All language subtitles for The Big Leap s01e02 Classic Tragic Love Triangle.eng

[blades thrumming]

NICK:
Has everyone been evacuated?

JESSICA: I think so.
Awaiting confirmation from set.

Are they okay?

I mean, they're covered
in crude oil, so no?

NICK:
All right, talk to me.

We have Governor DeSantis,
the Coast Guard,

and Zach Peterman
from the network.

God, what a horrible array
of choices.

All right, give me the network.
Come on.

PA: He's on
whenever you're ready.

Hey, Zach!
How you doing, buddy?

Uh, here's the situation.

There was an accident
on an oil rig a few miles away.

It's currently dumping
about 40,000 gallons

of crude oil into the water,
but we're evacuating everyone.

It's completely under control.

-I knew this would happen.
- NICK: Really?

You knew there was gonna be
an oil spill?

ZACH: No, but I knew
that something would go wrong

when you take 12 people
and put them

in a plexiglass house
underwater!

This was a terrible idea!

Well, that's weird because
you got into

a huge bidding war over it.

and we once did a show called
Burn That Money.

I want you to stop shooting.

Well, let's, uh, let's think
that through, okay?

Because we're getting some
really great stuff here,

man, and it's--

Turn off the cameras!
Stop shooting!

I am not kidding!

Copy that. You heard him, guys.

Everybody, stop shooting.
Stop shooting!

Nick, tell me
everyone got out safely.

Uh...

Hey, Zach, I got
the Coast Guard

on the other line, buddy.

I'm so sorry.
I gotta call you back, okay?

- Thank you.
- Answer the question! Answer--

Ted and Eva
refused to evacuate.

They wanna win
the prize money.

- God, people are so dumb.
- [alarm blaring]

Okay, game on.
Let's get Ted on camera.

I think it's important
to remember that nobody died.

Yes, they lived to bring
a multimillion-dollar

class-action lawsuit
against the network.

Can you explain
why you kept shooting

after the network
specifically asked you not to?

My entire job
is to keep shooting.

It was very compelling
television.

You guys should air it.

I mean, you know,
unless you hate great ratings.

- [chuckles]
- That footage was subpoenaed

for their civil suit.

Well, that's gonna be
the most entertaining evidence

they'll ever watch,
I can guarantee you that.

[edgy music]

Is the network
pinning this on me?

Because that's what
it feels like.

Look, I'm dealing with
a custody battle right now.

I cannot be on the hook
for this money.

I'll never see Henry again.

Keep the network happy.

Make this dance show a success.
How's it going anyway?

[sighs]
I don't know.

-[whip cracks]
- [moaning]

JULIA:
So what do you think, Kevin?

I just started watching
this show you're binging.

Oh, my God, Julia!
You went into my computer?

No, no, I took it to the store,

and three 22-year-olds
explained to me

that my husband watches
seven hours of porn a day.

Are you masturbating
from home today,

or are you going
into the office?

Are you gonna make
a huge deal out of this?

You're also spending $2,000
a month on a webcam site

called My Kind of Pie,
which seems--

SOPHIA:
Whoa!

What is happening right now?

Your father's addicted
to internet pornography.

There are bagels.

Nice, Julia. Real nice!

Soph, take your sister
to school.

- What the hell was that?
- SOPHIA: I don't know.

They're freaks.

- Did that feel good?
- No.

I'm doing the dance show.
It starts today.

- No, no, no, no, no.
- Yes, yes, yes.

You said you weren't
doing that.

Well, I am--
It might be my last chance

to dance again,
and I am taking it.

I asked for whipped cream!
Do you see

- whipped cream on there?
- MIKE: I've said this

- five times already.
- Do you see whipped cream

- on that?
- It's not what you wanted,

- but I can't take it back.
- It's a simple question.

Do you see whipped cream
on that?

Would you please stop saying,
"Do you see whipped cream"

in that voice, okay?

What happened to
customer service, loser?

I don't know, lady!

What happened
to the American middle class?

What happened to dignity?
I have five jobs.

My wife left me.
I'm broken glass on the inside.

So enjoy your dumb coffee.

Oh, no. We got too mad.

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, it's just...

My daughter moved back in
with her kids,

and they're awful.

My husband works from home,

and all I do is laundry.

It's okay. I get it.

Times are tough, you know,
but life'll turn around.

I was at rock bottom, and then
I auditioned for a dance show,

and I got in.

- Seriously? You're a dancer?
- Sort of.

The point is, out of nowhere,
second chance.

I'm gonna get my wife back.

But first, I'm gonna
get you another coffee

with whipped cream.

You don't have to do that.

No, this is the day
both of our lives turn around!

Be back in 15 minutes!

What do you think?
Change out the top?

Mm, yeah, change out the top.

Is that what you're wearing?

She's changing out the top.

What about work?
Did you get a leave of absence?

What? No. I quit.

- [car horn honks]
- That's Justin. I'm late.

You quit? Are you crazy?
You have a 401[k]!

- [Gabby groans]
- What is going on here?

Is this about that
football player?

Of course it's not about
the football player!

Good, because he's famous.
He dates models.

GABBY: Why do you have to crap
all over this?

You encouraged me!

I did, but I didn't expect
you to ruin your life.

What do you think
is gonna happen?

You're gonna become
a professional dancer?

Yeah, that's the idea, Mom,

that someone
will pay me to dance.

Oh, yeah, somebody is going
to pay me

to be a Victoria's Secret
model.

Does it matter to you
that I hate my life?

Not you, Sam. You're great.

I know, Mama.

Maybe it's not too late to do

what I was going to do
before Sam came along.

No offense, Sam.
You're the best.

None taken, Mama.

So if you don't believe in me,
that's fine,

because I believe in me.

This is my shot,
and I'm going for it

so I don't spend the rest
of my life wondering what if!

Amen, sister!

Oh, brother.

That was a lot of yelling.

Just go.

MARTHA:
♪ Everybody dance now! ♪

[both laughing]

[C+C Music Factory's
"Gonna Make You Sweat"]

♪ The music is my life

♪ ♪

♪ Everybody dance now!

♪ ♪

♪ Everybody dance now!

My dad would say,

"That boy gay
as the morning sun."

As a queer man,
I should be offended.

But in this case,
I kind of get it.

GABBY: Oh, shut up.
He looks fabulous.

[chuckles]

GABBY:
That looked awesome, you guys!

I know, right?

Uh, ladies and gentlemen,
Reggie Sadler.

I cannot believe
they got me doing this.

- [Gabby laughs]
- What's up?

What's going on there?
That's a lot.

P.A.: All right, guys,
let's go in!

- BRITTNEY: Okay.
- Big smiles when you walk in!

Big smiles!

[bell rings]

Guys, what prevents us?

JESSICA:
Waiting on the elevator.

Okay, guys, remember,
you're excited!

All your dreams
are about to come true!

Roll sound.

[hopeful music]

♪ ♪

All right, cue the mirrors.

WAYNE: Hi!

[contestants cheering]

Welcome! Welcome!

Come on. Who's popping?
Who's popping?

[back-up alarm beeping]

Wait, a scissor lift?

[beeping]

Come on, guys.
Shoot me in the face. Let's go.

Flag on the play!

Everybody back in the elevator.
We gotta do it again.

NICK: And guys, seriously,
I need you more excited.

This is your dream!

What's the most excited
you've ever been?

I once won a raffle
at a pet store.

Okay, well--well then,
channel that, then, all right?

Back to one.
Let's do this again.

I want to see
the excitement here.

Come on!

Whew. Why is this so small?

You said you liked it
when your hands looked bigger.

You're right. I did say that.
Thank you.

[edgy music]

♪ ♪

[snaps fingers]
You two, over here.

Come on. No dawdling!

We're casting
our principal roles.

We're putting everyone
into groups of three.

We have a Prince, a White Swan,
and a Black Swan.

Now, the Prince falls in love
with the White Swan.

Then he leaves her
for the Black Swan.

The classic,
tragic love triangle.

Every group performs,

and that's how we find
our principals.

You know, when I was coming up,
Dede Allen once told me...

NICK:
No, what is she doing?

"In order to be a star,
you need three--"

No! The football player. Cut!

Hi, I just have a--
I have a note on this group.

Ladies, if you could step back
to the bar for me.

Reggie, you stay there.
Come with me.

Gabby. Here we go.
Look at this.

[Reggie clapping]

Hell, yeah!

The Prince. The Black Swan.

Brittney, come here, please.

Thank you. You're over here.

And White Swan. Look at that.

- Perfect.
- Perfect.

Can I talk to you
for a moment?

Always.

Everybody else looks great.

I'm Brittney Lovewell.
66,000 followers.

And I'm verified.

[mischievous music]

That's what's up.

Uh, you're doing my job.

Well, your job
is part of my job.

We're all executive producers.

Who's in charge here?

Me. Really, really me.

And I need Gabby

with the football player
that she's crushing on.

Look, it's all--
it's all right there.

And I need Brittney right here

to make her feel insecure.

It's a whole, uh--
it's a whole story arc.

What's that got to do
with dancing?

Nothing!
The show's not about dancing.

I need people to bang.
I need tears.

I need a fistfight.
I need an eating disorder.

Otherwise, why not just go to
the ballet and see Swan Lake,

which, oh, my God, how boring.

I don't like that girl.

Gabby? Are you crazy?
I love her.

I don't think she's a good
enough dancer to be here.

None of them are good enough
to be here.

Look at that.
We just went in a circle.

Again, the show
is not about dancing.

Now, let's go back out there
and make an entertaining show

that people
actually want to watch.

[dramatic orchestral music]

♪

We didn't come on this show
to be partygoer number five.

No, we did not.

- Let's be clear.
- Crystal.

Ohh--

I danced ballet in Montreal
from the time I was a baby.

And it came to you naturally?

I feel like I was dancing
already in my mom's belly.

I was doing a...
[speaks French]

Do you think there's a ballet
dancer inside of everybody?

[classical music playing]

♪

No.

Five, six, seven, eight.

One, two.

Uh. Uh. Yeah, hi.

- Um?
- Yes?

Sorry, is it believable
that he would leave me for her?

I'm just asking.

GABBY: If I let girls
like her get to me,

I would never leave the house.

Whatever.

I'm bringing
plenty to the table.

And she's also bringing plenty
to the table.

[muffled giggling]

Namely negative
female stereotypes

and lotion that smells like
strawberries.

Our background
is in ballroom dancing,

but we have
a solid ballet foundation.

Plus, we were raised
to be winners.

Oh, yeah, our mother,
she used to say,

"It's either first place
or foster care."

Remember she used to tell us,
"The only excuse for losing

is getting shot in the face?"

Yeah. And, "Failures sleep
in the garage."

[both laughing]

- She's great.
- Yeah, the best.

Well, you know,
I'm determined to use this

as an opportunity
to get back in the NFL.

You know, in the past,
I've, uh, let myself get

a little distracted by girls
and partying, but not anymore.

So have you ever seen
Swan Lake?

Yeah, yeah.
Gabby put me on that, man.

That [bleep]
was boring as [bleep].

SIMON:
And Julia, go. Julia, go.

- Julia, go.
- JULIA: I'm going!

SIMON:
Five and a-six and a-seven.

- JULIA: That's not the count.
- SIMON: You were early, Julia.

JUSTIN: You're beautiful.
Don't worry about him.

He's off. Look. Look at him.

Excuse me,
you're pushing me.

I'm supposed to walk this way.

SIMON:
No, you're not.

Port de bras, Justin!

Port de what?

Your upper carriage.
Elbows lifted!

Spine straight! Feet pointed!

No, no.

Use the energy
in your midline to turn.

I can spin on my head.

Not impressed.

Have you tried it?

Come on, boo. You can do it.

You just gotta point
through your feet.

Not your boo!

Turns out
I'm really bad at ballet.

Also, where did
he get the tutu?

Does he keep it in his car?

♪ ♪

WAYNE:
Mike?

The Black Swan is calling.

Yeah, yeah. No, I know.
I'm not doing that.

- What do you mean?
- Yeah, what do you mean?

I-I made a commitment
to my swan.

I'm not just gonna run off
with some other swan, you know?

If it helps,
I'm fine with it.

PAULA:
I climbed the corporate ladder

at an auto company.

Wasn't easy.

And then I beat cancer.

I'm not gonna let this guy

get in the way of me
getting a lead.

Uh, what are you going to do
to get him to dance with you?

I don't know.
Where does he hang out?

Hey, what if we got
stripper poles on the stage?

Shut your mouth! No!

Mike, Mike, Mike,
people want to see the story.

Well, maybe people
want to see a stand-up guy

who doesn't just
step out on his swan!

How's that
for a positive message?

Now we're cooking with gas.
This guy cheated on his wife.

MIKE:
I'm gonna take five, all right?

We've got a story.

NICK: We actually heard
that you're here

- to try to get your wife back.
- Yeah, I am, I am.

This is the--
this is the big idea.

I think she's going to see
I'm a changed man.

- I'm off the couch.
- What was the problem?

What went wrong
between you guys?

Well, I was--
I worked at a factory, uh,

I was a foreman
three years ago and...

- Wow.
- And, uh, my wife and I,

we had a house,
we were planning a family,

and then the--
the plant just--it closed.

And then with COVID,

I just started to feel,
you know, feel really small.

And then we just--buuuuh.
You know, we blew up.

That's tough.

Was there a third party
involved?

What? Why would you ask that?

No, not to me. To over here.

Why would you even ask that?

Why would I ask that?
Why would I say that there?

I don't want--I don't want that
on the show.

It's okay. I think we're done.

We got it.
We got everything we need.

Don't use that, please.

NICK: We're just gonna take
your mic off, okay?

I'm sorry, man, I didn't--
didn't mean to cross the line.

I'm divorced.
People make mistakes.

God knows I did, you know?

MIKE:
Yeah.

Oh, uh, well, I di--

I--one time, I did--

I did make that mistake
with a coworker,

and if Paige ever found out,
it would be...

yeah, ha,
she'd never forgive me.

I get it.

So yeah, can't have that
on--on TV, you know?

- You get it.
- NICK: No, I do get it.

But look, you gotta stop
beating yourself up

- about it, huh?
- Yeah, I know. I know. I know.

All right. Well, thanks, man.

- MIKE: Thanks.
- NICK: Yeah.

- [thump]
- NICK: See you next time.

NICK:
Watch your head.

- Did you get that?
- Yup.

BRITTNEY:
Two, three.

Hey, Brittney. What's up?

BRITTNEY: Oh my God,
are you following me?

Quit stalking me, you stalker.
You're freaking me out.

[percussive music]

♪ ♪

Oh, no. Gabby, come back.

[groans]

JESSICA:
Who are you on?

ALLY:
The Flute and the Tuba.

JESSICA: Are you getting her
making googly eyes

at the football player?

We have like
an hour and half.

Nick says whoever figures out
the baby daddy gets a bonus.

ALLY: [whistles]
Seriously? Okay.

How much?

[punchy music]

Put me in a different group!

Alan, what, we're just
letting them in now?

Is that what's happening?

- Get out of here, Gabby.
- I know what you're doing.

Okay, what am I doing?

You're casting me
as the big girl

making googly eyes
at the football player

who everyone will laugh at

for thinking
that she can be the Black Swan.

All right, you signed
a 20-page contract, so shut up.

Also, that's a real
glass-half-empty POV.

How about some self-esteem?

Don't deliberately put me
in a situation

that undermines my self-esteem

and then ask me
why I have low self-esteem.

That's a fair point.

But Gabby, I think people
are gonna love you,

and they're going to want
to know more

- about you and your son.
- My son is off-limits.

And I'm not talking
about his father.

He's not in the picture.
Stop asking.

He's not in the picture?
Well, where is he?

- He's in Europe.
- Wow.

The country of Europe?
Where in Europe?

I do this for a living, Gabby.

Are you going to put me
in another group or not?

I'm not.
But, so you know,

you're not the only one
making googly eyes.

He is too.

Really?

Mm. Stop it.

I know what you're doing,
and I'm not falling for it.

Yeah, you are.

Did you want this closed,
or...?

Well, not now 'cause everyone
seems to come in here.

They say creativity flows
through an open door.

Literally, no one has ever
said that until you said it

right in my open doorway!
Close it!

JULIA: Well, I was working
at Saks in the '90s,

and one day in walks
this really cute guy

and asks me to help him
with a tie, right?

So I did.

And I think it--I think
it was the next day, wasn't it?

That you came back in
and asked me to help him again,

for another one.

He ended up with so many ties.
How many was it?

I think--it was a lot.
It was a--

It was, like, three.
It wasn't that many.

No, it was a lot.
It was more than that.

Anyway, he ended up
asking me out,

and here we are, right?

Sorry, can you excuse me
for just a sec?

[tense music]

Um...

I am going to go check on him,
make sure he's okay.

- NICK: Go ahead.
- So not like him.

[clears throat]
I'll be right back.

Let's go, let's go, let's go.

Gonna shoot an empty couch?
Come on, come on.

What's the first rule
of Fight Club?

- ALAN: Don't forget to--
- No, filming. Filming, Alan.

What the hell was that, Kevin?

I don't want to do this.

JULIA: Okay, it's not too much
to ask after what you did.

KEVIN:
God, is this about the porn?

Who cares about the porn?

Porn? Did he just say porn?

No, I think he said corn.

Yeah, Alan, I mean,
they're screaming at each other

over an undigestible vegetable.

No, I don't know,
but why would they do that?

They know we're right here.

'Cause people are dumb,
that's why.

We know what we shouldn't say,
and we say it anyway.

We know what we shouldn't do,
and we do it anyway.

You lead people to the cliff
and they will jump,

every day, all day.

Okay, is this
about my social media?

Honey, I am trying
to normalize aging for--

- Normalize aging? Come on!
- Yes!

You are terrified
of getting old.

It's so obvious!

[sighs]

I'm so unhappy
in this marriage.

[solemn music]

What are you saying?
You don't love me anymore?

I don't even know
if I like you.

I'm gonna get
a hotel this week

then look for my own place.

Your show's still out there.
You wanna go first or should I?

Let's go.

Hustle, but don't look like
you're hustling.

- Alan--
- JESSICA: Alan!

Hi. Uh...

I am so sorry; we're gonna
have to cut this short.

Kevin has food poisoning.

- Is it the corn?
- JULIA: The what?

- [classical music]
- Eyes up, Justin!

Elbows lifted.

Elbows lifted!

I don't know what her mother
did to her,

but I need to write her
a thank-you note.

Your posture's garbage!
Straighten that leg!

- JUSTIN: It's straight.
- You're not even trying.

JUSTIN: I'm working my ass off!
- MONICA: Well, I don't see it!

I don't see
any connection, either!

Stop yelling at me!

Stay framed up on them, guys.

I need crunchy singles
and a wide.

Do the pirouette again.

[cheers and applause]

[whooping]

- NICK: Ah!
- What the hell!

You do my choreography,
or you're out!

- Oh my God, I love her so much.
- Don't pet the snake.

- What does that mean?
- You know what it means.

Okay!

Well, that's enough excitement
for today.

Why don't we pick this
all up tomorrow?

[bell rings]

Ugh, I feel so bloated.

I had, like, two chips
at lunch,

and I feel like
you can see them.

Gabby, can you tell?

No. I think you're good.

Thanks.

I mean, you can't be a swan
with a burrito baby, right?

I don't know, I think that
any of us could be a swan.

You know, Brittney,

I'm way more scared of these
other girls than I am of you.

Shots fired!

Whatever.

That protein bar
is full of sugar.

Oh my God, this bitch.

Yeah, I-I think that we should
all be supportive and accepting

of each other's bodies,
don't you, ladies?

Men pay 250 bucks
an hour to see this body.

- Please.
- Okay, well, that's disgusting.

TAMRA:
You make that much stripping?

I'm in the wrong line of work.

Stripping, porn,
endorsements, merch.

I get 100 bucks a pop
for my used undies.

[stammering]

I have so many questions
for you!

TAMRA: Is it true that
they pay less for girl-on-girl?

Can you walk me
through choking?

'Cause I don't get that.

MIRIAM: How many UTIs
do you get a year?

One at a time. One at a time.

I don't know why you guys
are so excited.

You have sex
on camera for money.

Remember, like, 30 seconds ago

when we said we weren't
gonna judge each other?

I'm not judging her body.

I'm judging what
she does with it--harshly.

I think what you do
is bad for women

and bad for families too.

Mm. Bye, Karen.

[apprehensive music]

♪

Are you okay?

Not okay.

Skeletor just threw
a chair at me.

That's totally
going in the promo!

She's hard on you because
she thinks you're talented.

While they're setting me up

to be the sad girl
who's crushing on Reggie.

You are crushing on Reggie.

Well, he moved my hair
out of my face,

told me I was pretty,

and then lifted me
over his head.

Yeah, that'll do it.

Hey, Gabby!
Come check out my trailer!

[upbeat music]

Go!

Call me later and tell me
what happened.

- Don't be weird.
- You don't be weird.

Get in there!

Look at this.
The fridge is stocked.

REGGIE:
Hell yeah, it is.

And, um, there is chocolates.

Show gave it to me.

They gave you a vibrator.
I didn't get mine yet.

- It's not a vibrator.
- [giggles]

Here, let me show you.

Hmm? Give me your IT band.

No, because I already
called it a vibrator,

so now it just seems sexual--
oh!

[chuckles]

Oh, yeah that's good.

So, you know
I quit my job for this show.

So it's nice that
they gave the trailer

to the cast member
most in need.

Was that sarcasm?

What, you think I'm just here
to eat chocolate?

No, I think you came here
to eat chocolate

and drink $10 coconut water.

Hmm, I'm here
for a lot more than that.

I lost a $13 million contract.

[chokes, coughing]

My agent says if I can stay off
TMZ for the next two months

I might have a shot
at getting it back.

Look, I know,
that's a dumb amount of money,

and I promise you
I am not a douche bag.

I know you're not.

[Force MD's' "Tender Love"]

You want to grab some dinner
after the auditions on Friday?

Sure.

If I'm free,
which will likely be the case.

So yeah, I'll--
I'll see you tomorrow.

See you tomorrow.

SINGER:
♪ Moment to come

♪ So I can thank you

♪ For all the tender love
you've given to me ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Tender-- ♪

[car alarm chirps]

[inquisitive music]

♪

Hey, Mom,
where's the frozen mangoes?

Oops. Pineapple.

Mango.

Mom, where is Dad?

I told you,
he's on a business trip.

He never goes
on business trips.

Well, this was an emergency.

So when is this vague

emergency business trip
gonna be over with?

I don't know.

We'll have to see
how long this emergency lasts.

Hey.

being addicted to porn

is a lot worse than
being addicted to social media.

I mean, you can be
pretty annoying sometimes,

but that must really suck.

♪

Thanks.

JOEL: Hey, Mikey. Here you go.

MIKE:
Over there in the--

- Now light, light, light.
- MIKE: Yes.

Think about jumping up,
not coming down.

That's what I'm
talking about, bro.

- That's right, right?
- Feels good.

How do you know all this?

I watched Misty Copeland's
masterclass during lockdown.

Yeah, how's the show
going, Mike?

Bad--producer knows
that I cheated on Paige.

- How would he know that?
- Well, because--

Mike, I have to talk to you.

- Yo, who's she?
- I got a problem.

You're not dancing with me.

- He won't dance with you?
- Why the hell not?

He's the Prince,
and he's supposed

to fall in love
with the White Swan

but then leave her for me,
the Black Swan,

and he won't do it.
What are you guys drinking?

Bottom shelf whiskey.

Can we get five shots of Jack?

He doesn't think the Prince
would cheat on the Swan.

Why does it always come back
to stupid Paige?

ELLISON: You can't change
the story, man.

That's why the producer
knows you cheated.

You're dumb.

- You cheated on your wife?
- It was one time, okay?

And it was the biggest mistake
of my whole life.

JOEL:
She doesn't know.

He thinks doing this show

is going to get her back.

None of us think
that logic scans,

but we're being supportive.

This is beginning
to make sense now.

And I appreciate
the sentiment,

but listen,
you gotta dance with me

because if you don't, neither
of us is gonna get a good part.

Okay. Okay.

Then let's rehearse.

Huh? What? Now?

JOEL: All right.

Now.

[singer vocalizing]

♪ ♪

JOEL:
Mike, you're not emoting.

It's true, bro.
You're not giving me anything.

I'm giving you
all I got here, all right?

Do you feel a connection?
'Cause I certainly do not.

You got to give me a minute
to warm up, all right?

I'm still digesting
the mozzarella sticks.

I didn't want to complain,

but a little eye contact
would be nice.

How can I possibly be
giving you more eye contact

than I'm currently giving you?

You're looking at me,
but you're not looking at me.

Where's the pathos, Mikey?
Where's the conflict?

Okay, I have to admit,

it's a little distracting
with Anthony in the role.

ANTHONY: You're just
making excuses, doc.

All right, you want
a little pizzazz?

- How's that?
- All right. Wow, well done.

Yeah, that's it.
Now, I'm giving it.

ANTHONY: Now let
the pretty lady seduce you.

Pretty lady.
Pretty lady over here.

Pretty lady right here.

There's a secret service agent
staring at us right now.

Oh, that's my driver,
Franklin.

You have a driver?
She's fancy. Hey, Franklin!

[claps]
Again!

SINGER:
♪ I had to make a glow

♪ I'm in love with you ♪

♪ That I'm in love with you ♪

♪

♪ You sure can know me ♪

♪ You just like a dream ♪

That's what
I'm talking about, baby!

-[crowd gasps]
- [clattering]

-What the hell?
- Do my choreography or--

Can I see?

Hey. Yeah, sure.
Uh, you want a drink?

- MONICA: Yeah.
- NICK: Yeah?

Here you go.

-[crowd gasps]
- [clattering]

You look insane.

And I mean that as
a compliment.

Positive feedback's overrated.

You have to maintain control.

You're going to make
a wonderful mother someday.

Wayne said
you injured your knee.

True story?

If I could dance on it,
I wouldn't be here.

Well, you should talk
about that on camera.

It'll give people some context
for your personality.

Can I also shoot myself
on camera?

Well, it's a little dark,
but I mean,

I guess I could run it
by S&P, sure.

[mischievous music]

So how are you liking Detroit?

It's a cat box.

How are we gonna get through
the next three months here?

Hey, you're, uh...
[clears throat]

you're consenting
to this, right?

Shut up!

MONICA: Do you have any idea
what it takes

to dance these roles?

None of you want it
bad enough!

Julia, I feel like

we're too worried
about how we're looking.

I can't get this extension.

Well, feel the story.

The Prince promised
to love you forever,

and now he's leaving you alone,
terrified, condemned.

[bell rings]

- WAYNE: Stand up.
- I'm sorry. I'm good.

It's your process.

You need it to look right.
Let's do it.

- Here?
- Yes.

I saw a little bit
of you background package.

You okay?

Well, my marriage
is falling apart

and nobody likes me.

I like you.

You're just going through
a little bit of a transition.

Kind of feels like
the whole world is right now.

Transitions are hard
and unflattering.

Hip down.

Extend the arm.

There. You're beautiful.

[whispers] Thank you.

I feel so old.
And I don't ever say that.

I don't ever say that because
it feels like so many people

just can't wait to say it,
but, I do, I feel old.

[heartfelt music]

Okay.

Let's feel that.

- Ooh. Huh.
- WAYNE: Hmm.

What comes with age?

Osteoporosis, arthritis,

saggy boobs, lack of sex drive.

Hmm. I was going to say wisdom.

Well...

I was going to say regret.

Regret.

My ex-husband is 28 years old.

I married him because
I wanted to feel young.

I wanted to hold on
to something.

I called him Talentless Neil.

He was beautiful, but he didn't
do anything but take my time,

my money, everything.

And at some point, I realized

I don't want to go back.

I want to go forward.

Okay. Well, I'm scared.

Isn't it a much
more exciting story

if you don't know how it ends?

No.

[both laugh]

[light music]

♪

Hey, friend.

I-I just--I wanted to check in
about last night.

I'm in the middle
of a custody battle

and I got a lot riding
on the show,

so I just want to make sure
that we're good.

- NICK: Hey.
- You pet the snake, didn't you?

- Hmm?
WAYNE: Stop pretending to text!

You slept with your
subordinate in 2021?

But, no, we're both EPs.
We're equal.

Oh, that's not what
you said yesterday.

But you better believe
you're equal now.

Wow, that's--mm-mm.

Hey, Nick, when are you
going to let me sleep with you?

I want final say
on the costumes!

♪

Hey, what's the matter
with you?

I-I don't want
to talk about it.

Why? What happened?

Hey, Brittney.

I brought Reggie smoothies
like a total idiot,

and Brittney was giving him
a blowjob.

I'm so stupid.

Wait, uh, were there
any cameras there?

- What? No.
- We missed a BJ--unbelievable!

Hey Nick, it's Alan's birthday.
There's donuts.

Hey, Jessica,
Brittney just gave Reggie

a mouth hug in his trailer
and we missed it.

So I hope that's
the best donut of your life!

I can't believe
I listened to you.

It's 8:30 in the morning.

This guy gets
Wednesday morning oral,

and I haven't had sex in years,

Okay, one, I don't think
the trailer ding dong party

means that he's in love
with her in any way.

And two, what does that
have to do with your dancing?

Uh, I'm supposed to be sexy
and confident and seduce him?

Hey, Nick! My mom sent donuts!

I'm partial
to the chocolate myself,

but I'm happy to share it.

Hey, Alan, thanks so much.

No, a sex act just occurred
between two of our cast members

and this entire crew missed it!

So call your mom and tell her
she just ruined the show!

Will you stop
yelling at people?

Hey, everybody needs
to do their job.

My job is to start drama.
Their job is to shoot it.

Your job is to try to get
a great part

and not get distracted
by some stupid guy.

Come on.
Now, do you want the part?

Yes! I want the part!
I want it so much!

So go get it.

Yes, people can tell that
you have a crush on Reggie,

and maybe some of them
will laugh at you,

but it doesn't matter, come on.

You beat yourself up too much.

Oh, am I being alive wrong?

Yes, you are.

Get mad at other people.
Get mad at me.

Get mad at your son's
mysterious deadbeat dad.

Get mad at whoever told you
that you are not sexy.

You need to start
thinking about revenge.

[punchy music]

♪ ♪

Sorry I'm late.

Oh, my God, your skin
looks so good right now.

Does my skin look that good?

- What are we doing?
- I'm helping you.

Because I'm the good twin,
and you're terrible.

Okay, start in fourth position.

Just do a quarter turn.

Don't be scared.
I'll do it with you.

- Just a quarter turn?
- Yeah. Easy. And go.

- Who are you?
- [Simon laughs]

Has anything bad
ever happened to you?

Uh, well, if you call almost
dying from meningitis

when I was 13 bad, then yeah.

Again, half turn this time.

- I'm sorry.
- No, don't be.

I had this terrible acne.
Okay, pull your shoulders back.

Come on, chest up.
Stand like a lady, please.

Don't--when did we
start touching?

Oh, honey,
I'm not flirting with you.

Even though it's super sexy how
uptight and judgmental you are.

I'm not judging you, okay?

Please, you have
so much internalized homophobia

I don't know how you get
out of bed in the morning.

So I'm gay and I'm homophobic?

I said what I said.

Full turn. Hey, eyes on me.

Anyway, when I had meningitis,

they gave me
these radioactive steroids.

And when I emerged
from my medically-induced coma,

I was a gorgeous butterfly
with perfect skin.

Worth it.

- That's beautiful.
- Thank you.

You know, I actually think
that the swan spell in the show

is an allegory
for childhood acne.

Well, I know you think
that's a joke,

but that's actually my secret
backstory for the Black Swan.

So--okay, two turns this time.
Don't think about it.

Just do it! Go!

- Oh!
- That didn't suck.

That was okay.

One second, please.

[Katy Perry's "Swish Swish"]

One sec.
I got to go do something.

JUSTIN:
Just--just pass it.

Jordan!

KATY:
♪ Swish, swish, bish ♪

Half-time show!

[players clamoring]

KATY:
♪ Can't touch this ♪

♪ Another one in the casket ♪

♪ ♪

NICKI: ♪ Pink Ferragamo
sliders on deck ♪

♪ Silly rap beefs
just get me more checks ♪

♪ My life is a movie,
I'm never off set ♪

♪ Me and my amigos
no, not off set ♪

♪ Swish, swish, aw,
I got them upset ♪

♪ But my shooters'll make 'em
dance like dubstep ♪

♪ Swish, swish, aw,
my haters is obsessed ♪

♪ 'Cause I make Ms,
they get much less ♪ ♪

♪ Don't be trying
to double back ♪

♪ I already despise you ♪

- Oh!
- Oh...

♪ Yeah, all that fake love
you showin' ♪

♪ Couldn't even disguise you,
yo ♪

♪ Winning, lay 'em up like ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Swish, swish, bish ♪

♪ Another one in the basket

♪

♪ Can't touch this

♪

[dramatic orchestral music]

♪ ♪

Please dance and cry
at the same time.

Please dance
and cry at the same time.

♪ ♪

[rhythm picks up]

♪

[end notes]

Come on, kid. Let's bring it.

♪ ♪

And...

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

WAYNE:
Bravo!

Well done.

MONICA:
Thank you.

[overlapping chatter]

I like the meter maid!

Guys, shut up! Shut up!
Everybody shut up!

This is not a democracy, okay?

Except--except between the EPs.
Who are all equal.

None of us has greater power
than the other,

which is great--which is great

and exactly
how it should be, okay?

All right.

Okay, why don't we write down
our choices and then compare?

Thank you. Yes.
Do you need some paper?

They have colored.
You want colored? It's good.

WAYNE: You all should be
so proud of yourselves!

You've exceeded
my expectations!

You met mine.

Okay, someone's hungry.

Now, as you know, we are
casting the show gender blind.

So you are eligible
for all roles,

not just the ones you danced.

So let's start with the role of
the Prince's mother, the Queen.

That role will go to...

[bell tolls]

Great graphic.

Julia.

Come on up here, Julia.

But, but, but,
we are throwing a curveball!

Prince Siegfried
has two mommies!

Raven, come on up here!

Yes, you! Come, come!

announcer:
Two mothers.

Why not?

MONICA:
For the role of Benno,

the Prince's closest friend
and his wife...

WAYNE:
Mike and Paula! Lovely couple.

announcer:
Benno and his wife.

WAYNE: Now for our villain.

Reggie, you will play
the Wizard.

Come on up here.

I didn't know
there was a wizard,

but that's cool, though.

announcer:
The Wizard.

And now for the Prince.

[suspenseful music]

There were many
wonderful performances,

and as far as I am concerned,
you all--

It's Claude.

WAYNE: Yes, it's Claude.
Congratulations.

announcer:
The Prince.

Now for the seductive
Black Swan.

Again, this was not an easy--

Simon. It's Simon.

WAYNE:
Congratulations, Simon.

announcer:
The Black Swan.

Now for the tragic White Swan,
it came down to two.

Gabby and Brittney.

- Brittney. Congratulations!
- [Brittney screaming]

announcer:
The White Swan.

The rest of you will be
wedding guests and swans.

Oh, wait, I almost forgot
the most important role.

Gabby! Come up here.

You are the understudy!

announcer:
The understudy.

For what part?

All of them.
You will learn every role.

And in the unlikely event
that someone can't perform,

it will be your time to shine.

Congratulations!

Hey, good job today, Gabby.

Not good enough.
Was that Monica's idea?

No, that was--it was my idea.
And it's genius.

You have to learn
all of the parts.

That sucks for you.
It's perfect.

Look, everybody loves
an underdog.

I've been doing this
a long time, Gabs.

Keep your eye on the prize.

REGGIE: Yo, you were
amazing out there!

It's like--like we were
connected, you know?

We still getting dinner?

Oh, uh, you know what?

I forgot I had plans
with some friends.

- Shoot.
- Oh, okay.

Maybe another time then.

Yeah, maybe.

Ah! God! Hi.

It's going to happen again.

But you won't know when.
It's not forever.

How long will it last?
I'll decide.

You will never have
my phone number.

Your phone number's
on the call sheet.

That's not my real
phone number.

You will never initiate
an encounter,

and I will never spend
the night with you.

You--you want
to come over tonight--

I just said
you don't get to initiate.

- Anything else?
- Yes.

If anyone finds out about us,
you'll never touch me again,

and I'll ruin you.

Oh, and I liked it
when you pulled my hair.

Do that again. Not now!

Wayne knows!

I'm so dumb.

[dramatic classical music]

♪ ♪

[upbeat music]

♪

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