All language subtitles for New.Amsterdam.2018.S04E05.480p.x264-mSD[eztv.re]

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♪

Max.

Hey.

Hey, I got a couple questions
for you

in regards to the--oh, hey.

Hi.
Sorry. It's just a departure

from your usual
bat out of hell pace,

so I'm just taking it in.

What is this, a mosey?

It's funny,
I would've said "saunter."

Oh.
"Mosey" is not really a word

I use, but I'm trying
to be open, so yeah,

let's call it a mosey.

All right, yeah.
You kind of got a whole

McConaughey vibe going on here,
and I'm not mad at it.

All right.
Yeah.

Here's the thing.
There's only so many times

that a guy can keep fighting
and losing

his daily battle
to Dr. Veronica Fuentes

and only so many times said guy
can pace around his apartment

neurotically complaining
about it.

And Helen has told me
that I've surpassed that limit.

So turning over a new leaf
and as the saying goes,

the tree that does not bend

makes life miserable
for all the other trees.

Yeah, I don't know that one,
but it--what you're saying is,

the difference can be

a change that brings
about opportunity for people.

Yeah, New Amsterdam's so much
bigger than any one person

with one title, you know?
Yeah.

So the next time I feel like
I'm going to freak out,

I'll just breathe through it.
And what the hell is that?

That says, "Nah."

Nah.

Nuh-uh, what is happening?
What is that? Where is my tree?

Well, man,
maybe it got moved, relocated.

Where? Moved where?
And is that an art exhibit

where my Lenapehoking plaque
used to be?

Uh-huh.
Watch your step.

Oh, usually the whitewashing
isn't quite that literal.

♪

You have exactly one minute
to explain

what in the--what is that?

Oh, I know; it's appalling.
That new logo is awful.

But the good news is, is,
I've commissioned five more,

so I'll just focus group them.

Logo? I don't care
if Banksy does our logo.

Oh,
do you think he'd be interested

in rebranding the hospital?
Wh--why?

Why are we rebranding
the hospital?

Because I would actually like

to treat conservatives
for heart attacks

rather than have the art
in our lobby gives them one,

which is why I have
partnered up with the Manhattan

to create a space for all
who come here to enjoy.

You mean for the donors
to enjoy.

No, the art
is for the patients.

But those glowing
press reviews,

yes, that's the donors.

And how much is it gonna
cost us to land on "Page Six"?

About 50,000.
What a steal.

As in what department did you
steal from to pay for that?

The Burmese Clinic.

The--the clinic for asylees,

for people who
have lost everything,

who have lost their country--

Okay,
you didn't let me finish.

The first exhibit
will be of Burmese art.

I think they would have
preferred medical care.

Well, now they get
to have both.

Ooh, I think there's a
catchphrase in there somewhere,

"New Amsterdam,
all of the above."

No, but I do know
that it has to be aspirational.

"Our art is in
the right place."

♪

How's that?

You're a miracle worker,
Dr. Reynolds.

Erma,
I pronounce you all good.

I just want to see
if I can use a pen.

Could you hand me my purse?

Yeah. Yeah.
Thanks.

Here you go.

Let me just see.

♪

Let me see.
Let me--is that...

Yeah, there's one.
Yeah.

♪

Look at that.

I don't know what I would do
without you, Dr. Reynolds.

It's like the sixth time

this year
that you've helped me out.

Eighth actually
but who's counting?

We're gonna have to
get you a punch card.

Okay.

I was just wondering--
Nurse is happy to help.

Eh...

You ready?

Do I tell you enough
how beautiful you are?

Floyd.

And smart, driven,
and forgiving?

Sounds like you're about
to take that last one

for a test drive.
Yeah, look,

I know we're supposed
to tell Claude about us.

Because we were supposed
to tell him a week ago.

I swear.
I'm not putting it off.

Good, then let's go.
Okay. Well, technically

I'm--I--I am putting it off.

It's just that you know today
today's huge for me.

And--and we'll tell him...
just after today.

You better save
a lot of lives.

You're thinking too small,
baby.

I'm making history.

An artificial heart,
the machine that could be

the answer to heart disease.

The number one leading cause
of death vanquished.

I heard Veronica had to make
a 250K "gift"

to the trial program
to score the surgery.

Hey, don't let him Max
hear me

say it,
but thank God for Veronica.

I mean, this took vision.

I mean, think about it.

600,000 people die
every year of heart disease,

and the day we implant
an artificial heart

that lasts that number drops
to zero.

And today could be that day.

And to think me
as the surgeon who could--

Excuse me, Dr. Reynolds,

you've been pulled
from the surgery.

Wait, what? On who's orders?

Dr. Baptiste.

You know, it's one thing
for Veronica to cut my budget

by 250 grand.

It is another to inform me
by group email.

250 grand is a lot of grand.

Yes, this is the damage
she can cause

with Max
still in the building...

Hey, look on the bright side.

We're both working
the same shift again.

Finally.

Which means we'll both
be free for a romantic dinner.

Mm,
and nothing can ruin that.

Lauren? Lauren?

Mom?
Isn't this funny?

You know, I--I was just
at a--at a fundraiser

over at the Morgan Hotel,
you know,

the one that I chair every year
for the poor kids in Guatemala?

And I started feeling
that--that stinging,

stabbing thing here,

and then the pain
got really bad.

Oh, God. Ahh. Oh, God.

She's fine.

Oh, God.

I'm just gonna
palpate your abdomen

to locate the pain, okay?

It's--it's lower, hon.

Oh, God! No, no, no.

Stop, Dr. Shinwari.
There's no pain.

She's trying to score pills.

No, I'm not.
It's not like that.

What are you doing?

Your pupils
are constricted, Mom,

like pinpricks.
You're high.

No, I'm not. No, no, no, no.
I have a prescription

for these pills.
You know about that.

I've never lied
to you about that.

Do you even hear yourself?
Lauren, I'm in pain.

They--they gave me pills.
I ran out, okay?

They were supposed to send me
more, and they never did.

You were on the wagon
for months.

Just threw it away,
and now you're here,

and you're trying to make me
your accomplice.

Good job, Mom.

Welcome to rock bottom.
She doesn't need a doctor.

She needs a shovel
so she can finish off the job.

Lauren.

Can the witness please state
her name and connection

to the plaintiff?

Dr. Helen Sharpe.

I've been her oncologist
for five years.

Dr. Sharpe, do you recall
your appointment

with the plaintiff
on June 15th of last year?

Yes, she was having
her radiation mold

cost that required her

to lie with her arms
pinned over her head.

Like this?
Yes.

It's not a painful procedure.

It's tedious,
which is why I was surprised

when she began--crying doesn't
seem like a strong enough word.

She was shaking and sobbing.

I helped her up.
I asked her what was wrong.

And she explained that
she'd been struck by a memory

of being sexually assaulted
when she was 12.

She said that I was the first
person she'd ever told.

But why did she
remember at that moment?

I mean, what triggers
the recovery of a memory

that's been repressed?

It's typically
a sensory detail.

It can be a smell or a sound
or the feeling

of having your arms
pinned over your head.

Mm.

Like this.

Did any part of you suspect

the plaintiff
was confused or lying?

Her recall of the incident
was crystal clear.

Her trauma was palpable.

I believe every word.

Thank you. Prosecution rests.

Does the defense
have counterclaims?

We do,

an expert witness
who will refute the legitimacy

of this conveniently
recovered memory.

We call Dr. Ignatius Frome.

Hey, I got your page.
What's going on?

Some nut attacked the art,
Dr. G.

What?

She rammed her chair
into that old harp.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

This does not belong to you.

My grandmother fled Burma
as a young woman,

and she said
that the saung-gauk

belongs to her
and that it was stolen.

Stolen, stolen!

Okay.
Calm--calm down, please.

Clear this up. Now.

All right. Come on, people.
Let's go.

How's this for our brand?

That was...

1974.

Soldiers retaliated.
She lost her family.

She lost everything.

Lost that too.

Till today I had never heard
her speak about that time.

Ms. Takhon,
I...can only imagine

how traumatizing
that must have been.

I mean, I'd never heard
her talk about the happy times.

In order to start a life here,
she had to forget.

But that song today
she told me her mom played it

and her family sang to it.

It's hers, and she deserves
to have it back.

Look--I--you seem very,
very sincere,

but the odds
that this is actually her harp,

I mean, it's been 50 years.

I'm so sorry.

This just doesn't
prove anything.

Well, there's an inscription
inside this harp.

Can you ask your grandmother
if she knows it?

Sandar 81830.

My mother's name
and her birthday.

It is hers.

Got your 911.

Why aren't you prepping
for the artificial heart?

Because your husband
pulled me off of it.

He knows, Lyn.
He knows about us.

That's impossible.

He took me off the surgery
of my life,

and he did it with no reason.
What's your explanation?

There's no way.

At breakfast he--
he was a little distant.

That's not how
I wanted this to go down.

I knew it.
I knew this would happen.

I mean, all this talk about

how evolved to have such a
mature relationship, it's...

It's wishful thinking.

Of course he feels attacked.

Of course he's lashing out.
What were we thinking?

We didn't do anything wrong.

Claude and I, we have rules.
We didn't break them.

Those rules are
who we wish we were.

Here in real life your husband
undermined my career,

and he did it
with the snap of his fingers.

What's he going to do next?

Book a CT.
I didn't like the bloodwork.

Poor guy's had a lot
of tests.

Or you could skip
the commentary and just do it.

Uh, rude.
I'm sorry.

I'm having a morning.
It's like--

Thank you so much.

I can't thank you enough.
I--I don't usually...

You're kidding.
Traffic in public hospitals.

Jeanie Bloom.

Oh, the world's
sexiest nurse.

Come here, baby.
Give some love.

No, I told you to go.
Yes, and I found a doctor

who doesn't kick women
in pain to the curb.

A word?

You realize she's
just using you for pills?

Maybe.
Maybe. She is high right now.

Which is why I admitted her.

As long as she's intoxicated,
a clean diagnosis

is impossible.
I'm ordering a rapid detox

so I can make
an informed decision.

Oh, God. Oh.

Okay, fine. Treat her.

She's just going to
use you for pills.

She's going to say whatever
she has to say to get her fix.

Or maybe we'll discover
the source

of the underlying pain.
Yeah, sure. Good luck.

We're giving it back.

Max, it is not ours
to give back.

It belongs to the Manhattan.

Yeah, just like the lobby
belongs to this hospital?

Oh, you are really hung up
on the lobby.

This isn't about me.
This is about him,

and it's going to be about you.
If this gets out,

how do you think the board
is gonna feel when they hear

that your first act
as medical director

was to make New Amsterdam the
face of someone else's scandal?

I will tell the board

that there are worse things
than taking a PR bullet

for a very rich museum.

And when we get a Manhattan
Museum of art fundraiser

do you honestly think that
they will care about a harp?

This isn't just about a harp.

It's about a patient who
endured a lifetime of suffering

and had to live it
all over again because of us.

So screw the board;
screw the games.

She's in pain,
and we can fix it.

That's not my job.

I'm sorry, Max. The harp stays.

What is
the Shopping Mall Experiment?

That is a very famous
experiment

regarding the nature of memory.

A group of doctors
tried to convince a group

of healthy minded adults

that they had suffered
an incident as children

where they were lost in a mall.

And did they succeed?
They did.

Almost half of the participants
were so sure

that it actually happened
that when the doctors revealed

they made it up
they refused to believe them.

So people can have memories
that feel true

but are pure fiction?

So imagine I showed you
a chair

and then I took the chair away
and asked you

to draw a picture of it.
That is memory.

That is our brains attempt
in the moment

to recreate the past.
If I asked you

to draw that chair tomorrow it
would probably be pretty good,

but if I asked you to draw it
again in a year, not so much.

And recovered memories
like the plaintiffs?

Recovered memories would be
like asking your brain

to draw a picture of a chair

it hadn't thought
about in 20 years.

Is it fair to say
that recovered memories

are inherently unreliable?

Yes.

Would you send someone
to jail

based solely
on a recovered memory?

No, absolutely not.

Oh, hey, Dr. Reynolds.
Hi.

I need you to instruct
Dr. Baptiste to reinstate me

on the artificial
heart implant.

Now, I'd go to him directly,
but given the effort

you exerted in bringing such
a momentous surgery here,

I figured you'd really
understand the stakes.

Oh, Dr. Baptiste didn't
take you off that surgery.

I did.

I--you?
Mm-hmm.

Wait, what? Why?

Well, you have a patient
that takes precedent.

Erma Mirojnik?
Erma--Erma--no, no, no, no.

I treated her already
this morning.

Oh, we have a new policy.

The discharging physician
handles follow-ups if a patient

returns to the hospital
within 30 days of treatment.

And unfortunately, Ms. Mirojnik
returned within 13 minutes.

She what?

Mm, she's here now.
She's awaiting treatment.

And you'd know that
if you answered your pages.

Dr. Reynolds, do you have
a problem with this policy?

I have a problem
with you risking

a history-making surgery
so I can treat

Erma Mirojnik's paper cuts.

Come on. The surgery is just
a ribbon-cutting ceremony.

And I think history
will manage just fine

if someone other than you
is holding the scissors.

I earned this opportunity.

Um, no, Dr. Reynolds,
you earned Erma Mirojnik.

Now, if you can treat
Ms. Mirojnik's issues,

in time you can certainly still
scrub in on the surgery, okay?

Hayma Takhon's prosthesis
doesn't fit her properly.

It's tearing into her skin.

She's battling constant pain,
infection--

Dr. Goodwin--
That's not the half of it.

This is her first
revision surgery with us,

but it's her fourth
in the last decade.

Insurance won't pay for a
better limb, so every time

she gets a new surgery

she knows that it's not
if she'll be back it's when.

It's torture.

She has my sympathies

and those of
the entire Manhattan Museum,

but we have
the saung-gauk's provenance.

We have strict protocols
to avoid cultural looting.

Our hands are clean.

Fair enough.
I'll tell Hayma what you said.

Thank you.
Yeah.

And then I'll tell her to call
the arts task at "The Times"

just to see if they think
your protocols

are as strict
as they need to be.

If we let this woman do this
dozens of others with similar

pending claims
are going to demand the same.

You're right.

If only there was some way to
magically make it all go away,

skip the legal PR fiasco,

then you'd probably
give it back in a heartbeat.

Of course.
Maybe this will help.

It's an NDA signed by Hayma
guaranteeing her silence

in exchange for the saung-gauk.

No legal battle, no PR.

And you, you get to do
the right thing.

Very well.

Helen, before I walked
into that courtroom,

I had no idea you were
on the other side of that case.

Did you not hear?

There is no case.
The state dropped the charges.

Thanks to your testimony,
a monster's gonna walk.

I'm sorry to hear that.

You're sorry.

Great.
Well, I'll just be off then.

What do you want me to say?
I want you to tell me

why you would stand up in court

and attack
a victim of sexual violence?

I didn't.
I did not attack a victim.

I've never even met the victim.
You can't possibly think

that I have some sort
of anti-victim agenda here.

I don't.
How distressing it must be

for you not to be believed.

I gave scientific testimony
that recovered memories

are unreliable, which they are.

I've been practicing
for many years, Helen.

And I've yet
to encounter anyone

who had a recovered memory
that was the unqualified truth.

How about me?

Back in university, I got
caught in a summer rainstorm,

and this memory out of nowhere
came up

and hit me like a hammer.

It's the strongest memory
I have.

A summer rainstorm.
August Bank Holiday.

I'm five, and I'm playing
this beaded string

that I'd just gotten
for my birthday.

But really, I'm listening.

Let go of me.
Wait, we can work--

Stop crying.
Don't touch me.

'Cause that's the day
my dad left.

Hold on, don't leave. Please.
Please, please, stop.

Don't touch me.

I'm so sorry.

I love you.
I love you. I'm so sorry.

And right when he reached
the door I begged him to stay,

but he just pushed me off,
and my beads ripped.

Now look me in the eye
and tell me

that my memory is not critical

In a court of law, it's not.

It's a good thing that you're
not seeing patients anymore

'cause I would tell any woman
who came through your door

to run as fast as she could.

I mean that is bad.

How come
no one could see that before?

I said you could treat her,
not prescribe her pills.

Excuse me.
I'm talking to my doctor here.

No, you're not.
You're discharged.

Don't let the door hit you.
Ow. Ow.

You can't just do that.

She's treating me.
I'm her patient.

No, you're a pill head
gaming us for a fix,

and I toss those out of here
all the time.

I also toss out doctors who

hand out schedule two narcotics
to known drug addicts.

I didn't give her pills.

I ordered them
to help her calm down

so I could perform
the ultrasound,

which revealed Lyme disease.

Look at the ultrasound.
You'll clearly see--

An enlarged spleen, right?

And I bet Jeanie was just so
grateful when you spotted it.

But Jeannie knows she has
an enlarged spleen,

because genie
is a hard-core alcoholic.

She played you.

Oh, by the way, I canceled
Leyla's prescription.

Go score somewhere else.

What kind of daughter
treats her mother like this?

I tell you what.

You start acting like a mom,
then we can talk.

Really? And how many times
were you here

at work stoned off your ass
on Adderall?

Oh, does she know
about that?

She does, because I am
working my program.

I tell her the truth.

Oh, so you and she are...

it's not gonna
make a difference.

Honey, thank you so much.

It was very nice to meet you.
You have been so sweet.

You--you're gonna be over her
by Christmastime.

I--I don't know. She's just
nasty inside. She's cold.

I guess you're just next
in line to figure that out.

Get out of my ED now!

Oh, okay. Ohh.

You know what, Mom?
You know what?

Here are your pills.

Take 'em with vodka;
have a party.

Why should I care?

.

Max, what the hell
did you do?

Oh, I brokered a deal between
the Manhattan and Hayma.

Well, that deal is currently
blowing up in our lobby.

It never even belonged
to you.

Hey, hey, hey, put that down.
We had a deal.

This man--

I'm from the
Myanmar Consulate.

Oh he's a thief.
Okay.

Sir, we had an agreement.
The Manhattan Museum of Art

has agreed to return
the saung-gauk to Miss Takhon.

We are aware.

When a museum repatriates
an item from our country,

they are obliged
to let us know.

Okay, great. You know.
So what's the issue?

He's about to take back
the saung-gauk.

Okay. Okay.

Let's all just take
a deep breath.

I'm sure that we can
all work this out.

There's nothing to work out.

The country that stole Hayma's
instrument 50 years ago

is back to do it again.
We can prove

that this saung-gauk
belongs to Ms. Takhon.

There are many objects
in museums

that may belong to Myanmar.

Mr. Gong has proven
that this one did.

And when she left our country,
it became property

of the state.
She abandoned it.

Abandoned?
She was driven out at gunpoint.

Max.

Look, the state department
has already signed off.

I have sent you the paperwork.

No--no, wait, wait, sir.

Please don't do this
to her again.

Just because you can't see
the gun pointed at me

doesn't mean it isn't there.

Triage nurse to the ER.

Triage nurse to the ER.

You have large
inflamed adenoids

in the back of your sinuses.

Good heavens.

It's actually good news.
Simple surgery is all you need.

So you can fix it?

Yes but, Erma, your adenoids
didn't get this big overnight.

I mean, you must've had a clue
that things weren't right,

I mean, from snoring, aching
sinuses, cough, something.

Yes, all of that.

Well,
why didn't you mention it?

I mean, we certainly see
each other often enough.

Well, I--I didn't
want to be an old pest.

I mean, I know you have
more important things

to do than to take care of me.

You've already looked
at the clock five times

since you came in here.

You're right. I'm sorry.

I--

I never meant
to make you feel...

Hey.
One moment.

Surgery's about to start.
I got this. Go make history.

Erma, Dr. Flores
has got it from here.

You're in good hands.
Thank you.

Hi. How are you?

Hi.

Let's see what we got here.

Don't worry about it.

You're in good company.
She's fooled a lot of

A-list doctors.
I shouldn't have left you to--

You never looked
at the ultrasound.

Okay.
You know, I find your refusal

to admit your wrong attractive,
but come on.

You're giving substandard
level of care.

I get
that you're embarrassed,

but you are
way out of line.

That was awful in there,

and you haven't
even asked me if I'm okay.

Because when I'm on duty
my concern is for the patient.

And if you were being
her doctor instead of her kid,

you wouldn't be asking me
to tend to your feelings.

You'd be looking
at the ultrasound.

The spleen is
enlarged from alcohol,

but I see a level of growth

that
may indicate other factors.

Except it doesn't.

You barely looked.

Because I have seen my mom's

spleen as much as
I've seen her face, okay?

It's exactly the same. It's...

What?

Above the spleen.

Cysts.

Endometriosis.

She was telling the truth.

Come in.

Hi. Can we talk?

Okay, well, I think that we
need to have a talk.

Well, I don't have
anything to say.

It wasn't raining that day
when your dad left.

You told me you were five.
I looked it up,

August Bank Holiday
of that year.

There was a heat wave.

Meteorologically historic there
wasn't a drop of rain in London

that entire summer.

Is that supposed to shake me
to my core?

'Cause I'm pretty sure
you could find another website

that says it hailed frogs.
It rained. I was there.

Unless it wasn't London.
It was London.

Really? Most people travel
on August Bank Holiday.

You told me yourself that you
took many trips to the seaside.

I've heard you talk about it.

Fine. Maybe it was Cornwell.
Well spotted.

Except for the heat wave
wasn't just in London

that summer.

The entire country
didn't get a drop of rain.

Do you know
where it was raining?

It was raining.
Yes.

You were in a summer storm
when you had the memory.

Maybe the two
have been conflated.

And if you're wrong
about the rain

and you're wrong
about the location...

How dare you?
How dare you come in here

and try and disrupt
what I know to be true?

But you don't.
Pardon?

But you don't know,
and I don't know.

You know that I hated
what I did today, don't you?

I--I hate that part of my job.

Sexual assault victims
are almost always

telling the truth,
and they deserve respect

and sympathy
and above all else belief.

But recovered memories
are not valid. That is a fact.

Not yours, not hers,
not anyone's,

and I'm not going
to lie under oath

because I think somebody
is probably guilty.

I am not playing God.

No, just executioner.

How did
the beads rip, Helen?

Can you get out, please?
This is so sick.

I will. I will. Just tell me
how the beads got ripped.

I already told you
my father pushed me.

He pushed you?
That doesn't make sense.

How does the string of beads
get ripped for a push?

Well, that's what
happened so--

No, it doesn't.

A string of beads does not
get ripped from a push.

You don't know that!
You don't know that!

For that you need a pull.

Stop.
She's my daughter.

I can't leave.

We're done.
No, I...

I don't want to go.

Don't, no, don't--
Let go.

Get out! Go!

Helen.

My--my mother
broke the beads.

The retractor
has been removed.

Vitals are steady.

.

Hmm. That looks much better.

We thought we weren't going
to get to see you for this one.

Nope. This was too important.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry
about your saung-gauk.

If you want our legal services,
we'll fight it.

Won't cost you a cent.

The past is gone.
Nothing can bring it back.

Not even the saung-gauk.

Only thing is to live for now.

Maybe we can help with that.

Are you enjoying
the prosthesis?

It's the best one we've got.

I don't know why you would
get her hopes up like that

when you know her insurance
would never pay for it.

No, no, you're right.
They wouldn't.

But, Ms. Takhon,
to make up for their part

in the acquisition
of stolen property,

the Manhattan Museum of Art
has offered to buy you

the prosthetic leg
of your choosing.

And may I suggest the one you
have on, which should guarantee

that you'd never have
to have revision surgery again.

She understood all of that?

She got enough.
Good.

So Flores got to do
the artificial heart surgery?

Mm-hmm. She did.

You were looking forward
to that one.

I was.

Oh,
probably for the wrong reasons.

Yeah, but the first
Black surgeon

to perform
an artificial heart transplant.

That would've been cool.

Instead,
you put your patient first.

That's kind of cool too.

Makes me think I should do
that more often

with the people
I care about the most.

It's time to tell your husband.

Endometriosis is difficult
to diagnose.

I mean,
there's no one clear test.

And there's no easy fix.

Hey. Hey, come on. It's okay.
We're going to get there.

30 years no one's
ever believed me.

They said,
"Oh, it's your period."

They said, "You're crazy."

They said you wanted pills.

I've judged you my whole life.

I mean,
I've thought awful things.

But you were in pain,
and you needed my help.

And I am a doctor.

I'm your daughter.

I--I should have--

I am just really sorry, Mom.

Yeah, come in.

I--I was just
leaving you a voice mail.

You know how you can delete
and, like, start over again?

And I just kept deleting,

and I got caught
in a loop of stupidity.

I--I hate that I did that
to you.

And I hated you for doing it.

It was violating.

But you were right.

I'm about to cross an ocean
to be closer to my mum,

and I have no idea
who she is anymore.

I've always thought
of my dad as...

as a--a coward.

But he was holding me.

He was holding me
like he wanted me.

And he tried to reach out
so many times.

I never answered,
and I was okay with it.

But what if I was wrong?

The fact that he died knowing
that I-I hated him...

There's just--there's no
making that right, is there?

Well, the good news is,
I would never accept

that memory in court either.

It's just inadmissible.

You wanna know something
really messed up about memory?

Literally the least important
thing about them

are if they actually happened.

But who cares?
I mean, we do.

We care deeply.

I mean, we build
this story about ourselves.

We tell ourselves--
we make it big.

It's our truth, you know?

But we--we can't base
that story in fact.

We just can't.

We base it in memories,

and memories are--well,

I don't--I don't even know.
They're nothing.

They're in the ether.

So maybe try not
to define yourself by them.

But if memory's bollocks,
then what do I rely on?

What about right now,
the present?

What makes you feel safe?

You know, what makes you feel
pleasure here?

Right now,
what makes you feel love?

Well, I hope you're happy.

The Manhattan will never
display art in our halls again.

Oh, no.

What a crushing loss for our
hospital that is not a museum.

A partnership
with the Manhattan

could have
opened up partnerships

with the Philharmonic,
with the City Ballet,

with the Yankees,
and bam, New Amsterdam

is a brand that's ready
to change medicine.

You know what I hate
about the word "brand"?

Hmm?

It implies that whatever
you're doing

you wouldn't be doing it unless
the cameras were rolling.

That's not us. New Amsterdam
doesn't have a brand.

It has a creed. We help people.

And your little makeover
of our lobby--

Okay, enough,
enough with the lobby.

What is it with you
and this glorified hallway?

It tells our patients that
this hospital isn't yours,

and it isn't mine.
It's theirs, the Lenape plaque,

the COVID Memorial,
the Black Lives Matter mural.

All these things tell
our patients that this hospital

is for everyone.

And you are erasing that,
and you are erasing patients.

Well, if that's how
you really feel

maybe you shouldn't leave.
You know what?

If it means leaving
this hospital in your hands,

then maybe I won't.

♪

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