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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,614 --> 00:00:08,095 ♪ 2 00:00:27,375 --> 00:00:30,160 ♪ 3 00:00:53,662 --> 00:00:56,012 TODD: I am not made for this world... 4 00:00:58,101 --> 00:01:00,538 ...this poor side of town. 5 00:01:00,582 --> 00:01:02,192 I'm a rich kid. 6 00:01:02,236 --> 00:01:04,716 My place was once in a much better home. 7 00:01:04,760 --> 00:01:06,849 Yeah, it was pretty sick. 8 00:01:06,892 --> 00:01:09,373 And at my rich old private school on the south side-- 9 00:01:09,417 --> 00:01:13,160 did I mention it was private?-- yeah, kids loved me. 10 00:01:13,203 --> 00:01:15,510 They knew I was the smartest kid on Earth, 11 00:01:15,553 --> 00:01:18,165 so they were too intimidated to be my best friend. 12 00:01:18,208 --> 00:01:20,776 That was before it was all taken from me. 13 00:01:20,819 --> 00:01:24,040 My mom lost her job and put our house on the market, 14 00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:26,216 where it stays unsold. 15 00:01:26,260 --> 00:01:30,351 And so I am a young god in exile. You get it. 16 00:01:31,526 --> 00:01:34,616 Remember, we're not here to make friends. 17 00:01:34,659 --> 00:01:37,009 Try and trade up, guys. 18 00:01:37,053 --> 00:01:39,621 Here we go. Saps, two o'clock. 19 00:01:39,664 --> 00:01:42,537 Look cool, look cool. Here we go, all right. 20 00:01:42,580 --> 00:01:45,801 [clears throat] Hey, nice detritus. 21 00:01:45,844 --> 00:01:49,196 [chuckles] Place is covered in 2002 Walmart. Right? 22 00:01:49,239 --> 00:01:51,198 But yours is Target grade. 23 00:01:51,241 --> 00:01:52,677 That means a lot. 24 00:01:52,721 --> 00:01:55,680 So, we're in the market for a hot dog steamer. 25 00:01:55,724 --> 00:01:58,161 Yeah, you're looking at one. 26 00:01:58,205 --> 00:02:01,338 But won't the toys be sad if you give them away? 27 00:02:01,382 --> 00:02:03,949 Won't your ass be jealous of all that shit 28 00:02:03,993 --> 00:02:05,125 coming out of your little mouth? 29 00:02:05,168 --> 00:02:07,431 Oh, you're making me feel stupid. 30 00:02:07,475 --> 00:02:10,086 -You're making it easy. -Todd, appearances. 31 00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:11,609 [chuckles nervously] So sorry. 32 00:02:11,653 --> 00:02:13,916 Sir, what with your wife's unclear 33 00:02:13,959 --> 00:02:15,570 sexual hot dog references 34 00:02:15,613 --> 00:02:18,312 and your son's general unlikability, 35 00:02:18,355 --> 00:02:20,009 I think we should refrain from 36 00:02:20,052 --> 00:02:22,446 swapping even words, let alone junk. 37 00:02:22,490 --> 00:02:24,318 I liked that hot dog joke. 38 00:02:24,361 --> 00:02:26,450 Whoa, they got the exact same wagon 39 00:02:26,494 --> 00:02:28,583 full of the exact same stuff as us. 40 00:02:28,626 --> 00:02:31,803 I know I've aged out of a lot of this stuff, 41 00:02:31,847 --> 00:02:35,416 but secretly I still like the younger-age toys. 42 00:02:35,459 --> 00:02:36,286 Us, too. 43 00:02:36,330 --> 00:02:38,723 Hey, guys, I'm Matt Parker. 44 00:02:38,767 --> 00:02:40,290 That's Janet and Tobin. 45 00:02:40,334 --> 00:02:42,205 We're new to this neighborhood. 46 00:02:42,249 --> 00:02:44,033 And frankly, we're not so sure 47 00:02:44,076 --> 00:02:46,078 if we like this side of town so much. 48 00:02:46,122 --> 00:02:47,645 We're in a temp spot. 49 00:02:47,689 --> 00:02:50,170 But we're looking to buy on the south side. 50 00:02:50,213 --> 00:02:52,607 Wow. We thought we were the only ones 51 00:02:52,650 --> 00:02:55,392 who thought of the north side as a not-so-great pit stop. 52 00:02:55,436 --> 00:02:57,525 Right? 53 00:02:58,917 --> 00:03:03,400 [laughing]: Oh, man, Freddie, you are hilarious. 54 00:03:03,444 --> 00:03:07,143 Stop! My ego is so full. Num, num, num. 55 00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:09,972 I'm drunk on your compliments. [chuckles] 56 00:03:10,015 --> 00:03:11,887 In high school I dated jocks. 57 00:03:11,930 --> 00:03:13,236 Me, too, me, too, me, too. 58 00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:15,543 In high school, I also dated manly men, 59 00:03:15,586 --> 00:03:17,632 but you know what, they bored me. 60 00:03:17,675 --> 00:03:19,503 Freddie has that sweet strangeness. 61 00:03:19,547 --> 00:03:20,852 You know what I'm talking about. 62 00:03:20,896 --> 00:03:22,506 And I love that he kinda, like, 63 00:03:22,550 --> 00:03:25,205 sticks to me, you know what I mean? Emotionally? 64 00:03:25,248 --> 00:03:27,337 He gets me to open up. [snorts] 65 00:03:27,381 --> 00:03:30,775 No other man ever did that for me before. You know? 66 00:03:30,819 --> 00:03:33,038 To emotional men. 67 00:03:33,082 --> 00:03:34,736 Hey, guys, come over next Saturday. 68 00:03:34,779 --> 00:03:37,695 Yes. You guys are so refreshingly real. 69 00:03:37,739 --> 00:03:38,870 We got to hang more. 70 00:03:38,914 --> 00:03:40,307 Uh, absolutely. 71 00:03:40,350 --> 00:03:42,265 Oh, man, we can't wait to get some more quality 72 00:03:42,309 --> 00:03:44,049 get-to-know-you time. 73 00:03:44,093 --> 00:03:45,442 BOTH: Us, too. 74 00:03:45,486 --> 00:03:47,357 You guys are gonna love my new 75 00:03:47,401 --> 00:03:50,142 Nintendo Three Thousand and Sixty Four. 76 00:03:50,186 --> 00:03:52,319 You being north side kids, 77 00:03:52,362 --> 00:03:55,583 I'm sure you haven't had the pleasure. 78 00:03:55,626 --> 00:03:58,412 Wait, no, no. These people on the north side are poor. 79 00:03:58,455 --> 00:04:01,241 -We're not poor. -Sorry, buddy. We are poor. 80 00:04:01,284 --> 00:04:04,113 [groans nervously] 81 00:04:05,419 --> 00:04:08,248 ANNOUNCER: Now let's check back in on 82 00:04:08,291 --> 00:04:10,685 The Step Sibling Flippers. 83 00:04:10,728 --> 00:04:12,469 [straining] 84 00:04:12,513 --> 00:04:14,254 I need you to get right behind me 85 00:04:14,297 --> 00:04:16,691 and push up hard, bro. 86 00:04:16,734 --> 00:04:19,302 -[grunting] -MAN: All right, okay... 87 00:04:19,346 --> 00:04:21,652 ANNOUNCER: Ah, the sibs score. 88 00:04:21,696 --> 00:04:25,352 They found some copper during the demo. 89 00:04:25,395 --> 00:04:28,268 I bet a bunch of copper could buy a bunch of aluminum. 90 00:04:28,311 --> 00:04:31,749 And aluminum will buy a bunch of pennies. 91 00:04:31,793 --> 00:04:35,753 Kids, get ready for our family hang with the Parkers. 92 00:04:35,797 --> 00:04:39,366 Babe, I'm so excited we found the "friend family" holy grail. 93 00:04:39,409 --> 00:04:41,542 They're a perfect match: we like the parents, 94 00:04:41,585 --> 00:04:43,065 and the kids get along. 95 00:04:43,108 --> 00:04:45,110 That is so true. 96 00:04:45,154 --> 00:04:47,417 Time goes by so fast, Freddie. 97 00:04:47,461 --> 00:04:49,376 We used to have so many friends before the kids. 98 00:04:49,419 --> 00:04:50,942 And then slowly, as the kids grew, 99 00:04:50,986 --> 00:04:53,641 we just kinda stopped hanging out with any folks. 100 00:04:53,684 --> 00:04:55,556 And now we don't have any friend families. 101 00:04:55,599 --> 00:04:57,514 I want friend families. 102 00:04:57,558 --> 00:05:00,778 Ooh, Freddie, tell that one story about you mixing up 103 00:05:00,822 --> 00:05:04,521 your nightstand spray-lube with your Mace; it kills. 104 00:05:04,565 --> 00:05:06,567 And you drink as much as possible, 105 00:05:06,610 --> 00:05:09,091 because with all other folks I will never say that, 106 00:05:09,134 --> 00:05:10,353 but these people get us. 107 00:05:10,397 --> 00:05:12,747 I-I can't wait to dig deeper. 108 00:05:12,790 --> 00:05:14,139 [doorbell rings] 109 00:05:14,183 --> 00:05:17,665 Hey, hey, hey, the Harpers! 110 00:05:17,708 --> 00:05:21,016 Come on in. These are the Duncans. Duncans, Harpers. 111 00:05:21,059 --> 00:05:24,933 Make yourselves at home and just start mingling. Yay! 112 00:05:27,196 --> 00:05:30,112 They're friend stackers! Oh! 113 00:05:30,155 --> 00:05:31,940 What a bait-and-switch. 114 00:05:31,983 --> 00:05:35,552 We were doing a one-on-one, fam-on-fam hang! 115 00:05:35,596 --> 00:05:37,380 And no explanation. No apologies. 116 00:05:37,424 --> 00:05:39,643 Oh, no, "Hey, just another family, ha-ha-ha. 117 00:05:39,687 --> 00:05:41,166 Here we are with our animal kids." 118 00:05:41,210 --> 00:05:43,212 I hate gang hangs. 119 00:05:43,255 --> 00:05:45,040 I don't want to get gang-hanged. 120 00:05:45,083 --> 00:05:46,824 But you guys said you need friends. 121 00:05:46,868 --> 00:05:49,261 Why not make lemonade out of lemons with the other people? 122 00:05:49,305 --> 00:05:50,785 Just let it go. 123 00:05:50,828 --> 00:05:53,657 What? No. Not letting it go. It's the principle thing. 124 00:05:53,701 --> 00:05:56,443 Huh, and it's like I wasn't enough for you? 125 00:05:56,486 --> 00:05:59,663 I know. It's like, um, tell me what to expect, right? 126 00:05:59,707 --> 00:06:02,144 I would have worn my "three couple top" if I knew. 127 00:06:02,187 --> 00:06:03,972 And what about the other victims? 128 00:06:04,015 --> 00:06:06,844 I mean, those poor Duncans felt the same way, you could tell. 129 00:06:06,888 --> 00:06:09,107 -Oh, you could tell. -I mean, noth-nothing was wrong with them. 130 00:06:09,151 --> 00:06:10,413 Th-They were just thrown 131 00:06:10,457 --> 00:06:12,502 into the same awkward boat as we were. 132 00:06:12,546 --> 00:06:14,374 And you know we're never going to see 'em again. 133 00:06:14,417 --> 00:06:16,027 I mean, why bother saying anything? 134 00:06:16,071 --> 00:06:18,900 Turn around. I just want to go back and start yelling. 135 00:06:18,943 --> 00:06:20,205 Debbie... 136 00:06:20,249 --> 00:06:22,207 Oh, but, I really like the Parkers. 137 00:06:22,251 --> 00:06:24,427 Aw, I know, I need to calm down. 138 00:06:24,471 --> 00:06:26,429 Fucking friend stackers, man. 139 00:06:26,473 --> 00:06:29,040 Fucking friend stackers. 140 00:06:29,084 --> 00:06:31,739 God, who does that shit?! 141 00:06:31,782 --> 00:06:33,958 I don't know what to do next. 142 00:06:34,002 --> 00:06:36,091 Ah... I got to hand the lead over to you. 143 00:06:36,134 --> 00:06:38,528 Yep, I got to. It's too delicate for me. Take it. 144 00:06:38,572 --> 00:06:40,269 Okay, thank you. Yes. 145 00:06:40,312 --> 00:06:42,227 And I do have a plan, in fact. 146 00:06:42,271 --> 00:06:43,707 Oh, don't you worry, babe. 147 00:06:43,751 --> 00:06:46,231 I'll get those friends to be real friends for us. 148 00:06:46,275 --> 00:06:48,538 I guaran-goddamn-tee it. 149 00:06:48,582 --> 00:06:50,584 [school bell ringing] 150 00:06:52,150 --> 00:06:53,413 [snoring softly] 151 00:06:53,456 --> 00:06:55,763 Todd, it's break time. Get a life. 152 00:06:55,806 --> 00:06:57,721 Get a mirror and fix your stupid face. 153 00:06:57,765 --> 00:06:59,723 If you were half as smart as you think, 154 00:06:59,767 --> 00:07:01,421 I'd think you were insulting me. 155 00:07:01,464 --> 00:07:02,726 I'm not insulting you; 156 00:07:02,770 --> 00:07:05,425 -I'm describing you. -Ollie, Todd, 157 00:07:05,468 --> 00:07:06,600 come up to my desk for something 158 00:07:06,643 --> 00:07:08,297 that's totally not a big deal. 159 00:07:08,340 --> 00:07:13,476 So, I got our list of students who qualify for reduced lunch... 160 00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:15,173 and it's you two. 161 00:07:15,217 --> 00:07:18,133 What? That-that can't be true. No one else in class but us? 162 00:07:18,176 --> 00:07:21,745 -Sweet. We get reduced-price lunch! -Shut up, Ollie! 163 00:07:21,789 --> 00:07:24,966 But, Ms. Gonzalez, I'm sure Shauna or JimJoe 164 00:07:25,009 --> 00:07:27,751 are poorer than us. Or they're lying, you know. 165 00:07:27,795 --> 00:07:29,057 They're cooking the books. 166 00:07:29,100 --> 00:07:30,885 [chuckles nervously] People do that. 167 00:07:30,928 --> 00:07:35,280 Shit, I'm eating brand-name pizza rolls, you bitch. 168 00:07:35,324 --> 00:07:38,066 Chill! Everyone knows we're poor. 169 00:07:38,109 --> 00:07:39,284 Swear to secrecy, Ollie. 170 00:07:39,328 --> 00:07:40,895 I don't want Mom and Dad to know 171 00:07:40,938 --> 00:07:42,462 because Mom will make this worse by trying to fix this, 172 00:07:42,505 --> 00:07:43,550 and Dad will be even more upset than me 173 00:07:43,593 --> 00:07:44,725 by how this makes us look. 174 00:07:44,768 --> 00:07:47,075 Don't worry, I've already forgotten 175 00:07:47,118 --> 00:07:48,468 what we were talking about. 176 00:07:48,511 --> 00:07:51,296 [hyperventilating] 177 00:07:51,340 --> 00:07:53,516 ♪ 178 00:07:54,996 --> 00:07:56,040 [hyperventilating] 179 00:07:56,084 --> 00:07:57,520 ♪ 180 00:08:00,218 --> 00:08:01,698 [screams] 181 00:08:01,742 --> 00:08:04,527 [siren wailing in distance] 182 00:08:16,844 --> 00:08:19,499 [sighs] 183 00:08:21,979 --> 00:08:23,938 TODD: My former house. 184 00:08:23,981 --> 00:08:26,418 My real home, where I truly belong. 185 00:08:26,462 --> 00:08:28,029 I'm a south side rich kid, 186 00:08:28,072 --> 00:08:30,510 not a north side reduced-lunch kid. 187 00:08:30,553 --> 00:08:33,817 Memories rush in. Yes. 188 00:08:33,861 --> 00:08:36,951 Yes. Yes. 189 00:08:36,994 --> 00:08:39,562 -[wrestling ring bell rings] -[all cheering] 190 00:08:39,606 --> 00:08:40,998 [laughter] 191 00:08:41,042 --> 00:08:42,696 [cheering] 192 00:08:42,739 --> 00:08:45,350 Stand up, stand up. Tall, tall, tall, tall, tall, tall, tall. 193 00:08:45,394 --> 00:08:47,091 I'm coming for you, baby! 194 00:08:47,135 --> 00:08:48,397 [all grunting] 195 00:08:48,440 --> 00:08:50,007 -[door unlocks] -[gasps] 196 00:08:50,051 --> 00:08:51,008 Here we go. 197 00:08:51,052 --> 00:08:53,445 [panting] 198 00:08:53,489 --> 00:08:55,099 Voilà! 199 00:08:55,143 --> 00:08:56,231 Okay, okay, okay, okay. 200 00:08:56,274 --> 00:08:57,406 [panting] 201 00:08:57,449 --> 00:08:59,103 Shh, shh. 202 00:08:59,147 --> 00:09:02,977 It's Johnny Frakes, prince of the south side. 203 00:09:03,020 --> 00:09:06,981 Rich, powerful, shameless. My idol. 204 00:09:07,024 --> 00:09:08,983 Yeah, lots of people want this house, 205 00:09:09,026 --> 00:09:10,680 what with the country club right around the corner. 206 00:09:10,724 --> 00:09:12,639 I own that. And the mall. 207 00:09:12,682 --> 00:09:14,075 So, if you want to live here, 208 00:09:14,118 --> 00:09:16,817 I can cut you a deal on the membership. 209 00:09:16,860 --> 00:09:18,035 To the club, not the mall. 210 00:09:18,079 --> 00:09:19,907 [laughs] 211 00:09:19,950 --> 00:09:23,258 Anyway, if you want it, I'd put an offer on it soon 212 00:09:23,301 --> 00:09:25,129 because it is gonna sell fast. 213 00:09:25,173 --> 00:09:29,133 Sorry, JF, that's never gonna happen. 214 00:09:33,529 --> 00:09:35,183 Oh, this house has great shitters. 215 00:09:35,226 --> 00:09:37,925 [eerie howl] 216 00:09:37,968 --> 00:09:41,232 Um, it sounds like someone's using one. 217 00:09:41,276 --> 00:09:43,931 [sobbing] 218 00:09:43,974 --> 00:09:46,107 Who's "cry shitting" in here?! 219 00:09:47,761 --> 00:09:49,632 And now we got children running. Uh... 220 00:09:49,676 --> 00:09:51,808 We don't do crying kid ghosts. 221 00:09:51,852 --> 00:09:53,723 [laughing nervously]: Wait, whoa, wait. 222 00:09:53,767 --> 00:09:55,595 I know this house intimately. 223 00:09:55,638 --> 00:09:58,032 I've never heard haunting noises. 224 00:10:00,338 --> 00:10:03,603 Hmm. Hmm, hmm, hmm. 225 00:10:09,652 --> 00:10:11,828 [inhaling deeply] 226 00:10:22,143 --> 00:10:23,971 Nice. 227 00:10:27,104 --> 00:10:29,498 Yes. Good work, Todd. Aw, thanks. 228 00:10:32,980 --> 00:10:34,590 Hmm? 229 00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:37,419 Whoa, what's with your upside-down frown? 230 00:10:37,462 --> 00:10:38,768 You mean my smile? 231 00:10:38,812 --> 00:10:42,119 -You can do one of those? Sweet. -Listen up, kids. 232 00:10:42,163 --> 00:10:44,948 We're going to hang over at the Parkers' again today. 233 00:10:44,992 --> 00:10:47,647 I don't know, man. I got to catch up on, like, 234 00:10:47,690 --> 00:10:49,997 all the homework I've ever been assigned. 235 00:10:50,040 --> 00:10:53,565 And I got to help her. You know how Ollie is. 236 00:10:53,609 --> 00:10:56,699 Okay, but I want to see the work. 237 00:10:56,743 --> 00:10:58,309 And... send. 238 00:10:58,353 --> 00:11:01,225 Okay, look, my text implies, very subtly, 239 00:11:01,269 --> 00:11:03,488 in an insinuating way, that 240 00:11:03,532 --> 00:11:06,274 this time it should be just a chill one-on-one, 241 00:11:06,317 --> 00:11:08,189 fam-on-fam hang. 242 00:11:09,538 --> 00:11:12,454 -What? What is this? -Oh, trust me. 243 00:11:12,497 --> 00:11:14,717 [kids shouting, laughing] 244 00:11:14,761 --> 00:11:17,067 [indistinct chatter] 245 00:11:18,808 --> 00:11:23,204 Man, it is so great to hang with you two. 246 00:11:23,247 --> 00:11:26,163 And everyone you ever met. Yeah, it's fun. 247 00:11:26,207 --> 00:11:28,731 We just go with the flow, you know. 248 00:11:28,775 --> 00:11:30,864 So what do you do for work? 249 00:11:30,907 --> 00:11:33,040 I don't care, I'm whatever. You? 250 00:11:33,083 --> 00:11:34,432 Oh, same. 251 00:11:34,476 --> 00:11:36,565 [gulping] 252 00:11:38,785 --> 00:11:42,136 That's the area everyone realized I was a genius. 253 00:11:42,179 --> 00:11:44,355 -[all cheering] -Yeah, Todd! 254 00:11:44,399 --> 00:11:46,488 [whoops] You are the man. 255 00:11:46,531 --> 00:11:48,882 That's the fridge that held my 105% 256 00:11:48,925 --> 00:11:50,535 geography assignment. 257 00:11:50,579 --> 00:11:54,365 -And... -That's the stuff you're completely exaggerating. 258 00:11:54,409 --> 00:11:55,932 What are you doing here, Ollie? 259 00:11:55,976 --> 00:11:58,413 I'm here to steal all the copper piping out of this home. 260 00:11:58,456 --> 00:12:02,504 -To sell them? -To press them into pennies, dummy. 261 00:12:02,547 --> 00:12:03,940 [straining] 262 00:12:03,984 --> 00:12:07,161 So why are you here acting like Dr. Manhattan, 263 00:12:07,204 --> 00:12:10,033 exaggerating and fabricating shit that never happened? 264 00:12:10,077 --> 00:12:13,297 Sad about becoming poor, huh? [grunts] 265 00:12:13,341 --> 00:12:16,387 -We had better, richer lives here. -[Ollie grunts] 266 00:12:16,431 --> 00:12:18,041 We had more money than now, 267 00:12:18,085 --> 00:12:21,218 but we weren't richrich, like Professor X. [grunts] 268 00:12:21,262 --> 00:12:24,134 Dude, don't you see? You're holding onto the past. 269 00:12:24,178 --> 00:12:26,615 That's more gross and embarrassing than being poor. 270 00:12:26,658 --> 00:12:28,573 What? No. No, no. That's, that's not... 271 00:12:28,617 --> 00:12:31,751 -JOHNNY: Oh, man... [grunting] -It's Johnny. Ollie, run! 272 00:12:31,794 --> 00:12:33,535 [Johnny grunting] 273 00:12:33,578 --> 00:12:34,579 JOHNNY: No, no. 274 00:12:34,623 --> 00:12:37,060 No, n-no, Mom. 275 00:12:37,104 --> 00:12:39,889 I'll sell-- I'll sell this house. 276 00:12:39,933 --> 00:12:42,326 There's nothing wrong with it. 277 00:12:42,370 --> 00:12:46,243 No, Mom, there's nothing wrong with me either. [groans] 278 00:12:46,287 --> 00:12:48,376 This freakin' guy. 279 00:12:48,419 --> 00:12:49,681 Wait a second, Johnny Frakes? 280 00:12:49,725 --> 00:12:50,987 Are we talking about the same guy? 281 00:12:51,031 --> 00:12:53,773 This guy's who I want to be. He's cool. 282 00:12:53,816 --> 00:12:55,035 He was my age when his mom built 283 00:12:55,078 --> 00:12:56,863 this whole neighborhood and golf course. 284 00:12:56,906 --> 00:12:58,647 You know, Mom dumped him in high school. 285 00:12:58,690 --> 00:13:02,216 What? Mom dated JF? And she passed? 286 00:13:02,259 --> 00:13:05,828 Oh, see? There is stuff I know that you don't. 287 00:13:05,872 --> 00:13:07,917 Got to learn to keep your heart's ears open. 288 00:13:07,961 --> 00:13:10,354 [clicks tongue] Not just your brain's. 289 00:13:10,398 --> 00:13:12,922 [Johnny moaning] 290 00:13:12,966 --> 00:13:15,925 Debbie. Oh, Debbie. 291 00:13:15,969 --> 00:13:18,145 How can I ever get rid of you? 292 00:13:18,188 --> 00:13:20,451 Dude, Johnny is just like you. 293 00:13:20,495 --> 00:13:22,105 Ew, not like this, he's not. 294 00:13:22,149 --> 00:13:24,238 You both are stuck in the past. 295 00:13:24,281 --> 00:13:27,241 I'm your Christmas Carol ghost-guide person, 296 00:13:27,284 --> 00:13:30,244 and Johnny is the ghost of future you! 297 00:13:30,287 --> 00:13:33,247 Mm-hmm. Oh, nice. 298 00:13:33,290 --> 00:13:36,946 I missed my chance with Debbie in high school. 299 00:13:36,990 --> 00:13:38,818 And now she's with Freddie, 300 00:13:38,861 --> 00:13:42,865 and I waste my time with girls, booze, golf, 301 00:13:42,909 --> 00:13:45,868 coke, RealDolls. 302 00:13:45,912 --> 00:13:47,478 But I have this house. 303 00:13:47,522 --> 00:13:51,526 This house is where I belong. 304 00:13:51,569 --> 00:13:53,876 Oh, my God. You're so right. 305 00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:56,618 I-I didn't see it, but I'm stuck in the past, 306 00:13:56,661 --> 00:13:58,141 like disgusting Johnny. 307 00:13:58,185 --> 00:14:02,319 I love our house, and he makes love to our house. 308 00:14:02,363 --> 00:14:04,321 [urinating, whistling] 309 00:14:04,365 --> 00:14:06,933 Oh, s-sorry, buddy, I-I didn't know anyone was in here. 310 00:14:06,976 --> 00:14:09,413 I just got slime on my hands. 311 00:14:09,457 --> 00:14:10,501 It's cool. 312 00:14:10,545 --> 00:14:12,590 Slime? Hoo-hoo. Wash that off. 313 00:14:12,634 --> 00:14:14,114 Hey, thanks. 314 00:14:14,157 --> 00:14:17,247 You know, I have a friend who'd hate this kind of big, 315 00:14:17,291 --> 00:14:20,207 chaotic hang with multiple unexpected guests. 316 00:14:20,250 --> 00:14:22,774 Oh, really? Who's this friend? 317 00:14:22,818 --> 00:14:26,561 Jack Masters and his wife... Jut. 318 00:14:26,604 --> 00:14:29,564 Jack and... Jut Masters? 319 00:14:29,607 --> 00:14:34,656 Yep. They prefer more intimate one-on-one, fam-on-fam hangs. 320 00:14:34,699 --> 00:14:36,876 -You know what I'm saying? -Uh-huh. 321 00:14:36,919 --> 00:14:40,183 Oh, yeah, old Jack, he'd be like, "Hey, aren't we enough?" 322 00:14:40,227 --> 00:14:42,403 [chuckles] You know? Shit. 323 00:14:42,446 --> 00:14:45,014 So, uh, what-what do you think of, uh, Jack's take 324 00:14:45,058 --> 00:14:47,538 on your style of surprising friends with other friends 325 00:14:47,582 --> 00:14:48,539 at your hangs? 326 00:14:48,583 --> 00:14:50,759 I think we should invite 327 00:14:50,802 --> 00:14:52,717 Jack Masters and his family 328 00:14:52,761 --> 00:14:55,024 to join the Harpers and the Parkers 329 00:14:55,068 --> 00:14:56,896 next weekend for dinner. 330 00:14:56,939 --> 00:14:58,985 I love people! 331 00:14:59,028 --> 00:15:01,465 But just the three families, right? 332 00:15:01,509 --> 00:15:03,598 Yep, just us three. 333 00:15:03,641 --> 00:15:04,947 But let's just do the parents 334 00:15:04,991 --> 00:15:06,383 so we can get to know each other better. 335 00:15:06,427 --> 00:15:07,776 Perfect. 336 00:15:07,819 --> 00:15:11,867 I see now, I don't just love this house and money 337 00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:13,303 and being superior. 338 00:15:13,347 --> 00:15:16,437 Yeah. Think there's any copper up here? 339 00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:20,049 It's just that, in my former life, I had worked so hard 340 00:15:20,093 --> 00:15:22,225 to establish myself at that school. 341 00:15:22,269 --> 00:15:24,010 I... I mean, I guess I kinda always knew 342 00:15:24,053 --> 00:15:25,402 that people didn't like me, 343 00:15:25,446 --> 00:15:27,317 but at least I had earned a place, 344 00:15:27,361 --> 00:15:29,754 you know, a role, some respect. 345 00:15:29,798 --> 00:15:32,018 And now I'm back to square one 346 00:15:32,061 --> 00:15:34,194 in this new neighborhood, and... 347 00:15:34,237 --> 00:15:36,631 and I'm just scared to start all over. 348 00:15:36,674 --> 00:15:41,505 Dude, that is a new level of emotional depth, my man. 349 00:15:41,549 --> 00:15:42,985 Tin Man gets a heart. 350 00:15:43,029 --> 00:15:46,728 All right. Crouching hugs, hidden feelings. 351 00:15:46,771 --> 00:15:48,164 [Todd crying] 352 00:15:48,208 --> 00:15:51,080 So, do we just wait until this pervert is done 353 00:15:51,124 --> 00:15:53,778 with the memory of our mom so we can leave, or what? 354 00:15:53,822 --> 00:15:55,345 Ollie, I'm in crisis. 355 00:15:55,389 --> 00:15:57,739 You know, in order to let go of the past, 356 00:15:57,782 --> 00:15:59,175 I must let go of this house. 357 00:15:59,219 --> 00:16:02,135 To get that, it's got to sell. 358 00:16:04,702 --> 00:16:06,791 Aah! The shitting ghosts! 359 00:16:06,835 --> 00:16:08,184 Dude, Johnny, you know us. 360 00:16:08,228 --> 00:16:09,881 We're going to help you sell this house 361 00:16:09,925 --> 00:16:11,796 so both of us can let go. 362 00:16:11,840 --> 00:16:13,755 No! Shut up, ghost! 363 00:16:13,798 --> 00:16:15,757 I'm not ready to let go. 364 00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:18,978 La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la... 365 00:16:19,021 --> 00:16:21,458 [tires screech] 366 00:16:21,502 --> 00:16:22,894 [cries out] 367 00:16:22,938 --> 00:16:25,985 Oh, the dust. Damn. 368 00:16:30,772 --> 00:16:34,036 I think I should just talk straight, hard, mean. 369 00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:35,646 Friend stackers. 370 00:16:35,690 --> 00:16:38,432 No, no, no, listen, babe. The early stage of a friendship 371 00:16:38,475 --> 00:16:40,303 is a subtle art; it's like a courtship. 372 00:16:40,347 --> 00:16:42,740 But even more complex 'cause you can't 373 00:16:42,784 --> 00:16:44,351 prove anything with dick or puss. 374 00:16:44,394 --> 00:16:47,876 Ugh, okay, you're right, you're right. 375 00:16:52,359 --> 00:16:54,491 Ollie, don't forget to do the Mom impression. 376 00:16:54,535 --> 00:16:55,797 What do I say? 377 00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:58,060 [deep voice]: Johnny, I need to talk to you. 378 00:16:58,104 --> 00:17:03,065 Oh, my God, Debbie? I mean, uh, cool. Why? What for? 379 00:17:03,109 --> 00:17:05,328 Meet me at my old house right now, 380 00:17:05,372 --> 00:17:08,984 and we can totally say "what for" then and there. 381 00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:12,727 -Um, okay, but no, not there. -[whispers]: Is this good? 382 00:17:12,770 --> 00:17:14,076 I don't know if you remember, 383 00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:16,774 but that house has two kid ghosts in it. 384 00:17:16,818 --> 00:17:18,559 Meet me now or never! 385 00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:25,044 Aah! The ghosts are solidified! 386 00:17:25,087 --> 00:17:28,699 And clean and... Todd and Ollie. 387 00:17:28,743 --> 00:17:30,049 Get out of here. 388 00:17:30,092 --> 00:17:32,094 I'm meeting your mom about adult stuff. 389 00:17:32,138 --> 00:17:33,704 You've got to let go of my mom. 390 00:17:33,748 --> 00:17:35,706 Yeah. Mom is different now. 391 00:17:35,750 --> 00:17:37,056 Everything is different now. 392 00:17:37,099 --> 00:17:38,666 Especially after we saw you try 393 00:17:38,709 --> 00:17:40,537 to hump her memory on the floor. 394 00:17:40,581 --> 00:17:41,973 [sighs] 395 00:17:42,017 --> 00:17:44,367 Oh, man, I'm found out. 396 00:17:44,411 --> 00:17:46,369 I haven't sold this house on purpose 397 00:17:46,413 --> 00:17:50,199 because I'm holding onto it as a vestige of Debbie. 398 00:17:50,243 --> 00:17:51,200 [crying] 399 00:17:51,244 --> 00:17:53,202 You kids are so smart. 400 00:17:53,246 --> 00:17:54,899 Todd says you got to sell this house 401 00:17:54,943 --> 00:17:56,553 for both of you to get closure. 402 00:17:56,597 --> 00:17:59,991 Well, okay, that makes a lot of sense. 403 00:18:00,035 --> 00:18:02,124 You guys, I got the perfect buyer. 404 00:18:02,168 --> 00:18:04,126 It's a new family; they were ready to buy, 405 00:18:04,170 --> 00:18:06,737 but I rubbed them the wrong way. 406 00:18:06,781 --> 00:18:09,088 Oh, we can get them back to the table. 407 00:18:09,131 --> 00:18:11,438 Oh, they saw me do cocaine, 408 00:18:11,481 --> 00:18:13,527 and when I offered them some, they got mad. 409 00:18:13,570 --> 00:18:15,442 So I told them it was just crushed up aspirin, 410 00:18:15,485 --> 00:18:18,009 but they knew I was lying. I don't know, I was high. 411 00:18:18,053 --> 00:18:19,881 But they'd still be interested, right? 412 00:18:19,924 --> 00:18:21,535 -Huh? -Uh... 413 00:18:21,578 --> 00:18:26,453 So, where are Jack Masters and his wife Jut? 414 00:18:26,496 --> 00:18:27,280 Jut? 415 00:18:27,323 --> 00:18:29,020 -Yes, Jut. -[grunts] 416 00:18:29,064 --> 00:18:32,328 Well, uh, look, uh, don't worry about those dudes. [laughs] 417 00:18:32,372 --> 00:18:35,418 Let's, uh, talk about how you guys met. Was it fun? 418 00:18:35,462 --> 00:18:37,942 But I thought this was going to be a triple date. 419 00:18:37,986 --> 00:18:40,771 Look, Jack Masters got... typhoid or something, all right? 420 00:18:40,815 --> 00:18:44,210 No biggie. I-I-I mean, I barely knew him and his gross family. 421 00:18:44,253 --> 00:18:46,908 [chuckles] Let's get some drinks going. Waiter! 422 00:18:46,951 --> 00:18:48,562 You got a friend with typhoid? 423 00:18:48,605 --> 00:18:51,782 Oh, yeah. Oh, but Jack's cool, though. He-He'll be fine. 424 00:18:51,826 --> 00:18:53,915 I know somebody at the CDC. 425 00:18:53,958 --> 00:18:55,264 I'll make a call right now, 426 00:18:55,308 --> 00:18:58,267 because heaven forbid typhoid spreads! 427 00:18:58,311 --> 00:19:01,140 -No, no, no, no. Wait, wait, wait. -Hey, CDC? 428 00:19:01,183 --> 00:19:02,619 Matt, Matt, no, I-I'm joking. 429 00:19:02,663 --> 00:19:04,969 Actually, uh, look, I-I didn't want to say this, 430 00:19:05,013 --> 00:19:07,624 but it turns out Jut divorced Jack for, 431 00:19:07,668 --> 00:19:11,498 you know, once upon a time, uh, ha-having typhoid. 432 00:19:11,541 --> 00:19:15,066 So they're doing that right now instead of this, uh... 433 00:19:15,110 --> 00:19:16,633 See, she can't get typhoid 434 00:19:16,677 --> 00:19:21,072 because she has typhus,and... 435 00:19:21,116 --> 00:19:24,163 Okay, okay, I've had enough. 436 00:19:24,206 --> 00:19:28,384 You guys are great, but you have been "friend stacking" us. 437 00:19:28,428 --> 00:19:30,038 What? 438 00:19:30,081 --> 00:19:33,259 You make it seem like you want to get together with just us, 439 00:19:33,302 --> 00:19:35,391 but then you turn it into a friend stack. 440 00:19:35,435 --> 00:19:37,698 You friend stack, and you should know 441 00:19:37,741 --> 00:19:39,700 that no one likes it. 442 00:19:39,743 --> 00:19:40,875 [weak laugh] 443 00:19:40,918 --> 00:19:44,183 But what about Jack Masters? 444 00:19:44,226 --> 00:19:46,837 That was just Freddie's dumb lie. 445 00:19:46,881 --> 00:19:50,493 Wow. A lie? Hey, look, listen. 446 00:19:50,537 --> 00:19:52,495 We will deal with anything. Anything. 447 00:19:52,539 --> 00:19:55,281 Drinks. Drugs. Bad parenting skills. 448 00:19:55,324 --> 00:19:58,849 But we will not be friends with liars. 449 00:19:58,893 --> 00:20:02,201 We never deal with liars! 450 00:20:02,244 --> 00:20:04,986 [sighs] Y'all disappoint us. Let's go, Janet. 451 00:20:05,029 --> 00:20:07,510 We were just trying to help you guys out, Debbie. 452 00:20:07,554 --> 00:20:09,295 It seems like you don't have any friends. 453 00:20:09,338 --> 00:20:12,211 You were going to be those friends. 454 00:20:12,254 --> 00:20:13,690 Not anymore. 455 00:20:13,734 --> 00:20:18,173 Waiter, bring us another round. Their drinks, too. 456 00:20:21,394 --> 00:20:23,570 We got to warm these buyers up. 457 00:20:23,613 --> 00:20:25,528 Let's do the cute letter thing, where the kids who grew up 458 00:20:25,572 --> 00:20:27,182 in a house write a sweet note about how much 459 00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:28,575 they loved the house and shit. 460 00:20:28,618 --> 00:20:31,360 Oh, great idea. Write this down. 461 00:20:33,144 --> 00:20:34,581 My name is Todd Harper. 462 00:20:34,624 --> 00:20:37,148 My twin sister Ollie and I grew up in this home. 463 00:20:37,192 --> 00:20:39,629 A home built on laughter and love. 464 00:20:39,673 --> 00:20:42,806 So when you buy this house and you build your lives here, 465 00:20:42,850 --> 00:20:46,201 you will be continuing our tradition of love and family. 466 00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:51,075 I have a new home now, and I'm going to try to embrace it. 467 00:20:51,119 --> 00:20:52,990 [Johnny and Todd crying] 468 00:20:53,034 --> 00:20:54,383 TODD: Yeah. 469 00:20:54,427 --> 00:20:57,386 Hey, thanks for helping me get over the past. 470 00:20:57,430 --> 00:21:00,955 And if you ever see any kind of inkling of a chance 471 00:21:00,998 --> 00:21:02,391 in your mom for me, let me know, 472 00:21:02,435 --> 00:21:04,567 and you'll be the richest little stepkids in town. 473 00:21:04,611 --> 00:21:06,352 I'm gonna go take this to the buyers. 474 00:21:06,395 --> 00:21:09,268 -I hope this works! -[tires screeching] 475 00:21:09,311 --> 00:21:11,226 [sniffles] 476 00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:15,143 Aw. Want to go in for one last goodbye? 477 00:21:17,537 --> 00:21:18,929 [sighs] 478 00:21:18,973 --> 00:21:20,322 Hey, the old house. 479 00:21:20,366 --> 00:21:23,282 Oh, my God, is that Todd and Ollie? 480 00:21:23,325 --> 00:21:25,022 [scoffs] Park on the street. Come on, Freddie, 481 00:21:25,066 --> 00:21:27,198 let's see what those sneaky shits are up to. 482 00:21:27,242 --> 00:21:29,375 [crying]: Yeah... 483 00:21:32,378 --> 00:21:34,989 Oh, man, look at them. 484 00:21:35,032 --> 00:21:38,862 Ollie will be fine, but Todd... 485 00:21:38,906 --> 00:21:40,734 I failed him. 486 00:21:40,777 --> 00:21:43,954 I should've done more to preserve his world. 487 00:21:43,998 --> 00:21:47,741 He's so sensitive, my Toddie. 488 00:21:48,698 --> 00:21:50,439 Let's go in. 489 00:21:51,266 --> 00:21:53,137 Mom, Dad. 490 00:21:53,181 --> 00:21:55,226 So weird to see you here. 491 00:21:55,270 --> 00:21:58,317 Look, we-we-we know we had a lot of great times in this house, 492 00:21:58,360 --> 00:22:00,362 but you got to let it go. 493 00:22:00,406 --> 00:22:02,059 BOTH: Yeah, we know. 494 00:22:02,103 --> 00:22:05,367 And I think we may have just helped Johnny sell this house. 495 00:22:05,411 --> 00:22:07,804 Aw, that's great, guys. 496 00:22:07,848 --> 00:22:10,372 And, Toddie, 497 00:22:10,416 --> 00:22:13,984 I know our new house isn't exactly right... 498 00:22:14,028 --> 00:22:16,813 [laughs] ...but it's pretty okay. 499 00:22:16,857 --> 00:22:19,425 You got to let go of your past, let go of your expectations 500 00:22:19,468 --> 00:22:20,817 and just go with the flow. 501 00:22:20,861 --> 00:22:24,125 You got to... got to be okay with spontaneity. 502 00:22:24,168 --> 00:22:27,258 No, Mom, really, I just learned that exact lesson. 503 00:22:27,302 --> 00:22:30,174 Yeah. In fact, it's the lesson you should have learned 504 00:22:30,218 --> 00:22:31,698 with your friends the Parkers. 505 00:22:31,741 --> 00:22:34,570 Fuck that. Friend stacking sucks. 506 00:22:34,614 --> 00:22:36,442 You truly can never go home again. 507 00:22:36,485 --> 00:22:39,183 But truly, can we go home? 508 00:22:39,227 --> 00:22:40,750 I'm sick of this place. 509 00:22:44,537 --> 00:22:48,845 You know, it's still hard saying goodbye to this place. 510 00:22:48,889 --> 00:22:52,414 Oh, really? Well, does this help? 511 00:22:52,458 --> 00:22:54,155 Your dad and I had sex right there. 512 00:22:54,198 --> 00:22:56,113 Ew, gross, don't ruin it for me. 513 00:22:56,157 --> 00:22:57,680 That's the point. 514 00:22:57,724 --> 00:22:59,943 Oh, we did it right there, too, when you were at camp. 515 00:22:59,987 --> 00:23:01,292 La, la, la, la, la... 516 00:23:01,336 --> 00:23:04,339 We did it in all the rooms, yeah! 517 00:23:04,383 --> 00:23:06,907 -Mom, stop it! -Ruined yet?! 518 00:23:10,737 --> 00:23:11,912 [gasps] 519 00:23:11,955 --> 00:23:15,872 Hey! That was a sweet note written by kids. 520 00:23:15,916 --> 00:23:17,874 Was it the cocaine? 521 00:23:17,918 --> 00:23:20,442 Cocaine? No. 522 00:23:20,486 --> 00:23:22,575 We didn't care about your cocaine. 523 00:23:22,618 --> 00:23:26,405 It was that you lied about it and said it was aspirin. 524 00:23:26,448 --> 00:23:28,537 We hate liars. 525 00:23:28,581 --> 00:23:31,714 You know, we almost went against our no-liar policy 526 00:23:31,758 --> 00:23:33,455 to buy that house from you, liar. 527 00:23:33,499 --> 00:23:36,502 Luckily, we got lied to by a lying couple today, 528 00:23:36,545 --> 00:23:39,026 so we are back to our hard-line, no-liar stance. 529 00:23:41,463 --> 00:23:45,119 So the house doesn't sell. 530 00:23:45,162 --> 00:23:47,251 Debbie, I'm coming for you. 531 00:23:47,295 --> 00:23:48,818 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 532 00:23:48,868 --> 00:23:53,418 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 39349

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