Original subtitles

Previously on 90210:

We're in two different places.

It's not your fault. It's because

we've grown apart.

Let's end this.

Hey, Naomi. See, that's not fair.

You know my name, but I don't know yours.

Liam.

NAOMI: Liam's a psychopath

and an awesome kisser.

You filmed us having sex?! What's wrong with you?

I love you. Silver, listen...

(screams)

I don't know what's going on anymore.

You are the reason we are out here looking for her right now.

She lives with you, Kelly, not me, okay?

You're the one who's supposed to be taking

care of her. DIXON: Silver!

I know what you're going through.

My mom used to go through the same type of thing.

Silver has bipolar disorder,

just like my birth mom.

♪ A thousand times I've seen you standing... ♪

DIXON: Oh, so apparently

they're going to be re-carpeting the school library.

Oh, yeah?

They're going to be doing it over spring break.

spring break.

Right.

I'm so out of it.

Is everybody psyched?

Yeah.

Half of the senior class is going to be partying

on Jake Olson's uncle's yacht in, uh, in the Greek Isles.

Supposedly his uncle

also invited Keith Richards,

uh, one of the Pussycat Dolls and...

Cookie?

Um, sure.

Thanks. You know, you can have a second if you'd like,

Silver, they're low sugar.

No kidding.

No, thanks.

So, are there any underclassmen

going to this yacht shindig or...

You know what, can we

change the subject, maybe talk about

something else a little less stimulating?

I'm sorry.

I don't mean to be a drag.

It's just someone with bipolar disorder

needs to maintain balance.

Right. You know, I totally get it.

Yeah. So, um...

what's new?

How was your yesterday?

Um, let's see...

I woke up, took my meds,

had breakfast with Kelly.

Did my homework,

had lunch with Kelly, went to see my therapist,

read an unstimulating book,

had dinner with Kelly,

took more meds,

wrote in my journal, listened to some

unstimulating music

and went to sleep.

It was a blast.

DIXON: Structure's important.

I'm sure.

DONNA: Yes, it is.

Speaking of structure, Dixon,

I'm sorry, but I think

that's enough visiting for now.

Sure, no problem.

Hey, Kelly?

Can we get some privacy to say good-bye?

Oh, sure.

Yeah, of course.

I'll come over tomorrow, if you want.

Dixon, you should take a breather.

Go somewhere for spring break.

I was thinking about it.

But the thought of leaving when you maybe needed me

seemed kind of crazy.

It's okay.

Just go.

Have some fun.

I mean it.

Maybe.

I'll call you later?

Not after 8:00.

♪ Singing ♪

♪ Sweetly... ♪

(Dixon chuckling)

T-minus six hours

until spring break freedom.

Whatever.

Who cares?

Whoa.

Call me the most perceptive brother in the world,

but I think you're not totally excited

about said break.

It's just...

You know, me and Ethan were going to spend

the whole vacation together,

and do all of these fun L.A. things

that we never have time to do.

And then I was gonna get my prom dress.

But now instead

I'll just spend the whole time alone,

wallowing in my post-breakup funk.

Well, instead of wallowing,

how would you feel about a little brother-sister road trip?

Are you serious?

Yeah. Silver's pretty much holed up

with Kelly 24/seven.

Come on, I miss... I miss hanging out with you.

We used to do stuff together all the time.

Ever since we got here...

I don't know, it just seems like

we don't have any one-on-one time.

I know.

Well, a road trip to where?

I was thinking Arizona.

What's in Arizona?

Adventure.

Oh, and about five water parks

all within a 150-mile radius.

What, water parks? Are you serious?

Uh, that's if you don't love 'em anymore.

Oh, you bite your blasphemous tongue.

But Mom and Dad are never going to let us go to Arizona alone.

Yeah, but they will let us go to Grandma's house

in Palm Springs.

J-Just saying.

I know how much you're all going to miss me over spring break,

so for those of you who just can't bear it,

I still have a few slots left open

on my Habitat for Humanity trip.

Volunteer house-building crap?

Yeah, otherwise known as a chance to help victims

of the California wildfires rebuild their lives.

Unless there's going to be drunk chicks doing body shots,

I'm gonna stick with South Beach.

You're such a pig, Jaime.

Thank you, Naomi.

Any interest?

Build houses for poor people--

have poor people wait on me hand and foot in Cabo...

Tough choice.

Let me ask you this--

how many times have you been to Cabo?

Hmm, probably as many times as you've been

to whatever discount shoe store you frequent.

(students chuckle) Don't any of you want

to do something different every once in a while?

You know, experience

something you haven't experienced before

or, uh, learn something about yourselves?

I'll sign up.

Seriously?

Seriously?

Why not?

I want to experience things I've never experienced before.

Take a risk, for a change. JAIME: Me, too.

That's why I'm going to Vegas with my dad's black card.

That sounds real meaningful.

Glad to have you, Ethan. Will you pass this back?

I cannot believe we ever dated.

I mean, the fact that you find this trip

even remotely interesting is...

(bell ringing)

Hey, you. I didn't know you signed up for the... Ugh...

Habitat for Humanity trip. I did, too.

How excited are you

about giving something back to poor people?

I'm in Matthews' sociology elective

and I cut a few classes.

He's making me go.

Otherwise he's going to fail me.

It sucks. Yeah, I know, it totally sucks.

I'm actually being made to go to by, you know, family.

But I guess, silver lining,

it looks like we'll be able to spend some time together.

Yeah, maybe.

See you later.

Silver?

You okay?

I was in the shower.

For an hour?

Just looking for a little privacy.

KELLY: Right.

Here.

Okay...

it's time for your mood chart.

Let's see here--

it's 9:30.

What is your mood?

Irritated.

Okay, irritated.

How irritated, on a scale of one to ten?

I was at a four, but you asked me--

that bumped me up to a six.

Six, okay, then.

How would you like to spend your time before bed?

Would you like to journal?

No, I would not like to journal.

Nor would I like to use the word "journal" as a verb.

Okay, um... what do you want to do, then?

Nothing. Just sit here in silence.

Okay, fine.

(sighs)

(doorbell ringing)

I'll get it.

(gasps) Surprise!

Donna!

Oh, my gosh! Oh!

KELLY: Oh, Ruby, look at you. Oh!

Now, you don't have to take your shoes off.

I'm so used to doing it in Japan.

You know what, I'll take whatever height I can get.

I don't want to look like a pipsqueak next to

my half-sister-in-law who's so grown up and so beautiful.

And, Silver, come here and give me a hug.

How are you? I've been better.

But I've been a lot worse.

And I'm so happy that you're here.

Don't worry-- not too happy.

DONNA: I'm happy to be here.

When Kelly told me what you went through,

all I wanted to do was come to L.A. and hug you.

Thanks. Oh, what about your work?

Won't the entire Japanese fashion world collapse

in your absence?

Well, there'll probably be a lot of skyping and e-mailing

to remind my employees

which end of the zipper goes at the top of the dress,

but they'll survive.

I'm in L.A. I hugged Silver.

Now Ruby and I can go check into a hotel. No way!

Sammy's visiting Dylan, so you guys can stay in his room.

Yeah.

Okay? Okay.

So what can I get you?

We have juice, water, wine.

Oh, uh, we have

some amazing

sugar-free cookies.

They taste like Styrofoam.

That sounds delicious.

But you know what,

I'm going to make you guys some tea.

We'll have our own little chanoyu,

which is the Japanese tea ceremony.

Ooh.

Look at you, all worldly and stuff.

Oh, shut up.

No, you're famous. You are.

What can I say?

The French have Jerry Lewis, the Japanese have Donna Martin.

Who knew?

Okay, you go make some tea

and then you can tell us all about

your glamorous life. Yes, and do not leave out

a sequin.

Uh, actually,

Silver,

you have to get to bed.

Sorry.

Fine.

Good night, Donna.

Good night.

Night, Kelly.

I'll explain. I have a lot to tell you.

Okay, so we just have to call Mom and Dad

in an hour and 45 minutes and let them know

that we made it to Palm Springs.

Nice.

You are one crafty sister.

I know. Brother-sister road trip.

Brother-sister road trip.

(laughing)

All right, so look,

the first song of a road trip-- super important, all right?

Sets the whole tone.

You know what we've got to listen to, right? Mm-hmm.

"Seasons of Love." "No Sleep 'Til Brooklyn."

The Beastie Boys? Rent? Are you serious?

All right, look, look,

the driver controls the music.

The passenger

controls the snacks.

(clearing throat)

May I have

a refreshment, please?

Why, certainly you may.

Yep, it is all yours...

once I start hearing the sweet sounds of the Rent soundtrack.

Don't, don't don...

Oh.

All right, remember, we have, we have some time.

We have miles to go.

Watch. Watch. (laughs)

So just you and me. Mm-hmm.

How will we pass the time?

Oh, I got an idea:

sex.

Lots

of sex... starting now.

Starting later. No, no, no!

I have an assignment for my photography class.

I have to line up a nude model.

Hubba hubba.

Really? That's your response?

One hubba too many?

(laughs)

Sorry. You're right.

You know, sweetheart, this is a professional undertaking

and I, I should behave accordingly.

I'd appreciate that.

You know something, sweetheart?

I-I haven't watched you work in a long time.

I want to see the magic happen.

(chuckles)

I bet you do. (laughs)

RYAN: Uh, now look, everyone. Susanna here is a real stickler

for rules, and you know, with good reason.

There's a lot of kids, a lot of power tools.

I'm just saying, I don't want to take anyone to the hospital,

uh, because I don't know where it is.

Hi. Play your cards right,

maybe we'll get some alone time together.

That's an oxymoron.

RYAN: Uh, one last thing to be aware of,

this is Chumash country.

So if you find any Native American artifacts

or anything that might

be worth money, go ahead and return that to me.

Hope we find some of that ancient Chumash weed.

I heard that stuff gets you so messed up!

Are you talking about peyote?

Which Native Americans used

to expand their minds

and open themselves up to revelations?

Because I wouldn't recommend it.

You might realize what an idiot you are.

(laughs)

RYAN: All right, guys, that's enough.

Introduce yourselves to Susanna. She's gonna give

you your assignments.

Let's do some good here, you know? Let's build a house!

Whoo!

S...

E!

Hey, you. Liking the trip so far?

Yeah. I mean, I'm excited

for things to get going, you know?

But it definitely feels good

to be doing something different

and bust out of my comfort zone...

Yeah, I totally get it.

So listen, if I said to someone,

"I can't wait to spend some alone time together,"

and that person said to me, "That's an oxymoron,"

what do you think that person meant?

Uh, that it's an oxymoron to be alone together.

No, not what he meant. What he meant meant.

What are you talking about?

Okay, so I have this little thing going with Liam.

I don't know. He's playing it really close to the vest.

I think he's into me. I mean, why wouldn't he be?

But then he says these cryptic things

like "maybe" and "that's an oxymoron,"

and I'm just, like, "What?"

So, what do you think?

I think, ideally, you'd talk

to someone else about this.

Who?

The girls on this trip are smelly granolas.

I mean, seriously, they're wearing utility sandals.

And not a single one of them

complimented me on my adorable little shorts.

(chuckles)

Hey, you could talk to Liam!

Suss out what he thinks about me.

Yeah, absolutely not.

Great, so you'll think about it. 'Kay!

No! Not doing it.

No, Monday is not good enough.

I need the samples by Friday.

Did you hear back from Paris?

(speaking Japanese) Karl Lagerfeld...

(speaks Japanese)

Very impressive, Donna.

And also illegal.

You're not allowed to drive and talk on the phone

at the same time anymore without a Bluetooth.

Are you serious?

Well, I haven't been behind the wheel for quite a while.

Oh, by the way, the public transportation system in Tokyo

is so amazing.

(laughing)

What?

Just picturing you on the subway.

What? I love the subway.

Well, people change, I guess.

Oh, my gosh. Speaking of change,

I drove by Now Wear This the other day.

Oh, our old store.

Yeah!

Now it's a different kind of boutique.

Specializing in medical marijuana.

No way.

Way.

Well, maybe if we had sold hemp clothing

we wouldn't have gone bankrupt.

Well, we tried, didn't we?

You can't win 'em all.

What are you talking about? You won Japan.

And you and David are like a power couple.

Hey, speaking of David, how is he?

You haven't said anything about him.

Oh, David is, David is fabulous. Fabulous.

He just got a big promotion

and you know that girl rapper he discovered,

the 15-year-old from Osaka? Yeah.

She's totally blowing up.

Oh, you know what? We have to go

to Opening Ceremony and to Curve.

We have a lot of shopping to do.

DIXON: Look, I'm just saying,

this is the third time we've stopped already.

Maybe if you stop drinking so much Dr. Pepper. We're on a road trip.

Drinking Dr. Pepper is practically a requirement.

Then the next stop better have a snack machine,

'cause I need to be re-chipified.

Hey, Dixon, um...

thanks for suggesting this trip.

It's exactly what I needed.

Yeah. Me, too.

Put the paper down on the toilet.

(keypad beeping)

Hi. Um... is Dana Bowen there?

Oh, okay.

Well, um, do you know when she'll be back from lunch?

Um, no, no, it's cool.

Um, uh, I don't need to leave a message.

I'll come see her myself.

All right, thank you. Bye.

NAOMI: Pretty please?

To make up for you cheating on me with Annie.

No, we were broken up.

Let's not dwell on the details.

It hurt. Plus, I'm going

to keep bugging you until you say yes anyway.

I mean, I never get tired of bugging.

I could bug you all day long.

Fine, fine! I'll ask Liam if he likes you

just so you'll shut up.

Yay! Hey, don't tell him I sent him, or sent you or that I like him.

In fact, don't mention me at all.

Except to, of course, find out if he likes me. Um...

(quietly): Just shut up!

Hey, man, I'm Ethan.

Good for you.

Uh, well, hey, look,

I know it's like an awkward question, but, uh...

do you (clears throat) like Naomi?

Huh.

Hey, so this must be the part

where the, uh, jealous ex-boyfriend comes over

and threatens the new guy.

You gonna punch me now?

No, I'm not going to punch you. Oh, come on.

Isn't that how you jocks roll?

I mean, don't get me wrong, I think it's adorable.

Unfortunately, I'm not really in the mood

for a pissing contest right now.

Hey, man, what's your problem?

They run out of black eyeliner at Rebels-R-Us?

Take it easy. Don't go into a 'roid rage.

Go to hell.

Right back at you, man.

The guy's an ass.

Yeah, I know.

But does he like me?

♪ ♪

(speaking Japanese)

I don't like when they cut the octopus too thin.

Me either. (chuckles) Okay...

We have 45 minutes

before we have to pick up Silver from therapy.

Okay.

So, how are you holding up?

Well, I love Silver's doctors.

Both her psychiatrist

and her therapist are great,

and she's responding really well

to the medicine. Kel...

I didn't ask how Silver's doing.

I asked how you're doing.

It's been hard.

I can tell that Silver resents

my constant monitoring, but I don't care.

I am willing to do whatever it takes

for her to get better, even if

it means she ends up hating me.

Thank you.

The octopus looks pretty good.

Yeah, see to me, it still looks like octopus.

(laughs)

Hey, guys, sorry to interrupt.

I just have to say I love your dress.

Oh, thank you.

I just spent, like, the whole morning trooping around stores

looking for something to wear to this premiere party.

Your dress is the first thing

I've seen that I actually like.

You're Diablo Cody, right?

Yeah.

Diablo Cody. She wrote Juno.

Sorry. Uh, maybe it didn't come to Japan.

Oh, no, it did, but they called it Teenage Mommy-Girl.

No. You wrote Teenage Mommy-Girl?

I loved that movie.

Thank you. I love your dress.

She designed it. Donna is amazing.

She's like the Stella McCartney of Japan.

Minus the rock star pedigree... and the rock star baggage.

Well, who sells your stuff?

I would love to wear one of your dresses

to this premiere. Oh...

No one around here, unfortunately.

But she sews really fast,

don't ya? Yes, I have

been known to sew rather fast,

especially before the Japanese Oscars. DIABLO: Cool.

All rightie, buckaroos, you'll be stayin' in "Cowhide."

You need anything at all, feel free to pick up the phone

and give a hee-haw. Have fun.

Okay, maniac, where did you find this place?

They were running a deal online.

Oh, no wonder.

So, where should we begin?

I was leaning towards Oasis

because it has an eight-story tower

and was voted one of the ten-best

water parks by the Travel Channel,

but maybe we shouldn't start

with the best. Dixon?

Where should we start, Oasis or Big Surf?

Look, I gotta tell you something.

We're not actually here for the water parks.

My birth mom lives here.

♪ ♪

Hey, so we met the woman who wrote Teenage Mommy-Girl.

Juno.

Diablo Cody? Yeah.

You met Diablo Cody?

Uh-huh. Yeah. Donna's gonna

design her dress for some big premiere.

No way! I have been reading her blog for years.

She's my idol.

And I'm gonna style her, too.

Well, 'cause I'm such a control freak.

I want to make sure she doesn't pick out any crazy accessories.

Wait. Do you want to come with me?

Maybe you could be my assistant.

Oh, really?

Yeah. I would love it.

No, you guys. I...

It's not a good idea. It's, you know, a big red carpet

event with all the people and paparazzi

and celebrities and limos and... no.

I-I just think it's too much.

Kelly...

I'm sorry, Silver.

You just got out of the hospital.

(sighs)

Mood: angry.

Level ten.

♪ Old Jack was king ♪

♪ But she stole the scene... ♪

(grunting)

Yeah, you're not supposed to break branches

off of living trees for kindling.

Look, who it is, the oxymoron himself.

And yes, I know what that means.

Oh, aren't you the little philologist.

(laughs)

I need to get back to camp.

I wish you wouldn't.

Really? And why is that?

Because... we can't do this at camp.

♪ ♪

NAOMI: There you are.

(sighs)

So, Liam and I did it in the woods.

He totally likes me.

It was so obvious.

And yes, it was amazing.

(sighs)

The things he did with his hands...

Maybe just tell him this.

He went off to score some peyote.

Lame. He knows I hate drugs.

(chuckles)

He is a bad, bad boy.

ETHAN: Hey.

Mr. Matthews, so, uh, are we gonna

get a chance to explore the area?

Ah, yeah. You know, unfortunately,

I don't think there's gonna be time for that.

So basically, this whole trip is just like school,

only with hot dogs and hammering?

And s'mores.

Come on, man, what were you expecting?

I don't know.

To interact with different people,

to get different perspectives.

I just wanted

something different to happen, anything.

You said that we were gonna learn

something new about ourselves.

Well, you learned you don't like hammering.

Look, be patient, man, maybe you will.

Thanks.

♪ ♪

(camera clicking)

No, no, I-I'm just, I'm just saying,

you could have told me.

I did tell you.

No, you said, "nude model."

I assumed that you

meant a woman.

That's not my fault.

Can you turn a little to the left?

D-Do you have to get that close?

Harry...

It is a legitimate question.

I'm just saying, you got a naked man

standing in front of you with his schlong hanging out.

I can hear you.

Sorry, buddy. (sighs)

No problem. (clears throat)

(phone ringing) Okay.

Let's go back.

Annie.

Why don't you take that outside?

Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you?

(sighs)

Hi, sweetheart.

How's Grandma's house?

Great, great.

Yes, terrific.

We are just,

we're sitting by the pool.

What are you guys up to?

Just working on a crossword puzzle.

Okay.

Well, then I will let you get back to it.

Have a good night.

Tell Dixon we love him.

Uh, will do.

Bye.

That is really good.

That's amazing. What the hell?

Oh, my goodness, these are gonna be so great!

(sighs)

What's wrong?

I didn't like lying to Dad like that.

We were already lying to him.

I mean, we're not in Palm Springs.

It's not the same thing, and you know it, Dixon.

Fine. I know. But I couldn't tell Mom and Dad about this,

about my birth mother.

They would have made some big deal out of it.

Yeah, okay, maybe. But... but why'd you lie to me?

You told me we were here

for water parks. I was gonna tell you.

I just thought you might be upset.

Yeah, well,

you were right, I am.

Or freaked out

or something.

Look, I just want to see her.

I want to make sure she's okay.

And if she is, then what?

You gonna stay here in Arizona?

Of course not.

Geez, Annie.

I'm sorry.

I know that.

Or at least I think I know.

It's just, you have this whole past,

this whole family,

this, this whole side of you that I don't know.

Yeah, I-I get it.

I guess in a way,

there's a whole side of me I don't even know.

And that's really weird.

I need to tell her I'm sorry.

For what?

After my grandma died,

this social worker asked me if I wanted to go back

and live with my mom or if I wanted to be adopted.

I was so mad with my mom

for being crazy, you know?

So I chose adoption.

I left her.

Yeah.

Ever since all this happened with Silver,

I see things differently.

She had a disease.

It wasn't her fault.

So I just want to see how she's doing

and tell her I'm sorry.

Oh. Hey, dude.

What do you want?

I heard you might have some peyote.

I'll pay you for it.

Let me think.

No.

Why not?

Because I don't think you can handle it.

Oh, yeah?

Well, how about this?

You give me some, or I'll tell Matthews you're holding.

Think you can handle that?

Blackmail, huh?

Not exactly keeping with

the ancient Chumash spirit.

Fine.

I'll make the tea tomorrow night, we'll drink it together.

Uh, no thanks, man.

I think I'll be fine on my own.

Easy does it, jock.

This is a pretty hard-core experience.

You need a guide.

Someone to make sure you don't freak

and try to saw off that prized lacrosse arm.

That's the deal.

Otherwise, no dice.

Hey. Sorry.

Did I wake you? Oh, no.

I had to go to the bathroom, and I saw the light on.

Can I see? Of course, please.

(chuckles)

Oh, wow.

I love this fabric.

Oh.

Um, so, what do you think of the dress?

It's gorgeous.

But better get back to bed

before the warden realizes that I'm up.

Hey, Silver, hold on a sec.

I, uh,

I just want to tell you a little story.

When I had

my first runway show in Japan,

everything going great,

until this one model, Yuko,

refused to wear the heels I picked out.

She went on and on about how

they were impossible to walk in.

I was furious.

How dare she try to ruin my show, right?

Yeah, totally.

Well, then I put on said heels.

Walked two steps, fell flat on my butt.

(laughs)

Yuko was totally right.

I thought she was trying to ruin my show,

but she was really just trying to make it good.

Do you see what

I'm trying to say? Yeah.

That Kelly and I should try walking in each other's shoes.

Huh.

That story works on two levels.

Yeah, well, Kelly's shoes suck.

(sighs softly)

So, just, uh, give me a shout when you're done,

and I'll come get you.

I'm gonna explore.

Sounds good.

I'll...

That's her.

Go.

I can't.

Yes, you can.

No. No.

I-I can't.

I can't.

Thought I was ready

to see her.

But I'm not.

It's still too painful.

I wish I could go apologize to her.

But I'm just not ready yet.

Excuse me.

You are Dana Bowen, right?

Yeah.

I'm Annie.

I'm Dixon's sister.

My-my Dixon?

Yeah.

Um, we drove here

so he could see you.

He wanted to tell you something.

But then he got too nervous, so I said I would do it.

Well, what?

What-what did he want to tell me?

He wanted to apologize.

What does he have to apologize for?

When he was eight, a social worker asked him

if he wanted to stay with you

or get adopted.

So, he wanted to apologize

for choosing to leave.

He thought that was his choice?

Yeah.

He was an eight-year-old kid.

I mean, that social worker

might have asked him, but believe me,

I made the decision.

Because it was what was best for him.

Well, I will tell him that.

Thank you.

Wait.

Can you stay a minute?

Is he...

Um...

Is Dixon okay?

Dixon's great.

He's really great.

How are you doing?

Pretty good, you know.

I got a job, an apartment...

I'm doing okay.

He will be so glad to hear that.

So, he finally got himself a sister, huh?

You know, growing up, Dixon always wanted one.

He used to beg me to buy him a sister at the hospital.

Oh, really?

Oh, yeah.

His little cousin, um,

she left a little baby doll at the house once.

Well, Dixon said she left it,

but I always thought he stole it.

(laughs) He used to drag

that doll around, calling it his sister.

Named her Mango.

Mango?

Mango.

(laughs)

ETHAN: How much longer till it kicks in?

LIAM: Any minute now.

Here's what Hunter Thompson taught me.

Look at a fixed point in the horizon

and start taking deep breaths.

Faster. Oxygen helps activate the mescaline.

You should be feeling it now.

Empty your mind.

Really empty it.

(rustling nearby)

Whoa...

Check out that coyote.

What coyote?

There was just a...

Look, there was just...

Whoa, am I tripping?

Right on.

That wasn't a coyote.

That was a peyote coyote.

Cool.

It's time to close your eyes.

Now...

picture your own face.

Okay.

And go into the image of your face

till you're looking into one of your eyes.

Uh-huh. Okay.

What is your expression on the face within your face?

I think I'm frowning.

Whoa. That's, uh, surprising.

Yeah, that's... that's not how people see me.

But it's the face

within the face.

You know what I'm saying?

I think so.

People think I'm someone different than I am.

Let me ask you something, why do you smile?

I smile...

...'cause I don't want to cause trouble for anyone.

I don't want to make

anyone's life harder.

Not my teachers,

not my coaches, definitely not my parents.

My brother's autistic, so they need me to be easy,

not make any waves.

I don't want to cause any conflicts,

so I just pretend like I'm fine.

Even when I'm not.

It's like a habit, I guess.

But I'm tired of it.

I'm tired of always being the good guy.

I'm tired of feeling like a phony.

(distant echoing howl)

♪ ♪

Okay, you are making this dress look so good.

Please. This dress is making me look good.

You have got to open a store in L.A., Donna.

Seriously, we need you here.

Whoa! How'd you get that past me?

Diablo, it's time to hit the red carpet.

Let's go, let's go, let's go. Okay.

Oh, wait! Come on, let's go. Let's go!

Hold on. Hold on. Wait, wait, wait!

Wait! Wait!

REPORTER: The stars are on the red carpet tonight.

Right now, being joined by Oscar winner

Diablo Cody. Nice to see you. Looking fantastic.

DIABLO: Hi! Nice to see you, too!

Is that... Donna!

...I have to ask you, where's the Academy Award...

Donna is on the red carpet! Oh!

(cheering)

Tell me a little bit about your dress.

Uh, this is a Donna Martin. Huh?

Uh, yeah, actually, I have the designer right here with me.

(gasps)

Donna, perfect, tell me a little bit about your style.

What...

Hi, everybody.

Sorry.

(squealing)

(laughing and cheering)

Oh, my God.

DIABLO: You're actually not going to believe this, but God knows...

(laughing)

(TV clicks off)

We haven't laughed like this in a while.

Yeah.

I know you think I'm too strict,

but we can't forget what happened.

And I don't!

Believe me, I don't forget about it for an instant.

I have this to remind me every day.

But I don't want my whole life to be about that.

You know, Donna used to work with this model named Yuko...

Wait, she told you that story, too?

Yeah.

All right, look,

you were right about the premiere.

It would have been too much for me.

But I still need some spontaneity in my life.

Even if it's just deciding to...

put on a face masque and bake some cookies,

watch a horror movie.

What do you say we put on a face masque, bake some cookies?

And watch a horror movie?

Don't push it.

(laughing) Come on.

Yeah. No more phoniness. No more faking it.

From now on, if I'm upset about stuff,

people are going to know it. I'm-I'm talking a lot.

Am I ruining your high? Nah.

It's pretty profound going along with someone else's trip.

I'm going to take a leak.

(sighs) This stuff's delicious.

(rustling) (Liam yells)

Damn! Liam?

Liam?

I'm over here.

(groaning)

I jacked my ankle.

Oh, man. You look weird down there.

Will you give me a hand?

Sure. No, no.

Wait. That's what the old Ethan

would've done-- would've helped out, been the good guy.

What if this is some kind of cosmic test?

This isn't a cosmic test. How do you know it's not a cosmic test?

Because you didn't take peyote, jackass.

What? You worked all day inhaling paint fumes,

you had a few too many beers and you drank some herb tea.

You were screwing with me?

Yeah. My bad.

Now, can you get me out of here?

Thanks.

(fists smacking)

(groans)

If you can't bring Mohammed to the mountain...

(screaming)

Hi.

Diablo Cody is in my house,

and my face is a crusty pukefest.

I once knew a stripper named Crusty Pukefest.

Oh, my God! I love your dress.

I love your movie. I love your TV show. Thank you.

I love your blog! I love your book!

I love your hair! Oh, my God, I love your hair.

Then, you know, we have to get a picture.

Would you mind doing the honors? Oh, yeah, yeah.

DIABLO: Awesome. (squealing)

Diablo Cody!

Okay!

(camera shutter snaps)

Look, I tried to score peyote and I couldn't.

I messed with you because I don't respond well to threats.

And because you're a douchebag.

Okay, that, too.

You wanted a self-revelation and you got one.

You just weren't high.

Hallucinogens aren't all they're cracked up to be.

Oh, thanks, Dr. Drew.

I'm serious.

Last time I dropped acid, I lost it and tried to cut my arm off.

I would have cut down to the bone

if my girl hadn't stopped me.

Whoa, that's... Crazy?

No kidding.

Now you know something about me, okay?

So we're even.

I knew you were going to punch me sooner or later.

Go to hell.

It's so nice having you here.

Not to be selfish, but sometimes it really sucks

having my best friend live halfway around the world. Yeah.

You know, I've actually been toying with the idea

of opening a store in L.A... Who knows?

Maybe L.A. is ready for me now, hemp or no hemp.

Oh, that would be amazing.

Do you think David would go for it?

Donna, what's going on?

David and I are separated.

I'm sorry.

(rock music plays)

You have the worst taste in music.

Don't say that. I am your Mango.

I swear to you, I do not remember

anything about that doll.

Oh, Mango thinks you do.

(chuckling)

(chuckling)

Look, um...

Thank you

so much for talking to her.

You know, 'cause if you hadn't, um...

I still would have been feeling bad

and really guilty.

And next time, when I am ready

to talk to her...

will you come back with me again?

Of course.

Hey, you.

I thought maybe you could give me a ride.

Your house on the way to Ethan's?

Excuse me?

(indistinct conversation)

You're giving him a ride?

Forget it. I have my car here, I just remembered.

And I just remembered how hot you were in the woods,

so don't worry.

You'll be getting that ride very soon.

♪ ♪