All language subtitles for da tradurre

So, how are we going
to organize the sleeping?

We lie down, we shutting
our eyes and be sleeping.

Svetlana, you are
amazingly beautiful.

Thank you. - Can I pee somewhere?

Ok. - (Chain jangles)

Thanks. Oh...

Oh. Oh, uh... (clears throat)

(opens toilet)

Can I just get a
little bit of privacy?

Why? Do you think I
never before seen peeing?

No, it's not that. Of course...

l've seen bigger
ones and littler ones.

- Ah, thank you.
- You brush your teeth?

Ah, I didn't get a brush.
l'll get one in the morning.

Here. - (Toilet flushes)

No, that's okay. - I no sick.

It's not that. I just...

Don't be pussy. - Ok.

Good.

(spits)

(both spit)

(phone ringing)

- Hello.
- It's me. It's eleven òclock.

00:27:21,414
Well, Jody never told
me you were so punctual.

(laughs) 00:27:25,475
- Teasing me again.
- 00:27:26,977
00:27:29,013
And? - l've had a long day

and l'm not my best
at this time of night.

I think if wè re gonna get together,

I should be at my best.

Oh, so yoùre saving
the worst for the last?

Well, yeah, you could say that.

- So, yoùre bailing on me?
- No. Not... l'm not...

- Yoùre jilting me?
- No, l'm not jilting...

Yoùre stiffing me. Yoùre ghosting me.

Yoùre wimping out, whatever.

It's late. l'm tired.

Best I call you tomorrow
and make a date then.

Well, don't call too early

because you know, I
do have archery class.

Ha.

Was that a "ha"?

Um, yeah, it was.

00:28:02,746
Find another "ha,"
put the two together,

and you got yourself a laugh.

Very funny. Yeah. l'll practice that.

(chuckles) Ok.

So, what time should I call you?

Oh, 10:36.

Oh. I think l'm busy at 10:36, but...

I might have a gap at 10:37.

Yeah. Ha. - (Phone disconnects)

(chuckles)

(pounding on door)

(man) Olga.

Shit. - What?

Quick. - (Man) Olga.

- Coming.
- (man) Open the fucking door.

00:28:35,980
- (man) Open the door.
- Coming. l'm coming.

00:28:39,383
Coming.

Olga, why do you not
open the freaking door?

I was asleep, what you think?

Take a pee.

Ugh. Ah.

What's the problem? Who is that?

Get under the bed. Very sorry.

(toilet flushing)

Come here, my little pirogue.

Yoùre drunk. Go home.

Ah, gimme kiss.

I have no kisses for drunk people.

Kisses. Come on.

(Olga) Wè ve been over this...

(slap) - (Zhopa) Oh.

(Olga) Not open for business.

(Zhopa) Please, gimme me big hug.

(Olga arguing indistinctly)

(Zhopa) You open.

(Olga) It's not even
open for discussion.

It wasn't history that
called them the Minutemen,

it was their wives.

(laughs)

Are you a Yankees fan?

What's the difference
between a Yankee and a baby?

A baby stops crying after a while.

Boom. Got him.

(laughs)

Oh, Victor. Victor,
left, left, left, left.

(passengers gasp)

(sighs) Um, sorry about that, I
thought I saw someone I knew.

Well, actually, I have a question.

Have any of you seen, um...

a girl with a glass
slipper tattoo on her neck?

Asking because she actually
did one of my tours, and...

She was real magical.
She had a wonderful smile.

Shè s about this tall.

She left this.

(ducks quacking)

All right, so, yes, if you
see the tavern over there,

Betty Ross actually
drew the first image

of the American flag

on a cocktail napkin. What.

Yoo-hoo.

(bangs) - Ah. What?

Is safe.

Hè s gone? - Yes.

Come out.

Who the hell was that?

Nobody. - Nobody?

Nobody. - Is that a wig?

- No, it's my hair.
- But yoùre a brunette.

No, that is wig. That's
classier for the TV show.

Ooh.

You have a roommate? - No.

You have to be at work today?

No, maybe tonight, later.

You have night court?

No, I haven't been to
that one since last year.

What kind of law do
you practice again?

No practice. I was arrested.

For what? - Dancing.

Yoùre a dancer? - Yes.

Ballet? - No.

Broadway? - Exotic.

Stripper? - Exotic.

- So, yoùre not Svetlana?
- Just for the TV show.

- And yoùre not Natasha?
- Just for the dancing.

Of course, for the dancing.

Yoùre blonde, not a brunette.

Not a lawyer, but a stripper,
and Zhopa is your pimp.

Do not say that.

I am a dancer, not a hooker.

l'm sorry. l'm just
trying to figure it out.

Zhopa is managing
club where l'm working.

Hè s dangerous person.

Zhopa mafia?

No.

Yes.

Perfect.

We can no let him knowing about this.

Or hè ll kill you? - Us.

Olga. (Scoffs)

Olga, did you ever consider
the very slight possibility

that he might find out about us

when the show goes on
television all over America?

No. - l'm getting out of here.

I am so screwed.
What were you thinking?

I was thinking that
I winning the money

and escaping away. A million dollars.

Maybe you no needing
it, but I am. I am.

I need it too, badly.

l'm a gambler.

I owe some bad guys some
very large amounts of money.

And if I don't get it, l'm dead.

So, if I quit, they kill me.

And if I stay, your guy kills me.

(knock on door) - Yes?

Hi.

Can I help you? - l'm Jessie.

I ran into you, yesterday,
out front of the church.

Oh.

Yes, how could I forget?

Must be the concussion.

Yeah, I am really sorry
about that. Are you okay?

Still alive.

Hanging on by my fingernails.

(door closes)

So, l'm the new planner
for Liz and Robert's wedding.

What?

You?

I did tell them you should do it.

Yeah, well, I should. But l'm not.

So, how can I help you?

Well, l'm very glad to hear
therè s no hard feelings.

(scoffs) I didn't say that.

(chuckles)

So, I ran into a
couple of slight hiccups

with your floor plan
for the reception.

No worries. I redrew it.

Why? It's perfect.

Perfect, except,

there wasn't room for the band.

Well, there is no band.

Therè s a band.

No, my dear. (Sighs)

There is not a band,
therè s a string quartet.

00:34:02,306
Not anymore, it moved to
the church for the ceremony.

Because?

Because therè s a band,

per the bride, for the reception.

It's on a big stage,

and there was no room for the stage.

So, the answer was really simple.

I just shifted the
tables, slid the bar

and finally, got rid
of that big thingy.

That big thingy is
the centerpiece table.

Right. It was blocking
everybody's view. So...

No, no, no, that is my signature.

What if we move it to the entrance

so that everyone sees
it as they come in?

My dear, listen.
Since this is your first,

and surely, your last opportunity

to be a wedding planner,

why don't you keep your
amateur ideas to yourself

and let the professionals do it?

The layout is perfect. Wè re
not gonna change anything.

Wè ll have no stage

and the centerpiece will stay
exactly where it should be,

in... the... center.

Well, I just came from them,
and this is what they want.

(laughs) Yeah.

You just run along,
l'll talk to Robert.

Ok. I know you are a big famous deal,

and I am new at this.

However, this wedding
is not about me.

It's certainly not about you.

Our job here, is to give
the bride and groom

what they truly want.
And if what they truly want

is a Buddhist monk on a trapeze
singing "Stairway to Heaven,"

then that is what they
should get. It's their day.

- Now, don't get hysterical.
- (Jessie scoffs) Really?

Hysterical?

That's what this looks
like to you, is hysterical?

Why? Because l'm a girl?

I don't get hysterical

and I don't lose, ever.

(paper rustling) - So...

l'm gonna make this work.

If you would like to
work with me on it,

that would be great, otherwise,
it's gonna be so much easier

now that I have figured
out precisely where

you can shove your centerpiece.

(doorknob rattles)

It opens in.

That was my second option.

Wait. Wait.

Let me have another
look at your plan.

Give it up. Give it up.

♪ The sign said danger
Beware of thin ice ♪

♪ So, I walked out
And closed my eyes ♪

♪ Safe and warm On the shoreline ♪

♪ So, why did I Walk
out on thin ice? ♪

♪ Is that cracking I hear? ♪

♪ Is it drowning I fear? ♪

(speaking indistinctly)

(voice on phone app)
Make a right turn now.

Good. Good.

l've got the door for you.

00:37:20,603
(Jordan) ♪ I could
really get killed ♪

♪ l'm almost certain
That l'll fall through ♪

- (loud crash) - 00:37:30,413
(dog whimpers)

(Sara mutters) Oh, my...

Ah. So.

Lawrence. Oh, God. Thank goodness.

Thank God, at least I
wrecked the right office.

It's only a couple of lamps.

Yeah, I... Oh.

Oh. Ah. - (Dog barks)

- And a painting.
- Yoùd think that Teddy and I

would be better at this,
but oh, no, we just...

we just keep banging into things.

But honestly, I will pay for this.

No, no, no. Nothing's broken.

Too many lamps anyway. (Chuckles)

So, I wasn't expecting
you. What are you...

Well, 10:37, it came and went.

And then 10:38. So,
you know what I did?

I brought us lunch.

Oh, God. I was supposed to call you.

That's right. You forgot. - l'm...

I never forget anything.

Well, I don't think you can
ever say that again, can you?

l'm so angry at myself.

Isn't that my role
as the victim, here?

Yes, well, yeah. Yes,
you should be angry, too.

I was. But then, I did
destroy your office,

so, wè re even.

Yes. (Chuckles) Suppose we are.

So, we could either,
I don't know, eat here

or we could eat outside in the park?

Well, I think it might
be safer in the park.

(both laugh) - Yoùre funny.

What is this?

Hang on. You guys wait outside.

Can't do that.

I got a shrink appointment here.

- Could you just wait outside?
- Ah, no.

Look, this is private, personal.

And my doctor is very strict.

If I miss my appointment,
l'll lose my slot.

Just give me an hour. - No.

Are you kidding me? - No.

This contract that you signed,

gives us complete and total
24-hour access to your life

for the duration of the show.

If, at any point, you
deny us that access,

I have the right, and the obligation,

to set off the alarm,

thereby terminating
your participation

in any and all future
episodes of Coppie da schianto.

Ok. Good. Great, fine. Let's go.

I can explain.

- Hello... What's this?
- I can explain.

Have you forgotten
about our boundary rules?

- And you, who are you, sir?
- Wè re not here.

Hiya. - This is highly irregular.

Dr. Offerman, they're fine.

l'm involved in this project,

so, normal session.

No secrets. Please.
Let's just get going.

No secrets. Fine.

So, last week was clearly revealing.

- How much you pay him?
- Seven hundred. Can we...

A month? - An hour.

- Fifty minutes, actually.
- What? That's crazy.

My girlfriend hooker
gets only three-fifty,

and she will screw
you for the whole hour.

This is a bad idea. Doctor,
l'll see you next week.

Ah, textbook avoidance.

Clearly, yoùre resisting examining

why you chose to bring a
woman of this type here, today.

- What you mean by that?
- Wè ve been exploring Jimmy's

sexuality issues. - This is not...

Sit, Jimmy. He doesn't
having any issues.

(chuckles) Oh, I beg to differ.

There are numerous signs pointing to.

Jimmy's desire to
explore his feminine side.

What? Now, l'm thinking that
yoùre the mental case here.

(scoffs) You are hardly qualified.

l'm no qualified, I am stripper.

I can tell if guy is
straight or homo,

when he pull into the parking lot.

- Please, let's just...
- I know these things.

Now, let's get out of here.

You might examining why you
sucking so hard on that pipe?

And don't try to charging
Jimmy for this hour.

Wow. You stood up for me.

Of course. Yoùre a good
man. Hè s Doctor Bullshit.

No one ever stands up for me.

Can I ask you a question? - Yeah.

Last night, when
you and that guy were

- bouncing a lot, were you...
- Oh. Were we doing it?

No, never. He can no do it.

He just hugging and breathing
a lot and falling a-sleeping.

Oh, okay. Good. - Why?

Nothing. I just... Nothing.

Ehi, boss. - Yeah?

(Menny) Olga.

Stop.

(tires squeal)

Oh. Oh, dammit.

What? - Zhopa.

What's going on? - Ah. Oh.

Oh. - What the fuck is this?

I can explain. - Get in the car.

What is this?

- I-I-I-I...
- Shut up. Get in the car.

- Stop that filming.
- Wè re not actually here.

Let's go.

You didn't cut the camera, did you?

No way. - Great. Let's follow 'em.

(car engine revs)

(tires squeal)

(ducks quacking)

(gentle guitar strumming)

Yoùre quiet. You all right?

Oh, yes. l'm just enjoying...

The view. (Chuckles)

Whoa. Yoùre sure forgetful.

(chuckles) - And yoùre funny.

Yoùre changing.

Oh, no-no-no, don't
say that. I hate change.

Change is horrible.

I don't know why
everybody loves change.

How so? I don't understand?

I mean, everything.
Take the telephone.

A hundred years ago,
Alexander Graham Bell

invented it and it worked
fine forall those years.

You pick it up, - Yeah.

And you talk to whoever.
You make a date.

- You go to the movies, right?
- Uh-huh.

Now... - Uh-huh, okay.

Some bright spark has
invented the cell phone.

So, everybody, instead
of watching the movie,

they're calling and texting and...

Well... - How can that...

How can that be
better, that change, huh?

Well, that's fine, but too
much order and routine

and, I don't know, it's like,

you lose the joy of
chaos and randomness.

I would have thought
you hated surprises.

Quite the opposite. You know what?

They make me feel... alive.

I love it.

(camera shutter clicks)

Are you taking my photograph?

I am.

(groans) Oh, God.

Why?

Because l'm a
photographer. (Chuckles)

(laughing) How can you
see what yoùre taking?

Well, of course, I don't.

I shoot what I hear.

(indistinct chatter,
children playing)

What you hear? - Yeah.

You see, I wasn't always blind.

I was diagnosed when I was twenty,

with Neuromyelitis Optica.

And then, over the
next seven years, my,

well, my vision deteriorated
to the point where now,

(exhales) I can only,
very vaguely, make out

traces of colorand light.

So, how do you see the photographs?

My friend describes each one to me.

And then I choose one.

And then I record what I heard

and how I felt the moment I took it.

Hm. - Mm-hmm.

Yoùre extraordinary.

Then the viewer walks up,

presses play, and gets
to experience the moment

in the different ways we both do.

Like you and I, here?

Yeah. Yeah.

Like you and I, here.

(Jordan) ♪ Maybe
this time Love is true ♪

♪ I can skate across with you ♪

♪ Maybe this thin ice
Is thick enough for two ♪

♪ Maybe this thin ice
Is thick enough for two ♪

(club music playing)

This is the craziest
thing that I am hearing.

And you were there the
night that I was visiting her?

No. I mean, yeah. I had to.

I didn't hear anything.

You thinking I am stupid?

I was under the bed, it was muffled.

Take off the chains, kill him.

No. You can no do this.

Get off, or I kill you, too.

No. This is a good man.

Are you loving him? - No.

Are you loving me? - Nyet. Never.

Kill them both.

Zhopa. We will losing
one million dollars.

What? Say this again.

The prize is one
million for the winning.

You heard of this show?

Da. On TBS, Monday nights at ten.

Funny show. Is Conan's lead-in.

Do I kill him?

(Zhopa) No.

We are partners now.

I am getting sixty
percent of yours monies,

and eighty percent of yours.

Eighty? What? That's a terrible deal.

You not dying, and making
a hundred thousand dollars

is great deal.

Well, yoùve got a gun
to my head. Literally.

So, I agree.

Smart man. Now,

I am figuring out how we
are winning this contest.

Go to work. - What? Stripping?

With this?

Is kinky. You make more monies.

Leave me alone.

(Gail) These modified World War II

amphibious vehicles

are a delightful
must forall tourists.

The past and present
of American history

are brought to life by
conductors like Captain Richie.

Interesting fact, because
part of the Boston Harbor

has been filled in, the actual site

of the Boston Tea
Party is right over there.

And now it's a Starbucks.

(chuckles)

Captain Richie has been giving

hysterical historical
tours for over ten years.

My jokes are older than
most of these buildings.

So, after all these years
of making people happy,

Richie fell in love with
one of his passengers.

Instant lightning bolt love.

But therè s a problem.

(exhales) I don't know
who or where she is.

Since they met, hè s been
searching for his Cinderella.

The only clue is
that she has a tattoo

of a glass slipper on her neck.

More than likely, shè s a tourist

whòs gone back home.

Never knowing that her
true love could be right here.

Hmm. Ah. That's so sad.

Maybe not, because wè
re romantics, here at Seven.

We love lovers.

So, this Saturday, wè
re riding with Ritchie

to the Nashua Park
steps on the Charles River.

So, if yoùre Cinderella,
or if you know her,

please come join us at five òclock

to meet your Prince Charming.

Thanks, Gail.

And in baseball, the
Sox had a big day.

Billy Gersh is here with highlights.

♪ I punch in this morning
And checkin' my check ♪

♪ Short again ♪

♪ Man, what the heck? ♪

♪ They got me Working overtime ♪

♪ Every Saturday ♪

♪ That's wrong That's screwed up ♪

♪ Someonè s gotta pay ♪

♪ Let me tell you, Boss
How it's gonna be ♪

♪ Workin' for you
Ain't workin' for me ♪

What do you think? - They're great.

Right? Best bar band in town.

Lovèem.

♪ Let me tell you, Boss
How it's gonna be ♪

♪ Workin' for you
Ain't workin' for me. ♪

(cheers and applause)

Thank you, thank you,
guys. Be back in ten.

(Mack) More like 15.

Ehi, Hi. l'm Jessie. - Mack.

l've been watching
you guys for years.

- I love the band.
- Thank you. Thank you.

My friend, Liz, at
the bar over there,

is getting married soon,

and we were hoping to hire
you guys to play the wedding.

Oh, we don't play weddings.

Well, it's really not
a wedding, per se.

It's crazy party after a wedding.

We don't do wedding parties, either.

Hè s just saying that
because he knows

he looks like a dork in
a powder blue tuxedo.

We just don't play wedding
songs like "Celebration."

Cool, I get why weddings
could seem beneath you

- or cheesy or Tom Jones-y.
- (Mack) Mm-hmm.

But this one is very different.

Uh-huh. Why?

Well, firstly, it's gonna be like,

"Oh, my God. Last night was crazy.

- "How did I wake up in Canada?"
- (Mack chuckles)

"Where did I get this alligator?"

(laughs) - "The
only thing I remember

is that band was amaze-balls."

And secondly, while I personally love

the song "Celebration",
you don't have to play it.

Listen, it's...

it is my first gig as
a wedding planner.

So, it has to be perfect.

And your band is beyond perfect.

So, you guys, pretty
much, have to do it

under the universal
laws of love and romance.

Universal law. (Laughs)

00:50:05,699
Hold on.

I will arm wrestle you fora yes.

Yoùll what?

Yoùre bigger than me, come on.

Look at those biceps. Seriously.

I win, I get a yes.
You pin me, I walk.

Let you enjoy your evening.

I can't say yes without my partner.

Talk to your partner...
What about your mommy?

Come on, you big baby.

All right. All right.

Ok.

One, two, three, go.

Damn, yoùre strong. (Laughs)

I really need a yes.

I really wanna give
you that yes, but...

You don't have a choice.

(groans)

Ah. Whoo.

All right. No, I made
a bet and I lost it.

Listen, this is my guitar arm.

It had superpowers. It's not fair.

Thank you for your consideration.

Did you get 'em? - Not happening.

It's okay, wè ll get somebody better.

- I thought they were the best.
- They are.

I told you not to hire me.

(laughs) Well, here, these
were to celebrate our new band,

but now wè ll just have to
celebrate your firing. Hmm.

Oh, great. (Chuckles) Cheers to that.

Come on. Let's go find a new band.

(Lenny) Ah, I guess.
I just... (chuckles)

I don't know a single musician
that would take that gig, so...

Look, if it's that big of a deal,

it could be good for the band.

- We don't do weddings.
- Yeah, but this is different.

Oh, my God. Mack,

at a wedding, no one
cares who the band is.

Everyonè s drunk
and they wanna dance.

And they're gonna
ask for "Celebration"

until you play it.

And at that moment,
yoùre officially over.

If you could just give us one second?

Wè ve played together
since high school.

That's right.

Make all our decisions,

you and me, just the two of us.

She makes a good point, all right?

Don't get all bent out of shape.

l'm not, l'm not. I just don't wanna

miss out on an opportunity, you know?

Wè re kind of stuck here.
We could use the money.

That's... - Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Yoùre not doing this for that
chick in there though, right?

No.

Maybe. - (Both laugh)

All right. Cool.

(clinks)

And look, wè re not
gonna play anything

from the "Kool and the
Gang" catalog. Relax, okay?

Jessie.

(phone ringing)

This is Jessie.

Ehi-hey, it's Mack.

Sorry, uh, Mack?

Mack, from the band?

Oh. Hi. (Chuckles) Hi. Sorry.

- Is this a bad time?
- Yeah, kinda, I...

Well, wè re in.

00:52:51,900
The wedding.

Wait, really?

I mean, that... I... Wow.

I thought, you know,
you won, I lost, and...

You know, only six-year-olds
make career choices

based on arm-wrestling matches.

(chuckles) Are you
calling me a six-year-old?

Yeah. But you gotta pay
in dollars, not Play-Doh.

00:53:12,956
but I can arrange that.

This is fantastic. Mack,
thank you so much.

You are saving my life. Seriously.

I love you for this.

I have that effect on people.

Good to know. Well, great.
l'll text you the details then.

All right. Bye. 00:53:33,275
(giggles) Yes. Yes.

(game show music on TV)

Lots of drama this week.

Two couples have already
crashed and burned.

The first one seems to be
kosher versus the kebab.

(yelling)

(engine revs)

(alarm blares)

(yelling continues)

And they're done.

This you?

That was not us. - (On TV) Beat it.

(pauses TV)

(Zhopa) Not you?

Ok. That is us.

(laughs)

Next, a truly bizarre wake-up call.

(screams) - (lamb bleats)

What? - Oh, my God.

What are you wearing?

Oh, my God, what is that? What is...

I have no idea what the hell is that.

I don't know how she got in
here. I don't even know her.

- l'm a church-going lady.
- I would never wear this.

Do not push the button,
I need this million.

(screaming) -
No. You can't pull it.

(alarm blares) - And they're done.

(audience on TV) Beat it. Beat it.

- That was us.
- Beat it. Beat it. Beat it.

One of our couples actually
seems to be getting along.

(baseball organ music playing)

(crowd cheering)

Whoa, the shortstop
just got to second base.

(laughs) - (plays drum sting)

But therè s more. Wè ve got

a Coppie da schianto
exclusive for you tonight.

The other final couple has a secret.

It turns out Svetlana
is not a lawyer.

This is where she
passed her bar exam.

Or should I say pole exam?

(loud club music playing)

00:55:14,344
isn't her best man.

(whistling and cheering)

(Bev) Ok. - Hè s my brother.

Therè s that, and therè s this.

00:55:27,290
hè s working on his
toast for his brother,

Robert Barton's wedding.

Oh, therè s a push. And another push.

Oh. (Laughs) Look out. Look at...

Oh, therè s gotta be some
hair pulling in this one.

Therè s the hair pull.

So, wè ve got the wedding trasher

and now this.

Hè s in the finals. That's not bad.

It's not bad, it's terrible.

Your lead has gone
from seven points to four,

that falls within the
statistical error range.

You could lose this.

- Oh, boy, here they come.
- (chain jangling)

We haven't met. Hi.
l'm Robert Barton.

Olga. - Not Svetlana?

Is made-up name for the privacy.

Let's cut to it. Jimmy,
yoùre gonna pull out of this.

What? No way. - What's goin' on?

Nothing, I...

Hè s in debt and hè s in troubles.

Is this true? - Kinda, yeah.

Touching, but yoùre
gonna cost him the election.

Why didn't you come to
me? What were you thinking?

l'm an idiot. I don't know.

Look, if you want
me to quit the show...

We do. - I can't.

- (Robert) Why not?
- Olga. I committed to her.

- What about Robert?
- l'll keep it really low key.

No controversy, no strip bars.

I promise. l'll even
skip your wedding.

Not good enough. - But in the end,

it's just a game show, right?
Wherè s the negative in that?

l'm not gonna bail on my
brother because of a game show.

Bev, spin this. - What?

Look, l'm a stiff. I have
no sense of humor.

Maybe that's why my numbers are down.

Make this fun. Make me fun.

(imitates clown laugh)

That's crazy. - It is.

But won't it be fun?

(loud rock music playing)

(crowd cheering)

(guitar solo)

(solo continues)

(cheers and applause)

(Lenny) Thank you.
Thank you. Goodnight.

(claps)

Yoni, shè s killer, right?

Yeah, she takes over, you know?

(chuckles) Yeah, she does.

(Lenny) Like it.

- What's that?
- It's got your name on it.

It's our demo.

Oh, a demo? - Mm-hmm.

Ah, Yoni wrote a song. So, we...

So, we recorded it with my band.

Ah, you guys have a band?

Yeah. - No way.

Ah, well, uh... Not really.

We just put together a couple guys.

You-you put together a couple guys

and you didn't tell me about it?

We wanted to go in
a different direction.

Wait, are you... Are you kidding me?

Mack, chill. It's just a demo.

I am chill. But if it's just a demo,

then why didn't you
tell me about it, Lenny?

We didn't want you to be upset.

We? We, you two we, now?

What happened to our we?

You know what? Fine.

Fine.

We can go on jury duty
now. They accept anyone.

Well surely, that's good.

It's terrible. I mean,
"Ehi, l'm blind".

That was always my best excuse.

(laughs)

(bangs) - Ah. Ooh, God.

Oh, my goodness. Are you alright?

Yeah, I think l've
cracked my knee cap.

Oh, dear, oh, God.
Welcome to my world.

Ah. Do you think we could afford

to have the lights on a bit?

Oh, l'm sorry. Of course. Yes.

I don't use them very often,

but there we go. - Oh, yes.

Wow. You really look great.

(both laugh)

Ah, herè s the problem.

Coffee table. It should
be more over here.

Thank you. No, no. Huh-uh.

No, out of the traffic
flow, because...

No, actually, it's quite good here.

Yeah. Well, I know
it's quite good here.

But I mean, it'd be much
better a bit over here.

You know what might be fun? - What?

Well, therè s this OCD seminar

at the Convention
Center this weekend.

(laughs)

I know.

See, l'm laughing. - (Sara laughs)

Am I cured? - Far from it.

(mutters)

Are these your pictures?

Oh. (Chuckles) Yes, yes.

(Sara on recording)
It was early evening,

I heard thunder, so, I
started to shoot the clouds,

but just then I heard
a frantic, shrill whistle.

I turned to shoot it,

it was a bicycle
messenger about to hit me.

(chuckles) - Yeah.

And the one next to it is
actually after he hit me.

Oh, and he doesn't look too happy.

01:00:16,554
(Sara on recording) Oh,
yes, the bus just missed me,

but it took out a fire hydrant.

I never realized that photography

was an extreme sport.

(Sara chuckles)

They're fantastic pictures.

Yoùre very talented.

Thank you. Hmm.

Come here.

Oh, you wanna kiss me?

I do, in the worst way.

Well, I hope not.

But let's see how it goes.

Oh. - Mm.

What? Are you nervous?

It's been a long time.

Yoùre gay?

No, l'm not gay.

Then, what?

It's just, l'm... l'm insecure.

I haven't done this for...

But how insecure?

Very insecure. - Oh.

01:01:13,835
Oh. Ah.

(laughs gently)

Oh, Larry.

Nobody ever calls me Larry.

I do.

Mmm. - Yes.

Mmm.

What you doing?

l'm learning your body.

Oh, God.

I promise you, l'll start
working out tomorrow.

Yeah. Start now.

Start now.

(Sara laughs)

Yeah. Your ex
sounds incredibly flaky,

how terrible for you. But
listen to me very carefully,

I don't give a shit.

You were supposed to
be here at four yesterday.

I waited until seven,
you didn't show.

(man on phone)
Yoùre harshing my vibe.

No dude, yoùre harshing my vibe.

l'm about to hang up and call
my caterer, Lawrence Phillips.

Yeah, that...

Ah, dammit.

Hello? Just...

get here before 8:00 AM, okay?

You win. Get here at 8:00
AM and one second, you lose.

- Ok? Thank you.
- (Mack) You need some help?

Hi-ya.

(groaning) - Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, Mack, I am so sorry. I...

- Are you okay? I...
- l'm sorry I scared you.

l'm sorry I maimed you. Are you okay?

Yoùre tough. I feel bad
for the guy on the phone.

No, don't. It's a seated dinner.

It's a little difficult
to do without chairs.

Had to elevate the threat level.

I just didn't think somebody would be

eavesdropping at 6:00 AM.

No, I got here at
four. Slept in the car.

Why?

Rough night. Got into some weirdness

and... Ah, nothin'.

I wanted to see you.

But not in a stalking way.

Lying in wait and
creeping up behind me

is really the classic
definition of stalker.

I had the crazy
thought I could come in,

and sweep you off your feet,
but you swept me off mine.

So, you owe me breakfast.

(chuckles) I mean, oh, okay. I...

My day is insane and
just got more insane,

But yeah. Look, give me a second,

and I could definitely use a refill.

Ah.

Larry?

Larry?

Ah.

What...

A note?

Oh, God.

I have fallen in love with
the dumbest man in history.

(sighs)

(thunks) - Ah.

Oh. Shit.

Oh.

Ok, that barista was so judgy.

She was like, "Is this your
second red-eye in 15 minutes?"

It's like, "Oh, are
you keeping score"

- "on my caffeine intake?"
- Mm. Who cares?

Oh. - Mm. So close.

Here, gimme. - Hold this. Ok.

Oh, wow. - Oh, yeah.

Going for the big...

Yoùre taking this very seriously.

Oh. - Yes.

Wow. Nice shot. - Here, it's easy.

Try again. - No, thanks.

No? - I suck at basketball

and plastic bottle
into the trash-ket ball.

l'm just a musician and
l'm fine with it, you know?

I don't have to make the winning shot

at the buzzer every time.

I do. Every time.

With everything.

Everything's a lot.

Yeah, it's a lot.

Mm. How many of those
ones do you remember?

Hmm, definitely the
ones from middle school.

(both chuckle)

Lately, just enough.

Why don't you just
float on some of them

and just save your beautiful
energy for the big ones?

(quiet laugh)

Who are you?

What?

How do you... know me?

I don't know you, but l'd like to.

So,

l'm just coming off of

what I thought was me
getting dumped, again.

But, actually, I was more
the dumper than the dumpee.

(chuckles)

But I think I should
take a little time

to chill and figure out
the difference between

losing to someone

and losing them.

- Well, good luck with that.
- (laughs)

l'll be watching you from my car.

If you need anything. - Oh, great.

(both laugh)

I have to go grab my guy,
the table and chair rental guy.

Oh, yeah. You go. - So.

You go do that. - Ok.

l'll... see you soon.

(Mack) It was fun.

See you later.

(sighs) Are these the
ones they delivered?

Yes. - Well, l'm not sure

- they're gonna do a lot of...
- (dog barks)

Sara.

Give me a moment, will you?

This is a surprise.

Oh. Oh, I just came by

so you could read this to me.

Oh, my God. I left
you a note. l'm so silly.

Make sure you give
it back to me, though,

because I do wanna get it framed.

So, read it. Read it, please.

(quietly) "Good morning, sweetheart."

I had to go to work, but I
can't wait to see you later.

Kisses,

"Larry."

Nothing about, "I
changed all the furniture

in your apartment. So, do be careful.

You could get killed"?

l'm so sorry. - Oh, yeah?

Why didn't you just move
the bed next to the window

so I could plunge to my
death without getting up?

I just want to make
everything perfect for you.

Your perfect is just fine.

But it isn't gonna save me.

And obviously, you
are too blind to see that.

Here, Teddy. Let's go,
Teddy. Up, good boy.

We don't wanna bang
into anything else.

l've only got one neck, after all.

Good, Teddy.

Uh... Uh... (sighs)

♪ I leapt ♪

♪ Before I looked ♪

♪ I never learned ♪

♪ And now l'm cooked ♪

♪ Shoulda had a plan ♪

♪ Shoulda up and ran ♪

♪ I got the break-up ♪

♪ The break-up blues ♪

♪ What the hell? ♪

♪ And what the heck? ♪

♪ Seems I can't find love ♪

♪ Without risking your neck ♪

♪ Probably should have known ♪

♪ Now l'm all alone ♪

♪ I got the break-up ♪

♪ The break-up blues ♪

♪ 'Cause I got the break-up ♪

♪ I got the break-up, oh ♪

♪ I got the break-up ♪

♪ I got the break-up ♪

♪ I got the break-up ♪

♪ The break-up blues ♪

(keypad beeping)

(ringing)

Yes? Yes?

01:09:00,334
Who?

01:09:04,273
I really... I don't know a Larry.

01:09:09,043
Uh-huh. Oh.

01:09:12,377
Well...

Certainly.

Um...

l'm sorry. - (Scoffs)

l've messed up before and
l'll probably mess up again,

but look, don't give up on me.

Ok.

I got you this. - Ah?

Here.

Ok.

Hmm?

Oh.

Is this a scarf?

It's a blindfold.

Ah? - For me.

(clicks tongue)

Open my eyes.

Let me see what you see.

01:10:14,141
Good.

01:10:18,656
No, I don't... Oh, yes, I
do. One, two, three, four.

Right. Yes. - Now, follow it over.

Ah. What's that? - (Laughs)

No, smell it. - Oh.

(horns honk) - 01:10:39,067
Ok, can I go home now? - Yes.

Of course. Yes, here.

(horns honking)

No, no. Here.

All right, all right.

Feel to your right for the railing.

- The rail... Oh, wait...
- Ah. Don't you go.

- Ah. No, wait. Oh, God.
- Don't let go.

Lawrence... Oh. - Wait, wait, wait.

01:11:03,091
What? - I can't, I can't, I can't.

Larry, oh, my God.
Larry. Are you okay?

- Larry, Larry, don't sit.
- (Lawrence grunting)

Oh. - Are you all right?

l'm fine, l'm fine. - Ok.

l'm here. l'm waiting.

- l'm at... I don't know.
01:11:19,174
Ok, l'm here to help.

Are you all right? Ah. Oh, my God.

No, no. No, don't...

Well, that was a piece of cake.

Ok, well, home at
last. How do you feel?

Exhausted.

But thrilling.

I mean, I had no inkling - Yeah.

- Of what you went through.
- Oh, well...

But I think l'm pretty
good at this now.

Oh. - Oh. Oh, my God. Oh.

Ooh. - Uh, oh. Oh, dear.

(guitar music playing)

♪ Turns out we can't be ♪

♪ Perfect in love ♪

♪ 'Cause love ain't perfect ♪

♪ No, not at all ♪

♪ Ain't no secret Love ain't pure ♪

♪ Don't wanna miss
it That's for sure ♪

♪ The other version Of this song ♪

♪ Turned out all wrong ♪

(cheers and applause) -
♪ If you don't claim love ♪

♪ The blame is on us ♪

Come on.

♪ We fell in love ♪

♪ We love the fuss ♪

♪ Jump together under the bus ♪

♪ If we don't claim love ♪

♪ Blame us ♪

♪ If love is crazy Sign me up ♪

01:12:46,595
♪ Check me in and lock me up ♪

Oh. Ooh. - ♪ If love is blind ♪

- Oh-ho. Mmm.
- ♪ Then take my sight ♪

(laughs) - Mm. Mm.

- Is that good?
- ♪ If love is tough ♪

♪ Let's dance all night. ♪

♪ If we don't claim love ♪

♪ If we don't claim love ♪

♪ If we don't claim love ♪

♪ The blame is on us ♪

(crowd cheers and applauds)

(Bev) Oh. Just keep going.

No, stop.

I was kidding. Joke.

01:13:28,369
This is Zhopa.

Very nice meeting you, Mr. Mayor.

Oh, well, l'm not mayor yet.

An election? We could fixing that.

Thanks, I think wè re good.

This Menny. - Manny.

Menny. - Menny.

This Ivan. - Ivan.

Ivan.

Great. Nice to meet you all.

We are late and we are leaving.

After you.

(string quartet playing)

(horns honking) -
(sirens blare in distance)

What the heck is this?

Ah, come on.

This is bad.

This is not good.

Ok. One of the perks
about duck boating is this.

Victor, show 'em.

Ehi, Prius, move it.

Drive it all the way
forward. Thank you so much.

Trying to meet the love of my life,

no big deal. Very
big deal. Go. Go. Go.

Come on. There you go.

That wasn't so hard.

Wè re dead.

No, wè re not.

(Robert) Ehi.

Ehi. Ehi. Ehi.

Ehi. Ehi.

Ehi, l'm Robert Barton.

l'm running for mayor.

(chuckles) Oh, that's weird,

'cause you actually are running.

You have my vote, thank you.

But now l'm running late,
so, I got to go. All right?

No-no-no-no-no-no. Wait, wait, wait.

Stop, stop, stop. - (Brakes squeal)

You can't go. l'm late.

- 01:15:19,614
l'm meeting my true love.

Wè ll go with you. - What?

(panting) This is the Cinderella guy.

That's TV press up there.

With this boat, wè ve
got just enough time

to go pick up his woman,
then over to your wedding,

and you become the
romance king of Boston.

You wanna stop being a
stiff? Herè s your chance.

Wè re gonna go with you.

Great. Welcome aboard. Let's go.

Let down the ladder.
Victor, punch it.

Yes, let's go.

I love helping strangers.

All aboard, life vests on.

Who knows if this thing still floats?

I mean, it should. It's FDA approved.

Whatever that means.

Wè re heading out to sea, hang on.

I hope you can swim. (Chuckles)

I am not lifeguard certified.

(Mack) Yeah.

(crystal clinking)

Put this over here? - Yep.

01:16:12,434
Ehi. - How's it goin'?

You look amazingly calm.

Amazingly everything's
going like clockwork, so.

No glitches? - Nope. l'm a pro.

Been at this a whole eight days.

l'm not surprised at all.

So, you maybe doin' some thinking?

Yeah, l've been doing that. Yep.

And how am I doin'?

Um...

Pretty good.

Aw, just pretty good? Come on.

(laughs) - (cell phone rings)

Bev?

Wait... What?

A duck boat?

Are you crazy? You
would never make it.

Bev?

Dammit.

Glitch? - Huge glitch.

Planning a wedding that
might not have a groom.

(cell phone dings)

Son of a bitch. 01:17:06,854
Lenny quit. I can't believe it.

Yoùre kidding, right? - (Mack) No.

But l'll just call some people, okay?

And l'll fix... - Not kidding.

Son of a...

(Jordan) ♪ If love is tough ♪

♪ Let's dance all night ♪

♪ Don't blame love... ♪

Sorry, could I talk to
you for one second?

Hi, l'm kind of in the
middle of somethin' here.

I understand. l'm so
sorry, just one second.

I come by here every
day. I love you, yoùre great.

Can you be in a band?

Oh, I don't... - Like, right now.

Sorry, what I meant to
say was, right now, please,

because two minutes
ago, across the street,

at my wedding... Not my wedding...

But anyway, half
of our band just quit.

So, you could be the
new other half, and...

Just please, help me out.

I really can't let this couple down.

It just has to be their perfect day.

And I will carry your stuff...

I don't play in bands, I work alone.

I get that. (Exhales)

I know I sound crazy.
l'm just desperate.

He comes, too.

I thought you only work alone?

I was wrong.

What's his name?

I don't know.

Mister Guitar Man,

would you care to join...

Jordan. - Jordan, in our new band?

Happy to. Yeah. - Amazing. Ok.

(saxophone playing)

Wherè re you off to?
A gig? Need brass?

01:18:46,520
Can I join the parade?

Why not?

It's exactly five
òclock, and l'm here live

with our own Prince Charming

whòs hoping to find
Cinderella waiting for him

right here in the park.

Romance is alive and
well, and even though

his own wedding is
scheduled at six pm tonight,

Robert Barton came
here to be part of this.

This is what makes Boston
the greatest city in the world

- and I just couldn't keep...
- Let's do this.

Wè re doing this. - Stay tuned.

There he is.

(ladies screaming) - Oh.

Ehi.

Is she here?

Whòs to know? It's so crazy.

Everybody shutting up.

Thank you. Now, lining up

so that Mr. Ritchie
can finding his girlfriend.

Huh? Lining up,
lining up. Go, go, go.

What would we do without
the mafia? Thank you.

Thank you very much. - Ok.

Um, hi. - (Woman) Hi.

How are you? Thank
you. Thank you for coming.

I love that. It's amazing. - Hi.

All right. (Laughs) Sorry, pal.

Actually, no, let me get a selfie.

My mom's never going to believe this.

Mark Wahlberg tried to win my heart.

(shutter clicks) - Bam.

Thank you so much for comin'.

Thank you. All right.

Yoùre married, you
shouldn't be here. Go home.

Ehi. On the six-pack, I love it.

Ah. Yoùre about to
faint for me. Ok, girl.

On the leg, no-no, it's
supposed to be on the neck.

Yeah, it's okay.

Ehi, how are you guys?

Oh. That looks real.

Oh, on your wrist. (Chuckles) Ok.

Cool.

Ehi.

Shè s not here.

Ladies, you are all wonderful.

If it were legal, l'd set up a cult,

and l'd marry every one of you.

l'll join. - (Women) Me, too. Yeah.

Unfortunately, we
are late fora wedding.

And therè s only one person

that can get us to
the church on time.

Me, Captain Ritchie.
So, I have to go.

Let's go, let's go.

(women) Bye.

Bye.

Ok. Well, tell him to floor it.

(door opens)

(horse nickers)

Oh, my God. - Ta-da.

Look at you. You look like a dream.

- Jessie. This is amazing.
- Watch the stairs.

Oh, surprise. Yeah, zero emissions.

Well, kinda.

- (laughs) Close enough.
- More or less.

Ok. Here we go. Hop on.

Whoo-hoo.

(gasps) Jessie, this is awesome.

You have truly
created the perfect day.

Good. Ok, ready?

- Let's get you married.
- Let's do it.

All right, wè re ready.

(cracks reigns) - Come on. Get up.

- How're you feeling?
- Feeling good. Yeah.

(fabric rips) - Ah.

(horse whinnies) - Oh, my God.

Are you okay? - Yeah, I guess.

I mean, what happened?

Uh, wow. - Is... What?

Your train is wrapped
around the wheel spoke.

You got it? - No. It's stuck.

You know what? Sir,
can you back up a little bit

and just see if we
can get it to unwind?

Stuck. She won't move.
Can't go forward or back.

- This is a disaster.
01:22:27,074
- Ehi, you guys. Need some help?
- Hi.

I don't know. Jessie, do you...

(laughs)

The wedding trasher strikes again.

Ehi. That girl is my friend.

Ok, you don't talk
to my friend like that.

If you do, I will show you
the dictionary definition

of the word "trasher.". You get it?

Yes, màam. - Apologize to her.

l'm sorry.

Now beat it before
I wrap your tricycle

around your fat head.

(exhales)

You. Stop. - (Horse nickers)

Young lady, can I count
on your vote in November?

Was this on the registry? (Laughs)

(crowd cheers and applauds)

(crowd hoots)

Bev, you did it. I love you. (Laughs)

Ooh. (Laughs) And I,
much to my amazement,

am quite fond of you. (Laughs)

l've gotta go.

(string quartet playing)

You are a hero. I
can't thank you enough.

My pleasure, man.

Sorry about your girl.

She wasn't my girl.

Was just...

Crazy love. - (Chuckles)

It's all crazy.

Look, my bride,

three mafia goons,

and my brother chained to a stripper.

But in the end, you got the girl.

Come with me. It's
gonna be a great party.

l'm good, thank you.

Ok. Thanks again.

Ehi.

Don't give up on the crazy.

That's what makes love...

Love.

(wedding march plays)

(crowd cheering)

(crowd applauds)

l've never seen an avocado do that.

(guests laugh)

So, remember, Robert,

when you hook up to
the old ball and chain,

don't do it like I did.

Shè s got the balls
and l've got the chain.

(guests cheer)

Ehi, everybody. - (Cheers)

How we doing?

All right. Thank you
all so much for coming.

This is my first wedding,
and hopefully my last.

(chuckles) Um... - (guests laugh)

And this great event was
created by Jessie English.

(guests cheer and applaud)

Who, thankfully,
decided not to parachute

- through the top of a tent.
- (guests laugh)

But seriously, Jessie,
thank you so much.

Ehi, what about me?

Oh, l'm sorry, and you are?

(guests laugh)

Have a good time, everybody.

(cheers and applause)

Well, speaking of new marriages,

"Celebration".

(cheers and applause)

(clapping rhythmically)

We don't know how to play it.

(clapping continues)

"Celebration."

(drum beat begins) - (guests cheer)

(band playing "Celebration")

♪ Yahoo. ♪

♪ It's a celebration ♪

♪ Yahoo. ♪

- What's wrong?
- ♪ It's a celebration ♪

♪ Celebrate good times Come on. ♪

Look at that.

(Jordan) ♪ It's a celebration ♪

It's perfect.

♪ Celebrate good times Come on. ♪

(laughs) It's really not perfect.

Oh, look at the two of them.

If that's not perfect,
then it doesn't need to be.

You did good, kid.

(laughs) Thank you, Larry.

Oh, no. Only...

Therè s only one person
who calls me Larry.

(laughs) Oh, really? - Oh, yeah.

If you keep up this nice guy crap,

everybody's gonna call you Larry.

(chuckles)

♪ Celebrate good times Come on. ♪

(Jordan) ♪ It's a celebration. ♪

♪ Celebrate good times Come on. ♪

(Mack) ♪ Ooh, it's a celebration. ♪

♪ Therè s a party
going on Round here ♪

♪ A celebration to last
Throughout the year ♪

♪ So, bring your good
times And your laughter too ♪

(no audible dialogue)

♪ Wè re gonna celebrate
Your party with you ♪

♪ Celebration ♪

♪ Let's all celebrate
And have a good time ♪

♪ Celebration ♪

♪ Oh, wè re gonna celebrate
And have a good time ♪

♪ It's time to come together ♪

♪ It's up to you
What's your pleasure ♪

♪ Everyone around
the world Come on. ♪

♪ Mm, it's a celebration. ♪

♪ Yahoo. ♪

♪ It's a celebration. ♪ - ♪ Whoo. ♪

♪ Wè re gonna have
A good time tonight ♪

♪ Let's celebrate, It's all right ♪

♪ Wè re gonna have
A good time tonight ♪

♪ Let's celebrate, It's all right ♪

♪ Yeah, wè re gonna
have A good time tonight ♪

♪ Let's celebrate ♪

♪ Celebration ♪

♪ Oh, wè re gonna celebrate
And have a good time ♪

♪ Celebration ♪

♪ Let's all celebrate
And have a good time ♪

♪ Wè re gonna have
A good time tonight ♪

♪ Let's celebrate It's all right ♪

♪ Yeah, wè re gonna
have A good time tonight ♪

♪ Let's celebratèCause
it's all right ♪

♪ It's time to come together ♪

♪ It's up to you What's
your pleasure? ♪

♪ Everyone around
the world come on. ♪

♪ Mm, it's a celebration. ♪

(laughs)

(crowd cheers and applauds)

(game show music playing)

All right. Hold it down.

Hold it down. Let's
just get this over with.

Final show. Coppie da schianto.

Someone walks away with a mill.

Someone walks away with bupkis.

(drum sting) - The results are in.

Tiny and Shaq have
been leading the voting

for the last five days.

(cheers and applause)

Which means you two

have been getting your asses kicked.

(audience laughs) - But...

A giant tidal wave
of last minute votes

produced an impossible comeback.

(drumroll) - The winners are

Jimmy and Svetlana.

(audience cheers and applauds)

(game show music playing)

That was us.

Subtitles by explosiveskull
www.OpenSubtitles.org