All language subtitles for masters.of.sex.s03e07.1080p.bluray.x264-invandraren

Previously on Masters of Sex...

We've had a very high success rate

with sensate therapy
in cases like your wife's.

I just want it fixed.

I got asked to open
a gorilla exhibit at the zoo.

There's that famous ape, Gil the Gorilla.

We know it's probably
not your normal case, but...

They're animals, after all.

How hard can it really be?

Ernie Nevers.

You pick out any card you like,
and just give me the stats,

and I will give you a quarter
for anyone I don't get.

You're sitting at home all day
with our screaming kids.

You're too smart for that.

We'll pay her five bucks a bag.

It's like she's dead.

It's like sitting here with a corpse.

Joy had an apartment.
She was one foot out the door.

As far as she was concerned,
your marriage was over.

I was just coming in to turn off the gas.

I took my time with the moving,
but now I'm here.

- You being...
- Mrs Edley, of course.

Fine. Then drinks, down the street
at the Tap Room.

Why don't we have a cup of coffee,
downstairs in the lobby?

- It'll give us time to strategize.
- We can strategize.

So...

So?

You're the expert.

You want me to rate your performance?

Was it like when Ed Sullivan
has plate spinners on his show?

No, it was more like the Beatles.

I told the sitter that I'd be
home at 11:00, which is now.

So call her. Ask for another hour.

No, I have to be up at 6:00 tomorrow,

get Tessa breakfast,
and feed and dress the baby.

So, if I manage to get home by midnight,

and Lisa doesn't wake up
at 3:00 in the morning,

miraculously, I will have gotten
six hours of sleep.

Four being the more likely scenario.

That is a lot for one person.

I have a complicated life.

I assume that's why you've been leaving
each night a little bit earlier.

I don't think that we've been doing this
long enough to consider anything a pattern.

I'm leaving early because...

Busy.

Yes.

I like Bill, believe it or not.

I can see his good qualities.
He's smart, dedicated, driven.

I'm not sure I like him for you.

For me?

Well, present circumstances aside,

that's an odd thing to say
to a married woman,

a woman not married to Bill.

But you spend a lot of time
with him, and guys like Bill...

Well, they're a lot of work.

I don't know, maybe your husband
is a similar breed.

Like Fourth of July fireworks.

Impressive, but combustible as hell.

You spend all your time running around,
trying to put out the flames

that you don't even realise they've burned
you down to the ground,

right along with them.

That's quite a theory.

Although, I'm not sure that I would call
my husband "impressive" in that way.

Well, certainly you and Bill have
undertaken a grand experiment together.

Bill and I are not involved
in any way except professionally.

For some reason I just find myself
worrying about you, that's all.

I can imagine you take care
of everyone in your life.

I can see you take care
of Bill professionally.

But who takes care of you, Virginia?

My sitter.

My sitter is waiting for me, and I'm late.

I'll see you tomorrow?

9:00 a.m.

I meant after work.
When it's time to enjoy yourself.

I enjoy myself at work.

Jesus H...

I was...

I was in a garden.

Okay, you were having a dream.

And in this garden, a plum fell on my lap.

Okay, you're gonna tell me
about your dream now.

And I thought to myself,
"The plum is ripe, I like plums,

"I should help myself."
So I took a bite, and I...

Yeah, you'll never guess what jumped out.

Helen, I'm tired.

A rabbit.

And this rabbit started
burrowing into my vagina.

And right before he disappeared inside me,

I pulled him out by his
little rabbit's foot.

Only now, he wasn't a rabbit any more,

- he was a baby.
- A baby.

- Yeah.
- Okay.

This is no longer a dream.
This is a mantra.

It's a recurring dream. Recurring dreams...

Means that you want me
to do something about this.

I know. So I checked it out.

I went to three different adoption clinics,

and they all said the same thing.

They do not let single women adopt.
I'm sorry.

Hon, it's just not in our cards.

But that's completely unfair.

Which is why I've been thinking...

There's this guy who comes in
every week, to get his palm read,

Rufus. He's really sweet.

Rufus, who's been struck by lightning
a lot of times, Rufus?

Electrocuted, pulling toast
out of the toaster with a fork.

More than once, though, right?

Yes, more than once,
but my point is he's really sweet,

and he's madly in love with me, and...

You know, maybe he'd be someone
to get me pregnant.

He's said he's saving himself
for marriage, so there's that snag.

- You'd have to marry Rufus?
- A little.

You can't marry a little, Helen. I married
a little, and look how that turned out.

Plus, Rufus is not smart.

Fine, he's dumb!

He's dumb.

Maybe I'm dumb, too,
for wanting a baby this bad.

But I want a baby. I want a baby so bad.

Don't you want a baby?

Don't you want us to have a baby?

Why do I feel like I'm alone in this?

No.

You are not alone. I understand.

It's just, no one's gonna hand over a baby
to a couple of middle-aged dykes.

There's nothing we can do about it.

Maybe it's just something
I gotta do on my own.

Dr Scully's still at
the Endometriai Symposium in Memphis,

so you'll have to see to
Mrs Fletcher's insemination.

Also, Dan Logan's booked
the other exam room from noon to 6:00.

Well, Dan Logan's gonna have to move.

Because?

Dan Logan's study has reached a dead end.

Only a chemist can solve
the pheromone puzzle at this point.

We are not chemists.

So, it's time for Dan Logan
to go back to New York

and enhance some product
with the smell of pine.

Or you can let him have the exam room

rather than alienate the guy
who wrote us a very handsome cheque.

Did you see this?

"They helped us find our way back
to our marriage when no one else could."

"We were lost, and they rescued us."

Isabella Ricci? In Newsweek?

It's a profile piece, where they asked her
about her marriage to Al "The Ape."

She credits our sensate therapy?

A protocol they didn't attempt.
Why would they lie about that?

Because they got nabbed.

A tabloid photographer recognised
the two of them leaving the clinic.

The upside is, because of this,
Newsweek just called

and they want to do a feature article
on the two of you.

I'm not discussing results
which are a complete fabrication.

Wait, Bill, this is one failure.

For every Isabella and AI there have
been hundreds we have helped.

And it is Newsweek, after all.

Publicity value aside, I refuse to take
credit for some celebrity couple's cure

when the Hindenburg
had a happier outcome.

Then we won't lie.

All patient information is confidential,

meaning we're not at liberty
to discuss their case.

But we can talk about our work,
our success rate.

Exposure like this, it could draw who knows
how many people in through these doors.

What kind of sandwich?

We're going to Cavetti's.

- You work here?
- Hence the lunch order.

All right. Turkey and Swiss.
White. Tomato only.

Do you mind me asking how old you are?

How old do you think I am?

Not old enough to be employed here.

It's my community service.

Turns out this is where they send
all the bad girls as punishment.

Forced exposure to sex maniacs all day.

Harsh.

You do the crime, you do the time.

If you're trying to figure them out,
don't bother.

Stonehenge is less of a mystery
than those two.

I'm sorry, who exactly are you again?

Lunch girl.

So, do you want fries or coleslaw
with your sandwich?

That's Dr Masters over there.

We'll just pretend that
we're running into him.

Do I have to act? Can't I just shake
his hand and tell him why I'm here?

No, you cannot.

Just stick with the "I wrote in with
a problem" story, and we'll be fine.

Dr Masters?

This is Keith Coleman.

He wrote one of those letters
I answered in that big sack of mail.

I actually didn't write a letter.
I'm in Jane's theatre workshop.

Keith is also a friend from theatre.

He was terrific in our
limited run of Oliver!

And why I'm here is, I'm impotent.

It's going on two years now.
And because Jane's an old friend,

she said she could use
her influence to get me in here,

which would be great,
because I wanna hire you to fix me.

I both understand and sympathise...

Keith.

But we have a protocol in place here,
Keith, as Jane is fully aware.

Well, I know it's not
usually done like this...

Jane also knows that friends do not
get preferential treatment here.

You and your wife need to
make an appointment through my secretary.

I don't have a wife.

Fine. With your girlfriend, then.

No, he doesn't have a girlfriend, either.

Which is why I agreed to help him
in this misguided way.

So who is it you're seeking treatment with?

Nobody. Like I said, I'm impotent.

I mean, I can't step into
a batter's box with no bat.

I need to fix this first,
then maybe I can find someone.

Unfortunately, our treatment only applies
to couples, not single individuals.

I'm sorry.

Come on, come on!

Damn it!

God!

I have jumper cables.

Hard to miss the metaphor, isn't it?

Pardon?

My car battery's dead, my battery's dead.

I understand your frustration.

Come on.

This is all just science to you.

Tragically, this is my life.

I'm out there every day, living it.

If you can call this living.

I promise you, Keith, being a doctor
doesn't mitigate my ability

to understand this kind of suffering.

Then let's appreciate the irony
of this situation together, all right?

I can't get a girl because I can't perform.

And you can't help me perform
because I don't have a girl.

And you know what's even worse?
I'm fucking terrified.

Terrified I'm going to be alone
for the rest of my life.

First sexual experience?

Around age eight.

- And the specifics of the act?
- "Specifics"?

So, the more information you can give us, the
more precise we can be in our treatment.

I'm a little sketchy on the details.

Or perhaps you're confused,
since eight does seem unusually young.

No, actually, it's fairly common.

Puberty is often accelerated
when you're raised in captivity.

Well, I would imagine captivity
alters many natural instincts.

In the wild, Gil would
be motivated by fear.

He would also be motivated
by the urge to mate.

And the need to eat would
be the other major motivator.

But in captivity, what is there to fear?

Nothing.

Plus, he's spoon-fed 20 pounds
of vegetables each day,

cherry pies for dessert,

so you'd think he'd devote
all of his time to the ladies,

what, with fear and food off of the table.

And he did. For a long time,
Gil was a regular Don Juan.

But this female ape now in from San Diego?

You might as well take her
to see the Saint Louis Arch

for all the interest he's shown her.

Well, why don't we go back
to the last successful mating.

What were the circumstances?

Position, environment, time of year?

I wasn't here.

That was right around the time
his former keeper, Loretta Gladwin, left.

So she retired?

I'm not really sure. There was some
brouhaha over her dismissal, and...

All I know is she left under some cloud,

and we're supposed to leave it at that.

He wasn't aggressive like that
the last time I met him.

I didn't think he was aggressive now.

What? You think it was indigestion?

Look, we heard them out,
that's all we were obligated to do.

We should help Gil.

Yes, we should help a gorilla,
but not Jane's poor friend Keith.

No, I mean it. Before you
dismiss it out of hand...

I've dismissed it already. He's an ape.

Yeah. And did you know that our genetic
alignment with apes is almost 98%?

We're not just descended from apes,
as Darwin pointed out,

we essentially are apes.

With several crucial differences.
We can speak, they cannot.

So Gil can't tell us why
he doesn't want to have sex.

But what if we were able to help him
just by watching him,

intuiting his expressions and his signs,
come up with a protocol?

We have an impressive
success rate, Virginia.

Why would we obliterate that
for some doomed experiment?

It would be such a coup if we did it.

Think of the publicity, Bill.

Now I understand men.

I understand how they think,
how they tick essentially.

And there was something in the way
that Gil was speaking to me...

Fine, apes don't speak.

But don't I help sexually dysfunctional
and oftentimes inarticulate men,

in our offices, every single day?

Wasn't I able to help you,
when you were similarly suffering?

Now, of course we'd have to talk
to Gil's former handler,

see if there's anything we're missing.

But if we can return him to
a healthy and satisfying sex life,

why wouldn't we?

If you are going to make that argument,
why should we let any male suffer,

whether partnered or single,
or ape, I suppose?

Or any woman suffer, for that matter?

Betty, have Jane come to my office.
Or women, too, of course.

Although, I am specifically thinking
of Jane's friend Keith.

Now, he's impotent, but he's single.
It's a no-win situation.

Maybe in those letters that Jane reads,

she's found single women who are
dysfunctional and in need of help, also.

You're not suggesting that we pair
two non-functioning patients?

It worked for Lester and Barb.

He was impotent,
she was suffering from vaginismus.

Lester and Barb put themselves together.

They knew one another, trusted one another.

Lester and Barb were already in love.

Jane. Come in.

We were just discussing your friend, Keith,

and the possibility of finding him
a surrogate partner.

I do think that the partner should
come from a list of women

who have already participated in the study,
women we already know.

But what kind of woman, specifically?

Well, she should be functional sexually.

Sound emotionally. She should
have an interest in the work,

good-hearted and have an
inclination toward the healing arts.

She would also have to
be willing to do it for free

because to pay her would
essentially amount to prostitution.

Would a background in musical theatre help?

A woman who just finished
a six-week run as Nancy in Oliver?

I'd do anything
For you, dear, anything.

For you mean everything to me

I think that Jane is volunteering.

Because I know Keith.
He's an old friend, and I'd like to help.

And we appreciate your offer,
and your song, Jane,

but we couldn't do that to Lester.

We're taking a break.

Next session is not for another half hour.

Thanks.

How long have you worked here, again?

How long was Dante stuck in purgatory?

And how long have you
known Mrs Johnson?

Why are you asking me about her?

Because office girls know
everything about everyone.

Well, if you're smart,

you won't get involved with Mrs Johnson.

She has a very messy life.

Who said anything about getting involved?

I'm young, not stupid.

She's married, for starters.

With a couple of kids,
but no worries there,

it's not like they slow her down any.

She's pretty, too. I'll give her that.

Knows how to use it.

Meaning?

Meaning this job.

She never even graduated from college.

You've met Dr Masters. Does he strike you
as a milk-of-human-kindness kind of guy,

handing out golden opportunities to
uncredentialed secretaries?

Well, from where I sit,
Mrs Johnson is an impressive woman.

Though it wouldn't surprise me
if Masters was smitten with her.

He's more than smitten.
I know for a fact he's sleeping with her.

And it's gross. It makes me sick.

Mrs Fletcher's changing into her robe.

Wants to know if she can have
a cigarette before the procedure.

I don't recommend it, but if she insists.

I heard you and Virginia are gonna
help Jane's single friend, Keith.

It's being discussed.

That's a good thing,
taking care of single people.

It's funny, 'cause we've been getting
a bunch of calls from single women lately,

asking if we can impregnate them
using donor sperm from the bank.

I don't know. Go figure.

So, can we?

The question has never
arisen before, but, no.

"No"?

You know, so I can tell
them when they call.

For starters, I'd have to ask why a woman
would want to pursue single motherhood.

Well, it's nothing new.
Husbands die or leave all the time.

But you can't compare attrition
to trying to make it happen.

It's an incredibly difficult path,
undertaken all alone.

What if she raised the child with a friend,
say, you know,

someone who'd be there to help out?

Friends move, they have lives of their own.

You can't expect a friend
to make an 18-year commitment

to a child that's not even their own.

What if a friend
could make that commitment?

What if a friend was family?

A healthy, single woman does
not need me to inseminate her.

A couple of gin and tonics
and the guy one bar stool over

would be just as effective.

I got together with Gil when he was 12.

I was right out of college,

and he had just left the Cleveland Zoo.

Here you go.

I mean, in many ways,
we really grew up together.

I just... I can't believe Gil's not mating.

For how long?

A little over a year now.

But Gil is a class "A" breeder.

Who's his trainer?

Does she have any experience with primates?

I mean, you just can't just get some bozo
who has been cleaning up after giraffes

and stick them in there with Gil.
I mean, there's an art.

Gil's new trainer is a man.

There's your problem, right there.

Gil has to have a female attendant.

Someone who can stroke his ego,
and let him know that he's the king.

Did you know that Gil's birthday
is the exact same day as Elvis?

No, we didn't.

Yeah. It was always a
little joke between us,

who was the real king?

A joke between you and Gil?

What I am saying is that no man
will be able to care for Gil.

He needs a woman.

Did you ever witness Gil mating,
back when he was mating successfully?

There was nothing that went on
with Gil that I wasn't there for.

Would you care to elaborate?

Well, after he and a female
would get acquainted,

I'd sit with Gil and let him know
how big and strong he was,

what a catch he was.

You know, just cheer him on a bit.

That is hard to believe.

That you would just talk to Gil,
and he was able to perform.

With me, Gil sired 21 offspring,

seven different females
from zoos all over the country.

So, I'd say it was enough.

But besides words of encouragement,

was there anything else that you'd do to

help Gil along?

What is that supposed to mean?

Well, would you...

We just...

Look, I don't know what you've heard,
okay, but Gil and I were friends.

Close friends, devoted friends.
But friends, and that's all.

So, if you will excuse me...

Of course.

Thank you so much for your time.

Miss Gladwin,

would you ever consider
returning to the zoo to help Gil

get past whatever barrier it is
that's holding him back?

I'm sorry. That would be a little
too painful for both of us.

After Gil and I split, I mean,
I was just a mess.

I couldn't leave my house.

I couldn't eat and I couldn't sleep.

I am just now getting my
life back into order.

So, no.

You're on your own.

Thank you.

I don't want to go to bed yet.

A kiss doesn't always mean
I'm sending you off.

I was just thinking that I'm going to go
next door and check in on Mr Edley.

And Mrs Edley?

Yes, of course. Mrs Edley, too.

See how they're doing.

Can I stay up until you get back?

Yes.

Goodbye, Ernie Nevers.

John?

It's awfully late for you, isn't it?

Mom's letting me stay
up until she gets back.

Back from?

Next door. The Edleys.

Is there something burning?

Maybe.

Maybe Mom burned some plastic wrap.

She's been pretty distracted lately.

- So, how was school?
- I'm really tired.

I'm going to go to bed.

It's for the apartment. If you agree.

Look, just go. Take your
cheque and just go.

I don't blame you for
being furious with me.

I cannot begin to apologise for what I did.

For telling you what I knew about Joy.

It was not mine to tell.

Well, we can't unring
that bell now, can we?

And what difference would it make anyway?
Libby, I was going to find out soon enough,

when I walked through that door and
found a Dear John letter on the counter.

Or wasn't that how Joy
planned on telling me?

What was her plan exactly?

- I don't know about that.
- Something you don't know.

I have to admit, whatever it was, it
worked, in its own sick kind of way.

Being totally clueless as to
what was really happening here.

It made taking care of her seem noble.

- But now...
- I know.

You're left with pain and confusion
and resentment.

Don't tell me what I feel.

I will tell you because I know.

I know how precious illusions can be.

I know how they can keep you alive.

I know because it has been so long

since I had any about my own life.

Sometimes, I sit in that apartment
and I pretend

that my husband is gonna
walk through the door.

But not as he is now,
but from another, earlier time.

And I sit there thinking, "God,
If I can just keep this dream alive",

"just for a little while,
just a little bit each day,"

"then maybe it will allow me
to go home to the real Bill."

- I can't hear this.
- Please don't turn away from me!

What do you want from me?

These past few months, all I have wanted
to see come through that door is you.

That's the only thing I had
to look forward to. That was it.

And you took it, along with
my illusions about my wife.

Keep the apartment. It's yours.

She sounded like a good candidate.

We need to find someone
who's going to be a good surrogate,

not scare a guy out of hiccups.

We need to keep looking.

- Why? You just keep rejecting them all.
- We haven't found the right girl.

F-34-21 was good.

F-34-21 is Sue,
the supply secretary from Memorial.

She once threw a stapler
at a guy in a wheelchair.

That's not exactly the helping hand
that Keith needs.

This is F-12-22.

Don't shut that off, Lester. That's me.

I know who it is.

Then look at it.

You filmed this.

It's how you fell in love with me.

Well, maybe not that shot.

Why are you showing this to me?

Because I want you to remember
how this all started.

Lester, I knew from the very beginning
that this work was groundbreaking.

That what Dr Masters and Virginia
were doing was brave and fearless,

and it made me feel brave
and fearless, too.

It's why I volunteered way back then,

and it's why I want to volunteer now.

As a surrogate. For Keith.

You want to boff somebody
from Mr Taybor's drama class?

I wanna contribute. I wanna help.

Are you insane?

How does humping old friend Keith
help me, or our kids, or our marriage?

Well, you've dedicated your life
to this work, haven't you?

And what about when you
were in Keith's shoes?

I overheard Dr Masters and Virginia
talking about you and Barb.

Why didn't you tell me you were impotent?

That you and Barb participated in the work?

Because it's not the kind of thing
you blab about to your wife.

Because the whole reason
I was impotent to begin with

was because you dumped me
for some dickhead director,

and I fell apart.

Because you broke my heart.

And it was all just so very humiliating.

But you got the help that you needed.

Here, you were cured.

I know he deserves help.

God, if anyone knows, it's me.

You were cured, and I came back to you.

Because it's you that I love, Lester.

It's Keith I just wanna help.

If we're going to do this,
we should do it now.

Give it one shot, one shot only.

However long it takes, Bill.

Because if this were any other suffering
male, you'd be the first one to help.

A suffering human male, yes.

And I am arguing that there may not be
as much of a difference as you'd think.

We tell his trainer to take the day off.

- Today?
- Get it over with.

Do our best.

I suppose it wasn't that long ago
I was a suffering creature also,

as you pointed out.

And you saved me, so...

Good morning.
I have a proposition for you two.

- Actually, we're in the middle of...
- Come in, Dan. What's on your mind?

So, my company is debuting
our new popcorn butter flavouring

tonight at the premiere of
The Ghost and Mr Chicken,

over at the Hi-Pointe Theatre.

And I thought,
"Who doesn't love Don Knotts?"

Barney Fife is a staple in my home.

Captain Harry Little,
The Last Time I Saw Archie?

Henry and I saw that three times.

Which is why I thought it might be fun
to invite the entire office.

Our office? That's very thoughtful.

Your gang seems game to come
because I've already run it by them.

That is very generous of you, Dan.

It does sound like fun, doesn't it, Bill?

I think we could all use a little time off.

Absolutely, we could.

Unfortunately, we do have to work tonight.

No, we have to work today.

Well, we don't know
how long this is gonna take.

So then, let's move it until tomorrow.

One more night curled around a Tyre swing
isn't going to make any difference.

It'll make a difference to Gil.

Wasn't that your point to me, Virginia?

Virginia was just saying I have
a soft spot for any suffering male.

Yes, it's almost a knee-jerk
reaction with Bill.

And while no one appreciates
Don Knotts more than I...

A suffering male.

He was very good on Steve Allen.

I'm sure that was him.

And I'm also a huge fan
of popcorn with butter.

Butter-like flavour. Even better.

Which is why it's such a shame
that Mrs Johnson and I are busy

with all this work on our plates.

But, please do, certainly,
take the rest of the office.

They'll love it.

I was just telling Virginia the other day

how important I think it is
to spend time away from work.

Has Virginia spoken to you about the case?

It's fascinating. Really.

Mrs Johnson and I are essentially
reaching back through time

to understand the nature of
evolutionary attraction.

The patient is an unusual one.

Who requires extra care.

So, sadly, we will have to leave
Mr Chicken's ghost to you.

You sure about that, Virginia?
You really can't break away?

We are very busy, Dan.

We're doing an interview
with Newsweek tomorrow.

Plus this very challenging
case, as we said.

Aren't all cases a challenge?

No, not like this one.

Because?

It's a gorilla.

Sorry, but I need the PDR
if I'm going to file properly.

Good. Tessie, you can meet Dan.
Mr Logan, say hello to my daughter.

Tessie, this is Mr Logan.

He's the one doing the scent tests
that I told you about.

Nice to meet you, Mr Logan.

A pleasure.

No reason to be nervous.
Dr Masters is completely respectful.

It's sensory therapy,
so it'll just be you and me.

I sound like I ran a marathon.

It's okay.

Relax.

That you were willing to do this
for me, Jane, I can never...

You're welcome.

It's...

How long until...

As Virginia says, it's a process.

I'm here with you.

So, for now, just listen to the
sound of my voice as I tell you...

Who's a handsome gorilla?

Who's a big, strong boy?

Go on, Gil.

Go to her. Look, she's ready.

You're the king, remember?

Yes, you are. You can... You can do this.

How much more time
are we going to give this?

It's a process, Virginia.
You know that better than I.

Yes, but I've now used
every encouraging word

that I've ever uttered to any male, ever.

He's listening.

I know that he's listening,
but somehow it's not enough.

This was a mistake.

To think that we could ever
convince another species,

- that I could convince another...
- He is 98% us.

But he's not us, and this is nothing
more than hubris on my part.

Maybe just move towards him.
Just a little bit closer.

Try again.

Do you remember the other day, Gil?

You liked me then, didn't you?

I can always tell when someone
is interested in me.

It's all right, you can look at me.

I'm here to help you.

I'm here, look at me.

I'm here to help you.

Okay. All right, now go...

Go to her, Gil. That's good.

Go on.

He wants... He wants your breast.

Loretta was a full-figured woman.

He wants...

He wants Loretta's breast.

No one gives of themselves
like you, Virginia.

You saved me,
now it's Gil's turn to be saved.

What are you doing here?

I had nowhere else to go.

Hiya, Hank!

We fooled him.

We're going to use this thing on me?

It's a catheter.
I'm going to slip it up into your...

You know, your cervix.

And then I'm going to shoot
the little swimmers in with it.

But do we have time?

Because, you know the book said
that the sperm takes a half hour to thaw,

and then you've gotta put it up me,
and then I have to sit still for one hour.

Helen, it's 2:00 in the morning,

Hank doesn't wanna know
what we're doing in here,

I think we're safe.

This is a really big decision, Betts.

I mean, you know,
deciding who to pick for the donation.

I thought this guy seemed good.

"6'1", 180 pounds, eyes green, brown hair."

Yeah, I got nothing against him,

but he could also be anyone. What else?

What "what else"? That's it.
It's all done anonymously,

so we're always gonna be a little
short on pertinent information.

What about character?

Helen, it's sperm.

We add the character.

It's not just sperm! It could be anybody.

It could be Lee Harvey Oswald's sperm.

It could be the sperm
of the Cincinnati Strangler,

Richard Nixon, by way of example.

You know, this is when
I just wish that you were just...

This is when you wish that you
were just one of the regular folks,

'cause regular folks just...
They just get what they get.

They don't have all this
responsibility of choosing.

It should be a big responsibility.
We're making a baby.

I do envy the regular folks, though.

At least they have some idea of what kind
of kid they're gonna get on the other end.

They don't even have photos
of the donors in here.

- I mean, not that looks are everything.
- Well, they're not nothing either.

But smarts matter.

A good heart matters most.

When we have our kid,
no matter who she is or who he is,

we're gonna love 'em like crazy.

Maybe people just say that 'cause
they're stuck with what they got.

'Cause they didn't have a choice.

Well, what choice do we have?
It's either this or nothing, right?

Actually, I might know someone

who's a whole lot better than nothing.

I talked with Zookeeper Steve this morning.

They were astounded at
our success with Gil.

Can't imagine how we
managed to pull that off.

Well, what happened yesterday

was no solution at all.

I wasn't looking for a solution,
I was looking for an answer.

To what?

Whether or not it could be done.

Whether I could do it. We could do it.

And we did.

There's something for Newsweek to chew on.

We will not tell Newsweek about this.

Gil proves that performance-based
dysfunction is so rooted in our psyche

that not even the most primitive of us,
under certain stresses,

are immune to its effects.

But more importantly,

that these dysfunctions can be repaired.

By us.

And why not let Newsweek print the story

that says Masters and Johnson
can fix anyone, even an ape?

Because it's not true.

We can straighten out anything
that human beings manage to screw up.

We can't, Bill. And you know it.

That was a fluke, not a cure,
which is why we cannot say it.

Some doctor's office, where you can get
syphilis from breathing the air.

What kind of orthopedist works here?

These women don't need an orthopedist?

On their feet all day,
twisting themselves in knots.

Can you imagine the wear and tear?

But for us? For our baby?

Honey, honey, he's a doctor
with a face like a movie star

and a body that looks like it should be
throwing thunderbolts from a cloud.

If you want our baby
to have the best head start,

- this is how we do it.
- Can I help you ladies?

- Austin, it's so good to see you!
- Betty, how are you?

- I'm good.
- Good.

This is my girlfriend Helen.

- Hi, Helen, nice to meet you.
- Hi.

Girlfriends as in pals from high school,
or girlfriends as in the previous act?

We're lovers, Austin.

Okay.

Whatever works, ladies.

So, what did you want to speak to me about?

We have a favour to ask.

And your most significant case to date?

We consider each and every case
significant in its own way.

Any chance of narrowing that down a little?

Maybe there's a celebrity angle
that we can share with our readers?

Each case, taken together, makes up
the body of our scientific study.

How about you, Dr Masters?
You care to respond?

I agree with Mrs Johnson
that each case matters on its own merits.

But, if I were to choose one case

that stood out as particularly meaningful,

it would have to be the
one involving an ape.

Al "The Ape" Neely
and his wife, Isabella Ricci.

I'm so glad you brought them up.

Since they themselves have been so public
about their treatment with us,

I feel we can say they're patients,
although I can't divulge specifics.

All right then, in a general way,
what about their case is significant?

Well,

let's take, as an example, a real ape,

taken out of its natural habitat,

is a good way of understanding
what happened with the Neelys.

Because if you take that ape

and damage it

in ways that only humans
can inflict damage,

watch it turn itself
into something it's not,

then our job is to take
those shattered parts

and bring them together

and allow, through a successful coupling,

those wounds

to finally heal.

I figured now that I
know your taste in men,

I'd give it another chance
and ask you out to the movies.

God, you're drenched.

How long have you been sitting there?

Hours.

And I jammed the zipper putting it on,

so I'm not sure I'm ever
going to be able to get this thing off.

I suppose the only difference
between you and every other man

is that you wear your ape on the outside.

I get the feeling this wasn't a good idea.

I know that you were trying to be sweet.

What happened?

What went wrong?

We were successful.

He mated.

But?

But he needed some encouragement.

From me.

And I think I may have
taken it a little too far.

What's too far?

I showed my...

But did you kiss him?

No.

No, I didn't.

Well, good.