Original subtitles

Dude, you got this.

It's no big deal.

Just be chill.

Where do you want me?

The light's better over there.

Ready?

No.

But y-yeah.

Let's see what we're working with.

Keep in mind it's pretty cold.

Don't talk.

Is-- Is something wrong?

Did you want me to stand differently or--

No.

You're perfect.

Don't mind me. I'm not looking.

Mom, what the hell!

I'm just putting in some fresh towels.

And here, take this because--

Mom, no!

With all the sweating in those tennis shorts,

you'll get jock itch. Ask your father.

Will you please get out of here?

Fine. Don't listen to me.

They're your genitals.

Great. Cool. Great. Okay.

Oh, by the way, your father and I

are going to therapy, and then he's taking me to the movies,

We're gonna see that one with the space people

and Wilford Brimley, and it's called Coconuts.

- Cocoon, Mom, it's called Cocoon. - Yes! That's it.

That's it. Yeah. Please, get out, please.

- Okay, I'm going, I'm going. - Go.

It's not like I haven't seen your penis before.

I've got to get out of that house.

I hear you, man.

You and Karen still thinking about getting a place together?

She wants to. I don't know.

I like her. She was always nice to me in high school,

way nicer than any girl that hot has any right to be.

You're a lucky guy.

I know. She's so nice.

And great.

And nice.

- Nice. - Yeah.

It's great.

Finish this for me. I got to go meet that guy.

You're really going to do this?

Yeah, man. I'm tired of having, like, 12 bucks to my name.

And Misty doesn't want to spend the rest of her life

with a guy who drives a Matador.

Tell Karen I said happy birthday.

- I will. - [engine starts]

[honk honk]

Okay, here's the drill.

When a customer wants to buy some White Pony,

he'll roll up, hand you his keys,

and ask "Are you the party king?"

Gotcha. Uh, White Pony, keys, party king.

- You okay? - Sure. Why?

Because you're acting jittery as fuck.

No, I'm cool, man. I got this.

I'm your man, honest.

I'm counting on you.

Now let's talk about the drop.

When it's time to resupply--

[voice distorted, slow]

[no audible dialogue]

Hey, Herb.

Hey. What's up, kid?

Your balls drop yet?

- Any day now. - Ha ha.

How did your old man take the news?

What news?

That you don't want to be a bean counter.

Oh, I never said I didn't.

I mean, I don't know. I mean, maybe I do.

I'm still figuring things out.

So you haven't found yourself yet, huh?

You know what we did back in my day to find ourselves?

No, what?

Killed Nazis.

- Boo. - [gasp] Jesus Christ.

Oh, my God. Hi.

Ah. Oh. What are you doing here?

Just came by to wish you a happy birthday

and to give you this.

That's really sweet of you.

You didn't have to do that.

I appreciate it, but it's-- Oh.

Art-- Uh, this is yours?

My art show. Opening is tonight.

Wow. That's really great. Congrats.

You should come.

It's going to be cheese,

vino, art.

I would, but David is actually taking me out for my birthday.

Oh. You should come by after.

And bring him along,

unless it's past his bedtime.

Stop.

I'm incorrigible.

So what are your plans for Karen's birthday?

Uh, I figured I'd wait

and just see what she wants to do.

Boychik, do you know nothing of women?

What do you mean?

Birthdays and anniversaries are not

merely special occasions.

They're tests, often final exams.

Fail to take them seriously, and you know what happens?

What?

The teacher starts shtupping

the other students.

She said she didn't want me to go to a lot of trouble.

[laughing] Yes, of course.

When a woman says that, she means the exact opposite.

Trust me, dear boy, she wants you

to go to a great deal of trouble,

the more the better.

Oh, really? Well, I've-- I've--

Hey, it's okay, David. Don't panic.

Now we've still got plenty of time.

I'll cover your lessons here this afternoon,

- and you run to the store. - Yeah.

W-Wait. What am I buying?

Flowers, preferably roses.

1 dozen long stem.

Red only, no pinks or yellows.

Why not pink or yellow?

Pink implies friendship,

and yellow is for pregnant women.

Next, purchase these items in the following order:

champagne, chocolate, strawberries, condoms.

And as for a motel, find something classy.

My folks are going to be gone all night, so--

Even better. After a nice dinner,

when the dessert menu comes,

take her by the hand

and tell her you have something special planned

at the house.

She'll set one foot in that door,

see the bubbly on ice

and the rose petals adorning the bed

and spontaneously ovulate,

which is why you'll need the condoms.

You got all that?

Yeah. It's good.

Okay. Now get--

get going. Get going.

Thanks, Nash.

Good morning, sir.

Are you the party king?

Hey, uh, that would be me.

I party all the time.

Yeah. For half a piece?

Cool.

[engine starts]

** [rock guitar on radio]

[radio off]

Fuck.

- Hey. - Hi.

Testarossa. Nice.

It's a bitch to drive.

[chuckle]

What's up?

What are you doing tonight?

Nothing. Why?

Uh, do you maybe want to get dinner?

Uh, just yeah, you and I?

My cousin Pam, she's coming from Ohio.

I told her I'd set her up

with a really cool guy while she's here.

- Oh. - You know, I thought--

Yeah.

No, it'll be so much fun.

Me and Steve will pay for everything.

Oh. Uh, yeah, I don't know because, uh...

Come on, Wheeler. I'll be your best friend.

Sure. Why not?

Oh! Yes. Great.

Oh, you're a lifesaver.

All right.

Ha ha. Thank you.

Sam: I don't understand

why a grown man can't have a ham sandwich.

Judy: Because I want you to live long enough

to meet your grandchildren.

My father lived till 84

on a diet of Lucky Strikes and brisket.

Okay. Did you hear that?

Now you see what I'm dealing with.

- This is exactly-- - It feels

like we've gotten a little off subject.

Judy, I'm very interested in something you said

at an earlier session

about how you sometimes don't know who you are.

Oh. Well, that's true.

You know, I know that I'm Mrs. Myers.

I know that I am the wife of Sam.

I am mother of David.

But when I try to find--

look down and see what's underneath,

it's just, uh-- it's just...

blank.

You feel there's an empty place

where a person should be.

Yeah, exactly.

How long have you felt this way?

Well, for a long time.

I mean, Sam and I, we married young.

I-- You know, we married

right when I graduated secretarial school,

and, you know, I was a housewife

when everyone else was going to happenings,

going backpacking through Europe,

to having sex with strangers.

Oh, for God's sake.

So you feel like you've missed out on a lot.

I have never even been out of the United States.

What, are you kidding?

We've been to both sides of Niagara Falls.

*Man, man, man, man *

*Woman make man *

*Man, man, man, man *

*Woman make man *

*Man, man, man, man *

*Woman make man *

*Man, man, man, man *

I don't get it. So you're blaming me

because you didn't go to Woodstock,

you didn't get to be a hippie?

Have you heard a word I've said?

Have you heard anything I've said?

You know what? This is pointless.

I don't even know why I bother

because it is clearly a waste of everyone's time.

- Judy, please. - No, I don't want to sit.

Please, sit.

Thank you.

Judy, Sam, what you're experiencing

is not uncommon.

Sometimes in marriage,

we misplace our connectedness.

And just need a little nudge to find it again.

I don't know what you people are talking about.

Oh. Of course he doesn't.

A lot of our couples

have found the connectedness

they misplaced along the way

with the help of something called MDMA.

It's short for methylenedioxy methamphetamine.

Just think of it as empathy medicine.

What does it do?

Well, Judy, it breaks down the walls

of anger and defensiveness

and increases trust and compassion.

- Drugs. - Hush, Sam.

Drugs. No, I just want to get this straight.

- They're doctors. - Listen,

they sound like dope peddlers.

I-- I understand your concerns,

but let me be perfectly clear.

MDMA is used for therapy only.

It's perfectly legal, non-addictive,

and never used recreationally.

Sam, I was skeptical, too, at first,

until I tried it myself.

What, you've done it?

Yes, Judy. Some years back,

Kenda and I went through a rough patch

after I slept with an old high school flame.

And it was MDMA

that helped us find our way back to each other.

[chuckling]

Thank God. Sam, relax.

You're going to enjoy it, I promise.

Takes about 45 minutes for it to kick in.

But don't take them now.

Wait until you're in a safe place

where you can be fully present for one another.

I can't believe we're doing this.

*Man, man, man, man *

*Woman make man *

*Man, man, man, man *

*Woman make man *

*Man, man, man, man *

*Woman make man *

*Man, man, man, man *

[dog barking]

- Hey. - Oh, my God, what happened?

I'm sorry. I got a flat.

Oh.

I'm here now. I'm starving. Let's eat.

Yeah. Did you make a reservation?

Uh, I didn't know you had to.

Oh. Okay. Well, it's a Friday night, so--

Uh. I'll just ask the hostess.

It'll be fine. Hey.

Uh, how long is the wait?

It is two hours.

Uh...

You're both more than welcome

to try to find a seat at the bar if you can.

Sure.

So...

So...

How's your summer been so far, Pam?

Pretty shitty.

Oh, yeah?

My dad ran over our dog in the driveway.

- Oh. - That's,

um...awful.

- I'm really sorry. - Me, too.

Would have been better

if he ran over my older brother.

He's a real piece of shit.

Ahem.

To dead brothers.

T-To--

To--

Hey, look, two virgins are hitting it off.

I wish I was still a virgin.

Worst night of my life.

Ahem. Mm.

Chug, chug, chug, chug,

Chug, chug, chug, chug,

Chug, chug, chug, chug,

Chug, chug, chug, chug!

[whooping]

How's your salad?

Fine.

My dad would kill for a plate of these potato skins.

[gasp]

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Don't. Don't. Just stop.

Okay.

Let's get out of here.

And go where?

I have something special waiting back home.

Let's go.

Where are your parents?

At the movies. Come on.

A little surprise waiting inside.

What kind of a surprise?

A special birthday dessert.

** [jazz piano]

- Mom? Dad? - [gasp]

Hi, kids.

Judy, it's our beautiful son.

Oh. What--

Wha-What are you guys doing home?

What are you doing home?

You're supposed to be seeing Cocoon.

Oh. Uh, it was sold out.

That-- Yeah. That's it.

It was sold out because it's Friday,

and then-- so we came home.

- She's lying. - Hush, Sam.

We never went to the movies.

What's wrong with you guys?

Nothing, sweetie.

We're on drugs.

What?

It's our therapist.

Our shrink slipped us a mickey.

It's an empathy drug.

I feel like a Christmas tree but with blue lights.

Oh, if it's a problem,

we shouldn't have mixed it with the champagne.

What? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

That was supposed to be for Karen's birthday.

When? Oh, happy birthday.

- Happy birthday. - No, no.

Oh! Oh, let me hug you.

Happy birthday.

Thank you so much.

- My turn. - My angel.

You smell glorious.

- Okay. I-- - Smell her hair.

I need to go. I need to go.

- David. David. - Dad.

- Ha ha ha ha ha! - Oh!

Let her go. This is weird.

Thank you, thank you. I really have to go.

- I'm so sorry. Thank you. - No, no, no, no.

Smell her hair.

- Wait. - David, her hair is glorious!

I don't know what's wrong with them.

They must have gotten into the liquor cabinet.

Don't worry about it.

We could go upstairs and hang out.

No, you know what? I am tired--

I'm tired, okay? And I just--

- I think I'm going to go home. - You know,

I really did have a whole thing planned for you

with champagne and rose petals on the bed.

Thanks.

Happy birthday?

[sigh]

Fuck.

[groaning]

* Sex glue, feel my temperature rise *

Steve, this is really good.

Tell me about it.

[whimpering]

Is Pam going to be okay?

I don't know. Pam is kind of screwed up.

I just meant in the short term.

She drank an entire bottle of schnapps.

Oh. Oh, yeah. No, she'll be fine.

She does this all the time.

Really?

Sorry she passed out on you.

Not me. She was scaring the shit out of me at dinner.

Shut up. This is the best part.

** [rock guitar]

Hey, Steve, you ever climb

to the top of the gymnasium?

- Yeah, sure. - Yeah?

- What's your best time? - I don't know.

Just fast.

Oh, yeah? You think you could do it

under 90 seconds?

What, you got a watch?

No, but I can count.

- Baby, come here. - Hey, what--

I'm going to climb this for you.

I'm going to climb this wall for you.

All right.

- Watch. - All right, ready?

- Start counting now. - Set?

Go! 1-1000, 2-1000.

You got this!

* Sex glue-- *

You are trouble.

[stereo off]

Sorry this night turned out to be so shitty.

It's getting better.

Can I ask you something?

Why don't you go to college?

You're, like, the smartest guy I ever met.

I did. I dropped out.

Why?

I don't know. I--

I guess I just reject the whole group-think mentality

of higher education.

It's a bunch of bullshit.

Really? Oh.

Well, I was thinking about maybe going to BCC in the fall.

You know? They have a two-year dental hygienist program,

- so I thought I would-- - No, no.

That's awesome, I mean,

a college education is, like--

It is important.

And seriously,

you would look so good

in dental scrubs.

Thanks.

- I'm serious. - I think.

Well, I don't know.

It's not, like, official or anything.

You got to do it.

You'd be so great.

- Really? - Yeah.

I'd totally go see you to clean my teeth.

Let me see. Let's see how bad.

- Ahh. - Oh. Oh, God.

I think I'm going to have to extract--

Steve: What's my time?

What's my time?

68 seconds!

Whoo! Yeah!

Suck it, moon!

Wow.

Cheers.

- H-Hey. - Hey.

You made it.

I did, yeah.

Where's Davey Jones?

Uh, home.

Our plans didn't really work out tonight, so--

Sounds like someone could use a drink.

- Oh. - Ta-da.

Thanks.

Hey, come here. I want to show you something.

Oh, my God.

"Oh, my God" is right.

Look at that beauty.

Thank you.

What's that red dot mean?

It means it's sold.

First piece tonight.

Bought it myself. Paid a pretty penny for it, too.

I'm telling you, the camera loves you.

Do you really think that?

I think that. I know that.

Let's go somewhere after the show. We'll talk about it.

I can't. I have an early aerobics class.

Another time, then.

Yeah. I'd like that.

Okay. Yeah.

Okay. I'm going to hold you to that.

All right.

Oh. I got fans.

- Oh. Right. - Pardon me.

Oh, Sam.

Sam.

Wake up.

Ohh.

Where are we?

We're in David's room.

Come on. Just get up.

I got to change the sheets.

Why am I so thirsty?

Just get up.

- Sam: Ohh. - He's there.

Hey-a, buddy.

Um, I can't see yet.

How-- How was your night, sweetheart?

Apparently not as good as yours.

We're really sorry about that.

Your mother and I got sort of carried away.

Mostly--

Disgraceful.

* He said, "Baby, what's wrong with you?" *

- * "Don't you use--" * - Hey.

* "...your imagination?" *

Hi.

Look, I'm really sorry about last night.

It's fine. Oh, thank you.

Um...

Uh...

I have a class, so--

Yeah. Hey, I got to run, too.

Great.

I'll see you after work?

Yes.

Okay. Bye.

Bye.

Well, ladies, go ahead and warm up.

We're going to sweat in about five minutes.

Got a delivery for Karen.

Yeah, that's me. Thanks.

*Strut, pout, put it out *

*That's what you want from women *

*Come on, baby, what you taking that for? *

* Strut, pout, cut it out *

*All takin' and no givin' *

*Watch me, baby, while I walk out the door *

*Strut, pout, put it out *

*That's what you want from women *

*Come on, baby, what you taking that for? *

* Strut, pout, cut it out *

*All takin' and no givin' *

*Watch me, baby, while I walk out the door *

*Strut, pout, put it out *

*That's what you want from women *

*Come on, baby, what you taking that for? *

* Strut, pout, cut it out *

*All takin' and no givin' *

*Watch me, baby *

* While I walk out your door *