All language subtitles for S01E06 - Take Her Out of the Ballgame

Okay, Emma.
All aboard the Tucker train.

Tucka-tucka tucka-tucka--

Look, baby, I ain't got
nowhere else to be.

We can do this all day, okay?

Okay, I'm out.

Oh my God,
moving is exhausting.

Especially if you're
actually carrying things.

Coming through.
Biceps burning.

Not quite
as in shape as I look.

Oh-hell-to-the-no.

What is all of
this stuff?

- She is not moving in here.
- Oh relax, peanut.

These are just a few
cherished memories

that I've saved
from my boys' childhood.

Also known as crap-she-couldn't-unload-
at-the-garage-sale.

Not crap.

These boxes represent
a lifetime of awesomeness.

And we'd all hate to forget
how awesome you are.

Wait.

Are these all filled
with Danny's trophies?

'Cause, you know, I accomplished
a few things growing up as well.

Oh, if only they gave awards
for making fake ID's.

I saved some
of your stuff too, honey.

Uh, yeah, ah.

A picture I painted
in kindergarten

and a Thanksgiving
hand turkey?

I'm sorry, honey.

I can't be expected to
keep track of everything.

- Hey, where are my college trophies?
- Downstairs, backseat.

The boxes should be
color-coded and dated.

Hey, man,
don't feel bad, okay?

She didn't save
his hand turkey.

Look!
My hand turkey!

♪ It's amazing
how the unexpected ♪

♪ can take your life
and change direction. ♪

Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com

I can't quite put
my finger on it,

but something about this
place feels different.

You've heard the expression
"winner takes all."

This is all.

Hey, Riley.
Thanks for watching Emma.

- First practice of the season.
- Wow.

I've never seen you
look so jocky.

Danny's not the only one

who can put a jersey on
and hit things with a stick.

It's softball,
and they haven't won a game.

Do I need to say more?

Found 'em.

They were in the storage room
next to the Christmas lights

and what I thought was
Mrs. Bart's lost chihuahua.

It wasn't.

Thanks, man.
And there will be no trash talking

- of the B-Bar Brawlers.
- I'm sorry.

I just don't see the point of playing
if you're not at least trying to win.

- Back me up here, Riley.
- Oh no.

I've known you both long enough
to know that "back me up, Riley"

is two seconds away from "shut up, Riley.
Who asked you?"

The point--
wait for it--

is to have fun,
and the fun is what I bring.

How do you think I got
elected team captain?

Well, you gave us
free beer and ballots

and said "vote for me."

Oh my God, look at this.

Varsity lacrosse--
you and me, front and center.

Which is fairly unfortunate for
all the people in the back.

You two were
on the same team?

They didn't call her
Rigantor for nothing.

- She was tougher...
- And wider.

...than any guy on the field.

You wanna come play?
Everyone's welcome.

Not really doing
the sports thing anymore.

God, this just feels
like a different life.

Well, you athletes
enjoy your afternoon.

I've gotta get to the rink
and hit stuff with a stick...

For money.

Hey, we gotta get movin'.

I need to go hit things
with a stick for beer.

All right, Brawlers, I'd like to
propose a little pre-game toast.

May we always remember
that winning isn't everything,

but having a full keg is.
Game on!

Oh, hold up.

I think we have
a couple pinch hitters.

Everyone, this is Riley
and my daughter Emma.

So if you're keeping score
that's Wheeler, 1-0

in the unplanned-pregnancy
game.

Hey, Tuck, you wanna try some
pop-ups while I get them settled?

Oh, I'm good.
I already ate.

I meant--

I'm so glad
you guys came down.

I thought it'd be nice for
Emma to see her daddy play.

- Hit a few over the fence.
- Clearly you've never seen me play,

'cause that's not exactly
what I'm known for.

Ben!

Really?
Glue on home plate.

That's what
I'm known for.

Yoo-hoo.
Lady in the locker room.

But don't feel
any pressure to cover up.

Hi, cowboy.

- Mom, what are you doing?!
- Oh hi, Danny.

I told you not
to come see me here.

And I'm not.
I didn't even know you were here.

That's worse.
If my coach sees you again--

oh, damn it, there he is.
Mom, please don't embarrass me.

- Hey, coach Hayes--
- Wheeler. Hi, Bonnie.

- Hey, Hank.
- I'm really sorry about--

Bonnie? Hank?

I'm glad you're cool
with this, Wheeler.

A lot of guys
wouldn't be.

- Wouldn't be what?
- Me going out with your mom.

It takes him a minute...

You're going out
with my mom?!!

... But he always
gets there.

I was going to talk to you myself,
but Bonnie said she'd handle it.

And I handled it
by not telling him.

See? Absolutely nothing
embarrassing whatsoever.

Happy? Okay, no.
Bye-bye. We should go.

You can't tell me you're
actually okay with this.

I'm actually
okay with this.

Well, your mom dating
your coach should make

for some interesting
pillow talk.

What?
No pillows.

How did there suddenly
get to be pillows?

They were just going
to happy hour.

If I recall, the last girl
you took to happy hour

got so happy we got
a noise complaint.

But that's different.
They wouldn't--

she's a mom!

And Ben's a dad.
Hasn't slowed him down.

It would take a lot more
than a baby.

That's it-- I can't think
about this anymore.

I'm going to go workout until
even my brain is exhausted.

See ya' in 20.

Any progress?

If she could eat through her
nose, I'd say she's doing great.

- Aww.
- Mystery solved.

She's a Daddy's girl.

Ah, Tucker and the guys
are already at the field.

I should finish feeding her.
Mom's gonna be here soon,

can you run my equipment
down to the field for me?

And take my mitt.
You'll have fun. I promise.

Oof.
This weighed so much less

when I weighed
so much more.

You don't care about a
shelf-full of trophies, do you?

Your daddy's still a winner
in your eyes, right?

I'll take that as a "yes."

Hey, Brawlers.
Sorry I'm so late.

- We did it. We won!
- At what?

Softball.
First time ever.

But it was all Riley.
She was incredible.

- Riley?
- Ben! Did you hear?

Oh my God, you were right.
This was so fun.

- These guys are awesome.
- No, you're awesome.

Three home runs!
Three.

I think she even made
the umpire cry.

Sounds like
I missed a great game.

Oh, um...

One other minor thing
you missed.

The guys voted Riley
team captain.

What?
How could they--

wait. I thought the vote
had to be unanimous.

I might have gotten
caught up in the moment.

High-five?

Ben, I don't know what happened.

I do.

I was feeding my baby
and you took over my team.

I'm sorry.

One minute I was
picking up a glove

and the next thing I knew
everyone was shouting...

"You're amazing!"

Okay, first it started out
as "awesome,"

then, you know,
it went to "amazing."

Why are we even having
this conversation?

- I'm obviously not going to do it.
- Really?

'Cause I heard
you were "amazing."

- Ben--
- No, it's okay.

The team seemed
pretty happy.

Maybe it'd be a good thing
if you took over for a while.

Are you sure? Because I really
don't care one way or the other.

- Yeah, I'm sure.
- Oh my God! Yes! Thank you!

This is going
to be so much fun.

I forgot how much
I missed playing--

the camaraderie, the
competition, the chanting--

"in your face, suckers."
Oh, I'm so excited!

When'd you get home?
Where'd you go?

He behaved himself,
right?

Sure.
Let's go with that.

We just went out
for some Italian food.

Italian food?

Oh, we all know
what that means.

No, we don't!
What does that mean?

This is exactly what
I was trying to avoid.

Honey, I think I should keep
this part of my life private.

- Private?
- In other words,

just because he's your coach, don't
expect to know when he scores.

- Don't you have something better to do?
- No, not better than this, no.

Okay, honey, I know that you
don't want to hear this,

but I'm a woman
and I have needs.

So make a list.
I'll get whatever you need right now.

- So are we good?
- ♪ I'm captain. ♪

- Ben talked me into it.
- Without even opening my mouth.

The only thing
we haven't figured out yet:

Who's watching Emma
on Saturday?

It's not gonna be me.
Hank invited me to lunch

and I'm not canceling.
Our schedules are almost impossible to hook up.

- She said "hook up."
- Okay.

I'll do it.

I'll watch Emma. I'd hate for anyone
to have to cancel their plans.

- Well, thank you, Danny.
- Problem solved.

Not yet, but it will be.

Oh, honey,
are you okay?

No. My tooth is throbbing
like a jackhammer.

I got here as soon
as I could.

My hair, however,
is 30 minutes away.

I didn't know who else
to call to watch Emma.

- Can I see it? Is your tooth cracked?
- Ow!

Don't! The dentist said he
could see me right now.

- I won't be long, I promise.
- Good.

Because I'm supposed to meet
Hank in less than an hour.

- Oh, is that today?
- Just go.

And remember-- don't take
home the giant toothbrush.

It's the bathroom key.

Thanks, mom.

Sorry about
your date, Hank.

Sorry, Tuck.
I can't make it to the game.

Jury duty.
But don't ask me the details,

I took an oath.
I shouldn't even be talking to you now.

- Danny!
- Ben.

Please tell me that Emma
is outside parking the car.

No, she-- wait.

Aren't you supposed
to be playing softball?

No, I had to stay.
We're swamped.

- Where's my baby?
- Relax. Mom's got her.

Hank cancelled or something-- not
real sure about the details.

Huh.

Maybe I should just
ask Hank. Isn't that him?

Oh, crap.
Hide me!

- What are you doing?
- Okay, so maybe that story wasn't completely true.

But if mom asks, they had to
put me under for a root canal.

Unbelievable.

No, it's not.
They'll do it if you ask.

No. You.

How could you do this to Mom?
She seems really happy.

Oh, like you care about
other people's happiness.

How's Riley going to feel when she finds
out you quit because she took over?

This isn't quitting.

It's not showing up
and hoping she doesn't notice.

Dude, you're supposed
to have her back.

Why do you think she
stopped being Rigantor?

She got tired of all the small
planes buzzing around her head?

No. She didn't think
she'd ever have any friends,

that guys
would never like her.

I'm just saying, you did a good thing.
Don't screw it up now.

Hey, can I settle up?

- It's on the house.
- Thanks.

You're right.
I'm being an idiot.

But so are you.

If it's not Hank,
it's going to be someone else.

Hey, can I get
a bar menu down here?

Thanks.

Hey, Mom, I'm back!

Coach?

- Danny!
- What are you doing here?

In my robe?

It's not
what it looks like.

I'm pretty sure
that's my robe.

Hank, you ready to go in
for round two?

- Ahh--
- It's exactly what it looks like!

- Wheeler, calm down!
- No, I'm not going to calm down.

Hank, I'll handle this.
Danny, calm down.

Maybe I should just
get dressed and then we--

- or I could just go.
- Hank, no.

- Hank, yes.
- Honestly, Wheeler, listen,

- if you would just give me two seconds--
- One two.

Oh, Danny, nothing
was going on here.

I've heard that before.
I believe Dad called it wrestling.

Wait.
What happened to your tooth?

- Ow.
- Other side.

You are unbelievable!

Do you know what went on here
this afternoon? We babysat.

That's it.
But when we tried to feed Emma,

she flung mashed bananas all
over everything we were wearing.

Oh, yeah, she hates those.

- So you weren't--
- Hooking up with a guy I barely knew

while I'm supposed
to be babysitting? No!

Please!
I'm not Grandma.

Now if you'll excuse me,

I still have banana
in my bra.

- So you really--
- No, we didn't!

Strike one!

Hey, ump!
You got cable?

'Cause we ain't watching
the same game.

Hey, so sorry
I'm late again,

but I've brought
a little peace offering.

It's the top of the ninth,

I don't really have time
for a prank right now.

It's actually full of vodka.
So we drink it and then launch it.

- There's a good chance we could clear the fence.
- First time for everything.

Take a seat, Wheeler,
with the rest of the ladies.

Hey hey, ump,

turn your ringer on because
you're missing your calls!

- So how's it going? Are we winning?
- We want you back!

Please be
our captain again.

- What about Riley?
- All right, Tuck, you're on deck.

Strike out again and you'll be
lickin' the lines off the field.

Look alive, people!

We already voted.
The job's yours.

But you have to fire her.

The last time I told Riley
something she didn't want to hear,

she made me eat crayons.

I still tear up at the sight
of burnt sienna.

Don't worry,
I've got your back, okay?

Hey, teammates.

Hi, Riley.
Oh, don't you look cute today?

Oh, is that my phone?

Hey, so what's up?
Everything okay?

Yeah.
It's about the game.

Oh, thank God.

I was worried I was going to
have to bring it up. - Excuse me?

I know it's your thing,

but you've gotta
rein in the crazy.

Kinda trying to do
that right now.

I just think you need to take the
game a little more seriously.

You're putting me in a really
tough spot with the other guys.

Truth is
I should've benched you.

You were going to bench me?
Okay, this just got a whole lot easier.

But I can't.

You know I can't.

You're the reason
I'm playing again

and I missed it so much.

Thank you.

So what did you
want to tell me?

Just...

- That you're doing a really great job.
- Thanks.

"Ding dong,
Riley's gone.

Ben's firing her
right now."

What is this?

The meaner version
of what I was gonna say.

Hey, Coach,
can we talk?

I suppose you want
your robe back.

It's not how it...

My mom told me
about what happened.

I'm really sorry
for overreacting like that.

- No hard feelings.
- Thanks for understanding.

And I totally promise
to be better next time.

I really don't think
there's gonna be a next time.

Hey, don't blame her
because I'm a jerk.

It's not you, Wheeler.
To be honest,

I'm just not that into her.
Turns out she's not my type.

- Not your type?
- Just a matter of taste.

So you don't like funny beautiful women
who are totally out of your league?

- Wheeler--
- No, that's my mom you're talking about.

And the one thing I know for
sure is that no one's smarter,

nicer or more caring
on this whole planet.

And any guy would be lucky
to go out with her.

I'll go out
with her.

Yeah.
In your dreams.

Hey.

Are sure you feel safe
coming so close?

I would if you put
the bat down.

Ugh, what is
the matter with me?

Maybe you're just too
smart and too beautiful.

Again, still
holding the bat.

You can change
the outside all you want,

but the inside--
not so much.

I couldn't do it--
I couldn't just have fun.

Winning is fun for you.

Oh my God, I love it!

But what does that get me?

A room full of trophies
and nobody to share them with?

Danny seems to have
it figured out.

Well, neither of us
are your brother.

Yeah, I think I've probably
heard that one or two...

...hundred thousand times.

But he's not the brother
I wanted to be like.

Truth:

I once made up this whole
goofy victory dance

so I could show people
that I can be fun too.

- Oooh!
- I called it the Wheeler.

- What happened?
- Somebody laughed and I decked them.

Truth:

I was kind of looking forward
to winning for a change.

Never really
tried it before.

Well, I think you and the Brawlers can
figure out how to do it without me.

Maybe.

But what fun
would that be?

- Ben, nobody wants me.
- It doesn't matter. I want you.

- I think we should probably run.
- Yeah, let's.

Go Brawlers!

We're on a roll!

All thanks
to my lovely co-captain.

Riley even made up
with the umpire.

Turns out he really
does need new glasses.

- Ben.
- Hey, Mom. Come to help us celebrate?

No, more like hide out.
Honey, you have to help me.

- What's wrong?
- Mom, what about this guy?

I don't know, honey.

The fear in his eyes
is a bit of a turn off.

Beat it.

What about that guy
over there?

Hey, you!
Don't worry.

I'm gonna find a guy
that makes you happy.

Okay.

He seems to be
getting better.

- Thanks for talking to him.
- How did you know--?

Hey, I know my boy's work
when I see it.

Like I always say,
thank God for my Ben.

- Do the Wheeler, do the Wheeler...
- What is Riley doing?

I believe it's
called the Wheeler.

Well, honey, throw her a dollar.
Otherwise this is just sad.

Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com