.

Brenda is married to Tony

and Jenny's getting
married to Tim.

Such a snitch.

But why would you
tell us you were gay?

Now, I can explain.

By which I mean,
Jenny will explain.

We're not gay, not even a bit.

These shoes are actually
making me want to cry.

Is this a cultural thing?

Dreadful British humour.

We just wanted to
be friends with you.

So you pretended to be gay?

[Squeaks]

What's the matter
with you people?

They can't help
it, they're English.

Welsh.

Maybe I could lighten the mood.

If I did the washing up.

♪ My head is in a spin ♪

♪ my feet don't
touch the ground ♪

you do do the washing
up in the Nancy way?

That's Sweden.

Oh dear.

[Emma narrating] And
with that, things were almost

back to normal.

I know I mucked things up.

But let's be honest,
they were a bit weird.

I mean, who doesn't
put a top on sandwich?

Yeah, and that pickled herring
has really stayed with me.

Bumped into David earlier.

It's already left him.

Missed a bit, Tony.

Did you really make that?

I did, yeah.

Of course he didn't.

Shush, you.

Right, there you go.

One cot.

Give it a go.

It looks like you, Tim.

Emma.

Everything's
going to be all right.

Look.

I love him so much it's
given me indigestion.

[Burps]

John Travolta.

He's not married is he?

John Travolta, eh.

Let's have a look.

Hope has returned
to jessop square.

Yeah, you're better
off loving this one.

He'll never get married.

Cheered up, now?

Yeah, I think I am.

That's dad skills done.

Beer.

Cheers.

♪ There's something about
her hand holding mine ♪

♪ it's a feeling that's fine ♪

♪ and I just gotta say, hey ♪

♪ you really got
a magical spell ♪

♪ and it's working so well ♪

♪ that I can't get away ♪

♪ I'm a lucky fella ♪

♪ and I just gotta tell her ♪

♪ that I love her endlessly ♪

♪ because love grows ♪

♪ where my Rosemary goes ♪

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