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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,620 --> 00:00:08,970 [ethereal music] 2 00:00:08,965 --> 00:00:11,825 - LADIES, MAY I HAVE YOUR PASSWORD, PLEASE? 3 00:00:11,827 --> 00:00:16,757 ♪ 4 00:00:16,758 --> 00:00:20,028 - PASSWORDS ACCEPTED. 5 00:00:20,034 --> 00:00:22,004 LADIES, WELCOME TO MY LITTLE HOUSEWARMING. 6 00:00:24,655 --> 00:00:28,585 NOW, ALL THE ALCOHOL THAT YOU COULD EVER WANT 7 00:00:28,586 --> 00:00:33,276 IS LOCATED RIGHT IN MY NEWLY REMODELED KITCHEN. 8 00:00:33,275 --> 00:00:34,895 AND WHEN YOU'RE DONE IN THE KITCHEN, 9 00:00:34,896 --> 00:00:37,996 PLEASE MAKE YOUR WAY OUT TO THE BALCONY. 10 00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:40,340 AND IF YOU DON'T DO ANYTHING ELSE 11 00:00:40,344 --> 00:00:44,144 BEFORE YOU LEAVE HERE TODAY, PLEASE-- 12 00:00:44,137 --> 00:00:48,237 TEE TEE, TAKE THAT STUPID-ASS MASK OFF! 13 00:00:50,655 --> 00:00:53,205 NOW, LADIES, 14 00:00:53,206 --> 00:00:56,616 PLEASE, DREAM YOUR WILDEST DREAM. 15 00:00:56,620 --> 00:00:58,550 - EXPLORE YOUR FANTASIES. 16 00:00:58,551 --> 00:01:01,861 - BECAUSE IT IS MALIK 2.0, Y'ALL. 17 00:01:01,862 --> 00:01:03,142 INDULGE. 18 00:01:03,137 --> 00:01:06,237 GET YOUR FREAK ON. 19 00:01:06,241 --> 00:01:09,591 ♪ 20 00:01:09,586 --> 00:01:12,656 [aggressive rock music] 21 00:01:12,655 --> 00:01:16,515 ♪ 22 00:01:20,206 --> 00:01:21,336 JUST AS WE'VE BEEN THERE... 23 00:01:21,344 --> 00:01:22,834 - ♪ GOOD MORNING 24 00:01:22,827 --> 00:01:25,477 - GOOD MORNING! 25 00:01:25,482 --> 00:01:26,552 - WHAT UP, DOG? 26 00:01:26,551 --> 00:01:27,551 - WHAT UP, DOG? 27 00:01:27,551 --> 00:01:29,311 [overlapping gibberish] 28 00:01:29,310 --> 00:01:31,210 - MORNING, DAUGHTER. - HI. 29 00:01:31,206 --> 00:01:32,786 - FRUIT IS COMING. 30 00:01:32,793 --> 00:01:34,243 - LOOK AT THIS. 31 00:01:34,241 --> 00:01:35,831 - IS THIS AMERICAN CHEESE? 32 00:01:35,827 --> 00:01:36,857 - OH, GOD, NO. 33 00:01:36,862 --> 00:01:38,002 IT'S VELVEETA. 34 00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:39,790 - REALLY? - MM-HMM. 35 00:01:39,793 --> 00:01:41,863 - CAN YOU PICK 'EM, DADDY, OR CAN YOU PICK 'EM? 36 00:01:41,862 --> 00:01:44,282 - SHUT YOUR MOUTH. 37 00:01:44,275 --> 00:01:45,235 - IT'S OKAY, BABY. 38 00:01:45,241 --> 00:01:47,071 I JUST WANTED US ALL TO SIT DOWN 39 00:01:47,068 --> 00:01:48,028 AND HAVE A NICE MEAL 40 00:01:48,034 --> 00:01:49,624 AND GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER BETTER. 41 00:01:49,620 --> 00:01:51,210 - I THINK I KNOW ENOUGH ABOUT YOU, CHARLENE. 42 00:01:51,206 --> 00:01:52,786 - [laughs] 43 00:01:52,793 --> 00:01:55,593 HER NAME IS CHARDONNAY, AND SHE'S RIGHT. 44 00:01:55,586 --> 00:01:57,096 NOW THAT WE'RE ALL LIVING UNDER ONE ROOF, 45 00:01:57,103 --> 00:01:59,283 WE'RE GONNA GET A LOT CLOSER, AND IT'S GONNA BE AWESOME. 46 00:01:59,275 --> 00:02:00,445 YOU GOT THAT? 47 00:02:00,448 --> 00:02:02,338 - FINE. LET'S GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER. 48 00:02:02,344 --> 00:02:03,384 I'LL START. 49 00:02:03,379 --> 00:02:05,929 SO WHY ARE YOU LYING ABOUT YOUR NAME? 50 00:02:05,931 --> 00:02:07,591 - YOU LOST YOUR TURN. YOU GO FIRST, CHARLENE-- 51 00:02:07,586 --> 00:02:09,586 CHARDONNAY. - ALL RIGHT. 52 00:02:09,586 --> 00:02:10,686 - CHARDONNAY. 53 00:02:10,689 --> 00:02:12,069 - ANYTHING NEW AND EXCITING AT SCHOOL? 54 00:02:12,068 --> 00:02:13,338 - HMM. 55 00:02:13,344 --> 00:02:15,284 - SALLY GOT HER PERIOD IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PEP RALLY. 56 00:02:15,275 --> 00:02:16,165 IT WAS A HOOT. - HMM. 57 00:02:16,172 --> 00:02:17,692 - ANYTHING ELSE? 58 00:02:17,689 --> 00:02:19,519 - I'M FAILING ALL MY CLASSES. 59 00:02:19,517 --> 00:02:20,717 - WELL, AREN'T YOU CONCERNED? 60 00:02:20,724 --> 00:02:22,484 I MEAN, YOU ARE GONNA BE APPLYING TO SOME COLLEGES 61 00:02:22,482 --> 00:02:24,902 PRETTY SOON, RIGHT? 62 00:02:24,896 --> 00:02:26,586 - I'M I- [squeaks] - YOU NEED TO DO YOUR RESEARCH. 63 00:02:26,586 --> 00:02:29,206 AND IF THERE'S ANYONE STILL OUT THERE WATCHING, 64 00:02:29,206 --> 00:02:30,926 I THINK COLLEGE IS A WASTE OF MY DADDY'S MONEY. 65 00:02:30,931 --> 00:02:33,101 - HEY. 66 00:02:33,103 --> 00:02:35,553 HEAR, HEAR. [laughs] THAT'S MY GIRL. 67 00:02:35,551 --> 00:02:37,341 - COLLEGE IS NOT FOR EVERYBODY, OKAY? 68 00:02:37,344 --> 00:02:38,834 - IT'S NOT FOR HER. [laughter] 69 00:02:38,827 --> 00:02:41,517 - 'CAUSE, SEE, THE WORST THING YOU CAN DO IS LIKE I DID: 70 00:02:41,517 --> 00:02:45,337 RACK UP $80,000 IN SCHOOL LOANS AND DON'T EVEN USE YOUR DEGREE. 71 00:02:45,344 --> 00:02:47,554 - HEAR, H--UM... I'M SORRY. 72 00:02:47,551 --> 00:02:48,481 - SHE SAID $80,000. 73 00:02:48,482 --> 00:02:50,382 - DID YOU SAY $80,000? 74 00:02:50,379 --> 00:02:51,829 ARE YOU SPEAKING HYPOTHETICALLY, OR-- 75 00:02:51,827 --> 00:02:52,827 - I WISH. 76 00:02:52,827 --> 00:02:54,657 SHOOT, MY B.F.A. WAS IN COMMUNICATIONS, 77 00:02:54,655 --> 00:02:56,405 BUT THE ONLY COMMUNICATING I DO AT WORK 78 00:02:56,413 --> 00:02:58,413 IS WITH A BOTTLE OF MASSAGE OIL AND HOT STONES. 79 00:02:58,413 --> 00:02:59,553 [laughs] 80 00:02:59,551 --> 00:03:01,831 MY CLIENTS CALL ME DOCTOR AROMATHERAPY. 81 00:03:01,827 --> 00:03:03,377 - $80,000! 82 00:03:03,379 --> 00:03:05,069 1,000. 83 00:03:05,068 --> 00:03:07,138 - RIGHT. - WHOA. 84 00:03:07,137 --> 00:03:09,967 I'M NO MATHLETE, BUT THAT MUST HAVE TAKEN FOREVER 85 00:03:09,965 --> 00:03:10,895 TO PAY THAT BACK. 86 00:03:10,896 --> 00:03:12,136 DON'T YOU WORK FOR TIPS? 87 00:03:12,137 --> 00:03:13,517 - WELL, I USED TO, BUT, GIRL, 88 00:03:13,517 --> 00:03:14,827 I GOT A LITTLE SECRET TO LET YOU IN ON. 89 00:03:14,827 --> 00:03:16,067 - OKAY. 90 00:03:16,068 --> 00:03:19,168 - ALL YOU GOT TO DO IS TAKE ONE CLASS A QUARTER. 91 00:03:19,172 --> 00:03:21,792 THEN YOU CAN DEFER YOUR LOAN PAYMENTS INDEFINITELY. 92 00:03:21,793 --> 00:03:23,213 - THAT'S WHY YOU WERE TAKING ARCHERY? 93 00:03:23,206 --> 00:03:26,136 - WELL, THAT AND Ithily] 94 00:03:26,137 --> 00:03:27,717 - YOU KNOW? 95 00:03:27,724 --> 00:03:28,694 - SO, 96 00:03:28,689 --> 00:03:31,789 TO JUST DEFER YOUR DEBT, 97 00:03:31,793 --> 00:03:33,723 EVEN THOUGH, EVENTUALLY, SOMEONE IS GONNA 98 00:03:33,724 --> 00:03:36,244 HAVE TO PAY FOR IT, AND THAT SOMEONE IS ME, 99 00:03:36,241 --> 00:03:37,451 JOE TAXPAYER. 100 00:03:37,448 --> 00:03:39,448 WHAT DO YOU GOT TO SAY ABOUT THAT? 101 00:03:39,448 --> 00:03:41,618 - THANK YOU, DADDY. - MM. 102 00:03:41,620 --> 00:03:43,140 - WELL... [giggles] 103 00:03:43,137 --> 00:03:45,307 I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU GUYS, BUT THIS BRUNCH HAS CERTAINLY 104 00:03:45,310 --> 00:03:47,830 MADE ME FEEL LIKE YOU TWO ARE NOT GONNA MAKE IT. 105 00:03:47,827 --> 00:03:50,377 BUT I'M CHEESS WHUPPINGS, RI? 106 00:03:50,379 --> 00:03:52,099 - I GOT THE OPPORTUNITY TO SIT DOWN 107 00:03:52,103 --> 00:03:54,623 WITH THE FIRST-ROUND DRAFT PICK BRYCE "THE BLUEPRINT" WESTBROOK 108 00:03:54,620 --> 00:03:56,070 AND ASK HIM A FEW QUESTIONS. 109 00:03:56,068 --> 00:03:58,928 BLUE, TELL ME, WHEN DID YOU REALIZE 110 00:03:58,931 --> 00:04:02,001 THAT YOU WERE SPECIAL? 111 00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:03,760 - I WAS ABOUT TEN. 112 00:04:03,758 --> 00:04:06,688 IT WAS MY SECOND YEAR OF POP WARNER. 113 00:04:06,689 --> 00:04:09,859 AND THIS KID ON THE OTHER TEAM WAS, UH, TALKING TRASH 114 00:04:09,862 --> 00:04:11,662 ABOUT HOW SPIDER-MAN COULD BEAT UP BATMAN 115 00:04:11,655 --> 00:04:13,275 BECAUSE BATMAN DIDN'T HAVE ANY SUPERPOWERS. 116 00:04:13,275 --> 00:04:14,275 - HMM. 117 00:04:14,275 --> 00:04:15,825 - SO SECOND HALF OF THE GAME, 118 00:04:15,827 --> 00:04:17,137 I JUST TOOK OVER. 119 00:04:17,137 --> 00:04:18,717 THEY COULDN'T STOP ME. 120 00:04:18,724 --> 00:04:20,274 AND AT THE END OF THE GAME, AFTER WE HAD WON, 121 00:04:20,274 --> 00:04:21,794 I WALKED OVER TO THE KID. 122 00:04:21,793 --> 00:04:23,033 I LOOKED HIM STRAIGHT IN THE FACE, 123 00:04:23,034 --> 00:04:24,144 AND I SAID, "HEY. 124 00:04:24,137 --> 00:04:25,587 "I DON'T HAVE ANY SUPERPOWERS EITHER, 125 00:04:25,586 --> 00:04:30,236 BUT YOU COULDN'T BEAT ME." 126 00:04:30,241 --> 00:04:32,721 ALL RIGHT, I HATE TO ASK THIS QUESTION, 127 00:04:32,724 --> 00:04:34,664 BUT THE TABLOIDS AND THE TWITTERSPHERE... 128 00:04:34,655 --> 00:04:35,755 - OH, A NEW WORD FOR YOU. OKAY. 129 00:04:35,758 --> 00:04:37,238 - ARE ALL ABUZZ WITH THESE, UH, 130 00:04:37,241 --> 00:04:39,341 PHOTOS OF YOU KISSING KEIRA MICHELLE WHITAKER. 131 00:04:39,344 --> 00:04:41,104 IT'S JUICY STUFF. WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH YOU TWO? 132 00:04:41,103 --> 00:04:42,213 - [laughs] 133 00:04:42,206 --> 00:04:43,966 UH, WE'RE JUST FRIENDS, MAN. 134 00:04:43,965 --> 00:04:45,685 YOU KNOW, SHE KISSED ME ON THE SAME DAY WE MET, 135 00:04:45,689 --> 00:04:46,969 AS A PRANK. 136 00:04:46,965 --> 00:04:48,475 YOU KNOW, HOW SERIOUS COULD IT BE? 137 00:04:48,482 --> 00:04:50,002 I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HER. 138 00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:52,000 - HEY, I MARRIED MY WIFE THE FIRST DAY I MET HER, SO... 139 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:54,070 [laughs] 140 00:04:54,068 --> 00:04:56,968 - WOW. HEY, THAT'S, UH-- 141 00:04:56,965 --> 00:04:58,135 THAT'S BALLSY. 142 00:04:58,137 --> 00:04:59,517 - NO, I MEAN, IT STARTED OFF AS A PRANK. 143 00:04:59,517 --> 00:05:00,997 WE WERE DRUNK AND WENT DOWN TO MEXICO, 144 00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:02,590 AND THEN SHE MARRIED ME TO TEACH ME A LESSON. 145 00:05:02,586 --> 00:05:04,476 IT'S HILARIOUS. [laughs] 146 00:05:04,482 --> 00:05:06,932 - AND YET YOU'RE STILL WITH THIS RAPSCALLION? 147 00:05:06,931 --> 00:05:08,521 - RAPSCALLION? REALLY? 148 00:05:08,517 --> 00:05:10,277 - STANFORD. - NOT BAD. 149 00:05:10,275 --> 00:05:11,275 - YEAH. AND YOU KNOW WHAT? 150 00:05:11,275 --> 00:05:12,205 IT'S PROBABLY JUST ME. 151 00:05:12,206 --> 00:05:13,236 I'M PROBABLY JUST 152 00:05:13,241 --> 00:05:14,621 A LOOK-BEFORE-YOU-LEAP KIND OF GUY. 153 00:05:14,620 --> 00:05:15,690 YOU KNOW, A PLANNER. 154 00:05:15,689 --> 00:05:17,069 - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, ROOKIE? 155 00:05:17,068 --> 00:05:18,378 I'M A PLANNER. I PLAN THINGS. 156 00:05:18,379 --> 00:05:19,309 - YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. 157 00:05:19,310 --> 00:05:20,340 I'M SURE YOU DO. 158 00:05:20,344 --> 00:05:22,104 I MEAN, LOOK, TEN YEARS IN THE LEAGUE, 159 00:05:22,103 --> 00:05:23,413 MILLIONS OF DOLLARS? 160 00:05:23,413 --> 00:05:25,623 THERE'S NO WAY YOU WOULD JUST STAY MARRIED 161 00:05:25,620 --> 00:05:27,590 TO SOME STRANGER WITHOUT GETTING A POST-NUP. 162 00:05:27,586 --> 00:05:28,786 YOU'RE NOT A CRAZY PERSON. 163 00:05:28,793 --> 00:05:31,693 - NO. I'M NOT. 164 00:05:31,689 --> 00:05:33,969 I'M THE OPPOSITE OF A CRAZY PERSON. 165 00:05:33,965 --> 00:05:35,275 - YOU DIDN'T GET A POST-NUP, DID YOU? 166 00:05:35,275 --> 00:05:38,275 - NO, I DIDN'T. 167 00:05:38,275 --> 00:05:40,095 WE'RE DEFINITELY CUTTING AFTER POP WARNER. 168 00:05:55,172 --> 00:05:57,862 - [gasps] 169 00:05:57,862 --> 00:05:59,312 - [grunts] 170 00:05:59,310 --> 00:06:01,210 WHAT HAPPENED, BABY? 171 00:06:01,206 --> 00:06:03,996 SOMETHING STARTLE YOU AWAKE? 172 00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:04,970 - MM. 173 00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:06,335 I THINK SO. 174 00:06:06,344 --> 00:06:08,074 - OH, THAT IS AWFUL. 175 00:06:08,068 --> 00:06:10,548 HEY, SINCE WE'RE BOTH CONVENIENTLY UP, 176 00:06:10,551 --> 00:06:12,761 I WAS JUST WONDERING, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME 177 00:06:12,758 --> 00:06:15,688 ABOUT YOUR OUTSTANDING STUDENT LOANS? 178 00:06:15,689 --> 00:06:18,759 I DIDN'T TELL YOU, BECAUSE THAT'S NOT YOUR PROBLEM. 179 00:06:18,758 --> 00:06:20,548 I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP WITH MY STUDENT LOANS. 180 00:06:20,551 --> 00:06:22,001 NOW, GO ON BACK TO BED. 181 00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:23,660 - UM, YOU KNOW, SWEET POTATO, 182 00:06:23,655 --> 00:06:26,715 UM, I'M MORE THAN HAPPY TO HELP YOU PAY 'EM OFF. 183 00:06:26,724 --> 00:06:29,594 I'M JUST A LITTLE UPSET THAT YOU HID SOMETHING FROM ME. 184 00:06:29,586 --> 00:06:32,586 I MEAN, WHAT ELSE YOU HIDING FROM ME, CHARDONNAY, 185 00:06:32,586 --> 00:06:33,926 IF THAT IS YOUR REAL NAME? 186 00:06:33,931 --> 00:06:37,171 - BABY, I'M NOT HIDING ANYTHING FROM YOU. 187 00:06:37,172 --> 00:06:38,692 WHAT DO YOU WANT TO KNOW? 188 00:06:40,827 --> 00:06:43,237 MY FAVORITE MUSIC IS R&B. 189 00:06:43,241 --> 00:06:45,861 MY FAVORITE WRITER IS ZORA NEALE HURSTON. 190 00:06:45,862 --> 00:06:48,172 AND MY PET PEEVE IS THE NICKNAME CHAR-CHAR, 191 00:06:48,172 --> 00:06:50,282 BECAUSE MY BROTHER USED TO TEASE ME ABOUT IT GROWING UP. 192 00:06:50,275 --> 00:06:52,995 - OKAY, I WON'T CALL YOU CH-- 193 00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:54,830 WAIT A MINUTE. YOU HAVE A BROTHER? 194 00:06:54,827 --> 00:06:55,787 - YEAH. 195 00:06:55,793 --> 00:06:57,143 WE DON'T TALK ABOUT HIM MUCH, 196 00:06:57,137 --> 00:06:59,097 'CAUSE WHAT'S THE POINT OF TALKING ABOUT SOMEBODY 197 00:06:59,103 --> 00:07:00,033 ALWAYS IN JAIL? 198 00:07:00,034 --> 00:07:00,974 - UH, I DON'T KNOW. 199 00:07:00,965 --> 00:07:01,965 MAYBE IF HE ESCAPES 200 00:07:01,965 --> 00:07:03,615 AND COMES LOOKING FOR A FLOPHOUSE? 201 00:07:03,620 --> 00:07:06,410 - BABY, YOU KNOW I'M A GREAT WOMAN. 202 00:07:06,413 --> 00:07:08,693 I'M LOYAL, AND I'M HONEST. 203 00:07:08,689 --> 00:07:11,069 AND YOU KNOW I GO TO CHURCH ON SUNDAYS. 204 00:07:11,068 --> 00:07:12,478 - YOU GO TO CHURCH? 205 00:07:12,482 --> 00:07:13,792 - WHERE ELSE I'M AT, JASON? 206 00:07:13,793 --> 00:07:15,173 - I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO PILATES. 207 00:07:15,172 --> 00:07:16,142 - [smacks lips] 208 00:07:16,137 --> 00:07:17,237 WE DON'T EVEN GOT TO TALK 209 00:07:17,241 --> 00:07:18,831 ABOUT OUR RELIGIOUS BELIEFS RIGHT NOW. 210 00:07:18,827 --> 00:07:20,447 IT DON'T MATTER TILL WE HAVE KIDS, ANYWAY. 211 00:07:20,448 --> 00:07:22,238 - OH, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. 212 00:07:22,241 --> 00:07:23,341 KIDS? 213 00:07:23,344 --> 00:07:24,344 - EVENTUALLY. 214 00:07:24,344 --> 00:07:27,414 - UH, EVENTUALLY NOT. 215 00:07:27,413 --> 00:07:29,003 UH, YOU KNOW WHAT? 216 00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:30,450 SINCE WE'RE SHARING, LET ME TELL YOU 217 00:07:30,448 --> 00:07:32,998 A LITTLE SOMETHING ABOUT JASON ARCHIBALD PITTS. 218 00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:34,590 - ARCHIBALD? - OH, YEAH. 219 00:07:34,586 --> 00:07:37,026 THERE'S YOUR FIRST REVELATION. MY MIDDLE NAME'S ARCHIBALD. 220 00:07:37,034 --> 00:07:39,104 SECOND REVELATION, WE ARE NEVER HAVING CHILDREN, 221 00:07:39,103 --> 00:07:41,693 BECAUSE JASON ARCHIBALD PITTS HAD A VASECTOMY. 222 00:07:41,689 --> 00:07:43,449 SNIP, SNIP. 223 00:07:43,448 --> 00:07:46,378 SPEAKING OF WHICH, I GOT TO PEE-PEE. 224 00:08:01,517 --> 00:08:02,477 - HOLD UP. 225 00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:03,762 YOU SPEAK ENGLISH? 226 00:08:03,758 --> 00:08:05,478 SO YOU UNDERSTOOD EVERYTHING I BEEN SAYING? 227 00:08:05,482 --> 00:08:07,282 - YES. YOU KISSED RICK. 228 00:08:07,275 --> 00:08:09,965 POOKIE CAN'T FIND OUT, OR SOMEONE WILL DIE. 229 00:08:09,965 --> 00:08:11,205 POW, POW, POW. 230 00:08:11,206 --> 00:08:12,616 - YOU KNOW WHAT? 231 00:08:12,620 --> 00:08:14,310 TAKE THAT FAKE-ASS BAG, ALL RIGHT? 232 00:08:14,310 --> 00:08:15,550 KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT, ALL RIGHT? 233 00:08:15,551 --> 00:08:17,281 GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE. 234 00:08:17,275 --> 00:08:18,785 - HEY. - HEY, GIRL. 235 00:08:18,793 --> 00:08:20,723 - WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT? - CHILD, NOTHING. 236 00:08:20,724 --> 00:08:22,524 ME AND THAT MAID ARGUING OVER SALSA. 237 00:08:22,517 --> 00:08:23,967 CHILD, YOU KNOW, SHE INTO SALSA VERDE. 238 00:08:23,965 --> 00:08:26,025 I'M INTO THAT PICO DE GALLO. 239 00:08:26,034 --> 00:08:28,104 - ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO GET RID OF ALL OF THIS? 240 00:08:28,103 --> 00:08:29,073 - YEAH, GIRL. 241 00:08:29,068 --> 00:08:30,758 I GOT TO MAKE ROOM FOR THE NEW ISH. 242 00:08:30,758 --> 00:08:32,338 - OH, WELL, THIS RECEIPT SAY 243 00:08:32,344 --> 00:08:34,284 YOU JUST GOT THIS NEW ISH THIS MORNING. 244 00:08:34,275 --> 00:08:35,615 - EXACTLY. 245 00:08:35,620 --> 00:08:39,030 IT'S FOUR HOURS OLD. THAT'S DAMN NEAR VINTAGE. 246 00:08:39,034 --> 00:08:40,624 - [sighs] TASHA, - OKAY, YOU GOT ME.CA 247 00:08:40,620 --> 00:08:41,860 ALL RIGHT? YES. 248 00:08:41,861 --> 00:08:43,591 THAT WAS ME AND RICK KISSING IN THE PARKING LOT, 249 00:08:43,586 --> 00:08:44,616 BUT IT DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING. 250 00:08:44,620 --> 00:08:47,100 OH, GOD. THERE I GO LYING AGAIN. 251 00:08:47,103 --> 00:08:48,413 I'M ALWAYS LYING, 252 00:08:48,413 --> 00:08:50,003 TELLING PEOPLE I'M 41 WHEN I'M REALLY 45. 253 00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:52,280 AND YES, I MAY HAVE HAD A LITTLE LIGHT WORK DONE, 254 00:08:52,275 --> 00:08:54,475 BUT IT WAS ALL NONINVASIVE AND ONLY HERE IN THE STATES. 255 00:08:54,482 --> 00:08:56,412 OH, GOD. THERE I GO LYING AGAIN. 256 00:08:56,413 --> 00:08:57,763 OKAY, LOOK. 257 00:08:57,758 --> 00:09:00,788 ONE TIME--IT WAS JUST ONE TIME IN MEXICO, ALL RIGHT? 258 00:09:00,793 --> 00:09:03,243 BUT CAN YOU BLAME ME? HELL, WE IN SAN DIEGO. 259 00:09:03,241 --> 00:09:05,001 - UM... 260 00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:07,170 I JUST WANTED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT JASON. 261 00:09:07,172 --> 00:09:09,072 - OH. SHOOT. 262 00:09:09,068 --> 00:09:10,658 OKAY, WELL, ENOUGH ABOUT ME RAMBLING ON-- 263 00:09:10,655 --> 00:09:13,475 - JASON IS FIXED. 264 00:09:13,482 --> 00:09:14,972 HE CAN'T HAVE ANY MORE CHILDREN. 265 00:09:14,965 --> 00:09:16,205 - OKAY, WELL, WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? 266 00:09:16,206 --> 00:09:17,966 GIRL, YOU DODGED A BULLET. 267 00:09:17,965 --> 00:09:19,165 HAVE YOU MET THAT BRITTANY? 268 00:09:19,172 --> 00:09:20,692 - TASHA, THIS IS A BIG DEAL. 269 00:09:20,689 --> 00:09:22,759 I'VE ALWAYS DREAMT OF HAVING KIDS. 270 00:09:22,758 --> 00:09:24,138 SHOOT, SERVES ME RIGOW WHAT? 271 00:09:24,137 --> 00:09:25,097 SOMETHING AIN'T RIGHT. 272 00:09:25,103 --> 00:09:26,383 I DON'T KNOW. 273 00:09:26,379 --> 00:09:29,239 I JUST CAN'T SEE JASON GETTING HIS TUBES TIED. 274 00:09:29,241 --> 00:09:30,171 - I KNOW, RIGHT? 275 00:09:30,172 --> 00:09:31,722 I MEAN, WHO REALLY DOES THAT, 276 00:09:31,724 --> 00:09:34,974 ESPECIALLY SOMEBODY SO PARTICULAR ABOUT THEY JUNK? 277 00:09:34,965 --> 00:09:37,165 - I DISTINCTLY REMEMBER KELLY TALKING ABOUT HOW 278 00:09:37,172 --> 00:09:39,412 THEY WERE TRYING TO HAVE MORE DEMON SPAWN. 279 00:09:39,413 --> 00:09:41,763 YOU KNOW, THE ONLY WAY TO CAST OUT A DEMON SPAWN 280 00:09:41,758 --> 00:09:43,138 IS TO FIRE ANOTHER ONE DOWN THE HATCH. 281 00:09:43,137 --> 00:09:45,337 THAT'S IN THE BIBLE. - I DON'T THINK IT IS. 282 00:09:45,344 --> 00:09:47,974 BUT WHILE WE ON THE SUBJECT OF SINNING, 283 00:09:47,965 --> 00:09:49,995 I DID SEE YOU AND THAT RICK FOX, 284 00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:51,660 AND THERE WAS A LOT MORE THAN KISSING GOING ON 285 00:09:51,655 --> 00:09:52,825 IN THAT PARKING LOT. 286 00:09:52,827 --> 00:09:53,897 LOOKED LIKE Y'ALL WAS TRYING 287 00:09:53,896 --> 00:09:55,446 TO MAKE THE BEAST WITH TWO BACKS. 288 00:09:55,448 --> 00:09:56,928 - BLASPHEMY. - MM-HMM. 289 00:09:56,931 --> 00:09:58,341 BUT DON'T YOU WORRY. 290 00:09:58,344 --> 00:10:01,974 YOUR LITTLE SECRET PARKING LOT SEX IS SAFE WITH ME. 291 00:10:01,965 --> 00:10:04,065 BUT IT WOULD BE EVEN SAFER IF I KEPT THIS DRESS. 292 00:10:04,068 --> 00:10:05,278 - GO ON. - ALL RIGHT. 293 00:10:05,275 --> 00:10:07,135 THE SHOES TOO? - THAT'S YOURS. 294 00:10:07,137 --> 00:10:09,027 - ALL RIGHT. 295 00:10:09,034 --> 00:10:10,554 OH, MY GOD, THIS PURSE. 296 00:10:10,551 --> 00:10:11,721 - WHAT--N-- 297 00:10:11,724 --> 00:10:12,974 THAT'S MY REAL PURSE, THOUGH. 298 00:10:12,965 --> 00:10:14,025 - OH, OKAY. 299 00:10:14,034 --> 00:10:15,414 I'LL JUST LEAVE YOU WITH YOUR STUFF. 300 00:10:15,413 --> 00:10:17,033 - OH, YEAH, YOU CAN HAVE THAT TOO IF YOU WANT. 301 00:10:17,034 --> 00:10:18,244 ALL RIGHT, WELL-- - YOU GOOD. 302 00:10:18,241 --> 00:10:19,791 - YOU CAN HAVE IT. - I KNOW. 303 00:10:19,793 --> 00:10:21,243 - JUST TAKE CARE OF HER. - I WILL. 304 00:10:21,241 --> 00:10:23,661 - OKAY, WELL, YOU KNOW, UM-- 305 00:10:23,655 --> 00:10:27,025 - WON'T SAY NOTHING. 306 00:10:27,034 --> 00:10:29,284 - WHAT'S UP, MY MAN?- MY MAN, MY MAN. 307 00:10:29,275 --> 00:10:31,095 THANK YOU SO MUCH 308 00:10:31,103 --> 00:10:32,523 FOR MEETING ME HERE TODAY, BROTHER. 309 00:10:32,517 --> 00:10:33,717 I TELL YOU. 310 00:10:33,724 --> 00:10:35,484 - I THOUGHT THIS WAS A BUSINESS MEETING, MAN. 311 00:10:35,482 --> 00:10:37,032 YOU--YOU ON SOME FREAKY-DEAKY STUFF, HUH? 312 00:10:37,034 --> 00:10:38,554 - [laughing] 313 00:10:38,551 --> 00:10:39,551 YOU A FUNNY MAN. 314 00:10:39,551 --> 00:10:41,001 YOU KNOW, YOU REAL FUNNY. 315 00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:43,690 YOU KNOW, DAYMOND, THE REASON I HAVE ASKED YOU HERE TODAY 316 00:10:43,689 --> 00:10:45,929 IS BECAUSE I DON'T JUST SEE YOU AS A FRIEND, MAN. 317 00:10:45,931 --> 00:10:47,551 I ALSO SEE YOU AS A ROLE MODEL. 318 00:10:47,551 --> 00:10:49,451 - ALL RIGHT, WELL, MALIK, LET'S GET THIS STRAIGHT. 319 00:10:49,448 --> 00:10:51,168 THE ONLY REASON I'M HERE IS 'CAUSE MY PUBLICIST 320 00:10:51,172 --> 00:10:52,622 PUT IN A GOOD WORD FOR YOU. 321 00:10:52,620 --> 00:10:54,860 AND MOST LIKELY, THAT'S 'CAUSE YOU GUYS WERE SMASHING, 322 00:10:54,862 --> 00:10:56,102 SO WHY DON'T WE JUST GET ON WITH IT? 323 00:10:56,103 --> 00:10:57,173 - SHE SAID I WAS GOOD, RIGHT? 324 00:10:57,172 --> 00:10:58,832 - SHE SAID YOU WERE SWEATY. 325 00:10:58,827 --> 00:10:59,967 - SHE DID? - YEAH, WELL, LET'S-- 326 00:10:59,965 --> 00:11:01,405 - LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT THAT. OKAY, YEAH. 327 00:11:01,413 --> 00:11:02,523 OKAY, DAYMOND. 328 00:11:02,517 --> 00:11:03,827 YOU'RE A SHARK. 329 00:11:03,827 --> 00:11:05,857 SO I'M PRETTY SURE YOU'RE AWARE 330 00:11:05,862 --> 00:11:08,932 THAT SWIMSUIT APPAREL IS AN $80 BILLION INDUSTRY 331 00:11:08,931 --> 00:11:09,971 IN THE U.S. 332 00:11:09,965 --> 00:11:12,755 NOW, IF I CAN JUST GET 2% OF THAT, 333 00:11:12,758 --> 00:11:15,278 I CAN GENERATE $160 MILLION. 334 00:11:15,275 --> 00:11:17,825 NOW DO I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION? 335 00:11:17,827 --> 00:11:19,657 - YOU MOST CERTAINLY DO. CONTINUE. 336 00:11:19,655 --> 00:11:23,205 - DAYMOND, I HAVE INVENTED A BIKINI 337 00:11:23,206 --> 00:11:25,516 THAT DOES AWAY WITH UNINTENTIONAL BOOTY DISPLAY, 338 00:11:25,517 --> 00:11:27,927 ALSO KNOWN AS THE WEDGIE, 339 00:11:27,931 --> 00:11:32,141 THE NUMBER ONE PROBLEM FOR WOMEN IN THE SUMMERTIME. 340 00:11:32,137 --> 00:11:35,097 [laughs] LET THE PRESENTATION BEGIN. 341 00:11:35,103 --> 00:11:36,793 - ♪ I'MA BREAK OUT AND THEN HIDE EVERY LOCK ♪ 342 00:11:36,793 --> 00:11:38,693 ♪ I'MA BREAK OUT AND THEN HIDE EVERY LOCK ♪ 343 00:11:38,689 --> 00:11:39,619 - OH, NO. 344 00:11:39,620 --> 00:11:41,830 MY HORRIBLE WEDGIE. 345 00:11:41,827 --> 00:11:43,447 WHAT AM I EVER TO DO? 346 00:11:43,448 --> 00:11:44,968 - NO! A WEDGIE! 347 00:11:44,965 --> 00:11:46,995 THE PLIGHT OF A BIG TUSHIE. 348 00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:49,970 NOW I GIVE YOU 349 00:11:49,965 --> 00:11:53,065 THE STAY-KINI, BY MALIK WRIGHT. 350 00:11:53,068 --> 00:11:56,068 - ♪ I AM A SINNER 351 00:11:56,068 --> 00:11:59,278 ♪ WHO'S PROBABLY GONNA SIN AGAIN ♪ 352 00:11:59,275 --> 00:12:00,275 - WOW. 353 00:12:00,275 --> 00:12:03,755 NOW, THAT IS DISGUSTING, MAN. 354 00:12:03,758 --> 00:12:05,548 - LOOK, WE--WE'RE STILL WORKING THE KINKS OUT. 355 00:12:05,551 --> 00:12:07,101 BUT DON'T FOCUS ON THAT, DAYMOND. 356 00:12:07,103 --> 00:12:09,933 I WANT YOU TO FOCUS ON THE FACT THAT YOU ARE LOOKING 357 00:12:09,931 --> 00:12:14,661 AT A BIG, BUBBALICIOUS, NUTRITIOUS TUSH 358 00:12:14,655 --> 00:12:15,965 WITH NO WEDGIE. 359 00:12:15,965 --> 00:12:17,065 HMM? 360 00:12:17,068 --> 00:12:19,858 - BABY GIRL, ARE YOU COMFORTABLE IN THAT? 361 00:12:19,862 --> 00:12:23,002 - WELL, I CAN'T SIT DOWN IN IT. 362 00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:25,340 I CAN'T BREATHE, AND I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS, BUT-- 363 00:12:25,344 --> 00:12:27,004 - MALIK, THIS IDEA-- 364 00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:29,170 IT'S JUST-- IT'S JUST STUPID. 365 00:12:29,172 --> 00:12:32,212 - BUT WOMEN DON'T LIKE WEDGIES, DAYMOND. 366 00:12:32,206 --> 00:12:33,716 THAT'S A FACT. 367 00:12:33,724 --> 00:12:37,554 - LADIES, LADIES, IS THAT TRUE? 368 00:12:37,551 --> 00:12:41,281 - IT'S UNCOMFORTABLE AND EMBARRASSING. 369 00:12:41,275 --> 00:12:44,405 - WELL, I DON'T MIND, 'CAUSE I KNOW MY MAN LOVES 'EM, SO-- 370 00:12:44,413 --> 00:12:46,343 - CARAMEL! WHY THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING? 371 00:12:46,344 --> 00:12:47,934 YOU'RE A MODEL. TORI, GET HER OUT OF HERE. 372 00:12:47,931 --> 00:12:48,901 - YES. GET OUT. 373 00:12:48,896 --> 00:12:49,856 GO. - OW. 374 00:12:49,862 --> 00:12:51,172 - GO. - AH! 375 00:12:51,172 --> 00:12:52,902 - NICE JOB, LADIES. NICE JOB. 376 00:12:52,896 --> 00:12:55,516 - LIKE THE CHARITY THAT I WORK FOR--I SPONSOR. 377 00:12:55,517 --> 00:12:56,967 - [sighs] 378 00:12:56,965 --> 00:12:58,445 - SO YOU'RE IN? 379 00:12:58,448 --> 00:13:01,238 - MAN, YOU CRASH DUMMY, YOU JUST WASTED MY TIME. 380 00:13:01,241 --> 00:13:02,481 I SHOULD HAVE YOU BODIED, MAN. 381 00:13:02,482 --> 00:13:03,482 - I'M SORRY. - MM. 382 00:13:03,482 --> 00:13:04,832 - THANK YOU. 383 00:13:04,827 --> 00:13:06,377 - ♪ TRICK, DON'T KILL MY VIBE 384 00:13:06,379 --> 00:13:08,339 ♪ TRICK, DON'T KILL MY VIBE 385 00:13:24,931 --> 00:13:26,171 - HOLY MOTHER! 386 00:13:26,172 --> 00:13:28,382 WHAT-- 387 00:13:28,379 --> 00:13:29,859 BABY, I THINK THE SPIDER'S BACK. 388 00:13:29,862 --> 00:13:31,282 - [laughs] CALM DOWN, BABY. 389 00:13:31,275 --> 00:13:32,445 YOU GOOD. 390 00:13:32,448 --> 00:13:34,138 BUT WHILE YOU UP, WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME 391 00:13:34,137 --> 00:13:37,097 EXACTLY HOW A VASECTOMY IS PERFORMED? 392 00:13:37,103 --> 00:13:38,553 - VERY CAREFULLY. [imitates rimshot] 393 00:13:38,551 --> 00:13:40,621 - HMPH. YOU LYING, JASON. 394 00:13:40,620 --> 00:13:41,970 I CHECKED YOUR SCROTUM. 395 00:13:41,965 --> 00:13:43,065 - WHAT? 396 00:13:43,068 --> 00:13:44,518 - I CHECKED ALL UP AND ROUND YOUR SCROTUM, 397 00:13:44,517 --> 00:13:45,927 AND THERE IS NO VASECTOMY SCAR. 398 00:13:45,931 --> 00:13:47,761 - YOU CHECKED MY SCROTUM? 399 00:13:47,758 --> 00:13:48,898 - NO SCAR. 400 00:13:48,896 --> 00:13:50,446 - OF COURSE THERE'S NO SCAR, YOU PSYCHO. 401 00:13:50,448 --> 00:13:51,998 I DIDN'T GET SOME BACK-ALLEY BUTCHER JOB. 402 00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:53,030 I HAVE INSURANCE. 403 00:13:53,034 --> 00:13:54,384 IT WAS NONINVASIVE. 404 00:13:54,379 --> 00:13:55,589 - OH, REALLY? 405 00:13:55,586 --> 00:13:57,406 SO HOW MANY DAYS YOU WAS IN THE HOSPITAL FOR? 406 00:13:57,413 --> 00:13:58,763 - UM, TRICK QUESTION. 407 00:13:58,758 --> 00:14:00,208 OUTPATIENT SURGERY. 408 00:14:00,206 --> 00:14:01,856 WHAT ELSE YOU GOT, JOHNNY COCHRAN? 409 00:14:01,862 --> 00:14:03,722 - WHEN DID YOU HAVE YOUR LITTLE OUTPATIENT SURGERY? 410 00:14:03,724 --> 00:14:05,034 - [sighs] 411 00:14:05,034 --> 00:14:07,974 OH, I DON'T KNOW. HOW ABOUT JUNE 21, 2007? 412 00:14:07,965 --> 00:14:09,785 IT WAS A WEDNESDAY. IT WAS RAINING. 413 00:14:09,793 --> 00:14:11,623 I HAD JUST DISCOVERED A NEW THING CALLED FANDANGO. 414 00:14:11,620 --> 00:14:13,070 THE PROCEDURE WAS AT 2:00. 415 00:14:13,068 --> 00:14:15,068 I WAS IN THE THEATER WATCHING NACHO LIBREBY 5:00. 416 00:14:15,068 --> 00:14:17,658 A-WHAT? 417 00:14:17,655 --> 00:14:19,895 YOU KNOW YOU DONE MESSED UP, RIGHT? 418 00:14:19,896 --> 00:14:22,966 NACHO LIBRECAME OUT IN 2006. 419 00:14:22,965 --> 00:14:25,475 - RIGHT. WHAT? 420 00:14:25,482 --> 00:14:27,142 DID I SAY NACHO LIBRE? 421 00:14:27,137 --> 00:14:28,137 YOU KNOW WHAT? 422 00:14:28,137 --> 00:14:29,717 IT MIGHT'VE BEEN TOKYO DRIFT. 423 00:14:29,724 --> 00:14:31,314 IT WAS TOKYO DRIFT. 424 00:14:31,310 --> 00:14:33,720 I REMEMBER, 'CAUSE AFTERWARDS, I WAS DRIVING AROUND ALL FAST, 425 00:14:33,724 --> 00:14:35,034 AND THEN I WENT AND GOT SOME SUSHI, 426 00:14:35,034 --> 00:14:37,314 'CAUSE IT PUT ME IN THE MOOD. 427 00:14:37,310 --> 00:14:38,620 - OKAY, I DIDN'T GET A VASECTOMY. 428 00:14:38,620 --> 00:14:40,970 - I KNEW IT. I KNEW IT, JASON! 429 00:14:40,965 --> 00:14:43,445 I TOLD YOUR ASS WHEN I WAS ABOUT TO BREAK UP WITH YOU 430 00:14:43,448 --> 00:14:45,208 AND GET THIS DAMN MARRIAGE ANNULLED 431 00:14:45,206 --> 00:14:46,856 THAT I WANTED TO HAVE KIDS. 432 00:14:46,862 --> 00:14:49,282 AND YOU STOPPING ME MEANT THAT YOU WAS ON BOARD. 433 00:14:49,275 --> 00:14:50,715 - YEAH, I WAS ON BOARD UNTIL I FOUND OUT 434 00:14:50,724 --> 00:14:52,864 ABOUT YOUR STUDENT LOANS AND YOUR INCARCERATED BROTHER 435 00:14:52,862 --> 00:14:54,412 AND YOUR RELIGIOUS ZEALOTRY. 436 00:14:54,413 --> 00:14:56,693 WE NEED TO PUMP THE BRAKES A LITTLE BIT. 437 00:14:56,689 --> 00:14:57,969 - LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. 438 00:14:57,965 --> 00:15:00,275 THERE ARE TWO PEOPLE DRIVING THIS BUS, HONEY. 439 00:15:00,275 --> 00:15:01,655 AND ONE OF 'EM WANT KIDS. 440 00:15:01,655 --> 00:15:02,715 SO UNLESS YOU WANT ME 441 00:15:02,724 --> 00:15:04,454 TO DRIVE THIS THING OFF THE CLIFF, 442 00:15:04,448 --> 00:15:05,758 YOU BETTER BE GETTIN' ON BOARD. 443 00:15:05,758 --> 00:15:07,238 NOW I GOT TO GO POOP. 444 00:15:07,241 --> 00:15:09,621 I'M GONNA BE BACK, ABOUT FIVE TO TEN MINUTES TOPS, 445 00:15:09,620 --> 00:15:12,210 AND YOU GONNA TELL ME IF YOU ON BOARD 446 00:15:12,206 --> 00:15:13,236 WITH THIS BABY THING. 447 00:15:13,241 --> 00:15:15,861 OR I'M WALKING. 448 00:15:15,862 --> 00:15:18,342 [sighs] 449 00:15:39,655 --> 00:15:40,925 FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE. 450 00:15:40,931 --> 00:15:42,101 - WHAT? 451 00:15:42,103 --> 00:15:43,593 MAN, HOW DARE HE MOCK YOU? 452 00:15:43,586 --> 00:15:44,756 THAT'S MY JOB. 453 00:15:44,758 --> 00:15:47,758 - I DON'T ACTUALLY KNOW HOW I THOUGHT 454 00:15:47,758 --> 00:15:49,998 THAT I COULD DO THIS, TEE TEE. 455 00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:53,310 I MEAN, DAYMOND STARTED FUBU WHEN HE WAS 23 YEARS OLD. 456 00:15:53,310 --> 00:15:56,480 I'M A 30-PLUS SOON-TO-BE EX-BALLER 457 00:15:56,482 --> 00:15:58,792 ACTING LIKE A BUSINESSMAN IN A BUSINESS SUIT, 458 00:15:58,793 --> 00:16:00,723 AND I AIN'T GOT NO DAMN BUSINESS. 459 00:16:00,724 --> 00:16:02,284 I'M SPINNING MY WHEELS, BRO. 460 00:16:02,275 --> 00:16:03,685 I'M TIRED, MAN. 461 00:16:03,689 --> 00:16:05,309 - [chuckles] 462 00:16:05,310 --> 00:16:07,070 SO YOU TIRED AFTER A WEEK, HUH? 463 00:16:07,068 --> 00:16:08,408 - YEAH. 464 00:16:08,413 --> 00:16:09,973 - LOOK. 465 00:16:09,965 --> 00:16:11,515 YOU'RE ONLY SAYING THIS 'CAUSE THE ROAD'S 466 00:16:11,517 --> 00:16:12,757 GETTING A LITTLE ROUGH RIGHT NOW. 467 00:16:12,758 --> 00:16:13,758 BUT TRUST ME. 468 00:16:13,758 --> 00:16:15,858 STARTING A BUSINESS IS A LONG HAUL. 469 00:16:15,862 --> 00:16:17,342 AND IT'S GONNA BE A WHOLE GANG OF THINGS 470 00:16:17,344 --> 00:16:18,834 THAT GET IN YOUR WAY BEFORE YOU MAKE IT. 471 00:16:18,827 --> 00:16:20,207 - HMM. 472 00:16:20,206 --> 00:16:22,306 - IT'S REALLY NOT THAT DIFFERENT FROM PLAYING FOOTBALL. 473 00:16:22,310 --> 00:16:25,000 - SO I JUST NEED TO PUSH THROUGH AND WORK HARDER, HUH? 474 00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:26,140 - YEAH. 475 00:16:26,137 --> 00:16:28,097 SEE, 476 00:16:28,103 --> 00:16:31,073 SUCCESS IS 1% INSPIRATION, 477 00:16:31,068 --> 00:16:33,858 BUT IT'S 99% PERSPIRATION. 478 00:16:33,862 --> 00:16:35,242 - WHO SAID THAT? 479 00:16:35,241 --> 00:16:37,031 - BELIEVE IT OR NOT, MY MOM. 480 00:16:37,034 --> 00:16:40,484 - OH, NO, I AIN'T TAKING NO CRACK WISDOM, DOG. 481 00:16:40,482 --> 00:16:43,832 - JASON, I TOLD YOU YOU HAD TEN MINUTES TOPS. 482 00:16:43,827 --> 00:16:45,407 WHAT, YOU DOWN HERE TRYING TO HIDE FROM ME? 483 00:16:45,413 --> 00:16:47,343 - YOU WANT THE TRUTH? 484 00:16:47,344 --> 00:16:49,764 YOUR POOP STINK WAS SEEPING UNDER THE BATHROOM DOOR. 485 00:16:49,758 --> 00:16:50,898 - [scoffs] WELL, MAYBE IT WAS. 486 00:16:50,896 --> 00:16:52,406 MAYBE IT WAS. - OH, IT WAS. 487 00:16:52,413 --> 00:16:53,793 I ALMOST CALLED A HAZ-MAT TEAM. 488 00:16:53,793 --> 00:16:55,003 - [laughs] 489 00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:56,690 WHAT'S IT GONNA BE, JASON? 490 00:16:56,689 --> 00:16:58,139 - [sighs] 491 00:16:58,137 --> 00:17:00,137 ARE WE--WE'RE STILL-- WE'RE STILL TALKING ABOUT THAT? 492 00:17:00,137 --> 00:17:01,337 - YEAH. - [sighs] 493 00:17:01,344 --> 00:17:04,664 MY ENTIRE LIFE HAS BEEN PLANNED OUT. 494 00:17:04,655 --> 00:17:05,825 - [sighs] - OKAY? 495 00:17:05,827 --> 00:17:07,447 MY PARENTS KNEW I WAS GONNA BE A FOOTBALL PLAYER 496 00:17:07,448 --> 00:17:08,518 BEFORE I WAS BORN. 497 00:17:08,517 --> 00:17:09,857 MY FIRST PAIR OF SHOES WERE CLEATS. 498 00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:11,522 I ALWAYS KNEW WHERE I WAS GONNA GO TO COLLEGE. 499 00:17:11,517 --> 00:17:13,167 I ALWAYS KNEW WHAT POSITION I WAS GONNA PLAY. 500 00:17:13,172 --> 00:17:15,172 I ALWAYS KNEW WHAT KIND OF WOMAN I WAS GONNA MARRY. 501 00:17:15,172 --> 00:17:18,692 AND THEN, OUT OF NOWHERE, I MEET THIS 502 00:17:18,689 --> 00:17:21,099 SASSY BLACK BARTENDER, 503 00:17:21,103 --> 00:17:25,143 WHO'S, YOU KNOW, $80,000 IN DEBT. 504 00:17:25,137 --> 00:17:26,517 I'M JUST SAYING, YOU WENT TO FAMU. 505 00:17:26,517 --> 00:17:27,617 HOW DOES THAT EVEN HAPPEN? 506 00:17:27,619 --> 00:17:28,829 - [scoffs] 507 00:17:28,827 --> 00:17:30,547 THE SAME WAY YOUR BIG-ASS NIPPLES HAPPENED. 508 00:17:30,551 --> 00:17:33,551 ANYWAY, JASON, MY LIFE WAS PLANNED OUT TOO, OKAY? 509 00:17:33,551 --> 00:17:34,971 AT TEN YEARS OLD, 510 00:17:34,965 --> 00:17:36,335 I WAS GONNA BE ON STAR SEARCH. 511 00:17:36,344 --> 00:17:37,594 DIDN'T HAPPEN. 512 00:17:37,586 --> 00:17:39,856 15 YEARS OLD, I WAS GONNA WIN THE OLYMPICS. 513 00:17:39,862 --> 00:17:41,002 DIDN'T HAPPEN. 514 00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:42,790 21 YEARS OLD, I JUST KNEW 515 00:17:42,793 --> 00:17:44,143 I WAS GONNA BE THE QUEEN OF ZAMUNDA. 516 00:17:44,137 --> 00:17:46,407 - MAYBE THAT'S BECAUSE ZAMUNDA IS NOT A REAL PLACE. 517 00:17:46,413 --> 00:17:48,143 IT DOESN'T EXIST. THEY MADE IT UP FOR THE MOVIE. 518 00:17:48,137 --> 00:17:49,407 - BABY, THE POINT IS 519 00:17:49,413 --> 00:17:52,413 IS THAT LIFE DOES NOT ALWAYS HAPPEN AS PLANNED. 520 00:17:52,413 --> 00:17:53,903 BUT HAVING KIDS? 521 00:17:53,896 --> 00:17:56,616 THAT IS JUST ONE GOAL I'M JUST NOT WILLING TO BEND ON, 522 00:17:56,620 --> 00:17:57,660 PERIOD. 523 00:17:57,655 --> 00:17:59,855 - WELL, 524 00:17:59,862 --> 00:18:02,692 YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO. 525 00:18:02,689 --> 00:18:05,719 JUST LIKE I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO LOSE MY SASSY BLACK BARTENDER 526 00:18:05,724 --> 00:18:09,314 JUST 'CAUSE I'M AFRAID OF THE UNKNOWN. 527 00:18:09,310 --> 00:18:11,970 SO... [exhales] 528 00:18:11,965 --> 00:18:13,585 AS SCARY AS THE IDEA 529 00:18:13,586 --> 00:18:18,716 OF BRINGING ANOTHER DEMON SPAWN INTO THIS WORLD IS, 530 00:18:18,724 --> 00:18:21,284 IF THE ALTERNATIVE IS LOSING YOU, 531 00:18:21,275 --> 00:18:25,205 THEN I WILL RELUCTANTLY BLESS YOU WITH MY SEED. 532 00:18:25,206 --> 00:18:26,376 - BLESS ME? 533 00:18:26,379 --> 00:18:29,169 BABY, THAT-- [laughs] 534 00:18:29,172 --> 00:18:33,862 THAT IS THE SWEETEST THING YOU HAVE EVER SAID TO ME. 535 00:18:33,862 --> 00:18:34,832 I LOVE YOU. 536 00:18:34,827 --> 00:18:39,717 - [laughs] 537 00:18:39,724 --> 00:18:42,414 DO Y- NO, I DON'T WANT TO HAVE A BABY TODAY OR TOMORROW, OKAY? 538 00:18:42,413 --> 00:18:43,973 LET BRITTANY'S LITTLE ASS LEAVE FIRST. 539 00:18:43,965 --> 00:18:45,655 I DON'T WANT THAT HEIFER NOWHERE NEAR MY KIDS. 540 00:18:45,655 --> 00:18:48,165 - HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT? THAT'S A GOOD CALL. 541 00:18:48,172 --> 00:18:50,622 - NOW, BABY, MARK YOUR CALENDAR, 'CAUSE IN THREE YEARS, 542 00:18:50,620 --> 00:18:51,620 WE GONNA GET IT-- 543 00:18:51,620 --> 00:18:53,280 [snapping, singing falsetto] 544 00:18:53,275 --> 00:18:54,615 UNLESS SURVIVORCALLS. 545 00:18:54,620 --> 00:18:57,760 I CAN'T BE PREGNANT, EATING ALL THEM BUGS AND STUFF. 546 00:18:57,758 --> 00:18:58,968 - WHO ARE YOU? 547 00:18:58,965 --> 00:19:00,275 - CHARDONNAY. - [laughs] 548 00:19:00,275 --> 00:19:01,825 - CHARDONNAY PITTS! 549 00:19:01,827 --> 00:19:03,687 - OH, I LOVE YOU. 550 00:19:03,689 --> 00:19:06,689 - I LOVE YOU TOO. 551 00:19:06,739 --> 00:19:11,289 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 38747

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