All language subtitles for The Nanny s05 e07

Hi.

Your grandmother
is such a sucker.

She thinks she's a finalist in

Ed McMahon's
Publisher's Clearing House.

You're just jealous
because I'm gonna be
a millionaire.

You better be nice to me

because I got
a very long memory.

Waitress,
could I get a cup of decaf?

-I got a letter for you.
-Oh.

From Cambodia.

Cambodia? Oh, my God.

Pack your bags.
We'll hide her out in Canada.

Ah!

Look, Val, it's from Mai Ling.

-Who's Mai Ling?
-Oy, please,
these two meshuganas

adopted an orphan in high school
for 17 cents a day.

What a steal.

Bell peppers are $4.99 a pound.

Ma, we weren't meshuganas.

That poor child
happens to come from a country

where you gotta
scrape and scrounge

and fight for every last
morsel of food.

-Stop that. Stop it.
-Let go of it, or I'll kill you.

Fran, she's coming to New York

three weeks
from the date of this letter.

[gasps] Which is tomorrow.

-Ma.
-Oh, I'm sorry.

I taped it to the refrigerator
to give it to you,

and then I forgot it was there.

Well, that's because
the refrigerator door
is never closed.

Oh, Fran.

I can't believe our little girl
is coming to see us.

-Gosh.
-I wonder which one of us
she'll look like.

Val,

she's not gonna
look like either of us

because she's adopted.

-Oi!
-Yeah. It's...

-Am I an idiot?
-No.

[chuckling]

Well, let's just pray
she inherited your brains.

She's got a very good heart.

So does an artichoke.

♪ She was working
in a bridal shop ♪

♪ In Flushing, Queens ♪

♪ Til her boyfriend
kicked her out ♪

♪ In one of those
crushing scenes ♪

♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go? ♪

♪ She was out on her fanny ♪

♪ So over the bridge
from Flushing ♪

♪ To the Sheffield's door ♪

♪ She was there to sell make up
but the father saw more ♪

♪ She had style, she had flair
she was there ♪

♪ That's how she became ♪

♪ The Nanny ♪

♪ Who would have guessed
that the girl we described ♪

♪ Was just exactly
what the doctor prescribed? ♪

♪ Now, the father
finds her beguiling ♪

♪ Watch out C.C. ♪

♪ And the kids
are actually smiling ♪

♪ Such♪

♪ She's the lady in red ♪

♪ When everybody else
is wearing tan ♪

♪ The flashy girl
from Flushing ♪

♪ The Nanny named Fran ♪

Here's your sandwich, sir.

"Thank you, Niles."
You're welcome, sir.

"All you do for me

and a heart condition
on top of it."

I wouldn't let a little angina
keep me from picking up

your freshly-baked
focaccia bread

at 4:00 in the morning.

You're right, Niles.
I don't appreciate you.

"Well, that's because I don't do
squat around here, sir."

Perhaps you should put more
effort into it, old man.

"Well, I can't, sir.
I'm a lazy old house-frau."

All I wanted was
a simple thank you.

I suppose in order to get
some attention around here

I have to hop up on your desk
in my short skirt.

Did you say "my"?

I was putting myself
in Ms. Fine's shoes.

Well, you can't wear
those wingtips with your skirt.

Make you look stumpy.

He who belts "I'm Gonna Wash
That Man Right Out of My Hair"
in the shower

should not throw stones.

I assure you, I am the most
masculine one in this room.

Until now.

You know, Maxwell,
I can't believe

what they get away with
on TV these days.

I was watching
this rerun ofSeinfeld,

and Elaine must have been,

I don't know,
12 months pregnant,

and they didn't
even acknowledge it.

They just kept hiding her
behind these huge props.

You know, this needs water.

Mr. Sheffield,

remember when you told me

that I could never have any more
relatives staying at the house?

Yes.
But more importantly, do you?

Well, would you make
an exception for my daughter?

Your what?

My daughter.

Didn't I mention that
I have a 19-year-old daughter?

But that's impossible.

Means you would
have to have been...

Ten.

I got her at a UNICEF fair
when I was in high school--

Junior high-- Elementary school.

Well, I think it's wonderful

that you're a foster parent,
Ms. Fine.

Thank you.
Does it give you any ideas?

You know, now that I have a kid,

and you have kids.

♪ 'Til the one day when
The lady met this fella ♪

If I say she can stay here,
will you stop singing?

[kisses]
Thank you. You're such a doll.

Oh, now I just hope
that she likes me.

You know,
I'm not really good with kids.

I mean, my own kids.

Maxwell,
this just came from the framers.

Where do you want to hang it?

[doorbell ringing]

[Val] She's here.

She's here!

Oh, we're coming. We're coming.

Oh, honey,

let's meet our little girl.

Hi.

Hello. I am Mai Ling.

Boy, you really filled out
on 17 cents a day.

[both giggling]

Hello, Mai Ling.

We are your mother and mother.

Look how I'm talking to her
like she doesn't understand.

You must be Val.

Come in. Come in.

Oh, so beautiful.

This is your house?

Well, I'm working on it,
sweetie.

I can't wait to
meet your husband.
Where is he?

Hopefully
he's at a very successful

law firm or seeing a patient.

Come on, sit down.

Talk with your mother.

Excuse me. I'm her mother too.

So, sweetie, tell us,

how could you
afford to fly here?

Oh, I work
since I was 10 years old.

They let you work
so young there?

No. Sometimes I have to lie
about my age.

Oh, my baby.

My baby too.

-Well,
it was my idea to buy her.
-Yeah?

It was my idea
to go to the fair.

Please, Mommies, don't fight.
It put knife through my heart.

There, there, she's Jewish.
She's mine.

Ma, you are not gonna win
from Publisher's Clearing House.

You spent your whole
Social Security check
on magazines.

What do you need
with Runner's Digest?

Oh,
I thought it just said "digest."

What a pleasure, ladies.

Haven't seen you in,
what, half a day?

How did you get in?

You left the door open.

You had a key made?

Maybe that was it.

Where are you running,
Niles, darling?

I got a little something
on my purse
at the gas station.

I wonder
if you could get it off for me.

What is it? Grease?

Yeah. From a burrito.

It's Sylvia's.

Oh, hi, Ma, Yetta.

Now, wait a minute.

You two did go home yesterday,
didn't you?

What are you wearing
to Aunt Freida's
birthday tomorrow?

I got the most adorable
little white polka dot dress

with big colorful fruits
all over it.

Like that?

Yeah, that's it.
You look great in it.

I'll wear something else
to Freida's.

Oh, Ma, Yetta,

I want you to meet my daughter,
Mai Ling. She just arrived.

Oh!

I hope you had a cesarean.

Maggie take me to big party,

and I want to look pretty
like my mother.

-Thank you, sweetie.
-Thank you, sweetie.

What are you saying?

[car horn honking]

She's here one week
and in your clothes already?

Fran, I don't like it.

You don't take advantage
of someone

when you're a guest
in their house.

Niles, how long does it take
to clean a purse?

-Here's your pocketbooks, girls.
-Thanks.

Well, time to party, Mai.

But we have to be home early

because Maggie
have school tomorrow.

No, no, no.
You say that in front of Dad.

She's the one who taught me
how to do this.

Yeah. I taught her
everything she knows.

-Have fun.
-Bye.

-Bye.
-Bye.

-So cute.
-Do you even know
where she's going?

No. But I don't know
where Maggie's going either.

Well, I do not think Mai Ling
should go out dressed like that.

She looks like a hooker.

Val, that's my outfit.

Enough said.

What's that supposed to mean?

Come on.
This is a big revelation?

You dress like a tramp.

You know what revelation means?

You know,
you are always undermining me.

Now, why do I always have to be
the bad guy? You spoil her.

Well, what's the big deal
if I do spoil her?

I can afford it now.

Please, it isn't your money.
You're the hired help.

Well, you really learn a lot
about a person

when you have a kid with them.
That's all I can say.

I'm sensing a lot of anger here.

-You think?
-You think?

Okay. Now, I have found
that in couples therapy

it's often useful
for the couples,
the two of you,

to go back
and try to remember what it was

that first attracted you
to each other.

I mean, for instance,

my wife says about me
it was my winning smile.

Look, doctor, I've known her
since kindergarten.

I simply think
I have outgrown her.

Do you see what she does?

She always tries
to act superior.

You know,
that's why so many people
did not like her in high school.

Oh, is she stupid?

I was the most
popular girl in school.

It said so on
all the bathroom walls.

There she goes,
calling me stupid again.

You know, for 20 years
she's been making fun of me.

And I gotta tell you something,
I'm getting damn tired of it.

How dare you?

When I'm the one that's always
defending you

-when everyone calls you dumb.
-Yeah?

You know what?
I'm the one that always
defended you in high school

when everybody
called you a slut.

Oy, Dr. Miller,
you see how dumb she is?

She thinks that's an insult.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, what about values, huh?

Some values
you are teaching our daughter,

living with a man
out of wedlock.

I'm not in a relationship
with Mr. Sheffield.
I'm his nanny.

Congratulations, Fran.

You just broke through
your denial.

You know, after 20 years
of a relationship,

you expect
a little magic to go out of it.

But this is beyond repair.

I'll tell you something,
it is over between us.

I am suing you for full custody.

[groaning]

Big shot, huh?

She'll be back.

You know, I drove her,
and she has my keys.

Ma.

Ma.

What is it?
Darling, what?

I can't even talk about it.

Good, because your father and I
are going to the movies.

Ma.

If we don't get there
before 3:00,

we'll miss
the free jalapeno nachos.

All right! What is it?

Sweetheart, nothing is
ever as bad as it seems.

Ma, it's over. We split up.

No! Don't say that!

It's true.

It was the worst fight
we ever had.

Oh, my God.
I'm having palpitations.

Quick, get me my medicine.

Even Dr. Miller said

we had
irreconcilable differences.

I'll kill that quack.

You go back
and beg for forgiveness.

Bend a little, for God's sakes.
You're a single maid.

Ma, what are you talking about?

Apologize to Mr. Sheffield.

Ma, I'm talking about Val.

I am missing jalapeno nachos
for that moron?

Well, consider it a favor

to the people
sitting behind you.

What the hell do you have
to fight about with Val?

Well, it all started
over Mai Ling, but then--

Darling, that's the problem.
That girl.

First she busts up
your friendship with Val,

next she'll come between you
and Mr. Sheffield.

Ma, she's a baby. She's only 19.

And what were you doing
when you were 19?

That's different, Ma.
I was a very mature 19.

I was 24.

Besides, it's crazy.

Mr. Sheffield is practically
her foster father.

Two words, baby...

Soon-Yi.

A-ha!

What are you doing home
in the middle of the afternoon?

My office is at home.

Well, Mr. I've-got-an-answer-
for-everything,

answer me this.

Are you having
an affair with Mai Ling?

Ms. Fine, are you insane?

I have never been this sane
in my entire life.

Or this thin,
thank you very much.

Now, if there's nothing
going on between you two,
then answer me this.

Why do you look
so unbelievably handsome?

And explain that extra sparkle
in your eyes. Mmm?

Because I'm looking at you.

Oh, please.

If I'm so irresistible,
why aren't you all over me?

To hell with Mai Ling.

Ms. Fine,

I cannot believe
you'd accuse me of such a thing.

-She's a teenager,
for heaven's sakes.
-Well--

I mean, it's not as if I'm some
over-sexed 16-year-old boy.

What the hell's
going on in here?

Well, Dad, I mean,
she just knocked on my door,

asked me how to spell a big word
and started kissing me.

How dare you?

I gotta try that.
But how dare you?

No, it's okay, Dad,
because we're engaged.

-What?
-What?

You are nothing of the sort.

What's the matter, my daughter's
not good enough for you?

Ms. Fine, they are not engaged
and that's that.

Hello, how else am I going to
get my green card?

[gasp] Well, that's Val's side
coming right through there.

Brighton, how could you
let yourself
be taken in like this?

Well, let's see, I'm 16,

she's a breathing female,

and I'm 16. That's all you need.

Fran.

I just got your message
about Mai Ling.

I can't believe it.

Where did we go wrong?

Oh, Val, it isn't our fault.

We were too young
when we had her.

-I'm sorry.
-I missed you.

-I love you.
-I missed you.

-I love you.
-I'm sorry.

Oh, Fran,
let's promise never again

to let our kids come between us.

What kids?

As of this moment,
I'm disowning her.

Me too.

Val.

Well, why ruin two jackets?

Hi, Moms.

Don't "Moms" us.

It's Ms. Fine
and Ms. Toriello to you.

I'm so sorry that I hurt you.

I'll leave
and stay with my friend

I met last night at the party.

His mother has a big apartment
in the city.

I'm walking to the door.

I'm almost to the door.

Well...

Are you never
going to speak to me again?

Speak to you?

You used us.

You almost broke up
me and your mother.

And you hurt the people
that I love.

We can't even look at you.

Well, if you change your mind,

here's the number
where I will be staying.

If I or my friend, Jason,
is not there,

just ask for his mother.

Ms. Barbra Streisand.

Goodbye, Ms. Fine, Ms. Toriello.

-So formal with your mothers.
-So formal with your mothers.

Thanks for buying these
subscriptions off me, Neal.

[sighs]

Yetta, you said "a few."

I also said you were invited
to my wedding.

You mean I'm not?

Well, you'll be there,

but you won't
exactly be a guest.

Wear comfortable shoes.

-Thanks, Neal.
-[kisses]

What?

[theme music playing]

[theme music ends]