All language subtitles for The Nanny s06 e14

Oh, Niles.

Can you believe this?

I am married, I have twins
on the way, a beautiful family.

How could life get any better?

Yeah, life's a cabaret.

Well, I have some exciting news.

Let me guess. It's for her.

Darling, you remember that play
I did last summer?

You mean the one
where the critic said,

"And this is what he left
Chicago Hope

Yes.

Well, anyway,
Columbia has decided

to option that dreadful thing
for a film.

Oh, honey, you are so talented.

Leave it to you to take
a piece of dreck and turn it
into a movie.

No, actually they do
this sort of thing
in Hollywood all the time.

Well, if the deal goes through
and I start producing

we are moving to Beverly Hills.

Oh, sweetie, Beverly Hills.

With your smarts and my style

we could be the next
Aaron and Candy Spelling.

Maxwell, when we head out this
weekend to close the deal

maybe we should hang out
for a few days.

Just scope things out,
stay at the beach.

Five words:
Over my dead body... missy.

Darling, she meant all of us.
Didn't you, C.C.?

No, I booked a romantic weekend
for me and a married man
at the Malibu Inn.

Room 308 with the Jacuzzi.

[laughs]
Of course I meant all of us.

When are we leaving?

Tomorrow morning. I've actually
set up some appointments for you

to look at houses to rent
while we're out there.

Wow.

The children are so excited
to be going.

Wow. Who is not going to be
excited about our family
going to California?

Hello.

Oh, my God. It's Ma.
I'm gonna have to tell her.

This is gonna kill her.

Oh, don't worry, darling,
we'll tell her together.

Oh, thank you, sweetie.
You're so wonderful.

[clears throat]

Come in, Sylvia.

Your daughter and I have
something very important
to tell you.

♪ She was working
In a bridal shop ♪

♪ In Flushing, Queens ♪

♪ Till her boyfriend
Kicked her out ♪

♪ In one of those
Crushing scenes ♪

♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go? ♪

♪ She was out on her fanny ♪

♪ So over the bridge
From Flushing ♪

♪ To the Sheffield's door ♪

♪ She was there to sell make-up
But the father saw more ♪

♪ She had style!
She had flair!
She was there ♪

♪ That's how she became ♪

♪ The Nanny ♪

♪ Who would have guessed
That the girl we described ♪

♪ Was just exactly
What the doctor prescribed? ♪

♪ Now, the father
Finds her beguiling ♪

♪ Watch out C.C. ♪

♪ And the kids
Are actually smiling

♪ Such joie de vivre ♪

♪ She's the lady in red ♪

♪ When everybody else
Is wearing tan ♪

♪ The flashy girl
From Flushing ♪

♪ The Nanny named Fran! ♪

Darling. Darling.

Darling, we have something to
say to your mother together.

I know. I know.

Ma, Max and I wanna talk to you
about...

Max!

Copycat.

Here's the deal.

You know how you're always
bragging about your son-in-law,

the big Broadway producer?

Well, soon you're gonna be able
to brag about your son-in-law

the big movie producer,

because we're all moving
to California and I'm gonna be
3000 miles away.

What do you think
would happen if I wore
a push-up bra with this?

I think you'd suffocate.

Ma, did you hear me?

This isn't like the time
when I threatened to run away

and become a roadie
for Peaches and Herb.

We're really moving.

How do you think I would look
if I lost the bra altogether?

Like Daddy at the beach.

Ma, I'm serious. We're gonna be
leaving the state.

Darling, I understand.

You're a grown woman now.

You have your life.

I just want you to be happy.

-Does my makeup
look natural to you?
-Yeah.

Then I need more. Love you. Bye.

So? So how did she take it?

Oh, it was unbelievable.
I mean, I was expecting...

That.

I don't wanna move to
California. It's a desert.

Do you have any idea how much
dust collects in a desert?

And it's hot, which means
she's gonna be
walking around in shorts.

Oh, yeah, like the hot
California sun bouncing
off your pink thighs

is gonna get you cast
inDawson's Creek

Oh, Niles, can you believe this?

We are shopping for a house
in Beverly Hills.

Oh, I wonder who our neighbors
are gonna be.

Well, not everyone
in Beverly Hills is a celebrity.

I mean, it's not all
swimming pools and movie stars.

Well, howdy.

Niles, this is Elly May.

Hi, I'm Fran.
The realtor sent us.

Oh, come on in and set a spell.

Well, here's the living room
and out there
is the cement pond.

Oh, your home is so gorgeous.

Oh, by the way, this is Niles.
Niles, this is
Elly May Clampett.

Donna Douglas.

Oh, forgive me.

Oh, it must be
so annoying to you

when people always confuse you
with your characters.

So have you seen much of Jethro?

Oh, have you noticed
these high vaulted ceilings?

Why, you know,
they're spectacular.

And the previous owner,
he add this here skylight.

You know, it's a nice effect.

Did he also prepay the trapeze
lessons for the butler

who's going to have to learn how
to fly so he can clean it?

He sure is
a bitter fellow, ain't he?

Oh, my God,
it's the Tonetech 2000
intercom system.

With the voice-activated
hypersensitive speakers.

Damn, this baby
picks up sign language.

Ooh, I love L.A.

Let's sit down.

Oh, I cannot believe
I'm sitting with Elly May.

I mean Donna. Sorry.

I'll tell you, my mother and I
used to watch your show

all the time together.
We just loved it.

Well, that's so sweet.

Oh, are you and your mama close?

Like two hogs in a--

Oh, I can't do this.
We're close.

Oh, she lives out here, too?

No, no.
Actually, she lives in New York.

Well, her heart must be broken.
You're moving so far away.

Well, actually, she said that
she's fine with it.

And she said that I'm a big girl
and it's time for me
to live my own life.

You fell for that?

Oh, vey.

Clampett's a Jewish name?

Well, Granny covered up her
feelings the same way
your ma did

when we loaded up the truck
and moved to Beverly.

She said she was staying behind
and she was happy for us

but inside,
it was just killing her.

Oh, my God, have I been blind.

Of course that's
what Ma is doing.

Oh, if I move here,
it's just gonna break her heart.

Oh, well, you know, sugar,
my critters has got a saying:

"A mother
can have a thousand daughters

but a thousand daughters
only have one mother."

A critter said that?

I'm telling you, Maxwell,
your play, impressive.

-Oh, so you saw it.
-No.

-Read it.
-No, no.

But I've got some great ideas
for the rewrite.

Nothing big.

We turn it into a sitcom.

-Why?
-Because I like funny.

Uh, Mr. Sherry, my play
is an allegory

dealing with early man's
struggle to survive.

So wasThe Flintstones.

You-- You see, Maury, uh,
I'm a man of the theater.

And there is such a thing
as artistic integrity.

And I can't sign this.
I have an obligation to my work.

You can make more money

in one season of a sitcom
than you can
in a 10-year run ofCats.

Do you have a pen?

You're doing
the right thing, Maxwell.

Let me tell you, a lot of people
are frightened of success.

They're afraid
of that little voice
in their heads.

Honey, don't sign.
We can't move here.

Sorry, Mr. Sherry.

She snuck off the tour bus.

And if you ask me,

twenty-eight bucks is a lot
of money to charge to see
Weezie's old dressing room.

What are you doing here?

Oh, Maury, I'm so sorry.
This is my wife.

How do you do, Mr. Sherry? Hi.

Oh, what a gorgeous head of hair
you got there.

Tell me. Does it turn yellow
in the California sun?

Honey, we can't move here.
Ma doesn't want us to be
so far away from her

and frankly, I don't wanna be
away from her either.

I want her to be a part
of our twins growing up.

Darling, darling, I understand.
Believe me, I do.

But this is
a terrific opportunity.

Now, if I could find some way
around this situation
with your mother,

of course I'd take it.

Listen, Sheffield.

I have no idea
what you're talking about,

but here's what you should do.

You bring your mother-in-law
out here to live with you.

Oh, Mr. Sherry,
that is a fabulous idea.

Maxwell, I see your reflection
in the glass.

Oh, all right. All right,
sweetheart, all right.

If it'll make you happy,
of course we'll bring
your mother out here.

Oh, thank you, sweetie.
I love you so much.

You know, Maury,
since you like funny,

I've got a little pitcherino
just between us.

Cops. Funny cops.
But here's the twist.

The cell where they hold the
criminals is in the squad room.

Sucks.

Fran, the guest house
is like one big room
with a giant kitchen.

Are you sure that your mom's
gonna like living
in a place like that?

What? Shangri-La?

What's the matter, B?

Well, I can't believe
we have to leave New York

just as I get a girlfriend.

Honey, you'll fold her up,
put her in your suitcase

and take her
on the plane with you.

That's a good idea. Yeah.

Fran, how would you feel
if I didn't move to California
with you?

You know, honey,
the critters have a saying:

"Do you wanna put a knife
through my heart?"

They're minks. Jewish critters.

[doorbell rings]

Oh, hi, Ma.

Hi, darling. What did you
wanna talk to me about?

Well, I've got some thrilling
news for you.

Oh.

We're not gonna
have to be separated.

Your heart is not
going to be broken.

What would you say if I told you

that Maxwell and I
rented a house in Beverly Hills

and you and Daddy
are moving with us?

No thanks.

Ma, it's okay.
You could drop the act.

I know that you've
been covering up.

That you feel like
your heart's gonna be broken

because you're not gonna be
with me, and you really
wanna move with us.

No, I don't.

Ma, enough already.

You're moving to California
so your heart won't be broken

and you'll be
near your damn daughter.

Darling, I can't move
to California.

-You have your life,
I have mine.
-What?

You shouldn't revolve your life
around me.

You know,
I'm not gonna be around forever.

But you'll be three doors down
from Rue McClanahan.

Life shouldn't revolve
around her?

She won't be around forever?
What's that supposed to mean?

[gasps] Oh, my God.

Oh, there's something wrong
with my mother.

Oh, Val, I'm so glad
that you're here.
I'm going crazy.

You're going crazy?
I've been here since noon,

I've had three cups of coffee,
I'm ready to burst, and look.

Has Ma been here?

What would your mother be doing
at Krispy Kreme?

Even I knew
that was a stupid question.

I need to talk to her
and I can't find her anywhere.

I went to the Carnegie Deli,
she's not there.

I went to Pizza Hut,
she's not there.

And you know she's banned
from the Sizzler

ever since she had them cater
her last dinner party.

They don't cater.

Well, they do if you carry
an extra-large shopping bag.

-Fran, what's the matter?
-Oh, Val, I'm really worried.

She told me I had to get used
to her not being around.

You know what that means,
don't you?

Oh, Fran.
It doesn't mean anything.

My grandmother
said the same thing to me.

She died, Val.

Yeah, but she said it
before she died.

Well, I really
gotta talk to her.

This is really driving me nuts.
I'm gonna call my father.

-Yeah.
-Maybe he knows where she is.

Hi, Daddy. It's-- Hello? Hello?

Hi. Hello. Hi.

Hi, Dad. Hi.

Fran. Fran. Yeah.

Where's Mommy? Do you know?

Oh, oh, the beauty parlor.

Okay. Thank you.
I love you, too. Love you too.

-Aren't these amazing?
-Yeah.

Bonsoir.

Today?

It's not gonna happen.

-Hi. I'm Fran Sheffield.
-Yeah, yeah, I know who you are.

We keep your wedding picture
up here for advertisement.

But I didn't get my hair
done here for my wedding.

So? No one else knows that.

Your mother said we could
use it if we comped
all her bikini waxings.

Who's sorry now, huh?

Meanwhile, I gotta talk to her.
Where is she?

Sylvia don't have
an appointment here today.

But she told my father
that she did.

Well, then she's a big fat liar.

I would go check out
Mount Sinai.

The hospital?

Yeah, she goes there every
Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday,

four o'clock, fifth floor.

And she carries that imitation
Prada bag and she thinks
no one can tell.

But I know.

Oh, I don't believe this.

Why would Ma be going
to a hospital?

I don't know.
What am I, a yenta?

Oh, it can't be true.
It can't be true.

You must be mistaken.

Maybe she's in the back
getting a pedicure.

Trust me. She's not here.

Those are feet
one doesn't forget.

Chatterbox. How you doing?

Today? It's not gonna happen.

Oh, Ma, you're here.

Sorry, Fran. Just me.
Still no luck?

Oh, I have looked everywhere
for her.

Look how weird,
her chair is empty.

I don't think
I've ever seen the seat.

And all that's left
is the imprint of when she
was 40 pounds heavier.

Sweetheart, where have you been?

Oh, I've been looking all over
for Ma. And you know what?

Libby from the Chatterbox,

she said that Ma's been seeing
a doctor three times a week.

Oh, honey, I think there
might be something
seriously wrong with her.

Darling, darling, I hardly think
you should be taking the word

of a girl who answers the phones
at a beauty parlor.

Oh, I don't know.

Libby is usually pretty right on
about this stuff.

And why are you optioning
your play for 275

when you know you could have
held out for 300,000?

How the devil did you know that?

Oh, God. Libby?

Oh, what are we gonna do?

Oh, my God.
That's Ma. That's Ma.

I don't want her to know I know.

-I don't want her upset.
You get the door.
-Yeah.

Sylvia, come on in.
Well, we were just--

What's with her?

Your hair looks pretty.

Oh, darling, what's the matter?

Oh, Ma, I can't believe
you didn't say anything.

How can you go through this
all by yourself?

Why didn't you tell me
if you were sick?

Sick? I'm not sick.

It's all right, Sylvia.

Libby told us.
We know you're seeing a doctor.

And if you're not sick,

then why would you be going
to this guy's office
three times a week?

What's that look
on your face about?

Ma, what are you saying?

Are you telling me
that you're having an affair?

Oh, my God.

How could you just go
and blurt that out like that?

I'm sorry,
but I do not wanna discuss this.

Well, if you don't wanna
discuss this, too bad.

-Is there a fight?
Did we miss anything?
-What's going on?

When the two of them talk
at the same time,
the intercom shorts out.

Fran's having a rather delicate
conversation with her mother.

I think it best we just stay out
of their way till they're done.

Get away from me.
Leave me alone.

-Oh, I'd say they're done.
-Ma, freeze.

Ever since she lost the weight,
she's like the Flash.

Now, I want an answer.

Are you having an affair?

-I've got a phone call
I need to make.
-I think I have to go now.

Since when are you my keeper?

Since I heard you're being kept.

Ma, doesn't this ring
on your finger mean anything?

What ring is that
on your finger?

Oh, QVC.
It's a ring-slash-pillbox.

-Now, leave me alone.
-Ma.

[Sylvia] Why don't you stop
giving me the third degree?

Who do you think you are?

[Fran] I'm your daughter,
that's who I think I am.

Just because I have the figure
of a teenager

doesn't mean I'm not
a mature woman who's
entitled to her privacy.

Now, nothing is going on.

If your father calls,

tell him I took the little girl
brassiere shopping.

Is this unbelievable or what?

You're telling me
she's having sex and I'm not?

[music playing]

Y'all come back now, you hear?

[theme music playing]

[theme music ends]