All language subtitles for The Nanny s05 e09

Franny, read me my horoscope.

Oh, okay.

Uh, "Scorpio.

Tomorrow you will awaken to--"

Woo-hoo!

What are you woo-hooing?
I didn't say anything.

I heard "tomorrow" and "awaken."
I'm cool.

Fran, my philosophy professor
has so opened my eyes

to realize that my eyes
may not even be open.

-[Fran] Well.
-I mean, I may not even
have eyes.

I may not even exist.

Yeah, well,

according to your father,
neither do I.

I mean, do you realize
that red may not even be red?

I mean, blue may not
even be blue.

Well, thank God
gray can still become black

according to my mentor,
Lady Clairol.

-You know what else Steve says?
-What?

You call your professor Steve?

Oh, just over cappuccinos.

You're having cappuccinos
with Steve?

Uh, you're talking
too much, honey.

Daddy's getting nervous.
Shutty uppy.

Well, of course
I'm getting nervous.

An older, distinguished man,

a young, beautiful woman
right under his nose,

day after day.

What do you think
is going to happen?

Well, according to
my experience, nothing.

Fran, I want you to go down
to that university,

and talk to
Margaret's professor,

who probably has nothing
but sex on the brain.

I've had worse assignments.

I'm not joking.

Oh, come on.

Now, what is it
going to look like
if I go down there?

I mean,
the girl is 18 years old.

I don't care if she's 35.

Which isn't old either.

You are her nanny.
Now, go. Please.

All right.

I'll go too and pick up
a little education.

I can only keep Sammy happy
in the bedroom for so long.

Sooner or later,
he's going to want to talk.

[theme song playing]

♪She was working
In a bridal shop
In Flushing, Queens

♪Til her boyfriend
Kicked her out

♪In one of those
Crushing scenes

♪What was she to do?
Where was she to go?

♪She was out on her fanny

♪So over the bridge
From Flushing
To the Sheffields door

♪She was there to sell make-up
But father saw more ♪

♪She had style!
She had flair!
She was there!

♪Thats how she became
The Nanny!

♪Who would have guessed
That the girl weve described

♪Was just exactly
What the doctor prescribed?

♪Now the father
Finds her beguiling

♪Watch out C.C.!

♪And the kids
Are actually smiling

♪Such joie de vivre!

♪She is the lady in red

♪When everybody else
Is wearing tan

♪The flashy girl
From Flushing

♪The Nanny named Fran!

[music playing]

Oh, I remember
when I went to school.

I used to walk past
the daisy field,

carrying my little
metal lunch pail.

Pa was chopping wood--

Yetta, Yetta,
that's the opening sequence

toLittle House on The Prairie.

Excuse me,
are you Professor Steve?

Hello.

You ought to be ashamed
of yourself.

A grown man taking advantage
of innocent, young women.

Do you do any private tutoring?

Yetta. Yetta.
Go wait for me downstairs.

Just don't lie down anywhere
near Pre-Med.

Well, Professor Steve,

I'm here because Mr. Sheffield
is very concerned

that you might be paying
just a little too much attention

to his daughter.

Oh, now, I give
all of my students
special attention.

-Some of them
just misinterpret it.
-Mm-hmm.

Now, look at these notes
that I get. Here.

"Dear Steve, I love you.
Ashley."

"I get lost in your eyes.
Karen."

"You look sexy
when you don't shave.

Phillip."

Third row.
Bette Midler sweatshirt.

Well, the point is,
you're not interested in Maggie

and that's what
I came to find out.

Now I feel like I earned
my six bucks an hour.

Oh, wow.

What?

My horoscope said
I'd meet a beautiful brunette

with big brown eyes
and an exotic accent.

Get out of here.

-No, see, I'm really
into astrology.
-Oh.

-What's the date
and time of your birth?
-Oh, 5:00 p.m., November 26.

Yeah, Ma had them induce labor

so she wouldn't miss
the Thanksgiving meal.

-What year?
-1970.

Hey, we are so compatible.

-Oh.
-You want to get
dinner sometime?

Oh, that's very flattering,

but I'm actually seeing

a therapist about
this very problem.

So I'm not your type, huh?

That's so not it.

I'm just late for my Doormats
Without Partners meeting.

-Well, how about Saturday?
-I'm sorry.

-Oh, wait.
-It's just... What?

That's my nephew's bar mitzvah.

[music playing]

[man speaking in Spanish]

[sobs]

No, Papa.

[sobbing]

[man speaking in Spanish]

Why the hell are you watching
a Spanish soap opera?

Shh! Something big
just happened.

-What?
-I have no idea.

Oh, Niles, just when I think
you are so pathetic,

you go and top yourself.

Well, I'm sorry, we can't all
learn Spanish the way you did

chasing frightened tourists
down the streets of Pamplona.

[man speaking in Spanish
on television]

Excuse me, sir. I have to sweep
Master Brighton's room.

[imitates Spanish accent]
Oh, you mean the room
with the broken television?

I meant the living room.

Oh, Ms. Fine, how did it go
with Margaret's professor?

-Oh, well,
better than I expected.
-Wait, wait, wait.

I want to know what happened.

Nothing. Nothing.

He's not at all
interested in Maggie.

He's interested in me.

What? What do you mean
he's interested in you?

Well, calm down, just calm down.

You know,
he asked me out on a date.

-I didn't say yes.
-Good.

I didn't say no either.

What? What do you mean
you didn't say no?

-Well, should I have?
-Well, of course.

Why? Do I have any
prior engagements?

Ms. Fine...

Mr. Sheffield, I don't know
what I'm supposed to do anymore.

I mean,
a man asks me out and I say,

"I can't. I'm in a totally
monogamous relationship."

The only part I leave out
is that I'm in it by myself.

Ms. Fine, what do you
want me to say?

Well, I would like you
to give me one good reason

why I should not say yes
to this man.

I should've thought
that was pretty obvious.
But you want me to go say it?

-Please, would you?
-Fine, I'll say it.

I'll say it.
It could hurt Margaret.

Oh, well, you know,
if this was a cartoon right now,

you would be strapped
to the back of an Acme
moon rocket.

Maggie could care less
if I go out with Steve.

What?

How could you do this to me,
Fran? I hate you.

Oh, God.

Now this, right on the heels of
Brighton crashing the Mercedes.

Oh, my God...

We don't own a Mercedes,
Ms. Fine.

[knocking on door]

[Maxwell]
I know you're in there.

Well, move over, Columbo.

Oh, Maggie, I'm so sorry.

I had no idea
by the way you were acting

that you had a crush on Steve.

Well, Fran,
what am I supposed to do?

Parade around in
some tight little sweater
and throw myself at him?

That's so desperate.

You know, you kids have
no respect for the classics.

Honey, you know,
if you don't want me
to go out with him,

just say so.
I respect your feelings.

Well, I don't want you
to go out with him.

Well, then I won't go out
with him.

I love you

and I'd never do anything
to hurt you.

I love you too, Fran.

Then please let me
go out with him!

I'm going to grow old and die
waiting for your father!

You're so young
and blond and rich.

You can have a zillion
good-lookinggoyishe

How many gorgeous Jewish guys
are there still left

that are single at my age?

Oh, please, Maggie,
let me go out with him.

Please!

Fran, I guess you do
kind of have a point.

I mean, it is harder
to find a guy at your age

and I am young

and you are old.

Oh, okay,
you can go out with him.

Oh, thank you for your mercy.

Thank you.

[knocking on door]

[Maxwell] I'm waiting.

How does it feel?

[music playing]

I'm just going to forget
about Maxwell Sheffield
and have a good time.

Hi. Hi.

-Oh, hello.
-There, Max.

-Hi.
-Max.

-Easy now, Max.
-Oh, Max.

Easy.

[laughs]

Hi. Good doggie.

-Max takes a while
to warm up to you.
-Yeah.

I know the breed.

-Come on in.
Make yourself comfortable.
-Thank you. Thanks.

-I'm going to just
check on dinner.
-Oh, okay, great. Thank you.

[Fran]Oh, this whole thing
feels so wrong.

I'm just going to
make an excuse.

I got to get out of here.

[Steve] I make a killer lasagna.

[Fran]
Well, I don't want to be rude.

So, Max...

Well, this is freaky.

Do you like red wine or white?

Blueberry.

How did I know that?

-Here you go.
-Okay.

So, Fran,

before you got here,
I did your chart.

Oh.

And your planets
are very well-aligned.

Well, actually, one moon is
a little lower than the other.

I take after my mother.

There's that cute little giggle.

Well, don't give me
too much of this stuff

or I'll be laughing all night.

[laughs] Oh.

So you need me to help you
or anything?

No. I'm doing all the work.

You just lie back
and don't do a thing.

Oh. Okay.

Okay, Max, you can go now.

There's not enough room
on this couch for three.

All right, let's go. Move it.

Max, would you marry me?

[Max whimpering]

Works every time.

[music playing]

Niles.

Niles.

Niles, are you awake?

[Niles]Yes, sir.
I'm just getting my papers
ready for my route.

Uh, sorry, old man.

Look, do we have any of that
microwave popcorn?

[Niles]You see that box
right in front of you
on the counter

marked "microwave popcorn"?

Yep.

[Niles]Try that.

Alrighty.

And you better not be
such a chatterbox.

You won't be able
to get back to sleep.

Niles?

-Niles?
-What?

Oh, you didn't have to come
all the way down here.

-I could have done it myself.
-Oh, just give me that.

Something troubling you, sir?

Oh, Ms. Fine.

I mean, I'm just fine.

Whenever I can't sleep,

it's usually because
there's something on my mind

that's gnawing at me.

-That's making my guts twist.
-All right. All right.

I admit it.

I'm jealous. There, all right?

It's driving me crazy,
her being out with
some other man.

I can share
these feelings with you

because I'm not in love
with you.

Well, nobody looks good
at 2:00 in the morning.

[music playing]

[man on television]
Por favor, Carmencita.
No, no, no!

[tense music playing]

No. Ay, Carmencita.

[music playing on television]

Carmencita shoot Papa?

Si.

Es papa...

Muerte.

Honestly. Do the two of you
have nothing better to do

than watch this drivel
in the middle of the afternoon?

[both speaking in Spanish]

Well, you were out
rather late last night.

I think.

Well, I had such
a wonderful time with Steve.

He made me a delicious dinner
and he rented a video.

The Commitments.

So are you planning on
seeing him again?

-[bell rings]
-Yep.

I'll get it.

Hi. I'm here to see Fran.

-You're Steve?
-Yeah.

Oh, Dad.

No, no, no.
She could still pick you.

-Hi, Fran.
-Hi, Steve.

This is Mr. Sheffield.
Mr. Sheffield, this is Steve.

You see, I call him Steve,
he calls me Fran.

We know each other for two days.

That's all I want to say.

Steve.

-Maxwell Sheffield.
-Hi.

-I understand
you teach philosophy.
-Mm-hmm.

-Study of objective thought.
-Yes.

And yet I hear
you're into astrology.

The pastime of the tutti-frutti.

That's all I want to say.

Ooh, the boy is right.
He is smoking!

Hello, Steve. C.C. Babcock.

I understand you're a professor

and you're going out
with Nanny Fine.

What's the matter,
research wouldn't give
you a chimp?

If you didn't have toilet paper
on your shoe,

I'd be so upset with you
right now.

So tell me, Steve,
what do you want to do tonight?

Uh, Fran,

I have to break up with you.

Oh, I was thinking of seeing
theTitanic,

but apparently,
I'm already on it.

Uh, the thing is
I saw my psychic today.

And she said I should be
in a relationship with
a woman older than you.

That's ridiculous.

Who's older than me?

Well, come on.
You were born in 1970.

I was? Oh, yeah, I was.

Give or take a year or six.

Look, Fran,
I feel terrible about this,

but my psychic sees me
with a woman in her mid-30s.

Having kids, getting married,

living in a split-level house,
in Great Neck.

What if I told you I was 34?

Oh, come on, Fran,
I'd never believe that.

Oh, you're right.

Who am I kidding?

[music playing]

Niles.

Niles.

Niles, are you asleep?

[Niles]No, I was just going out
to the barn to milk Bessie.

Niles, remember last week
when I told you to hide

that Entenmann's Louisiana
Crunch Cake

-because Ma was coming over?
-Oh, just sit down.

What's wrong?

Well, what kind of an idiot

breaks up
such a positive relationship

just because some dumb-dumb
psychic said that

he should date an older woman?

Well, you call
the Psychic Friends Network.

That is Dionne Warwick.
That's an entirely
different thing.

God knows what kind of a quack
he's talking to.

Why don't you just tell him
how old you really are?

Why don't you just take a dip in
the Dead Sea with a hemorrhoid?

He wants an older woman.

Well, he should like me
for who I am.

Yes, but that's not who you are.

Mr. Sheffield accepts
that I was born in 1970.

Yes, but he knows you're lying.

Well, that's my point exactly.

He accepts me
for the woman I'm really not.

Oh, why am I dating
these nut jobs anyway?

Mr. Sheffield and I
belong together.

Well, why are you telling me?
Go upstairs and tell him.

Niles, I'm going to wake him up
at two o'clock in the morning?

That is so inconsiderate.

I wouldn't do it.

[music playing]

[bell rings]

Fran, the guy who dumped you
is back again.

[shushing]

What the hell is he doing here?

Well, I don't want to see him.
How's my lipstick?

All right, let him in.

-Hi, Fran. These are for you.
-Oh.

Look who's here.

Well, did the psychic tell you
you'd come crawling back

carrying Godivas?

Because I could have saved
you that 50 bucks.

Actually, I just thought
you might like them.

Um, Phillip left them
on my desk.

And, Fran, my psychic was right.

I've met an older woman
who I really like.

Well, who cares?
I wouldn't date you
if you whistled 'Dixie.'

[whistling 'Dixie']

Don't wait up.

[continues whistling]

Ms. Fine?

Yes, Mr. Sheffield?

-Did I hear Steve?
-Uh, yes, you did.

You know, he was here,
but I sent him away.

Because I knew that
you were so jealous
that I was dating him

and I didn't want fist-fighting
to break out...

Niles told me everything.

Oh, I'm such a loser.

Now I'm lying about two
relationships I don't have.

Come on, Ms. Fine.

I tell you what,
I'll buy you a drink.

Oh, don't forget
to bring your ID,

just in case
they want to card you.

Oh, Mr. Sheffield.

Ms. Fine.

I love you.

-Yeah, we love you too, Niles.
-We love you too, Niles.

Good boy.

-Okay, Max, speak, speak.
-[Max barks]

Good boy.

Down, Max. Down, Max.

Good boy.

Kiss me, Max.

Oh, if only life were this easy.

[theme music playing]

[theme music ends]