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1
00:00:31,080 --> 00:00:34,160
Whether Elizabeth's spies
knew about the letter
2
00:00:34,160 --> 00:00:36,680
is still a matter
of much conjecture.
3
00:00:36,680 --> 00:00:37,960
Hello!
4
00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:40,640
Where's she been hiding?
5
00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:41,800
She's not dead, Julian.
6
00:00:41,800 --> 00:00:43,480
The good ones never are.
7
00:00:43,480 --> 00:00:44,920
It's just a costume.
8
00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:47,200
They're making a documentary -
History's Greatest Plots.
9
00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:50,080
Apparently, there was a coup
planned here back in the day.
10
00:00:50,080 --> 00:00:52,480
Hey, look, that wasn't a coup,
per se.
11
00:00:52,480 --> 00:00:56,240
That was an informal discussion
with some parliamentary colleagues
12
00:00:56,240 --> 00:00:57,800
about Maggie's leadership style.
13
00:00:57,800 --> 00:01:00,320
You know? She's not talking
about the '80s, mate.
14
00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:04,080
Look at her! What plot
she talk abutt? About? Dunno.
15
00:01:04,080 --> 00:01:06,200
That's just what they told us.
I thought you might know.
16
00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:08,320
It's possible
17
00:01:08,320 --> 00:01:10,880
Elizabeth's forces simply
happened upon the plotters...
18
00:01:10,880 --> 00:01:12,040
Oh!
19
00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:16,120
One for the bloopers!
20
00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:21,840
..Elizabeth's forces simply
happened upon the plotters...
21
00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:22,960
What?
22
00:01:22,960 --> 00:01:26,920
Do you know, I don't think
I've ever seen you laugh. Yeah.
23
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:29,480
I asked the producer
if they'll name-check the house
24
00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:32,400
and he just stared at me blankly,
so...
25
00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:34,400
That's the producer over there,
Mike.
26
00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:36,400
Oh. Well, then I asked some guy.
27
00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:39,920
Er, do you mind? Some of us are
trying to learn something here.
28
00:01:39,920 --> 00:01:43,520
..regarded by many
as a martyr, a mastermind,
29
00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:46,920
a hero, and perhaps
the most important person ever
30
00:01:46,920 --> 00:01:48,280
to have walked these grounds.
31
00:01:48,280 --> 00:01:50,640
Is it me? Sounds like me.
32
00:01:50,640 --> 00:01:53,600
Which is why the history books
echo with the name
33
00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:55,200
Sir Humphrey Bone.
34
00:01:55,200 --> 00:01:57,240
Oh. Huh. Hmm.
35
00:01:57,240 --> 00:02:00,880
Heavens! Why, I think she means...
36
00:02:05,760 --> 00:02:07,360
Oh.
37
00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:09,480
Oh, it's fallen off again!
38
00:02:09,480 --> 00:02:11,520
Humphrey? Where is he?
39
00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:35,120
It's just such an incredible place.
40
00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:37,360
You can almost hear the history
echo from the walls.
41
00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:38,560
Yeah, it's almost like...
42
00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:40,720
..it doesn't shut up!
43
00:02:40,720 --> 00:02:42,400
And there's a Stuart facade,
44
00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:44,400
and the Dutch gable, and the...
45
00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:46,400
High-end B&B? In the gatehouse,
46
00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:49,000
opens next spring. Tell your
friends. We could probably
47
00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:51,080
do a discount...
We're really, really lucky
48
00:02:51,080 --> 00:02:53,120
to have found - well, been given -
this place.
49
00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:55,680
Actually, we did wonder
if you'd be up for talking about
50
00:02:55,680 --> 00:02:58,360
your family connection
to the house on camera.
51
00:02:58,360 --> 00:02:59,880
Who? Me?
52
00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:03,840
I-I-I-I... I've never been
on camera.
53
00:03:03,840 --> 00:03:05,920
Well, have a think about it.
54
00:03:05,920 --> 00:03:07,920
Yeah. She'll think about it.
55
00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:10,440
Are you mad?
56
00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:11,960
Context? The interview.
57
00:03:11,960 --> 00:03:14,520
To make the gatehouse a guest house,
we need ghosts. Guests.
58
00:03:14,520 --> 00:03:17,400
And this is free publicity, so...
No, forget it.
59
00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:19,800
I'm not going on telly.
Why? What are you so scared of?
60
00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:21,040
Going on telly!
61
00:03:21,040 --> 00:03:22,920
Oh, you'd be great. No!
The camera would love you.
62
00:03:22,920 --> 00:03:24,800
Just tell your story,
name-drop the house, and...
63
00:03:24,800 --> 00:03:26,880
..oh, you could wear a top
with our logo on it.
64
00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:28,600
We don't have a top
with our logo on it.
65
00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:29,880
Hmm. We don't have a logo.
66
00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:32,840
Hmm. I'll call Obi.
He'll do us a quick logo.
67
00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:34,480
Oooh...
68
00:03:34,480 --> 00:03:37,760
Bad moonah on the rise.
69
00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:40,080
Dust cover sun.
70
00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:42,800
Birds fall. Crop fail.
71
00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:46,000
Something wicked this way come.
72
00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:49,160
Bitches? Bitches!
73
00:03:49,160 --> 00:03:51,760
Oh, that explain it.
Anybody home?
74
00:03:51,760 --> 00:03:54,400
Ah, Annabel!
75
00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:55,760
Alison.
76
00:03:55,760 --> 00:03:57,640
I was hoping I'd catch you.
Humphrey?
77
00:03:57,640 --> 00:03:59,560
Humphrey! Humphrey!
78
00:03:59,560 --> 00:04:01,760
Humphrey? Humphrey!
79
00:04:01,760 --> 00:04:04,120
Humphrey!
Head bit?
80
00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:06,880
Humphrey? I'm just saying,
personally speaking,
81
00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:10,040
I can't remember ever seeing you
properly laugh.
82
00:04:10,040 --> 00:04:12,440
That's absolute nonsense.
I laugh all the time.
83
00:04:12,440 --> 00:04:15,520
Why, only the other evening,
Fanny and I were in stitches
84
00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:17,640
while recalling
the satirical skewering
85
00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:20,120
of socio-political institutions
in The Mikado.
86
00:04:20,120 --> 00:04:22,400
Isn't that right, Fanny?
Mm? The Mikado?
87
00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:24,960
Oh, hilarious skewering of
socio-political institutions.
88
00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:27,320
Hysterical. Side-splitting.
Riotous. Agreed.
89
00:04:27,320 --> 00:04:32,200
I concur. So I hope that puts
this matter to rest. Carry on.
90
00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:34,280
Humphrey! Head? Humphrey?
91
00:04:34,280 --> 00:04:35,640
Humphrey!
92
00:04:35,640 --> 00:04:36,960
Neither of you laugh!
93
00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:38,200
Found it!
94
00:04:38,200 --> 00:04:40,480
Him! Him, sorry.
95
00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:45,040
You didn't tell us you were famous.
Am I? Ooh, that's nice.
96
00:04:45,040 --> 00:04:46,360
Am I a painter?
97
00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:48,760
She means the plot, mate.
The Catholic plot.
98
00:04:48,760 --> 00:04:50,280
Oh, that.
99
00:04:50,280 --> 00:04:53,280
You always said your death
was just a misunderstanding.
100
00:04:53,280 --> 00:04:54,520
Well, in a way, yeah.
101
00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:57,120
Certainly wasn't, erm...
straightforward.
102
00:04:57,120 --> 00:04:58,680
What, one chop?
103
00:04:58,680 --> 00:05:00,720
Well, it sounds pretty
straightforward to me,
104
00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:02,280
but then I was burned alive, so...
105
00:05:02,280 --> 00:05:04,400
All right, now, steady on, Mary.
Steady. Steady.
106
00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:07,640
Well... I mean more that
the circumstances were...
107
00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:10,400
..complicated.
108
00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:21,480
I could tell you about it if you
like. Well, if you wouldn't mind.
109
00:05:21,480 --> 00:05:23,520
That would be wonderful, yes.
We've got all day.
110
00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:24,600
Well...
111
00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:31,040
Yum! Yum, yum, yum, yum!
112
00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:33,000
Ooh, thank you.
113
00:05:35,240 --> 00:05:36,840
Bon matin?
114
00:05:36,840 --> 00:05:40,840
Did you sleep well?
Er, dormir...bon?
115
00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:45,320
Cos it gets quite draughty
down your end of the, um...
116
00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:47,800
Do you want a bit of brekkie? Boeuf?
Bit of brekkie, Sophie?
117
00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:49,440
Oh, la la.
118
00:05:49,440 --> 00:05:50,800
Qu'est ce qu'il veut maintenant?
119
00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:54,400
Erm, I was just wondering
if there might be
120
00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:56,680
something you might fancy doing.
121
00:05:57,840 --> 00:05:59,760
Not with me. Not with me.
122
00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:02,480
No, erm, I meant more for you.
123
00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:04,680
Like a hobby.
Oh, c'est insupportable.
124
00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:06,360
Something that might make you
a bit more...
125
00:06:06,360 --> 00:06:07,760
..joyeux?
126
00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:12,160
Uh, tapestry? Maybe?
127
00:06:12,160 --> 00:06:14,560
Or you could learn some English?
128
00:06:14,560 --> 00:06:16,000
Or there's archery,
129
00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:18,720
or you could learn a bit of English.
130
00:06:20,680 --> 00:06:22,240
It doesn't matter, actually.
131
00:06:24,080 --> 00:06:25,480
Livres.
132
00:06:26,760 --> 00:06:28,120
Me leave?
133
00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:30,200
I live here. Livres.
134
00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:34,400
Salon de lecture?
135
00:06:37,240 --> 00:06:40,120
Oh, like a reading group!
136
00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:42,680
Yeah, great idea.
You could use the chart room
137
00:06:42,680 --> 00:06:44,080
up in my end if you wanted.
138
00:06:47,160 --> 00:06:49,720
And maybe in winter,
you could learn a bit of English.
139
00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:54,960
It is...ugly language.
140
00:06:58,240 --> 00:07:01,800
It is AN ugly language,
but, yes, well done. Very good.
141
00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:05,600
Humphrey?
142
00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:11,000
Humphrey?
143
00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:13,320
Humphrey? Sorry.
144
00:07:13,320 --> 00:07:16,680
It's not someone I've thought about
in a very long... What about jokes?
145
00:07:16,680 --> 00:07:18,040
Do you like jokes?
146
00:07:18,040 --> 00:07:19,920
Hmm.
147
00:07:19,920 --> 00:07:22,240
Oh, I don't think we ever lent you
a champagne bucket,
148
00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:24,120
cos, well, we don't own
a champagne bucket.
149
00:07:24,120 --> 00:07:25,640
Well, you do now.
150
00:07:25,640 --> 00:07:27,200
Oh, a film crew!
151
00:07:27,200 --> 00:07:28,920
How surprising.
152
00:07:28,920 --> 00:07:30,880
I'm surprised.
153
00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:34,720
Though, now I think of it,
I do remember Jan from the shop
154
00:07:34,720 --> 00:07:38,560
mentioning something
about a documentary, was it? Oh.
155
00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:40,360
Lucky I dropped by!
156
00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:44,640
I do feel lucky. I imagine they
could use a little local knowledge,
157
00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:46,480
fill in the gaps in their research.
158
00:07:46,480 --> 00:07:48,080
I'm not sure that you...
159
00:07:48,080 --> 00:07:51,160
..care what I say, or know my name.
Hello there!
160
00:07:51,160 --> 00:07:55,320
Barclay Beg-Chetwynde,
local landowner slash historian.
161
00:07:55,320 --> 00:07:58,240
Urgh. He hasn't changed, has he?
162
00:07:58,240 --> 00:08:01,440
Arrogant, sleazy,
and entirely self-serving.
163
00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:04,200
Can you believe I used to associate
with that type?
164
00:08:06,440 --> 00:08:08,400
So I've done a lot of...
165
00:08:09,560 --> 00:08:11,400
Hello. See that?
166
00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:13,720
I spy Harry Heart Attack.
167
00:08:13,720 --> 00:08:17,480
Those three-bottle lunches
finally catching up with him, eh?
168
00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:20,240
Ha-ha-ha-ha!
Ha-ha-ha-ha...
169
00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:22,000
Oh, no.
170
00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:24,000
Alison!
171
00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:25,880
You have to get him out of here
right now.
172
00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:27,120
What are you talking about?
173
00:08:27,120 --> 00:08:29,280
Barclay is on the verge
of a heart attack.
174
00:08:29,280 --> 00:08:30,760
Trust me, I know the signs.
175
00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:33,400
What if he carks it right there
and doesn't move on?
176
00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:35,000
We could be stuck with him forever.
177
00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:37,640
I think you're getting a bit
carried away. Which means
178
00:08:37,640 --> 00:08:40,400
you could be stuck with him, too.
179
00:08:40,400 --> 00:08:42,040
Every day.
180
00:08:42,040 --> 00:08:43,920
For the rest of your life.
181
00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:45,200
Oh, no.
182
00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:49,720
Lovely strip of land at the end of
the drive there once belonged to me.
183
00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:51,080
Ahh.
184
00:08:52,080 --> 00:08:54,560
No way. OK, what about 4:30?
185
00:08:54,560 --> 00:08:56,960
Can you do it by 4:30?
It's not about the deadline.
186
00:08:56,960 --> 00:09:00,280
I'm just not doing black text
on a white T-shirt.
187
00:09:00,280 --> 00:09:01,680
I'm an artiste.
188
00:09:01,680 --> 00:09:04,760
What? Would you ask Michelangelo
to touch up your skirting boards?
189
00:09:04,760 --> 00:09:07,120
Depends on his prices.
And if he could do it by 4:30.
190
00:09:07,120 --> 00:09:09,600
Here's what I'll do -
custom vector logo,
191
00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:13,200
three-colour digiprint
on a high-weave cotton blend!
192
00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:15,680
Sounds great. Thanks, man.
Owe you one.
193
00:09:15,680 --> 00:09:17,200
And you'll credit me on air, right?
194
00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:18,880
I mean, if they ask about the top.
195
00:09:18,880 --> 00:09:22,200
Oh, they'll ask about the top!
196
00:09:22,200 --> 00:09:24,160
That's a fact!
197
00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:28,800
And the priest says, "I know!
That's why I painted it gold."
198
00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:33,800
That is offensive to at least
five different religions.
199
00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:35,160
There are only three in it.
200
00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:37,360
Give over.
It's just a harmless bit of fun.
201
00:09:37,360 --> 00:09:40,200
You haven't heard
me jumbo jet joke yet.
202
00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:42,960
There's a nun, a gorilla
and a paed...
203
00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:45,560
Do you mind?
I'm baring my soul here.
204
00:09:45,560 --> 00:09:47,720
You're making this very slow
and painful.
205
00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:50,080
Unlike his execution. Oh!
206
00:09:50,080 --> 00:09:51,760
Now, where was I?
207
00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:53,360
Oh, yeah.
208
00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:54,680
Book club.
209
00:09:56,600 --> 00:10:00,200
Bonjour. Good to, er, see you.
Bonjour again.
210
00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:03,960
Ca va?
211
00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:07,120
Happy reading.
What book is it this week?
212
00:10:07,120 --> 00:10:08,320
Quel livre?
213
00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:10,960
Le Printemps d'Yver,
Contenant Plusieurs Histoires
214
00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:12,240
Discourses en Cinq Journees
215
00:10:12,240 --> 00:10:14,520
en Une Noble Compagnie
au Chateau du Printemps.
216
00:10:15,720 --> 00:10:17,320
Well, don't tell me how it ends.
217
00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:27,320
Je voulais vous remercier.
Pour m'avoir laisse faire ca.
218
00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:28,840
Je me sens un peu mieux.
219
00:10:28,840 --> 00:10:30,520
Ssh...
220
00:10:30,520 --> 00:10:31,560
Moi...
221
00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:33,760
..joyeux.
222
00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:38,200
Thank you. You're welcome.
223
00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:48,520
Well, don't just stand there.
We have much to do.
224
00:10:49,520 --> 00:10:52,200
We've received word from Queen Mary.
225
00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:55,720
She approves of your plan,
but only if we can act quickly.
226
00:10:55,720 --> 00:10:57,520
There are spies everywhere.
227
00:10:57,520 --> 00:10:59,040
We cannot delay.
228
00:10:59,040 --> 00:11:02,640
Then Monday it is. We get Elizabeth
on her way to chapel.
229
00:11:02,640 --> 00:11:05,560
By this time next week, the true
Queen will sit on the throne.
230
00:11:05,560 --> 00:11:08,720
Death to Queen Bess.
Death to Queen Bess.
231
00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:11,200
What about him?
232
00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:14,440
He knows nothing.
233
00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:16,200
Famously.
234
00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:19,520
He is a good man.
235
00:11:25,320 --> 00:11:28,120
So the plan is to conceal
our blades here by the colonnade...
236
00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:33,920
Well, fancy that! Young filly there
seems to think I might have
237
00:11:33,920 --> 00:11:37,320
some useful insights -
her words, not mine.
238
00:11:37,320 --> 00:11:39,200
Well, mine, but she nodded.
239
00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:41,320
Wants to get me on camera.
240
00:11:41,320 --> 00:11:44,280
And you're not, like,
nervous about...?
241
00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:46,360
Ah-ah-ah!
242
00:11:46,360 --> 00:11:48,200
What I... What I mean by that is...
243
00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:50,400
Tell the old guff to go and die
on his own property.
244
00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:52,360
He's got enough of it.
Are you OK?
245
00:11:52,360 --> 00:11:55,440
Me? Yes. Fit as a fiddle. In fact,
246
00:11:55,440 --> 00:11:57,800
I'm on a bit of a health kick.
247
00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:01,200
After 20 years
of no exercise whatsoever,
248
00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:03,160
I've just taken up squash.
249
00:12:03,160 --> 00:12:05,840
Yeah, that'll do it.
What is squash?
250
00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:08,640
So, we've got a few more shots
to grab in the Rose Garden
251
00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:10,920
and then we'll be back to do
the interviews.
252
00:12:10,920 --> 00:12:12,680
If you're both happy and...
Marvellous!
253
00:12:12,680 --> 00:12:15,040
Yeah. I'll go and rehearse.
There's no need
254
00:12:15,040 --> 00:12:16,560
to prepare anything, really.
255
00:12:16,560 --> 00:12:18,880
Best to keep it natural.
Conversational.
256
00:12:18,880 --> 00:12:20,280
Of course. Of course.
257
00:12:20,280 --> 00:12:22,480
Amateur.
258
00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:26,200
You have got to get him out of here!
259
00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:29,840
I meant to say, Zara, there's
a stunning view of the house,
260
00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:32,280
er, from just...
just past that fence.
261
00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:35,520
I thought it might make a nice
background for Barclay's interview.
262
00:12:35,520 --> 00:12:37,040
OK. I'll take a look.
263
00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:38,800
Yeah, yeah. Just PAST the fence.
264
00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:41,600
Just outside the grounds.
Outside. Outside.
265
00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:43,600
Outside. Did you say outside?
266
00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:44,960
Yeah, I think she got it.
267
00:12:47,080 --> 00:12:50,880
Barclay Beg-Chetwynde,
local historian.
268
00:12:50,880 --> 00:12:52,000
Friend of the house.
269
00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:57,400
Barclay Beg-Chetwynde,
Button House spokesman.
270
00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:00,720
What's he doing here?
271
00:13:00,720 --> 00:13:02,400
Cheg-Betwynde. Beg-Chetwynde.
272
00:13:02,400 --> 00:13:05,000
He just appeared. Like posh Batman.
273
00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:07,680
Well, he's in there saying
he's our spokesman. Yeah, well,
274
00:13:07,680 --> 00:13:10,200
he spoke to Zara and they want
to film a bit with him now.
275
00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:13,080
What? Yeah. Can't let him speak for
us! You've got to do the interview.
276
00:13:13,080 --> 00:13:14,760
Oh, pile on the pressure.
277
00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:17,640
It's just, I know that you can do
it. You're the face of Button House.
278
00:13:17,640 --> 00:13:19,240
Because you know what you've got?
279
00:13:19,240 --> 00:13:20,520
Inner strength?
280
00:13:20,520 --> 00:13:22,920
I was going to say a branded
sweatshirt coming, but...
281
00:13:22,920 --> 00:13:24,320
But inner strength. OK.
282
00:13:24,320 --> 00:13:27,520
Yeah? Love you.
283
00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:29,640
Is it your oral skills?
284
00:13:29,640 --> 00:13:32,440
Excuse me? That worry you,
about the interview?
285
00:13:32,440 --> 00:13:36,120
I just don't want to be on camera,
like public speaking.
286
00:13:36,120 --> 00:13:37,840
I understand entirely.
287
00:13:37,840 --> 00:13:41,040
I remember my first confabulation
on Button FM.
288
00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:45,120
Stammering like
a chicken-hearted clown.
289
00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:49,680
But I found my voice, Alison,
and I can help you find yours.
290
00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:52,640
OK?
291
00:13:52,640 --> 00:13:54,400
OK.
292
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:55,760
How dare you?
293
00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:58,880
I'll have you know
I've got my entertainers badge.
294
00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:01,080
I just hadn't sewn it on yet.
295
00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:03,120
The same with my sewing badge.
296
00:14:03,120 --> 00:14:06,000
I'm simply saying that
the reason you so rarely see us
297
00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:08,800
reduced to fits of hysteria
is because in present company,
298
00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:11,360
we're seldom given cause.
All right, then.
299
00:14:11,360 --> 00:14:14,400
Why don't you make us all laugh,
show us how it's done?
300
00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:15,640
I'll handle this, Fanny.
301
00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:17,680
Right. Now.
I just remember thinking,
302
00:14:17,680 --> 00:14:19,560
"Well, it must be
a pretty good book,
303
00:14:19,560 --> 00:14:21,880
"cos they've been in there
for ages."
304
00:14:21,880 --> 00:14:25,360
Farewell. Au revoir.
Er, bon...to see you all.
305
00:14:26,840 --> 00:14:27,880
Take care.
306
00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:40,200
Oh, someone forgot their...
307
00:14:40,200 --> 00:14:41,760
Oh!
308
00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:52,200
Oh, no.
309
00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:56,280
The butler burnt the butter
but the bacon bore the brunt.
310
00:14:56,280 --> 00:14:58,240
The butler burnt the butter but
the bacon bore the brunt.
311
00:14:58,240 --> 00:15:00,520
The butler burnt the butter
but the bacon bore the brunt.
312
00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:02,880
The butler burnt the butter
but the bacon...
313
00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:04,800
Something amusing?
Sorry. It's just,
314
00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:07,960
it's hard to think of you
in a sort of, well, teacher role.
315
00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:09,840
Ah, I see.
316
00:15:09,840 --> 00:15:11,400
Because of the frisson.
317
00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:13,840
The frisson?
The frisson between us.
318
00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:17,840
I know it is difficult, Alison,
but while you are under my tutelage,
319
00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:20,160
you really must pretend
there is no frisson.
320
00:15:20,160 --> 00:15:21,480
Thomas, there is no frisson.
321
00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:24,120
That's the spirit.
322
00:15:25,440 --> 00:15:26,720
Now, then, your turn.
323
00:15:26,720 --> 00:15:30,480
The butler... The butler
burnt the butter and the butter...
324
00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:33,600
BUTler. The butler burnt the
butter... What's a budler?
325
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:35,560
Bu-t-t-t. Big but. Big but.
That's it.
326
00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:39,280
Welcome to Button House.
That's it.
327
00:15:39,280 --> 00:15:41,240
I know it feels strange
but it really strengthens...
328
00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:43,000
Shaking everything.
329
00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:48,040
I am a confident
and beautiful young woman.
330
00:15:48,040 --> 00:15:50,520
I am a confident woman...
And I deserve to be on television.
331
00:15:50,520 --> 00:15:52,560
Welcome to Button House.
Hands at our sides.
332
00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:53,880
We're not a seagull.
333
00:15:53,880 --> 00:15:56,520
Thomas is terrific and I wish...
Thomas is terrific and I wish...
334
00:15:56,520 --> 00:15:58,240
..we were betrothed.
..we were... No.
335
00:15:58,240 --> 00:16:00,160
It's just an exercise.
336
00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:02,280
Fine, we'll do something else.
337
00:16:02,280 --> 00:16:05,400
And the quartermaster says,
"You may have paid the bill,
338
00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:09,200
"but I'm still the PATE familias."
339
00:16:11,120 --> 00:16:12,640
Because he'd had the pate.
340
00:16:12,640 --> 00:16:13,880
The pate! Do you see?
341
00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:16,240
It's very clever.
342
00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:17,560
She didn't laugh.
343
00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:18,960
You didn't laugh.
344
00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:20,880
Nobody laughed. Yes.
345
00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:23,720
Long, fancy words don't make
something funny.
346
00:16:23,720 --> 00:16:26,640
I find I often laugh most
at the simplest things.
347
00:16:26,640 --> 00:16:28,000
Duly noted.
348
00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:29,760
Like someone else laughing. Oh, yes.
349
00:16:29,760 --> 00:16:31,560
Laughter is contagious.
350
00:16:31,560 --> 00:16:34,840
What? Oh, no! Oh, no, no.
Not in a bad way, Kitty.
351
00:16:34,840 --> 00:16:37,840
No, just that laughter
breeds more laughter.
352
00:16:37,840 --> 00:16:40,160
Preposterous. Balderdash.
353
00:17:04,520 --> 00:17:07,200
What's up? About this top.
I've been...
354
00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:10,480
Haven't you done it yet?
Impact-wise, we could wrap the text
355
00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:13,040
around the trunk and...
I don't care if you potato-print it
356
00:17:13,040 --> 00:17:15,120
on a bin bag, as long as
it says Button House
357
00:17:15,120 --> 00:17:18,040
and it's here by 4:30, yeah?
All right, all right, I'm on it!
358
00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:21,200
This sweater
is my Sistine Chapel roof.
359
00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:23,440
Ceiling. Is it? Good.
360
00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:26,720
Because I just googled the roof
and I weren't blown away.
361
00:17:42,840 --> 00:17:44,240
I can't help myself!
362
00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:56,200
Anyway, where was I?
363
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,680
About to die. Oh, yeah.
364
00:17:58,680 --> 00:18:00,440
If you can calls that dying.
365
00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:04,440
Bonne nuit, Sophie.
366
00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:14,560
What have you done?
367
00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:17,360
Halt! Her Majesty's Guard.
We have to go.
368
00:18:17,360 --> 00:18:18,800
Go? What?
369
00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:21,200
You want to live, we must go.
370
00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:22,840
Who do you think you are?
371
00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:24,560
Humphrey!
372
00:18:25,760 --> 00:18:27,280
I'll hold them off as long as I can.
373
00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:29,000
Quoi?!
374
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:31,960
This isn't the life
you signed up for. Go!
375
00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:33,760
Have another one.
376
00:18:33,760 --> 00:18:35,240
Well, go!
377
00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:37,360
Open this door!
378
00:18:37,360 --> 00:18:39,080
Show yourself!
379
00:18:42,280 --> 00:18:44,160
Open up!
380
00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:45,200
Ahh!
381
00:18:47,640 --> 00:18:48,880
Keep going!
382
00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:51,640
..beheaded on the spot
for high treason,
383
00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:53,840
so heinous was his crime,
384
00:18:53,840 --> 00:18:57,280
with Mary's orders
still in his hand.
385
00:18:57,280 --> 00:19:01,000
Sir Humphrey Bone,
mastermind of the Bone Plot,
386
00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:02,640
and martyr to it.
387
00:19:08,360 --> 00:19:10,040
At least, that's how...
388
00:19:12,640 --> 00:19:14,040
For valiance.
389
00:19:14,040 --> 00:19:16,480
Yes. Quite right.
Well said, that man.
390
00:19:16,480 --> 00:19:18,360
Fair do's, actually. Fair do's.
391
00:19:18,360 --> 00:19:21,680
It's a horrible way to go.
Easy for you to say, isn't it?
392
00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:23,360
You barely even feels an arrow.
393
00:19:23,360 --> 00:19:24,840
You what?
394
00:19:24,840 --> 00:19:27,840
We should tell Alison
what we've learned.
395
00:19:27,840 --> 00:19:30,600
Yes. And she can tell
the television people.
396
00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:39,680
This isn't the life
you signed up for!
397
00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:40,960
Go!
398
00:19:44,320 --> 00:19:46,920
In the name of Her Majesty,
open this door!
399
00:19:54,600 --> 00:19:56,560
Oh, God.
400
00:19:56,560 --> 00:19:57,880
What am I doing?!
401
00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:11,120
Ha! Oh!
402
00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:19,400
Ah! Yes! Yes!
403
00:20:24,280 --> 00:20:26,280
God, oh, God, oh, God, oh, God...
404
00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:32,840
Her Majesty's Guards!
405
00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:34,640
Show yourself!
406
00:20:50,960 --> 00:20:52,320
No sign of him, sir.
407
00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:55,440
Why is it always bad news
with you?
408
00:20:55,440 --> 00:20:58,080
It's not always... It's never, "Oh,
I've found him, he's through here."
409
00:20:58,080 --> 00:21:00,160
I found that priest hole once.
There was no priest in it.
410
00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:01,440
That was just a hole.
411
00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:23,200
God, I love this house.
412
00:21:33,080 --> 00:21:35,440
Whoopsy-daisy.
413
00:21:39,160 --> 00:21:41,320
I might say I did that. I would.
414
00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:49,440
See, this is why I won't have swords
in the house. Yeah.
415
00:21:49,440 --> 00:21:51,520
Well, you've got kids, haven't you?
416
00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:05,400
Bad day?
417
00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:10,080
Hey. Well, I think we're almost
ready to do the interviews,
418
00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:13,400
if you... Yeah, about that. I don't
know what Mr Deg-Chegwin told you,
419
00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:15,880
but he's not actually
anything to do with Button House.
420
00:22:15,880 --> 00:22:18,320
He's just a sort of
mean local weirdo.
421
00:22:18,320 --> 00:22:20,240
Actually, that's not fair.
No, that is fair.
422
00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:23,120
So, yeah, we'd rather he wasn't
associated with the house
423
00:22:23,120 --> 00:22:25,600
because, to be honest, I'm worried
about how he comes across on TV.
424
00:22:25,600 --> 00:22:27,720
OK. It's just that
I got the impression
425
00:22:27,720 --> 00:22:30,480
your wife wasn't all that keen
to do an interview.
426
00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:33,160
You're kidding! She can't wait.
I'm telling you,
427
00:22:33,160 --> 00:22:35,000
she's a natural.
428
00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:36,800
Er...
429
00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:38,960
So the house is, um... Um...
430
00:22:38,960 --> 00:22:41,240
..like, my connection, um...
431
00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:43,920
Um. ..to the family. Um...
432
00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:45,240
Um, um, um...
433
00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:47,160
You see, if we can just...
Babe! You're up next.
434
00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:49,840
What, now? We need more time,
damn you! Already?
435
00:22:49,840 --> 00:22:53,160
Can't Barclay go first?
No, he's been canned.
436
00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:55,960
Apparently an anonymous source
told them what he's like
437
00:22:55,960 --> 00:22:58,720
and they were like... Mike.
What? He's bad PR and you know it.
438
00:22:58,720 --> 00:23:00,400
How did he take it?
439
00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:03,280
Um... "Um...!" They're all at it.
Give me five minutes
440
00:23:03,280 --> 00:23:04,840
and I'll let you know. Wish me luck.
441
00:23:04,840 --> 00:23:06,400
No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
442
00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:08,720
I'll do it.
We need to be gentle with him
443
00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:11,680
and then we need to get him
out of here real quick.
444
00:23:13,440 --> 00:23:14,760
Obi!
445
00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:16,400
Oh, we're finished here, are we?
446
00:23:18,240 --> 00:23:21,360
Hey, see? It's a masterpiece!
447
00:23:21,360 --> 00:23:22,560
Yeah, yeah. Give it to me.
448
00:23:24,360 --> 00:23:26,600
Why are you wearing it?
Because it looks sick.
449
00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:29,800
Right. We're ready for Alison,
just up by the fence there.
450
00:23:29,800 --> 00:23:31,880
Fence? What fence? Just up by the...
451
00:23:31,880 --> 00:23:34,520
She thought the view was quite good.
No, no, no.
452
00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:38,720
I mean, there's much better spots
nearer the house, like by the sign.
453
00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:41,200
So you can see the house.
By the sign?
454
00:23:41,200 --> 00:23:43,760
It's just we're all set up
over there now.
455
00:23:43,760 --> 00:23:47,600
But...but maybe we'll come
and grab something here a bit later.
456
00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:54,160
I'm thrilled to fill in a tiny part
of its rich and varied history.
457
00:23:55,280 --> 00:23:59,120
Yes, that'll do it. Right,
once more. Get it in the old memory.
458
00:23:59,120 --> 00:24:01,320
Oh, God. Is he still here?
459
00:24:01,320 --> 00:24:02,600
Hello there.
460
00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:05,200
What? Me?
May I just say
461
00:24:05,200 --> 00:24:08,920
what an honour it is to be joining
you here in this wonderful house?
462
00:24:08,920 --> 00:24:10,400
Oh, God, no.
463
00:24:10,400 --> 00:24:13,160
I'm thrilled to fill in a tiny part
464
00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:15,920
of its rich and varied history.
465
00:24:15,920 --> 00:24:17,280
It's happened!
466
00:24:17,280 --> 00:24:19,360
Alison!
467
00:24:19,360 --> 00:24:21,360
Ah, perfect.
468
00:24:21,360 --> 00:24:23,960
Knock, knock. Hi, how are you?
469
00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:25,040
How are you?
470
00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:26,880
Yes, fine, raring to go.
471
00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:29,880
Er, right.
472
00:24:29,880 --> 00:24:32,120
It's just...
473
00:24:32,120 --> 00:24:33,360
Do you want to sit down?
474
00:24:33,360 --> 00:24:34,640
No!
475
00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:36,000
Really? OK.
476
00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:40,680
The thing is, talking again
to the documentary guys,
477
00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:44,440
it seems now they want
to focus more on people
478
00:24:44,440 --> 00:24:47,440
who actually lived...live
in the house.
479
00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:50,760
Oh, dear.
480
00:24:50,760 --> 00:24:52,920
So I wore a new shirt for nothing.
481
00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:56,200
Been bally baking in it all day,
482
00:24:56,200 --> 00:24:57,840
and talk about itchy!
483
00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:03,520
Well, that explains it.
484
00:25:03,520 --> 00:25:04,920
Yes, it does.
485
00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:06,640
Oh, that's much better.
486
00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:08,160
Yeah.
487
00:25:17,360 --> 00:25:20,960
Breathe, but don't gasp,
and don't gabble. No ums and ahs.
488
00:25:20,960 --> 00:25:24,120
If you need to pause, pause,
but don't show you're pausing.
489
00:25:24,120 --> 00:25:26,480
Look, I know that you mean well,
490
00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:28,000
but it's me they want to talk to,
491
00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:30,640
not some drop-out from the
Thomas Thorne Finishing School.
492
00:25:30,640 --> 00:25:33,560
So will you please just stop talking
and accept that you're a better poet
493
00:25:33,560 --> 00:25:36,040
than you are a teacher?
And that is really saying something.
494
00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:45,040
Confident, eloquent, composed.
495
00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:46,560
My work here is done.
496
00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:49,440
Damn your eyes. You're welcome.
497
00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:55,840
It was inherited
through my dad's side, but he died
498
00:25:55,840 --> 00:25:58,880
when I was young and my mum
passed away more recently.
499
00:25:58,880 --> 00:26:01,640
So with no living relatives,
the house has become a kind of
500
00:26:01,640 --> 00:26:04,760
link to my ancestors
through the ages.
501
00:26:04,760 --> 00:26:07,400
It's like having family
all around me.
502
00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:10,400
Can you give us any more information
about...? Could you smile?
503
00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:13,520
But with your voice.
Say Button House.
504
00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:17,480
Alison! ..every bit as fascinating
as your journey... I warned you!
505
00:26:17,480 --> 00:26:20,400
I did warn you!
506
00:26:21,960 --> 00:26:24,560
Pull the top down!
507
00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:27,440
You're doing very well,
just block it out.
508
00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:29,640
Try not to hesitate...
I warned you!
509
00:26:29,640 --> 00:26:31,440
Alison! Emergency!
510
00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:34,000
Alison?
Er...
511
00:26:35,840 --> 00:26:36,960
Er...
512
00:26:36,960 --> 00:26:38,880
..literally
a phone call saying,
513
00:26:38,880 --> 00:26:39,960
"You now own this house."
514
00:26:39,960 --> 00:26:42,280
It was inherited
through my dad's side,
515
00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:45,320
but he died when I was young and
my mum passed away more recently.
516
00:26:45,320 --> 00:26:47,880
Aw. So with no living relatives,
517
00:26:47,880 --> 00:26:51,000
the house has become a kind of
link... Oh, can't see the logo!
518
00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:53,320
Lose the thing! Lose the thing!
519
00:26:53,320 --> 00:26:54,960
It's like having family
all around me.
520
00:26:54,960 --> 00:26:57,000
Aw! That's nice.
521
00:26:57,000 --> 00:26:59,840
I think this is where I...
522
00:26:59,840 --> 00:27:01,760
Well, the brick...
The brick frontage
523
00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:03,440
is, er...it was a brick front
524
00:27:03,440 --> 00:27:07,000
added to what is, er,
what was a Tudor house.
525
00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:09,520
What does that say?
What is a Butt Ho?
526
00:27:09,520 --> 00:27:11,360
Are you the Butt Ho?
527
00:27:11,360 --> 00:27:13,320
..it was brick,
it had a brick facade.
528
00:27:13,320 --> 00:27:14,920
Oh, my... Obi!
529
00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:19,760
..which is now what we now see now
on Button House.
530
00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:22,240
Well, thanks, everyone.
531
00:27:22,240 --> 00:27:26,160
But there's much more to this place
than just structural issues.
532
00:27:29,160 --> 00:27:31,120
For one thing, it's haunted!
533
00:27:31,120 --> 00:27:32,720
And I'm turning it off.
No, no, wait.
534
00:27:32,720 --> 00:27:34,040
Oh! Hang on a sec.
535
00:27:34,040 --> 00:27:36,440
I think this is my cameo.
536
00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:37,720
Ooh!
537
00:27:37,720 --> 00:27:39,720
Watch the vase.
538
00:27:39,720 --> 00:27:41,320
Wait for it...
539
00:27:45,280 --> 00:27:46,920
Bravo!
540
00:27:46,920 --> 00:27:48,840
It's like he's famous.
541
00:27:48,840 --> 00:27:51,080
Can I have your autograph?
You got a pen?
542
00:27:51,080 --> 00:27:53,880
But one thing's for certain -
when it came to the Catholic cause,
543
00:27:53,880 --> 00:27:56,640
Sir Humphrey Bone was a man prepared
544
00:27:56,640 --> 00:27:59,120
to stick his neck out.
545
00:27:59,120 --> 00:28:01,160
Oh-ho! Oh! Oh-ho!
546
00:28:04,040 --> 00:28:05,560
Oh, very good!
547
00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:07,960
Neck! Seriously?!
40449
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