All language subtitles for Archer s12e05 Shots.eng

Burning down a warehouse?

Sinking a super yacht?

Crashing a school bus
through another school bus?

Oh, X marks the tragedy.

Uh, empty school buses,
for the record.

But wow, very full of gas.

I think the phrase
you're all looking for

is "mission accomplished."

The phrase I'm looking for

would fill my swear jar
to the fucking brim.

-Damn it.

And why do you insist
on shooting every vat you see?

Because shooting vats
is spycraft 101.

Also, I didn't know
the vat would explode.

I was banking
on some sort of acid.

I didn't know
boats could burn.

Aren't they,
like, super wet?

On the bright side,
destroying the lab

means it'll no longer
pollute the harbor

and kill
endangered harbor seals.

See, Mother, the explosion
was good for seals.

Maybe the seals
understand the concept

of collateral damage
that I have to pay for!

Seems abstract
for a pinniped.

Look, the important thing
is that we got the microchips,

which means that...

W-wait, you don't know
what the microchips were for?

I don't keep track
of every microchip we recover!

And missile guidance.

-She guessed.
-Okay, fine.

-What were they for?
-Why would I know?

I assumed chemical weapons.

I got more
of a spy satellite vibe.

Hmm, I got more
of a "you got beat up

by a mob boss's preteen son"
vibe.

I couldn't punch
a ten-year-old!

Or block his punches.

Jesus, are all debriefs
this negative?

I mean...yes?

Oh, yeah.

Come on, you're heroes.

You took down a secret lab.

Uh, yeah,
there's always a secret lab.

And they're never
very secret.

I'd never been there before,

and I knew where the bathroom
would be.

Take your ennui
outside and...

do whatever you do with it.

Are we boring now?

I mean, Cyril always was.

Fair.

And Lana got boring
once she got married.

Excuse me?

Aw, and her hearing
is starting to go.

Boring?
You're spies.

You're just overworked.

Hey, when was the last time
you all went out for drinks?

Uh, I'm guessing

drinking alone outside
doesn't count.

Think she means as a group.

And it has been a while.

Huh, you know, that might be
a nice change of pace.

That's a great idea.

There's this new bar called
I Don't Want to Go Home.

It's right next to
My Marriage was a Mistake

and down the street
from Fun Cool Single Life,

but that place closed down.

Probably because
of the bad name.

Come to think of it,

we haven't gone out
since Archer was--

On sabbatical,

because that's
what it's called.

My nephew is in
a medically induced sabbatical.

I got plans later,

but I'm down to rage
before my rage.

Great!
First round's on me.

Hold that thought!

No.

Aww.

Next stop:

-memories we can't remember!

Spies! Spies! Spies!
Spies! Spies! Spies! Spies!

Oh, God, who are we?

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Ugh, maybe this work hang
would be better if we--

Split up? Absolutely.

-I'll be at the bar.
Darts.

Women.
I got alley.

Sort of defeats the purpose
of a work hang--

and they're gone.

I'm still here.

Uh-huh.

Stop doing that.

I'm just trying
to feel something.

This group/night is so lame.

We should get
matching tattoos!

In matching places!

Mm, I've done worse for less.

If you really want
to liven things up,

we should all take my new
experimental psychedelic.

-What does it do?
-Not sure yet.

But the rats seemed to like it
before they died.

No?
Your loss.

There he is.

Cyril!

Hey, come meet my friends.

Oh, my God, your eye.

Oh, this?

Yeah, that.
That's from--

It's from a little boy
punching me

while I tried to tie him up.

-What the hell was that?
-What?

You can't just say
the humiliating thing.

You're supposed
to change the subject.

Then I don't let you.

Then you try to explain
but it doesn't work.

It's no fun if you just admit
you're a loser right away.

What can I say?

Maybe I am a loser.

Yeah, you are...

a loser.

Damn it, I feel nothing.

Maybe feel
a little compassion

for the man you destroyed?

Charles Van Doren?

He betrayed America's trust
in quiz shows, Pam.

I mean Cyril.

You broke him, dude.

How is Cyril being lame
my fault?

Because he was happy
and good at his job

and insanely ripped,

and then you woke up
and started insulting him.

And now...

- Guys.
-Come on, man.

Guys, I already agreed
to buy you drinks!

-Buy us a drink.
-Shoving me solves nothing.

So yeah, pretty explicitly
your fault.

Oh, my--
That's hilarious.

Oh, my God.
Did you see that?

He just walked away from me.

Whoa, take it easy,
married lady.

Ugh, you sound
like my husband...

who I love

and will text to join us
right this minute.

Lana, I was kidding.

Is this about Archer
calling you boring?

No, it's just,
what if he's right?

Sandra,
a man walked away from me.

That has literally
never happened before!

Hey, can I get
a couple light beers?

You can, but you won't.

Hey!
Not cool, Pam.

Put it on her tab.

This rager's on fumes,
and we gotta refill the tank--

the booze tank.

Ugh, mescal and Schuetzie?

Do those even go together?

Time to find out!
Prost, chicas!

Cheryl, I'm gonna
say something

and you're probably
gonna laugh.

Don't tell me
what to do!

But fun.

Pam thinks I ruined Cyril

when I woke up.

Why aren't you laughing?

-Mm...
-Wait.

Do you think
I ruined Cyril too?

Um...

-Cheryl!
-No?

-Good.
-Not just Cyril.

-Wh-what?
-Cyril was first.

But when he got bad
at missions,

it put pressure on Lana,

which led
to her marital problems,

which made Pam gossipy,

which made me
start stealing again.

These aren't my shoes.

Well, excuse me
for waking up from a coma!

Are we not saying
sabbatical anymore?

Yeah, I ain't said nothing.

I didn't run away.

The guy with the cane
gassed me.

Yeah, yeah,
with magical cane gas.

Do you know how stupid
you sound?

Can we go
to the hospital now?

No!
We wait for them to leave

and see how they like
to be ambushed.

I don't think they'd take
the microchips to a shitty bar.

This is about
self-respect, man.

The boss can get
new microchips for...

whatever they were for.

Pretty sure
it's super soldiers.

Robert, good.

Question: has me being
out of a coma made Lana

A, better,

B, slightly better,

or C, basically the same?

I guess she's been
more distant.

Not one of the options,
Robert!

What are you even doing here?

Lana invited me
to join you.

Yeah, she seems
super invested in that invite.

I love your hands.

Wow, she is really...

They're almost as big
as mine.

I mean the same size as mine.

We're hand twins.

Ugh, out of practice.

Hey, was Lana aggressively
flirting with other men

before I woke up
from my coma?

No, that's pretty new.

Damn it.
Also, sorry.

I wouldn't read into that.

Oh, my G--

-Or that.
-You know what?

I trust her.

Make sure everyone
has a good time.

I'll text Lana
I couldn't make it.

Wait, one more question:

did you also lie to her
while I was in a coma?

-Robert?

-Pam, you were right.
-Usually am.

I broke Cyril,

and broken Cyril
broke the group.

Yeah,
it's a real butterfly effect.

And the hurricane
is everyone sucking.

I know what I have to do,

but I don't know
if I have the strength.

You mean...

Yes. I have to fix Cyril.

You're gonna need this.

Yoink!
I'll handle the others.

Bartender, the biggest bottle
on your highest shelf!

Whoa, Cyril,
leaving so soon?

Ugh, might as well.

All the women here
think I'm a child kidnapper.

Creep.
-Failed child kidnapper.

Well, there's plenty
of fish in the sea

who don't think
you're a pervert.

-How about a drink?
-Mescal?

You know they cut down
an acre of rain forest

for every bottle of this.

I'll cut you down.

Wait, no,
actually, the opposite.

I, uh, actually
would love to hang out.

With me?

Why? I'm so lame.

No, you're not!
-Ow.

Sorry, I thought
you'd at least

try to block that.

Anyway, it's time
we caught up.

Take me to one of those
famous Cyril hot spots.

Is this a trick?

Cyril, I am genuinely
trying to reach out.

Jesus, did you, like,
totally drop workouts?

Seriously?

Yes.

At least I didn't just
lie on the floor crying!

I got shot, okay?

Yeah, and now
you won't shut up about it.

-Hi, Sara? Yeah.

Hey, yeah, could you stay
with the kids another hour?

Sure, um, go ahead,

yeah, order pizza.

Oh, oh, hey, Sara, there's
a coupon on the fridge in the--

Hello! S--oh, shit.

She ain't gonna see
that coupon.

Man, tonight
crashed and burned

like a school bus
into a school bus.

But I finally got a number.

Aaaaand it's just a receipt.

Are we splitting that,
by the way?

'Cause I think it was all
on my card.

God damn it,
did you people

totally forget how to party?

If you're looking
to party--

Krieger, you've already
taken, like, seven of those.

Really? Ooh, I might
be going away for a while.

It's like Archer
coming out of a coma

put all of you in one.

But I have the cure.

It's time for a Pampage!

It's a play on words:
"Pam" and "rampage."

I got that.

It's technically
a portmanteau,

like "brunch"
or "spork."

Or "murdercide."

It's a word.
I was almost part of one.

Look, I've got plans tonight

that I never let
work friends in on,

but this is an emergency,

so you're all invited
to come melt your tits off.

That seems...extreme.

-Agreed. I am in.
-I could melt.

My fingers are whispering!

Krieger's in.

So do you know
what it's time for?

A Pampage?

Oh, shit,
I already said that part.

But yes.

So do you always

have these T-shirts
in your car?

Pampage!

What happened to me?

I used to be great at flirting.

-Eh.
-Eh?

Krieger, male perspective?

Shh, I'm invisible.

This isn't
what I had in mind

when I said
we should go out.

Or is it?

Sorry, I thought
we were closer to the corner.

Or is it?

Great,
a scary warehouse party.

Great, right?

By day, it makes socks,
and by night, it rocks.

But the sock machine is
still running, so be careful.

I think I might need
a new bandage.

I think you need
to shut the hell up.

We could jump 'em now.

-It is a smaller group.
-No.

-I live just around the corner.
-So?

So how about
we go kill someone

on the corner
where your kids ride bikes?

Yeah, that's what I thought.

Ugh.

We're gonna be here
all night.

Ugh, I'm with an old

who cares about
being up all night.

Yo, Pamageddon!

Sploosh! My man!

Is that where that
comes from?

These sacrifices
for the ring?

Oh, hell yes!

-No!
-Nah, just friends.

Any chance you could
throw me a plus-four?

After what you did
for my nana, anything, huh?

Do not,
under any circumstances,

try to keep up with her.

Shots!

-Aren't those toxic?
-Maybe!

I am getting so many
good tattoo ideas.

Forehead!

I'm gonna find
a quiet corner and--whoa!

Welcome to the good life,
Sandra.

Damn it, Krieger, be careful!

Easy.
You'll break Jupiter.

The planetarium, really?

I asked you where you go
to have fun,

not where you went
on your fifth grade field trip.

It may not look like it,

but this place has
a crazy singles scene.

As in they have
a single year to live?

What's that?

Uh, nothing, dear.
Enjoy your stars.

-While you can.
-Come on, it's fun.

And fifth grade field trips
don't have secret wine.

I guess it depends
on your school...and mother.

Anyway,
do planetarium shows end,

or do people just leave

when they're depressed
enough to...

Witness the majesty
of space?

Pretty great, right?

It really is.

You know, I kinda
spent a year in space.

And that's enough wine
for you, sir.

Cyril, for the last time,

you cannot have wine in here.

Run! We'll lose him
in the asteroid belt!

Huh!
I didn't know he had friends.

Oh, more of a coworker
situation.

Shot!

Mm. Ahh.
Because all I do is work.

And now that Robert
works with us,

my husband
is also my work husband.

There's your problem.
You gotta set boundaries.

That was my secret
when I tied the knot.

Shot!

Wait, you're married?

Oh, God, no.

I'm talking about
when I officiated

a Wiccan
hand-binding ceremony.

-Shot!
-Mm.

Ugh, shit.

-Am I just doomed to be boring?
-Screw that.

You just need to remember
what single life is like.

And I've got
the perfect reminder.

Krieger, wrap it up!

Shoot!

Stop dancing
and fight me, Dad!

Put him in a body bag!

Yeah!

Do these shots
while I get the keys.

Done.
Wait, keys?

Hey! Keys to what?

-Ey, what the shit, Pam?

I'll bring it back
tomorrow...maybe!

To the edge!
Back to the edge!

Uh, guys?

They have a monster truck?

Who the hell are these guys?

This drug
makes cars feel huge!

It's so tiny and fast.

If it was life-size,

it would be going
800 miles per hour!

What?
That's incredible!

Final lap!
-You got this, Cyril!

It's just you and green.

-Careful!
-I. Can. Hold. It!

Yaaaaahh!

Yes!

In your face, green,

you absolute piece of shit!

-I-I mean good game, I guess.

Jackson,
you've got five minutes

to cover these ladies
in sweat that isn't theirs.

Make it three.

Whoo!

I'm just saying,
who does this help?

To quote Edward Counsel,
revenge is but a small circle.

Plus, it is getting late
for revenge...

and my babysitter.

And I'm weak
from blood loss.

-So we'll get 'em next time?
Yeah.

-Next time for sure, buddy!

Oh, no, the boss says
get the microchips back now,

or we're dead.

How?
I'm a master of strategy.

My tactics were flawless.

And yet my forces
lie decimated.

Because you left
your Beastmen exposed

to his Chaos Dwarf.

Well, yeah,
that's obvious now!

Okay, double or nothing,

which I guess means
two candy bars?

Then prepare, knave, to...

-Call me knave again.

I'm kidding!

Good role-playing, Kyle.

So-ho who's next,

the cowboy or the scientist?

Ha, the scientist!

Okay,
that's where we call it.

Holy shit, is that--

That prince-y guy
who was gonna buy my house.

Oh, no.

Wait, guys, maybe
he hasn't seen us yet.

Maybe it's just a stripper.

A stripper dressed
specifically like Prince Fawad?

-My friends!
-Oh, shit.

I knew I recognized you.

You were all there
that day my mother and I

planned to buy a local mansion.

I think you have us
confused--

No, no.
Then you seduced me.

Then someone else
tranquilized me

before we could consummate
our relationship.

Hmm, I don't remember
that day.

We do get hit
in the head a lot.

And tranquilized a lot.

Anyway, congrats
on figuring out you're gay

before you had sex
with Lana.

Gay?

No, no.

I just come here to pick up
lonely, horny women.

-Aww.
-Yes, so, uh,

would you like to come back
to my penthouse for drugs?

Yeah,
I could use a top-off.

Yeah, thanks
but no, thanks.

But actually, thanks.
We'll come.

Really, Lana?

Partying with
a drug-dealing prince

feels a little extreme.

Maybe for boring
married Lana,

but for cool single Lana,

it's just another school night.

Well, it's your overdose.

Hurry up with that fool.
They're coming.

Just stand up, man.

Is this the hospital, guys?

They have
armed guards now?

Who the hell are these guys?

Sploosh...

would love to see this.

He's working on his master's
in architecture.

I'm doing this, right?

I have to, right?

Are there more shots?

So, ladies, interloper...

-Yo!
-Shall we begin?

That's the second-biggest

automatic lube wall
I've ever seen.

Don't worry.

We can take this
slow.

Said the naked man.

Thanks for noticing.

My Berserker cries,

burying his ax
in your weeping king's chest.

As my Dragon Warrior
rips off his...

Penis.

Not my choice.
Rolled a two.

Ugh!

Hey, you can beat up a kid.

Now just do that in the field.

Yeah...

I don't know if I want
to be a field agent anymore,

but I'm afraid to tell anyone.

-What?
-Oh, God.

No, Cyril, that's amazing.

It is? Why?

I thought you were
getting worse in the field

because I was insulting you.

You're just getting worse
because you hate it.

I still don't love
the insults.

You'll get used to it, moron.

Anyway, you gotta do
what's right for you, Cyril.

Because tonight
reminded me:

you're kinda special, and--

-Wait, hold on. Getting a call.

-Uh-huh.
Penthouse.

Crazy lube wall.

Horny tigers. Pampage.

Gotta get rid of the body.

Oh, thank God.

I almost bonded with Cyril.

This better be good.

Cyril and I were...

doing something
way less weird than this.

Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.

I think he mixed
two blues with a green.

No, I took that.

He took three reds and a white.

Oh, God, I shouldn't
have tried to keep up.

I shouldn't have tried
to keep up.

What the hell happened?

I tried to give myself
a tattoo of a witch skull

with colored lube,
but it got kinda blobby.

Uh, think he meant
with the dead guy.

Lana, you couldn't handle this?

I was--I was--
I was gonna be his first.

I was almost his first.

Obviously we're too drunk,

and his guards
are right outside.

Fine, we got this.

Does Krieger have a bone saw?

To chop up a civilian?

To not go to jail, Cyril!

No. No chopping.

We just need a way to sneak
a body out of the building.

Ooh, I got this.

Gentlemen, don't wait up.

Let's get him to the docks...

in something inconspicuous.

Focus!
We're in a car chase!

Shut up.
My sitter is leaving.

And we wouldn't even
be in this car chase

if you weren't a coward.

Would a coward
have nerve gas?

Where the hell
did you get that?

Warehouse.
Just an insurance policy.

Right, Carl?

Carl?

I think Carl is dead.

Okay, we're good to go.

-Krieger?
-Will you hurry up?

You're embarrassing me.

-Damn it.

Who the hell is that?

Hey, don't need the light.

Then you should not
have crossed us.

-Did we cross you?
-Probably.

We do cross a lot of people.

Yeah, who are you guys?

We're the guards

from that warehouse
you blew up today.

Well, that's a relief.

Why could that possibly
be a relief?

We know they're not
good guards.

Archer, he has a gun.

Yeah, we all have guns.

-But we have nerve gas.

Insurance policy!

Hiyah!

Oh.

Oh, wow.
Oh, God.

Whoo-hoo!

All right, Cyril,
AKA Murderfoot!

The field agent is back!

I guess maybe I am.

-Ah!

Cheese and crackers,
this pavement is uneven!

And he's gone.

Which we need to be.

Guys, someone
should say something.

I stole a bunch
of his lube.

Amen.

Who's ready to party?

He's alive?

Oh, thank God.

You didn't check
his pulse?

No.
We were crazy high!

Oh.
Still are, to be honest.

Guys, grab the truck!

We...got this.

Oh, come on!

Thanks, Murderfoot.

Um, why did it explode?

Oh, that was me.

I learned a lesson today.

No idea what it is.

Don't use lube
to make a tattoo?

Sort of looks like
a palm tree.

I see a fountain pen.

It's a Rorschach tattoo!

Oh, yeah, Sandra.

How did you find us?

I followed
the monster truck

and the explosion

and whatever that cloud was.

-Nerve gas.
-I'd say cyclosarin.

Jesus Christ!

You realize the chemicals
you dumped in the ocean

will probably kill ten times
the seals you saved.

In our defense,
going out was your idea.

Because I didn't know
you were monsters!

Guys, the microchips
were for landmines.

Oh, of course!
Oh, yeah!

Landmines!
Obviously.

The Pampage does it again!

Does what?

Pampage! Pampage!

Pampage!
Pampage! Pampage!

Whoa!
-Oh, no.

Any second.

She's coming up.

W-we should probably
go get her.

Pampage!

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