All language subtitles for Escape to the Chateau S01E01.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.x264-CMYK.English

Every year, 10,000 Brits
cross the Channel

to start a new life in France.

D'accord, yes, yes, yes(!)

Dick Strawbridge and his partner
Angel are planning to join them.

Look, they've made their own
bread over there.

But while some might dream
of a place by the Med...

a Parisian apartment...

or perhaps a small country cottage,

Dick and Angel are dreaming bigger.

Much bigger.

This is truly beautiful.

This is the story of one family's
extraordinary adventure.

Turning an abandoned French
chateau into a dream home...

..in time for the ultimate
fairytale wedding.

Over the next year, designer Angel

and engineer Dick will discover
the chateau's secrets.

I've never been in here.

These are old Victorian clothes,
there's tons of them.

And work day and night...

..to restore its rooms
to their 19th-century glory.

This place is amazing.

It's so incredibly important
to bring it back to life.

The size of the task is enormous.

Can I help?!

This is DIY,

craft

AND construction...

That's the singing Frenchman,
and he's whistling.

..on the grandest of scales.

For the past four years,
Dick Strawbridge

and his partner Angel have been on
the hunt for a property in France.

What do you think of this?

We're actually in search of
living the dream.

They yearn for a simple existence

in the French countryside.

We've got the loo.

It's in working order, yeah?

It just allows you to have all
the things you dream of -

decent wine, decent food,
a really nice place to live.

But they haven't yet found
the perfect home.

I'm not sure about these palm trees.

I think it might be a bit
overpriced.

Dick and Angel had assumed
their £300,000 budget

would buy a small country cottage.

But with French property prices
much cheaper than England,

they discovered they could afford
something a little grander.

We're just thinking, hold on, for
the price of a one-bedroom flat

in the East End of London,

we can actually have a chateau
with ten acres.

We can't believe our luck.

There are over 40,000 chateaux
in France.

Tower-topped, fairytale mansions,

dating from the ninth
to the 19th century.

These icons of French
architecture are synonymous with

the country's noble past.

AND its bloody revolution.

And although many cost millions,
if you're prepared to put

the work in, some can be picked up
for as little as £150,000.

The hunt for the perfect
chateau is on

and they have plenty
on their shortlist.

There we go. Whoa!

That is pretty special, isn't it?

It looks good, doesn't it?

Good afternoon, sir.

While former army colonel Dick
is searching for a fix-up job

at a bargain price...

There's a lot of work here,

there's the heating, the electrics,

the plumbing, the en-suite...

Angel is looking for
vintage glamour.

I like old things - that's why
I'm with Dick!

This is the stuff that just
gets me going. Yeah?

And they're struggling to find
a place that they can both

fall in love with.

We sort of like have this fantasy,
don't we, of this perfect kitchen

and this doesn't do it...

No, but if you think about it,
it doesn't start off being perfect.

Dick's incredibly alpha male,
um,

and, um, I'm bossing him around!

She's a very successful
businesswoman,

she likes getting her own way.

I'm a retired Army Colonel...

It's a little bit of this, you know!

BELL TOLLS

So far, they've been back
and forth to France six times.

And they're still searching.

Today, they're driving to the town

of Martigne-sur-Mayenne -

about 180 miles southwest of
Paris.

With them are their children,
two-year-old Arthur

and six-month-old Dorothy.

As well as Angel's mum Jenny
and dad Steve.

This is a family adventure.

Fromagerie's to the left...
JENNY: Right.

STEVE: What's a fromagerie?
Cheese.

The chateau they're about to see
is new to the market.

At £250,000,
it's within their budget.

This could be the entrance way
here...

Yes! Oh, wow! Look at that.

Well, I think we should
put an offer in now!

First impressions
are ridiculously positive!

Angela wants to make an offer and
we haven't even seen anything yet.

This is truly beautiful.

Darling, darling, darling.

The Chateau-de-la-motte Husson
was built in the 1860s

as a grand gesture of love
from a Lord to his Lady.

It's built on the foundations
of a 15th-century fort.

And comes complete
with its own moat.

I love it. I love it.
I love it more.

But, having said that, we haven't
looked inside yet.

Common-sense, let's just think
for a little bit here.

We have to look first.
That's a walled garden.

That's a walled garden!

The chateau has 12 acres of land,

hundreds of trees,

seven outbuildings...

and a space for farming animals
and growing crops.

You see all the wires going up
the side?

That's where there's been plants
in the past grown against the walls.

It's years and years of work to
turn it into something phenomenal.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

This is the orangery.

It's bigger than my house!

Outside is impressive,

but they've yet to see
what's behind the front door.

The man with the key is
estate agent Francois.

Come on, come on, Grandma, Grandad.

This is nice. Yeah.

This is not too shabby(!)

It's nice.

The chateau is on five floors

and has an astonishing 45 rooms.

Each floor is 160 square metres.

Within its four walls,

you could fit nine
new British homes.

It's been owned by the same family
since it was built 150 years ago.

Wow.

We've only just put it on the market

and we see that we have many visits
that are going to happen, so...

I would be surprised if
it stayed long on the market.

The grand entrance hall would
once have welcomed guests to

lavish banquets and parties.

Hold on. No way!

The dumb waiter!
Yes. Darling!

We're in business!

The servants would have prepared the
food downstairs in the sous-sol -

the basement.

With the bell.
Ah-ha!

"Service!"

This was once a kitchen
with six rooms for different

types of food preparation.

Next door is the wine cellar,
with space for 5,000 bottles.

Obviously, we love it.
We live in the kitchen.

That's for the servants to actually
tell us what's happening, look.

"I need you in the dining room!"

The chateau's faded interiors
boast a mix of styles from

across the ages, telling the story

of each generation
that's lived here.

Obviously, it's tired.
There's water coming in,

but this is, um...

It's pretty incredible.

The 45-room chateau and its
extensive grounds

are listed at £250,000.

That's 345,000 Euros.

It's the top end of their budget.

But after less than an hour...

..they're falling under its spell.

I'm trying to be sensible.

This is a huge house,
it's got the orangery,

it's got the walled garden, it's got
all these things going for it,

but we're talking a lot of money to
get it back to where it should be.

It is so doable and it is so
beautiful, it's almost too good.

This is including the walled garden
and these buildings?

Part of it, I'll show you.
Part of it? OK.

A developer has already put
an offer in for the walled garden.

He wants to build two new homes
right in the middle of the grounds.

He has a potential purchaser
for half...

For one of these houses
for 50,000 Euros.

What do you think? We need to
have the walled garden in it.

What is the best they will take for
that if we put an offer in now

and push through quickly?
We're cash buyers.

We're only just cash buyers for
that amount... I know!

Not having the walled garden is just
a no-go for us,

we need the stables...
We need the whole place.

Yeah, I think for it
to work for us, we do.

Keeping in mind that we want to buy
it and we're cash buyers...

..what will he take
for the entirety?

If you say I offer...

390 today for the whole lot...

Yeah? ..then I stop the visits.

We give you an option and we sign
a compromise in the next...

two weeks.

Dick!

I missed the conversation, what did
you say, darling?

Have you bought the place?
If we offer 390...

he'll stop the visits
and we'll get going.

Thank you very much indeed.
Congratulations.

After years of searching,

their dream chateau is finally
within their grasp.

She's found the one she wants,
we're in trouble!

But, to secure the house
and walled garden,

they'll have to spend 280

of their £300,000 budget...

..leaving next to nothing
for renovation.

Look at the sewage,
look at the electrics in here,

if you look at the lead paint,
it basically says, "Don't buy me".

For 40 years, the Chateau
de la Motte has stood empty.

Its 45 rooms and 12 acres of land in
the heart of the French countryside

abandoned and neglected.

But all that is about to change.

Do you want me to wrap this?

Do we want it in the kitchen or is
that going to go somewhere else?

That's what I'm saying.

In their two-bedroom flat
in Southend,

Dick and Angel are getting ready
to leave England for good.

Do you know what that is?
It's to... Erm...

It's a tongue press.

They've made the monumental decision
to buy the chateau.

Every hour is spent trying
to work out details of the move,

and we're going into January
in a chateau without water,

electricity, or sewage, or heating.

The purchase price is £280,000.

Which leaves them
just 20 grand for repairs.

And they're going to need every
penny.

Right, OK. Rooms?

Toilets?

They've got an ambitious plan -

get enough work done to
move their family in

just three weeks after
they get the keys.

My head is spinning.

We've got so much to organise,
and I've got a family to look after.

So, Mum and Dad are going to be
living in the grand salon

to start with. We have to have
the heating in place

before they can move into that.
Yeah.

Is it going to be warm enough?

The kids are going to have
a bath at night.

We have to have
so many things sorted out.

It's starting to get
a little bit scary.

We've got all these things going on.

If you try and carry them all in
your head...

it'll explode.

With their vital possessions
crammed into a van and the rest

of their belongings following soon,
Dick and Angel are moving to France.

In a few hours,
they will finally complete

the purchase of a property
that lists 450 faults.

The whole of this document
says, "Do not buy this chateau."

It says it's all our risk.

Anything that happens...

I know. So...
BABY CRIES

Dorothy, it's enough to scare me,
sweetheart, never mind you.

It is, it's really quite worrying.
But...

He's going to say, "Sold as seen."
Are you all right with that? Yeah.

Even though we've got 200 pages
of reasons not to buy it. I know.

They're meeting with the vendors
at a local notaire to sign

the Acte de Vente.

Now, for Dick and Angel,
there's no going back.

Turn, turn, turn. It's a bit stiff.

I'll oil it.

Wow. Well done. Jump over.

We're in!

Come into life.

Look how beautiful that is.

Everything is gorgeous.

Finally, the chateau is theirs.

Right. Let's get to work.
Let's get to work.

Owning a fairytale chateau
sounds like a dream.

But the French are turning
their backs on them

because they can cost
more to renovate than to buy.

There's been an electrical
fire here.

Dick and Angel's chateau
is crumbling, freezing cold...

and has no working plumbing
or electricity.

But they can't say
they weren't warned.

200+ pages of reasons not
to buy a house.

Look at the sewage,
look at the electrics in here.

Look at the lead paint.
Asbestos...

It basically says, "Don't buy me."

Engineer Dick is convinced
he's got what it takes

to take on a project of this size.

But Angel has other priorities.

When I walk into a room, I know
that Dick's thinking, "OK, well,

"the radiators are going to go
there, the plumbing's going there."

And I'm thinking, "Oh, there's going
to be a giraffe there."

I'm thinking that everything is...
around shelves.

And we just sit here with our books.
But how high? Up to the ceiling.

And we have a ladder.

Right, OK.
This may not happen in phase one.

You say that to everything.

We're going to need a plug
here for Christmas tree lights.

I'm so not worried about
Christmas trees at this stage.

Right, um...

I understand Angela's vision

and she's the one that's going to
make this place beautiful,

but we've got to get
the dog work done first.

I'm going to just stand by the door

and visualise
which way it should be. OK.

And I'm just going to
do as I'm told.

The castle was rebuilt in 1864
on the site of an ancient fort.

It took ten years to construct,
requiring hundreds of workers.

To install central heating,
new electrics and plumbing,

Dick will have to hire experts.
But, being an engineer,

he plans to do much
of the renovation work himself.

The first problem
is right on his doorstep.

HE LAUGHS

There's a nine-foot drop...

to nothing.

Beneath the doorstep,
Dick's discovering

building techniques that go back to
the ancient Egyptians.

Under here, it's the most amazing
construction because...

you've got insulation,
which is mud and straw.

The organic insulation
is found between every floor

in the chateau.

Packed together between
the solid oak beams,

they dampen noise
and keep the heat in.

But beneath the doorstep,
at least,

the beams and the cobs
are crumbling away.

All of the support
for this is rotten.

So, what I have to do is put
something solid onto this beam,

push up,
and then support this whole area

cos that means you can step
on the front doorstep coming in.

It's a lot easier with power tools.

No electricity...

To make a base,

Dick is screwing this plywood into
the only solid part of the beam.

But to pack this gap...

he's going foraging.

The chateau's seven outbuildings
once would have provided

the seigneur du manoir - the lord
of the manor - everything he needed.

From stables for his horses...

to store rooms for his grain.

Dick's starting his search
in the old laundry.

I've never been in here.

That's a big thing for washing in.

Oh, yes!

Wow!

See this dingly-dangly bit?
Whenever the wheelbarrow is full...

it takes the weight.

I love it!

This...

this is the piggery.

It's all fallen down,
all the slate's been trashed here,

but I can use this...

for packing out under
the tiles of the front door.

Renovating the chateau isn't
just about making it habitable.

Angel has a passion for vintage

and is desperate to restore
its faded glamour.

What comes first?

What do you do first?

I really want to have it all pretty,
just, like, straightaway.

From its oak and chestnut parquet
flooring...

..to its wallpaper...

hand-painted by Parisian artists...

..everything is
a spectacle of opulence.

This place is amazing,
like, full of so much detail.

One of the first things
is the little lions' heads.

Cast in iron, 86 handcrafted
lion heads adorn

the double revolution staircase.

The lion motif is also at the heart
of the family crest.

But in the attic
are more personal reminders

of the chateau's 150-year history.

Where do you start, eh?

Oh!

Hello!

These are all Victorian clothes,
there's tonnes of them!

They have somebody's initial on.

How lovely.

This room...

is like something
your grandad would have.

He doesn't want to chuck
anything away.

Do you know what, I've bought
magazines like this -

cost me a fortune!

Oh, my God, is it a whole
collection of 1950s Marie Claires?

It's so incredibly important

to pull as much out of the chateau
that we can

cos it brings it back to life.

We're going to clean all these up
and get them in use.

Until the next time.

After three hours, Dick has nearly
finished fixing the doorstep.

I know the wood underneath it
is sound,

so all I want to do is get these on
top of it now,

in a way that will last.

These handmade cement and marble
tiles originate from Catalonia,

and were the height of fashion
in the 19th century.

A grand way to welcome your guests.

HE CHUCKLES

Done.

The two towers that flank
the chateau

are known as pepper shakers.

In the one next to the dining room,
they make a useful discovery.

This is good!
It's practically a bathroom!

It's going to need a good, good
scrub.

Then we can actually... Oh... Oh!

DICK LAUGHS

That's very, very unpleasant.

ANGEL COUGHS
Right.

The only water here comes from
a tap in the basement.

I'm doing this very slowly
cos I don't want the water

to fill up all the pipes
in the house,

in case there's leaking
up on the first floor.

Lovely little loo.

According to the survey, the toilet
empties somewhere into the moat.

(Where's it gone to?)

(It's gone from here.)

I half expect to look out
and see fish jumping up.

The moat is almost the same size
as six Olympic swimming pools.

Finding a small waste pipe
won't be easy.

Drain-tracing dye.

It traces where the drain goes.

It's quite heavy.

Oh, Dick, what are you doing?

I've no idea how deep this goes.

Angela, just keep flushing it!

Oh, oh, oh,
that gets deep very quickly.

Note to self, don't step backwards.

Nothing's happening?
Nothing at all, darling.

I should be seeing a red bloom
where our flushing water

has come out here somewhere.

There is no red dye there.

Hello, gorgeous.

No, nothing at all. Um...

I'm sure if it was my chateau,
and I built it,

I'd probably have the pipe
going quite a long way out.

In the summer, when it's warm,
I'll be in there

in my swimming cossie, searching
for the pipe where the poop goes.

With a handful of tasks
ticked off the list...

..soon the major work will begin -

installing a heating system
on a grand scale...

..just as winter really
starts to bite.

Dick Strawbridge and his family

have brought a derelict
19th-century French chateau...

in the depths of winter.

It's so cold, even their
moat has frozen over.

It's -4 outside.

It's not very warm inside.

Towering over the chateau
are its six chimneys.

For a 19th-century
French aristocrat,

tall chimneys were a sign of wealth.

These bear the signature
of the family that built them.

They've been dormant for decades.

There's no heating or hot water.

But at least something's working.

I have now got one socket

in the whole chateau.

But, whoa, whoa...

We have electricity!

To install heat and hot water
into a five-storey chateau,

an off-the-peg system
is not an option.

Got hot water coming out here...

So, Dick has designed his own.

Using two fireplaces
and a stove in the basement,

water will be heated and sent up
to a thermal store in the attic.

It all comes down from the thermal
store, for baths, for showers,

for sinks, for the kitchens.

And as well as that, the heat
in the thermal store provides

the hot water to
run around our radiators.

Costing £18,000,

this is the most expensive
part of the project so far.

The difficult thing here
is the scale of the job.

The chateau is huge.

For his system to work
efficiently, and safely,

Dick's chimneys need an upgrade.

THEY LAUGH

Bonjour, Pascal. Ca va? Ca va.

Engineer Pascal has come to
line them with this steel tubing.

Er... Trois cheminees.

Les cuisines...

He is the first French
worker Dick has hired.

Je vais y aller tout doucement.

OK, merci, monsieur.

The last time I studied
French was 39 years ago.

Dans, erm... La salon,

et dans...

Erm...

Dans, er...

'I remember some of the French
words,

'but there's a lot of them I just
can't remember anything at all.'

So, I tend to do a bit
of Franglais speaking,

which is French with English in it.

Nous avons un grand, erm...

Store, "thermal store" en anglais.

Mais c'est...

C'est chaud...eau...

Un chauffe-eau. Un chauffe-eau.

OK, allons!
We're going to have a chauffe-eau.

Pascal must feed this steel tubing
up three of Dick's chimneys.

Each one is 85 feet high
and up to six feet wide.

No problem. No problem.

No problem. Vous parlez anglais?

Ah, merde.

THEY LAUGH

Duh! Duh, English! Stupid!

I just assumed there's going to
be some sort of a cherry picker

or a lift going up there,
or lots of scaffolding.

Je sors mon echelle sur le toit.

Oui? Et je monte. Oui?!

HE LAUGHS
Oui!

Pascal's going on the roof.

It is a bit scary, because I don't
think anybody's been up on that roof

for a very long time.

He's gone out the window.

He's got his special harness on.

He's going to attach himself
and if he falls,

it stops him hitting the ground.

He says he knows what he's doing.

I think that's what he said!

He is French.

He just stands on
a roof quite happily!

Has he got a ha...

He's harnessed on, see that rope?

There's a rope there he's holding
on to. That's him tied on.

He's actually dropping
a rope down and his friend, Sylvain,

he's down there and
he's feeding it up the chimney.

That's why he's lifting it up.
Right.

PASCAL WHISTLES

That's a singing Frenchman
on my roof. He's whistling.

He looks great.

He's the Roger Whittaker
of the French world.

Making the chateau safe
for his young family

is Dick's ultimate priority.

The chateau's windows
and its ten-foot high front door

are made of oak from its own forest.

But they're covered
in toxic lead paint,

which must now be removed...

by hand.

It's a big old door.

Dick begins by covering
the door with paint stripper.

This is not some sort of mad cookery
experiment or anything like that.

I'm going to cover it with
clingfilm so it stays on,

just doesn't dry out, because
dry lead paint is a problem.

Whilst the chateau is too cold
and dangerous to move in to,

Dick's family are staying in a
cottage a few miles down the road.

BABY CRIES

Excuse me, that's your sister.

In just eight days, all their
possessions arrive from England

and, ready or not,
the family will be moving in.

Bye! Bye!

I don't think I can really
afford to start scrubbing that off

for another two hours.

I'm going to enjoy the sunset.

There's a rule when you do DIY.

It always takes longer
than you think.

What's coming off here
is all the lead,

and it's all wet,
going into my bucket.

I've got to say, it's a bit chilly.

This is what happens when you
buy a chateau in January.

It's gone midnight.

Dick decides to spend his
first night alone in the chateau.

This is really quite deluxe camping.

You know, camping in a chateau.

Somewhere here
I've got a pair of slippers.

The dining room windows
have no glass.

And tonight is forecast
to be especially cold.

Wow!

Wow.

This is beautiful.

Lee and Kyle are driving down
through the snow

to get here to work.

Let's hope they get here.

Father and son Lee and Kyle
are here to install

Dick's bespoke heating system.

Back in the UK, they've
plumbed thousands of houses.

But they've never done
one on this scale.

You need mates, and mates
who are plumbers and electricians

understand what's going on.

With only seven days till
the family are due to move in,

they've got their work cut out.

Effectively, you're repiping
this house from top to bottom.

I think they're crazy, because it's
very rare that deadlines are met.

600 metres of pipe will carry hot
and cold water around the chateau.

You need another
two or three metres.

Running from the attic to the
wood burners on the first floor,

and a stove in the basement.

This is an A-rated gas boiler.

It generates hot water.

So, if the thermal store gets cold,

this will kick in and the gas will
actually give us a boiler working

to heat our water.

And this is the start.
We're getting closer to heat.

Six days later, and they're still
racing to finish the heating system

before the family moves in,
in 24 hours' time.

Whoa.

All right.

The radiators have arrived.

What colour did you think they were?

OK, white. I thought they
were black. But they're white.

OK, just making sure
we've got the right ones.

For now, Dick's system will heat
five of the chateau's 45 rooms.

That will be just enough

for the family to
leave their rented cottage.

But installing Dick's new
radiators is no simple task.

These walls are thick.

Going through the walls, they're
going to be a major nightmare.

The chateau walls are
built from solid stone,

some from the fort
that once stood here.

In places, they're
over three feet thick.

See, that's what we need,
isn't it? Come on.

So, to get through them, Dick has
shelled out on a serious bit of kit.

I came to France and I bought

the biggest drill they had
in the equipment store.

Nobody can hold this drill,
it's far too powerful.

If this works,
it will make our life easy.

If it doesn't work...

Kyle will be working very hard
making holes in these walls.

What do you think?

The cavity is filled with rubble.

Loose rocks and stone
tightly packed together.

On every attempt,
they jam the drill.

I'm going to call it a stop on this.

Basically, the wall won.

Dick's 1,500 pound
state-of-the-art drill

has bitten the dust.

HE SIGHS

The clock's ticking.

The removals are coming.
There's no heat.

So, all in all, um...
Yeah.

Meanwhile, Angel has
returned to the chateau.

She wants the place to be spotless

for when the furniture
arrives tomorrow.

I love a bit of cleaning,
I really do.

It's like the only job that
gives you instant satisfaction.

But she's having to
work around Lee and Kyle,

who are now trying to chisel
through the walls by hand.

We're trying to just use the
old way of chiselling it out.

We're going through walls
that are a real challenge.

We're probably taking
twice as long, in reality.

But, from what Dick tells me,
he is moving in come what may.

We'll get there,
but it'll just take a lot longer.

You want to tidy up
ready for things to come in.

They're trying to go through
a hole in the wall upstairs

because we have to... We've got
about three holes to make in walls.

That's nearly impossible.

So...

Yeah.

I know. It's just...

I just was going
to do some cleaning.

Yeah, but what are you going
to clean, that's the question?

That's why I'm asking you.

Look, I've just...

I haven't been here loads,
obviously, looking after the kids.

I'm just here helping to do
some cleaning ready for us.

Dick Strawbridge and his partner,
Angel,

have spent their life savings
on a fairytale castle in France.

But, tomorrow morning,
they will move in...

CLATTERING
to a building site.

CLATTERING AND HAMMERING

There are easier ways of moving
and going somewhere new to live.

Changing country, changing culture.
That's difficult.

We're actually doing
that into a ruin.

CLATTERING

They've spent virtually all
of their savings

turning this dilapidated
chateau into a safe place to live.

And they must now work through
the night to get the job done.

This is the hardest
time of year to work.

Short daylight hours,
that's really killing us,

because, when you are working
in the dark, it slows you down.

It's just...
You've got to stay positive.

I think he's an absolute nutjob.
I think he's crazy.

I think he should hold back
a little bit more,

but I understand they are under time
constraints, so needs must.

But moving in?
I wouldn't be doing it.

It's morning and, although the
heating system still isn't finished,

it's moving in day.

Honey!

I'm home!
ECHOING

To celebrate their new life abroad,

Dick and Angel are due to get
married here in November

on the anniversary
of when they first met.

That's only nine months away

and there's an extraordinary amount
to do to get the chateau habitable,

let alone ready for a wedding
with 200 guests.

It's just about graft.

We know what we want, and,
because we know what we want,

we're prepared to work for it.

The final leg of their
removal van's journey

is across the chateau's huge moat.

The only way to cross it
is by a stone bridge...

designed for a horse and carriage.

HORN BEEPS

It doesn't bode well for the
delivery of all our kit, does it?

Unloading everything at the gate
is likely to bring on a revolt.

Imagine carrying all of our stuff
up to the first and second floor

from back there.
Don't want to do that.

It's all happening now.

HE WHISTLES

Five centimetres either side is
all that lies between delivery...

and disaster.

That way a little bit.

That way a little bit.

The lorry has made it through OK.

But, at some point,
their pillar has been twisted.

When I talk to the guys, I'm like,
is it really going to fit through?

I've got to say, absolutely amazing.

Yeah, it's a bit rudimentary inside,
but it's good, it is good. Yeah.

Umbrellas,
they stay just over there.

There's an umbrella stand.

Oh, no. So...the back room.

Just put it in the upstairs middle,
yeah. Yeah?

We don't know whose it is.

Darling, do you want this full size?

Yep, lovely.

This will be the public toilet...

After their wedding,
Angel has ambitions to hold

vintage-themed
events in the chateau.

We are going to try and make this
place our home and our business.

The birdcage is going in the
petit salon, please.

If we get that balance right,
we've cracked it, haven't we?

We've got our dream.

That's much better.
LAUGHTER

Sacre bleu!

Meanwhile, Dick has a plan to make
the chateau totally self-sufficient.

Just finally getting organised now,

which means I can start
doing some big projects.

I've got several hundred boxes.

Lots of furniture,
spread in different rooms.

Do you know where everything is?
Yeah.

Do you, really?
Yep.

All our stuff is here now.

We live...in France.

BIRDS CHEEP

But, for anything to work,
there has to be heat.

After three weeks
of back-breaking labour...

Here we go!

TAP SQUEAKS

I can hear it coming.

..it's finally time to fire up
Dick's heating system.

OK.

Brilliant.

FIRE WHOOSHES

The first fire done.

Wow. Heat!

After £18,000 of investment,

the system is still only powerful
enough to heat five rooms

and run one tap at a time.

Look at that! Wow!

That is warm water. Hey!

40 years after being abandoned...

Bring your flowers for Mummy.
Come on, sonny Jim.

..the chateau has a
new lease of life.

In more ways than one.

We've got a problem with flies
and the problem is,

this place has been empty,
it's been cold.

The flies have come
and they've hibernated.

They've overwintered in
little holes, like this,

in behind the panelling,
they've just gone to sleep.

We're bringing warmth
back in to the chateau,

which means the flies are coming
out in their thousands.

And this has been vacuumed up
half a dozen times.

But it's not just the flies.

We've had birds through
the broken windows

and they've been roosting here.

A wildlife haven.

On closer inspection,
it turns out that

there are even more gatecrashers
lurking above stairs.

BATS SCREECH

Dick just...

..found a bat's nest.
SHE SQUEALS

One just landed on my head.

Just like the UK, endangered
bats are protected by law in France.

We're going to leave them
in peace now.

Yeah, we'll have to leave them
in peace.

So, while they can evict the birds
and the flies,

they'll just have to close
the doors on the bats.

Dick and Angel's dream of life in a
French castle has only just begun.

But, with a whole chateau
to renovate,

a wedding with 200 guests
to organise,

and only a few pounds left
in their budget,

it's hard to see how their dream
will become a reality.

Time's ticking.

I really didn't appreciate
the enormity of the job.

It's not just a slap of paint
and a taxidermy head.

We have a massive task ahead of us.

I'm looking around every single room
and I think,

OK, there's about a month
in each room.

Multiply that by the number of rooms

and November is actually very close.

We're BLEEP.

LAUGHTER

Next time...
CHICKEN CLUCKS

Do you think a chicken knows that
it can't swim?

Yes, course it does! Really?

..Dick and Angel go
construction crazy.

SHE GASPS
Oh, no!

But time is running out.

They've got the grand salon,
the petit salon, the dining room.

The upstairs kitchen, the downstairs
kitchen, the utility room.

DRILL WHIRS

Sometimes, things don't quite go
according to plan.

What a monumental pain in the arse.

Subtitles by Ericsson