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1
00:00:03,100 --> 00:00:04,480
[NILES SNEEZES]
2
00:00:05,160 --> 00:00:06,500
Ah-choo!
3
00:00:06,830 --> 00:00:09,230
Hey, Niles,
are you okay?
4
00:00:09,266 --> 00:00:11,466
Oh, I'm afraid
I'm feeling a bit queer.
5
00:00:12,450 --> 00:00:14,450
Don't ask, don't tell.
6
00:00:14,483 --> 00:00:17,383
But for God's sakes,
come out of the closet.
7
00:00:19,450 --> 00:00:22,480
Ill, Miss Fine.
I'm beginning to feel a bit ill.
8
00:00:23,160 --> 00:00:25,220
Oh! Oh, you British.
9
00:00:25,250 --> 00:00:27,100
You look like us,
you act like us,
10
00:00:27,133 --> 00:00:29,833
but bottom line,
you're foreigners.
11
00:00:30,233 --> 00:00:31,273
Come here.
12
00:00:31,300 --> 00:00:33,430
Let me take
your temperature.
13
00:00:33,466 --> 00:00:35,396
99.3.
14
00:00:35,433 --> 00:00:38,173
I must say,
you have very skillful lips.
15
00:00:38,200 --> 00:00:40,380
Oh, honey, you don't
know the half of it.
16
00:00:40,416 --> 00:00:42,166
Put this down.
17
00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:45,300
Go upstairs, lie down,
and rub on some Vicks.
18
00:00:46,300 --> 00:00:48,470
I will let you know
when dinner's ready.
19
00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:50,330
You?
You?
You?
20
00:00:52,233 --> 00:00:55,163
Yes, me.
Now, go, go.
21
00:00:55,500 --> 00:00:58,320
I'm perfectly capable
of getting dinner on the table.
22
00:01:00,660 --> 00:01:02,270
Hello, Fung Lum's?
Do you deliver?
23
00:01:04,266 --> 00:01:06,296
Okay, well, we want
the family dinner.
24
00:01:06,333 --> 00:01:09,333
Yeah. I feel like shrimp.
25
00:01:09,660 --> 00:01:10,400
Gracie, honey,
what do you feel like?
26
00:01:10,433 --> 00:01:12,323
I feel trapped.
27
00:01:14,483 --> 00:01:17,323
Maybe we should order
the dysfunctional family dinner.
28
00:01:20,100 --> 00:01:21,450
With that,
they promise you shrimp,
29
00:01:21,483 --> 00:01:23,663
and then they don't
give it to you.
30
00:01:24,433 --> 00:01:26,663
MAXWELL: Niles!
31
00:01:26,100 --> 00:01:28,180
Oh, hold on a minute.
The father may be joining us.
32
00:01:28,216 --> 00:01:30,446
This could mean an upgrade
to the imperial feast.
33
00:01:32,116 --> 00:01:33,246
What's going on? Where's Niles?
34
00:01:33,283 --> 00:01:34,353
Oh, he's queer.
35
00:01:34,383 --> 00:01:36,333
So we're
doing
take-out.
36
00:01:36,366 --> 00:01:37,466
Take-out?
37
00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:39,150
Well, I'm just trying
38
00:01:39,183 --> 00:01:41,303
to expose the children
to other cultures.
39
00:01:41,333 --> 00:01:42,373
We order Chinese food,
40
00:01:42,400 --> 00:01:44,300
they learn
how Jewish people eat.
41
00:01:45,366 --> 00:01:46,366
Are you sure
you wouldn't
rather
42
00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:48,330
take them to the 21 Club?
43
00:01:48,660 --> 00:01:49,370
Aw!
Aw!
Aw!
44
00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:53,130
Oh, now, kids,
if the man's insisting...
45
00:01:53,166 --> 00:01:55,246
No, no, no.
You have your
fun.
46
00:01:55,283 --> 00:01:56,453
Order Chinese.
47
00:01:56,483 --> 00:01:58,353
Yes!
48
00:01:58,383 --> 00:02:01,273
Just make sure Grace
gets
an optimistic fortune.
49
00:02:01,300 --> 00:02:03,160
All right.
50
00:02:07,330 --> 00:02:08,330
♪♪ She was working
In a bridal shop ♪♪
51
00:02:08,366 --> 00:02:10,126
♪♪ In Flushing, Queens ♪♪
52
00:02:10,166 --> 00:02:11,316
♪♪ Till her boyfriend
Kicked her out ♪♪
53
00:02:11,350 --> 00:02:13,100
♪♪ In one
Of those crushing scenes ♪♪
54
00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:14,403
♪♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go? ♪♪
55
00:02:14,433 --> 00:02:18,503
♪♪ She was out on her fanny ♪♪
56
00:02:18,830 --> 00:02:19,220
♪♪ So over the bridge
From Flushing ♪♪
57
00:02:19,250 --> 00:02:21,100
♪♪ To the Sheffields' door ♪♪
58
00:02:21,133 --> 00:02:23,133
♪♪ She was there to sell makeup
But the father saw more ♪♪
59
00:02:23,166 --> 00:02:25,196
♪♪ She had style, she had flair
She was there ♪♪
60
00:02:25,233 --> 00:02:29,663
♪♪ That's how she became
The Nanny ♪♪
61
00:02:29,100 --> 00:02:31,150
♪♪ Who would have guessed
That the girl we described ♪♪
62
00:02:31,183 --> 00:02:34,503
♪♪ Was just exactly
What the doctor prescribed? ♪♪
63
00:02:34,830 --> 00:02:35,370
♪♪ Now the father
Finds her beguiling ♪♪
64
00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:37,100
♪♪ Watch out, C.C. ♪♪
65
00:02:37,133 --> 00:02:38,153
♪♪ And the kids
Are actually smiling ♪♪
66
00:02:38,183 --> 00:02:39,253
♪♪ Such joie de vivre ♪♪
67
00:02:39,283 --> 00:02:40,453
♪♪ She's the lady in red ♪♪
68
00:02:40,483 --> 00:02:44,203
♪♪ When everybody else
Is wearing tan ♪♪
69
00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:47,170
♪♪♪ The flashy girl
From Flushing ♪♪
70
00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:48,450
♪♪ The nanny named Fran ♪♪
71
00:02:54,300 --> 00:02:55,320
FRAN:
I don't care
72
00:02:55,350 --> 00:02:57,160
if you're down
to your last one.
73
00:02:57,500 --> 00:02:58,450
We waited an hour and a half
for this food.
74
00:02:59,383 --> 00:03:02,123
I should be hungry
again
already.
75
00:03:02,150 --> 00:03:03,320
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Finally!
76
00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:05,120
Oh!
Yay!
77
00:03:05,150 --> 00:03:06,180
Ling, this better be you.
78
00:03:09,133 --> 00:03:10,173
Eddie?
79
00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:12,100
Maggie!
80
00:03:12,133 --> 00:03:14,123
I thought this house
looked familiar.
81
00:03:14,150 --> 00:03:15,350
Come on in.
82
00:03:15,383 --> 00:03:17,663
Um, I can't.
I have another order to deliver.
83
00:03:17,100 --> 00:03:18,420
Meanwhile, I waited
an hour and a half.
84
00:03:18,450 --> 00:03:20,500
What's their rush?
85
00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:24,330
Are you that waiter
that kissed Maggie
86
00:03:24,660 --> 00:03:25,170
at Daddy's party?
87
00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:26,320
Good night, Gracie.
88
00:03:26,350 --> 00:03:27,450
You know,
89
00:03:27,483 --> 00:03:29,323
Maggie never stops
talking about you.
90
00:03:29,350 --> 00:03:30,400
Sometimes-- ow!
91
00:03:30,433 --> 00:03:32,173
Fran, Maggie kicked me.
92
00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:34,150
It wasn't Maggie.
93
00:03:34,183 --> 00:03:35,403
Go. Start without us.
94
00:03:35,433 --> 00:03:37,153
Ew, this bag's greasy.
95
00:03:37,183 --> 00:03:39,253
Mm! Extra flavor.
96
00:03:41,300 --> 00:03:44,500
So, does your father
still want to kill me
97
00:03:44,830 --> 00:03:45,330
for kissing you at the party?
98
00:03:45,366 --> 00:03:47,326
Yeah.
99
00:03:47,366 --> 00:03:49,156
Don't worry
about him.
100
00:03:49,500 --> 00:03:50,430
He knows it was just a kiss.
101
00:03:52,333 --> 00:03:54,183
It wasn't just a kiss for me.
102
00:03:54,216 --> 00:03:56,216
Ooh!
103
00:04:00,433 --> 00:04:01,483
You pay him.
104
00:04:02,160 --> 00:04:03,450
Give him a nice
tip,
but not too much.
105
00:04:03,483 --> 00:04:06,003
We don't want him to
think we're
desperate.
106
00:04:09,330 --> 00:04:10,130
Would you go eat?
107
00:04:11,233 --> 00:04:13,273
Don't be nosy!
108
00:04:16,233 --> 00:04:19,253
Stuck to the door
again, Miss Fine?
109
00:04:19,283 --> 00:04:20,453
Niles, I'm the nanny.
110
00:04:20,483 --> 00:04:23,183
I'm paid
to watch the children.
111
00:04:23,216 --> 00:04:24,476
Why aren't you sleeping?
112
00:04:25,160 --> 00:04:27,250
I was, but I put on
so much eucalyptus rub,
113
00:04:27,283 --> 00:04:29,273
I dreamt I was attacked
by a giant koala.
114
00:04:30,216 --> 00:04:32,466
You know,
I have that same dream.
115
00:04:35,116 --> 00:04:36,246
Now you're both
scaring me.
116
00:04:36,283 --> 00:04:38,253
Come on.
Have some won ton.
117
00:04:38,283 --> 00:04:41,003
Now, listen, kids,
when Maggie comes out,
118
00:04:41,330 --> 00:04:44,000
I want you all to act
like nothing happened.
119
00:04:44,330 --> 00:04:46,480
Please, nobody give
her
the third degree.
120
00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:49,220
Oh, tell me everything!
121
00:04:49,250 --> 00:04:51,180
What did he say?
Did he ask you
out?
122
00:04:51,216 --> 00:04:52,266
Yes!
123
00:04:52,300 --> 00:04:53,400
Oh!
124
00:04:53,433 --> 00:04:55,203
Where are you gonna go?
What are you gonna wear?
125
00:04:55,233 --> 00:04:57,323
What are you gonna tell Dad?
126
00:05:01,500 --> 00:05:02,120
Maxwell, I thought
127
00:05:02,150 --> 00:05:03,170
we were going to meet
at Le Cirque.
128
00:05:03,200 --> 00:05:05,100
Why the sudden change in plans?
129
00:05:05,133 --> 00:05:07,233
I have a special
birthday present for you,
130
00:05:07,266 --> 00:05:08,326
and I just couldn't wait.
131
00:05:08,366 --> 00:05:10,466
You didn't have
to get me anything.
132
00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:12,330
Oh, all right. Forget it.
133
00:05:12,660 --> 00:05:13,420
Maxwell, you beast.
134
00:05:13,450 --> 00:05:15,130
C.C.
135
00:05:16,216 --> 00:05:19,346
C.C., you've been alone
too long.
136
00:05:19,383 --> 00:05:21,153
A lovely woman like you
137
00:05:21,183 --> 00:05:23,273
should have someone
to come home to,
138
00:05:23,300 --> 00:05:26,200
Someone--
someone who loves you.
139
00:05:26,233 --> 00:05:28,833
Oh, Maxwell...
140
00:05:29,133 --> 00:05:31,833
Close your eyes
and put out your hand.
141
00:05:41,150 --> 00:05:43,130
An engagement dog?
142
00:05:43,166 --> 00:05:44,466
I-- I beg your pardon?
143
00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:47,450
What an engaging dog!
144
00:05:47,483 --> 00:05:52,353
Oh, Maxwell,
how
thoughtful!
145
00:05:52,383 --> 00:05:53,453
Mm!
146
00:05:53,483 --> 00:05:55,203
[GROWLS]
147
00:05:55,233 --> 00:05:58,253
Fluffy, and a good judge
of character.
148
00:06:00,233 --> 00:06:02,303
He needs some time
to get used to you.
149
00:06:02,333 --> 00:06:04,003
I mean, you can't
expect a dog
150
00:06:04,330 --> 00:06:05,100
to just jump
into your arms
151
00:06:05,133 --> 00:06:06,353
and love you
at first sight.
152
00:06:06,383 --> 00:06:10,483
Mr. Sheffield--
oh, you got her a puppy?
153
00:06:11,160 --> 00:06:13,160
Oh, how sweet!
154
00:06:13,500 --> 00:06:16,150
Oh, and look
how friendly he is!
155
00:06:16,183 --> 00:06:17,383
Oh...
156
00:06:17,416 --> 00:06:19,826
Look, he's like
a little chestnut.
157
00:06:19,116 --> 00:06:21,326
You should
call him Chester.
158
00:06:21,366 --> 00:06:23,116
If you don't
mind,
he's my dog.
159
00:06:23,150 --> 00:06:24,480
I'll name him.
160
00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:28,830
[GROWLING]
161
00:06:28,116 --> 00:06:30,226
Chester it is.
162
00:06:30,266 --> 00:06:33,326
Maxwell, I don't
know
how to thank you
163
00:06:33,660 --> 00:06:35,120
for this lovely gift.
164
00:06:35,150 --> 00:06:37,830
I'll think
I'll just
take him home
165
00:06:37,116 --> 00:06:38,116
and put him to sleep.
166
00:06:38,150 --> 00:06:39,320
You mean to bed.
167
00:06:39,350 --> 00:06:40,470
Whatever.
168
00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:43,370
Maxwell, I'll meet
you
at the restaurant.
169
00:06:43,400 --> 00:06:45,380
Bye, Chester!
Bye, little Chester!
170
00:06:45,416 --> 00:06:47,426
Bye!
171
00:06:47,466 --> 00:06:50,826
You should've gotten
her
the toaster oven.
172
00:06:53,160 --> 00:06:56,830
Yes, Miss Fine,
is this a social call?
173
00:06:56,116 --> 00:06:58,826
Uh, well, I do
have
a little problem
174
00:06:58,116 --> 00:07:00,096
I need to
discuss
with you.
175
00:07:00,133 --> 00:07:01,433
It's not
really
a problem
176
00:07:01,466 --> 00:07:03,316
so much
as it is a
dilemma.
177
00:07:03,350 --> 00:07:05,200
No! That has
a negative
connotation.
178
00:07:05,233 --> 00:07:08,103
Miss Fine, I do have
dinner reservations.
179
00:07:08,133 --> 00:07:09,353
Oh, I'm getting to it.
180
00:07:09,383 --> 00:07:12,353
Um, Maggie was asked out
on a date tomorrow.
181
00:07:12,383 --> 00:07:15,273
Oh, that's not a problem.
Just tell her no.
182
00:07:15,300 --> 00:07:17,370
Hence the dilemma.
183
00:07:18,350 --> 00:07:20,830
You said yes?
184
00:07:20,116 --> 00:07:22,196
Well, it's just a movie.
A cartoon, yet.
185
00:07:22,233 --> 00:07:24,003
How could you do that?
186
00:07:24,330 --> 00:07:26,150
I mean, who is this
boy?
Do I know him?
187
00:07:27,283 --> 00:07:29,373
Does anybody really
know anybody?
188
00:07:30,483 --> 00:07:32,323
You're trying my patience.
189
00:07:32,350 --> 00:07:34,220
Oh, all right.
It was Eddie
190
00:07:34,250 --> 00:07:36,120
from the backers'
party you threw.
191
00:07:36,150 --> 00:07:37,450
Eddie the kissing waiter?
192
00:07:37,483 --> 00:07:40,503
Well, he's also
a delivery boy.
193
00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:42,130
It was fate,
I tell you.
194
00:07:42,166 --> 00:07:44,826
He delivered
the take-out.
195
00:07:45,830 --> 00:07:46,280
He's saving up
to go to Yale,
196
00:07:46,316 --> 00:07:49,296
and I'm not talking about
the locksmith school
either.
197
00:07:49,333 --> 00:07:50,433
Yale? Really?
198
00:07:50,466 --> 00:07:52,326
Mm-hmm.
199
00:07:52,660 --> 00:07:53,250
What's he going to study?
200
00:07:53,283 --> 00:07:54,353
Uh, study?
201
00:07:54,383 --> 00:07:55,383
Uh...
202
00:07:55,416 --> 00:07:57,496
[MUMBLES]
203
00:08:00,483 --> 00:08:02,833
Llamas?
204
00:08:02,116 --> 00:08:03,396
Drama.
205
00:08:03,433 --> 00:08:06,003
Dram--
206
00:08:06,330 --> 00:08:08,170
So my daughter wants
to date an actor?
207
00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:09,470
Where did I go wrong?
208
00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:12,220
Oh, if you
could've
only seen the way
209
00:08:12,250 --> 00:08:14,480
those two kids
looked at each
other.
210
00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:17,230
Oh, well, maybe it's better
you didn't.
211
00:08:17,266 --> 00:08:21,126
Miss Fine, you see
the position you've put me in?
212
00:08:21,166 --> 00:08:22,416
Now you're the good guy,
213
00:08:22,450 --> 00:08:25,420
and I'm the ogre who won't
let his daughter go to the ball.
214
00:08:25,450 --> 00:08:28,470
Oh, nobody thinks of
it
that way.
215
00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:32,830
I mean, maybe the word
"ogre" was mentioned.
216
00:08:33,316 --> 00:08:35,116
You can't
shelter her
forever.
217
00:08:35,150 --> 00:08:37,100
I mean,
boys will come
knocking,
218
00:08:37,133 --> 00:08:39,833
and if you don't let
them
in the front door,
219
00:08:39,116 --> 00:08:41,266
She is gonna start
sneaking out the
window.
220
00:08:41,300 --> 00:08:44,180
I have seen it 100 times.
221
00:08:44,216 --> 00:08:46,156
Take Theresa Polelli--
222
00:08:46,500 --> 00:08:47,380
Theresa Polelli
the casting director?
223
00:08:47,416 --> 00:08:48,996
You know her?
224
00:08:49,330 --> 00:08:50,400
Well, I've used her.
225
00:08:50,433 --> 00:08:53,163
And the legend lives on.
226
00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:57,160
Oh, very well, Miss Fine.
227
00:08:57,500 --> 00:08:59,500
Margaret may go on her date.
228
00:08:59,830 --> 00:09:01,220
Oh, thank you, Mr. Sheffield.
229
00:09:01,250 --> 00:09:02,330
Good night, Miss Fine.
230
00:09:02,366 --> 00:09:04,426
Good night, Mr. Sheffield.
231
00:09:04,466 --> 00:09:06,176
Enjoy the
movie
tomorrow.
232
00:09:06,216 --> 00:09:07,996
What? I'm not going.
233
00:09:08,330 --> 00:09:11,120
Oh, yes, you are.
You're going to chaperon.
234
00:09:11,150 --> 00:09:12,250
Chaperon?
235
00:09:12,283 --> 00:09:14,123
Is that still a word?
236
00:09:14,150 --> 00:09:15,480
Ogres still use it.
237
00:09:16,160 --> 00:09:18,480
Oh, why do I have to be
thenuchslep?
238
00:09:19,160 --> 00:09:20,100
The what-slep?
239
00:09:20,133 --> 00:09:22,203
Thenuch...slep.
240
00:09:24,433 --> 00:09:26,433
The tag-along,
the pathetic loser
241
00:09:26,466 --> 00:09:29,296
living on the cusp
of other people's lives.
242
00:09:29,333 --> 00:09:31,373
Oh, I'm sure
you'll
catch on
quickly.
243
00:09:34,283 --> 00:09:35,433
What did he say, yes or no?
244
00:09:35,466 --> 00:09:39,326
Yes, but you're not
gonna like the fine
print.
245
00:09:39,660 --> 00:09:40,480
I have to go with you.
246
00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:43,370
So what you're saying
is that on my first date
247
00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:45,300
alone with a gorgeous guy,
248
00:09:45,333 --> 00:09:47,663
you're gonna be sitting
right next to me?
249
00:09:47,100 --> 00:09:48,450
You got it.
250
00:09:48,483 --> 00:09:50,333
Thank God.
251
00:10:02,300 --> 00:10:04,160
Oh, let's try this.
252
00:10:04,500 --> 00:10:06,300
Um, excuse us.
253
00:10:06,333 --> 00:10:08,183
Would you mind
moving down a seat?
254
00:10:08,216 --> 00:10:09,426
There's two seats
there.
255
00:10:09,466 --> 00:10:11,656
Yeah,
but we're
three.
256
00:10:11,100 --> 00:10:13,160
Her date is
getting
our refreshments.
257
00:10:13,500 --> 00:10:15,370
If she's on a date,
who are you?
258
00:10:15,400 --> 00:10:17,150
The chaperon.
259
00:10:17,183 --> 00:10:19,273
Oh. Move down for thenuchslep.
260
00:10:21,366 --> 00:10:24,496
Looks too young
to be anuchslep.
261
00:10:24,830 --> 00:10:27,330
You don't have to be old.
You just have to be a loser.
262
00:10:28,366 --> 00:10:30,396
Are you two gonna talk
through the whole movie?
263
00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:34,380
So how do you
think
it's going?
264
00:10:34,416 --> 00:10:37,156
Nice. Very nice.
265
00:10:37,500 --> 00:10:40,000
So you don't think
I'm being too
quiet?
266
00:10:40,330 --> 00:10:42,220
Mm... you know,
267
00:10:42,250 --> 00:10:44,380
let me give you
a little bit of advice.
268
00:10:44,416 --> 00:10:46,226
Remember when Eddie
came to the house
269
00:10:46,266 --> 00:10:47,996
and you said hello?
270
00:10:48,330 --> 00:10:49,500
Uh-huh.
271
00:10:49,830 --> 00:10:51,370
That was good.
Elaborate on that.
272
00:10:52,333 --> 00:10:54,183
Well, how?
273
00:10:54,216 --> 00:10:56,296
Honey, it's your first date.
274
00:10:56,333 --> 00:10:58,483
Why don't you just
relax and enjoy it?
275
00:10:59,160 --> 00:11:01,330
I remember
my first date--
276
00:11:01,660 --> 00:11:04,400
Robbie Ortoff,
the Flamingo Beach Club.
277
00:11:04,433 --> 00:11:06,153
What's she saying?
278
00:11:06,183 --> 00:11:07,473
She's talking
about the old days,
279
00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:09,480
when she had a life.
280
00:11:13,450 --> 00:11:15,330
Do you mind?
281
00:11:15,660 --> 00:11:16,430
I'm trying to
tell a story
here.
282
00:11:16,466 --> 00:11:19,216
Ah, thenuchslep's
getting annoyed.
283
00:11:21,133 --> 00:11:23,223
So you didn't
know
what to say
284
00:11:23,250 --> 00:11:24,330
on your first
date,
either?
285
00:11:24,366 --> 00:11:26,496
Oh, no, honey,
286
00:11:26,830 --> 00:11:27,300
but I've got
the gift of gab.
287
00:11:27,333 --> 00:11:28,433
The point is,
288
00:11:28,466 --> 00:11:31,266
you've got to be yourself
too, only louder.
289
00:11:33,433 --> 00:11:35,163
Hi.
290
00:11:35,500 --> 00:11:36,380
Hello!
291
00:11:36,416 --> 00:11:37,446
I got popcorn.
292
00:11:39,830 --> 00:11:41,330
I love popcorn!
293
00:11:41,660 --> 00:11:43,500
Here's your soda.
294
00:11:43,830 --> 00:11:45,330
Oy! Look at the size
of this thing.
295
00:11:45,660 --> 00:11:46,370
It should come
with a lifeguard.
296
00:11:47,416 --> 00:11:49,096
Yeah, I think
mine
has an undertow.
297
00:11:49,133 --> 00:11:51,103
[LAUGHING]
298
00:11:53,333 --> 00:11:55,303
Yeah. My soda's so big...
299
00:11:57,660 --> 00:11:59,830
I don't think
I'll be able to drink it all.
300
00:12:01,416 --> 00:12:03,376
It's really big.
301
00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:07,180
[FILM MUSIC BEGINS]
302
00:12:07,216 --> 00:12:09,166
FRAN:
There is a God.
303
00:12:14,133 --> 00:12:17,833
It is so good to see you back
again on your feet, Niles.
304
00:12:17,116 --> 00:12:18,166
Thank you, sir.
305
00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:19,480
I've prepared
your favorite--
306
00:12:20,160 --> 00:12:21,830
Belgian waffles.
307
00:12:21,116 --> 00:12:22,366
I don't recall them
being my favorite.
308
00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:24,480
Oh. Then they must be mine.
309
00:12:26,133 --> 00:12:27,483
It was my grandfather's recipe,
310
00:12:28,160 --> 00:12:29,350
served at
the coronation breakfast
311
00:12:29,383 --> 00:12:31,103
of George VI.
312
00:12:31,133 --> 00:12:33,333
Mm! Eggos!
313
00:12:33,366 --> 00:12:35,996
Belgian waffles,
Miss Fine.
314
00:12:36,330 --> 00:12:37,150
Very close.
315
00:12:37,183 --> 00:12:39,183
Mm.
316
00:12:39,216 --> 00:12:41,326
Maggie, you haven't told us
about your date last night.
317
00:12:43,330 --> 00:12:46,500
Maggie, dear,
your hair's in the syrup.
318
00:12:46,830 --> 00:12:47,380
We had
a wonderful time.
319
00:12:47,416 --> 00:12:50,316
It was terrible.
I didn't have anything to say.
320
00:12:50,350 --> 00:12:52,120
I sat there like a lump.
321
00:12:52,150 --> 00:12:55,200
Well, so do mashed potatoes,
and everybody likes them.
322
00:12:57,233 --> 00:13:01,333
Maggie, you were great.
She was a regular riot.
323
00:13:01,660 --> 00:13:02,370
Remember that really funny thing
324
00:13:02,400 --> 00:13:04,150
that you said
about the egg cream?
325
00:13:04,183 --> 00:13:05,423
That was you.
326
00:13:05,450 --> 00:13:07,220
Oh.
327
00:13:07,250 --> 00:13:09,320
How about that really funny joke
you said
328
00:13:09,350 --> 00:13:11,420
about this guy in a turban?
329
00:13:11,450 --> 00:13:14,350
You.
Oh. Well, how about--
330
00:13:14,383 --> 00:13:16,433
You, you, you, you, you!
331
00:13:16,466 --> 00:13:19,166
Oh, boy, was I on last night
or what?
332
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:23,000
Well, I'm sure it'll
go better next time.
333
00:13:23,330 --> 00:13:24,250
There won't be a next time,
334
00:13:24,283 --> 00:13:26,133
because I'm never
gonna see him again
335
00:13:26,166 --> 00:13:28,326
because I'm a worthless,
pathetic, unlovable nothing.
336
00:13:29,300 --> 00:13:31,200
Can I have your waffle?
337
00:13:31,233 --> 00:13:33,503
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
338
00:13:33,830 --> 00:13:35,830
Sweetheart, don't be
so down on yourself.
339
00:13:35,116 --> 00:13:37,276
Maggie, you have
so much to offer.
340
00:13:37,316 --> 00:13:39,376
I'm sure that's Eddie probably
right now.
341
00:13:39,416 --> 00:13:41,266
Yeah, right.
342
00:13:41,300 --> 00:13:43,400
It's Master Eddie.
There. What'd I tell you?
343
00:13:43,433 --> 00:13:45,183
I'm afraid it's not
for Miss Margaret.
344
00:13:45,216 --> 00:13:46,376
It's for you.
345
00:13:48,133 --> 00:13:51,353
Me?
Yes. You, you, you, you, you.
346
00:13:56,283 --> 00:13:59,333
Hello? Yeah.
347
00:13:59,660 --> 00:14:01,100
Uh-huh.
348
00:14:01,133 --> 00:14:04,133
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
349
00:14:06,150 --> 00:14:07,470
Okay.
350
00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:09,320
Bye, Eddie.
351
00:14:10,283 --> 00:14:12,223
[SIGHS]
352
00:14:14,433 --> 00:14:17,333
Well?
353
00:14:17,660 --> 00:14:18,470
Eddie says hello.
354
00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:20,320
And?
355
00:14:20,350 --> 00:14:22,130
And he wants to see me
Friday night.
356
00:14:22,166 --> 00:14:23,346
Could you pass the syrup,
please?
357
00:14:25,100 --> 00:14:27,300
Why don't you just take it,
like you take everything else?
358
00:14:27,333 --> 00:14:28,383
Margaret!
359
00:14:28,416 --> 00:14:32,096
Is this
sarcasm?
From Margaret?
360
00:14:32,133 --> 00:14:35,103
Maggie, maybe we should
go talk somewhere?
361
00:14:35,133 --> 00:14:36,423
Why don't you
just
talk to Eddie?
362
00:14:36,450 --> 00:14:38,200
Yes, folks, it's
definitely sarcasm.
363
00:14:38,233 --> 00:14:39,253
And Maggie scores again--
364
00:14:39,283 --> 00:14:40,323
Shut up, Brighton!
365
00:14:40,350 --> 00:14:42,150
Let's just everyone calm down.
366
00:14:42,183 --> 00:14:43,283
No. Let her vent.
367
00:14:43,316 --> 00:14:45,096
It'll make her
feel better.
368
00:14:45,133 --> 00:14:47,163
It'll make us all
feel better.
369
00:14:47,500 --> 00:14:49,180
I trusted you,
and you stole my boyfriend.
370
00:14:49,216 --> 00:14:50,346
I hate you!
371
00:14:51,450 --> 00:14:54,250
There. Doesn't everybody
feel better now?
372
00:14:54,283 --> 00:14:57,173
I know I do.
373
00:15:04,150 --> 00:15:06,000
Honey, it's Daddy.
374
00:15:06,330 --> 00:15:07,270
Look, if you come
out of your room,
375
00:15:07,300 --> 00:15:09,230
we'll go to
Rumplemeyer's
for some ice cream.
376
00:15:09,266 --> 00:15:11,166
MAGGIE: Can't you just
let me die in peace?
377
00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:13,170
[THUMP]
378
00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:15,170
Ice cream
always used to work.
379
00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:17,330
So did chaperoning.
380
00:15:17,660 --> 00:15:19,830
What are you saying?
This is my fault?
381
00:15:19,116 --> 00:15:21,166
No, no. It's my fault...
382
00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:23,300
for listening to you
in the first place.
383
00:15:23,333 --> 00:15:26,503
I never should have
gone on that date.
384
00:15:26,830 --> 00:15:27,230
Well, neither
should Maggie,
385
00:15:27,266 --> 00:15:29,116
but you pushed her
into it.
386
00:15:29,150 --> 00:15:30,300
I didn't push her.
387
00:15:30,333 --> 00:15:31,333
Trust me, you pushed.
388
00:15:31,366 --> 00:15:33,266
You always push.
Push, push, push!
389
00:15:33,300 --> 00:15:36,370
Wait. Are you
implying
that I push?
390
00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:38,400
Niles, who's right here?
391
00:15:38,433 --> 00:15:41,423
This darn cold.
Can't hear a thing.
392
00:15:41,450 --> 00:15:45,120
Okay, so maybe I push,
but somebody has to.
393
00:15:45,150 --> 00:15:46,420
Haven't you ever seen
the little baby birds
394
00:15:46,450 --> 00:15:49,180
looking out over
the edge of their nest?
395
00:15:49,216 --> 00:15:50,276
It's the mama bird
396
00:15:50,316 --> 00:15:52,096
that has to push them
into the world
397
00:15:52,133 --> 00:15:53,303
so that they learn to fly.
398
00:15:53,333 --> 00:15:55,233
Haven't you ever
seen
those little baby
birds
399
00:15:55,266 --> 00:15:56,996
dead on the sidewalk?
400
00:15:58,116 --> 00:15:59,466
One in ten, tops.
401
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:01,430
Well, if only you'd sat
402
00:16:01,466 --> 00:16:03,326
in the back
of the movie
theater
403
00:16:03,366 --> 00:16:05,426
like a proper
nuch...slep.
404
00:16:05,466 --> 00:16:08,226
But, no, you had to go
be witty and charming,
405
00:16:08,266 --> 00:16:09,476
and make the boy
like you.
406
00:16:10,160 --> 00:16:11,330
Can I help it
if I effervesce?
407
00:16:11,366 --> 00:16:13,326
Well, must you make everyone
like you?
408
00:16:13,366 --> 00:16:16,276
Even the dog preferred you
over C.C.
409
00:16:16,316 --> 00:16:19,326
Oh, now, that was pure
animal instinct.
410
00:16:19,660 --> 00:16:22,660
This never happened
with the other
nannies,
411
00:16:22,100 --> 00:16:24,370
with their sour
dispositions
and chin whiskers.
412
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:26,270
Chin whiskers?
413
00:16:26,300 --> 00:16:28,480
In the age
of electrolysis?
414
00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:30,280
No excuse for that.
415
00:16:30,316 --> 00:16:32,246
But at least their
boundaries were
clear.
416
00:16:32,283 --> 00:16:33,383
I don't know.
417
00:16:33,416 --> 00:16:35,376
Sometimes you seem more
like Maggie's girlfriend
418
00:16:35,416 --> 00:16:36,466
than her nanny.
419
00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:39,200
Her girlfriend?
420
00:16:39,233 --> 00:16:42,483
Oh, Mr. Sheffield,
you're a genius.
421
00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:46,660
What did I say?
422
00:16:46,100 --> 00:16:48,370
Nothing very
profound,
sir.
423
00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:50,450
I thought you couldn't hear.
424
00:16:50,483 --> 00:16:53,663
It's a miracle.
425
00:16:56,330 --> 00:16:57,250
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
426
00:16:57,283 --> 00:16:58,423
Go away!
427
00:16:58,450 --> 00:17:00,300
I couldn't hear you.
428
00:17:00,333 --> 00:17:03,273
Did you say "come in?"
429
00:17:03,300 --> 00:17:06,830
No, but do what you want.
You will anyway.
430
00:17:06,116 --> 00:17:08,496
I brought you
some Mallomars.
431
00:17:08,830 --> 00:17:10,180
I'm too
depressed
to eat.
432
00:17:10,216 --> 00:17:13,096
Gee, I wish depression
had that effect on me.
433
00:17:14,116 --> 00:17:16,326
Do you know how
humiliated I
feel,
434
00:17:16,366 --> 00:17:21,396
losing my
boyfriend...
to my nanny?
435
00:17:21,433 --> 00:17:25,373
Honey, I think you're
too old to have a nanny.
436
00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:28,370
I mean, it's okay
for Brighton and Gracie,
437
00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:30,430
but I'd like to think
of you and I
438
00:17:30,466 --> 00:17:32,346
more like friends.
439
00:17:32,383 --> 00:17:34,403
Some friend.
440
00:17:34,433 --> 00:17:36,473
Do friends steal
their
friends'
boyfriends?
441
00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:38,450
Absolutely not.
442
00:17:38,483 --> 00:17:40,453
I mean,
take me and Val.
443
00:17:40,483 --> 00:17:43,473
There were plenty of times
when we would meet a guy,
444
00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:46,230
and she would fall in love
with him
445
00:17:46,266 --> 00:17:48,166
and he would
all in love with me,
446
00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:50,330
or I would fall in love
with him
447
00:17:50,660 --> 00:17:52,250
and he'd fall in love--
448
00:17:52,283 --> 00:17:53,453
Nah, that never happened.
449
00:17:55,330 --> 00:17:56,270
The point is, though,
450
00:17:56,300 --> 00:17:58,270
we never let it
ruin our friendship.
451
00:17:58,300 --> 00:18:01,180
And that's the official
girlfriends' code.
452
00:18:03,433 --> 00:18:05,833
The what?
453
00:18:05,116 --> 00:18:06,126
You never heard
454
00:18:06,166 --> 00:18:08,326
of the official
girlfriends' code?
455
00:18:08,366 --> 00:18:10,466
The O.G.C.?
456
00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:12,320
No.
457
00:18:12,350 --> 00:18:16,150
What do they teach you
in those private schools?
458
00:18:16,183 --> 00:18:18,663
Rule number one--
459
00:18:18,100 --> 00:18:20,320
you never gossip
about your best friend,
460
00:18:20,350 --> 00:18:23,220
a totally moronic rule
that nobody follows,
461
00:18:25,250 --> 00:18:27,130
so we'll move on
to rule number two.
462
00:18:27,166 --> 00:18:29,246
If a girl falls for a guy
463
00:18:29,283 --> 00:18:31,333
and the idiot guy
464
00:18:31,660 --> 00:18:34,250
falls for her effervescent
but totally blameless friend,
465
00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:40,150
then the aforementioned friend
is obliged to dump him.
466
00:18:42,150 --> 00:18:44,330
You would do
that
for me?
467
00:18:44,660 --> 00:18:46,170
Honey, it's the O.G.C.
468
00:18:49,116 --> 00:18:51,246
Maybe I will have
one of those
Mallomars.
469
00:18:51,283 --> 00:18:52,423
Rule number three--
470
00:18:52,450 --> 00:18:54,660
when it comes
to chocolate,
471
00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:56,120
it's every girl
for herself.
472
00:18:59,166 --> 00:19:01,146
Rule number 27--
473
00:19:01,183 --> 00:19:02,383
just because
you're dumping someone
474
00:19:02,416 --> 00:19:04,326
doesn't mean you shouldn't
look your best.
475
00:19:04,366 --> 00:19:05,996
[DOORBELL RINGS]
476
00:19:06,330 --> 00:19:07,320
Oh, God. That's him.
What are we gonna do?
477
00:19:07,350 --> 00:19:10,220
Okay, don't worry.
I'll let him down gently.
478
00:19:10,250 --> 00:19:12,230
Destroy him.
479
00:19:12,266 --> 00:19:14,396
All right.
480
00:19:14,433 --> 00:19:16,203
Can I listen?
481
00:19:16,233 --> 00:19:18,323
Oh, sure! What do you think
the butler's pantry is for?
482
00:19:21,433 --> 00:19:24,303
Just looking
for a ladle.
483
00:19:24,333 --> 00:19:26,373
Ah. Here it is.
484
00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:28,150
Mm-hmm.
485
00:19:32,500 --> 00:19:34,380
Ahem.
486
00:19:34,416 --> 00:19:35,426
Hello, Ed.
487
00:19:35,466 --> 00:19:37,126
Hi.
488
00:19:37,166 --> 00:19:38,296
I brought you some spareribs.
489
00:19:38,333 --> 00:19:44,123
Oh, you are some
little operator, aren't you?
490
00:19:44,150 --> 00:19:46,420
First you ask Maggie
out on a date,
491
00:19:46,450 --> 00:19:48,420
then you toy with her emotions,
492
00:19:48,450 --> 00:19:50,130
now you're bringing me pork.
493
00:19:51,333 --> 00:19:55,833
What are you, some kind
of delivering Don Juan?
494
00:19:55,116 --> 00:19:56,346
What are you talking about?
495
00:19:56,383 --> 00:20:00,163
Us. Me. You.
It's not gonna happen.
496
00:20:00,500 --> 00:20:01,120
You think...
497
00:20:01,150 --> 00:20:03,230
Miss Fine, you're old enough
to be my--
498
00:20:03,266 --> 00:20:05,166
Watch it.
Sister.
499
00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:06,280
I mean,
500
00:20:06,316 --> 00:20:08,316
I really like you a--
as a friend.
501
00:20:08,350 --> 00:20:12,230
Whoa. Wait a minute.
Are you dumping me?
502
00:20:12,266 --> 00:20:14,226
These ribs are for dumping?
503
00:20:14,266 --> 00:20:16,366
No, they were more like
kind of a bribe.
504
00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:18,170
Oh. For what?
505
00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:20,380
Well, I was hoping that
maybe you could
506
00:20:20,416 --> 00:20:22,996
give Mr. Sheffield
my picture and résumé.
507
00:20:23,330 --> 00:20:24,180
Picture and résumé?
508
00:20:24,216 --> 00:20:26,316
That's what you wanted
to ask me?
509
00:20:26,350 --> 00:20:28,380
Yeah, for when he casts
his next show.
510
00:20:30,116 --> 00:20:32,316
Well, why didn't you
just ask Maggie that?
511
00:20:32,350 --> 00:20:35,480
Well, because I really like her,
and... I don't know,
512
00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:38,130
I just didn't want her to think
I was using her.
513
00:20:38,166 --> 00:20:40,096
Oh, but you don't mind using me.
514
00:20:40,133 --> 00:20:41,353
Yeah. No, no, no, no!
515
00:20:41,383 --> 00:20:43,273
I mean, I just thought
516
00:20:43,300 --> 00:20:44,370
it would be easier
for you
517
00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:46,500
because you're not shy.
You're...
518
00:20:46,830 --> 00:20:47,830
Pushy.
519
00:20:47,116 --> 00:20:48,196
Exactly.
520
00:20:48,233 --> 00:20:49,403
Just give me the damn pictures.
521
00:20:51,166 --> 00:20:52,296
So, is Maggie here?
522
00:20:52,333 --> 00:20:54,423
I thought maybe we could
go for a walk.
523
00:20:54,450 --> 00:20:56,250
One minute. I'll get her.
524
00:20:59,250 --> 00:21:03,130
There are 19 rooms
in this house.
525
00:21:03,166 --> 00:21:04,226
You all ended up
in here?
526
00:21:04,266 --> 00:21:05,346
I needed a spoon.
527
00:21:05,383 --> 00:21:07,333
Just
returning
the ladle.
528
00:21:09,500 --> 00:21:10,480
All right.
So you all heard.
529
00:21:11,160 --> 00:21:13,430
I feel your pain.
530
00:21:13,466 --> 00:21:15,126
Thank you.
531
00:21:15,166 --> 00:21:17,166
Come, children.
532
00:21:19,383 --> 00:21:20,453
So, does this mean
533
00:21:20,483 --> 00:21:22,353
that I have to dump
him,
since he dumped you?
534
00:21:22,383 --> 00:21:24,663
Technically, he didn't dump me,
535
00:21:24,100 --> 00:21:27,250
because he never liked me
in the first place. Okay?
536
00:21:27,283 --> 00:21:29,123
So there's your loophole.
Make your move.
537
00:21:29,150 --> 00:21:30,270
Thank you.
538
00:21:30,300 --> 00:21:32,150
Go take a walk
with your boyfriend,
539
00:21:32,183 --> 00:21:34,353
and let this pushy old broad
eat her ribs in peace.
540
00:21:36,233 --> 00:21:37,423
May I?
541
00:21:39,500 --> 00:21:41,400
Of course you can.
Have a good time.
542
00:21:41,433 --> 00:21:43,273
Thank you, Dad.
543
00:21:48,366 --> 00:21:51,316
Well, you're certainly
singing a different tune.
544
00:21:51,350 --> 00:21:53,320
If I don't
open the
door,
545
00:21:53,350 --> 00:21:55,120
she'll only
sneak
out the window.
546
00:21:55,150 --> 00:21:57,100
Oh, that's very wise.
547
00:21:57,133 --> 00:21:58,153
Yeah?
548
00:21:58,183 --> 00:22:00,323
Some pushy old broad
told me.
549
00:22:00,350 --> 00:22:02,330
Oh.
550
00:22:02,660 --> 00:22:03,370
Miss Babcock, sir.
551
00:22:03,400 --> 00:22:05,280
I hope
she brought Chester.
552
00:22:05,316 --> 00:22:07,246
Hello, all.
553
00:22:11,100 --> 00:22:13,170
Oh, Chester!
Come here.
554
00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:16,230
Come here. Oh, good boy.
555
00:22:16,266 --> 00:22:19,316
Oh, thank God
you're okay.
556
00:22:19,350 --> 00:22:21,660
You better watch it.
557
00:22:21,100 --> 00:22:23,280
She may need a muff.
558
00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:38,220
Oh, it's so great
that you love to floss.
559
00:22:38,250 --> 00:22:41,660
I mean, you only get
two sets of teeth,
560
00:22:41,100 --> 00:22:42,370
except my Cousin Ira.
He got three,
561
00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:45,250
but you know,
he's a freak of nature.
562
00:22:45,283 --> 00:22:47,103
Here we go.
563
00:22:47,133 --> 00:22:49,333
Oh, look at you.
564
00:22:49,366 --> 00:22:51,146
Oh, how beautiful.
565
00:22:51,183 --> 00:22:54,453
You'll never
have gum disease. Yes.
566
00:22:56,233 --> 00:22:59,183
You know, they also make
a cinnamon floss.
567
00:22:59,216 --> 00:23:02,146
This is the mint flavor.
568
00:23:02,183 --> 00:23:03,283
You like that.
569
00:23:03,316 --> 00:23:05,316
I wish the children
flossed like you do.
570
00:23:07,330 --> 00:23:09,000
I'm going to tell Miss Babcock
571
00:23:09,330 --> 00:23:12,830
to buy you
a whole case of dental floss.
36854
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