All language subtitles for The Nanny SE02 E24

[JAZZY VERSION OF
"RULE BRITANNIA" PLAYS]

I can't tell you how it feels
to
be loaning an original page

of Shakespeare's notebook
to the Metropolitan Museum.

Yes, sir. It's
a piece of history,

and very noble
of you to share it.

Makes me look damned
important, doesn't it?

Mm-hm.

Shall I have the inseam
let out of your trousers,
sir?

Hm, lending this
for the fundraiser

will make us thehit
of the social season.

Thank God your uncle croaked
and left it to you.

I mean,
sorry for your loss.

BRIGHTON:
I don't wanna
get glasses--

Brighton, so help me,
if you keep this up,

I am going to
drag you to Loehmann's

and make you sit outside of
the ladies' dressing room

in the husband's chair
with my purse in your lap, hm?

Is there
a problem, Miss Fine?

Brighton doesn't wanna
go pick up his glasses.

I can see fine.

Oh, Brighton,
don't be so vain.

Meanwhile, these invitations
are gorgeous.

"Black guy, optional."

That's "black tie,"
Miss Fine.

Oh, well,
I was gonna say...

I don't wanna wear
some stupid, wire-rim

"Here-comes-Urkel" glasses.

Which happen to look
excellent on you, Dad.

Oh, don't make him
wear glasses.

He's so short
and underdeveloped.

[LAUGHS]
I mean, aren't
the braces enough?

I'll hold her down.
You tie her tubes.
[LAUGHS]

Brighton, you are going,
and that's that.

There, your father
has spoken.

But you said he doesn't know
what he's talking
about half the--

No! This is
the other half.

Go get dressed.

So shall I get you
the Town Car?

Oh, no. It's such
a glorious day,

I figure
we'll just walk.

Walk?
In this city?

Oh, I'm wearing
four-inch heels.

I can step
over anything.

To me, a wino is just
a speed bump. [SNAPS]

Maxwell, we have that meeting
at the museum.

Oh, yes.

Oh, Miss Fine,
while you're out,

there's a list of
errands on my desk.

Would you mind?
Oh. No.

Not at all. Although,
I don't know what we've
got a butler for.

"Hamlet of Denmark".

Why can't he just write
"a small Danish ham"?

"Montagues, Capulets".

Well, is that regular
or extra-strength?

Oh, I guess
it's whatever I want.

It says right here,
"As You Like It".

[THEME MUSIC PLAYS]

♪ She was workin'
In a bridal shop ♪

♪ In Flushing, Queens ♪

♪ Till her boyfriend
Kicked her out ♪

♪ In one of those
Crushing scenes ♪

♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go? ♪

♪ She was out on her fanny ♪

♪ So over the bridge
From Flushing ♪

♪ To the Sheffields' door ♪

♪ She was there to sell makeup
But father saw more ♪

♪ She had style, she had flair
She was there ♪

♪ That's how she became
The nanny ♪

♪ Who would've guessed
That the girl we described ♪

♪ Was just exactly what
The doctor prescribed? ♪

♪ Now the father
Finds her beguiling ♪

♪ Watch out, C.C. ♪

♪ And the kids
Are actually smiling ♪

♪ Such joie de vivre ♪

♪ She's the lady in red ♪

♪ When everybody else
Is wearing tan ♪

♪ The flashy girl
From Flushing ♪

♪ The nanny named Fran ♪

Wow, everything's
so clear now.

Uh-huh.

You know, I really love the way
you look in your glasses.

You've got a whole
Bill Hurt thing happening.

I'm noticing fine details
I've never seen before.

Mm-hm. Mm-hm.
Mm-hm.

How oldare

Take those off.
You look like Urkel.

Wow, look at
that thing.

Is that real?

You're acting like you've
never seen one before.

You've got one.
Your father's got one.

Now, put it here. Let me see
how heavy it is.

First of all, "Rolex"
has two L's in it.

Please. What kind of an idiot
is gonna pay--

Oh, 20 bucks?
I'll take one.

Here, here.
Thanks.

Look at that. Somebody left
an entire bucket of KFC

right on the bench.

Ugh. People are
such pigs.

Oh, it's just
the dark meat.

Give me your purse!
- [SHRIEKS]

[SHRIEKS AND YELPS]
-Purse!

Help! Help! Oh! Oh! Oh!
- Are you okay?

Oh, my God, Brighton.
We've been mugged.

What do we do?!

Waah!

BOTH:
Oh, oh, oh!

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Well, at least
we've got witnesses!

We've got witnesses.

Oy! Oy! Oy--

Okay, Fran! Fran!
Fran, let's not worry.

I can handle this.

[THUD]

Brighton, get up!

[GASPING]
Oh, Brighton.

I can't believe
this happened to us.

I don't know what do.
I can't even think straight.

Excuse me.
Where's Bloomingdale's?

Oh, well...

You...go over to Lexington
and down to 59th.

And the frozen yogurt
in the café

is not to be missed.

Mm-mm, I'll tell you,
if I wasn't just mugged,

I'd join you.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Thank goodness
you're all right.

All they got
was your purse.

Oh, you know,
it's just like they say,

even after it's gone,
you can still feel it.

Now I have to replace
all my credit cards

and that driver's license
with that fabulous picture,

where I look just like
Jaclyn Smith.

Oh, man. If I ever see
that creep again...

Oh, sweetie. Don't go
calling him a creep.

Deep down inside there's
goodness in everyone.

Oh, my God.

He's got my Cadillac-red
lipstick.

It's discontinued!

I want that creep to fry!

Calm down, Miss Fine.

There's plenty of
other red lipsticks.

No, never the same.
They outlawed the dye.

Damn Food and Drug
Administration.

What are they doing
in cosmetics?

My mother wore it
for 50 years,

[SCREECHING]
and her kids came
out normal!

You see, I knew something
like this would happen.

Your wide-eyed naiveté

was bound to get you
in trouble sooner or later.

Don't call me naive.

That is so
condescending of you.

I only appear wide-eyed thanks
to my Maybelline Ultra Lash...

which was
in my purse.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Oh, that's
the police.
Hm.

The police?
I--

You called
the police?

I asked you not to
call the police.

Well, I'm not gonna
talk to them.

And you can't
make me.

Did someone here
get mugged?

Uh--
- Oh, I'm the victim.

Well...

Hi.
Hi.

I'm Detective
Shoenfeld.

Oh. An N.Y.P.D Jew.

What were you doing
walking through the park,

a beautiful woman
like you?

That is so naive.
I know.

It's my greatest
downfall.

I just said
the same bloody thing,

and she nearly
bit my head off.

It's all in
the delivery, sir.

[CLEARS THROAT]
Uh, detective,

shouldn't you be filling out
some paperwork?

Are you the guy
that threw up and fainted?

No.

He did.

How you doing, son?
You okay?

[SOBS]
Yes, sir.

Did either of you
get a good look at the guy?

No, we only saw him
for a second.

He had a stocking
on his head.

No Nonsense
Sheer and Silky,

misty taupe,
sandal foot.

That's it?

No. No. He had a
run
over his left ear.

Thanks. That'll give me
something to go on.

Oh, okay.
Now, make sure
you lock your door.

Oh, yes, sir.
I gotta go.

Because crime...
is rampant in the streets.

Oh, gee.

Your wife must feel
so safe having you around.

I'm not married.

Oy.

Oh, please.
Would you look at her?

Swooning all over
the place?

What, just because
he wears a badge?

Shall I fetch
those little wings

the stewardess
gave you, sir?

They were for Grace.
Really?

Then what are they doing
in your jewelry box?

Thank you, Niles!

ANNOUNCER [ON TV]:
A simple purse-snatching
turns deadly.

Tonight, on
a very special

Gracie,
this is serious.

Fran hasn't gotten off
that couch all day.

I better go
talk to her.

[SQUEALS]

On second thought,
you go.

Fran--
[SCREAMS]

[SCREAMS]

[BOTH SCREAM]
BOTH: What's the matter?

[IN UNISON]
I don't know! You scared me!

[PANTS]
Okay.

Okay.

Calm down. Calm down.

So the man has my address
and telephone number.

Lots of guys do.
Do they ever call?

Fran, um, maybe I should
take Gracie to ballet today.

Good. Good idea.
Yeah, just this once.

Now, kids, don't think
just because I was mugged,

I'm gonna be afraid
to face the world

outside this door,
or anything.

Go! Go! Go!
Stay low to the ground!

Serpentine!
Serpentine!

Aah! Watch out for that guy,
that scary guy!

Oh, it's you, Niles.
Get in here.

[SLAMS DOOR]

Did anyone follow you?
Did you get the stuff?

Yes, hair spray,
breath spray

and pepper spray.

What say we switch
the labels

and give them
to Miss Babcock.

Niles, I've been
victimized.

I don't have time to watch
you
torture Miss Babcock.

Uh, take pictures.
[CHUCKLES]

Fran?
Aah! What?

I feel terrible.

I should've
defended you yesterday,

but I totally wimped out.

Oh, sweetie.
Sweetie, listen.

All you did was pass out,
puke and pee in your pants.

You were in
Central Park.

You fit right in.

Ask yourself,
"Punk, do you feel lucky?"

What was all that about?

Oh, the expert
is teaching Brighton

how to repel a man.

Well, if you'll
excuse me, sir,

I'll take your Shakespeare
down to the framer.

I thought you already
did that, Niles.

What--
It was right here, and--

No one's been in here
except you, me, C.C.
and--

Miss Fine!
Oh, now, sir.

You're jumping
to conclusions.

Why do you always blame--

Miss Fine!

I heard you
the first time.

Miss Fine. Miss Fine. Did you
see a very ancient document

on this desk
yesterday morning?

You mean
Chita Rivera's résumé?

It was my Shakespeare.

It's missing. And you were
the last one in here.

All right.
Don't panic.

Let's just retrace
our steps.

Now, I came in
with that whole

Brighton
eyeglasses issue.

And then you said,
"Miss Fine!"

Oh, no. That was just now.

Anyway, C.C. said
something stupid,

and then you nailed her
with that, uh,

tube-tying zinger,

which I'm still
laughing about.

[GUFFAWS]

Thank you.
Mm.

Then yadda, yadda, yadda.

You asked me to run
your errands.

I walked over here
to pick up the list.

"Brown shoelaces,
foot powder, Earl Grey"--

Uh-oh.

"Uh-oh" what?

Oh. Please tell me Macbeth
is something

that you eat
with McFries.

You took the Shakespeare
instead of my list?

Uh. Please tell me
it wasn't in your purse.

It wasn't in my purse.

Are you lying?

Uh-huh.

I told you to take
the bloody town car.

But, oh, no.
You had to walk!

That document
lasted 350 years

before it metyou!

Oh, my God.
What about the benefit?

Oh, I'm gonna be
humiliated.

Oh, now, calm down,
calm down.

Maybe no one
will show up.

Maxwell,
it's a sell-out!

Look at this.

The Princess of Wales
is coming.

Diana?
I love her.

Oh, can I go?!
Oh.

Yes, Miss Fine. You can go.

And explain to everyone
why you'retoothless!

Oh, I'm sorry.

I thought it was
some fancy-schmancy

piece of stationery.

I spent two hours trying to find
a pizza place called

Two Gentlemen of Verona.

The Shakespeare's gone.
[PHONE RINGS]

It was in Miss Fine's
stolen purse.

[GASPS]
I'll kill you!

Sir...

Sir, aren't you
going to stop her?

Oh, I will.

Sir, they've found
the perpetrator,

and Miss Fine is
the only witness.

Stop! Stop! Stop!
We need her alive.

[GASPING]

Get dressed. You and I are
going
down to the police station

to identify the suspect
in a lineup,

and hope to God he's
still got my Shakespeare.

I don't wanna
identify him.

What if he comes back
and tries to kill me?

Then he can stand
in bloody line.

You care more about
that stupid piece of paper

than you do about me.

Oh, no, Miss Fine. That--
That's not what I meant.

No, of course
we care about you.

[DOOR SLAMS]
Get her, Niles.

Oh! No, I don't wanna go!
You can't make me.

Oh, Niles. Please,
for my obituary picture,

use the green jumpsuit
from Puerto Rico.

I was thin and tan and
having a terrific hair day.

Do you recognize
any of them?

[SIGHS]
Mm.

Can number four
push his hair back?

Push your hair back,
number four.

Oh, now,
you're talking.

Is that him?

No, but doesn't
he look better?

Miss Fine,
please concentrate.

Oh, all right.
It's hard to tell.

He was wearing
a stocking at the time.

Put on
the stockings.

Oh, my God.
It's him.

The Sheer Elegance,
all-day beige,

between the control top
and the cotton crotch.

Number two!

It's number two.

Excuse me,
detective.

Where do we recover
our property?

What?
Well, the items
that were stolen.

Oh.
[SCOFFS]

This is your first
time, isn't it?

[LAUGHING]

[HOOTS WITH LAUGHTER]

Hey, Jim, wait'll
you hear this one!

[LAUGHING]

My Shakespeare.

Oh, Mr. Sheffield,
let it go.

It's like my grandmother
always used to say,

"Life is like
a box of chocolates."

That's fromForrest Gump.

And they paid
her nothing.

Oh, Mr. Sheffield.

Cheer up.

Here, we'll watch
a little TV.

That'll take your mind
right off of Shakespeare.

[JINGLE ON TV]
♪ Brush up your Shakespeare-- ♪

ANNOUNCER:Now, back to
Zeffirelli's Romeo and
Juliet.

Oh, no.

Oh, wait, wait.

They were just about
to show Romeo's tush.

Miss Fine, please,
get thee somewhere else.

Mr. Sheffield,
look on the bright side.

Instead of your paper,
it could be me that's
missing.

Don't try to
cheer me up.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

You know,
I've got half a mind--

Well, you've got
no argument here.

Well...

So help me, Miss Fine,
if I don't get

that Shakespeare back--

You know, you can't bully me,
Maxwell Sheffield.

I am not some weak woman--

[WEAKLY]
Hi...

"Hi."
Look at her.

The minute he arrives,
she gets so...

Docile, sir?
Yes.

How does he do that?

Fran, I don't
want you to panic.

What? What?
- We had to release him.

He's gonna do
community service.

Oh! What kind of
justice is this?

He mugs me
and he walks?

That's the way
the system works.

We lock 'em up,
they let 'em out.

Meanwhile, I ate a couple
of Bing cherries in the A&P,

and I'm wrestled to the ground
like Squeaky Fromme.

Look at you,
you sweet little thing.

What you need is
a man around the house.

All right.
That's it.

First of all, there
is

I'll lay out
your pajamas, sir.

Would you like
warm milk or cocoa?

Thank you, Niles.
You're fired.

And, secondly,
there is absolutely
nothing sweet about her.

Weren't you
headed upstairs?

She happens to be brave,
confident and gutsy.

And you've turned her
into a simpering,

whimpering child again.

Anyway, I don't like
what you've done to her.

This is not the woman
I know, and--

And--
Know.

Oh, Mr. Sheffield.

So, thank you
for stopping by, officer.

She'll be just fine.

Now why don't you
just run along

and write
some tickets, hm?

Great, I'll start with
the limo parked out front

in the red zone.

Fine. Go ahead.
Do the ticket.

Do 10 bloody tickets!
I don't care.

I feel sorry for that poor bloke
whose limo it is. Huh.

Now, come on, Miss Fine.
When you fall off a horse,

it's very important
that you get right back on.

Oh, Mr. Sheffield,
that horse analogy
never worked with me.

If I fall off a horse,
I'm calling Jacoby & Meyers.

Oh, meanwhile,
that little talk

Brighton had
with Miss Babcock

seems to be
working out well.

You talking to me?

[EMPHATICALLY]
Areyou

[MOUTHS SILENTLY]

Yeah.

Oh, my God!
There's the mugger!
There's the mugger!

Miss Fine, Miss Fine,
calm down.

That's not him.

Honestly,
every corner we turn,

you think you've seen
the assailant.

Well, that other one
really looked like him.

That was Yoko Ono.

Yoko Ono.

Oh, I love
the way she sings.

Aah!

All right, I know.
I've got the album.

No. No. Aah! The mugger!

The mugger, the mugger!
- Oh, God, it's you.

No. Don't be scared.

I'm not scared.

This man is an expert
at Tai Babalonia.

That's--

That's tae kwon do, Miss Fine.
Oh.

I'm bad.
I'm bad.

[SHRIEKS]
Aah!

No, no. I'm sorry!

I'm sorry.

I swear, I've never stolen
anything before in my life.

I've been dying
to tell you,

but I'm not allowed within
40 feet of your house.

Why? Are you
single and Jewish?

You see, I'm just
down on my luck.

I can't pay my bills.

Well, get a job.

They repossessed my car.
Take a bus.

I had to move in
with my mother.

Oh. Give him a 50.

I don't know how to
make it up to you, but...

I thought I'd start
by returning something

that looked really important.

Oh, my lipstick,
my lipstick.

[GASPS]
Oh, my God. My Shakespeare!

Say, if you're
a Shakespeare fan,

there's a festival
in New Jersey.

I'd be honored
if you'd let me

treat you
to two tickets.

I don't think so.

Oh, Mr. Sheffield,
the kids are gonna be away

all weekend
at tennis camp.

And besides,
we would pass by

the Donna Karan
outlet store in Secaucus.

You know what.
We'll go on Saturday,
but not too close.

Because it's very talky.
They spit.

Bless you.
Thank you!

Miss Fine, to borrow
from your vernacular,

I'm not schlepping out
to New Jersey

just to relieve
your mugger's conscience.

Oh, Mr. Sheffield,
forgive and forget.

It's like my grandmother
always says,

"All's well
that ends well."

That's from Shakespeare,
Miss Fine.

And, again,
she got nothing.

Don't look, Miss Fine,
but there's a man in
a trenchcoat headed this
way.

Oh, no. That guy's
just selling Rolexes.

You know, I should
get one for my father.

Uh! Come here.

Open up. Let me see
what you got.

[SCREAMS]

[FRAN LAUGHING]
Oh, I'll tell you,

Hamlet
favorite play.

People eating prime ribs
with their hands...

...everybody stabbing
each other in the back.

I'll tell you, put Polonius
in a powder-blue tux,

you got my cousin
Claudine's wedding.

[THEY CHUCKLE]

Oh, it's good to have
you back, Miss Fine.

I missed you.

Oh, Mr. Sheffield...

Is that you talking,

or is it that bottle of
Dom Corleone we had in the
limo.

That's Dom Pérignon,
Miss Fine.

Oh, whatever.

Oh, Miss Fine...
[CHUCKLES]

Fran.

Mr...

Max?

[MUFFLED GRUNTING]

[GASPS]
Oh, my God!

God, we've been
cleaned out!

What are the odds
on the one night

that we went
to the theater?

I'd say the odds
are pretty good

when the robber gives us
the bloody tickets, Miss Fine.

Goodness
in everyone, eh?

Well, at least
he left the one thing

that can't be
replaced.

Oh, Niles.

Oh, yeah.
Niles.

[GASPS]

The alarm company
called me.

I came
as fast as I could!

[GASPS]
Oh, my God.

I wonder if he took
the Monet.

[GASPS]
You're right.
My earrings!

You go ahead, Maxwell.
See what's missing.
I'll untie Niles.

[CACKLES
MANIACALLY]

Thank you.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYS]