Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:37,320
Oh, here he comes - Mr Mop.
2
00:00:37,320 --> 00:00:39,600
I don't use a mop, as well you know.
3
00:00:39,600 --> 00:00:40,880
What are we looking at?
4
00:00:40,880 --> 00:00:43,600
The most boring bloodbath
I've ever seen.
5
00:00:43,600 --> 00:00:46,160
Posh old lady disturbs burglar.
He falls down the stairs
6
00:00:46,160 --> 00:00:48,120
and dies. Case closed.
7
00:00:48,120 --> 00:00:49,680
Didn't stretch the DC's expertise.
8
00:00:49,680 --> 00:00:51,160
Poor old girl, though.
9
00:00:51,160 --> 00:00:53,040
Oh, I wouldn't shed
too many tears for her.
10
00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:54,480
She's a pain in the arse. Tony!
11
00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:56,120
What have I told you? Sorry.
12
00:00:57,400 --> 00:00:59,720
He's right.
She's a pain in the arse.
13
00:00:59,720 --> 00:01:03,480
Get her precious floorboards clean,
and I'll aim to bring you
something more juicy next time.
14
00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:05,080
Yeah, just no blood on curtains.
15
00:01:05,080 --> 00:01:06,920
You've got a compulsion
to kill - fine.
16
00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:08,440
Do it in the bath!
17
00:01:08,440 --> 00:01:10,480
How come you weren't at Villa
on Saturday?
18
00:01:10,480 --> 00:01:12,600
Someone was sick in my shoes.
19
00:01:12,600 --> 00:01:14,600
Weasel? Of course Weasel.
20
00:01:14,600 --> 00:01:16,240
Why do you keep hanging out
with him?
21
00:01:16,240 --> 00:01:17,560
I don't hang out with him.
22
00:01:17,560 --> 00:01:20,560
I've been asking him to stop
following me since primary school.
23
00:01:20,560 --> 00:01:22,680
Took me ages to get 'em clean.
24
00:01:22,680 --> 00:01:24,560
Poor Mr Mop - always cleaning.
25
00:01:24,560 --> 00:01:26,320
I don't use a mop, though,
do I, Ruth?
26
00:01:26,320 --> 00:01:28,920
Oh, that's Sergeant Edwards,
if you don't mind.
27
00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:39,920
Hello?
28
00:01:39,920 --> 00:01:41,560
Hello, it's Wicky from Lausen.
29
00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:44,440
Who? Lausen, the cleaning company.
30
00:01:44,440 --> 00:01:45,720
The police sent us.
31
00:01:45,720 --> 00:01:48,760
Well, you're not the charming
elderly gentleman I spoke to.
32
00:01:48,760 --> 00:01:50,920
No, that's the boss. He sent me.
33
00:01:50,920 --> 00:01:52,800
Although,
when it comes to charm, I...
34
00:01:52,800 --> 00:01:53,960
And you are?
35
00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:55,120
Wicky.
36
00:01:55,120 --> 00:01:57,080
And that's on your
birth certificate, is it?
37
00:01:57,080 --> 00:01:59,880
Sorry, Paul Wickstead.
It's Wicky for short.
38
00:01:59,880 --> 00:02:01,160
ID, please.
39
00:02:03,880 --> 00:02:05,200
Step back!
40
00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:07,640
It's not a wide-angled lens, man!
41
00:02:07,640 --> 00:02:08,960
Jesus. Sorry, Nana.
42
00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:11,400
Did you call me Nana?
43
00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:13,400
No. You did.
44
00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:14,800
You called me Nana.
45
00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:17,400
Perhaps you'd like to meet Saltren.
46
00:02:17,400 --> 00:02:18,920
Kill him, Saltren!
47
00:02:18,920 --> 00:02:20,320
Bite to kill! Jesus!
48
00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:22,600
There's no need to set
a bloody dog on me. I'm only...
49
00:02:25,120 --> 00:02:27,680
I don't have a dog. You don't?
50
00:02:34,760 --> 00:02:37,400
Listen, I'm sorry
about the Nana thing.
51
00:02:37,400 --> 00:02:38,560
Boots off, please!
52
00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:40,120
Oh, I've got covers.
53
00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:41,760
Professionalism at last.
54
00:02:48,280 --> 00:02:51,200
That vase - how much
do you think it's worth?
55
00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:52,360
Pfft.
56
00:02:52,360 --> 00:02:53,800
200 quid.
57
00:02:53,800 --> 00:02:58,280
It was valued at auction at £20,000.
58
00:02:58,280 --> 00:03:00,680
Jesus Christ!
What's it doing in the hall?
59
00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:01,720
Exactly.
60
00:03:01,720 --> 00:03:05,600
This is not a house where
you may flail your arms around.
61
00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:08,640
In here, your movement
must be poised, thoughtful.
62
00:03:08,640 --> 00:03:11,520
You must be a heron.
63
00:03:11,520 --> 00:03:13,360
What must you be?
64
00:03:15,640 --> 00:03:16,680
A heron?
65
00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:18,320
A heron.
66
00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:37,680
So where did it happen?
67
00:03:37,680 --> 00:03:39,520
I'm kidding.
I can see it happened there.
68
00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:41,120
Sorry. Was it awful?
69
00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:42,360
It must have been awful.
70
00:03:42,360 --> 00:03:43,520
Devastating.
71
00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:46,080
Absolutely devastating.
72
00:03:46,080 --> 00:03:48,960
Oh, the...the footprints
are from my cat.
73
00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:50,320
She has been disciplined.
74
00:03:53,960 --> 00:03:55,720
Primarily surface-level staining.
75
00:03:55,720 --> 00:03:57,120
Original oak floorboards.
76
00:03:57,120 --> 00:03:58,720
I mean, they're more
porous than some,
77
00:03:58,720 --> 00:03:59,960
but not a disaster.
78
00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:03,320
Yeah, full restoration.
OK, this is a category six.
79
00:04:03,320 --> 00:04:04,960
A category six?
80
00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:06,440
Surface-level staining.
81
00:04:06,440 --> 00:04:08,080
You got off very lightly,
believe me.
82
00:04:08,080 --> 00:04:10,000
Yesterday was
a lump hammer killing
83
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:12,320
in a head teacher's office.
I practically had to torch the gaff.
84
00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:14,320
Oh. No, this is fine.
85
00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:15,800
Don't you worry.
86
00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:18,720
By the end of the day,
it will be a distant memory
87
00:04:18,720 --> 00:04:21,960
that a man bled to death here,
in your home.
88
00:04:23,080 --> 00:04:24,240
To business.
89
00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:28,320
I'm sorry.
90
00:04:28,320 --> 00:04:30,840
I'm sorry, it must have been awful.
91
00:04:30,840 --> 00:04:33,280
It's a miracle that I survived.
92
00:04:33,280 --> 00:04:36,880
At first, I thought the noise
that woke me must be the cat.
93
00:04:36,880 --> 00:04:39,560
God knows, she's a heavy-footed
madam when she's tired.
94
00:04:39,560 --> 00:04:41,520
When I came to check...
95
00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:45,200
..there he was.
96
00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:48,320
He must have thought that I was...
97
00:04:48,320 --> 00:04:51,200
..I was out,
because he looked shocked.
98
00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:54,200
And that's when he took out
a knife...this big!
99
00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:55,840
Yikes.
100
00:04:55,840 --> 00:04:58,400
He pushed me into the chair
with such a force,
101
00:04:58,400 --> 00:05:00,520
I still feel like I've been skiing!
102
00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:02,320
God, skiing? Shit.
103
00:05:02,320 --> 00:05:05,840
And then he demanded to know
where the jewel safe was,
104
00:05:05,840 --> 00:05:08,600
and I was not going to reveal that.
105
00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:10,200
Hey! Now, that is silly.
106
00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:12,240
Jewellery's not worth dying for...
107
00:05:12,240 --> 00:05:14,480
..unless it's really nice jewellery.
108
00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:16,920
Yours is really nice jewellery,
isn't it?
109
00:05:16,920 --> 00:05:20,320
And that is exactly why
I feigned passing out.
110
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,000
Clever girl.
111
00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:23,200
Sorry. Lady.
112
00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:24,640
Person. Go on.
113
00:05:24,640 --> 00:05:28,240
Well, I continued
to monitor him through one eye.
114
00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:29,680
Classic half-peep.
115
00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:31,520
Sounds like you played a blinder.
116
00:05:31,520 --> 00:05:32,880
Well, a peeper.
117
00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:34,680
Doesn't matter.
Peepy blinders. Go on.
118
00:05:34,680 --> 00:05:36,960
Well, I stealthily observed him
119
00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:39,520
lowering swag through the window,
120
00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:43,040
and he... Oh, I can barely
bring myself to say it.
121
00:05:44,560 --> 00:05:46,680
He was... Oh, it was monstrous!
122
00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:47,920
It was awful!
123
00:05:47,920 --> 00:05:49,480
Oh, God, what?
124
00:05:49,480 --> 00:05:52,680
He stood on the sofa!
125
00:05:54,240 --> 00:05:55,360
The cad!
126
00:05:55,360 --> 00:05:56,640
I leapt to my feet.
127
00:05:56,640 --> 00:05:58,080
"You!" I said.
128
00:05:58,080 --> 00:06:01,480
"You may break into my home
and rob my possessions,
129
00:06:01,480 --> 00:06:05,480
"but you will not stand
on that sofa in dirty shoes!"
130
00:06:05,480 --> 00:06:08,200
He must have put the knife away
and died of embarrassment.
131
00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:10,280
Quite the reverse.
132
00:06:10,280 --> 00:06:14,640
A smirk crept across
his dastardly lips.
133
00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:17,800
"This is what I think
about your chair,
134
00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:20,400
"you crumpled hag," he said.
135
00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:25,120
And with one swift,
awful movement, he did it.
136
00:06:26,440 --> 00:06:27,720
What, the rip?
137
00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:30,520
Well, as my grandson would say,
138
00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:32,360
I lost my shiz.
139
00:06:32,360 --> 00:06:35,280
You kicked him in the throat.
I threw a cushion at him.
140
00:06:35,280 --> 00:06:36,440
Also good.
141
00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:38,000
It was a heavy cushion?
142
00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:39,440
Well, he gave chase,
143
00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:43,400
following me
to the foot of the stairs.
144
00:06:43,400 --> 00:06:45,720
But I have maintained senior Pilates
145
00:06:45,720 --> 00:06:48,320
and am stronger
than he had bargained for.
146
00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:53,280
We grappled,
but he lost his footing.
147
00:06:53,280 --> 00:06:55,480
He grabbed at the shields,
the clubs,
148
00:06:55,480 --> 00:06:58,200
anything on the wall.
149
00:06:58,200 --> 00:07:00,800
No respect for any one of them.
150
00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:02,400
Then the die was cast.
151
00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:04,480
I watched him tumble,
152
00:07:04,480 --> 00:07:06,680
as if in a dream,
153
00:07:06,680 --> 00:07:09,000
his fall broken...
154
00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:11,080
..by his own head.
155
00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:14,720
Sheesh!
156
00:07:14,720 --> 00:07:17,800
The sound his neck made on impact
157
00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:19,840
will haunt me for life.
158
00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:21,680
It was like...
159
00:07:21,680 --> 00:07:23,400
Someone biting a Crunchie?
160
00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:26,080
A mighty oak finally succumbing
to the woodman's axe.
161
00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:27,560
Yeah, that's way better, yeah.
162
00:07:27,560 --> 00:07:31,840
I ran down to find him
gasping in lungfuls of air.
163
00:07:31,840 --> 00:07:34,800
He wasn't dead? I quickly arranged
him into the recovery position.
164
00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:36,200
Someone was a Brownie.
165
00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:38,560
I was a surgeon in the RAF!
166
00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:39,880
Yeah.
167
00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:42,480
I made him comfortable, but, alas,
168
00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:44,200
with a sickening gurgle...
169
00:07:46,080 --> 00:07:47,400
..he was gone.
170
00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:51,720
Well, I think it's pretty cool
that you even tried to help him.
171
00:07:51,720 --> 00:07:54,680
I have lived long enough
to know the right thing to do,
172
00:07:54,680 --> 00:07:56,080
young man. Ha!
173
00:07:56,080 --> 00:07:57,360
Next birthday...
174
00:07:58,760 --> 00:08:01,600
..I shall be 87 years of age.
175
00:08:01,600 --> 00:08:02,640
Right.
176
00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:07,360
You do not look 87.
177
00:08:08,760 --> 00:08:11,880
Oh, that silver tongue of yours
will get you anywhere.
178
00:08:13,720 --> 00:08:15,120
Right, I'd better get on.
179
00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:17,640
I have in mind you might care
for a pot of tea.
180
00:08:17,640 --> 00:08:20,040
I think I better earn it first,
don't you?
181
00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:22,960
And I'll start
by getting that taken away.
182
00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:25,520
What do you mean, taken away?
183
00:08:25,520 --> 00:08:27,160
Sorry, did you want it re-covered?
184
00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:29,600
Do you enjoy being
185
00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:31,320
an ignorant pig? Whoa!
186
00:08:32,320 --> 00:08:33,360
It's just a sofa.
187
00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:40,440
The Bulldog himself sat there.
188
00:08:40,440 --> 00:08:42,840
You're not talking about
a real dog, are you?
189
00:08:42,840 --> 00:08:45,560
Winston Churchill!
190
00:08:45,560 --> 00:08:46,960
Oh, him!
191
00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:49,080
Blimey, doesn't look like
it could take his weight.
192
00:08:49,080 --> 00:08:51,280
How dare you mock the great man!
193
00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:54,240
Well, I mean, he wasn't shy
at the buffet, was he?
194
00:08:54,240 --> 00:08:55,280
Sorry.
195
00:08:55,280 --> 00:08:57,280
Did you meet him?
196
00:08:57,280 --> 00:08:59,960
Fleetingly, as a small girl.
197
00:08:59,960 --> 00:09:01,840
My name is Vivien Hozier.
198
00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:05,200
I am a niece three times removed.
199
00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:07,960
My granny could get
her whole hand in her mouth.
200
00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:11,240
It has a rich history.
201
00:09:11,240 --> 00:09:14,000
Balfour smoked on this very sofa,
202
00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:16,360
Chamberlain sipped tea
from the colonies
203
00:09:16,360 --> 00:09:18,680
long before Winston faced
204
00:09:18,680 --> 00:09:20,440
that twisted Austrian. Who?
205
00:09:20,440 --> 00:09:21,600
Hitler.
206
00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:23,000
Hitler sat on it?
207
00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:24,360
Cool!
208
00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:26,720
Hitler did not sit on it,
for God's sake.
209
00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:29,200
It is a symbol of everything
that defeated him.
210
00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:33,920
When we heard that my father
had fallen in Normandy...
211
00:09:35,320 --> 00:09:39,800
I have mourned
on this very sofa!
212
00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:41,960
Right! I won't get it taken away.
213
00:09:41,960 --> 00:09:43,160
Hey...
214
00:09:45,640 --> 00:09:46,680
Sorry.
215
00:09:47,680 --> 00:09:49,680
My dad always said
I've got a smart mouth,
216
00:09:49,680 --> 00:09:51,160
but it's not connected to a brain.
217
00:09:52,440 --> 00:09:54,160
He made up a song about it,
actually.
218
00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:56,160
He's a terrible role model.
219
00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:00,160
You are a simple working man,
220
00:10:00,160 --> 00:10:02,120
I understand that.
221
00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:03,320
Yes. Yes.
222
00:10:03,320 --> 00:10:06,160
You just want to do your job
and get home.
223
00:10:06,160 --> 00:10:07,400
I'll do a good job.
224
00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:09,640
Probably can't even read or write.
225
00:10:09,640 --> 00:10:10,680
Hang on.
226
00:10:10,680 --> 00:10:14,640
Try and see this
as a piece of history,
227
00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:17,560
not somewhere to break wind
and watch television.
228
00:10:17,560 --> 00:10:19,080
Do you have a television?
229
00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:20,440
Yeah.
230
00:10:20,440 --> 00:10:22,480
Yeah, I'm going to get on.
231
00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:25,760
I shall warm the pot!
232
00:10:25,760 --> 00:10:27,520
How many sugars do you take?
233
00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:29,960
I don't take sugar. Oh...
234
00:10:44,760 --> 00:10:47,520
I must say I'm impressed.
235
00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:50,640
You work with devouement.
236
00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:53,560
I think you'll find
I work with acetone.
237
00:10:53,560 --> 00:10:56,000
Another little joke.
238
00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:57,520
Your job makes you happy.
239
00:10:57,520 --> 00:11:00,240
I like that. It's just a job.
240
00:11:03,520 --> 00:11:05,880
He really did bleed,
this bloke, didn't he?
241
00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:09,400
And would one...? Would one
have to train to be a...?
242
00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:11,600
A crime scene cleaner? Mm.
243
00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:13,880
Of course one would train.
Yes, of course.
244
00:11:13,880 --> 00:11:16,240
Well, you're a cut above
the woman who does the house.
245
00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:18,720
I mean, she can barely
dress herself.
246
00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:20,400
You like your little role,
don't you?
247
00:11:22,360 --> 00:11:24,720
Well, I wouldn't do it
if I didn't have to, but...
248
00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:28,240
..you do get to see how people live.
249
00:11:28,240 --> 00:11:31,040
I mean, I say live -
they're mainly horribly dead,
250
00:11:31,040 --> 00:11:34,280
but it's a taste of another life,
do you know what I mean?
251
00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:38,960
It sounds stupid, but...
252
00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:41,320
Well, go on.
253
00:11:41,320 --> 00:11:44,360
If someone's died
in their own home,
254
00:11:44,360 --> 00:11:47,000
I, uh, I like putting things
right for them.
255
00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:49,600
"Put things right." How noble.
256
00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:52,480
Well, better for things
to be left as they were
257
00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:54,720
in the happy times,
you know, before...
258
00:11:54,720 --> 00:11:57,080
Well, before their brains got
splattered all over the carpet.
259
00:11:57,080 --> 00:11:59,080
Oh, for God's sake, man. Sorry,
260
00:11:59,080 --> 00:12:01,480
but you be thankful
this one was fresh.
261
00:12:01,480 --> 00:12:03,680
If they've been left,
it can be rank.
262
00:12:03,680 --> 00:12:05,360
Rank? You don't want to know.
263
00:12:05,360 --> 00:12:08,680
Insects, bacteria - it's gross.
264
00:12:08,680 --> 00:12:10,160
There was one last week...
265
00:12:11,920 --> 00:12:14,640
I mean, the stench of decay
in that room,
266
00:12:14,640 --> 00:12:17,520
it was so heavy in the air,
267
00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:19,040
it was like...
268
00:12:19,040 --> 00:12:22,200
It was like my nan had farted
in my mouth.
269
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:24,160
And she only ate ham.
270
00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:25,600
Oh, God. Don't worry.
271
00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:28,200
That's only when I do work
for the council, you know,
272
00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:30,160
with old people who've...
273
00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:33,320
Died a solitary death, huh?
274
00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:36,880
I'm sure you will live
for many years to come.
275
00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:41,120
I shall die at 93,
like all the rest of my family.
276
00:12:41,120 --> 00:12:42,720
Leave me your card.
277
00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:45,320
I should like you
to put things right for me
278
00:12:45,320 --> 00:12:46,960
when the time comes.
279
00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:48,600
Oh, I shall pay in advance.
280
00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:51,120
Do you think you'll still
be cleaning in five years?
281
00:12:51,120 --> 00:12:53,520
And she still thinks
I'm just a cleaner.
282
00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:57,040
Observe. Oh, you can leave that.
283
00:12:57,040 --> 00:12:58,840
It's an old stain.
I've tried to get it out
284
00:12:58,840 --> 00:13:01,000
for over a decade. Is that right?
285
00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:02,040
Mm.
286
00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:11,560
Oh...
287
00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:16,400
Et voila!
288
00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:18,880
Oh! Looks like the training
paid off, doesn't it?
289
00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:20,240
Oh, it's a miracle!
290
00:13:20,240 --> 00:13:21,520
Could I borrow that?
291
00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:24,520
I have a job
it could make light work of.
292
00:13:24,520 --> 00:13:26,240
You'll have to get me to do it.
293
00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:28,480
This stuff's serious.
You have to have a permit.
294
00:13:28,480 --> 00:13:31,320
I once saw it dissolve
an entire mouse.
295
00:13:31,320 --> 00:13:33,360
You are rather good at what you do.
296
00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:35,120
You sound surprised. I am.
297
00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:36,640
Oh, believe me, I am.
298
00:13:38,080 --> 00:13:42,080
Not on there!
It's Regency, for God's sake!
299
00:13:42,080 --> 00:13:45,120
This is a very confusing
relationship!
300
00:14:02,560 --> 00:14:03,600
Miss Hozier?
301
00:14:07,440 --> 00:14:08,840
Miss Hozier?
302
00:14:21,480 --> 00:14:23,080
Shut up!
303
00:14:29,720 --> 00:14:33,280
Oh, my God! Do you want
my heart to explode?
304
00:14:33,280 --> 00:14:34,960
Tell me this isn't yours.
305
00:14:36,680 --> 00:14:40,440
This house has been
in my family for generations.
306
00:14:40,440 --> 00:14:42,320
It's all mine.
307
00:14:42,320 --> 00:14:43,840
You've got an Aston Martin?
308
00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:45,240
Oh, that old thing.
309
00:14:45,240 --> 00:14:47,680
That old...? This is a Volante.
310
00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:49,800
It's one of the most
beautiful cars ever made.
311
00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:52,200
What is it, a '79?
312
00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:53,480
'80, I think.
313
00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:55,600
'80. 5.3 litre.
314
00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:58,080
Have you any idea
how much this car's worth?
315
00:14:59,640 --> 00:15:01,160
At least five vases.
316
00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:06,280
Do you know what?
317
00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:09,160
I sometimes imagine that
I'm cleaning up for the Mob,
318
00:15:09,160 --> 00:15:11,000
like after someone's been whacked,
319
00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:13,960
and this - this is my getaway car.
320
00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:16,680
It's about the only way
I could afford one.
321
00:15:16,680 --> 00:15:20,040
I thought we had established
that crime doesn't pay.
322
00:15:21,520 --> 00:15:22,760
Ah, that'll be Sir James.
323
00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:27,200
Hey, what was it
you wanted me to clean?
324
00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:30,600
Where is the bastard now?
325
00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:32,440
I'll flog him myself!
326
00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:35,000
He died in the struggle.
He fell down the stairs.
327
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:38,280
Good! I've a mind to go to
the morgue and flog him anyway.
328
00:15:38,280 --> 00:15:42,160
Who would do this
to an artefact, Sir James?
329
00:15:42,160 --> 00:15:44,320
They don't know right from wrong!
330
00:15:44,320 --> 00:15:46,920
Morals of a...howler monkey!
331
00:15:46,920 --> 00:15:50,040
I'm amazed he didn't do toilet
on it afterwards.
332
00:15:50,040 --> 00:15:52,560
Now, have the police
secured the building?
333
00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:53,960
Oh, they've sent a man,
334
00:15:53,960 --> 00:15:55,800
and he has nailed down
the window for us.
335
00:15:55,800 --> 00:15:57,040
Yeah.
336
00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:59,360
Ah! Total botched job!
337
00:15:59,360 --> 00:16:02,880
They're not trained for anything,
that's the problem.
338
00:16:02,880 --> 00:16:05,800
I remember the time when
a bobby was a military man.
339
00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:09,960
Discipline! Nowadays,
it's children in long hats.
340
00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:12,640
Hiya. I know the police sergeant
in charge, actually,
341
00:16:12,640 --> 00:16:13,840
and she's very good.
342
00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:15,240
Who the hell are you?
343
00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:17,840
Oh, this is Wicky. He's come
to help clean up the mess.
344
00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:21,000
Ah! A male cleaner!
345
00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:22,440
The world's gone mad.
346
00:16:23,920 --> 00:16:26,840
Women in pubs drinking pints.
347
00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:30,040
Two boys taking over
Penny's flower shop.
348
00:16:30,040 --> 00:16:31,160
I'm telling you,
349
00:16:31,160 --> 00:16:34,200
within our lifetime,
we will be swapping clothes
350
00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:36,480
and having sex with robots!
351
00:16:37,640 --> 00:16:39,200
They're looking into that, you know.
352
00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:42,360
Well, apparently, he's trained.
353
00:16:42,360 --> 00:16:43,560
He has some special fluid.
354
00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:46,960
You don't need chemicals
on that stair, you need tallow.
355
00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:49,160
What's tallow? Gah, I knew it.
356
00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:51,160
I have some tallow. Oh.
357
00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:55,080
I predicted this when I played golf
with the Chief Inspector
358
00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:56,120
last week.
359
00:16:57,400 --> 00:17:01,280
Oh, there is social housing
a moped ride from here.
360
00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:04,480
All on benefits. Imagine...
361
00:17:04,480 --> 00:17:06,960
They only go out of the house
to rob.
362
00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:09,240
Rest of the time,
they're on their video games.
363
00:17:09,240 --> 00:17:12,720
Won't be long before
they evolve giant thumbs.
364
00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:14,720
And what then, huh? Well,
365
00:17:14,720 --> 00:17:16,400
hopefully, they'll starve to death
366
00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:19,280
because they can no longer open
their precious bags of crisps.
367
00:17:19,280 --> 00:17:21,120
Tallow!
368
00:17:21,120 --> 00:17:22,400
Yeah, good girl.
369
00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:24,120
Here.
370
00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:26,200
Apply that.
371
00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:27,640
Sorry, what is this?
372
00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:29,680
Mutton fat!
373
00:17:29,680 --> 00:17:31,680
I don't think I'm going to
put that on the carpet,
374
00:17:31,680 --> 00:17:34,400
because I think it might be insane.
375
00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:35,640
There you have it.
376
00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:37,720
Traditional skills lost forever.
377
00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:40,320
Right, until this house
is properly secured,
378
00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:42,080
I want the whole area patrolled.
379
00:17:42,080 --> 00:17:44,000
I'll go and put together a roster
380
00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:46,120
from some of the Pony Club boys.
381
00:17:46,120 --> 00:17:47,160
Gay boyband?
382
00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:52,120
You ever been chased
by a mounted man?
383
00:17:52,120 --> 00:17:53,960
Not for ages.
384
00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:57,280
A protester I once pursued
soiled himself,
385
00:17:57,280 --> 00:17:58,680
front and back,
386
00:17:58,680 --> 00:18:01,480
after merely hearing
the thunder of hooves on turf.
387
00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:05,280
The environment was
the least of his concerns,
388
00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:07,720
I can tell you. Hmph.
389
00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:11,440
We will hunt them down like vermin.
390
00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:13,520
You're so kind.
391
00:18:16,440 --> 00:18:17,480
Yeah.
392
00:18:17,480 --> 00:18:19,800
Bring a shotgun
when I come back tomorrow.
393
00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:23,280
You need a weapon in this house.
394
00:18:23,280 --> 00:18:24,320
A weapon!
395
00:18:40,800 --> 00:18:43,120
Sir James is very well connected.
396
00:18:43,120 --> 00:18:44,600
He seems lovely. Mm.
397
00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:48,480
I still can't believe the blood
came this far, you know.
398
00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:51,080
Doesn't make sense
from a neck break.
399
00:18:52,120 --> 00:18:53,360
Where were you standing?
400
00:18:53,360 --> 00:18:55,720
Oh... In the middle of the stairs.
401
00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:57,720
So why weren't you covered in it?
402
00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:00,600
I... It must have missed me.
403
00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:02,800
No, no, the spatter pattern means...
404
00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:04,560
It means that you would have been...
405
00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:07,080
Well, I must get on.
406
00:19:07,080 --> 00:19:08,240
Hang on.
407
00:19:10,640 --> 00:19:13,120
What was it you wanted me to clean?
408
00:19:13,120 --> 00:19:14,640
What?
409
00:19:14,640 --> 00:19:17,120
In the other room.
What was it you wanted me to clean?
410
00:19:17,120 --> 00:19:18,360
Oh...
411
00:19:18,360 --> 00:19:20,000
..it wasn't important.
412
00:19:21,040 --> 00:19:22,920
A brass pig.
413
00:19:22,920 --> 00:19:25,360
A brass pig?
414
00:19:25,360 --> 00:19:27,520
A brass pig, my arse.
415
00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:31,160
Where are you going?
416
00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:43,120
You've done a pretty good job
of getting it clean.
417
00:19:43,120 --> 00:19:45,520
But to make blood undetectable,
418
00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:48,160
you need a specialist fluid.
419
00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:51,680
I'll make a pot of tea.
420
00:19:58,640 --> 00:20:00,720
So he didn't die in the fall?
421
00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:03,440
Well, I thought he had at first.
422
00:20:03,440 --> 00:20:05,400
He really did land badly.
423
00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:07,520
The sound was like a...
424
00:20:07,520 --> 00:20:09,960
Yeah, yeah, mighty oak,
Crunchie. So?
425
00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:13,360
Well, I picked up one of the clubs
he pulled down in the fall.
426
00:20:13,360 --> 00:20:17,160
I wanted to be armed
in case he came for me.
427
00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:18,840
For when his broken neck had healed?
428
00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:20,680
I was going to call the police,
429
00:20:20,680 --> 00:20:22,920
I really was, but then I...
430
00:20:22,920 --> 00:20:24,080
..then I saw it again.
431
00:20:25,280 --> 00:20:26,680
How could he?!
432
00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:30,560
All of this heritage destroyed,
and for what?
433
00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:31,600
What?
434
00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:34,560
Not the damn chair again?!
435
00:20:34,560 --> 00:20:36,480
Barely remember picking up the club.
436
00:20:36,480 --> 00:20:39,280
It was a beautiful swing,
under the circumstances.
437
00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:40,480
I've been taking lessons.
438
00:20:40,480 --> 00:20:43,040
One clean stroke...
439
00:20:44,440 --> 00:20:45,840
..and it was done.
440
00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:48,200
You killed him? Well, anyone
would have done the same.
441
00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:49,520
I wouldn't!
442
00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:53,280
Well, what's done is done.
443
00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:56,680
I must get on.
444
00:20:56,680 --> 00:20:59,280
Wait! I can't let this go.
445
00:20:59,280 --> 00:21:01,560
I have to report it.
You murdered him!
446
00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:05,200
And who will believe the cleaner?
447
00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:07,240
I knew you didn't respect
the training.
448
00:21:07,240 --> 00:21:09,880
Oh, I have plenty of people
to vouch for my character.
449
00:21:09,880 --> 00:21:13,760
It's not inconceivable that
you dreamt the whole thing up.
450
00:21:13,760 --> 00:21:15,880
An admired member of the community
451
00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:18,760
blackmailed by an unskilled labourer.
452
00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:19,920
Unskilled?
453
00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:21,600
I cleaned your lamp!
454
00:21:21,600 --> 00:21:23,200
He was a common criminal.
455
00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:24,400
Who will miss him?
456
00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:26,520
How do you know
what was going on in his life?
457
00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:30,240
He might have a sick child.
Oh, put your violin away!
458
00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:32,520
An eye for an eye -
it's in the Bible.
459
00:21:32,520 --> 00:21:34,280
Oh, yeah. Thou shalt not steal,
460
00:21:34,280 --> 00:21:37,480
or you'll get smacked round the back
of the head with a golf club.
461
00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:40,800
How much do you want?
462
00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:43,240
You're not listening.
463
00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:46,160
You could get an education,
you could get a better job,
464
00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:48,160
really make something of your life.
465
00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:51,040
My job means that
I can buy everything I need
466
00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:52,680
and still have enough money
467
00:21:52,680 --> 00:21:55,000
to give myself a hangover
every weekend.
468
00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:57,360
You cannot buy your way out of this.
469
00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:04,240
Well...
470
00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:08,880
..I really don't have
much use for that car.
471
00:22:10,280 --> 00:22:12,200
What, the Aston? Yes.
472
00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:15,280
I only use it for popping down
to the shops.
473
00:22:15,280 --> 00:22:17,680
I mean, that's the worst thing
you've said today.
474
00:22:17,680 --> 00:22:19,080
It's an Aston Martin.
475
00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:20,440
Exactly.
476
00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:22,080
Such a waste.
477
00:22:22,080 --> 00:22:23,560
Ah...
478
00:22:23,560 --> 00:22:25,000
I see.
479
00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:26,440
Well, you can forget it.
480
00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:28,760
I couldn't even afford
to insure the damn thing.
481
00:22:28,760 --> 00:22:30,880
Oh, I shall insure it for you.
482
00:22:30,880 --> 00:22:33,640
Let's call it my advance payment
483
00:22:33,640 --> 00:22:36,960
for you making things right for me.
Hm?
484
00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:42,600
Now, I must get on.
485
00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:44,040
I have church later.
486
00:22:44,040 --> 00:22:45,520
Miss Hozier...
487
00:22:49,760 --> 00:22:51,360
Please, Wicky.
488
00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:54,280
Please?
489
00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:08,120
God, it's beautiful.
490
00:23:18,760 --> 00:23:20,880
Weasel, what do you want? It was me.
491
00:23:20,880 --> 00:23:22,560
What? I sicked in your shoes.
492
00:23:22,560 --> 00:23:23,960
I knew it was you.
493
00:23:23,960 --> 00:23:25,320
Oh, right.
494
00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:27,840
It's just, Jen said you might
have thought it was Fat Carl
495
00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:29,200
and, at first, I was happy,
496
00:23:29,200 --> 00:23:31,080
because you'd be cross with him
instead of me,
497
00:23:31,080 --> 00:23:34,560
but then I thought,
if you end up punching him,
I'll feel bad. It's OK.
498
00:23:34,560 --> 00:23:36,360
I'll clean them
if you leave them in the pub.
499
00:23:36,360 --> 00:23:39,640
No, listen, Weasel.
I appreciate you calling.
500
00:23:39,640 --> 00:23:41,760
It's good that you did
the right thing.
501
00:23:41,760 --> 00:23:43,600
Hang on, it wasn't my fault.
I'd had a bad...
502
00:23:49,480 --> 00:23:50,520
Dammit.
503
00:23:58,600 --> 00:24:00,640
Jesus! What the hell?
504
00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:02,600
Ah, what did I tell you?
505
00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:04,680
24 hours they've had,
506
00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:08,520
and I was able to break back in
from the side window!
507
00:24:08,520 --> 00:24:09,840
Is that a crowbar?
508
00:24:09,840 --> 00:24:13,160
Yes, an everyday crowbar,
and I'm back in!
509
00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:16,240
You people are in league
with the underworld!
510
00:24:16,240 --> 00:24:18,400
I'll have all your jobs.
511
00:24:18,400 --> 00:24:20,600
Right. Well, you're the one
who's broken the law.
512
00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:23,760
Oh, well, we'll see what
the Chief Inspector says about that.
513
00:24:23,760 --> 00:24:25,440
It's called civic duty.
514
00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:28,040
For God's sake! Get out!
515
00:24:28,040 --> 00:24:29,840
I can't. What?
516
00:24:29,840 --> 00:24:31,320
I have my trouser caught.
517
00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:39,360
They're genetically modifying
beef to grow like lettuce,
518
00:24:39,360 --> 00:24:41,120
you know.
519
00:24:41,120 --> 00:24:42,720
No more farms...
520
00:24:43,800 --> 00:24:47,560
..just limbless cows on shelves.
521
00:24:47,560 --> 00:24:49,560
Be quiet.
522
00:24:52,720 --> 00:24:54,040
Right.
523
00:24:55,480 --> 00:24:57,440
And they're putting chemicals
in the water.
524
00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:02,120
I've seen crows
the size of Labradors.
525
00:25:04,840 --> 00:25:06,960
Go home, you silly man.
526
00:25:06,960 --> 00:25:08,000
Yeah...
527
00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:14,800
She's a fine woman, you know,
Vivien Hozier. Good stock.
528
00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:18,480
She deserves something
more than this.
529
00:25:40,680 --> 00:25:44,000
Get...off...my...sofa!
530
00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:45,840
Wait... Wait!
531
00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:51,440
Oh, no, no!
532
00:25:52,920 --> 00:25:56,080
It's ruined. Look what
you've made me do!
533
00:25:56,080 --> 00:25:57,400
It's ruined!
534
00:25:57,400 --> 00:25:58,440
Miss Hozier...
535
00:25:58,440 --> 00:26:00,000
Why don't you understand?
536
00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:02,240
It's my history, it's my family!
537
00:26:02,240 --> 00:26:06,720
It isn't. They don't care
about the chair. They've gone!
538
00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:10,600
He didn't deserve what you did,
Vivien.
539
00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:14,960
Well...
540
00:26:14,960 --> 00:26:16,680
..I imagine you...
541
00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:19,480
..you have to make a phone call.
542
00:26:19,480 --> 00:26:21,440
Yes. I'm sorry.
543
00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:40,280
What are you doing with that?
544
00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:43,120
I'm putting it back
where it belongs.
545
00:26:43,120 --> 00:26:46,200
My barrister is a great admirer
of my artefacts,
546
00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:48,840
and I'd hate him
to see things out of place.
547
00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:49,960
Your barrister?
548
00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:52,040
Yes, he's on his way.
549
00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:53,760
He doesn't think
I'll have a problem.
550
00:26:53,760 --> 00:26:56,040
The circumstances, my reputation...
551
00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:57,600
He doubts it'll even come to court.
552
00:27:01,120 --> 00:27:03,320
You have your way of cleaning up...
553
00:27:05,040 --> 00:27:06,280
..and I have mine.
554
00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:09,000
Right.
555
00:27:15,240 --> 00:27:17,240
No!
556
00:27:33,800 --> 00:27:35,560
It was just a sofa.
557
00:27:54,640 --> 00:27:56,200
Well, well, well, Mr Mop.
558
00:27:56,200 --> 00:27:57,960
A call on my private phone.
559
00:27:57,960 --> 00:27:59,520
This is an unexpected treat.
560
00:28:01,160 --> 00:28:02,200
What?
561
00:28:03,640 --> 00:28:04,680
What's up?
562
00:28:06,880 --> 00:28:09,600
No. No, fine. We'll come now.
563
00:28:09,600 --> 00:28:11,560
OK. Yeah, thanks.
564
00:28:17,960 --> 00:28:19,320
Dammit!
37404
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.