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1
00:00:01,251 --> 00:00:02,252
(theme music playing)
2
00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:06,506
♪ The Simpsons ♪
3
00:00:16,891 --> 00:00:18,560
(bell ringing)
4
00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:25,150
(whistle blowing)
5
00:00:30,113 --> 00:00:30,989
(beeping)
6
00:00:35,160 --> 00:00:37,704
(playing the blues)
7
00:00:37,787 --> 00:00:39,289
(jazzy solo)
8
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(tires screeching)
9
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(chimes)
10
00:00:53,011 --> 00:00:53,845
(tires screeching)
11
00:00:58,892 --> 00:00:59,726
(honking horn)
12
00:01:04,147 --> 00:01:05,023
D'oh!
13
00:01:05,106 --> 00:01:05,940
(screams)
14
00:01:08,693 --> 00:01:09,986
(all yelling)
15
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(loud chattering)
16
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{\an8}Hey, hey. Settle down, children.
17
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{\an8}Now, who's ever wondered
how the post office works?
18
00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:32,759
No one?
19
00:01:33,134 --> 00:01:35,512
{\an8}I did until we came here last year.
20
00:01:35,595 --> 00:01:38,014
{\an8}Ah, yes. Last year.
21
00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:39,307
{\an8}Anyway, look.
22
00:01:39,390 --> 00:01:42,477
{\an8}Here comes our guide
for the day, Postmaster Bill.
23
00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:45,105
{\an8}(chuckling) Howdy, partners.
24
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{\an8}Welcome to your post office.
25
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{\an8}Wow! It's ours? (grunts)
26
00:01:51,444 --> 00:01:52,278
{\an8}SKINNER: Bart!
27
00:01:52,362 --> 00:01:53,613
{\an8}Be with you in a minute.
28
00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:56,324
{\an8}This is the lobby where customers come
29
00:01:56,407 --> 00:01:58,535
{\an8}for all their postalistic needs.
30
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Legends Of Comedy, my tuches.
31
00:02:01,746 --> 00:02:04,541
What has fatty Arbuckle done
that I haven't done?
32
00:02:04,624 --> 00:02:06,960
{\an8}This machine reads zip codes.
33
00:02:07,043 --> 00:02:10,213
{\an8}These five digits tell us
where to direct your mail.
34
00:02:10,296 --> 00:02:11,881
{\an8}But it's nine digits now.
35
00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:13,591
{\an8}What's the point
of these other four numbers?
36
00:02:13,675 --> 00:02:16,010
{\an8}Those are citizen relocation codes.
37
00:02:16,094 --> 00:02:18,555
{\an8}With any luck, we'll never need 'em.
38
00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:22,016
She's on to us.
Should I flood the chamber?
39
00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:23,643
Not yet. Let's get some lunch.
40
00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:27,105
{\an8}Well, children, any questions
for Postmaster Bill?
41
00:02:27,772 --> 00:02:29,607
{\an8}You ever gone on a killing spree?
42
00:02:29,691 --> 00:02:32,986
{\an8}(chuckling) No, no.
43
00:02:33,069 --> 00:02:35,446
{\an8}The day of the gun-toting,
disgruntled postman
44
00:02:35,530 --> 00:02:38,491
{\an8}shooting up the place
went out with the Macarena.
45
00:02:38,575 --> 00:02:41,578
{\an8}Well, I'm just glad
I work at an elementary school.
46
00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:45,540
{\an8}And this is where
our employees gather to unwind
47
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{\an8}after a hard day of serving the public.
48
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-Bingo! Birthday card!
-Graduation!
49
00:02:52,088 --> 00:02:53,256
Ding, ding, ding! Wedding.
50
00:02:53,339 --> 00:02:55,341
(cheering)
51
00:02:55,425 --> 00:02:57,927
{\an8}(chuckling, groans)
52
00:02:58,511 --> 00:03:01,097
{\an8}I'm sure you all heard
of the dead letter office.
53
00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:03,600
Well, as a souvenir of your visit
54
00:03:03,683 --> 00:03:05,101
{\an8}you can each help yourself
55
00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:07,478
{\an8}to one piece of undeliverable mail.
56
00:03:07,562 --> 00:03:09,189
(cheering)
57
00:03:09,272 --> 00:03:10,148
RALPH: I'll take you.
58
00:03:10,231 --> 00:03:11,816
(children shouting)
59
00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:15,320
{\an8}(barking)
60
00:03:15,403 --> 00:03:16,905
I got some dog food.
61
00:03:16,988 --> 00:03:19,616
I got my letter to Santa.
62
00:03:19,699 --> 00:03:21,367
A coupon book?
63
00:03:21,451 --> 00:03:23,494
What am I gonna do
with this piece of junk?
64
00:03:23,578 --> 00:03:24,621
Happy birthday, Dad.
65
00:03:24,704 --> 00:03:25,580
Wow!
66
00:03:25,914 --> 00:03:28,333
A Val-U-Qual coupon book.
67
00:03:28,416 --> 00:03:30,960
Let's see.
Ten percent off carpet cleaning.
68
00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:31,920
Ten! (gasps)
69
00:03:32,003 --> 00:03:35,548
Two pizzas for the price of one
at Doughy's!
70
00:03:35,632 --> 00:03:37,967
Doughy's has terrible pizza.
71
00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:40,011
Yeah, but there's two!
72
00:03:40,345 --> 00:03:43,097
Ooh, free foot pain analysis.
73
00:03:43,181 --> 00:03:45,516
Oh, Marge, that's just a trick
to get you in there,
74
00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:47,268
so they can cure your foot pain.
75
00:03:47,352 --> 00:03:50,438
I guess. (moans softly)
76
00:03:50,521 --> 00:03:52,732
See you, kids. Me and my Val-U-Qual book
77
00:03:52,815 --> 00:03:56,527
are gonna paint the town red with savings.
78
00:03:56,611 --> 00:03:57,987
I'll start with a couple of pizzas,
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00:03:58,071 --> 00:04:00,531
then a complimentary tango lesson,
80
00:04:00,615 --> 00:04:04,577
and I'll cap it off
with a smooth, refreshing colonic.
81
00:04:04,661 --> 00:04:05,662
Um, Dad...
82
00:04:05,745 --> 00:04:08,581
♪ Do you like pina colonic ♪
83
00:04:08,665 --> 00:04:10,792
♪ And getting caught In the rain? ♪
84
00:04:10,875 --> 00:04:13,086
♪ Passing out in the ocean... ♪
85
00:04:15,463 --> 00:04:19,342
Now this wheel balancing is free, right?
86
00:04:19,425 --> 00:04:22,136
Oh, you betcha. Absolutely.
87
00:04:22,220 --> 00:04:24,555
Eh... uh-oh. Wait a minute.
88
00:04:24,889 --> 00:04:27,183
These tires won't take a balance.
89
00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:28,101
They won't?
90
00:04:28,184 --> 00:04:30,103
Nah, nah, no. You hear that clunk?
91
00:04:30,186 --> 00:04:31,020
No.
92
00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:33,273
Well, that tells me
you need four new tires.
93
00:04:33,356 --> 00:04:34,983
-Really?
-Yeah.
94
00:04:35,066 --> 00:04:37,443
Legally, I can't even let you
drive out of here on these.
95
00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:40,071
Oh, please, can't you let me
slide this time?
96
00:04:40,154 --> 00:04:43,825
Gee, I'd really like to,
but if my boss found out...
97
00:04:43,908 --> 00:04:45,243
Hey, what's going on over here?
98
00:04:45,326 --> 00:04:47,829
Were you gonna let this man
drive out of here on unsafe tires?
99
00:04:47,912 --> 00:04:49,247
No, boss. I swear.
100
00:04:49,330 --> 00:04:51,249
Uh, that's it. You're fired!
101
00:04:51,332 --> 00:04:53,751
No. Wait. This is all my fault.
102
00:04:53,835 --> 00:04:55,920
Oh, if I could only turn back the clock
103
00:04:56,004 --> 00:04:58,131
and buy four new tires.
104
00:05:00,508 --> 00:05:03,761
(muzak playing)
105
00:05:09,225 --> 00:05:10,435
Oh.
106
00:05:12,353 --> 00:05:14,147
Ooh, I know that look. (giggles)
107
00:05:14,230 --> 00:05:16,065
You came in for the free wheel balance
108
00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:18,318
and now it's costing you 500 simoleans.
109
00:05:18,401 --> 00:05:19,902
Six with the tip.
110
00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:21,362
Hey, you got off easy.
111
00:05:21,446 --> 00:05:22,655
I just came in to use the phone
112
00:05:22,739 --> 00:05:25,033
and they got me for the whole
road king package...
113
00:05:25,116 --> 00:05:28,328
alignment, shocks, armor all, stem lube.
114
00:05:28,411 --> 00:05:30,413
(chuckling) Stem lube.
115
00:05:30,496 --> 00:05:34,083
Even I didn't fall for that
although winter is coming.
116
00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:38,171
Man, we are a couple of
grade A suckers. (chuckles)
117
00:05:38,254 --> 00:05:39,505
Wally Kogen.
118
00:05:39,589 --> 00:05:41,341
Hey, I know you.
119
00:05:41,424 --> 00:05:43,259
We were in the same pyramid scheme.
120
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:44,844
Oh, don't remind me.
121
00:05:44,927 --> 00:05:47,555
Friends helping friends, my ass.
122
00:05:47,972 --> 00:05:50,016
Say, you want to grab a beer
while we're waiting?
123
00:05:50,099 --> 00:05:50,933
Yeah.
124
00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:53,061
I'm getting tired of them
pointing and laughing at us.
125
00:05:53,144 --> 00:05:55,188
(all laughing)
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00:05:57,190 --> 00:06:00,443
COMMENTATOR: The road to the Super Bowlis long and pointless.
127
00:06:00,526 --> 00:06:02,278
I mean, when you think about it...
128
00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:03,738
(chuckles)
129
00:06:03,821 --> 00:06:05,198
Football's so great.
130
00:06:05,531 --> 00:06:07,575
COMMENTATOR: But now,the two conference champs
131
00:06:07,658 --> 00:06:09,744
must survive a harrowing bye week
132
00:06:09,827 --> 00:06:11,037
that no one enjoys.
133
00:06:18,461 --> 00:06:21,798
Bye weeks. Bronko Nagurski
didn't get no bye weeks,
134
00:06:21,881 --> 00:06:23,049
and now he's dead.
135
00:06:24,008 --> 00:06:25,385
Well, maybe they're a good thing.
136
00:06:25,468 --> 00:06:27,303
Yeah, how about that Super Bowl?
137
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:28,221
You going this year?
138
00:06:28,304 --> 00:06:29,597
Me? Nah.
139
00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:33,059
(gasps) Unless there's a coupon
for it! Nah.
140
00:06:33,142 --> 00:06:35,728
Well, I run the Springfield Travel Agency.
141
00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:38,606
{\an8}We've got a charter bus
going down to the game.
142
00:06:38,689 --> 00:06:40,566
You help us fill it,
you can ride for free.
143
00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:43,653
Homer Simpson at the Super Bowl?
144
00:06:44,612 --> 00:06:45,613
(crowd cheering)
145
00:06:45,696 --> 00:06:46,531
Dang.
146
00:06:46,614 --> 00:06:49,158
That was my last quarterback.
Now what am I gonna do?
147
00:06:49,617 --> 00:06:50,451
You.
148
00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:52,453
-Me?
-Yeah, you.
149
00:06:52,537 --> 00:06:54,038
Get your hand off my wife's leg.
150
00:06:54,122 --> 00:06:54,956
Sorry.
151
00:06:56,999 --> 00:06:58,418
It's a deal.
152
00:06:58,501 --> 00:07:01,629
Hey, Moe, you wanna come with me and Wally
to the Super Bowl?
153
00:07:01,712 --> 00:07:03,965
Oh, absolutely. My favorite team's in it!
154
00:07:04,048 --> 00:07:06,050
The Atlanta Falcons.
155
00:07:06,801 --> 00:07:09,720
Yeah, every since I was a boy,
I've always loved
156
00:07:09,804 --> 00:07:11,264
the Atlanta Falcons.
157
00:07:11,347 --> 00:07:13,182
Yeah, they're good
but I wouldn't count out the...
158
00:07:13,599 --> 00:07:14,725
Denver Broncos.
159
00:07:15,101 --> 00:07:18,312
Yeah, I hear that President... Clinton
160
00:07:18,396 --> 00:07:21,482
is gonna be watching
with his wife... Hillary.
161
00:07:24,694 --> 00:07:25,528
Come on, Lenny,
162
00:07:25,611 --> 00:07:27,780
I need four more guys
to fill my Super Bowl bus.
163
00:07:27,864 --> 00:07:28,698
What do you say?
164
00:07:28,781 --> 00:07:30,741
-LENNY (whining): Nah.
-Come on...
165
00:07:30,825 --> 00:07:33,202
-LENNY (whining): Nah.
-Come on!
166
00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:35,913
-LENNY (whining): Nah.
-Oh, come on.
167
00:07:35,997 --> 00:07:37,248
-LENNY: Ah...
-Yes!
168
00:07:37,790 --> 00:07:40,751
Now that Lenny's in
Carl will fall like a domino.
169
00:07:40,835 --> 00:07:43,379
I'm so happy you're going to the big game.
170
00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:47,967
My dream has always been
to see the Bolshoi Ballet.
171
00:07:48,050 --> 00:07:50,303
Yeah, yeah. Do we have
any pencils that work?
172
00:07:50,386 --> 00:07:53,097
Wow, you've signed up
quite a few people, Dad...
173
00:07:53,181 --> 00:07:55,141
the Sea Captain, Bumblebee man,
174
00:07:55,224 --> 00:07:57,602
comic-book guy, the squeaky-voiced teen...
175
00:07:57,685 --> 00:07:59,061
Yeah, it's a good group.
176
00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:02,899
I gotta hand it to you, Homer.
177
00:08:02,982 --> 00:08:04,317
It's really a good group.
178
00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:06,569
Yeah. Not a dame in sight.
179
00:08:06,652 --> 00:08:08,488
Oh, thank God.
180
00:08:08,571 --> 00:08:10,239
Now we can stop holding it in.
181
00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:14,076
(all sighing)
182
00:08:15,536 --> 00:08:17,413
All aboard for Miami.
183
00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:18,331
(all groaning)
184
00:08:18,414 --> 00:08:20,541
I don't know if I can last that long.
185
00:08:22,627 --> 00:08:25,713
Super Bowl, please, and step on it!
186
00:08:25,796 --> 00:08:28,341
(all cheering)
187
00:08:28,424 --> 00:08:29,258
Hey, wait up.
188
00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:31,677
Ah, crap. It's that pip-squeak Rudy.
189
00:08:31,761 --> 00:08:33,262
(panting)
190
00:08:33,888 --> 00:08:35,097
What is it, Rudy?
191
00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:36,182
Can I come, too?
192
00:08:36,265 --> 00:08:37,433
Forget it, kid.
193
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:39,894
You're too small to go to the Super Bowl.
194
00:08:39,977 --> 00:08:42,063
But what I lack in size,
I make up for in...
195
00:08:43,022 --> 00:08:45,107
obnoxiousness. (grunts)
196
00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:47,860
(all cheering)
197
00:08:52,490 --> 00:08:53,699
("Wild Weekend" by NRBQ playing)
198
00:08:53,783 --> 00:08:55,409
♪ Hey, boys it's a wild weekend ♪
199
00:08:55,493 --> 00:08:56,327
-(raucous laughter)
-Whoo!
200
00:08:56,410 --> 00:08:59,163
♪ We did it then and we'll do it again ♪
201
00:08:59,247 --> 00:09:03,042
Well, sports fans, I see
you've located the beer supply,
202
00:09:03,125 --> 00:09:06,128
so let's all enjoy it in moderation.
203
00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:07,129
MAN: Boo!
204
00:09:07,713 --> 00:09:09,799
Hey, don't make me come back there.
205
00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:12,635
Seriously, now, if you have any questions,
206
00:09:12,718 --> 00:09:15,179
just ask our team leader, Homer Simpson.
207
00:09:15,263 --> 00:09:17,848
(singing drunkenly)
208
00:09:17,932 --> 00:09:20,393
Or me. Be-- Better ask me.
209
00:09:23,271 --> 00:09:24,105
(sighs)
210
00:09:24,188 --> 00:09:27,400
It's so nice to have
a peaceful weekend together.
211
00:09:27,483 --> 00:09:29,026
Yeah, I'm bored, too.
212
00:09:29,110 --> 00:09:30,236
Mm-hmm.
213
00:09:30,319 --> 00:09:32,947
Hey, why don't we do
one of those craft kits
214
00:09:33,030 --> 00:09:34,448
Aunt Patty always gives us?
215
00:09:36,534 --> 00:09:39,996
Hmm... ooh, how about Paint-By-Numbers?
216
00:09:40,079 --> 00:09:41,872
It's so rigid and uncreative.
217
00:09:41,956 --> 00:09:43,291
{\an8}OK.
218
00:09:43,374 --> 00:09:44,875
{\an8}Oh, Leather Craft.
219
00:09:44,959 --> 00:09:47,545
{\an8}Oh! Those poor, helpless cows.
220
00:09:48,004 --> 00:09:49,714
{\an8}Mm-hmm. What about Clay?
221
00:09:49,797 --> 00:09:51,882
{\an8}You got any problem with Clay?
222
00:09:51,966 --> 00:09:54,093
Hey, what's this? (blows)
223
00:09:54,176 --> 00:09:56,721
"Vincent Price's Egg Magic."
224
00:09:56,804 --> 00:09:58,681
Well, what are we waiting for?
225
00:10:00,057 --> 00:10:02,143
Keep-away Lovejoy's collar.
226
00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:05,396
(all laughing)
227
00:10:05,479 --> 00:10:07,273
Now look what you've done.
228
00:10:07,356 --> 00:10:08,608
All right, all right,
229
00:10:08,691 --> 00:10:11,652
you guys have had way too much booze.
230
00:10:11,736 --> 00:10:13,070
Last call.
231
00:10:13,154 --> 00:10:14,614
(clamoring)
232
00:10:16,782 --> 00:10:18,743
Come on, come on, give me an excuse.
233
00:10:21,203 --> 00:10:24,123
Pro player stadium, Super Bowl.
234
00:10:24,206 --> 00:10:27,043
(all cheering)
235
00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:33,174
(bleating)
236
00:10:33,257 --> 00:10:34,925
(chuckles) I'm sorry.
237
00:10:35,009 --> 00:10:37,511
The guys made kind of a mess
in your bathroom.
238
00:10:37,595 --> 00:10:38,929
What bathroom?
239
00:10:39,013 --> 00:10:42,308
Uh, OK, fellas, enjoy the pre-game fun.
240
00:10:42,391 --> 00:10:44,226
I don't wanna be a panicky Pete,
241
00:10:44,310 --> 00:10:46,854
but it's Sunday and I haven't
been to church yet.
242
00:10:46,937 --> 00:10:50,066
No problem. The NFL's got you covered.
243
00:10:50,149 --> 00:10:52,360
...and that the wandering Oakland Raiders
244
00:10:52,443 --> 00:10:53,903
may someday find a home.
245
00:10:54,236 --> 00:10:57,657
Lord, hear our prayer.
Can I get an amen to that?
246
00:10:57,740 --> 00:10:58,866
ALL: Amen.
247
00:11:00,034 --> 00:11:02,495
Cool! The NFL's oldest surviving player.
248
00:11:02,578 --> 00:11:05,873
I'm 53 years young.
249
00:11:06,207 --> 00:11:07,166
Ugh.
250
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:08,501
MAN: Whoo!
251
00:11:08,584 --> 00:11:09,877
Hey, Troy Aikman.
252
00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:12,880
So, Ned, you like dune buggies?
253
00:11:12,963 --> 00:11:15,299
Well... (giggles) not my cup of...
254
00:11:15,383 --> 00:11:16,509
Sure, you do.
255
00:11:16,592 --> 00:11:18,177
Everyone likes dune buggies.
256
00:11:21,472 --> 00:11:22,640
(grunts)
257
00:11:22,723 --> 00:11:24,558
Great spiral, Daniel.
258
00:11:25,393 --> 00:11:26,686
Man, that hurts.
259
00:11:26,769 --> 00:11:28,145
Excuse me. Coming through.
260
00:11:28,229 --> 00:11:29,355
Friends of Dan Marino.
261
00:11:29,438 --> 00:11:31,357
OK, Dan, fire away.
262
00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:35,194
(scoffs) I'm Dan's manager. This is Dan.
263
00:11:35,277 --> 00:11:36,404
Go long, son.
264
00:11:36,487 --> 00:11:37,321
Yes, sir.
265
00:11:40,991 --> 00:11:42,952
(whimpering)
266
00:11:43,035 --> 00:11:45,162
I'm catching a pass from Dan Marino.
267
00:11:45,246 --> 00:11:46,539
This is the greatest moment of my--
268
00:11:46,622 --> 00:11:48,958
Whoo-hoo! Homer Simpson with a pick!
269
00:11:49,041 --> 00:11:51,627
Hey, Bubba, Hacksaw, get that moron.
270
00:11:52,211 --> 00:11:53,254
(growling)
271
00:11:53,337 --> 00:11:54,922
Uh-oh. Lateral to Bart!
272
00:11:55,005 --> 00:11:56,006
(growling)
273
00:11:56,090 --> 00:11:57,341
(screams)
274
00:11:57,425 --> 00:11:58,509
-(cracking)
-HOMER: My spine.
275
00:12:03,139 --> 00:12:06,475
Oh, honey, that is egg-ceptional.
276
00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:08,728
(giggling)
277
00:12:08,811 --> 00:12:11,647
OK, now we just have to stick
the feet on.
278
00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:14,734
Right. Now... hmm.
279
00:12:14,817 --> 00:12:18,112
Lisa, I don't want to alarm you
but I'm not finding any.
280
00:12:18,195 --> 00:12:19,905
{\an8}But it clearly says feet included.
281
00:12:19,989 --> 00:12:21,115
They have to be here.
282
00:12:21,198 --> 00:12:23,159
No, nothing.
283
00:12:23,617 --> 00:12:25,119
I can't believe Vincent Price
284
00:12:25,202 --> 00:12:27,246
would lend his name
to such a shoddy product.
285
00:12:27,329 --> 00:12:28,664
Now what do we do?
286
00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:29,999
Let's call the company.
287
00:12:30,082 --> 00:12:32,334
Mom, this was made in 1967.
288
00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:33,794
They're probably out of business.
289
00:12:33,878 --> 00:12:35,671
Well, we'll just see.
290
00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:39,175
Murray Hill, 5-9-2-3-2.
291
00:12:39,258 --> 00:12:40,634
(telephone ringing)
292
00:12:40,718 --> 00:12:42,928
VINCENT (over telephone):
Hello. This is Vincent Price.
293
00:12:43,012 --> 00:12:44,722
(gasps) It's Vincent Price.
294
00:12:44,805 --> 00:12:46,015
I thought he was dead.
295
00:12:46,098 --> 00:12:49,101
VINCENT: You should knowthe grave could never tame me.
296
00:12:49,185 --> 00:12:50,603
(ghoulish laugh)
297
00:12:50,686 --> 00:12:54,899
Oh, Mr. Price, I loved you
in the Abominable Doct--
298
00:12:54,982 --> 00:12:56,859
VINCENT: If you are callingabout the missing feet,
299
00:12:56,942 --> 00:12:59,403
leave your addressand the replacement feet
300
00:12:59,487 --> 00:13:02,531
will be rushed to you by my grandson Jody.
301
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:04,325
And now, I must return
302
00:13:04,408 --> 00:13:06,577
to the sweet embrace of the crypt,
303
00:13:06,660 --> 00:13:07,787
but I'll be back.
304
00:13:07,870 --> 00:13:09,789
(ghoulish laugh)
305
00:13:09,872 --> 00:13:11,916
So, is he alive or not?
306
00:13:11,999 --> 00:13:16,003
-(beep)
-742 Evergreen Terrace, Springfield.
307
00:13:16,086 --> 00:13:17,171
Oh, hiya, Maude.
308
00:13:17,254 --> 00:13:18,255
Come on in.
309
00:13:21,550 --> 00:13:23,886
Who needs tickets? Tickets right here.
310
00:13:23,969 --> 00:13:24,804
How about you, slick?
311
00:13:24,887 --> 00:13:27,640
Scalping tickets to the Super Bowl.
312
00:13:27,723 --> 00:13:29,433
Have you no shame, sir?
313
00:13:29,517 --> 00:13:31,185
I should give you a royal caning.
314
00:13:31,268 --> 00:13:34,438
(cheering in agreement)
315
00:13:34,522 --> 00:13:36,774
Hey, hey, I'm just trying to make
an honest buck.
316
00:13:36,857 --> 00:13:40,194
Ah, get lost, you bloodsucking parasite.
317
00:13:40,277 --> 00:13:42,029
Wally and I have all the tickets we need.
318
00:13:42,488 --> 00:13:46,200
Uh, sorry, fellas,
but these tickets are counterfeit.
319
00:13:46,283 --> 00:13:48,160
-What?
-Counterfeit?
320
00:13:48,244 --> 00:13:49,954
Yeah, see, the hologram's missing,
321
00:13:50,037 --> 00:13:52,665
and there's no such team as The Spungos,
322
00:13:52,748 --> 00:13:56,585
and finally, these seem to be
printed on some sort of cracker.
323
00:13:57,002 --> 00:13:58,754
Stop eating our tickets!
324
00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:01,757
Oh, how could I fall for fake tickets?
325
00:14:02,216 --> 00:14:04,468
Gee, the fellas are gonna be crestfallen.
326
00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:07,513
Yes, if by "crestfallen,"
you mean "kill us."
327
00:14:07,596 --> 00:14:08,722
Listen, let me talk to them.
328
00:14:08,806 --> 00:14:10,057
Maybe I can smooth this over.
329
00:14:10,432 --> 00:14:12,142
(sweetly) My friends...
330
00:14:12,226 --> 00:14:13,644
They don't have the tickets!
331
00:14:13,727 --> 00:14:14,937
-Kill 'em!
-(all shouting)
332
00:14:15,020 --> 00:14:16,564
Please, my friends... Ow!
333
00:14:16,647 --> 00:14:18,482
All right! I'll get you into the game!
334
00:14:20,359 --> 00:14:23,737
Excuse me, uh... Mr. Scalper, sir.
335
00:14:23,821 --> 00:14:25,531
Have I told you that I love you?
336
00:14:25,614 --> 00:14:26,490
Forget it.
337
00:14:26,574 --> 00:14:28,868
You'll just hurt me like all the others.
338
00:14:28,951 --> 00:14:31,412
OK, Moe, I believe
you had me by the throat.
339
00:14:31,495 --> 00:14:33,581
Reverend Lovejoy was working the body.
340
00:14:33,664 --> 00:14:35,374
Wait. Dad, look.
341
00:14:36,917 --> 00:14:38,252
Hello.
342
00:14:38,335 --> 00:14:40,212
Gentlemen, I have an idea.
343
00:14:42,756 --> 00:14:43,924
(grunts) Run!
344
00:14:44,008 --> 00:14:46,302
(cheering and hooting)
345
00:14:46,927 --> 00:14:48,012
-OFFICER: Get back here!
-(whistling)
346
00:14:48,095 --> 00:14:50,180
We can still make the kickoff!
347
00:14:50,264 --> 00:14:51,807
Here comes the kick!
348
00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:55,269
(yell crescendos)
349
00:14:55,352 --> 00:14:56,395
Ow!
350
00:14:56,478 --> 00:14:58,230
Yay!
351
00:14:58,314 --> 00:15:00,608
As a doctor, I'd say he's had enough...
352
00:15:00,983 --> 00:15:02,860
but as a football fan...
353
00:15:02,943 --> 00:15:06,071
-(yell crescendos)
-Aaah!
354
00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:10,200
(wind whistling)
355
00:15:21,003 --> 00:15:22,171
(honks)
356
00:15:22,254 --> 00:15:26,884
(ZZ Top's "Legs" playing)
357
00:15:38,312 --> 00:15:39,271
MAN: The church...
358
00:15:39,355 --> 00:15:41,690
we've made a few changes.
359
00:15:43,525 --> 00:15:46,111
These Super Bowl commercials are weird.
360
00:15:46,195 --> 00:15:48,614
MAN: Just about readyfor the second quarter here in Miami.
361
00:15:48,697 --> 00:15:49,573
I tell you, Pat,
362
00:15:49,657 --> 00:15:51,951
that wild first quarter
blew out my telestrator,
363
00:15:52,034 --> 00:15:53,702
and now the fans are screaming for more.
364
00:15:53,786 --> 00:15:55,663
(screaming)
365
00:15:55,746 --> 00:15:57,164
Let us out of here!
366
00:15:57,247 --> 00:15:58,916
Relax, Simpson, relax.
367
00:15:58,999 --> 00:16:00,918
A little-known fact about jail cells
368
00:16:01,001 --> 00:16:04,630
is they always have one phony bar
for, like, emergencies.
369
00:16:05,172 --> 00:16:08,634
Real, real, real, real, real.
370
00:16:08,717 --> 00:16:10,928
So, by the process of elimination,
371
00:16:11,011 --> 00:16:12,304
this one is the fake.
372
00:16:13,263 --> 00:16:15,724
(yells) Ah, that's painful.
373
00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:17,643
(crowd cheering on TV)
374
00:16:17,726 --> 00:16:20,562
Ah, nuts. That sounds like a touchdown.
375
00:16:20,646 --> 00:16:21,772
(all groaning)
376
00:16:21,855 --> 00:16:23,732
No, no, no. I know my roars,
377
00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:26,193
and that was most definitely a safety.
378
00:16:26,276 --> 00:16:27,361
(groaning)
379
00:16:27,444 --> 00:16:28,278
Man.
380
00:16:28,362 --> 00:16:30,823
Gosh, fellas, to see you all stuck in here
381
00:16:30,906 --> 00:16:33,617
when even guys in China
can watch all the action
382
00:16:33,701 --> 00:16:35,995
from their town squares or what have you,
383
00:16:36,078 --> 00:16:39,248
well, I just feel pretty doggone bad.
384
00:16:39,331 --> 00:16:41,208
If they were electing
a president of Dumbville,
385
00:16:41,291 --> 00:16:42,960
I'd have to nominate me.
386
00:16:43,043 --> 00:16:44,086
You got my vote.
387
00:16:44,169 --> 00:16:45,754
Oh, we're never going to get out of...
388
00:16:46,755 --> 00:16:48,132
Psst! Cleaning lady!
389
00:16:48,549 --> 00:16:49,842
Would you let us out of here?
390
00:16:49,925 --> 00:16:52,511
Me? I'm Dolly Parton.
391
00:16:52,594 --> 00:16:54,221
I didn't ask for your life story,
just the key.
392
00:16:54,304 --> 00:16:58,183
Young man, where I come from,
the South, folks say "please,"
393
00:16:58,267 --> 00:17:00,185
and besides, I got to go sing a medley
394
00:17:00,269 --> 00:17:01,854
with Rob Lowe and Stomp.
395
00:17:02,521 --> 00:17:03,397
Dolly, wait!
396
00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:04,481
Wally?
397
00:17:04,565 --> 00:17:06,400
You know Dolly Parton?
398
00:17:06,483 --> 00:17:08,736
Yeah. I book a lot of package tours
to Dollywood
399
00:17:08,819 --> 00:17:10,070
and Euro-Dollywood.
400
00:17:10,154 --> 00:17:11,071
That's in Alabama.
401
00:17:11,155 --> 00:17:12,531
Wally Kogen,
402
00:17:12,614 --> 00:17:15,284
what are you doing in Super Bowl jail?
403
00:17:15,367 --> 00:17:17,036
Ask her if she'll go out with me.
404
00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:19,204
We had a little ticket snafu.
405
00:17:19,288 --> 00:17:21,498
Do you think you can bust
old Wally and his pals
406
00:17:21,582 --> 00:17:22,416
out of the pokey?
407
00:17:22,499 --> 00:17:23,917
Well, I do have
408
00:17:24,001 --> 00:17:26,295
some of my extra-strength makeup remover.
409
00:17:26,378 --> 00:17:27,588
Uh, shield your eyes.
410
00:17:29,465 --> 00:17:31,258
(sizzling)
411
00:17:32,301 --> 00:17:34,094
(all cheering)
412
00:17:34,178 --> 00:17:35,679
Oh, thanks, Miss Parton.
413
00:17:35,763 --> 00:17:37,514
Oh, way to go, Dolly.
414
00:17:37,598 --> 00:17:38,432
-Thanks, babe.
-Will you go out with me?
415
00:17:38,515 --> 00:17:40,017
Ooh, look at the time.
416
00:17:40,100 --> 00:17:42,061
I better scoot to that halftime show.
417
00:17:42,144 --> 00:17:43,270
See y'all.
418
00:17:44,688 --> 00:17:47,024
Oh, man, that's gonna be some show.
419
00:17:47,608 --> 00:17:50,736
Who's ready for some football?
420
00:17:50,819 --> 00:17:52,488
Football!
421
00:17:52,571 --> 00:17:53,822
(cheering)
422
00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:55,365
("Song 2" by Blur playing)
423
00:18:00,996 --> 00:18:03,415
Hey, Homer, we've been running around
cheering for an hour.
424
00:18:03,499 --> 00:18:04,500
Where the hell's the game?
425
00:18:04,583 --> 00:18:06,794
-Yeah, where's the game?
-BART: Yeah, where's the game?
426
00:18:06,877 --> 00:18:08,504
You guys are following me?
427
00:18:08,587 --> 00:18:10,380
I was following Flanders.
428
00:18:11,548 --> 00:18:12,966
Hey, look what I found.
429
00:18:14,885 --> 00:18:15,928
Whoo-hoo!
430
00:18:16,011 --> 00:18:18,722
(crowd cheering)
431
00:18:20,724 --> 00:18:21,558
Hey.
432
00:18:23,227 --> 00:18:25,104
-Hey, somebody just scored.
-HOMER: In a minute.
433
00:18:25,187 --> 00:18:28,107
(all chattering)
434
00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:29,274
(helicopter whirring)
435
00:18:29,358 --> 00:18:31,401
HOMER: Hey, it's the beer copter!
436
00:18:37,783 --> 00:18:38,784
What the bloody hell?
437
00:18:38,867 --> 00:18:42,371
Hit the road, gramps.
This is a private sky box.
438
00:18:42,454 --> 00:18:44,706
I'm Rupert Murdoch,
the billionaire tyrant,
439
00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:46,416
and this is my sky box.
440
00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:48,794
If you're Rupert Murdoch, prove it.
441
00:18:48,877 --> 00:18:50,754
(whispering)
442
00:18:51,505 --> 00:18:53,340
(20th Century Fox Fanfare)
443
00:18:53,882 --> 00:18:55,592
CROWD: Hi, Rupert!
444
00:18:55,676 --> 00:18:57,177
ALL: Uh-oh.
445
00:18:57,261 --> 00:18:58,637
Well, I'm convinced.
446
00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:00,222
Tell you what, Mr. Murdoch,
447
00:19:00,305 --> 00:19:01,807
let's just split the difference.
448
00:19:01,890 --> 00:19:04,268
The boys and I will just
crouch here quietly
449
00:19:04,351 --> 00:19:05,727
and take it easy on the snacks...
450
00:19:05,811 --> 00:19:06,687
Silence!
451
00:19:08,021 --> 00:19:09,022
Seize them!
452
00:19:09,106 --> 00:19:11,441
(terrified yelling)
453
00:19:13,735 --> 00:19:15,654
Oi! Oi! Oi! Oi! Oi! Oi!
454
00:19:15,737 --> 00:19:17,865
(crowd cheering)
455
00:19:17,948 --> 00:19:19,491
The game! We're so close.
456
00:19:19,575 --> 00:19:21,118
Follow me, boys!
457
00:19:21,201 --> 00:19:24,246
We're finally going to the Super... Ow!
458
00:19:24,329 --> 00:19:26,039
We did it! We're number one!
459
00:19:26,123 --> 00:19:26,999
We're rich!
460
00:19:27,082 --> 00:19:28,250
How does it feel?
461
00:19:28,333 --> 00:19:29,418
Did you ever stop believing?
462
00:19:29,501 --> 00:19:30,878
Does this suit make me look fat?
463
00:19:32,212 --> 00:19:34,214
Players and VIPs only.
464
00:19:34,298 --> 00:19:35,966
(reporters groaning)
465
00:19:36,049 --> 00:19:38,343
(cheering)
466
00:19:38,427 --> 00:19:39,636
I can't believe it!
467
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:41,847
We're actually in the winning locker room.
468
00:19:41,930 --> 00:19:44,141
Whoo! I'm going to Disneyland.
469
00:19:44,224 --> 00:19:46,435
Really? Cause I'm a travel agent
470
00:19:46,518 --> 00:19:48,645
and I've heard nothing but bad things.
471
00:19:49,771 --> 00:19:51,023
(grunting)
472
00:19:54,151 --> 00:19:55,485
(phone ringing)
473
00:19:55,569 --> 00:19:56,403
Y'ello.
474
00:19:56,486 --> 00:19:58,280
Uh, hello, this is President Clinton.
475
00:19:58,363 --> 00:19:59,615
Hey, how you doing?
476
00:19:59,698 --> 00:20:01,491
You know, your determination and grit
477
00:20:01,575 --> 00:20:04,077
under extreme pressure are an inspiration.
478
00:20:04,453 --> 00:20:06,163
The whole country is proud of you.
479
00:20:06,246 --> 00:20:08,123
Well, it's about time.
480
00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:10,459
And on behalf of America, I'd like to--
481
00:20:10,542 --> 00:20:11,418
Ow!
482
00:20:11,501 --> 00:20:13,545
(laughing) Oh! All right, Lovejoy.
483
00:20:13,629 --> 00:20:14,755
You're gonna get it.
484
00:20:14,838 --> 00:20:16,381
Hello? Hello?
485
00:20:16,465 --> 00:20:17,966
I command you to answer me!
486
00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:19,092
Hello?
487
00:20:19,551 --> 00:20:21,762
Al, do you have to do that right now?
488
00:20:24,848 --> 00:20:27,434
What are you gonna do
with your Super Bowl ring, Carl?
489
00:20:27,517 --> 00:20:28,936
I'll probably give it to my wife.
490
00:20:29,019 --> 00:20:30,145
It's our anniversary today.
491
00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:31,647
ALL: Ah!
492
00:20:31,730 --> 00:20:33,148
Dad, that doesn't belong to you.
493
00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:35,525
But this might be my last chance
to win one.
494
00:20:35,609 --> 00:20:38,528
Well, we sure put together
a heck of a trip, Homer.
495
00:20:38,612 --> 00:20:40,113
Ever thought about being a travel agent?
496
00:20:40,197 --> 00:20:42,574
Wally, I'd be lying if I said I hadn't.
497
00:20:42,658 --> 00:20:45,869
Cause you can really "go places"
in the travel business.
498
00:20:45,953 --> 00:20:47,120
(laughs)
499
00:20:47,204 --> 00:20:48,705
Feel free to use that one.
500
00:20:48,789 --> 00:20:49,665
What one?
501
00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:55,254
Well, John, what did you think
of tonight's episode?
502
00:20:55,337 --> 00:20:56,255
I loved it.
503
00:20:56,338 --> 00:20:58,840
The last-minute addition
of Wally Kogen to the lineup
504
00:20:58,924 --> 00:21:01,426
was a bit of a gamble,
but it really paid off.
505
00:21:01,510 --> 00:21:03,887
Marge and Lisa painting eggs?
506
00:21:03,971 --> 00:21:04,805
Did that work for you?
507
00:21:04,888 --> 00:21:06,181
Oh, big time.
508
00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:08,767
They came off the bench with a huge effort
509
00:21:08,850 --> 00:21:11,979
that allowed Homer and Bart
to make some significant gains.
510
00:21:12,062 --> 00:21:13,313
Did it strike you as odd
511
00:21:13,397 --> 00:21:15,732
that in a Super Bowl show
with Dolly Parton,
512
00:21:15,816 --> 00:21:17,943
we didn't see any football or singing?
513
00:21:18,026 --> 00:21:19,611
I hadn't thought about it, Pat,
514
00:21:19,695 --> 00:21:21,738
but in retrospect,
it was kind of a rip-off.
515
00:21:21,822 --> 00:21:23,949
What a way to treat the loyal fans
516
00:21:24,032 --> 00:21:27,035
who put up with so much nonsense
from this franchise.
517
00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:28,578
Any final thoughts?
518
00:21:28,662 --> 00:21:29,663
Nah, I'm too mad.
519
00:21:29,746 --> 00:21:30,831
Let's get the heck out of here.
520
00:21:32,499 --> 00:21:33,959
All aboard, boys.
521
00:21:34,042 --> 00:21:35,961
I've been waiting for you.
522
00:21:36,461 --> 00:21:38,547
Now, I'll tell you.
That doesn't make a lick of sense.
523
00:21:38,630 --> 00:21:40,757
I know. Just get on the bus.
524
00:21:40,841 --> 00:21:41,842
(gears grinding)
525
00:21:41,925 --> 00:21:43,677
VINCENT: Where's that infernal clutch?
526
00:21:44,303 --> 00:21:46,263
Wait, wait. I'll get it.
527
00:21:46,638 --> 00:21:48,223
JODY: Give it some gas, Grandpa.
528
00:21:48,307 --> 00:21:50,767
VINCENT: Oh, quiet, Jody.
You're not helping.
529
00:21:51,143 --> 00:21:52,394
(gears grinding)
530
00:21:52,477 --> 00:21:54,187
(rock music)
531
00:21:57,816 --> 00:22:00,736
(theme music playing)
532
00:22:38,565 --> 00:22:39,441
RUPERT MURDOCH: Silence!
533
00:22:42,778 --> 00:22:44,821
{\an8}Captioned by
Visual Data Media Services
36935
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