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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,520
Well, I'm about to get sick
from watching my TV
2
00:00:04,520 --> 00:00:07,880
Been checkin' out the news
until my eyeballs fail to see
3
00:00:07,880 --> 00:00:11,560
I mean to say that every day is
just another rotten mess
4
00:00:11,560 --> 00:00:15,680
And when it's gonna change,
my friends, is anybody's guess
5
00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:18,320
So I'm watchin' and I'm waitin'
6
00:00:18,320 --> 00:00:20,000
Hopin' for the best
7
00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:21,960
Even think I'll go to prayin'
8
00:00:21,960 --> 00:00:24,240
Every time I hear
'em sayin'...
9
00:00:24,240 --> 00:00:27,760
That looks like a good cake.
10
00:00:27,760 --> 00:00:29,800
CHILD SCREAMS
11
00:00:29,800 --> 00:00:32,760
That there's no way to delay that
trouble comin' every day
12
00:00:32,760 --> 00:00:36,360
No way to delay that trouble
comin' every day.
13
00:00:38,240 --> 00:00:42,920
This programme contains some
strong language and adult humour.
14
00:00:42,920 --> 00:00:47,520
So you think all of those kids
were afraid of me?
15
00:00:47,520 --> 00:00:50,160
Well, you do look like you've
escaped from a jar of formaldehyde.
16
00:00:50,160 --> 00:00:56,520
I get it. I mean, if scary movies
have taught me anything,
17
00:00:56,520 --> 00:01:00,880
it's that all British children
are bloodthirsty murderers.
18
00:01:00,880 --> 00:01:02,560
No, no, no, no, Tim, they're...
19
00:01:02,560 --> 00:01:04,400
Children are wondrous and pure.
20
00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:06,000
You just haven't spent enough time
21
00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:08,480
getting to understand, you know,
how much of a joy they can be.
22
00:01:08,480 --> 00:01:09,880
Well, I fucking have.
23
00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:12,440
The wee shits are all over
this TikTok thing.
24
00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:13,960
Holy shit.
25
00:01:13,960 --> 00:01:16,520
Look how many views
these morons have.
26
00:01:17,600 --> 00:01:19,120
I bet they make shitloads.
27
00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:22,000
I need that and then
I can finally quit my dead-end job.
28
00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:26,560
I don't know, I've heard
your boss is pretty great.
29
00:01:26,560 --> 00:01:28,360
Nope, he's a right twat.
30
00:01:28,360 --> 00:01:30,600
SHE CHUCKLES, DOORBELL RINGS
31
00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:34,000
Oh, hi.
32
00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:36,280
Um, sorry, we live down the road.
33
00:01:36,280 --> 00:01:37,880
Um, does a man in a, um, er...
34
00:01:38,960 --> 00:01:41,280
..with...a frame live here?
35
00:01:41,280 --> 00:01:43,000
Yes, he does, yeah.
36
00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:44,880
Um. May we come in?
37
00:01:44,880 --> 00:01:47,080
My son has something
he'd like to say to him.
38
00:01:48,760 --> 00:01:51,240
Sure, yeah, come in,
I'll clean this mess up.
39
00:01:56,480 --> 00:01:57,800
Hello!
40
00:01:57,800 --> 00:02:00,080
I...I'm Marcus and this is...
41
00:02:01,840 --> 00:02:03,200
Georgie.
42
00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:05,800
Georgie has something
he'd like to say to you.
43
00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:07,120
Monster.
44
00:02:07,120 --> 00:02:08,760
No. SHE CHUCKLES
45
00:02:08,760 --> 00:02:10,160
He's not a monster.
46
00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:13,920
He's just a normal man who
happens to have cerebral palsy.
47
00:02:13,920 --> 00:02:16,040
S...sorry, I...I'm mortified.
48
00:02:16,040 --> 00:02:19,560
I...I'm just trying to, you know,
teach my son about disability.
49
00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:22,200
It's something kids aren't
regularly exposed to.
50
00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:25,360
I don't mean exposed in a bad way,
like coronavirus.
51
00:02:25,360 --> 00:02:26,800
TIM SNICKERS
52
00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:29,640
I'm actually a teacher
at Georgie's school,
53
00:02:29,640 --> 00:02:32,840
it might be really good if you came
down and talked to more of the kids.
54
00:02:32,840 --> 00:02:34,920
You know, disability inclusion
55
00:02:34,920 --> 00:02:36,960
is very on-message with the
LEA guidelines.
56
00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:38,680
Yeah, I don't know what that means.
57
00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:40,440
So is there any expenses?
58
00:02:40,440 --> 00:02:42,880
Cos Tim's a student
and his budget's tight.
59
00:02:42,880 --> 00:02:45,360
Yeah, er, of course.
We could cover, um...
60
00:02:45,360 --> 00:02:46,720
A thousand pounds!
61
00:02:46,720 --> 00:02:48,640
Gosh. £2,000!
62
00:02:48,640 --> 00:02:50,960
Yeah, no, well, I mean,
not that much.
63
00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:53,400
But maybe 50 quid?
64
00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:54,800
Done! Excellent.
65
00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:57,240
Would that be fun, Georgie,
if Tim comes to school one day?
66
00:02:57,240 --> 00:02:59,440
No. GEORGIE SNIFFS
67
00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:08,400
Hey, Mom, I got a job giving
a talk to the school kids
68
00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:11,520
about what it's like
living with a disability.
69
00:03:11,520 --> 00:03:14,080
The only really great
thing you can tell them
70
00:03:14,080 --> 00:03:16,760
is that you don't have to wear
a costume on Halloween.
71
00:03:16,760 --> 00:03:19,440
Yeah, I was going to start
with that.
72
00:03:19,440 --> 00:03:21,560
THEY CHUCKLE
73
00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:25,480
You're going to frighten those
little fuckers near to death, Timmy.
74
00:03:25,480 --> 00:03:28,440
TIM LAUGHS
I'm glad you find this amusing,
75
00:03:28,440 --> 00:03:30,720
they're going to be
scarred for life.
76
00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:33,240
I remember when we
would go out, right,
77
00:03:33,240 --> 00:03:37,120
we would go to a restaurant or
we could go to a...
78
00:03:37,120 --> 00:03:41,120
the mall, kids would run away
screaming, crying.
79
00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:43,640
What do you think these
kids are going to do?
80
00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:48,600
I mean, I thought it would be better
cos I'm not in the cage this time.
81
00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:51,800
Come on, I never put you in a cage,
I just put you on a leash.
82
00:03:51,800 --> 00:03:54,640
In the muzzle. THEY CHUCKLE
83
00:03:55,920 --> 00:03:58,680
What life lessons
do you think they need?
84
00:03:58,680 --> 00:03:59,960
What life lessons?
85
00:03:59,960 --> 00:04:02,360
I don't know about life lessons,
but you should tell them
86
00:04:02,360 --> 00:04:06,080
how hard it is for you to wipe
your ass, that's a life lesson.
87
00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:09,520
How to wipe your ass
when you have a disability.
88
00:04:09,520 --> 00:04:13,960
It's not that I can't wipe my ass,
it's that I choose not to.
89
00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:16,200
THEY LAUGH
90
00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:23,080
This is so exciting. It's like a...
a chance to mould young minds.
91
00:04:23,080 --> 00:04:26,240
You know, if you think about it,
children really are the future.
92
00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:29,320
Ah, Tim, thanks so much for coming.
93
00:04:29,320 --> 00:04:30,720
I've been up all night, yeah,
94
00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:32,720
I got a whole lesson plan,
worksheets.
95
00:04:32,720 --> 00:04:36,680
Er, er, should really help me hit my
proactive self-generating curriculum work goals, so.
96
00:04:36,680 --> 00:04:39,320
That sounds fun already.
97
00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:41,440
And I managed to get your
DBS check through in time.
98
00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:42,800
My DB what now?
99
00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:44,920
Yeah, it's just a formality.
Just means you've been
100
00:04:44,920 --> 00:04:47,320
approved by the police to be able
to work with children.
101
00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:50,200
Hey! I finally passed something!
102
00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:52,280
Er, sorry, I didn't actually
know you were coming.
103
00:04:52,280 --> 00:04:55,960
Oh, I...I didn't know if I would
know need something like that.
104
00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:58,040
Yes, it's just, you know,
rules and...
105
00:04:58,040 --> 00:04:59,520
Rules. Yeah.
106
00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:01,160
Yeah, no, absolutely, it's...
107
00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:03,600
It's... Child safeguarding
exists for a reason, doesn't it?
108
00:05:03,600 --> 00:05:05,760
And it's incumbent on all of us
to respect that.
109
00:05:05,760 --> 00:05:07,200
I've got errands to run anyway, so.
110
00:05:07,200 --> 00:05:10,280
OK, good. So Tim, I've told
the kids all about you,
111
00:05:10,280 --> 00:05:13,480
they are so looking forward to
finally getting to meet you.
112
00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:16,520
CHILDREN SOB IN UNISON
113
00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:20,400
They're just excited.
114
00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:23,320
Class, please quieten down now.
115
00:05:23,320 --> 00:05:24,680
Please.
116
00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:26,640
Hey, guys, how's it going?
117
00:05:29,440 --> 00:05:30,960
Great.
118
00:05:30,960 --> 00:05:33,720
So, who's got a question?
119
00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:40,480
OK, um, so, Tim, can you tell us
what cerebral palsy is?
120
00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:41,960
Yes.
121
00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:46,320
Well, you know when
you have a booboo on your foot
122
00:05:46,320 --> 00:05:49,120
and it means you can't
walk that well.
123
00:05:49,120 --> 00:05:50,840
Yeah, sure.
124
00:05:50,840 --> 00:05:55,560
Well, I have a booboo on my brain,
125
00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:59,200
which makes it hard
to do anything well.
126
00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:01,000
Is that why you talk funny?
127
00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:04,200
Er, no, Samantha, I don't think
Tim talks "funny", so...
128
00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:08,280
That is an excellent question,
Samantha.
129
00:06:08,280 --> 00:06:14,440
I do talk funny, but it's cool cos
teachers can't understand me
130
00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:17,920
so I can say whatever rude
thing I want.
131
00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:19,680
CHILDREN LAUGH
132
00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:22,160
No, no, no, no.
Tim's just saying a little joke.
133
00:06:22,160 --> 00:06:24,840
No, I'm not, Mr Stupid. LAUGHTER
134
00:06:24,840 --> 00:06:27,280
Come on, kids, you try.
135
00:06:27,280 --> 00:06:30,320
You're a butthead. You're Mr Silly.
136
00:06:30,320 --> 00:06:32,240
Our teacher is Mr Poop-head.
137
00:06:33,880 --> 00:06:35,640
I'm not sure this is working.
138
00:06:35,640 --> 00:06:37,320
No, no, this is great.
139
00:06:37,320 --> 00:06:38,720
The kids are engaged!
140
00:06:38,720 --> 00:06:41,520
That's one of the things my last
assessment said I had to work on.
141
00:06:41,520 --> 00:06:43,680
No, this is...
this is really positive.
142
00:06:43,680 --> 00:06:45,560
I want to live with Mum and Brad!
143
00:06:45,560 --> 00:06:47,680
Right, son, let's not get personal.
144
00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:05,920
Hello, would you like a sweet?
145
00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:07,440
Yes. Yeah, no, probably.
146
00:07:07,440 --> 00:07:08,800
Probably best not.
147
00:07:10,280 --> 00:07:12,920
Just, er... Just spying on Tim.
148
00:07:12,920 --> 00:07:14,640
He's in that classroom there.
149
00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:15,920
What, are you his dad?
150
00:07:15,920 --> 00:07:18,080
No, no, no, we're just friends.
151
00:07:18,080 --> 00:07:20,360
Best friends.
152
00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:23,480
I do his homework,
he...he sleeps at my house.
153
00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:26,840
Such a good idea
putting them on leads, I...
154
00:07:26,840 --> 00:07:28,600
I would never have thought
to do that.
155
00:07:28,600 --> 00:07:30,920
Stops them escaping, doesn't it?
HE CHUCKLES
156
00:07:32,120 --> 00:07:33,520
I should explain,
157
00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:37,040
the reason I'm out here is cos I'm
legally not allowed into the school.
158
00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:40,920
Doesn't...
159
00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:43,800
Tell you what, I'll give Tim a ring,
he'll be able to explain better.
160
00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:45,280
Struggling to find my phone.
161
00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:52,760
What is this shite?
162
00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:56,640
Hello, you stupid wee fucks.
163
00:07:56,640 --> 00:08:00,240
Today I am going to
show you how to clean a keyboard.
164
00:08:00,240 --> 00:08:01,880
First you need a dirty keyboard.
165
00:08:01,880 --> 00:08:06,760
So you want to just get...
get some stuff, get some shit.
166
00:08:06,760 --> 00:08:08,520
Get it right in all the wee bits.
167
00:08:08,520 --> 00:08:11,480
And then you need the magic
ingredient -
168
00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:13,320
shaving foam.
169
00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:15,320
You can buy it anywhere.
Any kind of sha...
170
00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:16,960
Shake it, get a wee shake.
171
00:08:16,960 --> 00:08:19,720
And then watch this,
you ready for the magic?
172
00:08:19,720 --> 00:08:20,760
Just...
173
00:08:22,840 --> 00:08:25,120
Just...just put more on.
174
00:08:25,120 --> 00:08:29,320
If it doesn't happen right away,
just fricking...just go for it.
175
00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:33,560
And then, um, just shut the laptop,
nice wee surprise for somebody.
176
00:08:33,560 --> 00:08:35,080
Listen, while I'm here,
177
00:08:35,080 --> 00:08:37,480
if you see any credit cards
lying about your house, you just
178
00:08:37,480 --> 00:08:40,360
take your numbers down, three digits
at the back and you let Ruth know.
179
00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:42,400
OK, catch you later.
180
00:08:42,400 --> 00:08:47,400
You can get away with all sorts
of stuff when you're disabled.
181
00:08:47,400 --> 00:08:49,320
Homework?
182
00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:51,800
I don't do homework.
183
00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:54,520
There's no point in doing
well at school.
184
00:08:54,520 --> 00:08:56,760
There's no jobs for you anyway.
185
00:08:56,760 --> 00:08:59,640
MARCUS LAUGHS That's very funny, Tim.
186
00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:03,840
But can you tell us a bit more about
the day-to-day hardships you face?
187
00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:08,960
Well, shopping is hard
when you're disabled.
188
00:09:10,320 --> 00:09:13,320
That's why I always just steal shit.
189
00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:18,760
Seriously, guys -
candy, comics, beer.
190
00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:21,120
You could come with me sometime...
191
00:09:21,120 --> 00:09:22,760
That was a great talk from Tim.
192
00:09:22,760 --> 00:09:24,240
But I think it's time we started
193
00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:26,160
filling out our disability
worksheets.
194
00:09:26,160 --> 00:09:29,040
So, everyone back to our tables!
CHILDREN GROAN
195
00:09:29,040 --> 00:09:30,480
But that was fun.
196
00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:33,000
Not now, son, I mean, Georgie.
197
00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:38,360
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
I...I like grown-ups.
198
00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:41,120
I mean, I like kids but
just...just as friends.
199
00:09:41,120 --> 00:09:42,600
That didn't sound right.
200
00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:45,760
I...I'm just here because I didn't
get a D...DBS check.
201
00:09:45,760 --> 00:09:48,440
So not...not for any bad reasons.
202
00:09:48,440 --> 00:09:49,920
I sleep with women.
203
00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:51,360
Adult women.
204
00:09:51,360 --> 00:09:54,240
Although, I do get a bit of stick
off my friends cos, er,
205
00:09:54,240 --> 00:09:56,640
a lot of my girlfriends tend to
be on the younger side,
206
00:09:56,640 --> 00:09:58,640
but never under the age of 20.
207
00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:00,360
Although it's hard to tell,
208
00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:02,720
some of these 16-year-olds
these days, they look 20.
209
00:10:02,720 --> 00:10:05,280
It's... Have to start asking
for their driving licence.
210
00:10:05,280 --> 00:10:08,040
If you can't drive a car,
you can't drive this guy.
211
00:10:08,040 --> 00:10:10,040
That'll have to be my motto.
212
00:10:10,040 --> 00:10:11,680
But no, children are...
213
00:10:11,680 --> 00:10:12,960
Children are the future,
214
00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:15,760
that's why I've always said
they'll take us where we need to go.
215
00:10:15,760 --> 00:10:19,480
Like, evolutionarily,
not, er, sexually.
216
00:10:19,480 --> 00:10:22,560
I think, er, paed...paedophiles
are awful.
217
00:10:22,560 --> 00:10:27,080
I hate paedophiles and I...I'd hate
for you to think I'm a paedophile.
218
00:10:27,080 --> 00:10:29,600
Unless we're talking the Latin
sense of the word paedophile,
219
00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:31,360
like, "a love of children".
220
00:10:31,360 --> 00:10:34,080
In which case, sure,
I...I'm a paedophile.
221
00:10:34,080 --> 00:10:36,200
Why does he keep saying paedophile?
222
00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:38,080
I don't know.
223
00:10:38,080 --> 00:10:39,920
I guess that's what paedophiles do.
224
00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:44,160
Hello, again, you stupid wee cocks.
225
00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:47,320
Today I'm going to show you how to
fix a cracked screen
226
00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:49,040
with tooth paste.
227
00:10:49,040 --> 00:10:50,840
So first you need a phone.
228
00:10:50,840 --> 00:10:52,360
Don't use your own phone,
229
00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:54,440
use somebody's phone
that you don't like.
230
00:10:54,440 --> 00:10:55,800
It's my flatmate's.
231
00:10:55,800 --> 00:10:57,360
Then you need a hammer.
232
00:10:57,360 --> 00:11:00,080
Then you just take
your hammer and you just...
233
00:11:03,560 --> 00:11:06,240
Look at that,
just smash the fuck out of it.
234
00:11:06,240 --> 00:11:11,440
And that is why you
always need to wear a condom
235
00:11:11,440 --> 00:11:13,480
when you are with a lady...
236
00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:17,040
..or gentleman of the night.
237
00:11:17,040 --> 00:11:20,080
So what have
we learned about Chlamydia?
238
00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:22,120
BOTH: It's a silent killer.
239
00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:24,000
Good, good, write that down.
240
00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:25,720
That's great, Tim.
241
00:11:25,720 --> 00:11:27,800
But the question on the worksheet is
242
00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:30,200
"if you found it hard going up
escalators."
243
00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:32,440
Sorry, Ms Poopface.
244
00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:35,720
What can I say? I like to spit-ball.
245
00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:37,280
Ooh.
246
00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:42,720
A spit ball is when Mommy and Daddy
love each other very much...
247
00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:45,120
Mr Renkow, that is not appropriate.
248
00:11:46,880 --> 00:11:49,560
WHISPERS: I'll tell you later.
This guy is a prat.
249
00:11:49,560 --> 00:11:51,320
Why did you invite him?
250
00:11:51,320 --> 00:11:54,520
Just assumed
he was going to be nice.
251
00:11:54,520 --> 00:11:56,760
They're always nice in the movies.
BELL RINGS
252
00:11:56,760 --> 00:11:58,200
Oh, thank God.
253
00:11:58,200 --> 00:12:00,240
Well, that's all for now.
Time for lunch.
254
00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:03,160
And that's going to be all from Tim.
255
00:12:04,520 --> 00:12:06,440
Here's your money. And thanks.
256
00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:13,120
Ooh, I wonder what's for lunch.
257
00:12:15,080 --> 00:12:17,200
MUSIC: Working Man by Blues Saraceno
258
00:12:35,680 --> 00:12:39,040
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
No. Stop, stop, stop, stop, kids.
259
00:12:39,040 --> 00:12:41,480
Simon Morrison, put that down now!
260
00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:43,440
Oooh!
261
00:12:43,440 --> 00:12:47,560
Georgie, you know I've only got two
shirts for the whole week, stop it!
262
00:12:47,560 --> 00:12:49,280
Put your dirty plates over there.
263
00:12:56,280 --> 00:12:57,960
Hey, maggot boy.
264
00:12:57,960 --> 00:12:59,520
Lick our plates clean as well.
265
00:12:59,520 --> 00:13:01,120
BOYS CHUCKLE
266
00:13:01,120 --> 00:13:04,040
Did you just crap your pants? Ha-ha!
267
00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:06,960
Hello, you stupid wee fuckers.
268
00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:10,880
Today I'm going to show you how to
hide your drugs in your house.
269
00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:15,400
So, what you need to do is
you just need to...
270
00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:16,960
..take your screwdriver and...
271
00:13:16,960 --> 00:13:18,400
Ooh! Shit!
272
00:13:19,440 --> 00:13:23,200
Hey, Georgie, who was that kid?
273
00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:24,840
That's Matt. He's mean.
274
00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:28,440
You shouldn't let them
bully you like that.
275
00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:32,040
But, if I tell Dad, he'll bully me
more cos he'll say I'm a snitch.
276
00:13:32,040 --> 00:13:34,280
As well he should.
277
00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:36,440
Snitches get stitches.
278
00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:40,040
But you're with the monster now,
279
00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:43,720
and monsters always
take care of their friends.
280
00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:54,280
It's going fantastic.
281
00:13:54,280 --> 00:13:56,560
How's the whole TikTok thing going?
282
00:13:56,560 --> 00:13:58,640
It's going great, actually! MOBILE DINGS
283
00:13:58,640 --> 00:14:00,880
Hang on,
just got an email from them.
284
00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:02,360
Tell you how good I'm doing.
285
00:14:02,360 --> 00:14:03,960
Oh, bastards!
286
00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:08,760
"We regret to inform you, you are
being served with a life-time ban
287
00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:11,720
"for multiple violations
of our policy."
288
00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:13,080
Load of shite.
289
00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:18,800
Hey, Georgie, you giving this to me?
290
00:14:18,800 --> 00:14:20,040
Thanks, mate.
291
00:14:21,080 --> 00:14:22,360
Give me back my ball.
292
00:14:22,360 --> 00:14:24,240
Oh, yeah, what are you going
to do about it?
293
00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:25,960
I'll tell the monster to eat you.
294
00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:27,480
LAUGHTER
295
00:14:27,480 --> 00:14:30,280
Hey, this kid still
believes in monsters.
296
00:14:30,280 --> 00:14:32,720
Go on, call your monster.
297
00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:34,600
Monster!
298
00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:36,160
Ooh, I got to go.
299
00:14:36,160 --> 00:14:39,800
HE YELLS
300
00:14:43,040 --> 00:14:45,000
I'm a monster!
301
00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:48,440
I eat little boys that
pick on Georgie!
302
00:14:48,440 --> 00:14:54,320
And if I touch you, you'll get a
monster disease and end up like me.
303
00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:56,240
Aaargh!
304
00:14:56,240 --> 00:14:58,640
You're not a monster,
you have cerebral palsy.
305
00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:00,600
What? My sister has CP.
306
00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:03,080
You're not a monster.
You just have brain damage.
307
00:15:03,080 --> 00:15:04,320
Ah, shoot.
308
00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:06,520
My sister has to deal
with so much bullying.
309
00:15:06,520 --> 00:15:09,360
Calling yourself a monster
will just make it worse.
310
00:15:09,360 --> 00:15:10,400
Ow!
311
00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:12,040
What's wrong, monster?
312
00:15:12,040 --> 00:15:14,120
Ow! Stop it, I'll pay you!
313
00:15:14,120 --> 00:15:16,440
I'll give you money.
314
00:15:16,440 --> 00:15:20,200
People will give me money
if I don't beat them up?
315
00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:22,280
Give me your money or
I'll kick your arse!
316
00:15:25,280 --> 00:15:26,520
Ha-ha!
317
00:15:28,080 --> 00:15:30,680
I feel like I might not have helped.
318
00:15:33,440 --> 00:15:35,200
I'm afraid there's nothing
we can do.
319
00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:38,160
He's not actually done
anything wrong.
320
00:15:38,160 --> 00:15:41,200
And, I mean, if he was
a paedophile...
321
00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:44,760
..don't you think this is all
a bit obvious?
322
00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:46,120
Sorry, what do you mean by that?
323
00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:47,200
Well, your look.
324
00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:50,360
The outfit...the glasses, hair.
325
00:15:50,360 --> 00:15:52,240
Hair? This is just a bit of
modelling putty.
326
00:15:52,240 --> 00:15:53,800
The voice. HE CHUCKLES
327
00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:57,640
It's all just a bit '90s
stereotypical paedophile, isn't it?
328
00:15:57,640 --> 00:16:00,120
Nine...? This is this year's
Burton's range.
329
00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:03,920
We've got top psychologists putting
together criminal profiles of
330
00:16:03,920 --> 00:16:08,880
the modern sex offender and they are
much more sophisticated than this.
331
00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:10,960
But he's still a weirdo.
332
00:16:10,960 --> 00:16:13,400
Yeah, but I can't arrest him
for that, though, can I?
333
00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:16,480
But if it puts your mind at rest,
I think he's far too puny to be
334
00:16:16,480 --> 00:16:17,920
a danger to children.
335
00:16:17,920 --> 00:16:20,360
Thank you again for
raising your concerns.
336
00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:22,560
No, hang on! This is disgraceful!
337
00:16:22,560 --> 00:16:23,880
We're letting you off, mate.
338
00:16:23,880 --> 00:16:25,240
Yeah, I know, exactly.
339
00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:26,960
These women, these ladies,
340
00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:30,240
these mums raised perfectly valid
concerns about child safety.
341
00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:32,080
It should be your number-one
priority
342
00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:33,960
as a law enforcement officer,
children.
343
00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:36,920
Eh? You should be bloody
arresting me.
344
00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:39,160
Oh, what's the problem -
too much paperwork?
345
00:16:39,160 --> 00:16:41,320
Or is it just another symptom of our
overworked police force
346
00:16:41,320 --> 00:16:42,800
in Tory cuts Britain?
347
00:16:42,800 --> 00:16:43,880
Are you a paedo?
348
00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:48,240
I could very well be a predatory
sex beast waiting to abduct any one
349
00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:50,120
of these kids and you're just
wandering off.
350
00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:52,480
Yeah, we've got proper police work
to do, mate.
351
00:16:52,480 --> 00:16:55,240
Come back here and arrest me.
Arrest me now.
352
00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:57,240
If it puts these worried mums'
minds at rest.
353
00:16:57,240 --> 00:16:58,400
Oh, no, I wasn't worried.
354
00:16:58,400 --> 00:17:00,360
You stay out of it.
It's not about you.
355
00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:02,360
Fine, if you're not going to
arrest me, I'll, er...
356
00:17:02,360 --> 00:17:04,320
..I'll-I'll make you arrest me.
357
00:17:11,680 --> 00:17:15,080
I...I'm not going to arrest you
for that.
358
00:17:15,080 --> 00:17:16,560
Barely a tickle, mate.
359
00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:29,760
Hey, kids! Who wants to
learn about the dark Web?
360
00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:31,120
No, Mr Renkow.
361
00:17:31,120 --> 00:17:33,000
I don't think we'll be
needing your help any more.
362
00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:34,560
Why not?
363
00:17:34,560 --> 00:17:37,960
Why? Because thanks to you,
Georgie and 15 other children
364
00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:41,480
had their tuck shop money stolen
with threats of violence.
365
00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:44,880
Thanks to you, a child in 5D has
been found with £96 in his pocket.
366
00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:47,120
We're looking at the first expulsion
in this school's history!
367
00:17:47,120 --> 00:17:49,080
Hey, he was a prick!
368
00:17:49,080 --> 00:17:50,320
You're a prick!
369
00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:52,480
Mr Renkow, you've ruined everything.
370
00:17:52,480 --> 00:17:54,880
I just wanted to teach kids about
the disabled so I don't have to
371
00:17:54,880 --> 00:17:57,360
go around begging apologies from
everyone my useless son insulted.
372
00:17:57,360 --> 00:17:58,400
Sorry, Dad.
373
00:17:58,400 --> 00:18:00,760
I have worksheets!
They're useless now!
374
00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:03,600
I was going to turn this whole
interactive disabled experience
375
00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:05,600
into a module. A module!
376
00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:09,240
My chance to impress those fucking
inspectors!
377
00:18:09,240 --> 00:18:13,000
I need this job to pay maintenance
to pay for his brat mother's house
378
00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:15,840
she shares with her fucking
personal trainer Brad!
379
00:18:15,840 --> 00:18:17,240
Just get out!
380
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:22,520
Brad's more of a dad than you are!
381
00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:25,440
Ooh!
382
00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:26,880
HE SCREAMS
383
00:18:28,760 --> 00:18:30,120
Holy shit!
384
00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:33,320
Listen, don't worry about the money.
385
00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:36,080
I'll go and get that 70 quid off the
little shit tomorrow.
386
00:18:36,080 --> 00:18:38,200
But it was only 50.
387
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:39,880
Compound interest, Tim.
388
00:18:39,880 --> 00:18:43,040
If I don't get it by Friday,
I'm taking his dad's car.
389
00:18:43,040 --> 00:18:45,000
Ohhh!
390
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:48,200
I did get through to some of them.
391
00:18:48,200 --> 00:18:52,680
Look, they sent me such
a nice homecoming message.
392
00:18:54,520 --> 00:18:55,680
SHE LAUGHS
393
00:18:55,680 --> 00:18:57,480
I think that was meant for him.
394
00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:05,840
Well, I'm about to get sick
395
00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:07,960
From watchin' my TV
396
00:19:07,960 --> 00:19:09,360
Been checkin' out the news
397
00:19:09,360 --> 00:19:11,560
Until my eyeballs fail to see
398
00:19:11,560 --> 00:19:13,440
I mean to say that every day
399
00:19:13,440 --> 00:19:15,720
Is just another rotten mess
400
00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:17,960
And when it's gonna change,
my friend
401
00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:19,320
Is anybody's guess
402
00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:21,720
So I'm watchin' and I'm waitin'
403
00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:23,640
Hopin' for the best
404
00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:25,480
Even think I'll go to prayin'
405
00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:27,400
Every time I hear 'em sayin'
406
00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:30,960
That there's no way to delay
that trouble comin' every day...
407
00:19:31,010 --> 00:19:35,560
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