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(ambient music)
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- [Darcy] Leila once said
that somebody once said
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that all stories end in death or marriage.
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- Ugh!
5
00:00:40,280 --> 00:00:43,569
- [Darcy] That's 'cause
somebody was a complete idiot.
6
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- Sweetie, wait!
7
00:00:48,630 --> 00:00:49,819
- You could argue that they're more
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or less the same thing anyway,
9
00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:54,803
but hey, this is Leila's story, not mine.
10
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- His note says, he's dead.
11
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- He signed it,
12
00:01:05,169 --> 00:01:09,669
and he dotted the I in his
name with a little happy face.
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- From this day forward,
14
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I swear to God that I will
never let some lying clown
15
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tell me he loves me,
16
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much less agree to marry him for it.
17
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- Nonsense.
18
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- I'll die first.
19
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- You'll go to Harvard first.
20
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- [Darcy] Okay granted getting blown off
21
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on your wedding day
sucks a pretty big one,
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but you know, hunt him down and kill him,
23
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don't go all hysterical.
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I mean, what chick hasn't sworn off boys
25
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at some point in her life.
26
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Really, they're like cigarettes,
27
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you try out a few in
the woods behind school.
28
00:01:43,230 --> 00:01:45,439
You puke, you give 'em up,
29
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but right around that third jello shot,
30
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they start to sound pretty good again.
31
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And while we're at it,
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what guy hasn't had his most tender lies?
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Well, you know, burnt up.
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What I'm trying to say is you get over it.
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Unless of course you're still a virgin,
36
00:02:07,570 --> 00:02:09,183
then it can take awhile.
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A long while.
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(upbeat reggae music)
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- Good morning, Paxil.
40
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♪ Say the truth will reveal you now ♪
41
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Brunch.
42
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Wanna go to the park later?
43
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(Paxil barks)
44
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♪ You see their faces but you
never know their thoughts ♪
45
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♪ Everyday me not done talking deep ♪
46
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♪ So deep ♪
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♪ You see their actions but
you never know their reaction ♪
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♪ Time and time alone can
only prove the story ♪
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♪ And every eyes will see ♪
50
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♪ Could reveal ♪
51
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- [Darcy] So 12 years
later and Leila Sweet
52
00:03:14,870 --> 00:03:19,259
remains the poster child
for purity, gorgeous,
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virtuous, clueless.
54
00:03:22,650 --> 00:03:25,189
Lost in the sexual woods
with a big moral compass,
55
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but without the thing
they put in the compass
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00:03:27,090 --> 00:03:29,259
to make it actually points somewhere.
57
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And if on the bright side,
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she has one male friend,
59
00:03:32,180 --> 00:03:33,409
note that he's on the end of the leash,
60
00:03:33,410 --> 00:03:35,624
and he's named after an antidepressant.
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00:03:35,625 --> 00:03:37,506
- Come Paxil.
62
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Come on, he won't bite.
63
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Come on.
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Good boy.
65
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- What do you call this?
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00:03:53,094 --> 00:03:55,369
- (chuckles) It doesn't have a name.
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- Where is Paxil?
68
00:03:56,960 --> 00:03:58,139
- He's afraid of you.
69
00:03:58,140 --> 00:03:59,549
- Well try it at least, dear,
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it's full of vitamins and quite slimming.
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00:04:02,390 --> 00:04:03,989
- Is your sister joining us?
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00:04:03,990 --> 00:04:05,699
- She's on the phone with Donald.
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- Oh yes, Donald.
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- He's a very nice boy.
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Good family.
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- Can I have those toast.
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00:04:12,010 --> 00:04:14,239
- He's about to be our son-in-law.
78
00:04:14,240 --> 00:04:16,179
- Must be great in the sheets.
79
00:04:16,180 --> 00:04:17,353
- Ernest?
- What?
80
00:04:18,826 --> 00:04:21,129
Like you're both having
thought the same thing,
81
00:04:21,130 --> 00:04:22,889
or you probably haven't.
82
00:04:22,890 --> 00:04:24,063
- Dad, what now.
83
00:04:25,999 --> 00:04:27,072
Ew!
84
00:04:27,073 --> 00:04:28,123
- It's quite seeming.
85
00:04:30,486 --> 00:04:32,469
- Here we are.
86
00:04:32,470 --> 00:04:34,359
So ready for the big day?
87
00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:35,819
- I guess.
88
00:04:35,820 --> 00:04:38,379
- It's going to be a beautiful ceremony.
89
00:04:38,380 --> 00:04:40,839
I book Sin Andrews.
- Again?
90
00:04:40,840 --> 00:04:42,179
- Ernest.
91
00:04:42,180 --> 00:04:44,448
- You're quite a grouchy
uncle, aren't you?
92
00:04:44,449 --> 00:04:45,282
- Well, ignore him.
93
00:04:45,283 --> 00:04:47,199
You just fell off the
horse once, that's all.
94
00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:49,699
- I think she got bucked off.
95
00:04:49,700 --> 00:04:51,149
- You're right again, sweetie.
96
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In a great big billowing white dress.
97
00:04:53,860 --> 00:04:58,589
- Okay, can I remind you all
that I am not marriage minded.
98
00:04:58,590 --> 00:05:00,309
I hate love.
99
00:05:00,310 --> 00:05:03,769
I hate weddings except for yours,
100
00:05:03,770 --> 00:05:06,389
and I hate white dresses.
101
00:05:06,390 --> 00:05:08,969
- Obviously, you burned
a perfectly good one,
102
00:05:08,970 --> 00:05:10,863
to billowing gray ashes.
103
00:05:12,340 --> 00:05:14,329
- Okay, I have to go.
104
00:05:14,330 --> 00:05:15,430
I'm late for the park.
105
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Come on, Paxil.
106
00:05:17,334 --> 00:05:18,597
- Oh, sweetie, no.
107
00:05:22,527 --> 00:05:24,443
- How can you be late to a park?
108
00:05:26,880 --> 00:05:27,713
- Bye!
109
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(bouncy music)
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(children playing)
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- Listen to this,
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researchers announced that male
dogs raised in New York city
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are at an increased risk to
develop medical problems,
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00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:46,629
including anxiety, skin rashes,
depression, tooth decay,
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00:05:46,630 --> 00:05:48,030
hypochondria, and impotence.
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00:05:49,967 --> 00:05:51,467
But that's so sad.
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Here you go.
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- Thank you.
119
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(bouncy music)
120
00:06:10,690 --> 00:06:11,690
- Yours?
121
00:06:12,480 --> 00:06:13,480
- Me?
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00:06:14,210 --> 00:06:16,639
No, mine.
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Paxil.
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- Very fuzzy head.
125
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- Yours?
126
00:06:26,820 --> 00:06:28,489
- Oh, that's my sister's.
127
00:06:28,490 --> 00:06:29,743
I steal them on Sundays.
128
00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:33,980
We were just about to leave.
129
00:06:33,981 --> 00:06:37,309
I don't suppose you'd want to
get a cup of coffee with us.
130
00:06:37,310 --> 00:06:38,858
- I wouldn't?
131
00:06:38,859 --> 00:06:39,692
- You would?
132
00:06:39,693 --> 00:06:41,519
- Oh no, I just wondering why you thought
133
00:06:41,520 --> 00:06:42,609
that I wouldn't.
134
00:06:42,610 --> 00:06:43,677
- So you won't?
135
00:06:45,260 --> 00:06:47,389
- I actually don't do this.
136
00:06:47,390 --> 00:06:48,240
- What?
137
00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:50,549
- The talking to you part.
138
00:06:50,550 --> 00:06:51,550
- I understand.
139
00:06:52,290 --> 00:06:53,220
- Thanks though.
140
00:06:53,220 --> 00:06:54,220
- Sure.
141
00:07:05,103 --> 00:07:08,353
(peaceful piano music)
142
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(car honks)
- Daddy!
143
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(chiming music)
144
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Daddy!
145
00:07:49,989 --> 00:07:50,822
- Leila.
146
00:07:50,823 --> 00:07:52,134
Hi, honey.
147
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How are you?
148
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Evy.
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00:07:55,312 --> 00:07:56,688
Hi, sweetheart.
- Daddy, what's in the box?
150
00:07:56,689 --> 00:07:57,713
What's in the box?
151
00:07:57,714 --> 00:08:00,464
(peaceful music)
152
00:08:12,610 --> 00:08:13,619
- [Darcy] Somebody once said
153
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that nostalgia is the rust of memory.
154
00:08:17,730 --> 00:08:19,233
Now that one I agree with.
155
00:08:22,590 --> 00:08:25,239
See, people's brains
are basically oysters,
156
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all mucusy and gross,
157
00:08:27,510 --> 00:08:29,629
but there's always a grain
of sand inside trying
158
00:08:29,630 --> 00:08:32,239
to annoy the oyster into making a Pearl,
159
00:08:32,240 --> 00:08:34,259
and not a bogus Pearl either.
160
00:08:34,260 --> 00:08:35,779
One with some value.
161
00:08:35,780 --> 00:08:36,843
One with some weight.
162
00:08:37,720 --> 00:08:40,459
The kind you cast before swine.
163
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- Come on, Paxil.
164
00:08:46,790 --> 00:08:49,543
Of course, there is such
a thing as a false Pearl.
165
00:08:56,300 --> 00:08:57,789
The ten of lords.
166
00:08:57,790 --> 00:08:59,969
- You know, it looks like
the bartender vivisection.
167
00:08:59,970 --> 00:09:02,233
- Oh.
- What?
168
00:09:03,226 --> 00:09:05,124
- Good morning, boss.
169
00:09:05,125 --> 00:09:07,099
- Good morning, boss.
- Good morning, boss.
170
00:09:07,100 --> 00:09:08,693
The help from slacker hell.
171
00:09:09,700 --> 00:09:11,100
That's me with the Marlboro.
172
00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:15,179
- Remind me to nominate
you employee of the month.
173
00:09:15,180 --> 00:09:16,679
Remind you?
174
00:09:16,680 --> 00:09:18,249
Isn't that, what's his job?
175
00:09:18,250 --> 00:09:20,839
- Post-it.
- Prozac.
176
00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:21,840
- Paxil.
177
00:09:23,700 --> 00:09:26,429
- [Darcy] Then again, if this
guy was your only customer,
178
00:09:26,430 --> 00:09:28,249
how hard would you work?
179
00:09:28,250 --> 00:09:30,313
- Welcome to Sweets Muffin Shop.
180
00:09:31,570 --> 00:09:33,970
Do you like to hear a
list of our muffins today?
181
00:09:36,410 --> 00:09:37,729
- What's your problem?
182
00:09:37,730 --> 00:09:40,053
- Leila wants us to be
nice to the customers.
183
00:09:41,840 --> 00:09:43,099
- All right, Dottie,
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let me hear a list of your muffins today.
185
00:09:45,634 --> 00:09:48,653
- We have cranberry.
186
00:09:51,510 --> 00:09:53,210
- I'll have one of those.
- Okay.
187
00:09:58,035 --> 00:09:59,239
What happened to your arm?
188
00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:00,240
Did you get shot?
189
00:10:01,330 --> 00:10:02,774
- It's a nicotine patch.
190
00:10:02,775 --> 00:10:05,093
- Ah, like you don't
get enough from smoking.
191
00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:10,409
- Hey, Leila.
192
00:10:10,410 --> 00:10:11,729
Hello?
193
00:10:11,730 --> 00:10:13,499
See you tomorrow,
Dottie, will you lock up?
194
00:10:13,500 --> 00:10:15,019
- Sure, you wanna come
out with this tonight?
195
00:10:15,020 --> 00:10:16,223
We're gonna get tattoos.
196
00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:19,003
- I already have plans.
197
00:10:21,440 --> 00:10:22,493
- All I said was hey.
198
00:10:24,520 --> 00:10:25,720
It's like I'm invisible.
199
00:10:30,310 --> 00:10:32,569
- Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
200
00:10:32,570 --> 00:10:34,869
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe.
201
00:10:34,870 --> 00:10:36,906
All mimsy were the borogoves,
202
00:10:36,907 --> 00:10:38,703
and the mome raths outgrabe.
203
00:10:40,187 --> 00:10:41,256
I remember that one.
204
00:10:41,257 --> 00:10:43,756
- And the faintest idea what it means.
205
00:10:43,757 --> 00:10:46,402
- I have a picture of
Evy and me here as kids.
206
00:10:46,403 --> 00:10:48,973
- Yes, I know, dear, I
took it, you were six.
207
00:10:50,450 --> 00:10:52,359
- Mammy, are you sorry
that you never had children
208
00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:53,193
of your own,
209
00:10:53,194 --> 00:10:55,899
- But I do, I have two
beautiful daughters.
210
00:10:55,900 --> 00:10:58,122
- You know what I mean.
211
00:10:58,123 --> 00:11:00,129
- I don't think children
were ever an option for me,
212
00:11:00,130 --> 00:11:01,653
or for your uncle.
213
00:11:03,788 --> 00:11:05,238
What's on your mind, sweetie?
214
00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:08,849
- I want to have a baby.
215
00:11:08,850 --> 00:11:10,362
- Immaculately?
216
00:11:10,363 --> 00:11:11,446
- Virginally.
217
00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:15,903
- Oh dear. (chuckles)
218
00:11:17,330 --> 00:11:19,509
- [Evy] This is not a
pretty mental picture.
219
00:11:19,510 --> 00:11:20,559
- [Leila] Gee, thanks.
220
00:11:20,560 --> 00:11:23,189
- No, seriously, I can't
even get your clothes off.
221
00:11:23,190 --> 00:11:24,329
- Evy?
222
00:11:24,330 --> 00:11:25,899
- Leila, I'm sorry.
223
00:11:25,900 --> 00:11:27,019
It's just that for 10 years
224
00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:29,879
you have been locked
up tighter than a nun,
225
00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:32,659
and now all of a sudden
you want the Kamasutra.
226
00:11:32,660 --> 00:11:34,610
- Just the part that gets you pregnant.
227
00:11:35,940 --> 00:11:37,519
- Okay.
228
00:11:37,520 --> 00:11:41,449
- Well, you know there are working parts.
229
00:11:41,450 --> 00:11:43,883
- The penis.
230
00:11:43,884 --> 00:11:45,231
- Good.
231
00:11:45,232 --> 00:11:47,815
(bouncy music)
232
00:12:06,060 --> 00:12:07,710
- Make sure you lose the panties.
233
00:12:09,840 --> 00:12:10,859
(Leila sighs)
234
00:12:10,860 --> 00:12:12,069
What?
235
00:12:12,070 --> 00:12:13,070
- Nothing.
236
00:12:14,980 --> 00:12:16,689
- You're not wearing panties?
237
00:12:16,690 --> 00:12:18,523
- No, I'm wearing underwear.
238
00:12:19,490 --> 00:12:21,109
You don't see men running around in-
239
00:12:21,110 --> 00:12:22,110
- Panties?
240
00:12:23,090 --> 00:12:24,573
Maybe in a perfect world.
241
00:12:25,860 --> 00:12:26,860
- Fine.
242
00:12:28,070 --> 00:12:29,299
- Job.
243
00:12:29,300 --> 00:12:30,300
- Excuse me?
244
00:12:32,110 --> 00:12:33,159
- Occupation.
245
00:12:33,160 --> 00:12:34,523
- I run a muffin shop.
246
00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:37,360
- Gee, that's what I do.
247
00:12:39,060 --> 00:12:41,409
- Shouldn't I be getting undressed now.
248
00:12:41,410 --> 00:12:42,869
- Oh sure.
249
00:12:42,870 --> 00:12:45,487
- The doctor will be beating
the door down any minute now.
250
00:12:50,006 --> 00:12:52,423
(door opens)
251
00:12:53,567 --> 00:12:54,837
(door closes)
252
00:12:54,838 --> 00:12:57,838
(suspenseful music)
253
00:13:31,015 --> 00:13:31,952
(door closes)
254
00:13:31,953 --> 00:13:34,619
- I'm sorry to keep you waiting.
255
00:13:35,670 --> 00:13:36,713
I'm Dr. Kirk.
256
00:13:38,700 --> 00:13:40,373
- As in Beverly.
257
00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:43,483
- Yes, my mother claims it's British.
258
00:13:44,570 --> 00:13:47,349
This really is quite the
horrifying coincidence.
259
00:13:47,350 --> 00:13:48,749
I could refer you to a colleague.
260
00:13:48,750 --> 00:13:50,599
- No, thank you.
261
00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:51,800
That won't be necessary.
262
00:13:53,020 --> 00:13:54,020
Horrifying.
263
00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:56,059
- Not of course what I meant at all.
264
00:13:56,060 --> 00:13:57,603
Embarrassing is what I meant.
265
00:13:58,440 --> 00:13:59,653
I mean, for me, that is.
266
00:14:02,470 --> 00:14:04,070
Do you know that's on backwards?
267
00:14:05,120 --> 00:14:06,579
- I thought it was supposed to be.
268
00:14:06,580 --> 00:14:08,179
- Ah, not here.
269
00:14:08,180 --> 00:14:11,279
- Oh, well I could turn it around if-
270
00:14:11,280 --> 00:14:12,280
- No, we'll manage.
271
00:14:26,950 --> 00:14:29,147
So you'd like to start a family.
272
00:14:29,148 --> 00:14:30,148
Now that's lovely.
273
00:14:30,990 --> 00:14:33,969
I noticed you answered
the sex question, no.
274
00:14:33,970 --> 00:14:34,970
- Yes.
275
00:14:36,100 --> 00:14:37,100
- I see.
276
00:14:39,020 --> 00:14:41,603
How long have you and your
partner been trying to conceive?
277
00:14:42,500 --> 00:14:45,333
- I don't have a donor as of yet.
278
00:14:48,620 --> 00:14:49,973
- Artificial insemination?
279
00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:51,890
- No, thank you.
280
00:14:53,056 --> 00:14:54,577
- Right?
281
00:14:54,578 --> 00:14:55,411
I tell you what?
282
00:14:55,412 --> 00:14:57,349
Let's start with a routine exam.
283
00:14:57,350 --> 00:15:00,109
And when you leave, I'll
recommend an ovulation kit.
284
00:15:00,110 --> 00:15:01,910
The instructions are on the package.
285
00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:05,993
- Oh, sorry.
286
00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:07,840
I was bored.
287
00:15:08,770 --> 00:15:09,993
It can be erased.
288
00:15:11,330 --> 00:15:12,929
- You wrote this?
289
00:15:12,930 --> 00:15:15,063
It's a-
- Ben Casey.
290
00:15:16,005 --> 00:15:17,005
- Yeah.
291
00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:26,659
But I can't remember the one for birth.
292
00:15:26,660 --> 00:15:27,660
- Doctor.
293
00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:29,762
Doctor?
294
00:15:29,763 --> 00:15:31,413
- Oh, yes, off course, I'm sorry.
295
00:15:33,160 --> 00:15:35,053
Right, right.
296
00:15:37,293 --> 00:15:40,293
(suspenseful music)
297
00:15:43,930 --> 00:15:45,517
- Having trouble finding the.
298
00:15:46,367 --> 00:15:49,189
- Your ears are on your neck.
299
00:15:49,190 --> 00:15:50,190
- Quite right.
300
00:15:52,127 --> 00:15:53,946
Would you be more comfortable
if the nurse were present?
301
00:15:53,947 --> 00:15:55,440
- No, no, thank you.
302
00:15:57,761 --> 00:16:00,761
(suspenseful music)
303
00:16:12,666 --> 00:16:15,333
(bells tolling)
304
00:16:19,027 --> 00:16:20,711
- Wait, did you lock it?
305
00:16:20,712 --> 00:16:21,712
- Yeah, I locked it.
306
00:16:23,534 --> 00:16:25,549
(door opens)
- You didn't lock it.
307
00:16:25,550 --> 00:16:27,219
- But Leila gave me the wrong key.
308
00:16:27,220 --> 00:16:28,537
- She didn't give you the wrong key.
309
00:16:28,538 --> 00:16:30,309
- No, no, no. (indistinct)
310
00:16:30,310 --> 00:16:32,294
- Is the customer in there?
- I don't wanna know.
311
00:16:32,295 --> 00:16:37,139
- You were just in there.
(Dottie mumbles)
312
00:16:37,140 --> 00:16:39,723
(bouncy music)
313
00:16:48,760 --> 00:16:50,666
- Well, I understand that,
314
00:16:50,667 --> 00:16:53,269
but I'm not the person
who rents out clowns.
315
00:16:53,270 --> 00:16:54,809
- [Lady] But he's only
five years old right now.
316
00:16:54,810 --> 00:16:55,680
I really need this to be special.
317
00:16:55,681 --> 00:16:58,889
- I'm sure you want his
birthday party to be special.
318
00:16:58,890 --> 00:16:59,890
Who wouldn't?
319
00:17:01,780 --> 00:17:03,359
Hello?
320
00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:05,269
I'm not the person who rents out clown.
321
00:17:05,270 --> 00:17:06,989
You mistakenly called my number
322
00:17:06,990 --> 00:17:08,699
when you were trying
to reach Clowns to Go.
323
00:17:08,700 --> 00:17:09,939
Their number is the same as mine,
324
00:17:09,940 --> 00:17:11,619
but in the 718 area code.
325
00:17:11,620 --> 00:17:13,269
Hello, Mrs. Barrows.
326
00:17:13,270 --> 00:17:15,046
Hello, hi, my name's Leila.
327
00:17:15,047 --> 00:17:16,549
I'm not the person who rents out clowns.
328
00:17:16,550 --> 00:17:17,829
You mistakenly called my number
329
00:17:17,830 --> 00:17:20,099
when you were trying
to reach Clowns to Go.
330
00:17:20,100 --> 00:17:22,079
See their number is the same as mine,
331
00:17:22,080 --> 00:17:24,649
but in the 718 area code.
332
00:17:24,650 --> 00:17:27,983
I get a lot of calls from
people looking for clowns, and.
333
00:17:29,010 --> 00:17:32,019
- [Darcy] You know those
people who say get a life.
334
00:17:32,020 --> 00:17:34,359
- Sure, I'll hold.
335
00:17:34,360 --> 00:17:35,350
- [Darcy] Well, if you're single,
336
00:17:35,351 --> 00:17:37,623
sexually challenged babe in the big city,
337
00:17:38,490 --> 00:17:39,813
this is a life.
338
00:17:41,310 --> 00:17:43,722
That is until an actual one shows up.
339
00:17:43,723 --> 00:17:46,723
(suspenseful music)
340
00:18:07,940 --> 00:18:09,049
- [Leila] I saw Evy yesterday.
341
00:18:09,050 --> 00:18:11,599
- And how is your sister?
342
00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:13,389
- Good, she's working
on another fish story
343
00:18:13,390 --> 00:18:14,390
for the magazine.
344
00:18:15,900 --> 00:18:17,689
- One uses the Ivy league education
345
00:18:17,690 --> 00:18:19,909
I paid for her to write about food.
346
00:18:19,910 --> 00:18:22,249
The other to serve it.
- Here we are.
347
00:18:22,250 --> 00:18:24,049
- I think she's getting cold feet.
348
00:18:24,050 --> 00:18:25,479
- Well, it's perfectly normal.
349
00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:26,313
Well, that reminds me.
350
00:18:26,314 --> 00:18:28,669
I have to take some
measurements for your dress.
351
00:18:28,670 --> 00:18:30,808
- Oh, not today, Mammy, please.
352
00:18:30,809 --> 00:18:32,529
- Now come on.
353
00:18:32,530 --> 00:18:35,089
- I understand you've got a new doctor.
354
00:18:35,090 --> 00:18:37,159
Are there any secrets in this family?
355
00:18:37,160 --> 00:18:38,759
- How did you find him?
356
00:18:38,760 --> 00:18:39,750
Handsome?
357
00:18:39,751 --> 00:18:43,009
- Competent.
- Bull feathers,
358
00:18:43,010 --> 00:18:44,399
he's a hunk.
359
00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:45,959
- How would you know?
360
00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:47,573
- Evy emailed his file.
361
00:18:48,835 --> 00:18:49,668
- Oh God.
362
00:18:49,669 --> 00:18:52,210
- If you can't give it up
for a cute single doctor.
363
00:18:53,390 --> 00:18:54,443
I'll shoot your dog.
364
00:18:55,360 --> 00:18:56,989
- He's not trying to pressure you, dear.
365
00:18:56,990 --> 00:18:57,990
- Yes, I am.
366
00:18:58,690 --> 00:18:59,773
- That place sucks.
367
00:19:01,260 --> 00:19:02,093
When I say push,
368
00:19:02,094 --> 00:19:03,449
you have to push hard,
369
00:19:03,450 --> 00:19:05,499
and don't forget if there's
a little blood, okay?
370
00:19:05,500 --> 00:19:08,209
- Will it hurt?
- For a little while.
371
00:19:08,210 --> 00:19:10,009
Just make sure it goes all the way through
372
00:19:10,010 --> 00:19:11,499
and catch the needle with the cork.
373
00:19:11,500 --> 00:19:12,629
- [Dottie] Okay.
374
00:19:12,630 --> 00:19:14,069
- Got any cream?
375
00:19:14,070 --> 00:19:16,283
- Check the fridge.
- We're out.
376
00:19:17,740 --> 00:19:18,750
Okay, ready?
377
00:19:18,751 --> 00:19:19,584
- Mm-hmm.
378
00:19:19,585 --> 00:19:24,510
- All right, one, two, three, go, ouch!
379
00:19:25,670 --> 00:19:29,009
Oh, okay, good. Good, good, good.
380
00:19:29,010 --> 00:19:29,843
Good.
381
00:19:29,844 --> 00:19:32,139
Just let it stay until it ticks.
382
00:19:32,140 --> 00:19:34,689
- Tell me if you think
I've got this right.
383
00:19:34,690 --> 00:19:37,239
Attractive, intelligent
self-employed woman,
384
00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:41,779
not 30, virgin, seeks potent,
genetically sound man.
385
00:19:41,780 --> 00:19:45,259
25 to 44, short-term sex.
386
00:19:45,260 --> 00:19:47,693
No romantics or commitment
secrets, please.
387
00:19:52,530 --> 00:19:54,419
- She's hot.
388
00:19:54,420 --> 00:19:57,170
(men chattering)
389
00:20:01,450 --> 00:20:03,479
- So you mentioned in your questionnaire
390
00:20:03,480 --> 00:20:07,379
that you have four kids.
391
00:20:07,380 --> 00:20:09,800
Can I ask if you're
still in touch with them?
392
00:20:10,932 --> 00:20:13,203
Well, as much as the next guy I suppose.
393
00:20:14,130 --> 00:20:16,249
Well, you know, teenagers
have a mind of their own.
394
00:20:16,250 --> 00:20:17,600
- So your wife has custody.
395
00:20:18,980 --> 00:20:22,793
- You know custody, divorce.
396
00:20:24,850 --> 00:20:26,063
You are divorced.
397
00:20:33,540 --> 00:20:38,540
- Actually, where I come from,
I'm known as being large.
398
00:20:38,860 --> 00:20:39,929
And do you want to see?
399
00:20:39,930 --> 00:20:41,329
- No.
- No.
400
00:20:41,330 --> 00:20:42,579
- Okay.
401
00:20:42,580 --> 00:20:44,829
- I'll put the dog in
a pound for your baby.
402
00:20:44,830 --> 00:20:47,017
I'll get you barking like a Coonhound.
403
00:20:49,210 --> 00:20:50,966
- I'm just really horny.
404
00:20:50,967 --> 00:20:51,800
(man barks)
405
00:20:51,801 --> 00:20:53,923
- I don't shoot blanks full maple jacket.
406
00:20:55,110 --> 00:20:58,053
- I once had an erection
for 19 and a half hours.
407
00:20:59,120 --> 00:21:01,369
- You sure you don't want
to take a little peak?
408
00:21:01,370 --> 00:21:04,793
- Also the idea of not paying
for sex is a new idea to me.
409
00:21:10,792 --> 00:21:13,662
- You know, I almost didn't come over.
410
00:21:13,663 --> 00:21:15,709
The whole thing just seems so,
411
00:21:15,710 --> 00:21:16,810
I don't know clinical.
412
00:21:19,070 --> 00:21:22,379
Then I realized the sacrifice
you were making for this baby.
413
00:21:22,380 --> 00:21:24,443
I thought, well, maybe I could help.
414
00:21:26,140 --> 00:21:28,163
Maybe I was chosen to help.
415
00:21:29,490 --> 00:21:31,869
That the virgin of the Plains was risen,
416
00:21:31,870 --> 00:21:35,949
and that I the foul spawn of indifference
417
00:21:35,950 --> 00:21:38,793
had found a purchase on the honeyed trail.
418
00:21:40,969 --> 00:21:43,552
(upbeat music)
419
00:21:49,023 --> 00:21:51,523
(door buzzes)
420
00:21:55,540 --> 00:21:57,829
- I'm sorry, no more men.
421
00:21:57,830 --> 00:21:58,830
- [Eddie] What?
422
00:21:59,650 --> 00:22:00,869
- No interviews.
423
00:22:00,870 --> 00:22:02,220
- [Eddie] I don't want one.
424
00:22:03,320 --> 00:22:04,320
- Who are you?
425
00:22:07,464 --> 00:22:09,048
What are you supposed to be?
426
00:22:09,049 --> 00:22:09,882
- What do you mean what?
427
00:22:09,883 --> 00:22:10,960
I'm Slappy the clown
428
00:22:16,010 --> 00:22:17,063
Nothing rings a bell?
429
00:22:18,290 --> 00:22:19,392
What kind of childhood did you have
430
00:22:19,393 --> 00:22:21,029
that you don't know Slappy the clown
431
00:22:21,030 --> 00:22:22,909
when he comes to your own front door?
432
00:22:22,910 --> 00:22:24,289
- I heard of him,
433
00:22:24,290 --> 00:22:26,369
I just thought he was cuter.
434
00:22:26,370 --> 00:22:27,470
- I brought you these.
435
00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:31,740
- Don't you frighten the children.
436
00:22:32,630 --> 00:22:34,789
I just want to thank you for
referring all those calls
437
00:22:34,790 --> 00:22:35,853
to Clowns to Go.
438
00:22:36,990 --> 00:22:39,239
Hey you, tickles.
439
00:22:39,240 --> 00:22:40,729
Fuck off!
440
00:22:40,730 --> 00:22:42,179
- It's Slappy, okay.
441
00:22:42,180 --> 00:22:43,283
And eat me, pal.
442
00:22:45,410 --> 00:22:47,363
Well, I'm sorry to bother you.
443
00:22:48,430 --> 00:22:49,430
Here.
444
00:22:54,530 --> 00:22:55,530
- Bye.
445
00:22:58,363 --> 00:23:00,863
(jolly music)
446
00:23:03,460 --> 00:23:06,127
(window closes)
447
00:23:07,486 --> 00:23:10,486
(suspenseful music)
448
00:23:25,661 --> 00:23:28,269
- Oh, stay back, lady.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
449
00:23:28,270 --> 00:23:30,479
Look, I'm sorry.
450
00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:32,581
I just don't want any menus.
451
00:23:32,582 --> 00:23:35,003
- Did I ask you if you
wanted any menus, lady?
452
00:23:35,004 --> 00:23:37,219
I didn't ask you if you wanted any menus.
453
00:23:37,220 --> 00:23:38,859
I don't care if you want menus.
454
00:23:38,860 --> 00:23:39,747
- Well, I don't.
455
00:23:39,748 --> 00:23:42,029
- Good, because I don't want to crawl
456
00:23:42,030 --> 00:23:45,013
around like a reptile
passing the damn things out.
457
00:23:45,014 --> 00:23:46,264
- Oh, poor you.
458
00:23:47,276 --> 00:23:49,569
- Right, poor me.
459
00:23:49,570 --> 00:23:52,149
If I don't hand these out, I don't eat.
460
00:23:52,150 --> 00:23:55,089
- Well, if you'd bothered to read my sign,
461
00:23:55,090 --> 00:23:57,069
none of this would've happened.
462
00:23:57,070 --> 00:23:57,940
- I read your sign,
463
00:23:57,941 --> 00:24:00,823
I ignored it and that's how I make money.
464
00:24:01,690 --> 00:24:04,859
- And anyhow, aren't you a bit attractive
465
00:24:04,860 --> 00:24:07,979
to be doling out menus for a living.
466
00:24:07,980 --> 00:24:09,689
- What is that supposed to mean?
467
00:24:09,690 --> 00:24:13,958
- Nothing, except you
could be like a supermodel.
468
00:24:13,959 --> 00:24:16,873
- Then I definitely couldn't eat.
469
00:24:16,874 --> 00:24:17,874
- Fine.
470
00:24:18,760 --> 00:24:20,679
So what do you wanna be?
471
00:24:20,680 --> 00:24:23,149
- According to my MFA, I am a poet.
472
00:24:23,150 --> 00:24:26,259
- Really, I love poetry.
473
00:24:26,260 --> 00:24:27,260
Say one.
474
00:24:27,940 --> 00:24:31,029
- Oh, what am I, a jukebox?
475
00:24:31,030 --> 00:24:32,873
- Oh, come on, it'll be fun.
476
00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:38,009
- We could go get coffee and muffins.
477
00:24:38,010 --> 00:24:40,183
- Do you think I need a date?
478
00:24:40,184 --> 00:24:43,184
(suspenseful music)
479
00:24:47,100 --> 00:24:49,499
- Me, I'd have this guy in a bondage chair
480
00:24:49,500 --> 00:24:51,459
with a rubber ball in his mouth,
481
00:24:51,460 --> 00:24:54,463
but Leila's going the stale
coffee burnt pastry route.
482
00:24:56,150 --> 00:24:57,700
We should probably have a talk.
483
00:25:04,800 --> 00:25:07,579
Let me guess a donut.
484
00:25:07,580 --> 00:25:08,693
- That's not mine.
485
00:25:23,560 --> 00:25:25,149
- What are you looking at?
486
00:25:25,150 --> 00:25:26,759
- Him.
487
00:25:26,760 --> 00:25:28,289
- He's a friend.
488
00:25:28,290 --> 00:25:31,329
- Okay, how'd you find a friend?
489
00:25:31,330 --> 00:25:33,089
- On the street.
490
00:25:33,090 --> 00:25:35,119
He's a starving artist.
491
00:25:35,120 --> 00:25:36,683
- That explains the donut.
492
00:25:37,650 --> 00:25:42,239
- It's not a donut and I
have to take it somewhere.
493
00:25:42,240 --> 00:25:45,159
- So when he gets up, give
him whatever he wants.
494
00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:46,090
- Don't worry.
495
00:25:46,091 --> 00:25:48,889
- And then, you know, show him the ropes.
496
00:25:48,890 --> 00:25:50,659
- We don't have ropes around here, Leila,
497
00:25:50,660 --> 00:25:52,639
if we did, we'd hang ourselves.
498
00:25:52,640 --> 00:25:54,609
- So what's he gonna do?
499
00:25:54,610 --> 00:25:56,363
- What you do.
500
00:25:56,364 --> 00:25:57,793
Do you think he can handle it?
501
00:26:02,290 --> 00:26:03,270
- We're supposed to tell you
502
00:26:03,271 --> 00:26:05,039
what to do around here.
503
00:26:05,040 --> 00:26:08,619
- As you can see business, isn't an issue,
504
00:26:08,620 --> 00:26:12,963
but there is something that
desperately needs doing.
505
00:26:14,540 --> 00:26:15,540
- Which is?
506
00:26:17,500 --> 00:26:18,709
- The boss.
507
00:26:18,710 --> 00:26:21,569
- You have to tell her about
the birds and the bees.
508
00:26:21,570 --> 00:26:22,629
- They fly.
509
00:26:22,630 --> 00:26:24,219
- No, no, no, no, no.
510
00:26:24,220 --> 00:26:26,933
You have to tell her how to get boned.
511
00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:29,883
- Consider it done.
512
00:26:31,420 --> 00:26:32,420
- You did her.
513
00:26:34,550 --> 00:26:37,263
She has been crewed.
- Right here?
514
00:26:38,490 --> 00:26:40,099
- Right here.
515
00:26:40,100 --> 00:26:43,220
Six hours of good, hard, honest talking.
516
00:26:46,909 --> 00:26:48,339
- Is that a slam?
517
00:26:48,340 --> 00:26:51,589
- She was a bit confused about the penis.
518
00:26:51,590 --> 00:26:52,809
- Who isn't?
519
00:26:52,810 --> 00:26:55,939
- Straight up, you guys
make the worst muffins
520
00:26:55,940 --> 00:26:57,319
I've ever tasted.
521
00:26:57,320 --> 00:26:58,770
- The customer likes them.
522
00:27:08,044 --> 00:27:09,546
- What?
523
00:27:09,547 --> 00:27:12,547
(suspenseful music)
524
00:27:54,885 --> 00:27:57,552
(Leila screams)
525
00:28:02,207 --> 00:28:04,369
- I don't have an appointment.
526
00:28:04,370 --> 00:28:05,493
- No please, come in.
527
00:28:10,690 --> 00:28:12,855
- I'm sorry about Timmy.
528
00:28:12,856 --> 00:28:15,749
He's mad at his mother for being pregnant.
529
00:28:15,750 --> 00:28:16,680
- Me too.
530
00:28:16,681 --> 00:28:17,880
- Let me get your towel.
531
00:28:20,099 --> 00:28:21,682
- Here.
- Thank you.
532
00:28:25,106 --> 00:28:28,979
Here, it's birth.
- Oh, you found it.
533
00:28:28,980 --> 00:28:30,399
- It's kinda messy.
534
00:28:30,400 --> 00:28:31,723
- Ah, well, usually is.
535
00:28:33,464 --> 00:28:34,336
Huh!
536
00:28:34,337 --> 00:28:36,350
Here, sit, sit.
537
00:28:42,970 --> 00:28:45,933
Circles, I don't remember circles.
538
00:28:50,720 --> 00:28:55,669
So I have your test results back,
539
00:28:55,670 --> 00:28:57,149
and everything looks normal.
540
00:28:57,150 --> 00:28:58,150
- I'm normal.
541
00:28:58,151 --> 00:28:59,508
- Well, not normal,
542
00:28:59,509 --> 00:29:00,549
I thought that sounds like average
543
00:29:00,550 --> 00:29:02,489
which of course I don't mean.
544
00:29:02,490 --> 00:29:04,489
You're certainly way, way above average,
545
00:29:04,490 --> 00:29:09,183
like I don't a spectacular.
546
00:29:10,580 --> 00:29:11,719
The point being,
547
00:29:11,720 --> 00:29:13,319
I don't see any reason
why you shouldn't be able
548
00:29:13,320 --> 00:29:14,320
to have a child.
549
00:29:15,970 --> 00:29:16,970
If you want to.
550
00:29:18,772 --> 00:29:21,079
Would you like a grapefruit juice?
551
00:29:21,080 --> 00:29:22,159
- Also?
552
00:29:22,160 --> 00:29:24,319
- Also yes, you mentioned that-
553
00:29:24,320 --> 00:29:25,449
- You read my chart then?
554
00:29:25,450 --> 00:29:27,359
- I'm nearly through it.
555
00:29:27,360 --> 00:29:29,189
You have wonderful penmanship.
556
00:29:29,190 --> 00:29:31,429
- I suppose I was a little thorough.
557
00:29:31,430 --> 00:29:33,919
- No, no, I learned you
have very good teeth.
558
00:29:33,920 --> 00:29:35,769
Not that, that matters to me of course.
559
00:29:35,770 --> 00:29:39,129
And that you had a fine education,
560
00:29:39,130 --> 00:29:44,130
which you use to become a
waitress in a donut shop.
561
00:29:45,100 --> 00:29:48,039
- Proprietor, muffins.
562
00:29:48,040 --> 00:29:50,509
- That your height and weight are perfect.
563
00:29:50,510 --> 00:29:54,483
- Not to mention your
skin, of course, your eyes.
564
00:29:58,240 --> 00:29:59,490
Would you go out with me?
565
00:30:01,380 --> 00:30:03,129
- I really can't.
566
00:30:03,130 --> 00:30:04,037
- Of course not, I'm sorry.
567
00:30:04,038 --> 00:30:05,249
- Not that I'm against it
568
00:30:05,250 --> 00:30:07,779
just that it leads to, you know?
569
00:30:07,780 --> 00:30:08,780
- Intercourse?
570
00:30:09,890 --> 00:30:11,623
- You got pretty far in my chart.
571
00:30:12,820 --> 00:30:15,929
- I was actually referring
to love and marriage.
572
00:30:15,930 --> 00:30:18,529
Those two, I don't do.
573
00:30:18,530 --> 00:30:19,659
The other thing,
574
00:30:19,660 --> 00:30:21,533
well, I just haven't done yet.
575
00:30:22,750 --> 00:30:24,373
That's why I'm here.
576
00:30:29,100 --> 00:30:30,699
- That's not birth.
577
00:30:30,700 --> 00:30:31,533
- What?
- What?
578
00:30:31,534 --> 00:30:33,229
- Birth's not a donut.
579
00:30:33,230 --> 00:30:35,099
It's an upside down triangle.
580
00:30:35,100 --> 00:30:37,419
- Your source?
- The web.
581
00:30:37,420 --> 00:30:38,420
Yours?
582
00:30:39,210 --> 00:30:40,210
- A poet.
583
00:30:41,130 --> 00:30:42,939
- I think we got a loser.
584
00:30:42,940 --> 00:30:43,940
- Thank you, Jean.
585
00:30:50,610 --> 00:30:53,183
- Well, I should go.
586
00:30:54,170 --> 00:30:56,663
Timmy's probably at
there squirting things.
587
00:30:58,550 --> 00:31:02,230
I just wanted to give
birth to you, the sign.
588
00:31:03,177 --> 00:31:04,177
- Oh, yeah.
589
00:31:06,628 --> 00:31:07,461
- Yeah.
590
00:31:07,462 --> 00:31:08,677
(bouncy music)
591
00:31:08,678 --> 00:31:09,678
Okay.
592
00:31:12,466 --> 00:31:14,504
(door opens)
593
00:31:14,505 --> 00:31:16,391
(door closes)
594
00:31:16,392 --> 00:31:18,975
(bouncy music)
595
00:31:32,912 --> 00:31:34,389
- Hey, hey, hey!
596
00:31:34,390 --> 00:31:38,109
Timmy, this is not a toy, okay?
597
00:31:38,110 --> 00:31:38,943
You understand?
598
00:31:38,944 --> 00:31:41,520
You could seriously hurt
somebody with one of these.
599
00:31:43,346 --> 00:31:44,933
(sighs) Ms. Peters here?
600
00:31:48,035 --> 00:31:51,118
(bouncy piano music)
601
00:32:05,070 --> 00:32:06,270
- Where did he get food?
602
00:32:08,610 --> 00:32:10,049
Who's he?
603
00:32:10,050 --> 00:32:13,189
- A stray, Leila adopted him.
604
00:32:13,190 --> 00:32:15,193
- Hey, who are you?
605
00:32:16,430 --> 00:32:18,463
- Strictly need to know basis.
606
00:32:21,670 --> 00:32:22,503
- Where is Leila?
607
00:32:22,504 --> 00:32:23,769
She's not upstairs.
608
00:32:23,770 --> 00:32:25,219
- Sorry.
609
00:32:25,220 --> 00:32:27,319
- Tight chip as usual, girls,
610
00:32:27,320 --> 00:32:30,489
This place is like the
Microsoft of muffins shops.
611
00:32:30,490 --> 00:32:31,490
- Thanks.
612
00:32:32,779 --> 00:32:33,862
- Thanks too.
613
00:32:40,980 --> 00:32:42,253
- You're skin and bones.
614
00:32:43,260 --> 00:32:45,459
I'm gonna make you a tin roof.
615
00:32:45,460 --> 00:32:47,199
It's your uncle's favorite?
616
00:32:47,200 --> 00:32:48,563
Every bite could kill him.
617
00:32:50,690 --> 00:32:54,293
- Mammy, are you kinda
like a woman, right?
618
00:32:55,510 --> 00:32:57,360
- It's a good thing I love you, dear.
619
00:32:58,560 --> 00:32:59,460
- You know what I mean?
620
00:32:59,461 --> 00:33:01,339
You're softer than uncle.
621
00:33:01,340 --> 00:33:02,390
- Thank you, sweetie.
622
00:33:05,450 --> 00:33:07,100
- Do you still have sex with him?
623
00:33:09,650 --> 00:33:12,683
- You do know that normal
people don't talk like this.
624
00:33:14,120 --> 00:33:17,729
- But when you do does a
big bell go off or something
625
00:33:17,730 --> 00:33:19,729
because I've interviewed some men,
626
00:33:19,730 --> 00:33:22,563
and I don't think I have a bell, Mammy.
627
00:33:23,730 --> 00:33:25,580
- It's just in a different key, dear.
628
00:33:26,522 --> 00:33:28,263
You have to wait for the right song.
629
00:33:31,648 --> 00:33:34,231
(upbeat music)
630
00:33:49,975 --> 00:33:53,300
♪ I had a song about clouds and rainbows ♪
631
00:33:53,301 --> 00:33:55,214
- [Man] That's it, I'm tired of you two.
632
00:33:55,215 --> 00:33:56,048
Out of the car.
633
00:33:56,049 --> 00:33:58,540
♪ Sings like a dove ♪
634
00:33:58,541 --> 00:34:00,748
♪ About some words ♪
635
00:34:00,749 --> 00:34:03,338
♪ About anything ♪
636
00:34:03,339 --> 00:34:07,342
♪ Anything you know ♪
637
00:34:07,343 --> 00:34:09,503
♪ I've paint a picture ♪
638
00:34:09,504 --> 00:34:11,670
♪ On my prison ♪
639
00:34:11,671 --> 00:34:15,434
♪ With blue and gray for the sky above ♪
640
00:34:15,435 --> 00:34:17,185
Here's some Twinkies.
641
00:34:18,521 --> 00:34:20,616
(tires screeching)
642
00:34:20,617 --> 00:34:24,975
♪ Anything below ♪
643
00:34:24,976 --> 00:34:29,224
♪ There he go but I won't miss him ♪
644
00:34:29,225 --> 00:34:33,529
♪ I've got better things to do ♪
645
00:34:33,530 --> 00:34:37,864
♪ I'd write a stories and paint pictures ♪
646
00:34:37,865 --> 00:34:41,198
♪ Of many things I love ♪
647
00:34:42,472 --> 00:34:45,055
(upbeat music)
648
00:34:55,740 --> 00:34:58,573
(car engine revs)
649
00:35:06,364 --> 00:35:09,781
(man and woman laughing)
650
00:35:13,026 --> 00:35:17,225
- (laughs) Not without the children.
651
00:35:17,226 --> 00:35:21,803
♪ I have a story about a couple ♪
652
00:35:21,804 --> 00:35:26,123
♪ Still a plot from an old movie ♪
653
00:35:26,124 --> 00:35:30,573
♪ You can tell what inspired you ♪
654
00:35:30,574 --> 00:35:35,574
♪ Oh, anything you love ♪
655
00:35:36,678 --> 00:35:39,326
♪ But I won't miss you ♪
656
00:35:39,327 --> 00:35:43,624
♪ I have got better things to do ♪
657
00:35:43,625 --> 00:35:47,998
♪ Like writing stories
and painting pictures ♪
658
00:35:47,999 --> 00:35:52,576
♪ Of anything you love ♪
659
00:35:52,577 --> 00:35:55,494
♪ Anything my love ♪
660
00:35:57,164 --> 00:35:59,914
(sirens wailing)
661
00:36:15,140 --> 00:36:16,439
- Paxil?
662
00:36:16,440 --> 00:36:17,979
You fed yourself.
663
00:36:17,980 --> 00:36:18,980
What a great dog.
664
00:36:24,570 --> 00:36:27,639
- [Evy] Hey Leila, I'm with
Mammy shooting winnings
665
00:36:27,640 --> 00:36:28,993
or something.
666
00:36:28,994 --> 00:36:31,519
Oh, I left you some goodies today.
667
00:36:31,520 --> 00:36:32,959
Have you picked a guy yet?
668
00:36:32,960 --> 00:36:34,510
Call me.
669
00:36:34,511 --> 00:36:36,729
(machine beeps)
670
00:36:36,730 --> 00:36:39,099
- [Man] Hi, my son is having
a birthday party on the 17.
671
00:36:39,100 --> 00:36:40,142
- Hello?
- I was wondering
672
00:36:40,143 --> 00:36:41,969
if you had someone who
makes balloon animals,
673
00:36:41,970 --> 00:36:43,029
especially a pig.
674
00:36:43,030 --> 00:36:44,329
Please let me know my number is.
675
00:36:44,330 --> 00:36:45,330
- [Man] Hello?
676
00:36:46,460 --> 00:36:47,533
Hello, are you there?
677
00:36:48,410 --> 00:36:49,410
Hi.
678
00:36:52,297 --> 00:36:54,732
- Who are you?
- It's me Slappy.
679
00:36:54,733 --> 00:36:56,939
- (laughs) You're not Slappy.
680
00:36:56,940 --> 00:36:58,639
He's got blue hair.
681
00:36:58,640 --> 00:37:01,069
- All right, so I'm the gingerbread man.
682
00:37:01,070 --> 00:37:02,499
Do you think I could come upstairs,
683
00:37:02,500 --> 00:37:04,619
and change my clothes, please?
684
00:37:04,620 --> 00:37:06,039
- Why?
685
00:37:06,040 --> 00:37:07,629
- Because I'm a cookie.
686
00:37:07,630 --> 00:37:08,590
- Hey you.
687
00:37:08,591 --> 00:37:10,399
Yeah, you ginger snack.
688
00:37:10,400 --> 00:37:11,280
- What?
689
00:37:11,281 --> 00:37:12,283
- Fuck off.
690
00:37:15,730 --> 00:37:17,230
- Do you have a business card?
691
00:37:22,950 --> 00:37:24,453
Eddy, head clown.
692
00:37:26,481 --> 00:37:28,249
(Paxil barks)
693
00:37:28,250 --> 00:37:30,889
- Paxil, head dog.
694
00:37:30,890 --> 00:37:31,890
I'm Leila.
695
00:37:33,740 --> 00:37:35,859
Do you think I could use your-
- Oh yeah, sure,
696
00:37:35,860 --> 00:37:37,399
it's right back there.
697
00:37:37,400 --> 00:37:38,400
- Thanks, excuse me.
698
00:38:07,655 --> 00:38:09,322
What are you having?
699
00:38:10,620 --> 00:38:15,009
- Oh, (chuckles) I change my mind.
700
00:38:15,010 --> 00:38:17,280
Would you like anything at all
701
00:38:18,660 --> 00:38:20,923
along the lines of milk?
702
00:38:22,350 --> 00:38:25,063
- Do you have anything
along the lines of tequila?
703
00:38:26,090 --> 00:38:27,709
I've had a long day.
704
00:38:27,710 --> 00:38:31,049
- There's a bottle up there, scotch,
705
00:38:31,050 --> 00:38:32,879
but it's 10 years old.
706
00:38:32,880 --> 00:38:35,949
And the label on it warns
you that it was 12 years
707
00:38:35,950 --> 00:38:36,950
to begin with.
708
00:38:47,860 --> 00:38:49,529
- Looks like you can use some too.
709
00:38:49,530 --> 00:38:50,409
- Me?
710
00:38:50,410 --> 00:38:52,289
(chuckles) No I haven't had any,
711
00:38:52,290 --> 00:38:53,423
since I was 18.
712
00:38:56,410 --> 00:38:57,999
Alcohol.
713
00:38:58,000 --> 00:38:58,833
I got dumped.
714
00:38:58,834 --> 00:39:02,649
I got depressed and I drank
a whole bottle of Blue Nun.
715
00:39:02,650 --> 00:39:04,289
- Ooh!
- Mm-hmm.
716
00:39:04,290 --> 00:39:06,990
- What kind of pecker head
would dump a babe like you?
717
00:39:08,630 --> 00:39:10,530
- I bet you say that to all the girls.
718
00:39:12,911 --> 00:39:16,244
(peaceful guitar music)
719
00:39:26,710 --> 00:39:28,273
- What's with the guard dog?
720
00:39:29,770 --> 00:39:30,939
- Ah, it wasn't as pretty as the Collie,
721
00:39:30,940 --> 00:39:32,003
so they dumped him.
722
00:39:33,320 --> 00:39:34,932
- Who dumped him?
723
00:39:34,933 --> 00:39:36,723
- Some rich indifferent owners.
724
00:39:37,640 --> 00:39:39,263
Some people shouldn't have dogs.
725
00:39:40,600 --> 00:39:41,899
And those who truly deserved them,
726
00:39:41,900 --> 00:39:42,900
can't have him.
727
00:39:43,620 --> 00:39:44,620
- Like who?
728
00:39:45,480 --> 00:39:46,729
- Orphans?
729
00:39:46,730 --> 00:39:50,363
Orphans do not have beautiful
dogs with little red collars.
730
00:39:51,410 --> 00:39:53,439
- And what about Annie?
731
00:39:53,440 --> 00:39:54,490
- She's an exception.
732
00:39:55,800 --> 00:39:56,800
She's a cartoon.
733
00:39:59,160 --> 00:40:02,057
- So what are you having?
734
00:40:03,159 --> 00:40:06,943
(sighs) What's good?
735
00:40:09,927 --> 00:40:12,394
- Drink up!
736
00:40:12,395 --> 00:40:14,260
Drink, drink, drink.
737
00:40:15,095 --> 00:40:16,345
- Okay, thanks.
738
00:40:17,255 --> 00:40:19,560
- In Okay...
739
00:40:21,490 --> 00:40:22,490
Nepal.
740
00:40:26,159 --> 00:40:27,474
- Lesotho.
741
00:40:27,475 --> 00:40:28,558
- Oh, la, la.
742
00:40:32,196 --> 00:40:33,196
Oh!
743
00:40:35,400 --> 00:40:37,583
- There aren't any else.
- There's one.
744
00:40:40,070 --> 00:40:42,443
- Okinawa.
- That's not a country.
745
00:40:43,340 --> 00:40:45,419
Ah, that's another drink right there.
746
00:40:45,420 --> 00:40:47,367
- No fair, you've played this before.
747
00:40:48,980 --> 00:40:50,373
- All right, more ice.
748
00:40:59,250 --> 00:41:01,079
I fed myself.
749
00:41:01,080 --> 00:41:02,080
- Good for you.
750
00:41:05,590 --> 00:41:06,590
- Have a girl.
751
00:41:08,050 --> 00:41:09,369
- I'm trying, I'm trying.
752
00:41:09,370 --> 00:41:11,253
Okay, don't pressure me.
753
00:41:12,810 --> 00:41:13,960
- Wait, you're married.
754
00:41:15,675 --> 00:41:16,675
- No.
755
00:41:17,440 --> 00:41:18,440
- Gay?
756
00:41:19,360 --> 00:41:20,360
- No.
757
00:41:21,290 --> 00:41:22,890
- Well, help me out here, Leila.
758
00:41:33,170 --> 00:41:34,543
- That's my sex life.
759
00:41:36,355 --> 00:41:40,443
I'm like a total virgin.
760
00:41:45,050 --> 00:41:46,323
Will you show me how.
761
00:41:51,400 --> 00:41:55,699
- Well your lips were a
little, a little bit slack.
762
00:41:55,700 --> 00:41:57,257
You might want to, ah.
763
00:41:58,367 --> 00:41:59,367
Just.
764
00:42:00,662 --> 00:42:01,829
- No, show me.
765
00:42:04,539 --> 00:42:06,956
(jazz music)
766
00:42:20,499 --> 00:42:21,499
You'll do.
767
00:42:29,557 --> 00:42:32,140
(upbeat music)
768
00:42:38,588 --> 00:42:41,024
♪ Last night ♪
769
00:42:41,025 --> 00:42:42,945
♪ I got loaded ♪
770
00:42:42,946 --> 00:42:45,271
♪ On a bottle of whiskey ♪
771
00:42:45,272 --> 00:42:48,129
♪ On a bottle of whiskey ♪
772
00:42:48,130 --> 00:42:50,531
♪ Last night ♪
773
00:42:50,532 --> 00:42:52,623
♪ I got loaded ♪
774
00:42:52,624 --> 00:42:55,020
♪ On a bottle of whiskey ♪
775
00:42:55,021 --> 00:42:56,991
♪ On a bottle of whiskey ♪
776
00:42:56,992 --> 00:42:59,169
♪ You know I feel all right ♪
777
00:42:59,170 --> 00:43:00,229
I undressed myself
778
00:43:00,230 --> 00:43:02,719
♪ Feel all right ♪
779
00:43:02,720 --> 00:43:05,177
♪ Feel all right ♪
780
00:43:05,178 --> 00:43:07,928
♪ Feel all right ♪
781
00:43:13,754 --> 00:43:16,921
(upbeat guitar music)
782
00:43:26,974 --> 00:43:29,249
(Paxil barks)
783
00:43:29,250 --> 00:43:32,167
Oh, I never would have gotten that.
784
00:43:33,600 --> 00:43:35,119
- So you didn't actually have sex then?
785
00:43:35,120 --> 00:43:37,349
- [Leila] No, not
according to the evidence.
786
00:43:37,350 --> 00:43:38,350
- Well good.
787
00:43:40,090 --> 00:43:41,899
Well, I mean, most people like
788
00:43:41,900 --> 00:43:43,399
to at least remember their first time
789
00:43:43,400 --> 00:43:46,039
so they can pretend years
later they enjoyed it.
790
00:43:46,040 --> 00:43:49,849
- Look, I want tips, hard tips.
791
00:43:49,850 --> 00:43:50,993
Hard as bullets.
792
00:43:52,150 --> 00:43:53,929
I want it to be scary.
793
00:43:53,930 --> 00:43:56,769
- Tips?
- Positions.
794
00:43:56,770 --> 00:43:58,115
Good ones.
795
00:43:58,116 --> 00:43:59,229
- I have to answer you.
796
00:43:59,230 --> 00:44:00,799
- You're my doctor.
797
00:44:00,800 --> 00:44:01,800
- Yes.
798
00:44:02,580 --> 00:44:07,142
Well, there's a school
of thought which believes
799
00:44:07,143 --> 00:44:10,199
that the conception may
be more likely to occur
800
00:44:10,200 --> 00:44:11,423
if one were to,
801
00:44:13,790 --> 00:44:17,210
well, if you were to get up on one zone
802
00:44:20,820 --> 00:44:25,820
or for us helping to maintaining
a sperm near the cervix.
803
00:44:27,500 --> 00:44:29,229
- Sperm near the cervix.
804
00:44:29,230 --> 00:44:33,653
- Then after you might
want to roll over on ones.
805
00:44:35,538 --> 00:44:37,351
- Back?
- Good.
806
00:44:37,352 --> 00:44:38,185
And so that your lungs,
807
00:44:38,186 --> 00:44:40,949
your are up in the air.
- My legs.
808
00:44:40,950 --> 00:44:41,950
- That will be fine.
809
00:44:43,370 --> 00:44:45,403
- And?
- Gravity takes over.
810
00:44:47,110 --> 00:44:50,799
- Gee, it doesn't sound like much fun.
811
00:44:50,800 --> 00:44:53,513
- Speaking to yourself. (chuckles)
812
00:45:00,890 --> 00:45:02,527
- Bad night, dear?
813
00:45:02,528 --> 00:45:04,999
- I think I got drunk and kissed a clown,
814
00:45:05,000 --> 00:45:06,353
- But that's wonderful.
815
00:45:08,150 --> 00:45:09,509
- I went to the doctor.
816
00:45:09,510 --> 00:45:11,083
- You don't need a doctor.
817
00:45:11,950 --> 00:45:14,019
- It got worse at the doctors.
818
00:45:14,020 --> 00:45:16,029
- It's about love, isn't it?
819
00:45:16,030 --> 00:45:19,259
That sickly blue sheen under your skin,
820
00:45:19,260 --> 00:45:22,029
and a fed of the heart
can be wretchedly blue.
821
00:45:22,030 --> 00:45:23,879
People have perished.
822
00:45:23,880 --> 00:45:26,629
- It's alcohol, not love.
823
00:45:26,630 --> 00:45:27,463
- There's nothing wrong,
824
00:45:27,464 --> 00:45:29,289
a little champagne in moderation,
825
00:45:29,290 --> 00:45:30,949
and on the right occasion.
826
00:45:30,950 --> 00:45:33,609
- What about a tidal wave of scotch?
827
00:45:33,610 --> 00:45:35,509
- Washes away the inhibition.
828
00:45:35,510 --> 00:45:37,719
Very instrumental in the
bedding of your uncle,
829
00:45:37,720 --> 00:45:39,493
and look how that turned out.
830
00:45:40,920 --> 00:45:43,063
Oh, Lord your uncle, the fitting.
831
00:45:44,350 --> 00:45:45,909
- What's the fitting?
832
00:45:45,910 --> 00:45:47,499
- Your baby sisters big day,
833
00:45:47,500 --> 00:45:49,019
the maid of honor.
834
00:45:49,020 --> 00:45:50,923
I left Ernest 10 in love car.
835
00:45:52,020 --> 00:45:54,419
Today's the final fitting.
836
00:45:54,420 --> 00:45:55,829
- When was the first?
837
00:45:55,830 --> 00:45:58,269
- Well, honey, you're not the bride.
838
00:45:58,270 --> 00:46:01,649
Well of course you, you will be one again.
839
00:46:01,650 --> 00:46:03,423
Oh, where's everybody's coat?
840
00:46:04,440 --> 00:46:05,273
- Just bring me a dress.
841
00:46:05,274 --> 00:46:08,253
I don't even care if it fits.
- Come on.
842
00:46:09,350 --> 00:46:11,313
Yumi Katsura waits for no one.
843
00:46:13,230 --> 00:46:14,703
She outfitted the Nutcracker.
844
00:46:18,240 --> 00:46:20,539
- I don't see how one person can forget
845
00:46:20,540 --> 00:46:23,969
about another person when that
person is sitting downstairs
846
00:46:23,970 --> 00:46:27,679
in a car for an hour.
847
00:46:27,680 --> 00:46:31,429
- 20 Minutes, max.
- 40 bucks minimum.
848
00:46:31,430 --> 00:46:32,430
- Where's Evy?
849
00:46:33,990 --> 00:46:34,990
- You tell her.
850
00:46:35,690 --> 00:46:36,890
- She's not in the mood.
851
00:46:37,834 --> 00:46:38,667
- It's her wedding.
852
00:46:38,668 --> 00:46:40,063
I'm not in the mood.
853
00:46:40,064 --> 00:46:41,759
- The important thing is the only thing is
854
00:46:41,760 --> 00:46:44,329
there is going to be a wedding.
855
00:46:44,330 --> 00:46:46,292
- What about the dress?
856
00:46:46,293 --> 00:46:47,771
- Tell her.
857
00:46:47,772 --> 00:46:49,179
- You tell her.
858
00:46:49,180 --> 00:46:50,180
- Tell me what.
859
00:46:52,420 --> 00:46:55,679
No, absolutely not.
860
00:46:55,680 --> 00:46:57,899
I do not wear gowns.
861
00:46:57,900 --> 00:46:59,733
- You can and you will.
862
00:47:01,670 --> 00:47:03,089
- Oh no!
863
00:47:03,090 --> 00:47:05,519
- Don't worry, we'll
get it out in a jiffy,
864
00:47:05,520 --> 00:47:07,259
and you're practically
the same size as Evy,
865
00:47:07,260 --> 00:47:08,439
except for the rise,
866
00:47:08,440 --> 00:47:09,934
and there is no rise.
867
00:47:09,935 --> 00:47:13,119
And of course, it didn't like that is.
868
00:47:13,120 --> 00:47:14,399
How do you do?
869
00:47:14,400 --> 00:47:16,719
- Is this the joyful bride?
870
00:47:16,720 --> 00:47:17,959
- No.
871
00:47:17,960 --> 00:47:19,899
- Do I detect a future dress.
872
00:47:19,900 --> 00:47:22,639
- You detect a bottle of scotch.
873
00:47:22,640 --> 00:47:24,299
Where's the dumb dress?
874
00:47:24,300 --> 00:47:26,539
- Please, excuse my extra niece.
875
00:47:26,540 --> 00:47:28,388
She poo-poos love and marriage.
876
00:47:28,389 --> 00:47:31,093
- Ah, the single sister of the bride.
877
00:47:32,560 --> 00:47:33,520
Poor child.
878
00:47:33,521 --> 00:47:36,549
- Well, this poor child will
also need something in white.
879
00:47:36,550 --> 00:47:39,829
As we mentioned, we're
planning an all white wedding.
880
00:47:39,830 --> 00:47:41,919
This one actually is a virgin.
881
00:47:41,920 --> 00:47:43,584
The bride of course is not.
882
00:47:43,585 --> 00:47:44,949
- (laughs) Ernest!
883
00:47:44,950 --> 00:47:46,199
- Don't worry.
884
00:47:46,200 --> 00:47:48,409
When a young woman puts
on a wedding dress,
885
00:47:48,410 --> 00:47:52,830
even someone else's she's
positively transformed.
886
00:47:52,831 --> 00:47:55,414
(upbeat music)
887
00:48:17,619 --> 00:48:21,210
♪ When I go and lay myself down ♪
888
00:48:21,211 --> 00:48:24,739
♪ Will I dream ♪
889
00:48:24,740 --> 00:48:28,606
♪ Will I dream ♪
890
00:48:28,607 --> 00:48:33,562
♪ Tonight where are you ♪
891
00:48:33,563 --> 00:48:38,563
♪ Where am I in a dream ♪
892
00:48:38,992 --> 00:48:43,182
♪ In my dream, ♪
893
00:48:43,183 --> 00:48:48,183
♪ Fly me away to the moon and stars ♪
894
00:48:50,057 --> 00:48:55,057
♪ Fly away ♪
895
00:48:55,729 --> 00:48:57,812
♪ So far ♪
896
00:49:08,511 --> 00:49:10,805
- You're a bad boy.
897
00:49:10,806 --> 00:49:11,806
No, I'm not.
898
00:49:13,341 --> 00:49:14,997
Yes, you are.
899
00:49:14,998 --> 00:49:16,363
No, I'm not.
900
00:49:16,364 --> 00:49:17,714
Yes, you are.
901
00:49:17,715 --> 00:49:18,798
No, I'm not.
902
00:49:23,744 --> 00:49:24,744
Spartacus?
903
00:49:25,623 --> 00:49:26,683
- It's me Eddie.
904
00:49:27,550 --> 00:49:30,396
- Wow, you look like Spartacus.
905
00:49:30,397 --> 00:49:32,663
But then you look like a lot of people.
906
00:49:33,890 --> 00:49:34,940
- Why are you crying?
907
00:49:36,516 --> 00:49:39,416
- (sniffles) 'Cause I barfed
on my sister's wedding dress.
908
00:49:41,330 --> 00:49:44,969
- You can tell me.
- I just did.
909
00:49:44,970 --> 00:49:45,970
- Come on Leila.
910
00:49:48,490 --> 00:49:50,963
You're trying to get me
to say that I'm crying,
911
00:49:52,380 --> 00:49:57,003
or that I'm really crying
because I once as a kid,
912
00:49:58,570 --> 00:50:01,253
and I once had parents,
913
00:50:02,970 --> 00:50:05,793
and I once had secret hopes and dreams,
914
00:50:06,930 --> 00:50:08,630
but I'm afraid that that's not it.
915
00:50:09,780 --> 00:50:12,483
It's that I threw up on my sister's dress.
916
00:50:13,420 --> 00:50:14,679
Well, my uncles will have it cleaned,
917
00:50:14,680 --> 00:50:15,929
but still my sister,
918
00:50:15,930 --> 00:50:18,109
my little baby sister has to get married
919
00:50:18,110 --> 00:50:19,693
in dress that I barfed on.
920
00:50:21,230 --> 00:50:23,330
Once you barf on it, they make you buy it.
921
00:50:24,350 --> 00:50:25,363
- Bastards.
922
00:50:26,929 --> 00:50:27,762
(upbeat music)
923
00:50:27,763 --> 00:50:31,343
- One look, I'm talking about, one,
924
00:50:32,520 --> 00:50:36,399
and suddenly I'm in this vortex
925
00:50:36,400 --> 00:50:41,400
of some giant sucking
unfathomably forceful force.
926
00:50:46,420 --> 00:50:49,049
- We're still talking
about the Virgin, right?
927
00:50:49,050 --> 00:50:52,439
- It's more like a great
big thundering speed ball
928
00:50:52,440 --> 00:50:56,533
of a rushing toady flood.
929
00:50:58,770 --> 00:51:00,889
You know the feeling?
930
00:51:00,890 --> 00:51:01,890
- Lust?
931
00:51:03,320 --> 00:51:04,320
- Dread.
932
00:51:05,040 --> 00:51:07,713
- The kind of dread the
perfect women inspire.
933
00:51:08,950 --> 00:51:09,950
- I'm married.
934
00:51:10,838 --> 00:51:14,089
- I should write five TV
show words on my blackboard,
935
00:51:14,090 --> 00:51:14,923
and I run with it.
936
00:51:14,924 --> 00:51:16,319
Boy, do I run with it?
937
00:51:16,320 --> 00:51:17,320
- Let it out.
938
00:51:20,806 --> 00:51:23,779
I don't completely remember last night.
939
00:51:23,780 --> 00:51:24,780
- You were toast.
940
00:51:25,750 --> 00:51:28,779
- Still I should thank you
for being such a gentleman.
941
00:51:28,780 --> 00:51:30,709
- Well, you were tat on
conscious at the time
942
00:51:30,710 --> 00:51:32,010
they have laws about that.
943
00:51:33,090 --> 00:51:35,003
- Gee, you're like the perfect clown.
944
00:51:36,506 --> 00:51:38,053
- Well, I'm not a clown now.
945
00:51:39,001 --> 00:51:41,919
- No, you're a vulcanized gladiator.
946
00:51:41,920 --> 00:51:42,920
I saw the movie.
947
00:51:45,110 --> 00:51:46,143
- Touch my chest.
948
00:51:47,662 --> 00:51:49,459
- Oh, it's so cold and synthetic.
949
00:51:49,460 --> 00:51:51,410
- But inside beats the heart of a lion.
950
00:51:52,500 --> 00:51:53,763
- Nobel Roman.
951
00:51:54,974 --> 00:51:57,433
- My sword is that your service.
952
00:51:58,340 --> 00:52:00,293
- Would you be so shamelessly used.
953
00:52:01,460 --> 00:52:02,663
- I'm Spartacus.
954
00:52:04,430 --> 00:52:06,530
- You really do deserve to wear the skirt.
955
00:52:10,157 --> 00:52:13,158
(Leila laughs)
956
00:52:13,159 --> 00:52:14,159
- Hands!
957
00:52:16,115 --> 00:52:17,948
All right, here we go.
958
00:52:19,767 --> 00:52:20,845
That's it.
959
00:52:20,846 --> 00:52:22,513
- Good play, Donald!
960
00:52:23,950 --> 00:52:24,783
Okay, what happened next?
961
00:52:24,784 --> 00:52:25,829
Tell me the full details.
962
00:52:25,830 --> 00:52:27,600
- So then he took off his helmet
963
00:52:28,982 --> 00:52:29,815
- And?
964
00:52:29,816 --> 00:52:34,059
- And he kissed me a lot, all over.
965
00:52:34,060 --> 00:52:35,253
- And you were awake?
966
00:52:36,960 --> 00:52:37,960
- That's so great.
967
00:52:38,830 --> 00:52:40,840
Breast plate on or off?
968
00:52:40,841 --> 00:52:42,692
- On
- Oh my God,
969
00:52:42,693 --> 00:52:45,656
it's just like high school.
970
00:52:45,657 --> 00:52:46,657
Did you touch it?
971
00:52:47,660 --> 00:52:49,269
- I laughed at it.
972
00:52:49,270 --> 00:52:51,799
- No, Leila, no!
973
00:52:51,800 --> 00:52:52,879
- Well, he took it out,
974
00:52:52,880 --> 00:52:55,143
I laughed and he left, that's all.
975
00:52:56,630 --> 00:52:58,157
- That's all?
976
00:52:58,158 --> 00:53:00,375
- I think that's probably enough.
977
00:53:00,376 --> 00:53:05,376
(both laughing)
(men chattering)
978
00:53:06,482 --> 00:53:07,799
- I love you, baby.
979
00:53:07,800 --> 00:53:09,300
Yeah, come on now!
980
00:53:10,669 --> 00:53:12,563
- He's quite graceful.
981
00:53:14,351 --> 00:53:15,351
He's rich.
982
00:53:16,817 --> 00:53:18,313
And He's gorgeous.
983
00:53:21,190 --> 00:53:22,190
He's perfect in bed.
984
00:53:26,271 --> 00:53:27,271
Oh God.
985
00:53:28,298 --> 00:53:31,465
(bouncy violin music)
986
00:53:52,070 --> 00:53:53,159
- Hey, boss.
987
00:53:53,160 --> 00:53:54,429
I haven't seen you in a while.
988
00:53:54,430 --> 00:53:56,559
- Who are these people?
989
00:53:56,560 --> 00:53:58,111
- Customers.
990
00:53:58,112 --> 00:53:59,493
- When do we get customer?
991
00:54:01,410 --> 00:54:03,053
- Here's the deal Harvard,
992
00:54:03,910 --> 00:54:07,779
from now on the menus is
whatever I decided to cook.
993
00:54:07,780 --> 00:54:10,363
I said the price is according to words by.
994
00:54:11,320 --> 00:54:14,259
Lawyers can no longer refer to eat here.
995
00:54:14,260 --> 00:54:16,446
- Hey, I'm a lawyer.
996
00:54:16,447 --> 00:54:17,340
Who is this guy?
997
00:54:17,341 --> 00:54:19,309
- He hates that question.
998
00:54:19,310 --> 00:54:20,310
How would you know?
999
00:54:24,900 --> 00:54:26,339
- I get no salary,
1000
00:54:26,340 --> 00:54:28,699
but 10% of the gross.
1001
00:54:28,700 --> 00:54:29,979
We've closed on Wednesdays,
1002
00:54:29,980 --> 00:54:31,889
because I don't like Wednesdays.
1003
00:54:31,890 --> 00:54:33,419
And we are closed on Sundays,
1004
00:54:33,420 --> 00:54:35,149
because I do like Sundays.
1005
00:54:35,150 --> 00:54:37,793
But it's possible that I
will leave at any time.
1006
00:54:39,160 --> 00:54:40,932
Do we have an understanding?
1007
00:54:40,933 --> 00:54:42,959
- Are you wanted or something?
1008
00:54:42,960 --> 00:54:44,459
- Good one, Donald.
1009
00:54:44,460 --> 00:54:45,613
- Say yes, boss.
1010
00:54:47,090 --> 00:54:49,059
- Can you get her here by 6:00 AM,
1011
00:54:49,060 --> 00:54:51,039
nose ring set and shined.
1012
00:54:51,040 --> 00:54:53,713
- Doubtful, very, very doubtful.
1013
00:54:54,740 --> 00:54:57,469
So who is hungry?
1014
00:54:57,470 --> 00:54:59,313
- I could eat.
- What about you?
1015
00:55:00,160 --> 00:55:02,053
I don't know how to price your meal.
1016
00:55:04,040 --> 00:55:05,040
- Leila.
1017
00:55:07,580 --> 00:55:08,580
- Eddie.
1018
00:55:09,350 --> 00:55:11,900
- Listen, I don't know what
got into me last night.
1019
00:55:12,830 --> 00:55:14,573
I'm not used to being laughed at.
1020
00:55:15,740 --> 00:55:17,823
- Some clown.
- Last night?
1021
00:55:19,070 --> 00:55:21,139
It's a long story.
1022
00:55:21,140 --> 00:55:22,939
- So this is Slappy.
1023
00:55:22,940 --> 00:55:25,069
- All the good names were taken.
1024
00:55:25,070 --> 00:55:26,660
Could we take this?
1025
00:55:31,320 --> 00:55:33,239
- Listen Leila, I'm beginning to feel
1026
00:55:33,240 --> 00:55:34,923
a little bit objectified here.
1027
00:55:36,119 --> 00:55:37,603
- Well, Defender.
1028
00:55:39,020 --> 00:55:40,739
- Oh, good children.
1029
00:55:40,740 --> 00:55:42,240
- Are you really the Defender?
1030
00:55:43,410 --> 00:55:44,799
- Sure why not?
1031
00:55:44,800 --> 00:55:46,519
- Then you gotta help her.
1032
00:55:46,520 --> 00:55:47,520
She's sick.
1033
00:55:53,220 --> 00:55:54,729
- How is she?
1034
00:55:54,730 --> 00:55:55,749
- Mainly Hypothermic it may kill a week.
1035
00:55:55,750 --> 00:55:57,289
She'll be fine.
1036
00:55:57,290 --> 00:56:00,249
- They always feel better
when they throw up on me.
1037
00:56:00,250 --> 00:56:01,569
- Who you were again?
1038
00:56:01,570 --> 00:56:04,299
- Eddie.
- Head clown.
1039
00:56:04,300 --> 00:56:05,300
- Oh.
1040
00:56:07,320 --> 00:56:09,759
So someone must be worried about you, huh?
1041
00:56:09,760 --> 00:56:11,196
What's your name?
1042
00:56:11,197 --> 00:56:13,589
- I'm Jack, she's Red.
1043
00:56:13,590 --> 00:56:14,763
Nobody's worried.
1044
00:56:15,610 --> 00:56:18,319
- Okay, Red, that's a pretty name.
1045
00:56:18,320 --> 00:56:20,506
Do you remember your address, hmm?
1046
00:56:20,507 --> 00:56:22,319
- She zipped her lips.
- Really?
1047
00:56:22,320 --> 00:56:23,379
You know, I once did that too.
1048
00:56:23,380 --> 00:56:25,230
I once zipped mine for about a month.
1049
00:56:26,200 --> 00:56:27,869
So where is the secret key?
1050
00:56:27,870 --> 00:56:29,429
- It's a zipper,
1051
00:56:29,430 --> 00:56:30,430
not a lock.
1052
00:56:31,143 --> 00:56:32,593
- Huh, well.
1053
00:56:36,180 --> 00:56:37,013
Okay, then what about you?
1054
00:56:37,014 --> 00:56:38,049
What's your address?
1055
00:56:38,050 --> 00:56:39,739
- Same as her is.
1056
00:56:39,740 --> 00:56:42,339
We're twins.
- Huh?
1057
00:56:42,340 --> 00:56:47,340
- Well, on that note, doc, Leila, kids,
1058
00:56:48,040 --> 00:56:49,490
I'm off to write some wrongs.
1059
00:56:54,050 --> 00:56:55,313
Is he your boyfriend?
1060
00:56:56,225 --> 00:56:58,639
- I don't have boyfriends, Jack.
1061
00:56:58,640 --> 00:57:01,459
- He's not really a superhero, you know?
1062
00:57:01,460 --> 00:57:02,660
- Not by a long stretch.
1063
00:57:04,390 --> 00:57:06,190
Here you go, sweetie, you want that?
1064
00:57:08,060 --> 00:57:09,060
My dog?
1065
00:57:10,570 --> 00:57:11,869
I was gonna mention him.
1066
00:57:11,870 --> 00:57:14,669
- Hey, that's her dog.
1067
00:57:14,670 --> 00:57:17,359
- Okay, will you take good care of him?
1068
00:57:17,360 --> 00:57:18,399
Hmm?
1069
00:57:18,400 --> 00:57:19,650
He's zipped his lips too.
1070
00:57:21,000 --> 00:57:25,243
- Jack, Red, you're staying
with me tonight, okay?
1071
00:57:26,710 --> 00:57:27,710
- You got cable?
1072
00:57:39,320 --> 00:57:41,415
- I'm just gonna go tuck her in, okay?
1073
00:57:41,416 --> 00:57:42,416
- Okay.
1074
00:57:43,510 --> 00:57:44,860
- Your room is right there.
1075
00:57:46,224 --> 00:57:47,224
Yeah.
1076
00:57:56,400 --> 00:57:59,753
I'm just gonna wait here for a second.
1077
00:58:01,430 --> 00:58:02,767
- Okay.
1078
00:58:02,768 --> 00:58:06,463
- You know, make sure everything's cool.
1079
00:58:07,809 --> 00:58:08,874
- I understand.
1080
00:58:08,875 --> 00:58:12,739
- 'Cause you never know
what's gonna happen.
1081
00:58:12,740 --> 00:58:14,197
- That's true.
1082
00:58:14,198 --> 00:58:15,498
- I'm not even that tired.
1083
00:58:17,240 --> 00:58:18,329
- You're a brave guy, Jack,
1084
00:58:18,330 --> 00:58:20,030
you took good care of your sister.
1085
00:58:21,848 --> 00:58:24,093
Can I shake your hand?
1086
00:58:27,270 --> 00:58:29,590
All right, you know, I was thinking that
1087
00:58:30,990 --> 00:58:35,019
what if Red wakes up and you're not there?
1088
00:58:35,020 --> 00:58:36,073
She might get scared.
1089
00:58:37,990 --> 00:58:38,980
I know you'd rather have your own room,
1090
00:58:38,981 --> 00:58:42,863
but you think for tonight and
my stay with her, protect her.
1091
00:58:44,726 --> 00:58:46,093
Yeah?
1092
00:58:46,094 --> 00:58:47,094
- Yeah.
1093
00:58:51,264 --> 00:58:54,514
(peaceful piano music)
1094
00:59:01,950 --> 00:59:03,509
- I may not be perfect at this,
1095
00:59:03,510 --> 00:59:05,689
but I won't be mean,
1096
00:59:05,690 --> 00:59:10,690
so please don't get anything
bad, or fatal, or indictable
1097
00:59:11,320 --> 00:59:14,989
while you're here, or not here.
1098
00:59:14,990 --> 00:59:19,203
Actually don't get
anything anywhere, okay?
1099
00:59:20,890 --> 00:59:21,890
Amen.
1100
00:59:24,100 --> 00:59:26,523
- Can you look after them, buster?
1101
00:59:28,675 --> 00:59:31,925
(peaceful piano music)
1102
00:59:37,981 --> 00:59:39,146
- Are they asleep?
1103
00:59:39,147 --> 00:59:40,147
- Mm-hmm.
1104
00:59:42,425 --> 00:59:44,903
- (chuckles) It's nice,
like a little story.
1105
00:59:46,576 --> 00:59:47,576
- Yeah.
1106
00:59:48,320 --> 00:59:49,559
When Evy and I were kids,
1107
00:59:49,560 --> 00:59:52,029
we used to think our
father was an astronaut,
1108
00:59:52,030 --> 00:59:54,980
'cause there was always spacesuits
laying around the house.
1109
00:59:57,890 --> 01:00:00,959
His real job was to make
sure that the visors
1110
01:00:00,960 --> 01:00:02,533
on the helmets didn't steam up.
1111
01:00:05,380 --> 01:00:07,173
- Not everyone's a star.
1112
01:00:11,541 --> 01:00:14,374
(thunder rumbles)
1113
01:00:19,410 --> 01:00:21,709
- What's gonna happen to them?
1114
01:00:21,710 --> 01:00:22,710
- I dunno.
1115
01:00:23,860 --> 01:00:25,709
I'm gonna make some calls.
1116
01:00:25,710 --> 01:00:27,860
- I was thinking that
they could stay here.
1117
01:00:28,830 --> 01:00:30,559
- What about your mission?
1118
01:00:30,560 --> 01:00:32,823
- Well, I can postpone that.
1119
01:00:33,900 --> 01:00:36,629
Still, I think Eddie
is an excellent choice.
1120
01:00:36,630 --> 01:00:39,019
He can name almost every country.
1121
01:00:39,020 --> 01:00:41,553
- On Krypton?
- I'm serious.
1122
01:00:43,250 --> 01:00:45,799
- Okay, seriously then I
would have to say the clown
1123
01:00:45,800 --> 01:00:49,363
in question is not an excellent choice.
1124
01:00:50,750 --> 01:00:51,680
He's less than excellent.
1125
01:00:51,681 --> 01:00:54,413
In fact, actually it's insane.
1126
01:00:55,940 --> 01:00:58,303
It is stupendously, mind-numbingly insane.
1127
01:01:03,430 --> 01:01:06,089
You don't practice on children, Leila.
1128
01:01:06,090 --> 01:01:08,663
You don't pick daddies off a Wheaties box.
1129
01:01:10,040 --> 01:01:11,369
The only thing more idiotic
1130
01:01:11,370 --> 01:01:12,350
than letting that guy touch you
1131
01:01:12,351 --> 01:01:14,023
is letting him father your child.
1132
01:01:15,180 --> 01:01:18,209
And the only thing dumber than
that is you having a child
1133
01:01:18,210 --> 01:01:19,313
in the first place.
1134
01:01:21,466 --> 01:01:23,339
- Is that a medical opinion?
1135
01:01:23,340 --> 01:01:25,389
No, no.
1136
01:01:25,390 --> 01:01:26,390
Do you want one?
1137
01:01:27,837 --> 01:01:28,837
- No.
1138
01:01:37,737 --> 01:01:41,169
- You know when I was about four,
1139
01:01:41,170 --> 01:01:43,270
my mom was pregnant with my little sister,
1140
01:01:45,110 --> 01:01:48,273
and she asked me if I
wanted to touch her stomach,
1141
01:01:50,570 --> 01:01:51,719
and I burst out crying.
1142
01:01:51,720 --> 01:01:54,020
'cause I thought that
she'd swallow this baby,
1143
01:01:55,680 --> 01:01:57,280
and she was going to swallow me.
1144
01:02:00,334 --> 01:02:01,334
- So?
1145
01:02:02,600 --> 01:02:06,113
- So she told me that she
loved me more than anything,
1146
01:02:08,638 --> 01:02:10,388
that I had nothing to be scared of.
1147
01:02:12,163 --> 01:02:13,819
I mean, the reason I know,
1148
01:02:13,820 --> 01:02:15,570
I mean, I absolutely know
1149
01:02:16,579 --> 01:02:18,579
that you can love somebody again, Leila,
1150
01:02:20,026 --> 01:02:21,976
is that you're so completely afraid to.
1151
01:02:26,523 --> 01:02:29,106
- Why are you doing this to me?
1152
01:02:35,717 --> 01:02:37,050
Please, I can't.
1153
01:02:42,866 --> 01:02:45,697
Look, I told you from the beginning.
1154
01:02:45,698 --> 01:02:48,097
- No, I know, you don't do love.
1155
01:02:48,098 --> 01:02:50,765
(chuckles) Wow!
1156
01:02:54,382 --> 01:02:55,382
- I'm sorry.
1157
01:02:58,450 --> 01:02:59,450
- Me too.
1158
01:03:01,314 --> 01:03:03,814
(door closes)
1159
01:03:09,470 --> 01:03:12,387
(thunder clapping)
1160
01:03:22,095 --> 01:03:24,678
(somber music)
1161
01:04:19,231 --> 01:04:21,731
(car crushes)
1162
01:04:24,086 --> 01:04:26,669
(somber music)
1163
01:04:29,800 --> 01:04:31,169
- Wheel of fortune.
1164
01:04:31,170 --> 01:04:33,779
- This is a very lucky card.
1165
01:04:33,780 --> 01:04:37,353
This means that you'll have a lot of luck.
1166
01:04:39,210 --> 01:04:41,097
- All right steady, little flip.
1167
01:04:46,886 --> 01:04:48,386
- I got a pancake.
1168
01:05:01,605 --> 01:05:03,129
(Beverly laughs)
1169
01:05:03,130 --> 01:05:04,130
Hey you.
1170
01:05:06,930 --> 01:05:07,930
You guys ready?
1171
01:05:10,010 --> 01:05:11,010
- It's not done.
1172
01:05:12,072 --> 01:05:15,239
(upbeat reggae music)
1173
01:05:17,838 --> 01:05:18,671
Okay.
1174
01:05:18,672 --> 01:05:20,421
Yeah, it's all right.
1175
01:05:25,105 --> 01:05:29,772
♪ Are there any creatures more pathetic ♪
1176
01:05:34,280 --> 01:05:36,870
- 10 minutes kids and
we're outta here, okay?
1177
01:05:36,871 --> 01:05:39,973
(phone dials)
1178
01:05:39,974 --> 01:05:40,974
- Eddie, it's Leila.
1179
01:05:44,760 --> 01:05:49,760
I just wanted to thank you
for what you almost did to me.
1180
01:05:52,060 --> 01:05:55,639
Oh, and under the cape very impressive.
1181
01:05:55,640 --> 01:05:57,799
I know I've seen videos.
1182
01:05:57,800 --> 01:05:59,883
Certainly didn't mean to laugh,
1183
01:06:00,920 --> 01:06:05,083
but this just isn't a
good time for me at all,
1184
01:06:05,960 --> 01:06:09,449
and thank you,
1185
01:06:09,450 --> 01:06:10,663
you've been very kind.
1186
01:06:12,160 --> 01:06:15,969
Oh, and by the way, I'm
Mrs. Herbert is looking
1187
01:06:15,970 --> 01:06:18,079
for two clowns on Sunday.
1188
01:06:18,080 --> 01:06:19,563
I said you were excellent.
1189
01:06:20,912 --> 01:06:21,994
♪ Everything you do ♪
1190
01:06:21,995 --> 01:06:23,972
♪ Everywhere you go ♪
1191
01:06:23,973 --> 01:06:26,762
♪ Everything you do you
do it for your lady ♪
1192
01:06:26,763 --> 01:06:28,435
♪ Love your lady ♪
1193
01:06:28,436 --> 01:06:30,221
♪ Love your lady ♪
1194
01:06:30,222 --> 01:06:33,749
♪ Love your lady, love ♪
1195
01:06:33,750 --> 01:06:35,139
♪ Fools in love ♪
1196
01:06:35,140 --> 01:06:37,349
♪ They think they're heroes ♪
1197
01:06:37,350 --> 01:06:40,374
♪ How does it get to feel my pain ♪
1198
01:06:40,375 --> 01:06:44,326
♪ I said fools in love are zeroes ♪
1199
01:06:44,327 --> 01:06:46,482
♪ I should know ♪
1200
01:06:46,483 --> 01:06:51,233
♪ Maybe because it's fools in love again ♪
1201
01:06:54,530 --> 01:06:56,029
- Oh God, that girl talk.
1202
01:06:56,030 --> 01:06:56,863
- Let them be.
1203
01:06:56,864 --> 01:06:59,544
This is a precious time for sisters.
1204
01:06:59,545 --> 01:07:01,146
(Ernest knocks)
1205
01:07:01,147 --> 01:07:02,230
- 10 minutes.
1206
01:07:03,490 --> 01:07:08,420
- I can be making a big mistake.
1207
01:07:10,510 --> 01:07:11,510
- Me too.
1208
01:07:12,520 --> 01:07:13,933
- This isn't about you.
1209
01:07:14,900 --> 01:07:15,900
- Sorry.
1210
01:07:19,580 --> 01:07:22,179
- Stubborn little monster.
1211
01:07:22,180 --> 01:07:24,623
She won't put on the dress or speak to me.
1212
01:07:26,320 --> 01:07:28,079
- She's not much of a talker.
1213
01:07:28,080 --> 01:07:29,233
- Oh!
- Are you?
1214
01:07:30,149 --> 01:07:31,149
Huh?
1215
01:07:32,448 --> 01:07:34,169
Come here you.
1216
01:07:34,170 --> 01:07:36,849
- Do we know any of these people?
1217
01:07:36,850 --> 01:07:38,223
- That's Dr. Beverly.
1218
01:07:41,402 --> 01:07:42,402
- Oh!
1219
01:07:44,971 --> 01:07:46,509
(Mammy knocks)
1220
01:07:46,510 --> 01:07:48,110
- Leila is this the way you felt
1221
01:07:48,950 --> 01:07:50,553
before you almost got married?
1222
01:07:51,940 --> 01:07:52,940
- No.
1223
01:07:54,720 --> 01:07:55,973
I felt perfect,
1224
01:07:57,020 --> 01:07:58,733
and I felt beautiful.
1225
01:08:00,380 --> 01:08:01,493
- Well, I fucked up.
1226
01:08:02,600 --> 01:08:03,600
- Thanks.
1227
01:08:04,650 --> 01:08:05,653
- No, that's good,
1228
01:08:06,700 --> 01:08:10,233
because you were really
happy and the guy bailed,
1229
01:08:11,660 --> 01:08:16,660
and I'm really drunk, (laughs)
1230
01:08:17,380 --> 01:08:18,453
so this is good.
1231
01:08:19,600 --> 01:08:20,600
This is fine.
1232
01:08:26,430 --> 01:08:27,630
- You shave your armpit?
1233
01:08:29,704 --> 01:08:30,704
I did.
1234
01:08:36,150 --> 01:08:39,263
- Oh my God, you look like an angel.
1235
01:08:42,890 --> 01:08:43,890
- Very nice.
1236
01:08:45,810 --> 01:08:47,110
Could we get on with this?
1237
01:09:00,078 --> 01:09:01,078
- Red.
1238
01:09:01,922 --> 01:09:03,339
You're beautiful.
1239
01:09:06,775 --> 01:09:07,858
- So are you?
1240
01:09:10,320 --> 01:09:12,983
- Okay, holding our places
with sunshiny faces.
1241
01:09:25,793 --> 01:09:27,043
- Leila, Leila.
1242
01:09:31,335 --> 01:09:33,168
- Oh, now look at you.
1243
01:09:38,974 --> 01:09:42,057
- Oh shit, I forgot to write my vows.
1244
01:09:43,940 --> 01:09:45,390
We're supposed to write vows.
1245
01:09:46,374 --> 01:09:47,374
Gosh!
1246
01:10:08,748 --> 01:10:11,223
- (whistles) Little Harvard.
1247
01:10:12,170 --> 01:10:13,393
- Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
1248
01:10:28,150 --> 01:10:32,059
- I'm amazed they still
let heterosexuals marry.
1249
01:10:32,060 --> 01:10:34,929
Here's the groom at least here this time.
1250
01:10:34,930 --> 01:10:35,930
- He's here.
1251
01:10:38,000 --> 01:10:40,849
- When he'll be divorces
him and remarries.
1252
01:10:40,850 --> 01:10:44,339
You do realize we will have
at least one more of these.
1253
01:10:44,340 --> 01:10:47,791
- Your pessimism has no
place at this ceremony.
1254
01:10:47,792 --> 01:10:49,292
- Mm.
1255
01:10:49,293 --> 01:10:52,293
(jolly organ music)
1256
01:11:23,038 --> 01:11:28,038
- Would you agree that the eyes
are the windows of the soul?
1257
01:11:29,020 --> 01:11:30,070
- Absolutely, father.
1258
01:11:31,090 --> 01:11:32,679
- Perhaps your bride might like a glimpse
1259
01:11:32,680 --> 01:11:34,067
of your soul just now.
1260
01:11:42,760 --> 01:11:46,329
Dearly beloved, we are gathered
here in the sight of God,
1261
01:11:46,330 --> 01:11:48,249
and in the face of this
company to join together
1262
01:11:48,250 --> 01:11:50,693
this man and this woman in holy matrimony.
1263
01:11:52,650 --> 01:11:53,650
You too.
1264
01:11:57,280 --> 01:11:58,280
- Rough night.
1265
01:12:00,240 --> 01:12:02,439
- Before we recite the traditional vows,
1266
01:12:02,440 --> 01:12:04,599
I understand the bride and
groom have taken the time
1267
01:12:04,600 --> 01:12:07,683
to compose something from their hearts.
1268
01:12:11,310 --> 01:12:12,710
- Why do I have to go first?
1269
01:12:13,780 --> 01:12:15,630
- Just read what you've written, son.
1270
01:12:25,350 --> 01:12:28,110
I love you deeply
1271
01:12:31,390 --> 01:12:32,990
like the deep snow.
1272
01:12:40,850 --> 01:12:42,950
- Sometimes the hardest to fall for words.
1273
01:12:45,380 --> 01:12:46,913
Any bride's declaration.
1274
01:12:54,020 --> 01:12:55,020
Is she drunk?
1275
01:12:59,380 --> 01:13:01,429
- You, there's a guy with a bee suit here.
1276
01:13:01,430 --> 01:13:02,430
That's a bee.
1277
01:13:06,900 --> 01:13:07,900
- Just forget it.
1278
01:13:08,890 --> 01:13:09,890
Let's move on.
1279
01:13:10,870 --> 01:13:11,870
Deep snow?
1280
01:13:13,860 --> 01:13:18,379
- Well then if any man
could show just cause
1281
01:13:18,380 --> 01:13:21,339
why these two may not
lawfully be joined together.
1282
01:13:21,340 --> 01:13:22,969
Let him speak now,
1283
01:13:22,970 --> 01:13:25,143
or else here after
forever holds his peace.
1284
01:13:29,520 --> 01:13:30,520
Anyone?
1285
01:13:32,690 --> 01:13:34,179
Nope.
1286
01:13:34,180 --> 01:13:35,679
- Excuse me.
1287
01:13:35,680 --> 01:13:37,649
- Will thou Donald to take this woman
1288
01:13:37,650 --> 01:13:39,459
to be thy wedded wife?
1289
01:13:39,460 --> 01:13:41,299
Will thou love her,
comfort her, honor her,
1290
01:13:41,300 --> 01:13:43,989
and keep her in sickness and in health
1291
01:13:43,990 --> 01:13:45,540
as long as you both shall live?
1292
01:13:46,720 --> 01:13:47,720
- I do.
1293
01:13:48,570 --> 01:13:49,570
Wilt!
1294
01:13:52,370 --> 01:13:55,289
- Will thou Evy take this
man because I wedded husband?
1295
01:13:55,290 --> 01:13:58,779
Will thou love him, comfort
him, honor and keep him
1296
01:13:58,780 --> 01:14:00,359
in sickness and in health
1297
01:14:00,360 --> 01:14:02,263
as long as you both shall live?
1298
01:14:03,594 --> 01:14:04,594
- Oh boy!
1299
01:14:06,950 --> 01:14:08,793
- Just say I do, dear.
1300
01:14:12,920 --> 01:14:13,923
Or I will.
1301
01:14:16,600 --> 01:14:19,109
- Or something else.
1302
01:14:19,110 --> 01:14:20,319
- Excuse me.
1303
01:14:20,320 --> 01:14:22,863
- Is it too late to
forever not hold my peace?
1304
01:14:26,570 --> 01:14:28,213
I mean to speak now?
1305
01:14:29,310 --> 01:14:30,754
- Who is this woman?
1306
01:14:30,755 --> 01:14:31,588
- Sister.
1307
01:14:31,589 --> 01:14:35,659
- Look Donald, I know this is a really
1308
01:14:35,660 --> 01:14:37,159
tricky timing and everything.
1309
01:14:37,160 --> 01:14:40,839
I mean, God, you've got
your whole family here,
1310
01:14:40,840 --> 01:14:43,799
but look, Mike and I didn't
even make it inside the church
1311
01:14:43,800 --> 01:14:46,400
at least Evy walked all the
way up here to tell you.
1312
01:14:47,400 --> 01:14:48,819
- Tell me what?
1313
01:14:48,820 --> 01:14:52,409
- That you're not the one Donald.
1314
01:14:52,410 --> 01:14:54,209
You're certainly a one.
1315
01:14:54,210 --> 01:14:56,699
Probably even the one to a lot of women.
1316
01:14:56,700 --> 01:14:59,350
Evy says you really know
your way around a water bed,
1317
01:15:00,810 --> 01:15:05,588
but you're just gonna have to
be somebody else's big one.
1318
01:15:05,589 --> 01:15:07,466
- Oh, that makes it unanimous.
1319
01:15:07,467 --> 01:15:09,829
- Louis, you're his father.
- What?
1320
01:15:09,830 --> 01:15:12,229
- Anyway, I'm the last person
1321
01:15:12,230 --> 01:15:14,113
who should say anything about love.
1322
01:15:17,421 --> 01:15:19,300
But I know what it looks like.
1323
01:15:20,490 --> 01:15:24,299
You see, it's this thing.
1324
01:15:24,300 --> 01:15:26,593
It's this really,
1325
01:15:27,550 --> 01:15:31,523
it's this thing that
gets under your skin and-
1326
01:15:33,114 --> 01:15:36,243
- And what in me is dark illumines.
1327
01:15:39,178 --> 01:15:41,579
- Wow, that's great.
1328
01:15:41,580 --> 01:15:43,279
Very medieval, but no,
1329
01:15:43,280 --> 01:15:46,009
I was gonna say it's a hairball.
1330
01:15:46,010 --> 01:15:50,099
It's unholy hairball,
1331
01:15:50,100 --> 01:15:55,089
which rots, and festers,
and grows enormous,
1332
01:15:55,090 --> 01:16:00,090
so for like 12 years, you
don't lay a finger on it
1333
01:16:00,350 --> 01:16:02,969
for fear that when it stops choking,
1334
01:16:02,970 --> 01:16:04,833
and itching, and gagging you,
1335
01:16:05,790 --> 01:16:07,473
you won't feel anything at all.
1336
01:16:09,410 --> 01:16:13,829
And then one day a light bulb goes on,
1337
01:16:13,830 --> 01:16:14,973
and you see,
1338
01:16:16,380 --> 01:16:17,380
and you know,
1339
01:16:21,910 --> 01:16:24,779
well, but your sister
shouldn't marry the man
1340
01:16:24,780 --> 01:16:26,113
that she intended to.
1341
01:16:27,380 --> 01:16:28,380
That's all.
1342
01:16:31,700 --> 01:16:33,003
- She's right, Donald.
1343
01:16:34,390 --> 01:16:36,139
If you think about it,
1344
01:16:36,140 --> 01:16:37,473
you understand don't you.
1345
01:16:38,870 --> 01:16:39,870
- I understand.
1346
01:16:41,090 --> 01:16:42,827
I just don't know where to go.
1347
01:16:42,828 --> 01:16:44,933
- Well, don't go anywhere.
1348
01:16:47,055 --> 01:16:48,149
- We're unmarried, we're not dead,
1349
01:16:48,150 --> 01:16:49,750
we can still get together later.
1350
01:16:52,420 --> 01:16:55,509
- Well then if there are no more
1351
01:16:55,510 --> 01:16:56,919
completely inappropriate surprises,
1352
01:16:56,920 --> 01:16:59,859
perhaps now it would be fine
time to call these proceedings
1353
01:16:59,860 --> 01:17:01,149
to a merciful close.
1354
01:17:01,150 --> 01:17:05,609
- Wait, there's actually
just one more thing.
1355
01:17:05,610 --> 01:17:06,660
- Of course there is.
1356
01:17:09,280 --> 01:17:14,280
- When I was 17, I stood
outside of this very church,
1357
01:17:14,450 --> 01:17:16,899
and swore to God that I would never again
1358
01:17:16,900 --> 01:17:18,663
let anyone tell me they loved me,
1359
01:17:20,180 --> 01:17:21,180
and guess what?
1360
01:17:22,550 --> 01:17:23,683
Nobody has.
1361
01:17:24,930 --> 01:17:28,539
Because the longer that the wall stood,
1362
01:17:28,540 --> 01:17:32,703
the higher it got until no one
could knock it down anymore,
1363
01:17:33,780 --> 01:17:34,780
least of all me.
1364
01:17:36,180 --> 01:17:39,453
I've spent a long time
scared to let anyone in,
1365
01:17:41,110 --> 01:17:44,269
especially the one who's hiding it there,
1366
01:17:44,270 --> 01:17:45,383
behind the curtain.
1367
01:17:46,890 --> 01:17:48,333
How about it? Beverly,
1368
01:17:49,790 --> 01:17:52,049
will you love me?
1369
01:17:52,050 --> 01:17:53,819
- Beverly, not in my church.
1370
01:17:53,820 --> 01:17:55,469
- He's a man, reverend.
1371
01:17:55,470 --> 01:17:57,899
He's a good and kind man.
1372
01:17:57,900 --> 01:17:59,059
But even if you're a woman,
1373
01:17:59,060 --> 01:18:02,149
I'd love him till death even dared.
1374
01:18:02,150 --> 01:18:05,529
Beverly, will you keep me in comfort me
1375
01:18:05,530 --> 01:18:08,513
in sickness and dubious mental health.
1376
01:18:10,270 --> 01:18:11,270
Beverly?
1377
01:18:18,424 --> 01:18:21,174
- (laughs) Okay.
1378
01:18:24,745 --> 01:18:28,078
(congregation applauds)
1379
01:18:32,677 --> 01:18:35,260
(all cheering)
1380
01:18:38,887 --> 01:18:40,459
- What are you doing?
1381
01:18:40,460 --> 01:18:41,889
Nobody's married.
1382
01:18:41,890 --> 01:18:43,529
- We may never get this close again,
1383
01:18:43,530 --> 01:18:45,249
so kiss me, darling.
1384
01:18:45,250 --> 01:18:46,463
- Are you insane?
1385
01:18:55,552 --> 01:19:00,385
(man sobs)
(upbeat music)
1386
01:19:01,230 --> 01:19:02,729
- [Darcy] As for the rest of us,
1387
01:19:02,730 --> 01:19:04,393
no real change in forecast.
1388
01:19:05,640 --> 01:19:08,359
The customer smokes and pines,
1389
01:19:08,360 --> 01:19:09,889
but mostly smokes.
1390
01:19:09,890 --> 01:19:12,969
- Hey guys, don't heat, all right?
1391
01:19:12,970 --> 01:19:14,499
- [Darcy] Many men actually did manage
1392
01:19:14,500 --> 01:19:17,009
to turn this dump around.
- Hey, my man, here.
1393
01:19:17,010 --> 01:19:18,309
- [Darcy] All the while banging Evy
1394
01:19:18,310 --> 01:19:20,373
who continues to date Donald.
1395
01:19:21,660 --> 01:19:23,160
Dottie's in a millennium cult.
1396
01:19:25,380 --> 01:19:29,189
Mammy our den mother is deeply in denial.
1397
01:19:29,190 --> 01:19:32,709
Forever planning fabulous
weddings that will never come
1398
01:19:32,710 --> 01:19:34,683
and fussing over the adopted twins.
1399
01:19:37,720 --> 01:19:39,859
Ernest on the other hand,
1400
01:19:39,860 --> 01:19:43,093
thinks children like dogs
should be seen and not heard.
1401
01:19:45,080 --> 01:19:46,669
I don't know who that
guy is with the preacher,
1402
01:19:46,670 --> 01:19:48,003
but he kind of smells.
1403
01:19:50,120 --> 01:19:53,879
Me, I got stung by Eddie repeatedly
1404
01:19:53,880 --> 01:19:56,433
until I realized I was allergic to bees.
1405
01:19:58,186 --> 01:20:02,478
- I have something for you.
1406
01:20:02,479 --> 01:20:03,479
It's birth.
1407
01:20:06,980 --> 01:20:08,573
- I have for you too.
1408
01:20:13,380 --> 01:20:15,099
- [Dottie] Where are they going?
1409
01:20:15,100 --> 01:20:16,163
- Boy, your dumb.
1410
01:20:22,000 --> 01:20:24,009
- [Darcy] Wine comes in at the mouth.
1411
01:20:24,010 --> 01:20:26,079
Love comes in at the eye.
1412
01:20:26,080 --> 01:20:27,589
That is always shall no of truth
1413
01:20:27,590 --> 01:20:30,119
before we grow old and die.
1414
01:20:30,120 --> 01:20:31,959
I lift my glass to my mouth.
1415
01:20:31,960 --> 01:20:33,713
I look at you and I saw it.
1416
01:20:35,146 --> 01:20:36,329
That's Leila's favorite poem
1417
01:20:36,330 --> 01:20:38,119
which she learned at Harvard.
1418
01:20:38,120 --> 01:20:39,329
She says it's romantic,
1419
01:20:39,330 --> 01:20:41,609
but I take it to me in
a guy who only love you
1420
01:20:41,610 --> 01:20:42,610
when he's loaded.
1421
01:20:44,740 --> 01:20:46,790
Which is why I have no plans for college.
1422
01:20:52,000 --> 01:20:53,689
- I brought something for Leila.
1423
01:20:53,690 --> 01:20:55,139
I got something for Leila.
1424
01:20:55,140 --> 01:20:56,120
I was gonna bring it,
1425
01:20:56,121 --> 01:20:58,009
if she, you know to give her.
1426
01:20:58,010 --> 01:20:59,410
I found this in the garbage.
1427
01:21:02,930 --> 01:21:04,593
I think it was like a snowball.
1428
01:21:05,590 --> 01:21:08,369
You know, it's New York city in here.
1429
01:21:08,370 --> 01:21:10,009
It's New York and it was like water
1430
01:21:10,010 --> 01:21:12,029
with snow in it and stuff,
1431
01:21:12,030 --> 01:21:13,973
and it must have broke.
1432
01:21:16,230 --> 01:21:17,063
I thought she would like.
1433
01:21:17,064 --> 01:21:18,663
It actually plays the song.
1434
01:21:20,653 --> 01:21:23,320
(chiming music)
1435
01:21:24,900 --> 01:21:28,273
See, this is the empire
state building here.
1436
01:21:30,450 --> 01:21:35,450
That's the Plymouth,
no, Chrysler building.
1437
01:21:37,870 --> 01:21:40,149
And I love New York, man.
1438
01:21:40,150 --> 01:21:41,350
I really loved New York,
1439
01:21:42,800 --> 01:21:43,800
such a great town.
1440
01:21:44,880 --> 01:21:45,989
I mean, love it when it snows in New York,
1441
01:21:45,990 --> 01:21:49,069
you know, when it covers
all the shit and the grime.
1442
01:21:49,070 --> 01:21:50,030
I wish there was snow still on it,
1443
01:21:50,030 --> 01:21:50,977
she would probably like it,
1444
01:21:50,978 --> 01:21:52,683
but still still plays the song.
1445
01:21:53,970 --> 01:21:55,459
And there's times square,
1446
01:21:55,460 --> 01:21:56,663
and some corner shops.
1447
01:21:57,570 --> 01:21:59,293
There's a little cab right there.
1448
01:22:00,580 --> 01:22:03,513
There's snow snowing in New York.
1449
01:22:06,121 --> 01:22:07,271
And there was song too.
1450
01:22:11,590 --> 01:22:14,653
Stars (mumbles) made it out.
1451
01:22:17,680 --> 01:22:19,970
I'm coming today...
1452
01:22:23,740 --> 01:22:24,573
New York,
1453
01:22:24,574 --> 01:22:28,023
New York, it's a hell of a town,
1454
01:22:29,682 --> 01:22:34,524
♪ Something's up and
the other things down ♪
1455
01:22:34,525 --> 01:22:39,359
♪ Now I'm gone to drive
in a cab with Leila ♪
1456
01:22:39,360 --> 01:22:42,155
♪ All over town ♪
1457
01:22:42,156 --> 01:22:46,239
♪ And we'll make it in this town ♪
1458
01:22:48,810 --> 01:22:49,673
I love Leila, man.
1459
01:22:49,674 --> 01:22:51,187
I really love Leila.
1460
01:22:51,188 --> 01:22:52,835
(tapes rolls)
1461
01:22:52,836 --> 01:22:54,507
- [Director] 15 is that a tape roll out?
1462
01:22:55,593 --> 01:22:58,343
(peaceful music)
1463
01:24:00,982 --> 01:24:03,565
(upbeat music)
1464
01:26:04,036 --> 01:26:06,703
(ominous music)
92930
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