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My name is B. J. Novak.
I wanna tell you about this show I made.
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00:00:04,656 --> 00:00:07,050
It's a completely different
episode every time.
3
00:00:07,094 --> 00:00:08,138
- Pop culture.
- Sex.
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00:00:08,182 --> 00:00:09,226
MAN: Revenge.
5
00:00:09,270 --> 00:00:10,271
Here it is. Is that it?
6
00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:12,012
That's it.
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NANDOR:
Attention! The party bus will be leaving
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00:00:25,373 --> 00:00:26,852
- in a moment!
- We have
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00:00:26,896 --> 00:00:29,594
a massive backlog
of Vampiric Council business,
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00:00:29,638 --> 00:00:31,944
and you all pick now
to go on a trip?
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00:00:31,988 --> 00:00:35,339
All work, no play makes
Colin Robinson a dull guy.
12
00:00:35,383 --> 00:00:36,906
Guillermo,
there are two missing.
13
00:00:39,256 --> 00:00:40,214
Great.
14
00:00:40,257 --> 00:00:41,867
Holiday time!
15
00:00:41,911 --> 00:00:43,608
It has been several decades
since we have taken
16
00:00:43,652 --> 00:00:45,306
an excursion away from our home.
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00:00:45,349 --> 00:00:46,611
But Sean and Charmaine...
18
00:00:46,655 --> 00:00:48,396
Seanie!
19
00:00:48,439 --> 00:00:50,789
Yes, exactly. Sean
and Charmaine from next door
20
00:00:50,833 --> 00:00:52,530
have organized a group getaway
21
00:00:52,574 --> 00:00:53,836
to celebrate their anniversary.
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- Yeah.
- And...
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00:00:55,142 --> 00:00:56,969
- they've invited us!
-[playing piano]
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00:00:57,013 --> 00:00:58,841
NADJA:
For vampires, traveling away
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00:00:58,884 --> 00:01:00,582
from home can be very difficult.
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00:01:00,625 --> 00:01:02,453
LASZLO:
It's not the same as just flashing
27
00:01:02,497 --> 00:01:05,630
a few papers or wanking off
Morris from steerage.
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00:01:05,674 --> 00:01:07,154
There's a lot more to it.
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00:01:07,197 --> 00:01:09,286
NADJA:
Most important rule-- you must
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00:01:09,330 --> 00:01:12,115
take with you the homeland soil
of your coffin.
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-Without this ancestral earth...
- Thank you.
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...you cannot sleep,
you cannot leave,
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- Come.
-...you cannot hypnotize,
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and your powers go
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to absolute liquid shit.
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Take the soil with me.
All of it.
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- Tie a knot. Very safe.
- LASZLO: There we are.
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00:01:25,346 --> 00:01:26,782
Ready to travel!
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[playing "Viva Las Vegas"]
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Some call our destination
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a mecca of the depraved.
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America's
premier nocturnal playground
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of hedonistic debauchery.
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Sin City, U.S. of A., baby!
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♪ Viva Atlantic City♪
46
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-♪ Viva Atlantic City♪
- Atlantic City, baby!
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- Atlantic City, baby.
-♪ Viva...♪
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Not you, Guillermo.
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-♪ Viva♪
-♪ Atlantic♪
50
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♪ City!♪
51
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[playing Norma Tanega's
"You're Dead"]
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♪
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♪ Don't sing if you want
to live long♪
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♪ They have no use
for your song♪
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-[cheering]
- Atlantic City, baby!
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00:02:03,819 --> 00:02:06,082
-♪ You're dead, you're dead,
you're dead♪ -[siren wailing]
57
00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:08,215
♪ You're dead
and out of this world♪
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00:02:08,258 --> 00:02:10,042
-[groaning, cheering]
-[retching]
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00:02:10,086 --> 00:02:12,088
♪ Now your hope and compassion
is gone♪
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♪ You sold out your dream
to the world♪
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♪ Stay dead, stay dead,
stay dead, you're dead♪
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00:02:18,312 --> 00:02:20,531
-♪ And out of this world.♪
- Come on, guys, get off the bus!
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Yeah!
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♪
65
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Here you go, my darling.
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Your home away from home.
[chuckles]
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[humming softly]
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[camera whirring]
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NANDOR:
I'll be honest-- I'm jealous.
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That cot looks pretty sweet.
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Really? Do you want to trade?
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No, I was just being polite.
It's obviously very shitty.
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Thank you for the tiny bed.
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I hereby present you,
the innkeeper,
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with a feather
from a female crow,
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as is customary
amongst travelers.
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[whispering]: Uh, sir,
sorry, no, this is for you.
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- I'll take that, thank you.
- I'm going to spread my soil.
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Hey, Nadja, Laszlo, you guys
hitting the skins in there?
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00:03:02,007 --> 00:03:03,748
NADJA:
Yes, Colin Robinson, we are!
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00:03:03,792 --> 00:03:05,315
Oh.
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-[Nadja moaning]
- NANDOR: ♪ Al Qolnidar.♪
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00:03:07,709 --> 00:03:10,015
- LASZLO: It smells like shit.
- LIZA: Okay, so 65% off, Nordstrom Rack.
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00:03:10,059 --> 00:03:11,843
- WENDY: [gasps] No!
- Yes.
85
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- What are you doing?
- Stop. - On my mother.
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- Norway? Wow.
- No, well, Nordstrom Rack, yeah.
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00:03:16,544 --> 00:03:17,849
Ding, ding, ding.
Ding, ding, ding.
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00:03:17,893 --> 00:03:19,242
Ding, ding, ding!
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00:03:19,286 --> 00:03:21,244
[clears throat]
Now, anyone who knows me
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00:03:21,288 --> 00:03:23,464
knows that I am not much
for speeches.
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00:03:23,507 --> 00:03:26,249
- Seanie!
- Hey! There he is!
92
00:03:26,293 --> 00:03:28,251
But, uh, I just want to say
to my wife...
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That's me.
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...that I adore you.
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-[awwing]
- Yeah. -[chuckles] I mean, look at us.
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You know? It's 11 friends,
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all together.
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- It's pretty amazing, you know?
- Yeah.
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00:03:38,392 --> 00:03:41,264
Holy shit. [chuckles]
It's just like Ocean's Eleven!
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-[chuckles]
-[chuckles] "What, did you guys get a group rate
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- or something?" [laughs]
-[laughs] Yes!
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[laughing]
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I love this woman!
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Okay, okay.
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00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:50,447
I've always been a Twelve man
at heart.
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00:03:50,491 --> 00:03:52,754
But, recently,
we rewatched Eleven,
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00:03:52,797 --> 00:03:55,496
and I have to say that it's,
uh, not just a prequel.
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It's, uh... it's got
a lot of world-building, too.
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All right,
let's bring it up a little bit.
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Let's give a shout-out
to my best buds.
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- My main man Laz.
- Seanie!
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00:04:04,156 --> 00:04:07,072
To my guy. Frankie,
we played peewee together.
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- LASZLO: Frankie!
- Yeah, you remember that?
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Hey, Mikey! Wake up! We played
peewee together, too, right?
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- Oh! Holy shit!
-[gasping] - Mikey!
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- What, are you drunk already?!
- NADJA: Oh, no.
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- There's glass in all our food.
-[chattering]
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- We can't eat it.
- Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up.
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Gizmo, be a good familiar
and fetch a broom.
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00:04:21,478 --> 00:04:23,175
Well, I'm not a familiar
anymore, so...
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Fetch a broom from the hostess
now, Guillermo.
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[chuckles]:
Ooh, ah.
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Cheeky prick.
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GUILLERMO:
Yeah, the transition
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00:04:32,359 --> 00:04:35,927
from familiar to bodyguard
has been, um...
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00:04:37,712 --> 00:04:40,192
...not much of a transition,
I guess?
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00:04:40,236 --> 00:04:42,238
Guillermo is no longer a familiar.
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00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:45,197
So just make him feel
like he's part of the team.
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00:04:45,241 --> 00:04:49,027
No, no, Nandor is right. I mean,
at every office I've worked at,
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00:04:49,071 --> 00:04:52,030
they always say,
"We're a big family here."
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00:04:52,074 --> 00:04:53,902
And it does motivate people
to work harder
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and neglect
their actual families
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00:04:56,252 --> 00:04:57,645
and put up with all sorts
of degrading shit.
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00:04:57,688 --> 00:04:59,168
GUILLERMO:
Okay.
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00:04:59,211 --> 00:05:01,170
They are going to bring
a mop and a broom.
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00:05:01,213 --> 00:05:02,519
COLIN:
Oh.
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00:05:02,563 --> 00:05:04,173
- NANDOR: Hmm?
-[Nadja clears throat]
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00:05:04,216 --> 00:05:05,305
Um...
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00:05:05,348 --> 00:05:06,828
Hello, Guillermo.
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00:05:06,871 --> 00:05:10,614
Um, do you have any, um...
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00:05:10,658 --> 00:05:12,486
- interests?
- NANDOR: That's a great question.
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00:05:12,529 --> 00:05:14,139
I was wondering that, too.
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00:05:14,183 --> 00:05:16,272
- Do I have any interests?
- Hmm.
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- Yes, of course I...
- Wow! - COLIN: Very cool.
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He's got interests and he knows
what's... interesting.
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- Yeah. I've got interests, too.
- COLIN: Hmm.
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It's important.
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- Okay.
- NADJA: We are the same.
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- All with interests.
- NANDOR: Mm.
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00:05:29,067 --> 00:05:30,678
Uh, you've got interests,
don't you,
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00:05:30,721 --> 00:05:32,244
- Colin Robinson?
- I like to walk around.
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00:05:32,288 --> 00:05:34,421
- I like to stare.
- GUILLERMO: Did I...
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00:05:34,464 --> 00:05:35,465
did I miss something?
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We're all a big family here.
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Right.
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LASZLO:
These interests that you have,
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- do they involve the fairer sex?
-[chuckling]
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00:05:41,428 --> 00:05:43,038
I'm not gonna do that.
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00:05:43,081 --> 00:05:44,431
- I'm not talking...
- Guillermo, do you have yourself
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00:05:44,474 --> 00:05:46,433
a little cutie,
chubby little girlfriend?
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00:05:46,476 --> 00:05:48,043
Why does she have to be chub--
You know what...
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00:05:48,086 --> 00:05:50,393
- Maybe a boyfriend?
-[gasps] Yes. Have you got
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00:05:50,437 --> 00:05:52,003
a little secret,
you little sick fuck?
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00:05:52,047 --> 00:05:54,615
Yeah, come on, you stinky bitch.
The library is open.
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-[Nadja gasps]
- Definitely not gonna talk about...
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00:05:56,312 --> 00:05:58,967
- Oh, one of each, you dirty dog.
- Ooh, yes, he does.
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00:05:59,010 --> 00:06:02,449
No, I... I just-- I guess I grew
up in a family where, you know,
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00:06:02,492 --> 00:06:04,146
talking about your private life
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00:06:04,189 --> 00:06:05,582
is... that.
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00:06:05,626 --> 00:06:07,845
- It's private.
- LASZLO: Oh, please.
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00:06:07,889 --> 00:06:10,282
Do you know what the most
beautiful thing in the world is?
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What?
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00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:12,459
Fucking.
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00:06:12,502 --> 00:06:14,461
The kaleidoscopic entwining
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00:06:14,504 --> 00:06:16,811
of limbs and genitalia.
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00:06:16,854 --> 00:06:18,900
Men, women. Women, men.
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00:06:18,943 --> 00:06:20,336
Women, women, women,
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00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:22,730
women, men, men, men, men.
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00:06:22,773 --> 00:06:23,774
Anything gets me hard.
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00:06:23,818 --> 00:06:25,602
Sometimes it's a problem.
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00:06:25,646 --> 00:06:27,125
Not to me.
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00:06:27,169 --> 00:06:28,866
Everyone fucks and sucks,
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00:06:28,910 --> 00:06:30,955
- thousands of chaps
and chap-esses... - Mm.
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00:06:30,999 --> 00:06:33,436
...before they meet the one.
But if they're lucky,
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00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:36,657
they can go off and fuck
millions of others, like we do.
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00:06:36,700 --> 00:06:38,876
Don't think that was the case
with my parents.
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00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:39,921
Tell us more about that.
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00:06:39,964 --> 00:06:41,575
You really want to know?
189
00:06:41,618 --> 00:06:42,880
- Yeah, yeah.
- NANDOR: Yes. - Mm.
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00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:46,188
Uh, well, yeah.
191
00:06:46,231 --> 00:06:48,886
It is tough. I mean,
I remember being ten or 11
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00:06:48,930 --> 00:06:51,367
- when I first realized
that I was... -[grunts]
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00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:54,457
Frankie put glass in the piccata
and the restaurant comped us,
194
00:06:54,501 --> 00:06:56,503
so we got all these chips.
Let's hit the casino.
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00:06:56,546 --> 00:06:58,505
- All right.
- Come on, Nadia. Let's go watch this Rat Pack show
196
00:06:58,548 --> 00:07:00,507
- with the girls.
- Did you say "the Rat Pack"?
197
00:07:00,550 --> 00:07:02,073
- CHARMAINE: Yeah, they're good.
- They're here?
198
00:07:02,117 --> 00:07:04,075
Yeah, yeah, it's the Rat Pack.
199
00:07:04,119 --> 00:07:05,686
LASZLO:
Chips ahoy!
200
00:07:05,729 --> 00:07:07,775
-[squealing]
- Yeah!
201
00:07:07,818 --> 00:07:09,472
NANDOR:
Atlantic City, baby!
202
00:07:12,867 --> 00:07:14,346
- We're actually seeing
the Rat Pack? - Yeah!
203
00:07:14,390 --> 00:07:16,131
NADJA:
I couldn't bloody believe it
204
00:07:16,174 --> 00:07:18,089
when Charmaine said
we were seeing the Rat Pack.
205
00:07:18,133 --> 00:07:19,961
I mean, what a coincidence.
206
00:07:20,004 --> 00:07:23,051
My old mateys, performing here,
tonight!
207
00:07:23,094 --> 00:07:25,488
Oh, we used to have such fun
together.
208
00:07:25,532 --> 00:07:28,143
Hanging with the who's who
of the local
209
00:07:28,186 --> 00:07:30,014
Cosa Nostra in the back room.
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00:07:30,058 --> 00:07:31,755
What can I say?
211
00:07:31,799 --> 00:07:33,540
We were just a bunch
of night cats,
212
00:07:33,583 --> 00:07:36,325
and nobody was playing
for keeps.
213
00:07:36,368 --> 00:07:38,370
-[gunshots]
- I used to scream,
214
00:07:38,414 --> 00:07:40,329
"Ain't That a Kick in the Head!"
215
00:07:40,372 --> 00:07:43,419
at every show because it was
my favorite number and also,
216
00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:45,813
you know,
what a stupid name for a song.
217
00:07:45,856 --> 00:07:48,511
Frankie used to say that
they should callme the Voice.
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00:07:48,555 --> 00:07:50,034
He'd say, uh,
219
00:07:50,078 --> 00:07:52,341
"Nadja, I don't know
what's more of a problem,
220
00:07:52,384 --> 00:07:55,823
your voice or my taste
in blondes." [laughs]
221
00:07:55,866 --> 00:07:58,390
- Cheers, ladies!
- I love alcohol.
222
00:07:58,434 --> 00:08:00,567
I have to drink it.
Um, num, num, num.
223
00:08:00,610 --> 00:08:02,525
-["Ain't That a Kick
in the Head" playing] - Okay, here they-they are!
224
00:08:02,569 --> 00:08:04,222
NADJA:
Frankie! Deanie!
225
00:08:04,266 --> 00:08:06,137
Oh, this is amazing for me!
226
00:08:06,181 --> 00:08:08,052
It's me, Nadja! Hello!
227
00:08:08,096 --> 00:08:10,446
♪ How lucky can one guy be?♪
228
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:12,709
NADJA:
Oh, wow. I mean, they haven't changed at all.
229
00:08:12,753 --> 00:08:15,407
Nadja from Antipaxos! Hello!
230
00:08:15,451 --> 00:08:17,540
They did say, uh,
"Ring-a-ding-ding" a lot.
231
00:08:17,584 --> 00:08:19,803
- Ring-a-ding-ding!
- Which is one of their catchphrases.
232
00:08:19,847 --> 00:08:21,805
It's Nadja! Do you remember?!
233
00:08:21,849 --> 00:08:23,154
All right.
234
00:08:23,198 --> 00:08:24,547
NADJA:
But, you know, crooners
235
00:08:24,591 --> 00:08:25,766
gonna croon.
236
00:08:25,809 --> 00:08:26,941
♪ Tell me quick♪
237
00:08:26,984 --> 00:08:28,682
♪ Ain't that a kick♪
238
00:08:28,725 --> 00:08:33,164
♪ In the head...?♪
239
00:08:33,208 --> 00:08:34,470
Oh, boy. All right.
240
00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:35,950
We got some live ones tonight.
241
00:08:37,299 --> 00:08:38,648
COLIN:
So, who do you guys
242
00:08:38,692 --> 00:08:40,520
favor for Monday night's fight?
243
00:08:40,563 --> 00:08:42,652
-[clears throat]
- I understand
244
00:08:42,696 --> 00:08:44,611
you're indicating
that you want me to proceed.
245
00:08:44,654 --> 00:08:46,264
But I'm still assessing
my cards,
246
00:08:46,308 --> 00:08:47,788
which is within my right.
247
00:08:47,831 --> 00:08:50,834
Rodriguez, of course,
has that uppercut.
248
00:08:50,878 --> 00:08:54,142
But Jackson has the reach.
70 inches. That's no slouch.
249
00:08:54,185 --> 00:08:56,144
-[chiming]
- Yes.
250
00:08:56,187 --> 00:08:58,320
- He hasn't moved for hours.
-[exclaims]
251
00:08:58,363 --> 00:09:00,061
I've actually never seen him
like this, to be honest.
252
00:09:00,104 --> 00:09:01,279
Let's go. Come on.
253
00:09:01,323 --> 00:09:04,152
I am playing a game called
254
00:09:04,195 --> 00:09:05,632
The Big Bang Theory game.
255
00:09:05,675 --> 00:09:07,547
So hypnotic.
256
00:09:07,590 --> 00:09:09,592
Really has me in its grips.
257
00:09:09,636 --> 00:09:11,115
[groans]
258
00:09:11,159 --> 00:09:13,509
Two Leonards and a Raj.
I need three Rajs!
259
00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:14,902
Again.
260
00:09:14,945 --> 00:09:16,556
I won!
261
00:09:16,599 --> 00:09:19,515
- Bazinga...!
-[coins clinking]
262
00:09:22,039 --> 00:09:25,129
"Bazinga" is the war cry
of Sheldon,
263
00:09:25,173 --> 00:09:27,044
their tall leader.
264
00:09:27,088 --> 00:09:29,264
-[chattering]
- NADJA: I haven't seen them in so long.
265
00:09:29,307 --> 00:09:30,874
Frankie, Deanie, Sammy,
266
00:09:30,918 --> 00:09:32,615
my sweet paisans.
267
00:09:32,659 --> 00:09:33,660
It's me,
268
00:09:33,703 --> 00:09:36,010
it's your "luck be a lady"!
269
00:09:36,053 --> 00:09:37,620
- Oh.
- Oh,
270
00:09:37,664 --> 00:09:39,404
you were the aces of clubs
tonight.
271
00:09:39,448 --> 00:09:41,189
- Ring-a-ding-ding!
-[laughing]
272
00:09:41,232 --> 00:09:42,930
There it is!
[laughs]
273
00:09:42,973 --> 00:09:45,149
COLIN:
I don't think it's gonna be a classic match.
274
00:09:45,193 --> 00:09:46,194
Anyway, it-- Let's see.
275
00:09:46,237 --> 00:09:48,631
We got a six and a fi--
276
00:09:48,675 --> 00:09:50,894
I don't really know
how to play this.
277
00:09:50,938 --> 00:09:52,983
- Come on, Sheldon.
- Yeah, I know they're still having fun,
278
00:09:53,027 --> 00:09:54,898
but it's almost sunrise.
279
00:09:54,942 --> 00:09:56,987
It's very important
for a bodyguard
280
00:09:57,031 --> 00:09:59,555
to be on top of
when it's time for nap-naps.
281
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:00,904
Do it for me, Raj.
282
00:10:00,948 --> 00:10:02,689
-[groans]
- They get a little aggravated
283
00:10:02,732 --> 00:10:05,082
- when they don't get
their night... - Fucking game!
284
00:10:06,736 --> 00:10:08,433
See?
285
00:10:08,477 --> 00:10:10,740
- Time for night-night.
- Come on. Guillermo, not now.
286
00:10:10,784 --> 00:10:13,134
- Give me more quarters.
I need more quarters. - No, I think-- I think it's time
287
00:10:13,177 --> 00:10:14,178
- for night-night.
- No.
288
00:10:14,222 --> 00:10:15,527
The sun is about to come up.
289
00:10:15,571 --> 00:10:17,268
- You can't make me.
- Aw. Come on.
290
00:10:17,312 --> 00:10:19,053
- No, these are my new friends.
- We should go.
291
00:10:19,096 --> 00:10:20,532
- This way. Over here. This way.
- What does this one do?
292
00:10:20,576 --> 00:10:21,751
No, it doesn't do anything.
293
00:10:23,057 --> 00:10:24,841
[sighs]
294
00:10:24,885 --> 00:10:26,843
I still cannot slumber.
295
00:10:26,887 --> 00:10:28,845
Colin Robinson,
are you slumbering?
296
00:10:28,889 --> 00:10:30,891
No. And stop asking me.
297
00:10:30,934 --> 00:10:32,806
LASZLO:
Are you slumbering in there?!
298
00:10:32,849 --> 00:10:35,417
NADJA:
We are having a very hard time trying to slumber!
299
00:10:35,460 --> 00:10:38,159
Yes, we are also unable
to slumber!
300
00:10:38,202 --> 00:10:39,769
Guillermo, are you slumbering?
301
00:10:39,813 --> 00:10:41,684
Guillermo.
302
00:10:41,728 --> 00:10:45,209
Guillermo, wake up!
I asked you, are you slumbering?
303
00:10:45,253 --> 00:10:46,341
[groans]
304
00:10:46,384 --> 00:10:48,343
[mutters]:
What is this?
305
00:10:48,386 --> 00:10:49,823
Oh, shit.
306
00:10:49,866 --> 00:10:51,389
Shit. No.
307
00:10:51,433 --> 00:10:52,390
[gasps]
308
00:10:52,434 --> 00:10:54,262
Shit. Shit!
309
00:10:54,305 --> 00:10:55,698
My ancestral soil!
310
00:10:55,742 --> 00:10:57,091
It is gone!
311
00:10:57,134 --> 00:10:59,136
NADJA:
Our ancestral soil is also gone!
312
00:10:59,180 --> 00:11:01,878
What the piss in hell
is happening?!
313
00:11:01,922 --> 00:11:04,098
COLIN:
You know how it is when you have
314
00:11:04,141 --> 00:11:06,404
the binge-watch blinders on.
315
00:11:06,448 --> 00:11:09,190
I got caught up in a show
that I'm obsessed with,
316
00:11:09,233 --> 00:11:10,191
and they only air it
317
00:11:10,234 --> 00:11:12,106
here at the hotel.
318
00:11:12,149 --> 00:11:13,585
♪ Roll the dice♪
319
00:11:13,629 --> 00:11:15,109
♪ Spin that wheel...♪
320
00:11:15,152 --> 00:11:17,720
Anyway, housekeeping came in,
and...
321
00:11:17,764 --> 00:11:19,766
I-I didn't notice
what she was doing.
322
00:11:19,809 --> 00:11:21,419
♪ The sushi's raw♪
323
00:11:21,463 --> 00:11:24,422
♪ Catch a show
and hit the spa.♪
324
00:11:25,815 --> 00:11:27,861
- This is very bad.
- NADJA: "Very bad"?!
325
00:11:27,904 --> 00:11:29,732
This is a fucking catastrophe!
326
00:11:29,776 --> 00:11:31,516
If our ancestral soil is gone,
327
00:11:31,560 --> 00:11:33,301
then we cannot rest!
If we cannot rest,
328
00:11:33,344 --> 00:11:34,389
then our powers...
329
00:11:34,432 --> 00:11:35,869
I can't even say it.
330
00:11:35,912 --> 00:11:38,001
Our powers are poof! Gone!
331
00:11:38,045 --> 00:11:39,699
I can feel my powers fading.
332
00:11:39,742 --> 00:11:40,830
Bat!
333
00:11:40,874 --> 00:11:42,702
-[chirping]
-[Nadja gasps]
334
00:11:42,745 --> 00:11:44,747
[groans]
A fucking sparrow.
335
00:11:44,791 --> 00:11:46,618
-[gasps]
- The lamest of all birds.
336
00:11:46,662 --> 00:11:47,924
There is but one solution.
337
00:11:47,968 --> 00:11:49,665
Guillermo,
338
00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:51,972
you must go on a journey,
339
00:11:52,015 --> 00:11:53,016
a quest.
340
00:11:53,060 --> 00:11:54,322
How do you feel about that?
341
00:11:54,365 --> 00:11:55,410
Uh...
342
00:11:55,453 --> 00:11:56,933
Good. Will the roads
343
00:11:56,977 --> 00:11:59,283
- be treacherous? Yes.
- Yes. - Yes!
344
00:11:59,327 --> 00:12:00,589
- Maybe I shouldn't...
- Will there
345
00:12:00,632 --> 00:12:02,069
be foes at every turn?
346
00:12:02,112 --> 00:12:03,766
- Most certainly.
- Yes. Yes.
347
00:12:03,810 --> 00:12:05,376
- I have a lot of enemies.
- Don't like that.
348
00:12:05,420 --> 00:12:07,901
But you are the only one
that can save us.
349
00:12:07,944 --> 00:12:09,076
Are you man enough?
350
00:12:09,119 --> 00:12:10,077
Uh...
351
00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:11,252
Good.
352
00:12:11,295 --> 00:12:12,819
- He's my best friend.
- Please.
353
00:12:12,862 --> 00:12:14,168
No, I'm your best friend.
354
00:12:14,211 --> 00:12:15,735
My hypnosis powers are buggered.
355
00:12:15,778 --> 00:12:17,388
So I have to look elsewhere
356
00:12:17,432 --> 00:12:19,564
to secure Gizmo's travel money.
357
00:12:19,608 --> 00:12:23,351
Could this ruin the greatest
friendship of my life?
358
00:12:23,394 --> 00:12:25,788
- Seanie!
-[chuckles] Hey.
359
00:12:25,832 --> 00:12:28,356
Hey, Laz. What are you doing?!
Get the "D" back!
360
00:12:28,399 --> 00:12:31,228
I need to borrow your credit
card and not tell you why.
361
00:12:32,229 --> 00:12:34,188
You can't tell me why
362
00:12:34,231 --> 00:12:36,016
you need to borrow
my credit card?
363
00:12:37,060 --> 00:12:39,410
No explanation necessary.
364
00:12:39,454 --> 00:12:41,064
- Really?
- You're my best friend.
365
00:12:41,108 --> 00:12:43,153
Oh, Marone. Are you kidding me?
366
00:12:43,197 --> 00:12:45,155
Fucking Knicks. They'll break
your heart every time.
367
00:12:45,199 --> 00:12:46,809
But I can't quit 'em.
You know what I mean?
368
00:12:46,853 --> 00:12:47,767
-[chuckles]: Yeah.
- Hey, listen, you're gonna have
369
00:12:47,810 --> 00:12:48,724
to pay me back, like,
370
00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:50,334
right away. ASAP, okay?
371
00:12:50,378 --> 00:12:53,381
'Cause the Patrick Ewing
commemorative Discover Card,
372
00:12:53,424 --> 00:12:54,730
that's for emergencies only.
373
00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:56,558
Get it back soon.
Listen, I trust you.
374
00:12:56,601 --> 00:12:58,212
You're my main man.
I'd die for you.
375
00:12:58,255 --> 00:12:59,648
-[chuckles]
- Thanks again.
376
00:12:59,691 --> 00:13:01,519
[baby crying]
377
00:13:01,563 --> 00:13:04,522
Yeah, I know that collecting
dirt is shit work, but...
378
00:13:04,566 --> 00:13:06,829
I've never been to Europe
before, so...
379
00:13:09,353 --> 00:13:10,790
- Seanie.
- Yeah.
380
00:13:10,833 --> 00:13:13,531
The past 20 years
have not always been easy.
381
00:13:13,575 --> 00:13:16,143
NANDOR:
We are trapped in an eternal limbo
382
00:13:16,186 --> 00:13:19,668
at the Monaco Grand Hotel
and Casino facility.
383
00:13:19,711 --> 00:13:21,235
CHARMAINE:
...our roses and our thorns.
384
00:13:21,278 --> 00:13:22,932
SEAN:
Oh, look at that.
385
00:13:22,976 --> 00:13:25,848
CHARMAINE:
Oh, she already drank so much.
386
00:13:25,892 --> 00:13:27,545
Our powers are waning,
and our minds
387
00:13:27,589 --> 00:13:30,026
are turning into a thick,
lumpy soup.
388
00:13:30,070 --> 00:13:31,549
CHARMAINE:
Yes, you have to say you're...
389
00:13:31,593 --> 00:13:34,814
NADJA:
It is like hot onion water.
390
00:13:34,857 --> 00:13:37,860
And then you put that in my head
and that's my brain now.
391
00:13:37,904 --> 00:13:38,861
SEAN:
In the name
392
00:13:38,905 --> 00:13:39,862
of Jesus Christ.
393
00:13:39,906 --> 00:13:41,821
[groaning]
394
00:13:41,864 --> 00:13:43,997
As the pages fall
from the calendar,
395
00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:45,868
we can do nothing but wait...
396
00:13:45,912 --> 00:13:47,870
- No!
-[Sean speaking indistinctly]
397
00:13:47,914 --> 00:13:50,699
...amongst the broken tulips
398
00:13:50,742 --> 00:13:52,396
in the Garden State.
399
00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:54,268
NANDOR:
Vow renewal
400
00:13:54,311 --> 00:13:55,878
ceremonies.
401
00:13:55,922 --> 00:13:57,880
Too long. They're too long.
402
00:13:57,924 --> 00:13:59,839
And I pronounce you
man and wife.
403
00:13:59,882 --> 00:14:01,057
NADJA:
Pointless.
404
00:14:01,101 --> 00:14:02,711
It has been weeks
since any of us
405
00:14:02,754 --> 00:14:05,105
have had even a moment
of slumber.
406
00:14:05,148 --> 00:14:07,542
It's actually been only,
like, 14 hours,
407
00:14:07,585 --> 00:14:09,544
but they get a little punchy
408
00:14:09,587 --> 00:14:11,285
when they don't get their sleep.
409
00:14:11,328 --> 00:14:12,808
Three, two, one.
410
00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:14,549
- Cheese.
- Cheese. Let's do it.
411
00:14:14,592 --> 00:14:16,246
OTHERS:
Cheese!
412
00:14:16,290 --> 00:14:19,771
Okay, here we are in...
[bad accent]: jolly ole England.
413
00:14:19,815 --> 00:14:21,164
I'm in London, mate.
414
00:14:21,208 --> 00:14:22,383
[normal voice]:
Oh, that's not good.
415
00:14:22,426 --> 00:14:23,688
Just got to get this dirt.
416
00:14:23,732 --> 00:14:25,168
So I'm gonna put you guys
down here.
417
00:14:25,212 --> 00:14:28,345
I'm just here for British dirt
for Laszlo.
418
00:14:28,389 --> 00:14:29,825
All right.
419
00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:32,001
Back on the plane.
420
00:14:32,045 --> 00:14:34,874
- NANDOR: This Big Bang Theory
is really very good. - Bazinga.
421
00:14:34,917 --> 00:14:37,093
Very faithful
to the slot machine.
422
00:14:37,137 --> 00:14:38,703
- Yeah.
- Yeah. - For the last time,
423
00:14:38,747 --> 00:14:43,752
can you turn this TV down?!
424
00:14:43,795 --> 00:14:46,668
Laszlo can be
a real Leonard sometimes,
425
00:14:46,711 --> 00:14:48,148
- can't he?
- Mm-hmm.
426
00:14:48,191 --> 00:14:50,063
Laszlo is feeling very badly
427
00:14:50,106 --> 00:14:54,023
for taking $7,539
428
00:14:54,067 --> 00:14:56,896
from Sean
for the airplane tickets.
429
00:14:56,939 --> 00:14:58,114
Like a cheap thief.
430
00:14:58,158 --> 00:14:59,550
- I need to sort this...
- Yeah.
431
00:14:59,594 --> 00:15:01,117
...and I need to sort it now.
432
00:15:01,161 --> 00:15:02,379
NANDOR:
Bazinga!
433
00:15:02,423 --> 00:15:04,033
NADJA:
Shut up!
434
00:15:04,077 --> 00:15:06,035
What are you doing, playing
Ping-Pong or basketball?!
435
00:15:06,079 --> 00:15:07,907
- Come on!
- Seanie...
436
00:15:07,950 --> 00:15:09,212
Yeah. Hey, Laz.
437
00:15:09,256 --> 00:15:10,344
Good to see you.
438
00:15:10,387 --> 00:15:11,388
Fuck! Fuck me!
439
00:15:11,432 --> 00:15:13,390
Are you fucking kidding me?!
440
00:15:13,434 --> 00:15:15,479
Learn how to use the board!
441
00:15:15,523 --> 00:15:16,480
Geez...
442
00:15:16,524 --> 00:15:18,004
- Are you okay?
-[sighs]
443
00:15:18,047 --> 00:15:19,875
Listen, Laz,
can I be honest with you?
444
00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:20,963
Of course.
445
00:15:21,007 --> 00:15:23,139
I used to have a...
446
00:15:23,183 --> 00:15:25,011
big-time gambling problem.
447
00:15:25,054 --> 00:15:26,795
- Right.
- Like, big-time. You know, I promised Charmaine,
448
00:15:26,838 --> 00:15:29,058
you know, I said,
"Hey, listen, we go down to AC,
449
00:15:29,102 --> 00:15:31,017
- I'll be good this time."
- Right.
450
00:15:31,060 --> 00:15:32,670
And then I have just blown
all the money
451
00:15:32,714 --> 00:15:34,759
that we were gonna use
for the new deck.
452
00:15:34,803 --> 00:15:37,545
And we still owe money
for that stupid vow renewal.
453
00:15:37,588 --> 00:15:39,112
And I've lost all of our money.
454
00:15:39,155 --> 00:15:41,157
There's no money, Laz.
455
00:15:41,201 --> 00:15:42,637
I got to make it back.
456
00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:44,334
[crying]
457
00:15:44,378 --> 00:15:45,901
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
458
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:48,730
[crying]:
She's gonna leave me, Laz.
459
00:15:48,773 --> 00:15:49,992
She's gonna leave me.
460
00:15:50,036 --> 00:15:52,473
- Yeah, yeah.
-[blubbering]
461
00:15:52,516 --> 00:15:55,911
LASZLO:
What good is some soil from your homeland
462
00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:59,045
when your best friend
in the whole world is suffering?
463
00:15:59,088 --> 00:16:01,525
Seanie...!
464
00:16:02,483 --> 00:16:04,050
And then it hit me.
465
00:16:04,093 --> 00:16:06,791
I know a few bambinos
who are absolutely rolling
466
00:16:06,835 --> 00:16:08,358
in the dough-re-mi.
467
00:16:08,402 --> 00:16:10,578
Surely they won't miss
a few clams. [chuckles]
468
00:16:10,621 --> 00:16:13,102
Oh, this has been such a scream,
469
00:16:13,146 --> 00:16:16,018
catching up with you old
so-and-sos. [chuckles]
470
00:16:16,062 --> 00:16:18,542
Unfortunately,
I cannot hypnotize them
471
00:16:18,586 --> 00:16:20,501
due to my weakened state. But...
472
00:16:20,544 --> 00:16:24,679
I can definitely use
my greatest non-vampiric power,
473
00:16:24,722 --> 00:16:27,464
my irresistible charms.
474
00:16:27,508 --> 00:16:30,598
How's about you guys give me
all the money you have?
475
00:16:30,641 --> 00:16:31,468
Hey, boys?
476
00:16:31,512 --> 00:16:33,035
I don't think so, sugar.
477
00:16:33,079 --> 00:16:35,211
[hisses]
You don't think so?
478
00:16:35,255 --> 00:16:36,865
Well, I do think so!
479
00:16:36,908 --> 00:16:39,433
'Cause if you don't empty
your motherfucking wallets
480
00:16:39,476 --> 00:16:40,869
right now, I'm going
481
00:16:40,912 --> 00:16:42,914
to empty all of you
of your lives!
482
00:16:42,958 --> 00:16:44,873
Kill you! Kill you dead!
483
00:16:44,916 --> 00:16:46,831
That's right.
[whimpers]
484
00:16:46,875 --> 00:16:47,919
Uh...
485
00:16:47,963 --> 00:16:50,270
Just do it. She's... not well.
486
00:16:50,313 --> 00:16:53,360
- Yeah.
- Here you go, sugar. - NADJA: My sweet maraschino
487
00:16:53,403 --> 00:16:55,536
- cherry babies.
- Bye. - Yeah.
488
00:16:55,579 --> 00:16:57,581
- Laszlo, get the fuck out
of here. - Yeah, yeah. I say,
489
00:16:57,625 --> 00:16:59,061
Mr. Sinatra,
490
00:16:59,105 --> 00:17:01,150
forgive me,
my mind's a little foggy, but...
491
00:17:01,194 --> 00:17:02,586
last time I looked,
492
00:17:02,630 --> 00:17:04,632
you weren't Chinese.
493
00:17:05,894 --> 00:17:07,069
Ring-a-ding-ding.
494
00:17:07,113 --> 00:17:09,071
I stand corrected.
495
00:17:09,115 --> 00:17:12,205
You guys work with those people?
I need that dough.
496
00:17:12,248 --> 00:17:13,510
[lock beeps]
497
00:17:13,554 --> 00:17:14,816
Here we go.
498
00:17:14,859 --> 00:17:16,513
[chuckles]
Okay.
499
00:17:16,557 --> 00:17:17,514
$20.
500
00:17:17,558 --> 00:17:19,342
$100. What?
501
00:17:19,386 --> 00:17:21,344
This is about $300.
502
00:17:21,388 --> 00:17:24,478
- Oh, fucking...
- 300 shitting dollars!
503
00:17:24,521 --> 00:17:26,045
My darling, don't explode,
504
00:17:26,088 --> 00:17:28,438
but are you quite sure
they're the real Rat Pack
505
00:17:28,482 --> 00:17:29,874
that you met years ago?
506
00:17:29,918 --> 00:17:32,007
What exactly are you trying
to say?
507
00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:33,574
Nothing. All good.
508
00:17:33,617 --> 00:17:36,185
Hello. I'm in Greece.
509
00:17:36,229 --> 00:17:38,231
♪
510
00:17:40,363 --> 00:17:42,539
Aeropuerto-- airport-- can
we go to the airport, please?
511
00:17:42,583 --> 00:17:44,063
Thank you.
512
00:17:46,543 --> 00:17:47,631
COLIN:
Hey.
513
00:17:47,675 --> 00:17:49,416
Look at that.
514
00:17:49,459 --> 00:17:51,766
You got a couple Koothrappalis,
515
00:17:51,809 --> 00:17:54,247
a Hofstadter,
and four Wolowitzes.
516
00:17:54,290 --> 00:17:56,031
Oh, and Penny. Not bad.
517
00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:58,512
Do you know what I have been
wondering, Colin Robinson?
518
00:17:58,555 --> 00:18:03,082
- What's that?
- Why do they call it The Big Bang Theory?
519
00:18:03,125 --> 00:18:05,606
It's about the creation
of the universe.
520
00:18:05,649 --> 00:18:07,869
The what?
521
00:18:07,912 --> 00:18:09,566
And in
522
00:18:09,610 --> 00:18:10,828
a single instant,
523
00:18:10,872 --> 00:18:13,918
my world was turned upside down.
524
00:18:13,962 --> 00:18:16,660
...hence the Shaminovich-Cohen
conjecture.
525
00:18:16,704 --> 00:18:19,315
I-I gave him the broad strokes,
526
00:18:19,359 --> 00:18:21,448
the heliocentric nuts and bolts,
527
00:18:21,491 --> 00:18:22,971
uh, if you will.
528
00:18:23,014 --> 00:18:24,929
Has nothing to do with cats,
like you thought.
529
00:18:24,973 --> 00:18:26,931
But what about
the four elephants?
530
00:18:26,975 --> 00:18:29,064
For 750 years,
531
00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:31,153
I believed I knew the truth:
532
00:18:31,197 --> 00:18:33,242
that the Earth
rested upon the shoulders
533
00:18:33,286 --> 00:18:35,679
of four mighty elephants...
534
00:18:35,723 --> 00:18:37,464
Forget about the four elephants.
535
00:18:37,507 --> 00:18:40,336
...who stood on a shell
of a large and noble turtle.
536
00:18:40,380 --> 00:18:41,468
Look at the turtle.
537
00:18:41,511 --> 00:18:42,904
- Uh-huh.
- And then
538
00:18:42,947 --> 00:18:44,514
- four more elephants.
-...around which
539
00:18:44,558 --> 00:18:47,865
the sun and the moon
and all the stars revolve.
540
00:18:47,909 --> 00:18:51,042
COLIN:
But now, thanks to modern science,
541
00:18:51,086 --> 00:18:54,611
Nandor understands that we're
all just temporary aggregations
542
00:18:54,655 --> 00:18:56,396
of dust and fluid
543
00:18:56,439 --> 00:18:58,180
camping out on a big rock
544
00:18:58,224 --> 00:19:00,574
that's just one
of an infinite number
545
00:19:00,617 --> 00:19:02,010
of equally unspecial
546
00:19:02,053 --> 00:19:05,318
big rocks that make up part
547
00:19:05,361 --> 00:19:07,624
of this vast
and uncaring universe.
548
00:19:07,668 --> 00:19:09,017
This is science.
549
00:19:09,060 --> 00:19:11,150
- But this is a turtle.
- The world
550
00:19:11,193 --> 00:19:14,979
which I have known for
seven and a half centuries...
551
00:19:15,023 --> 00:19:17,068
is a lie.
552
00:19:19,549 --> 00:19:21,421
[driver speaking
foreign language]
553
00:19:21,464 --> 00:19:22,857
[quietly]: Okay, so we're here
at the border,
554
00:19:22,900 --> 00:19:24,641
and he's just talking
to the soldier.
555
00:19:24,685 --> 00:19:26,165
While he's doing that,
I'm gonna go...
556
00:19:26,208 --> 00:19:27,427
Okay.
557
00:19:27,470 --> 00:19:29,037
Just gonna get some dirt
right here.
558
00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:30,256
Just gonna get...
559
00:19:30,299 --> 00:19:32,214
We got to go.
560
00:19:33,650 --> 00:19:35,217
NANDOR:
Hours pass,
561
00:19:35,261 --> 00:19:37,350
but the cosmic words
of Colin Robinson
562
00:19:37,393 --> 00:19:40,396
are still bouncing around
my slumberless head.
563
00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:42,572
Really makes you think.
564
00:19:42,616 --> 00:19:45,401
What's the point of it all?
565
00:19:45,445 --> 00:19:47,751
What does it mean
to be a vampire?
566
00:19:47,795 --> 00:19:50,754
I mean,
we have no real families.
567
00:19:50,798 --> 00:19:53,670
Some of us
don't even have girlfriends.
568
00:19:53,714 --> 00:19:56,934
Even Sheldon had a girlfriend.
569
00:19:56,978 --> 00:19:58,284
But me?
570
00:19:58,327 --> 00:20:00,111
I am all alone,
571
00:20:00,155 --> 00:20:03,811
floating through the cold,
dark universe like...
572
00:20:03,854 --> 00:20:06,422
a little grain of furry sand.
573
00:20:10,774 --> 00:20:12,254
I got 'em.
574
00:20:12,298 --> 00:20:14,038
One, two, three.
575
00:20:14,082 --> 00:20:15,039
- I got them al...
- Something to drink?
576
00:20:15,083 --> 00:20:16,650
No, thank you!
577
00:20:19,870 --> 00:20:21,742
I'm back! And I brought every--
578
00:20:21,785 --> 00:20:24,135
What happened... here?
579
00:20:24,179 --> 00:20:26,964
I have caused
my best human friend Sean
580
00:20:27,008 --> 00:20:29,880
to be on the brink
of financial ruin and heartache.
581
00:20:29,924 --> 00:20:32,187
We are just like
my beloved Rat Pack--
582
00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:34,711
once glorious,
now pathetic peasants.
583
00:20:34,755 --> 00:20:36,800
NANDOR:
And, also, I have never felt
584
00:20:36,844 --> 00:20:39,542
so small, and what is
the point of anything?
585
00:20:39,586 --> 00:20:41,457
They won't let me watch
my favorite TV show
586
00:20:41,501 --> 00:20:42,632
with the sound up.
587
00:20:42,676 --> 00:20:44,678
[inhales, exhales]:
Okay.
588
00:20:44,721 --> 00:20:47,028
First things first,
you need to slumber.
589
00:20:47,071 --> 00:20:49,465
- NADJA: Huh?
- Here you go. And while you're slumbering,
590
00:20:49,509 --> 00:20:52,076
- I'll think of a plan.
- But, first,
591
00:20:52,120 --> 00:20:55,166
scatter the soil
around our insignificant bodies.
592
00:20:55,210 --> 00:20:58,474
COLIN:
No. First, turn up the sound on my fancy casino show.
593
00:20:58,518 --> 00:20:59,997
♪
594
00:21:00,041 --> 00:21:01,695
-♪ Roll the dice♪
-[snoring]
595
00:21:01,738 --> 00:21:03,436
♪ Spin that wheel♪
596
00:21:03,479 --> 00:21:06,221
♪ Double down on a lucky deal♪
597
00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:07,918
♪ Feel the breeze where♪
598
00:21:07,962 --> 00:21:11,226
♪ The boardwalk
meets the shore...♪
599
00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:13,097
Before we get started,
should we go around the group,
600
00:21:13,141 --> 00:21:14,577
see how everyone's energy
is doing?
601
00:21:14,621 --> 00:21:16,840
- No. Fuck off.
- Okay. Back to normal then.
602
00:21:16,884 --> 00:21:19,756
So, at 6:47, I'm gonna go down
to the box office.
603
00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:21,280
I'm gonna buy our tickets
for the fight.
604
00:21:21,323 --> 00:21:23,325
- Yes, Guillermo, we've got it.
- Okay, okay.
605
00:21:23,369 --> 00:21:25,240
- Just want to make sure
everyone knows what the plan is. - Honestly,
606
00:21:25,284 --> 00:21:26,981
sometimes I just think you love
the sound of your own voice.
607
00:21:27,024 --> 00:21:28,548
You know what? Let's go.
608
00:21:28,591 --> 00:21:30,419
Let's-let's do the plan.
609
00:21:30,463 --> 00:21:32,856
I wasn't really listening, so if
you wouldn't mind repeating it.
610
00:21:34,336 --> 00:21:36,338
GUILLERMO:
Master, what are you gonna do?
611
00:21:36,382 --> 00:21:39,123
NANDOR:
I am to meet my mark-- Eli Jackson the boxer--
612
00:21:39,167 --> 00:21:42,562
by the main elevator
at 6:52 in the p.m.'s.
613
00:21:42,605 --> 00:21:44,825
Shit.
614
00:21:44,868 --> 00:21:46,435
Going down.
615
00:21:46,479 --> 00:21:49,046
Into my hypnotic trance.
616
00:21:50,657 --> 00:21:52,223
-GUILLERMO: Laszlo?
- LASZLO: At 6:55,
617
00:21:52,267 --> 00:21:54,791
I hypnotize "Arturio" Rodriguez.
618
00:21:54,835 --> 00:21:58,317
Mr. Rodriguez, could I have
a self-portrait photograph?
619
00:21:59,361 --> 00:22:00,362
Splendid.
620
00:22:01,363 --> 00:22:02,451
Piece of piss.
621
00:22:02,495 --> 00:22:05,149
It is 6:59.
622
00:22:05,193 --> 00:22:07,369
Time to place
a nice, simple bet.
623
00:22:07,413 --> 00:22:08,544
Hello!
624
00:22:08,588 --> 00:22:11,025
And in the red corner,
625
00:22:11,068 --> 00:22:12,896
- heavyweight champion...
- GUILLERMO: And at 8:00 p.m., we all take our seats
626
00:22:12,940 --> 00:22:14,115
at the fight.
627
00:22:14,158 --> 00:22:16,030
-[bell dinging]
-[cheering]
628
00:22:16,073 --> 00:22:18,902
NADJA:
Ten seconds into round six,
629
00:22:18,946 --> 00:22:19,903
I trigger the hypnosis
of the two
630
00:22:19,947 --> 00:22:20,904
very large warrior men
631
00:22:20,948 --> 00:22:22,210
by crying out...
632
00:22:22,253 --> 00:22:24,734
♪ Ain't that a kick in the♪
633
00:22:24,778 --> 00:22:27,824
[screeching]:
♪ Head...?♪
634
00:22:29,173 --> 00:22:31,437
[crowd screaming]
635
00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:32,568
-[Laszlo laughs]
- GUILLERMO: No!
636
00:22:32,612 --> 00:22:35,179
- It worked!
- Yes!
637
00:22:35,223 --> 00:22:37,094
- LASZLO: Look at that!
- NANDOR: Yes!
638
00:22:37,138 --> 00:22:40,315
And that is why Frankie said
that I should be the Voice.
639
00:22:40,359 --> 00:22:42,622
[vampires cheering]
640
00:22:42,665 --> 00:22:45,059
23...
641
00:22:45,102 --> 00:22:46,452
Benjamin Franklin.
642
00:22:46,495 --> 00:22:48,715
A lot of people think
he was president.
643
00:22:48,758 --> 00:22:50,238
They're wrong.
He was an ambassador.
644
00:22:50,281 --> 00:22:51,761
24... Stay with me.
645
00:22:51,805 --> 00:22:53,415
Stay-- I--
646
00:22:53,459 --> 00:22:55,896
Shoot. Now I lost my spot.
647
00:22:55,939 --> 00:22:58,420
- NANDOR: Uh, how does it...?
- You have to step on it.
648
00:22:58,464 --> 00:23:00,204
- I'm on. I'm on!
- Just...
649
00:23:00,248 --> 00:23:02,293
- What is happening? Am I flying?
- Just hold on to this.
650
00:23:02,337 --> 00:23:04,165
- Possessed by witches.
- Nadja, turn around, turn around.
651
00:23:04,208 --> 00:23:05,427
- Jump, jump, jump, jump.
- LASZLO: Keep moving. Leap. [grunts]
652
00:23:05,471 --> 00:23:07,864
There he is. Sean.
653
00:23:07,908 --> 00:23:09,213
Hey, Laz. What's going on?
654
00:23:09,257 --> 00:23:10,476
A gentleman's debt,
655
00:23:10,519 --> 00:23:13,435
repaid in full.
656
00:23:13,479 --> 00:23:15,872
[laughing]:
Oh!
657
00:23:15,916 --> 00:23:17,483
Oh, my God!
658
00:23:17,526 --> 00:23:19,354
Laz, you're a lifesaver!
659
00:23:19,398 --> 00:23:21,443
Thank you. You don't know
what you just did.
660
00:23:21,487 --> 00:23:23,489
I could kiss you.
And I promise you,
661
00:23:23,532 --> 00:23:25,795
I'm never, ever,
ever gonna do this again.
662
00:23:25,839 --> 00:23:27,536
- I promise you guys.
That's it. I'm done. - Mm.
663
00:23:27,580 --> 00:23:29,886
- I'm never gambling again.
I'm a new man. - Good.
664
00:23:29,930 --> 00:23:31,975
- Good man.
- All right. You guys are lifesavers.
665
00:23:32,019 --> 00:23:34,108
- Oh, thank God.
- We just did such a wonderful thing, my love.
666
00:23:34,151 --> 00:23:35,936
I think we did.
667
00:23:35,979 --> 00:23:38,242
["Turn of a Card"
by Pony Sherrell playing]
668
00:23:41,202 --> 00:23:44,248
Put it all on lucky number 12!
669
00:23:44,292 --> 00:23:48,905
♪ Life spins like a wheel♪
670
00:23:48,949 --> 00:23:50,559
♪ You bet♪
671
00:23:50,603 --> 00:23:53,257
♪ Just what you feel♪
672
00:23:53,301 --> 00:23:55,912
♪ The chance♪
673
00:23:55,956 --> 00:23:58,567
♪ Life is the chance...♪
674
00:23:58,611 --> 00:24:00,264
I didn't want a pine deck,
and now I'm stuck
675
00:24:00,308 --> 00:24:01,352
with a freakin' pine deck.
676
00:24:01,396 --> 00:24:03,442
Oh, that's a hell of a beaver.
677
00:24:03,485 --> 00:24:04,965
- Charmaine...
- CHARMAINE: What the fuck? You bet the deck?
678
00:24:05,008 --> 00:24:06,749
You did a very good job,
Guillermo.
679
00:24:06,793 --> 00:24:08,272
Oh. [chuckles]
Thank you.
680
00:24:08,316 --> 00:24:10,753
This is from all of us.
681
00:24:10,797 --> 00:24:11,885
[Nadja giggles]
682
00:24:11,928 --> 00:24:12,929
What-what is this?
683
00:24:12,973 --> 00:24:14,365
NANDOR:
Surprise.
684
00:24:14,409 --> 00:24:16,629
"You are a very good familiar."
685
00:24:16,672 --> 00:24:19,936
And "familiar" is crossed out
and replaced with "bodyguard."
686
00:24:19,980 --> 00:24:21,547
- NADJA: You are the bodyguard.
- NANDOR: Bodyguard.
687
00:24:21,590 --> 00:24:23,462
We're all a big family here.
688
00:24:24,550 --> 00:24:26,595
♪
689
00:24:45,092 --> 00:24:47,529
♪ With the turn of a card
and the flip of a coin♪
690
00:24:47,573 --> 00:24:49,052
♪ You're in love♪
691
00:24:50,097 --> 00:24:53,056
♪ With the turn of a card, ha♪
692
00:24:53,100 --> 00:24:55,058
♪ Flip of a coin, ha♪
693
00:24:55,102 --> 00:24:57,104
♪ Ha, love!♪
694
00:25:08,724 --> 00:25:11,118
[LASZLO READING]
695
00:25:14,382 --> 00:25:17,951
[NANDOR READING]
696
00:25:21,868 --> 00:25:24,435
[NADJA READING]
697
00:25:27,917 --> 00:25:29,223
[GUILLERMO READING]
698
00:25:33,183 --> 00:25:34,533
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
699
00:25:40,321 --> 00:25:45,544
MAN: I did not have sexual
relations with that woman.
700
00:25:53,595 --> 00:25:56,990
I think this is gonna be
the perfect place to work without distraction.
701
00:25:57,599 --> 00:25:59,862
This place inspires us.
702
00:26:02,517 --> 00:26:03,866
WOMAN: We're not safe here.
703
00:26:05,389 --> 00:26:08,436
It takes pain
to make beautiful things.
704
00:26:08,479 --> 00:26:10,481
MAN: I'm trying
to keep his family together
705
00:26:10,525 --> 00:26:13,310
under very
difficult circumstances
706
00:26:16,531 --> 00:26:17,532
[SCREAMS]
707
00:26:23,625 --> 00:26:25,409
ARCHER: You're probably
wondering what we're doing.
708
00:26:25,453 --> 00:26:26,933
Short answer,
saving the earth.
709
00:26:26,976 --> 00:26:28,587
Again.
710
00:26:28,630 --> 00:26:29,805
I'm not leaving without you.
711
00:26:29,849 --> 00:26:32,112
I need something soft
to land on.
712
00:26:32,155 --> 00:26:33,156
[BOTH SCREAMING]
713
00:26:39,032 --> 00:26:41,991
WOMAN 1: We've heard rumors
that some men survived.
714
00:26:42,035 --> 00:26:43,906
WOMAN 2: Those people
will jump at anything
715
00:26:43,950 --> 00:26:45,778
that has a whiff
of conspiracy.
716
00:26:45,821 --> 00:26:46,953
So you'd better be sure.
717
00:26:47,003 --> 00:26:51,553
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