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The following programme contains
strong language,
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violence, scenes of a sexual nature
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and adult humour from the start.
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[Hope so :)]
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My boys are tied up, so I need you
to collect something for me.
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Yeah, yeah. No worries. What is it?
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His name's Tony Tillerton.
That's a person.
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Tell me what he's told you, Sara.
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(ALL SCREAM)
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What the fuck have you told Sara?
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The only thing linking me to that
headless fucking corpse is you...
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and your idiot friends.
They've got nothing on me, Vin.
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For richer and poorer, in sickness and...
- Police! Armed police!
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Vincent O'Neil, we are arresting you
on conspiracy to murder.
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- You're making a mistake.
- You're the first thing in the morning
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and you're the last thing at night.
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JUDGE: I sentence you
to six months imprisonment.
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♪ GANG STARR: Work
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♪ What is it you wanna do
when you grow up?
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♪ Ai, yo, I'm gonna be a ti-dop
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♪ That's all my eyes can see
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♪ Victory is mine, yeah, surprisingly
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♪ I've been laying,
waiting for your next mistake
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♪ I put in work
and watch my status escalate
25
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♪ Now I'mma start collectin' props,
connectin' plots
26
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♪ Networkin' like a conference... ♪
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(KNOCK AT DOOR) O'Neil. It's time.
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Eh?
29
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Come here, Ernie.
Give me a love, mate.
30
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- It's been a pleasure, Vin.
- You're a good lad, eh?
31
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Now is that a fucking hard-on? Is it?
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It is a hard on! 'Ey, Ernie's finally
got himself a hard-on here.
33
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(LAUGHS)(INMATES CHEER AND WHISTLE)
34
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Fucking wants doing.(CHUCKLES)
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Stay away from schools,
you dirty old bastard. (CHUCKLES)
36
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Right then,
if you can just stick yourself
37
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- in this end one, please, Mr O'Neil.
- Yeah.
38
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And when you're in there,
just remove your trousers, please.
39
00:01:49,184 --> 00:01:50,080
Eh?
40
00:01:50,081 --> 00:01:53,400
- Don't worry, it's just a precaution.
- I'm being released from jail.
41
00:01:53,440 --> 00:01:55,360
I wouldn't be sticking
anything up my arse.
42
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Yeah, you'd be surprised.
43
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- You're bloody right, I would.
- See, the anus is...
44
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It's an incredible organ. It's a bit
like the female uterus, actually.
45
00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:05,443
It's capable of expanding
to great widths.
46
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Oh.
47
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- I've found loads of cool stuff up them.
- Go on.
48
00:02:09,160 --> 00:02:11,640
- Well, er... I once found a phone.
- Oh, yeah.
49
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- Drugs, obviously. A gun.
- Eh?
50
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- Hacksaw.
- Fucking hell.
51
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- Um... an MP3 player.
- Crikey.
52
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Christmas lights.
I were like that.(LAUGHS)
53
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- A miniature submarine.
- Why?
54
00:02:23,040 --> 00:02:25,280
- Harry Potter novel.
- Oh, get gone.
55
00:02:25,304 --> 00:02:26,896
- Yeah.
- They're fucking that thick.
56
00:02:26,920 --> 00:02:29,480
Yeah. Deathly Hallows, this one.
600 pages.
57
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(BOTH LAUGH) So,
are we gonna have a quick peak then?
58
00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:34,495
- Oh, you...
- Come on.
59
00:02:34,736 --> 00:02:37,256
I mean, what's the deal?
60
00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:39,960
Have you always wanted to do this for
a living or what?
61
00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:42,880
I kind of fell into it really.
Saw an opening.
62
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(LAUGHTER) Hey, hey!
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(SQUELCHING) (GRUNTS)
64
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♪ BARRETT STRONG: Money
(That's What I Want)
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Fuck!
66
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Sugar, Sugar, wake up. We're late.
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- We're late!
- Fuck.
68
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ERIN: I can't believe I slept in.
69
00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:08,600
I promised him I'd be there.
70
00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:15,960
- Did you get bummed?
- No, I didn't get fucking bummed.
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- I bet you've been bloody bummed.
- Nah, not really my thing.
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- (LAUGHS) See ya.
- All right, Vin?
73
00:03:20,384 --> 00:03:21,839
- All right, Georgio?
- You OK, mate?
74
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- Yeah, not so bad.
- See you next week, Vinnie!
75
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Fuck off!
76
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♪ That's what I want
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♪ That's what I want
♪ That's what I want... ♪
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(HORN BLARES AND TYRES SCREECH)
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(TYRES SCREECH)
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(LAUGHS) Come here, mate.
Uncle Vinnie!
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Aw! Oh, I've missed you, man.
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- I've missed you.
- I'm sorry I went away.
83
00:03:47,191 --> 00:03:48,751
- You look handsome.
- Hi.Hiya.
84
00:03:48,784 --> 00:03:49,576
Welcome back.
85
00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:51,320
- You all right? Yeah, are you?
- Yeah.
86
00:03:52,598 --> 00:03:53,760
- Did you bring me a spliff?
- Yeah.
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00:03:53,784 --> 00:03:55,399
- Course.
- Ahh! (WOMEN LAUGH)
88
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All right, Sugar? My youth.
89
00:03:58,120 --> 00:04:00,560
That hotel was terrible.
90
00:04:00,680 --> 00:04:03,400
♪ THE MAMAS AND THE PAPAS:
I Saw Her Again
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00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:06,480
(CALLS OUT INDISTINCTLY)
92
00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:10,280
(ERIN LAUGHS)
93
00:04:10,335 --> 00:04:14,495
(LAUGHS AND WHOOPS)
94
00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:17,000
Why didn't you want the guys
to pick you up?
95
00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:19,920
I wanted this little bugger
to be the first face that I saw.
96
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(LAUGHS)
97
00:04:22,047 --> 00:04:26,039
Eh? Besides, them buggers, they'd
have just forgot, wouldn't they?
98
00:04:26,040 --> 00:04:27,160
Didn't they visit?
99
00:04:27,184 --> 00:04:30,334
Once or twice they did.
The odd phone call here and there.
100
00:04:30,359 --> 00:04:32,479
But I got the feeling
they were trying to keep me happy.
101
00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:34,600
How is the weed grow?
Is it all right, yeah?
102
00:04:35,155 --> 00:04:36,200
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
103
00:04:36,224 --> 00:04:37,240
Yeah, fine.
104
00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:40,399
Thank fuck for that.
Has McCann been in touch?
105
00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:42,960
No, I don't think so.
Has he not been in touch with you?
106
00:04:42,984 --> 00:04:43,456
Mm.
107
00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:47,000
No. I mean, I didn't mention when I
were getting out. Could be that.
108
00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:49,520
You know, maybe he's
just waiting till I get out.
109
00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:53,240
It's just as well them buggers didn't
know when I were getting out.
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They'd have thrown a surprise party,
wouldn't they? You know what I mean?
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Mm. Shame.
112
00:05:01,240 --> 00:05:03,200
(CHEERING)
113
00:05:03,240 --> 00:05:05,040
♪ MARLENA SHAW: California Soul
114
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Hey, Vinnie!
115
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- You all right?
- Vinnie.
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00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:12,840
(ALL CHATTER EXCITEDLY)
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00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:14,640
- How are you?
- Welcome home, mate.
118
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(CHATTERING CONTINUES)
119
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Eh?! Oh, it's good to see you.
120
00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:25,040
Oh, what the fuck are they
doing here? Shit.
121
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Oi, get hold of our Tyler, will you?
Bloody hell.
122
00:05:27,920 --> 00:05:31,120
- Oh, sorry, don't stop on my account.
- Fuck do you want?
123
00:05:31,769 --> 00:05:33,759
Just came to welcome you back, Vinnie.
124
00:05:33,760 --> 00:05:36,660
Nice one. Well, you can fuck off now,
can't you, Slater?
125
00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:39,760
Oh, right. OK, sorry. Yeah, I will.
126
00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:42,200
But just for factual accuracy
127
00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:46,480
it's, "Fuck off,
Detective Inspector Slater."
128
00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:48,500
Uniform no more.
129
00:05:48,720 --> 00:05:50,540
Isn't that right, Hoskins?
130
00:05:51,220 --> 00:05:52,980
- Boom.
- Mm.
131
00:05:53,260 --> 00:05:56,560
Detective, huh? Well done, Carl.
Maybe now you can investigate
132
00:05:56,608 --> 00:06:00,368
them reports of a local man who
bums dogs.
133
00:06:00,392 --> 00:06:01,376
- (SNIGGERS)
- Yeah.
134
00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:05,320
Smile it up, arsehole, because
tonight, myself and my team
135
00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:07,560
are paying a visit to your adult
establishment
136
00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:12,680
and unless every last licence,
certificate and fucking regulation
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00:06:12,720 --> 00:06:16,800
is up above board and up to date,
I'm closing you down.
138
00:06:16,840 --> 00:06:19,119
And as for you, "mechanic",
139
00:06:19,120 --> 00:06:22,880
I know you're selling stolen wheels
and we're gonna fucking catch you.
140
00:06:23,900 --> 00:06:25,540
And then there's Vincent.
141
00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:27,700
(SOFTLY) Aw.
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Little motherless Vinnie. Aw.
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"Preventing a lawful burial
of a body."
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Is that the best they could do?
145
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(SCREAMS)
146
00:06:38,280 --> 00:06:39,880
Six months.
147
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I know you've got a weed grow and I
know you're involved with McCann.
148
00:06:46,225 --> 00:06:48,960
And I am making it my personal mission
149
00:06:49,120 --> 00:06:52,880
to ensure that you
and all of your scroaty mates
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00:06:52,920 --> 00:06:54,680
end up behind bars
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00:06:54,960 --> 00:06:57,000
for as long as the law will allow.
152
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Fuck off.
153
00:07:00,144 --> 00:07:01,128
Fuck off?
154
00:07:01,152 --> 00:07:03,800
I thought it was a moment. I'm sorry.
Misread it.
155
00:07:06,027 --> 00:07:08,215
Oi! It were a poodle.
156
00:07:08,240 --> 00:07:10,080
(CHEERING AND LAUGHTER)
157
00:07:12,120 --> 00:07:14,960
Let's just assess the reality
of the situation, right?
158
00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:18,760
Oi, oi. The paperwork for the Rat and
Cutter, I assume all that's fucked.
159
00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:23,480
Oh, yeah. Oh, yes, assume cos it's
me in charge it's all gone to shit.
160
00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:26,720
Assume all the admin is in
a state of fucking disarray.
161
00:07:26,744 --> 00:07:27,940
Well, is it?
162
00:07:28,640 --> 00:07:30,319
- Yeah, as a matter of fact it is.
- Yeah.
163
00:07:30,320 --> 00:07:33,520
Hang on, sweetheart. You're supposed
to be co-assistant manager.
164
00:07:33,560 --> 00:07:36,600
You told me you were taking care
of licences, remember?
165
00:07:37,420 --> 00:07:39,520
- Christ, you are useless.
- Dickhead.
166
00:07:39,544 --> 00:07:40,975
Honestly. He is a dickhead
167
00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:44,760
It's gonna be months before we can
sort that bloody paperwork out
168
00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:48,239
and run that place legal now. Which
means all we've got is that weed.
169
00:07:48,240 --> 00:07:51,199
So the location, I can't have them
finding that.
170
00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:53,159
Let's go easy on the visits this time.
171
00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:56,400
- There's a bit of a problem with that.
- What kind of a problem?
172
00:07:56,440 --> 00:07:58,479
Uh... with the grow.
173
00:07:58,480 --> 00:07:59,959
Oh, hell.
174
00:07:59,960 --> 00:08:02,720
(SHOUTING AND GRUNTING)
Where's the weed?
175
00:08:02,760 --> 00:08:04,440
Eh? Where's the fucking weed?
176
00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:08,400
- They've fucking taken everything?
- McCann's men. Every last plant.
177
00:08:09,260 --> 00:08:11,480
I mean, we're... we are fucked.
178
00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:15,080
No club, no weed.
Fucking Slater and that creature.
179
00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:18,080
Who's that fucking guy he's hanging
out with? That little homunculus.
180
00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:20,919
Fucking giving it big licks.
Breathing right down our necks.
181
00:08:20,920 --> 00:08:22,960
How the fuck are we gonna make a
living here?
182
00:08:23,960 --> 00:08:25,720
Summat'll turn up.
183
00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:40,520
I know you're in there, Vinnie! I can
fucking see you on your bed smoking!
184
00:08:40,560 --> 00:08:43,800
All right. Shit, dude.
What time is it?
185
00:08:44,143 --> 00:08:46,420
Never fucking mind that.
Just open the door.
186
00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:50,960
- What the fuck do you want?
- Something's fell into me lap.
187
00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:53,120
- Candy from a baby.
- Yeah?
188
00:08:53,882 --> 00:08:57,440
Well, not fucking literally.
Why would I have candy in my lap?
189
00:08:57,480 --> 00:09:00,640
I'm not a fucking nonce, Vin.
And even if I was,
190
00:09:00,680 --> 00:09:05,200
I wouldn't be luring infants
with fucking candy in my lap.
191
00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:08,280
I'd hang about at the swimming pools
or something.
192
00:09:08,320 --> 00:09:10,320
At fucking soft-play centres.
193
00:09:10,360 --> 00:09:12,880
I don't know what I'd do,
but it wouldn't be candy.
194
00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:16,320
You'd be a brilliant nonce. I've no
doubt of it. What do you want, man?
195
00:09:16,360 --> 00:09:19,800
Oh, I've got a job for us.
Gonna earn us all thousands.
196
00:09:19,840 --> 00:09:21,840
What kind of job is it?
197
00:09:22,602 --> 00:09:25,442
The Great Bull Semen Heist.
198
00:09:25,560 --> 00:09:27,560
Eh? Come on.
199
00:09:29,980 --> 00:09:32,080
- Count me out of that.
- Count you out?
200
00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:35,320
This'll be the easiest dough you've
ever earned in your life.
201
00:09:35,360 --> 00:09:39,280
Stealing sex piss
for a fucking angry Gandalf.
202
00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:43,080
I've just come out of jail. Why would
I nick a load of sex piss for you?
203
00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:45,640
I've got Slater breathing down
me neck and everything.
204
00:09:45,680 --> 00:09:47,960
Piss off, Jim, you old cunt.
205
00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:51,720
Fine! I'll fucking take it
to the others then!
206
00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:52,560
Do!
207
00:09:52,584 --> 00:09:55,280
'Ey, and when we're all spending
spunk money,
208
00:09:55,305 --> 00:09:57,745
don't you come fucking moaning to me.
209
00:09:57,800 --> 00:10:00,680
- (HEAVY THUD) - Ow!
- That fucking hurt, twat!
210
00:10:00,720 --> 00:10:03,660
- Fuck off.
- You fuck off. You fucking old cunt.
211
00:10:10,837 --> 00:10:13,360
(DOOR OPENS) Hey, Vinnie.
You all right, knobhead?
212
00:10:13,385 --> 00:10:16,775
How's it going?
What the fuck is that, dude?
213
00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:20,520
National "Check Yourself" Week.
This is Valerie, my new friend.
214
00:10:21,260 --> 00:10:23,800
Valerie the vagina.
(DEEP VOICE) Hello, Vinnie.
215
00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:26,160
- Dude, she wouldn't sound like that.
- She would.
216
00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:28,680
- That's exactly what she'd sound like.
- Would she bollocks.
217
00:10:28,720 --> 00:10:30,880
It's a growler.
How do you expect them to sound?
218
00:10:30,920 --> 00:10:33,866
She wouldn't be growly though, man.
She'd be um...
219
00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:35,180
What?
220
00:10:35,580 --> 00:10:37,840
..American, wouldn't she?(LAUGHS)
221
00:10:38,080 --> 00:10:40,919
(SULTRY AMERICAN ACCENT) Hey, Vinnie.
(LAUGHS)
222
00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:44,400
No, no, I tell you. In both a
personal and professional capacity,
223
00:10:44,440 --> 00:10:47,160
I've come face to face with a
thousand fandangos
224
00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:50,720
and they're ruthless, brutal.
They're like, "Hello, Doctor." Stop.
225
00:10:50,760 --> 00:10:52,360
"You look like a bad boy, don't you?"
226
00:10:52,384 --> 00:10:54,023
- Fuck off now. Oi.
- "Come here."
227
00:10:54,047 --> 00:10:56,647
Stop. Stop puppeting that minge.
228
00:10:57,573 --> 00:11:00,133
- So, how was prison?
- (SIGHS) It was all right.
229
00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:03,440
I think I looked after myself.
I had three meals a day.
230
00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:05,280
I was exercising a bit...
231
00:11:05,519 --> 00:11:06,759
first week.
232
00:11:06,784 --> 00:11:08,784
- Did you get bummed?
- No, I didn't get fucking bummed.
233
00:11:08,840 --> 00:11:10,000
- Really?
- No!
234
00:11:10,024 --> 00:11:12,479
It's not just a big bum-sex orgy, dude,
235
00:11:12,480 --> 00:11:14,580
the moment you walk in
to fucking jail.
236
00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:16,140
How was your...
237
00:11:17,120 --> 00:11:19,799
- You know...
- The bipolar?
238
00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:20,480
Yeah.
239
00:11:20,481 --> 00:11:22,719
Fucking hell. Yeah, it was all right.
240
00:11:22,720 --> 00:11:25,079
Fuck, I did some thinking in there,
you know.
241
00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:27,900
It's at night,
when they shut that door.
242
00:11:28,540 --> 00:11:30,380
I thought about my mum...
243
00:11:31,540 --> 00:11:33,380
..and how she abandoned me.
244
00:11:34,940 --> 00:11:38,300
Fuck. I mean, I'd done
the same thing to Tyler, hadn't I?
245
00:11:38,340 --> 00:11:40,280
- Come on.
- (SIGHS HEAVILY)
246
00:11:40,460 --> 00:11:42,160
I need occupying.
247
00:11:42,700 --> 00:11:44,615
Otherwise the voices kick in.
248
00:11:44,640 --> 00:11:47,560
Why not go back to your old tricks,
get back in with the old gang?
249
00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:50,080
- I don't want to end up in jail again.
- Well, small scale.
250
00:11:50,120 --> 00:11:52,320
- Sell a bit of weed or whatever.
- Oh, fuck.
251
00:11:52,360 --> 00:11:53,839
Oh, you star.
252
00:11:53,840 --> 00:11:56,159
Dude. It's half decent.
253
00:11:56,160 --> 00:11:59,159
Thanks, Vinnie.
What do you think, Valerie?
254
00:11:59,160 --> 00:12:02,560
(GRUFF VOICE) Abso-bloody-lutely.
Tell him to check his balls.
255
00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:05,640
(LAUGHS) Good girl.
She's right on message.
256
00:12:05,852 --> 00:12:09,399
- (MOOING) - So I'm on this date last night.
- Sheep-shagging,
257
00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:11,119
as the rest of us call it. (LAUGHTER)
258
00:12:11,120 --> 00:12:13,679
- 'Ey! I'm a fucking catch me.
- Right.
259
00:12:13,680 --> 00:12:17,679
- Eligible bachelor, self-made man.
- What website are you using?
260
00:12:17,680 --> 00:12:20,239
Desperate-and-Deranged.com. (LAUGHTER)
261
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:23,960
Muddy Mates. It's for farmers and
the farming community.
262
00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:26,160
Lot of very mucky women on there.
(LAUGHTER)
263
00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:28,120
Do you wanna hear this
fucking story or what?!
264
00:12:28,144 --> 00:12:29,336
Go, go, go on.
265
00:12:29,360 --> 00:12:33,239
Right, her name is Lesley Anne Fisher.
266
00:12:33,240 --> 00:12:34,080
Posh, yeah.
267
00:12:34,104 --> 00:12:36,640
And she is a journalist
for a farming magazine.
268
00:12:36,680 --> 00:12:40,799
I'm searching for a soul mate,
not some easy minge.
269
00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:42,867
- ALL: Mmm.
- And over a few wines,
270
00:12:42,892 --> 00:12:44,999
- we get talking.
- You were drinking wine?
271
00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:48,679
No. I had a pint of stout.
She had the wine.
272
00:12:48,680 --> 00:12:51,319
And the more she drank,
the more she gabbed.
273
00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:55,440
My next feature is on
what they call "film-star" bulls.
274
00:12:55,464 --> 00:12:56,016
Oh.
275
00:12:56,040 --> 00:12:57,759
- Have you heard of them?
- No.
276
00:12:57,760 --> 00:13:01,719
But I once had a Friesian that was
the spit of Jodie Foster.
277
00:13:01,720 --> 00:13:03,500
(BOTH LAUGH RAUCOUSLY)
278
00:13:03,820 --> 00:13:04,740
What?
279
00:13:05,260 --> 00:13:09,640
Film-star bulls are bulls that carry
the highest-proof semen.
280
00:13:09,900 --> 00:13:14,399
Semen with the proven ability to
sire cows with high milk yields.
281
00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:15,660
Right.
282
00:13:16,580 --> 00:13:19,159
But here's the real attraction.
283
00:13:19,160 --> 00:13:22,919
Where a single ejaculation might
normally produce, say,
284
00:13:22,920 --> 00:13:25,120
50 straws...
285
00:13:25,560 --> 00:13:26,840
50...
286
00:13:26,980 --> 00:13:30,679
a shot from a film-star bull
can produce as many as...
287
00:13:30,680 --> 00:13:32,160
500.
288
00:13:32,200 --> 00:13:34,640
Fucking hell. Super spunk.
289
00:13:34,680 --> 00:13:36,720
Fair play.(MURMURS OF ASSENT)
290
00:13:36,760 --> 00:13:39,319
The bull I'm seeing next week,
Sonny Boy,
291
00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:42,100
he's at a secret location
and he's a...
292
00:13:42,940 --> 00:13:44,880
a real A-lister.
293
00:13:45,060 --> 00:13:50,079
His frozen semen sold for
500... 600 a pop.
294
00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:51,879
- Ooh.
- Yeah.
295
00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:53,159
(CHUCKLES)
296
00:13:53,160 --> 00:13:56,600
Right, just hang fire then.
So 600 quid a pop you're saying.
297
00:13:56,640 --> 00:13:57,023
Yep.
298
00:13:57,047 --> 00:13:59,319
And he can do what 500
shots at his jizzing best.
299
00:13:59,320 --> 00:13:59,960
Yep.
300
00:13:59,961 --> 00:14:01,439
- Jesus Christ. Go on.
- 300,000.
301
00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:05,080
- 300,000, dude. That's a lot.
- Fucking hell. For bull splooge?
302
00:14:05,120 --> 00:14:06,683
It's like gold dust. Hey,
303
00:14:06,708 --> 00:14:09,599
and I've got all the details
of when she's going.
304
00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:13,280
So I suggest we follow her
and her photographer,
305
00:14:13,440 --> 00:14:17,200
intercept 'em en route and then go
and nick the knob yoghurt.
306
00:14:17,240 --> 00:14:19,159
We'll do it.
That's a fucking good idea.
307
00:14:19,160 --> 00:14:21,079
- All right?
- They're expecting
308
00:14:21,080 --> 00:14:24,880
a nice lady journalist, so that's
exactly what we'll give 'em.
309
00:14:25,764 --> 00:14:27,360
VINNIE ON WALKIE-TALKIE:
Jimbo, what's going on?
310
00:14:27,384 --> 00:14:29,319
Got eyes on, over.
311
00:14:29,320 --> 00:14:32,519
I have visuals on the target's abode.
312
00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:34,820
Speak fucking normal, you bellend.
313
00:14:35,140 --> 00:14:37,540
Just let us know
when she's setting off.
314
00:14:37,760 --> 00:14:39,840
Raymond... Roger that.
315
00:14:39,880 --> 00:14:41,279
Raymond Roger that?
316
00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:43,280
Ash, do you know what you're
doing with that camera?
317
00:14:43,304 --> 00:14:44,160
Yeah. Yeah.
318
00:14:44,161 --> 00:14:48,240
- It's a camera. Just point and shoot.
- No, you've got to look professional.
319
00:14:48,280 --> 00:14:51,360
"That's it, sweetheart. There we go.
Make love to the lens.
320
00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:53,200
Pout. Hold that, yeah."
321
00:14:53,440 --> 00:14:55,839
- Do you want me to do it?
- No, dude. Look, why...
322
00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:58,520
why does Ash get to be
the ph-photographer?
323
00:14:58,560 --> 00:15:01,720
Exactly. Should be me on that
magazine. Bit of fucking diversity.
324
00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:03,440
10-4.10-4!
325
00:15:03,464 --> 00:15:05,919
10-4, message received. Can
you tell him he's doing the wrong code?
326
00:15:05,920 --> 00:15:08,559
The target is leaving the premises.
327
00:15:08,560 --> 00:15:12,399
I repeat, the target
is leaving the premises.
328
00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:15,800
Shut the fuck up.
We're gonna cut her off now.
329
00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:19,719
LESLEY ANNE: (SIGHS CROSSLY)
For God's sake. What's this now?
330
00:15:19,720 --> 00:15:21,780
I hate being late.
331
00:15:24,980 --> 00:15:27,680
Hiya. I am so sorry to wave you down.
332
00:15:27,720 --> 00:15:30,840
My car's broken down
and my charge has gone on my phone.
333
00:15:30,880 --> 00:15:32,720
I was wondering if you could call
the garage for me.
334
00:15:32,744 --> 00:15:33,816
Well...
335
00:15:33,847 --> 00:15:35,714
- we're in a bit of a h...
- Yeah, course we can.
336
00:15:35,738 --> 00:15:36,208
Yeah?
337
00:15:36,232 --> 00:15:38,520
- I'm really good with cars.
- Oh, thank you so much.
338
00:15:38,544 --> 00:15:39,679
- I'll take a look.
- Thank you.
339
00:15:39,680 --> 00:15:41,440
Amazing. Thanks.
340
00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:47,080
- What's the... what's the problem?
- I think it's the back wheel.
341
00:15:47,120 --> 00:15:49,319
When I was driving,
I could hear a clicking sound.
342
00:15:49,320 --> 00:15:52,599
- I think it needs a jack up or...
- Yeah, sounds like it.
343
00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:55,960
- Lesley! Fucking dickhead.
- What are you doing? (YELLING)
344
00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:58,600
Get out! Come here, you...
345
00:15:58,640 --> 00:16:01,240
♪ THE HIVES: Main Offender
346
00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:02,560
Oh!
347
00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:04,360
(YELLING)
348
00:16:05,911 --> 00:16:07,631
Argh!
349
00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:10,160
(ROARS)
350
00:16:14,560 --> 00:16:15,560
(SHRIEKS)
351
00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:19,320
Cardi! Have you knocked him out?
Fucking idiot.
352
00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:22,280
- (GRUNTS) Oh, like it rough, do you?
- Yeah!
353
00:16:22,320 --> 00:16:24,399
Well, I can be as rough...
354
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:26,480
Arghhh!
355
00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:29,480
Get her! (SHRIEKS)
356
00:16:30,360 --> 00:16:33,359
Nice and tight, Ash. She's a
fucking nutcase.(CHUCKLES)
357
00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:36,559
You double-crossing piece of shit!
358
00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:38,959
You should've gone Dutch on the
meal then, shouldn't you?
359
00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:42,160
Dearest wine. And the pudding.
I'm not fucking made of money.
360
00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:43,879
You should've kept your hands
out of your pocket,
361
00:16:43,880 --> 00:16:46,303
instead of fiddling your
shrivelled old manroot.
362
00:16:46,327 --> 00:16:47,376
I was rearranging.
363
00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:49,000
Rearranging my arse.
364
00:16:49,024 --> 00:16:51,024
I'll rearrange your
fucking arse in a minute, love.
365
00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:53,999
What does that even mean?
Dickhead. (TUTS)
366
00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:56,279
Listen, we're not gonna hurt you,
neither of yous.
367
00:16:56,280 --> 00:16:58,240
We just want the address
where the bull's kept, that's it.
368
00:16:58,264 --> 00:16:59,336
I'll never give it.
369
00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:03,720
You can torture me, you can do what
you like, but I'll never ever...
370
00:17:03,760 --> 00:17:05,959
- It's in the sat nav.
- Ohh! (LAUGHS)
371
00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:08,879
He's a good lad. Come here, give me
a kiss. You're a good lad.
372
00:17:08,880 --> 00:17:11,959
Right, now then. You three, take 'em
for a bloody walk.
373
00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:14,279
We're gonna see a man about a bull.
Go on, fuck off.
374
00:17:14,280 --> 00:17:17,480
Cardi, just guide her. Guide her in.
She's a nutcase.
375
00:17:18,248 --> 00:17:19,580
See you later.
376
00:17:19,877 --> 00:17:21,840
I don't need you,
you look like a plank.
377
00:17:21,864 --> 00:17:23,480
- Come on!
- All right.
378
00:17:24,735 --> 00:17:28,680
TOMMO: Two drops'll give you enough time
to find out where the vials are stored.
379
00:17:28,859 --> 00:17:31,259
♪ HONEYFEET:
Colonel Haithi's Trunk Juice
380
00:17:36,091 --> 00:17:38,731
(BIRDS CHIRRUPING)
381
00:17:38,756 --> 00:17:41,380
- Wait.
- What is it? What's up?
382
00:17:43,340 --> 00:17:45,340
That is a hawfinch.
383
00:17:45,700 --> 00:17:47,599
Terrific little bird, the hawfinch.
384
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:50,919
They can exert enough force to crack
open a cherry stone.
385
00:17:50,920 --> 00:17:52,740
Fucking riveting(!)
386
00:17:53,420 --> 00:17:54,400
Come on!
387
00:17:58,900 --> 00:18:00,919
ASH: Remember what Tommo said -
388
00:18:00,920 --> 00:18:03,700
you only need two drops to knock
them out. Right?
389
00:18:07,239 --> 00:18:08,839
Smile, Lesley Anne.
390
00:18:10,260 --> 00:18:12,759
You from Total Farming?
Yeah, absolutely.
391
00:18:12,760 --> 00:18:15,980
I'm Lesley Anne
and this is my photographer Ash.
392
00:18:16,620 --> 00:18:19,140
- You're Lesley?
- Yes. Yes, Lesley Anne.
393
00:18:19,180 --> 00:18:20,799
You sounded older on the phone.
394
00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:23,759
(CHUCKLES) She gets that
all the time. Old-lady voice.
395
00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:25,149
- Don't you?
- I do.
396
00:18:25,640 --> 00:18:28,300
First time I spoke to her
I thought she was a pensioner.
397
00:18:29,702 --> 00:18:32,360
Anyway, you... you must be Ruth.
398
00:18:32,384 --> 00:18:33,316
Yeah.
399
00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:36,180
And my three boys -
Victor, Vernon and Vincent.
400
00:18:36,220 --> 00:18:39,260
V, V, V. A bit of a V thing
going on there.(CHUCKLES)
401
00:18:40,380 --> 00:18:42,020
- The three of you.
- Anyway,
402
00:18:42,067 --> 00:18:44,987
we're very excited to meet Sunny
Boy, aren't we, Ash?
403
00:18:45,020 --> 00:18:46,560
- So excited.
- Yeah.
404
00:18:46,584 --> 00:18:49,120
I've always found bulls
to be very photogenic.
405
00:18:49,220 --> 00:18:51,220
You won't see a better-looking bull.
406
00:18:51,705 --> 00:18:55,140
If I was a cow, I'd have him inside
me all day long.
407
00:18:58,180 --> 00:19:01,319
Right,
shall we start with a quick chat...
408
00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:02,676
- This is ready...
- and a brew?
409
00:19:02,700 --> 00:19:03,980
BOTH: Yeah.
410
00:19:05,060 --> 00:19:08,740
If I have a herd of a hundred cows
and each one is inseminated
411
00:19:08,780 --> 00:19:10,820
three times over a nine-week period,
412
00:19:10,860 --> 00:19:13,900
have a guess how many'll get
pregnant on strong bull sperm.
413
00:19:15,020 --> 00:19:17,500
- I wouldn't know.
- Couldn't say.98%.
414
00:19:17,540 --> 00:19:19,119
Wow.98%!
415
00:19:19,120 --> 00:19:21,620
See my Sunny Boy
has thousands of daughters
416
00:19:21,660 --> 00:19:23,560
in countries all over the world, yeah?
417
00:19:23,584 --> 00:19:25,175
- Tokyo.
- Tokyo.
418
00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:26,599
- Brazil.
- Brazil
419
00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:28,359
- Mozambique.
- Mozambique.
420
00:19:28,360 --> 00:19:31,020
(CHUCKLES)
You mean to say MOO-zambique.
421
00:19:31,060 --> 00:19:33,479
(LAUGHS) Right. (CLEARS THROAT)
422
00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:35,940
Well, we'd really like to meet him.
423
00:19:36,860 --> 00:19:38,999
Yeah, we really would,
we really would.
424
00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:42,020
But before we do that,
I couldn't get a group snap
425
00:19:42,060 --> 00:19:43,759
of all the four of ye, could I?
426
00:19:43,760 --> 00:19:47,780
Kind of like the human side
behind the animal's success.
427
00:19:47,820 --> 00:19:49,480
Yeah, yeah. Course. Why not?
428
00:19:50,622 --> 00:19:51,540
Thanks.
429
00:19:52,100 --> 00:19:54,380
Lovely. Right, if you assemble
yourselves...
430
00:19:54,420 --> 00:19:56,180
(CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY)
431
00:19:56,220 --> 00:19:58,620
♪ THE CASTAWAYS: Liar Liar
432
00:19:58,660 --> 00:20:01,060
♪ Your nose is longer
than a telephone wire
433
00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:04,620
♪ Ask me, baby, why I'm sad
434
00:20:04,900 --> 00:20:07,540
♪ You've been out all night,
know you've been bad
435
00:20:07,980 --> 00:20:10,260
♪ Don't tell me different,
know it's a lie... ♪
436
00:20:10,300 --> 00:20:12,660
Listen, man, I'm sorry I didn't come
to visit you more.
437
00:20:13,220 --> 00:20:18,040
Um... just... you know, I felt so
guilty about you ending up in there.
438
00:20:18,660 --> 00:20:20,980
- It's all right. Forget it.
- You took a bullet for us
439
00:20:21,020 --> 00:20:23,180
and I'm grateful to you, right?
440
00:20:23,822 --> 00:20:26,639
Any one of us on that Tillerton trip
could've ended up inside, so...
441
00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:29,460
I'm not...
You can't grass on your mates.
442
00:20:29,500 --> 00:20:31,920
I wasn't gonna do that, was I,
you know?
443
00:20:33,540 --> 00:20:36,119
You can't do that. Just like you
can't be telling your missus
444
00:20:36,120 --> 00:20:38,119
shit she doesn't need to know, Dildo.
445
00:20:38,120 --> 00:20:41,559
Have you told her about the fucking
guy who got his head taken off?
446
00:20:41,560 --> 00:20:44,660
- She told me she didn't blab.
- Of course she fucking did.
447
00:20:44,700 --> 00:20:46,420
Christ on a bike. Do you believe that?
448
00:20:46,460 --> 00:20:48,000
Don't lose your head.
449
00:20:49,700 --> 00:20:51,220
Fuck!
450
00:20:53,780 --> 00:20:56,700
- Well, she...
- You fucking turnip.
451
00:20:56,740 --> 00:20:58,860
Use your brain, you handsome moron.
452
00:20:58,900 --> 00:21:01,399
- Just keep her out of your life.
- Yeah, well, I have.
453
00:21:01,400 --> 00:21:02,640
Good.
454
00:21:03,420 --> 00:21:07,020
Fuck, dude. I don't want to go back
inside for anyone. It was terrifying.
455
00:21:07,060 --> 00:21:09,620
- Oh, oh. Are we on?
- Yeah. Where's he?
456
00:21:09,660 --> 00:21:11,660
Tom! Tommy! Come the fuck on.
457
00:21:11,700 --> 00:21:13,420
Terrible tracksuit. Come on.
458
00:21:16,660 --> 00:21:18,220
(LOCK BEEPS)
459
00:21:18,260 --> 00:21:19,580
(ANIMAL GRUNTS)
460
00:21:19,620 --> 00:21:22,700
There he is... the film star.
461
00:21:22,740 --> 00:21:25,959
Wow. He's a beauty.
462
00:21:25,960 --> 00:21:29,519
- Like I told you.
- Ruth, walk me through the process.
463
00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:32,039
Before he inseminates the lovely
ladies,
464
00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:33,959
how do you extract the semen?
465
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:36,340
Simple. We excite him
with a bit of cow spray
466
00:21:36,380 --> 00:21:38,319
and get him to mount
another bull while we...
467
00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:39,799
So he's gay, is he?
468
00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:41,520
- No.
- She just said another bull.
469
00:21:41,544 --> 00:21:43,039
He's artificially excited.
470
00:21:43,040 --> 00:21:46,800
Yeah, but he's happy to get up on
the back of another boy and...
471
00:21:47,580 --> 00:21:50,980
- ..give it a go
- Well, he's not fussy, is he?
472
00:21:51,020 --> 00:21:53,559
He just wants to release himself.
For top-quality sperm
473
00:21:53,560 --> 00:21:55,959
he can only be released once every
month or two.
474
00:21:55,960 --> 00:21:59,879
Once you've collected the semen, you
freeze it. Where is that stored?
475
00:21:59,880 --> 00:22:02,079
- Shall we just agree that he's bi, so?
- Ashley!
476
00:22:02,080 --> 00:22:03,080
I'm just saying.
477
00:22:03,104 --> 00:22:05,679
We just collect the semen
in some glass vials and...
478
00:22:05,680 --> 00:22:07,840
- Mum?
- The vials, where are they stored?
479
00:22:07,864 --> 00:22:09,215
- I feel a bit...
- Fuck.
480
00:22:09,240 --> 00:22:12,239
- Ruth? Where's the freezer?
- It's... the vials?
481
00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:13,860
(HEAVY THUD) Oh...
482
00:22:14,175 --> 00:22:16,735
Fuck's sake. You ruined that with
all your gay questions.
483
00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:19,399
The bull mounts boys, Erin.(MOOING)
484
00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:22,340
- See he's agreeing with us. Oh, careful.
- It's all right, calm down.
485
00:22:22,380 --> 00:22:24,820
How much did you put in? The
two of them are out in minutes.
486
00:22:24,860 --> 00:22:27,599
Fucking two, like Tommo said.
(BULL GRUNTS)
487
00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:30,000
- We need to find the freezer.
- You check in there.
488
00:22:30,024 --> 00:22:31,276
Yeah, I will. Yeah, I will.
489
00:22:31,300 --> 00:22:32,880
- You go.
- I'll try and find the others.
490
00:22:32,904 --> 00:22:34,279
(MOOING) Whoa, Sunny.
491
00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:38,180
We're both gay men. All we want is
a few of your baby tears, all right?
492
00:22:38,220 --> 00:22:39,839
(GRUNTING) Erin!
493
00:22:39,840 --> 00:22:41,880
Hello? Lads?
494
00:22:42,300 --> 00:22:45,120
'Ey, lads? Oh, fuck. You big fucker.
495
00:22:45,416 --> 00:22:48,000
Shit. Jesus Christ, you're fucking
strong, dude.
496
00:22:48,221 --> 00:22:51,640
- Get off!
- Shit. Have you found any jizz?
497
00:22:51,660 --> 00:22:53,760
I'm saying shit out of joy
and happiness. Fucking shit!
498
00:22:53,784 --> 00:22:54,536
Fucking shit!
499
00:22:54,560 --> 00:22:57,900
Ooh, shit. You're a good lad.
You're a good lad.
500
00:22:57,940 --> 00:22:59,780
(BARKS)
501
00:22:59,820 --> 00:23:01,519
Fuck! Shut the door.
502
00:23:01,520 --> 00:23:04,560
- Oh, my God. Tommo!
- What is it?
503
00:23:05,300 --> 00:23:06,759
All right, all right.
504
00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:08,480
Remember, it's more scared of you...
505
00:23:08,504 --> 00:23:10,159
- than you are of it.
- Is it?
506
00:23:10,160 --> 00:23:12,180
Just open the fucking door.
507
00:23:13,180 --> 00:23:15,559
- Oh, it's got a code.
- Try 1-2-3-4.
508
00:23:15,560 --> 00:23:18,479
- It's not gonna be that, is it?
- Try 9-9-9-9.
509
00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:20,660
- (MOOING) - No.
- Four zeros.
510
00:23:20,700 --> 00:23:23,500
(KEYPAD BEEPS) No. We're
not getting in here, are we?
511
00:23:23,540 --> 00:23:25,319
Which is why I specially said
512
00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:28,439
you need to see the frozen jizz
before they pass out.
513
00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:30,799
Obviously two drops was
too much, wasn't it?
514
00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:31,836
Have we fucked it?
515
00:23:31,860 --> 00:23:33,640
- Yeah, we've fucked it.
- Fuck!
516
00:23:33,900 --> 00:23:36,320
- Unless...
- DYLAN: Unless what?
517
00:23:36,711 --> 00:23:39,940
Well, unless we take the big lad
here with us.
518
00:23:39,980 --> 00:23:42,100
(MOOING)
519
00:23:49,555 --> 00:23:52,580
- 'Ey up, it's the police.
- What the fuck do they want?
520
00:23:52,620 --> 00:23:55,360
- Oh, shit, it's Slater.
- They must know we have the bull.
521
00:23:55,460 --> 00:23:56,920
CARDI: Caught red-handed.
522
00:23:58,650 --> 00:24:02,559
- Afternoon, officer.
- It's afternoon, detective.
523
00:24:02,560 --> 00:24:05,839
You're milking it, man. It's starting
to look like harassment, girls.
524
00:24:05,840 --> 00:24:10,300
Oh, what's that? It's a search
warrant for the entire site.
525
00:24:10,340 --> 00:24:13,660
A search warrant? What you hoping
to find? Contraband cows?
526
00:24:13,700 --> 00:24:15,940
I've had information that you're in
cahoots
527
00:24:15,980 --> 00:24:18,310
with convicted criminal
Vincent O'Neil.
528
00:24:18,335 --> 00:24:20,700
(LAUGHS) Ooh, who's told you that?
529
00:24:20,740 --> 00:24:25,000
- Weed, stolen wheels, sexual debauchery.
- Farmers?
530
00:24:25,180 --> 00:24:27,720
Fuck off. Too niche even for me,
sweetheart.
531
00:24:28,300 --> 00:24:30,160
Fine. Search.
532
00:24:30,739 --> 00:24:34,540
But I want every vest
and every skiddy Y-front
533
00:24:34,580 --> 00:24:39,060
back where you found it or I'll be
bringing my lawyers in.
534
00:24:39,715 --> 00:24:42,495
- Ladies.
- Bend 'em over, lads.
535
00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:46,199
Weird. "Bend 'em over."
What are you bending us over for?
536
00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:48,300
- Catch you later.
- Ooh, eh.
537
00:24:48,940 --> 00:24:52,160
Get the bull in the cow shed and watch
out for its blind spot.
538
00:24:52,184 --> 00:24:53,216
What's that?
539
00:24:53,240 --> 00:24:55,160
What's a blind... Jim?
What's a bl... Jim?
540
00:24:55,200 --> 00:24:58,160
Fucking hell, man.(SHOUTING)
541
00:24:58,820 --> 00:25:00,580
Come on, big lad.
542
00:25:00,896 --> 00:25:03,300
I'm so hot.(INDISTINCT SPEECH)
543
00:25:04,620 --> 00:25:06,919
No! Red! Cardi. Put it away.
544
00:25:06,920 --> 00:25:09,080
- Shit.Knobhead.
- Go on!
545
00:25:09,120 --> 00:25:11,440
♪ SHARHABIL AHMED: Argos Farfish
546
00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:14,125
- Har! Har!
- We've such a big treat for you later.
547
00:25:14,150 --> 00:25:16,040
That's it. Nice and gentle.
548
00:25:16,694 --> 00:25:18,600
Har! Har!
549
00:25:18,900 --> 00:25:22,820
- A big treat after this.
- A big treat after this.
550
00:25:22,845 --> 00:25:25,045
(SHOUTING)
551
00:25:25,070 --> 00:25:27,060
- Yay!
- Yep.
552
00:25:30,340 --> 00:25:33,639
Right, listen. The way I see it,
we've got a tiny window here.
553
00:25:33,640 --> 00:25:36,999
We've got to get matey boy to shoot
his load, collect as much as we can
554
00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:39,919
and then we fuck him off back to
his original owner, right?
555
00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:41,919
Or... we keep the bull.
556
00:25:41,920 --> 00:25:43,880
A-grade wazz, licence to print money.
557
00:25:43,905 --> 00:25:46,365
Oh, yeah. Like the goose that laid
the g-golden egg.
558
00:25:46,580 --> 00:25:48,880
- And how did that end?
- How did that end?
559
00:25:49,063 --> 00:25:51,879
I fucking don't know. It's like a
cautionary tale, innit, for kids.
560
00:25:51,880 --> 00:25:55,295
To do with greed and shit like that.
I dunno.
561
00:25:55,320 --> 00:25:57,399
- I'm going to Google that.
- Don't... JJ.
562
00:25:57,400 --> 00:25:59,959
Let's not Google that,
let's fucking YouTube
563
00:25:59,960 --> 00:26:03,479
- how to wank a ginger bull off.
- We can't do it, they use stimulants
564
00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:07,640
- and specialised equipment and stuff.
- No, no. Way I see it, right,
565
00:26:07,665 --> 00:26:09,719
a wank is a wank is a wank.
566
00:26:09,720 --> 00:26:13,839
The todger, be it human, dog,
badger or bull, responds to touch.
567
00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:19,800
Ergo, all we need is to get matey
boy here aroused and merry jizzmas.
568
00:26:19,840 --> 00:26:22,560
- Eurgh.
- Erin, whack on your Marigolds.
569
00:26:22,585 --> 00:26:23,588
(SOFTLY) Love you.
570
00:26:23,612 --> 00:26:25,840
- I'm not doing it.
- He's actually quite gay though,
571
00:26:25,865 --> 00:26:27,880
Sunny Boy, so a man
is definitely better.
572
00:26:27,904 --> 00:26:28,736
Cardi then.
573
00:26:28,760 --> 00:26:30,399
You can fuck off. You do it.
574
00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:33,399
- I'm not fucking doing it.
- Tommo, you own a sex dungeon
575
00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:36,280
- For the umpteenth...
- What I own is an erotic parlour.
576
00:26:36,320 --> 00:26:39,400
We don't stretch to bestiality.
There were one time with a rabbit,
577
00:26:39,440 --> 00:26:42,039
- but that were going too far.
- Fucking rabbit. What could do with a...
578
00:26:42,040 --> 00:26:43,839
Listen, do you have, like,
579
00:26:43,840 --> 00:26:46,559
stuff to bring men off
in your horrid dungeon?
580
00:26:46,560 --> 00:26:48,159
- Course I do.
- What kind of shit do you have?
581
00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:50,952
You name it, mate.
We've got er... tingly lube,
582
00:26:51,240 --> 00:26:53,399
fake gushing vag.
My personal favourite...
583
00:26:53,400 --> 00:26:55,599
- the chilli inserter.
- Where's that go?
584
00:26:55,600 --> 00:26:58,600
- Where the fuck do you think it goes?
- Right up the arse,
585
00:26:58,640 --> 00:26:59,999
you fucking great lemon.
586
00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:04,279
Right, we'll get the chilli inserter,
you two dickheads find a sexy cow.
587
00:27:04,280 --> 00:27:07,839
Where's the weed, boys?
Where's the stolen motors?
588
00:27:07,840 --> 00:27:12,400
Is that it? Oh, no.
It's a flower vase.
589
00:27:13,460 --> 00:27:18,220
Oh, is that 'em?
Oh, no. It's a porcelain frog.
590
00:27:18,260 --> 00:27:19,500
(CHUCKLES)
591
00:27:20,885 --> 00:27:22,325
What's this then, eh?
592
00:27:22,810 --> 00:27:24,420
POLICEMAN: Over here, sir.
593
00:27:25,860 --> 00:27:27,460
Oh, dear.
594
00:27:27,780 --> 00:27:31,220
- Weaponry?
- Those are depinned. They're memorabilia.
595
00:27:31,260 --> 00:27:32,660
Sir.
596
00:27:34,533 --> 00:27:36,920
- And this?
- It's a Luger.
597
00:27:36,944 --> 00:27:39,080
It's from the First World War.
598
00:27:39,660 --> 00:27:42,815
Dangerous weapons.
What has he got planned?
599
00:27:42,847 --> 00:27:45,487
- I've got a big one, sir.
- Shall I get it out?
600
00:27:45,512 --> 00:27:46,560
Go on.
601
00:27:49,100 --> 00:27:50,319
You're nicked.
602
00:27:50,320 --> 00:27:52,199
(MOOING)(COAXES)
603
00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:55,200
Er... hello. This one's quite fit.
604
00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:57,360
- Based on what?
- Nice nose.
605
00:27:57,400 --> 00:27:59,399
He's not going to be looking at her
nose.
606
00:27:59,400 --> 00:28:02,000
Sunny Boy will be looking at
the arse. Look at her arse.
607
00:28:02,065 --> 00:28:04,999
- I'm not an expert on arses.
- Check the udders then.
608
00:28:05,000 --> 00:28:08,160
- What others?
- Not the others, the udders of the cow.
609
00:28:08,200 --> 00:28:11,360
The swingy-down bit. Have you
never been on a farm before?
610
00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:13,320
- Yes, I've been on a farm.
- (SQUELCHING) Uhh!
611
00:28:13,360 --> 00:28:16,240
(LAUGHS) I stepped
straight in poo there.
612
00:28:17,080 --> 00:28:18,679
(SPLASHING) Oh!
613
00:28:18,680 --> 00:28:20,680
I fucking slid on that one.
614
00:28:20,720 --> 00:28:22,720
Right, I need go and pick Tyler up.
615
00:28:22,760 --> 00:28:25,799
Any excuse for you to get out of
wanking a bull off.(LAUGHS)
616
00:28:25,800 --> 00:28:27,639
Eh? (BOTH LAUGH)
617
00:28:27,640 --> 00:28:29,720
Before you go
I do need to talk to you, actually.
618
00:28:29,721 --> 00:28:30,855
Oh. Go on.
619
00:28:30,880 --> 00:28:33,319
- I've got a bloody problem.
- What kind of problem?
620
00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:35,640
A McCann problem.(SIGHS)
621
00:28:35,920 --> 00:28:38,440
He's locked me off.
He's not answering me calls.
622
00:28:38,480 --> 00:28:42,759
There's no communication. It's like
I'm fucking persona non gratis.
623
00:28:42,760 --> 00:28:44,719
- Grata.Grata.
- Yeah.
624
00:28:44,720 --> 00:28:48,740
Honestly, I never said a word.
I kept my mouth shut.
625
00:28:49,720 --> 00:28:52,679
The police were offering me less
time if I only grassed
626
00:28:52,680 --> 00:28:54,999
and I kept me fucking gob shut.
Terence who?
627
00:28:55,000 --> 00:28:59,199
Maybe... he wants to stay on the safe
side until things quieten down.
628
00:28:59,200 --> 00:29:01,640
I don't know though.
If I'm no use to him,
629
00:29:01,880 --> 00:29:05,159
then I'm just a worry to him and
that frightens the shit out of me.
630
00:29:05,160 --> 00:29:08,220
He is a ruthless man, Erin. You know?
631
00:29:09,900 --> 00:29:11,300
Come here.
632
00:29:12,225 --> 00:29:15,265
I don't like you worrying.
You'll be fine.
633
00:29:16,960 --> 00:29:19,799
- You know...
- (CLEARS THROAT)
634
00:29:19,800 --> 00:29:22,160
- You know that thing you said to me?
- Mm.
635
00:29:22,295 --> 00:29:24,640
That you whispered in my ear
when I got arrested.
636
00:29:24,855 --> 00:29:26,200
Yeah.
637
00:29:26,500 --> 00:29:28,100
Did you mean it?
638
00:29:31,500 --> 00:29:32,660
Yeah.
639
00:29:33,380 --> 00:29:34,740
Yeah, I did.
640
00:29:37,180 --> 00:29:39,815
- (SIGHS) But Vin...
- I know, it's all right.
641
00:29:39,840 --> 00:29:41,599
You don't have to explain yourself.
642
00:29:41,600 --> 00:29:43,880
I know you've a lot going on,
got your exams,
643
00:29:43,920 --> 00:29:47,400
you wanna get the fuck out of here
cos it's miserable. (CHUNTERS)
644
00:29:48,740 --> 00:29:52,140
It just meant a lot to me,
that's all. Hearing that.
645
00:29:55,380 --> 00:29:57,120
Do you know that I fancy you loads?
646
00:29:57,684 --> 00:29:59,376
- Shut up.
- I fancy you...
647
00:29:59,408 --> 00:30:01,119
- Shut up...
- every single day.
648
00:30:01,120 --> 00:30:02,799
- Fucking nightmare.
- I need to get Tyler.
649
00:30:02,800 --> 00:30:04,679
Get the fuck out of here.
I've got to wank a bull off.
650
00:30:04,680 --> 00:30:06,114
- Oh, Jesus.
- Come on.
651
00:30:06,139 --> 00:30:08,200
- Get out of it.
- Good luck.
652
00:30:08,225 --> 00:30:11,440
(CHUCKLES) Right, Vincent...
653
00:30:11,611 --> 00:30:13,240
let's titillate a bull
654
00:30:19,438 --> 00:30:20,999
Anyone seen Jimbo?
He's not in his house.
655
00:30:21,000 --> 00:30:22,000
He's not come through.
656
00:30:22,025 --> 00:30:24,599
- Has no-one seen him? No.
- Fuck. (MOOING)
657
00:30:24,600 --> 00:30:27,039
- We'll have to do it ourselves.
- How hard can it be?
658
00:30:27,040 --> 00:30:29,119
Boy meets girl,
let nature take its course.
659
00:30:29,120 --> 00:30:30,679
JJ, get the fuck in there
660
00:30:30,680 --> 00:30:33,399
and release that cow. Cardi,
get your Tupperware ready.
661
00:30:33,400 --> 00:30:36,679
Oh, Jesus. He's fucking coming for
me. I am not touching that.
662
00:30:36,680 --> 00:30:38,959
Tupperware's a shit idea. Have you
not got a bucket?
663
00:30:38,960 --> 00:30:41,380
Let the crown see the jewels.
664
00:30:43,052 --> 00:30:47,560
JJ, gi' over being a fucking mard
arse. What are you reversing for?
665
00:30:48,052 --> 00:30:50,852
Oh, yeah, look at that. She's
sniffing his dick, in't she?
666
00:30:50,892 --> 00:30:52,732
Straight in for the BJ. Very nice.
667
00:30:52,772 --> 00:30:55,612
- Think of her as one the lads, Sunny Boy.
- Come on, sunshine,
668
00:30:55,652 --> 00:30:57,532
she's right next to your chopper.
669
00:30:57,572 --> 00:31:00,572
Fuck, he don't look too interested,
does he?
670
00:31:00,620 --> 00:31:03,060
She looks like she's gonna mount
him!(SIGHS)
671
00:31:03,092 --> 00:31:04,559
All right, we'll have
to do it ourselves.
672
00:31:04,560 --> 00:31:06,240
- Tommo get in there.
- What?
673
00:31:06,265 --> 00:31:09,879
Get in the bleedin' pen!
And take your sex spray.
674
00:31:09,880 --> 00:31:12,640
Come on, Tom. Come on, Tom.
675
00:31:13,492 --> 00:31:15,692
- Christ, it's gritty.
- Gritty?
676
00:31:15,732 --> 00:31:19,080
Heavens above, it's enormous.
It's like a French baguette.
677
00:31:19,575 --> 00:31:22,055
- What flavour?
- What flavour(?) Beef.
678
00:31:22,080 --> 00:31:24,240
Can you imagine a beef baguette?
I'm starving.
679
00:31:24,265 --> 00:31:28,559
Come on, sunshine, there we go.
Give it up for your Uncle Tommo.
680
00:31:28,560 --> 00:31:31,599
You sound like a paedophile.
Vinnie, you're putting me off.
681
00:31:31,600 --> 00:31:34,439
You're wanking off a fucking
ginger jizz machine
682
00:31:34,440 --> 00:31:36,719
- and calling yourself Uncle Tommy.
- You sound like a paedo.
683
00:31:36,720 --> 00:31:38,999
- He's a bull. He can't understand me.
- Then why talk to him?
684
00:31:39,000 --> 00:31:41,759
Because, Dylan,
in case you hadn't realised,
685
00:31:41,760 --> 00:31:45,920
I'm pleasuring a fucking bull and I
am trying to... Ahhhh!(MOOING)
686
00:31:46,060 --> 00:31:49,119
Shut up. Get your Tupperware ready.
Good lad. Good lad.
687
00:31:49,120 --> 00:31:50,040
- Tommo, come on.
688
00:31:50,064 --> 00:31:52,640
- It's getting hard.
It's getting really fucking hard.
689
00:31:52,720 --> 00:31:54,439
Come on, son, get in there.(GRUNTS)
690
00:31:54,440 --> 00:31:56,639
Wait for it, Tom.(GROANS)
691
00:31:56,640 --> 00:31:59,879
- I'm going. Arh.
- Come on, Tom. I'm cramping.
692
00:31:59,880 --> 00:32:02,239
- No, no, no. Push through.
- Arh.
693
00:32:02,240 --> 00:32:05,772
- I've got to swap arms.
- Don't stop, he's got a proper throb now.
694
00:32:05,812 --> 00:32:08,439
- He's getting close.
- Take over!
695
00:32:08,440 --> 00:32:11,580
- Get out of the way. (GROANS)
- Go on, Tom.
696
00:32:12,547 --> 00:32:14,320
Tickle his balls.
697
00:32:14,500 --> 00:32:17,799
I swear to God, if I end up
in a fucking psychiatric ward,
698
00:32:17,800 --> 00:32:21,039
- we're gonna know what did it.
- It's coming.
699
00:32:21,040 --> 00:32:25,400
Get ready, lads! It's coming! Get
ready! (MOOING) Now!
700
00:32:25,412 --> 00:32:27,972
(SPLUTTERING AND GROANING)
701
00:32:32,559 --> 00:32:33,840
How did we get on? None.
702
00:32:33,864 --> 00:32:34,868
Fuck all.
703
00:32:34,892 --> 00:32:37,292
Fuck! (VEHICLE APPROACHES)
What's that?
704
00:32:37,332 --> 00:32:39,960
- It's Jim, it's Jim, it's Jim.
- What? (SPLUTTERS)
705
00:32:41,011 --> 00:32:43,439
- It's not Jim, it's a 4x4.
- It's not them, is it?
706
00:32:43,440 --> 00:32:44,890
- We need to get out.
- He's got a drill.
707
00:32:44,915 --> 00:32:46,879
- Why's he got a fucking drill?
- How've they found us?
708
00:32:46,880 --> 00:32:50,972
- Fuck how they found us. Run.
- Hide. Hide, hide. Fuck.
709
00:32:55,702 --> 00:32:57,100
VICTOR: He's here.
710
00:32:57,460 --> 00:33:00,102
RUTH: Jesus Christ,
all that semen wasted.
711
00:33:00,142 --> 00:33:02,102
It's warm. They're still here.
712
00:33:02,142 --> 00:33:03,500
Well, find 'em.
713
00:33:03,740 --> 00:33:05,980
We're gonna fucking kill ya!
(COCKS GUN)
714
00:33:06,222 --> 00:33:08,860
You no-good sons of bitches.
715
00:33:09,062 --> 00:33:11,342
You lying puke of the devil!
716
00:33:11,382 --> 00:33:13,822
To give her her dues,
she's got a way with words.
717
00:33:13,862 --> 00:33:15,982
- I am a fair woman.
- DYLAN: You're a scary woman.
718
00:33:16,022 --> 00:33:18,822
So, if you come out now,
I'll go lenient
719
00:33:18,862 --> 00:33:20,542
- OK.
- Where the fuck are you going?
720
00:33:21,862 --> 00:33:24,240
Come to think of it,
we're really in the shit here now.
721
00:33:24,264 --> 00:33:25,599
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
722
00:33:25,600 --> 00:33:28,255
Right, what I'm thinking is this.
723
00:33:28,280 --> 00:33:31,199
One of us runs out,
they will give chase.
724
00:33:31,200 --> 00:33:33,020
The rest of us escape.
725
00:33:33,300 --> 00:33:36,320
- That's a good idea.
- Yeah. Who's gonna do that then?
726
00:33:36,660 --> 00:33:37,940
Last chance,
727
00:33:38,380 --> 00:33:41,983
you cocksucking whores of Jezebel!
728
00:33:42,023 --> 00:33:44,759
- It's biblical, in't it?
- Bit homophobic maybe.
729
00:33:44,760 --> 00:33:47,943
It might be. Just give us that spray.
730
00:33:48,106 --> 00:33:50,700
Do you want tingly or cooling?
731
00:33:50,725 --> 00:33:52,805
- Fucking... give us tingly.
- Right.
732
00:33:52,961 --> 00:33:54,841
(MUTTERING)
733
00:33:54,913 --> 00:33:58,473
♪ Buona sera, signorina, buona sera
734
00:33:59,763 --> 00:34:03,003
♪ It is time to say good night
to Napoli
735
00:34:03,263 --> 00:34:05,063
Arghh!
736
00:34:05,103 --> 00:34:08,159
♪ Though it's hard for us to
whisper, buona sera
737
00:34:08,160 --> 00:34:11,240
(GUNSHOT) ♪ With that old moon above
738
00:34:11,265 --> 00:34:15,304
♪ The Mediterranean sea, mmm...
739
00:34:15,451 --> 00:34:18,120
- Where's the others?
- They all went in different directions.
740
00:34:18,451 --> 00:34:20,000
(MOBILE RINGS)
741
00:34:21,040 --> 00:34:21,840
Yeah?
742
00:34:21,864 --> 00:34:23,576
- Hey, are you all safe?
- Yeah, we're fine.
743
00:34:23,600 --> 00:34:26,783
Thank fuck. Thought one of us
had been killed for sure.
744
00:34:26,823 --> 00:34:29,359
- Where shall me and Tommo meet you?
- You and Tommo? Where's Cardi?
745
00:34:29,360 --> 00:34:31,103
I thought he was with you.
746
00:34:31,143 --> 00:34:33,720
- Shit. Shit?
- Shit. (GUNSHOT) Fuck!
747
00:34:41,549 --> 00:34:43,500
(RINGS) That's him.
748
00:34:44,140 --> 00:34:44,920
Cardi?
749
00:34:44,944 --> 00:34:47,839
- We've got your fat friend.
- Yeah, we know. We want him back.
750
00:34:47,840 --> 00:34:49,599
You're in no position
to be making demands.
751
00:34:49,600 --> 00:34:52,639
He's covered in my Sunny Boy's gloop
and that's thousands of pounds
752
00:34:52,640 --> 00:34:54,719
dripping down his fat fucking face.
753
00:34:54,720 --> 00:34:56,639
- Sorry.
- We're sorry about that, all right?
754
00:34:56,640 --> 00:34:59,160
But you got your bull back.
How did you find us?
755
00:34:59,184 --> 00:35:00,919
He's chipped. Like a car. Trackable.
756
00:35:00,943 --> 00:35:03,519
He's chipped like a car. Dyl, you
were right. Clever innit, really?
757
00:35:03,520 --> 00:35:07,519
But you got him back so, you know,
let's not make a thing out of this.
758
00:35:07,520 --> 00:35:09,999
Let bygones be bygones, you
give Cardi back...
759
00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:11,919
If we don't get the frozen semen back,
760
00:35:11,920 --> 00:35:13,679
this lard-arse goes in the slurry pit.
761
00:35:13,680 --> 00:35:16,359
- What are you talking about?
- Don't play innocent.
762
00:35:16,360 --> 00:35:19,079
Your fat fuck of a friend did that
and he got a slap. Tell 'em!
763
00:35:19,080 --> 00:35:21,359
Yeah. She slapped me hard.
764
00:35:21,360 --> 00:35:23,999
The frozen semen vials are gone,
every one of them,
765
00:35:24,000 --> 00:35:27,199
- and that's a lot of fucking money.
- Fucking stop. Just listen to me.
766
00:35:27,200 --> 00:35:29,801
We might be thieves,
but I'm telling you we're not liars.
767
00:35:29,825 --> 00:35:31,079
Well...
768
00:35:31,080 --> 00:35:34,519
We're not liars. And, you know,
we did try to drug you.
769
00:35:34,520 --> 00:35:37,863
- And we tried to steal your bull.
- We even tried the semen. Didn't work.
770
00:35:37,903 --> 00:35:40,199
We fucking did. We tried to steal the
semen from the freezer
771
00:35:40,200 --> 00:35:43,399
and couldn't get in it. So I'm
telling you, whoever stole that jizz,
772
00:35:43,400 --> 00:35:47,280
- it wasn't us.
- In that case, the fat fuck dies.
773
00:35:48,577 --> 00:35:52,119
- Oh, fucker. Ring her back. Bastard.
- Is she actually gonna kill him?
774
00:35:52,120 --> 00:35:55,600
- You sure you didn't steal the vials?
- Think about that fucking question!
775
00:35:55,625 --> 00:35:56,760
Straight to voicemail.
776
00:35:56,784 --> 00:35:59,280
- If we didn't nick it, who did?
- Fuck knows, dude.
777
00:36:00,700 --> 00:36:04,039
Right, OK, I've got a little
confession to make.
778
00:36:04,040 --> 00:36:05,919
'You know when we took her to the
woods?'
779
00:36:05,920 --> 00:36:07,240
I need to pee.
780
00:36:07,264 --> 00:36:09,176
You don't think we're
gonna fall for that old one?
781
00:36:09,200 --> 00:36:12,199
No, I really do. I swear.
I'm bursting.
782
00:36:12,200 --> 00:36:15,399
Listen, love, I've got a prostate the
size of a hard-boiled egg
783
00:36:15,400 --> 00:36:19,703
- and even I don't wanna go.
- You c-can't let her p-piss her pants.
784
00:36:19,743 --> 00:36:21,359
- Y-Come on.
- Oh, you... (GROANS)
785
00:36:21,360 --> 00:36:23,959
Is this all right here, yeah?
Yeah, yeah. Fine.
786
00:36:23,960 --> 00:36:25,640
Let me get those off you.
787
00:36:27,629 --> 00:36:28,860
Go ahead.
788
00:36:30,100 --> 00:36:31,263
Turn around.
789
00:36:31,515 --> 00:36:32,200
Turn...
790
00:36:32,224 --> 00:36:34,400
- Turn around!
- Yeah. Sorry. Of course, yeah.
791
00:36:36,260 --> 00:36:38,183
- Ohh!
- Cardi!
792
00:36:38,238 --> 00:36:40,878
- Oww! Fuck off!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa! Come on!
793
00:36:40,903 --> 00:36:42,290
- Right, yeah.
- For fuck's sake!
794
00:36:42,314 --> 00:36:43,799
- Come on!
- Coming!
795
00:36:43,823 --> 00:36:45,679
He fucking said not to let her pee.
796
00:36:45,680 --> 00:36:46,719
Hit him.
797
00:36:46,720 --> 00:36:49,740
- Ow.Idiot.
- DYLAN: Ten to one Lesley stole the vials.
798
00:36:50,940 --> 00:36:53,460
I'll do a voice.
Don't do a fucking voice.
799
00:36:54,140 --> 00:36:57,515
(HEAVY THUDDING) Fucking hell,
you're like the fucking police.
800
00:36:57,539 --> 00:36:58,600
Sorry.
801
00:37:00,993 --> 00:37:03,140
- Lesley Fisher?
- Lesley Anne.
802
00:37:03,700 --> 00:37:06,759
Package here for you.
Sign here, please.
803
00:37:06,760 --> 00:37:08,880
Ha, it's a ruse! Dickhead.
804
00:37:09,580 --> 00:37:11,760
What's with all this fucking pink?
I like it.
805
00:37:12,245 --> 00:37:15,239
I like toast. I don't peg it all over
me shagging house, do I, dickhead?
806
00:37:15,240 --> 00:37:17,319
- Get out of my house.
- Have you found owt?
807
00:37:17,320 --> 00:37:18,880
- Nothing in the freezer.
- Shit.
808
00:37:18,904 --> 00:37:20,799
Look, them farmers
are not fucking about.
809
00:37:20,800 --> 00:37:22,080
(MOBILE PINGS)
They're gonna hurt our mate.
810
00:37:22,104 --> 00:37:23,880
- Where's the jizz?
- Vin.
811
00:37:24,743 --> 00:37:27,559
Oh, fuck! There's only you and that
fucking snapper
812
00:37:27,560 --> 00:37:30,324
know where that jizz was kept. It
doesn't take a genius
813
00:37:30,348 --> 00:37:31,729
- (SPITS)
- The fuck?
814
00:37:31,754 --> 00:37:33,883
Mind my shoes.
You spat on my dick a bit.
815
00:37:33,960 --> 00:37:38,079
You ruined my feature, walked me to
the woods like a dog to be put down.
816
00:37:38,080 --> 00:37:41,399
You drugged them, you robbed them.
You deal with the consequences.
817
00:37:41,400 --> 00:37:44,479
- How do you know we drugged 'em?
- Well, I... I...(MOCK STUTTER)
818
00:37:44,480 --> 00:37:47,079
Shut the fuck up! Where's that jizz?
819
00:37:47,080 --> 00:37:50,200
Everyone fuck summat up. Grab summat
pink and just fucking...
820
00:37:50,224 --> 00:37:51,679
Yes, Ashley!
821
00:37:51,680 --> 00:37:53,120
Go on, boy.
822
00:37:55,609 --> 00:37:57,200
OK, OK, OK.
823
00:37:57,572 --> 00:37:58,840
Don't touch it.
824
00:37:58,864 --> 00:38:01,680
Hurry the fuck up before
they drown our mate in pig shit.
825
00:38:01,900 --> 00:38:04,639
- Dickhead, what's that?
- Why would I look in a garage?
826
00:38:04,640 --> 00:38:05,360
Nice one.
827
00:38:05,361 --> 00:38:08,799
There's summat doing my head in. The
freezer where they kept the jizz,
828
00:38:08,800 --> 00:38:11,880
- how did you know the code for that?
- Guesswork. It was 1-2-3-4.
829
00:38:11,905 --> 00:38:13,520
- You fucking said that.
- I said that.
830
00:38:13,544 --> 00:38:15,439
- He said that.
- Can we get on with it?
831
00:38:15,440 --> 00:38:18,039
Now, it needs handling carefully.
832
00:38:18,040 --> 00:38:21,967
If it's allowed to get warm,
the whole lot will be ruined.
833
00:38:21,992 --> 00:38:25,223
So, you boys be careful.
Need to be careful with it
834
00:38:25,263 --> 00:38:26,879
(ALL SHOUT OUT) Oh, shit.
835
00:38:26,880 --> 00:38:30,439
Fuck off, Lesley. What the fuck?
What have you done that for?
836
00:38:30,440 --> 00:38:32,239
- You've killed my mate.
- You've fucked us.
837
00:38:32,240 --> 00:38:34,095
I'm gonna fucking go apeshit.
838
00:38:34,120 --> 00:38:35,960
What are all these fucking
gloves about, Lesley?
839
00:38:35,984 --> 00:38:37,039
You fucking...
840
00:38:37,040 --> 00:38:40,040
I think I might
have just come up with a plan B.
841
00:38:40,660 --> 00:38:44,559
You're going nowhere, you fucking
nightmare. This is too gloopy.
842
00:38:44,560 --> 00:38:46,120
We need to whisk it more.
843
00:38:46,144 --> 00:38:48,199
Water. Put some water in it,
you knobhead.
844
00:38:48,200 --> 00:38:50,999
- What the fuck's that?
- That is my plan B.
845
00:38:51,000 --> 00:38:52,840
What the fuck's that out of, a shrew?
846
00:38:52,864 --> 00:38:55,599
Give me six and a half minutes
and I'll get you some more.
847
00:38:55,600 --> 00:38:57,919
Fuck me, you better hurry up.
Come on, put some out, bud.
848
00:38:57,920 --> 00:38:58,720
Guys, come on.
849
00:38:58,744 --> 00:39:01,199
- Whisk then. Whisk!
- I'm whisking.
850
00:39:01,200 --> 00:39:03,479
Whisk like your fucking life depended
on it.
851
00:39:03,480 --> 00:39:06,023
♪ THE CAPITOLS: Cool Jerk
852
00:39:11,623 --> 00:39:12,760
Shit.
853
00:39:13,900 --> 00:39:15,260
You all right?
854
00:39:15,900 --> 00:39:17,900
We've er... got your jizz here.
855
00:39:17,940 --> 00:39:20,400
What are you doing? Got your semen.
856
00:39:20,547 --> 00:39:22,971
- You're late.
- I know, but we sent you a text.
857
00:39:23,354 --> 00:39:25,640
- Did you not get it?
- Yeah, we got it but, you know,
858
00:39:25,664 --> 00:39:27,535
a deadline's a deadline.
859
00:39:27,560 --> 00:39:30,615
Yes, it is. We're fucking here now
though. Do you want the jizz or not?
860
00:39:30,640 --> 00:39:31,640
Course we do.
861
00:39:31,900 --> 00:39:33,975
But you see,
you've - caused us a lot of trouble.
862
00:39:34,000 --> 00:39:37,440
I mean, look at my fucking
eyes! They're still tingling.
863
00:39:37,720 --> 00:39:40,279
(CLICKS FINGERS)
'Ey, lads. (HAMMERS CLICK) Lads.
864
00:39:40,280 --> 00:39:43,560
(PANICKED SHOUTS) Fuck! (AIR HISSES)
865
00:39:43,600 --> 00:39:45,940
- Out the van!
- All right.
866
00:39:50,240 --> 00:39:51,560
Fuck.
867
00:39:51,860 --> 00:39:54,380
- Clothes off.
- What? Come on.
868
00:39:55,060 --> 00:39:58,399
You drugged and sprayed us.
You're not tricking us a third time.
869
00:39:58,400 --> 00:40:02,000
And you're fucking late. So I want
it all off. Underpants an' all.
870
00:40:02,040 --> 00:40:04,695
- Clothes off now!
- Willies out on a farm?
871
00:40:04,720 --> 00:40:06,760
Do you wanna see your mate again?
(HAMMERS CLICK)
872
00:40:07,503 --> 00:40:08,760
- Get your hogs out.
- What?
873
00:40:08,784 --> 00:40:09,856
Just get 'em out.
874
00:40:09,880 --> 00:40:13,880
- It's fucking freezing.
- Fuck, bro. JJ, come on.
875
00:40:13,920 --> 00:40:17,320
It's like some weird '70's porno
this, in't it?(CHUCKLES)
876
00:40:20,155 --> 00:40:22,015
Fuck, it's cold.
877
00:40:22,560 --> 00:40:25,359
He's a big lad, in't he?
Yeah, he is a big lad.
878
00:40:25,360 --> 00:40:28,200
- He's known for that.
- Fucking... where's Cardi?!
879
00:40:28,225 --> 00:40:30,759
- Check the semen.
- Can't get my fucking trousers off.
880
00:40:30,760 --> 00:40:32,380
Nippy, in't it?
881
00:40:34,660 --> 00:40:37,560
Is it good? Is it all there?
It's a funny colour.
882
00:40:38,180 --> 00:40:40,960
- How do we know you haven't swapped that?
- With what?
883
00:40:41,034 --> 00:40:42,840
What would we
switch it with in this time?
884
00:40:42,864 --> 00:40:44,199
- Our own?
- Ridiculous.
885
00:40:44,200 --> 00:40:46,800
Fine, but we'll be testing it, yeah?
886
00:40:47,060 --> 00:40:49,640
And if that is not film-star
splat... (CHUCKLES)
887
00:40:49,760 --> 00:40:54,615
...I'll be coming after every single
one of you with a fucking scythe.
888
00:40:54,640 --> 00:40:56,359
- What's a scythe?
- I have no idea.
889
00:40:56,360 --> 00:40:58,800
Come on then.
Why does he never say owt?
890
00:41:01,048 --> 00:41:02,999
Right. Here's your fat friend.
891
00:41:03,024 --> 00:41:05,279
- Oh, lads.
- Cardi, you all right, love?
892
00:41:05,280 --> 00:41:07,879
Mind them pigs.
Come on, love. You all right?
893
00:41:07,880 --> 00:41:10,040
Good lad. Dude, dude, dude.
894
00:41:10,080 --> 00:41:12,440
Fucking touching.
They said they were gonna
895
00:41:12,480 --> 00:41:14,360
t-throw me in the fucking slurry pit.
896
00:41:14,400 --> 00:41:17,840
- Well, we're fucking here now, aren't we?
- Let's go then.
897
00:41:18,680 --> 00:41:21,760
- Oh, for fuck's sake.
- You're joking? Fucking hell.
898
00:41:22,180 --> 00:41:24,920
- Go on then, fuck off.
- Nice jacket that.
899
00:41:27,400 --> 00:41:29,080
They were designer them.
900
00:41:29,120 --> 00:41:31,560
This is fucking Jim.
Candy from a fucking baby.
901
00:41:31,600 --> 00:41:33,239
I should have stayed in t'nick.
902
00:41:33,240 --> 00:41:34,340
Get in.
903
00:41:34,634 --> 00:41:35,920
Did you get bummed?
904
00:41:35,944 --> 00:41:38,960
No, I didn't get fucking bummed, dude.
Get in the van.
905
00:41:39,120 --> 00:41:41,680
- We'll have some chips.
- Let's get t'radio on.
906
00:41:41,704 --> 00:41:43,176
Sorry about the trouble.
907
00:41:43,200 --> 00:41:45,040
All right.(MUTTERS)
908
00:41:45,640 --> 00:41:48,920
- Do you want chips, Cardi?
- Who's gonna go in? We're all naked.
909
00:41:52,780 --> 00:41:54,260
Mr McCann.
910
00:41:55,940 --> 00:41:57,340
Hello.
911
00:41:58,540 --> 00:42:00,180
My name's Erin.
912
00:42:00,402 --> 00:42:02,380
I'm a friend of Vincent O'Neil.
913
00:42:03,260 --> 00:42:04,500
And?
914
00:42:06,740 --> 00:42:08,460
I've got a proposal.
915
00:42:12,974 --> 00:42:15,975
- It's me mum. She's dead, Vinnie.
- We want our money.
916
00:42:16,000 --> 00:42:18,159
- Get him!
- Jesus.(YELLING) Arh!
917
00:42:18,160 --> 00:42:20,760
If you're looking for a free
funeral, you can go fuck yourself!
918
00:42:22,000 --> 00:42:23,960
- I'm burying his mam with dignity.
- Fuck's sake.
919
00:42:23,984 --> 00:42:24,856
Amazing knees.
920
00:42:24,880 --> 00:42:26,159
- Dickhead.
- They're smashers.
921
00:42:26,160 --> 00:42:28,320
There's not a thing on this list
we won't have done.
922
00:42:28,344 --> 00:42:30,840
- Buried at sea?
- Fuck.
923
00:42:31,860 --> 00:42:35,660
- (SHRIEKS) No, we've got a situation.
- We've got a situation as well.
924
00:42:35,685 --> 00:42:38,980
- Don't fucking come in here!
- Argh! (SHRIEKS)
925
00:42:39,004 --> 00:42:41,004
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