All language subtitles for The Nanny S01e04

Hey...

Niles? Are you okay?

Oh, I'm afraid
I'm feeling a bit queer.

Don't ask.
Don't tell.

But for god sakes,
come out of the closet.

Oh, Miss Fine,
I'm beginning to feel a bit ill.

Oh, you British.

You look like us, you act like us,
but bottom line, you're foreigners.

C'mere, let me take
your temperature. / Huh?

Ninety-nine point three.

I must say, you have
very skillful lips.

Oh, honey, you don't
know the half of it.

Put this down, go upstairs,
lie down and rub on some Vicks.

I will let you know
when dinner's ready.

You?
/ You?

Yes, me.
Now go, go.

I'm perfectly capable of
getting dinner on the table.

Hello, Fung Lungs,
do you deliver?

Okay, well we want
the family dinner. Yeah,

I feel like shrimp. Gracie,
honey, what do you feel like?

I feel trapped.

Maybe we should order
the Dysfunctional Family Dinner.

With that they promise you shrimp
and then they don't give it to you.

Niles? / Oh, hold on a minute.
The father may be joining us.

This could mean an upgrade
to the Imperial Feast.

What's, what's going on?
Where, where's Niles?

Oh, he's queer.
/ So we're doing take-out.

Take-out?

Well, I'm just trying to expose
the children to other cultures.

We ordered Chinese food,
they learn how Jewish people eat.

You sure you wouldn't rather
take them to the Twenty-One Club?

Oh...

Oh now, kids,
if the man's insisting...

No, no, no. You have
your fun and order Chinese.

Yes!
/ Okay.

Just make sure Grace gets
an optimistic fortune.

I don't care if you're
down to your last wok.

We waited an hour
and a half for this food.

I should be hungry
again already.

Finally.
/ Oh, about time.

Yes!
/ Ling, this better be you.

Eddie?
/ Maggie!

I thought this house looked familiar.
/ Come on in.

Oh, I can't. I have another
order to deliver.

Meanwhile I waited an hour
and a half. What's their rush?

Are you that waiter that
kissed Maggie at Daddy's party?

Good night, Gracie.

You know, Maggie never stops
talking about you. Sometimes... Ow!

Fran, Maggie kicked me.

It wasn't Maggie.
Go, start without us.

Oh, this bag's greasy.
/ Mmm, extra flavor.

So does your father still wanna
kill me for kissing you at the party?

Yeah.

Don't worry about him.
He knows it was just a kiss.

It wasn't just a kiss for me.

You pay him,
give him a nice tip.

But not too much. We don't want
him to think we're desperate.

Would you go eat?

Don't be nosey.

Stuck to the door again,
Miss Fine?

Niles... I'm the nanny.

I'm paid to watch the children.
Why aren't you sleeping?

I was, but I put on so much eucalyptus rub,
I dreamt I was attacked by a giant Koala.

You know, I had that same dream.

Now you're both scaring me.
Come on, have some won-ton.

Now listen, kids, when Maggie comes out
I want you all to act like nothing happened.

Please, nobody give her
the third degree.

Oh, tell me everything!
What did he say?

Did he ask you out?
/ Yes.

Where are you gonna go?
What are you gonna wear?
/ What are you gonna tell Dad?

Maxwell, I thought we were going
to meet at Le Circ.
Why the sudden change in plans?

I have a special birthday present
for you, and I just couldn't wait.

You didn't have
to get me anything.

Well, all right, forget it.
/ Maxwell, you beast!

C.C.

C.C., now you've been
alone too long.

A lovely woman like you should
have someone to come home to.

Someone, someone who loves you.

Maxwell...

Just close your eyes
and put out your hand.

An engagement dog?

I, I beg your pardon?

What an engaging dog!

Oh, Maxwell, how thoughtful.

Stock A, and a good judge of character.

Well, he needs some time
to get used to you.

I mean, you can't expect a dog
to just jump into your arms
and love you at first sight.

Mister Sheffield?

Oh, you got her a puppy.
Oh, how sweet.

Oh, look how friendly he is.

Oh, look he's like a little chestnut.
You should call him Chester.

If you don't 'mind, he's my dog,
I'll name him.

Chester it is.

Maxwell, I don't know how to
thank you for this lovely gift.

I think I'll just take him
home and put him to sleep.

You mean to bed. / Whatever.

Maxwell, I'll meet you
at the restaurant.

Bye, Chester.
Bye, little Chester. Bye, bye.

You should have gotten
her the toaster oven.

Yes, Miss Fine,
is this a social call?

Um, well, I do have a little problem
I need to discuss with you.

It's not really a problem,
so much as it is a dilemma.

No, that has
a negative connotation.

Miss Fine, I do have
dinner reservations.

Oh, well I'm getting to it.

Maggie was asked out
on a date tomorrow.

Oh, that's not a problem.
Just tell her no.

Hence the dilemma.

You said yes?

Well, it's just a movie.
A cartoon yet.

How could you do that?
I mean, who is this boy?
Do I, do I know him?

Does anybody really know anybody?

You're trying my patience.

Oh, all right. It was Eddie
from the backers party you threw.

Eddie the kissing waiter?

Well, he's also
a delivery boy.

It was fate, I tell you.
He delivered the take-out.

He's saving up to go to Yale,
and I'm not talking about
the locksmith school either.

Yale? Really?
/ Hm-hmm.

So what's he going to study?
/ Study? Um...

Llamas?

Drama.

Drama?

So my daughter wants
to date an actor?

Where did I go wrong?

Oh, if you could have only seen the way
those two kids looked at each other.

Oh well, maybe it's better
you didn't.

Miss Fine, you see the position
you've put me in.

Now you're the good guy,
and I'm the ogre who won't let
his daughter go to the ball.

Oh, nobody thinks of it that way.

I mean, maybe the word
ogre was mentioned.

You can't shelter her forever.
I mean, boys will come knocking,

and if you don't let 'em
in the front door, she is gonna
start sneaking out the window.

I have seen it a hundred times.
Take Teresa Palelly...

Teresa Palelly the casting director?
/ You know her?

Well, I've used her.
/ And the legend lives on.

Oh, very well, Miss Fine,
Margaret may go on her date.

Oh, thank you,
Mister Sheffield.

Goodnight, Miss Fine.
/ Goodnight, Mister Sheffield.

Enjoy the movie tomorrow.
/ What? I'm not going.

Oh, yes, you are.
You're going to chaperon.

Chaperon? Is that
even still a word?

Ogres still use it.
/ Oh, why do I have to be the nuchslep?

The what shelp? / The nuchshlep.

The tag-along.
The pathetic loser living
on the cusp of other people's lives.

Oh, I'm sure you'll
catch on quickly.

So what did he say?
Yes or no?

Yes. But you're not
gonna like the fine print.

I have to go with you.

So what you're saying is that
on my first date alone
with a gorgeous guy,

you're gonna be sitting right
next to me? / You got it.

Thank God.

Oh, let's try this.

Um, excuse us.

Would you mind moving down a seat?

There's two seats there.
/ Yeah, but we're three.

Her date is getting
our refreshments.

If she's on a date,
who are you?

The chaperon.
/ Oh, move down for the nuchshlep.

Looks too young
to be a nuchshlep.

You don't have to be old,
you just have to be a loser.

Are you two gonna talk
through the whole movie?

So how do you think it's going?
/ Nice. Very nice.

So, you don't think
I'm being too quiet?

Oh, you know, let me give you
a little bit of advice.

Remember when Eddie came
to the house and you said, 'Hello'?

Uh-huh. / That was good.
Elaborate on that.

Well, how?
/ Honey, it's your first date.

Why don't you just
relax and enjoy it?

Oy, I remember my first date.
Robbie Ortoff, the Falmingo Beach Club.

What she say?

She's talking about
the old days when she had a life.

Do you mind? I'm trying
to tell a story here.

Oh, the nuchshlep's getting annoyed.

So you didn't know what
to say on your first date either?

Oh, no, honey. But I got
the gift of gab.

The point is, you gotta be
yourself, too. Only louder.

Hi.

Hello!

I got popcorn.
/ I love popcorn!

Here's your soda.

Oy, look at the size of this thing.
It should come with a lifeguard.

Yeah, I think mine
has an undertow.

Yeah, my soda's so big...

I don't think I'll
be able to drink it all.

It's really big.

********************

It is so good to see you back
again on your feet, Niles.
/ Thank you, sir.

I've prepared your favorite,
Belgian Waffles.

I don't recall them being my favorite.
/ Oh, then they must be mine.

It was my grandfather's recipe,
served at the coronation breakfast
of George the Sixth.

Mmm... Eggos.

Belgian Waffles, Miss Fine.
/ Mmm, very close.

So, Maggie, you haven't told us
about your date last night.

Maggie dear,
your hair's in the syrup.

We had a wonderful time.

It was terrible. I didn't have
anything to say. I sat there like a lump.

Well, so do mash potatoes and
everybody likes them.

Maggie, you were great.
She's a regular riot.

Remember that really funny thing
that you said about the egg cream?

That was you.
/ Oh.

How 'bout that really funny joke
you said about this guy and his turban?

You.
/ Oh.

Well, how 'bout...
/ You! You! You! You! You!

Oh boy, was I on
last night or what?

Well, I'm sure it'll
go better next time.

There won't be a next time because
I'm never gonna see him again.

Because I'm a worthless,
pathetic, unlovable nothing.

Can I have your waffles?

Sweetheart, don't be
so down on yourself.

Maggie, you have so much to offer.
I'm sure that's Eddie probably right now.

Yeah, right.
/ It's Master Eddie.

There. What did I tell you?
/ I'm afraid it's not for
Miss Margaret. It's for you.

Me?
/ Yes.

You, you, you, you, you.

Hello?... Yeah?...

Uh-huh...

Uh-huh...

Uh-huh...

Okay...

Bye, Eddie.

Oh...

Well?

Eddie says hello.

And? / And he wants
to see me Friday night.

Could you pass
the syrup, please?

Why don't you just take it
like you take everything else?

Margaret...
/ Is this sarcasm from Margaret?

Maggie, maybe we should
go talk somewhere?

Why don't you just talk to Eddie?
/ Yes, folks, it's definitely sarcasm.

And Maggie scores again!
/ Shut-up, Brighton.

Let's just everyone calm down.
/ No, let her vent.

It'll make her feel better.
It'll make us all feel better.

I trusted you and you stole
my boyfriend! I hate you!

Yeah, doesn't everybody
feel better now?

I know I do.

Honey, it's Daddy.

Look, if you come out of your room,
we'll go to Rumplemeyers for some ice cream.

Can't you just let me
die in peace?!

Ice cream always used to work.
/ So did chaperoning.

What are you saying?
This is all my fault?

No, no, it's my fault for listening
to you in the first place.

I never should have gone
on that date.

Neither should Maggie.
But you pushed her into it.

I didn't push her. / Trust me, you pushed.
You always push. Push, push, push.

Wait. Are you implying that I push?

Niles, who's right here?

This darn cold,
can't hear a thing.

Okay, so maybe I push.
But somebody has to.

Haven't you ever seen the little
baby birds looking out over
the edge of their nest?

It's the mama bird that has to
push them into the world so
that they learn to fly.

Haven't you ever seen those little
baby birds dead on the sidewalk?

One in ten, tops.

Well, if only you'd sat in the back
of the movie theater, like a proper nuchshlep.

But no, you had to go be witty
and charming and make the boy like you.

Can I help it if I effervesce?

Well must you make everyone like you?
Even the dog preferred you over C.C.

Oh, now that was pure
animal instinct.

But it never happened
with the other nannies.

With their sour dispositions
and chin whiskers.

Chin whiskers?
In the age of electrolysis?

Oh, no excuse for that.

At least their boundaries were clear.

I don't know, sometimes you seem
more like Maggie's girlfriend than her nanny.

Her girlfriend.

Oh, Mister Sheffield,
you're a genius.

What did I say?
/ Nothing very profound, sir.

I thought you couldn't hear?
/ It's a miracle.

Go away!

I couldn't hear you.
Did you say come in?

No. But do what you want.
You will anyway.

I brought you some Mallomars.

I'm too depressed to eat.

Gee, I wish depression had
that effect on me.

Do you know how
humiliated I feel?

Losing my boyfriend
to my nanny?

Honey, I think you're too
old to have a nanny.

I mean, it's okay
for Brighton and Gracie,

but I'd like to think of you
and I more like friends.

Some friend. Do friends steal
their friend's boyfriends?

Absolutely not. I mean,
take me and Val.

Sure there were plenty of times
when we would meet a guy,

and she would fall in love with him,
and he would fall in love with me.

Or I would fall in love with him,
and he would fall in love with...

No, that never happened.

The point is though, we never
let it ruin our friendship.

And that's the Official
Girlfriend's Code.

The what?

You never heard of
the Official Girlfriend's Code?

The OGC.

No.

Oy, what do they teach you
in those private schools?

Rule number one: You never
gossip about your best friend.

A totally moronic rule
that nobody follows.

So we'll move on to
rule number two.

If a girl falls for a guy

and the idiot guy falls for her
effervescent but totally blameless friend,

then the aforementioned friend
is obliged to dump him.

You would do that for me?

Honey, it's the OGC.

Maybe I will have one of
those Mallomars.

Rule number three:
When it comes to chocolate,

it's every girl for herself.

Rule number twenty-seven:
Just because you're dumping someone,

doesn't mean you
shouldn't look your best.

Oh God, that's him.
What are we gonna do?

Okay, don't worry.
I'll let him down gently.

Destroy him.

All right. / Can I listen?

Oh sure. What do you think
the butler's pantry is for?

Just looking for a ladle.

Ah, here it is.

Hello, Ed. / Hi.

I bought you some spare ribs.

Oh, you are some little
operator, aren't you?

First you ask Maggie out on a date,

then you toy with her emotions,
now you're bringing me pork.

What are you, some kind of
delivering Don Juan?

What are you talking about?

Us. Me. You.
It's not gonna happen.

You think...?

Miss Fine, you're old enough
to be my... / Watch it.

...sister. I mean, I, I really,
really like you as a friend.

Whoa, whoa. Wait a minute.
Are you dumping me?

These ribs are for dumping?

No, they were more like kind of a bribe.

Oh. For what?

Well, I was hoping
that maybe you could give
Mister Sheffield my picture and resume.

Picture and resume?
That's what you wanted to ask me?

Yeah, you know, for when
he casts his next show.

Well, why didn't you
just ask Maggie that?

Well, 'cause
I really like her

and I just didn't want her
to think that I was using her.

Oh, but you don't mind using me?
/ Yes. No, no, no, no, I mean, I,

I just thought it would be easier
for you 'cause you're not shy.

You're, you're...
/ Pushy.

Exactly.
/ Give me the damn pictures.

Oh, is Maggie here? I thought
maybe we could go for a walk.

One minute, I'll get her.

There are nineteen rooms in this house.
You all ended up in here?

I needed a spoon.
/ I was returning the ladle.

All right, so you all heard.

I feel your pain.

Thank you.

Come, children.

So does this mean that I have to
dump him since he dumped you?

Technically, he didn't dump me
because he never liked me in the first place.

Okay? So there's your loophole,
make your move.

Thank you.
/ Go take a walk with your boyfriend,

and let this pushy old broad
eat her ribs in peace.

May I?

Of course you can.
Have a good time.

Thank you, Dad.

Well, you're certainly singing
a different tune.

Hey, if I don't open the door,
she'll only sneak out the window.

Oh, that's very wise.

Yeah? Yeah, some pushy
old broad told me.

Miss Babcock, sir.
/ Well, I hope she brought Chester.

Hello, all.

Oh, Chester. C'mere.

Oh, good boy.

Oh, thank God you're okay.

You better watch it.
She may need a muff.

Oh, it's so great that
you love to floss.

I mean, you only get
two sets of teeth.

Except my cousin Ira, he got three.
But you know, he's a freak of nature.

Here we go.
Oh, and look at you.

Oh, how beautiful.
You'll never have gum disease.

Yes.

You know they also
make a cinnamon floss.

They make this great mint flavor.

You like that. I wish the children
flossed like you.

I'm gonna tell Miss Babcock to buy
you a whole case of dental floss.