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♪
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♪
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TODD:
I am not made for this world...
4
00:00:58,101 --> 00:01:00,538
...this poor side of town.
5
00:01:00,582 --> 00:01:02,192
I'm a rich kid.
6
00:01:02,236 --> 00:01:04,716
My place was once
in a much better home.
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00:01:04,760 --> 00:01:06,849
Yeah, it was pretty sick.
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00:01:06,892 --> 00:01:09,373
And at my rich old private
school on the south side--
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did I mention it was private?--
yeah, kids loved me.
10
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They knew I was the smartest
kid on Earth,
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so they were too intimidated
to be my best friend.
12
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That was before it was
all taken from me.
13
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My mom lost her job and put
our house on the market,
14
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where it stays unsold.
15
00:01:26,260 --> 00:01:30,351
And so I am a young god
in exile. You get it.
16
00:01:31,526 --> 00:01:34,616
Remember, we're not here
to make friends.
17
00:01:34,659 --> 00:01:37,009
Try and trade up, guys.
18
00:01:37,053 --> 00:01:39,621
Here we go. Saps, two o'clock.
19
00:01:39,664 --> 00:01:42,537
Look cool, look cool.
Here we go, all right.
20
00:01:42,580 --> 00:01:45,801
[clears throat]
Hey, nice detritus.
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[chuckles] Place is covered
in 2002 Walmart. Right?
22
00:01:49,239 --> 00:01:51,198
But yours is Target grade.
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That means a lot.
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00:01:52,721 --> 00:01:55,680
So, we're in the market
for a hot dog steamer.
25
00:01:55,724 --> 00:01:58,161
Yeah, you're looking at one.
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00:01:58,205 --> 00:02:01,338
But won't the toys be sad
if you give them away?
27
00:02:01,382 --> 00:02:03,949
Won't your ass be jealous
of all that shit
28
00:02:03,993 --> 00:02:05,125
coming out of
your little mouth?
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00:02:05,168 --> 00:02:07,431
Oh, you're making
me feel stupid.
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00:02:07,475 --> 00:02:10,086
-You're making it easy.
-Todd, appearances.
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[chuckles nervously]
So sorry.
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00:02:11,653 --> 00:02:13,916
Sir, what with your wife's
unclear
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00:02:13,959 --> 00:02:15,570
sexual hot dog references
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and your son's
general unlikability,
35
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I think
we should refrain from
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00:02:20,052 --> 00:02:22,446
swapping even words,
let alone junk.
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I liked that hot dog joke.
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Whoa, they got
the exact same wagon
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full of the exact same
stuff as us.
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00:02:28,626 --> 00:02:31,803
I know I've aged out
of a lot of this stuff,
41
00:02:31,847 --> 00:02:35,416
but secretly I still like
the younger-age toys.
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00:02:35,459 --> 00:02:36,286
Us, too.
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00:02:36,330 --> 00:02:38,723
Hey, guys, I'm Matt Parker.
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That's Janet and Tobin.
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We're new to this neighborhood.
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00:02:42,249 --> 00:02:44,033
And frankly, we're not so sure
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00:02:44,076 --> 00:02:46,078
if we like this side
of town so much.
48
00:02:46,122 --> 00:02:47,645
We're in a temp spot.
49
00:02:47,689 --> 00:02:50,170
But we're looking to buy
on the south side.
50
00:02:50,213 --> 00:02:52,607
Wow. We thought we were
the only ones
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00:02:52,650 --> 00:02:55,392
who thought of the north
side as a not-so-great pit stop.
52
00:02:55,436 --> 00:02:57,525
Right?
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00:02:58,917 --> 00:03:03,400
[laughing]:
Oh, man, Freddie, you are hilarious.
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00:03:03,444 --> 00:03:07,143
Stop! My ego is so full.
Num, num, num.
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00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:09,972
I'm drunk on your compliments.
[chuckles]
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00:03:10,015 --> 00:03:11,887
In high school I dated jocks.
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00:03:11,930 --> 00:03:13,236
Me, too, me, too, me, too.
58
00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:15,543
In high school,
I also dated manly men,
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00:03:15,586 --> 00:03:17,632
but you know what,
they bored me.
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00:03:17,675 --> 00:03:19,503
Freddie has that sweet
strangeness.
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00:03:19,547 --> 00:03:20,852
You know what I'm talking about.
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00:03:20,896 --> 00:03:22,506
And I love that he kinda, like,
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00:03:22,550 --> 00:03:25,205
sticks to me, you know what
I mean? Emotionally?
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00:03:25,248 --> 00:03:27,337
He gets me to open up.
[snorts]
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00:03:27,381 --> 00:03:30,775
No other man ever did that
for me before. You know?
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00:03:30,819 --> 00:03:33,038
To emotional men.
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00:03:33,082 --> 00:03:34,736
Hey, guys, come over
next Saturday.
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00:03:34,779 --> 00:03:37,695
Yes. You guys are
so refreshingly real.
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00:03:37,739 --> 00:03:38,870
We got to hang more.
70
00:03:38,914 --> 00:03:40,307
Uh, absolutely.
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00:03:40,350 --> 00:03:42,265
Oh, man, we can't wait to get
some more quality
72
00:03:42,309 --> 00:03:44,049
get-to-know-you time.
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00:03:44,093 --> 00:03:45,442
BOTH:
Us, too.
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00:03:45,486 --> 00:03:47,357
You guys are gonna love my new
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Nintendo Three Thousand
and Sixty Four.
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00:03:50,186 --> 00:03:52,319
You being north side kids,
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I'm sure you haven't had
the pleasure.
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00:03:55,626 --> 00:03:58,412
Wait, no, no. These people
on the north side are poor.
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00:03:58,455 --> 00:04:01,241
-We're not poor.
-Sorry, buddy. We are poor.
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00:04:01,284 --> 00:04:04,113
[groans nervously]
81
00:04:05,419 --> 00:04:08,248
ANNOUNCER:
Now let's check back in on
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00:04:08,291 --> 00:04:10,685
The Step Sibling Flippers.
83
00:04:10,728 --> 00:04:12,469
[straining]
84
00:04:12,513 --> 00:04:14,254
I need you to get
right behind me
85
00:04:14,297 --> 00:04:16,691
and push up hard, bro.
86
00:04:16,734 --> 00:04:19,302
-[grunting]
-MAN: All right, okay...
87
00:04:19,346 --> 00:04:21,652
ANNOUNCER:
Ah, the sibs score.
88
00:04:21,696 --> 00:04:25,352
They found some copper
during the demo.
89
00:04:25,395 --> 00:04:28,268
I bet a bunch of copper could
buy a bunch of aluminum.
90
00:04:28,311 --> 00:04:31,749
And aluminum will buy
a bunch of pennies.
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00:04:31,793 --> 00:04:35,753
Kids, get ready for our family
hang with the Parkers.
92
00:04:35,797 --> 00:04:39,366
Babe, I'm so excited we found
the "friend family" holy grail.
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00:04:39,409 --> 00:04:41,542
They're a perfect match:
we like the parents,
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00:04:41,585 --> 00:04:43,065
and the kids get along.
95
00:04:43,108 --> 00:04:45,110
That is so true.
96
00:04:45,154 --> 00:04:47,417
Time goes by
so fast, Freddie.
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00:04:47,461 --> 00:04:49,376
We used to have so many friends
before the kids.
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00:04:49,419 --> 00:04:50,942
And then slowly,
as the kids grew,
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00:04:50,986 --> 00:04:53,641
we just kinda stopped
hanging out with any folks.
100
00:04:53,684 --> 00:04:55,556
And now we don't have
any friend families.
101
00:04:55,599 --> 00:04:57,514
I want friend families.
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00:04:57,558 --> 00:05:00,778
Ooh, Freddie, tell that one
story about you mixing up
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00:05:00,822 --> 00:05:04,521
your nightstand spray-lube
with your Mace; it kills.
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00:05:04,565 --> 00:05:06,567
And you drink as much
as possible,
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00:05:06,610 --> 00:05:09,091
because with all other folks
I will never say that,
106
00:05:09,134 --> 00:05:10,353
but these people get us.
107
00:05:10,397 --> 00:05:12,747
I-I can't wait to dig deeper.
108
00:05:12,790 --> 00:05:14,139
[doorbell rings]
109
00:05:14,183 --> 00:05:17,665
Hey, hey, hey, the Harpers!
110
00:05:17,708 --> 00:05:21,016
Come on in. These are the
Duncans. Duncans, Harpers.
111
00:05:21,059 --> 00:05:24,933
Make yourselves at home
and just start mingling. Yay!
112
00:05:27,196 --> 00:05:30,112
They're friend stackers!
Oh!
113
00:05:30,155 --> 00:05:31,940
What a bait-and-switch.
114
00:05:31,983 --> 00:05:35,552
We were doing
a one-on-one, fam-on-fam hang!
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00:05:35,596 --> 00:05:37,380
And no explanation.
No apologies.
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00:05:37,424 --> 00:05:39,643
Oh, no, "Hey, just
another family, ha-ha-ha.
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00:05:39,687 --> 00:05:41,166
Here we are
with our animal kids."
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00:05:41,210 --> 00:05:43,212
I hate gang hangs.
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00:05:43,255 --> 00:05:45,040
I don't want to get gang-hanged.
120
00:05:45,083 --> 00:05:46,824
But you guys said
you need friends.
121
00:05:46,868 --> 00:05:49,261
Why not make lemonade out of
lemons with the other people?
122
00:05:49,305 --> 00:05:50,785
Just let it go.
123
00:05:50,828 --> 00:05:53,657
What? No. Not letting it go.
It's the principle thing.
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00:05:53,701 --> 00:05:56,443
Huh, and it's like
I wasn't enough for you?
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00:05:56,486 --> 00:05:59,663
I know. It's like, um, tell me
what to expect, right?
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00:05:59,707 --> 00:06:02,144
I would have worn
my "three couple top" if I knew.
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00:06:02,187 --> 00:06:03,972
And what about
the other victims?
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00:06:04,015 --> 00:06:06,844
I mean, those poor Duncans felt
the same way, you could tell.
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00:06:06,888 --> 00:06:09,107
-Oh, you could tell.
-I mean, noth-nothing was wrong with them.
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00:06:09,151 --> 00:06:10,413
Th-They were just thrown
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00:06:10,457 --> 00:06:12,502
into the same awkward boat
as we were.
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00:06:12,546 --> 00:06:14,374
And you know we're
never going to see 'em again.
133
00:06:14,417 --> 00:06:16,027
I mean, why bother saying
anything?
134
00:06:16,071 --> 00:06:18,900
Turn around. I just want
to go back and start yelling.
135
00:06:18,943 --> 00:06:20,205
Debbie...
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00:06:20,249 --> 00:06:22,207
Oh, but, I really like
the Parkers.
137
00:06:22,251 --> 00:06:24,427
Aw, I know,
I need to calm down.
138
00:06:24,471 --> 00:06:26,429
Fucking friend stackers, man.
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00:06:26,473 --> 00:06:29,040
Fucking friend stackers.
140
00:06:29,084 --> 00:06:31,739
God, who does that shit?!
141
00:06:31,782 --> 00:06:33,958
I don't know what to do next.
142
00:06:34,002 --> 00:06:36,091
Ah... I got to hand
the lead over to you.
143
00:06:36,134 --> 00:06:38,528
Yep, I got to. It's too
delicate for me. Take it.
144
00:06:38,572 --> 00:06:40,269
Okay, thank you. Yes.
145
00:06:40,312 --> 00:06:42,227
And I do have a plan, in fact.
146
00:06:42,271 --> 00:06:43,707
Oh, don't you worry, babe.
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00:06:43,751 --> 00:06:46,231
I'll get those friends to be
real friends for us.
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00:06:46,275 --> 00:06:48,538
I guaran-goddamn-tee it.
149
00:06:48,582 --> 00:06:50,584
[school bell ringing]
150
00:06:52,150 --> 00:06:53,413
[snoring softly]
151
00:06:53,456 --> 00:06:55,763
Todd, it's break time.
Get a life.
152
00:06:55,806 --> 00:06:57,721
Get a mirror and fix
your stupid face.
153
00:06:57,765 --> 00:06:59,723
If you were half as smart
as you think,
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00:06:59,767 --> 00:07:01,421
I'd think you were
insulting me.
155
00:07:01,464 --> 00:07:02,726
I'm not insulting you;
156
00:07:02,770 --> 00:07:05,425
-I'm describing you.
-Ollie, Todd,
157
00:07:05,468 --> 00:07:06,600
come up to my desk
for something
158
00:07:06,643 --> 00:07:08,297
that's totally
not a big deal.
159
00:07:08,340 --> 00:07:13,476
So, I got our list of students
who qualify for reduced lunch...
160
00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:15,173
and it's you two.
161
00:07:15,217 --> 00:07:18,133
What? That-that can't be true.
No one else in class but us?
162
00:07:18,176 --> 00:07:21,745
-Sweet. We get
reduced-price lunch! -Shut up, Ollie!
163
00:07:21,789 --> 00:07:24,966
But, Ms. Gonzalez, I'm sure
Shauna or JimJoe
164
00:07:25,009 --> 00:07:27,751
are poorer than us.
Or they're lying, you know.
165
00:07:27,795 --> 00:07:29,057
They're cooking the books.
166
00:07:29,100 --> 00:07:30,885
[chuckles nervously]
People do that.
167
00:07:30,928 --> 00:07:35,280
Shit, I'm eating brand-name
pizza rolls, you bitch.
168
00:07:35,324 --> 00:07:38,066
Chill!
Everyone knows we're poor.
169
00:07:38,109 --> 00:07:39,284
Swear to secrecy, Ollie.
170
00:07:39,328 --> 00:07:40,895
I don't want Mom and Dad to know
171
00:07:40,938 --> 00:07:42,462
because Mom will make this
worse by trying to fix this,
172
00:07:42,505 --> 00:07:43,550
and Dad will be even
more upset than me
173
00:07:43,593 --> 00:07:44,725
by how this makes us look.
174
00:07:44,768 --> 00:07:47,075
Don't worry, I've already
forgotten
175
00:07:47,118 --> 00:07:48,468
what we were talking about.
176
00:07:48,511 --> 00:07:51,296
[hyperventilating]
177
00:07:51,340 --> 00:07:53,516
♪
178
00:07:54,996 --> 00:07:56,040
[hyperventilating]
179
00:07:56,084 --> 00:07:57,520
♪
180
00:08:00,218 --> 00:08:01,698
[screams]
181
00:08:01,742 --> 00:08:04,527
[siren wailing in distance]
182
00:08:16,844 --> 00:08:19,499
[sighs]
183
00:08:21,979 --> 00:08:23,938
TODD:
My former house.
184
00:08:23,981 --> 00:08:26,418
My real home,
where I truly belong.
185
00:08:26,462 --> 00:08:28,029
I'm a south side rich kid,
186
00:08:28,072 --> 00:08:30,510
not a north side
reduced-lunch kid.
187
00:08:30,553 --> 00:08:33,817
Memories rush in. Yes.
188
00:08:33,861 --> 00:08:36,951
Yes. Yes.
189
00:08:36,994 --> 00:08:39,562
-[wrestling ring bell rings]
-[all cheering]
190
00:08:39,606 --> 00:08:40,998
[laughter]
191
00:08:41,042 --> 00:08:42,696
[cheering]
192
00:08:42,739 --> 00:08:45,350
Stand up, stand up. Tall, tall,
tall, tall, tall, tall, tall.
193
00:08:45,394 --> 00:08:47,091
I'm coming for you, baby!
194
00:08:47,135 --> 00:08:48,397
[all grunting]
195
00:08:48,440 --> 00:08:50,007
-[door unlocks]
-[gasps]
196
00:08:50,051 --> 00:08:51,008
Here we go.
197
00:08:51,052 --> 00:08:53,445
[panting]
198
00:08:53,489 --> 00:08:55,099
Voilà!
199
00:08:55,143 --> 00:08:56,231
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
200
00:08:56,274 --> 00:08:57,406
[panting]
201
00:08:57,449 --> 00:08:59,103
Shh, shh.
202
00:08:59,147 --> 00:09:02,977
It's Johnny Frakes,
prince of the south side.
203
00:09:03,020 --> 00:09:06,981
Rich, powerful, shameless.
My idol.
204
00:09:07,024 --> 00:09:08,983
Yeah, lots of people want
this house,
205
00:09:09,026 --> 00:09:10,680
what with the country club
right around the corner.
206
00:09:10,724 --> 00:09:12,639
I own that. And the mall.
207
00:09:12,682 --> 00:09:14,075
So, if you want to live here,
208
00:09:14,118 --> 00:09:16,817
I can cut you a deal
on the membership.
209
00:09:16,860 --> 00:09:18,035
To the club, not the mall.
210
00:09:18,079 --> 00:09:19,907
[laughs]
211
00:09:19,950 --> 00:09:23,258
Anyway, if you want it,
I'd put an offer on it soon
212
00:09:23,301 --> 00:09:25,129
because it is gonna sell fast.
213
00:09:25,173 --> 00:09:29,133
Sorry, JF, that's never
gonna happen.
214
00:09:33,529 --> 00:09:35,183
Oh, this house has
great shitters.
215
00:09:35,226 --> 00:09:37,925
[eerie howl]
216
00:09:37,968 --> 00:09:41,232
Um, it sounds like someone's
using one.
217
00:09:41,276 --> 00:09:43,931
[sobbing]
218
00:09:43,974 --> 00:09:46,107
Who's "cry shitting" in here?!
219
00:09:47,761 --> 00:09:49,632
And now we got children running.
Uh...
220
00:09:49,676 --> 00:09:51,808
We don't do crying kid ghosts.
221
00:09:51,852 --> 00:09:53,723
[laughing nervously]:
Wait, whoa, wait.
222
00:09:53,767 --> 00:09:55,595
I know this house intimately.
223
00:09:55,638 --> 00:09:58,032
I've never heard
haunting noises.
224
00:10:00,338 --> 00:10:03,603
Hmm. Hmm, hmm, hmm.
225
00:10:09,652 --> 00:10:11,828
[inhaling deeply]
226
00:10:22,143 --> 00:10:23,971
Nice.
227
00:10:27,104 --> 00:10:29,498
Yes. Good work, Todd.
Aw, thanks.
228
00:10:32,980 --> 00:10:34,590
Hmm?
229
00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:37,419
Whoa, what's with your
upside-down frown?
230
00:10:37,462 --> 00:10:38,768
You mean my smile?
231
00:10:38,812 --> 00:10:42,119
-You can do one of those? Sweet.
-Listen up, kids.
232
00:10:42,163 --> 00:10:44,948
We're going to hang over
at the Parkers' again today.
233
00:10:44,992 --> 00:10:47,647
I don't know, man.
I got to catch up on, like,
234
00:10:47,690 --> 00:10:49,997
all the homework
I've ever been assigned.
235
00:10:50,040 --> 00:10:53,565
And I got to help her.
You know how Ollie is.
236
00:10:53,609 --> 00:10:56,699
Okay, but I want
to see the work.
237
00:10:56,743 --> 00:10:58,309
And... send.
238
00:10:58,353 --> 00:11:01,225
Okay, look, my text implies,
very subtly,
239
00:11:01,269 --> 00:11:03,488
in an insinuating way, that
240
00:11:03,532 --> 00:11:06,274
this time it should be just
a chill one-on-one,
241
00:11:06,317 --> 00:11:08,189
fam-on-fam hang.
242
00:11:09,538 --> 00:11:12,454
-What? What is this?
-Oh, trust me.
243
00:11:12,497 --> 00:11:14,717
[kids shouting, laughing]
244
00:11:14,761 --> 00:11:17,067
[indistinct chatter]
245
00:11:18,808 --> 00:11:23,204
Man, it is so great
to hang with you two.
246
00:11:23,247 --> 00:11:26,163
And everyone you ever met.
Yeah, it's fun.
247
00:11:26,207 --> 00:11:28,731
We just go with
the flow, you know.
248
00:11:28,775 --> 00:11:30,864
So what do you do for work?
249
00:11:30,907 --> 00:11:33,040
I don't care, I'm whatever. You?
250
00:11:33,083 --> 00:11:34,432
Oh, same.
251
00:11:34,476 --> 00:11:36,565
[gulping]
252
00:11:38,785 --> 00:11:42,136
That's the area everyone
realized I was a genius.
253
00:11:42,179 --> 00:11:44,355
-[all cheering]
-Yeah, Todd!
254
00:11:44,399 --> 00:11:46,488
[whoops] You are the man.
255
00:11:46,531 --> 00:11:48,882
That's the fridge
that held my 105%
256
00:11:48,925 --> 00:11:50,535
geography assignment.
257
00:11:50,579 --> 00:11:54,365
-And...
-That's the stuff you're completely exaggerating.
258
00:11:54,409 --> 00:11:55,932
What are you doing here, Ollie?
259
00:11:55,976 --> 00:11:58,413
I'm here to steal all the
copper piping out of this home.
260
00:11:58,456 --> 00:12:02,504
-To sell them?
-To press them into pennies, dummy.
261
00:12:02,547 --> 00:12:03,940
[straining]
262
00:12:03,984 --> 00:12:07,161
So why are you here acting like
Dr. Manhattan,
263
00:12:07,204 --> 00:12:10,033
exaggerating and fabricating
shit that never happened?
264
00:12:10,077 --> 00:12:13,297
Sad about becoming poor,
huh? [grunts]
265
00:12:13,341 --> 00:12:16,387
-We had better, richer
lives here. -[Ollie grunts]
266
00:12:16,431 --> 00:12:18,041
We had more money than now,
267
00:12:18,085 --> 00:12:21,218
but we weren't richrich,
like Professor X. [grunts]
268
00:12:21,262 --> 00:12:24,134
Dude, don't you see?
You're holding onto the past.
269
00:12:24,178 --> 00:12:26,615
That's more gross and
embarrassing than being poor.
270
00:12:26,658 --> 00:12:28,573
What? No. No, no.
That's, that's not...
271
00:12:28,617 --> 00:12:31,751
-JOHNNY: Oh, man... [grunting]
-It's Johnny. Ollie, run!
272
00:12:31,794 --> 00:12:33,535
[Johnny grunting]
273
00:12:33,578 --> 00:12:34,579
JOHNNY:
No, no.
274
00:12:34,623 --> 00:12:37,060
No, n-no, Mom.
275
00:12:37,104 --> 00:12:39,889
I'll sell--
I'll sell this house.
276
00:12:39,933 --> 00:12:42,326
There's nothing
wrong with it.
277
00:12:42,370 --> 00:12:46,243
No, Mom, there's nothing wrong
with me either. [groans]
278
00:12:46,287 --> 00:12:48,376
This freakin' guy.
279
00:12:48,419 --> 00:12:49,681
Wait a second, Johnny Frakes?
280
00:12:49,725 --> 00:12:50,987
Are we talking about
the same guy?
281
00:12:51,031 --> 00:12:53,773
This guy's who I want to be.
He's cool.
282
00:12:53,816 --> 00:12:55,035
He was my age when his mom built
283
00:12:55,078 --> 00:12:56,863
this whole neighborhood
and golf course.
284
00:12:56,906 --> 00:12:58,647
You know, Mom dumped
him in high school.
285
00:12:58,690 --> 00:13:02,216
What? Mom dated JF?
And she passed?
286
00:13:02,259 --> 00:13:05,828
Oh, see? There is stuff I know
that you don't.
287
00:13:05,872 --> 00:13:07,917
Got to learn to keep
your heart's ears open.
288
00:13:07,961 --> 00:13:10,354
[clicks tongue]
Not just your brain's.
289
00:13:10,398 --> 00:13:12,922
[Johnny moaning]
290
00:13:12,966 --> 00:13:15,925
Debbie. Oh, Debbie.
291
00:13:15,969 --> 00:13:18,145
How can I ever get rid of you?
292
00:13:18,188 --> 00:13:20,451
Dude, Johnny is just like you.
293
00:13:20,495 --> 00:13:22,105
Ew, not like this, he's not.
294
00:13:22,149 --> 00:13:24,238
You both are stuck in the past.
295
00:13:24,281 --> 00:13:27,241
I'm your Christmas Carol
ghost-guide person,
296
00:13:27,284 --> 00:13:30,244
and Johnny is the ghost
of future you!
297
00:13:30,287 --> 00:13:33,247
Mm-hmm. Oh, nice.
298
00:13:33,290 --> 00:13:36,946
I missed my chance with Debbie
in high school.
299
00:13:36,990 --> 00:13:38,818
And now she's with Freddie,
300
00:13:38,861 --> 00:13:42,865
and I waste my time
with girls, booze, golf,
301
00:13:42,909 --> 00:13:45,868
coke, RealDolls.
302
00:13:45,912 --> 00:13:47,478
But I have this house.
303
00:13:47,522 --> 00:13:51,526
This house is where I belong.
304
00:13:51,569 --> 00:13:53,876
Oh, my God.
You're so right.
305
00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:56,618
I-I didn't see it,
but I'm stuck in the past,
306
00:13:56,661 --> 00:13:58,141
like disgusting Johnny.
307
00:13:58,185 --> 00:14:02,319
I love our house, and he
makes love to our house.
308
00:14:02,363 --> 00:14:04,321
[urinating, whistling]
309
00:14:04,365 --> 00:14:06,933
Oh, s-sorry, buddy, I-I didn't
know anyone was in here.
310
00:14:06,976 --> 00:14:09,413
I just got slime on my hands.
311
00:14:09,457 --> 00:14:10,501
It's cool.
312
00:14:10,545 --> 00:14:12,590
Slime? Hoo-hoo. Wash that off.
313
00:14:12,634 --> 00:14:14,114
Hey, thanks.
314
00:14:14,157 --> 00:14:17,247
You know, I have a friend
who'd hate this kind of big,
315
00:14:17,291 --> 00:14:20,207
chaotic hang with multiple
unexpected guests.
316
00:14:20,250 --> 00:14:22,774
Oh, really? Who's this friend?
317
00:14:22,818 --> 00:14:26,561
Jack Masters
and his wife... Jut.
318
00:14:26,604 --> 00:14:29,564
Jack and... Jut Masters?
319
00:14:29,607 --> 00:14:34,656
Yep. They prefer more intimate
one-on-one, fam-on-fam hangs.
320
00:14:34,699 --> 00:14:36,876
-You know what I'm saying?
-Uh-huh.
321
00:14:36,919 --> 00:14:40,183
Oh, yeah, old Jack, he'd be
like, "Hey, aren't we enough?"
322
00:14:40,227 --> 00:14:42,403
[chuckles] You know? Shit.
323
00:14:42,446 --> 00:14:45,014
So, uh, what-what do you think
of, uh, Jack's take
324
00:14:45,058 --> 00:14:47,538
on your style of surprising
friends with other friends
325
00:14:47,582 --> 00:14:48,539
at your hangs?
326
00:14:48,583 --> 00:14:50,759
I think we should invite
327
00:14:50,802 --> 00:14:52,717
Jack Masters and his family
328
00:14:52,761 --> 00:14:55,024
to join the Harpers
and the Parkers
329
00:14:55,068 --> 00:14:56,896
next weekend for dinner.
330
00:14:56,939 --> 00:14:58,985
I love people!
331
00:14:59,028 --> 00:15:01,465
But just the three
families, right?
332
00:15:01,509 --> 00:15:03,598
Yep, just us three.
333
00:15:03,641 --> 00:15:04,947
But let's just do the parents
334
00:15:04,991 --> 00:15:06,383
so we can get to know
each other better.
335
00:15:06,427 --> 00:15:07,776
Perfect.
336
00:15:07,819 --> 00:15:11,867
I see now, I don't just love
this house and money
337
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:13,303
and being superior.
338
00:15:13,347 --> 00:15:16,437
Yeah. Think there's
any copper up here?
339
00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:20,049
It's just that, in my former
life, I had worked so hard
340
00:15:20,093 --> 00:15:22,225
to establish myself
at that school.
341
00:15:22,269 --> 00:15:24,010
I... I mean, I guess
I kinda always knew
342
00:15:24,053 --> 00:15:25,402
that people didn't like me,
343
00:15:25,446 --> 00:15:27,317
but at least I had
earned a place,
344
00:15:27,361 --> 00:15:29,754
you know, a role,
some respect.
345
00:15:29,798 --> 00:15:32,018
And now I'm back to square one
346
00:15:32,061 --> 00:15:34,194
in this new neighborhood, and...
347
00:15:34,237 --> 00:15:36,631
and I'm just scared
to start all over.
348
00:15:36,674 --> 00:15:41,505
Dude, that is a new level
of emotional depth, my man.
349
00:15:41,549 --> 00:15:42,985
Tin Man gets a heart.
350
00:15:43,029 --> 00:15:46,728
All right.
Crouching hugs, hidden feelings.
351
00:15:46,771 --> 00:15:48,164
[Todd crying]
352
00:15:48,208 --> 00:15:51,080
So, do we just wait until
this pervert is done
353
00:15:51,124 --> 00:15:53,778
with the memory of our mom
so we can leave, or what?
354
00:15:53,822 --> 00:15:55,345
Ollie, I'm in crisis.
355
00:15:55,389 --> 00:15:57,739
You know, in order to
let go of the past,
356
00:15:57,782 --> 00:15:59,175
I must let go of this house.
357
00:15:59,219 --> 00:16:02,135
To get that, it's got to sell.
358
00:16:04,702 --> 00:16:06,791
Aah! The shitting ghosts!
359
00:16:06,835 --> 00:16:08,184
Dude, Johnny, you know us.
360
00:16:08,228 --> 00:16:09,881
We're going to help you
sell this house
361
00:16:09,925 --> 00:16:11,796
so both of us can let go.
362
00:16:11,840 --> 00:16:13,755
No! Shut up, ghost!
363
00:16:13,798 --> 00:16:15,757
I'm not ready to let go.
364
00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:18,978
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la, la, la, la...
365
00:16:19,021 --> 00:16:21,458
[tires screech]
366
00:16:21,502 --> 00:16:22,894
[cries out]
367
00:16:22,938 --> 00:16:25,985
Oh, the dust. Damn.
368
00:16:30,772 --> 00:16:34,036
I think I should just talk
straight, hard, mean.
369
00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:35,646
Friend stackers.
370
00:16:35,690 --> 00:16:38,432
No, no, no, listen, babe.
The early stage of a friendship
371
00:16:38,475 --> 00:16:40,303
is a subtle art;
it's like a courtship.
372
00:16:40,347 --> 00:16:42,740
But even more complex
'cause you can't
373
00:16:42,784 --> 00:16:44,351
prove anything with dick
or puss.
374
00:16:44,394 --> 00:16:47,876
Ugh, okay, you're right,
you're right.
375
00:16:52,359 --> 00:16:54,491
Ollie, don't forget to
do the Mom impression.
376
00:16:54,535 --> 00:16:55,797
What do I say?
377
00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:58,060
[deep voice]:
Johnny, I need to talk to you.
378
00:16:58,104 --> 00:17:03,065
Oh, my God, Debbie? I mean,
uh, cool. Why? What for?
379
00:17:03,109 --> 00:17:05,328
Meet me at my old house
right now,
380
00:17:05,372 --> 00:17:08,984
and we can totally say
"what for" then and there.
381
00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:12,727
-Um, okay, but no, not there.
-[whispers]: Is this good?
382
00:17:12,770 --> 00:17:14,076
I don't know if you remember,
383
00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:16,774
but that house has
two kid ghosts in it.
384
00:17:16,818 --> 00:17:18,559
Meet me now or never!
385
00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:25,044
Aah! The ghosts are solidified!
386
00:17:25,087 --> 00:17:28,699
And clean and...
Todd and Ollie.
387
00:17:28,743 --> 00:17:30,049
Get out of here.
388
00:17:30,092 --> 00:17:32,094
I'm meeting your mom
about adult stuff.
389
00:17:32,138 --> 00:17:33,704
You've got to let go of my mom.
390
00:17:33,748 --> 00:17:35,706
Yeah. Mom is different now.
391
00:17:35,750 --> 00:17:37,056
Everything is different now.
392
00:17:37,099 --> 00:17:38,666
Especially after we saw you try
393
00:17:38,709 --> 00:17:40,537
to hump her memory on the floor.
394
00:17:40,581 --> 00:17:41,973
[sighs]
395
00:17:42,017 --> 00:17:44,367
Oh, man, I'm found out.
396
00:17:44,411 --> 00:17:46,369
I haven't sold this house
on purpose
397
00:17:46,413 --> 00:17:50,199
because I'm holding
onto it as a vestige of Debbie.
398
00:17:50,243 --> 00:17:51,200
[crying]
399
00:17:51,244 --> 00:17:53,202
You kids are so smart.
400
00:17:53,246 --> 00:17:54,899
Todd says you got
to sell this house
401
00:17:54,943 --> 00:17:56,553
for both of you to get closure.
402
00:17:56,597 --> 00:17:59,991
Well, okay, that makes
a lot of sense.
403
00:18:00,035 --> 00:18:02,124
You guys, I got
the perfect buyer.
404
00:18:02,168 --> 00:18:04,126
It's a new family;
they were ready to buy,
405
00:18:04,170 --> 00:18:06,737
but I rubbed them
the wrong way.
406
00:18:06,781 --> 00:18:09,088
Oh, we can get them
back to the table.
407
00:18:09,131 --> 00:18:11,438
Oh, they saw me do cocaine,
408
00:18:11,481 --> 00:18:13,527
and when I offered them some,
they got mad.
409
00:18:13,570 --> 00:18:15,442
So I told them it was just
crushed up aspirin,
410
00:18:15,485 --> 00:18:18,009
but they knew I was lying.
I don't know, I was high.
411
00:18:18,053 --> 00:18:19,881
But they'd still be
interested, right?
412
00:18:19,924 --> 00:18:21,535
-Huh?
-Uh...
413
00:18:21,578 --> 00:18:26,453
So, where are Jack Masters
and his wife Jut?
414
00:18:26,496 --> 00:18:27,280
Jut?
415
00:18:27,323 --> 00:18:29,020
-Yes, Jut.
-[grunts]
416
00:18:29,064 --> 00:18:32,328
Well, uh, look, uh, don't worry
about those dudes. [laughs]
417
00:18:32,372 --> 00:18:35,418
Let's, uh, talk about
how you guys met. Was it fun?
418
00:18:35,462 --> 00:18:37,942
But I thought this was going
to be a triple date.
419
00:18:37,986 --> 00:18:40,771
Look, Jack Masters got...
typhoid or something, all right?
420
00:18:40,815 --> 00:18:44,210
No biggie. I-I-I mean, I barely
knew him and his gross family.
421
00:18:44,253 --> 00:18:46,908
[chuckles] Let's get
some drinks going. Waiter!
422
00:18:46,951 --> 00:18:48,562
You got a friend with typhoid?
423
00:18:48,605 --> 00:18:51,782
Oh, yeah. Oh, but Jack's cool,
though. He-He'll be fine.
424
00:18:51,826 --> 00:18:53,915
I know somebody at the CDC.
425
00:18:53,958 --> 00:18:55,264
I'll make a call right now,
426
00:18:55,308 --> 00:18:58,267
because heaven forbid
typhoid spreads!
427
00:18:58,311 --> 00:19:01,140
-No, no, no, no.
Wait, wait, wait. -Hey, CDC?
428
00:19:01,183 --> 00:19:02,619
Matt, Matt, no, I-I'm joking.
429
00:19:02,663 --> 00:19:04,969
Actually, uh, look,
I-I didn't want to say this,
430
00:19:05,013 --> 00:19:07,624
but it turns out
Jut divorced Jack for,
431
00:19:07,668 --> 00:19:11,498
you know, once upon a time,
uh, ha-having typhoid.
432
00:19:11,541 --> 00:19:15,066
So they're doing that
right now instead of this, uh...
433
00:19:15,110 --> 00:19:16,633
See, she can't get typhoid
434
00:19:16,677 --> 00:19:21,072
because she has typhus,and...
435
00:19:21,116 --> 00:19:24,163
Okay, okay, I've had enough.
436
00:19:24,206 --> 00:19:28,384
You guys are great, but you
have been "friend stacking" us.
437
00:19:28,428 --> 00:19:30,038
What?
438
00:19:30,081 --> 00:19:33,259
You make it seem like you want
to get together with just us,
439
00:19:33,302 --> 00:19:35,391
but then you turn it
into a friend stack.
440
00:19:35,435 --> 00:19:37,698
You friend stack,
and you should know
441
00:19:37,741 --> 00:19:39,700
that no one likes it.
442
00:19:39,743 --> 00:19:40,875
[weak laugh]
443
00:19:40,918 --> 00:19:44,183
But what about Jack Masters?
444
00:19:44,226 --> 00:19:46,837
That was just
Freddie's dumb lie.
445
00:19:46,881 --> 00:19:50,493
Wow. A lie? Hey, look, listen.
446
00:19:50,537 --> 00:19:52,495
We will deal with anything.
Anything.
447
00:19:52,539 --> 00:19:55,281
Drinks. Drugs.
Bad parenting skills.
448
00:19:55,324 --> 00:19:58,849
But we will not be
friends with liars.
449
00:19:58,893 --> 00:20:02,201
We never deal with liars!
450
00:20:02,244 --> 00:20:04,986
[sighs] Y'all disappoint us.
Let's go, Janet.
451
00:20:05,029 --> 00:20:07,510
We were just trying to help
you guys out, Debbie.
452
00:20:07,554 --> 00:20:09,295
It seems like
you don't have any friends.
453
00:20:09,338 --> 00:20:12,211
You were going to be
those friends.
454
00:20:12,254 --> 00:20:13,690
Not anymore.
455
00:20:13,734 --> 00:20:18,173
Waiter, bring us another round.
Their drinks, too.
456
00:20:21,394 --> 00:20:23,570
We got to warm these buyers up.
457
00:20:23,613 --> 00:20:25,528
Let's do the cute letter thing,
where the kids who grew up
458
00:20:25,572 --> 00:20:27,182
in a house write a sweet note
about how much
459
00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:28,575
they loved the house and shit.
460
00:20:28,618 --> 00:20:31,360
Oh, great idea.
Write this down.
461
00:20:33,144 --> 00:20:34,581
My name is Todd Harper.
462
00:20:34,624 --> 00:20:37,148
My twin sister Ollie and I
grew up in this home.
463
00:20:37,192 --> 00:20:39,629
A home built
on laughter and love.
464
00:20:39,673 --> 00:20:42,806
So when you buy this house
and you build your lives here,
465
00:20:42,850 --> 00:20:46,201
you will be continuing our
tradition of love and family.
466
00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:51,075
I have a new home now, and I'm
going to try to embrace it.
467
00:20:51,119 --> 00:20:52,990
[Johnny and Todd crying]
468
00:20:53,034 --> 00:20:54,383
TODD:
Yeah.
469
00:20:54,427 --> 00:20:57,386
Hey, thanks for helping me
get over the past.
470
00:20:57,430 --> 00:21:00,955
And if you ever see any kind of
inkling of a chance
471
00:21:00,998 --> 00:21:02,391
in your mom for me, let me know,
472
00:21:02,435 --> 00:21:04,567
and you'll be the richest
little stepkids in town.
473
00:21:04,611 --> 00:21:06,352
I'm gonna go
take this to the buyers.
474
00:21:06,395 --> 00:21:09,268
-I hope this works!
-[tires screeching]
475
00:21:09,311 --> 00:21:11,226
[sniffles]
476
00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:15,143
Aw. Want to go in
for one last goodbye?
477
00:21:17,537 --> 00:21:18,929
[sighs]
478
00:21:18,973 --> 00:21:20,322
Hey, the old house.
479
00:21:20,366 --> 00:21:23,282
Oh, my God, is that Todd
and Ollie?
480
00:21:23,325 --> 00:21:25,022
[scoffs] Park on the street.
Come on, Freddie,
481
00:21:25,066 --> 00:21:27,198
let's see what
those sneaky shits are up to.
482
00:21:27,242 --> 00:21:29,375
[crying]:
Yeah...
483
00:21:32,378 --> 00:21:34,989
Oh, man, look at them.
484
00:21:35,032 --> 00:21:38,862
Ollie will be fine, but Todd...
485
00:21:38,906 --> 00:21:40,734
I failed him.
486
00:21:40,777 --> 00:21:43,954
I should've done more
to preserve his world.
487
00:21:43,998 --> 00:21:47,741
He's so sensitive, my Toddie.
488
00:21:48,698 --> 00:21:50,439
Let's go in.
489
00:21:51,266 --> 00:21:53,137
Mom, Dad.
490
00:21:53,181 --> 00:21:55,226
So weird to see you here.
491
00:21:55,270 --> 00:21:58,317
Look, we-we-we know we had a lot
of great times in this house,
492
00:21:58,360 --> 00:22:00,362
but you got to let it go.
493
00:22:00,406 --> 00:22:02,059
BOTH:
Yeah, we know.
494
00:22:02,103 --> 00:22:05,367
And I think we may have just
helped Johnny sell this house.
495
00:22:05,411 --> 00:22:07,804
Aw, that's great, guys.
496
00:22:07,848 --> 00:22:10,372
And, Toddie,
497
00:22:10,416 --> 00:22:13,984
I know our new house
isn't exactly right...
498
00:22:14,028 --> 00:22:16,813
[laughs]
...but it's pretty okay.
499
00:22:16,857 --> 00:22:19,425
You got to let go of your past,
let go of your expectations
500
00:22:19,468 --> 00:22:20,817
and just go with the flow.
501
00:22:20,861 --> 00:22:24,125
You got to... got to be okay
with spontaneity.
502
00:22:24,168 --> 00:22:27,258
No, Mom, really, I just learned
that exact lesson.
503
00:22:27,302 --> 00:22:30,174
Yeah. In fact, it's the lesson
you should have learned
504
00:22:30,218 --> 00:22:31,698
with your friends the Parkers.
505
00:22:31,741 --> 00:22:34,570
Fuck that.
Friend stacking sucks.
506
00:22:34,614 --> 00:22:36,442
You truly can never
go home again.
507
00:22:36,485 --> 00:22:39,183
But truly, can we go home?
508
00:22:39,227 --> 00:22:40,750
I'm sick of this place.
509
00:22:44,537 --> 00:22:48,845
You know, it's still hard
saying goodbye to this place.
510
00:22:48,889 --> 00:22:52,414
Oh, really?
Well, does this help?
511
00:22:52,458 --> 00:22:54,155
Your dad and I had sex
right there.
512
00:22:54,198 --> 00:22:56,113
Ew, gross, don't ruin it for me.
513
00:22:56,157 --> 00:22:57,680
That's the point.
514
00:22:57,724 --> 00:22:59,943
Oh, we did it right there, too,
when you were at camp.
515
00:22:59,987 --> 00:23:01,292
La, la, la, la, la...
516
00:23:01,336 --> 00:23:04,339
We did it in all the rooms,
yeah!
517
00:23:04,383 --> 00:23:06,907
-Mom, stop it!
-Ruined yet?!
518
00:23:10,737 --> 00:23:11,912
[gasps]
519
00:23:11,955 --> 00:23:15,872
Hey! That was a sweet note
written by kids.
520
00:23:15,916 --> 00:23:17,874
Was it the cocaine?
521
00:23:17,918 --> 00:23:20,442
Cocaine? No.
522
00:23:20,486 --> 00:23:22,575
We didn't care
about your cocaine.
523
00:23:22,618 --> 00:23:26,405
It was that you lied about it
and said it was aspirin.
524
00:23:26,448 --> 00:23:28,537
We hate liars.
525
00:23:28,581 --> 00:23:31,714
You know, we almost went
against our no-liar policy
526
00:23:31,758 --> 00:23:33,455
to buy that house
from you, liar.
527
00:23:33,499 --> 00:23:36,502
Luckily, we got lied to
by a lying couple today,
528
00:23:36,545 --> 00:23:39,026
so we are back to our hard-line,
no-liar stance.
529
00:23:41,463 --> 00:23:45,119
So the house doesn't sell.
530
00:23:45,162 --> 00:23:47,251
Debbie, I'm coming for you.
531
00:23:47,295 --> 00:23:48,818
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
532
00:23:48,868 --> 00:23:53,418
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