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1
00:03:26,498 --> 00:03:27,958
Do you have
the tickets, Walter?
2
00:03:27,999 --> 00:03:30,043
Passports, medical certificates?
3
00:03:30,085 --> 00:03:32,879
Imagine, we're actually
on our way to Europe.
4
00:03:32,921 --> 00:03:35,173
I'm so glad my brother
insisted we make this trip.
5
00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:37,968
We really should
do something for him.
6
00:03:38,009 --> 00:03:41,513
I'd like to rap him
right in the snoot.
7
00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:44,349
It's 5:10 now.
8
00:03:44,391 --> 00:03:47,811
Ergo, your watch should
be set ahead to 10:10.
9
00:03:47,853 --> 00:03:49,563
I'll write to you.
10
00:03:49,604 --> 00:03:53,692
I also suggest a sleeping pill
the first few nights.
11
00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:56,194
Normally, I would say
that this is a no-no,
12
00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:58,947
but in this circumstance,
it seems justified.
13
00:03:58,989 --> 00:04:00,657
Keep the faith, Donald.
14
00:04:00,699 --> 00:04:01,742
I hear Athens is lovely.
15
00:04:01,783 --> 00:04:05,245
- I can't wait to see the ruins.
- You like ruins?
16
00:04:05,287 --> 00:04:07,289
Take a look at my business
when we get back.
17
00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:09,666
Your partner's just
as good a caterer as you are.
18
00:04:09,708 --> 00:04:10,876
Sam's a jerk.
19
00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:12,711
He's supposed to be here.
20
00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:14,212
Walter! Walter!
21
00:04:14,212 --> 00:04:15,714
Where the hell
have you been, Sam?
22
00:04:15,756 --> 00:04:17,632
You said to meet you
at the check-in counter.
23
00:04:17,674 --> 00:04:20,510
That's downstairs.
This is the boarding area!
24
00:04:20,552 --> 00:04:23,138
Only an idiot could think that this
is the check-in counter!
25
00:04:23,180 --> 00:04:26,850
Walter, please.
We have lots to discuss.
26
00:04:26,892 --> 00:04:28,018
Wait till I check in.
27
00:04:28,059 --> 00:04:31,688
Flight 26 now boarding at gate 9.
28
00:04:31,730 --> 00:04:35,066
Oh! Harold! Surprise, surprise!
29
00:04:35,108 --> 00:04:37,319
Walter, say hello to Harold.
30
00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:38,403
Hel-lo.
31
00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:39,738
I envy you, Walter.
32
00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:41,239
I'll sell you my ticket.
33
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:44,117
Yes, sir, Mr. Hollander,
party of three.
34
00:04:44,159 --> 00:04:46,328
You sure you'll be back
by the 20th?
35
00:04:46,369 --> 00:04:48,413
We got the Millman wedding
to cater, you know.
36
00:04:48,455 --> 00:04:50,624
I'm not gonna blow
an $8,000 job.
37
00:04:50,665 --> 00:04:53,293
- I'll be back in plenty of time.
- Thank you, Mr. Hollander.
38
00:04:53,335 --> 00:04:54,836
Now, where do I go?
39
00:04:54,878 --> 00:04:57,297
The bridegroom...
He's a space engineer.
40
00:04:57,339 --> 00:04:58,840
I'm already on top of that.
41
00:04:58,882 --> 00:05:01,218
I'm working on a special
centerpiece for it.
42
00:05:01,259 --> 00:05:05,472
Now, I'm going to start out by making
a rocket ship out of celery.
43
00:05:05,514 --> 00:05:08,975
I'm going to have a little pimento
space capsule, you know,
44
00:05:09,017 --> 00:05:11,812
and it's all gonna be resting on a launch
pad made out of chopped chicken liver.
45
00:05:11,853 --> 00:05:13,313
Gorgeous.
46
00:05:13,355 --> 00:05:18,443
Well, they don't call me
the Potato Salad Picasso for nothing.
47
00:05:18,485 --> 00:05:21,279
While you're gone,
we got the Rendazo anniversary.
48
00:05:21,279 --> 00:05:24,658
Oh, yes. That's the meatball Cuban.
It's in the freezer.
49
00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:26,785
I had that for the Hogan wedding.
50
00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:28,370
Hogan's the navy lieutenant.
51
00:05:28,411 --> 00:05:30,121
That's the sausage gunboat.
52
00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:31,957
I had that for the Bernsteins.
53
00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:34,960
Sausage for the Bernsteins?
54
00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:37,462
Oh, yeah.
55
00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:39,130
"Oh, yeah."
56
00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:41,299
Flight 26 for London.
57
00:05:41,299 --> 00:05:44,344
That's us! Good-bye, Harold.
58
00:05:44,386 --> 00:05:45,971
Don't make any mistakes.
59
00:05:46,012 --> 00:05:48,265
And don't buy anything
for that Millman wedding.
60
00:05:52,310 --> 00:05:53,687
And don't get any grapefruit.
61
00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:54,813
Good-bye, Donald.
62
00:05:54,855 --> 00:05:56,690
We got five sacks of them
in the basement.
63
00:05:56,690 --> 00:05:58,859
And use those crab cakes first.
64
00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:00,861
So long, Walter.
65
00:06:00,902 --> 00:06:02,237
Don't forget the 20th.
66
00:06:02,279 --> 00:06:04,072
What are you
waving for, you nut?
67
00:06:04,114 --> 00:06:05,574
You got my bag.
68
00:06:05,615 --> 00:06:06,908
Let's not argue.
69
00:06:17,961 --> 00:06:20,505
♪ Telephone Tel Aviv ♪
70
00:06:20,547 --> 00:06:24,759
♪ Tell 'em there's a DC
leaving from New York ♪
71
00:06:24,801 --> 00:06:26,928
♪ Hold the pork ♪
72
00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:29,598
♪ Be sure it's "yet,
oh, don't forget ♪
73
00:06:29,639 --> 00:06:31,474
♪ See if camp 90-90 will let ♪
74
00:06:31,516 --> 00:06:33,476
♪ Our junior in ♪
75
00:06:33,518 --> 00:06:36,396
♪ He'll meet a friend ♪
76
00:06:36,438 --> 00:06:39,357
♪ Family plan all the way ♪
77
00:06:39,357 --> 00:06:42,569
♪ And I heard the agent say ♪
78
00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:44,487
♪ "You'd better watch
your daughter ♪
79
00:06:44,529 --> 00:06:47,991
♪ "And don't drink the water" ♪
80
00:06:49,951 --> 00:06:53,038
♪ Athens won't be the same ♪
81
00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:54,414
♪ What's the name
of that good book ♪
82
00:06:54,456 --> 00:06:57,083
♪ On p's and q's ♪
83
00:06:57,125 --> 00:06:59,169
♪ What-to-dos? ♪
84
00:06:59,210 --> 00:07:01,755
♪ Single file in Singapore ♪
85
00:07:01,796 --> 00:07:05,759
♪ We'll explore the more
important focal points ♪
86
00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:08,303
♪ And the local joints ♪
87
00:07:08,345 --> 00:07:11,097
♪ Tag your bag, grab your hat ♪
88
00:07:11,097 --> 00:07:14,601
♪ Mmm, Barcelona's
where it's at ♪
89
00:07:14,643 --> 00:07:16,811
♪ You'd better
watch your daughter ♪
90
00:07:16,853 --> 00:07:19,397
♪ But phase
don't drink the water ♪
91
00:07:23,234 --> 00:07:27,781
♪ Interurban love-ins
at the Louvre ♪
92
00:07:27,822 --> 00:07:31,743
♪ Jet-set flower power's
a groove ♪
93
00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:34,955
♪ Yeah, and shank! They ask
about the ankle Gate ♪
94
00:07:34,996 --> 00:07:37,582
♪ Yeah, tell them,
"Great, don't hesitate" ♪
95
00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:40,251
♪ "But don't drink the water" ♪
96
00:07:41,378 --> 00:07:43,338
♪ In Paris, France ♪
97
00:07:43,380 --> 00:07:46,091
♪ And uptown Timbuktu ♪
98
00:07:46,132 --> 00:07:50,595
♪ We'll demonstrate
suburban shooby-doo ♪
99
00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:53,765
♪ We'll get by,
maybe a slip or two ♪
100
00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:56,518
♪ A nip or two, a trip or two ♪
101
00:07:56,559 --> 00:07:58,186
♪ But not the water ♪
102
00:08:04,442 --> 00:08:05,944
♪ When we get back ♪
103
00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:08,989
♪ You will see them smile ♪
104
00:08:09,030 --> 00:08:13,576
♪ When we unveil
our Continental style ♪
105
00:08:13,618 --> 00:08:16,705
♪ Illustrating verbal acrobats ♪
106
00:08:16,746 --> 00:08:22,752
♪ Among the local diplomatic,
patriotic plutocrats ♪
107
00:08:22,794 --> 00:08:26,256
♪ When they ask us how it was ♪
108
00:08:26,297 --> 00:08:27,507
♪ Mmm ♪
109
00:08:27,549 --> 00:08:32,429
♪ We will cool them
with our coup de grace ♪
110
00:08:32,470 --> 00:08:34,723
♪ We'll laugh and shout
about the ins and outs ♪
111
00:08:34,764 --> 00:08:36,891
♪ Don't pout about your daughter ♪
112
00:08:36,933 --> 00:08:39,394
♪ Yeah, you'd better
watch your daughter ♪
113
00:08:39,436 --> 00:08:42,147
♪ But don't drink the water ♪
114
00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:44,024
♪ Yeah ♪
115
00:09:07,172 --> 00:09:09,758
Wait a minute.
I'm gonna have a nut.
116
00:09:09,799 --> 00:09:11,217
How can you eat that garbage?
117
00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:13,845
London, Paris,
Rome, and now Athens.
118
00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:16,181
You're going to love
Athens, Walter.
119
00:09:16,222 --> 00:09:18,349
First time I agree with you.
120
00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:20,101
The next stop is Newark.
121
00:09:20,143 --> 00:09:21,478
Listen to this.
122
00:09:21,519 --> 00:09:25,899
"The Parthenon, where civilization
actually began, the ruins."
123
00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:28,485
Even your father will get
something out of Greece.
124
00:09:29,611 --> 00:09:31,946
Four more days of uninterrupted diarrhea.
125
00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:35,075
I'm not complaining.
126
00:09:35,116 --> 00:09:37,202
I'll be back in time
for the Millman wedding,
127
00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:39,496
and that's all I care about.
128
00:09:59,682 --> 00:10:01,893
And I'm sure that with
my excellent record here
129
00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:04,229
as United states
ambassador to Bulgaria,
130
00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:05,730
the party will insist
I run for governor.
131
00:10:05,772 --> 00:10:07,565
And you'll make
a great governor, Dad.
132
00:10:07,565 --> 00:10:10,276
Your broad outlook will appeal
to psychotic liberals
133
00:10:10,318 --> 00:10:13,488
as well as militant fascists...
Something for everybody.
134
00:10:13,530 --> 00:10:14,781
Very funny.
135
00:10:14,823 --> 00:10:17,283
But I'm still very worried about leaving
you here in charge of the embassy
136
00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:19,327
while I'm in Washington.
137
00:10:19,369 --> 00:10:21,496
You... you do remember
my instructions, Axel?
138
00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:22,789
Yes, sir.
139
00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:26,334
I'm not to leave the house, and don't
open the door to strangers.
140
00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:28,503
Of course, you realize that if anything
goes wrong here,
141
00:10:28,545 --> 00:10:30,171
It would ruin my chance
to be governor.
142
00:10:30,213 --> 00:10:31,297
No problem, Dad.
143
00:10:31,339 --> 00:10:32,590
Smetena's a quiet little outpost.
144
00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:34,843
What can possibly happen
in two weeks?
145
00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:36,928
You were in Panama
for only two weeks,
146
00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:38,763
and they hung you in effigy.
147
00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:40,306
Well, it happens.
148
00:10:40,348 --> 00:10:42,100
By your own embassy?
149
00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:43,184
And how about Berlin?
150
00:10:43,226 --> 00:10:45,562
Oh, yes, then there was Berlin.
151
00:10:45,603 --> 00:10:48,773
To my knowledge, you are the only man
in the history of the foreign service
152
00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:52,110
ever to wrap his lunch
in a peace treaty.
153
00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:56,614
Still, it would have been nice
when Vice President Agnew dropped by
154
00:10:56,614 --> 00:10:59,033
if somebody had recognized him.
155
00:10:59,075 --> 00:11:02,120
Yeah, but, Dad, nobody recognizes him
in America, either.
156
00:11:08,251 --> 00:11:09,335
- Kilroy?
- Yes, sir?
157
00:11:09,377 --> 00:11:10,503
For the next two weeks,
158
00:11:10,545 --> 00:11:12,130
will you please give Axel
your full cooperation?
159
00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:13,173
Don't worry, sir.
160
00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:14,799
I'll be at his elbow at all times.
161
00:11:14,841 --> 00:11:16,801
Axel, the only visitor
you might have
162
00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:18,469
would be the Sultan of Bashir.
163
00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:20,471
- Sultan of Bapir.
- Bashir.
164
00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:21,514
- Bashir.
- Bashir.
165
00:11:21,556 --> 00:11:23,183
Yeah. If he should show up
before I get back,
166
00:11:23,224 --> 00:11:25,143
give him anything he wants,
anything.
167
00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:27,854
"We've got a very big
oil deal cooking.
168
00:11:27,854 --> 00:11:30,440
Well, uh, have a good trip, sir.
169
00:11:35,445 --> 00:11:36,696
Happy landings,
170
00:11:36,738 --> 00:11:39,824
And don't worry about a thing,
Governor. Heh.
171
00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:09,395
"On your arrival,
172
00:12:09,437 --> 00:12:11,022
"you will be greeted
with a mandolin serenade
173
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:14,317
"by peasants garbed
in their colorful short skirts."
174
00:12:17,820 --> 00:12:21,282
I think they just
lowered their hemlines.
175
00:12:21,324 --> 00:12:22,867
If those are mandolins
they're carrying,
176
00:12:22,909 --> 00:12:25,119
I hope they don't start to play 'em.
177
00:12:25,161 --> 00:12:26,579
This is your captain speaking.
178
00:12:26,621 --> 00:12:29,207
we've been forced to make
an unscheduled landing.
179
00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:31,793
This is Smetena airport in Bulgaria.
180
00:12:31,834 --> 00:12:34,170
We're awaiting clearance
and should be departing for Athens
181
00:12:34,212 --> 00:12:36,589
in approximately... 30 minutes.
182
00:12:40,009 --> 00:12:42,262
Hey, pal. What's going on?
183
00:12:42,303 --> 00:12:43,596
We've been hijacked.
184
00:12:43,638 --> 00:12:45,640
We're behind the Iron Curtain.
185
00:12:45,682 --> 00:12:47,809
Bulgaria.
186
00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:49,269
Beautiful.
187
00:12:49,310 --> 00:12:51,020
The Iron Curtain.
188
00:12:51,062 --> 00:12:52,730
An adventure.
189
00:12:52,730 --> 00:12:55,149
Passengers may leave the plane
if they wish
190
00:12:55,191 --> 00:12:57,485
but must remain
in the immediate area.
191
00:12:57,527 --> 00:12:58,861
Let's go, Walter.
192
00:12:58,903 --> 00:13:01,155
Out there? Not this apple.
193
00:13:01,197 --> 00:13:02,448
I'm staying right here.
194
00:13:02,490 --> 00:13:03,741
Aw, come on, daddy,
195
00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:07,620
last chance to see an enslaved nation
before the tourists take over.
196
00:13:07,662 --> 00:13:11,207
Walter, just one picture so we can
show everyone we were here.
197
00:13:11,249 --> 00:13:13,418
Please, darling, just for me.
198
00:13:13,459 --> 00:13:15,712
All right, in honor of Newark.
199
00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:36,232
But, Comrade Krojack,
200
00:13:36,274 --> 00:13:38,234
I had no choice!
201
00:13:38,276 --> 00:13:41,237
I knew I had to get out of the U.S. quickly
202
00:13:41,279 --> 00:13:44,490
when I heard the Americans
had captured Lopert.
203
00:13:50,955 --> 00:13:52,999
- There so you can get in the picture.
- Will you stand still?
204
00:13:53,041 --> 00:13:54,250
I'm gonna get pneumonia.
205
00:13:54,292 --> 00:13:57,712
- But get the barbed wire.
- Building in, too.
206
00:13:57,754 --> 00:13:59,505
Lopert.
207
00:13:59,505 --> 00:14:01,716
The gray fox.
208
00:14:01,758 --> 00:14:04,844
Our best agent is captured,
and this is what escapes.
209
00:14:04,886 --> 00:14:06,429
Are you sure of that?
210
00:14:06,471 --> 00:14:08,431
They got him, all right.
211
00:14:11,267 --> 00:14:13,144
Could you stand over here? You?
212
00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:14,604
Will you hurry up, Marion? I've...
213
00:14:16,647 --> 00:14:19,192
Who are those people there?
214
00:14:19,233 --> 00:14:20,693
I don't know.
215
00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:22,987
Get your men, stupid!
216
00:14:25,782 --> 00:14:28,242
Did you wind it, dear?
217
00:14:28,284 --> 00:14:31,120
Of course I got it wound up.
218
00:14:40,171 --> 00:14:41,381
Stop!
219
00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:43,383
Filthy spies! Stop!
220
00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:45,009
Stop! We shoot!
221
00:15:08,366 --> 00:15:09,742
Come on! Come on!
222
00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:12,578
Americans!
223
00:15:12,620 --> 00:15:14,580
Apple pie!
224
00:15:14,622 --> 00:15:15,873
The Brooklyn Dodgers!
225
00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:16,916
She means Los Angeles.
226
00:15:16,958 --> 00:15:18,918
- Open the door!
- Yeah, quick.
227
00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:20,795
Get in! Get in! Get in!
228
00:15:20,837 --> 00:15:22,088
Kilroy.
229
00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:33,474
Aah! They're gonna... Aah!
230
00:15:38,062 --> 00:15:39,272
Quick.
231
00:16:00,877 --> 00:16:03,421
Now, let's see.
I'll need a few facts.
232
00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:06,132
I'm Axel Magee
of the United states Embassy,
233
00:16:06,174 --> 00:16:08,926
And that is Mr. Kilroy
at the wheel.
234
00:16:08,926 --> 00:16:11,554
Mr. and Mrs. Walter Hollander, Newark,
New Jersey,
235
00:16:11,596 --> 00:16:13,598
And this is our daughter, Susan.
236
00:16:13,639 --> 00:16:15,558
She was a Cesarean.
237
00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:24,734
I assume you'll be
seeking asylum.
238
00:16:24,775 --> 00:16:26,694
I will not be seeking asylum.
239
00:16:26,736 --> 00:16:28,362
I didn't do anything wrong!
240
00:16:28,404 --> 00:16:30,323
I'm a caterer from Jersey.
241
00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:33,075
I'll need your passports
and some information.
242
00:16:33,117 --> 00:16:37,914
Now... Have either of you
ever had respiratory ailments...
243
00:16:37,955 --> 00:16:41,000
Oh. That's the wrong form.
244
00:16:50,551 --> 00:16:52,678
"Let's go to Miami, " I said.
245
00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:55,014
"No, let's go to Europe, "
you said.
246
00:16:55,056 --> 00:16:57,600
"We can do things
in Europe we couldn't do in Miami."
247
00:16:57,642 --> 00:16:58,976
You were right.
248
00:16:58,976 --> 00:17:01,479
We're going to a European jail!
249
00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:02,855
Oh, nothing like that, sir.
250
00:17:02,855 --> 00:17:05,107
I'm sure once we have the information...
251
00:17:05,149 --> 00:17:08,569
Now, have you ever bought
anything on credit?
252
00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:13,241
The information is very simple.
253
00:17:13,282 --> 00:17:14,534
We came on this trip...
254
00:17:14,575 --> 00:17:17,495
Well, it was mainly
my brother Harold's idea.
255
00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:19,497
May he rest in peace.
256
00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:20,623
He's not dead.
257
00:17:20,665 --> 00:17:22,875
He will be when I get a hold of him.
258
00:17:28,422 --> 00:17:29,549
This is crazy.
259
00:17:29,590 --> 00:17:31,342
My wife shouldn't have
to go through this!
260
00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:32,843
She's not a young woman!
261
00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:34,554
Well, it's not much
further now, sir.
262
00:17:34,595 --> 00:17:35,888
I'm an old woman?
263
00:17:35,930 --> 00:17:38,391
I don't mean old. I mean,
you know, young old.
264
00:17:41,352 --> 00:17:43,271
Aah! They're shooting at us!
265
00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:50,570
What do you mean, young old?
266
00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:52,029
Oh, Marion, for crying...
267
00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:54,407
I can still fit into the dress I was married in.
268
00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:55,408
Can you?
269
00:17:55,449 --> 00:17:57,410
I think they're only overreacting.
270
00:18:01,831 --> 00:18:02,832
Look out!
271
00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:07,587
Should we go back?
272
00:18:07,628 --> 00:18:09,046
We're leaving the scene of an accident.
273
00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:11,090
We could get into trouble.
274
00:18:11,132 --> 00:18:12,925
I don't see the truck anymore.
275
00:18:12,925 --> 00:18:15,803
Well, I hope nothing
happened to them.
276
00:18:49,086 --> 00:18:50,671
Hand over those spies.
277
00:18:50,713 --> 00:18:52,381
They're not spies.
I asked them.
278
00:18:52,423 --> 00:18:54,383
I'll give you a carbon copy of the report.
279
00:18:54,425 --> 00:18:58,054
They are spies. They were
in a secret area taking pictures.
280
00:18:58,095 --> 00:18:59,472
Pictures of what?
281
00:18:59,513 --> 00:19:02,141
Pictures of our fighter planes, stupid,
the supersonic...
282
00:19:02,183 --> 00:19:04,268
Get out of here.
283
00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:05,603
It's a secret. I can't tell you.
284
00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:07,980
Hand them over.
We'll drag them out and shoot them.
285
00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:09,565
Now... now, look. Look.
286
00:19:09,607 --> 00:19:12,360
This embassy
is United states territory.
287
00:19:12,401 --> 00:19:13,944
Nobody can be dragged
out of here and shot
288
00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:16,739
without the written consent
of the American government.
289
00:19:17,865 --> 00:19:19,158
Will you leave me alone?
290
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:21,285
My government will take steps.
291
00:19:21,327 --> 00:19:24,080
Well, so will mine...
Great big steps, too.
292
00:19:24,121 --> 00:19:26,248
Then we will surround
the building,
293
00:19:26,290 --> 00:19:27,875
and no one will leave!
294
00:19:27,917 --> 00:19:29,418
No one!
295
00:19:29,460 --> 00:19:31,337
Who's this big mouth?
296
00:19:31,337 --> 00:19:32,672
No one!
297
00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:11,544
There's some magazines here.
Have you had lunch?
298
00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:15,381
Hey, they're really setting
machine guns out there!
299
00:20:15,423 --> 00:20:17,883
First, no movie on the plane,
and now this.
300
00:20:17,883 --> 00:20:19,552
Well, what are you
gonna do about it?
301
00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:21,345
We will lodge
a formal complaint.
302
00:20:21,387 --> 00:20:24,223
Yes, we will lodge
a formal complaint.
303
00:20:24,265 --> 00:20:25,975
What are you, his echo?
304
00:20:26,016 --> 00:20:27,059
Uh, Daddy?
305
00:20:27,101 --> 00:20:28,769
It's a simple misunderstanding, sir.
306
00:20:28,811 --> 00:20:29,854
How simple?
307
00:20:29,895 --> 00:20:31,897
Huh. We leave the building, we get killed.
308
00:20:31,897 --> 00:20:33,274
Is that simple enough?
309
00:20:33,315 --> 00:20:34,734
Oh, no, no. Nothing like that, sir.
310
00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:37,069
There'd be a trial first.
311
00:20:38,112 --> 00:20:40,406
I take my family on a vacation,
312
00:20:40,406 --> 00:20:42,616
I want to show them a nice time,
313
00:20:42,658 --> 00:20:45,786
and we got this
working for our government.
314
00:20:45,828 --> 00:20:48,497
And they wonder
why I don't vote.
315
00:20:48,539 --> 00:20:50,666
Mr. Magee, uh,
this formal complaint,
316
00:20:50,708 --> 00:20:52,334
will it take very long?
317
00:20:52,376 --> 00:20:53,377
- The what?
- Formal...
318
00:20:53,419 --> 00:20:55,755
Oh, the complaint. Yeah... no.
I'll get on it right away.
319
00:20:55,755 --> 00:20:58,466
Well, if I can be of
any assistance to you,
320
00:20:58,507 --> 00:21:00,509
offer any information,
321
00:21:00,551 --> 00:21:03,012
I'm at your disposal.
322
00:21:03,053 --> 00:21:05,222
Oh, good, good.
323
00:21:05,264 --> 00:21:06,599
Well, I'll...
324
00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:09,727
I'll call in here
from the ambassador's office.
325
00:21:14,940 --> 00:21:17,234
Well, are you satisfied?
326
00:21:17,234 --> 00:21:18,903
Are you satisfied?
327
00:21:18,944 --> 00:21:23,073
We could be in a cabana
in Miami Beach right now!
328
00:21:23,115 --> 00:21:25,075
Every year, it has
to be Miami Beach.
329
00:21:25,117 --> 00:21:27,912
What's the matter?
They need you to work the tide?
330
00:21:27,953 --> 00:21:30,790
They need him to work the tide
in Miami Beach.
331
00:21:33,167 --> 00:21:35,628
- Bless you.
- Thank you.
332
00:21:36,670 --> 00:21:37,755
Government...
333
00:21:37,797 --> 00:21:40,800
conservation,
communication...
334
00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:43,093
cultural affairs.
335
00:21:43,135 --> 00:21:44,970
Cultural affairs.
That wouldn't be it, would it?
336
00:21:45,012 --> 00:21:48,098
No. They've got to have
a Foreign Office.
337
00:21:48,140 --> 00:21:49,809
Ah. Foreign Office, yeah.
338
00:21:49,850 --> 00:21:51,602
Yeah, that... that might do it.
339
00:21:51,644 --> 00:21:53,479
Foreign Office.
340
00:21:53,479 --> 00:21:56,899
It's best to go right to the top
in these things.
341
00:22:05,658 --> 00:22:07,451
Foreign Office?
342
00:22:07,493 --> 00:22:09,328
Yes, this is Axel Magee,
343
00:22:09,370 --> 00:22:11,956
acting Ambassador
of the United States,
344
00:22:11,997 --> 00:22:15,543
the most powerful nation on earth,
and it... what?
345
00:22:16,794 --> 00:22:17,795
Oh. Oh, all right.
346
00:22:17,837 --> 00:22:19,880
Yes, I'll... I'll hold on.
347
00:22:19,922 --> 00:22:21,131
They're gonna check on it.
348
00:22:21,173 --> 00:22:22,675
Do you think they'll
hold the plane for us?
349
00:22:22,716 --> 00:22:24,093
Oh! Wait. Ah...
350
00:22:24,134 --> 00:22:25,427
This is Axel Magee,
351
00:22:25,469 --> 00:22:27,972
acting Ambassador of
the United States,
352
00:22:28,013 --> 00:22:31,517
the most pow... what?
353
00:22:31,559 --> 00:22:33,519
The United States.
354
00:22:35,646 --> 00:22:42,570
U-N-I-T...
355
00:22:42,611 --> 00:22:44,864
E... E...
356
00:22:44,864 --> 00:22:46,448
You know I'm not
the kind of a guy
357
00:22:46,490 --> 00:22:52,872
to throw up anything
in your face, but... if you remember,
358
00:22:52,913 --> 00:22:55,416
you were the one that wanted
to take the picture.
359
00:22:55,457 --> 00:23:00,087
And I said, "Marion, it looks like
restricted property to me."
360
00:23:00,129 --> 00:23:01,964
And you said, "Why?
361
00:23:02,006 --> 00:23:05,217
"Because there are guards,
guns, and barbed wire?"
362
00:23:05,259 --> 00:23:06,886
And I said, "Yes.
363
00:23:06,927 --> 00:23:11,056
"Because there are guards,
guns, and barbed wire."
364
00:23:11,098 --> 00:23:14,560
Now, this is what
I want to ask you.
365
00:23:14,602 --> 00:23:16,186
Did you think it was a place
366
00:23:16,228 --> 00:23:20,149
that sold guards,
guns, and barbed wire?
367
00:23:25,696 --> 00:23:28,407
Yeah, United states of America.
368
00:23:28,449 --> 00:23:31,243
Of America.
369
00:23:31,285 --> 00:23:33,579
- O.-F.
370
00:23:33,579 --> 00:23:36,165
America.
371
00:23:36,206 --> 00:23:38,208
A... capital A-M...
372
00:23:38,250 --> 00:23:40,252
Big "A." capital.
Big 'A."
373
00:23:40,294 --> 00:23:43,213
A-M-E-R...
374
00:23:52,222 --> 00:23:53,599
Well, what do they say?
375
00:23:53,641 --> 00:23:55,517
The regular girl in the complaint office
is on vacation.
376
00:23:55,559 --> 00:23:57,645
- She's having a baby.
- Ah.
377
00:23:57,686 --> 00:23:59,313
Would you see
if you can, you know...
378
00:23:59,355 --> 00:24:00,648
I'll handle it.
379
00:24:00,689 --> 00:24:02,524
Why don't we just
give them the camera?
380
00:24:02,566 --> 00:24:03,609
Wait a minute!
381
00:24:03,651 --> 00:24:04,944
Th... that's a good idea, Mr. Hollander.
382
00:24:04,985 --> 00:24:06,320
There's nothing on the film, is there?
383
00:24:06,362 --> 00:24:08,113
Oh, that I can guarantee.
384
00:24:08,155 --> 00:24:10,115
The last reel, he held
the camera backwards...
385
00:24:10,157 --> 00:24:14,578
50 feet of super-8 film
of his right eyeball.
386
00:24:14,620 --> 00:24:16,455
I'm not giving this camera
to anybody.
387
00:24:16,497 --> 00:24:18,540
It cost me 95 clams.
388
00:24:18,582 --> 00:24:19,959
Always money.
389
00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:21,877
You know, that's why
they don't like us in Europe...
390
00:24:21,919 --> 00:24:24,380
Always flaunting our wealth.
391
00:24:24,421 --> 00:24:28,050
Mr. Hollander, I think this will
settle things very quickly.
392
00:24:28,092 --> 00:24:30,094
Excuse me.
393
00:24:30,135 --> 00:24:31,261
Sorry.
394
00:24:37,768 --> 00:24:40,229
Is he the most beautiful
thing in the world?
395
00:24:40,270 --> 00:24:42,356
Well, he's only
trying to help us.
396
00:24:42,398 --> 00:24:45,150
Help us?
By giving my stuff away?
397
00:24:45,192 --> 00:24:46,735
Is that we got
an ambassador for,
398
00:24:46,777 --> 00:24:48,570
To play "queen for a day"?
399
00:24:48,612 --> 00:24:50,280
Bumping, knocking...
He's a nut.
400
00:24:52,324 --> 00:24:55,828
Mr. Krojack.
Mr. Krojack!
401
00:24:55,869 --> 00:24:58,372
Mr. Krojack, here.
402
00:24:58,414 --> 00:25:00,791
Here. Come on... here.
403
00:25:00,833 --> 00:25:02,001
You can judge for yourself.
404
00:25:02,001 --> 00:25:03,877
Believe me,
they are not spies.
405
00:25:03,919 --> 00:25:05,838
They are American tourists.
406
00:25:05,838 --> 00:25:07,589
Did you see the shirt
that guy was wearing?
407
00:25:07,631 --> 00:25:09,299
They're spies.
408
00:25:09,341 --> 00:25:11,093
Go ahead, develop the film.
409
00:25:11,135 --> 00:25:12,845
It's nothing but noses.
410
00:25:12,886 --> 00:25:15,806
Anyhow, they have committed
a criminal act.
411
00:25:15,848 --> 00:25:18,350
Come on, now.
Why all the fuss?
412
00:25:18,392 --> 00:25:20,310
You spy on us,
we spy on you.
413
00:25:20,352 --> 00:25:21,812
Everybody knows it.
414
00:25:21,854 --> 00:25:23,647
Why do we have to pretend
it's so unusual?
415
00:25:23,689 --> 00:25:27,901
Ooh. You admit you spy.
416
00:25:27,943 --> 00:25:30,446
Tell me, how often?
417
00:25:30,487 --> 00:25:32,406
All the time. It's no secret.
418
00:25:32,448 --> 00:25:35,367
Espionage goes on between
our countries every day.
419
00:25:35,409 --> 00:25:37,494
Then those people are spies.
420
00:25:37,494 --> 00:25:39,246
Well, what difference does it make?
421
00:25:39,288 --> 00:25:41,999
Are you gonna tell me that you don't
send spies into our country
422
00:25:42,041 --> 00:25:44,376
posed as American tourists?
423
00:25:44,376 --> 00:25:46,670
But you do admit they are spies?
424
00:25:46,712 --> 00:25:48,797
Well, what if they are?
What if they are?
425
00:25:48,839 --> 00:25:52,301
That still doesn't give you the right
to enter these grounds illegally.
426
00:25:57,181 --> 00:25:58,515
Is that better?
427
00:25:58,515 --> 00:26:00,893
I'm telling you, you're gonna
get yourself into big trouble.
428
00:26:00,934 --> 00:26:02,269
Every nation on this earth
will recognize this
429
00:26:02,311 --> 00:26:04,438
as a cruel and vicious attack.
430
00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:06,440
I wouldn't even be surprised
if France took our side.
431
00:26:06,482 --> 00:26:08,734
I just talked to your office.
432
00:26:08,776 --> 00:26:10,569
They want you to return
immediately. Hmm.
433
00:26:10,611 --> 00:26:13,489
He admitted they are spies.
434
00:26:13,530 --> 00:26:15,365
Mr. Magee, you didn't!
435
00:26:15,407 --> 00:26:16,408
Well...
436
00:26:16,450 --> 00:26:21,163
And... and I have
it all recorded right there.
437
00:26:21,205 --> 00:26:24,708
Well, I... I... I suppose I did in a sense.
438
00:26:24,792 --> 00:26:26,376
But you know we spy.
They spy...
439
00:26:26,418 --> 00:26:27,795
We do nothing of the sort!
440
00:26:27,836 --> 00:26:29,254
Actually, we do. Now, look.
441
00:26:29,296 --> 00:26:31,882
If we would all stop being hypocritical
and be honest for once...
442
00:26:31,924 --> 00:26:32,925
Mr. Magee...
443
00:26:32,966 --> 00:26:34,927
Look. How can the truth hurt?
The fact is, we do spy.
444
00:26:34,968 --> 00:26:37,554
Louder, please,
And talk into the button.
445
00:26:37,554 --> 00:26:39,098
Don't you twist my words.
446
00:26:39,139 --> 00:26:40,265
You're the one at fault here.
447
00:26:40,307 --> 00:26:41,767
You come here with your soldiers
and your guns,
448
00:26:41,809 --> 00:26:44,311
and then you wonder why
a brutal dictatorship gets a bad name.
449
00:26:44,353 --> 00:26:46,105
Now, I'm gonna
count to three...
450
00:26:46,105 --> 00:26:48,774
Don't bother. I'm going.
451
00:26:48,816 --> 00:26:51,235
I have what I want
in the little button.
452
00:26:51,276 --> 00:26:54,113
Now, the soldiers will stay here.
453
00:26:54,154 --> 00:26:58,617
And about those spies,
don't worry.
454
00:26:58,659 --> 00:27:00,410
They can either come out here
455
00:27:00,452 --> 00:27:05,040
or stay in there the rest of their lives.
456
00:27:22,558 --> 00:27:25,644
This is great. Just dandy.
457
00:27:25,686 --> 00:27:27,146
Those lunatics out there
say we're spies,
458
00:27:27,187 --> 00:27:29,773
and this lunatic says yes.
459
00:27:29,815 --> 00:27:30,983
Why did you do it?
460
00:27:30,983 --> 00:27:32,192
I panicked. I lost control.
461
00:27:32,234 --> 00:27:33,777
But what were you thinking?
462
00:27:33,861 --> 00:27:36,613
I was thinking, "Don't panic.
Don't lose control."
463
00:27:36,697 --> 00:27:39,449
27 years,
I've been a caterer.
464
00:27:39,491 --> 00:27:42,244
Built up a business,
reputation.
465
00:27:42,286 --> 00:27:44,079
Creative catering.
466
00:27:44,121 --> 00:27:45,372
I was the first one in Newark
467
00:27:45,414 --> 00:27:47,207
to make bridegrooms
out of pot cheese.
468
00:27:47,249 --> 00:27:51,170
He does lovely work,
I'll say that for him.
469
00:27:51,170 --> 00:27:52,629
That's not good enough for you.
470
00:27:52,713 --> 00:27:54,173
You got to make me a spy.
471
00:27:54,214 --> 00:27:55,632
Look. I'm sorry,
Mr. Hollander.
472
00:27:55,632 --> 00:27:58,343
I was really only trying to calm them down.
473
00:27:58,385 --> 00:27:59,386
Mr. Hollander?
474
00:27:59,428 --> 00:28:02,139
There's no Mr. Hollander.
That's just a cover name.
475
00:28:02,181 --> 00:28:04,349
I'm really the Batman.
476
00:28:04,349 --> 00:28:05,809
I'm a celery stuffer by day
477
00:28:05,851 --> 00:28:08,061
and a secret agent at night.
478
00:28:08,103 --> 00:28:11,565
I hide microfilm,
sneak across the border,
479
00:28:11,607 --> 00:28:14,151
give enemy agents
an old karate chop.
480
00:28:17,571 --> 00:28:18,697
What's with you?
481
00:28:18,739 --> 00:28:21,575
Tuesdays, you have been
coming home late.
482
00:28:21,617 --> 00:28:23,285
That's my bowling night!
483
00:28:23,327 --> 00:28:25,162
Now you got her believing it.
484
00:28:25,204 --> 00:28:28,248
Obviously, everybody's been
overreacting.
485
00:28:28,290 --> 00:28:31,001
I'm sure when things start
settling down...
486
00:28:31,043 --> 00:28:34,213
The only thing that's gonna settle down
is that army out there.
487
00:28:34,213 --> 00:28:36,632
We're liable to be here
three or four days.
488
00:28:36,673 --> 00:28:39,426
I'll... I'll...
I'll see about dinner.
489
00:28:39,468 --> 00:28:40,928
I'm coming down
with something.
490
00:28:40,969 --> 00:28:43,013
I think is all great!
491
00:28:43,096 --> 00:28:45,432
- You do?
- Yeah.
492
00:28:45,474 --> 00:28:46,934
You know, it can be fun.
493
00:28:46,975 --> 00:28:50,020
Some people might look upon this
as an exciting experience.
494
00:28:51,313 --> 00:28:53,357
Some people bought edsels.
495
00:28:53,398 --> 00:28:56,526
Well, we could be a lot worse off.
496
00:28:56,568 --> 00:28:58,737
This place is beautiful.
497
00:28:58,779 --> 00:29:00,447
I just can't hang around here.
498
00:29:00,489 --> 00:29:02,241
The Millman wedding
is coming up,
499
00:29:02,241 --> 00:29:03,992
and Sam can't handle it.
500
00:29:04,034 --> 00:29:07,579
Sam is my husband's partner.
I think you'd like him.
501
00:29:07,621 --> 00:29:09,915
Oh, you'd love him.
He's a mental midget, too.
502
00:29:11,291 --> 00:29:13,627
I'm telling you,
Sam can't handle that affair.
503
00:29:13,669 --> 00:29:16,088
All right, so he can have his son
come and help out.
504
00:29:16,129 --> 00:29:17,714
He's over 21.
505
00:29:17,798 --> 00:29:19,299
His son?
506
00:29:19,341 --> 00:29:21,051
Who's going to dress him?
507
00:29:21,093 --> 00:29:24,054
Well, we might as well
make the best of it.
508
00:29:24,137 --> 00:29:26,098
I've got another
bomb for you.
509
00:29:26,139 --> 00:29:27,557
What about Seth?
510
00:29:27,599 --> 00:29:30,394
Seth? Oh, my god!
511
00:29:30,435 --> 00:29:33,522
Forgive her. She can't remember
she gave birth twice.
512
00:29:33,563 --> 00:29:34,940
Seth is at camp.
513
00:29:34,982 --> 00:29:36,858
Yes, and camp closes Tuesday.
514
00:29:36,900 --> 00:29:39,486
What's gonna happen to him when
we're not home to let him in?
515
00:29:39,528 --> 00:29:41,071
He'll be unsupervised.
516
00:29:41,113 --> 00:29:42,948
He'll live in the street
and run amok.
517
00:29:42,990 --> 00:29:44,283
He'll loot and rape.
518
00:29:44,283 --> 00:29:45,742
You know
what our son is like...
519
00:29:45,742 --> 00:29:47,244
Just like your brother.
520
00:29:47,286 --> 00:29:48,870
Daddy.
521
00:29:48,912 --> 00:29:50,122
Well, what about you?
522
00:29:50,163 --> 00:29:52,124
You know, Donald
isn't gonna like this.
523
00:29:52,165 --> 00:29:53,292
Donald?
524
00:29:53,292 --> 00:29:55,836
Her fiance, a very nice lawyer
with asthma,
525
00:29:55,877 --> 00:29:57,796
but he couldn't come with us.
526
00:29:57,838 --> 00:29:59,131
You know what I feel like doing?
527
00:29:59,172 --> 00:30:01,466
I feel like going right out there...
528
00:30:05,053 --> 00:30:06,763
Chichikov.
529
00:30:15,063 --> 00:30:16,732
Chichikov.
530
00:30:17,941 --> 00:30:24,865
Chichikov. Chichikov!
531
00:30:24,906 --> 00:30:26,325
Chichikov!
532
00:30:29,578 --> 00:30:30,620
Have you seen Chichikov?
533
00:30:30,662 --> 00:30:32,706
No, no. This is Father Drobney.
534
00:30:32,748 --> 00:30:34,207
Father, these are the Hollanders.
535
00:30:34,249 --> 00:30:35,625
My children.
536
00:30:35,667 --> 00:30:37,210
Chichikov is his rabbit.
537
00:30:37,252 --> 00:30:38,670
Have you seen him?
538
00:30:38,670 --> 00:30:39,838
I don't think so.
539
00:30:39,880 --> 00:30:40,922
Damn!
540
00:30:40,964 --> 00:30:43,175
Oh!
541
00:30:43,216 --> 00:30:44,468
Sorry.
542
00:30:44,509 --> 00:30:46,470
Father, the Hollanders
came in today
543
00:30:46,511 --> 00:30:47,804
very much the same way
as you did.
544
00:30:47,804 --> 00:30:49,639
Are you refugees?
545
00:30:49,681 --> 00:30:51,433
Refugees?
546
00:30:51,475 --> 00:30:54,186
Do you know
what I paid for this shirt?
547
00:30:54,227 --> 00:30:58,899
We were at the vatican.
We know your boss.
548
00:30:58,940 --> 00:31:00,692
Have you been here long?
549
00:31:00,692 --> 00:31:03,111
Well, Father Drobney's case
is quite different from yours.
550
00:31:03,153 --> 00:31:04,821
Yes.
551
00:31:04,905 --> 00:31:07,532
I... am a guest
of your government.
552
00:31:07,574 --> 00:31:10,827
See, I try not
to make myself a nuisance.
553
00:31:10,827 --> 00:31:14,206
I have a little room
on the top floor
554
00:31:14,247 --> 00:31:17,042
which I practically
never leave.
555
00:31:17,084 --> 00:31:18,418
But how long have you...
556
00:31:18,460 --> 00:31:21,004
Listen. Why don't we all wash up?
We'll have a little dinner.
557
00:31:21,046 --> 00:31:23,215
Maybe we can listen to some
propaganda broadcasts.
558
00:31:23,256 --> 00:31:24,591
Wait a minute.
559
00:31:24,633 --> 00:31:26,176
How long have you been here?
560
00:31:26,218 --> 00:31:29,388
Well, as I say, Father's case
is quite different.
561
00:31:29,388 --> 00:31:31,723
How long? A day?
A week? A month?
562
00:31:31,723 --> 00:31:32,724
How long?
563
00:31:32,766 --> 00:31:36,311
It's been closer to...
564
00:31:37,562 --> 00:31:38,939
six years.
565
00:31:44,736 --> 00:31:46,988
Six years.
566
00:32:02,879 --> 00:32:06,466
Uh... Do you still get paid?
567
00:32:08,343 --> 00:32:10,345
Have you ever tried to escape?
568
00:32:10,387 --> 00:32:13,598
My duty is to remain here
569
00:32:13,640 --> 00:32:16,393
and someday lead my people
once again.
570
00:32:16,435 --> 00:32:18,979
But until you lead your people,
571
00:32:19,020 --> 00:32:21,314
you stay in your bedroom?
572
00:32:21,356 --> 00:32:23,692
It hasn't been bad.
573
00:32:23,733 --> 00:32:27,070
I, uh, practice
my hobby, magic tricks.
574
00:32:27,112 --> 00:32:28,572
That's why he has the rabbit.
575
00:32:28,613 --> 00:32:29,614
Pick a card.
576
00:32:29,656 --> 00:32:31,741
Pick a card, any card.
577
00:32:31,783 --> 00:32:32,868
Go ahead, I'm not fussy.
578
00:32:32,909 --> 00:32:34,870
Oh, come on, Daddy,
pick a card.
579
00:32:34,911 --> 00:32:36,288
Pick. Pick.
580
00:32:38,915 --> 00:32:40,709
Jack of Spades!
581
00:32:41,710 --> 00:32:42,752
4 of Clubs.
582
00:32:42,794 --> 00:32:45,672
Damn!
583
00:32:45,714 --> 00:32:47,674
I know. That's two.
584
00:32:47,716 --> 00:32:50,177
Father also raises white doves.
585
00:32:50,218 --> 00:32:52,095
Doves. White doves.
586
00:32:52,137 --> 00:32:55,223
I, uh... transform them
before your very eyes.
587
00:32:55,265 --> 00:32:58,768
Oh, I'd love to see your birds.
588
00:32:58,810 --> 00:33:00,812
An audience!
589
00:33:00,854 --> 00:33:02,022
I'll do the rings.
590
00:33:02,063 --> 00:33:05,150
Magic production!
591
00:33:05,192 --> 00:33:07,277
Hey! Magic!
592
00:33:09,488 --> 00:33:11,531
Don't go away.
593
00:33:18,663 --> 00:33:20,373
"Don't go away."
594
00:34:14,469 --> 00:34:17,472
"Dear son,
I miss you very much.
595
00:34:17,514 --> 00:34:19,766
"Take care of yourself,
eat slowly,
596
00:34:19,808 --> 00:34:23,019
"chew your food
carefully, and go to bed early.
597
00:34:23,019 --> 00:34:25,522
"Above all,
stay away from women.
598
00:34:25,564 --> 00:34:27,232
"See what happened to me."
599
00:34:27,274 --> 00:34:30,694
I've waxed every floor
in this house today twice.
600
00:34:30,735 --> 00:34:32,946
You ought to stick to your dusting.
601
00:34:32,988 --> 00:34:34,489
Too much wax can be dangerous.
602
00:34:34,531 --> 00:34:37,158
Huh! Don't you think
I know what I'm doing?
603
00:34:48,920 --> 00:34:50,755
Goddamn floors.
604
00:34:52,591 --> 00:34:54,301
I told you.
605
00:34:54,342 --> 00:34:55,385
I know how to wax.
606
00:34:55,427 --> 00:34:57,596
He doesn't know how to walk.
607
00:35:04,019 --> 00:35:05,437
Yes. Good.
608
00:35:05,478 --> 00:35:08,607
Comrade Krojack will be with you
in just a moment.
609
00:35:08,607 --> 00:35:11,484
I have Ambassador Magee
for you in Washington.
610
00:35:15,822 --> 00:35:17,824
- Ah, Mr. Amb...
- Excuse me.
611
00:35:17,866 --> 00:35:19,117
Comrade Krojack,
612
00:35:19,159 --> 00:35:21,411
Would you ask him
how the market went today?
613
00:35:21,453 --> 00:35:22,579
Market? What market?
614
00:35:22,621 --> 00:35:23,788
The Wall Street.
615
00:35:23,830 --> 00:35:27,292
I got some mutual funds,
couple shares IBM.
616
00:35:27,334 --> 00:35:31,838
Also, ask if the government
is going through with the antitrust thing.
617
00:35:33,965 --> 00:35:36,301
Excuse me, Mr. Ambassador.
618
00:35:36,343 --> 00:35:38,928
Break his legs!
619
00:35:42,641 --> 00:35:44,684
Comrade Krojack here.
620
00:35:44,726 --> 00:35:47,020
I had a talk with your son.
621
00:35:47,062 --> 00:35:49,773
Yes, a bright boy.
622
00:35:49,814 --> 00:35:51,983
Would you like
to hear his remarks?
623
00:35:51,983 --> 00:35:53,943
You spy on us, we spy on you.
624
00:35:53,985 --> 00:35:55,111
Everybody knows it.
625
00:35:55,195 --> 00:35:57,364
Why do we have to pretend
it's so unusual?
626
00:35:57,405 --> 00:36:00,200
Ooh. You do admit you spy?
627
00:36:00,241 --> 00:36:02,118
How often?
628
00:36:02,202 --> 00:36:04,037
All the time. It's no secret.
629
00:36:04,079 --> 00:36:06,790
Espionage goes on between
our countries every day.
630
00:36:06,831 --> 00:36:09,125
But you do admit they are spies?
631
00:36:09,125 --> 00:36:11,294
Well, what if they are?
What if they are?
632
00:36:11,336 --> 00:36:12,420
What's the difference?
633
00:36:12,462 --> 00:36:13,672
Are you gonna tell me
that your country
634
00:36:13,672 --> 00:36:15,674
doesn't send spies
into the United States?
635
00:36:15,674 --> 00:36:18,176
So those people are spies.
636
00:36:27,644 --> 00:36:29,854
That's about all, Barney.
637
00:36:29,896 --> 00:36:32,399
Stay well, and give our best
to your aunt and uncle.
638
00:36:32,440 --> 00:36:34,401
Bye-bye.
639
00:36:34,442 --> 00:36:35,985
Boy, are we lucky
not to be home.
640
00:36:36,027 --> 00:36:37,737
It's pouring in Newark.
641
00:36:37,779 --> 00:36:39,781
What a thrill.
642
00:36:39,823 --> 00:36:43,702
That was Barney Brakestone.
I told him we were all right.
643
00:36:43,702 --> 00:36:47,288
Did you also tell him not to meet us
at the airport in the station wagon
644
00:36:47,330 --> 00:36:49,290
because we might be
six years late?
645
00:36:54,254 --> 00:36:55,672
Hey, Axel.
646
00:36:55,714 --> 00:36:57,424
Yes, sir?
647
00:36:57,465 --> 00:36:58,800
Hear anything yet?
648
00:36:58,842 --> 00:37:00,051
Ah, no, sir, not yet,
649
00:37:00,093 --> 00:37:01,594
But I'm sure once they get
the film developed.
650
00:37:01,594 --> 00:37:02,721
Well, what's taking so long?
651
00:37:02,762 --> 00:37:04,389
You're in a communist country.
652
00:37:04,431 --> 00:37:06,891
Maybe they don't have
all-night drugstores.
653
00:37:06,891 --> 00:37:08,476
One thing, Mrs. Hollander.
654
00:37:08,518 --> 00:37:10,061
Naturally, you're free
to use the phone,
655
00:37:10,103 --> 00:37:12,147
but if you could limit your phone calls
to just a few dozen.
656
00:37:13,189 --> 00:37:14,899
When Nixon gets
his phone bill,
657
00:37:14,899 --> 00:37:16,025
he may have to cancel
the space program.
658
00:37:20,029 --> 00:37:21,531
Excuse me.
659
00:37:23,074 --> 00:37:24,909
Did I tell you I got the Kleins?
660
00:37:24,909 --> 00:37:26,953
They're going to
look after Seth till we get back.
661
00:37:26,995 --> 00:37:28,580
That's the worst couple
you could have got.
662
00:37:28,621 --> 00:37:31,040
Why? What's wrong
with the Kleins?
663
00:37:31,082 --> 00:37:32,417
They have orgies.
664
00:37:32,459 --> 00:37:33,752
How do you know?
665
00:37:33,793 --> 00:37:36,129
I catered one.
666
00:37:39,716 --> 00:37:40,967
I've been a chef...
667
00:37:41,009 --> 00:37:43,428
You know who you should be
cooking for? Castro.
668
00:37:43,470 --> 00:37:45,764
But I run a million-dollar
catering business
669
00:37:45,764 --> 00:37:47,974
in Newark.
670
00:37:48,016 --> 00:37:50,059
I... don't threaten me,
you clam.
671
00:37:50,101 --> 00:37:51,478
All right. What...
What's the problem?
672
00:37:51,519 --> 00:37:53,688
Mr. Hollander
is the problem.
673
00:37:53,730 --> 00:37:56,065
I'm trying to prepare dinner.
674
00:37:56,107 --> 00:37:58,693
Every dish I name,
he wants something else.
675
00:37:58,735 --> 00:38:01,613
Yeah, well, I think if Mr. Hollander
requests something, you should try...
676
00:38:01,654 --> 00:38:04,449
Mr. Magee, we are in
a communist country,
677
00:38:04,491 --> 00:38:07,076
6,000 miles
from the United States.
678
00:38:07,118 --> 00:38:10,830
Where do you expect me
to find a celery cheesecake?
679
00:38:12,207 --> 00:38:13,833
What did you have planned?
680
00:38:13,875 --> 00:38:16,628
- Oysters.
- I don't eat oysters.
681
00:38:16,669 --> 00:38:18,463
You have to eat them alive.
682
00:38:18,505 --> 00:38:19,964
I like my food dead...
683
00:38:19,964 --> 00:38:21,841
Not sick, not wounded... dead.
684
00:38:21,883 --> 00:38:23,426
How do you live with this man?
685
00:38:23,468 --> 00:38:24,928
Do you force-feed him?
686
00:38:24,969 --> 00:38:27,305
I know what he likes.
I'll just fix him a chicken.
687
00:38:27,347 --> 00:38:28,556
Do you have a double boiler?
688
00:38:28,598 --> 00:38:30,600
No, no, no. No one is allowed
in my kitchen.
689
00:38:30,642 --> 00:38:33,812
No, no. No, you'll get all
my knives mixed up. No!
690
00:38:33,853 --> 00:38:36,397
Nice to know our food is being prepared
by an outpatient.
691
00:38:57,460 --> 00:39:00,296
We must be
missing something.
692
00:39:00,296 --> 00:39:03,383
Must be missing something.
693
00:39:03,424 --> 00:39:05,134
We must be missing something!
694
00:39:05,176 --> 00:39:07,220
- Comrade Krojack!
- What is it?
695
00:39:07,262 --> 00:39:08,638
I have some information.
696
00:39:08,680 --> 00:39:10,515
Turn it off. Lights!
697
00:39:10,557 --> 00:39:12,600
This notebook, it was
found at airport
698
00:39:12,642 --> 00:39:15,854
at exact spot where spies
were taking pictures.
699
00:39:22,986 --> 00:39:27,282
Isn't that nice?
A magic show just for us.
700
00:39:27,323 --> 00:39:29,284
I wish I had some popcorn.
701
00:39:29,325 --> 00:39:30,577
How about a pizza?
702
00:39:39,294 --> 00:39:41,212
I am ready now.
703
00:39:41,212 --> 00:39:43,965
A real Showstopper.
704
00:39:44,007 --> 00:39:50,263
I produce two white doves
from the thin air.
705
00:39:53,016 --> 00:39:55,476
If you will watch closely, please.
706
00:39:59,314 --> 00:40:01,274
I didn't say it.
707
00:40:01,316 --> 00:40:03,568
If it's for me,
I'm free to talk.
708
00:40:03,610 --> 00:40:04,736
Hello.
709
00:40:04,777 --> 00:40:06,738
Yes. Yes, this is Axel Magee.
710
00:40:07,989 --> 00:40:09,449
It's the secret police.
711
00:40:09,490 --> 00:40:12,410
Now, they're probably calling
to say you're free to go.
712
00:40:12,452 --> 00:40:15,371
Tell me, your spies,
they are comfortable?
713
00:40:15,371 --> 00:40:17,874
Yes, thank you very much.
Our spies are very comfortable.
714
00:40:17,916 --> 00:40:22,545
Excellent. Would you
ask the head spy, please... the fat one...
715
00:40:22,587 --> 00:40:24,464
If he lost a notebook
at the airport?
716
00:40:24,505 --> 00:40:26,841
Did you lose
a notebook at the airport?
717
00:40:26,883 --> 00:40:28,468
Ah, yeah, yeah.
718
00:40:28,509 --> 00:40:29,969
I had my notes in it
about the Millman wedding.
719
00:40:30,011 --> 00:40:33,139
Look. Ask him if I could
get it back right away. I need it.
720
00:40:33,181 --> 00:40:36,267
Yes, he did, and he's very
anxious to get it back. He needs it.
721
00:40:36,309 --> 00:40:39,604
I'm sure he does,
but I'm afraid we need it, too,
722
00:40:39,646 --> 00:40:41,481
for a little while longer.
723
00:40:41,522 --> 00:40:45,401
We almost have it broken.
724
00:40:45,485 --> 00:40:47,654
That's right, the code.
725
00:40:47,695 --> 00:40:50,949
Troop movements, weapons,
supply information.
726
00:40:50,990 --> 00:40:52,617
I'll-I'll ask him.
727
00:40:52,659 --> 00:40:56,412
He says it's a code
for troop movements.
728
00:40:59,415 --> 00:41:00,959
Hello?
729
00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:03,920
Uh, that doesn't have anything
to do with troop movements.
730
00:41:03,962 --> 00:41:06,297
That's the Millman
and Klinger wedding.
731
00:41:06,339 --> 00:41:08,341
And there are more Millmans
than there are Klingers
732
00:41:08,383 --> 00:41:10,343
because the Millmans
are paying for the wedding.
733
00:41:10,385 --> 00:41:13,429
They may eat like an army,
but they're all civilians.
734
00:41:13,513 --> 00:41:15,598
Oh, of course.
735
00:41:15,640 --> 00:41:18,101
And this drawing of a rocket,
736
00:41:18,142 --> 00:41:19,185
I see it's only a decoration
for a wedding.
737
00:41:19,227 --> 00:41:21,437
Strange, isn't it,
738
00:41:21,521 --> 00:41:23,022
that it happens
to be an exact drawing
739
00:41:23,064 --> 00:41:24,649
of one of our spaceships?
740
00:41:24,691 --> 00:41:25,817
What do you say to that?
741
00:41:25,858 --> 00:41:28,194
I say I feel sorry
for your astronauts
742
00:41:28,236 --> 00:41:31,280
because they're
going to the moon in tomato aspic!
743
00:41:31,322 --> 00:41:36,619
Amusing. And I suppose
this gunboat you sketched
744
00:41:36,661 --> 00:41:39,080
is also made of tomato aspic.
745
00:41:39,122 --> 00:41:40,456
Of course not!
746
00:41:40,540 --> 00:41:42,458
The gunboat's
made out of sausage!
747
00:41:42,458 --> 00:41:43,751
Enough of this.
748
00:41:43,793 --> 00:41:46,004
The evidence is quite clear.
749
00:41:46,045 --> 00:41:49,132
You will pay for your treachery.
750
00:41:49,173 --> 00:41:53,261
We are a young country.
We have plenty of time.
751
00:41:53,302 --> 00:41:57,140
We will wait you out
until we get our revenge.
752
00:41:57,181 --> 00:42:02,353
Remember, the ideology
of the masses will triumph.
753
00:42:04,564 --> 00:42:05,982
Dirty, rotten...
754
00:42:06,024 --> 00:42:08,109
Yep, guess we don't leave.
755
00:42:08,151 --> 00:42:09,986
Well, why can't we leave?
756
00:42:10,028 --> 00:42:12,196
Because it would be impolite.
757
00:42:12,238 --> 00:42:15,908
We're guests of honor
of that firing squad out there!
758
00:42:15,950 --> 00:42:17,243
No one will harm you, sir.
759
00:42:17,285 --> 00:42:19,579
You are a citizen of
the United States,
760
00:42:19,620 --> 00:42:21,831
the most powerful
nation on this earth.
761
00:42:21,873 --> 00:42:23,958
Have that put on my stone.
762
00:42:27,128 --> 00:42:28,713
Now...
763
00:42:28,755 --> 00:42:31,883
If you will watch
closely, please.
764
00:42:31,924 --> 00:42:34,052
- I will take...
- I'm getting out of here.
765
00:42:34,093 --> 00:42:37,722
Guns or no guns,
I'm going back to America!
766
00:42:37,764 --> 00:42:38,765
- Daddy!
- Wait!
767
00:42:38,806 --> 00:42:40,808
Mr. Hollander.
768
00:42:40,850 --> 00:42:42,560
Where's my hat?
769
00:42:42,602 --> 00:42:44,020
Mr. Hollander, I really don't
think this is wise.
770
00:42:44,062 --> 00:42:45,396
Shut up. Where's my hat?
771
00:42:45,438 --> 00:42:47,398
Look, sir. I planned on
calling my father in Washington.
772
00:42:47,398 --> 00:42:49,442
I'm sure he's gonna have an answer
to this whole situation.
773
00:42:49,484 --> 00:42:50,777
Don't do me any favors.
774
00:42:50,818 --> 00:42:51,903
I can't hang around here
six years.
775
00:42:51,944 --> 00:42:53,488
I got a business to run
back home!
776
00:42:53,529 --> 00:42:55,198
Maybe!
777
00:42:55,239 --> 00:42:56,616
Where's my hat?
778
00:42:56,657 --> 00:42:58,284
But, Daddy, they still think
we're spies!
779
00:42:58,326 --> 00:43:00,953
All right, let them catch me.
They'll find out I'm a caterer.
780
00:43:00,995 --> 00:43:03,915
They want any information,
I'll tell them how to slice grapefruit.
781
00:43:03,956 --> 00:43:05,083
There's my hat.
782
00:43:05,124 --> 00:43:07,251
Mr. Hollander, now, look.
You're very upset. Now, please,
783
00:43:07,251 --> 00:43:08,252
why don't you get
a good night's sleep?
784
00:43:08,294 --> 00:43:10,254
And I'll call my father.
We'll settle the whole thing.
785
00:43:10,296 --> 00:43:11,255
Do you know whose fault this is?
786
00:43:11,297 --> 00:43:13,841
This is your fault
because this whole thing was your idea.
787
00:43:13,883 --> 00:43:15,843
Mr. Hollander, please reconsider.
788
00:43:15,885 --> 00:43:18,554
Let him go.
789
00:43:18,554 --> 00:43:20,181
Well, go on,
Humphrey Bogart!
790
00:43:20,223 --> 00:43:21,974
Go, go. There's the door.
791
00:43:22,016 --> 00:43:24,811
You think I won't?
792
00:43:24,852 --> 00:43:27,105
You think I'm afraid
of those guys out there?
793
00:43:27,105 --> 00:43:28,356
Oh, why should you be afraid?
794
00:43:28,397 --> 00:43:30,441
They'll only arrest you
and torture you.
795
00:43:30,483 --> 00:43:31,984
What's to be afraid of?
796
00:43:31,984 --> 00:43:34,487
Just bite down hard
on your cyanide capsule.
797
00:43:34,529 --> 00:43:36,197
Go on, dear.
798
00:43:36,239 --> 00:43:37,532
Stop trying to stop me.
799
00:43:37,573 --> 00:43:38,950
Go on!
800
00:43:38,991 --> 00:43:42,787
Get brainwashed.
In your case, it'll probably help.
801
00:43:42,829 --> 00:43:44,080
Tee hee.
802
00:43:44,122 --> 00:43:46,082
You're letting in a draft.
803
00:44:02,598 --> 00:44:03,975
Call your father.
804
00:44:13,901 --> 00:44:17,029
Do you have
a girlfriend back home?
805
00:44:17,071 --> 00:44:18,698
Well, there was this girl
I was writing to,
806
00:44:18,739 --> 00:44:19,907
but she lost interest.
807
00:44:19,949 --> 00:44:21,159
How do you know?
808
00:44:21,200 --> 00:44:23,161
Well, for one thing,
she stopped writing.
809
00:44:23,161 --> 00:44:24,996
That doesn't mean the end.
810
00:44:25,037 --> 00:44:26,205
She also got married
and pregnant,
811
00:44:26,247 --> 00:44:28,207
and I'm not sure in which order.
812
00:44:28,249 --> 00:44:29,625
That means something.
813
00:44:31,961 --> 00:44:33,504
What's he like, Donald?
814
00:44:33,546 --> 00:44:34,964
I mean, the only thing
I know about him
815
00:44:35,006 --> 00:44:36,841
is that he's a lawyer
with a sinus condition.
816
00:44:36,883 --> 00:44:39,010
- Asthma.
- Oh, that's right.
817
00:44:39,051 --> 00:44:40,428
Donald knows about everything,
818
00:44:40,469 --> 00:44:43,806
like whether you should set
your clock ahead or back five hours
819
00:44:43,848 --> 00:44:45,308
when you go to Europe.
820
00:44:47,518 --> 00:44:48,853
Which is it?
821
00:44:50,563 --> 00:44:53,065
You really don't know, do you?
822
00:44:57,737 --> 00:44:59,322
No, no. No, I'm not sure.
823
00:45:03,743 --> 00:45:05,119
Sam?
824
00:45:05,161 --> 00:45:07,288
Sam, can you hear me?
825
00:45:07,330 --> 00:45:08,831
Operator!
826
00:45:08,873 --> 00:45:11,751
Operator, you cut my party off!
827
00:45:11,792 --> 00:45:14,045
Well, get him back
for me, right away!
828
00:45:14,086 --> 00:45:15,171
Walter, stop shouting.
829
00:45:15,213 --> 00:45:17,173
You'll aggravate your cold.
830
00:45:17,215 --> 00:45:18,841
They can hear you outside.
831
00:45:18,883 --> 00:45:21,010
You're frightening the soldiers.
832
00:45:22,553 --> 00:45:25,014
My partner, Sam Blackwell,
833
00:45:25,056 --> 00:45:26,682
he caters a sweet 16 party.
834
00:45:26,766 --> 00:45:27,934
I don't want to hear.
835
00:45:27,975 --> 00:45:29,852
He gets a special price on the meat.
836
00:45:29,894 --> 00:45:32,855
I'm not interested!
837
00:45:32,897 --> 00:45:34,482
Does he go to
our regular butcher?
838
00:45:34,523 --> 00:45:35,942
No, not Sam.
839
00:45:35,983 --> 00:45:37,026
He's trying to buy cheap.
840
00:45:37,109 --> 00:45:38,444
I'm not listening.
841
00:45:38,486 --> 00:45:41,197
Six people go home that night,
and what happens?
842
00:45:41,239 --> 00:45:42,740
They get food poisoning.
843
00:45:42,782 --> 00:45:45,368
They're in the hospital
because he's looking for bargains.
844
00:45:45,409 --> 00:45:47,453
Oh, my God, I bet they're suing.
845
00:45:47,495 --> 00:45:48,871
Oh, now you're interested.
846
00:45:48,913 --> 00:45:50,081
Are they?
847
00:45:50,122 --> 00:45:51,874
I'm not telling you.
You're not interested.
848
00:45:51,916 --> 00:45:52,917
Tell me.
849
00:45:52,959 --> 00:45:55,795
♪ A foggy day in London town ♪
850
00:45:55,920 --> 00:45:57,672
Walter, you know what you are?
851
00:45:57,713 --> 00:45:59,131
A sadist.
852
00:45:59,173 --> 00:46:01,634
Why? A minute ago,
you weren't interested!
853
00:46:01,676 --> 00:46:03,803
- I'm not interested!
- Good!
854
00:46:03,844 --> 00:46:05,096
♪ A foggy day in London... ♪
855
00:46:05,137 --> 00:46:06,931
Well, are you gonna tell me?
856
00:46:06,973 --> 00:46:09,141
Are you asking
if they're gonna sue us?
857
00:46:09,183 --> 00:46:11,227
No, they're not gonna sue us.
858
00:46:11,269 --> 00:46:12,728
We're gonna sue them...
859
00:46:12,728 --> 00:46:15,356
for low resistance to tainted meat.
860
00:46:15,398 --> 00:46:17,733
- Walter.
- Of course they're gonna sue us!
861
00:46:17,733 --> 00:46:20,152
What do you expect
from poisoned people?
862
00:46:21,487 --> 00:46:24,448
Be thankful nobody died.
863
00:46:25,449 --> 00:46:26,867
Yes, Marion.
864
00:46:26,909 --> 00:46:28,327
We may make that our slogan.
865
00:46:32,498 --> 00:46:33,833
Hello.
866
00:46:33,874 --> 00:46:35,626
Hello, Sam.
How are the children?
867
00:46:35,668 --> 00:46:37,044
Let me have it.
Let me have it.
868
00:46:37,086 --> 00:46:38,587
Hello, Sam.
869
00:46:38,629 --> 00:46:40,715
Sam, I want you to hear this.
870
00:46:40,756 --> 00:46:43,843
I'm coming home, Sam,
and when I get back,
871
00:46:43,884 --> 00:46:45,011
I'm gonna rent a car,
872
00:46:45,052 --> 00:46:46,595
And I'm gonna run you over!
873
00:46:46,637 --> 00:46:48,014
Run you right over!
874
00:46:48,055 --> 00:46:50,349
You're through
in the catering business, Sam.
875
00:46:50,391 --> 00:46:51,475
You're finished!
876
00:46:51,517 --> 00:46:53,978
You've chopped your last liver!
877
00:47:23,507 --> 00:47:26,093
Look what I found.
878
00:47:29,096 --> 00:47:31,098
A little wine, monsieur?
879
00:47:39,440 --> 00:47:42,360
They're your pajama tops, silly.
880
00:47:42,401 --> 00:47:43,986
Yeah, but I've never
seen them quite like that,
881
00:47:44,028 --> 00:47:45,988
Just fluffed, dried, and folded.
882
00:47:47,782 --> 00:47:50,284
Oh, thank you.
Thank you very much.
883
00:47:53,746 --> 00:47:55,873
Why don't you sit down?
884
00:47:55,915 --> 00:47:57,500
Uh... OK.
885
00:48:01,921 --> 00:48:03,089
Oh, sorry.
886
00:48:04,673 --> 00:48:05,925
Sorry.
887
00:48:12,598 --> 00:48:14,600
How did your father
sound on the phone?
888
00:48:14,642 --> 00:48:18,771
Oh, same as usual... halfway between
bleak despair and outright hysteria.
889
00:48:21,107 --> 00:48:23,859
Well, obviously,
I failed him again.
890
00:48:23,943 --> 00:48:28,364
He said he'd work something out
and call me back.
891
00:48:28,447 --> 00:48:32,076
But it isn't easy
being the son of a superdad.
892
00:48:32,118 --> 00:48:35,538
A super... oh, no. No.
893
00:48:35,579 --> 00:48:38,207
When I was...
894
00:48:38,249 --> 00:48:40,876
When I was just a little boy,
just a little... a little kid,
895
00:48:40,960 --> 00:48:42,795
and I did something wrong,
896
00:48:42,837 --> 00:48:45,798
my mother used to hit me
with a copy of Time magazine...
897
00:48:45,840 --> 00:48:48,717
with my father's picture
on the cover.
898
00:48:48,759 --> 00:48:50,136
Every day I read the newspaper,
899
00:48:50,177 --> 00:48:53,597
I read about another diplomatic
foul-up somewhere.
900
00:48:56,559 --> 00:48:58,644
I... well, I haven't
minded much before.
901
00:48:58,686 --> 00:49:02,898
I mean, my failures
were only hurting me.
902
00:49:02,982 --> 00:49:05,484
But this time,
I'm contaminating your father's business,
903
00:49:05,526 --> 00:49:09,989
your mother's vacation...
904
00:49:10,030 --> 00:49:12,158
And there's Donald.
905
00:49:14,160 --> 00:49:17,913
Your...
906
00:49:17,913 --> 00:49:21,208
Your, uh, family... oh, sorry.
907
00:49:26,547 --> 00:49:27,840
Sorry.
908
00:49:30,217 --> 00:49:31,886
Your family seems to like him.
909
00:49:31,927 --> 00:49:35,931
I guess you never
really know what you want.
910
00:49:36,015 --> 00:49:42,521
You know, you think
you're looking for a certain type, and...
911
00:49:42,563 --> 00:49:46,317
Then, all of a sudden,
something happens, and...
912
00:49:58,162 --> 00:50:00,498
Are those guys still out there?
913
00:50:00,539 --> 00:50:04,668
The... oh. Y-you mean,
the soldiers?
914
00:50:04,710 --> 00:50:09,173
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I guess so.
915
00:50:09,215 --> 00:50:10,633
Why?
916
00:50:10,674 --> 00:50:15,054
Danger really turns me on.
917
00:50:15,095 --> 00:50:17,223
Do you know how many babies
918
00:50:17,264 --> 00:50:20,726
were born out
of the Blitz in England?
919
00:50:25,731 --> 00:50:27,066
What's that?
920
00:50:27,107 --> 00:50:28,692
Well, it's...
Well, you know,
921
00:50:28,734 --> 00:50:32,863
just an ordinary
secret passageway.
922
00:50:32,863 --> 00:50:35,741
Well, this... this mansion
was built by a duke or something,
923
00:50:35,783 --> 00:50:37,826
a man of rather large
sexual appetite.
924
00:50:39,828 --> 00:50:41,914
Well, this was his bedroom,
925
00:50:41,956 --> 00:50:45,251
and this led down
towards his m...
926
00:50:45,292 --> 00:50:48,504
His girlfriend's.
927
00:50:48,546 --> 00:50:53,008
Oh! Isn't that
my bedroom down there?
928
00:50:53,092 --> 00:50:56,220
Oh. Now... now look.
I didn't assign you that room because I...
929
00:50:56,262 --> 00:50:59,974
Oh, Axel, this I've got to see.
930
00:51:15,030 --> 00:51:17,241
Too much!
931
00:51:19,535 --> 00:51:22,288
Oh! That duke was a freak!
932
00:51:22,329 --> 00:51:25,291
Yeah. They say he used to make her
dress up like Juliet.
933
00:51:25,332 --> 00:51:27,001
Then he'd come through the wall
934
00:51:27,042 --> 00:51:29,461
dressed up like, uh, Romeo,
935
00:51:29,503 --> 00:51:32,590
and he'd chase her around the room,
swatting her with his mandolin.
936
00:51:34,008 --> 00:51:38,220
I don't dig weird sexual bags,
do you?
937
00:51:38,262 --> 00:51:39,471
No, no.
938
00:51:39,513 --> 00:51:45,269
My, uh, sexual bag
is quite traditional.
939
00:51:45,311 --> 00:51:48,814
You might even call it obsolete.
940
00:51:48,856 --> 00:51:51,984
Sex is great naturally.
941
00:51:53,277 --> 00:51:55,154
Maybe you've just
never swung
942
00:51:55,195 --> 00:51:57,823
with the right partner.
943
00:52:18,218 --> 00:52:20,012
Susan, you all right in there?
944
00:52:21,221 --> 00:52:23,974
- Susan?
- Just fine.
945
00:52:24,016 --> 00:52:25,559
Be there in a second, Daddy.
946
00:52:26,644 --> 00:52:28,729
Axel, get out of here.
947
00:52:31,190 --> 00:52:33,734
Susan! Susan!
948
00:52:33,776 --> 00:52:37,196
Coming, daddy.
949
00:52:37,196 --> 00:52:38,489
Susan!
950
00:52:38,530 --> 00:52:39,948
I can't move it.
I can't move it.
951
00:52:40,074 --> 00:52:41,408
Susan...
952
00:52:41,450 --> 00:52:42,534
Listen, everyone.
953
00:52:42,576 --> 00:52:44,995
- Good news! Good news!
- What is it?
954
00:52:45,037 --> 00:52:46,080
I just spoke with
Ambassador Magee.
955
00:52:46,121 --> 00:52:47,498
He's arranged for your release.
956
00:52:47,539 --> 00:52:50,125
- Where's Axel?
- How did he do it?
957
00:52:50,209 --> 00:52:52,127
Hey. What are you...
958
00:52:52,127 --> 00:52:55,005
You're being exchanged
for a communist agent,
959
00:52:55,047 --> 00:52:56,632
the Gray Fox.
960
00:52:56,674 --> 00:52:58,550
- The Gray Fox?
- Oh, it's typical.
961
00:52:58,592 --> 00:53:00,678
Every time we arrest
one of their spies,
962
00:53:00,719 --> 00:53:02,680
they arrest one of our caterers.
963
00:53:05,099 --> 00:53:07,518
They're sending
a plane in for you tomorrow noon.
964
00:53:07,559 --> 00:53:08,894
Wonderful!
965
00:53:08,936 --> 00:53:11,188
Hey, your old man
must be quite a guy.
966
00:53:11,230 --> 00:53:12,648
Just think!
We'll get our suitcases.
967
00:53:12,690 --> 00:53:14,692
I can change out
of these shoes.
968
00:53:14,733 --> 00:53:15,859
We're going home.
969
00:53:15,901 --> 00:53:17,528
We're gonna get out
of here at last.
970
00:53:53,397 --> 00:53:57,276
Only for the Gray Fox would
my government do this.
971
00:53:57,317 --> 00:53:59,361
I had plans for you.
972
00:53:59,403 --> 00:54:01,905
In one hour, you would
have told me everything.
973
00:54:01,947 --> 00:54:04,491
Stick and stones.
974
00:54:04,533 --> 00:54:06,577
The radio operator just received
975
00:54:06,618 --> 00:54:08,328
an urgent message
from Washington.
976
00:54:08,370 --> 00:54:09,997
The Gray Fox is dead.
977
00:54:10,038 --> 00:54:11,123
Dead?
978
00:54:11,165 --> 00:54:12,166
Dead.
979
00:54:12,207 --> 00:54:17,087
Why don't you admit that you're
a filthy American spy?
980
00:54:17,129 --> 00:54:19,423
Why don't you play
in the runway?
981
00:54:19,465 --> 00:54:20,674
He hung himself.
982
00:54:20,716 --> 00:54:22,009
He hung him...
983
00:54:22,050 --> 00:54:24,011
Shh! Krojack will be
getting word any minute.
984
00:54:24,052 --> 00:54:25,763
Admit it.
985
00:54:25,804 --> 00:54:28,307
If it makes you happy, I admit it.
986
00:54:28,348 --> 00:54:31,769
I'm not from Jersey,
I'm not a caterer, and she's not my wife.
987
00:54:31,810 --> 00:54:34,813
She's a U-boat commander.
988
00:54:34,855 --> 00:54:36,899
And then he's gonna
grab the Hollanders.
989
00:54:36,940 --> 00:54:39,234
Uh, look, we got to get back
to the embassy fast.
990
00:54:39,318 --> 00:54:42,029
I'd like to break you
in two pieces.
991
00:54:42,070 --> 00:54:44,072
Don't try anything, buster.
992
00:54:44,156 --> 00:54:46,283
We're all black belts in karate.
993
00:54:46,325 --> 00:54:48,952
Hey, oh, whoa!
994
00:54:50,829 --> 00:54:53,707
I'd kill you with my bare hands.
995
00:54:53,749 --> 00:54:56,919
Don't move, or I'll blow you to pieces.
996
00:54:56,960 --> 00:54:58,337
You're bluffing.
997
00:54:58,378 --> 00:55:00,631
Try me, hotshot.
998
00:55:00,672 --> 00:55:02,341
That's a finger.
999
00:55:02,382 --> 00:55:04,218
It only looks like a finger.
1000
00:55:04,259 --> 00:55:07,054
It happens to be
a flesh-colored .45
1001
00:55:07,095 --> 00:55:08,472
with two knuckles, a joint,
1002
00:55:08,514 --> 00:55:10,808
and a little hair.
1003
00:55:10,849 --> 00:55:13,143
Mr. Hollander, your wife
would like to see you.
1004
00:55:13,185 --> 00:55:16,730
You will pay
for your little game.
1005
00:55:16,772 --> 00:55:19,858
How? Are you forgetting
the Gray Fox?
1006
00:55:19,900 --> 00:55:21,151
Who's he trying to kid?
1007
00:55:21,193 --> 00:55:24,571
Someday, I will have my chance.
1008
00:55:24,613 --> 00:55:27,407
Your cockamamie threats
don't frighten me.
1009
00:55:27,449 --> 00:55:29,284
The Gray Fox is dead.
1010
00:55:29,368 --> 00:55:32,704
I've got you over a barrel,
and you know it.
1011
00:55:34,206 --> 00:55:35,332
Dead?
1012
00:55:35,374 --> 00:55:37,376
We... we got to get
back to the embassy.
1013
00:55:40,629 --> 00:55:43,215
Well, it was nice
talking to you.
1014
00:56:02,442 --> 00:56:05,946
Nut of a Gray Fox has to pick
today to hang himself!
1015
00:56:05,988 --> 00:56:07,990
If I could get my hands on him,
I'd kill him!
1016
00:56:08,073 --> 00:56:09,908
I'd better call
Barney Brakestone.
1017
00:56:09,950 --> 00:56:11,326
You better call Seth, too.
1018
00:56:11,410 --> 00:56:13,203
Tell him to go ahead
with his applications
1019
00:56:13,245 --> 00:56:15,205
to the foster parents' home.
1020
00:56:15,247 --> 00:56:17,332
What makes a man
want to kill himself?
1021
00:56:17,416 --> 00:56:18,959
What do you expect
from the Gray Fox?
1022
00:56:19,001 --> 00:56:22,087
Is that a name
for a grown-up person?
1023
00:56:22,129 --> 00:56:23,463
Hey!
1024
00:57:19,603 --> 00:57:22,147
At least he's dressed properly.
1025
00:57:22,189 --> 00:57:25,943
Excuse me. Could someone
help me out of this, please?
1026
00:57:25,984 --> 00:57:27,861
Don't pay any attention to him.
1027
00:57:27,903 --> 00:57:29,655
I think it's marvelous
a man of the cloth
1028
00:57:29,696 --> 00:57:32,950
has a hobby
besides just God.
1029
00:57:38,747 --> 00:57:42,417
Hello? Yes, operator.
1030
00:57:42,417 --> 00:57:43,502
Fine.
1031
00:57:43,543 --> 00:57:44,962
Sam Blackwell's calling.
1032
00:57:45,003 --> 00:57:47,798
Ask him if it's still raining.
1033
00:57:47,839 --> 00:57:50,300
Hello, murderer.
1034
00:57:50,342 --> 00:57:52,219
Have you poisoned
anybody lately?
1035
00:57:52,260 --> 00:57:53,845
Oh, Walter, be nice.
1036
00:57:53,887 --> 00:57:55,555
We all make mistakes.
1037
00:57:55,597 --> 00:57:57,849
No. I'm not still here.
1038
00:57:57,891 --> 00:57:59,643
I'm in Puerto Rico.
1039
00:57:59,685 --> 00:58:02,813
I'm having a mint julep
underneath a palm tree.
1040
00:58:02,854 --> 00:58:04,648
Of course I'm still here!
1041
00:58:04,690 --> 00:58:07,651
Who do you think
is talking to you?
1042
00:58:07,693 --> 00:58:08,902
What?!
1043
00:58:10,737 --> 00:58:13,532
Two more keeled over?
1044
00:58:13,573 --> 00:58:17,035
They're dropping like flies?
1045
00:58:17,077 --> 00:58:20,372
What do you mean
you can't talk anymore?
1046
00:58:20,414 --> 00:58:21,915
Their lawyers just walked in?
1047
00:58:25,043 --> 00:58:26,586
Goodbye, Sam.
1048
00:58:29,256 --> 00:58:32,217
He's wiped half
of Newark County.
1049
00:58:32,259 --> 00:58:34,136
Have faith in the Lord, my son.
1050
00:58:34,177 --> 00:58:36,346
I have faith, father,
1051
00:58:36,388 --> 00:58:38,390
and if he's listening now,
1052
00:58:38,432 --> 00:58:41,643
please crush
Sam Blackwell's head.
1053
00:58:55,365 --> 00:58:59,202
Well, if I'm through
as a caterer, I don't have to worry.
1054
00:58:59,244 --> 00:59:01,204
I just found a new business.
1055
00:59:01,246 --> 00:59:03,707
I'm going to apply
for the straitjacket concession
1056
00:59:03,749 --> 00:59:05,208
in this madhouse.
1057
00:59:07,294 --> 00:59:09,337
What are you doing
with the stove?
1058
00:59:09,421 --> 00:59:11,423
- Stove?
- Yes, a porcelain stove.
1059
00:59:11,465 --> 00:59:13,967
You don't think
Bulgaria has central heating.
1060
00:59:14,009 --> 00:59:16,845
I've been mailing letters in it.
1061
00:59:16,887 --> 00:59:19,514
No wonder I didn't get
any answers.
1062
00:59:22,851 --> 00:59:24,186
Walter.
1063
00:59:33,195 --> 00:59:35,614
She's kissing a failure.
1064
00:59:35,655 --> 00:59:38,116
Well, it's her life.
1065
00:59:38,158 --> 00:59:41,244
All of a sudden, it's goodbye
to a successful lawyer
1066
00:59:41,286 --> 00:59:43,914
and hello to a psychotic diplomat.
1067
00:59:43,955 --> 00:59:45,624
It's not up to us, is it?
1068
00:59:45,665 --> 00:59:46,875
I know that, Marion.
1069
00:59:46,917 --> 00:59:48,877
All I want is the right thing for her.
1070
00:59:48,960 --> 00:59:50,545
Well, what is the right thing for her?
1071
00:59:50,545 --> 00:59:53,006
What I tell her is
the right thing for her, that's what.
1072
00:59:54,966 --> 00:59:56,635
Get away.
1073
00:59:56,676 --> 00:59:57,677
Susan!
1074
00:59:58,762 --> 01:00:01,264
Come up here
and stop that funny stuff!
1075
01:00:01,306 --> 01:00:03,100
He sounds angry.
1076
01:00:03,141 --> 01:00:05,727
I'd prefer her to go
with that draft dodger.
1077
01:00:05,769 --> 01:00:07,437
At least he was a success.
1078
01:00:07,479 --> 01:00:08,855
He beat the draft.
1079
01:00:08,897 --> 01:00:11,775
Had to jump off the roof to do it,
but he beat it!
1080
01:00:11,817 --> 01:00:13,610
Oh, listen, Susan.
I had an idea.
1081
01:00:13,652 --> 01:00:16,571
Now, the Sultan of Bashir
is coming here today.
1082
01:00:16,571 --> 01:00:18,073
- Sultan?
- Yeah. The Sultan of Bashir.
1083
01:00:18,156 --> 01:00:19,616
He's a very influential man.
1084
01:00:19,658 --> 01:00:23,995
Now, I can ask him to intercede
with the police for your release.
1085
01:00:24,037 --> 01:00:26,206
Wonderful. Dad will love that.
1086
01:00:26,248 --> 01:00:27,749
Yeah. OK. Would you tell him?
1087
01:00:27,791 --> 01:00:30,335
I got to go and change
into something more formal.
1088
01:00:39,719 --> 01:00:41,805
Oh, welcome, Your Majesty.
Welcome indeed.
1089
01:00:41,847 --> 01:00:43,098
Won't you step into
the ambassador's office?
1090
01:00:43,140 --> 01:00:45,392
I'll get Mr. Magee immediately.
1091
01:00:54,526 --> 01:00:55,986
And sit!
1092
01:01:02,450 --> 01:01:04,411
Who's that...
Lawrence of Arabia?
1093
01:01:04,452 --> 01:01:07,080
How do you do, Sultan?
1094
01:01:07,122 --> 01:01:09,332
Sultan? How do you know him?
1095
01:01:09,374 --> 01:01:10,375
Are you ignorant?
1096
01:01:10,417 --> 01:01:12,627
It's the Sultan of Bashir.
1097
01:01:12,711 --> 01:01:15,088
What do you do,
hang around the UN. Building?
1098
01:01:15,130 --> 01:01:17,799
I saw his picture in Playboy.
1099
01:01:17,841 --> 01:01:20,635
I am here to see
Ambassador Magee.
1100
01:01:20,635 --> 01:01:22,846
Won't you have a chair?
1101
01:01:22,888 --> 01:01:24,723
Can I take your sheet?
1102
01:01:26,933 --> 01:01:29,644
I hope you didn't have trouble
with the police getting in.
1103
01:01:29,644 --> 01:01:31,188
They wouldn't dare.
1104
01:01:31,229 --> 01:01:32,355
That's great.
1105
01:01:32,397 --> 01:01:34,149
This clown's running
around in an awning
1106
01:01:34,191 --> 01:01:36,151
in and out of our embassy.
1107
01:01:36,193 --> 01:01:38,862
I'm a citizen, and I'm stuck here.
1108
01:01:38,904 --> 01:01:41,656
Daddy, listen. I, uh... oh.
1109
01:01:41,656 --> 01:01:43,283
This is my daughter Susan.
1110
01:01:43,325 --> 01:01:46,536
She graduated third in her class.
1111
01:01:46,578 --> 01:01:50,081
Well, charming.
1112
01:01:50,123 --> 01:01:53,919
You know, I am thinking
of adding an American girl
1113
01:01:53,960 --> 01:01:55,670
to my harem.
1114
01:01:55,670 --> 01:01:58,298
Adding? What do you
mean adding?
1115
01:01:58,340 --> 01:02:01,051
Marriage, of course.
1116
01:02:01,092 --> 01:02:03,303
You see, I'm a man of few words.
1117
01:02:03,345 --> 01:02:05,931
I happen to be a man
of few words, too...
1118
01:02:05,972 --> 01:02:07,682
Drop dead.
1119
01:02:07,766 --> 01:02:12,187
No one speaks to me
like that! No one!
1120
01:02:12,229 --> 01:02:14,606
Listen, you sand clam!
1121
01:02:15,982 --> 01:02:18,026
Your Highness,
Mr. Magee will be...
1122
01:02:18,068 --> 01:02:20,070
I demand a formal apology
from your government!
1123
01:02:20,111 --> 01:02:22,155
- You'll have it.
- Who do you think you are?
1124
01:02:22,197 --> 01:02:24,699
A big shot because you own
some oil wells or something?
1125
01:02:24,783 --> 01:02:26,618
You're nothing but
a cockamamie nut!
1126
01:02:26,660 --> 01:02:28,370
Please, Mr. Hollander, please go!
1127
01:02:28,411 --> 01:02:29,579
Me go? Let him go.
1128
01:02:29,621 --> 01:02:31,748
I pay taxes for this place!
1129
01:02:31,790 --> 01:02:33,708
Did you fill out
a 1040 form last year?
1130
01:02:33,792 --> 01:02:36,127
Mr. Hollander,
we have business!
1131
01:02:36,169 --> 01:02:37,587
Who is this person?
1132
01:02:37,629 --> 01:02:41,091
I just happen to be a little Mr. Nobody
from Newark, New Jersey,
1133
01:02:41,132 --> 01:02:45,845
but I don't like the idea of my government
doing business with sex maniacs!
1134
01:02:45,887 --> 01:02:48,723
You may consider
relationship with us at an end!
1135
01:02:53,645 --> 01:02:54,854
But, Your Highness!
1136
01:02:57,023 --> 01:02:59,609
Good bye, fatso.
1137
01:03:01,027 --> 01:03:02,821
Oh, boy.
1138
01:03:02,862 --> 01:03:05,073
Well, at least things
can't get any worse.
1139
01:03:18,295 --> 01:03:26,303
Tonight, we have a spontaneous
protest-demonstration-type deal.
1140
01:03:27,387 --> 01:03:32,017
Follow the schedule exactly.
1141
01:03:32,058 --> 01:03:39,149
At 7:00, all of those whose initials
begin from "A " to "M,"
1142
01:03:39,190 --> 01:03:41,901
form in front
of the American Embassy
1143
01:03:41,943 --> 01:03:44,612
right here with your posters.
1144
01:03:44,654 --> 01:03:46,323
Show the posters.
1145
01:03:48,783 --> 01:03:54,497
Now, make sure that the posters
are facing the newsreel camera.
1146
01:03:54,539 --> 01:03:58,126
7:30, begin the chanting.
1147
01:03:58,168 --> 01:04:04,132
There are three approved chants
on top of page two, such as...
1148
01:04:04,174 --> 01:04:08,762
"Down with the senseless,
imperialist aggressors."
1149
01:04:08,803 --> 01:04:12,932
See if the boys can punch that one up
a little bit, please.
1150
01:04:12,974 --> 01:04:16,728
All right. 8:00,
your ranks will swell.
1151
01:04:16,770 --> 01:04:21,816
Group "N " to "Z" burning in effigy
the American spy.
1152
01:04:21,816 --> 01:04:23,902
This will be the effigy
of the American spy.
1153
01:04:23,943 --> 01:04:28,239
However, the valiant
police line will hold firm.
1154
01:04:28,281 --> 01:04:31,576
This will only increase the righteous
indignation of you students.
1155
01:04:31,618 --> 01:04:33,703
You got that?
1156
01:04:34,746 --> 01:04:37,874
Now, I want to see
some raised fists
1157
01:04:37,916 --> 01:04:40,710
and excitement out there for a change.
1158
01:04:40,752 --> 01:04:43,713
This will in turn cause the police
to overreact,
1159
01:04:43,755 --> 01:04:46,216
make some arrests,
and club one of the students
1160
01:04:46,257 --> 01:04:48,009
into insensibility.
1161
01:04:48,051 --> 01:04:49,469
We'll use
Punchy zwerken again.
1162
01:04:49,511 --> 01:04:51,846
Where is he? There he is.
1163
01:04:51,930 --> 01:04:54,849
Punchy, you think you got
another one in you?
1164
01:04:54,933 --> 01:04:58,937
All right. 8:30, start throwing
rocks and sticks
1165
01:04:58,978 --> 01:05:00,647
through the embassy windows.
1166
01:05:00,688 --> 01:05:03,108
Did everybody remember
to bring their rocks and sticks?
1167
01:05:06,069 --> 01:05:10,407
Well, when you go home, remember
to bring back your rocks and sticks!
1168
01:05:10,448 --> 01:05:12,909
You can't make
a protest like this.
1169
01:05:12,951 --> 01:05:17,622
All right. Now I want to see some
real good wall swarming tonight,
1170
01:05:17,664 --> 01:05:20,125
and I don't want to see
the soldiers helping
1171
01:05:20,125 --> 01:05:22,252
to boost everybody
over the fence
1172
01:05:22,293 --> 01:05:24,337
the way they were doing
on that British Embassy job.
1173
01:05:24,379 --> 01:05:28,007
If you can't swarm by yourself,
you don't belong in this profession.
1174
01:05:28,049 --> 01:05:32,220
Finally, the big payoff.
1175
01:05:32,262 --> 01:05:36,474
Here I want to see
15 solid minutes
1176
01:05:36,516 --> 01:05:40,270
of good running amok.
1177
01:05:40,311 --> 01:05:44,774
I want to see some
constructive vandalism tonight,
1178
01:05:44,816 --> 01:05:47,360
something creative for a change.
1179
01:05:47,402 --> 01:05:50,905
Then the police move in,
restore order, everybody out.
1180
01:05:50,905 --> 01:05:52,740
Any questions? No questions.
1181
01:05:52,782 --> 01:05:54,701
All right. Mishkin,
I want a word with you.
1182
01:05:54,742 --> 01:05:56,870
You will do something for me.
1183
01:05:56,911 --> 01:06:00,790
You will throw that
in the embassy window.
1184
01:06:00,832 --> 01:06:02,333
A bomb?
1185
01:06:02,333 --> 01:06:04,586
They wouldn't have a chance.
1186
01:06:04,627 --> 01:06:08,381
Has this been OK'ed by upstairs?
1187
01:06:08,423 --> 01:06:10,008
Never mind upstairs.
1188
01:06:10,049 --> 01:06:12,135
I OK, you throw.
1189
01:06:18,224 --> 01:06:20,685
Right in the belly!
1190
01:06:24,564 --> 01:06:29,068
10, 20, 30, 39, 46.
1191
01:06:31,738 --> 01:06:33,031
Here they come.
1192
01:06:49,881 --> 01:06:52,675
Oh, it's just
another student demonstration.
1193
01:06:52,717 --> 01:06:54,636
It's nothing.
1194
01:06:54,677 --> 01:06:56,179
It doesn't bother me.
Since I got my suitcase back,
1195
01:06:56,221 --> 01:06:57,722
I'm a new woman.
1196
01:06:57,764 --> 01:06:58,890
Will you please discard?
1197
01:06:58,932 --> 01:07:02,685
I mean it. With comfortable shoes,
I can face anything.
1198
01:07:02,727 --> 01:07:03,811
Just play your card.
1199
01:07:03,853 --> 01:07:05,271
We're only gonna be here six years,
1200
01:07:05,313 --> 01:07:08,107
and I'd like to finish a game
before we leave.
1201
01:07:18,868 --> 01:07:21,371
Mr. Kilroy doesn't
seem very concerned.
1202
01:07:21,412 --> 01:07:22,830
Yeah. Well, he hasn't
had my experience.
1203
01:07:22,872 --> 01:07:24,832
I know what it's like
to be stoned and spit on,
1204
01:07:24,874 --> 01:07:27,794
and believe me,
those guys are stoners and spitters.
1205
01:08:00,493 --> 01:08:01,953
Walter, come quick.
1206
01:08:01,953 --> 01:08:04,038
They've got a cloth dummy
that looks just like you,
1207
01:08:04,122 --> 01:08:06,082
and they're burning it.
1208
01:08:11,754 --> 01:08:15,466
And big, ugly signs calling us
all kinds of names.
1209
01:08:15,508 --> 01:08:17,844
Sticks and stones
may break my bones,
1210
01:08:17,885 --> 01:08:19,637
but names will never hurt me.
1211
01:08:19,679 --> 01:08:23,224
Walter, they have
sticks and stones!
1212
01:08:30,815 --> 01:08:32,317
Look. I'm gonna call Krojack,
1213
01:08:32,358 --> 01:08:33,776
and I'm gonna protest.
1214
01:08:42,035 --> 01:08:45,622
Burning in effigy?
1215
01:08:45,663 --> 01:08:47,957
Running two minutes late.
1216
01:08:47,999 --> 01:08:50,710
By the way,
how did the chanting go?
1217
01:08:50,752 --> 01:08:54,047
I mean, that's
absolutely unthinkable!
1218
01:08:54,088 --> 01:08:55,590
Burning in effigy!
1219
01:08:55,632 --> 01:08:57,467
Unthinkable!
1220
01:08:57,508 --> 01:09:00,178
Never fear.
The police will handle it.
1221
01:09:00,219 --> 01:09:02,055
See there?
They're making arrests.
1222
01:09:05,683 --> 01:09:07,560
I'd say it's practically
all over now.
1223
01:09:07,602 --> 01:09:08,728
Yeah, and I'd say
we should be in the cellar.
1224
01:09:08,770 --> 01:09:10,647
Nonsense! We're Americans!
1225
01:09:10,688 --> 01:09:13,441
It's our duty to show them
that we cannot be intimidated.
1226
01:09:18,780 --> 01:09:21,407
- They're trying to hurt us!
- Don't panic! Don't panic!
1227
01:09:21,449 --> 01:09:24,452
Everybody remain calm.
1228
01:09:25,495 --> 01:09:26,537
Now panic!
1229
01:09:31,876 --> 01:09:35,922
What have you got
in mind for next year, the Gaza Strip?
1230
01:09:38,758 --> 01:09:41,010
What's this?
1231
01:09:41,052 --> 01:09:43,012
It's an inkwell.
What do you think it is?
1232
01:09:43,054 --> 01:09:44,806
Don't yell at your
only daughter, Walter.
1233
01:09:44,847 --> 01:09:47,684
How could she know?
She grew up on ballpoints.
1234
01:09:48,935 --> 01:09:51,229
Let's go see the fun.
1235
01:09:51,270 --> 01:09:54,774
Comrade Krojack, you must stop Mishkin
and the bomb.
1236
01:09:54,816 --> 01:09:56,818
We just got a report on the spies.
1237
01:09:56,859 --> 01:09:59,070
They're not spies.
1238
01:09:59,112 --> 01:10:01,072
- Not spies?
- Not spies.
1239
01:10:01,614 --> 01:10:04,075
- Not spies?
- Not spies.
1240
01:10:04,617 --> 01:10:06,244
- Not spies?
- Not spies.
1241
01:10:06,285 --> 01:10:08,246
He is a caterer like he said.
1242
01:10:08,287 --> 01:10:10,540
Completely innocent.
1243
01:10:12,333 --> 01:10:15,545
- Positive?
- Positive.
1244
01:10:18,506 --> 01:10:20,717
What is the difference?
1245
01:10:20,758 --> 01:10:22,844
We'll get them anyway.
1246
01:10:41,195 --> 01:10:44,198
I think they've broken through
the outer gates.
1247
01:10:44,282 --> 01:10:47,076
But they won't
get inside, will they?
1248
01:10:47,118 --> 01:10:49,996
On my waxed floors?
They better not.
1249
01:11:21,360 --> 01:11:23,196
It sounds like it's all over.
1250
01:11:23,237 --> 01:11:26,491
God bless
the brutal secret police.
1251
01:11:26,532 --> 01:11:28,785
Hey. What's this?
1252
01:11:28,826 --> 01:11:30,036
Hold it!
1253
01:11:32,997 --> 01:11:35,082
Careful.
1254
01:11:35,124 --> 01:11:36,459
It's a bomb.
1255
01:11:51,057 --> 01:11:52,141
Stop!
1256
01:11:54,352 --> 01:11:56,145
Don't move.
1257
01:11:56,187 --> 01:11:57,480
Don't put it down.
1258
01:11:59,065 --> 01:12:01,108
Can I get up?
1259
01:12:02,109 --> 01:12:05,780
Careful, easy.
1260
01:12:15,706 --> 01:12:16,833
Take it.
1261
01:12:16,874 --> 01:12:18,835
I'm sorry. I can't.
1262
01:12:21,671 --> 01:12:24,298
The... the slightest
jar of that thing,
1263
01:12:24,382 --> 01:12:27,009
this whole place is
gonna go sky-high.
1264
01:12:27,051 --> 01:12:28,845
Walter, keep calm.
1265
01:12:28,886 --> 01:12:34,308
Now I'm gonna try
and dismantle it.
1266
01:12:34,308 --> 01:12:36,018
I've had experience
with these things.
1267
01:12:36,060 --> 01:12:38,688
A lot of experience?
1268
01:12:38,729 --> 01:12:40,398
Some.
1269
01:12:41,607 --> 01:12:44,026
Now I'm gonna need a screwdriver.
1270
01:12:44,068 --> 01:12:45,319
What size?
1271
01:12:47,572 --> 01:12:49,115
Move your feet.
1272
01:12:50,783 --> 01:12:52,243
Well, I brought these along.
1273
01:12:52,285 --> 01:12:54,787
I heard about
the plumbing over here.
1274
01:12:56,664 --> 01:12:59,750
A... a medium. Small, small.
1275
01:13:06,299 --> 01:13:09,552
I want everybody
to leave the room.
1276
01:13:10,803 --> 01:13:13,598
Kilroy, will you get...
1277
01:13:13,639 --> 01:13:16,475
Will you get back here
and take the ladies out?
1278
01:13:19,020 --> 01:13:22,106
Well, let's go.
You heard what he said.
1279
01:13:22,148 --> 01:13:26,193
I can't move.
I'm not allowed to jar.
1280
01:13:26,235 --> 01:13:27,820
Come, ladies.
There's no sense
1281
01:13:27,862 --> 01:13:29,989
in all of us being
torn limb from limb.
1282
01:13:32,116 --> 01:13:34,118
You go, Susan.
I'm staying with your father.
1283
01:13:34,160 --> 01:13:35,578
We came on the family plan.
1284
01:13:35,620 --> 01:13:37,747
We'll go that way.
1285
01:13:37,788 --> 01:13:40,917
Get out of here, Marion.
You're making my thigh itch.
1286
01:13:40,958 --> 01:13:42,084
Please, Mrs. Hollander.
1287
01:13:42,126 --> 01:13:43,628
Now go ahead, screwdrive.
1288
01:13:43,669 --> 01:13:46,047
I sat with him through
two weeks of the mumps.
1289
01:13:46,088 --> 01:13:48,215
This couldn't be any worse.
1290
01:14:06,734 --> 01:14:08,819
Stop trembling.
1291
01:14:08,861 --> 01:14:12,615
Walter, don't hold that
so close to your stomach.
1292
01:14:15,701 --> 01:14:17,703
I think I'm going to belch.
1293
01:14:21,123 --> 01:14:22,166
Dear, have a tummy.
1294
01:14:38,391 --> 01:14:39,642
Would you hurry up?
1295
01:14:39,684 --> 01:14:43,437
Would you, plea...
Walter, be patient.
1296
01:14:43,437 --> 01:14:46,857
I got to go to the bathroom.
1297
01:14:50,027 --> 01:14:51,362
Would you hold this?
1298
01:15:30,609 --> 01:15:31,986
It's disarmed.
1299
01:15:34,030 --> 01:15:35,781
You can relax, sir.
1300
01:15:47,084 --> 01:15:50,254
Are you quite sure
that thing is completely safe?
1301
01:15:50,296 --> 01:15:51,756
Completely safe.
1302
01:15:51,756 --> 01:15:53,466
When it comes to bombs...
1303
01:15:53,507 --> 01:15:55,885
I know exactly what I'm doing.
1304
01:16:06,729 --> 01:16:08,064
Come in.
1305
01:16:10,274 --> 01:16:13,611
- Hi.
- Hi.
1306
01:16:15,071 --> 01:16:16,530
Did you sleep all right?
1307
01:16:16,530 --> 01:16:18,783
Naw. I was up most of the night
1308
01:16:18,824 --> 01:16:21,410
just waiting for another explosion.
1309
01:16:21,452 --> 01:16:23,996
Yeah. I know what you mean.
1310
01:16:24,038 --> 01:16:25,289
If only my father were here.
1311
01:16:25,331 --> 01:16:26,957
He'd know what to do.
1312
01:16:26,999 --> 01:16:32,463
Axel, why couldn't
we plan an escape?
1313
01:16:32,463 --> 01:16:34,757
Axel, we can do it.
1314
01:16:34,799 --> 01:16:36,092
Susan, you're nuts.
1315
01:16:36,133 --> 01:16:37,927
I know we can do it!
1316
01:16:37,968 --> 01:16:40,262
No. Ten minutes
after you try to escape,
1317
01:16:40,304 --> 01:16:42,640
I can picture Krojack
wearing your father's shirt.
1318
01:16:42,681 --> 01:16:43,849
But they'll never catch us.
1319
01:16:43,891 --> 01:16:46,143
Susan, look. An escape requires
1320
01:16:46,185 --> 01:16:49,438
timing, coordination,
and good physical condition.
1321
01:16:49,480 --> 01:16:52,566
Your father gets out
of breath if I ask him to pass the salt.
1322
01:16:52,566 --> 01:16:55,778
Axel, for once, take the initiative.
1323
01:16:55,820 --> 01:16:57,988
Don't let things happen to you.
1324
01:16:58,030 --> 01:17:00,282
Susan. Together, we can do it.
1325
01:17:00,324 --> 01:17:02,118
Wait a minute, Susan.
Will you be reasonable?
1326
01:17:02,159 --> 01:17:05,162
I'm with the foreign service,
not the CIA.
1327
01:17:05,204 --> 01:17:07,581
That's it.
1328
01:17:07,581 --> 01:17:09,250
The CIA.
1329
01:17:09,291 --> 01:17:10,960
Look. If you're talking
about a escape,
1330
01:17:11,001 --> 01:17:12,795
you're talking to the wrong guy.
1331
01:17:12,837 --> 01:17:15,172
I don't escape.
That's not my field.
1332
01:17:15,214 --> 01:17:17,258
When I enter a place, I stay.
1333
01:17:17,299 --> 01:17:19,802
You are a coward!
1334
01:17:19,844 --> 01:17:21,137
That's what you are!
1335
01:17:21,178 --> 01:17:24,014
You are a coward!
1336
01:17:24,056 --> 01:17:27,685
Marion, have you ever
seen a man with a hernia
1337
01:17:27,726 --> 01:17:29,436
run from a tank?
1338
01:17:31,564 --> 01:17:34,942
You want your daughter to get back
to Donald, don't you?
1339
01:17:38,237 --> 01:17:39,905
Bring on the CIA.
1340
01:17:43,993 --> 01:17:47,037
I handle the local CIA around here.
1341
01:17:47,079 --> 01:17:49,039
Go ahead, Mr. Mirik.
1342
01:17:49,039 --> 01:17:51,333
Well, I think we're
gonna need identification
1343
01:17:51,375 --> 01:17:54,545
for a party of three.
1344
01:17:54,587 --> 01:17:56,005
Uh, let's see. We have...
1345
01:17:56,046 --> 01:17:59,175
three Bandini"Brothers, acrobats.
1346
01:18:03,470 --> 01:18:06,056
Oh, here we go.
Here we go.
1347
01:18:06,098 --> 01:18:09,685
Mr. and Mrs. John Randall and son.
1348
01:18:09,727 --> 01:18:12,646
Our son happens to be a girl.
1349
01:18:14,023 --> 01:18:16,358
Walter, don't make trouble.
1350
01:18:16,400 --> 01:18:18,402
Well, you just dress her like a boy.
1351
01:18:18,444 --> 01:18:21,447
OK. You are
the Randall family now.
1352
01:18:21,488 --> 01:18:24,658
Here's your passports.
You have identification,
1353
01:18:24,742 --> 01:18:26,785
all other pertinent information,
1354
01:18:26,827 --> 01:18:28,996
you know, stuff like that there.
1355
01:18:29,038 --> 01:18:31,373
Well, how do they get out
of the embassy building?
1356
01:18:31,415 --> 01:18:35,294
Well, I figured
a perfect setup would be
1357
01:18:35,336 --> 01:18:40,758
you'd throw a diplomats party
in there tomorrow afternoon.
1358
01:18:40,758 --> 01:18:42,259
Aha. OK. I'll arrange that.
1359
01:18:42,259 --> 01:18:45,971
Tomorrow afternoon? I'll have
to start dusting right away.
1360
01:18:46,013 --> 01:18:50,226
And when the guests start leaving,
you slip out with them.
1361
01:18:50,267 --> 01:18:51,894
We take it from there.
1362
01:18:51,936 --> 01:18:53,604
OK. I'll get the invitations out
right away.
1363
01:18:53,646 --> 01:18:56,232
- It sounds just perfect.
- Right.
1364
01:18:56,273 --> 01:18:58,025
Well, Mr. Hollander?
1365
01:18:58,067 --> 01:18:59,318
Now do you feel more secure
1366
01:18:59,360 --> 01:19:01,362
about the United states government?
1367
01:19:01,403 --> 01:19:03,072
Ahem.
1368
01:19:26,136 --> 01:19:28,597
All right now. Just once more.
Who are you?
1369
01:19:28,639 --> 01:19:30,933
I'm John Randall,
I live in Washington, D.C.,
1370
01:19:30,975 --> 01:19:33,143
and I work for the Department
of the Interior.
1371
01:19:33,185 --> 01:19:35,354
I'm married,
and I have 4 children.
1372
01:19:35,396 --> 01:19:36,981
I was born in Milwaukee,
Wisconsin.
1373
01:19:37,022 --> 01:19:39,942
I went to school in California
and majored in agriculture.
1374
01:19:39,984 --> 01:19:42,111
I entered the government
under Roosevelt.
1375
01:19:42,152 --> 01:19:43,821
Who's gonna ask me
these questions?
1376
01:19:43,862 --> 01:19:45,030
Mr. Hollander, if you're stopped,
1377
01:19:45,072 --> 01:19:46,699
your answers must be consistent.
1378
01:19:46,740 --> 01:19:48,701
Nobody's gonna believe I'm
Sam Willard.
1379
01:19:48,742 --> 01:19:50,744
John Randall.
1380
01:19:50,744 --> 01:19:52,788
What are you doing
in Europe?
1381
01:19:52,830 --> 01:19:54,039
I'm making a tour.
1382
01:19:54,081 --> 01:19:57,126
We're going all over Europe
and see all the stuff.
1383
01:19:57,167 --> 01:19:59,962
I'm on a tour.
1384
01:20:00,004 --> 01:20:01,297
You can't wear the gray.
1385
01:20:01,338 --> 01:20:03,090
You better wear
the dark blue flannel.
1386
01:20:03,132 --> 01:20:05,134
Blue is for parties.
1387
01:20:05,175 --> 01:20:06,635
Gray here is for escaping.
1388
01:20:06,677 --> 01:20:08,053
I'm wearing the gray.
1389
01:20:08,095 --> 01:20:09,888
What are you doing in Europe?
1390
01:20:09,930 --> 01:20:11,557
And I'm his lovely wife Carmen.
1391
01:20:11,598 --> 01:20:15,519
I'm also the former Miss Wisconsin
of 1948.
1392
01:20:15,519 --> 01:20:17,604
They believe that,
we win the Cold War.
1393
01:20:17,646 --> 01:20:19,315
Where are you staying?
1394
01:20:22,526 --> 01:20:25,154
The Grand Hotel for a week,
and then we fly to Malaysia.
1395
01:20:25,195 --> 01:20:29,158
Walter, I am telling you
the blue suit.
1396
01:20:29,199 --> 01:20:30,993
I'm wearing the gray.
1397
01:20:31,035 --> 01:20:33,037
All right.
1398
01:20:33,078 --> 01:20:35,956
You don't dress,
I don't escape.
1399
01:20:49,178 --> 01:20:51,180
My girdle's killing me.
1400
01:20:51,221 --> 01:20:53,140
So is mine.
1401
01:20:53,432 --> 01:20:55,726
Have you ever fired a pistol?
1402
01:20:55,768 --> 01:20:56,810
A pistol?
1403
01:20:57,895 --> 01:21:01,357
How often is there a gunfight
in the catering business?
1404
01:21:02,566 --> 01:21:04,485
It's really quite safe.
1405
01:21:04,526 --> 01:21:08,906
It can't possibly fire
unless you pull that trigger.
1406
01:21:08,906 --> 01:21:11,033
Boy, that's a beauty.
1407
01:21:11,075 --> 01:21:13,660
I don't think
he should carry that gun.
1408
01:21:13,702 --> 01:21:15,954
They're dangerous,
and he doesn't know how to use one.
1409
01:21:15,996 --> 01:21:17,831
I know how to use one.
1410
01:21:17,915 --> 01:21:19,541
When did you ever use a gun?
1411
01:21:19,583 --> 01:21:21,085
Plenty of times. Don't worry.
1412
01:21:21,085 --> 01:21:22,378
When?
1413
01:21:22,419 --> 01:21:25,255
I want to carry it.
1414
01:21:25,297 --> 01:21:27,424
If he carries that gun, I don't go.
1415
01:21:27,466 --> 01:21:31,095
Marion, why do you
want to put a damper on everything?
1416
01:21:31,136 --> 01:21:33,055
All right! All right! Take it,
1417
01:21:33,097 --> 01:21:35,974
But if you're gonna kill yourself,
don't come crying to me!
1418
01:21:36,016 --> 01:21:38,560
All right, now. Look.
The last step.
1419
01:21:38,602 --> 01:21:41,605
What do you do
when you leave here?
1420
01:21:41,647 --> 01:21:42,815
Well...
1421
01:21:43,982 --> 01:21:45,401
We get into the Randall car.
1422
01:21:45,442 --> 01:21:48,612
The chauffeur takes us to the park,
the CIA man meets us there.
1423
01:21:48,654 --> 01:21:50,697
The password is
"The grass is green."
1424
01:21:50,739 --> 01:21:52,282
Right, right. OK.
1425
01:21:52,324 --> 01:21:55,869
OK. Now we'll meet
in my room when it's time to go.
1426
01:21:55,869 --> 01:21:57,246
Good luck.
1427
01:22:09,383 --> 01:22:12,094
You dirty rat.
1428
01:22:14,388 --> 01:22:15,931
The blue flannel.
1429
01:22:46,170 --> 01:22:47,296
All set?
1430
01:22:49,047 --> 01:22:50,507
People are starting to leave.
1431
01:22:50,549 --> 01:22:51,592
It's time.
1432
01:22:51,633 --> 01:22:53,010
- Where's Susan?
- Well, I...
1433
01:23:01,560 --> 01:23:04,938
Susan! My son!
1434
01:23:06,565 --> 01:23:07,858
My God!
1435
01:23:27,961 --> 01:23:30,130
Oh. The dirty...
1436
01:23:35,719 --> 01:23:38,138
I think we're getting
out of here just in time.
1437
01:23:38,180 --> 01:23:40,057
Well, y-you head
for the office.
1438
01:23:40,098 --> 01:23:41,850
He'll... uh, she'll follow.
1439
01:23:41,892 --> 01:23:43,894
Remember, you're a boy.
1440
01:23:43,936 --> 01:23:45,354
Act like one.
1441
01:23:51,818 --> 01:23:53,320
Uh, Mr. Magee.
1442
01:24:00,160 --> 01:24:02,371
That's the state Department
for you.
1443
01:24:07,960 --> 01:24:10,546
You know, Walter,
I can tell you're carrying a gun.
1444
01:24:10,587 --> 01:24:11,922
Never.
1445
01:24:11,964 --> 01:24:13,966
There's a big bulge
around your middle.
1446
01:24:14,007 --> 01:24:15,217
That's the way I'm built.
1447
01:24:15,259 --> 01:24:17,928
That's not the way you're built.
You don't have a handle.
1448
01:24:19,763 --> 01:24:23,100
Walter, people
are staring at your bulge.
1449
01:24:23,141 --> 01:24:26,603
♪ Foggy day in London town ♪
1450
01:24:26,645 --> 01:24:28,564
We haven't met, have we?
1451
01:24:28,605 --> 01:24:30,566
Oh. I'm John Randall.
1452
01:24:30,607 --> 01:24:31,984
I'm from Washington, D.C.
1453
01:24:32,025 --> 01:24:34,027
I work for the Department
of the Interior.
1454
01:24:34,111 --> 01:24:36,029
I'm married and have 4 children.
1455
01:24:36,029 --> 01:24:37,823
I was born
in Milwaukee, Wisconsin,
1456
01:24:37,864 --> 01:24:40,325
went to school in California,
majored in agriculture.
1457
01:24:40,367 --> 01:24:42,578
I entered the government
under the Roosevelt regime.
1458
01:24:42,619 --> 01:24:44,037
My name is John Randall.
1459
01:24:44,037 --> 01:24:46,540
And I'm his lovely wife Carmen.
1460
01:24:46,582 --> 01:24:47,874
- How do you do?
- Charmed.
1461
01:24:47,916 --> 01:24:49,835
Yasin Kasnar here,
1462
01:24:49,876 --> 01:24:53,672
and this is Countess Wilhelmina Bordoni.
1463
01:24:53,714 --> 01:24:55,424
Charmed.
1464
01:24:55,465 --> 01:24:58,594
This wine is extraordinary.
Have you tasted it?
1465
01:24:58,635 --> 01:25:01,054
No, I haven't.
1466
01:25:06,310 --> 01:25:08,228
Rather diffident and ethereal.
1467
01:25:08,270 --> 01:25:10,272
Wouldn't you say so, Mr. Randall?
1468
01:25:10,314 --> 01:25:14,693
Well, I'd say that
the bouquet was subtly demure
1469
01:25:14,735 --> 01:25:16,320
and playfully articulate.
1470
01:25:16,361 --> 01:25:18,655
I got that from a bottle of ketchup.
1471
01:25:18,697 --> 01:25:19,698
Charming.
1472
01:25:22,701 --> 01:25:24,202
How long have you been here?
1473
01:25:24,244 --> 01:25:26,330
- Two weeks.
- Three day...
1474
01:25:26,371 --> 01:25:28,206
- Three days.
- Two week...
1475
01:25:28,248 --> 01:25:30,250
We've been here
two weeks and three days.
1476
01:25:31,585 --> 01:25:34,171
- We're staying at the big...
- I'm at the strand Hotel.
1477
01:25:34,212 --> 01:25:37,049
- It's very nice.
- I don't like it.
1478
01:25:37,090 --> 01:25:38,342
We... it's getting late.
1479
01:25:38,383 --> 01:25:40,469
We must be going. Come, Walter.
1480
01:25:40,510 --> 01:25:42,137
Walter?
1481
01:25:42,179 --> 01:25:44,806
Uh... oh. Isn't that amusing?
1482
01:25:44,848 --> 01:25:46,099
She doesn't even know my name.
1483
01:25:46,183 --> 01:25:48,894
- It's Sam Randall.
- John.
1484
01:25:48,935 --> 01:25:50,646
Yes. John Sam.
1485
01:25:50,687 --> 01:25:53,106
Back in Washington,
that makes for a lot of trouble.
1486
01:25:53,190 --> 01:25:55,442
They get my name mixed up
with Lyndon Johnson,
1487
01:25:55,484 --> 01:25:58,362
you know, Johnson, Sam John.
1488
01:25:58,403 --> 01:26:00,072
Well, let's be going.
1489
01:26:00,113 --> 01:26:01,531
We're off to Afskhanistan.
1490
01:26:01,573 --> 01:26:03,283
Tunisia.
1491
01:26:03,325 --> 01:26:05,827
Yeah. Afskhanistan, Tunisia.
1492
01:26:05,869 --> 01:26:08,372
- Well, let's go, Marion.
- Marion?
1493
01:26:08,413 --> 01:26:10,749
I'm his lovely wife Carmen.
1494
01:26:10,791 --> 01:26:13,210
- Charming.
- Yes, goodbye.
1495
01:26:17,714 --> 01:26:23,345
Well, Marion, this is it.
1496
01:26:23,387 --> 01:26:25,972
Walter, if anything happens,
I want you to know...
1497
01:26:26,014 --> 01:26:28,016
Oh, stop talking about that.
1498
01:26:28,058 --> 01:26:30,018
What's the worst
thing could happen to us?
1499
01:26:30,060 --> 01:26:33,021
We get caught. Big deal.
1500
01:26:33,063 --> 01:26:36,191
They give us a fast trial,
torture us a little bit.
1501
01:26:36,233 --> 01:26:37,734
All we have to
remember to do
1502
01:26:37,776 --> 01:26:41,363
is to bite down hard
on that cyanide capsule.
1503
01:26:41,405 --> 01:26:45,701
Marion, have I ever let you down?
1504
01:26:45,742 --> 01:26:49,287
I know I'm not the easiest man
in the world to get along with.
1505
01:26:49,329 --> 01:26:52,749
As a matter of fact,
you might be amazed,
1506
01:26:52,749 --> 01:26:55,877
but there are plenty of women
who might think I was unpleasant.
1507
01:26:55,919 --> 01:26:58,922
- No!
- Honest.
1508
01:27:05,178 --> 01:27:09,474
Mrs. Hollander,
I'm the luckiest guy alive.
1509
01:27:11,393 --> 01:27:12,686
Everybody set?
1510
01:27:12,728 --> 01:27:14,730
Well, the Randalls are ready.
1511
01:27:14,771 --> 01:27:16,398
OK. Now, remember,
once you're past the guards,
1512
01:27:16,440 --> 01:27:18,483
don't stop for anybody.
1513
01:27:18,525 --> 01:27:20,026
Ok. Let's go.
1514
01:27:20,068 --> 01:27:23,864
Good evening.
Lovely party.
1515
01:27:26,450 --> 01:27:29,035
Oh, Mr. Hollander.
1516
01:27:29,077 --> 01:27:33,081
Oh, no, no. I mean, Mr. Randall
of Milwaukee.
1517
01:27:33,123 --> 01:27:34,708
And his lovely wife Carmen.
1518
01:27:34,750 --> 01:27:36,376
We were just leaving.
1519
01:27:37,711 --> 01:27:41,590
But I don't see how
you can be leaving, Madam x.
1520
01:27:41,631 --> 01:27:43,633
You see, we have
taken your car.
1521
01:27:43,675 --> 01:27:46,970
Ow! Dad!
1522
01:27:47,012 --> 01:27:49,347
Dad, listen.
1523
01:27:49,389 --> 01:27:51,391
Krojack broke in here,
and he's trying to take...
1524
01:27:51,433 --> 01:27:53,477
He didn't break in.
I invited him.
1525
01:27:53,518 --> 01:27:55,228
You invited him?
1526
01:27:55,228 --> 01:27:57,856
You are the Hollanders, I presume.
1527
01:27:57,898 --> 01:27:59,024
That's right.
1528
01:27:59,065 --> 01:28:01,318
Yes, and this
is my lovely son Susan.
1529
01:28:01,359 --> 01:28:03,195
Oh, he's really a girl.
1530
01:28:03,236 --> 01:28:06,448
Our other boy's at Camp Tonawanda
until Tuesday.
1531
01:28:06,490 --> 01:28:08,200
You'll be happy to learn
that we've completed
1532
01:28:08,241 --> 01:28:09,826
arrangements for your release.
1533
01:28:09,868 --> 01:28:12,412
Now you're talking.
1534
01:28:13,663 --> 01:28:15,207
Arrangements?
What arrangements?
1535
01:28:15,248 --> 01:28:17,459
In the interest of justice,
they'll stand trial.
1536
01:28:17,501 --> 01:28:18,710
They'll be given
a heavy sentence.
1537
01:28:18,752 --> 01:28:20,462
I will intervene.
1538
01:28:20,504 --> 01:28:23,381
It will be changed to a severe reprimand
and a token sentence,
1539
01:28:23,423 --> 01:28:24,841
30 days at the most.
1540
01:28:24,883 --> 01:28:26,510
30 days?
1541
01:28:26,551 --> 01:28:28,720
- 30 days?
- 30 days?
1542
01:28:28,762 --> 01:28:30,972
There are some waivers
they'll have to sign.
1543
01:28:31,014 --> 01:28:32,766
30 days?
1544
01:28:32,808 --> 01:28:34,684
Dad, you can't do this to...
1545
01:28:36,478 --> 01:28:38,980
Axel, stay out.
This is a fair deal.
1546
01:28:39,022 --> 01:28:40,440
Krojack gets credit
for the arrest,
1547
01:28:40,482 --> 01:28:42,400
and he gives me back
that tape recording,
1548
01:28:42,442 --> 01:28:44,945
and he's also agreed to attack me
viciously in the press.
1549
01:28:44,986 --> 01:28:47,823
Now that alone will win
the governorship for me in a landslide.
1550
01:28:47,864 --> 01:28:49,241
Yeah, but, Dad, what
about the Hollanders?
1551
01:28:49,282 --> 01:28:50,408
They got the Millman wedding,
1552
01:28:50,450 --> 01:28:52,244
Seth is in camp,
and Donald is waiting.
1553
01:28:52,285 --> 01:28:54,412
Oh. What's 30 days to them?
1554
01:29:00,293 --> 01:29:02,879
Let me get this straight.
1555
01:29:02,921 --> 01:29:04,631
You're gonna turn us
over to him?
1556
01:29:04,673 --> 01:29:07,425
Mr. Hollander, it was not
an easy decision.
1557
01:29:07,467 --> 01:29:09,678
On the one hand,
we want to protect you,
1558
01:29:09,719 --> 01:29:11,388
and on the other,
we must protect
1559
01:29:11,429 --> 01:29:13,557
the best interests
of the United States.
1560
01:29:13,598 --> 01:29:15,392
I thought they
were the same thing.
1561
01:29:15,433 --> 01:29:18,562
I'm afraid you don't
understand these matters.
1562
01:29:18,603 --> 01:29:22,399
No, but I'm beginning
to understand.
1563
01:29:22,440 --> 01:29:24,067
You guys are beautiful.
1564
01:29:24,109 --> 01:29:26,778
You make all the goofs,
and someone else pays.
1565
01:29:26,820 --> 01:29:29,531
Mr. Hollander, you've caused us
enough embarrassment.
1566
01:29:29,573 --> 01:29:32,742
Embarrassment? Is that
what we were to you,
1567
01:29:32,784 --> 01:29:33,952
An embarrassment?
1568
01:29:33,994 --> 01:29:35,412
That's quite enough!
1569
01:29:35,412 --> 01:29:36,913
Now I'm ordering you to...
1570
01:29:36,913 --> 01:29:39,249
Ordering? You're ordering me?
1571
01:29:40,333 --> 01:29:42,252
I think you got things backwards.
1572
01:29:42,294 --> 01:29:45,213
I'm a taxpayer.
I don't work for you.
1573
01:29:45,255 --> 01:29:47,257
You work for me,
1574
01:29:47,299 --> 01:29:49,134
and if you were working
for me as a caterer,
1575
01:29:49,175 --> 01:29:51,469
you wouldn't last
through the first course.
1576
01:29:51,511 --> 01:29:55,432
If you're quite finished,
I have a police wagon waiting outside.
1577
01:29:55,473 --> 01:29:59,978
Walter, your bulge,
it's worse than ever.
1578
01:30:02,480 --> 01:30:05,609
Now you stand
right where you are.
1579
01:30:05,650 --> 01:30:08,695
Oh, here's that
grimy little finger again.
1580
01:30:08,737 --> 01:30:10,947
Wrong again, buster.
1581
01:30:10,989 --> 01:30:12,282
Now get in that closet.
1582
01:30:12,324 --> 01:30:14,075
We're getting out of here.
1583
01:30:14,117 --> 01:30:15,160
Move!
1584
01:30:17,787 --> 01:30:18,788
Reason with him.
1585
01:30:18,830 --> 01:30:20,165
- Dad, I can't.
- Don't argue!
1586
01:30:20,206 --> 01:30:22,959
For once in your life,
do something right!
1587
01:30:23,001 --> 01:30:25,587
Yeah. Yeah, I think I should.
1588
01:30:31,051 --> 01:30:33,261
Will you get out of there?
1589
01:30:34,679 --> 01:30:36,806
What a team! Whoo!
1590
01:30:36,848 --> 01:30:38,391
All right.
Let's get out of here.
1591
01:30:38,391 --> 01:30:41,227
In what? They took
the Randalls' car.
1592
01:30:41,269 --> 01:30:43,813
- That's right.
- Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
1593
01:30:43,855 --> 01:30:45,523
There's Krojack's paddy wagon.
1594
01:30:45,565 --> 01:30:49,194
Look. I can put this on
and pretend to be him...
1595
01:30:49,235 --> 01:30:50,528
Oh, no, no, no.
Wait a minute.
1596
01:30:50,570 --> 01:30:51,863
That's no good.
I don't speak the language.
1597
01:30:51,905 --> 01:30:53,531
We'll never get past the guards.
1598
01:31:07,128 --> 01:31:10,256
I'm coming along
to see that your rights are protected.
1599
01:31:18,682 --> 01:31:19,891
Mr. Ambassador?
1600
01:31:29,067 --> 01:31:31,653
- To where?
- People's Park,
1601
01:31:31,695 --> 01:31:33,738
to look for an organ grinder.
1602
01:32:09,566 --> 01:32:11,276
- They're not here!
- They're not here?
1603
01:32:11,317 --> 01:32:12,610
- The bus!
- The bus!
1604
01:32:43,391 --> 01:32:44,893
Good afternoon,
Mr. Hollander.
1605
01:32:44,934 --> 01:32:47,228
You will proceed
to the interior railroad station.
1606
01:32:47,270 --> 01:32:49,731
Your contact there
will be the ticket agent.
1607
01:32:49,773 --> 01:32:52,734
This tape will self-destruct
in five seconds.
1608
01:34:03,721 --> 01:34:05,473
You know something?
I think this sofa
1609
01:34:05,515 --> 01:34:07,183
would look better over here.
1610
01:34:14,065 --> 01:34:16,025
We must be at the Grand Hotel.
1611
01:34:41,176 --> 01:34:42,260
Oh, isn't that nice?
1612
01:34:42,302 --> 01:34:43,803
The ambassador came
down to see us off.
1613
01:34:43,845 --> 01:34:45,013
Get back!
1614
01:34:48,391 --> 01:34:50,518
It's a trap. They got us.
1615
01:34:50,560 --> 01:34:52,353
Oh. We almost made it.
1616
01:34:52,395 --> 01:34:53,771
Wait. Wait a minute.
I got an idea. Come on.
1617
01:34:53,813 --> 01:34:54,939
Come here.
1618
01:35:04,282 --> 01:35:06,743
Have my
wives come down yet?
1619
01:35:06,784 --> 01:35:10,079
No, sir, but their luggage
is in the luggage room there,
1620
01:35:10,121 --> 01:35:11,706
and your car's ready out front.
1621
01:35:12,749 --> 01:35:16,169
Sultan. Excuse me.
1622
01:35:16,211 --> 01:35:17,879
Would you come over here?
1623
01:36:08,304 --> 01:36:10,181
All right.
Now what do we do?
1624
01:36:10,223 --> 01:36:12,684
We lost our contact.
1625
01:36:12,725 --> 01:36:13,726
Look!
1626
01:36:15,103 --> 01:36:16,562
There must be an airport near.
1627
01:36:26,030 --> 01:36:29,075
A plane! We got it made!
We got it made!
1628
01:36:37,000 --> 01:36:39,127
Where? Where?
1629
01:36:39,168 --> 01:36:40,628
There doesn't seem
to be any airport.
1630
01:36:40,670 --> 01:36:42,755
I can see that.
1631
01:36:42,839 --> 01:36:44,507
What now?
1632
01:36:44,549 --> 01:36:49,012
I don't know. There's hardly any
gas left in the car.
1633
01:36:49,053 --> 01:36:51,681
Zorkie, zorkie, zorkie.
1634
01:36:51,723 --> 01:36:54,767
This is where I was supposed
to escape six years ago.
1635
01:36:54,851 --> 01:36:58,187
I was told go to a little red barn.
1636
01:36:58,229 --> 01:37:01,441
A red barn?
Well, that's a red barn.
1637
01:37:01,482 --> 01:37:03,359
It's a red barn!
1638
01:37:21,919 --> 01:37:23,171
Hello, buddy.
1639
01:37:23,212 --> 01:37:24,756
Where was you?
1640
01:37:24,797 --> 01:37:26,424
I've been waiting
for six years.
1641
01:37:28,051 --> 01:37:29,302
How many can you take?
1642
01:37:29,344 --> 01:37:33,056
Two, maybe three at the most.
1643
01:37:33,097 --> 01:37:35,058
You three go.
1644
01:37:35,099 --> 01:37:36,809
Let Susan stay here.
1645
01:37:36,809 --> 01:37:39,604
My daughter stay
here and go to jail?
1646
01:37:39,645 --> 01:37:41,647
Well, no, sir, not necessarily.
1647
01:37:41,689 --> 01:37:45,443
She could have
complete immunity...
1648
01:37:45,485 --> 01:37:48,404
as the wife of a diplomat.
1649
01:37:48,446 --> 01:37:51,074
What? Susan marry you?
1650
01:37:51,115 --> 01:37:53,326
You got to be
some kind of a nut!
1651
01:38:01,334 --> 01:38:02,960
Wait a minute. A ring.
We need a ring.
1652
01:38:03,002 --> 01:38:04,003
I got one.
1653
01:38:05,838 --> 01:38:07,256
Come on! Hurry up!
1654
01:38:07,256 --> 01:38:09,967
Hold that.
1655
01:38:10,009 --> 01:38:11,844
Oh, thank you very much.
1656
01:38:11,928 --> 01:38:13,137
Start, start.
1657
01:38:13,179 --> 01:38:18,559
Ashes to ashes,
dust to dust.
1658
01:38:18,601 --> 01:38:20,395
"Dearly beloved."
1659
01:38:20,436 --> 01:38:23,398
Ah. Dearly...
1660
01:38:29,695 --> 01:38:31,739
Well, congratulations, kids.
1661
01:38:31,781 --> 01:38:32,782
Thank you, Dad.
1662
01:38:32,824 --> 01:38:34,784
- And good luck.
- Thank you, sir.
1663
01:38:34,826 --> 01:38:37,036
She's gonna need it.
1664
01:38:37,078 --> 01:38:39,205
All right, Flash.
Up, up, and away.
1665
01:38:40,498 --> 01:38:43,334
- Does your plane have a radio?
- Yes.
1666
01:38:43,376 --> 01:38:45,002
Good. You can wire
your silverware pattern.
1667
01:38:45,044 --> 01:38:47,004
Bye, Mommy.
1668
01:39:11,237 --> 01:39:14,115
Well, we made it.
1669
01:39:15,158 --> 01:39:16,200
Not yet, buddy.
1670
01:39:16,242 --> 01:39:18,369
We are losing altitude real fast.
1671
01:39:18,411 --> 01:39:21,956
We've got get rid
of all excess weight fast!
1672
01:39:21,998 --> 01:39:24,125
All right, Marion, unload.
1673
01:39:24,167 --> 01:39:25,418
Oh, Walter.
1674
01:39:25,460 --> 01:39:26,669
Unload!
1675
01:39:45,188 --> 01:39:47,565
♪ Don't drink the water ♪
120907
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