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1
00:00:03,633 --> 00:00:08,566
2
00:00:08,566 --> 00:00:10,166
They just walked out of there!
3
00:00:10,166 --> 00:00:12,199
Yeah, I know,
I was sort of sitting next to you.
4
00:00:12,200 --> 00:00:14,500
The whole Waters family.
They just walked right out of there!
5
00:00:14,500 --> 00:00:18,200
Again, I was in the room.
How do they always manage that?!
6
00:00:18,200 --> 00:00:19,633
They're good.
7
00:00:19,633 --> 00:00:21,433
They're greedy
and they'll do it again,
8
00:00:21,433 --> 00:00:23,699
and next time we're going to
catch them in the act.
9
00:00:23,700 --> 00:00:24,700
How?
10
00:00:24,700 --> 00:00:34,300
11
00:00:34,300 --> 00:00:35,266
No good?
12
00:00:35,266 --> 00:00:38,366
They always know we're coming.
How do they always know?!
13
00:00:38,366 --> 00:00:40,666
They're good, they work at it.
14
00:00:40,666 --> 00:00:43,199
They're never going to stop.
Well, neither are we.
15
00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:53,566
16
00:00:53,566 --> 00:00:54,666
Argh!
17
00:00:54,666 --> 00:01:03,566
18
00:01:03,566 --> 00:01:05,399
Argh!
19
00:01:05,400 --> 00:01:08,266
Argh! AARGH!
20
00:01:08,266 --> 00:01:09,499
21
00:01:09,500 --> 00:01:10,866
Oh! Greg...
22
00:01:10,866 --> 00:01:13,099
In the act!
23
00:01:13,100 --> 00:01:17,233
It's the only way we're going to
do this, in the act!
24
00:01:17,233 --> 00:01:46,233
25
00:01:46,233 --> 00:01:48,099
They're still blocking it?
26
00:01:48,100 --> 00:01:50,400
Yeah. Very efficiently hacked.
27
00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:52,966
They must be bloody pleased
with themselves.
28
00:01:52,966 --> 00:01:55,166
They must be.
29
00:01:55,166 --> 00:02:00,899
30
00:02:00,900 --> 00:02:02,366
Right then?
31
00:02:02,366 --> 00:02:05,832
Ah, no! No, you've got to make
the arrest. This one's yours, boss.
32
00:02:05,833 --> 00:02:07,999
You've never called me boss before.
33
00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:10,400
Oh, well, look what happens
when you're good.
34
00:02:10,400 --> 00:02:13,633
You know how most days
aren't good days?
35
00:02:13,633 --> 00:02:15,866
This is a good day. Not
for the Waters family.
36
00:02:15,866 --> 00:02:16,866
37
00:02:16,866 --> 00:02:18,899
OK, ten men on the roof,
all exits covered.
38
00:02:18,900 --> 00:02:21,500
The bank's closed, so we've
no hostages to worry about.
39
00:02:21,500 --> 00:02:22,266
40
00:02:22,266 --> 00:02:23,799
Sorry, no, go on. Go on.
41
00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:25,933
Um, we've got the tunnel
entrance covered...
42
00:02:25,933 --> 00:02:26,033
43
00:02:26,033 --> 00:02:27,633
...and Davies, Willow and Christie
44
00:02:27,633 --> 00:02:29,899
are heading up armed
response on Mafeking Road.
45
00:02:29,900 --> 00:02:30,300
46
00:02:30,300 --> 00:02:32,700
Sorry, I'd better get this.
It's him, isn't it?
47
00:02:32,700 --> 00:02:39,900
48
00:02:39,900 --> 00:02:41,633
I, I, I have to go. What?!
49
00:02:41,633 --> 00:02:42,966
You make the arrest. No way!
50
00:02:42,966 --> 00:02:45,066
Sorry, you'll be fine.
I'm cool with this.
51
00:02:45,066 --> 00:02:48,332
Jones will get all the credit
if you leave now, you know he will.
52
00:02:48,333 --> 00:02:49,399
53
00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:52,466
Yeah, well, yeah, it doesn't matter,
I have to go.
54
00:02:52,466 --> 00:02:56,566
55
00:02:56,566 --> 00:02:58,466
Back up! I need maximum back up!
56
00:02:58,466 --> 00:03:00,399
Baker Street now!
57
00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:12,966
58
00:03:12,966 --> 00:03:14,166
What's going on?!
59
00:03:14,166 --> 00:03:16,066
This is hard. What?
60
00:03:16,066 --> 00:03:18,399
Really hard.
Hardest thing I've ever had to do.
61
00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:21,000
62
00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:23,900
Do you know any funny stories
about John?
63
00:03:23,900 --> 00:03:25,500
64
00:03:25,500 --> 00:03:27,600
What?!
65
00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:30,633
I need anecdotes.
Didn't go to any trouble, did you?
66
00:03:30,633 --> 00:04:58,299
67
00:04:58,300 --> 00:05:01,666
Shut up, Mrs Hudson.
I haven't said a word.
68
00:05:01,666 --> 00:05:03,699
You're formulating a question,
69
00:05:03,700 --> 00:05:06,200
it's physically painful
watching you think.
70
00:05:06,200 --> 00:05:08,100
I thought it was you playing.
71
00:05:08,100 --> 00:05:09,233
It was me playing.
72
00:05:09,233 --> 00:05:10,266
73
00:05:10,266 --> 00:05:11,766
I am composing.
74
00:05:11,766 --> 00:05:14,166
You were dancing.
75
00:05:14,166 --> 00:05:15,632
I was road-testing.
76
00:05:15,633 --> 00:05:16,833
You what?
77
00:05:16,833 --> 00:05:18,666
Why are you here?
78
00:05:18,666 --> 00:05:22,499
I'm bringing you your morning tea.
You're not usually awake.
79
00:05:22,500 --> 00:05:23,966
You bring me tea in the morning?
80
00:05:23,966 --> 00:05:25,699
Well, where do you think
it came from?
81
00:05:25,700 --> 00:05:28,100
I don't know.
I just thought it sort of happened.
82
00:05:28,100 --> 00:05:29,766
Your mother has a lot to answer for.
83
00:05:29,766 --> 00:05:32,299
Hmm, I know. I have a list.
84
00:05:32,300 --> 00:05:34,500
Mycroft has a file.
85
00:05:34,500 --> 00:05:37,566
So, it's the big day then.
86
00:05:37,566 --> 00:05:39,699
What big day?
87
00:05:39,700 --> 00:05:43,266
The wedding! John and Mary
getting married.
88
00:05:43,266 --> 00:05:46,099
Two people who currently live
together are about to attend church,
89
00:05:46,100 --> 00:05:49,000
have a party, go on a short holiday,
then carry on living together.
90
00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:51,266
What's big about that?
It changes people, marriage.
91
00:05:51,266 --> 00:05:52,866
Hmm, no it doesn't.
92
00:05:52,866 --> 00:05:57,166
Well, you wouldn't understand,
cos you always live alone.
93
00:05:57,166 --> 00:05:59,399
Your husband was executed
for double murder.
94
00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:01,600
You're hardly an advert
for companionship.
95
00:06:01,600 --> 00:06:05,300
Marriage changes you as a person
in ways that you can't imagine.
96
00:06:05,300 --> 00:06:06,833
As does lethal injection.
97
00:06:06,833 --> 00:06:10,266
My best friend, Margaret,
she was my chief bridesmaid,
98
00:06:10,266 --> 00:06:13,632
we were going to be best friends
forever, we always said that,
99
00:06:13,633 --> 00:06:15,366
but I hardly saw her after that.
100
00:06:15,366 --> 00:06:18,066
Aren't there usually biscuits?
I've run out. Have the shops?
101
00:06:18,066 --> 00:06:21,666
She cried the whole day, saying,
"Ooh, it's the end of an era."
102
00:06:21,666 --> 00:06:23,432
I'm sure the shop
on the corner is open.
103
00:06:23,433 --> 00:06:27,166
She was probably right, really.
I remember she left early.
104
00:06:27,166 --> 00:06:31,366
I mean, who leaves a wedding early?
So sad.
105
00:06:31,366 --> 00:06:33,699
Hmm. Anyway, you've got
things to do.
106
00:06:33,700 --> 00:06:36,800
No, not really. I've got plenty of
time to get ready... Biscuits!
107
00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:39,800
Oh! I really am going to
have a word with your mother.
108
00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:42,466
You can if you like,
she understands very little.
109
00:06:42,466 --> 00:06:58,366
110
00:06:58,366 --> 00:07:00,232
Right then.
111
00:07:00,233 --> 00:07:05,833
112
00:07:05,833 --> 00:07:07,933
Into battle.
113
00:07:07,933 --> 00:08:14,066
114
00:08:14,066 --> 00:08:15,799
Congratulations!
115
00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:19,666
OK, hold it there, I want to get
this shot of the newlyweds.
116
00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:22,099
Er, just the bride and groom,
please.
117
00:08:22,100 --> 00:08:23,266
118
00:08:23,266 --> 00:08:25,966
Sherlock...
Oh, sorry.
119
00:08:25,966 --> 00:08:29,466
OK, three, two, one, cheese.
120
00:08:29,466 --> 00:08:38,299
121
00:08:38,300 --> 00:08:42,600
The famous Mr Holmes.
I'm very pleased to meet you.
122
00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:44,900
But no sex, OK? Sorry?!
123
00:08:44,900 --> 00:08:48,200
You don't have to look so scared,
I'm only messing.
124
00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:51,833
Bridesmaid, best man,
it's a bit traditional.
125
00:08:51,833 --> 00:08:54,266
Is it? But not obligatory.
126
00:08:54,266 --> 00:08:57,999
If that's the sort of thing you're looking for,
the man over there in blue is your best bet.
127
00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:00,266
Recently divorced doctor
with a ginger cat...
128
00:09:00,266 --> 00:09:03,566
A barn conversion and a history
of erectile dysfunction.
129
00:09:03,566 --> 00:09:06,032
Reviewing that information,
possibly not your best bet.
130
00:09:06,033 --> 00:09:07,433
Yeah, maybe not.
131
00:09:07,433 --> 00:09:10,166
Sorry, there was one more deduction
there than I was expecting.
132
00:09:10,166 --> 00:09:13,599
Mr Holmes, you're going
to be incredibly useful.
133
00:09:13,600 --> 00:09:21,600
134
00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:23,800
Hello. Lovely to meet you.
135
00:09:23,800 --> 00:09:25,600
How are you?
Beautiful, Mary.
136
00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:27,600
Thank you.
Congratulations.
137
00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:28,633
David!
138
00:09:28,633 --> 00:09:33,399
Ah, ah, Mary. Congratulations,
you look, um, very nice.
139
00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:36,666
Thanks. John, congratulations.
You're a lucky man. Thank you.
140
00:09:36,666 --> 00:09:40,266
Um, David, this is Sherlock. Hmm.
141
00:09:40,266 --> 00:09:43,199
Um, yeah, we've um... We've met.
142
00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:46,800
143
00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:50,666
So, what exactly are my duties
as an usher?
144
00:09:50,666 --> 00:09:52,032
145
00:09:52,033 --> 00:09:54,366
Let's talk about Mary first.
146
00:09:54,366 --> 00:09:55,799
Sorry, what?
147
00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:59,466
Well, I think you know what.
You went out with her for two years.
148
00:09:59,466 --> 00:10:01,832
Er, ages ago. We're...
We're just good friends now.
149
00:10:01,833 --> 00:10:03,066
Is that a fact?
150
00:10:03,066 --> 00:10:07,266
Whenever she tweets, you respond within five
minutes, regardless of time or current location,
151
00:10:07,266 --> 00:10:10,999
suggesting you have her on text alert. In your
Facebook photographs of the happy couple,
152
00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:14,433
Mary takes centre frame, whereas John
is always partly or entirely excluded.
153
00:10:14,433 --> 00:10:18,266
Well, you can't assume from that I've still
got some kind of interest in Mary...
154
00:10:18,266 --> 00:10:21,799
You volunteered to be a shoulder to cry on
on no less than three separate occasions.
155
00:10:21,800 --> 00:10:24,466
Do you have anything to say
in your defence?
156
00:10:24,466 --> 00:10:27,432
I think from now on, we'll downgrade
you to casual acquaintance.
157
00:10:27,433 --> 00:10:29,866
No more than three planned
social encounters a year
158
00:10:29,866 --> 00:10:31,699
and always in John's presence.
159
00:10:31,700 --> 00:10:34,233
I have your contact details.
I will be monitoring.
160
00:10:34,233 --> 00:10:35,866
161
00:10:35,866 --> 00:10:39,966
They're right about you.
You're a bloody psychopath.
162
00:10:39,966 --> 00:10:43,166
High functioning sociopath,
with your number.
163
00:10:43,166 --> 00:10:53,632
164
00:10:53,633 --> 00:10:54,833
Um...
165
00:10:54,833 --> 00:10:57,499
166
00:10:57,500 --> 00:10:59,700
Hello. Darling. Thank you.
167
00:10:59,700 --> 00:11:01,900
You look fabulous. Thank you.
168
00:11:01,900 --> 00:11:03,800
Thanks for coming, thank you.
169
00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:05,833
170
00:11:05,833 --> 00:11:08,266
Er, yes, well done in the service,
Archie.
171
00:11:08,266 --> 00:11:12,199
He's really come out of his shell.
I don't know how you did it. Um...
172
00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:17,000
173
00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:19,233
Basically it's a cute smile
to the bride's side,
174
00:11:19,233 --> 00:11:21,599
cute smile to the groom's side
and then the rings. No.
175
00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:23,233
And you have to wear the outfit. No.
176
00:11:23,233 --> 00:11:25,233
You really do have to wear
the outfit. What for?
177
00:11:25,233 --> 00:11:28,166
Grown-ups like that sort of thing.
Why?
178
00:11:28,166 --> 00:11:30,266
I don't know, I'll ask one.
179
00:11:30,266 --> 00:11:32,666
You're a detective.
180
00:11:32,666 --> 00:11:35,266
Yep. Have you solved any murders?
181
00:11:35,266 --> 00:11:37,499
Sure, loads. Can I see?
182
00:11:37,500 --> 00:11:39,000
183
00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:40,200
Yeah, all right.
184
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:47,433
185
00:11:47,433 --> 00:11:49,233
What's all the stuff in his eye?
186
00:11:49,233 --> 00:11:51,966
Maggots. Cool!
187
00:11:51,966 --> 00:11:53,232
Hmm.
188
00:11:53,233 --> 00:11:55,999
He said you had some
pictures for him, as a treat?
189
00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:58,200
Er, yes, if he's good.
190
00:11:58,200 --> 00:12:00,766
Beheadings. Lovely little village.
191
00:12:00,766 --> 00:12:03,099
Hmm? What did you say?
192
00:12:03,100 --> 00:12:07,866
193
00:12:07,866 --> 00:12:09,332
Hold it.
194
00:12:09,333 --> 00:12:11,233
195
00:12:11,233 --> 00:12:12,366
Nice.
196
00:12:12,366 --> 00:12:16,866
197
00:12:16,866 --> 00:12:18,999
I'm starving. Thanks.
198
00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:21,200
I had to lose so much weight to
get into this dress.
199
00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:23,033
200
00:12:23,033 --> 00:12:25,166
Hmm, he's nice.
201
00:12:25,166 --> 00:12:28,699
Traces of two leading brands of deodorant,
both advertised for their strength,
202
00:12:28,700 --> 00:12:31,900
suggestive of a chronic body odour
problem, manifesting under stress.
203
00:12:31,900 --> 00:12:34,600
OK, done there.
What about his friend?
204
00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:37,300
205
00:12:37,300 --> 00:12:40,866
Long-term relationship,
compulsive cheat. Seriously?
206
00:12:40,866 --> 00:12:43,099
Waterproof cover on his smart-phone.
207
00:12:43,100 --> 00:12:46,166
Yet his complexion
doesn't indicate outdoor work.
208
00:12:46,166 --> 00:12:49,299
It suggests he's in the habit of taking
his phone into the shower with him,
209
00:12:49,300 --> 00:12:53,066
which means he often receives texts and emails
he'd rather went unseen. Can I keep you?
210
00:12:53,066 --> 00:12:55,866
Do you like solving crimes?
Do you have a vacancy?
211
00:12:55,866 --> 00:12:57,299
212
00:12:57,300 --> 00:12:59,200
So, Harry? Er, no. No show.
213
00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:00,666
Darling, I'm so sorry.
214
00:13:00,666 --> 00:13:03,632
Yeah, it was a bit of a punt
asking her, I suppose.
215
00:13:03,633 --> 00:13:06,266
Still, free bar,
wouldn't have been a good mix.
216
00:13:06,266 --> 00:13:08,232
217
00:13:08,233 --> 00:13:10,266
Oh. God, wow!
218
00:13:10,266 --> 00:13:13,332
Is that...? He came.
219
00:13:13,333 --> 00:13:17,266
220
00:13:17,266 --> 00:13:20,932
So that's him, Major Sholto.
Uh-huh.
221
00:13:20,933 --> 00:13:23,466
222
00:13:23,466 --> 00:13:27,366
If they're such good friends,
why does he barely even mention him?
223
00:13:27,366 --> 00:13:30,799
He mentions him all the time to me,
never shuts up about him.
224
00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:32,900
About HIM? Mm-hmm.
225
00:13:32,900 --> 00:13:35,366
Urgh! I chose this wine,
it's bloody awful!
226
00:13:35,366 --> 00:13:38,232
Yes, but it's definitely him
that he talks about? Mm-hmm.
227
00:13:38,233 --> 00:13:41,333
I'm very, very, glad to see you, sir.
228
00:13:41,333 --> 00:13:42,566
229
00:13:42,566 --> 00:13:45,632
I know you don't really
do this sort of thing.
230
00:13:45,633 --> 00:13:47,966
Well, I do for old friends,
Watson.
231
00:13:47,966 --> 00:13:49,699
John.
232
00:13:49,700 --> 00:13:51,766
It's good to see you. You too.
233
00:13:51,766 --> 00:13:54,599
234
00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:56,500
Civilian life suiting you, then?
235
00:13:56,500 --> 00:14:00,366
Er, er, yes. Well, I think so, sir.
No more need for the trick cyclist?
236
00:14:00,366 --> 00:14:03,032
No, I go now and then.
Sort of a top-up.
237
00:14:03,033 --> 00:14:04,466
238
00:14:04,466 --> 00:14:06,766
Therapy can be very helpful.
239
00:14:06,766 --> 00:14:09,566
240
00:14:09,566 --> 00:14:12,399
Where are you living these days?
241
00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:15,600
Oh, way out in the middle of
nowhere. You wouldn't know it.
242
00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:18,033
You look well... I've never even
heard him say his name.
243
00:14:18,033 --> 00:14:21,433
Well, he's almost a recluse,
you know, since... Yes.
244
00:14:21,433 --> 00:14:23,266
I didn't think he'd show up at all.
245
00:14:23,266 --> 00:14:25,499
John says he's the most unsociable
man he's ever met.
246
00:14:25,500 --> 00:14:27,566
He is? He's the most unsociable?
Hmm.
247
00:14:27,566 --> 00:14:31,066
Ah, that's why he's bouncing around
him like a puppy.
248
00:14:31,066 --> 00:14:33,199
Oh, Sherlock!
249
00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:36,600
Neither of us were the first,
you know. Stop smiling.
250
00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:38,600
It's my wedding day!
251
00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:41,466
252
00:14:41,466 --> 00:14:43,566
Urgh!
253
00:14:43,566 --> 00:15:11,966
254
00:15:11,966 --> 00:15:14,632
Yes? What, Sherlock?
255
00:15:14,633 --> 00:15:16,766
Why are you out of breath? Filing.
256
00:15:16,766 --> 00:15:20,599
Either I've caught you in a compromising
position or you've been working out again.
257
00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:22,600
I favour the latter.
What do you want?
258
00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:25,200
I need your answer, Mycroft,
as a matter of urgency.
259
00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:29,166
Answer? Even at the eleventh hour,
it's not too late, you know.
260
00:15:29,166 --> 00:15:30,299
Oh, Lord!
261
00:15:30,300 --> 00:15:33,500
Cars can be ordered,
private jets commandeered.
262
00:15:33,500 --> 00:15:36,466
Today. It's today, isn't it?
263
00:15:36,466 --> 00:15:39,699
No, Sherlock, I will not be
coming to the night-do,
264
00:15:39,700 --> 00:15:41,400
as you so poetically put it.
265
00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:45,300
What a shame.
Mary and John will be extremely d...
266
00:15:45,300 --> 00:15:48,266
Delighted not to have me
hanging around.
267
00:15:48,266 --> 00:15:49,699
Oh, I don't know.
268
00:15:49,700 --> 00:15:52,833
There should always be
a spectre at the feast.
269
00:15:52,833 --> 00:15:56,233
So, this is it, then? The big day.
270
00:15:56,233 --> 00:15:59,233
I suppose I'll be seeing
a lot more of you from now on.
271
00:15:59,233 --> 00:16:01,799
What do you mean?
Just like old times.
272
00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:05,300
No, I don't understand. 'Well,
it's the end of an era, isn't it?'
273
00:16:05,300 --> 00:16:08,366
John and Mary, domestic bliss.
274
00:16:08,366 --> 00:16:11,566
No, no, no. I prefer to think of it
as the beginning of a new chapter.
275
00:16:11,566 --> 00:16:13,566
276
00:16:13,566 --> 00:16:17,066
What? Nothing.
I know that silence. What?
277
00:16:17,066 --> 00:16:18,799
Well, I'd better let you
get back to it.
278
00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:21,400
You have a big speech or something,
don't you?
279
00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:24,900
What? Cakes, karaoke, mingling.
280
00:16:24,900 --> 00:16:28,266
Mycroft! This is what people do,
Sherlock. They get married.
281
00:16:28,266 --> 00:16:30,999
I warned you, don't get involved.
282
00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:32,966
Involved? I'm not involved. No...
283
00:16:32,966 --> 00:16:36,399
John asked me to be his best man, how could I say no?
Absolutely. I'm not involved.
284
00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:38,566
I believe you. Really, I do.
285
00:16:38,566 --> 00:16:42,399
Have a lovely day and do give
the happy couple my best.
286
00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:43,633
287
00:16:43,633 --> 00:16:44,866
I will.
288
00:16:44,866 --> 00:16:48,999
Oh, by the way, Sherlock,
do you remember Redbeard?
289
00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:51,366
290
00:16:51,366 --> 00:16:53,566
I'm not a child anymore, Mycroft.
291
00:16:53,566 --> 00:16:55,599
No, of course you're not.
292
00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:58,066
Enjoy not getting involved, Sherlock.
293
00:16:58,066 --> 00:17:20,199
294
00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:22,033
Pray silence for the best man.
295
00:17:22,033 --> 00:17:29,799
296
00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:32,000
Ladies and gentlemen,
297
00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:34,566
family and friends,
298
00:17:34,566 --> 00:17:37,032
and...
299
00:17:37,033 --> 00:17:39,833
um, others.
300
00:17:39,833 --> 00:17:43,833
301
00:17:43,833 --> 00:17:46,099
Er...
302
00:17:46,100 --> 00:17:51,100
303
00:17:51,100 --> 00:17:52,833
A-also...
304
00:17:52,833 --> 00:17:57,399
305
00:17:57,400 --> 00:17:59,966
Greg... Molly.
I've just had a thought.
306
00:17:59,966 --> 00:18:01,032
Is that a brain?
307
00:18:01,033 --> 00:18:03,166
What if John asks Sherlock
to be his best man?
308
00:18:03,166 --> 00:18:05,499
Well, he will, won't he?
He's bound to. Exactly.
309
00:18:05,500 --> 00:18:09,800
So? So, he'll have to make a speech,
in front of people.
310
00:18:09,800 --> 00:18:13,433
There'll be actual people there,
actually listening.
311
00:18:13,433 --> 00:18:14,566
312
00:18:14,566 --> 00:18:16,766
Well, what's the worst
that could happen?
313
00:18:16,766 --> 00:18:18,999
Helen-Louise probably
wondered the same.
314
00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:20,533
Helen-Louise?
315
00:18:20,533 --> 00:18:26,633
316
00:18:26,633 --> 00:18:27,999
Oh, hello dear.
317
00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:30,433
I was just thinking,
if John does ask Sherlock...
318
00:18:30,433 --> 00:18:33,499
What, the speech, dear?
No, it'll be fine.
319
00:18:33,500 --> 00:18:36,433
It's not just the speech,
though, is it?
320
00:18:36,433 --> 00:18:44,766
321
00:18:44,766 --> 00:18:46,199
Oh, brilliant!
322
00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:49,366
Mrs Hudson? Hello, darling.
Are you all right?
323
00:18:49,366 --> 00:18:51,899
I was coming to see Sherlock
and I thought you were...
324
00:18:51,900 --> 00:18:54,400
No... Possibly dying.
325
00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:56,433
Oh, sorry.
326
00:18:56,433 --> 00:18:58,866
What's wrong?
327
00:18:58,866 --> 00:19:01,466
The telegrams!
328
00:19:01,466 --> 00:19:02,999
Sorry, what?
329
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:05,700
Oh, sorry.
330
00:19:05,700 --> 00:19:08,466
331
00:19:08,466 --> 00:19:10,699
Telegrams!
332
00:19:10,700 --> 00:19:13,833
Right, um...
333
00:19:13,833 --> 00:19:17,799
First things first, telegrams.
334
00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:21,266
Well, they're not actually telegrams, we
just call them telegrams. I don't know why.
335
00:19:21,266 --> 00:19:22,999
Wedding tradition.
336
00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:26,400
Because we don't have enough of that
already, apparently.
337
00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:27,466
"To Mr and Mrs Watson,
338
00:19:27,466 --> 00:19:30,199
"so sorry I am unable to be with
you on your special day.
339
00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:33,400
"Good luck and best wishes,
Mike Stanford." Aah. Aw.
340
00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:36,100
"To John and Mary, all good
wishes for your special day,"
341
00:19:36,100 --> 00:19:38,300
"with love and many big..."
342
00:19:38,300 --> 00:19:41,433
"Big squishy cuddles
from Stella and Ted."
343
00:19:41,433 --> 00:19:43,599
344
00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:46,666
"Mary, lots of love..."
345
00:19:46,666 --> 00:19:48,499
Yeah?
346
00:19:48,500 --> 00:19:53,466
"Poppet. Oodles of love
and heaps of good wishes from Cam."
347
00:19:53,466 --> 00:19:56,799
"Wish your family
could have seen this."
348
00:19:56,800 --> 00:20:01,466
"Special day..."
"Very special day..."
349
00:20:01,466 --> 00:20:03,999
"Love..." "Love..." "Love..."
"Love..." "Love..."
350
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:07,100
Bit of a theme, you get the general
gist. People are basically fond.
351
00:20:07,100 --> 00:20:09,466
352
00:20:09,466 --> 00:20:11,566
John Watson.
353
00:20:11,566 --> 00:20:14,232
354
00:20:14,233 --> 00:20:16,266
My friend, John Watson.
355
00:20:16,266 --> 00:20:17,766
356
00:20:17,766 --> 00:20:19,799
John...
357
00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:23,300
When John first broached the subject
of being best man, I was confused.
358
00:20:23,300 --> 00:20:25,900
Sherlock? What was that
noise downstairs?
359
00:20:25,900 --> 00:20:27,300
Oh, it was Mrs Hudson laughing.
360
00:20:27,300 --> 00:20:29,566
Hmm, it sounded like
she was torturing an owl.
361
00:20:29,566 --> 00:20:31,699
Yeah, well, it was laughter.
362
00:20:31,700 --> 00:20:32,900
Could have been both.
363
00:20:32,900 --> 00:20:33,900
364
00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:35,266
Busy?
365
00:20:35,266 --> 00:20:39,399
Oh, just occupying myself.
Sometimes it's so hard not smoking.
366
00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:41,633
Mind if I interrupt?
367
00:20:41,633 --> 00:20:42,733
Be my guest.
368
00:20:42,733 --> 00:20:44,833
369
00:20:44,833 --> 00:20:47,899
Tea? Er...
370
00:20:47,900 --> 00:20:50,866
So, er, the big question.
371
00:20:50,866 --> 00:20:52,132
Mm-hmm?
372
00:20:52,133 --> 00:20:53,666
373
00:20:53,666 --> 00:20:55,632
The best man.
374
00:20:55,633 --> 00:20:56,999
The best man?
375
00:20:57,000 --> 00:20:59,266
What do you think?
Billy Kincaid.
376
00:20:59,266 --> 00:21:02,366
Sorry, what? Billy Kincaid, the Camden
Garrotter, best man I ever knew.
377
00:21:02,366 --> 00:21:04,499
Vast contributions to charity,
never disclosed.
378
00:21:04,500 --> 00:21:07,366
Personally managed to save
three hospitals from closure
379
00:21:07,366 --> 00:21:10,466
and ran the best and safest
children's homes in north England.
380
00:21:10,466 --> 00:21:15,032
Yes, every now and again there'd be some garrotings, but
stacking up the lives saved against the garrotings,
381
00:21:15,033 --> 00:21:17,266
on balance I'd say he...
For my wedding.
382
00:21:17,266 --> 00:21:18,866
For me, I need a best man.
383
00:21:18,866 --> 00:21:21,232
Oh, right. Maybe not a garrotter.
384
00:21:21,233 --> 00:21:23,766
Gavin? Who?
385
00:21:23,766 --> 00:21:26,799
Gavin Lestrade?
He's a man and good at it.
386
00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:29,800
It's Greg.
And he's not my best friend.
387
00:21:29,800 --> 00:21:31,500
Oh, Mike Stanford, I see.
388
00:21:31,500 --> 00:21:34,700
Well, he's nice. Um, though I'm not
sure how well he'd cope with all...
389
00:21:34,700 --> 00:21:37,500
No, Mike's great,
but HE'S not my best friend.
390
00:21:37,500 --> 00:21:39,600
391
00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:43,300
Look, Sherlock, this is the biggest
and most important day of my life...
392
00:21:43,300 --> 00:21:45,833
Well... No, it is. It is.
393
00:21:45,833 --> 00:21:48,166
And I want to be up there
with the two people
394
00:21:48,166 --> 00:21:52,366
that I love and care about
most in the world. Yes.
395
00:21:52,366 --> 00:21:55,232
396
00:21:55,233 --> 00:21:57,466
So Mary Morstan... Yes.
397
00:21:57,466 --> 00:21:59,999
398
00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:01,200
And...
399
00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:05,166
400
00:22:05,166 --> 00:22:06,432
...you.
401
00:22:06,433 --> 00:22:08,999
402
00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:11,566
I confess at first I didn't realise
he was asking me.
403
00:22:11,566 --> 00:22:15,566
When finally I understood, I expressed to him
that I was both flattered and surprised.
404
00:22:15,566 --> 00:22:20,399
405
00:22:20,400 --> 00:22:24,433
I explained to him that I'd never expected this
request and I was a little daunted in the face of it.
406
00:22:24,433 --> 00:22:25,699
Sherlock...
407
00:22:25,700 --> 00:22:29,566
408
00:22:29,566 --> 00:22:33,199
I nonetheless promised I would do my very
best to accomplish a task which was, for me,
409
00:22:33,200 --> 00:22:35,633
as demanding and difficult
as any I had ever contemplated.
410
00:22:35,633 --> 00:22:39,466
Additionally, I thanked him for the trust
he placed in me and indicated that I was,
411
00:22:39,466 --> 00:22:43,132
in some ways, very close to
being moved by it.
412
00:22:43,133 --> 00:22:47,866
413
00:22:47,866 --> 00:22:49,832
No, it's getting a bit scary now.
414
00:22:49,833 --> 00:22:52,266
It later transpired that I'd said
none of this out loud.
415
00:22:52,266 --> 00:22:59,266
416
00:22:59,266 --> 00:23:00,399
So, in fact...
417
00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:03,666
418
00:23:03,666 --> 00:23:05,866
You, you mean... Yes.
419
00:23:05,866 --> 00:23:07,199
420
00:23:07,200 --> 00:23:09,633
I'm your...
421
00:23:09,633 --> 00:23:12,566
best... Man.
..friend?
422
00:23:12,566 --> 00:23:14,232
423
00:23:14,233 --> 00:23:15,899
Yeah, of course you are.
424
00:23:15,900 --> 00:23:17,266
425
00:23:17,266 --> 00:23:20,666
Of course... You're my best friend.
426
00:23:20,666 --> 00:23:29,366
427
00:23:29,366 --> 00:23:32,299
How was that?
428
00:23:32,300 --> 00:23:34,000
Surprisingly OK.
429
00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:36,166
430
00:23:36,166 --> 00:23:38,799
So you'll have to make a speech,
of course.
431
00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:46,966
432
00:23:46,966 --> 00:23:49,099
Done that. Done that.
433
00:23:49,100 --> 00:23:50,966
Done that bit, done that bit.
434
00:23:50,966 --> 00:23:53,632
Done that bit. Hmm.
435
00:23:53,633 --> 00:23:55,633
436
00:23:55,633 --> 00:23:58,099
I'm afraid, John,
I can't congratulate you.
437
00:23:58,100 --> 00:24:00,366
All emotions,
and in particular love,
438
00:24:00,366 --> 00:24:03,699
stand opposed to the pure, cold
reason I hold above all things.
439
00:24:03,700 --> 00:24:06,066
A wedding is,
in my considered opinion,
440
00:24:06,066 --> 00:24:10,699
nothing short of a celebration of all
that is false and specious and irrational
441
00:24:10,700 --> 00:24:13,766
and sentimental in this ailing
and morally compromised world.
442
00:24:13,766 --> 00:24:17,066
Today we honour the deathwatch beetle
that is the doom of our society,
443
00:24:17,066 --> 00:24:19,932
and in time, one feels certain,
our entire species.
444
00:24:19,933 --> 00:24:27,266
445
00:24:27,266 --> 00:24:30,999
But anyway, let's talk about John.
Please.
446
00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:33,900
If I burden myself with a little
helpmate during my adventures,
447
00:24:33,900 --> 00:24:37,833
this is not out of sentiment or caprice, it
is that he has many fine qualities of his own
448
00:24:37,833 --> 00:24:40,566
that he has overlooked
in his obsession with me.
449
00:24:40,566 --> 00:24:44,066
Indeed, any reputation I have for mental
acuity and sharpness comes, in truth,
450
00:24:44,066 --> 00:24:47,266
from the extraordinary contrast
John so selflessly provides.
451
00:24:47,266 --> 00:24:51,566
It is a fact, I believe, that brides tend to favour
exceptionally plain bridesmaids for their big day.
452
00:24:51,566 --> 00:24:55,032
There is a certain analogy there,
I feel. And contrast is, after all,
453
00:24:55,033 --> 00:24:57,799
God's own plan to enhance
the beauty of his creation.
454
00:24:57,800 --> 00:25:00,233
Or it would be if God were not
a ludicrous fantasy
455
00:25:00,233 --> 00:25:03,233
designed to provide a career
opportunity for the family idiot.
456
00:25:03,233 --> 00:25:06,566
457
00:25:06,566 --> 00:25:09,299
The point I'm trying to make
is that I am
458
00:25:09,300 --> 00:25:13,266
the most unpleasant, rude,
459
00:25:13,266 --> 00:25:16,099
ignorant and all-round
obnoxious arsehole
460
00:25:16,100 --> 00:25:19,466
that anyone could possibly have
the misfortune to meet.
461
00:25:19,466 --> 00:25:21,966
I am dismissive of the virtuous,
462
00:25:21,966 --> 00:25:24,032
unaware of the beautiful
463
00:25:24,033 --> 00:25:26,666
and uncomprehending
in the face of the happy.
464
00:25:26,666 --> 00:25:27,799
465
00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:30,366
So if I didn't understand
I was being asked to be best man,
466
00:25:30,366 --> 00:25:33,599
it is because I never expected
to be anybody's best friend.
467
00:25:33,600 --> 00:25:35,033
468
00:25:35,033 --> 00:25:37,266
And certainly not the best friend
469
00:25:37,266 --> 00:25:40,599
of the bravest and kindest
and wisest human being
470
00:25:40,600 --> 00:25:43,433
I have ever had the good fortune
of knowing.
471
00:25:43,433 --> 00:25:44,966
472
00:25:44,966 --> 00:25:46,832
John, I am a ridiculous man.
473
00:25:46,833 --> 00:25:47,866
474
00:25:47,866 --> 00:25:51,199
Redeemed only by the warmth
and constancy of your friendship.
475
00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:53,266
But, as I am apparently
your best friend,
476
00:25:53,266 --> 00:25:56,332
I cannot congratulate you
on your choice of companion.
477
00:25:56,333 --> 00:25:58,899
478
00:25:58,900 --> 00:26:00,400
Actually, now I can.
479
00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:02,200
480
00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:05,700
Mary, when I say
you deserve this man,
481
00:26:05,700 --> 00:26:09,366
it is the highest compliment
of which I am capable.
482
00:26:09,366 --> 00:26:16,032
John, you have endured war
and injury and tragic loss -
483
00:26:16,033 --> 00:26:20,899
so sorry again about that last one -
so know this, today you sit between
484
00:26:20,900 --> 00:26:25,166
the woman you have made your wife
and the man you have saved.
485
00:26:25,166 --> 00:26:29,266
In short, the two people who love
you most in all this world.
486
00:26:29,266 --> 00:26:31,699
And I know I speak for Mary as well
when I say,
487
00:26:31,700 --> 00:26:35,433
we will never let you down and we
have a lifetime ahead to prove that.
488
00:26:35,433 --> 00:26:39,633
489
00:26:39,633 --> 00:26:42,233
(If I try and hug him, stop me.)
Certainly not.
490
00:26:42,233 --> 00:26:43,666
491
00:26:43,666 --> 00:26:47,466
Ah, yes. Now onto
some funny stories about John.
492
00:26:47,466 --> 00:26:49,999
493
00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:53,233
What's wrong? What happened?
Why are you all doing that? John?
494
00:26:53,233 --> 00:26:55,033
Oh, Sherlock!
495
00:26:55,033 --> 00:26:58,433
Did I do it wrong?
No, you didn't. Come here.
496
00:26:58,433 --> 00:27:00,099
497
00:27:00,100 --> 00:27:02,633
I haven't finished yet.
Yeah, I know, I know.
498
00:27:02,633 --> 00:27:06,033
So onto some funny stories now...
Can you wait till I sit down?
499
00:27:06,033 --> 00:27:14,666
500
00:27:14,666 --> 00:27:18,432
So, onto some funny stories
about John.
501
00:27:18,433 --> 00:27:22,633
If you could all just cheer up
a bit, that would be better.
502
00:27:22,633 --> 00:27:23,799
On we go.
503
00:27:23,800 --> 00:27:29,400
So for funny stories, one has to
look no further than John's blog.
504
00:27:29,400 --> 00:27:31,266
The record of our time together.
505
00:27:31,266 --> 00:27:33,632
Of course, he does
tend to romanticise things a bit,
506
00:27:33,633 --> 00:27:35,799
but then, you know, he's a romantic.
507
00:27:35,800 --> 00:27:39,100
We've tackled some strange cases.
508
00:27:39,100 --> 00:27:41,166
The Hollow Client...
509
00:27:41,166 --> 00:27:47,366
510
00:27:47,366 --> 00:27:49,032
The Poison Giant...
511
00:27:49,033 --> 00:27:53,233
512
00:27:53,233 --> 00:27:54,733
Get down, John!
513
00:27:54,733 --> 00:28:00,466
514
00:28:00,466 --> 00:28:02,532
We've had some frustrating cases...
515
00:28:02,533 --> 00:28:07,866
516
00:28:07,866 --> 00:28:10,066
What is that?
517
00:28:10,066 --> 00:28:12,632
A French decathlete found
completely out of his mind,
518
00:28:12,633 --> 00:28:15,666
surrounded by 1,812 matchboxes,
519
00:28:15,666 --> 00:28:17,199
all empty except this one.
520
00:28:17,200 --> 00:28:18,900
And what's in that one?
521
00:28:18,900 --> 00:28:20,966
522
00:28:20,966 --> 00:28:23,032
Inexplicable.
523
00:28:23,033 --> 00:28:26,099
524
00:28:26,100 --> 00:28:28,000
Touching cases...
525
00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:29,433
526
00:28:29,433 --> 00:28:31,299
She's going to ring the doorbell.
527
00:28:31,300 --> 00:28:33,066
528
00:28:33,066 --> 00:28:35,799
Oh, no. She's changed her mind.
529
00:28:35,800 --> 00:28:39,633
Oh, she's going to do it.
No, she's leaving.
530
00:28:39,633 --> 00:28:41,766
She's leaving.
Oh, she's coming back.
531
00:28:41,766 --> 00:28:45,999
She's a client, she's boring. I've
seen those symptoms before. Hmm?
532
00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:49,600
Oscillation on the pavement
always means there's a love affair.
533
00:28:49,600 --> 00:28:52,800
And of course I have to mention
the elephant in the room...
534
00:28:52,800 --> 00:28:56,700
535
00:28:56,700 --> 00:28:59,000
But we want something
536
00:28:59,000 --> 00:29:01,833
very particular for this
special day, don't we?
537
00:29:01,833 --> 00:29:03,999
538
00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:05,500
The Bloody Guardsman...
539
00:29:05,500 --> 00:29:08,633
540
00:29:08,633 --> 00:29:12,199
Need to work on your half of the
church, Mary, looking a bit thin.
541
00:29:12,200 --> 00:29:15,700
Oh, orphan's lot. Friends,
that's all I have, lots of friends.
542
00:29:15,700 --> 00:29:18,400
Schedule the organ music to
begin at precisely 11:48...
543
00:29:18,400 --> 00:29:20,866
But the rehearsal's not for
another two weeks, just calm down.
544
00:29:20,866 --> 00:29:22,699
Calm? I am calm. I'm extremely calm.
545
00:29:22,700 --> 00:29:25,000
Let's get back to the reception,
come on.
546
00:29:25,000 --> 00:29:26,800
John's cousin, top table?
547
00:29:26,800 --> 00:29:29,500
Hmm, hates you.
Can't even bear to think about you.
548
00:29:29,500 --> 00:29:32,500
Seriously? Second class post,
cheap card.
549
00:29:32,500 --> 00:29:35,666
Bought at a petrol station. Look at
the stamp, three attempts at licking,
550
00:29:35,666 --> 00:29:37,899
she's obviously unconsciously
retaining saliva.
551
00:29:37,900 --> 00:29:41,300
Ah, let's stick her by the bogs.
Oh, yes.
552
00:29:41,300 --> 00:29:42,200
553
00:29:42,200 --> 00:29:43,900
Who else hates me?
554
00:29:43,900 --> 00:29:46,566
555
00:29:46,566 --> 00:29:48,099
Oh, great, thanks.
556
00:29:48,100 --> 00:29:51,200
"Priceless painting nicked."
Looks interesting.
557
00:29:51,200 --> 00:29:52,566
Table four... Done.
558
00:29:52,566 --> 00:29:54,066
"My husband is three people."
559
00:29:54,066 --> 00:29:56,666
Table five...
Major James Sholto - who he?
560
00:29:56,666 --> 00:30:00,066
John's old commanding officer. I don't
think he's coming. He'll be there.
561
00:30:00,066 --> 00:30:02,366
Well, he needs to RSVP, then.
He'll be there. Oh.
562
00:30:02,366 --> 00:30:05,766
"My husband is three people."
It's interesting.
563
00:30:05,766 --> 00:30:08,832
It says he has three distinct
patterns of moles on his skin.
564
00:30:08,833 --> 00:30:12,466
Identical triplets, one in half a million births.
Solved it without leaving the flat.
565
00:30:12,466 --> 00:30:14,999
Now, serviettes...
Swan or Sydney Opera House?
566
00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:17,633
Where did you learn that? Many
skills are required in the field
567
00:30:17,633 --> 00:30:21,433
of criminal investigation... Fibbing, Sherlock.
I once broke an alibi by demonstrating
568
00:30:21,433 --> 00:30:25,499
the exact severity of a fold... I'm not John, I can
tell when you're fibbing. OK, I learnt it on YouTube.
569
00:30:25,500 --> 00:30:28,100
Opera House, please.
Oh, hang on, I'm buzzing.
570
00:30:28,100 --> 00:30:29,733
Hello?
571
00:30:29,733 --> 00:30:30,766
572
00:30:30,766 --> 00:30:34,232
Oh, hi, Beth.
573
00:30:34,233 --> 00:30:36,233
Yeah, yeah, I don't see why not.
574
00:30:36,233 --> 00:30:39,899
Actually, if that's Beth,
it's probably for me too, hang on.
575
00:30:39,900 --> 00:30:44,233
576
00:30:44,233 --> 00:30:48,033
He knows we don't have a friend called Beth,
he's going to figure out that it's code.
577
00:30:48,033 --> 00:30:51,466
He's YouTubing serviettes. He's thorough.
He's terrified. Of course he's not.
578
00:30:51,466 --> 00:30:55,099
When you're scared of something you start
wishing it sooner, just to get it all going.
579
00:30:55,100 --> 00:30:57,600
But why would he be scared
that we're getting married?
580
00:30:57,600 --> 00:31:00,200
It's not going to change anything,
we'll still do stuff.
581
00:31:00,200 --> 00:31:02,500
You need to prove it to him.
I told you to find him a new case.
582
00:31:02,500 --> 00:31:06,500
I'm trying. But you need to run him, OK?
Show him it's still the good old days.
583
00:31:06,500 --> 00:31:15,800
584
00:31:15,800 --> 00:31:18,400
That just sort of happened.
585
00:31:18,400 --> 00:31:20,666
586
00:31:20,666 --> 00:31:24,266
Sherlock, um, mate...
587
00:31:24,266 --> 00:31:25,966
588
00:31:25,966 --> 00:31:28,032
I have...
589
00:31:28,033 --> 00:31:31,499
I've smelled 18 different perfumes,
590
00:31:31,500 --> 00:31:37,400
I've sampled nine different slices
of cake, which all tasted identical.
591
00:31:37,400 --> 00:31:41,400
I like the bridesmaids in purple...
Lilac. Lilac.
592
00:31:41,400 --> 00:31:43,666
Um, there are no more decisions
left to make.
593
00:31:43,666 --> 00:31:46,799
I don't even understand the decisions
that we have made.
594
00:31:46,800 --> 00:31:48,866
I'm faking opinions,
and it's exhausting.
595
00:31:48,866 --> 00:31:54,566
So, please, before she comes back...
pick something.
596
00:31:54,566 --> 00:31:55,866
597
00:31:55,866 --> 00:31:59,299
Anything. Pick one. Pick what?
598
00:31:59,300 --> 00:32:01,966
A case. Your inbox is bursting.
599
00:32:01,966 --> 00:32:04,666
Just... get me out of here.
600
00:32:04,666 --> 00:32:06,866
You want to go out on a case? Now?
601
00:32:06,866 --> 00:32:09,766
Please. Sherlock, for me.
602
00:32:09,766 --> 00:32:11,866
603
00:32:11,866 --> 00:32:15,299
Don't you worry about a thing,
I'll get you out of this.
604
00:32:15,300 --> 00:32:17,200
Oh.
605
00:32:17,200 --> 00:32:20,033
"Dear Mr Holmes,
my name is Bainbridge."
606
00:32:20,033 --> 00:32:22,666
"I'm a Private in Her Majesty's
Household Guard."
607
00:32:22,666 --> 00:32:25,032
"I'm writing to you
about a personal matter..."
608
00:32:25,033 --> 00:32:27,399
"One I don't care to
bring before my superiors,"
609
00:32:27,400 --> 00:32:28,733
"it would sound so trivial."
610
00:32:28,733 --> 00:32:29,866
611
00:32:29,866 --> 00:32:31,699
"But I think someone's stalking me."
612
00:32:31,700 --> 00:32:34,400
"I'm used to tourists, it's part
of the job,"
613
00:32:34,400 --> 00:32:36,266
"but this is different."
614
00:32:36,266 --> 00:32:37,666
"Someone's watching me."
615
00:32:37,666 --> 00:32:40,799
616
00:32:40,800 --> 00:32:42,833
"He's taking pictures of me
every day."
617
00:32:42,833 --> 00:32:44,199
618
00:32:44,200 --> 00:32:47,600
"I don't want to mention it to the Major,
but it's really preying on my mind."
619
00:32:47,600 --> 00:32:51,900
620
00:32:51,900 --> 00:32:54,866
Uniform fetishist?
All the nice girls like a soldier.
621
00:32:54,866 --> 00:32:58,866
It's "sailor". And Bainbridge
thinks his stalker is a bloke.
622
00:32:58,866 --> 00:33:01,299
Let's go and investigate. Please.
623
00:33:01,300 --> 00:33:03,500
Elite guard. 40 enlisted
men and officers.
624
00:33:03,500 --> 00:33:05,800
Why this particular Grenadier?
Curious.
625
00:33:05,800 --> 00:33:09,500
Now you're talking. OK.
Bye!
626
00:33:09,500 --> 00:33:12,766
Er, we're just going to...
I need, um, Sherlock to help me
627
00:33:12,766 --> 00:33:15,266
choose some er... Ties.
Socks.
628
00:33:15,266 --> 00:33:16,666
Why don't we go with socks? Yeah.
629
00:33:16,666 --> 00:33:18,566
I mean, you've got to get
the right ones.
630
00:33:18,566 --> 00:33:21,999
Exactly, to go with my...
Tie. Outfit.
631
00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:25,033
That'll take a while, right?
Is my coat in there? Yes.
632
00:33:25,033 --> 00:33:27,233
633
00:33:27,233 --> 00:33:29,799
I'm just going to take him
out for a bit. Run him.
634
00:33:29,800 --> 00:33:32,166
I know. You said
you'd find him a case. Hmm.
635
00:33:32,166 --> 00:33:33,966
Coming, Sherlock? Coming!
636
00:33:33,966 --> 00:33:42,032
637
00:33:42,033 --> 00:33:44,066
Taxi!
638
00:33:44,066 --> 00:33:58,166
639
00:33:58,166 --> 00:34:00,466
Company halt!
640
00:34:00,466 --> 00:34:05,066
641
00:34:05,066 --> 00:34:06,666
Right turn!
642
00:34:06,666 --> 00:34:08,066
643
00:34:08,066 --> 00:34:10,466
We're here to see
Private Stephen Bainbridge.
644
00:34:10,466 --> 00:34:11,966
He's on duty right now, sir.
645
00:34:11,966 --> 00:34:13,999
But I'll certainly
let him know when he's free.
646
00:34:14,000 --> 00:34:15,300
And when will that be?
647
00:34:15,300 --> 00:34:17,200
Another hour.
648
00:34:17,200 --> 00:34:30,800
649
00:34:30,800 --> 00:34:32,966
Do you think they give them classes?
650
00:34:32,966 --> 00:34:34,399
Classes?
651
00:34:34,400 --> 00:34:37,666
How to resist the temptation
to scratch their behinds.
652
00:34:37,666 --> 00:34:41,799
Afferent neurons in
the peripheral nervous system.
653
00:34:41,800 --> 00:34:43,233
Bum-itch.
654
00:34:43,233 --> 00:34:44,166
Oh.
655
00:34:44,166 --> 00:34:48,899
656
00:34:48,900 --> 00:34:51,233
So why don't you see him any more?
657
00:34:51,233 --> 00:34:54,266
Who? Your previous commander, Sholto.
658
00:34:54,266 --> 00:34:56,232
Previous commander?
659
00:34:56,233 --> 00:34:57,633
I meant ex.
660
00:34:57,633 --> 00:35:00,033
"Previous" suggests that
I currently have a commander.
661
00:35:00,033 --> 00:35:03,433
Which you don't. Which I don't.
Of course you don't.
662
00:35:03,433 --> 00:35:05,566
He was decorated, wasn't he?
A war hero?
663
00:35:05,566 --> 00:35:06,966
Not to everyone.
664
00:35:06,966 --> 00:35:08,099
665
00:35:08,100 --> 00:35:09,866
He led a team of crows into battle.
666
00:35:09,866 --> 00:35:11,066
Crows?
667
00:35:11,066 --> 00:35:14,199
New recruits. It's standard
procedure - break the new boys in.
668
00:35:14,200 --> 00:35:15,333
But it went wrong.
669
00:35:15,333 --> 00:35:16,599
670
00:35:16,600 --> 00:35:19,433
They all died,
he was the only survivor.
671
00:35:19,433 --> 00:35:23,799
The press and families gave him hell, he gets more
death threats than you. Oh, I wouldn't count on that.
672
00:35:23,800 --> 00:35:27,633
And why have you suddenly taken
an interest in another human being?
673
00:35:27,633 --> 00:35:29,166
I'm "chatting".
674
00:35:29,166 --> 00:35:33,232
675
00:35:33,233 --> 00:35:35,399
I won't be trying THAT again.
676
00:35:35,400 --> 00:35:39,500
Changing the subject completely...
677
00:35:39,500 --> 00:35:44,100
you know it won't alter anything,
right, me and Mary getting married?
678
00:35:44,100 --> 00:35:46,033
We'll still be doing all this.
679
00:35:46,033 --> 00:35:48,233
Oh, good. If you were worried.
680
00:35:48,233 --> 00:35:49,533
I wasn't worried.
681
00:35:49,533 --> 00:35:51,566
682
00:35:51,566 --> 00:35:52,566
Hmm.
683
00:35:52,566 --> 00:35:54,366
684
00:35:54,366 --> 00:35:56,599
The thing about Mary,
685
00:35:56,600 --> 00:35:58,933
she has completely
turned my life around.
686
00:35:58,933 --> 00:36:00,899
687
00:36:00,900 --> 00:36:02,366
Changed everything.
688
00:36:02,366 --> 00:36:03,899
689
00:36:03,900 --> 00:36:05,233
But, for the record,
690
00:36:05,233 --> 00:36:08,466
over the last few years there are
two people who have done that,
691
00:36:08,466 --> 00:36:12,399
and the other one is...
692
00:36:12,400 --> 00:36:14,033
a complete dickhead.
693
00:36:14,033 --> 00:37:46,166
694
00:37:46,166 --> 00:37:48,099
Can I ask what this
is in connection with?
695
00:37:48,100 --> 00:37:52,300
Private Bainbridge contacted us
about a personal matter, sir.
696
00:37:52,300 --> 00:37:55,200
Nothing's personal
when it concerns my troops.
697
00:37:55,200 --> 00:37:57,233
What do you really want?
698
00:37:57,233 --> 00:38:00,066
I'm here on a legitimate enquiry.
699
00:38:00,066 --> 00:38:03,966
Are you press? Digging for some
bloody Royal story or something?
700
00:38:03,966 --> 00:38:05,899
No, sir, I'm Captain John Watson,
701
00:38:05,900 --> 00:38:08,233
Fifth Northumberland Fusiliers.
702
00:38:08,233 --> 00:38:09,799
Retired.
703
00:38:09,800 --> 00:38:12,866
You could be a used-car
salesman now, for all I know.
704
00:38:12,866 --> 00:38:15,099
705
00:38:15,100 --> 00:38:17,100
Bainbridge?
706
00:38:17,100 --> 00:38:18,833
Gentleman here to see you.
707
00:38:18,833 --> 00:38:20,399
708
00:38:20,400 --> 00:38:21,900
Bainbridge!
709
00:38:21,900 --> 00:38:30,366
710
00:38:30,366 --> 00:38:32,166
I know you, don't I?
711
00:38:32,166 --> 00:38:33,399
Hmm?
712
00:38:33,400 --> 00:38:36,033
713
00:38:36,033 --> 00:38:38,499
I've seen you in the papers.
714
00:38:38,500 --> 00:38:41,200
You hang around with that detective,
715
00:38:41,200 --> 00:38:42,866
the one with the silly hat.
716
00:38:42,866 --> 00:38:44,599
717
00:38:44,600 --> 00:38:47,066
What the hell does Bainbridge
want with a detective?
718
00:38:47,066 --> 00:38:48,866
I'm afraid I'm not at liberty to say.
719
00:38:48,866 --> 00:38:52,066
You're not at liberty to say?
He's a soldier in my regiment.
720
00:38:52,066 --> 00:38:55,766
I'll be damned if he's going to get up to
cloak-and-dagger nonsense like this. Sir!
721
00:38:55,766 --> 00:38:58,399
Sir! What's going on?
It's Bainbridge, sir.
722
00:38:58,400 --> 00:38:59,433
He's dead.
723
00:38:59,433 --> 00:39:08,699
724
00:39:08,700 --> 00:39:12,233
My God!
725
00:39:12,233 --> 00:39:15,199
Ah! No, let me take a look,
sir, I'm a doctor.
726
00:39:15,200 --> 00:39:16,400
What?
727
00:39:16,400 --> 00:39:17,633
Sergeant, arrest this man!
728
00:39:17,633 --> 00:39:19,066
What? No, no! I'm a doctor!
729
00:39:19,066 --> 00:39:21,099
Oh, you're a doctor
now too? Sergeant.
730
00:39:21,100 --> 00:39:22,366
Let me examine him, please!
731
00:39:22,366 --> 00:39:24,299
Sir, caught this one
snooping around.
732
00:39:24,300 --> 00:39:25,800
Is that what this is all about?
733
00:39:25,800 --> 00:39:28,000
Distracting me, so that
this man could get in here
734
00:39:28,000 --> 00:39:29,433
and kill Bainbridge? Don't be...
735
00:39:29,433 --> 00:39:31,566
Kill him with what?
Where's the weapon? What?
736
00:39:31,566 --> 00:39:33,899
Where's the weapon?
Go on, search me - no weapon.
737
00:39:33,900 --> 00:39:36,633
Bainbridge was on parade,
he came off duty five minutes ago.
738
00:39:36,633 --> 00:39:38,466
When's this supposed
to have happened?
739
00:39:38,466 --> 00:39:41,766
You obviously stabbed him before
he got into the shower. No. No?!
740
00:39:41,766 --> 00:39:45,966
He's soaking wet and there's shampoo in his hair.
He got into the shower, then someone stabbed him.
741
00:39:45,966 --> 00:39:48,699
The cubicle was locked from the
inside, sir. I had to break it open.
742
00:39:48,700 --> 00:39:52,300
You must have climbed over the top. But
then I'd be soaking wet too, wouldn't I?
743
00:39:52,300 --> 00:39:55,266
Major, please! I'm John Watson,
Fifth Northumberland Fusiliers,
744
00:39:55,266 --> 00:39:57,899
three years in Afghanistan,
a veteran of Kandahar, Helmand
745
00:39:57,900 --> 00:39:59,500
and Bart's bloody Hospital!
746
00:39:59,500 --> 00:40:01,333
Let me examine this body!
747
00:40:01,333 --> 00:40:08,299
748
00:40:08,300 --> 00:40:09,900
Thank you.
749
00:40:09,900 --> 00:40:11,766
Suicide?
750
00:40:11,766 --> 00:40:13,499
No. The weapon again, no knife.
751
00:40:13,500 --> 00:40:16,166
752
00:40:16,166 --> 00:40:20,432
Now, there is a wound
to the abdomen.
753
00:40:20,433 --> 00:40:21,899
754
00:40:21,900 --> 00:40:23,066
Incredibly fine.
755
00:40:23,066 --> 00:40:25,566
Man stabbed to death,
no murder weapon.
756
00:40:25,566 --> 00:40:27,266
Door locked from the inside.
757
00:40:27,266 --> 00:40:28,232
758
00:40:28,233 --> 00:40:30,099
Only one way in or out
of here. Sherlock...
759
00:40:30,100 --> 00:40:32,066
Hmm? He's still breathing.
760
00:40:32,066 --> 00:40:33,866
Oh, my God!
761
00:40:33,866 --> 00:40:35,999
What do we do?
Give me your scarf. What?
762
00:40:36,000 --> 00:40:38,300
Quickly, now! Call an ambulance!
763
00:40:38,300 --> 00:40:40,300
What? Call an ambulance, now!
764
00:40:40,300 --> 00:40:41,700
Do it!
765
00:40:41,700 --> 00:40:44,233
Nurse, press here, hard.
766
00:40:44,233 --> 00:40:45,633
Nurse? Yeah, I'm making do.
767
00:40:45,633 --> 00:40:47,433
Keep pressure on that wound.
768
00:40:47,433 --> 00:40:49,633
Stephen? Stephen, stay with me.
769
00:40:49,633 --> 00:40:51,699
770
00:40:51,700 --> 00:40:53,800
Private Bainbridge had
just come off guard duty.
771
00:40:53,800 --> 00:40:56,200
He'd stood there for hours,
plenty of people watching,
772
00:40:56,200 --> 00:40:57,433
nothing apparently wrong.
773
00:40:57,433 --> 00:40:59,833
He came off duty and
within minutes was nearly dead
774
00:40:59,833 --> 00:41:01,999
from a wound in his stomach,
775
00:41:02,000 --> 00:41:03,366
but there was no weapon.
776
00:41:03,366 --> 00:41:05,099
Where did it go?
777
00:41:05,100 --> 00:41:07,466
Ladies and gentlemen,
I invite you to consider this -
778
00:41:07,466 --> 00:41:09,799
a murderer who can
walk through walls,
779
00:41:09,800 --> 00:41:12,033
a weapon that can vanish.
But in all of this,
780
00:41:12,033 --> 00:41:15,299
there is only one element which can
be said to be truly remarkable.
781
00:41:15,300 --> 00:41:17,500
782
00:41:17,500 --> 00:41:19,133
Would anyone like to make a guess?
783
00:41:19,133 --> 00:41:22,833
784
00:41:22,833 --> 00:41:23,999
Come on, come on,
785
00:41:24,000 --> 00:41:26,833
there is actually an element
of Q&A to all of this.
786
00:41:26,833 --> 00:41:29,866
787
00:41:29,866 --> 00:41:32,499
Scotland Yard,
have you got a theory?
788
00:41:32,500 --> 00:41:36,666
Yeah, you, you're a detective,
broadly speaking. Got a theory?
789
00:41:36,666 --> 00:41:38,432
Er, um, if the, er...
790
00:41:38,433 --> 00:41:39,499
If the... If the...
791
00:41:39,500 --> 00:41:42,100
If the blade was
propelled through the, erm...
792
00:41:42,100 --> 00:41:44,100
793
00:41:44,100 --> 00:41:46,566
...grating in the air vent,
794
00:41:46,566 --> 00:41:50,032
maybe a ballista
or a catapult, um...
795
00:41:50,033 --> 00:41:52,666
Somebody tiny could crawl in there.
796
00:41:52,666 --> 00:41:55,299
So, yeah, we're looking
for a dwarf.
797
00:41:55,300 --> 00:41:56,633
Brilliant.
798
00:41:56,633 --> 00:41:57,899
Really? No.
799
00:41:57,900 --> 00:41:59,066
Next?
800
00:41:59,066 --> 00:42:00,499
(He stabbed himself.)
801
00:42:00,500 --> 00:42:01,900
Hello, who was that?
802
00:42:01,900 --> 00:42:03,533
Tom?
803
00:42:03,533 --> 00:42:06,499
804
00:42:06,500 --> 00:42:07,500
Got a theory?
805
00:42:07,500 --> 00:42:10,066
806
00:42:10,066 --> 00:42:15,166
Attempted suicide, with a blade
made of compacted blood and bone.
807
00:42:15,166 --> 00:42:17,466
Broke after piercing his abdomen,
808
00:42:17,466 --> 00:42:19,899
like a meat...
809
00:42:19,900 --> 00:42:21,300
dagger.
810
00:42:21,300 --> 00:42:22,966
A meat dagger?
811
00:42:22,966 --> 00:42:24,899
Yes. (Sit down.)
812
00:42:24,900 --> 00:42:26,166
813
00:42:26,166 --> 00:42:27,166
No.
814
00:42:27,166 --> 00:42:28,232
815
00:42:28,233 --> 00:42:31,599
There was one feature,
and only one feature, of interest
816
00:42:31,600 --> 00:42:33,500
in the whole of this baffling case,
817
00:42:33,500 --> 00:42:37,066
and quite frankly it was
the usual - John Watson.
818
00:42:37,066 --> 00:42:40,566
Who, while I was trying to solve
a murder, instead saved a life.
819
00:42:40,566 --> 00:42:42,232
820
00:42:42,233 --> 00:42:44,299
There are mysteries worth solving
821
00:42:44,300 --> 00:42:45,933
and stories worth telling.
822
00:42:45,933 --> 00:42:47,866
823
00:42:47,866 --> 00:42:49,266
The best and bravest man I know
824
00:42:49,266 --> 00:42:51,566
and, on top of that,
he actually knows how to do stuff.
825
00:42:51,566 --> 00:42:54,366
Except wedding planning and
serviettes, he's rubbish at those.
826
00:42:54,366 --> 00:42:55,832
Hmm. The case itself remains
827
00:42:55,833 --> 00:42:59,299
the most ingenious and brilliantly
planned murder, or attempted murder,
828
00:42:59,300 --> 00:43:01,700
I've ever had
the pleasure to encounter.
829
00:43:01,700 --> 00:43:05,700
The most perfect locked-room
mystery of which I am aware.
830
00:43:05,700 --> 00:43:07,633
However, I'm not just here
to praise John,
831
00:43:07,633 --> 00:43:09,766
I'm also here to embarrass him,
so let's move on to...
832
00:43:09,766 --> 00:43:11,066
No, wait... How was it done?
833
00:43:11,066 --> 00:43:12,866
How was what done? The stabbing?
834
00:43:12,866 --> 00:43:15,166
835
00:43:15,166 --> 00:43:16,766
I'm afraid I don't know.
836
00:43:16,766 --> 00:43:18,966
I didn't solve that one.
837
00:43:18,966 --> 00:43:22,766
It can happen sometimes,
it's very, very disappointing.
838
00:43:22,766 --> 00:43:25,266
Embarrassment leads me on
to the stag night.
839
00:43:25,266 --> 00:43:27,366
Of course there's
hours of material here,
840
00:43:27,366 --> 00:43:29,799
but I've cut it down
to the really good bits.
841
00:43:29,800 --> 00:43:31,400
842
00:43:31,400 --> 00:43:33,266
Murder scenes?
843
00:43:33,266 --> 00:43:36,032
Locations of murders?
844
00:43:36,033 --> 00:43:37,466
Hmm, pub crawl, themed.
845
00:43:37,466 --> 00:43:39,999
Yeah, but why can't you just
do Underground stations?
846
00:43:40,000 --> 00:43:42,966
It lacks the personal touch. We're
going to go for a drink in every...
847
00:43:42,966 --> 00:43:45,366
In every street where you've
found a corpse. Delightful!
848
00:43:45,366 --> 00:43:46,632
Where do I come in?
849
00:43:46,633 --> 00:43:49,366
Don't want to get ill.
That would ruin it, spoil the mood.
850
00:43:49,366 --> 00:43:51,832
You're a graduate chemist,
can't you just work it out?
851
00:43:51,833 --> 00:43:53,699
I lack the practical experience.
852
00:43:53,700 --> 00:43:55,366
853
00:43:55,366 --> 00:43:56,966
Meaning you think I like a drink?
854
00:43:56,966 --> 00:43:59,199
Occasionally.
That I'm a drunk. No... No.
855
00:43:59,200 --> 00:44:03,300
856
00:44:03,300 --> 00:44:05,800
You look... well.
857
00:44:05,800 --> 00:44:07,466
I am.
858
00:44:07,466 --> 00:44:08,932
How's...
859
00:44:08,933 --> 00:44:11,599
860
00:44:11,600 --> 00:44:13,366
Tom?
861
00:44:13,366 --> 00:44:14,466
Not a sociopath.
862
00:44:14,466 --> 00:44:15,566
Still? Good.
863
00:44:15,566 --> 00:44:17,699
And we're having quite a lot of sex.
864
00:44:17,700 --> 00:44:20,366
865
00:44:20,366 --> 00:44:23,899
OK. I want you to calculate
John's ideal intake, and mine,
866
00:44:23,900 --> 00:44:26,066
to remain in the sweet spot
for the whole evening.
867
00:44:26,066 --> 00:44:27,232
Light-headed - good.
868
00:44:27,233 --> 00:44:29,699
Urinating in wardrobes - bad.
869
00:44:29,700 --> 00:44:31,000
Hmm.
870
00:44:31,000 --> 00:44:33,500
Two, erm... beers, please.
871
00:44:33,500 --> 00:44:34,600
Pints?
872
00:44:34,600 --> 00:44:37,400
443.7 millilitres.
873
00:44:37,400 --> 00:44:40,266
874
00:44:40,266 --> 00:44:41,366
Ah.
875
00:44:41,366 --> 00:44:45,699
876
00:44:45,700 --> 00:44:47,566
What, are we on a schedule?
877
00:44:47,566 --> 00:44:48,766
878
00:44:48,766 --> 00:44:50,266
You'll thank me.
879
00:44:50,266 --> 00:45:06,566
880
00:45:06,566 --> 00:45:08,166
Cheers. Cheers.
881
00:45:08,166 --> 00:45:14,399
882
00:45:14,400 --> 00:45:15,600
Over there. What?
883
00:45:15,600 --> 00:45:17,866
Toilets - any second now
you're going to need...
884
00:45:17,866 --> 00:45:20,432
Hang on, tell me after.
I need the loo. Hmm, on schedule.
885
00:45:20,433 --> 00:45:22,899
Eh? Nothing. Go!
886
00:45:22,900 --> 00:45:28,200
887
00:45:28,200 --> 00:45:29,866
How long? Sorry?
888
00:45:29,866 --> 00:45:31,366
Your visit.
889
00:45:31,366 --> 00:45:34,699
Estimate approximate
volume discharge...
890
00:45:34,700 --> 00:45:36,100
Stop talking now.
891
00:45:36,100 --> 00:45:40,366
892
00:45:40,366 --> 00:45:43,966
Oh, quick, one more. He mustn't see.
893
00:45:43,966 --> 00:45:53,366
894
00:45:53,366 --> 00:45:55,166
Here you go. Cheers.
895
00:45:55,166 --> 00:45:58,466
896
00:45:58,466 --> 00:46:03,399
I know ash! Don't tell me I don't!
897
00:46:03,400 --> 00:46:06,233
898
00:46:06,233 --> 00:46:10,166
All right, enough!
That's... Stand up.
899
00:46:10,166 --> 00:46:12,066
900
00:46:12,066 --> 00:46:15,366
Ash. I know ash.
901
00:46:15,366 --> 00:46:21,666
902
00:46:21,666 --> 00:46:23,799
I have an international reputation.
903
00:46:23,800 --> 00:46:25,866
904
00:46:25,866 --> 00:46:28,499
Do you have
an international reputation?
905
00:46:28,500 --> 00:46:31,700
No, I don't have
an international reputation. No.
906
00:46:31,700 --> 00:46:34,600
907
00:46:34,600 --> 00:46:36,433
And I can't even remember what for.
908
00:46:36,433 --> 00:46:39,666
909
00:46:39,666 --> 00:46:44,399
It's crime... something or other.
910
00:46:44,400 --> 00:46:46,600
911
00:46:46,600 --> 00:46:48,833
Oh, what are you doing back?
912
00:46:48,833 --> 00:46:50,633
I thought you were
going to be up late.
913
00:46:50,633 --> 00:46:52,699
Ah, Hudders. What time is it?
914
00:46:52,700 --> 00:46:54,100
915
00:46:54,100 --> 00:46:55,700
You've only been out two hours.
916
00:46:55,700 --> 00:47:07,200
917
00:47:07,200 --> 00:47:08,700
Am I a vegetable?
918
00:47:08,700 --> 00:47:11,333
You or the... thing...? Pffrrrt!
919
00:47:11,333 --> 00:47:12,866
920
00:47:12,866 --> 00:47:13,999
Funny!
921
00:47:14,000 --> 00:47:15,233
Thank you.
922
00:47:15,233 --> 00:47:18,433
Come on. No, you're not
a vegetable. It's your go.
923
00:47:18,433 --> 00:47:20,099
924
00:47:20,100 --> 00:47:21,500
Erm...
925
00:47:21,500 --> 00:47:23,600
am I human?
926
00:47:23,600 --> 00:47:24,833
Sometimes.
927
00:47:24,833 --> 00:47:26,199
Can't have sometimes.
928
00:47:26,200 --> 00:47:27,400
It has to be, um...
929
00:47:27,400 --> 00:47:31,000
Yes, you're human.
Yes, I know, OK. And am I a man?
930
00:47:31,000 --> 00:47:32,466
Yep. Tall?
931
00:47:32,466 --> 00:47:34,099
932
00:47:34,100 --> 00:47:35,700
Not as tall as people think.
933
00:47:35,700 --> 00:47:37,400
Hmm. Nice?
934
00:47:37,400 --> 00:47:38,866
Ish.
935
00:47:38,866 --> 00:47:39,966
Clever?
936
00:47:39,966 --> 00:47:40,999
I would say so.
937
00:47:41,000 --> 00:47:42,266
You would.
938
00:47:42,266 --> 00:47:44,099
Hmm, am I important?
939
00:47:44,100 --> 00:47:45,666
To some people.
940
00:47:45,666 --> 00:47:48,366
Do people like me?
941
00:47:48,366 --> 00:47:50,166
Erm, no they don't.
942
00:47:50,166 --> 00:47:53,199
You tend to rub them up
the wrong way.
943
00:47:53,200 --> 00:47:54,800
OK.
944
00:47:54,800 --> 00:47:56,866
Am I the current King of England?
945
00:47:56,866 --> 00:47:59,166
946
00:47:59,166 --> 00:48:00,899
You know we don't have a King.
947
00:48:00,900 --> 00:48:03,066
Don't we? No.
948
00:48:03,066 --> 00:48:04,999
Your go.
949
00:48:05,000 --> 00:48:11,700
950
00:48:11,700 --> 00:48:14,300
I don't mind. Am I a woman?
951
00:48:14,300 --> 00:48:16,366
952
00:48:16,366 --> 00:48:18,399
What?
953
00:48:18,400 --> 00:48:19,400
954
00:48:19,400 --> 00:48:20,633
Yes.
955
00:48:20,633 --> 00:48:23,333
Am I... pretty?
956
00:48:23,333 --> 00:48:24,699
957
00:48:24,700 --> 00:48:25,933
This?
958
00:48:25,933 --> 00:48:27,699
959
00:48:27,700 --> 00:48:30,833
Beauty is a construct based
entirely on childhood impressions,
960
00:48:30,833 --> 00:48:32,599
influences and role models.
961
00:48:32,600 --> 00:48:35,066
Yeah, but am I a pretty lady?
962
00:48:35,066 --> 00:48:37,599
963
00:48:37,600 --> 00:48:41,166
I don't know who you are, I don't
know who you're supposed to be.
964
00:48:41,166 --> 00:48:42,366
You picked the name!
965
00:48:42,366 --> 00:48:44,399
But I picked it at random
from the papers.
966
00:48:44,400 --> 00:48:47,800
You're not really getting the hang
of this game, are you, Sherlock?
967
00:48:47,800 --> 00:48:52,233
So I am human, I'm not as tall
as people think I am. I'm...
968
00:48:52,233 --> 00:48:54,366
I'm nice-ish, clever,
969
00:48:54,366 --> 00:48:55,966
important to some people.
970
00:48:55,966 --> 00:48:58,799
But I tend to rub them up
the wrong way.
971
00:48:58,800 --> 00:49:00,366
972
00:49:00,366 --> 00:49:01,799
Got it.
973
00:49:01,800 --> 00:49:03,500
Go on, then. I'm you, aren't I?
974
00:49:03,500 --> 00:49:04,300
Client!
975
00:49:04,300 --> 00:49:06,466
976
00:49:06,466 --> 00:49:07,799
Hello.
977
00:49:07,800 --> 00:49:10,000
Hello. Come on.
978
00:49:10,000 --> 00:49:12,000
Which one of you is Sherlock Holmes?
979
00:49:12,000 --> 00:49:17,466
980
00:49:17,466 --> 00:49:19,166
I don't... a lot.
981
00:49:19,166 --> 00:49:22,166
I mean, I don't date all that much.
982
00:49:22,166 --> 00:49:27,099
And he seemed nice, you know?
983
00:49:27,100 --> 00:49:30,000
We seemed to automatically connect.
984
00:49:30,000 --> 00:49:31,433
We had one night,
985
00:49:31,433 --> 00:49:35,166
dinner, such interesting
conversation.
986
00:49:35,166 --> 00:49:37,399
It was lovely.
987
00:49:37,400 --> 00:49:38,900
To be honest,
988
00:49:38,900 --> 00:49:41,666
I'd love to have gone further,
989
00:49:41,666 --> 00:49:45,866
but I thought, no, this is special,
990
00:49:45,866 --> 00:49:47,632
let's take it slowly.
991
00:49:47,633 --> 00:49:49,199
Exchanged numbers,
992
00:49:49,200 --> 00:49:51,700
he said he'd get in touch
and then...
993
00:49:51,700 --> 00:49:55,000
994
00:49:55,000 --> 00:50:00,633
Maybe he wasn't quite
as keen as I was,
995
00:50:00,633 --> 00:50:04,166
but I just thought
996
00:50:04,166 --> 00:50:07,432
at least he'd call
to say that we were finished.
997
00:50:07,433 --> 00:50:14,399
998
00:50:14,400 --> 00:50:16,500
I went round there,
999
00:50:16,500 --> 00:50:19,833
to his flat, no trace of him.
1000
00:50:19,833 --> 00:50:24,266
Mr Holmes, I honestly think
1001
00:50:24,266 --> 00:50:28,366
I had dinner with a ghost.
1002
00:50:28,366 --> 00:50:32,466
1003
00:50:32,466 --> 00:50:34,066
Mr Holmes?
1004
00:50:34,066 --> 00:50:39,266
1005
00:50:39,266 --> 00:50:41,199
With a ghost, Mr Holmes!
1006
00:50:41,200 --> 00:50:44,100
Boring, boring, boring.
No...
1007
00:50:44,100 --> 00:50:45,633
fascinating.
1008
00:50:45,633 --> 00:50:46,899
1009
00:50:46,900 --> 00:50:48,600
John. John! Wake up.
1010
00:50:48,600 --> 00:50:52,200
I apologise about my...
You know... Him.
1011
00:50:52,200 --> 00:50:53,533
Rude. Rude!
1012
00:50:53,533 --> 00:50:55,233
1013
00:50:55,233 --> 00:50:57,366
I checked with the landlord
1014
00:50:57,366 --> 00:51:00,566
and the man who lived there died.
1015
00:51:00,566 --> 00:51:02,432
Heart attack.
1016
00:51:02,433 --> 00:51:06,399
And there we are
having dinner one week on.
1017
00:51:06,400 --> 00:51:09,833
And I found this thing online,
1018
00:51:09,833 --> 00:51:12,299
a sort of chatroom thing,
1019
00:51:12,300 --> 00:51:16,566
for girls who think they're dating
men from the spirit world.
1020
00:51:16,566 --> 00:51:19,999
Don't worry, I'll find him
in ten minutes.
1021
00:51:20,000 --> 00:51:21,266
What's your dog's name?
1022
00:51:21,266 --> 00:51:23,899
Yeah, I'm there if you want it...
John, wake up.
1023
00:51:23,900 --> 00:51:26,433
Went to... Yeah.
1024
00:51:26,433 --> 00:51:28,099
The game is... something.
1025
00:51:28,100 --> 00:51:29,100
1026
00:51:29,100 --> 00:51:30,200
On?
1027
00:51:30,200 --> 00:51:31,833
Yeah, that, that.
1028
00:51:31,833 --> 00:51:32,966
OK.
1029
00:51:32,966 --> 00:51:42,366
1030
00:51:42,366 --> 00:51:44,466
Oh, it's nice.
1031
00:51:44,466 --> 00:51:46,166
Nice place.
1032
00:51:46,166 --> 00:51:51,266
1033
00:51:51,266 --> 00:51:53,399
See anything? Hmm?
1034
00:51:53,400 --> 00:51:55,100
Any clues, Mr Holmes?
1035
00:51:55,100 --> 00:51:57,133
Oh, errrm...
1036
00:51:57,133 --> 00:52:18,266
1037
00:52:18,266 --> 00:52:20,099
I'm just going to whip this out.
1038
00:52:20,100 --> 00:52:37,066
1039
00:52:37,066 --> 00:52:39,832
You all right?
Hmm? Yeah, he's clueing. What?
1040
00:52:39,833 --> 00:52:41,733
He's... Hmm? He's clueing for looks.
1041
00:52:41,733 --> 00:52:52,999
1042
00:52:53,000 --> 00:52:54,833
Mr Holmes?
1043
00:52:54,833 --> 00:52:59,866
1044
00:52:59,866 --> 00:53:02,466
Mr Holmes! I'm calling
the police. Oh, no...
1045
00:53:02,466 --> 00:53:04,199
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
1046
00:53:04,200 --> 00:53:06,433
No, look, this is
a famous detective,
1047
00:53:06,433 --> 00:53:09,233
it's Sherlock Holmes and
his partner, John Hamish Watson.
1048
00:53:09,233 --> 00:53:10,633
What do you think you're doing?
1049
00:53:10,633 --> 00:53:12,999
Don't compromise
1050
00:53:13,000 --> 00:53:15,333
the integrity of the...
1051
00:53:15,333 --> 00:53:20,599
1052
00:53:20,600 --> 00:53:21,833
Crime scene.
1053
00:53:21,833 --> 00:53:28,033
1054
00:53:28,033 --> 00:53:29,666
Yeah, that.
1055
00:53:29,666 --> 00:53:49,666
1056
00:53:49,666 --> 00:53:50,932
Wakey-wakey!
1057
00:53:50,933 --> 00:53:51,399
1058
00:53:51,400 --> 00:53:52,666
Oh, my God.
1059
00:53:52,666 --> 00:53:54,566
Greg... Is that Greg?
1060
00:53:54,566 --> 00:53:56,966
Get up. I'm going to
put you two in a taxi.
1061
00:53:56,966 --> 00:53:59,632
I managed to square things
with the desk sergeant.
1062
00:53:59,633 --> 00:54:02,166
Ha! What a couple of lightweights -
1063
00:54:02,166 --> 00:54:04,199
you couldn't even make it
to closing time!
1064
00:54:04,200 --> 00:54:05,700
- Can you whisper?
- Not really!
1065
00:54:05,700 --> 00:54:09,600
1066
00:54:09,600 --> 00:54:11,433
Come on.
1067
00:54:11,433 --> 00:54:23,166
1068
00:54:23,166 --> 00:54:26,499
Well, thanks for a...
1069
00:54:26,500 --> 00:54:28,866
You know... an evening.
1070
00:54:28,866 --> 00:54:29,866
It was awful.
1071
00:54:29,866 --> 00:54:32,966
Yeah. I was going to pretend, but...
1072
00:54:32,966 --> 00:54:34,599
it was, truly.
1073
00:54:34,600 --> 00:54:36,000
That woman, Tessa...
1074
00:54:36,000 --> 00:54:37,233
What?
1075
00:54:37,233 --> 00:54:39,699
Dated a ghost, most interesting
case for months.
1076
00:54:39,700 --> 00:54:41,233
What a wasted opportunity!
1077
00:54:41,233 --> 00:54:42,799
1078
00:54:42,800 --> 00:54:44,300
OK.
1079
00:54:44,300 --> 00:54:50,300
1080
00:54:50,300 --> 00:54:51,700
How are you feeling?
1081
00:54:51,700 --> 00:54:53,033
Hmm.
1082
00:54:53,033 --> 00:54:54,466
1083
00:54:54,466 --> 00:54:56,566
It's just like old times,
having you back here.
1084
00:54:56,566 --> 00:55:00,832
I thought I'd make your
favourite, one last time.
1085
00:55:00,833 --> 00:55:03,766
Oh. Don't sound so final about it,
1086
00:55:03,766 --> 00:55:06,666
I will be visiting, you know.
Ooh, I've heard that one before!
1087
00:55:06,666 --> 00:55:08,699
No, it's different now,
though, isn't it?
1088
00:55:08,700 --> 00:55:10,833
It's different to when
we thought we'd lost him.
1089
00:55:10,833 --> 00:55:13,033
Well, marriage
changes everything, John.
1090
00:55:13,033 --> 00:55:17,033
Does it? Yeah. You might not
think it, but it does.
1091
00:55:17,033 --> 00:55:19,099
It's a different phase in your life.
1092
00:55:19,100 --> 00:55:20,400
You meet knew people,
1093
00:55:20,400 --> 00:55:22,033
cos you're a couple,
1094
00:55:22,033 --> 00:55:25,999
and then you just let
your old friends slip away.
1095
00:55:26,000 --> 00:55:29,200
It won't be like that.
Well, if you've found the right one,
1096
00:55:29,200 --> 00:55:32,266
the person that you click with,
it's the best thing in the world.
1097
00:55:32,266 --> 00:55:35,299
Well, I have. I know I have.
Oh, I'm sure.
1098
00:55:35,300 --> 00:55:36,500
She's lovely.
1099
00:55:36,500 --> 00:55:38,833
Yeah, I think so. What about you?
1100
00:55:38,833 --> 00:55:40,099
Me?
1101
00:55:40,100 --> 00:55:43,400
Did you think you'd found the right
one when you married Mr Hudson?
1102
00:55:43,400 --> 00:55:46,466
No. It was just
a whirlwind thing for us.
1103
00:55:46,466 --> 00:55:49,766
I knew it wouldn't work, but I just
got sort of swept along. Right.
1104
00:55:49,766 --> 00:55:51,966
And then we moved to Florida.
1105
00:55:51,966 --> 00:55:53,399
We had a fantastic time,
1106
00:55:53,400 --> 00:55:56,633
but of course I didn't know
what he was up to. (The drugs.)
1107
00:55:56,633 --> 00:55:58,999
Drugs?! He was running, erm...
1108
00:55:59,000 --> 00:56:00,966
Oh, what do you call it?
1109
00:56:00,966 --> 00:56:03,166
Erm... A...
1110
00:56:03,166 --> 00:56:04,999
cartel.
1111
00:56:05,000 --> 00:56:07,000
And got in with a really bad crowd.
1112
00:56:07,000 --> 00:56:10,266
Right. And then I found out
about all the other women.
1113
00:56:10,266 --> 00:56:12,066
I didn't have a clue.
1114
00:56:12,066 --> 00:56:16,466
So, when he was actually arrested
for blowing someone's head off,
1115
00:56:16,466 --> 00:56:19,932
it was quite a relief, to be honest.
1116
00:56:19,933 --> 00:56:21,399
1117
00:56:21,400 --> 00:56:22,566
Oh.
1118
00:56:22,566 --> 00:56:25,666
It was purely physical
between me and Frank.
1119
00:56:25,666 --> 00:56:28,032
We couldn't keep
our hands off each other.
1120
00:56:28,033 --> 00:56:30,599
I know, there was one night...
1121
00:56:30,600 --> 00:56:32,033
Oh, is that Sherlock?
1122
00:56:32,033 --> 00:56:32,666
1123
00:56:32,666 --> 00:56:33,866
Is it?
1124
00:56:33,866 --> 00:56:35,099
That's Sherlock.
1125
00:56:35,100 --> 00:56:40,166
1126
00:56:40,166 --> 00:56:41,799
Urgh...
1127
00:56:41,800 --> 00:56:55,600
1128
00:56:55,600 --> 00:56:57,400
There are going to be others.
1129
00:56:57,400 --> 00:57:00,433
Others? Victims, women.
1130
00:57:00,433 --> 00:57:02,566
Most ghosts tend to
haunt a single house.
1131
00:57:02,566 --> 00:57:05,099
This ghost, however,
is willing to commute. Look.
1132
00:57:05,100 --> 00:57:26,633
1133
00:57:26,633 --> 00:57:28,099
Hmm...
1134
00:57:28,100 --> 00:57:30,033
Not you. Not you.
1135
00:57:30,033 --> 00:57:32,233
Not you. Not you. Not you. Not you.
1136
00:57:32,233 --> 00:57:34,366
Not you. Not you.
1137
00:57:34,366 --> 00:57:36,199
Not you.
1138
00:57:36,200 --> 00:57:37,766
Not you. Not you.
1139
00:57:37,766 --> 00:57:39,232
Hmm...
1140
00:57:39,233 --> 00:57:40,866
Not you.
1141
00:57:40,866 --> 00:57:44,266
Not you. Not you. Not you.
Not you. Not you. Not you.
1142
00:57:44,266 --> 00:57:46,666
Not you. Not you.
Not you. Not you. Not you.
1143
00:57:46,666 --> 00:57:47,832
Not you, you, you, or you, or you.
1144
00:57:47,833 --> 00:57:52,099
Or not you, not you, not you,
not you, not you, not you.
1145
00:57:52,100 --> 00:57:54,833
Not you.
1146
00:57:54,833 --> 00:58:01,466
1147
00:58:01,466 --> 00:58:03,299
Hi.
1148
00:58:03,300 --> 00:58:04,800
Gail.
1149
00:58:04,800 --> 00:58:10,166
1150
00:58:10,166 --> 00:58:11,666
Charlotte.
1151
00:58:11,666 --> 00:58:13,166
1152
00:58:13,166 --> 00:58:15,399
Robyn.
1153
00:58:15,400 --> 00:58:17,900
1154
00:58:17,900 --> 00:58:19,400
Vicky.
1155
00:58:19,400 --> 00:58:27,100
1156
00:58:27,100 --> 00:58:29,200
How did you meet?
1157
00:58:29,200 --> 00:58:31,433
Came up to me in a pub.
Same gym as me.
1158
00:58:31,433 --> 00:58:33,466
We just got chatting on the bus.
1159
00:58:33,466 --> 00:58:34,566
Online.
1160
00:58:34,566 --> 00:58:36,566
Name? Told you.
1161
00:58:36,566 --> 00:58:38,366
His name. Oscar.
1162
00:58:38,366 --> 00:58:40,232
Mike. Terry.
1163
00:58:40,233 --> 00:58:42,799
Erm... Love Monkey.
1164
00:58:42,800 --> 00:58:44,566
Your place?
1165
00:58:44,566 --> 00:58:45,832
His place.
1166
00:58:45,833 --> 00:58:47,033
1167
00:58:47,033 --> 00:58:48,266
Address?
1168
00:58:48,266 --> 00:58:52,466
1169
00:58:52,466 --> 00:58:53,666
Nothing happened.
1170
00:58:53,666 --> 00:58:56,766
It was just... very romantic.
1171
00:58:56,766 --> 00:58:59,466
Four women in four nights.
He must have something special.
1172
00:58:59,466 --> 00:59:01,166
He was very charming. He listened.
1173
00:59:01,166 --> 00:59:02,299
He was sweet.
1174
00:59:02,300 --> 00:59:03,633
He had a lovely...
1175
00:59:03,633 --> 00:59:05,666
You OK?
1176
00:59:05,666 --> 00:59:09,199
You've let your food go cold.
Mrs Hudson will play hell.
1177
00:59:09,200 --> 00:59:10,466
Not now, John.
1178
00:59:10,466 --> 00:59:13,966
1179
00:59:13,966 --> 00:59:15,966
Sorry about that.
1180
00:59:15,966 --> 00:59:17,566
He had a lovely manner.
1181
00:59:17,566 --> 00:59:20,599
Different names,
different addresses.
1182
00:59:20,600 --> 00:59:21,966
Describe him.
1183
00:59:21,966 --> 00:59:23,032
Short blonde hair.
1184
00:59:23,033 --> 00:59:24,433
Dark hair. Long.
1185
00:59:24,433 --> 00:59:26,066
Ginger. I like gingers.
1186
00:59:26,066 --> 00:59:27,266
Couldn't tell.
1187
00:59:27,266 --> 00:59:29,132
He had a mask on.
1188
00:59:29,133 --> 00:59:31,166
1189
00:59:31,166 --> 00:59:33,232
He's stealing
the identity of corpses,
1190
00:59:33,233 --> 00:59:36,499
getting their names
from the obituary columns.
1191
00:59:36,500 --> 00:59:37,833
All single men.
1192
00:59:37,833 --> 00:59:39,266
He's using the dead man's flat
1193
00:59:39,266 --> 00:59:41,899
under the assumption
it will be empty for a while.
1194
00:59:41,900 --> 00:59:43,266
Free love nest.
1195
00:59:43,266 --> 00:59:44,266
I feel sick.
1196
00:59:44,266 --> 00:59:45,266
It's gruesome.
1197
00:59:45,266 --> 00:59:47,199
That's awful. Clever...
1198
00:59:47,200 --> 00:59:48,033
Bastard!
1199
00:59:48,033 --> 00:59:52,266
1200
00:59:52,266 --> 00:59:54,566
Hello, Tessa.
1201
00:59:54,566 --> 00:59:56,032
Meanwhile, back to business.
1202
00:59:56,033 --> 00:59:57,766
No-one wants to use
a dead man's home.
1203
00:59:57,766 --> 00:59:59,199
1204
00:59:59,200 --> 01:00:01,233
At least not until
it's been cleared.
1205
01:00:01,233 --> 01:00:04,399
So, he disguises himself.
1206
01:00:04,400 --> 01:00:07,300
Steals the man's home,
steals his identity.
1207
01:00:07,300 --> 01:00:09,966
But only for one night.
Then he's gone.
1208
01:00:09,966 --> 01:00:12,099
He's not a ghost, John.
He's a Mayfly.
1209
01:00:12,100 --> 01:00:13,433
He lives for a day.
1210
01:00:13,433 --> 01:00:14,666
1211
01:00:14,666 --> 01:00:18,599
So, what was it
he was looking for?
1212
01:00:18,600 --> 01:00:19,633
Job?
1213
01:00:19,633 --> 01:00:21,099
Gardener. Cook.
1214
01:00:21,100 --> 01:00:22,700
Private nurse. I do security work.
1215
01:00:22,700 --> 01:00:23,900
Maid.
1216
01:00:23,900 --> 01:00:25,200
1217
01:00:25,200 --> 01:00:27,066
Obvious. You all work
for the same person.
1218
01:00:27,066 --> 01:00:41,566
1219
01:00:41,566 --> 01:00:43,999
No, no, not the same employer. Damn!
1220
01:00:44,000 --> 01:00:45,400
Come on, we can do this.
1221
01:00:45,400 --> 01:00:46,500
Ideal night out?
1222
01:00:46,500 --> 01:00:47,833
Clay-pigeon shooting.
1223
01:00:47,833 --> 01:00:48,966
Line dancing.
1224
01:00:48,966 --> 01:00:50,032
Pictures.
1225
01:00:50,033 --> 01:00:51,833
Wine in front of the telly.
1226
01:00:51,833 --> 01:00:53,533
Dungeon.
1227
01:00:53,533 --> 01:00:54,633
1228
01:00:54,633 --> 01:00:56,466
Make-up? Clarins.
1229
01:00:56,466 --> 01:00:57,866
No7.
1230
01:00:57,866 --> 01:00:59,899
Maybelline. Nothing special.
1231
01:00:59,900 --> 01:01:00,866
Whatever's cheap.
1232
01:01:00,866 --> 01:01:02,566
Perfume?
1233
01:01:02,566 --> 01:01:04,632
Chanel. Chanel. Chanel.
1234
01:01:04,633 --> 01:01:07,066
Chanel. Estee Lauder.
1235
01:01:07,066 --> 01:01:08,266
1236
01:01:08,266 --> 01:01:09,699
Ideal man?
1237
01:01:09,700 --> 01:01:11,000
George Clooney.
1238
01:01:11,000 --> 01:01:12,500
Oh...! Home-loving.
1239
01:01:12,500 --> 01:01:14,466
He'd have to like cuddling.
1240
01:01:14,466 --> 01:01:17,032
Caring. Ten things.
1241
01:01:17,033 --> 01:01:19,233
One - someone who isn't
competitive with other men.
1242
01:01:19,233 --> 01:01:21,366
Two - someone who isn't constantly
1243
01:01:21,366 --> 01:01:24,832
trying to define himself
by his masculinity...
1244
01:01:24,833 --> 01:01:27,233
There's a unifying factor,
1245
01:01:27,233 --> 01:01:28,666
there has to be.
1246
01:01:28,666 --> 01:01:30,532
None of you reported
anything stolen.
1247
01:01:30,533 --> 01:01:32,833
1248
01:01:32,833 --> 01:01:36,633
Security guard, gardener, cook,
maid, private nurse.
1249
01:01:36,633 --> 01:01:38,499
He's romancing his way
up a pecking order.
1250
01:01:38,500 --> 01:01:41,433
Somebody's pecking order.
Come on, think. Unless...
1251
01:01:41,433 --> 01:01:42,599
1252
01:01:42,600 --> 01:01:44,600
Do you have a secret
you've never told anyone?
1253
01:01:44,600 --> 01:01:46,100
No.
1254
01:01:46,100 --> 01:01:48,000
Gotcha! What do you mean?
1255
01:01:48,000 --> 01:01:50,466
Everyone has secrets and
they all replied too quickly.
1256
01:01:50,466 --> 01:01:53,266
Got to go. See you. No... Wait!
Bye-bye. Wait!
1257
01:01:53,266 --> 01:01:55,999
Sorry, sexy, some secrets
have to stay secret.
1258
01:01:56,000 --> 01:01:57,800
Enjoy the wedding.
1259
01:01:57,800 --> 01:02:00,200
1260
01:02:00,200 --> 01:02:03,633
Why? WHY would he date all of those
women and not return their calls?
1261
01:02:03,633 --> 01:02:06,166
You're missing
the obvious, mate. Am I?
1262
01:02:06,166 --> 01:02:07,599
He's a man.
1263
01:02:07,600 --> 01:02:09,666
But why would he
change his identity?
1264
01:02:09,666 --> 01:02:11,066
Maybe he's married.
1265
01:02:11,066 --> 01:02:13,032
1266
01:02:13,033 --> 01:02:14,299
Oh...
1267
01:02:14,300 --> 01:02:16,000
Married.
1268
01:02:16,000 --> 01:02:17,100
Obvious, really.
1269
01:02:17,100 --> 01:02:18,833
Our Mayfly Man
was trying to escape
1270
01:02:18,833 --> 01:02:20,566
the suffocating
chains of domesticity
1271
01:02:20,566 --> 01:02:22,799
and instead of endless nights in
watching the telly
1272
01:02:22,800 --> 01:02:26,466
or going to barbecues with the awful,
dreadful, boring people he couldn't stand,
1273
01:02:26,466 --> 01:02:29,866
he used his wits, cleverness and powers
of disguise to play the field. He was...
1274
01:02:29,866 --> 01:02:32,599
1275
01:02:32,600 --> 01:02:34,233
On second thoughts,
1276
01:02:34,233 --> 01:02:37,233
I probably should have told you
about the elephant in the room.
1277
01:02:37,233 --> 01:02:39,866
However, it does help
to further illustrate
1278
01:02:39,866 --> 01:02:41,766
how invaluable John is to me.
1279
01:02:41,766 --> 01:02:45,432
I can read a crime scene the way
he can understand a human being.
1280
01:02:45,433 --> 01:02:48,399
I used to think that's what made me
special - quite frankly I still do.
1281
01:02:48,400 --> 01:02:49,600
But a word to the wise,
1282
01:02:49,600 --> 01:02:52,433
should any of you require
the services of either of us,
1283
01:02:52,433 --> 01:02:54,266
I will solve your murder,
1284
01:02:54,266 --> 01:02:57,166
but it takes John Watson
to save your life.
1285
01:02:57,166 --> 01:02:58,766
Trust me on that, I should know,
1286
01:02:58,766 --> 01:03:00,999
he's saved mine so many times
and in so many ways.
1287
01:03:01,000 --> 01:03:03,433
1288
01:03:03,433 --> 01:03:07,066
This blog is the story of two men
1289
01:03:07,066 --> 01:03:10,566
and their, frankly,
ridiculous adventures
1290
01:03:10,566 --> 01:03:13,432
of murder, mystery and mayhem.
1291
01:03:13,433 --> 01:03:15,266
1292
01:03:15,266 --> 01:03:18,199
But from now on,
there's a new story.
1293
01:03:18,200 --> 01:03:19,700
1294
01:03:19,700 --> 01:03:21,600
A bigger adventure.
1295
01:03:21,600 --> 01:03:23,233
1296
01:03:23,233 --> 01:03:24,566
Ladies and gentlemen,
1297
01:03:24,566 --> 01:03:29,166
pray, charge your glasses
and be upstanding.
1298
01:03:29,166 --> 01:03:31,199
Today begin the adventures
1299
01:03:31,200 --> 01:03:33,066
of Mary Elizabeth Watson
1300
01:03:33,066 --> 01:03:34,899
and John Hamish Watson.
1301
01:03:34,900 --> 01:03:39,000
The two reasons why
every single one of us is...
1302
01:03:39,000 --> 01:03:56,766
1303
01:03:56,766 --> 01:03:57,899
What did you say?
1304
01:03:57,900 --> 01:04:01,366
You said...
1305
01:04:01,366 --> 01:04:04,599
"John Hamish Watson."
1306
01:04:04,600 --> 01:04:07,033
You said that. You said "Hamish."
1307
01:04:07,033 --> 01:04:08,433
1308
01:04:08,433 --> 01:04:10,566
This is a famous detective,
it's Sherlock Holmes
1309
01:04:10,566 --> 01:04:12,366
and his partner, John Hamish Watson.
1310
01:04:12,366 --> 01:04:14,266
How did you know?
1311
01:04:14,266 --> 01:04:16,466
How did YOU know his middle name?
1312
01:04:16,466 --> 01:04:18,566
He never tells anyone, he hates it.
1313
01:04:18,566 --> 01:04:22,566
1314
01:04:22,566 --> 01:04:24,466
John "H" Watson?
1315
01:04:24,466 --> 01:04:25,899
Yep.
1316
01:04:25,900 --> 01:04:32,966
1317
01:04:32,966 --> 01:04:35,232
Henry? Shut up.
1318
01:04:35,233 --> 01:04:36,466
Humphrey?
1319
01:04:36,466 --> 01:04:38,199
Shut up.
1320
01:04:38,200 --> 01:04:39,000
SHOWER RUNS Higgins?
1321
01:04:39,000 --> 01:04:41,033
1322
01:04:41,033 --> 01:04:43,099
'Go away!'
1323
01:04:43,100 --> 01:04:45,800
It took him years to confide in me.
1324
01:04:45,800 --> 01:04:48,166
Oh...
1325
01:04:48,166 --> 01:04:49,899
That's my birth certificate.
1326
01:04:49,900 --> 01:04:51,133
Yep.
1327
01:04:51,133 --> 01:04:55,566
1328
01:04:55,566 --> 01:04:57,799
And the woman - she knew.
1329
01:04:57,800 --> 01:05:00,000
1330
01:05:00,000 --> 01:05:01,700
Hamish.
1331
01:05:01,700 --> 01:05:03,066
1332
01:05:03,066 --> 01:05:04,766
John Hamish Watson,
1333
01:05:04,766 --> 01:05:07,799
just if you were
looking for baby names.
1334
01:05:07,800 --> 01:05:09,633
God knows where she is.
1335
01:05:09,633 --> 01:05:14,433
1336
01:05:14,433 --> 01:05:16,333
Out of my head, I am busy!
1337
01:05:16,333 --> 01:05:17,866
1338
01:05:17,866 --> 01:05:20,232
There's only one time
that name's been made public.
1339
01:05:20,233 --> 01:05:22,166
Does it have to be on the invitation?
1340
01:05:22,166 --> 01:05:24,166
It's your name.
1341
01:05:24,166 --> 01:05:25,899
It's traditional... It's funny...
1342
01:05:25,900 --> 01:05:29,000
1343
01:05:29,000 --> 01:05:30,466
'Enjoy the wedding...'
1344
01:05:30,466 --> 01:05:35,166
1345
01:05:35,166 --> 01:05:36,599
Enjoy the wedding.
1346
01:05:36,600 --> 01:05:38,700
The wedding.
You knew about the wedding.
1347
01:05:38,700 --> 01:05:41,233
More importantly, you'd seen
a wedding invitation.
1348
01:05:41,233 --> 01:05:43,466
Now barely 100 people
had seen that invitation.
1349
01:05:43,466 --> 01:05:45,599
The Mayfly Man only saw five women.
1350
01:05:45,600 --> 01:05:47,766
For one person
to be in both groups...
1351
01:05:47,766 --> 01:05:49,366
could be a coincidence.
1352
01:05:49,366 --> 01:05:51,466
Oh, Sherlock!
1353
01:05:51,466 --> 01:05:53,666
What do we say about coincidences?
1354
01:05:53,666 --> 01:05:55,099
The universe is rarely so lazy.
1355
01:05:55,100 --> 01:05:58,166
So, the balance of probability is?
Someone went to great lengths
1356
01:05:58,166 --> 01:06:02,499
to find out something about this wedding. What great lengths?
They lied. Assumed false identities.
1357
01:06:02,500 --> 01:06:04,466
Which suggests? Criminal intent.
1358
01:06:04,466 --> 01:06:05,699
Also suggests?
1359
01:06:05,700 --> 01:06:07,100
Intelligence, planning.
1360
01:06:07,100 --> 01:06:09,533
Clearly. But more importantly?
1361
01:06:09,533 --> 01:06:11,066
1362
01:06:11,066 --> 01:06:12,399
The Mayfly Man.
1363
01:06:12,400 --> 01:06:13,600
1364
01:06:13,600 --> 01:06:14,833
The Mayfly Man is...
1365
01:06:14,833 --> 01:06:17,033
Here today!
1366
01:06:17,033 --> 01:06:19,833
Ooh, sorry. I...
1367
01:06:19,833 --> 01:06:21,299
1368
01:06:21,300 --> 01:06:22,466
Another glass, sir?
1369
01:06:22,466 --> 01:06:24,266
Thank you, yes, thank you. Yes.
1370
01:06:24,266 --> 01:06:26,532
Something's going to happen,
right here.
1371
01:06:26,533 --> 01:06:29,866
1372
01:06:29,866 --> 01:06:30,999
Now, where were we?
1373
01:06:31,000 --> 01:06:31,900
Could be any second.
1374
01:06:31,900 --> 01:06:35,766
1375
01:06:35,766 --> 01:06:37,099
You have control of the room.
1376
01:06:37,100 --> 01:06:38,666
Ah, yes.
1377
01:06:38,666 --> 01:06:41,799
Raising glasses and standing up.
Very good. Thank you.
1378
01:06:41,800 --> 01:06:43,233
Don't lose it.
1379
01:06:43,233 --> 01:06:45,499
And down again.
1380
01:06:45,500 --> 01:06:53,466
1381
01:06:53,466 --> 01:06:54,632
Ladies and gentlemen,
1382
01:06:54,633 --> 01:06:56,966
people tell you not
to milk a good speech.
1383
01:06:56,966 --> 01:06:59,366
Get off early, leave 'em laughing.
1384
01:06:59,366 --> 01:07:00,866
1385
01:07:00,866 --> 01:07:03,599
Wise advice I'll certainly
try to bear in mind.
1386
01:07:03,600 --> 01:07:04,833
But for now...
1387
01:07:04,833 --> 01:07:06,466
part two!
1388
01:07:06,466 --> 01:07:08,999
Part two is more action-based.
1389
01:07:09,000 --> 01:07:12,700
I'm going to walk around,
shake things up a bit.
1390
01:07:12,700 --> 01:07:15,500
Who'd go to a wedding?
That's the question.
1391
01:07:15,500 --> 01:07:18,166
Who would bother
to go to any lengths
1392
01:07:18,166 --> 01:07:20,199
to get themselves to a wedding?
1393
01:07:20,200 --> 01:07:21,800
1394
01:07:21,800 --> 01:07:23,066
Well, everyone.
1395
01:07:23,066 --> 01:07:25,632
Weddings are great, love a wedding.
What's he doing?
1396
01:07:25,633 --> 01:07:27,399
Something's wrong.
1397
01:07:27,400 --> 01:07:28,900
And John's great too.
1398
01:07:28,900 --> 01:07:31,566
Haven't said that enough,
barely scratched the surface.
1399
01:07:31,566 --> 01:07:32,899
I could go on all night
1400
01:07:32,900 --> 01:07:37,233
about the depth and complexity
of his jumpers,
1401
01:07:37,233 --> 01:07:39,566
and he can cook.
1402
01:07:39,566 --> 01:07:43,099
Does... erm... a thing.
A thing with peas...
1403
01:07:43,100 --> 01:07:44,366
1404
01:07:44,366 --> 01:07:46,599
Once. Might not be peas,
might not be him.
1405
01:07:46,600 --> 01:07:49,600
But he's got a great singing voice,
or somebody does.
1406
01:07:49,600 --> 01:07:51,866
Too many, too many,
too many, too many!
1407
01:07:51,866 --> 01:07:53,232
1408
01:07:53,233 --> 01:07:55,999
Sorry, too many jokes about John.
1409
01:07:56,000 --> 01:07:59,000
Now... Criminal intent.
1410
01:07:59,000 --> 01:08:00,666
Where was I? Ah, yes.
1411
01:08:00,666 --> 01:08:02,499
Extraordinary lengths.
1412
01:08:02,500 --> 01:08:04,233
Speech. Speech.
1413
01:08:04,233 --> 01:08:05,966
Let's talk about...
1414
01:08:05,966 --> 01:08:08,432
All of which is suggestive of...
1415
01:08:08,433 --> 01:08:09,666
1416
01:08:09,666 --> 01:08:12,499
Murder! Sorry, did I say murder?
1417
01:08:12,500 --> 01:08:13,800
I meant to say marriage.
1418
01:08:13,800 --> 01:08:16,400
But, you know,
they're quite similar procedures,
1419
01:08:16,400 --> 01:08:17,633
when you think about it.
1420
01:08:17,633 --> 01:08:19,466
The participants tend
to know each other
1421
01:08:19,466 --> 01:08:21,232
and it's over
when one of them's dead.
1422
01:08:21,233 --> 01:08:24,699
In fairness, murder is a lot quicker
though. Janine, what about this one?
1423
01:08:24,700 --> 01:08:28,700
Acceptably hot? More importantly, his
girlfriend's wearing new uncomfortable underwear
1424
01:08:28,700 --> 01:08:32,866
and hasn't bothered to pick this thread off his
jacket, or point out the grease smudge on his neck.
1425
01:08:32,866 --> 01:08:35,499
He's going home alone.
Also he's a comics and sci-fi geek,
1426
01:08:35,500 --> 01:08:38,466
they're always tremendously
grateful, really put the hours in.
1427
01:08:38,466 --> 01:08:40,099
Jeff, the gents.
1428
01:08:40,100 --> 01:08:41,400
Loos now, please.
1429
01:08:41,400 --> 01:08:44,366
Greg. The loos, please. Why?
1430
01:08:44,366 --> 01:08:46,599
Oh, I don't know,
maybe it's your TURN.
1431
01:08:46,600 --> 01:08:47,666
1432
01:08:47,666 --> 01:08:49,599
Yeah, actually,
now you mention it.
1433
01:08:49,600 --> 01:08:52,400
Sherlock, any chance of a...
An end date for this speech?
1434
01:08:52,400 --> 01:08:53,466
Got to cut the cake.
1435
01:08:53,466 --> 01:08:55,499
Oh, ladies and gentlemen,
1436
01:08:55,500 --> 01:08:58,266
can't stand it when I finally
get the chance to speak for once.
1437
01:08:58,266 --> 01:08:59,599
Vatican cameos.
1438
01:08:59,600 --> 01:09:01,500
What did he say?
What does that mean?
1439
01:09:01,500 --> 01:09:03,466
Battle stations,
someone's going to die.
1440
01:09:03,466 --> 01:09:04,732
What?!
1441
01:09:04,733 --> 01:09:05,833
1442
01:09:05,833 --> 01:09:08,499
Narrow it down. Narrow it down.
1443
01:09:08,500 --> 01:09:09,800
1444
01:09:09,800 --> 01:09:11,600
Narrow it down!
1445
01:09:11,600 --> 01:09:13,366
Argh! No, no!
1446
01:09:13,366 --> 01:09:15,799
Not you!
1447
01:09:15,800 --> 01:09:17,200
1448
01:09:17,200 --> 01:09:20,400
You. It's always you.
1449
01:09:20,400 --> 01:09:23,133
John Watson, you keep me right.
1450
01:09:23,133 --> 01:09:24,799
1451
01:09:24,800 --> 01:09:26,066
What do I do?
1452
01:09:26,066 --> 01:09:27,699
You've already done it.
1453
01:09:27,700 --> 01:09:29,833
Don't solve the murder.
1454
01:09:29,833 --> 01:09:31,033
Save the life.
1455
01:09:31,033 --> 01:09:33,499
Sorry, off piste a bit.
1456
01:09:33,500 --> 01:09:34,833
Back now. Phew!
1457
01:09:34,833 --> 01:09:37,733
Let's play a game.
Let's play murder.
1458
01:09:37,733 --> 01:09:39,166
1459
01:09:39,166 --> 01:09:40,266
Sherlock!
1460
01:09:40,266 --> 01:09:43,166
Imagine someone's going to
get murdered at a wedding.
1461
01:09:43,166 --> 01:09:44,499
Who exactly would you pick?
1462
01:09:44,500 --> 01:09:47,500
I think you're a popular choice
at the moment, dear.
1463
01:09:47,500 --> 01:09:50,500
If someone could move Mrs Hudson's
glass just slightly out of reach,
1464
01:09:50,500 --> 01:09:51,500
that would be lovely.
1465
01:09:51,500 --> 01:09:55,766
More importantly, who could you
only kill at a wedding?
1466
01:09:55,766 --> 01:09:57,166
1467
01:09:57,166 --> 01:09:58,866
Most people you can kill
any old place.
1468
01:09:58,866 --> 01:09:59,966
As a mental exercise,
1469
01:09:59,966 --> 01:10:02,366
I've often planned the murder
of friends and colleagues.
1470
01:10:02,366 --> 01:10:03,466
Now, John, I'd poison.
1471
01:10:03,466 --> 01:10:06,566
Sloppy eater, dead easy. I've given
him chemicals and compounds,
1472
01:10:06,566 --> 01:10:08,032
that way he's never even noticed.
1473
01:10:08,033 --> 01:10:10,266
He missed a whole Wednesday once,
didn't have a clue.
1474
01:10:10,266 --> 01:10:13,832
Lestrade's so easy to kill it's a miracle
no-one's succumbed to the temptation.
1475
01:10:13,833 --> 01:10:17,699
I've got keys to my brother's house, I could
break in and asphyxiate him, if the whim arose.
1476
01:10:17,700 --> 01:10:19,500
He's pissed, isn't he? Ow!
1477
01:10:19,500 --> 01:10:21,066
So, once again,
1478
01:10:21,066 --> 01:10:23,632
who could you only kill here?
1479
01:10:23,633 --> 01:10:25,199
Clearly it's a rare opportunity,
1480
01:10:25,200 --> 01:10:27,166
so it's someone
who doesn't get out much.
1481
01:10:27,166 --> 01:10:29,066
Someone for whom
a planned social encounter
1482
01:10:29,066 --> 01:10:31,299
known about months in advance
is an exception.
1483
01:10:31,300 --> 01:10:32,933
Has to be a unique opportunity.
1484
01:10:32,933 --> 01:10:34,366
1485
01:10:34,366 --> 01:10:36,632
And since killing someone
in public is difficult,
1486
01:10:36,633 --> 01:10:38,799
killing them in private
isn't an option.
1487
01:10:38,800 --> 01:10:42,200
Someone who lives in an inaccessible
or unknown location, then.
1488
01:10:42,200 --> 01:10:43,900
Someone private perhaps,
1489
01:10:43,900 --> 01:10:45,933
obsessed with personal security.
1490
01:10:45,933 --> 01:10:47,399
1491
01:10:47,400 --> 01:10:49,266
Possibly someone under threat.
1492
01:10:49,266 --> 01:10:53,899
1493
01:10:53,900 --> 01:10:56,433
Major James Sholto, who he?
I don't think he's coming.
1494
01:10:56,433 --> 01:10:57,433
He'll be there.
1495
01:10:57,433 --> 01:10:59,299
Where are you living these days?
1496
01:10:59,300 --> 01:11:01,400
Oh, way out in
the middle of nowhere.
1497
01:11:01,400 --> 01:11:03,000
The press and families
gave him hell.
1498
01:11:03,000 --> 01:11:04,833
He gets more death threats than you.
1499
01:11:04,833 --> 01:11:06,233
1500
01:11:06,233 --> 01:11:08,266
A recluse?
1501
01:11:08,266 --> 01:11:10,299
Small household staff.
1502
01:11:10,300 --> 01:11:12,400
Job? Gardener. Cook.
Private nurse. Maid.
1503
01:11:12,400 --> 01:11:14,400
High turnover
for additional security.
1504
01:11:14,400 --> 01:11:17,433
I do security work. Probably all
signed confidentiality agreements.
1505
01:11:17,433 --> 01:11:19,866
Do you have a secret you've
never told anyone? ALL: No.
1506
01:11:19,866 --> 01:11:22,466
There is another question that
remains. Rather a big one,
1507
01:11:22,466 --> 01:11:25,166
a huge one - how would you do it?
How do you kill someone in public?
1508
01:11:25,166 --> 01:11:26,966
There has to be a way.
This has been planned.
1509
01:11:26,966 --> 01:11:28,999
Mr Holmes! Hello, Archie,
what's your theory?
1510
01:11:29,000 --> 01:11:31,433
Get this right and there's
a headless nun in it for you.
1511
01:11:31,433 --> 01:11:34,166
The invisible man could do it.
The who, what, why, when, where?
1512
01:11:34,166 --> 01:11:38,599
The invisible man with the invisible knife.
The one who tried to kill the Guardsman.
1513
01:11:38,600 --> 01:11:54,633
1514
01:11:54,633 --> 01:11:55,799
Bainbridge?
1515
01:11:55,800 --> 01:11:57,500
Bainbridge!
1516
01:11:57,500 --> 01:12:05,033
1517
01:12:05,033 --> 01:12:08,566
(Oh, not just planned -
planned and rehearsed.)
1518
01:12:08,566 --> 01:12:10,666
Ladies and gentlemen,
1519
01:12:10,666 --> 01:12:12,299
there will now be a short interlude.
1520
01:12:12,300 --> 01:12:14,366
The bride and groom...
1521
01:12:14,366 --> 01:12:17,099
1522
01:12:17,100 --> 01:12:19,066
The bride and groom.
1523
01:12:19,066 --> 01:12:22,832
Major Sholto's going to be murdered, I don't
know how or by whom, but it's going to happen.
1524
01:12:22,833 --> 01:12:25,399
Excuse me, coming through.
Consulting.
1525
01:12:25,400 --> 01:12:29,900
Stay here. Please be careful.
Excuse me. Coming through.
1526
01:12:29,900 --> 01:12:32,400
Excuse me.
1527
01:12:32,400 --> 01:12:34,600
I'm sorry, one more.
Oops. I'm so sorry.
1528
01:12:34,600 --> 01:12:35,600
Thank you.
1529
01:12:35,600 --> 01:13:01,066
1530
01:13:01,066 --> 01:13:04,099
How can you not remember which room?
You remember everything.
1531
01:13:04,100 --> 01:13:06,500
I have to delete something! 207.
1532
01:13:06,500 --> 01:13:13,566
1533
01:13:13,566 --> 01:13:16,466
Major Sholto? Major Sholto!
1534
01:13:16,466 --> 01:13:18,266
1535
01:13:18,266 --> 01:13:21,866
Major Sholto! If someone's about
to make an attempt on my life,
1536
01:13:21,866 --> 01:13:24,299
it won't be the first time.
I'm ready.
1537
01:13:24,300 --> 01:13:26,300
Major, let us in.
Kick the door down.
1538
01:13:26,300 --> 01:13:27,500
I really wouldn't.
1539
01:13:27,500 --> 01:13:32,066
I have a gun in my hand and
a lifetime of unfortunate reflexes.
1540
01:13:32,066 --> 01:13:35,432
You're not safe in there. Whoever's after
you, we know a locked room doesn't stop him.
1541
01:13:35,433 --> 01:13:37,399
The invisible man
with the invisible knife.
1542
01:13:37,400 --> 01:13:41,233
I don't know how he does it. I can't stop him and
that means he'll do it again! Solve it, then!
1543
01:13:41,233 --> 01:13:43,066
I'm sorry?
1544
01:13:43,066 --> 01:13:46,199
You're the famous Mr Holmes,
solve the case, on you go.
1545
01:13:46,200 --> 01:13:48,833
Tell me how he did it
and I'll open the door.
1546
01:13:48,833 --> 01:13:51,099
Please, this is no time for games,
1547
01:13:51,100 --> 01:13:52,600
just let us in, you're in danger!
1548
01:13:52,600 --> 01:13:54,166
So are you,
so long as you're here.
1549
01:13:54,166 --> 01:13:57,066
Please, leave me.
1550
01:13:57,066 --> 01:14:00,599
Despite my reputation, I really
don't approve of collateral damage.
1551
01:14:00,600 --> 01:14:03,800
Solve it. Sorry? Solve it and
he'll open the door, like he said.
1552
01:14:03,800 --> 01:14:07,033
I couldn't solve it before, how can I solve it now?
Because it matters now.
1553
01:14:07,033 --> 01:14:10,066
What are you talking about? Get your
wife under control! She's right.
1554
01:14:10,066 --> 01:14:11,966
Oh, you've changed!
No, she is. Shut up!
1555
01:14:11,966 --> 01:14:14,232
You are not a puzzle-solver,
you never have been.
1556
01:14:14,233 --> 01:14:15,366
You're a drama queen!
1557
01:14:15,366 --> 01:14:19,099
Now, there's a man in there about
to die, the game is on - solve it!
1558
01:14:19,100 --> 01:14:34,866
1559
01:14:34,866 --> 01:14:35,932
Bainbridge?
1560
01:14:35,933 --> 01:14:38,666
1561
01:14:38,666 --> 01:14:40,132
Bainbridge!
1562
01:14:40,133 --> 01:14:43,266
1563
01:14:43,266 --> 01:14:45,632
Though in fairness,
he's a drama queen too. I know.
1564
01:14:45,633 --> 01:14:47,699
Major Sholto, no-one's
coming to kill you.
1565
01:14:47,700 --> 01:14:50,500
I'm afraid you've already
been killed several hours ago.
1566
01:14:50,500 --> 01:14:51,666
What did you say?
1567
01:14:51,666 --> 01:14:53,232
Don't take off your belt.
1568
01:14:53,233 --> 01:14:54,766
My belt?
1569
01:14:54,766 --> 01:14:55,866
His belt, yes.
1570
01:14:55,866 --> 01:14:58,266
Bainbridge was stabbed
hours before we even saw him,
1571
01:14:58,266 --> 01:14:59,832
but it was through his belt.
1572
01:14:59,833 --> 01:15:01,666
Tight belt, worn high on the waist.
1573
01:15:01,666 --> 01:15:03,666
Very easy to push a small blade
through the fabric
1574
01:15:03,666 --> 01:15:04,899
and you wouldn't even feel it.
1575
01:15:04,900 --> 01:15:07,800
The belt would bind the flesh
together when it was tied tight.
1576
01:15:07,800 --> 01:15:10,400
Exactly. But when you took it off...
Delayed-action stabbing.
1577
01:15:10,400 --> 01:15:13,266
All the time in the world
to create an alibi. Major Sholto?
1578
01:15:13,266 --> 01:15:14,532
So...
1579
01:15:14,533 --> 01:15:17,366
1580
01:15:17,366 --> 01:15:20,632
I was to be killed by my uniform.
1581
01:15:20,633 --> 01:15:22,933
How appropriate.
1582
01:15:22,933 --> 01:15:25,033
1583
01:15:25,033 --> 01:15:26,499
He solved the case, Major,
1584
01:15:26,500 --> 01:15:29,500
you're supposed to open
the door now. A deal is a deal.
1585
01:15:29,500 --> 01:15:31,566
I'm not even supposed to
have this any more,
1586
01:15:31,566 --> 01:15:33,666
they gave me special
dispensation to keep it.
1587
01:15:33,666 --> 01:15:35,999
I couldn't imagine life
out of this uniform.
1588
01:15:36,000 --> 01:15:39,033
I suppose, given the circumstances,
I don't have to.
1589
01:15:39,033 --> 01:15:42,033
1590
01:15:42,033 --> 01:15:43,399
When so many want you dead,
1591
01:15:43,400 --> 01:15:45,333
it hardly seems
good manners to argue.
1592
01:15:45,333 --> 01:15:49,999
1593
01:15:50,000 --> 01:15:53,800
Whatever you're doing in there,
James, stop it, right now!
1594
01:15:53,800 --> 01:15:55,500
I will kick this door down!
1595
01:15:55,500 --> 01:15:58,433
Mr Holmes, you and
I are similar, I think.
1596
01:15:58,433 --> 01:16:01,233
Yes, I think we are. There's
a proper time to die, isn't there?
1597
01:16:01,233 --> 01:16:02,566
Of course there is.
1598
01:16:02,566 --> 01:16:06,266
And one should embrace it
when it comes.
1599
01:16:06,266 --> 01:16:07,299
Like a soldier.
1600
01:16:07,300 --> 01:16:10,100
Of course one should,
but not at John's wedding!
1601
01:16:10,100 --> 01:16:12,266
1602
01:16:12,266 --> 01:16:13,999
We wouldn't do that, would we,
1603
01:16:14,000 --> 01:16:16,300
you and me?
1604
01:16:16,300 --> 01:16:19,033
We would never do that
to John Watson.
1605
01:16:19,033 --> 01:16:24,199
1606
01:16:24,200 --> 01:16:25,566
I'm going to break it down.
1607
01:16:25,566 --> 01:16:27,599
Wait, wait, wait, you won't have to.
1608
01:16:27,600 --> 01:16:33,866
1609
01:16:33,866 --> 01:16:36,499
I believe I am in need
of medical attention.
1610
01:16:36,500 --> 01:16:39,300
I believe I'm your doctor.
1611
01:16:39,300 --> 01:16:54,900
1612
01:16:54,900 --> 01:16:57,166
Pretty good.
1613
01:16:57,166 --> 01:16:59,232
Just hold your nerve
on your turning.
1614
01:16:59,233 --> 01:17:00,899
Why do we have to rehearse?
1615
01:17:00,900 --> 01:17:03,166
Because we are about to
dance together in public
1616
01:17:03,166 --> 01:17:04,666
and your skills are appalling.
1617
01:17:04,666 --> 01:17:06,266
1618
01:17:06,266 --> 01:17:08,266
Wow, you're a good teacher. Hmm.
1619
01:17:08,266 --> 01:17:10,099
And you're a brilliant dancer.
1620
01:17:10,100 --> 01:17:12,000
Can I let you in
on something, Janine?
1621
01:17:12,000 --> 01:17:13,466
Go on, then.
1622
01:17:13,466 --> 01:17:15,566
I love dancing,
I've always loved it.
1623
01:17:15,566 --> 01:17:16,632
Seriously?
1624
01:17:16,633 --> 01:17:17,566
Watch out.
1625
01:17:17,566 --> 01:17:21,632
1626
01:17:21,633 --> 01:17:24,166
Oh!
1627
01:17:24,166 --> 01:17:26,499
Never really comes up
in crime work, but, you know,
1628
01:17:26,500 --> 01:17:29,400
I live in hope of the right case.
Oh, I wish you weren't...
1629
01:17:29,400 --> 01:17:32,566
whatever it is you are.
1630
01:17:32,566 --> 01:17:35,399
I know. Well, glad to see
you've pulled, Sherlock,
1631
01:17:35,400 --> 01:17:38,233
what with murderers
running riot at my wedding.
1632
01:17:38,233 --> 01:17:39,899
One murderer... One nearly murderer.
1633
01:17:39,900 --> 01:17:42,300
Loves to exaggerate -
you should try living with him.
1634
01:17:42,300 --> 01:17:43,833
Sherlock.
1635
01:17:43,833 --> 01:17:45,599
Got him for you.
1636
01:17:45,600 --> 01:17:48,700
Ah, the photographer,
excellent. Thank you.
1637
01:17:48,700 --> 01:17:51,066
May I have a look at your camera?
1638
01:17:51,066 --> 01:17:54,066
Erm, what's this about?
I was halfway home.
1639
01:17:54,066 --> 01:17:56,132
You should have driven faster.
1640
01:17:56,133 --> 01:17:57,366
1641
01:17:57,366 --> 01:17:58,899
Ah, yes. Yes!
1642
01:17:58,900 --> 01:18:00,666
Very good.
1643
01:18:00,666 --> 01:18:03,266
Now you see... Perfect.
1644
01:18:03,266 --> 01:18:05,666
What is? Are you going to tell us?
1645
01:18:05,666 --> 01:18:07,199
Try looking yourself.
1646
01:18:07,200 --> 01:18:08,900
1647
01:18:08,900 --> 01:18:12,200
Look for what?
Is the murderer in these photographs?
1648
01:18:12,200 --> 01:18:14,000
It's not what's
in the photographs,
1649
01:18:14,000 --> 01:18:16,066
it's what's not in them.
Not in any of them.
1650
01:18:16,066 --> 01:18:17,366
Sherlock?
1651
01:18:17,366 --> 01:18:19,699
The showing-off thing,
we've discussed it before...
1652
01:18:19,700 --> 01:18:21,400
1653
01:18:21,400 --> 01:18:24,966
There is always a man at a wedding
who is not in any photograph,
1654
01:18:24,966 --> 01:18:26,766
who can go anywhere.
1655
01:18:26,766 --> 01:18:29,566
And even carry an equipment bag
around with him if he likes.
1656
01:18:29,566 --> 01:18:31,499
And you never even see his face.
1657
01:18:31,500 --> 01:18:33,100
You only ever see...
1658
01:18:33,100 --> 01:18:41,900
1659
01:18:41,900 --> 01:18:43,200
The camera.
1660
01:18:43,200 --> 01:18:44,700
What are you doing? What is this?
1661
01:18:44,700 --> 01:18:47,366
Jonathan Small, today's
substitute wedding photographer,
1662
01:18:47,366 --> 01:18:49,232
known to us as the Mayfly Man.
1663
01:18:49,233 --> 01:18:53,966
His brother was one of the raw
recruits killed in that incursion.
1664
01:18:53,966 --> 01:18:56,032
Johnny sought revenge on Sholto,
1665
01:18:56,033 --> 01:18:58,366
worked his way through
Sholto's staff,
1666
01:18:58,366 --> 01:18:59,566
found what he needed.
1667
01:18:59,566 --> 01:19:01,766
An invitation to a wedding.
1668
01:19:01,766 --> 01:19:05,266
The one time Sholto would
have to be out in public.
1669
01:19:05,266 --> 01:19:09,066
So he made his plan
and rehearsed the murder,
1670
01:19:09,066 --> 01:19:12,566
making sure of every last detail.
1671
01:19:12,566 --> 01:19:24,799
1672
01:19:24,800 --> 01:19:26,366
Brilliant, ruthless,
1673
01:19:26,366 --> 01:19:28,266
and almost certainly a monomaniac.
1674
01:19:28,266 --> 01:19:31,266
Though, in fairness, his photographs
are actually quite good.
1675
01:19:31,266 --> 01:19:32,866
Everything you need is on that.
1676
01:19:32,866 --> 01:19:35,899
You probably ought to
arrest him or something.
1677
01:19:35,900 --> 01:19:38,033
Do you always carry handcuffs?
1678
01:19:38,033 --> 01:19:40,066
Down, girl. Come on, quick.
1679
01:19:40,066 --> 01:19:42,566
It's not me you should
be arresting, Mr Holmes.
1680
01:19:42,566 --> 01:19:45,099
Oh, I don't do the arresting,
I just farm that out.
1681
01:19:45,100 --> 01:19:47,300
Sholto, he's the killer, not me.
1682
01:19:47,300 --> 01:19:49,533
I should have killed him quicker.
1683
01:19:49,533 --> 01:19:52,166
1684
01:19:52,166 --> 01:19:54,066
I shouldn't have tried to be clever.
1685
01:19:54,066 --> 01:19:55,432
1686
01:19:55,433 --> 01:19:57,233
You should have driven faster.
1687
01:19:57,233 --> 01:20:06,566
1688
01:20:06,566 --> 01:20:07,866
Right.
1689
01:20:07,866 --> 01:21:26,466
1690
01:21:26,466 --> 01:21:28,466
Ladies and gentlemen,
just one last thing
1691
01:21:28,466 --> 01:21:30,499
before the evening begins properly.
1692
01:21:30,500 --> 01:21:34,266
Apologies for earlier,
a crisis arose and was dealt with.
1693
01:21:34,266 --> 01:21:36,266
More importantly, however,
1694
01:21:36,266 --> 01:21:38,166
today we saw two people make vows.
1695
01:21:38,166 --> 01:21:39,599
I've never made a vow in my life
1696
01:21:39,600 --> 01:21:41,366
and after tonight
I never will again.
1697
01:21:41,366 --> 01:21:43,566
So, here in front of you all,
1698
01:21:43,566 --> 01:21:45,266
my first and last vow.
1699
01:21:45,266 --> 01:21:46,466
1700
01:21:46,466 --> 01:21:48,466
Mary and John,
1701
01:21:48,466 --> 01:21:50,266
whatever it takes,
1702
01:21:50,266 --> 01:21:52,266
whatever happens,
1703
01:21:52,266 --> 01:21:53,632
from now on,
1704
01:21:53,633 --> 01:21:56,166
I swear I will always be there.
1705
01:21:56,166 --> 01:21:57,499
Always.
1706
01:21:57,500 --> 01:21:58,900
For all three of you.
1707
01:21:58,900 --> 01:22:01,400
Erm... Sorry, I mean...
I mean two of you.
1708
01:22:01,400 --> 01:22:03,900
All two of you. Both of you,
in fact. I just miscounted.
1709
01:22:03,900 --> 01:22:05,800
Anyway, it's time for dancing.
1710
01:22:05,800 --> 01:22:07,633
Play the music again,
please. Thank you.
1711
01:22:07,633 --> 01:22:09,666
OK, everybody, just dance,
don't be shy.
1712
01:22:09,666 --> 01:22:11,766
Dancing, please. Very good.
1713
01:22:11,766 --> 01:22:14,499
Sorry, that was one more deduction
than I was really expecting.
1714
01:22:14,500 --> 01:22:16,233
Deduction? Increased appetite...
1715
01:22:16,233 --> 01:22:18,199
I'm starving.
Change of taste perception.
1716
01:22:18,200 --> 01:22:20,366
Oh, I chose this wine,
but it's bloody awful!
1717
01:22:20,366 --> 01:22:21,632
You were sick this morning.
1718
01:22:21,633 --> 01:22:23,299
You assumed it was
just wedding nerves.
1719
01:22:23,300 --> 01:22:25,466
You got angry with me
when I mentioned it to you.
1720
01:22:25,466 --> 01:22:28,666
All the signs are there. The signs?
1721
01:22:28,666 --> 01:22:30,632
The signs of three.
1722
01:22:30,633 --> 01:22:32,499
What?
1723
01:22:32,500 --> 01:22:34,400
Mary, I think you should
do a pregnancy test.
1724
01:22:34,400 --> 01:22:35,500
1725
01:22:35,500 --> 01:22:38,633
Well, the statistics for
the first trimester are...
1726
01:22:38,633 --> 01:22:39,666
Shut up!
1727
01:22:39,666 --> 01:22:41,166
1728
01:22:41,166 --> 01:22:42,432
Just shut up.
1729
01:22:42,433 --> 01:22:43,633
Sorry.
1730
01:22:43,633 --> 01:22:45,799
How did he notice before me?
1731
01:22:45,800 --> 01:22:48,266
I'm a bloody doctor. It's your
day off. It's YOUR day off!
1732
01:22:48,266 --> 01:22:49,399
Stop. Stop panicking.
1733
01:22:49,400 --> 01:22:52,200
I'm not panicking. I'm pregnant,
I'm panicking! Don't panic.
1734
01:22:52,200 --> 01:22:53,833
None of you panic.
1735
01:22:53,833 --> 01:22:55,599
Absolutely no reason to panic.
1736
01:22:55,600 --> 01:22:59,566
Oh, and you'd know, of course! Yes, I would.
You're already the best parents in the world,
1737
01:22:59,566 --> 01:23:02,066
look at all the practice
you've had. What practice?
1738
01:23:02,066 --> 01:23:05,966
Well, you're hardly going to need me around
now that you've got a real baby on the way.
1739
01:23:05,966 --> 01:23:13,632
1740
01:23:13,633 --> 01:23:15,666
Are you all right? Yeah!
1741
01:23:15,666 --> 01:23:22,399
1742
01:23:22,400 --> 01:23:25,566
Dance. Hmm?
Both of you now, go, dance.
1743
01:23:25,566 --> 01:23:28,832
We can't just stand here, people will
wonder what we're talking about. Right.
1744
01:23:28,833 --> 01:23:30,066
Well, what about you?
1745
01:23:30,066 --> 01:23:33,499
Yeah, we can't all three dance, there
are limits. Yes, there are. Ahem.
1746
01:23:33,500 --> 01:23:35,400
Come on, husband, let's go.
1747
01:23:35,400 --> 01:23:37,433
This isn't a waltz, is it? No.
1748
01:23:37,433 --> 01:23:39,166
Don't worry,
I have been tutoring him.
1749
01:23:39,166 --> 01:23:42,832
He did, you know. Baker Street, behind closed curtains.
Mrs Hudson came in one time.
1750
01:23:42,833 --> 01:23:44,966
I don't know how those
rumours started!
1751
01:23:44,966 --> 01:23:49,232
1752
01:23:49,233 --> 01:23:51,166
♪ Spinnin' my head around
and taking my body under
1753
01:23:51,166 --> 01:23:53,266
1754
01:23:53,266 --> 01:23:55,299
♪ Oh, what a night!
1755
01:23:55,300 --> 01:23:57,600
1756
01:23:57,600 --> 01:24:01,400
♪ Oh, what a night!
1757
01:24:01,400 --> 01:24:11,000
1758
01:24:11,000 --> 01:24:14,433
♪ Oh, I
1759
01:24:14,433 --> 01:24:18,199
♪ I got a funny feelin'
when she walked
1760
01:24:18,200 --> 01:24:20,233
♪ In the room
1761
01:24:20,233 --> 01:24:22,633
♪ Hey, I
1762
01:24:22,633 --> 01:24:27,333
♪ As I recall it ended much too soon
1763
01:24:27,333 --> 01:24:29,866
1764
01:24:29,866 --> 01:24:32,666
♪ Oh, what a night
1765
01:24:32,666 --> 01:24:36,432
♪ Why'd it take so long
to see the light?
1766
01:24:36,433 --> 01:24:41,399
♪ Seemed so wrong
but now it seems so right
1767
01:24:41,400 --> 01:24:45,466
♪ What a lady, what a night
1768
01:24:45,466 --> 01:24:57,166
1769
01:24:57,166 --> 01:25:02,899
♪ Oh, I felt a rush like
a rolling ball of thunder
1770
01:25:02,900 --> 01:25:06,600
♪ Spinnin' my head around
and taking my body under
1771
01:25:06,600 --> 01:25:09,533
♪ Oh, what a night!
1772
01:25:09,533 --> 01:25:11,066
1773
01:25:11,066 --> 01:25:14,566
♪ Oh, what a night!
1774
01:25:14,566 --> 01:25:16,099
1775
01:25:16,100 --> 01:25:17,433
♪ Oh, what a night... ♪
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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