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1
00:00:03,160 --> 00:00:06,400
[RATTLING BREATHING]
2
00:00:08,360 --> 00:00:09,560
Alison?
3
00:00:10,680 --> 00:00:12,720
[RATTLING BREATHING INTENSIFIES]
4
00:00:16,920 --> 00:00:18,120
Alison?
5
00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:23,280
[SHE WHIMPERS]
6
00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:30,360
[SHE SCREAMS]
7
00:00:35,160 --> 00:00:37,200
[SHE WHIMPERS]
8
00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:46,616
Help! Help! There be
creatures in the house!
9
00:00:46,640 --> 00:00:48,776
Strange men with
the heads of flies!
10
00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:50,816
[THEY LAUGH]
11
00:00:50,840 --> 00:00:53,816
We all knew they were coming
today! Well, they scared me.
12
00:00:53,840 --> 00:00:56,016
Everything scare
you. Am I right?
13
00:00:56,040 --> 00:00:59,496
Yeah, it's true. You'd be scared
of a teddy bear if it spoke.
14
00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:01,576
Actually, that is quite scary,
but you know what I mean.
15
00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:04,376
You're a scaredy
cat. What be they?
16
00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:06,616
Well, they're just woodworm men.
17
00:01:06,640 --> 00:01:09,200
Woodworm... men?!
18
00:01:31,240 --> 00:01:33,280
[GHOSTS CHATTER]
19
00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:36,416
Well, what are you
all doing out here?
20
00:01:36,440 --> 00:01:38,456
You don't have to stay
out, only me and Mike.
21
00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:40,096
Did the woodworm men banish you?
22
00:01:40,120 --> 00:01:43,376
Well, no... Yeah. They're, um...
They're fumigating. Fumigating?!
23
00:01:43,400 --> 00:01:44,896
Yeah, it means we
can't go back in
24
00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:46,656
cos if we inhale
their mist then we'll
25
00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:48,376
I don't know, like,
die or something.
26
00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:50,456
[MARY GASPS]
27
00:01:50,480 --> 00:01:51,976
Look, you guys can go back in.
28
00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:53,576
I've turned all the
pages in your books
29
00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:55,376
and the chessboard is
on the table. ALL: Ooh!
30
00:01:55,400 --> 00:01:57,056
I shall miss you. OK...
31
00:01:57,080 --> 00:01:58,656
Terribly. Thank you.
32
00:01:58,680 --> 00:02:01,576
The TV's on the movie channel
and, Kitty, Grease is on at four.
33
00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:04,656
I think you'll love it. How
lovely! What time is it now?
34
00:02:04,680 --> 00:02:05,776
Oh, nine.
35
00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:06,977
Gosh! I'd better hurry!
36
00:02:07,001 --> 00:02:09,216
It'll be nice to have some
peace and quiet for once
37
00:02:09,240 --> 00:02:12,136
without Michael's popular
music blasting on the speakers.
38
00:02:12,160 --> 00:02:13,856
Hang on, is that a tent?
39
00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:15,080
Yeah.
40
00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:17,297
You're going camping?
41
00:02:17,321 --> 00:02:18,536
Yeah, we're camping here.
42
00:02:18,560 --> 00:02:20,016
Oh, goodness gracious!
43
00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:22,736
You sleeping outside by choice?
44
00:02:22,760 --> 00:02:25,256
Yeah. It will save us
money. Plus, it's fun.
45
00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:28,016
It fun until a
wolf eats your eye.
46
00:02:28,040 --> 00:02:29,137
Hm?
47
00:02:29,161 --> 00:02:30,776
My cousin. Hm.
48
00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:33,016
I always used to enjoy a
night under the canvas,
49
00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:36,416
on manoeuvres and so on. You know,
bracing fresh air, camaraderie,
50
00:02:36,440 --> 00:02:38,640
horseplay in the
lake. Yeah. Yeah.
51
00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:42,856
OK.
52
00:02:42,880 --> 00:02:43,977
Sure about this?
53
00:02:44,001 --> 00:02:45,576
Er, are YOU sure about this?
54
00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:47,776
I'm just saying, we could still
get a hotel if you prefer.
55
00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:50,496
Yes! Hotel - luxury!
56
00:02:50,520 --> 00:02:53,216
Walls, windows, roof.
57
00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:54,696
This'll be fun.
58
00:02:54,720 --> 00:02:57,016
Mike's not very outdoorsy.
Huh, what's that?
59
00:02:57,040 --> 00:02:59,456
I am outdoorsy, actually. Proper
outdoorsy, just so you know!
60
00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:02,096
Why does he always talk to
us as if we're up in the air?
61
00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:04,216
You left Glastonbury
to find a toilet.
62
00:03:04,240 --> 00:03:07,216
This, again! What about that
wedding? That was camping.
63
00:03:07,240 --> 00:03:09,496
That was glamping! The
yurts were already put up.
64
00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:11,336
We had a four-poster
bed and a minibar.
65
00:03:11,360 --> 00:03:13,496
Yeah, outside. That's camping.
66
00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:15,616
He wouldn't last long in
National Service, would he?
67
00:03:15,640 --> 00:03:17,416
No! No. I'd probably
have to phone his mum,
68
00:03:17,440 --> 00:03:20,296
get her to pick him up in the
middle of the night. [THEY LAUGH]
69
00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:21,816
Yeah. You having
a laugh, are you?
70
00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:23,696
With your mates? Your
little dead mates? Yeah?
71
00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:26,016
Well... Fine! Who's going
to have the last laugh?
72
00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:27,320
Mike is.
73
00:03:31,320 --> 00:03:33,136
Get into the
corners, do it right
74
00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:35,136
and they won't be
back for ten years.
75
00:03:35,160 --> 00:03:37,176
[MARY WHIMPERS]
76
00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:39,376
CHANTING: Woodworm men,
woodworm men, pay you gold
77
00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:41,616
and your power is spent.
78
00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:44,296
[SHE SHUDDERS]
79
00:03:44,320 --> 00:03:46,400
Not outdoorsy! I'll show her.
80
00:03:49,440 --> 00:03:50,576
[BANG]
81
00:03:50,600 --> 00:03:51,800
Mm.
82
00:03:52,680 --> 00:03:53,880
Ah!
83
00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:02,536
[SHE SIGHS]
84
00:04:02,560 --> 00:04:04,880
[HE SNORES]
85
00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:12,360
Ooh, you!
86
00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:17,057
Ooh!
87
00:04:17,081 --> 00:04:19,416
Cryptic!
88
00:04:19,440 --> 00:04:22,816
Eight letter, occupied anatomy.
89
00:04:22,840 --> 00:04:25,200
Occupied anatomy?
90
00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:28,696
What are you up to?
91
00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:30,000
Crossword. Napping.
92
00:04:31,320 --> 00:04:32,520
Well, good.
93
00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:37,216
Make sure you keep the
noise down. I'm reading.
94
00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:39,696
Busybody! Oh, here we go.
95
00:04:39,720 --> 00:04:41,496
Yes, I wondered how
long it would take
96
00:04:41,520 --> 00:04:43,336
for you to resort
to name-calling!
97
00:04:43,360 --> 00:04:46,216
Eight letter, occupied anatomy
98
00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:49,136
busybody. Busybody. Hm.
99
00:04:49,160 --> 00:04:50,520
Well, quiet!
100
00:04:52,680 --> 00:04:54,816
Just make sure you keep it down.
101
00:04:54,840 --> 00:04:56,736
But, yeah, busybody.
102
00:04:56,760 --> 00:04:59,216
[JULIAN CHUCKLES]
103
00:04:59,240 --> 00:05:01,256
Right? Very good.
104
00:05:01,280 --> 00:05:05,056
Now, as ranking officer, I suggest
a full inventory before you start.
105
00:05:05,080 --> 00:05:07,856
Patrick, at the double,
quick smart. All right.
106
00:05:07,880 --> 00:05:11,296
Sleeping bag, sleeping mat...
Yes. ..mallet, tent pegs.
107
00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:12,616
I know. And what's that there?
108
00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:14,776
Oh, that's a puller. Yes,
that's for the tent pegs.
109
00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:17,376
Yes. Yes, I knew that.
Just checking. Right.
110
00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:19,536
[HE CLEARS THROAT ]Guy rope...
111
00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:22,136
Camping in your own back yard?
112
00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:24,176
I would have taken you to Paris,
113
00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:25,936
to drink the finest wines
114
00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:29,176
and marvel at the view from
the steps of Montmartre.
115
00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:32,336
Oh, right. Where's the ground sheet?
You're missing a ground sheet!
116
00:05:32,360 --> 00:05:34,416
Oh, it's built in. Wow!
117
00:05:34,440 --> 00:05:36,616
Fascinating modern
age we live in.
118
00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:38,256
What's that for? What's that?
119
00:05:38,280 --> 00:05:39,417
This
120
00:05:39,441 --> 00:05:40,936
is my tent.
121
00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:43,376
That's your tent. We'll
see who's outdoorsy. Oh!
122
00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:44,577
Seriously?
123
00:05:44,601 --> 00:05:46,856
Seriously. It's,
like, 80 years old.
124
00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:49,056
Nothing but a number!
Prime vintage.
125
00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:51,616
I'm pitching my
tent... over there.
126
00:05:51,640 --> 00:05:52,737
OK, good luck.
127
00:05:52,761 --> 00:05:54,776
Good luck, you. I don't need it.
128
00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:57,056
Yeah, you do. Don't
you worry, Alison,
129
00:05:57,080 --> 00:05:59,376
you're going to win this
competition hands down.
130
00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:02,016
With my expertise
and... And mine.
131
00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:05,136
And your ability to
follow orders, then...
132
00:06:05,160 --> 00:06:06,976
Oh, no! What am I
going to do now?
133
00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:11,336
Ah, yes. Well, I'm afraid
without a strong main mast...
134
00:06:11,360 --> 00:06:13,096
Ridge pole. Erm
135
00:06:13,120 --> 00:06:15,576
you're just left with the floppy,
flappy thing... Fly sheet.
136
00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:17,296
Have you really put up a tent?
137
00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:19,656
Or have you just ordered
other people about? Because...
138
00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:21,576
Rub-a-dub-a,
rub-a-dub-a, rub-a-dub-a!
139
00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:25,056
That's beside the point. Without
a strong and sturdy ridge pole,
140
00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:27,656
you'll never be able to get it
up. You'll have to admit defeat
141
00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:29,896
and join forces with
Michael. Nonsense!
142
00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:31,976
There's more than one
way to make a shelter
143
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:34,336
and we've got plenty
of useful kit.
144
00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:36,176
Come on! Where are we going?
145
00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:37,656
The woods. Ooh!
146
00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:39,816
There's nowt
sturdier than trees.
147
00:06:39,840 --> 00:06:41,776
Come on! OK. Pat!
148
00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:44,376
Yes, well, I suppose
he does have some
149
00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:46,896
expertise in camping.
150
00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:48,496
Good.
151
00:06:48,520 --> 00:06:51,296
Sorry. I would help,
but I physically can't.
152
00:06:51,320 --> 00:06:53,360
Yeah, I know, Thomas, thank you.
153
00:06:56,240 --> 00:06:58,576
Get out, get out, get
out, get out, get out,
154
00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:01,816
get out, get out, get
out, get out, get out,
155
00:07:01,840 --> 00:07:04,136
get out, get out, get out.
156
00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:05,456
Get out!
157
00:07:05,480 --> 00:07:07,536
Get out, get out, get
out, get out, get out,
158
00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:09,896
get out, get out,
get out, get out.
159
00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:11,616
Get out!
160
00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:13,640
Well... worth a try, I suppose.
161
00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:18,136
TV: Stay with us on the Family Movie
Channel because coming up at four,
162
00:07:18,160 --> 00:07:20,400
we have the classic
musical, Grease.
163
00:07:23,320 --> 00:07:24,896
And what are you up to, Kitty?
164
00:07:24,920 --> 00:07:27,216
I'm going to watch Grease. Do
you want to watch it with me?
165
00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:29,976
Of course not. Alison
says I'll like it.
166
00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:32,136
It's starting in a few hours.
167
00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:35,136
Not going to be running around the
house singing or anything, are you?
168
00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:37,016
No, just watching.
169
00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:39,496
All right. Well,
don't turn it up.
170
00:07:39,520 --> 00:07:41,576
I can't. Well, make
sure you don't.
171
00:07:41,600 --> 00:07:42,840
I can't. Well, good.
172
00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:46,400
Good.
173
00:07:50,320 --> 00:07:51,696
Good.
174
00:07:51,720 --> 00:07:56,616
Right, you want the peg at an
angle away from the centre.
175
00:07:56,640 --> 00:07:58,376
Aah. Lovely. That's it!
176
00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:01,056
Right. First time. Moving on.
177
00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:04,096
Nice and tight round
there. OK. Very good.
178
00:08:04,120 --> 00:08:06,376
That's it. That's marvellous.
179
00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:08,176
Get it under the... Yeah.
180
00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:09,217
That's it.
181
00:08:09,241 --> 00:08:11,496
Now, extra point for who can
tell me what this knot is called?
182
00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:13,016
Er... Well, that's a reef knot.
183
00:08:13,040 --> 00:08:14,816
No, it's a clove hitch.
184
00:08:14,840 --> 00:08:16,656
Damn it and blast it to hell!
185
00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:18,176
OK.
186
00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:19,377
That's it.
187
00:08:19,401 --> 00:08:21,376
Pull it nice and firmly, Alison.
188
00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:23,136
Yes.
189
00:08:23,160 --> 00:08:25,096
Yes. There she
goes! Whoa! Ha-ha!
190
00:08:25,120 --> 00:08:27,536
Oh, wow. Lovely.
Tie it off. Yeah.
191
00:08:27,560 --> 00:08:30,976
Make sure she's tied nice
and firmly. Very good.
192
00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:32,496
It's dead smart that, in't it?
193
00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:34,376
Yeah. Mm. I wonder
how Mike's getting on.
194
00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:35,880
Oh, I'm on it.
195
00:08:43,280 --> 00:08:44,480
Hopeless.
196
00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:49,656
What are you doing down
there? He can't see you, mate.
197
00:08:49,680 --> 00:08:50,936
Oh, yes, right.
198
00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:53,416
Sorry. Yes, the old
training kicking in.
199
00:08:53,440 --> 00:08:55,696
Right. How's he getting on?
200
00:08:55,720 --> 00:08:56,976
No, it's hopeless.
201
00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:59,016
Modern men, eh? Well, quite.
202
00:08:59,040 --> 00:09:01,240
Alison's got this
competition sewn up.
203
00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:06,096
Lovely. Now, remember,
we need nice, dry ones.
204
00:09:06,120 --> 00:09:08,296
Erm... Like this one?
205
00:09:08,320 --> 00:09:09,616
Yes, excellent.
206
00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:12,376
Well, there are some good ones
here. And over here, please.
207
00:09:12,400 --> 00:09:15,736
Can anyone tell me why you
use the small sticks first?
208
00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:17,936
Ah, yes, please! Well,
they catch quicker,
209
00:09:17,960 --> 00:09:20,896
with greater surface area allowing
the oxygen to feed the flames.
210
00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:22,856
Yes, Captain. Very
good answer. Ah!
211
00:09:22,880 --> 00:09:25,256
Gold star. Ah,
well, there we are!
212
00:09:25,280 --> 00:09:28,256
Yeah, that's excellent. That's
it. That is first class.
213
00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:29,856
Oh, yes, here we go.
214
00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:31,736
Feed it. Feed it.
Feed it. Feed it.
215
00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:33,240
Firm blows, Alison, firm blows.
216
00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:38,536
And now on Family Movies, it's over
to Rydell High with the Pink Ladies
217
00:09:38,560 --> 00:09:41,976
and the T-Birds in the
classic musical, Grease.
218
00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:43,200
At last!
219
00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:48,216
This is the best
bit, you know? Yeah.
220
00:09:48,240 --> 00:09:51,416
Everything's up, fire's
going, you've got your brew,
221
00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:53,096
you've got your biscuit.
222
00:09:53,120 --> 00:09:54,480
You can dip it.
223
00:09:55,880 --> 00:09:58,456
Yeah, OK. [SHE CHUCKLES]
224
00:09:58,480 --> 00:09:59,800
Dip it again.
225
00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:11,760
[THROATY GROAN]
226
00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:15,736
Lovely.
227
00:10:15,760 --> 00:10:17,160
Yeah. Lovely that.
228
00:10:20,640 --> 00:10:22,296
Yeah, this is nice, actually.
229
00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:24,976
You always make the
best of a situation.
230
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:28,576
One of the many things
I love about you. Hm.
231
00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:31,056
But the truth is a
woman of your culture,
232
00:10:31,080 --> 00:10:33,880
your sophistication,
deserves to see the world.
233
00:10:35,320 --> 00:10:36,536
Have you travelled a lot, then?
234
00:10:36,560 --> 00:10:38,160
Oh, have I!
235
00:10:40,320 --> 00:10:41,457
I have.
236
00:10:41,481 --> 00:10:45,976
My grand tour, you might call it,
chasing the muse across Europe
237
00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:47,976
in search of inspiration.
238
00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:49,976
Paris, Venice, Vienna.
239
00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:52,536
Different sight,
sounds and smells
240
00:10:52,560 --> 00:10:55,776
to inspire the bubbling
cauldron of language,
241
00:10:55,800 --> 00:10:58,296
to paint the
landscape with words.
242
00:10:58,320 --> 00:11:00,536
What was Vienna like?
243
00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:01,800
Really
244
00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:04,936
nice.
245
00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:06,896
Nice?
246
00:11:06,920 --> 00:11:08,200
Hm. Very
247
00:11:10,680 --> 00:11:12,176
nice.
248
00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:13,337
You've got a fire?
249
00:11:13,361 --> 00:11:14,936
Yeah. How are you getting on?
250
00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:17,136
Good, actually. Yeah? I, er...
251
00:11:17,160 --> 00:11:18,376
I'm going to do my fire next.
252
00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:21,056
Oh. Just came to make
sure you were all right.
253
00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:22,560
She's fine. Yeah, great.
254
00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:26,096
Cool. Thank you.
All right. You OK?
255
00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:28,216
Yep. Good. See ya.
256
00:11:28,240 --> 00:11:29,417
Oh, watch out for the, um...
257
00:11:29,441 --> 00:11:30,936
Oh! Yep.
258
00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:32,816
Saw it.
259
00:11:32,840 --> 00:11:34,096
He didn't.
260
00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:37,896
Can you stop? I can't enjoy them
if you're looking at me like that.
261
00:11:37,920 --> 00:11:40,136
MARY: Yous are
not welcomes here!
262
00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:43,896
Oh, be gone, ye
servants of Beelzebub!
263
00:11:43,920 --> 00:11:46,616
Oh, Mary! Oh, you simply
must watch Grease with me.
264
00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:49,536
All the boys have wet hair and
they sing about their cars!
265
00:11:49,560 --> 00:11:50,776
Mary!
266
00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:52,840
One... [HE SIGHS]
267
00:11:56,280 --> 00:11:57,856
Well
268
00:11:57,880 --> 00:12:01,056
let's see if we can find something
a bit more adult, shall we?
269
00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:02,280
Heh-heh-heh!
270
00:12:03,160 --> 00:12:05,536
Hey! [CHANNEL CHANGES]
271
00:12:05,560 --> 00:12:06,657
Hm.
272
00:12:06,681 --> 00:12:08,696
Ho! [CHANNEL CHANGES]
273
00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:11,296
Eugh... on the planet.
274
00:12:11,320 --> 00:12:12,457
Hah!
275
00:12:12,481 --> 00:12:14,280
[SULTRY MUSIC] Heh-heh! Oh...
276
00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:18,360
Hah!
277
00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:22,200
[HE SIGHS] Ah!
278
00:12:24,840 --> 00:12:27,976
And now we return...
Never any fun around here!
279
00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:30,696
To A Nightmare On Elm Street.
280
00:12:30,720 --> 00:12:33,012
KITTY: Don't worry, I'll tell
you the whole story later.
281
00:12:34,160 --> 00:12:35,856
TV: It was the worst
dream I've ever had...
282
00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:38,256
Oh. Danny's changed his hair.
283
00:12:38,280 --> 00:12:39,760
[WOMAN SOBS ON TV]
284
00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:46,016
How's the competition doing?
285
00:12:46,040 --> 00:12:49,896
Well, he's trying to light the
firewood without tinder or kindling.
286
00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:52,216
Oh, very good,
Captain. Well, yeah.
287
00:12:52,240 --> 00:12:54,936
I hope he likes the cold,
because he's going to be cold.
288
00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:57,096
[PAT CHUCKLES] Oh, dear.
289
00:12:57,120 --> 00:12:59,216
Oh! I could blow
that over. Oh, yeah.
290
00:12:59,240 --> 00:13:00,576
And I've got asthma.
291
00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:01,800
And I'm dead.
292
00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:04,616
Yes.
293
00:13:04,640 --> 00:13:07,056
FANNY: Just about had
enough of all this.
294
00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:09,176
Oh, can't bear it.
295
00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:10,936
Oh, for goodness' sake!
296
00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:12,896
Fallen off your body
again, have you?
297
00:13:12,920 --> 00:13:14,576
I suppose you want
me to put you back.
298
00:13:14,600 --> 00:13:17,216
I've got better things to do,
you know, than traipse around...
299
00:13:17,240 --> 00:13:19,280
[SNORING]
300
00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:23,480
Well, good.
301
00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:32,656
Thank God for that!
302
00:13:32,680 --> 00:13:35,296
[HE HUMS]
303
00:13:35,320 --> 00:13:37,816
Willy-shaped dude... Bishop.
304
00:13:37,840 --> 00:13:40,296
He goes doo-ka!
305
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,256
Take lighthouse. MARY:
That's right, be off with ye!
306
00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:44,720
Shoo, shoo! Damn! Evil
creatures, begone!
307
00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:47,976
Get out, get out!
308
00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:49,200
Shoo!
309
00:13:50,240 --> 00:13:52,336
[SHE WAILS]
310
00:13:52,360 --> 00:13:55,840
They... They shed their
skin like serpents!
311
00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:59,416
[THEY CHUCKLE]
312
00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:02,016
That showed you! I'm
not a scaredy cat!
313
00:14:02,040 --> 00:14:05,056
Off you go, stupid, scaring us.
314
00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:07,120
[SHE EXHALES]
315
00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:10,360
But what if they return?
316
00:14:12,080 --> 00:14:13,440
Oh!
317
00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:16,776
[KITTY SHUDDERS]
318
00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:18,840
[SCREAMING ON TV]
319
00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:24,496
MARY CHANTS: Let no servants
of Satan prey upon the peoples
320
00:14:24,520 --> 00:14:26,976
that live in this place.
321
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:31,376
May this house be sturdy
from the woodworm men.
322
00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:33,816
Let no demons cross these walls.
323
00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:39,600
Let no servants of Satan prey upon
the peoples that live in this place.
324
00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:42,217
[EVIL LAUGHTER ON TV]
325
00:14:42,241 --> 00:14:43,496
[KITTY WHIMPERS]
326
00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:45,240
[SCREAMS ON TV]
327
00:14:52,680 --> 00:14:54,696
[ELECTRIC BUZZ]
328
00:14:54,720 --> 00:14:55,920
Oh-ho!
329
00:14:57,480 --> 00:14:59,056
[KITTY GASPS]
330
00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:01,776
[SCREAMING]
331
00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:03,000
Right!
332
00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:06,920
Come on!
333
00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:09,360
Argh!
334
00:15:10,680 --> 00:15:11,960
Ugh!
335
00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:14,336
Mm.
336
00:15:14,360 --> 00:15:15,920
Get over...
337
00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:18,760
[SCREAMING]
338
00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:24,256
Wonder what got her goat.
339
00:15:24,280 --> 00:15:28,536
Probably just scared of
the dark or something.
340
00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:32,000
Suppose we ought
to... investigate?
341
00:15:33,080 --> 00:15:38,016
Yeah? I know it was too much
to ask that you quietly...
342
00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:40,936
Kitty? Where has she...?
343
00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:43,976
Ooh. No... How peculiar.
344
00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:45,640
Kitty?
345
00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:52,880
[JULIAN CLEARS THROAT] Hello?
346
00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:57,760
Anybody there?
347
00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:08,176
Although, I mean, there's
no need to go all the way...
348
00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:10,136
What's the point in going all
the way up? Something silly.
349
00:16:10,160 --> 00:16:12,336
I was going to say... Maybe we
should go see the others together.
350
00:16:12,360 --> 00:16:13,696
Go together. We'll
go together, yeah.
351
00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:15,256
Spaghetti Napolitana?
352
00:16:15,280 --> 00:16:16,377
From a tin.
353
00:16:16,401 --> 00:16:18,656
What a fascinating
modern age we live in.
354
00:16:18,680 --> 00:16:20,896
Italian food didn't
always agree with me.
355
00:16:20,920 --> 00:16:23,256
Oh, did you say
you went to Venice?
356
00:16:23,280 --> 00:16:25,696
Indeed. What was it like?
I've always wanted to go.
357
00:16:25,720 --> 00:16:28,080
Oh, very
358
00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:30,657
nice.
359
00:16:30,681 --> 00:16:32,016
Nice?
360
00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:35,096
Again? Nothing more specific?
361
00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:37,816
Well, you have to remember,
it was 200 years ago.
362
00:16:37,840 --> 00:16:40,416
I can't remember
every single detail.
363
00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:42,696
Sounds like you can't
remember ANY detail.
364
00:16:42,720 --> 00:16:45,296
Fine. I'll tell you the truth!
365
00:16:45,320 --> 00:16:46,776
You didn't go.
366
00:16:46,800 --> 00:16:48,536
No, I did. I did go.
367
00:16:48,560 --> 00:16:51,176
I saw the most celebrated
sights of Europe.
368
00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:54,336
I just... wasn't inspired.
369
00:16:54,360 --> 00:16:58,400
No matter how beautiful the
landscape, nothing came.
370
00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:02,256
I returned home with
an empty notebook.
371
00:17:02,280 --> 00:17:04,120
You must've got
something from it.
372
00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:08,896
Ah... Signore!
373
00:17:08,920 --> 00:17:10,256
Sorry!
374
00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:12,616
Un momento per favore!
Signore! [HE SIGHS WITH RELIEF]
375
00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:14,656
Carol always wanted
to go to France.
376
00:17:14,680 --> 00:17:17,496
I said, "You don't need to go
abroad to have a nice holiday."
377
00:17:17,520 --> 00:17:19,776
"We haven't seen half of
this beautiful country yet,"
378
00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:22,736
but she had her heart set
on it, so I decided to book
379
00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:24,296
it for our anniversary.
380
00:17:24,320 --> 00:17:27,536
That's lovely. Yeah, but
we didn't go in the end.
381
00:17:27,560 --> 00:17:30,976
Oh, no. Why? Because I was
dead, Alison. I was dead.
382
00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:33,216
Right.
383
00:17:33,240 --> 00:17:34,656
Here you all are!
384
00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:38,936
Thank goodness! The lights went out
in the house. Oh. That's strange.
385
00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:42,056
Yes, and the TV turned
off. Oh, sorry, Kitty.
386
00:17:42,080 --> 00:17:44,496
That's OK. I wasn't
much enjoying it anyway.
387
00:17:44,520 --> 00:17:47,256
Oh, I thought you'd really like
it - a high school romance.
388
00:17:47,280 --> 00:17:49,776
Yes, but I didn't like
the man chasing the girl.
389
00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:51,816
Well, he's the
man of her dreams.
390
00:17:51,840 --> 00:17:53,336
Yes.
391
00:17:53,360 --> 00:17:55,816
And he won't stop
until he gets her.
392
00:17:55,840 --> 00:17:58,056
That's what being
in love is like.
393
00:17:58,080 --> 00:18:01,376
You should wait till the end
because then she starts chasing him.
394
00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:03,976
Does she? I hope she gets him.
395
00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:05,976
Then we can all sleep again.
396
00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:08,376
ROBIN: Hey, everybody.
397
00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:11,816
How is it I get...? Oh, look! Hi,
guys! Look, there she is, Robin.
398
00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:13,816
She's right there. She's OK.
399
00:18:13,840 --> 00:18:16,976
Ah, we heard you screaming, Kitty -
just wanted to make sure you're OK.
400
00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:18,376
I'm fine, thank you.
401
00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:19,600
Yeah.
402
00:18:20,640 --> 00:18:22,736
So you can go back
in now if you like.
403
00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:24,016
BOTH: Erm...
404
00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:26,096
That's OK, you know. You've
already light fire...
405
00:18:26,120 --> 00:18:28,536
Change is as good as
a haircut. Cosy-wozy.
406
00:18:28,560 --> 00:18:32,296
CAPTAIN: Sorry, I thought you said
camping was a stupid idea, Robin?
407
00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:33,736
Don't think so.
408
00:18:33,760 --> 00:18:35,280
Must be another caveman.
409
00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:37,816
Oh.
410
00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:39,176
[OWL HOOTS IN DISTANCE]
411
00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:42,056
It's creepy in the woods
at night, isn't it?
412
00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:44,536
No, not really! I
love it! Is it?!
413
00:18:44,560 --> 00:18:47,136
Hey, since we're all around
the campfire, we should
414
00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:48,656
tell ghost stories.
415
00:18:48,680 --> 00:18:50,896
Good idea. [THEY MURMUR
ENTHUSIASTICALLY]
416
00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:52,056
Yeah.
417
00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:53,097
[SHE CHUCKLES] Yeah.
418
00:18:53,121 --> 00:18:54,736
What's the matter, Alison?
419
00:18:54,760 --> 00:18:56,976
Oh, come on, you're ghosts.
420
00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:59,856
What, so we can't
tell ghost stories?
421
00:18:59,880 --> 00:19:01,456
Well, no, I'm not...
422
00:19:01,480 --> 00:19:03,696
I'm not saying...
No, yeah, please...
423
00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:04,897
Yeah, go on, Pat.
424
00:19:04,921 --> 00:19:06,776
Right!
425
00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:09,936
Well, this one's actually
a true story, actually.
426
00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:13,296
It's about my friend, Susan.
427
00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:15,736
Susan and I used to walk
home together from school.
428
00:19:15,760 --> 00:19:18,416
She didn't have a dad and her
mum used to work late sometimes,
429
00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:20,736
so she used to have
to let herself in.
430
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:21,937
She had this little game
431
00:19:21,961 --> 00:19:24,176
she played with her doggy,
you know, to let him know
432
00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:26,296
that it was her
when she got home.
433
00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:29,696
She'd stick her hand in t'letterbox
and he'd give it a lick, you know...
434
00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:31,800
[HE PANTS LIKE A DOG]
435
00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:36,416
Well
436
00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:37,680
one day...
437
00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:42,696
[HORN HONKS]
438
00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:44,440
[CAR APPROACHES]
439
00:19:47,120 --> 00:19:48,536
Here you go, mate.
440
00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:50,680
Nice one. Cheers, man. OK.
441
00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:53,720
[ENGINE REVS, BIRDS CAW]
442
00:19:56,720 --> 00:19:59,136
She slowly crept up the stairs.
443
00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:01,976
All the while she could hear it.
444
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:03,240
Scratch!
445
00:20:04,840 --> 00:20:06,040
Scratch!
446
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:09,040
Scratch!
447
00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:12,000
She felt cold suddenly.
448
00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:16,456
She reached out her hand
and the door creaked open.
449
00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:17,840
And there it was
450
00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:23,736
a figure standing
facing the wall.
451
00:20:23,760 --> 00:20:27,936
Slowly, very slowly, it
began to turn towards her
452
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:30,200
until she could
finally see its face.
453
00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:32,777
It was a...
454
00:20:32,801 --> 00:20:34,600
Alison! [THEY SCREAM]
455
00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:40,376
Mary, you gave us a fright.
456
00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:42,656
Well, the woodworm
men have gone,
457
00:20:42,680 --> 00:20:44,096
I've blessed the house.
458
00:20:44,120 --> 00:20:46,296
Oh, thank you. Thanks,
Mary. That's great.
459
00:20:46,320 --> 00:20:47,840
Er...
460
00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:50,920
Are they gone? Oh, yeah.
461
00:20:53,480 --> 00:20:54,577
[THEY PANT]
462
00:20:54,601 --> 00:20:56,856
Robin! Julian!
463
00:20:56,880 --> 00:20:58,456
Robin, where are you?!
464
00:20:58,480 --> 00:21:00,176
[PANTING]
465
00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:03,496
Robin! Julian!
466
00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:06,056
I'm scared! Julian!
467
00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:07,496
Where are you, Robin?
468
00:21:07,520 --> 00:21:08,720
Oh, my God, oh, my God...
469
00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:15,720
Night, then, guys.
Goodnight. Goodnight!
470
00:21:20,440 --> 00:21:22,176
[THOMAS SIGHS]
471
00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:23,776
I'm not comfortable, Patrick.
472
00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:25,536
Are you comfortable?
473
00:21:25,560 --> 00:21:27,416
I don't mind swapping if you...
474
00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:28,920
I'm all settled in now, mate.
475
00:21:32,120 --> 00:21:33,976
Can we talk some more, please?
476
00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:35,456
I don't want to go to sleep.
477
00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:38,896
Kitty, please, we can't stay up
all night. But if I dream, then...
478
00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:41,896
Just try to imagine the
man from the film wrapping
479
00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:43,360
you up in his arms.
480
00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:46,856
Daley used to have
nightmares, used to try
481
00:21:46,880 --> 00:21:48,736
and get in bed
with me and Carol.
482
00:21:48,760 --> 00:21:50,296
Walked in on us
once when we were...
483
00:21:50,320 --> 00:21:53,736
Guys, can we just... can we...
can we go to sleep, please?
484
00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:56,480
Just... just no more
talking. All right.
485
00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:09,856
WHISPERS: What happened
to Susan, Patrick?
486
00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:13,256
She was never seen again. Mm.
487
00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:14,600
She moved to Leeds. Ah.
488
00:22:17,480 --> 00:22:19,776
There was a chap from
Leeds in our unit.
489
00:22:19,800 --> 00:22:21,856
Or was it Halifax? Who is Susan?
490
00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:24,216
THOMAS: Oh, Patrick
will tell you the story.
491
00:22:24,240 --> 00:22:26,016
Oh, yes. Well [CLEARS THROAT]
492
00:22:26,040 --> 00:22:28,696
this one's actually a
true story, actually.
493
00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:31,856
Right... Happened to a
friend of mine, Susan...
494
00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:34,416
We used to walk back
from school together.
495
00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:37,056
She didn't have a dad and her
mum used to work late sometimes,
496
00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:39,776
so she used to have this little
game she played with her doggy...
497
00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:41,000
[ALISON SIGHS]
498
00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:49,256
Mm... Who's there?
Just getting in.
499
00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:50,720
Hello.
500
00:22:51,920 --> 00:22:53,240
Ooh.
501
00:22:54,360 --> 00:22:56,080
Move up. Thanks.
502
00:23:00,120 --> 00:23:02,200
Ah. Well done. What?
503
00:23:03,360 --> 00:23:06,376
You win. No, yours
was way better.
504
00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:09,040
Mm-mm. Disqualified, I had help.
505
00:23:10,280 --> 00:23:12,240
Mr Outdoorsy.
506
00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:17,176
It's all my fault.
507
00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:21,576
I pretended we were fine and
now I'm scared of everything.
508
00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:23,376
I don't want to die out here.
509
00:23:23,400 --> 00:23:26,216
I mean, I already
have, but, you know.
510
00:23:26,240 --> 00:23:29,816
Wait, when I was alive,
was much to be scared of,
511
00:23:29,840 --> 00:23:32,376
but I know what make feel safe.
512
00:23:32,400 --> 00:23:33,600
Come on!
513
00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:47,080
PAT: Carol, Carol, Carol...
514
00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:53,456
[SNORING]
515
00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:55,056
Oh, Kitty.
516
00:23:55,080 --> 00:23:56,776
You've been awake all night?
517
00:23:56,800 --> 00:23:59,856
I was scared the man from Grease
would get me in my dreams.
518
00:23:59,880 --> 00:24:01,736
Danny Zuko? And the other man.
519
00:24:01,760 --> 00:24:04,136
Kenickie? Freddy. Freddy?
520
00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:07,040
Freddy Krueger. Oh, no.
521
00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:09,680
I think I know what happened.
522
00:24:21,840 --> 00:24:23,336
Lovely, isn't it?
523
00:24:23,360 --> 00:24:24,840
It is. Mm.
524
00:24:26,560 --> 00:24:30,416
I was just thinking, it ought
to be dull and commonplace
525
00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:35,056
the same sunrise over the same house
in the same tiny piece of England
526
00:24:35,080 --> 00:24:38,000
every day for 200 years.
527
00:24:39,360 --> 00:24:41,320
But it is beautiful. Mm.
528
00:24:42,920 --> 00:24:46,576
I travelled miles and was unchanged
when I could have been here
529
00:24:46,600 --> 00:24:49,480
and... transported.
530
00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:54,200
It's no fault of the sun if
the eye sees not its beauty.
531
00:24:56,880 --> 00:24:58,920
That was really poetic, Thomas.
532
00:25:03,040 --> 00:25:04,240
The sun.
533
00:25:05,320 --> 00:25:10,376
The sun, you rise
when night is done.
534
00:25:10,400 --> 00:25:13,896
Like a big, yellow
535
00:25:13,920 --> 00:25:15,136
bun.
536
00:25:15,160 --> 00:25:16,360
Yeah.
537
00:25:17,680 --> 00:25:19,656
Come, sweet sun.
538
00:25:19,680 --> 00:25:21,656
Let us have fun.
539
00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:23,840
Must weigh a ton.
540
00:25:25,280 --> 00:25:27,136
[THEY CHATTER]
541
00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:29,240
Alison, just a moment.
542
00:25:31,120 --> 00:25:33,216
You have been exemplary.
543
00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:37,016
Oh. And so I'd like to
present you, if I could,
544
00:25:37,040 --> 00:25:39,400
with your camping
545
00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:42,200
forester,
546
00:25:43,400 --> 00:25:44,976
and fire safety badges.
547
00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:46,177
Congratulations.
548
00:25:46,201 --> 00:25:48,176
[THEY CLAP] Oh, thank you, Pat.
549
00:25:48,200 --> 00:25:50,056
Oh, and, Captain. What, me?
550
00:25:50,080 --> 00:25:53,056
Yes, you have shown
a wonderful attitude,
551
00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:55,616
enthusiasm and a keen interest,
552
00:25:55,640 --> 00:26:00,296
and so I present to
you the teamwork award.
553
00:26:00,320 --> 00:26:02,176
Oh. Congratulations.
554
00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:05,000
It's a very high
honour. Come on.
555
00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:10,496
Oh, that's where you got to last
night. What were you doing in there?
556
00:26:10,520 --> 00:26:12,176
They were scared, Alison!
557
00:26:12,200 --> 00:26:13,896
[THEY TALK OVER
EACH OTHER] No, no!
558
00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:15,176
ROBIN: Not scared!
559
00:26:15,200 --> 00:26:17,096
Just wanted to do some
camping Robin-style
560
00:26:17,120 --> 00:26:19,056
the chimney, you don't
want the rain coming in.
561
00:26:19,080 --> 00:26:21,736
In the cave there, you see...
562
00:26:21,760 --> 00:26:23,536
[SCREAMING, THEY SCREAM]
563
00:26:23,560 --> 00:26:25,136
MARY: Scaredy-cats!
564
00:26:25,160 --> 00:26:26,297
[THEY LAUGH]
565
00:26:26,321 --> 00:26:28,936
Morning, Lady B. You OK?
566
00:26:28,960 --> 00:26:31,096
Julian, did you change
the channel on the TV?
567
00:26:31,120 --> 00:26:33,256
Cos Kitty saw something
adult. Did she?
568
00:26:33,280 --> 00:26:35,576
Mm. What's the code?
Good morning, everyone.
569
00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:37,736
Back from your little
adventure, are we?
570
00:26:37,760 --> 00:26:39,416
And what's on the agenda today?
571
00:26:39,440 --> 00:26:42,576
Food club, is it? Or what
I'd wear if I could today?
572
00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:44,016
Oh, can we not forego?
573
00:26:44,040 --> 00:26:46,016
Yeah, we're all a
bit tired, Fanny.
574
00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:48,976
Bed? At this time?
575
00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:52,616
Yeah. Never have I known
such a feckless bunch
576
00:26:52,640 --> 00:26:55,096
of good-for-nothings.
577
00:26:55,120 --> 00:26:56,936
That's better.
578
00:26:56,960 --> 00:26:59,880
Oh, Alison, don't forget, the
boiler man's coming at two.
579
00:27:01,360 --> 00:27:03,776
The boiler man?!
580
00:27:03,800 --> 00:27:05,360
[SHE WHIMPERS]
40828
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