All language subtitles for The Nanny SE02 E14

[LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC
PLAYING ON TV]

Man, do they realize
how many times

they could have
gotten off this island

if it weren't for Gilligan?

Why don't they just
kill him?

Just because a person
is a useless pest

doesn't mean
they deserve to die.

Hello, hello.

Course, that's not
written in stone.

Are you still sitting here?

Doesn't Miss Fine
have anything to say

about you wasting all day
watching television?

Did Lovey redecorate
the hut yet?

Miss Fine, why has
Brighton been watching

thisGilligan
all morning?

Well, it's
a marathon.

Plus, we wanna see

when they change
the theme song over from

♪ All the rest ♪ to

♪ The Professor
And Mary Ann ♪

Brighton, don't you have
any interest in a team sport?

Only as an owner.

I don't know, I just
don't understand it, Miss
Fine.

When I was his age,
I was already captain
of the water polo team.

Water polo?
What, do you swim
with horses?

What happens when
they raise their tails?

Look out.

Aspirin, ibuprofen,

or shall I
just surprise you?

You know what? I gotta go
into Queens anyway.

Why don't I just take Brighton
with me to the batting cages?

A lot of guys
always hang out there.

I know I always
had fun.

Oh, you played
baseball?

Yeah.

I wish Brighton was interested
in some of the sports I play.

Look, you can't make your kid
like what you like.

My mother always made me go
with her to her ballet
classes.

Your mother took ballet?
What must that have been like?

Picture the hippopotamuses
inFantasia.

[THEME SONG PLAYS]

♪ She was working
In a bridal shop ♪

♪ In Flushing, Queens ♪

♪ Till her boyfriend
Kicked her out ♪

♪ In one of those
Crushing scenes ♪

♪ What was she do?
Where was she to go? ♪

♪ She was out on her fanny ♪

♪ So over the bridge
From Flushing ♪

♪ To the Sheffields' door ♪

♪ She was there to sell makeup
But the father saw more ♪

♪ She had style, she had flair
She was there ♪

♪ That's how she became
The nanny ♪

♪ Who would have guessed that
The girl we've described ♪

♪ Was just exactly what
The doctor prescribed? ♪

♪ Now the father
Finds her beguiling ♪

♪ Watch out C.C. ♪

♪ And the kids
Are actually smiling ♪

♪ Such joie de vivre ♪

♪ She's the lady in red ♪

♪ When everybody else
Is wearing tan ♪

♪ The flashy girl
from Flushing ♪

♪ The nanny named Fran ♪

Hi, Ma.

Well, so much for sports.

Brighton got hit
with a ball.

Oh, those batting cages
are so dangerous.

You could put
an eye out.

He wishes.

Ohh-ho-ho-ho.

You want Grandma
to kiss the boo-boo?

Isn't it enough
I got one kid in therapy?

Honey, go in and watch
theGilligan
with my father.

If it looks like
he's wearing lipstick,

it's just a pistachio nut.

Morty, the boy's
coming in.

Do up your pants.

Sweetheart, we gotta
talk to you

about the canasta
tournament.

Oh, I'm so excited about
going to Atlantic City.

But I'm not rooming
with Gert.

It's one thing
to think you're Madonna,

It's a whole
'nother thing to wear

your Depends
on the outside.

Don't worry.
We're out of the tournament.

Gert moved.

Her youngest bought
a mother-daughter condo
in Florida.

Why?
I mean, how nice.

Now we don't have
a fourth.

I'll look in my phone book.

Maybe I can find someone else.

Tessie Fink, she's good.

Ma, she's dead.

She is? I just
saw her in Temple.

Didn't you think it was odd

that you were sitting
in that chair,

and she was
lying in a box?

Oh. I thought they got that
for her back.

Morty's nauseous.
He says he wants

the leftover Chinese food
to settle his stomach.

[GROANS]

Morty, it's been
in there a week.

You wanna end up
in intensive care?

Yeah.

You ate it
for breakfast, Ma?

She doesn't even bother
to warm it up.

She sticks her fork in,
pulls the carton off,

and eats it like
a giant Chinese Dove bar.

[LAUGHS]

So tell me, what episode
are they up to?

Um, Mary Ann
thinks she's Ginger.

[GASPS]

And she cuts down
all of Ginger's gowns.

Oh, that gave me nightmares.

It scared her
more thanPsycho.

Yes. Butchering Janet Leigh
was nothing

compared to butchering
that strapless Oleg Cassini.

Oh-oh-oh.
There is no excuse

for violence like that
on television.

None.

This is a lot like rummy, right?

It's much more complicated.

You meld?

Yeah.

Two decks?

Uh-huh.

See if you can
keep up with me,

because I have a tendency
to play too fast.

I'm out.

Wow. B, that's amazing.

I've never seen
anything like that.

He must be
one of those

special people
that has a knack.

What are they
called?

Idiots.

Savants, Yetta.

Cousin Marty was an idiot.

Although, he could
look up in the sky

and tell you which pigeon
was gonna poop on him.

Yeah, but did
he move? No.

This is cool.

All right, ladies.
Cut the chitchat. Deal.

Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?

Yeah, that we should
replace Gert with Brighton

and make him our fourth
in Atlantic City.

Nah. I shouldn't
eat
stuffed cabbage

this close
to a pilot light.

You know,
Dad was right.

It feels really good
to be a member of a team.

Now, next week,
do I bring knishes

or low-sodium bundt cake?

You know, honey, why don't
you let me tell your father

the good news about
being on the team,

'cause, you know,
he's just gonna die.

And I may not be far behind.

Uh, Niles...
Mm?

...let me ask you
a question.
Mm-hm.

If you only had
one son,

and he decided
that he wanted to play

on my grandmother's
canasta team...

how would you react?

Oh, I've gotta be
in there for this.

I wanna see too.

Oh, what's your cover?
I can pretend I'm dusting.

Well, I'll tell him
I need a book.

[SCOFFS]
Amateur.

You're not ready
for that room.

Oh, sweetheart, the office
is for heavy hitters.

Next time I'm in the kitchen
giving your father a coronary,

you'll be the first
I call.

Maxwell.

Perhaps I'm being
overly sensitive,

but I think Niles
has it in for me.

C.C., it's just his way.

He doesn't mean you any harm.

I'm sure it's all
in your head.

[THUD]

So, Miss Fine, back
from the batting cages?

How did my boy do?

Well,

he made contact
with the ball.

And, uh, he'll have
a great career

if the Bee Gees
ever get back together.

Would you look at her,
in the middle of the day?

Boy, I wish I could
sleep like that.

Maxwell, Niles hit me
in the head!

C.C., he's standing
way over here.

Stop picking on
the man.

She never let's up, sir.

Did you want something, Niles?

Can't the butler just
come in and say hi?

All right.
What are you two up to?

Nothing. Nothing.
Um--

Well, baseball didn't exactly
work out for Brighton,

but he did find a game
that he's very excited about.

Well, there you are,
you see.

I told you there would be
an alternative to television.

So, come on, what's the game?
Soccer? Hockey?

Well, you gotta fill me in.

I need to know
what equipment to buy.

Well...

maybe a nice Teflon bundt pan
might come in handy.

Okay, I'm just
gonna spill it.

Because it's best
to tell people stuff

instead of letting it
fester inside.

And then you babble on and on--
Miss Fine!

Canasta.
Canasta!

Canasta?

Don't your mother
and grandmother play Ca--

Miss Fine, you're
not telling me my son

is joining your mother's
canasta team?

No!

It's Yetta's team.

Look, uh, maybe
you misunderstood me.

I wanted him
to play a manly sport.

You know,
toughen him up a little.

Well, some of the teams
have men. I think.

At a certain age
the hormones go,

so then it's anybody's
guess, really.

Oh, God, this is
sounding worse

by the minute.
- Oh.

Next you're gonna tell me
they have a uniform.

Oh, well, now, they're
very tough, masculine,

pink bowling uniforms
with the name on it.

Oh, no.

It's gonna be something awful,
like "Flushing Queens."

Oh, my God.
You mean, that's it?!

M-my only son is gonna be
wearing a jacket that says

"Brighton" on the front and
"Flushing Queen" on the back?

No, his will say "Gert."

Oh. I-I'd better
take care of that.

I'd better take care of that
before the contest

in Atlantic City.

Are you insane?!

You-- you don't actually think
I'm gonna let him go.

And if you're going to pretend
you're dusting there,

at least put a bloody cloth
in your hand.

Maxwell, if the
child
has a knack...

I was good at hunting.

But Mummy said I
excelled
at trapping.

Oh, take good care
of your teeth, sir.

You may need to gnaw off
a leg someday.

Mr. Sheffield...

you're worrying
for nothing.

I had a friend,
Pauly Ruffo.

He was raised by
two grandmothers.

He turned out to be
the most masculine of men.

You should see him today,

big black mustache,
leather cap,

chaps.

Hmm...

Miss Fine!

Ma, all these cards
are sticking together.

Ah.

It's a little Crystal Light.

Now I'm in the mood
for something sweet.

Well, here. Try this
queen of hearts.

I think it's got
some Smucker's on the back.

You know, if I didn't
know any better,

I'd think someone
was marking these cards.

What?

Ma, you've been cheating
all these years,

and we still
lose?

No hitting
during the game.

I can fight
my own battles.

Can we play?

Hey!

Now you're part
of the family.

I can't wait to hit
the buffet tables
in Atlantic City.

He's got a safari jacket
with 14 pockets in it.

We'll never have to
order room service!

Didn't you tell her?

What's the matter, Ma?

You got that look on your face,
like right before

you weigh in
at Jenny Craig.

Brighton,
take this into Morty.

If it looks like
he's wearing rouge,

it's just some residue
from the barbecue potato
chips.

So...what's
going on?

Gert's back from Florida.

She found an alligator
in the pool.

She thought it was
an inflatable one.

P.S., 80 stitches.

Wow.
What does she think?

She's gonna waltz herself
back in on the team?

Tough, not after what I went
through with Mr. Sheffield.

I'm not breaking
that little boy's heart.

I'm not telling him he's out.

Good, 'cause he's not.

Well, who then?

Franny, you're such
a pretty girl.

Oh, Mummy,
fire that maid.

She's too old.

Oh, she fished me
out of that lake years ago.

How long is
she gonna milk that?

Mm-hm.

No, no, no. I'm having
lunch with Betsy.

[LAUGHING]

Uh-huh.

[LAUGHING]

No, wait till
she sees me.

I look like
a million bucks.

Uh-huh. All right.

Niles,
Yetta just called.

Apparently, Brighton
showed up for
practice

without all his equipment.

Excuse me, sir, but
I packed his gear myself.

Well...

you forgot the Lipton
onion soup mix

and the nonfat sour cream.

Oh, don't look at me
like that, Niles.

I just wanted Brighton
to be involved

in something
a little more virile.

Like musical theater?

Well, at least your father
was supportive of that.

Oh! Niles, don't
you remember?

He refused to come
to my first production,

Sound of Music.

Staged that when I was
just 17.

And all because I wouldn't
do
what he wanted me to--

Shut up, Niles!

Book me a suite
in Atlantic City.

Done, sir.
Trump Castle.

Ocean views
for the entire family.

And I can't wait
to hit the slots.

Mind you, with Miss Fine
in the tournament

you'll have to take care
of the children.

Oh, that sounds like fun.

[COUGHS]

Oh, dear. I think I'm coming
down with something.

[COUGHING]
Oh!

It's getting worse.

Can't go.

Damn.

Ach,
you got any seltzer?

Oy,
pickled herring.

It's all right here.

Oh, my God.

♪ Edelweiss, edelweiss ♪
No.

All right, all right.
You win, Miss Fine.

If Brighton really
wants to play canasta,

then I suppose I should
allow him to follow his dream.

Ah, what dream?
Playing cards with
a bunch of old ladies.

I think it's sick.

What? What about
the tournament?

I thought you were thrilled
to go to Atlantic City.

That pit?

Oh, God. I can feel
those capillaries tightening

at the base of my skull.

Miss Fine, weren't you the one
that was so high on canasta?

What happened?

[WHINING]
They threw me
off the team.

They don't wanna play
with you anymore?

No. And it's
not fair.

They were
my friends first.

You-- You mean, my son
is on the team, and you're
not?

[SOBS]
Yes!

Miss Fine,
it's all right.

[SOBBING]
No, it's not!

And I'm not going to
Atlantic City either.

Shh-shh. There, there.
Come on now.

We've already made reservations
for the whole family.

Isn't that right,
Niles?

Oh-- Uh--
[SNEEZES]

No.

Saltwater taffy.

No.

Your own suite.
Lots of little shampoos?

No.

Ringside seats
to Steve and Eydie.

Cocktail or dinner show?

[CHUCKLES]

FRAN:
Come on, baby. Go, baby, go.

Mama needs a--

Mama needs a papa.
That's what Mama needs.

Ahh!

[SCREAMS]
Oh, my god!

You see!

Oh, wow.
I told you.

You have to stick
with the same machine.

It's a whole system.

God, there must be
20 bucks here.

Oh, Fran,
you put in 75.

Yeah, but that was from
the winnings from the 100

that I put
into that machine.

Hmm.

Oh, you know,

I better go pick up
Gracie at casino camp.

It's about time.
She must be finished
playing kiddie craps.

Oh, I'll go pick her up.
I have a tennis lesson anyway.

Tennis? Oh, all that
running back and forth,

back and forth.

Now, that's a sport
I never got.

Fran, there's
the instructor.

[GIGGLES]

Now

Fran. I hope you're
not mad at me

because I took your place
on the team.

Oh, no, sweetie.
I love you.

But she could look like
ZZ Top before I ever pluck

a chin hair
of hers again.

Sweetheart, don't be
angry at me.

I had to think of
the team's survival.

Remind me never to crash
in the Andes with you.

Sweetheart, you know
I'd eat you last.

Not if I was
the only kosher corpse.

Oh boy, I hope
you guys have tickets

'cause, you know,
they're sold out

[IN UNISON]
We know.

[GASPS]
Oh, my God.

Didn't you teach
at PS 165?

[CHUCKLES]

No.

Oh, gee, you look so familiar.
What do you do?

Uh...
BOTH: We sing.

Oh, I get it.

You do them in
that impersonation
show.

Oh, yeah,
you could pass.

You know, the right
lights,
makeup, costume.

You, I don't know.
Oh, really?

Well, listen to this.

♪ You're walking
Along the street ♪

[BOTH]
♪ Or you're at a party ♪

♪ Or else you're alone
And then you suddenly dig-- ♪

No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no.

First of all...

you've got to put a lot...
[SNAPS]

...more shoulder
into it.

♪ Da, da-da-da ♪

And you, you gotta look at him
more adoringly.

You love 'im,
baby.

[BOTH]
♪ You're looking
In someone's eyes ♪

♪ You suddenly realize ♪

♪ That this could be the start
Of something big ♪

Not bad.
Not bad.
[LAUGHS]

You just gotta work on
that chemistry a little bit.

'Cause, you know...

that is the magic between
Steve and Eydie, see.

Thank you.

Good luck.

Told you, look at me
adoringly--

I always look at you
adoringly.

People are starting
to notice...

Oh, it's so sad.

Some people are living
in such a dream world.

Wow, I can't believe
all this food's for free.

Yeah, and if you
count your losses,

it only comes out
to $49 a shrimp.

Right, eat up. I lost
my shirt in kiddie craps.

What are you doing?

What? I love
three-bean salad.

What is this,
your first buffet?

Salads are
for suckers.

Go directly to
the shellfish.

Oh, would you
just look at this

beautiful gulf prawn.

Gorgeous color.
Great markings.

This will be
delicious later.

Come on, everyone.

Hurry up. Tournament's
gonna start soon.

Miss Fine, where's
your mother?

Too nervous to eat?

Please. She had a snack
during her hysterectomy.

Oh. Is it warm in here?

I'mshvitzing.

Oh, honey.

Are you okay?

No. I don't think
I can play.

You better make up
with your mother.

Well, what hurts?

Oy, I think I'm going through
the change.

It's going around.
The whole room's got it.

Well, don't worry, B.

I'm sure that Flintstones
makes a chewable estrogen.

Honey, I know what
you're doing.

And it's so
sweet of you.

Oh, come on, Fran.

Playing means more to you
than it does to me.

Besides, I already
told them I quit.

Oh, is he a doll
or what?

Brighton, that's
a very nice gesture.

I'm-- I'm proud
of you.

I learned
from the best.

Oh. Well.

Not you, Dad.
Gilligan.

Oh, yeah.

That was the episode where
the Howells adopt Gilligan,

only he pretends
to sleepwalk,

because The Skipper
is lonely.

Oh.

Well, Miss Fine, come on.
If the team needs you,

I suppose you
better get in there.

Are you kidding?

The way my mother
treated me,

she can come in here on
her hands and knees begging,

I wouldn't go.

Franny.
You're in.

All right.

What? Was that
my mother?

FRAN:
Poor sick Niles,
home alone like a dog.

[BOB SEGER'S "OLD TIME ROCK
'N' ROLL" PLAYS ON BOOMBOX]

[MOUTHS ALONG]
♪ Just take them old records
Off the shelf ♪

♪ I'll sit and listen to 'em
By myself ♪

♪ Today's music ain't got
The same soul ♪

♪ I like that old time
Rock 'n' roll ♪

♪ Don't try to take me
To a disco ♪

♪ You'll never even get me
Out on the floor ♪

♪ In ten minutes
I'll be late for the door ♪

♪ I like that old time
Rock 'n' roll ♪

♪ Still like that old time
Rock 'n' roll ♪

♪ That kind of music
Just soothes the soul ♪

♪ I reminisce about
The days of old-- ♪

[MUSIC STOPS]

You realize, of course,

now I'm going
to have to kill you.

at least do it smaller.

I can't believe Gertie
defected to another team.

Ah, she's missing
a chunk from that
alligator bite.

It's a big
turnoff.

Well, at least
we got ourselves a fourth.

Ha-ha!

That's the card
you're playing?