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1
00:00:20,604 --> 00:00:23,232
♪ ♪
2
00:00:34,452 --> 00:00:38,956
Hello. I'm John Lovitz.
3
00:00:38,956 --> 00:00:41,333
Jealous?
4
00:00:41,333 --> 00:00:44,295
And this, of course,
is my dog,
5
00:00:44,295 --> 00:00:46,338
Jerry Bruckheimer III,
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00:00:46,338 --> 00:00:50,050
named after my friend
Jerry Bruckheimer,
7
00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:53,262
the producer.
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00:00:53,262 --> 00:00:55,514
In the last
episode of "Animals"
9
00:00:55,514 --> 00:00:57,933
we followed
Phil, Mike, and April,
10
00:00:57,933 --> 00:01:01,687
three young squirrels
embarking on
a treacherous journey
11
00:01:01,687 --> 00:01:04,523
to escape their
overturned tree.
12
00:01:04,523 --> 00:01:06,984
Roll the montage!
13
00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:09,945
Previously on "Animals":
14
00:01:09,945 --> 00:01:12,114
So, here's the deal.
I gotta go to work.
15
00:01:12,114 --> 00:01:13,782
I am going to leave
Mike in charge.
16
00:01:13,782 --> 00:01:15,993
Yes!
What are you talking about?
17
00:01:18,370 --> 00:01:20,706
Mom said that in the rare
case of an emergency,
18
00:01:20,706 --> 00:01:23,042
we should go
to Mrs. Garducci's
apartment for help.
19
00:01:23,042 --> 00:01:25,127
Aah!
Aah!
20
00:01:25,127 --> 00:01:27,171
I'm April. I live
two floors above.
21
00:01:27,171 --> 00:01:29,340
Well, well, well,
what do we have here?
22
00:01:29,340 --> 00:01:30,633
That's Dennis,
he's a bully.
23
00:01:30,633 --> 00:01:32,051
My parents died
in the fall,
24
00:01:32,051 --> 00:01:33,844
so I don't have
to answer to anybody.
25
00:01:33,844 --> 00:01:34,887
Let's get 'em, guys!
26
00:01:34,887 --> 00:01:36,388
Easy, easy.
Easy, guys.
27
00:01:36,388 --> 00:01:38,849
Lay a claw on us,
and I'll slice your cheeks.
28
00:01:38,849 --> 00:01:41,685
Wait a minute. You're
singer-songwriter Kurt Vile.
29
00:01:41,685 --> 00:01:43,145
In the fur, man.
30
00:01:43,145 --> 00:01:44,897
Look, man,
Mom put me in charge.
31
00:01:44,897 --> 00:01:46,398
Yeah, well Mom's
not here, Mike!
32
00:01:46,398 --> 00:01:48,108
And who knows if we'll
ever see her again?
33
00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:49,568
Get your freaking
paws off me!
34
00:01:51,946 --> 00:01:55,783
The spirit is watching over us
and will seek repentance.
35
00:01:55,783 --> 00:01:59,453
Beware to those who wander!
36
00:01:59,453 --> 00:02:01,497
Muahahahaha!
37
00:02:01,497 --> 00:02:03,791
Aaaaaahahahaha!
38
00:02:08,379 --> 00:02:10,005
Wowee!
39
00:02:10,005 --> 00:02:12,341
This show is nuts!
40
00:02:12,341 --> 00:02:14,134
Ha! Pun intended.
41
00:02:15,302 --> 00:02:17,012
Who the fuck are you?!
42
00:02:17,012 --> 00:02:19,557
Oh, Kurt Vile.
I played a song
in the last episode.
43
00:02:19,557 --> 00:02:21,183
Now I'm just
waiting for my ride.
44
00:02:21,183 --> 00:02:22,351
(strums guitar)
45
00:02:22,351 --> 00:02:23,519
Oh, please, continue.
46
00:02:23,519 --> 00:02:25,187
Jesus Christ!
47
00:02:25,187 --> 00:02:28,023
You trying to give me
a heart attack?
48
00:02:28,023 --> 00:02:29,984
Cut your hair!
49
00:02:29,984 --> 00:02:32,486
You're scaring Jerry.
50
00:02:32,486 --> 00:02:35,239
And now,
without further ado,
51
00:02:35,239 --> 00:02:37,866
the thrilling conclusion of...
52
00:02:37,866 --> 00:02:39,326
"Squirrels!"
53
00:02:39,326 --> 00:02:41,996
(strumming off-key)
54
00:02:46,458 --> 00:02:48,627
Do you know
"Hot Cross Buns"?
55
00:02:48,627 --> 00:02:51,589
(theme music playing)
56
00:02:55,384 --> 00:02:58,429
♪ All of the animals ♪
57
00:02:58,429 --> 00:03:00,764
♪ Out of your front door ♪
58
00:03:00,764 --> 00:03:03,309
♪ ♪
59
00:03:03,309 --> 00:03:05,769
(whimpers, gulps)
60
00:03:05,769 --> 00:03:07,938
(gulping)
61
00:03:07,938 --> 00:03:08,939
Quit that!
Aah!
62
00:03:08,939 --> 00:03:10,608
What are you
doing in my hallway?
63
00:03:10,608 --> 00:03:12,151
I'm sorry, I don't--
I'm scared.
64
00:03:12,151 --> 00:03:14,528
Oh, stop. I'm not
gonna bite you.
65
00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:15,613
It's not like you're a nut.
66
00:03:15,613 --> 00:03:17,072
Hahahaha!
67
00:03:17,072 --> 00:03:19,283
Yeah, but-- But how do I know
you're not a nut?
68
00:03:19,283 --> 00:03:21,452
Well, do you know what
a nut looks like?
Yes, I know.
69
00:03:21,452 --> 00:03:23,871
Do I look like
a pecan to you?
No, sir.
70
00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:26,290
Well, do I look
like an almond to you?
71
00:03:26,290 --> 00:03:27,541
No, sir, neither.
72
00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:30,127
Well, do I look
like a... uh...
73
00:03:30,127 --> 00:03:32,755
Like a pistachio?
All right, I think
I made my point.
74
00:03:32,755 --> 00:03:34,423
You can stop it now.
Okay.
75
00:03:34,423 --> 00:03:36,008
Come inside.
76
00:03:36,008 --> 00:03:38,677
Whoa, cool stuff
you got in here, mister.
77
00:03:38,677 --> 00:03:40,846
I like all your weird
spooky paintings.
78
00:03:40,846 --> 00:03:42,723
That's my favorite genre.
79
00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:45,142
Well, thank you.
I appreciate that.
80
00:03:45,142 --> 00:03:46,977
I painted them myself.
81
00:03:46,977 --> 00:03:48,479
You painted them yourself?
82
00:03:48,479 --> 00:03:50,147
Cool! I like to draw too.
83
00:03:50,147 --> 00:03:52,650
You know, you sound a lot
like me when I was your age.
84
00:03:52,650 --> 00:03:54,193
Heh. Really?
85
00:03:54,193 --> 00:03:57,029
Yeah, high little voice.
People thought I was a fairy.
86
00:03:57,029 --> 00:03:59,531
Uh...
I bet you get bullied
a lot, don't you?
87
00:03:59,531 --> 00:04:00,991
I mean, yes.
88
00:04:00,991 --> 00:04:02,451
It's actually quite regular.
89
00:04:02,451 --> 00:04:05,079
You know, people tended
to push me away
90
00:04:05,079 --> 00:04:07,247
on account of my milky eyes.
91
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:08,374
Your eyes are
so milky.
92
00:04:08,374 --> 00:04:10,209
And crazy laugh.
What crazy laugh?
93
00:04:10,209 --> 00:04:11,794
Hahahahahaha!
(shudders) There it is.
94
00:04:11,794 --> 00:04:13,837
Aaaaahahahah!
Oh, God. Jesus.
95
00:04:13,837 --> 00:04:16,048
(crazy laugh continues)
It's so funny.
It's not even scary at all.
96
00:04:16,048 --> 00:04:19,176
Well, it's nice to meet
a new face around here.
97
00:04:19,176 --> 00:04:21,553
People don't visit me much.
98
00:04:21,553 --> 00:04:23,514
Oh.
Anyway, I'm Ben.
99
00:04:23,514 --> 00:04:26,183
Most people
call me "Old Ben."
100
00:04:26,183 --> 00:04:27,226
Hello, Old Ben.
101
00:04:27,226 --> 00:04:29,103
Hello.
My name is Phil.
102
00:04:29,103 --> 00:04:30,938
Well, my name's Ben.
103
00:04:30,938 --> 00:04:33,982
But most of the people
around here call me "Old Ben."
104
00:04:33,982 --> 00:04:35,109
Okay.
105
00:04:35,109 --> 00:04:36,985
"Ben" there,
done that.
106
00:04:36,985 --> 00:04:38,862
Hahahaha!
Yeah... (nervous laughter)
107
00:04:38,862 --> 00:04:40,280
Aaaahahahahah!
Oh, shit!
108
00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:42,116
It comes in waves.
109
00:04:42,116 --> 00:04:44,785
Is that what
you use to doodle?
110
00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:47,204
Oh, this--
Yeah, it's my number two.
111
00:04:47,204 --> 00:04:49,248
It's pretty good.
May I see that?
112
00:04:49,248 --> 00:04:50,332
Please?
113
00:04:50,332 --> 00:04:52,334
Oh, uh, yeah, sure.
Here you go.
114
00:04:52,334 --> 00:04:54,294
You're a friend at this point,
I don't see why not.
115
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:56,338
Seems like there's no
downsides to it, really,
or anything--
116
00:04:56,338 --> 00:04:58,465
What the fuck, Old Ben?!
I thought we were cool, man?
117
00:04:58,465 --> 00:05:00,676
Hold that thought.
Okay.
118
00:05:00,676 --> 00:05:02,553
I mean, I'm kind of
fucking fuming.
119
00:05:02,553 --> 00:05:05,139
My only pencil and the rest
of 'em are crushed in
my goddamn apartment.
120
00:05:05,139 --> 00:05:07,307
Here you are, my friend.
121
00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:08,475
Whoa!
122
00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:11,145
And with this pen,
I knight thee
123
00:05:11,145 --> 00:05:13,021
Phil the Fairy.
124
00:05:13,021 --> 00:05:14,857
Uh...
And always remember this.
125
00:05:14,857 --> 00:05:19,737
The pen is mightier
than the swwword.
126
00:05:19,737 --> 00:05:22,990
Whoa, you pronounce
the "W" and everything.
127
00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:25,200
Thanks, Mr. Old Ben,
this is awesome.
128
00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:26,618
Enjoy it in good health.
129
00:05:26,618 --> 00:05:29,621
You know, at first I thought
you were like, super scary,
130
00:05:29,621 --> 00:05:31,874
but you're actually, like,
a really sweet guy--
131
00:05:31,874 --> 00:05:33,041
(coughing violently)
Oh.
132
00:05:33,041 --> 00:05:34,168
Hahahahaha.
Oh, no.
133
00:05:34,168 --> 00:05:36,670
Aaaahahahahaha!
So funny.
134
00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:39,423
Not even scary at all dude,
totally fine.
135
00:05:39,423 --> 00:05:42,384
♪ ♪
136
00:05:42,384 --> 00:05:43,635
Phil is such a baby,
137
00:05:43,635 --> 00:05:46,013
and he thinks he's so smart.
138
00:05:46,013 --> 00:05:48,307
But I'm the older one,
so scientifically I'm smarter,
and he doesn't get that.
139
00:05:48,307 --> 00:05:50,434
Mike, I really think
you just need to be more open.
140
00:05:50,434 --> 00:05:52,603
That's actually what
a good leader does.
141
00:05:52,603 --> 00:05:54,271
And also, just like
a good brother.
142
00:05:54,271 --> 00:05:56,231
First off, I'm a very
good brother.
143
00:05:56,231 --> 00:05:58,150
Secondly, don't tell me
how to be a leader, okay?
144
00:05:58,150 --> 00:05:59,485
You're from Long Island.
145
00:05:59,485 --> 00:06:00,944
You guys don't even
have a president.
146
00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:02,821
What do you have,
a prime minister? Eww.
147
00:06:02,821 --> 00:06:05,532
You know what, Mike?
You're the baby,
and if it wasn't for me,
148
00:06:05,532 --> 00:06:07,993
you'd still be
sucking your thumb
in Mrs. Garducci's apartment.
149
00:06:07,993 --> 00:06:09,286
I'm gonna go find Phil.
150
00:06:09,286 --> 00:06:10,954
You're gonna keep going
by yourself, huh?
151
00:06:10,954 --> 00:06:13,624
Without a leader?
Yeah, okay.
152
00:06:13,624 --> 00:06:15,334
Good luck!
(wind howling)
153
00:06:15,334 --> 00:06:18,003
April, I'm gonna be honest,
I'm worried about you.
154
00:06:18,003 --> 00:06:20,172
This place is
dangerous and scary.
155
00:06:20,172 --> 00:06:21,799
April?
156
00:06:21,799 --> 00:06:22,800
Huh.
157
00:06:28,013 --> 00:06:29,681
Ca-caw! Ca-caw!
158
00:06:39,525 --> 00:06:40,526
(whimpering)
159
00:06:40,526 --> 00:06:44,154
(loud grumbling)
160
00:06:45,989 --> 00:06:47,074
(grunts)
Aah!
161
00:06:48,534 --> 00:06:49,701
Aah!
(screams)
162
00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:53,997
Aah!
163
00:07:07,719 --> 00:07:09,930
(screams, sobs)
164
00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:11,723
(mutters)
165
00:07:13,809 --> 00:07:15,894
(screaming)
166
00:07:24,611 --> 00:07:25,654
Come on, come on.
167
00:07:25,654 --> 00:07:27,364
Drop the food,
move along!
168
00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:30,909
Pathetic. Peasant. Idiot.
169
00:07:30,909 --> 00:07:33,078
I hate you. I hate you.
170
00:07:33,078 --> 00:07:34,454
You need to lose weight.
171
00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:35,581
Okay. Got it.
172
00:07:35,581 --> 00:07:36,999
Stop.
(gasps)
173
00:07:36,999 --> 00:07:38,750
Linda?!
174
00:07:38,750 --> 00:07:40,961
Oh, fuck. Oh, God.
Please don't kill me,
Your Highness.
175
00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:43,297
Oh, fuck.
Linda Zebracowski?
176
00:07:43,297 --> 00:07:44,923
From Green Ridge
Middle School?
177
00:07:44,923 --> 00:07:47,009
Uh, yeah.
178
00:07:47,009 --> 00:07:48,844
Are you shitting me?
It's me!
179
00:07:48,844 --> 00:07:50,846
It's Rachel!
Rach Rach?
180
00:07:50,846 --> 00:07:52,681
Well, the queen now,
but you already knew that.
181
00:07:52,681 --> 00:07:54,892
But God, I have not
seen you in ages.
182
00:07:54,892 --> 00:07:56,518
You look tired,
but you look really good.
183
00:07:56,518 --> 00:07:58,353
(chuckles nervously)
Yeah.
184
00:07:58,353 --> 00:08:00,898
What do you say,
let's get some coffee
and catch up?
185
00:08:00,898 --> 00:08:02,190
I...
Guards!
186
00:08:02,190 --> 00:08:03,942
Table! Two Chairs! Coffee!
187
00:08:03,942 --> 00:08:06,820
You heard the queen!
Two flankers, one in
the middle, now!
188
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:08,864
Go, go, go, go!
Now!
189
00:08:08,864 --> 00:08:10,198
(groaning)
190
00:08:10,198 --> 00:08:12,034
Linda, sit down.
191
00:08:12,034 --> 00:08:13,452
I'm so sorry.
192
00:08:13,452 --> 00:08:15,412
Are you kidding me?
This is an absolute honor.
193
00:08:15,412 --> 00:08:17,039
My grandchildren
will hear of this.
194
00:08:17,039 --> 00:08:18,957
Now look at the queen,
you ungrateful wench.
195
00:08:18,957 --> 00:08:21,001
Oh, my God,
this is so great.
196
00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:23,587
As queen, I never get
to just talk to people.
197
00:08:23,587 --> 00:08:25,589
You know,
how do we do this even?
198
00:08:25,589 --> 00:08:27,674
Uh, well...
199
00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:30,218
So, how have you been?
Good.
200
00:08:30,218 --> 00:08:31,845
This is really fun, Linda.
201
00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:33,805
(laughing)
Okay, keep going.
What's next?
202
00:08:33,805 --> 00:08:38,268
Um, being the ruler
of our colony must be
pretty cool?
203
00:08:38,268 --> 00:08:40,354
Oh, it's the best.
204
00:08:40,354 --> 00:08:41,480
But, I'll be honest,
205
00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:43,774
sometimes I wonder
if I take the whole
206
00:08:43,774 --> 00:08:47,486
"having unlimited,
entirely unchecked power"
thing too far.
207
00:08:47,486 --> 00:08:48,487
What do you mean?
208
00:08:48,487 --> 00:08:49,696
Well, like yesterday,
209
00:08:49,696 --> 00:08:52,074
I forced a servant
to rip off his own arm
210
00:08:52,074 --> 00:08:53,450
and then do jump rope with it.
211
00:08:53,450 --> 00:08:55,535
That came out of my head,
like, I thought of that.
212
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:56,787
Is that weird?
213
00:08:56,787 --> 00:08:59,039
No. That sounds
very, very funny.
214
00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:00,707
It was actually
hilarious, Linda.
215
00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:02,042
Can I tell you
one more thing?
216
00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:04,503
The other day I made
a mom and a son ant kiss,
217
00:09:04,503 --> 00:09:06,588
like, not like tongue
or anything, at first,
218
00:09:06,588 --> 00:09:08,173
and it wasn't sexual,
at first.
219
00:09:08,173 --> 00:09:10,092
But I did make them kiss
for a really long time
220
00:09:10,092 --> 00:09:12,219
'cause I thought it would
just be a weird, funny
thing to do.
221
00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:14,346
And it was, Linda.
It was really funny.
222
00:09:14,346 --> 00:09:15,764
(laughing)
Oh, haha.
223
00:09:15,764 --> 00:09:18,225
Oh, my God.
Yeah. I love jokes like that.
224
00:09:18,225 --> 00:09:22,187
But enough about me.
What's your life like,
Linda Zebracowski?
225
00:09:22,187 --> 00:09:24,690
Well, it's certainly
nothing like yours.
226
00:09:24,690 --> 00:09:26,817
Well...
It's pretty normal.
227
00:09:26,817 --> 00:09:30,737
Uh, carrying pieces of dirt
in a single file line is
what I specialize in,
228
00:09:30,737 --> 00:09:33,365
since that's what
we all are forced to do.
229
00:09:33,365 --> 00:09:34,908
Of course, yeah.
But, uh,
230
00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:37,869
in the few minutes
of downtime I have,
231
00:09:37,869 --> 00:09:41,707
I enjoy reading and meeting
with some friends
for book club.
232
00:09:41,707 --> 00:09:44,584
Oh my God, see,
that's what I need!
233
00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:47,421
Some boring-ass
lame shit like a book club!
234
00:09:47,421 --> 00:09:49,089
Regular, average ants
235
00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:52,342
expressing their views
on something they feel
passionately about.
236
00:09:52,342 --> 00:09:53,927
Yeah...
Linda, I have an idea.
237
00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:55,345
God, help me.
How about
238
00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:57,556
you take me
to your book club?
239
00:09:57,556 --> 00:09:59,558
Um...
No one will know
I'm queen.
240
00:09:59,558 --> 00:10:03,061
I'll just be your regular
old friend. I'll wear
a scarf or something.
241
00:10:03,061 --> 00:10:04,563
Come on,
you can't say no.
242
00:10:04,563 --> 00:10:07,566
I...
Well, you actually
cannot say no, so.
243
00:10:07,566 --> 00:10:09,526
Of course you can come.
244
00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:11,403
Yay! Thank you, Linda!
245
00:10:11,403 --> 00:10:12,612
Besties for life!
246
00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:14,406
Get in here, girl.
Oh, I'm here.
247
00:10:14,406 --> 00:10:15,615
Okay. I'm here.
248
00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:16,742
(groaning)
249
00:10:16,742 --> 00:10:18,618
Oh! I'm so sorry!
250
00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:20,037
Fuck me, just kill me!
Kill him!
251
00:10:20,037 --> 00:10:21,455
He deserves to die.
252
00:10:21,455 --> 00:10:22,456
(crying)
253
00:10:22,456 --> 00:10:25,667
♪ ♪
254
00:10:31,006 --> 00:10:32,883
I don't even care
about April leaving,
255
00:10:32,883 --> 00:10:35,510
because I'm the leader,
so they're the ones
who are in trouble.
256
00:10:35,510 --> 00:10:36,845
Oh, it is pretty
dark in here, though.
257
00:10:36,845 --> 00:10:38,680
Well, well, well.
258
00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:40,766
Look who doesn't have
his little tomboy
to protect him.
259
00:10:40,766 --> 00:10:42,267
No, Dennis, come on, man.
260
00:10:42,267 --> 00:10:43,769
Let's get him.
Oh, God.
261
00:10:43,769 --> 00:10:44,978
Look, guys, I'm sorry.
262
00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,188
Get him, dude, yeah!
263
00:10:46,188 --> 00:10:48,273
Guys, no,
please don't rape me!
264
00:10:48,273 --> 00:10:49,524
Whoa. What?
265
00:10:49,524 --> 00:10:51,193
Excuse you.
Jesus, man!
266
00:10:51,193 --> 00:10:53,111
Uh, we're not
gonna rape you.
267
00:10:53,111 --> 00:10:55,197
We're just gonna, like,
rough you up and take
your stuff.
268
00:10:55,197 --> 00:10:56,948
Why would you say that?
269
00:10:56,948 --> 00:10:58,867
Uh, I was...
I was watching a lot
of TV, so that's--
270
00:10:58,867 --> 00:11:00,368
Shouldn't even
joke about that.
271
00:11:00,368 --> 00:11:01,870
Totally, no, I know.
Who do you think we are?
272
00:11:01,870 --> 00:11:03,830
Well, I mean you, I--
273
00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:05,499
'Cause I'm 29,
that makes me a--
I didn't say that.
274
00:11:05,499 --> 00:11:06,875
29?
26.
275
00:11:06,875 --> 00:11:08,210
What'd I say earlier?
22.
276
00:11:08,210 --> 00:11:09,669
I'm a little older
than you guys.
277
00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:11,004
All right, guys,
hold him down.
278
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:12,089
Yeah!
No, no, ugh!
279
00:11:12,089 --> 00:11:13,173
(groaning)
280
00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:14,591
That's for being insensitive.
281
00:11:14,591 --> 00:11:16,009
Think before you speak.
282
00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:17,761
(retches and coughs)
283
00:11:17,761 --> 00:11:21,264
Phil, where are you?
284
00:11:21,264 --> 00:11:22,557
Hmm.
285
00:11:23,725 --> 00:11:25,560
I see the appeal
of watercolors,
286
00:11:25,560 --> 00:11:27,896
but for the most part,
I think it's just like,
a little tacky.
287
00:11:27,896 --> 00:11:29,439
It doesn't come out good.
It look--
288
00:11:29,439 --> 00:11:31,358
You know what it is, Ben?
It looks easy. Like--
289
00:11:31,358 --> 00:11:32,776
Phil, who are you
talking to?
290
00:11:32,776 --> 00:11:33,819
Oh, hey, April.
291
00:11:33,819 --> 00:11:35,112
This is my friend, Old B--
292
00:11:35,112 --> 00:11:37,030
What?
293
00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:40,534
The spirit's been trapped
in the bark of this tree
for generations
294
00:11:40,534 --> 00:11:43,787
and has finally
been released.
295
00:11:45,122 --> 00:11:46,623
He's finally free.
296
00:11:46,623 --> 00:11:48,041
(chuckles)
297
00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:49,459
(urinating)
298
00:11:49,459 --> 00:11:51,169
(hacking cough)
299
00:11:51,169 --> 00:11:52,170
(hawks, spits)
300
00:11:52,170 --> 00:11:53,588
Old Ben:
Be out in a minute!
301
00:11:53,588 --> 00:11:54,923
Oh, gross.
302
00:11:54,923 --> 00:11:56,967
So, is that Old Ben?
Yeah, that's Old Ben.
303
00:11:56,967 --> 00:11:59,469
I think he ran off
to the bathroom for a second.
304
00:11:59,469 --> 00:12:01,638
Um...
(Old Ben groaning)
305
00:12:01,638 --> 00:12:02,931
Do you want anything?
306
00:12:02,931 --> 00:12:04,558
Are you thirsty?
No, I'm good.
307
00:12:04,558 --> 00:12:05,767
Cool.
308
00:12:05,767 --> 00:12:07,519
(urinating continues)
309
00:12:07,519 --> 00:12:09,354
He's really going.
Should we just, um...
310
00:12:09,354 --> 00:12:11,398
Do you wanna go?
Yeah, okay.
Yeah, let's leave. Let's go.
311
00:12:11,398 --> 00:12:12,691
(hawks, spits)
312
00:12:12,691 --> 00:12:17,571
♪ ♪
313
00:12:43,597 --> 00:12:49,102
♪ Condemned ♪
314
00:12:50,562 --> 00:12:55,400
♪ Forever crawling ♪
315
00:12:59,404 --> 00:13:04,284
♪ I'm crawling on ♪
316
00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:10,582
♪ The ground for good ♪
317
00:13:18,423 --> 00:13:24,888
♪ This work I do detest ♪
318
00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:32,145
♪ But I serve my purpose ♪
319
00:13:36,191 --> 00:13:37,651
Oh, where are you going?
320
00:13:37,651 --> 00:13:39,444
I'm going this way.
Okay, great, see you.
321
00:13:39,444 --> 00:13:40,904
(soft background music)
322
00:13:40,904 --> 00:13:42,572
Uh, guys,
323
00:13:42,572 --> 00:13:46,409
I'd like to introduce you
to the newest member
of our book club.
324
00:13:46,409 --> 00:13:48,370
Um, this is...
325
00:13:48,370 --> 00:13:52,165
(faking accent)
My name is The Quee... erin.
326
00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:53,875
My name is Querin.
327
00:13:53,875 --> 00:13:56,253
Welcome Que-- Querin.
328
00:13:56,253 --> 00:13:59,256
I didn't know we were
taking new members, but great.
329
00:13:59,256 --> 00:14:00,340
Just one.
330
00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:03,301
I am very poor,
much like all of you.
331
00:14:03,301 --> 00:14:04,594
I live in a tiny shack,
332
00:14:04,594 --> 00:14:06,596
much like
this shithole here,
333
00:14:06,596 --> 00:14:09,891
and I only have
two servants,
if you can believe it.
334
00:14:09,891 --> 00:14:11,601
(whispering)
No. Uh-uh. No servants.
335
00:14:11,601 --> 00:14:13,144
Ha! Joke!
336
00:14:13,144 --> 00:14:16,398
I have no servants
because I am a poor nothing
like all of you.
337
00:14:16,398 --> 00:14:18,149
So, Querin,
what do you like to do?
338
00:14:18,149 --> 00:14:19,484
Well...
339
00:14:19,484 --> 00:14:21,361
Does anybody even have
time to do anything?
340
00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:23,738
Yeah.
Aside from slaving away
341
00:14:23,738 --> 00:14:26,199
under you-know-who.
Amen to that, sister.
342
00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:29,786
Okay, so, let's maybe
just get into the book?
Who is you-know-who?
343
00:14:29,786 --> 00:14:30,912
Uh, the queen.
344
00:14:30,912 --> 00:14:33,039
Ugh. Sorry, I said it.
Oh, my God.
345
00:14:33,039 --> 00:14:35,041
You guys are meaning to say,
346
00:14:35,041 --> 00:14:37,002
you're unhappy
with the queen?
347
00:14:37,002 --> 00:14:39,629
You would not believe
what that twisted bitch
did the other day.
348
00:14:39,629 --> 00:14:41,631
She pulled my mom
and my little brother
out of line
349
00:14:41,631 --> 00:14:44,676
and made them
kiss for 20 minutes
in front of everybody.
350
00:14:44,676 --> 00:14:46,720
Sounds funny.
She thinks she's
better than everybody.
351
00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:48,096
She really does.
352
00:14:48,096 --> 00:14:49,514
And, Querin, you won't
believe this,
353
00:14:49,514 --> 00:14:51,850
but Linda went
to middle school
with the queen.
354
00:14:51,850 --> 00:14:55,603
That is, before she became
the royal cunt that she is.
355
00:14:55,603 --> 00:14:56,855
(laughing)
(clears throat)
356
00:14:56,855 --> 00:14:58,606
Linda, do you have
something to add?
357
00:14:58,606 --> 00:15:00,108
Uh...
Yeah, Linda.
358
00:15:00,108 --> 00:15:01,484
You're being
awfully quiet.
359
00:15:01,484 --> 00:15:03,695
Normally, you're the one
leading the charge
360
00:15:03,695 --> 00:15:05,030
when we trash
the queen.
Yeah, seriously.
361
00:15:05,030 --> 00:15:06,531
Okay guys, book club
is done. Goodbye.
362
00:15:06,531 --> 00:15:07,907
You, too, Linda?
Wait, what?
363
00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:09,242
What?
Did you not
read the book?
364
00:15:09,242 --> 00:15:10,994
You hate me, too?
365
00:15:10,994 --> 00:15:12,370
What?
366
00:15:12,370 --> 00:15:14,247
No, it's not like that.
It's just--
367
00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:16,833
Wait, what do you
mean, "me"?
368
00:15:20,086 --> 00:15:21,588
(gasps) The queen!
Oh!
369
00:15:21,588 --> 00:15:23,423
Oh my God! Oh my God!
370
00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:25,717
What, I just thought
she was wearing a really
big backpack!
371
00:15:25,717 --> 00:15:27,927
(apologizing hysterically)
372
00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:29,804
No, I'm not--
373
00:15:29,804 --> 00:15:32,057
I didn't mean any of that.
You can kill me
before I kill myself.
374
00:15:32,057 --> 00:15:34,517
(sighs)
(sobbing)
375
00:15:34,517 --> 00:15:36,311
I'm not gonna kill you.
376
00:15:36,311 --> 00:15:38,480
I mean, I knew people
didn't like me,
377
00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:41,399
but I didn't know
people hated me.
378
00:15:41,399 --> 00:15:42,984
It's not easy being me.
379
00:15:42,984 --> 00:15:45,987
I mean, there's 3.2 million
ants in this colony,
380
00:15:45,987 --> 00:15:47,739
and they all turn to me.
381
00:15:47,739 --> 00:15:51,284
For every problem,
for every question,
for everything.
382
00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:54,245
And after a while,
I just didn't have
the time to be nice.
383
00:15:54,245 --> 00:15:57,123
It would be impossible
to get anything done.
384
00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:59,751
I guess it was
dumb for me to come here.
385
00:15:59,751 --> 00:16:03,797
I figured having
some friends might
make things a little easier.
386
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:05,965
Wait.
387
00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:08,676
Querin-- Queen, please.
388
00:16:08,676 --> 00:16:10,845
We'd be happy
if you'd join us.
389
00:16:10,845 --> 00:16:12,514
Right, guys?
390
00:16:12,514 --> 00:16:16,184
Yeah, we've been looking
for a fourth for book club.
391
00:16:16,184 --> 00:16:18,269
This will be nice.
392
00:16:18,269 --> 00:16:19,521
Really?
393
00:16:19,521 --> 00:16:21,189
All: Yeah.
394
00:16:21,189 --> 00:16:23,191
All right! Okay, wow!
395
00:16:23,191 --> 00:16:25,652
Yes, yes!
I am gonna be here
all the time!
396
00:16:25,652 --> 00:16:27,362
You're, like,
never not gonna see me.
397
00:16:27,362 --> 00:16:29,406
You're gonna see me
and be like, "I just saw you."
398
00:16:29,406 --> 00:16:32,867
Hahaha! Oh my God,
we're having the best time.
399
00:16:32,867 --> 00:16:34,786
(laughing)
400
00:16:34,786 --> 00:16:37,205
Why aren't
you guys laughing?
401
00:16:37,205 --> 00:16:40,333
(all laughing)
402
00:16:42,377 --> 00:16:45,296
Oh my God,
you guys really are
my best friends.
403
00:16:45,296 --> 00:16:46,881
Do you like
to jump rope, sweetie?
404
00:16:46,881 --> 00:16:48,049
Yeah, I love to jump rope.
405
00:16:48,049 --> 00:16:49,467
Linda:
No, no you don't.
406
00:16:49,467 --> 00:16:51,719
♪ ♪
407
00:16:54,097 --> 00:16:55,098
Hey, Kurt.
408
00:16:55,098 --> 00:16:56,850
Why don't the mouths move?
409
00:16:56,850 --> 00:16:59,769
They don't have to, man.
Not everything needs
to be spoon fed.
410
00:16:59,769 --> 00:17:01,396
Just enjoy it
for what it is.
411
00:17:01,396 --> 00:17:04,941
No, no,
I don't buy it.
412
00:17:04,941 --> 00:17:07,068
(whispering)
It's the money.
413
00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:09,654
Hello again.
414
00:17:09,654 --> 00:17:12,115
I'm Jon Lovitz,
here with Jerry,
415
00:17:12,115 --> 00:17:15,410
named after Jerry Bruckheimer,
the producer,
416
00:17:15,410 --> 00:17:17,662
who won't put me
in any of his films,
417
00:17:17,662 --> 00:17:18,830
good buddy,
418
00:17:18,830 --> 00:17:20,665
and Kurt Vile.
419
00:17:21,791 --> 00:17:22,959
'Sup?
420
00:17:22,959 --> 00:17:24,669
When last we left
our squirrels,
421
00:17:24,669 --> 00:17:28,214
they were balls deep
in quite the quagmire.
422
00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:31,217
Will Phil and April
reunite with Mike?
423
00:17:31,217 --> 00:17:34,846
Will Mike escape the clutches
of Dennis and his gang?
424
00:17:34,846 --> 00:17:37,474
Will any of them
make it out of the tree alive?
425
00:17:37,474 --> 00:17:39,309
Does anyone care?!
426
00:17:39,309 --> 00:17:41,352
Kurt! What say you?
427
00:17:41,352 --> 00:17:43,897
No, I'm in Jon Lovitz's house.
428
00:17:43,897 --> 00:17:45,273
I don't know.
429
00:17:45,273 --> 00:17:46,566
Jon, where are we?
430
00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:48,026
What state are we in?
431
00:17:48,026 --> 00:17:52,030
Hahaha. Aaahahahahaha!
432
00:17:52,030 --> 00:17:53,490
I'll never tell.
433
00:17:53,490 --> 00:17:57,076
And now,
the final chapter of...
434
00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:59,871
"Squirrels"!
435
00:17:59,871 --> 00:18:01,247
Ack!
436
00:18:02,540 --> 00:18:04,501
♪ ♪
437
00:18:07,253 --> 00:18:09,380
He's actually
a really chill dude
for the most part.
438
00:18:09,380 --> 00:18:11,090
Oh.
He gave me this
fucking sweet pen.
439
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:12,217
Oh, look ahead.
440
00:18:12,217 --> 00:18:13,885
Dennis and the bullies
have Mike.
441
00:18:13,885 --> 00:18:15,553
Go kick his ass
like you did bef--
442
00:18:15,553 --> 00:18:17,388
I will kick his ass.
You stay here.
443
00:18:17,388 --> 00:18:18,515
Okay, thank you, Mom.
444
00:18:18,515 --> 00:18:19,766
I'm sorry, April.
445
00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:21,476
I'm sorry,
I just get confused.
446
00:18:21,476 --> 00:18:22,602
You're a powerful woman.
Shh.
447
00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:23,895
Not so fast!
448
00:18:23,895 --> 00:18:24,896
Get your paws off me!
449
00:18:24,896 --> 00:18:25,939
I'll save you, April--
450
00:18:25,939 --> 00:18:26,981
Whoa!
Get off me!
451
00:18:26,981 --> 00:18:28,024
Look what I found.
452
00:18:28,024 --> 00:18:29,651
No!
Dennis, catch!
453
00:18:29,651 --> 00:18:30,944
Oh, nice.
454
00:18:30,944 --> 00:18:32,946
Rrr. ugh.
455
00:18:32,946 --> 00:18:35,823
April, listen,
I'm sorry about before.
456
00:18:35,823 --> 00:18:37,492
You're way more
of a leader than
I could ever be.
457
00:18:37,492 --> 00:18:39,577
And I know this isn't
the time or place,
458
00:18:39,577 --> 00:18:42,080
but I think girl squirrels
should get paid the same
as guy squirrels.
459
00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:43,790
Ugh, no, stop it.
I mean, that's
just my opinion.
460
00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:45,208
That's just the kind
of guy I am.
No.
461
00:18:45,208 --> 00:18:47,335
I think they call this
the moment of truth.
462
00:18:47,335 --> 00:18:48,920
What are you
gonna do, little man?
463
00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:51,089
Huh? Huh?
464
00:18:51,089 --> 00:18:56,636
Old Ben's voice:
The pen is mightier
than the swwword!
465
00:18:58,179 --> 00:19:00,640
(grunting)
466
00:19:02,433 --> 00:19:06,020
Um, dude,
what are you doing?
467
00:19:06,020 --> 00:19:07,188
Hey.
468
00:19:07,188 --> 00:19:08,231
Should I kick him?
469
00:19:08,231 --> 00:19:09,399
Ahem. here.
470
00:19:09,399 --> 00:19:10,900
I drew this for you.
471
00:19:10,900 --> 00:19:13,861
It's a memorial for
your parents who passed away.
472
00:19:13,861 --> 00:19:15,321
I figured, I don't know,
473
00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:17,156
maybe you don't have
anything to remember them by,
474
00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:20,243
and you probably lost
all your photos when
the tree fell over.
475
00:19:20,243 --> 00:19:22,537
And maybe, just maybe,
476
00:19:22,537 --> 00:19:26,708
seeing this photo of them
will give you peace
in the days to come.
477
00:19:26,708 --> 00:19:28,126
Yeah, right.
478
00:19:28,126 --> 00:19:30,545
(voice breaking)
This is, like,
so poorly drawn.
479
00:19:30,545 --> 00:19:31,963
It doesn't even--
480
00:19:31,963 --> 00:19:33,673
(sobbing)
I thought it'd be
a nice thing to do.
481
00:19:33,673 --> 00:19:35,592
There you go.
It's really hitting
him now, I think.
482
00:19:35,592 --> 00:19:36,926
Yeah.
(crying)
483
00:19:36,926 --> 00:19:38,720
Jesus. Okay, he's
full on crying at this point.
484
00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:41,848
Nice going, dude,
with the picture.
I'm sorry.
485
00:19:41,848 --> 00:19:43,349
You know what, Dennis,
process it, dude.
486
00:19:43,349 --> 00:19:44,934
This is good, man.
487
00:19:44,934 --> 00:19:46,060
(sighs)
488
00:19:46,060 --> 00:19:47,103
You.
489
00:19:47,103 --> 00:19:48,479
You, little dude.
490
00:19:48,479 --> 00:19:51,441
You are a brave
and beautiful soul.
491
00:19:51,441 --> 00:19:54,444
Thank you for this gift
that I will cherish forever.
492
00:19:54,444 --> 00:19:55,570
Thank you, Dennis.
493
00:19:55,570 --> 00:19:57,780
You guys go free.
494
00:19:57,780 --> 00:20:00,408
We're gonna stay here
and keep an eye on the old
tree for as long as she lasts.
495
00:20:00,408 --> 00:20:03,453
Plus, we're gonna
ding-dong-ditch
Mrs. Garducci's place.
496
00:20:03,453 --> 00:20:05,830
She doesn't even know
what's coming to her, right?
497
00:20:05,830 --> 00:20:07,081
Ha! I love that.
Dennis is back!
498
00:20:07,081 --> 00:20:08,374
(laughing)
499
00:20:08,374 --> 00:20:09,917
Actually, man,
you might wanna
probably avoid--
500
00:20:09,917 --> 00:20:11,085
Don't. Just let them go.
501
00:20:11,085 --> 00:20:12,295
Oh, right, right,
right, right.
502
00:20:14,130 --> 00:20:15,340
Look, there's the exit!
503
00:20:15,340 --> 00:20:16,841
I see sunlight,
we're gonna get out!
504
00:20:16,841 --> 00:20:18,926
That's the roof opening.
Come on, let's go.
505
00:20:18,926 --> 00:20:20,261
We made it.
We did it.
506
00:20:20,261 --> 00:20:21,971
Uh, Phil.
507
00:20:21,971 --> 00:20:24,057
Hey, what's up?
You're sort of, like,
stopping the momentum.
508
00:20:24,057 --> 00:20:26,392
Before we go out there,
I just have something to say.
509
00:20:26,392 --> 00:20:27,685
Okay.
510
00:20:27,685 --> 00:20:29,437
Things are gonna
be different from now on.
511
00:20:29,437 --> 00:20:31,356
You're not my baby brother.
512
00:20:31,356 --> 00:20:32,398
You're my brother.
513
00:20:32,398 --> 00:20:33,775
My equal.
514
00:20:33,775 --> 00:20:36,694
And I'm sorry
for not seeing that before.
515
00:20:36,694 --> 00:20:37,987
I don't know what to say.
516
00:20:37,987 --> 00:20:39,364
You don't have
to say anything--
517
00:20:39,364 --> 00:20:41,157
Dear Mike,
you're my big bro...
Okay.
518
00:20:41,157 --> 00:20:44,535
...a bond that will tie us
together for a lifetime.
519
00:20:44,535 --> 00:20:47,497
Webster's dictionary
defines bro as
"an abbreviation
520
00:20:47,497 --> 00:20:49,082
"or informal use
of brother.
521
00:20:49,082 --> 00:20:51,209
"Please see brother
for full definition.
522
00:20:51,209 --> 00:20:54,087
Webster's defines
brother as--"
Okay, maybe just get to it,
523
00:20:54,087 --> 00:20:55,672
just 'cause we're kind of
running out of time.
524
00:20:55,672 --> 00:20:56,923
Okay. Sorry, sorry.
525
00:20:56,923 --> 00:20:58,591
All in all,
I'll always look up to you
526
00:20:58,591 --> 00:21:00,510
and turn to you
to teach me stuff.
527
00:21:00,510 --> 00:21:04,472
Maybe you can start
with how to ask out a girl?
528
00:21:04,472 --> 00:21:06,557
Come on, what are
you waiting for?
529
00:21:10,186 --> 00:21:11,604
Go get 'em, tiger.
530
00:21:11,604 --> 00:21:14,273
(no audible dialogue)
531
00:21:21,364 --> 00:21:23,825
Ahem, how's it going
over there,
532
00:21:23,825 --> 00:21:25,993
you love squirrels?
533
00:21:25,993 --> 00:21:28,287
So, do I hear
wedding bells?
534
00:21:28,287 --> 00:21:29,455
She said no.
What?
535
00:21:29,455 --> 00:21:31,290
She said no?
Yes, dude, she said no.
536
00:21:31,290 --> 00:21:32,542
Okay? It's not gonna happen.
537
00:21:32,542 --> 00:21:33,710
Wow, dude.
538
00:21:33,710 --> 00:21:35,211
I'm surprised,
to be honest with you.
539
00:21:35,211 --> 00:21:36,963
'Cause I saw the chemistry
between you guys.
540
00:21:36,963 --> 00:21:38,131
That's exactly
what I was saying.
541
00:21:38,131 --> 00:21:39,173
I thought the whole time
was like--
542
00:21:39,173 --> 00:21:40,967
You want me to go
talk to her?
543
00:21:40,967 --> 00:21:42,677
You don't need to go
talk to her. No.
I'm gonna go over there.
544
00:21:42,677 --> 00:21:44,512
I'm going. Just give me a sec.
Give me a second.
545
00:21:47,473 --> 00:21:50,101
Mike, it's not gonna
work out. I get what
she's saying.
546
00:21:50,101 --> 00:21:51,686
She's really busy.
547
00:21:51,686 --> 00:21:54,063
She's not looking
for anything substantial
right now,
548
00:21:54,063 --> 00:21:56,023
at least from
you specifically.
549
00:21:56,023 --> 00:21:57,859
We're just gonna
keep going though, come on.
550
00:21:57,859 --> 00:21:59,152
We can all be friends.
551
00:21:59,152 --> 00:22:00,236
Don't make it weird.
552
00:22:06,242 --> 00:22:07,493
Dad!
553
00:22:07,493 --> 00:22:08,995
(applause)
554
00:22:08,995 --> 00:22:10,037
Phil: Mommy!
555
00:22:10,037 --> 00:22:11,038
Oh, my God!
556
00:22:11,038 --> 00:22:12,039
Mom!
557
00:22:12,039 --> 00:22:13,040
You're okay!
558
00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:14,709
I thought I lost you.
559
00:22:14,709 --> 00:22:16,711
Mom, I don't want
to be left alone
in the apartment again.
560
00:22:16,711 --> 00:22:18,421
I will never leave
you alone ever again.
561
00:22:18,421 --> 00:22:20,047
Mom, I don't want to say
this was all Mike's fault,
562
00:22:20,047 --> 00:22:21,966
but if you notice,
What the fuck, dude?
563
00:22:21,966 --> 00:22:24,010
It's not my fault.
you put him in charge,
and the tree fell over.
564
00:22:24,010 --> 00:22:25,553
He just cursed, too.
Phil, are you tattling?
565
00:22:25,553 --> 00:22:27,263
I think that was
the definition of a tattle.
566
00:22:27,263 --> 00:22:29,015
All right, you know what,
from here on out,
(arguing)
567
00:22:29,015 --> 00:22:32,101
Mrs. Garducci's gonna
watch you guys.
568
00:22:32,101 --> 00:22:33,603
That's--
That's fine.
569
00:22:33,603 --> 00:22:35,480
That works.
We can work with that.
I can work with that.
570
00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:37,106
From the looks
of what we have here,
571
00:22:37,106 --> 00:22:39,609
we're just hoping to excavate
any remaining survivors.
572
00:22:39,609 --> 00:22:41,611
Excuse me, sir, sorry
to interrupt.
573
00:22:41,611 --> 00:22:42,945
Um, maybe this will help?
574
00:22:42,945 --> 00:22:44,489
What is it?
Is this a map of the tree?
575
00:22:44,489 --> 00:22:47,617
Yeah. Just roughly drew
some of my surroundings
576
00:22:47,617 --> 00:22:49,202
and where the remaining
survivors are.
577
00:22:49,202 --> 00:22:51,162
So, that's singer-songwriter
Kurt Vile,
578
00:22:51,162 --> 00:22:53,206
and that's Dennis
and his gang,
and that's Old Ben.
579
00:22:53,206 --> 00:22:55,458
Oh, and that's that old
psychic lady who's like,
kinda spooky,
580
00:22:55,458 --> 00:22:56,959
but also kinda cool.
581
00:22:56,959 --> 00:22:58,711
And now you can probably
find them all pretty easy.
582
00:22:58,711 --> 00:23:01,589
Oh, and you wanna avoid that
or else you'll get termites.
583
00:23:01,589 --> 00:23:05,468
This is fantastic. I mean,
this is gonna help us
save other lives,
584
00:23:05,468 --> 00:23:07,428
it's gonna save
firefighters' lives,
585
00:23:07,428 --> 00:23:10,014
and time, which is gonna save
taxpayer money.
586
00:23:10,014 --> 00:23:12,225
The initiative it took
to do something like this.
587
00:23:12,225 --> 00:23:14,352
God, we got a little leader
right here.
588
00:23:14,352 --> 00:23:15,311
This is great.
589
00:23:15,311 --> 00:23:16,854
If I had some sort of medal--
590
00:23:16,854 --> 00:23:18,189
What about your hat?
591
00:23:18,189 --> 00:23:19,482
Well--
What about your big
firefighter hat?
592
00:23:19,482 --> 00:23:21,025
Can I have it?
Okay.
593
00:23:21,025 --> 00:23:22,693
Well, I'll let you put in on
for a second.
On TV?
594
00:23:22,693 --> 00:23:24,362
This firefighters' giving me
his hat, everybody.
595
00:23:24,362 --> 00:23:25,947
Thank you, sir.
Not gonna--
I can't give it to you
596
00:23:25,947 --> 00:23:27,698
because I do need it.
It's really heavy.
597
00:23:27,698 --> 00:23:29,659
Is this super cute?
Look at this.
It is so cute.
598
00:23:29,659 --> 00:23:31,202
If we lose our hat,
it's like 100 bucks.
I'll just keep it.
599
00:23:31,202 --> 00:23:33,079
It's fun.
600
00:23:33,079 --> 00:23:35,164
Old Ben:
Phil was stabbed trying
to break up a robbery
601
00:23:35,164 --> 00:23:37,041
in a McDonald's dumpster.
602
00:23:37,041 --> 00:23:39,961
Mike and April got married
and had three kids.
603
00:23:39,961 --> 00:23:42,088
They named the firstborn Phil.
604
00:23:42,088 --> 00:23:43,297
He likes to draw,
605
00:23:43,297 --> 00:23:44,924
just like his uncle.
606
00:23:44,924 --> 00:23:47,218
And Dennis and the gang
eventually straightened out,
607
00:23:47,218 --> 00:23:49,971
opened up a home
for wayward boys.
608
00:23:49,971 --> 00:23:52,431
And as for Old Ben, well...
609
00:23:52,431 --> 00:23:53,850
Excuse me,
who are you?
610
00:23:53,850 --> 00:23:54,934
Hmm? What?
611
00:23:54,934 --> 00:23:56,269
Oh, you heard--
Yeah, what--
612
00:23:56,269 --> 00:23:57,812
Heard me talking to myself?
What was that?
613
00:23:57,812 --> 00:23:59,689
I was just pretending,
you know, what would happen
614
00:23:59,689 --> 00:24:01,190
in the future
to everybody,
615
00:24:01,190 --> 00:24:03,276
and then narrating it
like a movie.
616
00:24:03,276 --> 00:24:06,529
Why'd I have to die, Old Ben?
I thought we were
friends, man?
617
00:24:06,529 --> 00:24:08,114
It's just my imagination.
618
00:24:08,114 --> 00:24:09,323
Phil, how do you
know this guy?
619
00:24:09,323 --> 00:24:11,242
This is Old Ben.
He like, found me
620
00:24:11,242 --> 00:24:12,785
when we were
walking around
621
00:24:12,785 --> 00:24:14,453
and then we hung out
in his apartment for a while.
622
00:24:14,453 --> 00:24:17,540
What?! You had my child
in your apartment?
623
00:24:17,540 --> 00:24:20,209
He was outside
my place lost.
624
00:24:20,209 --> 00:24:21,669
It was me and him
by himself.
625
00:24:21,669 --> 00:24:23,045
He could have
done anything to me.
626
00:24:23,045 --> 00:24:25,047
He came into my--
What are you, nuts?
627
00:24:25,047 --> 00:24:26,465
He broke my pencil, Mom.
628
00:24:26,465 --> 00:24:27,842
He snapped it in two.
Yeah, that's true.
629
00:24:27,842 --> 00:24:29,510
And then I gave him
a new pen.
630
00:24:29,510 --> 00:24:31,679
You little shit.
Did you tell your mother that?
631
00:24:31,679 --> 00:24:33,890
You stay away
from my kids.
632
00:24:33,890 --> 00:24:35,766
Keep your kid
away from me.
633
00:24:35,766 --> 00:24:38,352
Maybe you should be arrested
for child abandonment?
634
00:24:38,352 --> 00:24:40,229
Where were you
tonight, madam?
635
00:24:40,229 --> 00:24:43,357
In a bar, getting drunk
like a whore,
636
00:24:43,357 --> 00:24:45,860
whoring around
in a bar?
637
00:24:45,860 --> 00:24:47,987
(hawks, spits)
638
00:24:47,987 --> 00:24:50,031
I'll fucking
rip your head off!
639
00:24:50,031 --> 00:24:52,992
(piano playing simple melody)
640
00:25:14,388 --> 00:25:15,806
♪ Woo-woo ♪
641
00:25:28,569 --> 00:25:29,862
(plays off-key)
642
00:25:29,862 --> 00:25:33,574
(piano continuing)
643
00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:56,222
Vile:
You want me
to just keep jamming?
46134
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