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1
00:00:20,855 --> 00:00:22,940
♪ ♪
2
00:00:27,570 --> 00:00:28,612
(whistles)
3
00:00:40,749 --> 00:00:41,792
Think that's healthy?
4
00:00:41,792 --> 00:00:43,335
It is healthy.
It's not healthy.
5
00:00:43,335 --> 00:00:46,297
Brown rice, carrots,
soy sauce, and broccoli.
6
00:00:46,297 --> 00:00:47,840
What's in the sauce?
Liquid sugar.
7
00:00:47,840 --> 00:00:49,175
Okay...
Your diet--
8
00:00:49,175 --> 00:00:50,593
Yeah. Sugar's a killer.
Okay.
9
00:00:50,593 --> 00:00:52,470
It's a silent killer--
10
00:00:52,470 --> 00:00:53,345
Oh...
11
00:00:53,345 --> 00:00:54,680
I don't know
what I'm gonna do.
12
00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:56,640
It's fine man,
it's not...
It's not fine, dude.
13
00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:59,018
that big of a problem.
It's a huge problem!
14
00:00:59,018 --> 00:01:01,187
Okay, walk me through
what happens.
Okay.
15
00:01:01,187 --> 00:01:03,731
I have a huge crush
on Sharon.
16
00:01:03,731 --> 00:01:05,399
Yes, we all
know this. Uh-huh.
You know Sharon?
17
00:01:05,399 --> 00:01:06,901
But every time
I talk to her,
18
00:01:06,901 --> 00:01:08,903
I get super
nervous around her,
19
00:01:08,903 --> 00:01:10,237
and, lo and behold,
20
00:01:10,237 --> 00:01:14,241
out of my control,
by some act of a sick,
twisted God,
21
00:01:14,241 --> 00:01:15,701
I get a nervous boner.
22
00:01:15,701 --> 00:01:16,827
You get a nervous boner?
23
00:01:16,827 --> 00:01:18,913
Just comes out of nowhere,
and it's embarrassing.
24
00:01:18,913 --> 00:01:21,040
And this only happens
with Sharon?
Yes!
25
00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:22,500
It's because
I like her so much.
26
00:01:22,500 --> 00:01:24,335
She's the only girl
who's nice to me,
27
00:01:24,335 --> 00:01:25,836
and I can't talk to her.
28
00:01:25,836 --> 00:01:28,088
I have to run away
in the middle of all of
our conversations, man.
29
00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:31,926
Um, have you thought about
just covering up your bottom
half or something
30
00:01:31,926 --> 00:01:33,469
when you're around her?
31
00:01:33,469 --> 00:01:34,762
What do you mean,
covering up?
Well--
32
00:01:34,762 --> 00:01:36,138
Like, with books?
No.
33
00:01:36,138 --> 00:01:37,223
Here, um...
34
00:01:37,223 --> 00:01:38,807
Let me just look
around here, uh...
35
00:01:38,807 --> 00:01:39,808
Okay.
36
00:01:39,808 --> 00:01:42,269
Let me just grab
some of this stuff and...
37
00:01:43,312 --> 00:01:44,355
What are you doing?
38
00:01:44,355 --> 00:01:46,148
Easy. Whoa. Hey.
Hold on. Here, turn around.
39
00:01:46,148 --> 00:01:47,107
Get off me.
40
00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:48,609
And this should hold.
41
00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:50,319
Um...
42
00:01:50,319 --> 00:01:51,445
Look. What about that?
43
00:01:51,445 --> 00:01:52,571
This looks dumb.
44
00:01:52,571 --> 00:01:54,532
I think there's
something there.
45
00:01:54,532 --> 00:01:57,326
(theme music playing)
46
00:02:01,330 --> 00:02:04,291
♪ All of the animals ♪
47
00:02:04,291 --> 00:02:06,669
♪ Out of your front door ♪
48
00:02:07,670 --> 00:02:09,171
(school bell rings)
49
00:02:09,171 --> 00:02:10,297
That's not my baby.
50
00:02:10,297 --> 00:02:11,549
It's not even
her baby, right?
51
00:02:11,549 --> 00:02:12,967
It's my step-dad's baby.
52
00:02:12,967 --> 00:02:15,052
Oh, that doesn't count.
It doesn't count at all.
53
00:02:15,052 --> 00:02:16,345
And that thing is, like,
so disgusting.
54
00:02:16,345 --> 00:02:17,721
I hate babies too.
I just-- I can't.
55
00:02:17,721 --> 00:02:19,348
Like, whenever I see 'em,
it's like, so gross.
56
00:02:19,348 --> 00:02:20,558
Hey, Sharon,
how's it going, man?
57
00:02:20,558 --> 00:02:21,809
Hey, Phil, yeah.
58
00:02:21,809 --> 00:02:23,310
Yeah. It's nice to see you.
What's up, Phil?
59
00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:24,687
Good to hang out
and chat and stuff.
60
00:02:24,687 --> 00:02:27,147
So, it's nice to...
What-- Oh my God,
what are those?
61
00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:29,900
Eww, what are those?
Are you wearing garbage?
62
00:02:29,900 --> 00:02:31,986
Uh, it's dumb. I don't--
63
00:02:31,986 --> 00:02:33,904
Those are...
kind of amazing.
64
00:02:33,904 --> 00:02:35,906
Oh my God, they are
kind of amazing.
Thanks.
65
00:02:35,906 --> 00:02:37,866
Yeah.
Yeah, it's just
something I whipped up.
66
00:02:37,866 --> 00:02:40,369
You know, just kind of--
Wait, you made those?
67
00:02:40,369 --> 00:02:41,829
Yeah. Of course I did.
68
00:02:41,829 --> 00:02:43,289
So cool.
That's rad.
69
00:02:43,289 --> 00:02:44,331
You like them, too.
70
00:02:44,331 --> 00:02:45,874
Those are rad, yeah.
Really cool.
71
00:02:45,874 --> 00:02:48,460
Thanks guys, this feels
really good to have
people looking at me.
72
00:02:48,460 --> 00:02:50,212
It's like a collage
on your body.
73
00:02:50,212 --> 00:02:52,131
Wow, I didn't even
know this about you, Phil.
74
00:02:52,131 --> 00:02:54,216
You're like, a real artist.
75
00:02:54,216 --> 00:02:57,094
You know, a lot of people
don't look at it as an art.
76
00:02:57,094 --> 00:02:58,846
It's bullshit, because--
Can I get a pair?
77
00:02:58,846 --> 00:03:00,472
Could you make me a pair?
A pair...
78
00:03:00,472 --> 00:03:01,765
Oh, 'cause
it's two things.
79
00:03:01,765 --> 00:03:03,559
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
of course, I could
give you a pair.
80
00:03:03,559 --> 00:03:05,603
Really?!
Yeah, of course I can.
'Cause I made them.
81
00:03:05,603 --> 00:03:07,187
Sure.
Cool. I would
love one, too.
82
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:08,981
So, you want a pair, too?
I would love one.
83
00:03:08,981 --> 00:03:10,232
It's sort of
a Sharon thing, but maybe--
84
00:03:10,232 --> 00:03:11,233
I'll take a pair!
Okay, so...
85
00:03:11,233 --> 00:03:12,610
I'll take a pair!
You want one...
86
00:03:12,610 --> 00:03:14,445
Can I have a pair
of the pants?!
Okay, so lot of people.
87
00:03:14,445 --> 00:03:16,614
I'll take one for my cousin.
Six, seven--
I just need a pen.
88
00:03:16,614 --> 00:03:18,449
I guess I should just
give you my number,
89
00:03:18,449 --> 00:03:20,951
so you can let me know
when the pants are ready
so we can pick them up?
90
00:03:20,951 --> 00:03:22,328
Yeah, that'd be great.
Yeah, of course.
91
00:03:22,328 --> 00:03:24,371
Give me your number.
Yeah, so...
92
00:03:24,371 --> 00:03:26,165
There you go.
93
00:03:26,165 --> 00:03:27,833
Whoa!
Oh, my God!
94
00:03:27,833 --> 00:03:28,959
(oohing and awing)
Oh, these, too.
95
00:03:28,959 --> 00:03:30,252
Yeah.
Yeah, what is that?
96
00:03:30,252 --> 00:03:32,463
I don't know. It's just
a thing I figured I could do.
97
00:03:32,463 --> 00:03:33,756
Whoa!
That's so cool.
98
00:03:33,756 --> 00:03:35,424
Pretty rad.
Pretty cool.
I won't lose it, ever.
99
00:03:35,424 --> 00:03:37,009
He just like,
stores it in there.
Guess what?
100
00:03:37,009 --> 00:03:38,469
Two more back here, you guys.
101
00:03:38,469 --> 00:03:40,512
I cannot wait
to get my own pair.
102
00:03:40,512 --> 00:03:42,014
Okay, great. Sick.
103
00:03:42,014 --> 00:03:43,474
So sick.
104
00:03:43,474 --> 00:03:47,061
Dude, dude, dude,
dude, dude, you are
a fucking genius, Mike.
105
00:03:47,061 --> 00:03:48,520
Oh my God, it worked?
106
00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:51,065
These worked so good!
It was incredible, man.
Yes! Oh, sick.
107
00:03:51,065 --> 00:03:53,192
I mean, I guess I have
always been good
at making stuff.
108
00:03:53,192 --> 00:03:54,693
You know?
You are good at making stuff.
109
00:03:54,693 --> 00:03:58,364
And I need you to make
15 new pairs of pants
tomorrow, okay?
110
00:03:58,364 --> 00:04:00,699
Uh-- Okay, I'm sorry.
What are pants?
111
00:04:00,699 --> 00:04:02,368
Pants. These. Hey.
These are pants, Mike.
Those.
112
00:04:02,368 --> 00:04:04,411
Come on, buddy,
I need you to keep up here.
113
00:04:04,411 --> 00:04:05,746
15 pairs of pants?
114
00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:07,915
Listen, me and Sharon
really hit it off,
115
00:04:07,915 --> 00:04:09,917
and I've been a fucking loser
my whole life,
116
00:04:09,917 --> 00:04:13,420
and these pants are my ticket
into the cool zone...
Okay, all right.
117
00:04:13,420 --> 00:04:14,755
All right, okay, okay!
118
00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:16,590
I'll make
your pants, all right?
119
00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:19,134
But just this one
time, all right?
Thank you so much.
120
00:04:19,134 --> 00:04:20,803
15 pairs of pants
by tomorrow.
All right.
121
00:04:20,803 --> 00:04:24,098
And come to think of it,
why don't you make
one more extra pair.
122
00:04:24,098 --> 00:04:26,433
Huh?
Oh, for me? No.
123
00:04:26,433 --> 00:04:28,310
I-- No thanks.
I don't need one.
What?
124
00:04:28,310 --> 00:04:30,354
No, no, no, no.
They're not for you.
They're for Jared.
125
00:04:30,354 --> 00:04:31,772
He wants a tapered cut.
126
00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:34,775
Okay, um, okay, so that's
an order of 16?
16.
127
00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:36,610
Okay. I'm sorry,
what is tapered?
128
00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:38,112
That's like,
wider at the bottom?
129
00:04:38,112 --> 00:04:39,196
That's a boot cut, Mike.
130
00:04:39,196 --> 00:04:41,281
Tapered goes in.
Come on! Keep up!
131
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:43,242
(rock music playing)
132
00:04:43,242 --> 00:04:45,452
(men cheering)
133
00:04:48,330 --> 00:04:50,791
(grunts, cheers)
134
00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:56,880
(inhales, gasps)
135
00:04:58,090 --> 00:04:59,174
(groans)
136
00:04:59,174 --> 00:05:00,300
(laughs)
137
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:01,218
Hmm?
138
00:05:01,218 --> 00:05:03,011
-(growls)
-(snaps fingers)
139
00:05:10,102 --> 00:05:12,187
(grunting)
140
00:05:16,942 --> 00:05:18,986
♪ ♪
141
00:05:28,203 --> 00:05:30,038
This is my favorite part.
142
00:05:30,038 --> 00:05:32,916
Right when the light
starts hitting.
143
00:05:32,916 --> 00:05:33,876
I know.
144
00:05:33,876 --> 00:05:35,586
Oh, God,
it's really good.
145
00:05:35,586 --> 00:05:36,920
Mmm...
146
00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:40,466
This moment
is all there is,
147
00:05:40,466 --> 00:05:42,634
and then you see the light.
148
00:05:42,634 --> 00:05:44,261
Yeah...
Sorry, I don't want
to interrupt,
149
00:05:44,261 --> 00:05:45,387
but I'm just really high.
150
00:05:45,387 --> 00:05:47,181
I don't know what
I'm doing right now.
151
00:05:47,181 --> 00:05:48,807
Whoo! Haha.
152
00:05:48,807 --> 00:05:50,726
Haha. Oh, light.
153
00:05:50,726 --> 00:05:52,936
Sorry about that.
Keep going. Sorry.
154
00:05:52,936 --> 00:05:56,815
You know, the more that
you surrender to the light,
155
00:05:56,815 --> 00:06:00,110
the light will accept you,
the light will transform you.
156
00:06:00,110 --> 00:06:02,112
(chuckling)
Everything's just so funny.
157
00:06:02,112 --> 00:06:03,822
I just feel so giggly.
158
00:06:03,822 --> 00:06:05,115
-Yeah.
-You feel that?
159
00:06:05,115 --> 00:06:08,619
It's working, I feel it.
I'm-- Hahaha!
160
00:06:08,619 --> 00:06:12,998
(laughing)
161
00:06:12,998 --> 00:06:15,626
Patrick, it's okay
if you're not high.
162
00:06:15,626 --> 00:06:17,252
Pfft.
You don't have
to pretend.
163
00:06:17,252 --> 00:06:20,005
I am high.
Look at my eyes.
164
00:06:20,005 --> 00:06:22,132
I'm riding
in the canoe of highness
165
00:06:22,132 --> 00:06:23,926
down the river of drugs.
166
00:06:23,926 --> 00:06:25,344
Population: me.
167
00:06:26,845 --> 00:06:28,514
All right, I'm not.
168
00:06:28,514 --> 00:06:30,390
I'm not high.
I just--
169
00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:31,934
I wanna be cool
like you guys.
170
00:06:31,934 --> 00:06:34,102
I mean, you're
Dave and Kashmere,
171
00:06:34,102 --> 00:06:35,854
and it was a big deal
you invited me here tonight.
172
00:06:35,854 --> 00:06:38,524
And I don't wanna,
you know, be left out.
173
00:06:38,524 --> 00:06:39,483
That's sweet.
174
00:06:39,483 --> 00:06:41,151
It starts
with honesty, man.
175
00:06:41,151 --> 00:06:42,653
See, just now
when you were doing that,
176
00:06:42,653 --> 00:06:44,363
I really felt like
you were going somewhere.
177
00:06:44,363 --> 00:06:48,033
Right? So, I think you
just need to speak more
from your own...
178
00:06:48,033 --> 00:06:49,117
hearth, you know?
179
00:06:49,117 --> 00:06:50,869
My hearth?
Yeah.
180
00:06:50,869 --> 00:06:53,205
You don't know
where your hearth is?
181
00:06:53,205 --> 00:06:54,748
Turn on your hearth light.
182
00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:55,749
I have a hearth.
183
00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:57,501
Patrick, just
stand right here.
184
00:06:57,501 --> 00:06:59,169
Okay.
Just...
185
00:06:59,169 --> 00:07:01,421
open your wings,
186
00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:03,298
take a deep breath,
187
00:07:03,298 --> 00:07:06,468
and let the light
teach you.
188
00:07:06,468 --> 00:07:08,762
(sighs) Okay, Patrick,
189
00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:09,888
you can do this.
190
00:07:09,888 --> 00:07:12,182
Just listen to him.
Just relax.
191
00:07:12,182 --> 00:07:14,476
Relax. Relax.
192
00:07:14,476 --> 00:07:15,602
That's a weird word.
193
00:07:15,602 --> 00:07:16,728
Re-lax.
194
00:07:16,728 --> 00:07:17,980
Like I've laxed before.
195
00:07:17,980 --> 00:07:19,106
(gasps)
196
00:07:19,106 --> 00:07:22,526
(screaming)
197
00:07:22,526 --> 00:07:24,444
(giggling)
198
00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:27,906
What the fuck is happening?!
199
00:07:27,906 --> 00:07:29,825
Patrick, calm down.
200
00:07:29,825 --> 00:07:31,410
Don't resist this.
201
00:07:31,410 --> 00:07:33,120
Dave! Kashmere!
202
00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:35,330
It's okay.
Let it happen.
203
00:07:35,330 --> 00:07:37,708
(babbling)
Little people?
204
00:07:37,708 --> 00:07:39,877
You're moth people!
205
00:07:39,877 --> 00:07:41,169
Ah-ha-ha!
206
00:07:41,169 --> 00:07:43,881
(grunting, shrieking)
207
00:07:51,096 --> 00:07:53,473
(panting) What?
208
00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:54,850
Oh, my God.
209
00:07:54,850 --> 00:07:56,727
Oh, my God!
210
00:07:56,727 --> 00:08:00,272
Oh, it's beautiful.
211
00:08:00,272 --> 00:08:03,275
It's beautiful...
212
00:08:03,275 --> 00:08:05,611
I did it!
213
00:08:05,611 --> 00:08:09,990
(laughing)
214
00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:12,159
♪ ♪
215
00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:14,536
(murmuring)
216
00:08:14,536 --> 00:08:16,121
I think now it hit him.
217
00:08:16,121 --> 00:08:17,789
Yeah. Yeah.
218
00:08:17,789 --> 00:08:21,209
Do you think the study
of the apocalypse is what's
causing the apocalypse?
219
00:08:21,209 --> 00:08:23,670
Or is it...
Hmm. (vomits)
220
00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:25,422
That was involuntary.
221
00:08:28,133 --> 00:08:31,053
♪ ♪
222
00:08:36,058 --> 00:08:38,268
(electronic music playing)
(camera shutters clicking)
223
00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:43,774
Excuse me, coming through.
Watch it.
224
00:08:43,774 --> 00:08:46,735
And you know, when I was
making that second pair,
225
00:08:46,735 --> 00:08:48,195
I came to a conundrum
where it was like,
226
00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:50,739
a little bit thinner
than the first pair,
so I was like,
227
00:08:50,739 --> 00:08:52,157
okay, what do I do here?
228
00:08:52,157 --> 00:08:55,118
You know? It's--
Sure, I'm using garbage,
(yawning)
229
00:08:55,118 --> 00:08:56,536
(yawning)
that I find--
230
00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:57,704
Are you okay?
Yeah. Sorry.
231
00:08:57,704 --> 00:08:59,915
Did you miss what I said
at the front of it?
232
00:08:59,915 --> 00:09:01,333
I feel like I'm losing you.
233
00:09:01,333 --> 00:09:03,669
Did I show you the pockets
thing? Remember that?
Oh, my God!
234
00:09:03,669 --> 00:09:06,004
Did you see "Rat Bachelor"
last night?
235
00:09:06,004 --> 00:09:07,172
Uh, of course, I did.
236
00:09:07,172 --> 00:09:09,591
It was the best episode!
I actually wasn't--
237
00:09:09,591 --> 00:09:11,635
I did not see that coming!
I actually didn't
see the episode,
238
00:09:11,635 --> 00:09:13,762
so it's fine
if we just don't--
The guy doesn't have an arm!
239
00:09:13,762 --> 00:09:14,888
No!
Okay, this--
240
00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:16,682
This is not good.
(chuckles)
241
00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:19,351
Phil, what's up, man?
242
00:09:19,351 --> 00:09:20,727
Oh, hey, dude,
check this out.
243
00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:22,437
Yeah.
I was actually thinking
about how you were saying
244
00:09:22,437 --> 00:09:23,897
I was always good
at making stuff,
Right.
245
00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:27,025
so, what I did is,
this is actually
a renewable energy conduit.
246
00:09:27,025 --> 00:09:28,777
Uh-huh. Okay.
And what it does is
it actually takes--
247
00:09:28,777 --> 00:09:30,362
Yeah, Mike, I need you
to forget about that.
248
00:09:30,362 --> 00:09:31,655
I need something new, dude.
249
00:09:31,655 --> 00:09:33,782
I need something bigger,
because right now
250
00:09:33,782 --> 00:09:36,243
pants are just not
doing it anymore.
251
00:09:36,243 --> 00:09:37,995
Okay. Bigger, like, what?
252
00:09:37,995 --> 00:09:39,997
You can't put pants
over your entire body.
253
00:09:39,997 --> 00:09:42,582
That's it, dude!
A whole suit of pants!
254
00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:44,459
Pantsuit by Phil.
255
00:09:44,459 --> 00:09:46,211
I mean, by Mike.
It's made by Mike.
By Phil?
256
00:09:46,211 --> 00:09:48,130
No, no. It's made by Mike...
(whispers) by Phil.
257
00:09:48,130 --> 00:09:49,756
What was that last thing?
I didn't say anything.
258
00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:52,509
You're the...
the dude, the genius.
259
00:09:52,509 --> 00:09:53,635
You're a genius, Mike.
Okay.
260
00:09:53,635 --> 00:09:55,012
And I've never been
cool and smart.
Okay.
261
00:09:55,012 --> 00:09:56,638
My whole life,
I'm a fucking loser.
All right, I got it.
262
00:09:56,638 --> 00:09:58,390
Okay, I'll make it.
Okay, I'll make the pantsuit.
263
00:09:58,390 --> 00:10:01,184
Thank you. Thank you so much.
This is the last time,
though, dude. All right?
264
00:10:01,184 --> 00:10:02,185
Dude, I honestly--
265
00:10:02,185 --> 00:10:03,854
I owe you my life.
All right.
266
00:10:03,854 --> 00:10:05,605
It's fine, thank you.
267
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:06,815
(sighs)
268
00:10:06,815 --> 00:10:08,108
What are you doing?
269
00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:09,526
Get-- Get to it! Make it!
270
00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:10,944
Well, I have to clean
all this up.
271
00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:12,904
You should probably start
working on the pantsuit first.
272
00:10:12,904 --> 00:10:14,197
Don't worry
about this stuff.
273
00:10:14,197 --> 00:10:15,949
Don't-- Come on.
274
00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:17,993
What? It's broken already,
it's junk.
275
00:10:17,993 --> 00:10:19,244
It means nothing now.
276
00:10:19,244 --> 00:10:22,789
♪ ♪
277
00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:26,293
(crowd murmuring)
278
00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:33,050
♪ I was born
already nailed to the cross ♪
279
00:10:33,050 --> 00:10:35,052
Hey, Sharon.
280
00:10:35,052 --> 00:10:36,511
Whoa.
281
00:10:36,511 --> 00:10:38,221
Phil...
Pretty cool, huh?
282
00:10:38,221 --> 00:10:40,766
Yeah. Cool... outfit.
283
00:10:40,766 --> 00:10:43,018
Oh my God,
that is a great outfit.
284
00:10:43,018 --> 00:10:44,561
Yeah, you look amazing.
Outfit. I like that.
285
00:10:44,561 --> 00:10:45,812
Out and fitted.
286
00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:47,105
Yeah, thanks.
It's a fun word, right?
287
00:10:47,105 --> 00:10:48,565
Outfit.
It just makes sense.
288
00:10:48,565 --> 00:10:49,483
You're so smart.
289
00:10:49,483 --> 00:10:50,484
That's one hell
of an outfit.
290
00:10:50,484 --> 00:10:52,652
Hi, Max Fontaine,
school newspaper.
291
00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:53,987
Oh, an interview.
292
00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:55,614
You're getting famous.
This is happening so fast.
293
00:10:55,614 --> 00:10:57,032
What do you want
to know, dude?
294
00:10:57,032 --> 00:10:59,242
I wanna know about you.
I wanna know what
makes you tick?
295
00:10:59,242 --> 00:11:01,036
What inspired
this new fashion line
296
00:11:01,036 --> 00:11:03,205
that everybody
on campus is talking
about these days?
297
00:11:03,205 --> 00:11:04,790
Oh, pshh, uh...
298
00:11:04,790 --> 00:11:05,874
God, life,
299
00:11:05,874 --> 00:11:07,209
you know,
my girlfriend Sharon.
300
00:11:07,209 --> 00:11:08,376
Got it. Great.
What'd you say?
301
00:11:08,376 --> 00:11:09,336
Eww.
302
00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:10,879
I said Go--
I didn't say anything.
303
00:11:10,879 --> 00:11:11,922
What are
you "ewwing" about?
304
00:11:11,922 --> 00:11:13,840
You said,
"my girlfriend Sharon."
Eww.
305
00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:14,841
No, I didn't say that.
306
00:11:14,841 --> 00:11:16,259
I wouldn't--
I didn't say anything.
307
00:11:16,259 --> 00:11:18,595
I got the quote here.
"God, life, my girlfriend
Sharon."
308
00:11:18,595 --> 00:11:20,097
No, I didn't say that.
309
00:11:20,097 --> 00:11:22,599
That's slander or it's libel.
I hope you did,
'cause it's a good--
310
00:11:22,599 --> 00:11:24,267
No, you said I'm your--
It's a good pull quote.
311
00:11:24,267 --> 00:11:25,435
Me, Sharon,
I am your girlfriend.
312
00:11:25,435 --> 00:11:27,104
I did not
say those words.
313
00:11:27,104 --> 00:11:30,148
"Uh, God, life, you know,
my girlfriend, Sharon."
314
00:11:30,148 --> 00:11:31,274
Now, that's not me.
315
00:11:31,274 --> 00:11:33,110
That's not--
That wasn't me on the tape.
316
00:11:33,110 --> 00:11:34,736
I think I got enough.
317
00:11:34,736 --> 00:11:36,238
♪ ♪
318
00:11:36,238 --> 00:11:38,782
(excited chattering)
319
00:11:57,592 --> 00:11:58,635
Oww!
320
00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:10,021
All right,
so, you're the...
321
00:12:10,021 --> 00:12:12,023
You're the guy
that invented pants.
Yup.
322
00:12:12,023 --> 00:12:13,567
The one and only.
Phil's pants.
323
00:12:13,567 --> 00:12:14,651
Phil's rat pants.
324
00:12:14,651 --> 00:12:15,819
Yeah, that's right.
325
00:12:15,819 --> 00:12:17,737
First pants
and then outfits,
326
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:18,780
and, uh...
Mm-hmm.
327
00:12:18,780 --> 00:12:20,407
Seems like you're trying
to cover up something.
328
00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:21,700
Seems like
you're hiding something.
329
00:12:21,700 --> 00:12:23,201
What are you
talking about, Marc?
I'm not--
330
00:12:23,201 --> 00:12:24,828
I'm not hiding anything.
You see,
331
00:12:24,828 --> 00:12:26,204
listen to your tone.
332
00:12:26,204 --> 00:12:28,290
You're defensive.
No, it's-- This is where
my voice always is!
333
00:12:28,290 --> 00:12:30,208
I hit a nerve,
I'm right!
I'm always-- Listen,
334
00:12:30,208 --> 00:12:31,293
I'm-- Where is
this coming from?
335
00:12:31,293 --> 00:12:33,253
You're wearing
your own cage.
336
00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:35,088
Oh, fuck you, Marc Maron,
you prick!
337
00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:36,173
All right, okay, real nice.
338
00:12:36,173 --> 00:12:37,340
You know what?
What?
339
00:12:37,340 --> 00:12:39,050
I don't need it. Thank you.
That's all my time.
340
00:12:39,050 --> 00:12:40,093
Uh, wait. That's--
Thanks.
341
00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:41,052
Uh, you--
No, I'm good.
342
00:12:41,052 --> 00:12:42,679
Don't you wish you
could leave quicker?
343
00:12:42,679 --> 00:12:44,973
You could if you
didn't have pants on, freak.
344
00:12:46,474 --> 00:12:47,767
(elevator dings)
345
00:12:51,479 --> 00:12:53,607
(with British accent)
Sharon, love, how you
doing, babe?
346
00:12:53,607 --> 00:12:55,192
Come here,
get over here. Muah!
347
00:12:55,192 --> 00:12:56,735
Hey.
It's so nice to see you.
348
00:12:56,735 --> 00:12:59,196
Yeah, you too.
Thanks for swinging
by the pad, baby, yeah.
349
00:12:59,196 --> 00:13:01,364
Wow, this is insane.
350
00:13:01,364 --> 00:13:02,616
It's pretty nuts, right?
351
00:13:02,616 --> 00:13:03,950
Oh, my God.
It's pretty nuts.
352
00:13:03,950 --> 00:13:05,452
Over here I have
a baby piano
353
00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:06,828
that I had flown in.
Whoa.
354
00:13:06,828 --> 00:13:08,997
Cost a lot of money.
Mostly on the shipping though.
I bet.
355
00:13:08,997 --> 00:13:10,415
You know,
that can be a lot.
356
00:13:10,415 --> 00:13:12,959
I guess, yeah.
This I just recently
got commissioned.
357
00:13:12,959 --> 00:13:14,461
Wow.
It's a four-panel piece,
358
00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:15,712
all of them of me,
359
00:13:15,712 --> 00:13:18,924
and it's like the artist
tried to fuck me on his rates.
360
00:13:18,924 --> 00:13:20,842
He said it was going
a bit over time, I said,
361
00:13:20,842 --> 00:13:22,219
Oh, my God.
I said, "Listen
to me, you fuck,
362
00:13:22,219 --> 00:13:24,221
"I asked you to do
one fucking thing, right?"
Yeah.
363
00:13:24,221 --> 00:13:25,639
This motherfucker
came up to me,
364
00:13:25,639 --> 00:13:27,974
I said, "You don't know
what you're doing."
365
00:13:27,974 --> 00:13:29,184
I said to him,
"I don't know--
366
00:13:29,184 --> 00:13:30,185
I'm sorry,
I just can't--
367
00:13:30,185 --> 00:13:31,853
Why are you using
a fake accent?
368
00:13:31,853 --> 00:13:33,021
It's not fake, love.
369
00:13:33,021 --> 00:13:34,189
It's just who I am now.
370
00:13:34,189 --> 00:13:36,191
People change, you know?
Get with the times.
Oh...
371
00:13:36,191 --> 00:13:38,235
This is me now.
Your voice just
changed naturally?
372
00:13:38,235 --> 00:13:40,612
Yeah, voice changes a lot
in a boy's life, it happens.
373
00:13:40,612 --> 00:13:42,155
You know?
Right.
374
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:44,407
This is just
all so amazing, Phil.
375
00:13:44,407 --> 00:13:45,784
It's pretty cool.
I mean...
376
00:13:45,784 --> 00:13:47,535
you built a pants empire.
377
00:13:47,535 --> 00:13:48,828
And you did it
by yourself.
378
00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:50,830
Well, that's--
That's completely true.
379
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:53,041
I did do it by myself.
380
00:13:53,041 --> 00:13:55,377
I'm proud of you.
I really am.
381
00:13:55,377 --> 00:13:57,379
(normal voice)
Thank-- Thanks, Sharon.
382
00:13:57,379 --> 00:13:59,214
I mean,
if I'm being honest,
383
00:13:59,214 --> 00:14:01,383
I did it all--
I did it all for you.
384
00:14:01,383 --> 00:14:03,260
(laughing)
385
00:14:03,260 --> 00:14:05,762
So dumb.
386
00:14:05,762 --> 00:14:06,972
Uh--
387
00:14:06,972 --> 00:14:09,349
(British accent)
Would you like
some hibiscus tea, love?
388
00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:11,476
I had it shipped over here
from the Isle of Queens,
389
00:14:11,476 --> 00:14:12,602
from the motherland.
Whoa.
390
00:14:12,602 --> 00:14:14,396
It's actually
pretty expensive stuff.
391
00:14:14,396 --> 00:14:16,940
Yeah.
So, I'll just pour
us two glasses,
392
00:14:16,940 --> 00:14:18,817
Sure.
and then we can just
sit down and relax
393
00:14:18,817 --> 00:14:19,943
and chat it up
for a bit.
394
00:14:19,943 --> 00:14:21,403
Would you like me
to light you a fag--
395
00:14:21,403 --> 00:14:22,654
(explosion)
396
00:14:22,654 --> 00:14:23,613
What was that?
397
00:14:23,613 --> 00:14:25,323
Oh, just ignore that.
398
00:14:25,323 --> 00:14:26,908
What is that?
It's nothing much.
399
00:14:26,908 --> 00:14:29,744
That's probably-- Uh--
You know what that is?
400
00:14:29,744 --> 00:14:30,912
What? Oh.
That's the washer, dryer.
401
00:14:30,912 --> 00:14:32,247
It's so loud.
I just put in a load.
402
00:14:32,247 --> 00:14:34,457
Yeah, it's super loud
'cause I got a lot of clothes.
403
00:14:34,457 --> 00:14:35,750
You stay here,
404
00:14:35,750 --> 00:14:38,670
and I'll be back
in two shakes of
a lamb's tail, love.
405
00:14:39,838 --> 00:14:41,131
(à la Schwarzenegger)
I'll be back.
406
00:14:41,131 --> 00:14:42,382
Like, that was
a thing. Okay.
407
00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:44,009
Sharon: Yeah,
I still can't understand--
408
00:14:45,802 --> 00:14:47,512
(yelling in foreign language)
409
00:14:55,478 --> 00:14:56,855
Fuck you, Mr. Phil!
410
00:14:57,856 --> 00:14:59,816
What the hell's going on
down here, Mike?!
411
00:14:59,816 --> 00:15:01,818
Why is sector 10
at a complete standstill!?
412
00:15:01,818 --> 00:15:02,861
I'm not sure, Phil,
413
00:15:02,861 --> 00:15:04,654
but I think a child
fell in the machine.
414
00:15:04,654 --> 00:15:05,655
(child coughs)
415
00:15:05,655 --> 00:15:07,699
Well, then get him out
of the machine, Mike.
416
00:15:07,699 --> 00:15:09,409
We've got a big
fashion show tomorrow,
417
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:10,994
and I can't have
you cutting corners!
418
00:15:10,994 --> 00:15:14,372
Dude, you're running
a sweatshop. Look around.
This is horrible.
419
00:15:14,372 --> 00:15:16,041
(distant crying)
Mike, this is not
a sweatshop.
420
00:15:16,041 --> 00:15:17,542
This is a sweet-shop.
421
00:15:17,542 --> 00:15:19,919
Look, everybody's
having fun. Look at
this little happy camper.
422
00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:21,129
Hey, buddy.
423
00:15:21,129 --> 00:15:22,505
My fingers hurt.
424
00:15:22,505 --> 00:15:25,008
Oh, do your fingers
hurt, little guy?
425
00:15:25,008 --> 00:15:26,718
Well, now your back's
gonna hurt
426
00:15:26,718 --> 00:15:28,678
'cause you just pulled
landscaping duty.
427
00:15:28,678 --> 00:15:30,597
Boom! "Happy Gilmore."
"Happy Gilmore."
428
00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:31,931
Haha! Nailed it!
I love that movie.
429
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:33,391
Back to work!
430
00:15:33,391 --> 00:15:34,809
Uh, what is this place?
431
00:15:34,809 --> 00:15:36,269
Oh, Sharon,
what are you doing here?
432
00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:38,605
(British accent)
Or, uh, Sharon, love,
how you doing, babe?
433
00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:39,981
Just my basement.
Oh, hey, Sharon.
434
00:15:39,981 --> 00:15:41,441
Yeah, sorry, Phil,
one sec. Hey, Sharon!
435
00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:42,525
How's it going?
Good.
436
00:15:42,525 --> 00:15:43,735
Welcome to hell.
437
00:15:43,735 --> 00:15:45,320
Mike, chill.
I'm in the middle of it.
438
00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:49,282
Phil's clothing brand runs
on child laborers
and my ideas.
439
00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:50,325
What?
Come on, man.
440
00:15:50,325 --> 00:15:51,743
Yeah.
Your ideas?
441
00:15:51,743 --> 00:15:54,621
But Phil's the one
who makes the clothes, right?
442
00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:56,122
Sharon, that's
good stuff.
Actually, Sharon,
443
00:15:56,122 --> 00:15:58,416
Sharon, that's funny stuff.
we should just
go chat upstairs.
444
00:15:58,416 --> 00:16:00,752
That's hilarious. You didn't
tell me how funny Sharon is!
We should--
445
00:16:00,752 --> 00:16:04,506
Sharon, Phil wouldn't know
the first thing about
designing clothes, okay?
446
00:16:04,506 --> 00:16:06,007
I've been doing it
this whole time.
447
00:16:06,007 --> 00:16:07,717
You know what?
I've had enough
of this bullshit.
448
00:16:07,717 --> 00:16:09,219
Phil, you're on
your own, dude.
449
00:16:09,219 --> 00:16:10,678
I'm out of here.
Just...
450
00:16:10,678 --> 00:16:12,055
You can't just quit.
451
00:16:12,055 --> 00:16:14,682
Uh, okay, he's quitting.
He's walking out. Okay, peace.
452
00:16:14,682 --> 00:16:15,809
Is that true?
453
00:16:15,809 --> 00:16:17,060
What he said, Phil?
What Mike said?
454
00:16:17,060 --> 00:16:18,269
Yeah.
Uh...
455
00:16:18,269 --> 00:16:20,522
For the most part, yeah,
I think he was pretty on point
456
00:16:20,522 --> 00:16:22,607
with what
exactly has conspired.
457
00:16:22,607 --> 00:16:24,150
That's really fucked up.
458
00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:27,028
Wait, Sharon--
No, it's cool.
I gotta go.
459
00:16:27,028 --> 00:16:28,321
Sharon, come--
460
00:16:28,321 --> 00:16:30,782
Fine. Fine! I don't
need you, Sharon!
461
00:16:30,782 --> 00:16:31,866
And I don't need you, Mike!
462
00:16:31,866 --> 00:16:34,869
I'm gonna make the clothes
on my own, okay?
463
00:16:34,869 --> 00:16:35,870
(British accent)
Sweetheart!
464
00:16:35,870 --> 00:16:37,539
You'll fucking--
You'll all see!
465
00:16:37,539 --> 00:16:39,499
You'll all fucking see!
466
00:16:41,376 --> 00:16:43,711
Child:
It's dark in here.
467
00:16:57,767 --> 00:16:59,060
Oh, stop
making that face.
468
00:16:59,060 --> 00:17:01,229
Stop it.
You have got to--
I can't even
469
00:17:01,229 --> 00:17:03,398
make a face
and I'm in trouble.
Stop it.
470
00:17:03,398 --> 00:17:04,691
You know, when I was
with the school of bass,
471
00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:06,151
and I hate
to bring this up,
Oh, God.
472
00:17:06,151 --> 00:17:08,528
Here we go. Oh, God...
When I swam with
the school of bass,
473
00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:10,947
nobody judged
each other.
Oh, please.
474
00:17:10,947 --> 00:17:12,657
There was none of this
passive-aggressive bullshit.
475
00:17:12,657 --> 00:17:14,033
You were a bunch
of loser misfits.
Oh!
476
00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:15,952
Just say it,
you regret marrying me!
477
00:17:15,952 --> 00:17:17,662
I could have run off
if I had wanted to.
478
00:17:17,662 --> 00:17:20,582
Oh, to the Pacific.
Tell me again how you could
have gone off to the Pacific
479
00:17:20,582 --> 00:17:21,875
with Ellie.
I could have!
480
00:17:21,875 --> 00:17:23,835
Oh, I want to see
that so bad.
Ellie and I could have
481
00:17:23,835 --> 00:17:25,336
I would love-- Have fun!
gone off together
482
00:17:25,336 --> 00:17:27,464
Go off to the Pacific
and have fun
and had a fantastic life!
483
00:17:27,464 --> 00:17:28,882
blowing a clown fish
on the barrier reef!
484
00:17:28,882 --> 00:17:30,925
We could have had
a great life together!
485
00:17:30,925 --> 00:17:34,804
Well, guess what?!
I don't know how
to love you anymore!
486
00:17:34,804 --> 00:17:37,515
You're fucking
dead to me!
487
00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:41,853
Um... do you
want us to leave?
488
00:17:41,853 --> 00:17:42,979
Oh, no, no, no.
No.
489
00:17:42,979 --> 00:17:44,689
Honey, no, no.
Please, no, no. This is...
490
00:17:44,689 --> 00:17:45,690
We can go.
Yeah, we can go.
491
00:17:45,690 --> 00:17:47,192
No, no, no, no...
Oh, gosh, no.
492
00:17:47,192 --> 00:17:49,486
We haven't even
gotten our meals.
Stay, stay, you're our guests.
493
00:17:49,486 --> 00:17:50,737
Please, please,
you're our guests.
494
00:17:50,737 --> 00:17:52,030
Oh. I feel terrible.
Yeah.
495
00:17:52,030 --> 00:17:54,407
We were having a little fight,
I'm sorry. Did you notice?
496
00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:57,702
Well, we have
our problems as a couple,
too, you know, it--
497
00:17:57,702 --> 00:17:59,496
Hahaha!
Please.
498
00:17:59,496 --> 00:18:00,705
Scott and Jen,
Yeah.
499
00:18:00,705 --> 00:18:02,373
the perfect couple.
Right. Uh-huh.
500
00:18:02,373 --> 00:18:04,542
Please, regale us
with your marital woes.
501
00:18:04,542 --> 00:18:06,002
♪ Nuh-na-na-nah ♪
502
00:18:06,002 --> 00:18:09,923
We had a miscarriage...
last week.
503
00:18:11,341 --> 00:18:13,968
It was our 332nd try.
504
00:18:13,968 --> 00:18:16,221
(clears throat)
It's-- It's my fault.
505
00:18:16,221 --> 00:18:18,932
Doctors say that
I have a low sperm count.
506
00:18:18,932 --> 00:18:21,768
I grew up in a hot spring,
so, the warm water just...
507
00:18:21,768 --> 00:18:23,603
cooked them from birth.
508
00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:26,105
But we'll keep trying.
Yeah, keep trying.
509
00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:28,066
I love Jen,
and we want a family,
510
00:18:28,066 --> 00:18:29,234
Yeah.
and we'll keep trying.
511
00:18:29,234 --> 00:18:31,152
That's a great attitude.
512
00:18:31,152 --> 00:18:32,612
That, see that, Kevin?
513
00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:34,948
That's...
That's a partnership.
514
00:18:34,948 --> 00:18:36,783
Wow.
I am...
515
00:18:36,783 --> 00:18:40,119
I'm blown away.
I'm blown away.
516
00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:41,287
Well...
This is really--
517
00:18:41,287 --> 00:18:42,455
Kevin never wanted kids.
518
00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:44,123
Haha. He never wanted kids.
519
00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:45,583
But we did it anyway.
520
00:18:45,583 --> 00:18:47,794
Because a borderline
personality always
has to have a villain,
521
00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:49,504
and she's making me
the villain right now!
522
00:18:49,504 --> 00:18:52,173
Jesus Christ, here we go.
Ask her about what
a great mom she's been.
523
00:18:52,173 --> 00:18:55,093
From what I can tell,
you're both good parents.
524
00:18:55,093 --> 00:18:57,220
(laughing)
You know what?
With all due respect,
525
00:18:57,220 --> 00:18:58,304
Wow.
you don't have
a fucking clue.
526
00:18:58,304 --> 00:18:59,681
What?
Yeah.
527
00:18:59,681 --> 00:19:01,724
I appreciate it, but keep it
to your fucking self.
You guys...
528
00:19:01,724 --> 00:19:03,851
You fucking guys,
you come in here
hoity-toity.
529
00:19:03,851 --> 00:19:06,104
"Oh, we're trying
to have a baby."
You know what, fuck you guys.
530
00:19:06,104 --> 00:19:08,690
You know what,
fuck your baby!
We're just fish.
531
00:19:08,690 --> 00:19:09,941
Fuck you, Leslie.
Fuck you!
532
00:19:09,941 --> 00:19:11,234
Fuck me?
Well-- Well, fuck you!
533
00:19:11,234 --> 00:19:12,652
I wasn't talking
to you, Jen.
534
00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:14,028
Fuck both of you.
Fuck all of you.
535
00:19:14,028 --> 00:19:15,071
Fuck you.
Wait, guys--
536
00:19:15,071 --> 00:19:16,698
Just 'cause we're not
slobs like you guys
537
00:19:16,698 --> 00:19:18,575
does not mean you can
talk to us like that.
Yeah, just because...
538
00:19:18,575 --> 00:19:20,034
Excuse me?!
Just because we're not
539
00:19:20,034 --> 00:19:22,245
Kevin always looks his best.
a bunch of fucking
low-class idiots.
540
00:19:22,245 --> 00:19:24,038
Doesn't mean
we deserve to be--
He may be an asshole...
541
00:19:24,038 --> 00:19:26,499
His best is not good enough.
His best is sloppy.
Low-class idiots, Kevin!
542
00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:30,253
Guess what? Wanna hear
a news fucking flash, lady?!
543
00:19:30,253 --> 00:19:31,337
We're your fucking future!
544
00:19:31,337 --> 00:19:33,923
Welcome to reality,
you sick fuck!
545
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:41,889
This is so good,
thank you.
546
00:19:41,889 --> 00:19:44,100
No, it's not.
It's dry.
547
00:19:44,100 --> 00:19:47,061
It is a little bit dry,
but I wasn't gonna...
No, it's...
548
00:19:47,061 --> 00:19:49,022
It is dry,
I'm sorry.
549
00:19:49,022 --> 00:19:50,607
God, it's dry.
550
00:19:50,607 --> 00:19:52,275
♪ ♪
551
00:19:56,613 --> 00:19:58,072
Here we are.
The fall line.
552
00:19:58,072 --> 00:20:00,158
Phil's fall line.
I have been waiting.
553
00:20:00,158 --> 00:20:01,284
This is a Phil.
554
00:20:01,284 --> 00:20:02,368
Oh, I know.
Well,
555
00:20:02,368 --> 00:20:04,329
how would you?
This is something
he showed me.
556
00:20:04,329 --> 00:20:05,663
I can automatically
recognize a Phil.
557
00:20:05,663 --> 00:20:07,290
See, right there,
sorry to interrupt,
Yeah?
558
00:20:07,290 --> 00:20:10,168
That's kind of showing
your misinterpretation
of his intention.
559
00:20:10,168 --> 00:20:13,171
What do you mean?
Phil's spring line
is practical.
560
00:20:13,171 --> 00:20:15,506
But then his practicality
is such an aesthetic.
561
00:20:15,506 --> 00:20:18,843
Whereas you, when I look
at you wearing Phil's clothes,
562
00:20:18,843 --> 00:20:21,429
Sure.
it's as though
I'm looking at a bricklayer
563
00:20:21,429 --> 00:20:22,972
dabbling in fashion.
Right, right, right.
564
00:20:22,972 --> 00:20:24,223
I'll just spin it
right around and say
565
00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:25,683
when I see you
in Phil's clothes,
566
00:20:25,683 --> 00:20:27,769
I see someone
who can't have kids...
567
00:20:27,769 --> 00:20:29,020
Oh, it's starting.
Ooh!
568
00:20:29,020 --> 00:20:31,022
Shh, shh.
Love you. Excited.
Love you, bitch.
569
00:20:31,022 --> 00:20:32,440
Announcer:
Ladies and gentlemen,
570
00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:34,567
the moment you've
all been waiting for.
571
00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:37,362
The next generation
of rat fashion is upon us.
572
00:20:37,362 --> 00:20:39,989
The Phil fall line!
573
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:43,284
Great for barbecues,
574
00:20:43,284 --> 00:20:45,370
attending birthdays
of sons and daughters,
575
00:20:45,370 --> 00:20:47,497
and falling asleep
while watching TV.
576
00:20:47,497 --> 00:20:50,708
I prefer to tuck it in,
but you don't
have to, frankly.
577
00:20:50,708 --> 00:20:52,043
You don't have to.
578
00:20:52,043 --> 00:20:53,836
And you can just
spill on these, too.
579
00:20:53,836 --> 00:20:56,047
It's spill-resistant,
actually.
580
00:20:56,047 --> 00:20:57,757
That's the fall line?
That's the fall line?
581
00:20:58,758 --> 00:21:01,594
Fucking...
Did you guys see the...
582
00:21:01,594 --> 00:21:04,013
I call 'em "loafers."
583
00:21:04,013 --> 00:21:05,973
I'm not getting
much of a reaction.
584
00:21:05,973 --> 00:21:06,974
Female:
Boo.
585
00:21:06,974 --> 00:21:08,643
(crowd booing)
586
00:21:08,643 --> 00:21:10,603
Fuck you, Mr. Phil!
No! No!
587
00:21:10,603 --> 00:21:12,105
What are you doing?
Phil who?
588
00:21:12,105 --> 00:21:13,106
Phil who?
589
00:21:13,106 --> 00:21:14,440
But you all loved me?
590
00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:17,568
Remember me? The genius
that you all loved?!
591
00:21:17,568 --> 00:21:19,445
Get off the stage!
Fuck you, Phil!
592
00:21:19,445 --> 00:21:21,114
No!
593
00:21:21,114 --> 00:21:22,615
You made me like this!
594
00:21:22,615 --> 00:21:23,658
Boo!
Boo!
595
00:21:23,658 --> 00:21:25,785
Sharon!
596
00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:27,245
(sobbing)
597
00:21:27,245 --> 00:21:29,455
All right, okay.
Come on, man.
Let's get you out of here.
598
00:21:29,455 --> 00:21:31,207
No! It's bad.
No, I know.
599
00:21:31,207 --> 00:21:34,585
It's the worst thing
that could have happened.
Yeah. Yeah.
600
00:21:34,585 --> 00:21:35,962
It's pretty bad.
Excuse me, sir?
601
00:21:35,962 --> 00:21:37,964
Sir, right here. Hi.
Right here. Two of us.
602
00:21:37,964 --> 00:21:39,882
What is that?
What are you wearing?
603
00:21:39,882 --> 00:21:42,176
Uh... Nothing?
604
00:21:42,176 --> 00:21:43,136
(crowd gasps)
605
00:21:43,136 --> 00:21:45,513
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
606
00:21:45,513 --> 00:21:46,514
(crowd cheering)
Yeah!
607
00:21:46,514 --> 00:21:48,015
You're a genius.
Sir, you are a genius.
608
00:21:48,015 --> 00:21:49,684
(applause)
Oh, thank you.
609
00:21:49,684 --> 00:21:51,352
Haha. Oh, wow. Oh.
610
00:21:51,352 --> 00:21:53,354
You know what?
I get this, actually.
This feels really nice.
611
00:21:53,354 --> 00:21:55,231
It's good to be
in the spotlight.
Mike! Mike! Mike!
612
00:21:55,231 --> 00:21:56,357
Bravo!
Oh, thank you.
613
00:21:56,357 --> 00:21:57,358
(sobbing)
614
00:21:57,358 --> 00:22:00,319
I suppose I deserve this.
615
00:22:00,319 --> 00:22:02,989
♪ ♪
616
00:22:06,701 --> 00:22:07,785
Crazy times, huh?
617
00:22:07,785 --> 00:22:08,953
Yeah. No,
that was wild.
618
00:22:08,953 --> 00:22:10,872
It was kind of a fun
ride though, for a little bit.
619
00:22:10,872 --> 00:22:12,790
Honestly, I had
to do a lot of work at times,
Yeah.
620
00:22:12,790 --> 00:22:14,584
so that part wasn't fun,
but like...
Yeah, yeah.
621
00:22:14,584 --> 00:22:16,252
I talked to Marc Maron.
I know! Dude!
622
00:22:16,252 --> 00:22:17,712
I know.
He was really mean to me.
623
00:22:17,712 --> 00:22:19,046
I know!
I think that's, like,
his thing.
624
00:22:19,046 --> 00:22:20,423
It's like, his shtick,
or whatever.
Right.
625
00:22:20,423 --> 00:22:21,549
Anyway...
626
00:22:21,549 --> 00:22:24,051
It's so nuts how it's like,
you're hot, you're not.
627
00:22:24,051 --> 00:22:25,428
My pantsuit was sick.
628
00:22:25,428 --> 00:22:26,637
That was the peak of it,
I think.
629
00:22:26,637 --> 00:22:28,264
My pantsuit,
just so it's clear
Yeah.
630
00:22:28,264 --> 00:22:29,432
Exactly, yeah.
that, you know.
631
00:22:29,432 --> 00:22:31,184
Of course. Of course.
Just for the record books.
632
00:22:31,184 --> 00:22:32,602
Oh my God,
she's here.
633
00:22:34,103 --> 00:22:36,189
Dude, I think enough
time's gone by.
634
00:22:36,189 --> 00:22:39,275
I think maybe it's worth
going over and starting fresh.
635
00:22:40,943 --> 00:22:42,403
Maybe I should just
talk to her.
636
00:22:42,403 --> 00:22:44,489
We went through
so much together.
Just go over and talk to her.
637
00:22:44,489 --> 00:22:46,365
Might as well just--
Yeah, I think
that's a good move.
638
00:22:46,365 --> 00:22:47,533
I'm going over.
All right, cool.
639
00:22:47,533 --> 00:22:48,534
Good luck, dude.
640
00:22:48,534 --> 00:22:49,952
What'd you say?
I said good luck.
641
00:22:49,952 --> 00:22:51,245
Sorry.
Oh, thanks.
642
00:22:51,245 --> 00:22:52,955
Did you see
my tail piercing?
Yeah.
643
00:22:52,955 --> 00:22:55,124
Did it hurt?
It hurt so bad.
644
00:22:55,124 --> 00:22:56,626
Really?
I, like, bit my tongue.
645
00:22:56,626 --> 00:22:57,919
Hey, Sharon.
646
00:22:57,919 --> 00:22:59,587
Oh, hi, Phil.
647
00:22:59,587 --> 00:23:01,631
Listen, about before,
648
00:23:01,631 --> 00:23:02,840
and about everything.
649
00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:04,467
I just wanted
to apologize.
650
00:23:04,467 --> 00:23:07,678
That was really shitty
of me to lie to you
and be dishonest.
651
00:23:07,678 --> 00:23:11,015
I just did it because
I really do like you,
652
00:23:11,015 --> 00:23:13,893
and I think you're
super cool, and no one
else is nice to me,
653
00:23:13,893 --> 00:23:15,728
and I think
it stems from...
654
00:23:15,728 --> 00:23:18,314
I didn't have many friends
when I was a kid--
655
00:23:18,314 --> 00:23:21,025
Oh, my God,
Phil's getting a boner!
656
00:23:21,025 --> 00:23:22,485
What? Oh, my God!
That's a boner!
657
00:23:22,485 --> 00:23:23,903
Oh, shit. It's not--
What the fuck?!
658
00:23:23,903 --> 00:23:25,238
No, no, no, no, Sharon.
Oh my God!
659
00:23:25,238 --> 00:23:26,989
Sharon, relax, it's 'cause
I like you so much.
Ugh!
660
00:23:26,989 --> 00:23:28,866
I'm nervous. I'm just really
nervous when I'm around you.
661
00:23:28,866 --> 00:23:30,868
Someone call campus security!
No, no, you don't have to--
662
00:23:30,868 --> 00:23:32,036
Campus security!
Guys, drop it!
663
00:23:32,036 --> 00:23:33,871
Call campus security!
Sharon, I'm sorry!
664
00:23:33,871 --> 00:23:35,373
Campus security.
We're fine.
665
00:23:35,373 --> 00:23:37,083
What's the problem here?
This man has a boner!
666
00:23:37,083 --> 00:23:39,168
And you need to remove it
from the premises.
No...
667
00:23:39,168 --> 00:23:42,129
Get rid of that boner.
Sir, it's called
a nervous erection, actually.
668
00:23:42,129 --> 00:23:43,923
You're getting Tasered.
Sir, you don't
have to Tase me.
669
00:23:43,923 --> 00:23:45,466
It's not gonna help.
The Taser's gotta warm up.
670
00:23:45,466 --> 00:23:47,510
I don't feel safe.
Are you really
gonna tase me right now?
671
00:23:47,510 --> 00:23:49,345
Ooh, it's warming up.
Put it back!
672
00:23:49,345 --> 00:23:51,556
I can't put it back, Dana,
that's not how they work!
673
00:23:51,556 --> 00:23:52,598
Oh, Taser's warmed up.
674
00:23:52,598 --> 00:23:54,058
Here we go.
No, don't-- No, no, no, no!
675
00:23:54,058 --> 00:23:55,935
(electricity buzzes)
Oh, God!
676
00:23:55,935 --> 00:23:57,186
Relax.
Sharon!
677
00:23:57,186 --> 00:23:58,688
Aah!
One more time.
678
00:23:58,688 --> 00:23:59,939
Argh, fuck it!
679
00:23:59,939 --> 00:24:01,190
Sorry-- Sharon--
680
00:24:01,190 --> 00:24:03,234
No! Oh, God!
681
00:24:03,234 --> 00:24:06,237
♪ ♪
682
00:24:09,365 --> 00:24:12,952
I think it started with,
you know, I was
one of 36,
683
00:24:12,952 --> 00:24:14,412
so it was--
Small family.
684
00:24:14,412 --> 00:24:17,790
Yeah. But, you know,
even with such a small family,
685
00:24:17,790 --> 00:24:19,292
they never looked
at me, you know?
686
00:24:19,292 --> 00:24:20,960
I was just sort of
the runt of the litter.
Right.
687
00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:23,337
So, no one really
paid attention to you.
Yeah.
688
00:24:23,337 --> 00:24:24,755
All right, I'm sorry.
It's fine.
689
00:24:24,755 --> 00:24:26,799
We good?
Yeah, we're good, Marc.
690
00:24:26,799 --> 00:24:27,800
I feel good.
691
00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:29,510
Pow! I just shit my pants.
692
00:24:29,510 --> 00:24:32,638
And if I wasn't wearing them,
it'd be on the ground.
693
00:24:32,638 --> 00:24:33,639
All right, I get it.
694
00:24:33,639 --> 00:24:35,808
All right.
I guess Phil's got a point.
695
00:24:37,518 --> 00:24:41,480
♪ Stupid superstars ♪
696
00:24:46,986 --> 00:24:51,365
♪ The stupid
superstars are here ♪
697
00:24:51,365 --> 00:24:56,203
♪ Hypnotizing
everybody's ears ♪
698
00:24:56,203 --> 00:25:01,292
♪ And when the stupid
superstars appear ♪
699
00:25:01,292 --> 00:25:07,465
♪ The rich and famous
losers of the year ♪
700
00:25:07,465 --> 00:25:09,383
♪ And they don't make art ♪
51627
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