All language subtitles for Archer s12e06 Drastic Voyage.eng

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[glass shatters]
Sorry.

Slipped from my hand.
So we have a contract?

A very lucrative contract.

To go to Japan and eliminate

the assassin known
as the Dingo,

with whom I believe
I've crossed paths before.

Yes, dear.
Excellent.

Well, I should prepare.

Colleagues.

God, he really
hates glasses now.

Yeah. Well, that
went better than expected.

Archer: [retching]

Jesus...are you throwing up
from your soul?

Ugh. Yeah.
Most of my soul

is actually in here now,
right next to the corn,

which I haven't eaten
in a week.

Either you just dredged up
a painfully repressed memory,

or you ordered
the allyoucaneat

dayold shrimp fry
from Cajun Casey's.

Ugh. Yep, one of those.
I can't resist it either.

Now, if you'll excuse me.

[Pam retching]

Quick question:
What in the goddamned hell?

It says it was his
first mission as an agent.

The Dingo
killed his first love

other than
Ms. Archer, of course.

Still gross.
Still hot.

Paging Dr. Oedipus.
Why?

Also,
when did he become a doctor?

And is he single?
Okay, refocusing!

It says here the Dingo may be
the most elusive person

on the planet,
and Archer was never the same

after his first mission.

Lana: So he was a better spy
before all this happened?

Malory: Well...
Okay, you're saying

you're glad he had this trauma

because it made him
a great spy,

but now he needs to deal
with it to become a better spy?

Oh, I wouldn't say that.

[swallows]
But yes.

[light music]

McGinley: Sterling.
I've made these tapes

to prepare you
for your first mission.

I could tell you
all of this, of course,

but I might be
otherwise occupied.

[chuckles]

So cool.
McGinley: Now,

these won't be
the standard methods,

but you were never top
of your class by the book.

You have something special:
intuition, feel.

And if you learn to trust it,
you'll come through just fine.

Oh, God. Ah!
Oh, my God.

[gasps]
I'mI spilled my drink!

[gasps]
Oh, God.

Okay, I get that.

Hm, yep.

[main title theme]

♪ ♪

Uh, tw

and my rakishly handsome,
yet somehow single, nephew,

Sterling.
I'll make a note.

"Weird, unclenephew
relationship."

Uh, so, uh, what brings
you to the, uh, this hotel?

A bike.
And a desire to not starve.

[chuckles]

You're uncle's a bit
of a character.

My, my what? Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, he's a handful.
Or is "handful"

just what they call
a sleazebag in America?

Oh, come on.
He's not a bag of sleaze.

He's, you know,
more of a thin coating.

[chuckles]
[bell dings]

So this is my first time
in Tokyo.

Uh, think you could maybe show
me around a little tonight?

Just think how funny it'll be
when you ditch me

at the bathhouse
after stealing my clothes.

Tell you what.
I'll think about it.

Um, howhow hard?

Well, you tell me.

[soft music]

And phrasing.
Delightful.

You must find a way
to embrace the moment,

exist entirely within it.

The rest, the rest is easy.

So we just gonna stare
at the lobby of a hotel

we're not staying at like
the world's worst stalkers?

God damn it, Lana!

Do the words "complex inner
journey" mean nothing to you?

They mean something to me!
The mystery of human life.

The strangeness.
All the blood.

[chuckles] He took
"inner journey" literally!

Just drive, Metamucil.

McGinley: Our mission is to
protect this man,

Tadashi Kodo, from an assassin
known as the Dingo.

Who is he?
Political freedom fighter?

Scientist? [gasps]

My secret father?
The head of the yakuza.

Japanese organized crime?

Hard to feel like
the good guys on this one.

Good, bad,
these are just words.

But true evil is real.

Evil is what you call someone
who isn't paying you.

Here, have a drink.
Oh, no.

I'm trying to stay sharp.
Wouldn't recommend it.

I've seen your training scores.
Um, can we go back

to the McGinley
who thought I was great?

Let me put this delicately.

Your analytical mind
is not your strength.

Wow.
That did not feel delicate.

First time never does.

Simply put, you need
to trust your intuition.

So what's a little frontal
lobe paralysis between friends?

All right.
But, you know, just this once.

That's what I always say.
Kanpai!

Lana: Well,
if you're finished.

I'm never finished, Lana!
So you're welcome.

All right, shut up.
Let's get into this.

William Radken, exMI6,
now a freelance fixer.

The Dingo's gonna kill him.
Not our problem.

Yes! I love it when things
aren't our problem!

[scoffs] MI6.
Wonder how much training

they need
to fetch coffee for the CIA.

Aww, it's really humiliating

how they don't work
for their mom, right?

Krieger, you're here for comms
and surveillance tech.

And for my extensive
knowledge of Japanese culture.

Reading a couple dirty comics
doesn't make you an expert.

We need to stay close
to Willian and wait

for our moment
to neutralize the Dingo.

Which is why you should flirt
with and probably date William.

Ooh, development!

Quiet down.
His room is next door.

And being that close
to an active target

seems like a great way to die.
Oh, come on.

At best,
it's a pretty good way to die.

And what are
our other options here?

I could try to reanimate
and remote control a corpse.

That's always your plan.

Ugh, I'll get suited up.

So... [clears throat]
To make you more comfortable...

I should go change.
Uh, why?

[sentimental music]

Glengoolie Blue, neat.

Better make it a double
after that bullshit.

[chuckles] Is it bullshit
season already?

Yeah.
Fly you a few thousand miles

to tell you
they're not ready to decide.

Same as it ever was.

[sighs] But it does tend
to bring out

the inherent
pointlessness of life.

I'll drink to that,
sweetheart.

[shouting over music] This,
uh, isn't what I expected.

How so?
II guess it's less Japanese.

That is
the thing about Japan.

Hey, why is
your English so good?

Oh, you know.

Classic starcrossed lovers,
complex immigration stuff,

dad's not around anymore.
You know how that goes.

Yeah, well, I didn't
even know my father so...

Sometimes I kinda wish
I didn't know mine.

But c'est la vie.

Is that Japanese
for something?

Yeah. "Life's a shitshow."

WILLIAM: Of course it is.

When you're married
to someone from work...again.

Wow, look at you, going right
back to the well you pissed in.

Elegantly put.

Well, I married someone
I didn't work with

and now he owns the company.

Sometimes
the well pisses back.

You don't think she actually
likes him, do you?

Subtle flush,
open body language,

gesture amplitude increasing...
That's a no, right?

Say it's a no!
Why are you so mad?

Look, on a mission,
feelings don't end well.

It'll ruin...

they're not an option!

Ugh, come on man, not working
for your mother

is always an option.

You haven't met her
and stared into those eyes.

Like a combination of a shark
and two bigger sharks.

Have you tried bopping her
on the nose?

Only in my dreams.
I woke up apologizing

with a giant erection.

[laughs]

Uh, maybe too much
for a first date?

Oh, so you think
this is a date?

Uh, maybe?

[sultry music]

♪ ♪

[glass shatters]

First date, ten years ago,
that was probably my best kiss.

Did not call me back.
Oof. Real slap in the nuts.

[grunts]

Sorry, Wild One,
I didn't mean to interrupt

your costume party.

Kinda woozy from that kiss,
you know?

High five?
[speaking Japanese]

Uh, that didn't sound
like Japanese for high five.

[speaking Japanese]

Stay gold, ponyboy!

[all shouting]

So here we are.
Two romantically unavailable

people with
an undeniable rapport...

[people screaming]

[rockabilly music playing]

Enjoying
each other's company.

♪ ♪

While our spouses
are thousands of miles away.

♪ ♪

Let's get out of here!

Let's get out of here.

[motor revving]

♪ ♪

Aah! Can't do it.

[sighs] Nope. Too married.

Tell you what, though.
What if...

I can't wait for how weird
this is gonna be.

What if we go into your room,
cuddle for five minutes...

No kissing.
And then we retire

to our separate rooms
and then pleasure ourselves

intensely enough
to cause injury.

And I am setting my watch.

Feelings were bad enough,
but Jesus,

just cheat
like a decent person.

Goddamnn, that's weird.
Ugh, I know, right?

Oohhoo,
this one's a real pageturner.

[sparse traditional music]

♪ ♪

Reiko: Oh, no!

She's gone!
Oh, hey, Reiko.

But now I'm pretending
to be cool.

I don't think she noticed.
[laughs]

I gotta get to work.
Oh, crap. Yeah, I should...

Check with your "uncle"
about your "vacation."

Uh, I assume you're using

those
finger quotes for emphasis.

Because
I'm an ignorant monster

who doesn't understand
quotation marks?

Look, Sterling, your uncle's
been through here a few times.

And let me give you a tip.

The hotel staff
always knows everything.

Like everything, everything?
Yup. Not that we want to.

Hey, uh, can we maybe
Sterling.

I went out with you
because I was bored

and you looked like
a dumb bit of fun.

Yeah, uh, same here.

II was just gonna ask you

if we could never
see each other again.

But, I will say, you've got
something interesting going on.

But let me tell you
the one thing I don't like.

Do you have to?
Your name.

"Sterling"?
Doesn't really fit you.

You could call me Archer.
Hmm, I like that.

See you later...Archer.

Archer: ...and then, bang.

She hits the guy
with a beer bottle,

and we zoom away
on her motorcycle.

And I just really
like her, you know.

[speaking Japanese]

Mr. Kodo says that if we're
going to play grabass all day,

he would've brought
thicker gloves.

Sterling, uh,
appreciate the energy,

but let's get back
to business, eh?

Oh! Could you actually
call me Archer?

My girlfriend likes
that betterReiko.

She's Japanese. So cool.

Okay, so first off,
before we set the agenda here,

let's all be extra respectful
of the encounter

that Lana had last night.

By bringing it up
immediately?

I'm saying, now that
it has been brought up,

I forget by whom, we should
be respectful about it.

Though it was
pretty messed up.

Hey, you still working
on that helmet for dolphins

that lets them
communicate sexual consent?

Smoke bomb!

Look, your voyage of
masturbatory exploration aside.

If it's aside, why do you
keep bringing it up?

And even if
that were cheating

I didn't say cheating.
You did.

But it totally is.
Continue.

You hate Robert,
so why do you even care?

Look, if you want to
quasighostbang some ex"spy"

from
a secondtier organization...

Oh, my God,
it always comes back

to the same old dickswinging.
Ha! Not true.

This involves, at minimum,
two kinds of dickswinging.

But look, when feelings
get mixed into missions,

bad stuff happens,
so for now,

let's just focus
on the next step in the plan.

Which is?
Getting William out

in the open so the Dingo
can try to kill him.

Ugh, God damn it.

Ah, shit. Sniper!

Sterling!

Archer, Stop thinking.

Move!

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[both shouting]

He is saying, "Holy shit!"

When did you get here?

At some point,
the training takes over.

And then you ignore
the training

and listen to
your inner awesomeness.

I just can't imagine what it
feels like to be shot at.

Yeah, well, I guess,
I didn't actually get shot at.

Come to think of it,
I didn't even see a sniper.

Was there one?

Why would McGinley
fake a sniper?

Other than gaining him
the total trust

of the head of the yakuza?
Wow.

I just realized something.
We should have sex again.

How about behind that tree
over there?

And that is why I love you.

Whoops.

You're sure the Dingo
will have to move out

into the open to take the shot?

As long as she stays between
that table and that plant,

the Dingo has to move
into the open.

[tense music]

Right on cue.
The Dingo!

[vocalizes dramatically]
Damn it, Krieger!

Oh, relax, at this distance,

it's physically impossible
for them to hear us.

There's something to be said

for the mood
of a time and place.

That's what the dolphins
keep saying.

Come on. Step out.

Step out and I'll be free.

Actually, the human mind
can't heal like that.

We're doomed to play out
the same patterns over and over

until we deal
with the root causes.

♪ ♪

And...

no!

Backup plan!

I stashed
the Krieger drone nearby.

We have drone lift off.

[device blips]
And I'm following.

And the Dingo noticed me.

And now shot me.

[device plays descending tones]
Aww.

So I guess Lana had
some second thoughts.

Yes, I would like to talk
to her about that.

[stammering wordlessly]

Well, you make
some great points,

but maybe I thought endangering
an innocent bystander

wasn't worth it.

Endangering
an innocent bystander

is, like, 90% of what we do.

And the other 10% of the time,
we're on break.

Look, I don't want
the guy to die.

That is just so selfish.

I would kill six
of this guy myself,

but I guess that's just
because I'm a professional.

So we are gonna do this again

and make sure you don't tell
Mr. Cuddles anything

because otherwise,
it doesn't work.

Please,
Mr. Cuddles is my father.

Call me Cuddlebooboo.
God damn it!

McGinley: My guess is that
the Dingo

will take his shot at Kodo
at the wrestling stadium.

That's what I would do.

You're ready for this,
Sterling.

Just trust your instincts.

[grunts]
[bell dings]

I did not think it was
this kind of wrestling.

[scoffs]

[speaking Japanese]

Mr. Kodo says that
if he wants to see a grown man

in a diaper hug another man,

he will check
your hotel room later.

Sick burn, Mr. Kodo!

I gotta say, for a yakuza boss,
he seems pretty chill.

Though you did
just give me a high three.

Sometimes Mr. Kodo's jokes
don't land as well as he likes.

Oh, Sterling, I need you to
do a sweep of the VIP area.

Wait. You want me
to leave you alone with Kodo?

I can handle things here.

I told you, thinking
isn't your strong suit.

Just do it and come back.

[tense music]

♪ ♪

[metallic banging]

Reiko!
What are you doing here?

Duh, I'm a concierge.
I can get tickets to anything.

Ax Yamaguchi
doing the scissor guillotine

is basically pure sex.

Also, maybe I wanted
to make sure you were okay.

I don't know. Something
isn't right about this.

McGinley said
to trust my instincts,

and my instincts say,
you shouldn't be here.

I don't want you to get hurt.
What a coincidence.

I also don't want me
to get hurt.

But I can take care of myself.

[crowd cheering]
Oh, shit!

Right through the table. Whoo!
Dammit.

We've lost containment.
Not good.

Everyone ready?
Also, follow up:

does everyone love
rhetorical questions?

Ass.

Hold on, I just had my pass.

♪ ♪

McGinley!

[gunshot, people screaming]

McGinley, stay with me!
I need you!

You'll figure it out.

I did.

I mean, until now, obviously.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

I had a big speech
all planned, but...

I can't remember it
right now.

McGinley!

Come on.
You can make it.

Damn it.
I had something for this.

[grunts, gasps]

[sobbing]
McGinley!

[continues imitating engine]

Hi, Reiko. Been a while.
Switch in the tunnel.

Huh, not a bad trick.

Smoke bomb!

Oh, man, that's way more
effective than just yelling it.

Go around and cut her off!

Krieger, get this off!
Good thought,

but I don't think
we have time for that.

Remove it from my face!

Oh, gotcha. Yeah, you just
poke it right here.

Ow! Shit!

Can you run slower,
you think?

I got shot!

Hah! We all get shot, Lana!

Archer: Great work, team!

Maybe next time
you can give her a map too!

And then learn English so you
can understand this insult!

We all know English!
[speaks Japanese]

My cardio's still great
if you were wondering!

I wasn't!

I've also learned cool
new sex stuff!

I was pretty inexperienced
back then.

[snickers] Tell me about it!

You just sort of flopped around
like an epileptic fish.

Now you're just trying
to hurt my feelings!

Drop it, Reiko.
There's nowhere left to go.

Not by myself, sure.

But what if we went together?

Oh, come on,
what if we just ran away

and figured this thing out?

Archer, we've both
done things we regret.

Maybe
here's where we start over.

[both grunt]

I really wish
you hadn't done that.

[gunshot]

[gasps]

Who knows
what would've happened?

Archer...

[somber music]

♪ ♪

You okay?

I know that when I look
over the edge,

she's just gonna have
disappeared again.

Nope. Wow.
She is real dead.

Yup.

Well, the good news is,

I feel exactly
zero percent better.

Well you did
just get stabbed.

Strong point, Lana.
But you know what?

Reiko is the one
who started calling me Archer.

So I think from now on,
you should call me Sterling.

Really?
No, forget it. Bad idea.

I have a lot invested
in that name.

I mean, just from
a branding perspective alone.

I'm just sorry
this all happened to you.

Yeah, me too.

Sorry
you ruined your marriage.

Now, Archer? Really?
[chuckles]

Uhoh. No time for a retort.

Archer out!

Made in Georgia.

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