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♪ Itsy-bitsy spider ♪
2
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♪ Went up the waterspout ♪
3
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♪ Down came the rain ♪
4
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♪ And washed The spider out ♪
5
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♪ And, uh... Tipper Gore ♪
6
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♪ Has a lot of clout ♪
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♪ And... Sometimes you sit ♪
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♪ And you could Start to pout ♪
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♪ Some people have, um ♪
10
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♪ A very bad case Of gout ♪
11
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♪ And if You're not sure ♪
12
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♪ That's called You doubt ♪
13
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That's how it goes.
14
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♪ Tell me why ♪
15
00:00:55,456 --> 00:00:57,144
♪ I love you like I do ♪
16
00:00:57,282 --> 00:00:58,661
♪ Tell me who ♪
17
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♪ Can stop my heart
As much as you ♪
18
00:01:01,556 --> 00:01:03,797
♪ Tell me All your secrets ♪
19
00:01:03,934 --> 00:01:05,312
♪ I'll tell you Most of mine ♪
20
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♪ They say Nobody's perfect ♪
21
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♪ Well, that's really
True this time ♪
22
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♪ I don't have the answers
I don't have a plan ♪
23
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♪ All I have is you So, baby ♪
24
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♪ Help me understand ♪
25
00:01:18,790 --> 00:01:20,478
♪ What we do ♪
26
00:01:20,616 --> 00:01:22,822
♪ You can whisper In my ear ♪
27
00:01:22,960 --> 00:01:24,477
♪ Where we go ♪
28
00:01:24,615 --> 00:01:26,958
♪ Who knows what
happens After here? ♪
29
00:01:27,096 --> 00:01:29,441
♪ Let's take Each other's hand ♪
30
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♪ And jump Into
the final frontier ♪
31
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♪ Mad about you ♪
32
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♪ Mad about you ♪
33
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Clam chowder. That
would be a soup.
34
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Rice cakes. That would
be a snacking item.
35
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And pimentos. Pimentos.
Boy, that's, hmm,
36
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fruits? Vegetable?
37
00:01:57,635 --> 00:01:59,806
We'll say miscellaneous.
38
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It's nothing to be ashamed of.
39
00:02:01,840 --> 00:02:03,011
Condiment.
40
00:02:03,149 --> 00:02:04,149
Seriously? Trust me.
41
00:02:05,390 --> 00:02:07,251
Yeah. Tell me
again why we do this.
42
00:02:07,389 --> 00:02:11,042
Because last night we ate
13-year-old creamed corn.
43
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I thought it was gravy.
44
00:02:24,450 --> 00:02:25,794
Hey, splink, how are you?
45
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Hello.
46
00:02:27,345 --> 00:02:29,517
What's the matter with you?
47
00:02:29,655 --> 00:02:30,516
What?
48
00:02:30,654 --> 00:02:31,854
Why are you walking like that?
49
00:02:31,929 --> 00:02:32,964
Like what?
50
00:02:33,102 --> 00:02:35,272
Like a... like a
really timid monkey.
51
00:02:35,411 --> 00:02:36,411
Hey, can I have this?
52
00:02:36,480 --> 00:02:37,513
No, you can't have it.
53
00:02:37,651 --> 00:02:38,513
Hi, James.
54
00:02:38,651 --> 00:02:40,478
Hey. Nice pants.
55
00:02:40,616 --> 00:02:41,616
Thank you.
56
00:02:41,649 --> 00:02:43,477
That's what it is... the pants!
57
00:02:43,614 --> 00:02:44,752
What?
58
00:02:44,890 --> 00:02:46,650
The pants, with your
funny little walk there.
59
00:02:46,716 --> 00:02:47,578
Look at you.
60
00:02:47,716 --> 00:02:48,716
You know what, my friend?
61
00:02:48,853 --> 00:02:50,680
You are just jealous
because I can still
62
00:02:50,818 --> 00:02:54,506
fit into a pair of pants
that I wore 20 years ago.
63
00:02:54,644 --> 00:02:56,746
And you're saying you're
comfortable in these pants.
64
00:02:56,884 --> 00:02:57,884
More or less, yes.
65
00:02:57,953 --> 00:02:59,193
Yeah, okay. Tell you what.
66
00:02:59,331 --> 00:03:03,122
Here's 20 bucks. If you
can pick it up, it's yours.
67
00:03:06,432 --> 00:03:07,811
Hello, hello, hello, hello.
68
00:03:07,948 --> 00:03:09,603
Yeah. Nice talking to you.
69
00:03:09,741 --> 00:03:10,861
Well, they look really nice.
70
00:03:10,981 --> 00:03:11,843
Thank you, James.
71
00:03:11,980 --> 00:03:12,980
So, Paulie, uh,
72
00:03:13,015 --> 00:03:14,335
come with me
today, will you, huh?
73
00:03:14,463 --> 00:03:15,600
What's today?
74
00:03:15,738 --> 00:03:17,458
Oh, Ira's got a very,
very fascinating date.
75
00:03:17,564 --> 00:03:18,426
With who?
76
00:03:18,564 --> 00:03:20,253
I have no idea.
77
00:03:20,391 --> 00:03:21,735
What am I missing?
78
00:03:21,873 --> 00:03:24,665
Last week, after a
very lengthy hiatus,
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00:03:24,803 --> 00:03:26,767
I actually put on
these pair of pants,
80
00:03:26,905 --> 00:03:28,526
and in the pocket, I found this.
81
00:03:28,663 --> 00:03:29,766
What is it?
82
00:03:29,904 --> 00:03:32,213
It's a program from
the Hayden Planetarium
83
00:03:32,351 --> 00:03:33,661
from, like, 1979.
84
00:03:33,799 --> 00:03:36,143
Somebody wrote a note,
see, with today's date. 1 p.m.,
85
00:03:36,280 --> 00:03:37,900
and a little note
saying, "See you then."
86
00:03:38,038 --> 00:03:39,038
Wow.
87
00:03:39,175 --> 00:03:40,175
Wild, isn't it?
88
00:03:40,210 --> 00:03:42,174
She kissed it. That's so sexy.
89
00:03:42,312 --> 00:03:44,897
Well, listen... we're
hoping it's a she.
90
00:03:45,035 --> 00:03:46,862
You have no idea who this is?
91
00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:49,378
James, come on.
It was the 1970s.
92
00:03:49,516 --> 00:03:51,584
I had a Trans Am, a
beautiful set of muttonchops,
93
00:03:51,722 --> 00:03:54,135
and an afro that
made me look 6'5".
94
00:03:55,616 --> 00:03:57,202
It's great that you're going.
95
00:03:57,340 --> 00:03:58,581
It's like fate.
96
00:03:58,719 --> 00:03:59,581
What is?
97
00:03:59,719 --> 00:04:00,719
That Ira would trim down
98
00:04:00,787 --> 00:04:02,407
just in time to fit
into these pants
99
00:04:02,544 --> 00:04:04,475
that have been in
mothballs since, like, 1979,
100
00:04:04,612 --> 00:04:06,893
that you find this in the pocket
and keep the appointment.
101
00:04:06,956 --> 00:04:07,818
It's destiny!
102
00:04:07,956 --> 00:04:08,956
Yeah.
103
00:04:08,990 --> 00:04:10,748
She gets like this
when she cleans.
104
00:04:10,885 --> 00:04:12,023
Paul, are you coming with?
105
00:04:12,161 --> 00:04:14,643
No, I'm wiping peanut
butter here. I got a lot to do.
106
00:04:14,781 --> 00:04:16,821
But if it turns out it's
destiny, you'll call us up.
107
00:04:16,883 --> 00:04:19,744
Okay. Just hope if she
turns up, she's not some nut.
108
00:04:19,881 --> 00:04:21,984
Well, if she's some
nut, you call us up.
109
00:04:22,122 --> 00:04:23,742
Are they really pop tarts?
110
00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:24,741
What's it to you?
111
00:04:24,879 --> 00:04:26,154
I'm just surprised, that's all.
112
00:04:27,568 --> 00:04:29,601
Hey... Oop! I'll get that.
113
00:04:30,705 --> 00:04:31,807
Gets like what?
114
00:04:31,945 --> 00:04:32,945
What?
115
00:04:33,048 --> 00:04:34,048
Gets like what?
116
00:04:34,151 --> 00:04:35,634
What?
117
00:04:35,772 --> 00:04:37,287
Hey, Aunt Syl. Hey, Uncle Burt!
118
00:04:37,426 --> 00:04:38,495
Howdy, howdy, howdy!
119
00:04:38,632 --> 00:04:40,700
Why are you walking like that?
120
00:04:40,838 --> 00:04:42,078
Aw, it's nothing.
121
00:04:46,043 --> 00:04:48,352
I have a cream.
122
00:04:49,179 --> 00:04:50,730
Hey, Burt, Sylvia.
123
00:04:50,868 --> 00:04:52,419
Oh, hi. Hi.
124
00:04:52,557 --> 00:04:54,108
Is that your rearview
mirror again?
125
00:04:54,246 --> 00:04:55,246
Yup.
126
00:04:55,383 --> 00:04:57,038
You still driving that
piece-of-junk car?
127
00:04:57,176 --> 00:04:58,382
Hey, watch it, buddy.
128
00:04:58,520 --> 00:05:00,623
You've had this
car since I'm 10.
129
00:05:00,760 --> 00:05:02,173
There's no reverse.
130
00:05:02,311 --> 00:05:03,552
Seriously, since 1993
131
00:05:03,690 --> 00:05:05,034
the man has only driven forward.
132
00:05:05,172 --> 00:05:06,964
Wherever you
need to go it reverse,
133
00:05:07,102 --> 00:05:08,826
there's a way to
get there in forward.
134
00:05:08,964 --> 00:05:09,964
I understand that, but...
135
00:05:10,032 --> 00:05:11,152
What do you think people did
136
00:05:11,238 --> 00:05:12,858
before there was a
reverse, Mr. Big Shot?
137
00:05:12,996 --> 00:05:14,676
I don't know what
they did, but my point...
138
00:05:14,788 --> 00:05:16,409
All right, the
"reverse" conversation.
139
00:05:16,547 --> 00:05:17,891
That's it. Listen,
140
00:05:18,028 --> 00:05:20,096
if you don't hear from
me before Thursday,
141
00:05:20,234 --> 00:05:21,476
you call somebody, all right?
142
00:05:21,613 --> 00:05:22,922
Good luck. Go get 'em, monkey.
143
00:05:23,060 --> 00:05:24,164
Paulie, your father and I
144
00:05:24,301 --> 00:05:25,577
are going away for the weekend.
145
00:05:25,714 --> 00:05:27,473
I wonder, could we
borrow your big suitcase?
146
00:05:27,611 --> 00:05:28,782
Sure. What happened to yours?
147
00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:31,161
Your father keeps
his TV Guidesin there.
148
00:05:31,298 --> 00:05:32,849
Sylvia, where are you going?
149
00:05:32,987 --> 00:05:35,193
Oh. Remember the Melvilles?
150
00:05:35,332 --> 00:05:36,192
Enough.
151
00:05:36,331 --> 00:05:38,054
Yeah. Well, we're
gonna house-sit
152
00:05:38,191 --> 00:05:39,330
for them in Buffalo.
153
00:05:39,468 --> 00:05:41,294
We're driving up there
tomorrow afternoon.
154
00:05:41,432 --> 00:05:42,535
You're driving? Yeah.
155
00:05:42,673 --> 00:05:44,258
Oh, no, no. No, no.
156
00:05:44,396 --> 00:05:45,430
We'll be fine.
157
00:05:45,568 --> 00:05:46,774
No, you are not driving
158
00:05:46,912 --> 00:05:48,360
that stinky car to Buffalo.
159
00:05:48,497 --> 00:05:49,497
You can rent one.
160
00:05:49,635 --> 00:05:51,255
Oh, why rent one?
I got snow tires.
161
00:05:51,393 --> 00:05:53,233
Yeah, well, when the
snow tires get to Buffalo,
162
00:05:53,357 --> 00:05:54,837
they can send for
the rest of the car.
163
00:05:54,908 --> 00:05:56,632
Okay, listen, come on, Burt.
164
00:05:56,770 --> 00:05:58,045
We got to pack.
165
00:05:58,183 --> 00:05:59,975
We'll call when we get there.
166
00:06:00,113 --> 00:06:02,147
All right, but... be-be careful.
167
00:06:02,285 --> 00:06:03,939
Burt, come on. I
have to cut the carrots,
168
00:06:04,077 --> 00:06:05,801
I have to make the egg salad...
169
00:06:05,938 --> 00:06:06,938
Road trip!
170
00:06:06,972 --> 00:06:08,730
Yeah, all right,
but, jeez, be...
171
00:06:10,970 --> 00:06:12,349
This is not good.
172
00:06:12,487 --> 00:06:13,349
This is very not good.
173
00:06:13,486 --> 00:06:14,348
All right.
174
00:06:14,486 --> 00:06:15,348
What are you gonna do?
175
00:06:15,486 --> 00:06:16,865
I am gonna rent them a car.
176
00:06:17,002 --> 00:06:18,762
No, no, no. You know
he'll never go for that.
177
00:06:18,864 --> 00:06:20,759
Well, this trip to Buffalo
is not gonna happen,
178
00:06:20,897 --> 00:06:22,380
so please tell me
what we should do.
179
00:06:24,654 --> 00:06:27,549
Remember when you lost
your Notre Dame t-shirt?
180
00:06:27,687 --> 00:06:31,272
Yeah. I loved that shirt. I
used to wear it every day.
181
00:06:31,410 --> 00:06:32,271
Yes, you did.
182
00:06:32,409 --> 00:06:33,684
You hated that shirt.
183
00:06:33,822 --> 00:06:35,182
You always... You
said it was ratty
184
00:06:35,270 --> 00:06:36,614
and smelled like Fontina cheese.
185
00:06:36,752 --> 00:06:38,200
Mm-hmm. And then you lost it.
186
00:06:38,338 --> 00:06:39,658
But it all turned
out for the best
187
00:06:39,750 --> 00:06:41,681
because people stopped
laughing and pointing.
188
00:06:41,819 --> 00:06:44,100
That's true. I was a better
man without the shirt. I never
189
00:06:44,231 --> 00:06:46,431
figured out how I lost that
shirt. It was in the hamper,
190
00:06:46,507 --> 00:06:48,507
and then it was in the
drawer, then it was, like...
191
00:06:48,575 --> 00:06:50,505
gone.
192
00:06:54,917 --> 00:06:55,985
Are you kidding me?
193
00:06:56,123 --> 00:06:57,846
I did it because I love you.
194
00:06:57,984 --> 00:06:58,984
What are you saying?
195
00:06:59,018 --> 00:07:00,810
I'm just saying that sometimes,
196
00:07:00,948 --> 00:07:02,327
when things don't work so good,
197
00:07:02,465 --> 00:07:03,465
they need to...
198
00:07:03,602 --> 00:07:05,050
disappear.
199
00:07:05,877 --> 00:07:07,291
And it's for the best?
200
00:07:07,429 --> 00:07:09,910
Yes...
201
00:07:10,048 --> 00:07:12,874
I'm so scared of you
right now, I'm aroused.
202
00:07:14,839 --> 00:07:18,630
As we ponder the celestial magic
203
00:07:18,768 --> 00:07:22,938
of the summertime sky,
we know one thing for sure.
204
00:07:23,076 --> 00:07:25,283
That's a lot of stars.
205
00:07:28,419 --> 00:07:30,452
Thank you for coming.
Have a nice day.
206
00:07:30,590 --> 00:07:31,727
Hey, how you doing?
207
00:07:31,865 --> 00:07:32,865
Get lost.
208
00:07:32,900 --> 00:07:35,208
Ah, hey, 20 years.
Long time, huh?
209
00:07:35,347 --> 00:07:37,277
Why, you haven't aged a day.
210
00:07:40,206 --> 00:07:41,206
Whoa!
211
00:07:44,308 --> 00:07:46,652
Hey, long time no see.
212
00:07:46,790 --> 00:07:47,651
How's it goin'?
213
00:07:47,789 --> 00:07:48,996
Do I look familiar to you?
214
00:07:49,133 --> 00:07:50,995
No, I guess not.
215
00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:56,096
My god, the pants still fit.
216
00:07:56,234 --> 00:07:58,026
Marianne!
217
00:07:58,164 --> 00:07:59,853
Of course!
218
00:07:59,991 --> 00:08:00,991
Mwah!
219
00:08:01,025 --> 00:08:02,749
You didn't even remember.
220
00:08:02,886 --> 00:08:04,713
No, no, I did. I did.
221
00:08:04,851 --> 00:08:06,195
Well, you know, not exactly.
222
00:08:06,333 --> 00:08:07,849
But, hey, I showed up, didn't I?
223
00:08:07,987 --> 00:08:08,987
Yeah.
224
00:08:09,056 --> 00:08:10,401
Oh, you look good!
225
00:08:10,538 --> 00:08:11,882
Please. I look great.
226
00:08:12,020 --> 00:08:13,399
Yeah, you do.
227
00:08:13,537 --> 00:08:14,984
You look great.
228
00:08:18,052 --> 00:08:19,603
You all right there?
229
00:08:19,741 --> 00:08:21,430
Oh, yeah. I'm good.
230
00:08:21,567 --> 00:08:24,118
So, how you been, Marianne?
231
00:08:24,257 --> 00:08:25,325
I'm dating a duke now.
232
00:08:25,463 --> 00:08:27,255
A duke?
233
00:08:27,393 --> 00:08:28,737
Yeah, well, you know,
234
00:08:28,875 --> 00:08:30,736
when you become
what they call ensconced
235
00:08:30,874 --> 00:08:33,045
in the upper social crest,
that's who you meet...
236
00:08:33,183 --> 00:08:34,975
Dukes, earls...
Them kind of people.
237
00:08:35,113 --> 00:08:36,113
What is he the duke of?
238
00:08:36,216 --> 00:08:37,078
Hmm?
239
00:08:37,216 --> 00:08:38,526
I mean, if he's a duke,
240
00:08:38,664 --> 00:08:40,077
he's gotta be the
duke of something.
241
00:08:40,215 --> 00:08:41,387
Oh, whatever.
242
00:08:41,525 --> 00:08:45,523
The point is, he's even
more loaded than the last one.
243
00:08:45,661 --> 00:08:46,661
You?
244
00:08:46,694 --> 00:08:47,798
How's your life?
245
00:08:47,935 --> 00:08:49,762
Good. Good. It's great,
as a matter of fact.
246
00:08:49,900 --> 00:08:53,036
I opened 2 new stores, so,
you know, business is booming,
247
00:08:53,174 --> 00:08:54,553
really keeping me busy.
248
00:08:54,691 --> 00:08:55,552
Oh, that's good.
249
00:08:55,690 --> 00:08:57,034
And also I'm dating
a supermodel,
250
00:08:57,172 --> 00:08:59,310
which, you know, is
great, because she's just...
251
00:08:59,448 --> 00:09:01,240
Ooh, she's so beautiful.
But you know what?
252
00:09:01,378 --> 00:09:03,169
She's also really a
very good person.
253
00:09:03,308 --> 00:09:04,514
Uh-huh. Yeah.
254
00:09:06,616 --> 00:09:09,064
Ah, who am I kidding, Marianne?
255
00:09:09,202 --> 00:09:10,959
You know, the truth is,
256
00:09:11,097 --> 00:09:14,475
I am running my one
business into the ground.
257
00:09:14,613 --> 00:09:18,439
My last girlfriend became a
man just after I started dating her.
258
00:09:18,577 --> 00:09:21,507
The other day, a 90-year-old
guy in a deli stole my bagel.
259
00:09:21,645 --> 00:09:25,057
Wow, Ira, that's
a really sad story.
260
00:09:25,195 --> 00:09:28,504
Want to hear an even sadder one?
261
00:09:28,642 --> 00:09:31,468
I'm completely broke
and living with my mother
262
00:09:31,605 --> 00:09:32,949
in Secaucus, New Jersey.
263
00:09:33,087 --> 00:09:33,949
What?
264
00:09:34,087 --> 00:09:35,741
What happened to the money?
265
00:09:35,879 --> 00:09:37,569
I spent it.
266
00:09:37,707 --> 00:09:39,016
Oh.
267
00:09:39,153 --> 00:09:41,325
Jeez, Marianne, I'm sorry.
268
00:09:41,463 --> 00:09:43,807
Ah, what are you gonna do?
269
00:09:43,945 --> 00:09:45,221
I had my fun.
270
00:09:46,254 --> 00:09:48,012
Hey, hey, hey.
271
00:09:48,149 --> 00:09:50,597
Here's a crazy thought.
272
00:09:50,735 --> 00:09:53,078
How about... just until
you get on your feet...
273
00:09:53,217 --> 00:09:54,768
How about you come
and stay with me?
274
00:09:54,906 --> 00:09:56,216
Let's skip the whole,
275
00:09:56,354 --> 00:09:58,491
"I couldn't, you could, I
couldn't, you could" thing.
276
00:09:58,628 --> 00:10:00,592
I'd love to. Terrific.
277
00:10:00,730 --> 00:10:02,074
Thank you, Ira.
278
00:10:02,213 --> 00:10:03,557
Ah, you're welcome.
279
00:10:03,695 --> 00:10:05,901
So what do you want to do?
You want to go somewhere?
280
00:10:06,039 --> 00:10:07,039
Where?
281
00:10:07,176 --> 00:10:08,776
Anywhere. I gotta
get out of these pants.
282
00:10:08,899 --> 00:10:11,381
There's parts of me asleep that
have never been asleep before.
283
00:10:15,137 --> 00:10:16,483
Oh, my god.
284
00:10:16,620 --> 00:10:18,998
Each time I see it,
it gets a little sadder.
285
00:10:19,136 --> 00:10:21,170
Are you sure we're
doing the right thing?
286
00:10:21,308 --> 00:10:22,868
Please don't turn
out to be a bad person
287
00:10:22,996 --> 00:10:25,616
to steal a car with. Okay. Okay.
288
00:10:25,754 --> 00:10:27,684
Let's just do it.
289
00:10:28,925 --> 00:10:31,958
We're not... not
stealing the car. Just...
290
00:10:33,716 --> 00:10:35,474
How's it going there, honey?
291
00:10:35,612 --> 00:10:36,956
You know what?
292
00:10:37,094 --> 00:10:38,438
This is the key
for the ignition.
293
00:10:38,576 --> 00:10:40,196
There's a separate
key for the door.
294
00:10:40,334 --> 00:10:42,678
Oh, my god, this car is so old.
295
00:10:42,816 --> 00:10:44,160
Are you kidding? This is the car
296
00:10:44,297 --> 00:10:47,676
that Henry Ford drove to the
place where he invented the car.
297
00:10:47,813 --> 00:10:50,088
All right. Stand back.
298
00:10:54,706 --> 00:10:56,878
Sometimes if you
hit it just right...
299
00:11:00,118 --> 00:11:01,531
I used to be able to...
300
00:11:01,669 --> 00:11:04,495
Let's see here. I
gotta go up and under.
301
00:11:10,390 --> 00:11:11,734
Where did you learn to do that?
302
00:11:11,872 --> 00:11:13,664
The Todayshow.
303
00:11:18,282 --> 00:11:22,005
Man, your father's
got a lot of junk in here.
304
00:11:22,143 --> 00:11:23,591
So now what do we do?
305
00:11:23,728 --> 00:11:25,590
Now we find an alley,
take off the plates,
306
00:11:25,728 --> 00:11:28,002
file the serial number
off the engine block.
307
00:11:28,140 --> 00:11:29,795
It'll be like the
car never existed.
308
00:11:29,932 --> 00:11:32,690
I gotta start watching
the Todayshow.
309
00:11:36,654 --> 00:11:38,618
Ebony?
310
00:11:38,756 --> 00:11:41,823
Ever since I can remember.
311
00:11:41,961 --> 00:11:44,512
Does that guy look
like an undercover cop?
312
00:11:46,270 --> 00:11:48,855
Honey, he's a guy
buying a cantaloupe.
313
00:11:48,993 --> 00:11:50,510
I don't think he's
buying cantaloupe.
314
00:11:50,648 --> 00:11:52,818
Look at how he's handling them.
315
00:11:52,956 --> 00:11:54,818
That's exactly the way
you handle cantaloupe
316
00:11:54,955 --> 00:11:56,817
when you're actually
an undercover cop
317
00:11:56,954 --> 00:11:58,437
pretending to be
buying cantaloupe.
318
00:11:58,575 --> 00:12:01,229
He must be from
the elite melon squad.
319
00:12:02,814 --> 00:12:04,651
Get out of the car
with your hands up.
320
00:12:04,675 --> 00:12:06,812
You see, thatwould be a cop.
321
00:12:19,290 --> 00:12:21,565
This was a bad call,
Jamie. A bad call.
322
00:12:21,703 --> 00:12:24,011
It'll be fine. Your parents
aren't going to press charges.
323
00:12:24,150 --> 00:12:25,430
But the cops are gonna grill us.
324
00:12:25,528 --> 00:12:27,183
Let's... let's get
our stories straight.
325
00:12:27,321 --> 00:12:28,961
Just whatever I say,
you go along with it.
326
00:12:29,078 --> 00:12:29,940
Okay.
327
00:12:30,078 --> 00:12:30,939
What? Honey.
328
00:12:31,077 --> 00:12:32,698
Okay. Don't worry.
329
00:12:32,836 --> 00:12:34,593
All right! Let's go!
330
00:12:34,731 --> 00:12:35,799
This way, please.
331
00:12:35,937 --> 00:12:36,937
What?
332
00:12:37,075 --> 00:12:38,798
Wait a minute. We're
actually together.
333
00:12:38,936 --> 00:12:40,625
This is Buchman, party of 2.
334
00:12:40,763 --> 00:12:41,763
Move it, please!
335
00:12:41,797 --> 00:12:43,624
Shut up, please! But...
336
00:12:43,762 --> 00:12:45,692
Okay. Honey! Don't worry.
337
00:12:46,932 --> 00:12:50,517
Ha-ha-ha! Dos
cervezas coming right up.
338
00:12:50,655 --> 00:12:52,034
And, hey! Stay beautiful, baby,
339
00:12:52,172 --> 00:12:54,344
but more than that,
stay a good person.
340
00:12:56,481 --> 00:12:57,687
Oh! Hey!
341
00:12:57,825 --> 00:12:59,410
Hello.
342
00:12:59,548 --> 00:13:01,547
Ira, Chuck. Chuck, Ira.
343
00:13:01,685 --> 00:13:02,547
How's it goin'?
344
00:13:02,685 --> 00:13:03,994
Good, sir.
345
00:13:05,408 --> 00:13:07,234
Can I use the bathroom?
346
00:13:07,372 --> 00:13:09,578
Sure. It's right there.
347
00:13:10,681 --> 00:13:12,025
He's a sweet kid.
348
00:13:12,163 --> 00:13:14,093
He thinks I look
like Drew Barrymore.
349
00:13:14,231 --> 00:13:15,575
I'm happy for you.
350
00:13:15,713 --> 00:13:18,540
He's a terrific,
terrific kid, you know?
351
00:13:18,677 --> 00:13:22,090
What time you gotta have
him back to the orphanage?
352
00:13:22,227 --> 00:13:23,571
Cut it out.
353
00:13:23,709 --> 00:13:25,088
Hey, you want a beer?
354
00:13:25,226 --> 00:13:26,261
Sure.
355
00:13:26,398 --> 00:13:27,398
How's it goin' in there?
356
00:13:27,467 --> 00:13:28,811
I don't know.
357
00:13:28,949 --> 00:13:31,603
People seem to be
enjoying themselves.
358
00:13:33,671 --> 00:13:35,015
Tell me something.
359
00:13:35,153 --> 00:13:37,014
You still doing that
running man move?
360
00:13:37,152 --> 00:13:39,909
No. I was asked to stop that.
361
00:13:41,495 --> 00:13:43,976
Thank god.
362
00:13:44,115 --> 00:13:46,183
Really glad you're
here, Marianne.
363
00:13:46,321 --> 00:13:47,871
Mmm.
364
00:13:48,009 --> 00:13:49,698
Me, too.
365
00:14:03,278 --> 00:14:04,553
We're the Buchmans.
366
00:14:04,691 --> 00:14:06,001
Yes. Mr. And Mrs. Buchman.
367
00:14:06,139 --> 00:14:07,690
I'm detective
Sharp. Have a seat.
368
00:14:07,827 --> 00:14:09,655
Oh, my god, Burt,
did you hear that?
369
00:14:09,793 --> 00:14:11,723
"Have a seat." Good never
followed that sentence.
370
00:14:11,861 --> 00:14:13,205
All right, easy, babe.
371
00:14:13,343 --> 00:14:16,203
We found a car that
matches the description
372
00:14:16,341 --> 00:14:18,203
of the one that you
reported missing.
373
00:14:18,340 --> 00:14:20,202
The license plate
number's 826OUS,
374
00:14:20,339 --> 00:14:22,201
a 1974 Chevrolet Monte Carlo.
375
00:14:22,339 --> 00:14:24,717
How's business for
you? Good? Okay.
376
00:14:24,855 --> 00:14:26,026
So I have to inform you
377
00:14:26,165 --> 00:14:27,925
that the car was found
not to be road-worthy.
378
00:14:28,060 --> 00:14:30,059
As a matter of fact, it's
not even insult-worthy.
379
00:14:30,197 --> 00:14:31,541
We had to impound it.
380
00:14:31,679 --> 00:14:34,093
When's the last time you had
the car inspected, Mr. Buchman?
381
00:14:34,230 --> 00:14:36,092
Uh... I... Uh... uh... well...
382
00:14:36,229 --> 00:14:37,574
Come on, pop, think, think.
383
00:14:37,711 --> 00:14:39,642
Smack yourself in the
head. Think about it.
384
00:14:39,779 --> 00:14:41,572
Instead of questioning
us, the victim,
385
00:14:41,710 --> 00:14:43,743
shouldn't you be out
looking for the parps?
386
00:14:43,880 --> 00:14:45,122
The who?
387
00:14:45,259 --> 00:14:47,741
The parps. The people who
committed this heinous crime.
388
00:14:47,879 --> 00:14:48,947
The perps.
389
00:14:49,086 --> 00:14:50,361
What?
390
00:14:50,499 --> 00:14:51,946
The perps. Perpetrators.
391
00:14:52,085 --> 00:14:53,429
Fine. Good. Them.
392
00:14:53,566 --> 00:14:55,737
Shouldn't you be out
looking for the perps, Sherp?
393
00:14:55,875 --> 00:14:56,910
Parps. Sharp.
394
00:14:57,047 --> 00:14:58,047
I'm sharp, they're perps.
395
00:14:58,151 --> 00:14:59,219
Just find them!
396
00:14:59,357 --> 00:15:00,770
Great. Thank you, ma'am.
397
00:15:00,908 --> 00:15:02,149
Look. Listen.
398
00:15:02,287 --> 00:15:04,562
We found a Jamie and
Paul Buchman at the scene.
399
00:15:05,768 --> 00:15:07,456
My own son and daughter-in-law?
400
00:15:07,594 --> 00:15:08,767
I mean, why would they?
401
00:15:08,904 --> 00:15:10,664
I don't know, maybe
because their whole lives
402
00:15:10,731 --> 00:15:12,110
they live in your shadow,
403
00:15:12,247 --> 00:15:14,109
even as you vicariously
live through them,
404
00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:16,625
forcing on them all your
unfulfilled hopes and dreams
405
00:15:16,763 --> 00:15:18,107
whether they want it or not.
406
00:15:18,245 --> 00:15:19,555
What? I don't know.
407
00:15:19,693 --> 00:15:22,036
There's got to be
some explanation.
408
00:15:22,174 --> 00:15:25,035
Yes. My son Paulie
would never steal from us.
409
00:15:25,173 --> 00:15:27,034
Neither would his wife Jamie.
410
00:15:27,172 --> 00:15:29,550
I'm not so sure about that.
411
00:15:29,688 --> 00:15:31,032
On many an occasion,
412
00:15:31,170 --> 00:15:33,927
I've seen her eyeing my
Bavarian chocolate-cake plates.
413
00:15:34,066 --> 00:15:36,203
So, you're into
anti-Semitic desserts. Good.
414
00:15:36,341 --> 00:15:38,098
So, kids, you gonna
press charges or not?
415
00:15:38,236 --> 00:15:40,063
What are you saying,
that they've confessed?
416
00:15:40,201 --> 00:15:41,924
No, but they will.
417
00:15:42,062 --> 00:15:43,131
You're kidding.
418
00:15:43,269 --> 00:15:45,888
Yeah. It's a big prank, pops.
419
00:15:46,026 --> 00:15:48,198
Holy moly.
420
00:15:48,335 --> 00:15:50,782
Well, we do not
wish to press charges.
421
00:15:50,920 --> 00:15:51,781
Okay.
422
00:15:51,919 --> 00:15:53,126
Not so fast, Sylvia.
423
00:15:53,264 --> 00:15:54,264
Okay.
424
00:15:54,333 --> 00:15:55,677
What are you saying, Burt?
425
00:15:55,815 --> 00:15:57,848
Well, would you mind if
we took... took some time,
426
00:15:57,985 --> 00:15:58,985
a minute or something?
427
00:15:59,020 --> 00:16:00,399
Okay. It's been great talking.
428
00:16:00,537 --> 00:16:03,535
I'm gonna go
watch the luge finals.
429
00:16:07,671 --> 00:16:09,705
Thanks, I... I don't smoke.
430
00:16:09,842 --> 00:16:10,946
Those are for me, slappy.
431
00:16:11,084 --> 00:16:12,152
Sorry.
432
00:16:12,290 --> 00:16:14,668
You're in deep kimchi
here, Mr. Buchman.
433
00:16:14,806 --> 00:16:16,943
Sir, I have to say, I
have not as of yet,
434
00:16:17,081 --> 00:16:19,976
uh, been given a chance
to make my phone call.
435
00:16:20,114 --> 00:16:21,975
Always with the phone call.
436
00:16:22,114 --> 00:16:24,009
Like that's gonna save them.
437
00:16:24,147 --> 00:16:26,456
Fifteen years, never
saw the phone call help.
438
00:16:26,594 --> 00:16:28,834
Not one time, ever. But
you go ahead, cowboy.
439
00:16:28,972 --> 00:16:29,833
You dial away.
440
00:16:29,971 --> 00:16:32,350
Okay. Thank you.
441
00:16:45,103 --> 00:16:46,413
It's ringing.
442
00:16:47,894 --> 00:16:49,102
It's ringing some more.
443
00:16:52,996 --> 00:16:55,099
Probably in the shower.
444
00:16:55,237 --> 00:16:56,994
Ring...
445
00:16:57,132 --> 00:16:57,994
Give me that.
446
00:16:58,132 --> 00:16:59,304
Are you guilty, Mr. Buchman?
447
00:16:59,442 --> 00:17:01,027
No, I'm not.
448
00:17:01,165 --> 00:17:03,681
Look, let me... let me
tell you something, officer.
449
00:17:03,818 --> 00:17:05,370
Detective. Sorry.
450
00:17:05,508 --> 00:17:07,300
Do I look like a
school crossing guard?
451
00:17:07,438 --> 00:17:08,518
No. Do I have a uniform on?
452
00:17:08,644 --> 00:17:09,924
Do I have a hat with a badge on?
453
00:17:10,023 --> 00:17:11,712
Thank you. Not at all.
454
00:17:11,850 --> 00:17:13,711
Detective, I love this country,
455
00:17:13,849 --> 00:17:15,124
and I love... its laws
456
00:17:15,262 --> 00:17:16,710
and its traditions.
457
00:17:16,848 --> 00:17:18,605
I love its laws
and its traditions
458
00:17:18,743 --> 00:17:20,639
and the spirit behind them all.
459
00:17:20,777 --> 00:17:22,810
I... I love... I love the
laws, the traditions,
460
00:17:22,948 --> 00:17:24,327
and the spirit,
461
00:17:24,465 --> 00:17:25,809
and the blood of our boys
462
00:17:25,946 --> 00:17:28,325
which has been shed on
foreign shores all these years
463
00:17:28,463 --> 00:17:30,255
in an effort to defend
those very laws
464
00:17:30,393 --> 00:17:31,668
and traditions and the spirit,
465
00:17:31,806 --> 00:17:33,686
and... and I love that
blood, I love those boys.
466
00:17:33,771 --> 00:17:35,150
Sit down, Mr. Buchman! Yes, sir.
467
00:17:35,288 --> 00:17:37,114
How long you been married?
468
00:17:37,252 --> 00:17:39,045
How long have you been married?
469
00:17:39,182 --> 00:17:40,802
Seven years.
470
00:17:40,940 --> 00:17:42,663
Whoa! Let me shake your hand.
471
00:17:42,801 --> 00:17:45,386
Don't ever touch, sir.
472
00:17:45,524 --> 00:17:46,903
You trust your wife?
473
00:17:47,041 --> 00:17:49,385
Of course I trust her. She's...
she's a wonderful woman.
474
00:17:49,522 --> 00:17:51,315
Yeah, she's a real prize.
475
00:17:51,453 --> 00:17:52,901
I'm sorry?
476
00:17:53,038 --> 00:17:54,831
How about she blamed
the whole thing on you?
477
00:17:54,969 --> 00:17:56,450
What?
478
00:17:56,588 --> 00:17:58,932
Yeah. She said it
was all your idea,
479
00:17:59,071 --> 00:18:00,931
she was an unwilling passenger.
480
00:18:01,070 --> 00:18:02,379
Hmm?
481
00:18:03,241 --> 00:18:04,964
No, no, no.
482
00:18:05,102 --> 00:18:06,928
She would never do that.
483
00:18:07,067 --> 00:18:09,066
She wouldn't, huh, Mr. B?
484
00:18:11,341 --> 00:18:14,133
Okay, here's the thing...
This was really all her idea.
485
00:18:14,271 --> 00:18:16,231
She... she... you know,
she stole my t-shirt once.
486
00:18:16,339 --> 00:18:18,338
She... she looks
sweet and everything,
487
00:18:18,476 --> 00:18:20,196
but she... she's got
the mind of a criminal.
488
00:18:20,302 --> 00:18:22,822
This is the amazing thing about
her. She's sweet, but she's cold
489
00:18:22,956 --> 00:18:25,404
and she's calculating, sometimes
she's just downright mean.
490
00:18:25,541 --> 00:18:27,403
This is just between you
and me, though, right?
491
00:18:27,540 --> 00:18:28,747
There's no reason to write.
492
00:18:35,226 --> 00:18:37,605
Listen. I don't want to
make this any more difficult
493
00:18:37,743 --> 00:18:39,294
than it has to be,
okay, Mrs. Buchman?
494
00:18:39,431 --> 00:18:40,569
Okay.
495
00:18:40,706 --> 00:18:42,603
I mean, I look at
you, I see a woman...
496
00:18:42,741 --> 00:18:44,671
if things had been
different, who knows?
497
00:18:44,809 --> 00:18:47,359
It might have been
you and me, you know?
498
00:18:47,497 --> 00:18:48,565
Sure.
499
00:18:48,703 --> 00:18:50,944
Yeah, right. Listen.
Can you tell me
500
00:18:51,082 --> 00:18:53,218
how you and your husband
happened to be at the scene?
501
00:18:53,356 --> 00:18:56,217
Well, we were
walking by the car,
502
00:18:56,355 --> 00:18:58,733
and we noticed that
it was illegally parked.
503
00:18:58,871 --> 00:19:00,801
Wanting to save our
parents the parking ticket,
504
00:19:00,939 --> 00:19:03,627
we broke into the car and
started it, using our extra key.
505
00:19:03,765 --> 00:19:06,799
And then we drove around and
started looking for a new spot.
506
00:19:06,937 --> 00:19:10,108
So you drove 70 blocks
looking for another parking spot.
507
00:19:10,246 --> 00:19:11,728
That's right.
508
00:19:11,865 --> 00:19:14,071
Do you trust your husband?
509
00:19:14,209 --> 00:19:17,174
Of course I trust him.
He's my soul mate.
510
00:19:17,312 --> 00:19:19,276
How about he blamed
the whole thing on you?
511
00:19:19,414 --> 00:19:20,586
He would never do that.
512
00:19:20,724 --> 00:19:23,102
He wouldn't, huh, Mrs. B?
513
00:19:26,479 --> 00:19:28,858
But, Burt, you
can't press charges.
514
00:19:28,996 --> 00:19:30,306
He's your only son.
515
00:19:30,444 --> 00:19:34,407
Exactly. If I don't teach him
right from wrong, who will?
516
00:19:34,545 --> 00:19:36,819
Maybe that big fellow
in the holding cage.
517
00:19:36,958 --> 00:19:38,371
They had no right to do this.
518
00:19:38,509 --> 00:19:39,509
None.
519
00:19:39,543 --> 00:19:40,922
It was very disrespectful.
520
00:19:41,059 --> 00:19:41,921
Oh, it was.
521
00:19:42,059 --> 00:19:43,885
But you understand
why they did it?
522
00:19:44,024 --> 00:19:45,402
They're worried about us.
523
00:19:45,540 --> 00:19:46,402
They're good kids.
524
00:19:46,539 --> 00:19:47,401
They love us.
525
00:19:47,539 --> 00:19:48,642
That's all.
526
00:19:48,780 --> 00:19:50,400
You know...
527
00:19:50,538 --> 00:19:53,985
a new car might not be so bad.
528
00:19:54,122 --> 00:19:55,398
Yeah.
529
00:19:55,535 --> 00:19:58,603
Like maybe a 1979
Plymouth Volare.
530
00:19:58,741 --> 00:20:00,051
Oh!
531
00:20:00,189 --> 00:20:02,085
I said we shouldn't do it,
532
00:20:02,223 --> 00:20:03,532
but he wouldn't listen.
533
00:20:03,670 --> 00:20:06,048
Don't let that "bumbling
idiot" act fool you.
534
00:20:06,186 --> 00:20:07,599
He knows what he's doing.
535
00:20:09,220 --> 00:20:10,943
You know, he yelled at me.
536
00:20:11,081 --> 00:20:11,943
No.
537
00:20:12,081 --> 00:20:12,942
He did!
538
00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:14,906
He was vicious and heartless,
539
00:20:15,044 --> 00:20:16,906
and he was ruthless and cruel.
540
00:20:17,043 --> 00:20:19,284
You know, he
sold pot in college.
541
00:20:24,867 --> 00:20:27,246
Well, it turns out,
Mrs. Buchman,
542
00:20:27,383 --> 00:20:30,417
that your father-in-law is
not gonna press charges.
543
00:20:31,726 --> 00:20:33,105
You're free to go.
544
00:20:33,243 --> 00:20:34,933
Nice meetin' ya.
545
00:20:38,241 --> 00:20:39,689
Sweetie.
546
00:20:39,826 --> 00:20:40,688
You okay?
547
00:20:40,826 --> 00:20:41,826
Yeah. Are you?
548
00:20:41,963 --> 00:20:43,445
Yeah. Boy, that
was something, huh?
549
00:20:43,583 --> 00:20:44,893
I just want to go home.
550
00:20:45,031 --> 00:20:46,823
The things they
were saying in there,
551
00:20:46,961 --> 00:20:49,121
and the things they tried
to get me to say about you...
552
00:20:49,236 --> 00:20:50,236
It was horrible.
553
00:20:50,373 --> 00:20:51,235
I said, hey, you...
554
00:20:51,373 --> 00:20:52,717
You do whatever you want to me,
555
00:20:52,855 --> 00:20:54,200
you leave her alone.
556
00:20:54,338 --> 00:20:56,508
They practically begged
me to pin it on you,
557
00:20:56,646 --> 00:20:58,129
but I told them
they could shove it.
558
00:20:58,267 --> 00:20:59,576
I love you.
559
00:20:59,714 --> 00:21:00,714
I love you.
560
00:21:00,782 --> 00:21:01,782
Mwah. Mwah.
561
00:21:13,225 --> 00:21:16,466
And as Leo reaches
across the full night sky,
562
00:21:16,603 --> 00:21:20,222
he finds Pisces licking
her lips and ready for action.
563
00:21:20,360 --> 00:21:22,290
Together, they begin
an interstellar dance
564
00:21:22,428 --> 00:21:24,807
that is as old as time itself.
565
00:21:24,944 --> 00:21:26,806
Off comes Orion's belt,
566
00:21:26,943 --> 00:21:29,769
as Orion's pants fall
to the celestial floor.
567
00:21:29,908 --> 00:21:31,735
Aquarius, with little coaxing,
568
00:21:31,872 --> 00:21:33,216
takes her top off,
569
00:21:33,354 --> 00:21:35,733
and for the first time in eons,
570
00:21:35,871 --> 00:21:37,215
gets Poseidon's attention.
571
00:21:37,352 --> 00:21:39,214
Seeing this, the Gemini twins
572
00:21:39,352 --> 00:21:41,695
confess an ancient
longing for contact
573
00:21:41,833 --> 00:21:44,143
that the galaxy will not permit.
574
00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:46,142
And lightheaded
and full of fire,
575
00:21:46,280 --> 00:21:49,106
Taurus the bull begins
clawing the ground with one hoof
576
00:21:49,244 --> 00:21:51,657
and squirming out of his
loincloth with the other.
577
00:21:51,795 --> 00:21:54,689
Sagittarius fires
his love arrow,
578
00:21:54,827 --> 00:21:56,172
and Virgo, the supposed virgin,
579
00:21:56,310 --> 00:21:57,654
looks away guiltily.
580
00:21:57,792 --> 00:22:05,513
She knows she's got
some explaining to do.
581
00:22:05,651 --> 00:22:06,651
Captions: M.P.
39992
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