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1
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[♪♪♪♪♪]
2
00:00:04,652 --> 00:00:07,617
Murray, it's just
dental hygiene.
3
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Oh, come on. Yummy,
yummy, yummy.
4
00:00:09,997 --> 00:00:12,377
Oh, come on!
5
00:00:13,239 --> 00:00:15,343
You've changed.
6
00:00:15,480 --> 00:00:16,480
[♪♪♪♪♪]
7
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MAN: Physics for 200.
8
00:00:23,792 --> 00:00:26,655
TREBEK: This isotope is
used to make an atomic bomb.
9
00:00:26,792 --> 00:00:27,655
Okay, uh, no, no.
10
00:00:27,793 --> 00:00:29,137
What is kryptonite? Kryptonite?
11
00:00:29,275 --> 00:00:30,755
No, no. The hot
stuff that gets hot...
12
00:00:30,827 --> 00:00:32,965
MAN: What is uranium
235? TREBEK: Yes.
13
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All right, like I'm
gonna know that.
14
00:00:34,656 --> 00:00:36,000
MAN: Okay.
Abbreviations for 300.
15
00:00:36,138 --> 00:00:37,242
TREBEK: In the military,
16
00:00:37,380 --> 00:00:39,518
it's what the initials
G.I. stand for.
17
00:00:39,656 --> 00:00:41,518
G.I., G.I...
18
00:00:41,656 --> 00:00:43,450
Gee, your hair smells terrific.
19
00:00:43,588 --> 00:00:45,346
G... general,
general, general...
20
00:00:45,484 --> 00:00:46,564
Get me out of the army now.
21
00:00:46,657 --> 00:00:48,036
[BUZZ]
22
00:00:48,175 --> 00:00:50,209
MAN: What is "government
issue"? TREBEK: Right.
23
00:00:50,347 --> 00:00:51,967
Government... all
right, G.I... G.I.Joe.
24
00:00:52,105 --> 00:00:53,105
[BUZZ] G.I.Joe.
25
00:00:53,209 --> 00:00:54,692
Of course. Well,
what is Guadalcanal?
26
00:00:54,830 --> 00:00:55,830
That's the doorbell.
27
00:00:55,968 --> 00:00:58,417
MAN: Okay. Hail
to the chief for 400,
28
00:00:58,554 --> 00:01:00,521
the easiest one on the board.
29
00:01:00,659 --> 00:01:02,279
TREBEK: This was
L.B.J.'s middle name.
30
00:01:02,417 --> 00:01:03,486
I know it!
31
00:01:03,624 --> 00:01:04,784
Barry? No. Boo boo? Bob, Bob.
32
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Biff?
33
00:01:05,935 --> 00:01:07,055
Billy Bob? Lyndon Billy Bob?
34
00:01:07,177 --> 00:01:08,038
Lyndon Bristol...
35
00:01:08,177 --> 00:01:09,038
Hays, Hays, Hays.
36
00:01:09,177 --> 00:01:10,177
I think it's Hays.
37
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B... L.B.J.
38
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Not Hays. Not Hays.
39
00:01:13,384 --> 00:01:14,522
[BUZZ]
40
00:01:14,660 --> 00:01:16,178
MAN: What is
"Baines"? BOTH: Baines!
41
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I knew that.
42
00:01:18,005 --> 00:01:19,085
Were we always this stupid,
43
00:01:19,178 --> 00:01:20,039
or is this recent?
44
00:01:20,178 --> 00:01:21,040
What?
45
00:01:21,178 --> 00:01:22,454
What what?
46
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Hello, skunkie. Hi.
47
00:01:26,144 --> 00:01:27,765
All right, which one of you
48
00:01:27,902 --> 00:01:30,558
picked Moby Dick
for the book club?
49
00:01:30,696 --> 00:01:31,834
Okay, that was her.
50
00:01:31,972 --> 00:01:34,007
I wanted I Like Lollipops
51
00:01:34,145 --> 00:01:35,938
by Telly Savalas, but no...
52
00:01:36,076 --> 00:01:37,421
Moby Dick.
53
00:01:37,559 --> 00:01:39,525
Moby Dickis a classic.
54
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Hey, Telly Savalas...
Pretty complicated man.
55
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What do you got there?
56
00:01:43,388 --> 00:01:46,008
A little gift for my niece.
57
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Buchman and
Stemple family trees.
58
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Wow!
59
00:01:50,664 --> 00:01:51,527
Look at that!
60
00:01:51,664 --> 00:01:52,802
Yeah, isn't that something?
61
00:01:52,940 --> 00:01:54,112
See how far back they go?
62
00:01:54,251 --> 00:01:56,561
Look at that. Yeah,
Spartacus Stemple.
63
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Who knew? You mock,
64
00:01:58,837 --> 00:02:01,459
but this way your daughter will
know from whence she came.
65
00:02:01,597 --> 00:02:02,631
From Holland, apparently.
66
00:02:02,769 --> 00:02:04,252
So you're really... you're part
67
00:02:04,390 --> 00:02:06,873
Holland... Hollandish...
Holl... Hollandarian?
68
00:02:07,011 --> 00:02:08,460
Holl... Hollandaise...
69
00:02:08,598 --> 00:02:09,804
Dutch?
70
00:02:09,942 --> 00:02:11,805
Dutch! Okay, 'cause all right...
71
00:02:11,943 --> 00:02:15,046
I want to point out just
a little sort of anomaly.
72
00:02:15,185 --> 00:02:16,943
If you look at the Stemple
73
00:02:17,081 --> 00:02:18,530
great-great-great-grandmother...
74
00:02:18,668 --> 00:02:19,668
Hester.
75
00:02:19,771 --> 00:02:22,564
She is connected
by a squiggly line to...
76
00:02:22,702 --> 00:02:23,564
Irwin Buchman.
77
00:02:23,702 --> 00:02:25,358
That's funny. So then, if you go
78
00:02:25,496 --> 00:02:27,565
to the Buchman great-
great-great-grandfather...
79
00:02:27,703 --> 00:02:28,945
Irwin Buchman...
80
00:02:29,082 --> 00:02:31,221
His son Maximilian...
81
00:02:31,358 --> 00:02:33,807
known as Jorge to his
friends, which is interesting.
82
00:02:33,945 --> 00:02:37,014
Is also connected
by a squiggly line to...
83
00:02:37,152 --> 00:02:39,566
Eleanor, daughter of
Romulus and Alexa.
84
00:02:39,704 --> 00:02:40,704
Exactly.
85
00:02:40,842 --> 00:02:42,567
I don't know what
you're talking about.
86
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What, what, what?
87
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You're cousins.
88
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We're all cousins.
89
00:02:48,119 --> 00:02:52,327
And worse yet, in fact, we
are descended from cousins.
90
00:02:58,328 --> 00:03:00,466
I told you we were stupid.
91
00:03:02,190 --> 00:03:04,018
PAUL: Honey, I can't
believe you waited
92
00:03:04,155 --> 00:03:05,880
till the day before
the book club
93
00:03:06,018 --> 00:03:07,260
to read Moby Dick.
94
00:03:07,398 --> 00:03:08,914
On the off chance
we don't make it
95
00:03:09,052 --> 00:03:10,252
all the way through the books,
96
00:03:10,363 --> 00:03:11,923
maybe we should
pick up the Cliff Notes.
97
00:03:12,052 --> 00:03:14,363
The Cliff Notesfor this
are gonna be 200 pages.
98
00:03:14,501 --> 00:03:16,708
Is there, like, a pop-up book
or something we could get?
99
00:03:16,846 --> 00:03:18,433
Next thing, we'll be
renting the movie.
100
00:03:18,571 --> 00:03:20,053
Good idea. Hey, look at this!
101
00:03:20,192 --> 00:03:22,261
So You Think You
Married Your Cousin.
102
00:03:24,262 --> 00:03:25,882
That's a joke book.
103
00:03:26,020 --> 00:03:29,331
No, it's n... Oh, Jeff
Foxworthy. Okay. All right.
104
00:03:29,469 --> 00:03:30,779
Come here.
105
00:03:30,917 --> 00:03:32,952
The Complete Guide to
Genealogical Relationships.
106
00:03:33,090 --> 00:03:34,952
Let's just look and see exactly
107
00:03:35,090 --> 00:03:37,055
how disgusting
and immoral we are.
108
00:03:37,194 --> 00:03:38,055
Okay, right here.
109
00:03:38,194 --> 00:03:39,056
So if we're...
110
00:03:39,194 --> 00:03:41,539
So according to this, we are...
111
00:03:41,677 --> 00:03:43,540
Fourth cousins
once... once removed.
112
00:03:43,678 --> 00:03:45,781
No, not... not removed.
You're only removed
113
00:03:45,919 --> 00:03:47,954
if you're not the
same generation.
114
00:03:48,092 --> 00:03:49,092
So we're fourth cousins?
115
00:03:49,196 --> 00:03:50,437
I think so.
116
00:03:50,574 --> 00:03:52,694
So that means I'm a cousin
of somebody who is a cousin
117
00:03:52,747 --> 00:03:55,230
who has as their cousin
somebody who is a cousin of yours?
118
00:03:55,368 --> 00:03:56,472
Huh?
119
00:03:56,610 --> 00:03:58,886
Maybe children of cousins
are not the best people
120
00:03:59,024 --> 00:04:00,611
to be figuring this
kind of thing out.
121
00:04:00,748 --> 00:04:02,714
We're fourth cousins, Paul.
122
00:04:02,852 --> 00:04:04,369
Okay, so we're fourth cousins.
123
00:04:04,507 --> 00:04:05,576
Big deal.
124
00:04:05,714 --> 00:04:06,887
Not a problem. Fine.
125
00:04:07,025 --> 00:04:08,025
Ugh!
126
00:04:08,163 --> 00:04:09,681
Gaaaaa, I don't like this.
127
00:04:09,818 --> 00:04:11,957
This is not supposed to
happen to people like us.
128
00:04:12,094 --> 00:04:13,853
Not to use stereotypes
or, you know, labels,
129
00:04:13,991 --> 00:04:15,140
but this is the kind of thing
130
00:04:15,164 --> 00:04:16,543
that generally happens to people
131
00:04:16,681 --> 00:04:18,716
a little more hillish
and a little more billyish.
132
00:04:18,853 --> 00:04:20,060
I'll tell you this much.
133
00:04:20,199 --> 00:04:21,509
We are hiding
those family trees,
134
00:04:21,647 --> 00:04:23,234
and we're swearing
Debbie to secrecy.
135
00:04:23,371 --> 00:04:26,027
Oh, believe me. Can you imagine
what my mother's gonna say?
136
00:04:26,165 --> 00:04:28,061
Oy. So what do we do now?
137
00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:31,372
Go home, grab our
banjo, and brush our tooth.
138
00:04:34,477 --> 00:04:35,477
[♪♪♪♪♪]
139
00:04:37,028 --> 00:04:38,442
PAUL: All right,
congratulations.
140
00:04:38,580 --> 00:04:40,271
We've been reading
Moby Dickfor 2 hours.
141
00:04:40,408 --> 00:04:41,271
What page are you on?
142
00:04:41,409 --> 00:04:42,409
Four.
143
00:04:42,478 --> 00:04:43,340
Good for you.
144
00:04:43,478 --> 00:04:44,616
It starts on 3.
145
00:04:44,754 --> 00:04:46,340
I understand. Ask
me what page I'm on.
146
00:04:46,478 --> 00:04:47,340
What page?
147
00:04:47,478 --> 00:04:48,340
Three.
148
00:04:48,478 --> 00:04:50,341
Why does he type so small?
149
00:04:50,478 --> 00:04:51,754
He shouldn't.
150
00:04:51,892 --> 00:04:53,479
No. You write a book, be proud.
151
00:04:53,617 --> 00:04:54,479
And be clear.
152
00:04:54,617 --> 00:04:55,617
You know, how about this?
153
00:04:55,720 --> 00:04:57,238
You want to maybe split it up?
154
00:04:57,375 --> 00:04:58,720
I'll read half, you read half,
155
00:04:58,858 --> 00:05:01,824
and later we'll tell each other
what happened in the other half.
156
00:05:01,962 --> 00:05:04,859
All right, so that
would be half of 857,
157
00:05:04,997 --> 00:05:06,342
so that would be 430...
158
00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:07,343
It's 4...
159
00:05:07,480 --> 00:05:08,652
No, actually 20...
160
00:05:08,790 --> 00:05:10,377
Is that 420?
161
00:05:10,515 --> 00:05:12,355
Four, six... you didn't
carry... carry the one.
162
00:05:12,481 --> 00:05:14,033
Four... hold it. What
did you say, 850?
163
00:05:14,171 --> 00:05:16,378
It's a lot of pages.
Whatever it is.
164
00:05:16,515 --> 00:05:17,791
How about this, how about this?
165
00:05:17,929 --> 00:05:19,861
I'll read the end, and
you read the beginning,
166
00:05:19,998 --> 00:05:21,238
and we'll just skip the middle.
167
00:05:21,344 --> 00:05:22,896
You're not gonna
understand the end
168
00:05:23,034 --> 00:05:24,965
if you don't read the
beginning and the middle.
169
00:05:25,103 --> 00:05:26,552
Oh, I'm not gonna
understand the end
170
00:05:26,689 --> 00:05:28,828
even if do read the
beginning and the middle.
171
00:05:28,965 --> 00:05:30,655
You would just skip
the whole middle?
172
00:05:30,793 --> 00:05:32,138
Yeah! What happens
in the middle?
173
00:05:32,277 --> 00:05:34,415
Nothing happens in the
middle, nothing important,
174
00:05:34,553 --> 00:05:36,069
otherwise you
wouldn't need the end.
175
00:05:36,208 --> 00:05:38,863
I am not ready to throw
in the towel and cheat.
176
00:05:39,001 --> 00:05:40,622
All right. Let me tell you,
177
00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:42,485
you can run from the
chromosomal mistakes
178
00:05:42,622 --> 00:05:44,243
of our ancestors,
but you can't hide.
179
00:05:44,381 --> 00:05:46,174
The fact that we
can't read Moby Dick
180
00:05:46,312 --> 00:05:47,752
has nothing to do
with being cousins.
181
00:05:47,864 --> 00:05:49,002
So what is it?
182
00:05:49,140 --> 00:05:50,417
Part of it is aging.
183
00:05:50,554 --> 00:05:52,674
Scientists say the older
you get, the less you retain.
184
00:05:52,795 --> 00:05:53,795
What scientists?
185
00:05:53,899 --> 00:05:55,106
I read a thing. Where?
186
00:05:55,244 --> 00:05:56,244
60 Minutes.
187
00:05:58,211 --> 00:05:59,211
[♪♪♪♪♪]
188
00:06:05,797 --> 00:06:06,625
PAUL: Sweetie?
189
00:06:06,763 --> 00:06:07,832
Yeah?
190
00:06:07,970 --> 00:06:09,763
Do you suppose
we could call up Cliff
191
00:06:09,901 --> 00:06:12,971
and ask him what the
hell he's talking about?
192
00:06:13,108 --> 00:06:15,453
Maybe they have Cliff
Notes for the Cliff Notes.
193
00:06:15,591 --> 00:06:17,391
Yeah. Let me know when
you're ready to give in
194
00:06:17,454 --> 00:06:18,902
and watch the movie.
Warm up the VCR.
195
00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:20,040
[MUTTERS]
196
00:06:21,109 --> 00:06:23,903
MR. MAGOO: Thar she blows!
197
00:06:24,041 --> 00:06:27,214
It was a great white
whale, Moby Dick.
198
00:06:27,352 --> 00:06:30,075
And tonight in the
story of the same name,
199
00:06:30,214 --> 00:06:31,800
I play the part of Ishmael...
200
00:06:31,938 --> 00:06:35,284
I can't believe you got
the Mr. Magoo version.
201
00:06:35,422 --> 00:06:37,767
Queequeg. That's it.
202
00:06:37,905 --> 00:06:39,077
It's a little loud.
203
00:06:39,215 --> 00:06:41,354
That's the only
way to enjoy Magoo.
204
00:06:41,491 --> 00:06:43,354
He would take
his trusty harpoon,
205
00:06:43,492 --> 00:06:45,172
and standing in the
prow of the whale boat,
206
00:06:45,285 --> 00:06:47,146
he'd let fly with unerring aim!
207
00:06:47,285 --> 00:06:49,975
And then there was Captain Ahab.
208
00:06:50,113 --> 00:06:52,009
Oh, that man had
terrible problems
209
00:06:52,147 --> 00:06:54,527
battling the great
white whale...
210
00:06:54,665 --> 00:06:56,147
A hurricane and a storm,
211
00:06:56,286 --> 00:06:58,010
and then his ship was hit...
212
00:06:58,148 --> 00:06:59,459
All right, that's enough.
213
00:06:59,596 --> 00:07:00,941
I'm enjoying this!
214
00:07:01,079 --> 00:07:02,218
It's not gonna help.
215
00:07:02,356 --> 00:07:03,494
How do you know?
216
00:07:03,632 --> 00:07:05,597
Because this is totally
different from the book.
217
00:07:05,735 --> 00:07:06,804
You didn't read the book.
218
00:07:06,942 --> 00:07:08,460
No, but I'm guessing
that in the book
219
00:07:08,597 --> 00:07:10,977
Ishmael doesn't try harpooning
a goldfish instead of a whale
220
00:07:11,115 --> 00:07:13,702
'cause he's so nearsighted!
221
00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:16,323
Well, fine. The book
club is in 16 hours,
222
00:07:16,460 --> 00:07:18,358
so what do you suggest?
223
00:07:18,496 --> 00:07:20,323
All right, come here.
224
00:07:20,461 --> 00:07:23,461
I suggest a little visual aid.
225
00:07:23,599 --> 00:07:25,772
The problem with this book
is there's too many words
226
00:07:25,910 --> 00:07:27,013
and not enough pictures.
227
00:07:27,151 --> 00:07:28,910
Yes, there's, like,
virtually no pictures.
228
00:07:29,048 --> 00:07:30,290
Mm-hmm. We have to encapsulate.
229
00:07:30,428 --> 00:07:33,325
We have to summarize.
We have to hone in
230
00:07:33,462 --> 00:07:35,980
on the few facts that
we're absolutely sure of.
231
00:07:36,118 --> 00:07:37,256
All right, great.
232
00:07:37,394 --> 00:07:39,360
Which... What... what
would those facts be?
233
00:07:39,498 --> 00:07:41,015
Okay. All right.
234
00:07:41,153 --> 00:07:44,464
This... is the ship, the Pequod.
235
00:07:44,602 --> 00:07:46,188
Pequod.
236
00:07:46,326 --> 00:07:47,706
Okay. And this...
237
00:07:48,844 --> 00:07:50,224
is the whale.
238
00:07:51,362 --> 00:07:52,362
Moby.
239
00:07:52,431 --> 00:07:53,293
Moby Dick.
240
00:07:53,431 --> 00:07:57,672
And this is the captain...
241
00:07:57,810 --> 00:07:59,052
Ahab.
242
00:07:59,190 --> 00:08:01,225
Doesn't look like
a captain, but...
243
00:08:11,502 --> 00:08:12,847
that's all I'm asking.
244
00:08:12,985 --> 00:08:13,985
All right.
245
00:08:14,019 --> 00:08:16,743
From what I understand, Ahab...
246
00:08:16,881 --> 00:08:18,365
on the Pequod...
247
00:08:18,503 --> 00:08:19,675
Yeah?
248
00:08:19,813 --> 00:08:21,882
Hunts Moby...
249
00:08:22,020 --> 00:08:24,882
who kills Ahab.
250
00:08:25,020 --> 00:08:26,848
Okay. And?
251
00:08:26,986 --> 00:08:28,676
And that's it. End of story.
252
00:08:28,814 --> 00:08:30,331
That can't be it.
253
00:08:30,469 --> 00:08:31,469
That's too simple. I...
254
00:08:31,538 --> 00:08:32,780
you must be missing something.
255
00:08:32,918 --> 00:08:34,229
Of course I'm missing something.
256
00:08:34,367 --> 00:08:35,229
I didn't read the book.
257
00:08:35,367 --> 00:08:36,436
Which in a book club...
258
00:08:36,574 --> 00:08:38,194
That's really the
whole point, isn't it?
259
00:08:38,332 --> 00:08:39,372
Honey, come on. It's fine.
260
00:08:39,470 --> 00:08:41,436
We'll wing it.
Let's go to sleep.
261
00:08:41,574 --> 00:08:43,643
All right, all
right. Good night.
262
00:08:43,781 --> 00:08:45,057
Good night, cuz.
263
00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:47,920
Night, sweetie.
264
00:08:47,989 --> 00:08:48,851
Okay.
265
00:08:48,989 --> 00:08:49,851
What?
266
00:08:49,989 --> 00:08:50,989
What? Nothing.
267
00:08:51,023 --> 00:08:52,954
What, you don't want to kiss me?
268
00:08:53,092 --> 00:08:54,783
No, no, I do, I do.
269
00:08:54,921 --> 00:08:55,783
Good night.
270
00:08:55,921 --> 00:08:57,128
What?
271
00:08:58,990 --> 00:09:00,542
No... No... Nothing.
272
00:09:00,679 --> 00:09:02,162
What is it?
273
00:09:04,335 --> 00:09:06,404
You look like my Uncle Lenny.
274
00:09:11,543 --> 00:09:13,854
Apparently Queequeg is
some sort of mystical character.
275
00:09:13,992 --> 00:09:16,337
Oh, honey, don't
do this to yourself.
276
00:09:16,474 --> 00:09:19,095
Do what I do...
Embrace your stupidity.
277
00:09:20,095 --> 00:09:21,268
Look. I made sandwiches
278
00:09:21,406 --> 00:09:23,544
in the shape of little boats.
279
00:09:23,682 --> 00:09:26,304
I'm embarrassed
to be your cousin.
280
00:09:27,924 --> 00:09:29,856
MAN: Hey, finally!
281
00:09:29,994 --> 00:09:33,132
Look what I made
for you nice people.
282
00:09:33,270 --> 00:09:34,959
Look, Burt, they
made the sandwiches
283
00:09:35,097 --> 00:09:36,959
look like little hats.
284
00:09:37,097 --> 00:09:38,788
They're little... little boats.
285
00:09:38,926 --> 00:09:39,788
How are they boats?
286
00:09:39,926 --> 00:09:40,960
How are they hats?
287
00:09:41,098 --> 00:09:42,098
Can I eat it yet?
288
00:09:42,237 --> 00:09:43,891
Yeah, all right. Sure.
289
00:09:44,029 --> 00:09:45,857
Okay. I thought we would open
290
00:09:45,995 --> 00:09:48,099
with some general
impressions of the book.
291
00:09:48,237 --> 00:09:50,858
Who would like to start? Henry?
292
00:09:50,996 --> 00:09:53,823
Me? Oh, boy! Pressure.
293
00:09:54,927 --> 00:09:57,135
Lead-off. Center ring.
294
00:09:57,272 --> 00:10:00,031
Flop sweat. Panic attack.
295
00:10:00,169 --> 00:10:02,135
Gotta go home.
296
00:10:04,066 --> 00:10:06,032
I'm just kidding, of course.
297
00:10:06,170 --> 00:10:09,067
Um... I liked the book.
298
00:10:09,205 --> 00:10:12,585
I was fascinated by the idea
299
00:10:12,723 --> 00:10:14,861
that, um, that water
is somehow tied
300
00:10:14,999 --> 00:10:16,861
to human meditation,
301
00:10:16,999 --> 00:10:20,413
that the truth is
lying out there
302
00:10:20,551 --> 00:10:22,034
hiding somewhere by the sea,
303
00:10:22,171 --> 00:10:24,344
and until you go,
you're left behind
304
00:10:24,482 --> 00:10:27,414
in the dark, alone,
always asking questions.
305
00:10:27,552 --> 00:10:30,863
Is today Tuesday? Where'd
you get those pants?
306
00:10:31,001 --> 00:10:32,966
Is that turkey salad?
307
00:10:33,104 --> 00:10:35,415
That's very profound, Henry.
308
00:10:35,553 --> 00:10:37,484
No, I'm asking. Is
that turkey salad?
309
00:10:39,450 --> 00:10:40,588
I'll tell you what.
310
00:10:40,726 --> 00:10:42,691
I'm gonna make a
long story short, okay?
311
00:10:42,829 --> 00:10:46,105
Moby Dickis about
dating, period.
312
00:10:47,002 --> 00:10:48,451
I'm sorry?
313
00:10:48,589 --> 00:10:49,934
Ahab is the ultimate bachelor.
314
00:10:50,072 --> 00:10:51,589
The whale is the ultimate chick.
315
00:10:51,727 --> 00:10:54,659
Hoo-ah!
316
00:10:55,590 --> 00:10:57,314
Hoo-ah!
317
00:10:58,486 --> 00:11:01,591
Who... uh, can argue with that?
318
00:11:01,728 --> 00:11:03,384
It's a very valid point.
319
00:11:03,522 --> 00:11:05,211
No, really. Seriously.
320
00:11:05,349 --> 00:11:08,316
Think about it. This guy
Ahab, he goes out there,
321
00:11:08,454 --> 00:11:10,143
he gives everything
he has for this whale,
322
00:11:10,281 --> 00:11:11,901
even though he knows
it's gonna kill him.
323
00:11:12,039 --> 00:11:13,833
It's like a moth to a flame.
324
00:11:13,971 --> 00:11:16,592
Or like a guy named Ira
to the girl across the street
325
00:11:16,730 --> 00:11:18,317
who won't close her blinds.
326
00:11:19,902 --> 00:11:22,386
Thank you, Ira.
327
00:11:22,524 --> 00:11:23,558
Marvin?
328
00:11:23,696 --> 00:11:26,352
Well, I have to
say that I don't like
329
00:11:26,490 --> 00:11:28,903
that they kept on
calling Moby a whale.
330
00:11:29,041 --> 00:11:31,766
Every page... whale, whale.
331
00:11:31,904 --> 00:11:33,525
"Hey, look at that big whale."
332
00:11:33,663 --> 00:11:35,526
"Did you see the
size of that whale?"
333
00:11:35,663 --> 00:11:37,767
"Hey, whaley! Hey, whaley!"
334
00:11:37,904 --> 00:11:39,664
Marvin, he is a whale.
335
00:11:39,802 --> 00:11:42,836
Well, don't you
think he knows that?
336
00:11:42,974 --> 00:11:44,871
Pa? What do you think?
337
00:11:45,009 --> 00:11:47,147
Well, to me Ahab is a man
338
00:11:47,285 --> 00:11:51,355
who squeezed the very last
drop out of life right to the end.
339
00:11:51,492 --> 00:11:54,286
If you're gonna die,
that's the way to go...
340
00:11:54,424 --> 00:11:57,045
Strapped to this massive animal,
341
00:11:57,182 --> 00:12:01,391
surging through the
ocean at 60 miles an hour,
342
00:12:01,529 --> 00:12:04,356
staring death in the face.
343
00:12:04,494 --> 00:12:07,288
Either that, or you
go in your sleep.
344
00:12:09,977 --> 00:12:12,081
Paul, Jamie, what
do you guys think?
345
00:12:15,082 --> 00:12:16,806
I... I like... I like what...
346
00:12:16,944 --> 00:12:18,358
These are were
very provocative...
347
00:12:18,496 --> 00:12:20,013
Oh, oh. You know, sure.
348
00:12:20,151 --> 00:12:21,738
Things to say.
You know, I get it.
349
00:12:21,876 --> 00:12:23,255
Perfectly, perfectly valid.
350
00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:29,014
I will say this.
351
00:12:29,152 --> 00:12:33,222
Um... Ahab on the Pequod...
352
00:12:34,291 --> 00:12:36,911
hunts Moby, who kills Ahab.
353
00:12:39,878 --> 00:12:41,258
Uh-huh.
354
00:12:41,395 --> 00:12:45,672
And, uh, Quentin to me
seemed like a mystical character.
355
00:12:46,672 --> 00:12:47,534
Who?
356
00:12:47,672 --> 00:12:49,017
Quentin. Quentin was a mystical.
357
00:12:49,155 --> 00:12:50,155
He was sort of mystical.
358
00:12:50,293 --> 00:12:51,879
Queequeg?
359
00:12:52,017 --> 00:12:54,638
Queequeg, yes. He was mystical.
360
00:12:54,776 --> 00:12:56,328
What did you make, for instance,
361
00:12:56,466 --> 00:12:57,707
of Ahab's leg?
362
00:12:59,294 --> 00:13:00,294
Us. You, yes.
363
00:13:00,398 --> 00:13:01,673
Oh, uh...
364
00:13:02,674 --> 00:13:04,121
Wh-what was the question?
365
00:13:04,260 --> 00:13:05,467
What did you make of the leg?
366
00:13:05,605 --> 00:13:06,881
What do we make of it?
367
00:13:07,019 --> 00:13:08,019
How do you mean?
368
00:13:08,157 --> 00:13:09,157
What do you think of it?
369
00:13:09,261 --> 00:13:12,191
I think it's a fine leg.
370
00:13:12,330 --> 00:13:13,744
It's a good leg.
371
00:13:13,882 --> 00:13:15,433
No, no, but symbolically.
372
00:13:15,571 --> 00:13:18,365
Well, symbolically,
yeah, you know, 'cause...
373
00:13:18,503 --> 00:13:21,710
well, think about it. You
hav... You have to have legs.
374
00:13:21,848 --> 00:13:23,641
Yeah. Otherwise it's just Ahab
375
00:13:23,779 --> 00:13:25,883
standing on the prow
of a boat, legless,
376
00:13:26,021 --> 00:13:29,263
which is like sitting,
basically, so...
377
00:13:29,401 --> 00:13:31,361
So he'd have to go out,
and he'd have to get legs?
378
00:13:31,401 --> 00:13:33,321
Where's he gonna get
'em, like, go to some island
379
00:13:33,435 --> 00:13:34,915
where they sell
'em? I don't think so.
380
00:13:35,022 --> 00:13:35,884
No, that's...
381
00:13:36,022 --> 00:13:37,160
MARVIN: Guys?
382
00:13:37,298 --> 00:13:39,436
Ahab had a wooden leg.
383
00:13:40,988 --> 00:13:41,850
I know.
384
00:13:41,988 --> 00:13:43,437
I'm saying, yes.
385
00:13:44,988 --> 00:13:45,988
What?
386
00:13:46,023 --> 00:13:47,023
Because, you know,
387
00:13:47,057 --> 00:13:48,368
how... I mean,
it's so hard to...
388
00:13:48,506 --> 00:13:49,851
To... to chase a whale anyway,
389
00:13:49,989 --> 00:13:51,829
so imagine with a wooden
leg. How hard is that?
390
00:13:51,955 --> 00:13:52,817
Yeah, you try it.
391
00:13:52,955 --> 00:13:54,162
Yeah.
392
00:13:54,300 --> 00:13:56,162
You two didn't read
the book, did you?
393
00:13:57,473 --> 00:13:58,507
No, no, you know...
394
00:13:58,645 --> 00:14:00,301
Isn't this just great?
395
00:14:00,439 --> 00:14:02,508
You know, you picked the
longest book ever written,
396
00:14:02,646 --> 00:14:03,853
you make all of us read it,
397
00:14:03,990 --> 00:14:05,888
and then you don't bother
to read it yourselves?
398
00:14:06,026 --> 00:14:07,026
Golly.
399
00:14:07,095 --> 00:14:08,302
I am really offended.
400
00:14:08,439 --> 00:14:10,198
Me, too. Double golly.
401
00:14:10,337 --> 00:14:11,888
You didn't read the book?
402
00:14:12,026 --> 00:14:13,060
Honestly!
403
00:14:13,198 --> 00:14:15,027
What is the matter
with you people?
404
00:14:19,372 --> 00:14:20,958
Tell them. We're cousins.
405
00:14:27,097 --> 00:14:28,097
[♪♪♪♪♪]
406
00:14:30,994 --> 00:14:32,408
Oh, this is hilarious.
407
00:14:32,546 --> 00:14:34,580
She's my cousin, she's my wife.
408
00:14:34,718 --> 00:14:36,856
She's my cousin, she's
my wife. She's my...
409
00:14:36,994 --> 00:14:39,167
I'm glad you
think it's so funny.
410
00:14:39,305 --> 00:14:41,340
This affects all of us...
You, me, everybody.
411
00:14:41,478 --> 00:14:43,202
We're practically circus people.
412
00:14:44,754 --> 00:14:46,272
Well, it doesn't affect me.
413
00:14:46,410 --> 00:14:48,755
My family knows well enough
414
00:14:48,893 --> 00:14:51,100
to go outside the
tent to get their nookie.
415
00:14:52,065 --> 00:14:53,065
IRA: Right, Marvin.
416
00:14:53,203 --> 00:14:54,790
Like you have not been in love
417
00:14:54,927 --> 00:14:56,307
with your mother
your whole life.
418
00:14:56,445 --> 00:14:58,032
In love with her, yes,
419
00:14:58,170 --> 00:15:00,583
but I never even asked her out.
420
00:15:00,721 --> 00:15:03,860
Uh, may I raise the banner
of sanity for a moment here?
421
00:15:03,997 --> 00:15:05,377
Please.
422
00:15:05,515 --> 00:15:08,344
I would like to comment
on this sort of thing.
423
00:15:08,481 --> 00:15:11,723
I once had an aunt... Uh,
she wasn't exactly my aunt.
424
00:15:11,860 --> 00:15:13,482
Actually, she was a
friend of the family,
425
00:15:13,620 --> 00:15:15,861
but I called her "aunt"
426
00:15:15,999 --> 00:15:18,827
until one summer
afternoon on Nantucket
427
00:15:18,965 --> 00:15:22,345
when I accidentally saw her
step out of the pool shower.
428
00:15:22,483 --> 00:15:25,828
After that I called her Rita.
429
00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:30,622
But I digress.
430
00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:32,380
My problem is... May I?
431
00:15:32,518 --> 00:15:33,553
Please.
432
00:15:33,691 --> 00:15:35,450
I am puzzled by
these squiggly lines.
433
00:15:35,587 --> 00:15:37,139
We don't see them anywhere else
434
00:15:37,278 --> 00:15:38,485
on either family tree.
435
00:15:38,623 --> 00:15:39,830
Because they mean
436
00:15:39,968 --> 00:15:41,864
that somebody did
something very wrong.
437
00:15:42,002 --> 00:15:43,140
SYLVIA: Excuse me.
438
00:15:43,279 --> 00:15:45,486
There's something
that simply must be said.
439
00:15:45,624 --> 00:15:46,727
[OVERLAPPING CHATTER]
440
00:15:46,865 --> 00:15:47,969
It wasn't her fault.
441
00:15:48,106 --> 00:15:53,796
I want to welcome
you to the family now.
442
00:15:55,038 --> 00:15:56,625
Now?
443
00:15:59,901 --> 00:16:02,695
I'm telling you,
this is very bad.
444
00:16:02,832 --> 00:16:05,142
Jamie and her new cousin Mom,
445
00:16:05,281 --> 00:16:06,867
they're, like,
they're inseparable.
446
00:16:07,005 --> 00:16:08,626
Don't you think
you're overreacting?
447
00:16:08,764 --> 00:16:10,695
PAUL: No! ALL: Hey.
448
00:16:10,833 --> 00:16:12,005
How was your lunch?
449
00:16:12,143 --> 00:16:13,592
I have to tell you,
450
00:16:13,730 --> 00:16:16,248
your mother... once you get
to know her, 8 shades of nifty.
451
00:16:16,385 --> 00:16:18,283
Help me, lord.
452
00:16:18,421 --> 00:16:19,697
Would you stop?
453
00:16:19,834 --> 00:16:21,559
Just ignore him. He's
being very childish.
454
00:16:21,697 --> 00:16:22,869
Yes, he is.
455
00:16:23,007 --> 00:16:24,317
What's that?
456
00:16:24,455 --> 00:16:25,869
Oh, Sylvia gave it to me.
457
00:16:26,007 --> 00:16:27,869
She said it was in the family.
458
00:16:28,007 --> 00:16:29,007
It's lovely.
459
00:16:29,042 --> 00:16:30,249
Isn't it?
460
00:16:31,076 --> 00:16:33,250
I gotta go call her.
461
00:16:36,354 --> 00:16:37,939
Ma gave her grandma's broach!
462
00:16:38,077 --> 00:16:39,319
I told you this was very bad.
463
00:16:39,457 --> 00:16:41,078
I have always been
promised that broach!
464
00:16:41,215 --> 00:16:42,215
I know.
465
00:16:42,320 --> 00:16:43,709
Do you know the
things I've had to do
466
00:16:43,733 --> 00:16:44,733
to get that promise?
467
00:16:44,768 --> 00:16:46,355
The mother-daughter
fashion shows.
468
00:16:46,493 --> 00:16:47,838
I know.
469
00:16:47,976 --> 00:16:48,976
The matching culottes...
470
00:16:49,079 --> 00:16:51,734
the freakin' bakeoff of '92.
471
00:16:51,872 --> 00:16:53,769
She's breaching on your broach.
472
00:16:53,907 --> 00:16:55,425
Something has gotta be done.
473
00:16:55,563 --> 00:16:56,804
That's all I'm saying.
474
00:16:56,942 --> 00:16:58,597
Enough's enough, sister. Cousin.
475
00:16:58,735 --> 00:17:00,011
Right.
476
00:17:14,116 --> 00:17:16,290
[BED CREAKING]
477
00:17:18,393 --> 00:17:21,497
[CREAKING LOUDLY]
478
00:17:22,911 --> 00:17:25,773
[THUMP] Ow! Ow! Ow!
479
00:17:28,842 --> 00:17:29,876
[TOY SQUEAKS]
480
00:17:30,014 --> 00:17:31,325
Shh, shh, shh!
481
00:17:36,637 --> 00:17:37,912
[DRAWER SLIDES LOUDLY]
482
00:17:38,050 --> 00:17:39,292
Sheesh!
483
00:17:54,155 --> 00:17:55,948
[FLOORBOARDS CREAK]
484
00:17:58,397 --> 00:17:59,673
[WINDOW RATTLES]
485
00:17:59,811 --> 00:18:02,295
Oh, just open!
486
00:18:03,536 --> 00:18:05,881
I got a pain right there.
487
00:18:06,019 --> 00:18:07,364
Okay.
488
00:18:08,536 --> 00:18:10,123
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
489
00:18:10,261 --> 00:18:11,950
Quiet, quiet.
490
00:18:16,468 --> 00:18:17,744
[DOOR SQUEAKS]
491
00:18:17,882 --> 00:18:18,882
Shh!
492
00:18:18,917 --> 00:18:20,366
Did the doorman see you?
493
00:18:20,504 --> 00:18:21,366
Sleeping.
494
00:18:21,504 --> 00:18:23,021
Good. In general, that's bad,
495
00:18:23,158 --> 00:18:24,262
but tonight that's good.
496
00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:28,194
Do you have the broach? Yeah.
497
00:18:28,332 --> 00:18:30,850
Broach. Also a couple
of little extra trinkets
498
00:18:30,987 --> 00:18:32,919
just so it wouldn't
look suspicious.
499
00:18:33,057 --> 00:18:35,229
Some old cheap necklaces.
That's an old watch of mine.
500
00:18:35,368 --> 00:18:37,988
Burglar takes a Taco
Bell novelty watch?
501
00:18:38,126 --> 00:18:39,402
I left the window open
502
00:18:39,540 --> 00:18:41,580
so it'll look like the burglar
used the fire escape.
503
00:18:41,678 --> 00:18:42,816
It's perfect.
504
00:18:42,954 --> 00:18:44,300
The broach will disappear,
505
00:18:44,438 --> 00:18:46,300
and Ma will tear Jamie apart.
506
00:18:46,438 --> 00:18:48,334
You're very sweet to say that.
507
00:18:48,472 --> 00:18:49,714
Yeah.
508
00:18:50,541 --> 00:18:51,748
Go, go, go! Shh.
509
00:18:51,886 --> 00:18:53,128
[DOOR CREAKS]
510
00:18:53,266 --> 00:18:55,231
[MURRAY WHIMPERS] Quiet.
511
00:18:55,370 --> 00:18:56,370
[BANGING]
512
00:18:56,473 --> 00:18:57,680
Shh! Shut up.
513
00:19:00,715 --> 00:19:03,887
Quiet. Quiet. Very, very quiet.
514
00:19:04,025 --> 00:19:05,163
[TOY CAR SQUEALS]
515
00:19:05,302 --> 00:19:06,888
Shh. Shh!
516
00:19:09,888 --> 00:19:13,268
[HEAVY SNORING]
517
00:19:13,406 --> 00:19:15,303
God bless her.
518
00:19:20,234 --> 00:19:21,096
It's all right.
519
00:19:21,234 --> 00:19:22,407
But Grandma's broach.
520
00:19:22,545 --> 00:19:24,407
Now, don't blame yourself.
521
00:19:24,545 --> 00:19:25,890
I feel so bad.
522
00:19:26,028 --> 00:19:28,718
No, the important thing
is that you're all right.
523
00:19:28,856 --> 00:19:30,753
You're so wonderful, Mommy.
524
00:19:30,891 --> 00:19:34,891
No, no, no. It's
nothing, it's nothing.
525
00:19:35,029 --> 00:19:37,891
Look. Here, take my watch.
526
00:19:38,029 --> 00:19:39,202
Oh!
527
00:19:39,340 --> 00:19:41,547
[DOOR BUZZES]
528
00:19:45,030 --> 00:19:46,030
DEBBIE: Stop.
529
00:19:46,134 --> 00:19:49,721
All right, we get
it. You can stop.
530
00:19:50,617 --> 00:19:51,479
Hi. Avon lady.
531
00:19:51,617 --> 00:19:52,893
Just kidding.
532
00:19:53,031 --> 00:19:54,790
What's up?
533
00:19:54,928 --> 00:19:56,100
Well, I was inspired
534
00:19:56,238 --> 00:19:58,687
by your little
announcement the other day
535
00:19:58,825 --> 00:20:01,378
to do a little deeper
genealogical research,
536
00:20:01,516 --> 00:20:04,205
and, uh, could possibly
put these down somewhere?
537
00:20:04,343 --> 00:20:05,378
Sure.
538
00:20:05,516 --> 00:20:07,619
Avon lady. Just kidding.
539
00:20:08,654 --> 00:20:10,068
It's like Avon calling.
540
00:20:10,206 --> 00:20:14,517
You know, actually, there are
a lot of arcane abbreviations
541
00:20:14,655 --> 00:20:16,034
used in genealogy.
542
00:20:16,172 --> 00:20:18,380
For instance, the caret
indicates a second marriage.
543
00:20:18,517 --> 00:20:20,690
Now, the brackets
indicate a maiden name,
544
00:20:20,827 --> 00:20:22,172
and those squiggly lines...
545
00:20:22,311 --> 00:20:24,380
Also known as a swung dash...
546
00:20:24,518 --> 00:20:27,035
Indicate quite fascinatingly...
547
00:20:27,173 --> 00:20:29,001
And how do I put
this delicately?
548
00:20:29,139 --> 00:20:31,519
Um... servitude.
549
00:20:32,795 --> 00:20:34,105
Wh-wh-wh...
550
00:20:34,243 --> 00:20:37,243
Irwin Buchman and Hester
Stemple were never married.
551
00:20:37,382 --> 00:20:39,105
He was actually her valet.
552
00:20:39,243 --> 00:20:40,243
What?
553
00:20:40,382 --> 00:20:42,072
Her valet! He picked
up her clothes...
554
00:20:42,210 --> 00:20:43,383
No, I know what a valet is.
555
00:20:43,520 --> 00:20:45,417
The same with
Maximilian and Eleanor.
556
00:20:45,555 --> 00:20:46,728
They were not married.
557
00:20:46,865 --> 00:20:48,900
He waited on her hand and foot.
558
00:20:49,038 --> 00:20:51,315
There's quite a history of
Buchmans being bossed around
559
00:20:51,452 --> 00:20:53,590
by Stemples here, but
I make no judgment.
560
00:20:53,728 --> 00:20:55,384
I'm just kidding, of course.
561
00:20:55,522 --> 00:20:58,522
Wait, wait. So our
family is not inbred?
562
00:20:58,660 --> 00:20:59,832
That's right.
563
00:20:59,970 --> 00:21:02,592
So... So we're just
naturally stupid.
564
00:21:02,729 --> 00:21:04,385
Yes. Oh!
565
00:21:04,523 --> 00:21:06,212
Oh, hon, isn't that great?
566
00:21:06,350 --> 00:21:07,212
Oh, god, yes.
567
00:21:07,350 --> 00:21:08,902
Mommy, isn't that great?
568
00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:11,386
Yeah. Gimme the watch.
569
00:21:12,558 --> 00:21:13,558
[♪♪♪♪♪]
570
00:21:21,179 --> 00:21:22,041
Come here, you.
571
00:21:22,179 --> 00:21:23,041
Yeah.
572
00:21:23,179 --> 00:21:24,352
What's the matter?
573
00:21:24,490 --> 00:21:25,904
Mmm, nah. Mmm...
574
00:21:26,973 --> 00:21:27,973
You okay?
575
00:21:28,008 --> 00:21:28,870
Yeah.
576
00:21:29,008 --> 00:21:30,111
Mmmmm...
577
00:21:30,249 --> 00:21:31,529
You got a headache or something?
578
00:21:31,664 --> 00:21:32,664
Mmmmmm...
579
00:21:32,733 --> 00:21:34,457
You know, we're not cousins.
580
00:21:34,595 --> 00:21:36,112
Mmmmm...
581
00:21:36,250 --> 00:21:37,112
What is it?
582
00:21:37,250 --> 00:21:39,354
I miss Mommy.
583
00:22:02,219 --> 00:22:03,219
Captions: M.P.
39070
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