All language subtitles for Surviving.R.Kelly.S02E03.WEBRip.x264-ION10.English

Superstar?

Why wouldn't you sleep
with a celebrity?

Doing sexual activities,

he would make me disguise
my voice, like...

"Yes, Daddy."

I felt literally ill having sex

with him
when I knew that there were

fetishes involved in it.

And it was feeding a sickness.

Robert

can smell a wounded woman

a mile away.

Said that I was important.

Make me feel
like I'm not going crazy.

After all of
us have come forward,

people are still saying
he's not guilty.

This has been

going on
for close to 30 years now

- because of silence.
- Aaliyah's part of the pattern.

Tiffany Hawkins
is part of the pattern.

48 women whose names I know
are part of the pattern.

It was like he crushed

my life.

It should have ended
with Tiffany Hawkins

filing the first lawsuit.

I was just one girl.
I was the first girl.

And nobody believed me.

There
was nothing to benefit anybody

by locking this guy up.

They said to me
and another executive,

"You guys need to buy up
all the tapes you can find."

- And we did.
- Mr. Kelly has been indicted.

He had an incredible stroke

of good fortune.

The judge kicked that case out.

Ten years later,

how in the world

is he still getting away
with this?

The only thing I can do,

just say my truth.

My name is Lanita Carter,

and I was the hair braider
for R. Kelly.

I was 24 years old
when I met him.

It made me more proud
when I thought about it.

You know, like, everybody wanted

to be doing something
for this guy,

and I'm doing his hair.

It didn't matter
how much I got paid.

I just wanted to be,
you know, a part of that.

And, um, it made me feel good
to be doing it for a celebrity.

I gained the respect

of many people
for doing his hair.

My family,
they let me finish sentences...

...when, normally,

they didn't really care
what I had to say.

But it was more like, "Lanita,

"who's doing hair
for a celebrity,

she succeeded."

Everybody was proud of me.

It definitely felt...

wonderful.

When I first started working
for Robert,

a typical day would be

I would get a phone call
at any day or time,

and I would be allowed

an hour to get there.

I would wait for approximately

eight hours.

I would do his hair for ten,

15 minutes, tops,

and then I could go.

I could get called
every two days,

and I would just get $100.

But I paid my babysitter for,
$20 per child.

I had three kids at the time,

and the cab ride home was $20,

so I got a hot $20.

But by me doing his hair,

I was able to get
more clientele,

and that provided me

the opportunity to make
more money for my kids.

Here it is, a celebrity,

and they take an interest

in me being a better person.

I could just be doing his hair
and he never talked to me.

And, instead, he was giving me,
like, sound advice

on my life.

R. Kelly told me so much

about, like...

who I am.

He made me feel like...

he believed in me.

I always told him
everything about me.

I told him about

my abusive relationship
with my husband, and...

he helped me get out
of that situation.

And I did.

He made me feel like...

he believed in me.

Here it was.

I come to do his hair.

I'm a nobody.

And he see I'm depressed,

I'm hurt, I have no family,

I have little friends.

He knows
that I didn't have nobody.

He knew I didn't have nothing.

And he told me, like,

"You stronger than that.
You better than that.

Don't be weak."

And...

I just...

I believed everything he said.

That was the first time
somebody, like,

sat down, spent time with me.

That showed respect.

He didn't gain anything
from telling me

I was a smart person.

He didn't gain anything
from telling me

I was talented.

I told him...

I don't desire to be a singer.

I don't desire

to do anything.

That I was just as satisfied
with just doing his hair.

And he told me to think.

R. Kelly told me to think beyond

just doing his hair.

He was the first person

to claim to be my big brother

that-that wasn't my big brother.

There was a lot of nice,
beautiful women down there.

And, clearly, all of 'em
was there for him.

I wanted my own husband, always,

not somebody else's.

I-I want to be married.

I want somebody to respect me.

I always thought, like,

"My brother will sing
at my next wedding"

and blah, blah, blah.

I remember asking Robert.

I said, "If I'm
gonna be working for you,

"everyone is telling me
not to be bothered with you,

"that you have all
these different things going on

and that you have a case
going on with a young girl."

And he said, "Thank you."

Robert was like, "Thank you
for bringing that to me.

"Thank you
for keeping it real with me.

"That is not me.

"That's my brother.

"This will all be done with.

"You will see.

"But I like
that you brought it to me

instead of talking."

When I went down to the studio,

I met Ron Isley

from the Isley Brothers.

Um, I met Michelle Williams
from Destiny's Child.

I know-- She was down there at
the studio with R. Kelly a lot.

One-one day in particular, um,

Michelle Williams looked at me
and she said,

"How old are you?"

And I said, "I'm 24."

And R. Kelly saw her and said,

"Pull out your I.D.

"She is 24,
married with children.

You see how people
would think that she's young?"

And I was so happy

to pull out my I.D.

I didn't-- I didn't find it
disrespectful at all.

I felt like, "Here is my I.D.

I am proving everyone wrong."

I was often asked

to be careful going
to his studio.

They're saying that, you know,

he's a pedophile
and he mistreats women.

And I stood up for him
every time.

I mean,
there-there were even times

where people
weren't talking to me

and I would interrupt
the conversation and say,

"Excuse me, I know him.

"I'm sorry, but I work for him,

and that's not who he is."

I would go back and tell Robert

what had transpired.

And I would always get,
like, a warm look,

like, "Thank you for--

"thank you for believing in me.

"Thank you for having my back
and being loyal behind my back

and not just in my face."

R. Kelly was big on... loyalty.

R. Kelly is preoccupied
with loyalty.

And I proved myself to be loyal.

Our commitment

to celebrity culture is our--

we want to get
as close as we can to it.

If access is where
the grooming process starts,

then celebrities have
a million-mile start.

I told him everything about me

because he was easy to talk to.

R. Kelly

shared with me

that... he was molested.

I shared with him

that I was molested...

raped...

and kidnapped.

I was molested
between the ages of

eight...

to 12.

There was one time

I was at a bar with my mother.

She was a barmaid.

Her boss sat me on his lap.

And...

he started molesting me,

fondling me.

And I just sat there,

eating potato chips.

Little black girls--

we are told
from very young ages--

you don't let men touch
your private parts,

you don't sit on a man's lap,

you don't go anywhere
with strangers, right?

We get this litany of rules,

and it gets told to us over
and over and over again.

And it gets reinforced
in all kind of ways.

A man comes in the house, they
say, "Go put some clothes on."

You know, or, "You can't be
left alone with so-and-so."

Those are the things
that you hear all the time.

But let me tell you
what you don't hear.

What you don't hear often enough

is the parent
or the adult saying,

"If any
of these rules are broken,

"it is not your fault.

It is always
the adult's fault."

And so,

you have generations of children

who are being raised to believe
that they are complicit

in their own abuse because
they "broke a rule," right?

Because
I shouldn't have been there.

I shouldn't have worn that.

I must have projected something
that said

that I was available
to be taken advantage of.

I have lost

self-esteem for staying
in situations I shouldn't.

I didn't see nothing past
being a hair braider.

And now
I'm at the top of my game.

I'm doing hair for a celebrity.

When someone has
been abused, they are

at greater risk of being abused
again later in their life.

Oftentimes,
a lot of, the ailments

that they've experienced from,

you know, anxiety, depression,
suicidal ideation,

questioning their own,
um, reasoning

and their own, decision-making,

are a challenge because

of what they experienced
as children.

Child sexual abuse is
the most pervasive health risk

and problem that young people
face, and it carries

with them throughout life.

I thought I could trust...

Robert.

I thought...

I thought
I could trust his entourage.

Everyone talked to me
like I'm one of the guys.

You know, it's like, you know,
the little sister or something.

There was

one day in particular
that I was at the studio,

and one of the members
of the entourage tried

to talk to me.
He's like,

"Come on, let's make out."

I said,

"I got three kids."

So...

that was it.
I went home.

I didn't think no more of it.

And I got a phone call,

and it was Robert, irate,

over the phone,

asking me,

"Why didn't you tell me
this was going on?

What happened?" He said,
"I'm like your brother, man.

I can't have
you down here like this."

I-I said, "I'm so sorry.

I would've told you, but
I didn't think it was nothing."

He said, "You're supposed
to give me the heads-up

on **** like this."

And that was the first day

that...

I felt like
I was unloyal to him.

People

who are abusers
or, you know, who are, um,

trying to take advantage of,
particularly, young people,

will use shame for sure.

Like, a big part
of what I experienced

as a survivor
of child sexual abuse

is the shame
of not having been a good girl.

And so,
once they get that nugget,

the abusers, they can take that
and twist that

and use it against you
in all kinds of ways.

And then you sort of carry...

It's like
you do the work for them,

because the shame
makes you feel so bad.

And you carry it. It's like
an albatross around your neck.

So it's-it's...
it's a... a weapon

that is used and wielded

against lots
and lots of survivors.

I stopped getting called
to come and do his hair.

So I started calling.

I would call, and I would say,
"Hey, this is Lanita.

Can I speak to Rob?"

"He's not here."

So I was puzzled.

I think it was for about...

maybe a month or two

that I was not able

to go and do his hair.

And then, all of a sudden,

I get a call.

I get a phone call

to do his hair.

All of a s

I get a call.

"Lanita, can you come down
and braid Rob's hair?"

And I was there
in about 45 minutes.

And I had...

I-I told Robert
while I was doing his hair,

I said,
"Look, I'm apologizing to you

"because I wasn't trying

"to be down there or anything,

and nothing happened."

And he says, "I know.

But I know
it won't happen again."

After that,

I did his hair every two days.

February 18, 2003.

I get there,
and everything feel different.

He always, you know,

had his hands in his pants
or whatever.

And he says, "I want

a head massage."

And I laughed it off.

I said, "I don't do massages."

And he said,
"No, not-not that head.

This head."

And I remember him walking,

you know, toward me.

I had my hair
in two French braids,

and he,

pulled my braid down,
like toward him.

And... and I go like this.

And he just started hocking
his spit and go...

He spit like...
he spit seven times.

He was like,
"Suck it. Suck it for Daddy."

I wanted to make a living

just off of doing his hair.

It was like he crushed my life.

And I started crying so hard.

He immediately got mad at me.

"Did I beat you
like your husband?"

He asked me to fix...
fix my **** face.

I walk to the bathroom

with my eyes squinting,

I grab this towel,

and I-I wipe my face.

It was sticky.

And I look up at my eyelashes,

and my eyelashes are,
like, stuck together.

Like, pointy, stuck together.

He ejaculated on my face.

That's why
my eyelashes were sticky.

After I wipe-wiped my face,

I wet the corner of the towel,
and I, like,

just keep wiping my face
and wiping my face.

Like, this is the face
I kiss my kids with.

This... I got... I go home,
and I kiss my kids good night.

I kiss my kids
goodbye for school.

And I just started feeling
so dumb and stupid.

Everybody I told to trust him--

"This man not like this,"

"He not that type of person,"

"Pray for him, care about him" --

it's like...

And I stood up
for him every time.

In the black community,
oftentimes, we are

trained to protect black men
based on the history

of incarceration
and slavery in this country.

And so the last thing
we are told is, call the police.

If it's in your family
or if it's in the community,

in the neighborhood, you don't
want to get people in trouble.

So many black women,
in particular,

do not report sexual violence
and sexual harassment

because of our long history
with law enforcement.

We're all socialized
to understand the vulnerability

that black men have
in terms of being overpoliced.

We all know that, and we all
are, um, in this together.

So, to say that you're a victim
of sexual assault

when it's a black man
who does it,

you're the one who's seen as,

um, somehow harming
the community, when in fact,

the person who violates you
is the person

who-who has broken ranks
and who has committed a-a deeply

traumatizing act
that... breaks us apart.

And I kept on thinking,
"Well, he didn't rape me,

so it ain't no case," you know?

And I called my brother-in-law.

I said, "Eddie, I want you
to beat up R. Kelly.

"Beat him. I ain't never
asked you to fight nobody.

What y'all was making jokes
about-- it happened."

And he said, "You're so silly.

"You don't fight
somebody like R. Kelly.

"He got bodyguards.

"You call the police.

"He spit on you
and **** on your face?

That's assault and battery."

And...

I said,
"Let me call somebody else."

I called his friend,

and I tell him what happened.

And he says, "Yeah, baby,

"you got to...
you got to call the police.

"There's nothing
nobody can help you with.

I hate that happened to you."

I call the police.

I tell them what happened to me.

And she said, "Can you
describe the assailant?"

And I tell her, "R. Kelly."

That was the worst thing
I could've ever did.

The whole block filled up
with police cars.

There's no room
to get in or out.

The first police that get there,

she's a black lady.

I immediately feel like...

I'm so grateful
this is not a man.

Thank you. Thank you, God.

I start to tell her
what happened to me,

and she says...

"Well, you know you...
you not gonna be able

"to go back down there

"if you make this police report.

How do I know you're not crazy?"

And everything I was saying
to the woman police officer,

I could hear it echoing
in the cars behind me.

So everybody was just parked

so that they can listen
to what was happening.

I was...

told to go upstairs
to my apartment, and...

a police called me and told me
that they were coming to get me.

And they came
with their sirens on.

I got in this police car--

it was my first police ride--

where you have to sit slanted,
with your knees like this,

and I'm being whisked away
to the police station.

So, I meet
this nice young gentleman.

His name was Detective Daly.

And at that moment, he was,
like, my savior, you know?

He introduced hisself.

I told him everything,

and he didn't act
like he didn't believe me.

After me being at the
police station for eight hours

and Detective Daly took me home,

he asked me for my clothes,

and I gave it to him.

I first met Lanita Carter

the day after
she was assaulted by R. Kelly.

She had already made
a complaint to the police,

and I believed her.

Making a report,
making an allegation,

making a complaint
against a celebrity,

you know, as the victim,

that you're gonna be
highly scrutinized,

that you are making a report
that will upset

not only the celebrity

but the whole world around him.

This is all over the
news, this is everywhere,

and I'm just nervous.

They put me in, um,

the Essex Inn hotel.

I sent my kids away,

and I try to deal
with this thing.

Detective Daly calls me when
I'm at the Essex Inn and says,

"Lanita,
we've run into a problem."

He said, um...

"They don't know you.

"I've taken them your picture,
I've told them your name.

"Nobody down at that studio

says that they know you."

He says, "Were you there?"

"Yes, I was there.

"My hair bag is in his office.

"It's a black plastic bag.

"I have a blow-dryer.

"I have pictures.
I have dry shampoo.

I was there."

And he says, "Okay.
We're gonna raid the studio."

Detective Daly calls me
and says he's at the studio

and that they're
actively raiding the studio.

But he says, "Wake up,

"wake up, wake up,
wake up, wake up.

"We're running out of time.

This... this is about to end.
Wake up."

And I'm groggy,
and he's like, "Look...

"you got to give us
more information.

"'Cause your stuff ain't here.

"Tell me something
that nobody else would know

unless they were here."

And I says...

"There's two Osco Drug
pill bottles

in front of three Grammys
on a glass stand."

And you could hear him running.

And he say, "It's here.

I believe you now."

Detective Daly calls me

and says he's at the studio

and that they're
actively raiding the studio.

But he says, "You got
to give us more information.

"'Cause your stuff ain't here.

"Tell me something
that nobody else would know

unless they were here."

And I says...

"There's two Osco Drug
pill bottles

in front of three Grammys
on a glass stand."

And you could hear him running.
He's, like, panting.

And he say, "It's here.

You just gained us two hours
in this studio."

In the dumpster, they found
the black plastic bag

with all my hair products in it.

And they also found
the couch cushion

that later they found out
possibly had semen on it.

And so now everybody who lied,

who said they didn't know me,

had to change their story
and say that they knew me.

I think Lanita had
a very strong case.

I think that she had the facts
totally under her control.

When Lanita made the report
to the police,

and then that was turned over
to the state's attorney

for prosecution,
that becomes their decision.

They go to a grand jury process,

and that is, an interview

with the complaining witness,

with the victim,
with Lanita in this case,

and they decide

whether a crime
has likely been committed,

and then they decide whether
they want to bring charges.

During that time, Shauna Boliker

took me to the grand jury,

and I testified,

and... everyone
badgered me there.

Basically told me,

"Why wouldn'tyou sleep with a...

superstar?"

"Why wouldn't you sleep
with a celebrity?"

I was in tears.

I was uncomfortable.

And, um...

they were so mean to me.

They were so mean.

Nobody was there for me.

I think our legal system
has to really do an atoning

for how we've treated,
um, cases of-of sexual abuse.

Sexual abuse, sexual assault

is one of themost
underreported crimes.

And I think
that's because victims

fear that they
won't be believed.

Lanita was disappointed

and pretty devastated

to know that they were not gonna
be bringing criminal charges.

She had put herself on the line.

She had done what she knew
was right for her.

She followed
her own responsibility

to herself and her conscience,

and she felt that she was being
ignored by the system.

At that point,

Lanita and I discussed
where was this case

in terms of criminal charge

and where was a possible case

in terms of a civil action
on her behalf.

In criminal court,
it's about punishing the conduct

of the perpetrator,
deterring this conduct,

and, um, essentially making sure
it doesn't happen again.

In a civil case,

a victim of sexual assault
is seeking money damages.

I did not want to sue R. Kelly

at any time.

I wanted him to apologize,

or I wanted him...

to be criminally charged

Shauna Boliker,
she told me, "Lanita,

"maybe this is bigger
than you and me.

Have you ever thought
about just suing Robert?"

So everybody had talked

about not taking
the bitch money...

not settling,
standing up for yourself,

and now I'm being told to,
um, contact Susan Loggans.

Hi. I'm attorney
Susan E. Loggans.

If you have a case,
we will fight for you.

Susan...

has brokered,

settlements for silence
for victims of R. Kelly's abuse.

She definitely has done that
on the cheap.

And whatever money
she made, she...

she took a third
of whatever she settled,

and that's
sort of what happened.

Word got out on the street.

You want money from Robert,
see Susan Loggans.

A nondisclosure agreement
would be signed.

The girl promised never to speak
about it as she took this money.

Some people would have a problem
with what Susan Loggans did.

I think other people
would say...

she was a civil attorney
doing her job.

I contact
Susan Loggans & Associates.

She was, like, very aggressive.

She was, "I don't believe it.

"I have tried many cases,

"and this
doesn't sound right to me.

You're... you're too old."

You know?

She didn't take my case.

But she told me that, um,
she would send me somewhere,

and she sent me
to David Pritchard

of Salvi, Shostok & Pritchard.

I mean, he had the case settled
in three months.

How many settlements
has R. Kelly done?

That right there tells you
that he's hiding in plain sight.

I mean, a settlement is...

is not legally
an admission of guilt,

But you're settling
for a reason, you know?

I did what everybody else
wanted me to do

instead of what
I believed for myself.

A part of me...

did not want him
to be in trouble,

but I did want him to...

acknowledge
that he had wronged me.

And it's been, like,
the big thing.

Nobody acknowledges
that they-they mess over me.

Say that you wronged me.

Say that I was important.

Make me feel
like I'm not going crazy.

Like, you know
nobody care for me.

Black women

are not allowed to be victims.

We are...

It's so funny, because...

we are able to... help,

we are able to save,

we are able to nurture,

we are able
to do everything strong.

Yet we can't be anything weak.

But our men can.

Black women
are very much disposable

in the face

of needing to protect

the mythology of a celebrity,

um, particularly
a black male celebrity

who seems
to have accomplished anything.

So the demand for us is silence

so that the rest
of the community

gets to keep this mythology.

I signed
a nondisclosure agreement,

and I was

told not to speak about it ever.

We rely heavily

on victim accounts
and witness statements

to prosecute cases
involving sexual assault

and domestic violence.

I'm here today
to encourage victims

of sexual assault
or domestic violence,

um, related to these allegations

to please get in touch
with our office.

The documentary
opened the door to justice

for all of Kelly's accusers.

The attorney general
called for women

who-who had these experiences
to come forward.

I mean, that was huge.

She had watched all of the show

and asked for any witnesses

to come forward who had evidence

against R. Kelly.

People watch

a documentary and think,
"Well, now all of a sudden

something's gonna happen."

99% of our cases

rely on victims and witnesses

coming forward
and telling their stories.

That it wasn't enough

that someone watched something
on television

and think
that something would happen.

In order for us
to prosecute cases

of sexual abuse
or sexual assault,

regardless of who
the offender may be,

we need victims and witnesses
to come forward.

She just wanted
all those individuals to know

she was open to hear.

We were like,
"You know, it's coming.

Absolutely, it's coming."

Please come forward.

Someone texts me,

"Lanita, did you see the news?"

There's nothing that can be done
to investigate these allegations

without the cooperation

of both victims and witnesses.

I said to myself,

"If this comes up again,

I'll have to move on it."

The first time I broke

the nondisclosure agreement was

when I did an interview for CBS.

One of the anonymous accusers

in R. Kelly's criminal case
is speaking out publicly

for the very first time.

Celebrities are powerful.

Celebrities have...
support systems.

I-I have no support system

outside of my immediate family.

I did think

that I would go to jail
for, in fact,

speaking out.

She signed an agreement
not to speak.

How is she able to speak now?

Is she just disregarding
that agreement?

She's disregarding
that agreement,

and, again,
it's a process for her.

She heard the call
from the state attorney.

And she said,
"You know what? He gets to talk

"about what he says
is his truth.

I'm gonna speak out."

Money does not heal you.

Money does not cover up

what you feel.

I took the chance

of going to jail because

I had already imprisoned myself,

so I was already in jail.

How can you lock up somebody
who already locked up?

It's about holding people

accountable for their behavior.

And it's about the fact

that it in the history
of American society,

women who are survivors of abuse

rarely see their abusers
get held accountable.

In myself speaking out,

I hope to help someone

but, most importantly, myself.

I've always wanted
to be a nurse,

and I've always tried
to go to school to be a nurse,

and life always got in the way.

Education saved my life.

It helps you learn
how to love yourself.

I am a nurse,

and I advocate
for so many people,

and I never advocated
for myself.

I needed to...

start the process of healing,

and so this is my first part
of healing.

There is the real risk

that women rightfully feel

that if they come forward,

"What am I going to lose?"

You risk your place
in the community.

You risk being ostracized
even by family members.

So to have this moment
says that those voices

and those people
who were harmed and injured

and then had the bravery
to come forward

and say,
"Yes, this happened to me,"

they deserve this moment.

They deserve this moment.

Um, and we have to know
that there is some possibility

that if we come forward

about the ways
that we've been assaulted,

that something
is going to be done.

R. Kelly,
what do you want to say to your fans?

- Are you innocent?
- R&B singer R. Kelly

is now in police custody.

R. Kelly, le chanteur de R&B...

...Robert Kelly.

Earlier today,
Robert Kelly was indicted

before a Cook County grand jury

on ten counts of aggravated
criminal sexual abuse

involving four victims.

I was surprised
when he was charged.

Most folks see and accept
as abusers or perpetrators

over and over again getting away
with these kind of crimes,

so I think this time around,

folks want to get it right.

Mr. Kelly is strong.

He's got a lot of support,

and he's gonna be vindicated
on all these charges.

I think all the women
are lying, yes.

This has become, "Hey, R. Kelly.

I can say R. Kelly
did something. Boom."

Everybody's trying to profit
off of R. Kelly.

The 52-year-old performer

turned himself in
to Chicago police Friday night.

He is being charged
with ten counts

of felony sexual abuse,
each of which carries with it

three to seven years in prison.

It's a bunch of disgruntled
people who are looking

for their 15 minutes
of TMZ fame.

There's no facts
to back up these claims.

So many people saw

the Surviving R. Kelly
documentary and thought,

"Why isn't he in jail?"

That was so significant,

because while
our particular goal

had always been

about trying to convince
the black community

to financially divest itself
from R. Kelly,

the overall goal

has always been so that charges
can be brought against him

and he can be brought
to justice.

Because his victims deserve it.

The ones who've come forward
and the many who have not.

They deserve this justice.

Are you innocent?

As far as a sentence,

Kelly's facing
three to seven years in prison

for each count of aggravated
criminal sexual abuse.

He's facing a fine
of up to $25,000 on each count,

and he's facing
sex registration.

There are four victims
in this case.

One is Jerhonda Pace.

Jerhonda was
a 15-year-old superfan--

her language--
from the Southern suburbs

who cut high school class

to attend every day
of Kelly's public trial.

Sheriff's officers were supposed
to be carding at the door

so nobody under 18 was admitted.

Jerhonda lied about her age.

Six months or so
after the trial ended,

after the acquittal,
he begins...

initiates sexual contact
with her.

If you're trying
to just walk away

with just blaming R. Kelly,

then you are out of touch.

Parents need to know

where your kids are.

I am a grown-ass man

who travels around the world.

My mother knows where I am now.

I would ask their parents.

I would question them,

and I would say, "Why did you

"allow your daughter
to go through this abuse?

"What were your motives
as parents,

and why didn't you help
your daughter?"

Choosing men
and being in relationships

that are ultimately harmful...

These are points of decisions,

but what's important to remember
is that the material

that they're making
decisions with is corrupted.

Honestly,
I had never received counseling

for everything
I've been through,

from the time I was

sexually abused
at age four, six and eight

and then, um, then Rob.

He abused me again at 16,

so abuse was my comfort zone.

It really did damage me.

Growing up,

I knew my mom
was a nonchalant mom.

I knew she was one of those
that-that didn't care.

Like, she didn't care
whether or not I showed up.

So, like,
what I was going through?

It didn't matter.

When you come
from a broken home,

it's like a part of you knows
when somebody else is broken

or if they come
from a broken home.

And what Rob did was normal.

When I started out with Rob,
I didn't get this...

overly sexual guy.

It was more, "I care about you.

"You've been through this,
and I want to protect you

from all of that stuff."

He offered me security.
He offered me protection,

and that's something
that I didn't have growing up.

If he wasn't starving me,
he was asking me if I ate.

I was so grateful
for that. Like,

he actually asked me if I ate.

Like, my mom has never in life--

to this day--
she has never asked me if I ate.

So I was like,
"That is something."

And it was those small things
that meant the most to me.

He did speak

about how bad
his childhood was growing up,

how he was sexually abused
as a child.

He was talking about some
pretty dark times in his life

and how he was just

never able to find someone
that he could trust.

But when it came

to me, he trusted me
with everything.

He told me
about him being abused,

how we shared similar pasts.

So he made me feel safe
and comfortable,

and he promised me
that he would never be like

the other men in my life.

As a child,

I was sexually abused.

You know,

by a family member, as well.

So when he opened up,

I felt a connection to him
because of that.

That manipulation goes so...

Look at me still t-today.
I still

am talking about the little boy
that I feel...

needs to be saved.

If a perpetrator appears broken,

he doesn't come off as a threat.

They might be thinking
they're gonna take care

and they're gonna love

and they're gonna be
the comfort for him.

It's just such a manipulation

that I've never seen before.
Like that, like,

he's mastered that.

You could have
a party in the house,

and he would just look
for the one that's kind of

off to the side, not mingling
too much and be like, "Okay,

"this person just over there
keeping to themselves,

you're hiding something
or you're uncomfortable."

And he would go
grab that person.

And it was usually
the youngest one in the room.

Robert can smell a wounded woman

a mile away.

It was a different side
of him that I-I'd seen.

I didn't expect him
to be this-this monster.

I didn't expect him
to be so evil.

To grow up and not have

my, my father present...

And to just not have, you know,

a positive mother

present, then to just
all of a sudden

have R. Kelly choose you.

It was a-a high for me.

It was, like,
the highlight of my life.

Like, you don't
understand, like,

this is R. Kelly-- he chose me.

Nobody in my life had valued me.

You know, when I graduated,
nobody showed up

for my graduation
and it was like

I was always the ugly duckling.

I was always looked over.

And Rob, he just treated me
so much better than,

you know, my family
had treated me.

Often what we see is that

what starts off as comforting
and warm and loving,

that begins
to lay the groundwork

for the oncoming
and upcoming abuse.

It was a different side
of him that I-I'd seen.

That I did not expect.

I was just scared.

You're not allowed
to speak to any other men.

You're not allowed to speak
to friends or family.

You can only use
the cell phone I give you.

You must ask my permission
to go to the bathroom

or to take a drink,
and if you break my rules,

you are punished
physically and mentally.

Any time Rob would flip out,

it always resulted in him

becoming physical with me.

I knew I couldn't
defend myself, because if I,

if I hit him, it would be worse.

If I say something,
it would be worse.

If I tried to run...

like, no,
it wasn't gonna be right.

He was gonna grab me and he was

gonna do more damage,

so all I could do
was just sit there

and just take
whatever he was dishing.

It's a really messed-up
thing, but it's

what I grew up around,
and I feel like

that's why I ended up with Rob.

Ultimately, humans

are seeking comfort
and familiarity.

So, I want love,

he's giving me love.

But I just don't want the abuse.

In interpersonal
violence relationships,

the perpetrator also is
the person that gives hope.

Right, and the perpetrator
gives pain,

but also gives relief
from that pain.

And in a disorganized state,

or in the midst
of the chaos of violence,

that is relieving.

Right, and so then,
you seek relief,

and you seek it
from the person closest to you.

Which happens to be
your perpetrator.

I think what we all had
in common was that we had

compassion and empathy
for his past.

Whatever fetishes
and desires that he had,

we were willing to please him.

We wanted his approval.

Sexual abuse at a really
early age can

affect the way
you relate with sex.

It can make you see sex
as a tool

to get closer to people.

To, um, control people.

It can be used as
a tool to dominate.

I guess it's, like,

sexual abuse
because I was forced

to perform sexual acts
that I didn't agree with.

You know, I would say,
"No, I don't want to do it."

But again,
he would intimidate me.

He would scream at me, and say,

"Well, you know,
there's other women

"that'd be happy to be here.

"See, so-and-so don't
have a problem doing it.

"I thought you loved Daddy.

You would do anything
to please Daddy."

And so when he do that,
it's, like, okay,

I have to do whatever
I need to do to please you,

whether I agree with it or not.

And, then, once I'm finished,
I'm just going

in my room crying with regret
that I actually did it.

I was summoned to sex
whenever he wanted me to

have sex with him
and with whoever, other girls.

It just made you feel
so belittled.

I felt literally ill,
you know, having sex with him

when I knew that there were...

fetishes involved in it.

And it was

feeding a sickness.

So I would feel ill
to my stomach,

because I felt like...

you know, I compare it to...

...someone you know
and love on drugs.

And then you're
just giving it to them

every day, and as long
as they don't go off and do it

somewhere else
and they're in the safety net

of your home
and in front of you,

you're okay with it.

But you're still responsible

because you're feeding it.

He don't like women.

He treat women so badly

because he have a hate for them.

And I-I really think
that hate is,

because of his sexual abuse.

And he talked about how
his mom didn't protect him.

Even though he loved his mother
with everything in him,

he always talked about
how she never protected him.

So, I think that's a part
of his hate for women.

So we're-we're very happy
with the bond that the judge set.

I think it's fair and reasonable
given the allegations.

We hope that,
Mr. Kelly's able

to get the money together
and post bond.

Look, I finally got around
to watching that documentary.

It was a rehash of things
they've known for years.

The police have investigated
and everybody rejected it.

I think all the women are lying.

Everybody's trying to profit
off of R. Kelly.

I know on-on one of the cases,

there are a number of interviews
where the young lady says,

"I lied about how old I was.

I lied to him about
how old I was."

And then recently said, "No,

I lied about lying
about how old he was."

We'll have to look at it.

Well...

So, so, you have
a book coming out.

And I hope you sell,
I hope you sell lots of books.

What else is your question?

When I blew up
at Steve Greenberg,

you know...

It's not very professional,
you know?

But I had just seen
Jerhonda and,

she had sat in the court room

as the charges were read
against Kelly.

Greenberg is saying
point blank that

everyone in
the new Illinois case,

all of these people
who have accused R. Kelly

are liars,
and-and I said what I said.

You're calling victims liars.

What is wrong with you,
Mr. Greenberg?

This is not about women
finding their voices.

We have always had our voices.

This is about people's
ability to hear, right?

We've just finally
found a frequency

that people can hear us.

But, ultimately,
our work is not finished

until those people
who have suffered at the hands

of R. Kelly have what they
need to feel whole again.

When it comes to all the abuse
that I've suffered,

growing up, I still have
trust issues from it.

And another thing that--

this may be too much
information, but...

I still have, um,

problems with having sex
with my husband.

Of everything
that I went through,

I don't really know
how to enjoy sex.

Because I'm so used
to being controlled.

My relationship with Rob
has really affected me.

I don't trust men.

I feel like everybody
have a hidden agenda.

They'll just want to hear
your past and take your pain

and use it against you.

It's very hard to start
trusting a guy again, you know.

After your name is in public,

now I can't just sit down
to dinner and the guy's like,

"Yeah, you know,
I-I work construction.

What do you do?"

And then I just freeze.

You know, I'm like,
"Wow, I don't want him

"to know this background,
but if he googles me,

it's everywhere, so..."

It's just one of my fears.

I don't want to talk
about him all the time.

I am 30-something years

removed from the first time

I was sexually abused,

and I still have to deal
with the trauma of that.

I still carry that in my body.

I, um, am also a survivor

of sexual assault and...

We don't get to just move on.

There's never a day
we don't think about it.

It's never just
news of the week,

and now we've moved on
to something else.

And the very least we can do

for R. Kelly survivors

is not be too tired to care.

They live with this
every single day.

We can, at the very least,

match that energy and make sure

that we see this thing
all the way through.

For me to tell my story,

it was really,
really, really hard.

It definitely

triggered PTSD for me.

And it brought back
all the memories.

You know, I thought
I was over it.

It showed me that

I wasn't over those things.

And it showed me that
it really did damage me.

So, it-it definitely
took me back.

With-with Rob,

I was a part of
a suicide pact with him.

And if anything
was to happen to him,

if he was to go to jail

or if someone was to harm him,

I was supposed to kill myself.

And... I'm sorry.

I'm getting emotional.

He's the mastermind.

I watched this man

manipulate my little sister.

Rob, he was everything

to me... like, Rob was my life.

I would think I would be done,
but you know,

I would leave feeling
like I had nothing.

He **** my daughter up.

Emotionally.

Dominique, are you ready?

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