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1
00:00:03,403 --> 00:00:05,701
2
00:00:11,511 --> 00:00:12,978
3
00:00:28,628 --> 00:00:29,788
Yep.
4
00:00:31,064 --> 00:00:32,258
Yep.
5
00:00:33,967 --> 00:00:35,093
Yep.
6
00:00:35,835 --> 00:00:36,824
7
00:00:39,305 --> 00:00:42,934
You know what it could be?
That damn starter motor.
8
00:00:43,576 --> 00:00:45,544
You getting good compression?
9
00:00:45,678 --> 00:00:46,770
Yeah.
10
00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:49,477
I know what's wrong with it.
11
00:00:49,682 --> 00:00:51,047
It's a Ford.
12
00:00:51,451 --> 00:00:53,976
You know what they say
Ford stands for, don't you?
13
00:00:54,154 --> 00:00:56,645
It stands for "Fix It Again, Tony."
14
00:00:57,424 --> 00:00:59,756
You're thinking of a Fiat, Dale.
15
00:01:00,493 --> 00:01:03,360
"Fix It Again"...
16
00:01:06,366 --> 00:01:07,993
I'll tell you what you do.
17
00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:10,662
You take them spark plugs out,
and in that little hole...
18
00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:13,365
you put oil round there,
just like Bobby Unser said:
19
00:01:13,440 --> 00:01:16,238
"The shock'd go bo-boom," just like that.
20
00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:19,910
Well, I wish it were
that simple, Boomhauer.
21
00:01:20,246 --> 00:01:22,908
But I'll tell you
what my truck really needs.
22
00:01:22,982 --> 00:01:24,006
Leadership.
23
00:01:24,451 --> 00:01:26,851
Detroit hasn't felt any real pride...
24
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:29,184
since George Bush went to Japan...
25
00:01:29,255 --> 00:01:31,849
and vomited on their auto executives.
26
00:01:32,158 --> 00:01:33,557
Who's ready?
27
00:01:36,529 --> 00:01:37,928
28
00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:41,560
You all catch the Seinfeld show last night?
29
00:01:41,634 --> 00:01:43,727
- Yep.
- Hell, I missed it.
30
00:01:43,803 --> 00:01:46,863
See that part where
dang old George comes in there?
31
00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:48,840
He talks about tasting his own burp.
32
00:01:48,908 --> 00:01:52,105
And Kramer comes sliding
in just like he always does.
33
00:01:52,178 --> 00:01:55,909
I tell you what, man,
them dang old New York boys.
34
00:01:56,282 --> 00:01:58,011
Just a show about nothing.
35
00:02:01,321 --> 00:02:03,585
36
00:02:32,252 --> 00:02:34,220
What you listening to, son?
37
00:02:34,287 --> 00:02:35,811
I don't think you'd like it.
38
00:02:35,889 --> 00:02:36,878
Well, why not?
39
00:02:36,956 --> 00:02:39,220
I like this new generation of music.
40
00:02:39,559 --> 00:02:41,186
41
00:02:41,761 --> 00:02:42,819
WOMAN: Hello?
42
00:02:42,896 --> 00:02:43,988
43
00:02:44,063 --> 00:02:46,691
Mother of God! It's all toilet sounds!
44
00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:48,533
Where did you record this?
45
00:02:48,601 --> 00:02:50,068
I bought it at the mall.
46
00:02:50,136 --> 00:02:51,694
It's the Funny Phone Jerks.
47
00:02:51,771 --> 00:02:55,798
HANK: Let me tell you, Bobby,
there's nothing funny about these sounds.
48
00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:59,911
What that person on your tape has
is a medical disorder.
49
00:03:00,213 --> 00:03:02,272
Now you get ready for the game, okay?
50
00:03:02,348 --> 00:03:03,539
Yes, sir.
51
00:03:03,549 --> 00:03:03,878
Yes, sir.
52
00:03:04,249 --> 00:03:06,046
That boy ain't right.
53
00:03:06,919 --> 00:03:07,851
54
00:03:07,920 --> 00:03:08,852
HANK: Oh, God!
55
00:03:08,921 --> 00:03:11,219
Luanne, I thought you went home!
56
00:03:11,290 --> 00:03:13,781
No, Uncle Hank,
Mama and Daddy are still fighting.
57
00:03:14,026 --> 00:03:15,926
Well, you're welcome to stay.
58
00:03:15,994 --> 00:03:18,690
But for God's sakes, girl, lock the door.
59
00:03:18,797 --> 00:03:21,425
I've got a minor son living in this house.
60
00:03:21,767 --> 00:03:23,029
61
00:03:24,102 --> 00:03:27,663
So are you ready
to kick some Wildcat butt, Bobby?
62
00:03:28,106 --> 00:03:29,198
Okay.
63
00:03:29,341 --> 00:03:32,640
Now don't you worry, son.
You just do your best.
64
00:03:32,711 --> 00:03:34,372
Don't listen to her, Bobby.
65
00:03:34,446 --> 00:03:38,405
If you want to win, you're gonna have
to do better than your best.
66
00:03:38,483 --> 00:03:40,110
How do I do that?
67
00:03:40,185 --> 00:03:43,120
You gotta give 110 percent.
68
00:03:43,555 --> 00:03:45,750
That's what'll give you that winning edge.
69
00:03:45,824 --> 00:03:49,282
But what if the Wildcats
give 110 percent, too?
70
00:03:49,628 --> 00:03:51,687
Well, then you gotta try even harder.
71
00:03:51,763 --> 00:03:54,288
How about if Bobby gave 112 percent?
72
00:03:54,766 --> 00:03:56,461
Sure, that'd work.
73
00:03:56,535 --> 00:03:59,504
Or maybe 113.
74
00:03:59,638 --> 00:04:00,627
75
00:04:00,706 --> 00:04:02,799
Yeah, yeah, that's even better.
76
00:04:02,874 --> 00:04:04,171
No, I don't know.
77
00:04:04,242 --> 00:04:06,142
13 is a very unlucky number.
78
00:04:06,211 --> 00:04:08,509
Look, we're not talking about 13.
79
00:04:08,580 --> 00:04:11,105
We're talking about 113.
80
00:04:11,183 --> 00:04:12,616
And even...
81
00:04:12,684 --> 00:04:15,710
Okay, give 112, what's the difference?
82
00:04:15,787 --> 00:04:18,688
Look, Bobby, just do your best, okay?
83
00:04:19,224 --> 00:04:20,384
84
00:04:21,994 --> 00:04:24,258
HANK: Swing, Bobby! Swing! Swing!
85
00:04:24,496 --> 00:04:26,191
86
00:04:26,264 --> 00:04:27,162
Ball one.
87
00:04:27,232 --> 00:04:29,257
Good eye, honey, good eye.
88
00:04:30,235 --> 00:04:32,066
Oh, for crying out loud.
89
00:04:33,939 --> 00:04:37,204
Bobby, you can't make an omelet
without breaking eggs.
90
00:04:37,275 --> 00:04:40,438
And you can't get on base
without taking a swing.
91
00:04:40,512 --> 00:04:43,208
The pitcher could walk me, couldn't he?
92
00:04:43,315 --> 00:04:45,442
Don't play lawyer-ball, son.
93
00:04:45,550 --> 00:04:48,348
Now you hit the next one out of the park.
94
00:04:51,123 --> 00:04:52,750
HANK: Run!
95
00:04:53,258 --> 00:04:54,247
Run! Run!
96
00:04:55,193 --> 00:04:56,217
97
00:04:56,294 --> 00:04:57,591
98
00:04:58,930 --> 00:05:02,058
HANK: Look at the batter, boy!
Watch the ball!
99
00:05:02,167 --> 00:05:03,191
Huh?
100
00:05:03,268 --> 00:05:04,394
What?
101
00:05:04,469 --> 00:05:07,802
Hey, don't look at me!
Keep your eye on the ball.
102
00:05:07,873 --> 00:05:09,841
Keep my eye on the what?
103
00:05:09,908 --> 00:05:12,604
Stop looking at me, boy! Watch the ball!
104
00:05:12,678 --> 00:05:14,441
Can't hear you, Dad!
105
00:05:15,147 --> 00:05:16,136
106
00:05:17,182 --> 00:05:18,206
107
00:05:18,283 --> 00:05:20,979
Don't worry, Bobby.
You played a good game.
108
00:05:21,386 --> 00:05:26,380
I gotta stop in here for a minute, and
get me some WD-40 and a tap and die.
109
00:05:26,892 --> 00:05:28,883
110
00:05:30,529 --> 00:05:33,327
INTERCOM: Manager to
Register 47, please.
111
00:05:34,199 --> 00:05:36,531
I hate this place.
112
00:05:36,802 --> 00:05:39,498
Excuse me,
where is the hardware department?
113
00:05:39,571 --> 00:05:41,971
Where is the hardware department?
114
00:05:43,909 --> 00:05:45,900
CLERK: What exactly
is it you're looking for?
115
00:05:45,977 --> 00:05:47,808
The hardware department.
116
00:05:47,879 --> 00:05:50,370
But are you looking for, like,
a tool or something?
117
00:05:50,449 --> 00:05:52,644
What difference does it make?
118
00:05:53,251 --> 00:05:54,946
What difference does it make?
119
00:05:55,020 --> 00:05:58,717
Okay, I'm looking for a tap and die
and some WD-40.
120
00:05:58,957 --> 00:05:59,946
Huh.
121
00:06:00,058 --> 00:06:01,753
Well, what is it you're trying to do?
122
00:06:01,827 --> 00:06:05,957
I'm trying to buy a tap and die
and some WD-40...
123
00:06:06,064 --> 00:06:08,555
and get out of this godforsaken store!
124
00:06:08,633 --> 00:06:09,657
125
00:06:09,735 --> 00:06:11,134
And what is a tap and die?
126
00:06:11,203 --> 00:06:12,693
Okay! Forget it!
127
00:06:12,771 --> 00:06:16,263
Let's say I want a hammer!
Do you know what a hammer is?
128
00:06:16,341 --> 00:06:18,502
That's what I want! A damned hammer!
129
00:06:18,577 --> 00:06:20,977
Now where in the hell would I go?
130
00:06:21,046 --> 00:06:24,106
That's that Hank Hill fella
that lives on the block next to us.
131
00:06:24,182 --> 00:06:26,650
WOMAN 1: Has a temper, doesn't he?
WOMAN 2: Sure does.
132
00:06:26,718 --> 00:06:29,380
Makes you wonder
who gave his boy that black eye.
133
00:06:30,255 --> 00:06:32,450
You're going to have to pay for that, dude.
134
00:06:32,524 --> 00:06:33,718
HANK: You're fired!
135
00:06:34,926 --> 00:06:36,917
- Ella says she saw Hank hit his son.
- Really?
136
00:06:37,529 --> 00:06:40,020
Well, I heard he threatened a clerk
in Mega Lo Mart with a hammer.
137
00:06:40,232 --> 00:06:42,200
Did you hear about Hank Hill?
138
00:06:42,267 --> 00:06:43,427
He beat up his son.
139
00:06:43,502 --> 00:06:46,733
Some ladies in Mega Lo Mart tried
to stop him. He beat them up, too.
140
00:06:46,805 --> 00:06:49,399
Somebody really ought to report him
for the boy's sake.
141
00:06:49,741 --> 00:06:51,675
ANTHONY: You say he hit
his son with a bat?
142
00:06:52,444 --> 00:06:55,072
No. That is definitely not acceptable.
143
00:06:55,147 --> 00:06:56,478
I wish I could, ma'am.
144
00:06:56,548 --> 00:07:00,314
But the regulations say we can't take
custody of the boy without an interview.
145
00:07:00,385 --> 00:07:03,946
Don't you worry. He's in the system now.
I am on my way.
146
00:07:06,258 --> 00:07:07,247
147
00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:10,487
DALE: Hey, I know what's
wrong with your truck.
148
00:07:10,562 --> 00:07:13,156
It's your "pollution control."
149
00:07:13,298 --> 00:07:15,823
I heard on talk radio
you don't even need them.
150
00:07:15,967 --> 00:07:18,026
They're just an egghead government plot.
151
00:07:18,103 --> 00:07:21,664
How is cutting down on pollution
a government plot, Dale?
152
00:07:21,873 --> 00:07:23,534
Open up your eyes, man.
153
00:07:23,608 --> 00:07:25,872
They're trying to control global warming.
154
00:07:25,944 --> 00:07:28,139
Get it? Global.
155
00:07:28,213 --> 00:07:29,305
So what?
156
00:07:29,381 --> 00:07:30,370
157
00:07:30,482 --> 00:07:32,677
That's code for UN commissars
telling Americans...
158
00:07:32,751 --> 00:07:35,413
what temperature
it's gonna be in our outdoors.
159
00:07:35,487 --> 00:07:37,114
I say let the world warm up.
160
00:07:37,189 --> 00:07:40,647
See what Boutros-Boutros-Ghali-Ghali
thinks about that.
161
00:07:41,059 --> 00:07:42,822
We'll grow oranges in Alaska.
162
00:07:42,894 --> 00:07:43,826
163
00:07:43,895 --> 00:07:46,420
Dale, you giblet-head, we live in Texas.
164
00:07:46,531 --> 00:07:47,520
165
00:07:47,599 --> 00:07:49,590
It's already 110 in the summer.
166
00:07:49,668 --> 00:07:53,297
And if it gets one degree hotter,
I'm gonna kick your ass.
167
00:07:53,605 --> 00:07:54,594
168
00:07:54,873 --> 00:07:57,933
What in God's name
is that thumping sound?
169
00:07:58,109 --> 00:07:59,098
170
00:07:59,277 --> 00:08:01,802
PEGGY: Bobby, why don't you go out
and help your daddy?
171
00:08:01,880 --> 00:08:04,508
You have been watching
way too much TV, son.
172
00:08:04,649 --> 00:08:06,378
Come on, Bobby, up.
173
00:08:06,484 --> 00:08:08,315
No more TV. Turn it off now.
174
00:08:08,453 --> 00:08:10,250
175
00:08:11,990 --> 00:08:13,890
God love that poor man.
176
00:08:13,959 --> 00:08:14,948
177
00:08:16,461 --> 00:08:18,088
There. That's better.
178
00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:23,160
179
00:08:24,135 --> 00:08:25,261
180
00:08:26,705 --> 00:08:28,935
Hello, I'm a social worker with the state.
181
00:08:29,007 --> 00:08:30,998
Would you mind
if I talk to you for a minute?
182
00:08:31,076 --> 00:08:32,737
PEGGY: Sure. Come on in.
183
00:08:33,445 --> 00:08:35,436
HANK: Damn it. There it is again.
184
00:08:35,513 --> 00:08:39,313
Where is that thumping coming from?
It's driving me crazy.
185
00:08:40,051 --> 00:08:42,178
Could be far-off helicopters.
186
00:08:42,254 --> 00:08:44,381
UN helicopters.
187
00:08:44,489 --> 00:08:45,922
Dale, what are you doing?
188
00:08:45,991 --> 00:08:48,926
Give me some light! Now! I can't see!
189
00:08:49,761 --> 00:08:50,785
My arm!
190
00:08:50,862 --> 00:08:52,090
My head!
191
00:08:52,330 --> 00:08:54,093
192
00:08:54,599 --> 00:08:55,691
God!
193
00:08:56,067 --> 00:08:59,002
Mrs. Hill, would you say
your husband has a bad temper?
194
00:08:59,070 --> 00:09:00,162
Who, Hank?
195
00:09:00,238 --> 00:09:02,832
No, Hank is as gentle as a lamb.
196
00:09:03,675 --> 00:09:07,611
Dang, no more bouncing that ball!
197
00:09:07,679 --> 00:09:09,647
Hank, we have a visitor.
198
00:09:14,152 --> 00:09:15,881
So your assertion, Mr. Hill...
199
00:09:15,954 --> 00:09:18,684
is that Bobby got the black eye
at his baseball game?
200
00:09:18,757 --> 00:09:22,386
That is not my assertion.
That's what happened.
201
00:09:22,460 --> 00:09:25,293
- Have you ever hit your son, Mr. Hill?
- No!
202
00:09:27,032 --> 00:09:29,262
HANK: What the heck are you writing?
203
00:09:29,334 --> 00:09:31,825
All you gotta write is one word, "no"!
204
00:09:31,903 --> 00:09:35,532
Mr. Hill, I feel that
you're coming from an anger mindset.
205
00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:37,904
And if you're projecting
this anger onto me...
206
00:09:37,976 --> 00:09:40,604
it gives me grave concerns
as to how you facilitate...
207
00:09:40,679 --> 00:09:42,442
your son's growth in private.
208
00:09:42,514 --> 00:09:46,746
Mister, I have not begun
to project my anger onto you.
209
00:09:46,885 --> 00:09:49,820
ANTHONY: Mrs. Hill, how did you get this
here on your forehead?
210
00:09:49,888 --> 00:09:51,856
This? Bobby threw his baseball at me.
211
00:09:51,923 --> 00:09:54,016
You threw a baseball at your mother?
212
00:09:54,092 --> 00:09:56,083
Hank, it was an accident.
213
00:09:56,695 --> 00:09:59,926
So would this be the same "baseball"
that gave Bobby the black eye?
214
00:10:01,566 --> 00:10:04,967
Dale, you sure you want to be messing
with Hank's truck when he's not around?
215
00:10:05,036 --> 00:10:07,368
DALE: I'm gonna help
get him this alternator off.
216
00:10:07,439 --> 00:10:08,497
217
00:10:08,573 --> 00:10:11,599
Dale, I think you released the brake cable.
218
00:10:11,676 --> 00:10:12,665
Dale!
219
00:10:12,744 --> 00:10:14,143
DALE: No, I didn't.
220
00:10:16,047 --> 00:10:18,140
I guess I better get going.
221
00:10:18,450 --> 00:10:20,111
I got some edging to do.
222
00:10:22,587 --> 00:10:24,748
ANTHONY: Do you work
outside the home, Mrs. Hill?
223
00:10:24,823 --> 00:10:27,849
Yes, I do. I'm a substitute Spanish teacher.
224
00:10:27,926 --> 00:10:30,486
225
00:10:30,762 --> 00:10:32,389
And you just have the one son?
226
00:10:32,464 --> 00:10:33,431
227
00:10:33,498 --> 00:10:35,363
Yeah, we would've liked
to have more kids...
228
00:10:35,533 --> 00:10:38,434
- but Hank has a narrow urethra.
- Peggy!
229
00:10:38,503 --> 00:10:41,267
- In fact, Hank's sperm count...
- That's enough.
230
00:10:41,339 --> 00:10:43,773
What in the hell did you tell him that for?
231
00:10:43,875 --> 00:10:44,899
He asked me.
232
00:10:44,976 --> 00:10:49,174
He asked you how many kids we have.
He didn't ask you about my glands.
233
00:10:49,414 --> 00:10:52,713
Please, Mr. Hill, loud is not allowed.
234
00:10:53,051 --> 00:10:55,542
What the..."Loud is not allowed"?
235
00:10:55,620 --> 00:10:57,383
Now you listen to me, mister.
236
00:10:57,455 --> 00:11:00,288
I work for a living. And I mean real work.
237
00:11:00,358 --> 00:11:02,656
Not writing down gobbledygook.
238
00:11:02,827 --> 00:11:05,295
I provide the people of this community...
239
00:11:05,363 --> 00:11:07,888
with propane and propane accessories.
240
00:11:07,966 --> 00:11:08,955
241
00:11:09,033 --> 00:11:12,002
When I think of all my
hard-earned tax dollars...
242
00:11:12,070 --> 00:11:16,097
going to pay a bunch
of little twig-boy bureaucrats like you...
243
00:11:16,174 --> 00:11:18,301
it just makes me want to...
244
00:11:19,177 --> 00:11:20,269
God, it just...
245
00:11:20,345 --> 00:11:21,369
246
00:11:21,446 --> 00:11:22,378
PEGGY: Hank?
247
00:11:22,447 --> 00:11:26,474
Honey, bring me my BC Headache Powder
and a glass of water.
248
00:11:26,751 --> 00:11:28,343
PEGGY: All right, Hank.
249
00:11:28,419 --> 00:11:31,252
Now, you listen here. You see that boy?
250
00:11:31,322 --> 00:11:32,482
That's my boy.
251
00:11:32,757 --> 00:11:36,193
And if you ever try to take him away,
so help me God...
252
00:11:36,261 --> 00:11:39,594
I'll tear you a new one
bigger than the Grand Canyon.
253
00:11:39,797 --> 00:11:42,425
Now I want you to get out of my house.
254
00:11:42,500 --> 00:11:43,933
You're not welcome here.
255
00:11:44,002 --> 00:11:47,961
I mean now,
before I give you a black eye! Git!
256
00:11:48,039 --> 00:11:50,303
257
00:11:51,009 --> 00:11:53,239
DALE: You want to know about ol' Hank?
258
00:11:53,578 --> 00:11:54,567
Well...
259
00:11:54,712 --> 00:11:56,907
Hank's got a lot of problems.
260
00:11:57,015 --> 00:11:59,882
Hey, baby! How about a couple of beers!
261
00:12:00,184 --> 00:12:01,481
Sorry, sug', I gotta go.
262
00:12:01,553 --> 00:12:04,249
I got another migraine treatment
with John Redcorn.
263
00:12:04,322 --> 00:12:07,155
DALE: Nancy, you've been going
to that healer for 12 years...
264
00:12:07,225 --> 00:12:09,591
and you still get headaches every night.
265
00:12:09,661 --> 00:12:12,061
Healing process takes time, honey.
266
00:12:12,163 --> 00:12:13,755
267
00:12:14,332 --> 00:12:16,163
ANTHONY: Getting back to the Hill family.
268
00:12:16,234 --> 00:12:18,464
Have you ever seen Hank
hit his child, Bobby?
269
00:12:18,536 --> 00:12:22,165
Hank? No sir, Bobby's his pride and joy...
270
00:12:22,340 --> 00:12:25,070
because of his narrow urethra.
271
00:12:25,243 --> 00:12:26,232
272
00:12:26,311 --> 00:12:28,438
- Are you absolutely sure?
- 100 percent.
273
00:12:28,513 --> 00:12:31,641
You can ask my son.
He's Bobby's best friend.
274
00:12:31,716 --> 00:12:32,910
Joseph!
275
00:12:33,017 --> 00:12:34,575
What is it, Daddy?
276
00:12:34,652 --> 00:12:36,381
You ever seen Hank hit Bobby?
277
00:12:36,454 --> 00:12:37,819
No, never.
278
00:12:38,022 --> 00:12:39,080
See?
279
00:12:39,691 --> 00:12:41,454
You can just move along now.
280
00:12:41,559 --> 00:12:44,323
I've been calling y'all
better than a month now.
281
00:12:44,395 --> 00:12:47,125
Gripe about y'all every time
that dog crosses the street...
282
00:12:47,198 --> 00:12:50,167
starts yapping his jaw 24 hours a day,
and nobody answered.
283
00:12:50,234 --> 00:12:54,398
How you supposed to do anything about
that dog if you just get on your computer?
284
00:12:54,472 --> 00:12:57,066
Ain't gonna come over here
and shut that dang ol' dog up.
285
00:12:57,241 --> 00:13:01,678
BOBBY: And then some weirdo came over
and was asking us a bunch of questions.
286
00:13:02,013 --> 00:13:05,210
Yeah, he asked me
if your dad ever whupped you.
287
00:13:05,450 --> 00:13:07,714
- He hasn't, right?
- Of course not!
288
00:13:07,785 --> 00:13:10,117
You know my dad. He's all bark.
289
00:13:10,555 --> 00:13:12,648
That guy got him mad, though.
290
00:13:12,724 --> 00:13:16,353
My dad was like, "Get out of my house!
291
00:13:16,461 --> 00:13:19,521
"My boy ain't much, but he's all I got!"
292
00:13:20,198 --> 00:13:21,187
293
00:13:21,299 --> 00:13:23,563
You do great impressions.
294
00:13:23,935 --> 00:13:24,993
Let me try.
295
00:13:25,503 --> 00:13:28,063
"I'll tear you a new one!
296
00:13:28,239 --> 00:13:32,505
"When I get my hands on you,
you little pea-brain...
297
00:13:32,944 --> 00:13:36,243
"I'll bust your butt into little pieces!"
298
00:13:36,781 --> 00:13:38,146
I knew it!
299
00:13:38,983 --> 00:13:42,146
Good God, Peggy,
this was on my Road & Track.
300
00:13:42,820 --> 00:13:45,812
Luanne! Honey, can we talk to you?
301
00:13:45,890 --> 00:13:48,222
Wait! Not while I'm here.
302
00:13:48,292 --> 00:13:49,281
303
00:13:49,394 --> 00:13:50,827
LUANNE: Mama's in jail.
304
00:13:50,895 --> 00:13:53,159
She was saving
a quart of beer for before bed.
305
00:13:53,231 --> 00:13:55,699
Daddy threw it out.
She went after him with a fork.
306
00:13:55,767 --> 00:13:58,327
The trailer tipped over,
everything went upside down.
307
00:13:58,403 --> 00:14:01,236
It's all gonna be on
Real Stories of the Highway Patrol!
308
00:14:01,305 --> 00:14:05,173
And the wig I styled
for the Beauty Academy is ruined.
309
00:14:06,210 --> 00:14:08,474
What am I gonna do, Uncle Hank?
310
00:14:08,613 --> 00:14:09,773
311
00:14:09,847 --> 00:14:11,041
There, there.
312
00:14:11,182 --> 00:14:14,777
You can stay with us
till your mama comes home.
313
00:14:15,353 --> 00:14:19,153
You'll style a new wig better than before.
314
00:14:19,857 --> 00:14:21,882
I'll let you use my tools.
315
00:14:22,894 --> 00:14:24,623
Thanks, Uncle Hank.
316
00:14:26,230 --> 00:14:27,857
She has got to go.
317
00:14:27,932 --> 00:14:29,058
318
00:14:31,035 --> 00:14:33,868
Bobby, are you all right? Come on out.
319
00:14:33,938 --> 00:14:35,701
I thought I told you to get lost.
320
00:14:35,907 --> 00:14:36,965
Come on, Bobby.
321
00:14:37,241 --> 00:14:40,142
I can put you
with a nice foster family in North Arlen...
322
00:14:40,211 --> 00:14:42,873
where you can develop
healthy life adaptations.
323
00:14:42,947 --> 00:14:44,278
And they've got a pool.
324
00:14:44,348 --> 00:14:46,111
Honey, let's give him Luanne.
325
00:14:46,184 --> 00:14:49,017
I got a girl in here you can take right now.
326
00:14:49,087 --> 00:14:51,715
Don't you want to live
in a house with a pool?
327
00:14:51,889 --> 00:14:52,821
No.
328
00:14:52,890 --> 00:14:54,152
See, twig boy?
329
00:14:54,225 --> 00:14:56,750
Now get your skinny butt
off of my property.
330
00:14:56,828 --> 00:15:00,286
Bobby, I know you can't talk
in front of him.
331
00:15:00,364 --> 00:15:03,663
HANK: I said git! Get out of here!
ANTHONY: Okay.
332
00:15:03,735 --> 00:15:07,262
- You are out of control!
- You're out of control, Twiggy.
333
00:15:12,810 --> 00:15:16,007
- Thanks for the latte, Kenneth.
- Anthony, could I see you a minute?
334
00:15:16,948 --> 00:15:18,973
So on this Hill family case...
335
00:15:19,050 --> 00:15:22,247
you couldn't confirm any actual abuse,
but you still recommended...
336
00:15:22,320 --> 00:15:23,685
the state take custody?
337
00:15:23,855 --> 00:15:26,790
Yeah, I mean, the whole neighborhood
was Redneck City.
338
00:15:26,858 --> 00:15:29,452
Did you see in the report,
how he dented my Geo?
339
00:15:29,527 --> 00:15:31,893
"Redneck City." That's pretty funny.
340
00:15:32,029 --> 00:15:34,463
- Where you from, son?
- Los Angeles.
341
00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:38,234
Let's see here, "hit by a baseball."
342
00:15:40,037 --> 00:15:41,061
So...
343
00:15:41,139 --> 00:15:42,436
How did you like ol' Harvey?
344
00:15:42,507 --> 00:15:43,599
345
00:15:43,674 --> 00:15:44,766
Who's Harvey?
346
00:15:44,842 --> 00:15:46,901
He's the Little League coach.
347
00:15:46,978 --> 00:15:49,606
You did talk to the Little League coach,
didn't you?
348
00:15:50,281 --> 00:15:51,248
349
00:15:51,783 --> 00:15:53,114
350
00:15:55,253 --> 00:15:57,915
Son, have you lost your mind?
351
00:15:58,022 --> 00:16:01,958
Wait! Dad, you're not supposed
to yell at me anymore.
352
00:16:02,326 --> 00:16:04,157
The guy from the state said...
353
00:16:04,228 --> 00:16:08,995
your hostility
invalidates our parent-child contract.
354
00:16:09,100 --> 00:16:11,796
You're quoting that twig boy at me?
355
00:16:11,869 --> 00:16:13,359
Hank, the neighbors.
356
00:16:13,437 --> 00:16:16,770
Remember, he said,
"loud is not allowed," Dad...
357
00:16:16,841 --> 00:16:18,809
or they'll take me away.
358
00:16:19,343 --> 00:16:20,332
359
00:16:20,444 --> 00:16:21,775
Oh, God.
360
00:16:23,381 --> 00:16:24,507
361
00:16:24,582 --> 00:16:25,879
362
00:16:26,450 --> 00:16:27,508
Hello?
363
00:16:27,585 --> 00:16:30,383
BOSS: Is this the Hill residence?
Who am I talking to?
364
00:16:30,454 --> 00:16:31,614
Bobby Hill.
365
00:16:31,689 --> 00:16:34,317
BOSS: Son, this is
the State Social Services.
366
00:16:34,392 --> 00:16:37,020
We're calling off
our investigation of your father.
367
00:16:37,094 --> 00:16:41,428
The worker that visited you will be
leaving the office and going back to LA.
368
00:16:41,499 --> 00:16:44,764
You please tell your parents
we apologize for the misunderstanding.
369
00:16:44,836 --> 00:16:47,134
Okay. I'll tell them. Bye.
370
00:16:47,338 --> 00:16:49,101
Bobby, who was that?
371
00:16:50,942 --> 00:16:52,409
Wrong number.
372
00:16:56,747 --> 00:16:57,907
373
00:17:08,893 --> 00:17:10,758
LUANNE: I borrowed
your truck this morning, Uncle Hank.
374
00:17:10,828 --> 00:17:14,924
It wouldn't start at first, because of
a clogged fuel line, but I blew it clean.
375
00:17:18,169 --> 00:17:21,073
Hey, Bobby, go plug this
in the garage for me.
376
00:17:21,206 --> 00:17:22,138
BOBBY: Okay.
377
00:17:26,845 --> 00:17:28,938
Want to see something cool?
378
00:17:32,617 --> 00:17:33,709
HANK: What in the heck?
379
00:17:33,785 --> 00:17:36,811
Don't you see I'm working here?
Close the dang door.
380
00:17:37,255 --> 00:17:39,246
Bob, just keep put, stop!
381
00:17:39,391 --> 00:17:40,551
Stop hitting that button!
382
00:17:40,625 --> 00:17:41,717
Give me that thing!
383
00:17:41,793 --> 00:17:46,025
Dad, that's not respectful
adult-child growth dialogue.
384
00:17:46,098 --> 00:17:47,998
I'll give you dialogue...
385
00:17:48,066 --> 00:17:51,229
that's not coming from a center of anger.
386
00:17:51,470 --> 00:17:53,802
Please return the garage door...
387
00:17:53,872 --> 00:17:56,739
to its factory-preset down position!
388
00:17:59,277 --> 00:18:00,904
That is cool.
389
00:18:01,813 --> 00:18:03,906
390
00:18:05,016 --> 00:18:06,847
HANK: Bobby, hey!
391
00:18:07,919 --> 00:18:10,046
Please respect...
392
00:18:10,288 --> 00:18:13,519
my fence's right to be a fence.
393
00:18:14,292 --> 00:18:15,316
Now!
394
00:18:17,062 --> 00:18:18,495
395
00:18:19,731 --> 00:18:21,756
BOBBY: You can't do nothing.
396
00:18:22,934 --> 00:18:23,992
HANK: Hey! Hey!
397
00:18:24,369 --> 00:18:26,132
BOBBY: You're all wet, Dad!
398
00:18:26,238 --> 00:18:27,762
399
00:18:29,808 --> 00:18:31,173
BOBBY: Creak.
400
00:18:31,676 --> 00:18:33,166
401
00:18:33,745 --> 00:18:34,609
Boing!
402
00:18:34,679 --> 00:18:37,807
PEGGY: What on God's green earth
are you making those noises for?
403
00:18:37,883 --> 00:18:41,216
They're sound effects,
like that guy on Police Academy.
404
00:18:41,286 --> 00:18:43,914
That's what I'm gonna do when I grow up,
I've decided.
405
00:18:43,989 --> 00:18:46,253
And Dad can't say boo about it.
406
00:18:46,324 --> 00:18:50,124
PEGGY: Bobby, a man from
the Child Protective Services just came by.
407
00:18:50,829 --> 00:18:54,959
He said that he told you last week
that this investigation was off.
408
00:18:55,467 --> 00:18:56,456
409
00:18:57,302 --> 00:18:59,167
Please don't tell Dad!
410
00:18:59,471 --> 00:19:01,871
Son, I have to. He's been worried.
411
00:19:01,940 --> 00:19:04,841
- But I like him better this way.
- How come?
412
00:19:04,910 --> 00:19:07,811
I can make him love me
even when I screw up.
413
00:19:08,413 --> 00:19:10,313
Is that what you think?
414
00:19:12,517 --> 00:19:13,541
415
00:19:13,618 --> 00:19:15,245
It's hard, Peggy.
416
00:19:15,654 --> 00:19:18,748
I don't want to lose my little boy,
my only son.
417
00:19:19,724 --> 00:19:21,214
But it's hard.
418
00:19:21,293 --> 00:19:22,783
Well, you can relax.
419
00:19:22,894 --> 00:19:25,658
The investigation has been off for a week...
420
00:19:25,730 --> 00:19:27,630
only, Bobby didn't tell us.
421
00:19:27,699 --> 00:19:29,633
- I'll kill him!
- All right, calm down, honey.
422
00:19:29,701 --> 00:19:32,966
Now let me explain.
He didn't do it to be mean.
423
00:19:33,038 --> 00:19:35,973
Bobby honestly doesn't think
that you love him all the time.
424
00:19:36,041 --> 00:19:37,872
That's crazy. Of course I love him.
425
00:19:37,943 --> 00:19:40,036
Very good. Now, say it to Bobby.
426
00:19:40,111 --> 00:19:41,578
What are you talking about?
427
00:19:41,646 --> 00:19:45,639
I want you to tell Bobby
that your love for him is unconditional.
428
00:19:45,750 --> 00:19:48,116
I can't say that. I can't!
429
00:19:48,687 --> 00:19:52,214
You know how I was raised.
What my father's like.
430
00:19:52,290 --> 00:19:56,226
I got my shins blowed off by
a Japan man's machine gun!
431
00:19:56,628 --> 00:19:59,620
So don't come crying to me
with your problems!
432
00:20:00,865 --> 00:20:02,526
Honey, I'm begging you.
433
00:20:02,601 --> 00:20:05,195
For the sake of this family,
you have got to do it.
434
00:20:05,270 --> 00:20:07,602
He's waiting for you out on the porch.
435
00:20:07,672 --> 00:20:08,661
Jeez.
436
00:20:08,907 --> 00:20:11,432
Damn twig boy
comes over here...
437
00:20:12,911 --> 00:20:14,105
438
00:20:14,946 --> 00:20:15,935
439
00:20:16,548 --> 00:20:17,845
You...
440
00:20:18,617 --> 00:20:20,107
You're my son.
441
00:20:20,986 --> 00:20:23,181
Well, you know, with everything...
442
00:20:23,788 --> 00:20:25,415
that entails.
443
00:20:26,324 --> 00:20:27,313
444
00:20:27,792 --> 00:20:28,781
445
00:20:30,695 --> 00:20:31,684
You know...
446
00:20:31,896 --> 00:20:35,798
feelings of fondness and more...
447
00:20:35,867 --> 00:20:37,164
448
00:20:37,235 --> 00:20:39,203
You know what I mean, don't you, boy?
449
00:20:39,704 --> 00:20:40,728
No.
450
00:20:41,006 --> 00:20:41,995
451
00:20:42,340 --> 00:20:43,329
Well...
452
00:20:43,608 --> 00:20:44,905
453
00:20:45,243 --> 00:20:48,337
That's a hell of a weird sound.
I never made that before.
454
00:20:49,247 --> 00:20:50,236
I...
455
00:20:50,715 --> 00:20:51,704
you...
456
00:20:53,084 --> 00:20:54,278
family.
457
00:20:56,655 --> 00:20:59,351
HANK: You're not making
this easy on me, boy.
458
00:21:00,592 --> 00:21:01,581
Okay.
459
00:21:02,060 --> 00:21:04,358
I love you no matter what you do. There!
460
00:21:04,429 --> 00:21:06,659
Let's go get something to eat!
461
00:21:06,798 --> 00:21:07,856
I'm not...
462
00:21:08,700 --> 00:21:11,100
just a big disappointment to you?
463
00:21:11,169 --> 00:21:14,627
Disappointment? No. You make me proud.
464
00:21:15,073 --> 00:21:18,304
I've been disappointed
by just about everything else in this town.
465
00:21:18,376 --> 00:21:20,139
But you? Not once.
466
00:21:20,645 --> 00:21:22,510
Damn it, you're my boy.
467
00:21:23,048 --> 00:21:25,073
You know better than that.
468
00:21:25,150 --> 00:21:26,139
469
00:21:26,451 --> 00:21:27,509
ANTHONY: He punched him!
470
00:21:27,585 --> 00:21:29,780
I knew it! I told them! Did you see that?
471
00:21:29,854 --> 00:21:31,583
See what, twig boy?
472
00:21:32,457 --> 00:21:33,788
ANTHONY: Never mind.
473
00:21:42,933 --> 00:21:44,696
33688
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