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(theme music playing)
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00:00:21,583 --> 00:00:23,709
♪ Animals ♪
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♪ Animals ♪
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00:00:33,166 --> 00:00:35,250
♪ ♪
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00:00:35,250 --> 00:00:37,208
Narrator:
Since the dawn of time,
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00:00:37,208 --> 00:00:39,834
predator and prey
have coexisted
(roars)
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(cawing)
in a symbiotic
relationship...
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00:00:42,959 --> 00:00:46,333
keeping the cycle of life
progressing ever forward.
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00:00:47,792 --> 00:00:50,333
For some, it is up
to the young to learn
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00:00:50,333 --> 00:00:53,750
from their adult elders
the way of hunting.
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00:00:53,750 --> 00:00:58,625
For others, it will take
some time before they learn
to fend for themselves.
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00:00:58,625 --> 00:01:02,792
And for others more,
they themselves can be
their own worst enemy
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00:01:02,792 --> 00:01:05,083
in an ongoing quest
for survival.
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00:01:05,083 --> 00:01:08,792
And that's
where we'll begin,
on the ground floor.
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(chuckles) Can I be honest
with you for a second?
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You're like so fucking hot.
Like, I mean really...
(chuckles)
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And I-- I really like you.
Can I kiss you? (chuckles)
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00:01:23,291 --> 00:01:26,000
Really?
(breathes excitedly) Okay.
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(moaning)
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Phil. Phil, check it out.
What the fuck, Mike?
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Jesus Christ, knock, dude!
Ew. Were you
making out with us?
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No, that's a smudge-mark thing.
Dude, what the fuck
are you wearing?
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00:01:36,208 --> 00:01:39,417
It's a snakeskin jacket.
You're not wearing that to our
date with Laura and Daphne.
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00:01:39,417 --> 00:01:42,041
You're not fucking--
I of course am wearing
this to our date.
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00:01:42,041 --> 00:01:44,667
Why do you think I got it?
Why do you have a jacket?
We don't have arms.
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It's snakeskin, dude.
First of all, you're obsessed
with snakes.
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We're fucking worms!
You don't look like a snake.
Yes, I am obsessed with snakes.
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You look like fucking
Eddie Murphy in Delirious,
honestly.
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00:01:52,750 --> 00:01:55,458
All right, that's cool too.
I fucking love Eddie Murphy.
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Are you kidding me?
Yeah, so do I.
He's the greatest.
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He's fucking so funny.
Where's he been?
Where's he been?
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I don't know.
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It's like, "You know,
my brother."
No, don't do Eddie Murphy.
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00:02:02,959 --> 00:02:04,834
Just don't do it,
'cause-- All right?
I know, I know...
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00:02:04,834 --> 00:02:07,834
You felt it. You felt it, right?
You know why you can't do that.
I know, I know.
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00:02:07,834 --> 00:02:10,458
I gotta admit,
seeing you gesture with arms
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00:02:10,458 --> 00:02:12,041
is making me
a little jealous.
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Like this?
Oh!
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Hmm?
Do a thinking man.
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Whoa!
Huh?
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I know, right?
It's crazy.
It's cool!
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Can you cross 'em?
That's tough.
Let's see.
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(whooshes)
(both laugh)
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00:02:23,083 --> 00:02:25,542
Dude, I--
I love this.
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00:02:25,542 --> 00:02:27,583
I could do this--
Dude, this is crazy!
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00:02:27,583 --> 00:02:29,083
I need to go
to a wedding
or something.
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00:02:29,083 --> 00:02:31,333
Yeah. Oh my God.
I would take over
the dance floor
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00:02:31,333 --> 00:02:34,041
and just go like this.
You look good in that jacket.
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00:02:34,041 --> 00:02:35,792
Thank you.
See, now we're gonna
go on the date,
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00:02:35,792 --> 00:02:38,333
and I'm gonna be this,
and they're gonna think
I'm freaking milquetoast.
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00:02:38,333 --> 00:02:41,083
I gotta be honest,
you look a little boring.
All right. I gotta do something.
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00:02:41,083 --> 00:02:42,417
I gotta-- What do
you think if we go
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00:02:42,417 --> 00:02:45,041
into a movie outfit-changing
montage scene real quick?
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00:02:45,041 --> 00:02:47,709
Can I try on a bunch
of different outfits?
That sounds great.
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Here we go!
(shouts)
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♪ ♪
Tadah!
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00:02:50,875 --> 00:02:53,333
It's a straw. I just
taped it around my waist.
Dude, that's it.
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00:02:53,333 --> 00:02:54,834
That's fucking it.
I'm serious.
Are sure?
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00:02:54,834 --> 00:02:56,625
'Cause I got three
or four other ones,
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00:02:56,625 --> 00:02:58,583
No.
it's like real funny,
kind of character-based stuff.
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Forget those.
The two-arm thing
right here?
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This is the one. Yes!
They're actually
pretty pliable.
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00:03:02,250 --> 00:03:05,917
What do you think if we
montage into a testing out
our new arms kind of scene?
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00:03:05,917 --> 00:03:09,667
Since this one got cut short,
I think let's keep it rolling.
Let's allocate resources.
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Whoa!
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Oh my God.
That felt good, dude.
One more time.
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(grunts)
Oh!
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(grunting)
Yeah, you wanna (mutters)
at me here?
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Ho! All right,
all right, all right.
(coughs)
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00:03:19,667 --> 00:03:21,542
That was cool.
What was that?
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That was honestly
just instinct.
(coughs)
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It looks good.
It feels right.
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It fucking makes sense.
It feels real.
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00:03:26,417 --> 00:03:28,250
I feel really good
about this.
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00:03:28,250 --> 00:03:30,250
I think this date is
gonna be one of our best,
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'cause there are two guys
who no worms could possibly
turn down either of us.
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Hey, put 'er there.
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Ooh, this feels good, too.
(laughs)
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(laughs)
Holy shit.
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00:03:40,959 --> 00:03:44,125
I trust you.
It's kinda like we're
saying to each other,
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00:03:44,125 --> 00:03:46,125
"I'm not a jerk.
You're not a jerk.
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There's no jerks here.
Jerks on, jerks off."
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Jerks off, okay? Right.
Jerks off.
Let's jerk off.
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00:03:50,792 --> 00:03:52,208
That's right.
Jerking off.
Jerking off.
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Both:
We are jerking
each other off.
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Narrator:
Now, follow me up the tree,
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where new life
is about to blossom.
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Can't wait.
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(humming)
(egg cracking)
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Oh, now that's clever.
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00:04:06,458 --> 00:04:09,625
Crispy maggot on the taco.
I love that texture.
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Hyah! (sighs)
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(clears throat)
Um, excuse me.
(humming)
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00:04:15,291 --> 00:04:18,792
Excuse me, ma'am.
Oh shit. Shit, shit, shit.
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00:04:18,792 --> 00:04:20,375
-Hi. Hi.
-Hi. Hi.
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00:04:20,375 --> 00:04:22,333
Am I in the right place?
Is this life?
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Yes! Sorry, I, uh,
I wasn't expecting you
to arrive this early.
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Oh, no. I think I am actually
the early one,
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so don't worry about it.
Are you, um...
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Mom.
I'm your mom.
Mom.
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Yeah, I was gonna say, "Mom."
(both laugh)
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But I didn't wanna
come on too strong.
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But I did feel immediately
a kinship towards you,
Yeah.
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and I like looking
in your eyes
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and feel like
you're gonna take care
of me, so that's cool.
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So, this is the nest,
and I've expanded it
just for your arrival.
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This is really nice.
What is that,
a piece of popcorn?
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The popcorn chair!
Not saying whose backyard
it came from.
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(whispers)
Steve Buscemi.
Wow!
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I'm gonna like life. I can tell.
I'm gonna really like this.
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Hey, Mom?
Uh-huh.
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I have this bubble
in my stomach,
but it's empty.
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It's like a gurgling.
It doesn't feel great.
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Oh! Of course you're hungry.
Just give me a second.
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00:05:09,166 --> 00:05:11,917
Okay.
Trying to get
a little saliva going.
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Okay, now here,
you've just gotta sorta
tilt your head back like that.
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All right, now open wide.
Here we go.
Okay.
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(grunts, coughs)
Whoa! Oh God.
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(straining)
What? Ah! Please don't.
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What?
(coughs)
Oh fuck.
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I got nothing.
That really scared me.
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You know what?
It's mommy's fault.
I should've stocked up.
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I'm just gonna
have to run out
and grab us a little food.
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So, you stay here--
Oh shit!
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00:05:36,125 --> 00:05:38,041
We didn't name you yet.
Oh!
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Do you want
to pick your name?
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Like a forever name?
Yeah.
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00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:43,500
This is what people
are gonna call me?
Yeah.
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00:05:43,500 --> 00:05:46,917
Okay. That's a lot of pressure.
Um, how about...
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Choo. Choo.
Chewie-choo.
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Chewie, choo.
Choo, choo, choo!
Choo, choo, choo!
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Chooch? Okay. How about--
Cho-choo-choo-- choo-choo!
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Charly?
How about Charly?
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00:05:56,208 --> 00:05:58,125
Yeah, Charly.
Charly's a nice name.
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I love that. Mix it up.
Who are we? Famous birds?
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Okay, Charly, I'm gone,
you're the leader
of the nest.
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00:06:05,125 --> 00:06:08,667
So be safe and be brave,
and I love you.
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00:06:08,667 --> 00:06:11,750
Wow. Okay, that felt good.
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Mama bird taking off. Pew!
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Whoo!
Flying fucking rules!
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Wow. I am immediately
missing her.
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♪ ♪
Narrator: But what little
Choo-- Charly didn't know
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was that
she was not alone.
(rustling)
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Onlookers were afoot,
albeit from above.
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00:06:32,291 --> 00:06:34,917
So, then the John Turturro
character does end up
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00:06:34,917 --> 00:06:37,333
having to try the case.
You have to see it. Ooh!
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Here we go! Showtime!
This is where it gets fun.
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The mother bird
has left the nest,
so I go take care of her.
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00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:45,291
But while I'm doing that,
you're gonna sneak in
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00:06:45,291 --> 00:06:47,583
and you're gonna take care
of the little one. Matthew?
(game beeping)
151
00:06:47,583 --> 00:06:50,458
What are you-- Matthew!
Oh, right there.
Sorry, I wasn't listening.
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00:06:50,458 --> 00:06:53,125
Starting when?
Starting whenever
you talked, I guess.
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00:06:53,125 --> 00:06:55,709
Oh. Okay, listen to me.
I'm trying to teach you
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00:06:55,709 --> 00:06:57,333
how to become
your own opossum.
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00:06:57,333 --> 00:07:00,750
Oh my God.
Can you stop saying "opossum"?
It's "possum," Dad.
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00:07:00,750 --> 00:07:02,875
It's not "possum."
You say, "Opossum."
It's--
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00:07:02,875 --> 00:07:04,667
No, you say you're a possum!
It's a show of respect.
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00:07:04,667 --> 00:07:07,417
Would you go
to church and say,
"You're a preacher"?
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00:07:07,417 --> 00:07:08,875
No, you say,
"You're an o-preacher."
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00:07:08,875 --> 00:07:11,000
(sighs)
Dad, why can't we just
do it the normal way?
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You go out,
something happens,
I don't know what,
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00:07:13,291 --> 00:07:15,333
and then you come back,
we eat the food,
and it's done.
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00:07:15,333 --> 00:07:19,792
Why screw up the status quo?
If you teach
an opossum to fish,
164
00:07:19,792 --> 00:07:22,917
you're wasting your time,
because we don't eat fish.
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00:07:22,917 --> 00:07:24,667
Okay. (gasps)
Isn't that an expression?
166
00:07:24,667 --> 00:07:26,166
Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
(game beeping)
167
00:07:26,166 --> 00:07:29,667
Oh, got a suppa.
Yes! These are super rare.
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00:07:29,667 --> 00:07:31,125
Okay, so we're
gonna wrap it up.
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00:07:31,125 --> 00:07:33,667
I'm gonna go take care
of the dinner sitch.
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00:07:33,667 --> 00:07:36,375
Can you make sure
to get that extra marinara
on top of it?
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00:07:36,375 --> 00:07:39,166
What's the-- The marinara?
The marinara,
the red sauce.
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00:07:39,166 --> 00:07:42,208
Oh, the red s--
the red sauce.
Okay, it's red sauce.
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00:07:42,208 --> 00:07:44,291
(mutters)
I've done a horrible job
with this boy.
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00:07:44,291 --> 00:07:46,959
(rock music playing)
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00:07:46,959 --> 00:07:48,792
♪ He waves his arms and rants ♪
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00:07:48,792 --> 00:07:51,208
♪ And cranks butts
and tells all the kids ♪
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00:07:51,208 --> 00:07:54,417
♪ To never change ♪
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00:07:54,417 --> 00:07:57,875
♪ Just keep it kinda clean ♪
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00:07:57,875 --> 00:08:00,542
(sirens blaring)
180
00:08:02,709 --> 00:08:05,542
Narrator:
Why don't we check back in
on our worm pals
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00:08:05,542 --> 00:08:07,375
as they get ready
for their big date.
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00:08:07,375 --> 00:08:11,542
I'll tell you what, dude.
This thing is changing my life.
183
00:08:11,542 --> 00:08:15,417
I get to brush my teeth now.
It's like I used to just rinse
my mouth out with water.
184
00:08:15,417 --> 00:08:17,375
(spits)
I feel so much better.
185
00:08:17,375 --> 00:08:19,333
Mikey, come on, man.
Let's get going.
186
00:08:19,333 --> 00:08:21,917
This place is two feet away,
so we should start crawling now.
187
00:08:21,917 --> 00:08:23,959
Cool. Do we have everything?
You have the keys, right?
188
00:08:23,959 --> 00:08:27,041
(clears throat)
No, dude.
What is that?
189
00:08:27,041 --> 00:08:28,625
What is what?
It's the snakeskin jacket.
190
00:08:28,625 --> 00:08:31,750
No, the thing on your head!
You're not wearing
a goddamn wig, dude!
191
00:08:31,750 --> 00:08:36,083
It's Jheri curls, okay?
Mike, we jerked off each other
that we wouldn't fuck this up!
192
00:08:36,083 --> 00:08:38,917
I'm not going
back on the jerk off.
I'm just saying--
193
00:08:38,917 --> 00:08:41,208
This date with Laura and Daphne
has to go well, dude, okay?
194
00:08:41,208 --> 00:08:44,250
Just don't fuck this up, man.
Jesus. Why are you
so nervous?
195
00:08:44,250 --> 00:08:46,583
We're freaking
hermaphroditic anyway.
We can't have sex.
196
00:08:46,583 --> 00:08:49,083
I know we're hermaphroditic...
It's not like it's gonna
lead to anything.
197
00:08:49,083 --> 00:08:51,083
but it's just like,
"What about falling in love?"
198
00:08:51,083 --> 00:08:52,417
You know,
that might be cool.
199
00:08:52,417 --> 00:08:55,750
Or even hanging out with someone
that's not each other.
200
00:08:55,750 --> 00:08:57,375
I only hang out with you,
201
00:08:57,375 --> 00:09:01,667
and frankly, I think
you might be a figment
of my fucking imagination, okay?
202
00:09:01,667 --> 00:09:04,291
I'm losing my mind
under this goddamn rock.
203
00:09:04,291 --> 00:09:07,166
Did you just say
I might be a figment
of your imagination?
204
00:09:07,166 --> 00:09:09,834
No, dude. I-- I don't--
it's just like something that--
205
00:09:09,834 --> 00:09:11,792
when I'm falling asleep
I'll think about it.
206
00:09:11,792 --> 00:09:14,166
Like the fact that you
and me are the same thing,
207
00:09:14,166 --> 00:09:18,166
like we're one worm,
and why would both ends
of us be cognizant?
208
00:09:18,166 --> 00:09:20,792
And how would you even have
a different personality than me?
(thuds)
209
00:09:20,792 --> 00:09:25,250
And sometimes I think I can read
your thoughts, and I feel like
you're just saying my thoughts,
210
00:09:25,250 --> 00:09:28,083
so it's-- I don't fucking know,
but let's just go, Mike.
211
00:09:28,083 --> 00:09:30,875
Mike? Mike?
(chuckles nervously)
212
00:09:30,875 --> 00:09:33,875
(heart beating)
Oh shit, dude.
213
00:09:33,875 --> 00:09:37,041
He fucking wasn't real,
and he fucking was-- Mike!
214
00:09:37,041 --> 00:09:38,291
Oh fuck!
215
00:09:38,291 --> 00:09:41,333
Narrator:
And that's when Phil knew
he was alone,
216
00:09:41,333 --> 00:09:44,500
and that he'd always
been alone,
217
00:09:44,500 --> 00:09:48,500
and he will always,
always, always be alone.
218
00:09:48,500 --> 00:09:51,125
(laughs)
I fucking "Fight Clubbed"
you, dude.
219
00:09:51,125 --> 00:09:53,417
Dude! What the Fuck, Mike!
Oh my God!
220
00:09:53,417 --> 00:09:55,792
That's not fucking funny, dude!
No, it's really funny.
221
00:09:55,792 --> 00:09:57,250
You were about to cry.
Oh God!
222
00:09:57,250 --> 00:09:59,208
Narrator: Oh. Never mind.
I think I'm gonna fucking barf!
223
00:09:59,208 --> 00:10:01,083
Mike was just joking. Okay.
What, are you
being serious?
224
00:10:01,083 --> 00:10:04,625
Oh my God, that was funny!
Phil: Let's go.
We're gonna be late.
225
00:10:04,625 --> 00:10:07,875
♪ ♪
(wind blowing)
226
00:10:07,875 --> 00:10:10,041
(chirping)
227
00:10:12,250 --> 00:10:14,291
Come on, man!
(spits)
228
00:10:14,291 --> 00:10:16,500
This was one
of my best holes.
229
00:10:16,500 --> 00:10:18,625
It was amok
with little bugs
230
00:10:18,625 --> 00:10:20,917
and little critters,
and now, nothing.
231
00:10:20,917 --> 00:10:23,500
Narrator:
As the mother bird
searches for food,
232
00:10:23,500 --> 00:10:26,792
annoyingly,
predator becomes prey.
233
00:10:26,792 --> 00:10:28,875
(bell tolls)
Damn!
234
00:10:28,875 --> 00:10:31,709
I get it. This is why people
feed their kids garbage.
235
00:10:31,709 --> 00:10:33,583
(growling)
It's convenient.
236
00:10:33,583 --> 00:10:35,375
(hissing)
237
00:10:36,542 --> 00:10:37,709
Oh fuck.
238
00:10:37,709 --> 00:10:40,709
(growling)
All right, bring it!
239
00:10:40,709 --> 00:10:43,875
Square up, bitch.
(shouts)
240
00:10:43,875 --> 00:10:46,667
(video game noises)
Oh, I love you,
my little babushka.
241
00:10:46,667 --> 00:10:48,875
This hurts me
more than it hurts you.
242
00:10:48,875 --> 00:10:51,875
(dad hissing, growling)
Hey, Dad, can you
keep it down up there--
243
00:10:51,875 --> 00:10:54,458
down there,
wherever you--
Dad? (gasps)
244
00:10:54,458 --> 00:10:56,583
Die! Die!
245
00:10:56,583 --> 00:10:58,333
Dad! What are
you doing? Stop!
246
00:10:58,333 --> 00:11:01,500
Oh fuck!
Accept it! D-D-Die!
247
00:11:01,500 --> 00:11:03,792
(crying)
Oh my God!
248
00:11:03,792 --> 00:11:05,667
That's the red sauce?
249
00:11:05,667 --> 00:11:08,542
That's the marinara?
(whimpers)
250
00:11:08,542 --> 00:11:11,208
Holy shit! That is
an adrenaline rush.
251
00:11:11,208 --> 00:11:13,667
I'll tell ya. Killing things
is better than a cup of coffee.
252
00:11:13,667 --> 00:11:15,625
Is that a phrase?
That should be a phrase.
253
00:11:15,625 --> 00:11:18,667
(whimpering)
I'm learning a lot
right now.
254
00:11:18,667 --> 00:11:21,041
(Charly whistling)
255
00:11:21,041 --> 00:11:22,583
Egg (muffled):
Hey!
256
00:11:22,583 --> 00:11:24,834
Uh...
Hey, hey, hey!
257
00:11:24,834 --> 00:11:26,750
Is anybody there?
Hello?
258
00:11:26,750 --> 00:11:29,083
I made contact!
Who am I talking to?
259
00:11:29,083 --> 00:11:32,000
Oh, my name is Charly.
I guess I'm your big sister.
260
00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:33,208
Oh my God!
Yeah.
261
00:11:33,208 --> 00:11:34,792
It's so nice to meet you!
Nice to--
262
00:11:34,792 --> 00:11:38,041
I mean, you're
still in there, so--
I think I'm your little sister.
263
00:11:38,041 --> 00:11:39,917
I don't feel
a bird penis down here.
264
00:11:39,917 --> 00:11:43,750
As far as I can tell.
Hey, do you think you can
get me the fuck out of here?
265
00:11:43,750 --> 00:11:46,583
Okay, well, I don't know
if I'm allowed to do that.
266
00:11:46,583 --> 00:11:48,083
Maybe you could
just do it yourself?
267
00:11:48,083 --> 00:11:50,375
That's how I did it.
You know what?
Fuck it.
268
00:11:50,375 --> 00:11:52,166
Back up.
I'm just gonna get
a running start.
269
00:11:52,166 --> 00:11:54,875
(footsteps)
Okay, I'm in my living room.
Hold on one second.
270
00:11:54,875 --> 00:11:56,959
I'm in my kitchen.
Hold on.
271
00:11:56,959 --> 00:11:58,792
I'm in the pantry. Okay,
I'm gonna run in from there.
272
00:11:58,792 --> 00:12:01,667
Okay, one, two, three.
(panting, running)
273
00:12:01,667 --> 00:12:05,000
(screams, crashes)
Oh no! Oh my God,
you did it!
274
00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:08,834
Oh!
You did it, and you are
very underdeveloped.
275
00:12:08,834 --> 00:12:11,709
Wow! This place
is awesome!
276
00:12:11,709 --> 00:12:13,250
Yeah.
(pants)
277
00:12:13,250 --> 00:12:16,125
It's so funny.
I thought you were fat
from your voice.
278
00:12:16,125 --> 00:12:18,667
You had a fat voice.
Maybe you should
go back in there
279
00:12:18,667 --> 00:12:21,625
just a little bit longer.
But you're not. No.
I love it out here.
280
00:12:21,625 --> 00:12:24,458
Hey, how do I look?
Um...
281
00:12:24,458 --> 00:12:26,375
I feel like I got big ol'
eyeballs. Is that right?
Yup.
282
00:12:26,375 --> 00:12:28,875
I'm surprised
you don't tip over,
'cause your head is huge.
283
00:12:28,875 --> 00:12:31,625
I feel weak.
I don't feel well.
Very top-heavy.
284
00:12:31,625 --> 00:12:33,333
Hey, don't worry, Egg, okay?
Okay.
285
00:12:33,333 --> 00:12:36,542
Mom's gonna be back
any minute with some food
for the both of us.
286
00:12:36,542 --> 00:12:40,166
I think.
Oh! What's up?
You wanna get high?
287
00:12:40,166 --> 00:12:42,500
You got that sweet hash?
(laughs)
What?
288
00:12:42,500 --> 00:12:45,333
Just kidding.
Come on, man.
Loosen up!
289
00:12:45,333 --> 00:12:48,417
I think we're gonna
have pretty different
friend groups.
290
00:12:48,417 --> 00:12:50,166
Narrator:
Let's head underground,
291
00:12:50,166 --> 00:12:53,417
where the worm date
is really heating up.
292
00:12:53,417 --> 00:12:56,166
After a while,
I realized that you could
kind of parlay that
293
00:12:56,166 --> 00:12:58,000
into what's known
as a CPA,
294
00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:00,208
which is not
as computer-based
as I would like.
295
00:13:00,208 --> 00:13:01,667
Yeah.
Are you okay?
296
00:13:01,667 --> 00:13:04,667
Oh yeah, sorry. I'm just--
I think my face is asleep...
297
00:13:04,667 --> 00:13:07,166
or my brain, maybe,
or something.
I hate when that happens.
298
00:13:07,166 --> 00:13:09,333
Yeah. So what were
you saying about your HPV?
299
00:13:09,333 --> 00:13:11,125
Yeah, no.
It was actually CPA.
300
00:13:11,125 --> 00:13:13,667
It's a little bit different
than that one.
Yeah.
301
00:13:13,667 --> 00:13:15,875
(whispers)
Hey, Phil, you're tanking
the date, dude.
302
00:13:15,875 --> 00:13:18,917
You're bringing
everybody down.
I'm not bringing everyone down!
303
00:13:18,917 --> 00:13:24,500
Phil, when you speak,
I want to shimmy out
on a wet sidewalk in the rain,
304
00:13:24,500 --> 00:13:27,917
then suddenly it stops raining,
and people are like walking
on that sidewalk.
305
00:13:27,917 --> 00:13:30,458
Daphne, why are you being
such a bitch to me?
That's not gonna help.
306
00:13:30,458 --> 00:13:33,125
(gasps)
Do not call
my butthole a bitch.
307
00:13:33,125 --> 00:13:35,083
I am an asshole.
I'm not a bitch.
Phil: I'm so sorry, Laura.
308
00:13:35,083 --> 00:13:37,166
Laura, Daphne, I'm so sorry.
I don't know where
that came from.
309
00:13:37,166 --> 00:13:40,333
That came from a dark place.
All right, let's do what
we came here to do,
310
00:13:40,333 --> 00:13:42,542
and let's have
a fun time tonight, okay?
311
00:13:42,542 --> 00:13:45,125
Does that sound cool?
I agree.
Have dinner, relax.
312
00:13:45,125 --> 00:13:47,834
Laura: Sounds great.
A few glasses of wine.
Really get to know each other.
313
00:13:47,834 --> 00:13:49,667
So, cocaine?
(ladies cheer)
314
00:13:49,667 --> 00:13:53,583
Get that Meow Mix out, boo.
I wanna snort
some yam-yam!
315
00:13:53,583 --> 00:13:56,250
I wanna toot it!
Gimme that Gucci poochie!
316
00:13:56,250 --> 00:13:58,208
That's what's up!
Gucci poochie? Meow mix?
317
00:13:58,208 --> 00:14:00,375
You girls are cool.
Ladies (chanting):
Snake Man! Snake Man!
318
00:14:00,375 --> 00:14:02,709
Phil: Don't-- Stop that.
Snake Man! Snake Man!
319
00:14:02,709 --> 00:14:05,083
I'm the Snake Man.
So, can we have
some drugs, though?
320
00:14:05,083 --> 00:14:07,959
Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally.
You know what?
Let's chop this shit up.
321
00:14:07,959 --> 00:14:10,208
Ah. Whoo!
♪ ♪
322
00:14:10,208 --> 00:14:11,917
♪ Baby, hey, QT, yeah? ♪
323
00:14:11,917 --> 00:14:15,000
♪ Yeah, there's
something I want to say,
I feel your hands ♪
324
00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:18,166
Laura: I love
this song. Oh my God,
it makes me wet.
325
00:14:18,166 --> 00:14:20,625
Phil: Do you have
any 311? Play 311!
Mike: I'm so fucked up.
326
00:14:20,625 --> 00:14:22,792
Laura, you're so fucking hot.
327
00:14:22,792 --> 00:14:25,417
I'm sorry about before.
I was being a fucking Ben Stein
328
00:14:25,417 --> 00:14:27,125
when I should've been
a fucking Jimmy Kimmel.
329
00:14:27,125 --> 00:14:28,625
Just shove your face
in my cleavage.
330
00:14:28,625 --> 00:14:30,792
I love that.
(babbles)
Now you're my mommy.
331
00:14:30,792 --> 00:14:33,458
I'm your little baby.
You like that when
I shake my Daphne?
332
00:14:33,458 --> 00:14:35,917
You're my sister
and my butt!
Oh, this is so hot.
333
00:14:35,917 --> 00:14:37,875
You're my everything!
Are you fucking kidding me?
334
00:14:37,875 --> 00:14:39,291
You're me.
I love you.
335
00:14:39,291 --> 00:14:41,458
I want more drugs!
I want more drugs!
336
00:14:41,458 --> 00:14:43,625
Let's get more drugs!
No, let's get married.
337
00:14:43,625 --> 00:14:45,959
Oh fuck! We should
get fucking married!
Right?
338
00:14:45,959 --> 00:14:48,667
(cheering)
Let's get more drugs!
339
00:14:48,667 --> 00:14:50,125
(crying)
340
00:14:50,125 --> 00:14:53,291
Mike: Look, we just want
the drugs, and we're gonna go.
341
00:14:53,291 --> 00:14:54,959
That's all!
Dude, shut the fuck up.
342
00:14:54,959 --> 00:14:57,291
You better come up
with more money. You want
this Gucci pooch or not?
343
00:14:57,291 --> 00:14:59,500
Y'all trying
to get this Meow Mix
or this snaggle rock?
344
00:14:59,500 --> 00:15:01,208
Phil, you're the bookworm.
Figure it out.
345
00:15:01,208 --> 00:15:03,792
The rest of us are idiots,
'cause we're too cool
and hot.
346
00:15:03,792 --> 00:15:05,792
Y'all should've got
an education like I did.
347
00:15:05,792 --> 00:15:08,125
Oh my God.
See, that's what I'm talking
about this whole time.
348
00:15:08,125 --> 00:15:09,792
My CPA--
I got a CPA recently.
349
00:15:09,792 --> 00:15:11,583
Oh, congratulations.
Thank you so much!
350
00:15:11,583 --> 00:15:14,125
What's your name again?
Yo, my name is Worm-for-all...
351
00:15:14,125 --> 00:15:17,000
Others:
Worm-for-all?
...and All-for-worm.
352
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:18,709
Oh my God.
That's really deep.
353
00:15:18,709 --> 00:15:20,542
I like that.
Yeah, no, that's awesome.
354
00:15:20,542 --> 00:15:21,875
That's really cool.
That's really cool.
355
00:15:21,875 --> 00:15:23,667
Why are you dealing drugs?
Yeah, man.
356
00:15:23,667 --> 00:15:25,500
You know, people make
their own tablecloths.
357
00:15:25,500 --> 00:15:26,959
They make
their own pocket squares.
358
00:15:26,959 --> 00:15:28,834
I figured I'd make
my own cocaine.
359
00:15:28,834 --> 00:15:31,166
It's the Etsy economy.
It's the Etsy economy.
It's Etsy. It's Etsy.
360
00:15:31,166 --> 00:15:33,208
Oh, my God, I love Etsy.
What's your Etsy name?
361
00:15:33,208 --> 00:15:36,333
My Etsy name is
"You Ain't High Yet"
question mark.
362
00:15:36,333 --> 00:15:38,250
See, that's a great name,
because you're thinking it.
363
00:15:38,250 --> 00:15:41,667
Or you could find me
at "You Better Have All That
Money For That Schnip-Schnap."
364
00:15:41,667 --> 00:15:43,458
Oh, okay.
That's a website?
That's way too many--
365
00:15:43,458 --> 00:15:46,166
Or you can call me at
1-800-dot-dot-dot-meow-meow.
366
00:15:46,166 --> 00:15:47,542
That is cute.
It's catchy, too.
367
00:15:47,542 --> 00:15:49,667
You have a 1-800 number?
And I have an emoji.
368
00:15:49,667 --> 00:15:53,291
It's a family
around a Thanksgiving turkey
doing cocaine off of it.
369
00:15:53,291 --> 00:15:54,959
Yeah, right.
That's not an emoji.
370
00:15:54,959 --> 00:15:57,417
You gotta get the update.
Get the update.
It's clearly an update.
371
00:15:57,417 --> 00:15:59,709
(gun cocks)
How about everybody
shuts the fuck up?
372
00:15:59,709 --> 00:16:01,709
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Worm-for-all:
Be cool, man.
373
00:16:01,709 --> 00:16:03,500
Who's that?
Who the fuck is that?
374
00:16:03,500 --> 00:16:06,250
What are you doing?
I'm the ass,
motherfucker!
375
00:16:06,250 --> 00:16:07,333
Oh boy.
Be cool.
376
00:16:07,333 --> 00:16:09,208
Be cool? You were gonna
fuck me out of my take.
377
00:16:09,208 --> 00:16:11,542
I was gonna
split it with you,
50-50, just like we said!
378
00:16:11,542 --> 00:16:13,458
Bullshit. I saw the look
in your eyes. I know you.
379
00:16:13,458 --> 00:16:16,417
See? This is the problem
with start-ups, you know?
There's always a frustration.
380
00:16:16,417 --> 00:16:19,917
I paid for the domain names!
I got curtains
for the trailer!
381
00:16:19,917 --> 00:16:22,208
Aw.
But you're never
gettin' your half!
382
00:16:22,208 --> 00:16:24,083
(grunting)
Yeah, go!
383
00:16:24,083 --> 00:16:26,500
Oh! Oh my God.
(gunshot)
384
00:16:26,500 --> 00:16:28,375
You missed, motherfucker!
What?
385
00:16:28,375 --> 00:16:29,875
Yeah!
Laura:
Oh my God!
386
00:16:29,875 --> 00:16:33,041
(screaming)
(laughs)
387
00:16:33,041 --> 00:16:34,709
Yeah, you piece of shit.
(Worm-for-all gurgles)
388
00:16:34,709 --> 00:16:36,667
Oh God,
he shot his fucking face.
Think about it!
389
00:16:36,667 --> 00:16:38,834
I want you
to taste that blood.
That was really stupid.
390
00:16:38,834 --> 00:16:41,542
Yeah, you're one worm.
I think you're gonna die too.
391
00:16:41,542 --> 00:16:44,458
You dum-dum.
Gimme back that Meow Mix,
that fridge dust.
392
00:16:44,458 --> 00:16:46,959
Just give it to him.
Okay, here,
take the Gucci poochie.
393
00:16:46,959 --> 00:16:49,750
Good, good, good, yeah.
Now I'm in charge
of this operation!
394
00:16:49,750 --> 00:16:51,917
Phil: Uh-oh.
(fading)
No more 50 percent!
395
00:16:51,917 --> 00:16:53,375
Oh shit.
There he goes.
396
00:16:53,375 --> 00:16:54,750
That's the other half of...
397
00:16:56,375 --> 00:16:58,959
Narrator:
This is why
you don't do drugs, kids.
398
00:16:58,959 --> 00:17:02,208
(rock music playing)
(sirens blaring)
399
00:17:02,208 --> 00:17:04,125
(coughing)
400
00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:08,583
(gas hisses)
401
00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:12,542
(gasps)
♪ Millions of miles away ♪
402
00:17:12,542 --> 00:17:15,375
♪ From my home system ♪
403
00:17:15,375 --> 00:17:18,208
♪ I call to you ♪
404
00:17:20,417 --> 00:17:24,917
♪ On a sun rock,
I lay flat, and fucked ♪
(speaks indiscernibly)
405
00:17:26,875 --> 00:17:30,125
♪ A tiny ember
in a galaxy of fire ♪
406
00:17:31,959 --> 00:17:34,333
(men shouting)
407
00:17:36,458 --> 00:17:37,834
Narrator:
Inside the treetop,
408
00:17:37,834 --> 00:17:41,959
our possums are
about to reach
an impasse.
409
00:17:41,959 --> 00:17:44,625
I like that word.
I think it's French?
410
00:17:44,625 --> 00:17:46,375
Hey, can I get a water?
411
00:17:46,375 --> 00:17:48,750
How's that
for a delicious meal? Huh?
412
00:17:48,750 --> 00:17:51,125
Fresh and prepared
just how you like it.
413
00:17:51,125 --> 00:17:53,125
Plenty of red sauce,
huh? Look at that.
414
00:17:53,125 --> 00:17:55,417
Whoa! Matthew,
what the heck?
415
00:17:55,417 --> 00:17:58,041
Don't act like you don't know
what just happened.
(dish shatters)
416
00:17:58,041 --> 00:17:59,417
You pushed--
No, stop it.
417
00:17:59,417 --> 00:18:01,291
You killed
that bluebird.
418
00:18:01,291 --> 00:18:02,792
You didn't know
that bird.
419
00:18:02,792 --> 00:18:05,792
That bird
could've had a family,
and you killed it!
420
00:18:05,792 --> 00:18:08,250
You're a murderer, Dad!
A murderer!
421
00:18:08,250 --> 00:18:12,291
You're calling me a murderer?
I would say, I'm a murderer!
422
00:18:12,291 --> 00:18:15,667
I killed it!
(laughs) That is
your fucked-up generation!
423
00:18:15,667 --> 00:18:18,792
Nobody thinks
that way anymore!
I'm sorry, but you keep saying
424
00:18:18,792 --> 00:18:22,041
"a different generation."
I'm seven weeks
older than you.
425
00:18:22,041 --> 00:18:26,166
We were both born
during the same season
of Better Call Saul.
426
00:18:26,166 --> 00:18:28,041
We went to high school
briefly together.
427
00:18:28,041 --> 00:18:31,792
I'm not that much older.
I was born when
the 6 was out
428
00:18:31,792 --> 00:18:34,083
and you were born
during the release of the 6s.
429
00:18:34,083 --> 00:18:36,834
I think the only difference
was the fingerprint thing,
430
00:18:36,834 --> 00:18:38,667
which we couldn't use.
(sighs)
431
00:18:38,667 --> 00:18:41,083
Look, I understand
your larger point,
432
00:18:41,083 --> 00:18:43,333
that we might
think differently,
but again,
433
00:18:43,333 --> 00:18:47,417
it's a very, very narrow
slice of experience that
we're talking about here.
434
00:18:47,417 --> 00:18:49,750
We got tetanus shots
on the same day.
I mean--
435
00:18:49,750 --> 00:18:51,750
I'm not gonna continue
the cycle of abuse.
436
00:18:51,750 --> 00:18:53,542
Matthew.
You're playing a game
(video game noises)
437
00:18:53,542 --> 00:18:56,500
where you're
capturing things constantly.
Why is this any different?
438
00:18:56,500 --> 00:18:59,709
There's a huge difference, Dad.
When I capture something,
I care for it.
439
00:18:59,709 --> 00:19:03,041
I feed it. I give it a home.
I give it love. I give it
a community.
440
00:19:03,041 --> 00:19:06,041
I don't tear it apart,
bone by bone and take
its marinara.
441
00:19:06,041 --> 00:19:08,000
Well, this is
exactly the same thing,
442
00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:10,583
except you do tear it apart
and drink its blood.
443
00:19:10,583 --> 00:19:13,750
I don't understand.
This is how we survive.
It's not-- God!
444
00:19:13,750 --> 00:19:15,500
Again,
that's your limited mind--
445
00:19:15,500 --> 00:19:17,792
Life is real.
It's not something
on a screen.
446
00:19:17,792 --> 00:19:19,500
It doesn't have to be!
Okay, I'm taking the phone.
447
00:19:19,500 --> 00:19:21,542
(gasps) No!
I'm taking the phone.
I am taking the phone.
448
00:19:21,542 --> 00:19:24,333
You're not taking my phone, Dad!
That is the only reality
that's safe to me!
449
00:19:24,333 --> 00:19:26,542
Yup, yup. Yup, yup. Okay.
Everything else
is dysfunctional!
450
00:19:26,542 --> 00:19:28,417
You will get this phone back
451
00:19:28,417 --> 00:19:31,500
when you go out and get
some food for yourself.
452
00:19:31,500 --> 00:19:33,458
(humphs, mutters)
453
00:19:33,458 --> 00:19:36,583
Narrator:
Hey, what's happening
back in the nest?
454
00:19:36,583 --> 00:19:38,375
Let's go find out.
455
00:19:38,375 --> 00:19:40,917
It's a TV show.
We can do that.
456
00:19:40,917 --> 00:19:43,291
(both laugh)
You did that?
457
00:19:43,291 --> 00:19:45,917
I did. Yeah.
You were like,
"Hey, are you Mom?"
458
00:19:45,917 --> 00:19:48,417
I did. I was--
foot right in mouth.
459
00:19:48,417 --> 00:19:50,333
That's so--
(coughs)
460
00:19:50,333 --> 00:19:52,792
Oh God.
What happened?
Ugh.
461
00:19:52,792 --> 00:19:55,083
I'm okay.
I'm just so hungry.
462
00:19:55,083 --> 00:19:57,458
For one second, your humor
took me away from it,
Yeah.
463
00:19:57,458 --> 00:19:59,417
but I really do need to eat.
464
00:19:59,417 --> 00:20:02,083
Okay, just-- I need you
to trust me right now.
465
00:20:02,083 --> 00:20:03,750
Just open your mouth.
What?
466
00:20:03,750 --> 00:20:05,667
(straining)
Oh God. What's going on?
467
00:20:05,667 --> 00:20:07,291
I don't know!
What are you doing?
468
00:20:07,291 --> 00:20:09,917
Sorry, I'm just--
Okay, just stop trying
to barf on me, please.
469
00:20:09,917 --> 00:20:11,291
Just let me die.
What?
470
00:20:11,291 --> 00:20:13,417
Then you can eat me.
I'm not gonna eat you.
471
00:20:13,417 --> 00:20:15,625
Listen, that shit happens
all the time.
No.
472
00:20:15,625 --> 00:20:19,166
I am okay with it. It's okay.
You're not appetizing at all.
473
00:20:19,166 --> 00:20:20,500
You look nothing
like Mom's barf.
474
00:20:20,500 --> 00:20:22,417
You gotta do
what you gotta do.
475
00:20:22,417 --> 00:20:24,291
(sighs)
I'm gonna go.
What do you mean?
476
00:20:24,291 --> 00:20:26,583
I'm gonna find food,
and I'm gonna bring it
back to you.
477
00:20:26,583 --> 00:20:29,166
What do you mean?
We don't know how
to fly yet.
478
00:20:29,166 --> 00:20:31,542
That's okay.
I'll figure it out.
It's innate.
479
00:20:31,542 --> 00:20:33,959
Maybe not day one,
but maybe I'm a champion.
(wind blowing)
480
00:20:33,959 --> 00:20:36,583
Oh God. Charly,
I really don't feel
comfortable with this.
481
00:20:36,583 --> 00:20:38,667
I would much rather
you just eat me right now.
482
00:20:38,667 --> 00:20:40,458
I mean, how hard
can this be, you know?
483
00:20:40,458 --> 00:20:43,375
Edge of the nest,
just jump off and--
Oh my God!
484
00:20:43,375 --> 00:20:46,125
No way am I jum--
(screaming)
485
00:20:46,125 --> 00:20:49,375
Charly!
486
00:20:49,375 --> 00:20:51,083
(grunts)
487
00:20:52,166 --> 00:20:54,542
(coughing) Oh God.
488
00:20:54,542 --> 00:20:56,250
Egg:
Charly, are you okay?
489
00:20:56,250 --> 00:20:58,834
Yeah, I think I landed weird,
but I'll be all right.
490
00:20:58,834 --> 00:21:02,500
Oh, okay.
'Cause I was gonna eat you
if you were dead.
491
00:21:02,500 --> 00:21:05,500
JK. But I really
would have.
All right.
492
00:21:05,500 --> 00:21:08,375
Mission Food, engage.
493
00:21:08,375 --> 00:21:10,834
Narrator:
On the ground,
our worm friends partake
494
00:21:10,834 --> 00:21:14,458
in a rare practice known
as the inch of shame.
495
00:21:14,458 --> 00:21:17,917
Inch, get it?
'Cause they're worms.
496
00:21:17,917 --> 00:21:19,208
Hey, didn't I ask
for a water?
497
00:21:19,208 --> 00:21:22,000
Dude, fucking Daphne
was into me, man.
498
00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:25,500
Like, I know it sorta ended
on a question mark
with all of us,
499
00:21:25,500 --> 00:21:27,333
but like, oh my God.
Shut up.
Shut up. Shut up.
500
00:21:27,333 --> 00:21:29,917
She was fucking--
Fucking shut the fuck up,
okay, dude?
501
00:21:29,917 --> 00:21:31,458
Okay. Whoa, Phil.
502
00:21:31,458 --> 00:21:34,166
No! No, no! The same
exact fucking scene played out
that always plays out!
503
00:21:34,166 --> 00:21:36,709
Things were going great,
and then you got us high
on cocaine,
504
00:21:36,709 --> 00:21:38,583
and then
everything got ruined!
We almost died!
505
00:21:38,583 --> 00:21:39,959
Oh, I'm the problem?
Yeah!
506
00:21:39,959 --> 00:21:41,583
I think you're
conveniently forgetting
507
00:21:41,583 --> 00:21:44,000
that you were dragging
down the entire table
the entire night!
508
00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:45,500
Things were going great
with me and Laura!
509
00:21:45,500 --> 00:21:47,542
You were talking about
accounting the whole night.
Fuck you.
510
00:21:47,542 --> 00:21:50,542
She was looking at me!
She loves the Snake Man!
Are you kidding me?
511
00:21:50,542 --> 00:21:53,000
I honestly don't want to be
worms with you anymore.
512
00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:55,792
I swear to fucking God.
513
00:21:55,792 --> 00:21:58,875
All right, you can't
Fight Club me two times
in one day.
514
00:21:58,875 --> 00:22:00,375
That's not how it works, dude.
515
00:22:00,375 --> 00:22:02,417
(whispers)
I'm not Fight-Clubbing you.
(heavy footsteps)
516
00:22:02,417 --> 00:22:05,208
I'm fucking scared.
(gasps)
517
00:22:05,208 --> 00:22:06,792
Phil:
Oh fuck, dude.
518
00:22:06,792 --> 00:22:08,709
Charly:
Oh, here we go.
519
00:22:08,709 --> 00:22:10,375
Okay, so this
is a worm.
520
00:22:10,375 --> 00:22:12,583
This is what all
the hubbub was
about, huh?
521
00:22:12,583 --> 00:22:14,667
Yeah. I could see
eating this.
522
00:22:14,667 --> 00:22:16,583
(whispers)
What the fuck
are we gonna do?
523
00:22:16,583 --> 00:22:18,625
Maybe the bird
will think I'm a snake?
524
00:22:18,625 --> 00:22:20,542
(hissing)
Yeah, hiss at it.
525
00:22:20,542 --> 00:22:22,083
Oh God,
it's not working!
Mike: Is it working?
526
00:22:22,083 --> 00:22:24,333
Okay, maybe she'll think
we're Eddie Murphy
527
00:22:24,333 --> 00:22:25,542
if I do some bits.
Do some bits.
528
00:22:25,542 --> 00:22:27,083
Okay.
Do the one
about Chinese people!
529
00:22:27,083 --> 00:22:28,917
Ah, that feels hard to say.
Yeah, I know it's dated.
530
00:22:28,917 --> 00:22:30,250
It's dated.
Both: It's dated.
531
00:22:30,250 --> 00:22:31,750
(chirps)
(both scream)
532
00:22:31,750 --> 00:22:34,083
Oh, you tried
to get away,
but you can't.
533
00:22:34,083 --> 00:22:36,834
I got ahold of you
with my little,
tiny feet.
534
00:22:36,834 --> 00:22:38,667
(licks) Oh God!
535
00:22:38,667 --> 00:22:41,041
You taste like sweat and--
is it cocaine?
536
00:22:41,041 --> 00:22:43,250
All right, I got this.
I got this.
537
00:22:43,250 --> 00:22:45,000
This doesn't look
appetizing at all,
538
00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:46,458
but I can do this.
(hisses)
539
00:22:46,458 --> 00:22:50,083
Narrator:
Prey has become
the predator.
540
00:22:50,083 --> 00:22:52,500
(both scream)
541
00:22:52,500 --> 00:22:54,792
(chews)
Oh God!
542
00:22:54,792 --> 00:22:57,583
What is that?
What is that?
(spits)
543
00:22:57,583 --> 00:22:59,709
Jesus. That does not taste good.
544
00:22:59,709 --> 00:23:02,625
I mean, the texture alone--
that is tough stuff.
545
00:23:02,625 --> 00:23:05,458
All right. Worm number one.
546
00:23:05,458 --> 00:23:09,625
You got this, Matthew.
And five, four, three...
547
00:23:09,625 --> 00:23:12,750
(Matthew growling)
548
00:23:12,750 --> 00:23:15,625
(hisses)
Charly: Oh God,
you're so fierce.
549
00:23:15,625 --> 00:23:18,750
(munching)
Oh, okay.
You're not a bird guy.
550
00:23:18,750 --> 00:23:20,959
Mmm. That's not bad!
551
00:23:20,959 --> 00:23:23,917
Oh my God.
And it's fields of them
just ready to be taken.
552
00:23:23,917 --> 00:23:26,041
Wait a second.
This is in our nature.
553
00:23:26,041 --> 00:23:28,375
Nature is supposed
to be consumed by nature.
554
00:23:28,375 --> 00:23:31,208
(laughs)
I mean, please,
I'm gonna miss the marinara,
555
00:23:31,208 --> 00:23:32,583
but I can figure
something out. (gasps)
556
00:23:32,583 --> 00:23:34,792
Oh my God.
Those right there
could be croutons.
557
00:23:34,792 --> 00:23:39,041
(groaning)
That thing fucking
chomped us, Mike.
558
00:23:39,041 --> 00:23:41,792
Oh boy.
I brought this
upon us, man.
559
00:23:41,792 --> 00:23:43,959
I fucking wished for it.
I'm sorry.
560
00:23:43,959 --> 00:23:45,834
I loved being worms
with you, dude.
561
00:23:45,834 --> 00:23:47,834
You're my best
fucking friend, man.
562
00:23:47,834 --> 00:23:49,500
You mean it?
Yeah, dude.
563
00:23:49,500 --> 00:23:52,542
(burps) Oh God.
That was a funny burp.
564
00:23:52,542 --> 00:23:54,500
Hey, Phil?
Yeah, Mike?
565
00:23:54,500 --> 00:23:57,333
Last night was
the best night of my life.
566
00:23:57,333 --> 00:23:59,542
Me too.
(both chuckle weakly)
567
00:23:59,542 --> 00:24:02,625
This is it.
I feel something, man.
(squishing)
568
00:24:02,625 --> 00:24:06,333
I feel
something happening.
(grunts)
569
00:24:07,333 --> 00:24:09,500
(pops) Papa?
What the?
570
00:24:09,500 --> 00:24:11,542
I fucking
regenerated, dude.
571
00:24:11,542 --> 00:24:15,417
Holy shit.
It's Little Phil!
I'm a fucking dad, dude!
572
00:24:15,417 --> 00:24:18,959
Hey, little dude.
Invest in a 401k early.
573
00:24:18,959 --> 00:24:20,917
(squishing, grunting)
(pops)
574
00:24:20,917 --> 00:24:22,875
Oh my God!
A Little Mike!
575
00:24:22,875 --> 00:24:24,667
Phil:
Aww, he's got your smile.
576
00:24:24,667 --> 00:24:26,375
Oh my God.
We're dads.
577
00:24:26,375 --> 00:24:28,208
Mike and Phil:
We're dads, dude.
578
00:24:28,208 --> 00:24:30,959
I don't (long bleep)!
579
00:24:30,959 --> 00:24:32,959
(Mike laughs)
You cannot say
that anymore.
580
00:24:32,959 --> 00:24:34,709
You can't say
that anymore. That's--
581
00:24:34,709 --> 00:24:36,959
(sighs)
Hey. What's wrong, Mike?
582
00:24:36,959 --> 00:24:39,125
It's just-- I guess
that now that we're separate,
583
00:24:39,125 --> 00:24:40,542
we're no longer
gonna be roommates.
584
00:24:40,542 --> 00:24:42,834
I think we should
be roommates,
585
00:24:42,834 --> 00:24:45,041
just now we'll
really be friends,
586
00:24:45,041 --> 00:24:47,750
because we're choosing
to stay together, right?
587
00:24:47,750 --> 00:24:49,709
Choosing to be friends?
Yeah.
588
00:24:49,709 --> 00:24:52,166
Hey. Jerk me off.
589
00:24:52,166 --> 00:24:55,083
(chuckles)
Jerk me off.
590
00:24:55,083 --> 00:24:58,542
Narrator:
Birth. Regeneration.
591
00:24:58,542 --> 00:25:01,834
Adaptation.
Great movie.
592
00:25:01,834 --> 00:25:03,417
(blues harmonica playing)
593
00:25:03,417 --> 00:25:05,291
♪ I got no sister ♪
594
00:25:06,417 --> 00:25:08,291
♪ Ain't got no mom ♪
595
00:25:09,500 --> 00:25:12,583
♪ I got
an undeveloped wing ♪
596
00:25:12,583 --> 00:25:17,250
♪ And I'm gonna die soon ♪
(Matthew growling)
597
00:25:17,250 --> 00:25:18,583
Oh my God!
598
00:25:18,583 --> 00:25:20,083
(hisses)
Oh my God!
599
00:25:20,083 --> 00:25:22,750
Fine. You know what?
Just eat me.
600
00:25:22,750 --> 00:25:24,625
Who cares?
Get it over with!
601
00:25:24,625 --> 00:25:27,917
I'm not much
to speak of,
just two eyeballs
602
00:25:27,917 --> 00:25:31,000
on a bunch
of bones,
so enjoy.
603
00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:32,250
(Matthew mimics
video game beeping)
604
00:25:32,250 --> 00:25:33,959
Hey! It's me!
(gasps)
605
00:25:33,959 --> 00:25:35,959
Both: Charly!
I'm back!
606
00:25:35,959 --> 00:25:39,291
Oh my gosh!
And guess what?
I got worms.
607
00:25:39,291 --> 00:25:40,583
No!
Yup.
608
00:25:40,583 --> 00:25:41,750
You did it!
Yeah!
609
00:25:41,750 --> 00:25:43,667
Do we pay this guy
or what's up with--
610
00:25:43,667 --> 00:25:45,291
I think he just lives
on good deeds.
611
00:25:45,291 --> 00:25:47,959
Oh my gosh,
thank you so much, sir,
612
00:25:47,959 --> 00:25:49,875
for saving my sister.
Oh, save your breath.
613
00:25:49,875 --> 00:25:51,583
He doesn't
understand words.
614
00:25:51,583 --> 00:25:53,750
Oh. He's a dum-dum?
It's not all there.
615
00:25:53,750 --> 00:25:55,542
Okay. Thank you!
616
00:25:55,542 --> 00:25:57,834
I'm getting nothing from him.
See? Dead eyes.
617
00:25:57,834 --> 00:25:58,959
Okay.
You ready for this?
618
00:25:58,959 --> 00:26:00,625
I'm ready!
Okay. (munching)
619
00:26:00,625 --> 00:26:02,250
Wait! Hey, hey,
don't eat it all!
620
00:26:02,250 --> 00:26:04,333
(mumbles)
What? I don't understand.
621
00:26:04,333 --> 00:26:06,291
Sound like-- two words.
622
00:26:06,291 --> 00:26:07,792
(mumbles)
Open your mouth.
623
00:26:07,792 --> 00:26:09,792
Oh yeah, you're gonna
throw up in my mouth!
624
00:26:09,792 --> 00:26:11,375
Awesome.
I'm ready for it. Ah.
625
00:26:11,375 --> 00:26:13,750
(puking)
Oh! Oh! That's good!
626
00:26:13,750 --> 00:26:15,792
Oh! It's like a smoothie!
627
00:26:15,792 --> 00:26:17,125
Is that cocaine?
Yeah.
628
00:26:18,291 --> 00:26:21,125
Oh! Oh man!
I feel good!
629
00:26:21,125 --> 00:26:22,875
That'll last us
for a week at least.
630
00:26:22,875 --> 00:26:27,083
You are the best big sister
that this egg could ever have,
631
00:26:27,083 --> 00:26:29,041
and it doesn't matter
if we don't have a mom.
632
00:26:29,041 --> 00:26:31,125
Which we clearly don't.
Oh, fuck that bitch.
633
00:26:31,125 --> 00:26:33,834
Oh, Charly, you know what?
What, Egg?
634
00:26:33,834 --> 00:26:35,917
We're gonna be all right.
635
00:26:35,917 --> 00:26:38,125
♪ ♪
636
00:26:39,834 --> 00:26:41,250
Ball up!
(grunts)
637
00:26:41,250 --> 00:26:42,834
Okay. Daphne.
Woo! Ow!
638
00:26:42,834 --> 00:26:44,000
Great! Got it?
(grunting)
639
00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:45,750
I'll be out late,
so don't wait up.
640
00:26:45,750 --> 00:26:48,667
Again?
Yeah, I'm gonna cruise
with some of the owls. No big.
641
00:26:48,667 --> 00:26:50,959
Hey, be careful.
Those owls grow big.
What?
642
00:26:50,959 --> 00:26:53,583
A-hoot, hoot!
Who likes to party?
643
00:26:53,583 --> 00:26:55,166
Egg style.
644
00:26:55,166 --> 00:26:56,625
Matthew:
Thank you
so much for coming in.
645
00:26:56,625 --> 00:26:58,500
And please spread the word.
It's just as good.
646
00:26:58,500 --> 00:27:01,750
I'm not the kind
of father who says things
like, "I'm proud of you."
647
00:27:01,750 --> 00:27:04,667
Are you saying
you're proud of me?
No, I'm not that kind of father.
648
00:27:04,667 --> 00:27:07,375
Oh, I see.
But you make sacrifices
for your family,
649
00:27:07,375 --> 00:27:08,709
and I've never been happier.
650
00:27:08,709 --> 00:27:10,208
Yeah.
I've been happier.
651
00:27:10,208 --> 00:27:12,041
Narrator:
And there we have it,
652
00:27:12,041 --> 00:27:14,709
Nature.
Beautifully chaotic,
653
00:27:14,709 --> 00:27:16,875
and yet
meticulously curated.
654
00:27:16,875 --> 00:27:20,291
This has been
a script written
for Morgan Freeman
655
00:27:20,291 --> 00:27:23,375
as performed
by Bill Callahan.
656
00:27:23,375 --> 00:27:25,291
Hey, that's me!
657
00:27:25,291 --> 00:27:28,208
♪ Cold-blooded old times ♪
658
00:27:29,208 --> 00:27:32,000
♪ Cold-blooded old times ♪
659
00:27:33,083 --> 00:27:36,875
♪ Cold-blooded old times ♪
660
00:27:41,875 --> 00:27:44,542
♪ Though how can I stand ♪
661
00:27:46,041 --> 00:27:48,750
♪ And laugh with the man ♪
662
00:27:50,709 --> 00:27:55,291
♪ Who redefined your body? ♪
663
00:27:58,250 --> 00:28:00,250
♪ How can I stand? ♪
664
00:28:02,250 --> 00:28:04,542
♪ And laugh with the man ♪
665
00:28:06,875 --> 00:28:10,875
♪ Who redefined your body? ♪
666
00:28:12,083 --> 00:28:15,583
♪ Those cold-blooded
old times ♪
667
00:28:16,667 --> 00:28:19,583
♪ Cold-blooded old times ♪
668
00:28:20,583 --> 00:28:25,208
♪ Cold-blooded old times ♪
669
00:28:29,291 --> 00:28:31,500
All-for-worm:
Gimme back that Meow Mix,
that fridge dust!
670
00:28:39,792 --> 00:28:42,959
-Our time here is almost done.
-♪ (CLASSIC SYMPHONY PLAYS) ♪
671
00:28:43,917 --> 00:28:44,834
(SHOUTING)
672
00:28:45,458 --> 00:28:47,500
I'd like to leave you
with some parting thoughts.
673
00:28:48,291 --> 00:28:49,583
We all want love.
674
00:28:49,917 --> 00:28:52,875
To be loved. To give love.
675
00:28:52,875 --> 00:28:54,333
(ALARM BLARING)
676
00:28:55,083 --> 00:28:58,458
It's true what they say though.
All dogs do go to heaven.
677
00:28:59,875 --> 00:29:00,792
(ALARM STOPS)
678
00:29:02,375 --> 00:29:03,458
But not all men.
679
00:29:03,792 --> 00:29:04,667
(SNAPS)
680
00:29:05,834 --> 00:29:06,834
(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS)
55715
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