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CHORUS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪
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(theme music playing)
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(bell ringing)
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(siren blaring)
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(beeping)
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(playing the blues)
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(tires screeching)
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(honking horn)
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D'oh! (screams)
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(all screaming)
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{\an8}(all singing)
♪ We're proud to be teachers ♪
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{\an8}♪ Knowledge is our game ♪
13
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{\an8}♪ But we'd sell our mothers ♪
14
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{\an8}♪ For 15 minutes of... ♪
15
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{\an8}♪ Fame! ♪
16
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{\an8}♪ Not gonna teach forever ♪
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{\an8}♪ Gonna give showbiz a try ♪
18
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{\an8}♪ Try! ♪
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{\an8}I didn't think it was physically possible,
20
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{\an8}but this both sucks and blows.
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{\an8}("Shave and a Haircut" playing)
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{\an8}♪ That's fame! ♪
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{\an8}(applause)
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{\an8}(chuckling)
25
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{\an8}Whew! Mercy!
26
00:01:59,994 --> 00:02:01,037
{\an8}Good evening.
27
00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:03,665
{\an8}Our old friend Noah Webster
defines laughter
28
00:02:03,748 --> 00:02:07,127
{\an8}as the act or sound of laughing.
29
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{\an8}-NELSON: Ha-ha!
-(chuckling)
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{\an8}Well-illustrated, Nelson.
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{\an8}And now fasten your funny bones
for groundskeeper--
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{\an8}Oh, or should I say "Grinskeeper"?
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{\an8}No, I'm sorry. Groundskeeper
was correct. Willie!
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{\an8}(playing "My Bonnie")
35
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{\an8}How many of ya hail
from the fair city of Edinburgh?
36
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{\an8}So, have you noticed
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{\an8}how North Edinburgh
golfers putt like this
38
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{\an8}and South Edinburgh golfers
putt like this?
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{\an8}(man coughs)
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{\an8}Eh?
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{\an8}-(bagpipe honking)
-Eh?
42
00:02:45,039 --> 00:02:46,708
{\an8}Oh, I see.
43
00:02:46,791 --> 00:02:49,544
{\an8}Willie's not funny
unless he's down on his knees
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{\an8}scooping up your little brats' puke!
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{\an8}(laughing)
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{\an8}-Thank you. You've been great.
-(applause)
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{\an8}(mid-tempo jazz bass intro)
48
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{\an8}♪ You give me fever ♪
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{\an8}(pop)
50
00:03:01,556 --> 00:03:02,807
{\an8}♪ When you touch me ♪
51
00:03:02,891 --> 00:03:04,809
{\an8}♪ Fever when you hold me tight ♪
52
00:03:04,893 --> 00:03:06,060
-(pop)
-(audience members groaning)
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00:03:06,144 --> 00:03:08,146
♪ Fever! Ha! ♪
54
00:03:08,229 --> 00:03:10,773
-Kill me.
-(popping)
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00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:14,402
Well, Seymour, it seems
we've put together a baseball team,
56
00:03:14,485 --> 00:03:17,530
and I was wondering, who's on first?
57
00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:20,491
Yes, not the pronoun but rather a player
58
00:03:20,575 --> 00:03:23,161
with the unlikely name
of "Who" is on first.
59
00:03:23,244 --> 00:03:25,121
Yes, well, that's just great, Seymour.
60
00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:26,497
We've been out here six seconds.
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00:03:26,581 --> 00:03:29,209
You've already managed
to blow the routine.
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00:03:29,292 --> 00:03:30,585
(muttering) Sexless freak.
63
00:03:32,253 --> 00:03:34,464
(laughing)
64
00:03:34,547 --> 00:03:37,342
Well, it seems as though
we're just about at the halfway point.
65
00:03:37,425 --> 00:03:38,760
So why don't we call it intermission?
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00:03:38,843 --> 00:03:40,136
(overlapping conversations)
67
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:41,888
Oh! Don't go too far.
68
00:03:41,971 --> 00:03:44,182
If you like cafeteria workers
in Beatle wigs
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00:03:44,265 --> 00:03:45,975
with tennis racket guitars,
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00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:47,852
you won't want to miss the second half.
71
00:03:47,936 --> 00:03:50,063
-Oh, no! No!
-(shouting)
72
00:03:52,273 --> 00:03:53,233
You drive. I eat.
73
00:03:54,609 --> 00:03:57,237
Dad, you were supposed to pay
for those snacks.
74
00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:59,530
I saw Krabappel's butt. I paid.
75
00:04:01,115 --> 00:04:02,825
(tires screeching, honking horns)
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00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:04,285
Whoopsie.
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00:04:04,369 --> 00:04:05,620
Hmm. This could take a minute.
78
00:04:05,703 --> 00:04:07,080
There's an opening, Mom.
79
00:04:07,163 --> 00:04:08,539
I don't know.
80
00:04:08,623 --> 00:04:11,209
I hate to change lanes once I get going.
81
00:04:11,292 --> 00:04:13,127
That's really for race car drivers.
82
00:04:13,211 --> 00:04:14,212
Mom, to your left.
83
00:04:14,295 --> 00:04:15,838
He's letting you in. Go!
84
00:04:15,922 --> 00:04:17,465
-LISA: Come on, Mom!
-HOMER: Gun it, woman.
85
00:04:17,548 --> 00:04:22,053
No, no. As soon as I get over,
that lane will stop moving.
86
00:04:22,136 --> 00:04:24,931
Erma Bombeck said so,
and Dave Barry agrees.
87
00:04:27,016 --> 00:04:29,852
Oh! You suck, Marge.
88
00:04:29,936 --> 00:04:31,271
(engine roaring)
89
00:04:31,354 --> 00:04:33,815
-(honking)
-Come on, move it, you clowns!
90
00:04:33,898 --> 00:04:36,109
What in blazes...
91
00:04:41,531 --> 00:04:43,783
So long, schlubs!
92
00:04:43,866 --> 00:04:46,327
Wow. Did you see that thing, Marge?
93
00:04:46,411 --> 00:04:48,288
So powerful, so commanding.
94
00:04:49,372 --> 00:04:51,291
So forceful and raw.
95
00:04:51,374 --> 00:04:54,919
It didn't ask. It just took.
96
00:04:55,003 --> 00:04:59,340
(over PA system) ♪ Canyonero ♪
97
00:04:59,424 --> 00:05:00,925
♪ Canyonero ♪
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00:05:01,009 --> 00:05:04,137
(moaning)
99
00:05:04,220 --> 00:05:06,431
Oh, Canyonero...
100
00:05:06,514 --> 00:05:08,599
(chuckling) Go ahead. Drool all you want.
101
00:05:08,683 --> 00:05:09,892
You can't hurt that finish.
102
00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:12,812
Now, rainwater,
that'll strip it right off.
103
00:05:12,895 --> 00:05:14,522
Ah, I shouldn't have said that.
104
00:05:14,605 --> 00:05:16,190
Come on, Gil.
105
00:05:16,274 --> 00:05:17,859
Hey, a red one!
106
00:05:17,942 --> 00:05:20,111
(laughing)
107
00:05:20,194 --> 00:05:22,572
Can I buy that? Please?
108
00:05:22,655 --> 00:05:25,033
Well, if you-you... Dah... Wha... Really?
109
00:05:25,116 --> 00:05:28,911
Wow! Ha! Hot dog! A sale!
110
00:05:28,995 --> 00:05:30,621
(laughing)
111
00:05:32,206 --> 00:05:33,416
I'll take it from here, Gil.
112
00:05:33,499 --> 00:05:36,169
No, wait! Ah, no, you can't take my sale.
113
00:05:36,252 --> 00:05:39,172
My wife's going to leave me
if I don't start bringing in the green.
114
00:05:39,255 --> 00:05:42,091
Come on. Let me have this one, Stan.
I'm begging you.
115
00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:45,053
Look at me. I'm begging you, Stan.
116
00:05:45,136 --> 00:05:47,096
Mm-hmm. Let's go write this up shall we?
117
00:05:51,059 --> 00:05:53,394
Honey, you should've seen me
with my last customer.
118
00:05:53,478 --> 00:05:57,440
I... No, but I came so close.
This guy was a...
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00:05:58,107 --> 00:05:59,776
Whose voice is that?
120
00:05:59,859 --> 00:06:01,110
Is that Fred?
121
00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:03,363
Ah, you said it was over.
122
00:06:03,446 --> 00:06:04,572
No, don't put him on.
123
00:06:04,655 --> 00:06:06,908
It... Hello, Fred. Hi.
124
00:06:08,743 --> 00:06:11,579
OK, you've got the undercoating,
clear coating, rustproofing,
125
00:06:11,662 --> 00:06:14,040
under guard spray, gravel guard XJ,
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00:06:14,123 --> 00:06:15,333
Vita-Seal, Repels-It
127
00:06:15,416 --> 00:06:17,293
but if you want to protect the paint,
128
00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:19,629
you better keep it in this tent.
129
00:06:19,712 --> 00:06:20,797
Will do.
130
00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:22,548
OK. Here's how your lease breaks down,
131
00:06:22,632 --> 00:06:25,843
this is your down payment.
Then here's your monthly.
132
00:06:25,927 --> 00:06:27,512
And there's your weekly.
133
00:06:27,595 --> 00:06:28,888
And that's it, right?
134
00:06:28,971 --> 00:06:31,516
Yep. Oh, then after
your final monthly payment,
135
00:06:31,599 --> 00:06:34,102
there's the routine CBP,
or crippling balloon payment.
136
00:06:34,185 --> 00:06:35,436
But that's not for a while, right?
137
00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:36,604
Right.
138
00:06:36,687 --> 00:06:38,064
Sweet.
139
00:06:40,942 --> 00:06:43,236
-Whoo! Hello!
-Hey, baby!
140
00:06:44,987 --> 00:06:46,781
Whoops. Oh, sorry, Homer.
141
00:06:46,864 --> 00:06:50,034
We thought you were one of those
hot-to-trot soccer moms.
142
00:06:50,118 --> 00:06:52,912
Yeah, you don' see many men
driving the "F" series.
143
00:06:52,995 --> 00:06:54,705
Huh?
144
00:06:54,789 --> 00:06:56,874
See? Instead of a cigarette lighter,
145
00:06:56,958 --> 00:06:59,293
it's got a lipstick holder.
146
00:06:59,377 --> 00:07:00,336
(gasps)
147
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,797
Ah, crap! It's a girl's car.
148
00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:04,424
I can't drive this.
149
00:07:04,507 --> 00:07:07,218
Oh, sure, you can, dollface.
150
00:07:07,301 --> 00:07:08,469
-(kissing noises)
-(chuckles)
151
00:07:08,553 --> 00:07:11,347
Pretty thing like you
can do whatever she wants.
152
00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:13,266
(laughing)
153
00:07:13,349 --> 00:07:15,643
Shut up! Screw you guys!
154
00:07:15,726 --> 00:07:17,937
(tires screeching)
155
00:07:18,020 --> 00:07:21,941
Lousy F series. Frilly, girly, fruity car.
156
00:07:22,024 --> 00:07:24,360
Where's your keys?
I'm taking your car to work.
157
00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:28,698
You cashed in your 401(k)
to buy that stupid Canyonero.
158
00:07:28,781 --> 00:07:30,366
Why can't you drive it?
159
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:31,868
Are you saying I'm gay?
160
00:07:31,951 --> 00:07:33,286
Because, if that's what you think,
161
00:07:33,369 --> 00:07:34,996
then just come right out and say it.
162
00:07:35,079 --> 00:07:36,456
I don't think you're gay.
163
00:07:36,539 --> 00:07:38,875
I just have to do my grocery shopping.
164
00:07:38,958 --> 00:07:40,460
Now, please, give me my keys.
165
00:07:40,543 --> 00:07:42,295
Fine.
166
00:07:42,378 --> 00:07:45,715
(humming)
167
00:07:45,798 --> 00:07:48,009
-(electrical crackling)
-(giggles)
168
00:07:48,092 --> 00:07:49,469
-(tires screeching)
-Ha-ha! Sucker!
169
00:07:49,552 --> 00:07:50,386
(groans)
170
00:07:53,347 --> 00:07:54,682
Good Lord.
171
00:07:56,642 --> 00:07:58,978
How am I supposed to get in this beast?
172
00:08:00,021 --> 00:08:01,355
(mechanical whirring)
173
00:08:01,439 --> 00:08:04,192
Hmm. Well, that's a nice feature.
174
00:08:06,444 --> 00:08:08,446
Not much headroom, though.
175
00:08:08,529 --> 00:08:09,822
Ooh!
176
00:08:09,906 --> 00:08:12,617
Oh, I guess I can drive it
for a little while.
177
00:08:13,618 --> 00:08:16,162
But, Mom, I read that sport
utility vehicles are more likely
178
00:08:16,245 --> 00:08:18,164
to be involved in fatal accidents.
179
00:08:18,247 --> 00:08:19,707
Fatal to the people in the other car.
180
00:08:19,790 --> 00:08:20,625
Let's roll.
181
00:08:20,708 --> 00:08:22,210
Hang on, the manual says
182
00:08:22,293 --> 00:08:25,296
I need to log on to the onboard computer.
183
00:08:25,379 --> 00:08:27,465
M-A-R-G-E.
184
00:08:27,548 --> 00:08:28,925
FEMALE VOICE: Hello, Marge.
185
00:08:29,008 --> 00:08:30,593
Where would you like to go today?
186
00:08:30,676 --> 00:08:32,178
(gasps)
187
00:08:32,261 --> 00:08:34,847
No one has ever asked me that
before in my life.
188
00:08:35,264 --> 00:08:36,474
(tires screeching)
189
00:08:37,642 --> 00:08:38,809
Well, that's a first.
190
00:08:38,893 --> 00:08:41,729
I've never been able
to fit 32 grocery bags
191
00:08:41,812 --> 00:08:44,023
into one car before.
192
00:08:44,106 --> 00:08:47,235
Eww, why is Courtney Love
on the Wheaties box?
193
00:08:47,318 --> 00:08:49,362
Hmm. I thought it was Sandy Duncan.
194
00:08:49,445 --> 00:08:51,072
Uh-oh. Gridlock at 12 o'clock.
195
00:08:51,155 --> 00:08:54,450
(horns honking)
196
00:08:57,286 --> 00:08:59,080
Oh, crud.
197
00:08:59,163 --> 00:09:01,207
And we're so close to the house.
198
00:09:01,290 --> 00:09:03,042
Um, I don't want to alarm you,
199
00:09:03,125 --> 00:09:05,294
but the ice cream's starting to go south.
200
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:08,089
(slurping)
201
00:09:08,172 --> 00:09:11,050
Hmm. Mm-hmm. (gagging)
202
00:09:11,133 --> 00:09:12,426
Hey, give me some of that.
203
00:09:12,510 --> 00:09:13,386
(screams)
204
00:09:13,469 --> 00:09:16,180
Mom, Bart sprayed whipped cream in my eye!
205
00:09:16,264 --> 00:09:17,390
I did not.
206
00:09:17,473 --> 00:09:18,307
(screams)
207
00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:19,767
(both grunting)
208
00:09:19,850 --> 00:09:20,977
(yelling)
209
00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:23,187
Kids, cut it out!
210
00:09:23,271 --> 00:09:24,897
(sighs) All right.
211
00:09:24,981 --> 00:09:25,940
Hey!
212
00:09:26,023 --> 00:09:28,442
Come on, Mom, just cut across the field.
213
00:09:28,526 --> 00:09:32,071
Oh, I don't know. It doesn't seem right.
214
00:09:32,154 --> 00:09:34,282
Huh! Do you want to spend
your whole life doing what's right?
215
00:09:34,365 --> 00:09:36,033
Of course not.
216
00:09:38,744 --> 00:09:39,912
Let's do it.
217
00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:42,748
(man singing country music)
218
00:09:42,832 --> 00:09:44,542
(tires screeching)
219
00:09:44,625 --> 00:09:45,459
BART: Whoa!
220
00:09:45,543 --> 00:09:47,128
You the man, Mom!
221
00:09:47,211 --> 00:09:48,754
Out of my way, nature!
222
00:09:48,838 --> 00:09:50,172
(panicked chittering)
223
00:09:51,340 --> 00:09:54,302
MARGE: ♪ Canyonero! ♪
224
00:09:59,890 --> 00:10:00,933
(gasps)
225
00:10:02,310 --> 00:10:04,979
Look at me, Lis.
I'm Baron von Chickenpants.
226
00:10:05,062 --> 00:10:07,398
(clucking)
227
00:10:07,481 --> 00:10:09,525
Bart, that's tomorrow night's dinner.
228
00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:11,360
You're tomorrow night's dinner.
229
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:15,364
Mom! Bart took what I said
and turned it into an insult!
230
00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:17,116
That's nice, dear.
231
00:10:17,199 --> 00:10:19,619
OK, Mr. Peanut,
you think you can keep...
232
00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:24,290
(stammering)
233
00:10:24,373 --> 00:10:26,417
A three-chambered peanut.
234
00:10:26,500 --> 00:10:28,210
Marge, look what I did!
235
00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:30,171
Come quick! Hurry!
236
00:10:30,254 --> 00:10:31,255
Marge?
237
00:10:32,423 --> 00:10:33,549
Marge?
238
00:10:34,967 --> 00:10:36,886
Marge, you've been out there all morning.
239
00:10:36,969 --> 00:10:39,930
-So?
-So lying on the couch and eating stuff
240
00:10:40,014 --> 00:10:42,016
isn't the same
if you aren't around to see it.
241
00:10:42,099 --> 00:10:44,435
I'll come watch you
do nothing after I try out
242
00:10:44,518 --> 00:10:47,563
my new high-intensity halogen headlights.
243
00:10:50,691 --> 00:10:52,443
(snickering)
244
00:10:52,526 --> 00:10:55,071
Nobody will ever cut me off again.
245
00:10:55,154 --> 00:10:57,365
Oh, please come in.
246
00:10:57,448 --> 00:11:00,284
Maggie smells bad,
and the cat wants something
247
00:11:00,368 --> 00:11:01,410
but I don't know what.
248
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:03,829
I'm almost done.
249
00:11:03,913 --> 00:11:06,457
And tell Bart to get out of my purse.
250
00:11:07,833 --> 00:11:11,253
(inaudible dialogue)
251
00:11:15,841 --> 00:11:17,677
MARGE: SUV. Coming through.
252
00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:19,762
Open up for Marge.
253
00:11:19,845 --> 00:11:20,888
Thank you.
254
00:11:20,971 --> 00:11:22,890
Thank... Whoa.
255
00:11:22,973 --> 00:11:25,726
And daylight. Come on. Come on.
256
00:11:25,810 --> 00:11:26,811
(horn honking)
257
00:11:26,894 --> 00:11:29,271
Jeez, try the gas pedal, grandma.
258
00:11:29,355 --> 00:11:31,482
It's right there next to the brake.
259
00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:35,444
Oh, for god's sake. Go back to New Jersey.
260
00:11:39,782 --> 00:11:42,952
(exasperated grunting)
261
00:11:43,035 --> 00:11:45,579
-(horn honking)
-Come on! Come on!
262
00:11:45,663 --> 00:11:47,164
Get that corpse off the road!
263
00:11:47,248 --> 00:11:49,458
The streets are for the living.
264
00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:50,876
-(tires screeching)
-(people screaming)
265
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:53,087
Slow down, you maniac!
266
00:11:53,170 --> 00:11:55,423
Show some respect
for this coffin full of bricks
267
00:11:55,506 --> 00:11:58,300
representing a young man lost at sea!
268
00:11:59,969 --> 00:12:01,053
Hey!
269
00:12:01,137 --> 00:12:02,471
(siren wails)
270
00:12:03,764 --> 00:12:06,100
Oh, great. What'd I do?
271
00:12:08,811 --> 00:12:10,187
This better be important.
272
00:12:10,271 --> 00:12:12,565
Can the sweet talk, Thelma and Louise.
273
00:12:12,648 --> 00:12:14,650
You have a serious mental illness.
274
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:17,653
The technical term is "road rage."
275
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:20,656
I'll see you tomorrow morning
at traffic school, speedy.
276
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:23,451
And you got exactly five seconds
to get out of my sight.
277
00:12:23,534 --> 00:12:24,535
LISA: Oh.
278
00:12:24,618 --> 00:12:26,328
(tires screeching)
279
00:12:26,412 --> 00:12:29,415
Oh, why are the pretty ones always insane?
280
00:12:34,712 --> 00:12:37,047
OK, I assume you all know
why you're here.
281
00:12:38,424 --> 00:12:39,508
That's right.
282
00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:42,303
-You're all angry sick people.
-(grumbling)
283
00:12:42,386 --> 00:12:44,889
But over these next eight hours,
284
00:12:44,972 --> 00:12:47,683
you will be broken down
to the level of infants,
285
00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:50,853
then rebuilt as functional members of
society,
286
00:12:50,936 --> 00:12:53,898
then broken down again, then lunch,
287
00:12:53,981 --> 00:12:56,692
then, if there's time, rebuilt once more.
288
00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:57,860
All right, roll it, Lou.
289
00:13:02,239 --> 00:13:04,366
Hello. I'm Sergeant Crew,
290
00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:06,076
and I'm here to talk to you about...
291
00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:10,372
road... rage.
292
00:13:10,456 --> 00:13:13,793
-Duh.
-Quiet, fatso. The sergeant's talking.
293
00:13:14,376 --> 00:13:15,377
Go on, dear.
294
00:13:15,461 --> 00:13:18,464
In these modern hectic days of fast food,
295
00:13:18,547 --> 00:13:20,966
answering machines, and one-night stands,
296
00:13:21,050 --> 00:13:23,052
people are getting angrier.
297
00:13:23,135 --> 00:13:25,346
Now, what you're aboutto see is not pretty.
298
00:13:28,849 --> 00:13:30,434
Cut me off, will ya?
299
00:13:30,518 --> 00:13:31,519
Yah!
300
00:13:31,602 --> 00:13:32,728
(grunting)
301
00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:34,021
(horn honking)
302
00:13:34,104 --> 00:13:36,065
Learn to drive, dimwit!
303
00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:39,819
I sentence you to kiss my ass!
304
00:13:39,902 --> 00:13:42,446
(screaming)
305
00:13:42,530 --> 00:13:44,740
Look familiar? It should.
306
00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:46,909
Anger is what makes America great,
307
00:13:46,992 --> 00:13:50,204
but you must findthe proper outlet for your rage.
308
00:13:50,287 --> 00:13:52,456
Fire a weapon at your television screen,
309
00:13:52,540 --> 00:13:54,750
pick a fight with someone weaker than you,
310
00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:57,962
or write a threatening letterto a celebrity.
311
00:13:58,045 --> 00:14:00,214
So, when you go out for a drive,
312
00:14:00,297 --> 00:14:03,759
remember to leave your murderous angerwhere it belongs...
313
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:04,677
at home.
314
00:14:07,555 --> 00:14:08,389
(applause)
315
00:14:08,472 --> 00:14:10,432
And, as if that film wasn't enough,
316
00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:12,017
we have a special guest.
317
00:14:12,101 --> 00:14:14,478
Why, it's Curtis E. Bear--
318
00:14:14,562 --> 00:14:16,397
The Courtesy Bear.
319
00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:18,190
(hums)
320
00:14:18,274 --> 00:14:19,817
For the next three hours,
321
00:14:19,900 --> 00:14:22,695
this bear will take
your verbal and physical abuse
322
00:14:22,778 --> 00:14:24,488
with good nature and aplomb.
323
00:14:24,572 --> 00:14:28,033
So, if you'll all just grab
one of these two-by-fours...
324
00:14:28,117 --> 00:14:31,120
Uh, Chief, can I
at least shield my crotch?
325
00:14:31,203 --> 00:14:33,122
Bears can't talk, Kenny.
326
00:14:33,205 --> 00:14:36,500
-(yelling) Oh, yeah!
-(Kenny groaning)
327
00:14:37,835 --> 00:14:40,212
(indistinct chatter)
328
00:14:40,296 --> 00:14:42,298
Well, Simpson, did you learn
something today?
329
00:14:42,381 --> 00:14:44,550
Oh, did I ever.
330
00:14:44,633 --> 00:14:46,218
And that herbal anger rinse
331
00:14:46,302 --> 00:14:48,637
just washed the rage right out of me.
332
00:14:49,638 --> 00:14:51,849
Uh, remember, Midge,
you feel the need to rage,
333
00:14:51,932 --> 00:14:53,058
you call me, right?
334
00:14:53,142 --> 00:14:55,394
I won't even get sexual or nothing
335
00:14:55,477 --> 00:14:56,645
unless that's what you want.
336
00:14:57,646 --> 00:14:59,023
But that's not what you want, right?
337
00:14:59,106 --> 00:15:00,524
No, thanks.
338
00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:02,526
But thanks.
339
00:15:04,653 --> 00:15:06,405
(indistinct chatter)
340
00:15:07,031 --> 00:15:08,991
After you, sweetheart.
341
00:15:09,074 --> 00:15:11,035
Oh, no, you first, ma'am.
342
00:15:11,118 --> 00:15:13,537
Well, somebody go first.
343
00:15:13,621 --> 00:15:14,663
Well, not me.
344
00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:16,332
I'm not going until she goes.
345
00:15:16,415 --> 00:15:18,751
Oh, for crying out loud, I...
346
00:15:18,834 --> 00:15:21,211
Oh, oh, oh, OK. Calm down.
347
00:15:21,295 --> 00:15:22,546
Just think.
348
00:15:22,630 --> 00:15:25,257
What would Curtis E. Bear do?
349
00:15:25,341 --> 00:15:26,634
(honking)
350
00:15:26,717 --> 00:15:28,844
Move it, I got to return this suit!
351
00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:30,346
(tires squealing)
352
00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:32,890
Hmm.
353
00:15:34,475 --> 00:15:36,685
Get out of the way!
354
00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:37,895
(tires squealing)
355
00:15:37,978 --> 00:15:40,522
Oh, no! No!
356
00:15:40,606 --> 00:15:42,191
(horn honking)
357
00:15:42,274 --> 00:15:45,319
(screams)
358
00:15:45,402 --> 00:15:47,529
-Yaaah!
-(alarm blaring)
359
00:15:47,613 --> 00:15:49,198
We're free! We're free!
360
00:15:50,199 --> 00:15:53,369
Whoa. Thanks, chick dude.
361
00:15:53,452 --> 00:15:54,912
Well, I hope you're happy, Simpson.
362
00:15:54,995 --> 00:15:56,789
Those prisoners were one day away
363
00:15:56,872 --> 00:15:59,041
from being completely rehabilitated.
364
00:15:59,124 --> 00:16:01,085
I'm tearing up your license.
365
00:16:03,087 --> 00:16:05,464
Aw, jeez. Darned laminated...
366
00:16:06,048 --> 00:16:08,050
Would you mind? I got stubby fingers.
367
00:16:08,133 --> 00:16:09,885
(embarrassed chuckle)
368
00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:11,637
(groans)
369
00:16:13,847 --> 00:16:14,848
(frustrated grunt)
370
00:16:14,932 --> 00:16:17,309
How could they take away my license?
371
00:16:17,393 --> 00:16:19,269
It feels like I lost a limb.
372
00:16:19,353 --> 00:16:20,729
Well, that's a turnoff.
373
00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:23,482
Hey, why don't you come
to the wild animal park with us?
374
00:16:23,565 --> 00:16:26,443
No. Your father drives like an old lady.
375
00:16:26,527 --> 00:16:28,112
At least I've got a license.
376
00:16:28,195 --> 00:16:29,738
(grunts)
377
00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:31,573
(quietly): Come on, kids. I went too far.
378
00:16:33,617 --> 00:16:35,828
-(door slams)
-(sighs)
379
00:16:35,911 --> 00:16:37,329
(elephant trumpets)
380
00:16:40,666 --> 00:16:43,961
Aw, what a gyp.
They're all just lying around.
381
00:16:44,044 --> 00:16:45,170
Do something!
382
00:16:45,254 --> 00:16:47,715
Bart, they're not here to entertain us.
383
00:16:47,798 --> 00:16:51,010
I've seen plays that were
more exciting than this.
384
00:16:51,093 --> 00:16:53,345
Honest to god. Plays!
385
00:16:55,180 --> 00:16:58,350
I don't want to pay four bucks to watch
some monkey wannabe laying in the sun!
386
00:16:58,434 --> 00:17:00,602
But, Dad, lemurs are nocturnal.
387
00:17:00,686 --> 00:17:03,605
Don't worry, honey.
Daddy will fix that broken animal.
388
00:17:03,689 --> 00:17:04,773
No!
389
00:17:04,857 --> 00:17:07,568
I'm not going to hurt him.
I'm just going to wake him up.
390
00:17:07,651 --> 00:17:09,111
(shrieking)
391
00:17:10,404 --> 00:17:12,072
(shrieks)
392
00:17:12,156 --> 00:17:14,366
(roars, growls)
393
00:17:15,701 --> 00:17:18,037
(all growl)
394
00:17:22,124 --> 00:17:24,043
Uh-oh. Here's your slingshot, Lisa!
395
00:17:26,211 --> 00:17:29,173
I told them a chain-link fence
wouldn't hold rhinos.
396
00:17:29,256 --> 00:17:30,966
Oh, wait. No, I didn't.
397
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:32,176
I meant to tell them.
398
00:17:41,977 --> 00:17:43,437
(shrieks)
399
00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:52,279
(screaming)
400
00:17:53,322 --> 00:17:55,032
(all screaming)
401
00:17:55,574 --> 00:17:57,576
Don't worry, kids. I know just what to do.
402
00:17:57,659 --> 00:17:59,161
Jumanji!
403
00:17:59,244 --> 00:18:00,496
(roaring)
404
00:18:01,622 --> 00:18:03,832
Does anything from
the movies actually work?
405
00:18:04,625 --> 00:18:05,959
(grunting)
406
00:18:08,420 --> 00:18:09,838
Aw, nuts.
407
00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:12,674
Isn't there anybody who can round up
these thunder lizards?
408
00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:15,260
Well, they'd need a pretty rugged vehicle.
409
00:18:15,344 --> 00:18:17,179
And a heart to match.
410
00:18:17,262 --> 00:18:18,180
Hmm.
411
00:18:18,263 --> 00:18:19,807
I'd like to help you, Chief,
412
00:18:19,890 --> 00:18:21,517
but my license was revoked.
413
00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:24,103
Seems I'm full of rage.
414
00:18:25,145 --> 00:18:27,523
Then do it for this adorable little puppy.
415
00:18:27,606 --> 00:18:29,608
Look at the puppy, Marge.
416
00:18:29,691 --> 00:18:31,777
That's your hat.
417
00:18:31,860 --> 00:18:33,153
She's good, Chief.
418
00:18:33,237 --> 00:18:35,197
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I've got some dust
419
00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:36,365
that needs busting.
420
00:18:37,533 --> 00:18:38,659
(people screaming)
421
00:18:38,742 --> 00:18:40,327
This is Kent Brockman at the scene
422
00:18:40,410 --> 00:18:42,496
of a level-three rhino alert.
423
00:18:42,579 --> 00:18:45,707
Authorities say there's
no immediate danger to anyone
424
00:18:45,791 --> 00:18:48,710
except those three luckless people
whom we'll identify
425
00:18:48,794 --> 00:18:51,213
once the rhinos spit out their wallets.
426
00:18:51,296 --> 00:18:52,172
(gasps)
427
00:18:52,256 --> 00:18:54,091
Back! Back, I say!
428
00:18:57,261 --> 00:18:58,720
Oh, no. I'm out of popcorn.
429
00:18:58,804 --> 00:19:00,264
Throw your peanuts!
430
00:19:00,347 --> 00:19:01,849
You throw your peanuts.
431
00:19:01,932 --> 00:19:04,309
(all yelling)
432
00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:07,771
-(horn honking)
-BART: Look, it's Mom.
433
00:19:07,855 --> 00:19:09,106
Out of the way!
434
00:19:09,189 --> 00:19:10,440
-(horn honking)
-Move it or lose it!
435
00:19:10,524 --> 00:19:11,692
Get going, you!
436
00:19:11,775 --> 00:19:13,068
(horn honking)
437
00:19:17,281 --> 00:19:19,241
This ought to hold them.
438
00:19:19,324 --> 00:19:20,617
There's one missing, mate.
439
00:19:20,701 --> 00:19:22,995
If we don't find him,
it'll be my ass on the barbie.
440
00:19:23,078 --> 00:19:24,538
-(grunting snorts)
-(whimpering)
441
00:19:25,831 --> 00:19:28,167
(horn honking)
442
00:19:28,250 --> 00:19:30,460
Get in! Get in!
443
00:19:30,544 --> 00:19:31,670
(grunting)
444
00:19:31,753 --> 00:19:33,422
Come on, Homer, jump!
445
00:19:33,505 --> 00:19:34,631
(grunts)
446
00:19:34,715 --> 00:19:39,094
Ohh, when will Detroit build
a sunroof for the husky gentleman?
447
00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:40,429
-(growling)
-(Lisa gasps)
448
00:19:40,888 --> 00:19:41,805
(tires screeching)
449
00:19:42,472 --> 00:19:44,016
-(growling)
-(Homer grunting)
450
00:19:44,099 --> 00:19:47,644
(screaming) Oh, no!
451
00:19:47,728 --> 00:19:51,982
-(whimpering)
-(people screaming)
452
00:19:52,065 --> 00:19:54,151
Hey, anybody seen Homer today?
453
00:19:54,234 --> 00:19:55,944
-(screaming)
-There he goes.
454
00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:58,030
Oh! Ow!
455
00:19:59,072 --> 00:20:00,282
It's not my rhino!
456
00:20:00,782 --> 00:20:01,825
(all scream)
457
00:20:02,242 --> 00:20:03,827
(grunts)
458
00:20:04,536 --> 00:20:05,913
(screams)
459
00:20:05,996 --> 00:20:07,331
Ooh!
460
00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:10,250
Oh, thank you, God!
461
00:20:10,334 --> 00:20:13,629
And thank you, Port-A-John.
You really saved my...
462
00:20:13,712 --> 00:20:14,671
(screams)
463
00:20:14,755 --> 00:20:15,756
Who's out there?
464
00:20:17,716 --> 00:20:18,759
(screams)
465
00:20:18,842 --> 00:20:20,636
Oh, I'm going to die.
466
00:20:20,719 --> 00:20:23,096
Jesus, Allah, Buddha, I love you all!
467
00:20:24,848 --> 00:20:25,724
(growls)
468
00:20:25,807 --> 00:20:27,184
HOMER: Nice rhino.
469
00:20:27,267 --> 00:20:29,019
(tires squealing)
470
00:20:33,732 --> 00:20:34,858
(gasps)
471
00:20:35,275 --> 00:20:37,277
Oh, no! She's not going to make it!
472
00:20:37,361 --> 00:20:40,864
Hmm. Looks like it's time for plan B.
473
00:20:40,948 --> 00:20:42,783
One, two,
474
00:20:42,866 --> 00:20:44,910
three... B!
475
00:20:45,535 --> 00:20:46,536
(shrieks)
476
00:20:51,375 --> 00:20:52,960
(growls)
477
00:20:54,169 --> 00:20:56,838
It's OK, Homie. You can come out now.
478
00:20:56,922 --> 00:20:58,840
HOMER: Uh, give me a minute.
479
00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:03,011
(rhino grunting)
480
00:21:05,055 --> 00:21:08,058
Oh, Marge, you saved me.
481
00:21:08,141 --> 00:21:11,019
Wow. You are so much cooler
than Milhouse's mom.
482
00:21:11,103 --> 00:21:13,105
Yeah, way to channel that rage, Simpson.
483
00:21:13,188 --> 00:21:15,399
How did you know
your plan would work, Mom?
484
00:21:15,482 --> 00:21:17,109
Thanks for asking.
485
00:21:17,192 --> 00:21:18,860
Well, I was watching Dateline,
486
00:21:18,944 --> 00:21:21,780
and Stone Phillips said
SUVs always roll over
487
00:21:21,863 --> 00:21:23,115
when you turn sharply
488
00:21:23,198 --> 00:21:25,701
and the gas tanks explode
at the drop of a hat.
489
00:21:25,784 --> 00:21:28,787
And she also knew,
if a rhino sees a flame,
490
00:21:28,870 --> 00:21:31,039
he'll instinctively try to put it out.
491
00:21:31,123 --> 00:21:32,916
Stone Phillips again.
492
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:35,335
Is there anything that guy doesn't know?
493
00:21:35,419 --> 00:21:38,255
Why, this Stone Phillips
sounds like quite a bloke.
494
00:21:38,338 --> 00:21:40,382
What television network is he on?
495
00:21:40,465 --> 00:21:42,426
Why, NBC, of course.
496
00:21:42,509 --> 00:21:44,303
NBC has lots of great shows
497
00:21:44,386 --> 00:21:46,722
and their news and sports coverage
can't be beat.
498
00:21:46,805 --> 00:21:49,641
Do you think there's anything great
on NBC right now?
499
00:21:49,725 --> 00:21:51,643
Oh, I'm sure of it.
500
00:21:51,727 --> 00:21:55,063
But there's only one way to find out.
501
00:21:55,147 --> 00:21:57,149
HOMER: I'd like to readthe following statement,
502
00:21:57,232 --> 00:21:58,859
-but I do so under...-(gun cocks)
503
00:21:58,942 --> 00:22:00,402
...my own free will.
504
00:22:00,485 --> 00:22:02,738
''It has come to my attentionthat NBC sucks.
505
00:22:02,821 --> 00:22:04,323
I apologize for misleading you
506
00:22:04,406 --> 00:22:07,159
and urge you to watchas many Fox shows as possible."
507
00:22:07,242 --> 00:22:10,579
So, in summary, NBC bad, Fox good.
508
00:22:10,662 --> 00:22:11,538
CBS great.
509
00:22:11,621 --> 00:22:13,290
-(gunshot)
-(body thuds)
510
00:22:13,373 --> 00:22:14,708
(gunshots)
511
00:22:16,251 --> 00:22:18,837
(theme music playing)
512
00:22:39,858 --> 00:22:41,651
-(gunshot)
-(body thuds)
513
00:22:41,735 --> 00:22:43,195
(gunshots)
514
00:22:44,821 --> 00:22:46,365
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