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1
00:00:01,102 --> 00:00:03,302
Everybody, people,
it is kamikaze time again.
2
00:00:03,337 --> 00:00:06,237
(cheering)
3
00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:12,481
Ah, yes!
4
00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:14,823
All right,
I have had too much.
5
00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:16,718
Now who is going to be
my designated driver?
6
00:00:16,750 --> 00:00:18,550
I will take you home, Irv.
7
00:00:18,586 --> 00:00:20,586
Thank you, Traci.
8
00:00:22,423 --> 00:00:25,333
Hey, hey, Irv, Irv!
9
00:00:25,359 --> 00:00:26,189
Ain't this a mess?
10
00:00:26,227 --> 00:00:27,757
He's just gonna
stick us with the bill.
11
00:00:27,795 --> 00:00:30,295
You're not the only
one Irv's gonna stick.
12
00:00:30,331 --> 00:00:31,401
Traci?
Yeah.
13
00:00:31,432 --> 00:00:32,202
Oh, please, come on.
14
00:00:32,232 --> 00:00:33,772
Why would she want
to sleep with Irv?
15
00:00:33,801 --> 00:00:36,241
He's short, he's cheap,
and the biggest sin of all,
16
00:00:36,270 --> 00:00:39,270
he's probably got
the little wee-wee.
17
00:00:39,307 --> 00:00:40,507
How do you know
about that, Tasha?
18
00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:41,641
Oh, come on.
19
00:00:41,675 --> 00:00:43,835
We all know
white boys ain't packing.
20
00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:45,077
Yeah, she's right, she's right.
21
00:00:45,113 --> 00:00:46,253
They did a study on it.
22
00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:47,420
Okay, and Rick
would know.
23
00:00:47,448 --> 00:00:49,348
He got traded enough to take
a sampling of the shower rooms
24
00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:50,583
all around the world, right?
25
00:00:50,618 --> 00:00:51,788
I don't look.
26
00:00:51,819 --> 00:00:53,349
(clearing throat):
Liar.
27
00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:55,318
Okay, once.
28
00:00:55,356 --> 00:00:57,826
But with Shaq, you
kind of have to, right?
29
00:00:57,858 --> 00:00:59,458
What is it with all
these stereotypes?
30
00:00:59,493 --> 00:01:02,263
Why, are you packing?
You kidding? I'm Asian.
31
00:01:03,631 --> 00:01:05,231
I just don't believe
in stereotypes.
32
00:01:05,266 --> 00:01:07,336
Mm.
Now, scooch in so I can get this picture.
33
00:01:08,369 --> 00:01:10,269
Oh, wait, wait,
wait, hold on.
34
00:01:10,304 --> 00:01:11,274
What, what, what?
35
00:01:11,305 --> 00:01:13,205
On three.
Welfare.
36
00:01:13,241 --> 00:01:15,341
Ah... okay.
37
00:01:15,376 --> 00:01:16,376
Okay, that's a good one.
38
00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:17,510
That's a good one, though,
39
00:01:17,545 --> 00:01:19,305
'cause the only one who needs
some charity around here
40
00:01:19,347 --> 00:01:22,677
is you, Mr. President of the
Itty-Bitty Jimmy Committee.
41
00:01:22,716 --> 00:01:25,346
(both laughing)
42
00:01:25,386 --> 00:01:26,586
Mama, look, my jimmy
is so full-grown,
43
00:01:26,620 --> 00:01:29,120
his name is
James Jameson III.
44
00:01:29,157 --> 00:01:30,557
Okay, well, I don't
care if his name is
45
00:01:30,591 --> 00:01:33,361
James Jimmy J.J. Evans
J.J. Walker, all right?
46
00:01:33,394 --> 00:01:34,864
Unless you can prove it,
47
00:01:34,895 --> 00:01:37,225
I'm sticking with
the stereotype, okay?
48
00:01:37,265 --> 00:01:39,665
* The stereotype,
stereotype *
49
00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:44,440
* Stereotype, the stereotype,
the stereotype *
50
00:01:44,472 --> 00:01:46,312
* Poppin', poppin', poppin'...
51
00:01:46,340 --> 00:01:48,380
Stereotype that one, Mama.
52
00:01:48,409 --> 00:01:50,609
(clapping)
53
00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:54,583
Thank you.
54
00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:59,247
Let me drink to that.
55
00:02:11,532 --> 00:02:13,532
Damn you, kamikazes.
56
00:02:15,869 --> 00:02:18,869
Ooh, aspirin.
57
00:02:18,906 --> 00:02:20,366
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
58
00:02:20,408 --> 00:02:22,238
Well, should we...?
We all...
59
00:02:22,276 --> 00:02:24,176
We all got pretty wrecked
last night, huh?
60
00:02:24,212 --> 00:02:27,282
Yeah. Well, at least you
had a designated driver.
61
00:02:27,315 --> 00:02:28,775
How is James?
62
00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:34,861
Look, Tasha...
I want to apologize.
63
00:02:34,888 --> 00:02:37,928
As a fellow colleague, I would
never do anything intentionally
64
00:02:37,958 --> 00:02:39,058
to make you feel uncomfortable
65
00:02:39,092 --> 00:02:41,332
or... or to compromise
your position in this office.
66
00:02:41,362 --> 00:02:42,432
Look, Lev...
67
00:02:42,463 --> 00:02:44,373
I got a hangover and a 10:00.
68
00:02:44,398 --> 00:02:46,298
Don't worry, ain't nobody
trying to sue you.
69
00:02:46,334 --> 00:02:48,374
Thank God.
70
00:02:48,402 --> 00:02:49,702
Lev, I'm a grown woman.
71
00:02:49,737 --> 00:02:51,537
What, you think that's the
first penis I ever seen?
72
00:02:51,572 --> 00:02:53,242
No, and I'm sure
you've seen lots...
73
00:02:54,475 --> 00:02:55,605
...one or two.
74
00:02:57,578 --> 00:02:59,308
Look, I'm just...
I'm just trying really hard
75
00:02:59,347 --> 00:03:00,577
to fit in around here.
76
00:03:00,614 --> 00:03:01,824
I hear you, 'cause look,
77
00:03:01,849 --> 00:03:03,279
I'm trying to do
the same thing, all right?
78
00:03:03,317 --> 00:03:04,287
So why don't we just agree?
79
00:03:04,318 --> 00:03:07,258
What, from now on, I got
your back, you got mine?
80
00:03:07,288 --> 00:03:09,388
Yeah, hey, that sounds
like a deal.
81
00:03:09,423 --> 00:03:10,563
Nuh-uh.
82
00:03:10,591 --> 00:03:13,431
That's probably the blanket
you put James to bed with.
83
00:03:21,835 --> 00:03:24,235
Mel, I want my CD, man.
84
00:03:24,272 --> 00:03:25,912
Sabers, what up, what up?
85
00:03:25,939 --> 00:03:27,579
King Dong is definitely
in the building.
86
00:03:27,608 --> 00:03:28,578
Uh-oh!
Ha!
87
00:03:28,609 --> 00:03:29,579
What up, J?
88
00:03:29,610 --> 00:03:30,580
What up, sucka?
89
00:03:30,611 --> 00:03:31,581
You got it.
90
00:03:31,612 --> 00:03:33,252
Yo, yo, yo.
Malik.
91
00:03:33,281 --> 00:03:35,281
Ding Dong,
what's up, baby?
92
00:03:35,316 --> 00:03:36,446
What's up?
So...
93
00:03:36,484 --> 00:03:37,924
it's play-off time, baby.
94
00:03:37,951 --> 00:03:39,551
Which means it's ritual time.
95
00:03:39,587 --> 00:03:41,687
Which means, what are we
doing this year, bro?
96
00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:43,292
What you asking
me for, man?
97
00:03:43,324 --> 00:03:44,534
J usually handles that,
man. He's captain.
98
00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:46,028
No, no, no.
No time to be humble.
99
00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:47,359
You stepped it up
on the field,
100
00:03:47,395 --> 00:03:48,625
you need to step it up
with the ritual.
101
00:03:48,662 --> 00:03:50,332
You're the man now,
right? Right?
102
00:03:50,364 --> 00:03:52,734
I mean, yeah, but I didn't
think you guys noticed.
103
00:03:52,766 --> 00:03:53,726
Dude...
104
00:03:53,767 --> 00:03:54,537
Come on.
Everybody noticed.
105
00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,368
You be captain
on this one, okay?
106
00:03:56,404 --> 00:03:57,414
I got things to do anyway.
107
00:03:57,438 --> 00:04:01,508
I knight thee. Boom, boom,
boom-boom-boom-boom.
108
00:04:01,542 --> 00:04:02,582
So...
109
00:04:02,610 --> 00:04:06,450
what are we doing,
Sir Ding Dong?
110
00:04:08,849 --> 00:04:10,279
Okay, all right.
111
00:04:10,318 --> 00:04:11,818
Hey, yo, everybody
gather round!
112
00:04:11,852 --> 00:04:14,392
Gather round chop-chop.
113
00:04:14,422 --> 00:04:15,992
All right, take a knee.
114
00:04:16,023 --> 00:04:17,023
What?
115
00:04:17,057 --> 00:04:18,017
Oh.
Take a knee.
116
00:04:18,058 --> 00:04:20,388
For real, for real.
117
00:04:20,428 --> 00:04:22,358
(grunts)
118
00:04:22,396 --> 00:04:26,996
You all know the Ding Dong
is all about the fun fun.
119
00:04:27,034 --> 00:04:30,044
So here is
what we're gonna do.
120
00:04:30,070 --> 00:04:32,940
We're going to Six Flags,
ride every roller coaster
121
00:04:32,973 --> 00:04:35,443
for however long it takes,
then we'll get funnel cakes.
122
00:04:35,476 --> 00:04:36,876
MAN:
No, scratch that.
123
00:04:36,910 --> 00:04:38,780
Come on!
No, that's not gonna work, no, no.
124
00:04:38,812 --> 00:04:40,612
Hey, hey, hey, fellas,
fellas, fellas.
125
00:04:40,648 --> 00:04:42,318
Y'all, seriously,
126
00:04:42,350 --> 00:04:44,490
it's got to be something
that sticks with us, y'all.
127
00:04:44,518 --> 00:04:46,988
When was the last time
you had a funnel cake?
128
00:04:47,020 --> 00:04:48,590
Yo, yo, D.
129
00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:50,062
What?
130
00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:51,960
We're looking for something
that shows real commitment.
131
00:04:51,992 --> 00:04:55,832
Huh? Am I hearing
matching tattoos, y'all?
132
00:04:55,863 --> 00:04:57,633
Tattoos.
Matching tattoos!
133
00:04:57,665 --> 00:04:58,495
Whoa!
134
00:04:58,532 --> 00:05:01,032
Hold on, hold on,
hold on, hold on.
135
00:05:01,068 --> 00:05:03,038
Chester, Malik,
yo, tattoos hurt.
136
00:05:03,070 --> 00:05:04,640
Funnel cakes feel good.
137
00:05:04,672 --> 00:05:07,382
Well, are you...
are you scared?
138
00:05:07,408 --> 00:05:08,378
Please, J,
139
00:05:08,409 --> 00:05:09,509
ain't nobody scared, man.
140
00:05:09,543 --> 00:05:11,583
I'm just saying
it's not sanitary.
141
00:05:11,612 --> 00:05:13,582
I say tattoos, bro.
142
00:05:13,614 --> 00:05:15,424
ALL:
Tattoos!
143
00:05:15,449 --> 00:05:16,349
Tattoos!
(Malik hooting)
144
00:05:16,384 --> 00:05:18,454
Hey, oh, hey, n-n-no,
hold on, hold on.
145
00:05:18,486 --> 00:05:19,386
Hold on, man.
146
00:05:19,420 --> 00:05:21,460
Shaun, you don't even
like tattoos, man.
147
00:05:21,489 --> 00:05:23,389
Like, yo, can we, like,
vote on this or something?
148
00:05:23,424 --> 00:05:24,934
Have a caucus or something?
149
00:05:24,958 --> 00:05:25,928
I vote tattoos!
150
00:05:25,959 --> 00:05:28,699
ALL:
Tattoos!
151
00:05:28,729 --> 00:05:33,399
(chanting):
Tattoos, tattoos, tattoos, tattoos, tattoos, tattoos...
152
00:05:33,434 --> 00:05:36,444
You see, Kelly,
153
00:05:36,470 --> 00:05:37,540
being married
to a football player
154
00:05:37,571 --> 00:05:39,541
must have its ups and downs.
155
00:05:39,573 --> 00:05:40,413
Definitely, Dr. Parker.
156
00:05:40,441 --> 00:05:42,381
Sometimes I just feel
like I get lost...
157
00:05:42,410 --> 00:05:43,840
Yeah, sure, you know,
there's ups and downs,
158
00:05:43,877 --> 00:05:46,377
but I'd say mostly ups.
159
00:05:46,414 --> 00:05:48,784
I'd say we have a pretty
good life, wouldn't you, Kel?
160
00:05:48,816 --> 00:05:50,746
We do, Jason, but I think...
161
00:05:50,784 --> 00:05:51,824
But, yeah, but like
with any marriage,
162
00:05:51,852 --> 00:05:52,952
sometimes there's
stuff, you know,
163
00:05:52,986 --> 00:05:54,516
there's stuff you
got to deal with,
164
00:05:54,555 --> 00:05:56,455
which is why I'm here,
which shows how committed I am
165
00:05:56,490 --> 00:05:57,760
to this marriage
because I am, after all,
166
00:05:57,791 --> 00:05:59,031
in the middle of
the play-offs.
167
00:05:59,059 --> 00:06:01,399
So I'd say that shows
some, uh, commitment,
168
00:06:01,429 --> 00:06:02,859
wouldn't you, Kel?
169
00:06:02,896 --> 00:06:04,726
It does show commitment, Jason.
170
00:06:04,765 --> 00:06:06,395
I think it's clear that we...
Okay, so we're in agreement,
171
00:06:06,434 --> 00:06:08,074
and obviously we were
able to get to this point
172
00:06:08,101 --> 00:06:09,871
without Dr. Johnson.
No offense.
173
00:06:09,903 --> 00:06:11,543
Parker.
Whatever.
174
00:06:11,572 --> 00:06:12,672
Therefore,
175
00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:15,036
communication is
not our problem,
176
00:06:15,075 --> 00:06:17,505
and ergo, we can handle
this stuff ourselves,
177
00:06:17,545 --> 00:06:21,915
which means, I guess,
that, uh... we're done.
178
00:06:23,684 --> 00:06:25,094
Unless I'm missing something.
I don't know.
179
00:06:25,118 --> 00:06:27,048
Kel?
180
00:06:27,087 --> 00:06:28,117
Jason, what you said was true,
181
00:06:28,155 --> 00:06:29,415
but we have a lot of...
Okay.
182
00:06:29,457 --> 00:06:30,587
Then we are done.
183
00:06:30,624 --> 00:06:31,834
Doctor, thank you.
184
00:06:31,859 --> 00:06:35,429
This has been expensive
yet illuminating.
185
00:06:35,463 --> 00:06:36,463
You be good.
186
00:06:36,497 --> 00:06:37,497
Jason.
187
00:06:37,531 --> 00:06:38,501
Uh, Jason,
you know,
188
00:06:38,532 --> 00:06:41,572
we still have a little time left
on this session.
189
00:06:41,602 --> 00:06:44,542
Are you serious?
190
00:06:44,572 --> 00:06:45,872
Do you prorate?
191
00:06:47,708 --> 00:06:49,108
Afraid not.
192
00:06:50,143 --> 00:06:52,613
Kel...
193
00:06:52,646 --> 00:06:53,606
So...
194
00:06:53,647 --> 00:06:56,117
tell me, uh, what do you think
your chances are
195
00:06:56,149 --> 00:06:57,719
against Arizona?
196
00:06:57,751 --> 00:06:58,951
What?
197
00:06:58,986 --> 00:06:59,916
Um, I don't know.
198
00:06:59,953 --> 00:07:01,863
We won the last three games
of the season.
199
00:07:01,889 --> 00:07:03,789
I think if we can just
keep that momentum going...
200
00:07:03,824 --> 00:07:06,534
Yeah, and the last time you guys
played them, you crushed them.
201
00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:08,000
And what a game you had.
202
00:07:08,028 --> 00:07:09,228
Guilty.
203
00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:11,132
Yeah.
KELLY: Dr. Parker,
204
00:07:11,164 --> 00:07:13,134
I'm not really sure what
this has to do with our therapy.
205
00:07:13,166 --> 00:07:14,096
Only everything.
206
00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:15,644
Finally, a therapist
who does his homework.
207
00:07:15,669 --> 00:07:16,669
I like you, dude.
208
00:07:16,704 --> 00:07:18,174
Kelly, I like him.
Let's keep him.
209
00:07:19,540 --> 00:07:20,370
I've had Sabers season tickets
210
00:07:20,407 --> 00:07:22,537
since your rookie year.
Get out of here.
211
00:07:22,576 --> 00:07:23,536
Excuse me.
I have. Look at you.
212
00:07:23,577 --> 00:07:25,677
Again, I don't know what
this has to do with...
213
00:07:25,713 --> 00:07:28,083
So wait a sec, you were there
in '03 when we played Philly?
214
00:07:28,115 --> 00:07:29,575
Oh, during the rain.
215
00:07:29,617 --> 00:07:30,577
Oh!
216
00:07:30,618 --> 00:07:32,248
Four seconds left,
217
00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:33,245
broken hand.
218
00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:34,516
You run an
eight yard in.
219
00:07:34,555 --> 00:07:37,115
87 yards later, you score.
220
00:07:37,157 --> 00:07:38,157
Amazing.
221
00:07:38,191 --> 00:07:39,891
I know, right?
222
00:07:39,927 --> 00:07:42,227
I had chapped lips
that night, too.
223
00:07:43,631 --> 00:07:44,461
No.
224
00:07:44,498 --> 00:07:46,568
A lot of people
don't even know that.
225
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:47,800
That's remarkable.
226
00:07:47,835 --> 00:07:50,535
That's why I just made
a remark about it.
227
00:07:53,874 --> 00:07:55,644
He did what?
228
00:07:55,676 --> 00:07:57,576
Girl, he came by, said
he was sorry, okay?
229
00:07:57,611 --> 00:07:58,681
Let it go.
230
00:07:58,712 --> 00:07:59,982
I will not.
231
00:08:00,013 --> 00:08:02,023
Tasha, how could you
let this happen?
232
00:08:02,049 --> 00:08:04,589
You are the strongest
black woman I know
233
00:08:04,618 --> 00:08:06,848
other than Harriet Tubman.
234
00:08:06,887 --> 00:08:08,587
Look, when you're working
with men, you got to know
235
00:08:08,622 --> 00:08:09,792
they're gonna be
trifling, okay,
236
00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:12,193
so you can't just kick up dust
about every little thing,
237
00:08:12,225 --> 00:08:14,695
'cause if you do,
you're gonna get dusty.
238
00:08:14,728 --> 00:08:17,528
So, either you're dusty
or disrespected?
239
00:08:17,565 --> 00:08:20,595
Kelly, Lev and I are
cool, all right?
240
00:08:20,634 --> 00:08:21,474
Now, go grab me a doughnut,
241
00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:23,071
pop it in the
microwave ten seconds,
242
00:08:23,103 --> 00:08:24,613
and make it all warm.
243
00:08:24,638 --> 00:08:27,168
Ugh, you're turning
into one of them.
244
00:08:27,207 --> 00:08:29,577
One of who?
A man.
245
00:08:29,610 --> 00:08:32,250
Ordering me around, telling me
to get some stupid donut
246
00:08:32,279 --> 00:08:33,949
when you really
don't need one.
247
00:08:33,981 --> 00:08:36,081
Tasha, you're forgetting.
248
00:08:36,116 --> 00:08:37,846
You're a woman.
249
00:08:37,885 --> 00:08:39,785
We're an oppressed people.
250
00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:42,620
Why? Because we let men
steamroll us.
251
00:08:42,655 --> 00:08:44,825
They don't respect us,
they don't listen to us,
252
00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:45,988
they don't value us.
253
00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:48,556
They're just so damn
obsessed with football!
254
00:08:48,596 --> 00:08:49,656
What?
255
00:08:49,697 --> 00:08:52,097
You were socially raped, Tasha.
256
00:08:52,132 --> 00:08:54,642
I was?
257
00:08:54,668 --> 00:08:57,608
Yes. When he wielded
his penis like a weapon,
258
00:08:57,638 --> 00:08:58,838
and he was just
trying to say,
259
00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:01,642
"Little insignificant woman,
you don't matter.
260
00:09:01,675 --> 00:09:04,905
So just shut up,
shut up, shut up!"
261
00:09:04,945 --> 00:09:08,345
I don't think therapy
is working for you.
262
00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:09,751
Okay, now,
263
00:09:09,783 --> 00:09:10,753
go grab my donuts.
264
00:09:10,784 --> 00:09:11,754
Scoot, scoot.
265
00:09:11,785 --> 00:09:14,345
Fine, but don't come
crying to me
266
00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:16,717
when he waves some other
body part in your face.
267
00:09:17,791 --> 00:09:18,961
Oh!
268
00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:28,066
(laughs)
269
00:09:32,305 --> 00:09:36,335
ALL (chanting):
Ding Dong, Ding Dong, Ding Dong, Ding Dong,
270
00:09:36,376 --> 00:09:38,746
Ding Dong, Ding Dong,
271
00:09:38,779 --> 00:09:43,719
Ding Dong, Ding Dong,
Ding Dong, Ding Dong...
272
00:09:43,751 --> 00:09:45,751
All right, Dong.
273
00:09:45,786 --> 00:09:47,086
It's official.
274
00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:48,820
You love Coach Ross.
275
00:09:48,856 --> 00:09:50,656
(laughter)
276
00:09:50,691 --> 00:09:52,831
I wouldn't get locked up
with that, though, homie.
277
00:09:52,860 --> 00:09:54,960
That's a good one.
278
00:09:54,995 --> 00:09:56,755
I did it.
279
00:09:56,797 --> 00:09:58,627
I did it, y'all.
280
00:09:58,666 --> 00:10:00,126
Yes, you did.
281
00:10:00,167 --> 00:10:02,767
I did it!
I mean, we did it.
282
00:10:03,971 --> 00:10:05,311
Jam Master J, what do you think?
283
00:10:05,338 --> 00:10:06,908
How does it look?
284
00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:08,180
Permanent.
285
00:10:08,208 --> 00:10:10,108
(laughter)
286
00:10:10,143 --> 00:10:14,683
You guys, I'm... I'm really glad
I went through with this.
287
00:10:14,715 --> 00:10:15,945
Now I feel like we're one.
288
00:10:15,983 --> 00:10:18,793
Yeah, kind of.
289
00:10:18,819 --> 00:10:20,119
(laughter)
290
00:10:20,153 --> 00:10:21,323
Wait, what's so funny?
291
00:10:21,354 --> 00:10:23,124
Ding Dong,
you ever do something,
292
00:10:23,156 --> 00:10:26,756
and it comes out way better
than you ever expected?
293
00:10:26,794 --> 00:10:27,834
(loud laughter)
294
00:10:27,861 --> 00:10:31,131
J, it looks that good?
295
00:10:31,164 --> 00:10:34,774
No, not as good as mine.
296
00:10:34,802 --> 00:10:35,972
ALL:
Oh!
297
00:10:36,003 --> 00:10:38,673
Where'd it go,
where'd it go?
298
00:10:38,706 --> 00:10:40,806
Where did it go?
299
00:10:41,809 --> 00:10:45,179
I can't breathe.
I can't breathe.
300
00:10:45,212 --> 00:10:47,082
Oh, my gosh!
301
00:10:47,114 --> 00:10:49,824
(laughing)
302
00:10:49,850 --> 00:10:53,420
Oh, I feel awful.
303
00:10:53,453 --> 00:10:54,423
No, I don't!
304
00:10:54,454 --> 00:10:57,064
(all shouting and laughing)
305
00:10:58,425 --> 00:11:00,385
It's just, man, you've
been feeling yourself
306
00:11:00,427 --> 00:11:02,397
so much lately,
we had to get you, dude.
307
00:11:02,429 --> 00:11:03,729
This wasn't no "get."
308
00:11:03,764 --> 00:11:06,774
This is awful.
(all laugh)
309
00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:08,100
You guys think this is funny?!
310
00:11:08,135 --> 00:11:09,835
Huh?
311
00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:11,810
Hold on, hold on. Step back
into the light a little bit.
312
00:11:11,839 --> 00:11:12,839
Say that line
one more time.
313
00:11:12,873 --> 00:11:14,243
Okay.
314
00:11:14,274 --> 00:11:17,814
You guys don't understand
what I've just done.
315
00:11:17,845 --> 00:11:18,805
Yes, we do.
316
00:11:18,846 --> 00:11:20,276
You got a tattoo
on your ass.
317
00:11:20,313 --> 00:11:21,283
(all laughing)
318
00:11:21,314 --> 00:11:24,894
No, J, I desecrated my body!
319
00:11:24,918 --> 00:11:26,488
I went against my religion
320
00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:29,819
and I went against
my grandmother.
321
00:11:29,857 --> 00:11:32,327
But this? This was supposed
to be for the team!
322
00:11:35,162 --> 00:11:38,732
So I called her,
and she still told me,
323
00:11:38,766 --> 00:11:41,396
"Derwin, don't let
the Devil tempt you."
324
00:11:41,434 --> 00:11:42,844
And I told her, I said,
325
00:11:42,870 --> 00:11:47,210
"Grams, these guys
aren't the Devil.
326
00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:49,080
"These guys are
like my brothers.
327
00:11:49,109 --> 00:11:51,409
They would never do anything
to hurt me."
328
00:11:54,815 --> 00:11:57,145
But all y'all,
all y'all some bitches!
329
00:12:05,859 --> 00:12:07,859
Please tell me you got
the speech, too.
330
00:12:07,895 --> 00:12:09,825
(all laugh)
331
00:12:10,831 --> 00:12:12,271
All right, hello, San Diego.
332
00:12:12,299 --> 00:12:13,429
ALL:
Hey!
333
00:12:13,466 --> 00:12:14,966
It's my favorite
satellite office,
334
00:12:15,002 --> 00:12:16,402
or at least until
they finish rebuilding
335
00:12:16,436 --> 00:12:17,496
my New Orleans office.
336
00:12:17,537 --> 00:12:18,507
It's been three years.
337
00:12:18,538 --> 00:12:20,838
I just want-- damn FEMA.
338
00:12:20,874 --> 00:12:22,284
All right, moving on.
339
00:12:22,309 --> 00:12:23,379
People, here we go.
340
00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:24,240
Question of the day:
341
00:12:24,277 --> 00:12:27,207
What do we do
when Jason Kidd calls
342
00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:29,777
and demands to do Broadway
in the off-season?
343
00:12:29,817 --> 00:12:31,047
Let's go.
Impress me.
344
00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:32,094
Tell him everyone thinks
he's gay,
345
00:12:32,119 --> 00:12:33,249
and he'll lose his endorsements.
346
00:12:33,286 --> 00:12:34,286
Fear tactics. I'm mulling.
347
00:12:34,321 --> 00:12:35,321
All right, keep them coming.
348
00:12:35,355 --> 00:12:36,955
Tell him Broadway's closed.
349
00:12:36,990 --> 00:12:39,460
Tell him it involves reading.
350
00:12:39,492 --> 00:12:41,132
Here's a nutty idea.
351
00:12:41,161 --> 00:12:42,801
Get him
in some acting classes,
352
00:12:42,830 --> 00:12:43,930
find a small ensemble role.
353
00:12:43,964 --> 00:12:45,174
Okay, look, we can't have
every client
354
00:12:45,198 --> 00:12:46,428
living out their dream here.
It'll be bedlam.
355
00:12:46,466 --> 00:12:47,966
Well, if he does it
in the off-season,
356
00:12:48,001 --> 00:12:49,241
it could only enhance his brand.
357
00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:51,499
Look, Tasha, name me
one stellar athlete/actor.
358
00:12:51,538 --> 00:12:52,938
Just one.
359
00:12:55,008 --> 00:12:56,438
Um...
360
00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:02,522
Come on, guys.
I'm sitting right here.
361
00:13:02,549 --> 00:13:03,949
(laughter)
362
00:13:03,984 --> 00:13:05,024
See? That's why
we love you.
363
00:13:05,052 --> 00:13:06,022
TASHA (laughing):
Rick.
364
00:13:06,053 --> 00:13:07,253
Look, look,
I-I just think
365
00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:09,217
we need to jump
into the diversification game,
366
00:13:09,256 --> 00:13:11,086
'cause if not, we're gonna start
losing our clients
367
00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:12,834
to the CAAs,
the ICMs, and every...
368
00:13:12,860 --> 00:13:14,330
Tasha, Tasha, shh-shh-shh.
369
00:13:14,361 --> 00:13:16,831
Okay, look, no, there's not
gonna be any Broadway for Jason.
370
00:13:16,864 --> 00:13:18,304
Case closed. Let it go.
371
00:13:18,331 --> 00:13:21,901
Wait, so now your balls
are in my face?
372
00:13:21,935 --> 00:13:23,365
What?
373
00:13:23,403 --> 00:13:26,943
You're socially raping me,
just like you did at Mercy.
374
00:13:28,041 --> 00:13:29,981
I'm sorry. Was there a raping?
No.
375
00:13:30,010 --> 00:13:31,910
The other night after you left,
he whipped out his penis!
376
00:13:31,945 --> 00:13:33,875
Wait, wait, wait, no.
I apologized, and she accepted.
377
00:13:33,914 --> 00:13:34,854
You get it in writing?
378
00:13:34,882 --> 00:13:35,952
Did I get it...?
Well, did you?
379
00:13:35,983 --> 00:13:37,423
I didn't think
I needed to... I didn't sign anything.
380
00:13:37,450 --> 00:13:38,520
Lev, is this true?
381
00:13:38,551 --> 00:13:40,321
Irv, I told you about it
in your office. Whoa, whoa!
382
00:13:40,353 --> 00:13:41,393
Liar!
383
00:13:42,956 --> 00:13:46,426
Now I, Irv Smith, do not
recollect any conversation
384
00:13:46,459 --> 00:13:47,329
pertaining
to an inappropriate incident
385
00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:49,430
prior to Ms. Mack leveling
the accusation.
386
00:13:52,900 --> 00:13:55,300
You're fired. Get out.
387
00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:56,595
Irv, look...
388
00:13:56,636 --> 00:13:58,406
No, no, you sicken me.
389
00:14:14,621 --> 00:14:16,621
Tell my sister I said hi.
390
00:14:21,061 --> 00:14:22,361
You're seriously firing him?
391
00:14:22,395 --> 00:14:23,655
Of course I am, Tasha.
392
00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:24,966
The guy's a social rapist.
393
00:14:26,566 --> 00:14:28,366
Can I get his office?
394
00:14:28,401 --> 00:14:30,171
Foxy, too soon!
395
00:14:34,241 --> 00:14:36,411
All right,
so where were we, huh?
396
00:14:40,981 --> 00:14:43,081
Oh, hell, the mood's ruined.
397
00:14:43,116 --> 00:14:44,076
Pinkberry?
398
00:14:44,117 --> 00:14:45,687
Oh, yeah!
Here we go.
399
00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:47,018
Foxy's buying.
400
00:15:06,673 --> 00:15:08,183
Yo, D.
401
00:15:12,012 --> 00:15:13,152
Yo, man.
402
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:22,220
You were right, D.
403
00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:24,015
Man, we all a bunch
of bitches.
404
00:15:24,057 --> 00:15:26,987
You tell your grams
we said sorry.
405
00:15:32,232 --> 00:15:34,402
That's what's up.
406
00:15:35,602 --> 00:15:37,442
That's what's up.
407
00:15:37,470 --> 00:15:39,070
Let's go, y'all.
408
00:15:41,041 --> 00:15:43,141
So then after I won
Rookie of the Year,
409
00:15:43,176 --> 00:15:45,246
I landed a
three-episode arc on Buffy.
410
00:15:45,278 --> 00:15:47,178
I played myself.
I don't know if you maybe...
411
00:15:47,214 --> 00:15:47,884
Yeah, yeah.
412
00:15:47,914 --> 00:15:49,154
You saw that one?
Yeah, yeah.
413
00:15:49,182 --> 00:15:50,252
I was good, right?
Yeah.
414
00:15:51,751 --> 00:15:55,361
Geez, what memories you have.
415
00:15:55,388 --> 00:15:57,158
Yeah, yeah.
416
00:15:58,758 --> 00:16:00,488
Uh, Kelly, you seem
awfully quiet.
417
00:16:00,527 --> 00:16:02,727
Yeah, you know, she's already
heard all of this stuff,
418
00:16:02,762 --> 00:16:04,432
so, um... Oh, on the flight...
Jason,
419
00:16:04,464 --> 00:16:07,104
I married you for your money.
420
00:16:07,134 --> 00:16:08,304
That's good, Kel.
Anyway, Doc,
421
00:16:08,335 --> 00:16:09,765
on the flight
to the Pro Bowl,
422
00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:11,402
guess who I'm sitting next to?
Matt LeBlanc.
423
00:16:11,438 --> 00:16:12,408
You're not listening.
424
00:16:12,439 --> 00:16:15,739
I married you for your money.
425
00:16:15,775 --> 00:16:17,105
Yeah, we heard you
the first time, Kel.
426
00:16:17,144 --> 00:16:18,654
Still not funny.
See how no one's laughing?
427
00:16:18,678 --> 00:16:21,248
Because it's not a joke.
428
00:16:21,281 --> 00:16:23,051
I married you for your money.
429
00:16:23,083 --> 00:16:24,753
And all these years,
430
00:16:24,784 --> 00:16:28,324
I have put up with your crap
out of guilt.
431
00:16:32,259 --> 00:16:34,089
Did you hear that, Jason?
432
00:16:36,129 --> 00:16:38,199
How does that make you feel?
433
00:16:43,070 --> 00:16:45,110
You serious?
434
00:16:45,138 --> 00:16:46,668
Jason...
435
00:16:46,706 --> 00:16:49,476
Baby,
that was then.
436
00:16:50,410 --> 00:16:53,180
Baby, you know
that I love you now.
437
00:16:53,213 --> 00:16:54,213
Jason, please?
438
00:16:54,247 --> 00:16:55,747
It's all right.
Jason!
439
00:16:55,782 --> 00:16:57,422
It's all right.
Let him go.
440
00:16:57,450 --> 00:16:59,120
(door slams)
441
00:16:59,152 --> 00:17:00,192
Oh, God.
442
00:17:02,122 --> 00:17:04,562
What did I do?
443
00:17:06,858 --> 00:17:08,428
You spoke your truth.
444
00:17:10,230 --> 00:17:13,200
Three months earlier
than I'd anticipated,
445
00:17:13,233 --> 00:17:15,733
but hey, spilt milk!
446
00:17:35,188 --> 00:17:37,388
Hold up. Hold up.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
447
00:17:37,424 --> 00:17:41,264
Actually, I forgot
my, um... thing.
448
00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:46,367
Yeah, me, too.
449
00:17:54,207 --> 00:17:56,137
Irv, we need to talk.
450
00:17:56,176 --> 00:17:58,176
Foxy, work
on your penmanship.
451
00:17:59,346 --> 00:18:01,206
Tash, again,
so much talking!
452
00:18:01,248 --> 00:18:03,148
It's like we're dating.
I can't close the deal,
453
00:18:03,183 --> 00:18:05,193
but you're so damn hot,
I keep trying!
454
00:18:05,218 --> 00:18:07,348
Oh, my God,
did I just offend you?
455
00:18:07,387 --> 00:18:08,387
Please don't sue me.
456
00:18:08,421 --> 00:18:10,121
I just bought
a small jet engine.
457
00:18:10,157 --> 00:18:11,117
Or maybe I didn't.
458
00:18:11,158 --> 00:18:14,128
Irv, look, you got to
give Lev his job back.
459
00:18:14,161 --> 00:18:16,661
No, okay? No.
No, okay?
460
00:18:16,696 --> 00:18:17,826
Listen, listen to me.
461
00:18:17,864 --> 00:18:20,234
Now, no one makes fun
of little Tasha, okay?
462
00:18:20,267 --> 00:18:21,097
Not on my watch.
463
00:18:21,134 --> 00:18:23,304
Okay, but look, ever
since you fired Lev,
464
00:18:23,336 --> 00:18:24,396
people are treating
me different.
465
00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:25,907
They're talking
behind my back.
466
00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:27,238
They're looking
at me cross-eyed.
467
00:18:27,274 --> 00:18:28,514
You know what, then?
Then they're history.
468
00:18:28,541 --> 00:18:29,311
Irv, wait a minute!
469
00:18:29,342 --> 00:18:31,382
No, Tasha, I want
to know who it is.
470
00:18:31,411 --> 00:18:33,281
Let's nip this thing
in the bud right now.
471
00:18:33,313 --> 00:18:35,223
Irv, wait a minute.
472
00:18:35,248 --> 00:18:36,018
All right, listen up.
473
00:18:36,048 --> 00:18:38,188
Listen up, everybody,
listen up!
474
00:18:38,218 --> 00:18:41,748
Now, no one talks behind
Tasha Mack's back
475
00:18:41,788 --> 00:18:43,318
and gets away with it, okay?
476
00:18:43,356 --> 00:18:45,426
So, uh... oh, here we go.
You two.
477
00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:47,588
You two look like some
social rapists in training.
478
00:18:47,627 --> 00:18:48,897
Let's go.
Pack your stuff.
479
00:18:48,928 --> 00:18:50,728
Irv, look, I don't want
anybody else fired.
480
00:18:50,763 --> 00:18:52,703
Look, look, y'all.
481
00:18:52,732 --> 00:18:54,232
There seems to be
some confusion
482
00:18:54,267 --> 00:18:55,167
going on around here.
483
00:18:55,202 --> 00:18:57,172
And I just want to set
the record straight.
484
00:18:57,204 --> 00:18:59,744
Tasha Mack don't give
a damn about what's between your legs
485
00:18:59,772 --> 00:19:01,272
or who's between them.
486
00:19:01,308 --> 00:19:03,608
In other words,
I did not come here
487
00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:05,783
to try and stop y'all
from being men.
488
00:19:05,812 --> 00:19:07,882
Shoot, I love men.
489
00:19:07,914 --> 00:19:10,184
My daddy was a man...
490
00:19:10,217 --> 00:19:11,947
far as I know.
491
00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:14,194
Okay, so stop
tiptoeing around me.
492
00:19:14,221 --> 00:19:16,191
Now, if I'm willing
to let y'all do you,
493
00:19:16,223 --> 00:19:17,863
y'all got to show me
the same respect
494
00:19:17,890 --> 00:19:19,690
and let me do me.
495
00:19:19,726 --> 00:19:21,626
Which includes
listening to me,
496
00:19:21,661 --> 00:19:24,361
taking my opinion
seriously,
497
00:19:24,397 --> 00:19:26,527
allowing me to
finish my sentences
498
00:19:26,566 --> 00:19:28,766
and stop using
all my Bac-Os.
499
00:19:28,801 --> 00:19:31,571
I mean, if you want
a couple of sprinkles, you know, that's fine,
500
00:19:31,604 --> 00:19:33,274
but you can't use
the whole thing up.
501
00:19:33,306 --> 00:19:35,376
I mean, that
ain't right.
502
00:19:35,408 --> 00:19:38,378
I didn't even know
what Bac-Os were before I got here.
503
00:19:38,411 --> 00:19:40,481
But I am here.
504
00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:46,653
And here at ISM, we are
not just men or women.
505
00:19:46,686 --> 00:19:51,356
We are all equals.
506
00:19:51,391 --> 00:19:52,391
That is all.
507
00:19:55,962 --> 00:19:58,972
(slow, deliberate clapping)
508
00:20:03,970 --> 00:20:04,970
Mm...
509
00:20:09,309 --> 00:20:10,939
Irv...
510
00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:15,480
This is taking affirmative
action too far.
511
00:20:15,515 --> 00:20:18,315
John, relax, okay?
512
00:20:18,351 --> 00:20:21,351
Six months,
she signs Malik, then we dump her, right?
513
00:20:21,388 --> 00:20:23,018
So call Lev,
tell him he's back.
514
00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:24,455
And tell him I love him.
515
00:20:24,491 --> 00:20:26,231
What?
Huh?
516
00:20:26,281 --> 00:20:30,831
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