All language subtitles for Raising.Arizona.1987.1080p.BluRay.x265-RARBG

My name is H I McDunnough.

Call me Hi.

The first time I met Ed was in the
county lockup in Tempe, Arizona.

Don't forget
his profile, Ed!

Turn to the right!

A day I'll never forget.

Turn to the right!

What kind of name is that
for a pretty thing like you?

Short for Edwina.
Turn to the right!

You're a flower, you are.
Just a little desert flower.

Let me know
how those come out.

Now, prison life is very structured
more than most people care for.

But a spirit of comradery
exists between the men

like you find
only in combat, maybe,

or on a pro ball club in the
heat of the pennant drive.

In an effort
to better ourselves,

we had to meet
with a counsellor,

who tried to help us figure
out why we were the way we were.

And all Pancho wanted
was a hot roll and butter.

So why do you use
the word "trapped"?

Huh?

Why do you say
you feel "trapped"

in a man's body?

Well, sometimes I get the
menstrual cramps real hard.

Have you learned
anything, Hi?

Yes, sir.
You bet.

You wouldn't lie to us, would you, Hi?

No, ma'am,
hope to say.

OK, then.

I tried to stand up
and fly straight,

but it wasn't easy with that son of
a bitch Reagan in the White House.

I don't know.
They say he's a decent man.

So maybe his advisors
are confused.

Turn to the right.

What's the matter, Ed?

My fiance left me.

She said her fiancé
had run off

with a student cosmetologist who
knew how to ply her feminine wiles.

The son of a bitch.

Don't forget
his phone call, Ed!

Tell him I think
he's a damn fool, Ed.

You tell him I said so,
H I McDunnough.

And if he wants to discuss it,
he knows where to find me.

The Maricopa County maximum security
correctional facility for men,

State Farm Road, No. 31,
Tempe, Arizona. I'll be waitin'!

I'll be waitin'.

I can't say I was happy
to be back inside,

but the flood of familiar
sights, sounds and faces

almost made it feel
like a homecomin'.

Most men your age are getting
married and raising up a family.

Well, factually...

They wouldn't accept prison
as a substitute.

Would any of you men
care to comment?

Well, sometimes your career's
gotta come before family.

Work's what's
kept us happy.

I tried to sort through
what Doc Schwartz had said,

but prison ain't
the easiest place to think.

And when there was
no meat, we ate fowl.

And when there was no
fowl, we ate crawdad.

And when there was no crawdad
to be found, we ate san'.

You ate what?

We ate san'.

You ate sand?

That's right.

Well, Hi, you done
served your 20 months.

And seein' as how
you never use live ammo,

we got no choice but to
return you to society.

These doors are
gonna swing wide.

I didn't wanna
hurt anyone, sir.

Hi, we respect that.

But you're just
hurting yourself

with this
rambunctious behaviour.

I know that, sir.

OK, then.

I don't know how you come
down on the incarceration question,

whether it's for
rehabilitation or revenge,

but I was beginning to think revenge
is the only argument makes any sense.

Show the tattoo!

Turn to the right!

Don't forget
his fingers, Ed.

Hl: Hear about the paddy wagon
collided with the cement mixer, Ed?

Twelve hardened
criminals escaped.

I heard that one.

Got a new beau?

No, Hi,
I sure don't.

Don't worry,
I paid for it.

They say that absence
makes the heart grow fonder.

And, for once,
they may be right.

You missed a spot.

More and more
my thoughts turned to Ed

and I finally felt
the pain of imprisonment.

Mama would throw the live
crawdad in a pan of boilin' water.

Well, one day I decided
to make my own crawdad.

And I threw it in a pot,
without the water, you see?

And it was just like
makin' popcorn, you see?

Yeah, the joint's a lonely
place after lockup and lights out,

when the last of the cons has
been swept away by the sandman.

But I couldn't help thinkin'
that a brighter future lay ahead.

A future that was only
eight to fourteen months away.

They got a name
for people like you, Hi.

That name is called
"recidivism. "

Repeat offender!

Not a pretty name,
is it, Hi?

No, sir.
That's one bonehead name.

But that ain't me
any more.

Are you just tellin' us
what we wanna hear?

No, sir, no way.

Cos we just wanna
hear the truth.

Well, then I guess I am
tellin' you what you wanna hear.

Boy, didn't we just
tell you not to do that?

Yes, sir.

OK, then.

Turn to the right!

I'm walkin' in here on my
knees, Ed, a free man, proposin'.

Howdy, Curt.

And so it was.

Don't forget
the bouquet, Ed!

I do.

You bet I do.

OK, then.

Ed's pa staked us to a
starter home in suburban Tempe

and I got a job drillin'
holes in sheet metal.

So we were doin' paramedical work
with the state highway system.

Not actually practisin',
you understand.

Me and Bill's patrollin'
down Nine Mile...

Bill Roberts?

No, not that
mother-scratcher. Bill Parker.

Anyway, we're
approachin' the wreck

and there's this spherical
object restin' in the highway.

And it's not
a piece o' the car.

Hl: Most ways,
the job was a lot like prison,

except Ed was waitin'
at the end of every day

and a pay cheque
at the end of every week.

Government do take a bite,
don't she?

These were the happy days,
the salad days, as they say,

and Ed felt that havin' a
critter was the next logical step.

It was all
she thought about.

Her point was that there was too much
love and beauty for just the two of us.

Every day we kept a child
out of the world

was a day he might later
regret havin' missed.

That was
beautiful.

So we worked at it on the days we
calculated most likely to be fruitful.

And we worked at it most
other days, just to be sure.

Ed rejoiced that my
lawless years were behind me

and that our child-rearing
years lay ahead.

And then
the roof caved in.

Hi,

I'm barren!

At first
I didn't believe it.

That this woman, who looked as
fertile as the Tennessee valley,

could not bear children.

But the doctor explained that
her insides were a rocky place

where my seed
could find no purchase.

Ed was inconsolable.

We tried
an adoption agency.

It's true that Hi
has had a chequered past.

But Ed here is an officer
of the law twice decorated,

so we figure
it kinda evens out.

But biology and the prejudices of
others conspired to keep us childless.

Our love for each other
was stronger than ever.

But I preminisced
no return of the salad days.

The pizzazz
had gone out of our lives.

Ed lost all interest in both
criminal justice and housekeepin'.

Soon after,
she tendered her badge.

Even my job seemed as dry and
bitter as a hot prairie wind.

So here's Bill, walkin' down Nine Mile.

That's Bill Parker,
you understand.

He's got his sandwich in one hand

and a fuckin' head
in the other!

I even caught myself
drivin' by convenience stores

that weren't
on the way home.

Then one day,

the biggest news hit the state
since they built the Hoover Dam.

The Arizona quints was born.

By "Arizona quints"

I mean they was born to a
woman named Florence Arizona.

As you probably guessed, Florence
Arizona is the wife of Nathan Arizona.

And Nathan Arizona...
Well, hell,

you know who he is.

So come on down
to Unpainted Arizona

to get the finest selection
in fixtures and appointments

for your bathroom,
bedroom, boudoir.

And if you can find
lower prices anywhere,

my name
ain't Nathan Arizona!

Owner of the largest chain
of unpainted furniture

and bathroom fixture outlets
throughout the Southwest.

Yep, Florence had been
takin' fertility pills

and she and Nathan
had hit the jackpot.

Now, y'all without sin
can cast the first stone.

We thought it was unfair
some should have so many

while others
should have so few.

With the benefit
of hindsight,

maybe it wasn't
such a hot idea.

But, at the time,

Ed's little plan seemed like
the solution to all our problems

and the answer
to all our prayers.

800 leaf tables
and no chairs?

You can't sell leaf
tables and no chairs.

Chairs, you got a dinette
set. No chairs, you got dick!

I ask my wife,
she got more sense.

Miles, alls I know is
I'm away from the office

for a few days
to play with my kids

and everything
goes straight to heck!

I won't stand for it!

If a frog had wings, it
wouldn't bump its ass a-hoppin'.

I am sick of
your excuses, Miles!

It is now precisely
8.45 in the PM.

I'm gonna be down that store in
exactly 12 hours to kick me some butt!

Or my name ain't
Nathan Arizona!

Sounds like Larry.

No, no, no, no, no.

Quiet, quiet, quiet.

Quiet, quiet.

OK, all right.

Quiet, quiet, quiet.

That's it. Good.

Here's a rattle.
A rattle.

OK? Good.

No, no.
Quiet, quiet.

Come here.

Please come here.
Come here.

Why don't you go up and check
on 'em? They sound restless.

What's the matter?

I'm sorry, honey. It
just didn't work out.

What do you mean
it didn't work out?

Well, they...

They started cryin' and
they were all over me.

It was kinda horrifyin',
honey. Let me in.

Of course they cried.
Babies cry.

Well, I know that.

Come on, honey.
We'd better leave.

Go back and
get me a toddler.

I need a baby, Hi. They got
more than they can handle.

Honey, I...

Don't you come back here without a baby!

Christian Dior,
my butt!

They pay money for that?

Yes, dear.

How're the kids?

Fine, dear.

Which one you get?

I don't know. Nathan Junior, I think.

Gimme here.

Here's the instructions.

Oh! He's beautiful.

Yeah, he's awful damn good.
I think I got the best one.

I bet they were all beautiful.
All babies are beautiful.

This one's
awful damn good.

Don't you cuss
around him.

He's fine, he is.
I think it's Nathan Junior.

We are doin' the right
thing, aren't we, Hi?

They had more than
they could handle.

Well, honey,
we've been over this.

There's what's right
and there's what's right.

Never the twain shall meet.

But don't you think
his mama'll be upset?

Well, of course she'll be upset,
sugar, but she'll get over it.

She's got four little babies
almost as good as this one.

It's like robbin'
convenience stores.

I love him so much!

I know you do, honey.

I love him so much!

I know you do.

OK. Bring him in!

This is it,
young Nathan Junior!

You can feast your eyes
about, old boy!

Don't be so loud
around him.

Damn, I'm sorry.

Don't cuss around him.

He don't know a cuss word from Shinola.

Well, you see
that he don't.

I wanna hold him too.

Well, mind his
little fontanelle.

He's all right,
he is.

Come on over here, young Nathan
Junior. I'm gonna show you around.

Lookee here,
young sportsman.

That there's the kitchen area,
where Ma and Pa chow down.

This here's the TV.

Two hours a day maximum,
either educational or football,

so as you don't ruin your
appreciation of the finer things.

And this here's the divan, for socialisin'
and relaxin' with the family unit.

Yes, sir. Many's the day
we sat there and we said

"Wouldn't it be nice to have a youngster
to share our thoughts and feelings?"

He's tired, Hi.

Well, I'll just sit
you right there, boy.

Just put those dogs up
and take a load off.

What, are you kiddin'?
We got us a family here!

He's a scandal, honey.
He's a little outlaw.

No, he's a good boy.

He ain't too good. You can
tell by that twinkle in his eye.

Don't you think
we oughta put him to bed?

Hang on, honey.

Let's just preserve
the moment in pictures.

Just one, OK?

I gotta tell ya
I'm a little scared, Hi.

How come
is that, honey?

Well...

We got a baby, Hi. It's an
awful big responsibility.

Honey, could you slide over
a tad and raise the nipper up?

I mean, we never done this
before and I'm kinda nervous.

You're doin'
real good, sugar.

I love you, Hi.

We're set
to pop here, honey.

Now, you're gonna
help, aren't you?

How's that, honey?

Contribute to the
management of the child.

Quiet evenings
together.

You can count on it.

Everything decent and
normal from here on out.

We're set
to pop here, honey.

OK.

What is she?

Station wagon.
Looks nice.

Open up!
It's the police!

Hi, what's goin' on?
You stay in here.

Open up!

They ain't gonna
split up the family.

Open up in there!

I'd like to
see 'em try.

Open up! Maybe we'll
let you plea bargain!

Hi there,
you old woodpecker!

Hl: Boys!

Gale, don't
make me sick!

Asshole!

Honey, I'd like you to
meet Gale and Evelle Snopes.

As fine a pair as
ever broke and entered!

Boys, this here's
my wife.

Ma'am.
Ms McDunnough.

Kinda late for visitors, isn't it, Hi?

Well, yeah, honey.

But these boys
just got outta the joint,

so we gotta show
a little hospitality.

Well, now, H I. Looks like you've
been up to the devil's business.

Hey, is that
a him or a her?

It's a little boy.

Got a name,
does he?

So far we just
been usin' Junior.

We call him Junior.

You mean JR,
just like the TV show?

That's good!

"Welcome home, son. "

Where's he been?

Phoenix.
Tulsa.

He was visitin'
his grandparents.

They're separated.

That'd be
your folks, ma'am.

No, I'm afraid not.

Well, you said your folks was dead, H I.

Well, we thought Junior should
see their final restin' place.

Why don't you boys
have a seat?

Hi, it's two
in the mornin'.

What's that smell?

We don't always smell
this way, Ms McDunnough.

I was explainin'
to your better half

that, when we were
tunnellin' out,

we happened to hit the main
sewer line. Dumb luck, that.

And we followed
that to...

You busted outta jail?

No, ma'am. We released ourselves
on our own recognisance.

What Evelle
is tryin' to say is

we felt the institution no
longer had anything to offer us.

My Lord, he's cute!

He's a little outlaw.
You can see that, Hi.

Now, listen, you folks can't stay here.

Ma'am?
You just can't stay.

I appreciate you bein'
friends of Hi an' all,

but this is
a decent family now.

I mean,
we got a toddler here.

Say, who wears
the pants round here, H I?

Honey, these boys
just got outta the joint.

Don't "honey" me!

Now you boys can sit awhile and
catch up, but then you be on your way.

Got you on an awful short
leash, don't she, H I?

They still here?

Yeah. They're just gonna stay
a day or two, honey.

It's rainin' out,
they got nowheres to go.

They're fugitives, Hi. How're we gonna
start a new life with them around?

Well, now, honey, you
gotta have a little charity.

You know, in Arab lands,
they'd set out a plate.

Promise just a day or two.

Tonight and
tomorrow, tops.

That night I had a dream.

I drifted off, thinkin' about
happiness, birth and new life.

But now I was haunted
by a vision of...

He was horrible.

The lone biker
of the Apocalypse.

A man with all the powers
of Hell at his command.

He could turn the day
into night

and lay to waste
everything in his path.

He was especially hard
on the little things,

the helpless
and the gentle creatures.

He left a scorched earth
in his wake,

befoulin' even the sweet desert
breeze that whipped across his brow.

I didn't know
where he came from or why.

I didn't know
if he was dream or vision.

But I feared that I myself
had unleashed him.

For he was the fury
that would be,

as soon as Florence Arizona
found her little Nathan gone.

Father sits
at his cabin door

Wiping his tear-dimmed eyes

For his only son
soon shall walk

To yonder scaffold rise

You all right?

Well, he's all right.

He was just havin'
a nightmare.

My race is run beneath the sun

The scaffold
now waits for me

For I did murder
that dear little girl

Whose name
was Rose Connelly

Sometimes it's a hard world
for little things.

Now, the missis and the rest
of the kids have left town

to I ain't sayin' where.

They'll be back here when
we're a nuclear family again.

Mr Arizona, which tot was abducted?

Nathan Junior, I think.

Anything to say
to the kidnappers?

Yeah. Watch your butts!

It's rumoured your son
was abducted by UFOs.

Would you care
to comment?

Don't print that, son.

If his mama reads that, she's
just gonna lose all hope.

Sir, we really need to ask
you some more questions.

But remember it's still business
as usual at Unpainted Arizona.

If you can find
lower prices anywhere,

my name still
ain't Nathan Arizona!

Mr Byrum here can take your
exemplars while you talk.

Just relax your hand.
I'll do the work.

What is this? I didn't
steal the damn kid!

Sir, these men
are with the FBl.

Are you crazy? Alls I know is, I
wake up and my wife's screamin'.

We just need to distinguish
your prints from the perpetrator,

if they left any.

Of course. I know that.

Sir, were you born
Nathan Huffhines?

Yeah, I changed
my name. What of it?

Can you
tell us why?

Yeah. Would you buy furniture
at "Unpainted Huffhines"?

I'll get
to the point.

Was the child
wearing anything?

Nobody sleeps naked
in this house!

I'll ask
the questions!

To put an APB out,
I need a description.

We're better trained to
intervene in a crisis situation.

What was
he wearing?

A dinner jacket. What do
you think? His damn jammies!

He was wearing
his jammies. Happy?

Any disgruntled
employees?

Hell, they're all disgruntled.
I ain't runnin' a daisy farm.

I say do it my way
or watch your butt!

So it might have
been an employee?

Without my say-so,

they wouldn't piss
with their pants on fire.

What did the pyjamas look like?

I don't know.
They were jammies!

They had Yodas
and shit on 'em.

Get your damn feet
off my coffee table!

Ron, you are
upsetting the victim!

Are you boys
gonna chase your leads

or sit drinkin' coffee in
the one house in the state

where I know
my boy ain't at?

Well, we don't have any leads
as yet, aside from the coat.

Gimme that! That's a
$500 camel's-hair coat.

Sir, you might want to wash
your hands at this point.

Goddammit!

No leads!

Everyone leaves microbes and whatnot.
Hell, that's your forte, ain't it?

Trackin' down microbes left by
criminals and commies and shit.

That's your whole
raison d'être, ain't it?

No leads!

I want Nathan Junior back! Or
whichever the hell one of 'em they took!

He's out there somewhere.
Somethin' leads to him!

Anyone can find him

knows the difference between a
lead and a hole in the ground!

Awful good cereal flakes,
Ms McDunnough.

Why ain't you
breast-feedin'?

You appear
to be capable.

Mind your own business.

Ma'am, you don't breast-feed
him, he hates you later.

That's why we
wound up in prison.

Anyway, that's what
Doc Schwartz tells us.

Boys.

Mornin', Hi.

Hi.

Oh, yeah.

Say, boys...

You wouldn't mind
makin' yourselves scarce

for a coupla hours
this afternoon, would ya?

We're havin' some
decent friends over.

What Ed means to say is,

seein' as you two boys
are wanted,

it wouldn't exactly do to
have folks seein' you here.

It's for
your own protection.

Sure, H I.

Anything you say, Hi.

Matter of fact, honey, I think I'll
skip this little get-together myself.

Glen won't mind.

I'll just duck out with the boys,
knock back a coupla co-colas.

Sure, H I.

We'd love
to have you, Hi.

Maybe that ain't such
a swell idea, either.

So many
social engagements,

so little time.

Where's that
baby? Where is he at?

Go find him, honey!

Cut it out, Glen!

He's asleep right now.

Shit! I hope
we didn't wake it!

Can I just
sneak a peek-a-loo?

Come on, kids!

Get away from
Mr McDunnough's car!

What's his name?

Hi...

Hi Junior, till we
think of a better one.

Why don't ya call him Jason?
I love biblical names.

If I had another little boy,
I'd name him Jason, Caleb or Tab.

He's an angel! He's an
angel straight from heaven!

Now, honey, I had
all my kids the hard way.

Tell me how
you got this little angel.

Did he fly straight
down from heaven?

Well...

You're gonna send him
to Arizona State.

Gimme a Twinkie!

You need
a beer, Glen?

Does the Pope
wear a funny hat?

Yeah, Glen,
I guess it is kinda funny.

Say, that reminds me.

How many Polacks does it
take to screw up a light bulb?

I don't know, Glen. One?

No, it takes three.

I told it wrong.
I'll start again.

How come it takes three Polacks
to screw up a light bulb?

I don't know, Glen.

Cos they're
so darn stupid!

Shit, man! Listen up! What's
the matter? Don't ya get it?

No, Glen,
I sure don't.

Well, shit, man.

I guess that's why
they call it a way-homer.

Why's that?

Cos you only get it
on the way home.

I'm already home, Glen.

You wet yourself!
You wet yourself!

Mr McDunnough
wet himself, Daddy!

Say, that reminds me. How'd
you get that kid so fast?

Me and Dot went to adopt,
somethin' wrong with my semen.

They said we had to wait five
years for a healthy white baby.

I said "Healthy white baby, five
years? OK, what else you got?"

They said they got two Koreans and a
Negro born with his heart on the outside.

It's a crazy world.

Someone oughta
sell tickets.

Sure. I'd buy one.

That Buford's a sly one. He
already knows his ABCs. Watch this.

Hit the deck, boy!

But like I'm sayin',
how'd you get the kid?

Well, this whole thing
is just who knows who.

Then over here
you have favouritism.

Ed has a friend
at one of the agencies.

Maybe she can
help me and Dot.

There's somethin' wrong
with my semen.

What you gonna name it?

Ed. Ed Junior.

But I thought
you said it was a boy.

Well, as in Edward.
We just like that name.

It's a good one. I don't
really need another kid,

but Dot says these are
gettin' too big to cuddle.

Say, that reminds me...

Mind you don't
cut yourself, Mordecai.

Then there's diphtheria-tetanus,
what they call dip-tet.

They need
dip-tet boosters yearly,

or they develop lockjaw
and night vision.

Then there's the smallpox
vaccine, chicken pox and measles.

If your kid's
like ours,

you'll have to get all those
shots before he'll take 'em.

Who's your
paediatrician?

We ain't exactly fixed
on one yet, have we?

No, I guess
we don't have one yet.

Jesus! Well, you gotta
have one this instant!

What if the baby
gets sick, honey?

Even if he don't, he's
gotta have his dip-tet.

He's gotta have
his dip-tet, honey.

You started
his bank accounts yet?

Have we done that?
We gotta do that.

What's that for, Dot?

His orthodonture
and his university.

Use iodine, you might
save on orthodonture.

Won't knock a thing
off the university.

Riley! You take that
diaper off your head!

You put it back
onto your sister!

Anyway, you probably got the
life insurance all squared away.

Have we done that
yet, honey?

Gotta do that, Hi.

Ed's got her hands
full with this angel.

Yes, ma'am.

What would
Ed and little angel do

if a truck splattered your
brains over the interstate?

Yeah, honey.
What if you get run over?

Or you got carried off
by a twister?

Say, that reminds me. You hear about
the person of Polish persuasion?

He walks into a bar with this
big pile of shit in his hand

and says "Look what
I almost stepped in!"

Yeah, that's funny
all right.

Damn right! Shit,
man, what's the matter?

I don't know.

Maybe it's

the wife, kids, family life. I mean...

Are you
satisfied, Glen?

Don't you ever
feel suffocated?

Like there's somethin'
big pressin' down?

Yeah, I do know
that feelin'.

And I told Dot
to lose some weight,

but she don't
wanna listen.

No, man,
I know what you mean.

You got all these
responsibilities now.

You're married, you got a kid, it looks
like your whole life is set down...

Where's the excitement?

Yeah, Glen,
I guess that's it.

OK, that's a disease,
but you got a cure.

Yeah?

Dr Glen is here to tell you
that you can heal thyself.

What do I gotta do?

Well, you just gotta
broaden your mind.

Say if I was to ask you
"What do you think about Dot?"

Well, she's a fine woman you got there.

OK, now you might not
know it to look at her,

but she's a hellcat.

That right?

T- I-G-E-R.

Well, what's that
gotta do with...

Now, don't rush me.

The thing about Dot is...

She told me this.
She thinks...

She thinks you're cute.

Yeah?

I'm crappin' you negative. And I
could say the same thing about Ed.

What are you
talkin' about, Glen?

What am I talkin' about?

I'm talkin' about sex.
What are you talkin' about?

I'm talkin' about
I'amour.

I'm talkin' that me
and Dot are swingers.

As in, to swing. I'm
talkin' about wife-swappin'.

I'm talkin' about what they
call now "open marriage... "

Keep your goddamn
hands off my wife.

I was only tryin' to help!
You're crazy!

You're crazy, man!

Keep your goddamn hands
off my wife!

You're crazy!
I pity you!

We finally go out with some decent
people and you break his nose.

That ain't funny, Hi.

His kids seemed
to think it was funny.

Well, they're just kids.

You're a grown man with
responsibilities. Whatever possessed ya?

He was provokin' me.

How'd he do that?

Never mind.

But, Hi, he's your foreman.

He's just
gonna fire you now.

I expect he will.

Where does that
leave the three of us?

Where does that leave
our entire family unit?

With a man for a husband.

That ain't no answer.

Honey, that's
the only answer.

That ain't no answer.

With a man for a husband.

Nathan needs some Huggies.

I'll be out directly.

Mind you stay strapped in.

Wake up, son.

I'll be takin' these Huggies
and whatever cash you got.

"No, no, not by the hair on my
chinny-chin-chin" said the little pig.

Look at that. Look at him.

"Then I'll... "

"Then I'll huff and I'll puff
and I'll blow your house in. "

That son of a bitch.

That son of a bitch!

You son of a bitch!

Better hurry it up. I'm
in Dutch with the wife.

You son of a bitch!

Come on now!

Honey?

That son of a bitch.

Hold on, Nathan.
We're gonna go pick up Daddy.

Son, you got a panty
on your head.

Just drive fast, OK?

Wait. There's the wife.

Honey! Mind the baby now!

Hang on, Nathan.
We're gonna take a short cut.

Can I stop now?

Thank you.

That's private property, son.

Come out to the street

and reveal yourself to Officer
Steensma and Officer Scott.

Son of a bitch!

Thank you, honey, but you
really didn't have to do this.

Son of a bitch! What if me and
the baby had been picked up?

Turn left here.

He'd be accessory
to armed robbery.

It ain't armed robbery
if the gun ain't loaded.

What kind of home life
is it for a toddler?

You supposed
to be an example.

For what?

I never postured myself as a
three-piece suit type. Turn right, honey.

We got a child now!
Everything's changed!

Nathan Junior
accepts me for what I am.

And I think
you better had too.

You know, honey,
I'm OK, you're OK.

That there's
what it is.

I know, but, honey...

See, I come from a long
line of frontiersmen.

Here it is, dear.
Turn here.

Frontiersmen
and outdoor types.

I'm not gonna live this way,
Hi. It just ain't family life.

Well, it ain't
Ozzie and Harriet.

You two are leavin'.

I got nothin' against you, but
you're wanted by the authorities.

And you're a bad influence in
this household in my opinion.

Well, ma'am...

We sure didn't mean
to influence anybody.

And if we did,
ma'am, we apologise.

I'm goin' tomorrow to see
about shots for the baby.

When I come back,
you better be gone.

What's he need,
his dip-tet?

I'm awful sorry, boys,
but when Ed gets mad,

you know,
she gets an idea.

There ain't a thing
to apologise for, H I.

Seems pretty clear what
the situation is here.

Yeah. I guess the missis
wants us to clear out.

Now, H I, if you'll
pardon me for sayin' so,

I get the feelin' that
this ain't workin' out.

Edwina's generally
a real sweetheart.

And, as per usual,
I wouldn't be surprised

if the source of the marital
friction weren't financial.

As a matter of fact,

I did lose my job today.

Hi, you're young
and you got your health.

What you want
with a job?

But I'd rather light a candle
than curse your darkness.

Now, as you know,

Evelle here and I never go
anywhere without there's a purpose.

And here we are
in your little domicile.

We come to invite you
in on a little score.

A bank, H I.

Come on now!

I know you're partial to
convenience stores, but dammit, H I,

the sun don't rise and set
on the corner grocery.

It's like Doc Schwartz says, you
gotta have a little bit of ambition.

We just watchin'
on the news.

Somebody snatched up one
of them Arizona babies.

For chrissakes.

That there's somebody
who's thinkin' big.

And here you are,
sittin' on your butt,

playin' house
with a,

don't get me wrong, H I,
with a fine woman,

but a woman who needs one
of them button-down types.

I don't particularly think
that's any of your...

Hold on, H I.
Now lookee there.

That's a picture
of El Dorado.

The locals call it the Farmers
and Mechanics Bank of La Grange.

Looks like a hayseed bank. Tell
you the truth, it is a hayseed bank.

But the last Friday
of every financial quarter,

it has more cash
than flies at a barbecue.

And guess
what day it is tomorrow.

When all the hayseeds come in and
cash their farm subsidies cheques.

A1 information, Hi.

Got it in the joint from a
guy named Lawrence Spivey,

one of Dick Nixon's
undersecretary of agricultures.

In for soliciting sex
from a state trooper.

Ordinarily we don't associate
with that type of person, but

he was tryin' to make
a few Brownie points.

Boys, I can't.

Hi, we need someone handy with a
scatter-gun, coverin' them hayseeds,

while we go in there
and get that cash.

You understand, H I?

If this works out, it's
just the beginning of a spree

to cover
the entire Southwest.

And we keep goin'
until we can retire

or we get caught.

Either way,
we're fixed for life.

Boys, it's a kind offer, but

you're suggesting
I just up and leave Ed.

And that'd be pretty
damn cowardly, wouldn't it?

Would it?
Think about it, H I.

Seems to me sittin' here
you ain't doin' her any good.

And you ain't bein'
true to your own nature.

My dearest Edwina,

tonight,
as you and Nathan slumber,

my heart is filled
with anguish.

I hope that
you will both understand,

and forgive me for what
I have decided I must do.

By the time you read this,
I will be gone.

I will never be the man
that you want me to be.

The husband and father
that you and Nathan deserve.

Maybe it's my upbringing.

Maybe it's just that
my genes got screwed up.

I don't know.

But the events of the last day
have showed amply

that I don't have the strength
of character to raise up a family

in the manner
befitting a responsible adult.

I say all this to my shame.

I will love you always,

truly and deeply.

But I fear that, if I stay,
I would only bring bad trouble

on the heads of you
and Nathan Junior.

I feel the thunder gathering
even now.

If I leave, hopefully,

it will leave with me.

I cannot tarry.

Better I should go,

send you money

and let you curse my name.

Your loving...

Herbert.

Mr Arizona, he just barged
in. Should I call Duane?

Hell, no. Why wake
the security guard?

I'll take care of this.

You got flies.

I doubt it.

This place is climate-controlled.
All the windows are sealed.

Who the hell are you?

Smalls. Leonard Smalls.

My friends call me Lenny.
But I got no friends.

Stop. You're gonna make me
bust out cryin'.

Listen, Leonard you want some furniture
or a shit-box, they're on the sales floor.

I'm not a customer.
I'm a manhunter.

Now, of course, I do
hunt babies on occasion.

I hear you got one
you can't put your hand to.

What do you know about it?

That's my business.

I'm a tracker, and
some say part hound dog.

But when some dink busts
outta the joint, skips bail,

I'm the one they call.

Mister,

I got the cops, state troopers,
Federal Bl, already lookin' for my boy.

Now if you
got information...

The cops
won't find your boy.

A cop couldn't find his butt
if he had a bell on it.

You wanna find an outlaw,
you call an outlaw.

You wanna find a Dunkin'
Donuts, call a cop.

Smalls, first off, get your
damn feet off my furniture.

Second off, it's widely known I
posted a 25-grand reward for my boy.

Now if you can find him,
claim it.

Short of that, what have
we got to talk about?

Price. Fair price.

That's not
what you say it is.

That's what
the market will bear.

Simple economics.

Now there are people,
and, mind you, I know 'em,

that'll pay a lot more
than $25,000

for a healthy baby.

What are you after?

I'll give you an idea.

As a pup, I myself fetched
$30,000 on the black market.

That was 1954 dollars.

Now, for 50 grand,
I'll track him

and I'll find him.

And the people that took him
I'll kick their butts.

No extra charge.

And if I don't pay?

I'll get the boy
regardless.

And if you don't pay,
the market will.

You wanna know
what I think?

I think you're an evil man.

I think this is nothin'
but a goddamn screw job.

I think
it's a shakedown.

I think you're the one
that took Nathan Junior

and I think you're the one
that's gonna get his butt kicked.

I think I'm on the phone
to the cops right now.

Up and at 'em, H I! Today's the
first day of the rest of your life.

Already you're
messin' it up.

Missis gonna be back
from town soon.

Where's the baby?

In the bedroom
in his crib.

He's sawin' toothpicks.
He'll be fine.

You expectin' anyone?

No.

You two
stay outta sight.

Mornin', Glen.

I ain't comin' in,
if you don't mind.

I'll just
keep my distance.

I didn't invite
ya in, Glen.

Don't even bother.

First off, you're fired,
and that's official.

I kinda figured that, Glen.

Well, that ain't the reason
I come out here. No, sir!

No. You're in a whole
shitload of trouble, my friend.

Why don't
ya just calm down?

Why don't
you just make me?

You know that little baby
you got in there? Remember?

I know
what his real name is!

You wanna keep
your voice down, Glen?

I'll pitch my voice
wherever I please!

His name ain't Hi Junior, it ain't
Ed Junior, but it's Junior, all right.

It's Nathan Junior!

You stay away
from me, McDunnough!

Yeah. You're an awful big man when you
got somethin' around to clobber a guy with!

I ain't a big man.

That's right.

And now
you're at my mercy.

I'm your worst nightmare. I was
gonna turn you in for the reward,

but Dot wants
somethin' to cuddle.

I guess we'll be callin' the
baby Glen Junior from now on!

I'll give you a day
to break the news to Ed!

Dot'll be around tomorrow
to pick him up.

Either that,
or you go to jail.

Say, that reminds me.

You'll be gettin' a doctor
bill in the mail in a few days.

I recommend
you pay it!

What's goin' on here?

It's just business.

This'll go hard
or easy, H I.

Sweet Lord!

She'll be comin'
round the mountain when she comes

Oh, when she comes

She'll be comin' round
the mountain when she comes

Good!

I know you're worried, but
we're gonna get him back.

There ain't no question
about that.

We will. That's all there
is to it. And another thing,

I'm gonna be a better
person from here on out.

That's the way it's
gonna be. It's official.

You were right. A blind
man could tell ya that.

They won't hurt him.
They're in it for the score.

But I'm a changed man.
You were right, I was wrong.

We got a family here. I'm
gonna start actin' responsibly.

So let's go, honey.
Let's go get Nathan Junior!

All have chicken and dumplings

Yeah, we'll all have chicken
and dumplings when she comes

Yeee-hoo!

I lurve to drive.

Boy, you sure said
somethin' there, partner.

Yes, sir.

I figure between
the ransom and this bank,

you and I'll be sittin'
in the fabled catbird seat.

Gale.

Junior just had
an accident.

What's that, partner?

He had hisself
a little ol' accident.

What do you mean?
He looks OK.

No, you see,
movin' though we are,

he just went and had hisself
a little old rest dump.

Well, that's natural.

Gale?

What now, little brother?

He smiled at me.

The kid smiled at me.

Come here, boy. Nice.

Do you know how to
put these things on?

Around the butt
and up over the groin area.

Shoot, I know
where they go, old-timer.

I just wanna know whether
I need pins or fasteners.

Well, no.

They got tapettes
already on there.

It's self-contained
and fairly explanatory.

Uh-huh.

Balloons. Hey, these blow
up into funny shapes at all?

Well, no, unless
round is funny.

I'll take these too.

All right, now.

Now you just lie down
back there, old-timer.

Yes, sir.

All right, I want
you to count up to

and then on
back down to zero.

OK, then.

I'm gonna come back in five and
check to see you ain't cheatin'.

Hurry up!

He's a cheerful
little critter

once he warms up to you.

I don't know how high
this one can count.

Six Mississippi,
seven Mississippi,

eight Mississippi,
nine Mississippi...

Got some baby grub,
baby wipes,

got them diapers,
them disposable kind.

I got me
a packet of balloons.

They blow up into
funny shapes at all?

No, just circular.

Say where's Junior?

What do you mean?
Didn't you put him in?

No, I thought...

Where'd we leave him?

No!

801 Mississippi,
800 Mississippi

Junior!

791... Oh, bullshit!

790 Mississippi...

787 Mississippi...

Baby! Baby!

Baby! Baby!

Promise we ain't ever
gonna leave him, Gale.

Promise we ain't never
gonna give him up.

We ain't gonna give
him up again, Evelle.

He's our little
Gale Junior now.

Ed.

I realise I can't be much
of a comfort to you now.

But let me
just say this.

You'll feel
a whole lot better...

I don't wanna feel better.

Honey...

I don't care
about myself any more.

I don't care
about us any more.

I just want Nathan Junior
back safe.

I know that.

If we don't get him back safe,
I don't wanna go on livin'.

And even if we do
get him back safe,

I don't wanna go on
livin' with you.

I guess
I still love you, Hi.

I... I know I do.

I ain't even blamin' you.

The whole thing was crazy and
the whole thing was my idea.

Well, factually,
I myself bear a very large...

Let me finish.

Ever since those jailbirds took
little Nathan, I been thinkin'

and I ain't too proud
of myself.

Even if Mrs Arizona had
more than she could handle,

I was a police officer,

sworn to uphold the Constitution
of the United States.

Now, honey, you resigned
before we ever...

That ain't
the point, Hi.

We don't deserve Nathan Junior
any more than those jailbirds do.

If I'm as selfish
and irresponsible as you...

You're not that bad.

If I'm as bad as you, what
good are we to each other?

You and me
is just a fool's paradise.

There she is.
Yep.

Well, let's do her.

What are we gonna do
with Gale Junior?

He stays here.

Are you crazy?

Supposin' we go in there
and get ourselves killed.

It'd be hours
before he was discovered.

All right, you hayseeds,
it's a stick-up!

Everybody freeze! Everybody
down on the ground!

Well, which is it,
young feller?

You want I should freeze
or get down on the ground?

I mean to say, if I freeze,
I can't rightly drop,

and, if I drop, I'm gonna
be in motion. You see?

Shut up!
OK, then.

Everybody down
on the ground!

You can forget
that part about freezin'.

That is till
they get down there.

Y'all hear that,
don't ya?

You wanna fill this up,
partner? We gotta...

Shit! Where did
all the tellers go?

We're down here, sir.

They're over there on the
ground like you commanded, Gale.

I told you not to
use my damn name.

Can't you even try to
keep from forgettin' that?

Not even
your code name?

Oh, yeah, yeah.
My code name.

Y'all hear that?
We're usin' code names.

All right, everybody. We're about
ready to begin the robbery proper.

Yeee-ha!

Hurry up,
you dang hayseed!

All right, now y'all know
how this here works.

That hayseed over there with
the red hat, he's the monitor.

OK, you betcha.

I want you to stay flat
for ten full minutes.

We might just come
back in five to check.

That's for us to know
and for y'all to find out.

Anyone found bipedal in five
wears his ass for a hat.

Yee-hoo!

That old-timer
threw off my concentration.

Otherwise it would
have gone smoother.

Shoot, Gale. We done good. This
oughta split up real nice three ways.

Goddammit, you never
leave a man behind!

Hl: Where's the baby?

Where's the baby?

Dammit, H I, ain't we got
enough to contend with?

I don't know, ma'am. I thought
we left him up on the roof.

I think we left him
at the bank.

Ms McDunnough,
I'm worried sick about him!

Hold on, H I.

I'm worried sick
about him!

Hi!
H I!

Hi!
Ms McDunnough!

Let us
come with you!

Please!

He's our baby, too!

What is he?

Do you see him too?

Gimme that baby!

I want that baby!

Gimme that baby,
you warthog from hell!

Just lay down
on the floor, young missy.

Run along now, honey.

But, Hi...

Just run along now.

Whoa!

I... I didn't...

I'm sorry.

What the hell's
goin' on?

Get away
from there!

Let's go.

Wait a minute.
I ain't through with you.

What are you doin'
creepin' around in the dark?

You in with Smalls?

Excuse me?

Leonard Smalls. Big
feller. Rides a Harley.

Dresses like a rock star.

No, sir. That's who
we saved him from.

It's a long story.

Suppose you tell it.

Well, sir,
in a reward situation,

they usually say
"no questions asked. "

Oh.

Do they?
Yeah.

Well...

All right, boy.

I guess you got
a reward comin'.

$25,000.

Or, if you need
home furnishings,

I can give you a line of
credit at any of my stores.

In fact, that's the way I'd
rather handle it, for tax reasons.

We don't want no reward. We
didn't bring him back for money.

We could work it
that way too.

Could I just look at
him a little bit more?

Be my guest,
little lady.

But...

Would you mind tellin' me
exactly how you...

You took him, didn't you?

It wasn't
that biker at all.

I took him, sir. My wife
had nothin' to do with it.

I crept in
yon window and...

We both did it.

We didn't wanna hurt him any.
I just wanted to be a mama.

It wasn't for
money or nothin'.

We just figured you had more
than you could handle baby-wise.

But I'm the one committed
the actual crime,

so if you need to
call the authorities...

Shut up. Nobody's gonna call the
authorities if there's no harm done.

Thank you, sir.

Aw, bullshit.

Just tell me
why you did it.

We

can't have one of our own.

Well, look...

If you can't have kids,
you just gotta keep tryin'

and hope medical science catches
up with you, like Florence and me.

It caught up
with a vengeance.

But, hell, even if
it never does for you,

you still got
each other.

Sir, those are
kind words, but

I think the wife and I
are splittin' up.

Her point is that we're both
kinda selfish and unrealistic,

so we ain't too good
for each other.

Well, ma'am,
I don't know much,

but I do know
human beings.

You brought back my boy, so you
must have your good points too.

I sure hate to think
of Florence leavin' me.

I do love her so.

You can go out
the way you came in.

And before you go off and do another
foolish thing, like bustin' up,

I suggest
you sleep on it.

At least one night.

That night I had a dream.

I dreamt I was
as light as the ether,

a floatin' spirit,
visitin' things to come.

The shades and shadows
of the people in my life

wrestled their way
into my slumber.

I dreamt that Gale and Evelle
had decided to return to prison.

Probably that's just as well.

I don't mean
to sound superior,

and they're
a swell coupla guys,

but maybe they weren't ready
yet to come out into the world.

And then I dreamed on,
into the future,

to a Christmas morning
in the Arizona home,

where Nathan Junior
was openin' a present

from a kindly couple who
preferred to remain unknown.

I saw Glen
a few years later,

still havin' no luck gettin' the cops to
listen to his wild tales about me and Ed.

Maybe he threw in
one Polack joke too many.

I don't know.

But still I dreamed on,

further into the future
than I'd ever dreamed before.

Watchin' Nathan Junior's
progress from afar,

takin' pride in his accomplishments,
as if he were our own,

wonderin'
if he ever thought of us,

and hopin' that maybe we'd
broadened his horizons a little,

even if he couldn't remember
just how they got broadened.

But still I hadn't dreamt
nothin' about me and Ed,

until the end.

And this was cloudier,

because it was
years, years away.

But I saw an old couple bein'
visited by their children

and all their
grandchildren too.

The old couple
weren't screwed up,

and neither were their kids
or their grandkids.

Dad.

And I don't know.

You tell me.

This whole dream.

Was it wishful thinkin'?

Was I just fleein' reality,
like I know I'm liable to do?

But me and Ed,
we can be good too.

And it seemed real.

It seemed like us.

And it seemed like,

well, our home.

If not Arizona, then a
land not too far away,

where all parents are
strong and wise and capable

and all the children
are happy and beloved.

I don't know.

Maybe it was Utah.

ENGLISH - US