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1
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This programme contains strong
language and adult humour.
2
00:00:04,600 --> 00:00:07,240
Love, Laugh and then Live. Live.
The five best ever words.
3
00:00:07,280 --> 00:00:09,520
Tacky. That?
4
00:00:09,560 --> 00:00:12,200
Yeah. Oh, no, no,
it's actually very, very nice.
5
00:00:15,840 --> 00:00:17,960
Obviously we're going
to plaster over that wall
6
00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:20,240
so you don't have to look at
all those crispy old bricks.
7
00:00:20,280 --> 00:00:21,480
No, don't do that.
8
00:00:21,520 --> 00:00:24,160
No, that's lovely
exposed brick work.
9
00:00:24,200 --> 00:00:28,400
Oh, do you not have very nice,
like, taste and things like that?
10
00:00:28,440 --> 00:00:29,800
Does this fridge have to stay?
11
00:00:29,840 --> 00:00:32,800
Just cos I've got this beautiful
old, like, vintage brown one.
12
00:00:32,840 --> 00:00:35,800
I'd love to put it there,
if that's cool?
13
00:00:35,840 --> 00:00:38,680
You want to put a old,
brown fridge in here?
14
00:00:38,720 --> 00:00:40,880
Well, do you like that?
15
00:00:40,920 --> 00:00:42,440
Yeah. No!
16
00:00:42,480 --> 00:00:45,080
You like the floor? Yeah. No!
17
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People would pay a lot of money for
that sort of thing. What, for brack?
18
00:00:48,360 --> 00:00:49,800
It's really, really nice.
19
00:00:51,120 --> 00:00:52,560
The broke door?
20
00:00:52,600 --> 00:00:54,520
What's your name again,
first and second?
21
00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:57,400
Alan Shepherd. Alan Shepherd.
22
00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:00,960
You've got bad
opinions on the floor.
23
00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:03,760
Sophie, everyone I'm showing
around there is so cold to me
24
00:01:03,800 --> 00:01:05,320
and they're rich, rich, rich
25
00:01:05,360 --> 00:01:07,200
but they're dressed like
a bloody charity.
26
00:01:07,240 --> 00:01:08,280
HORN BEEPS
27
00:01:08,320 --> 00:01:10,520
Oh, Christ, that's the beep,
my foot on the beep.
28
00:01:10,560 --> 00:01:11,960
Hello.
29
00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:14,400
Are you here for the viewing?
It's Harriet.
30
00:01:14,440 --> 00:01:15,840
I'll get out... Oh.
31
00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:19,720
Oh, my...
32
00:01:21,440 --> 00:01:22,600
Hello.
33
00:01:22,640 --> 00:01:24,120
Sorry, too much stuff I think.
34
00:01:25,640 --> 00:01:28,960
Um, yeah, I just... I saw the, um,
your agency...
35
00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:31,120
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
SHE LAUGHS
36
00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:33,840
Just the way you got
out of the car was so funny.
37
00:01:33,880 --> 00:01:35,040
Oh.
38
00:01:35,080 --> 00:01:37,040
I'm so sorry for laughing.
39
00:01:39,080 --> 00:01:41,160
You seem very happy about something.
40
00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:51,520
Ladies walk before men
in this house, please.
41
00:01:51,560 --> 00:01:53,240
What? OK, yeah.
42
00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:55,800
I was thinking maybe, if you
wanted, in this room
43
00:01:55,840 --> 00:01:59,720
you could put a broken, rubbish old
guitar on top of the telly there.
44
00:01:59,760 --> 00:02:02,000
Everyone likes things like
that now, innit?
45
00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:03,880
Yeah. OK. Good one.
46
00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:05,560
That's good, yeah fair point.
47
00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:07,240
I'm a bit of a clone, I suppose.
48
00:02:07,280 --> 00:02:09,600
You got me back for laughing at you.
49
00:02:09,640 --> 00:02:11,080
Sorry.
50
00:02:11,120 --> 00:02:12,880
But what could you mean, Harriet?
51
00:02:14,160 --> 00:02:16,520
Oh, I just... Oh, I thought
you were making a joke
52
00:02:16,560 --> 00:02:20,120
cos, like, I'm an obvious,
like, posh indie girl.
53
00:02:20,160 --> 00:02:22,960
No, no, I said about a guitar,
I didn't say you were Indian girl.
54
00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:24,160
Are you?
55
00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:26,240
No, just a snoring white girl.
56
00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:27,640
SHE IMITATES A SNORE
57
00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:29,480
Wow. Actually, do
you mind me asking,
58
00:02:29,520 --> 00:02:32,520
your accent, it's...
Where are you from, originally?
59
00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:34,120
Oh. Just...
60
00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:39,080
Uh, well, I was born Cyprus
and my Dad's from Greece.
61
00:02:39,120 --> 00:02:40,520
Oh. Cool. Yeah.
62
00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:44,600
I moved to London when I was 14
so it took me a while to say, like,
63
00:02:44,640 --> 00:02:47,120
words like...cherish,
64
00:02:47,160 --> 00:02:50,320
uh, but I say it all the time now,
like every night.
65
00:02:50,360 --> 00:02:51,800
Cherish. Oh, God.
66
00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:54,400
What, pardon?
67
00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:56,160
No, sorry, I just... It...
68
00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:58,600
It is harsh how much shit letting
agents get,
69
00:02:58,640 --> 00:03:01,680
and, like...and, like,
no-one looks at the individual,
70
00:03:01,720 --> 00:03:03,720
and I just, I mean you
probably had it
71
00:03:03,760 --> 00:03:06,640
shit loads harder than I have,
and I just... Ah.
72
00:03:06,680 --> 00:03:08,200
Blah, blah, sorry, boring.
73
00:03:08,240 --> 00:03:10,160
Shall we just keep looking
at the flat?
74
00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:13,040
Yeah, OK. This is the...
75
00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:15,120
..wine of the flat.
76
00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:21,360
It's from 1991, which
is 18 years ago today.
77
00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:24,400
Happy birthday,
Like, it's the bottle's birthday!
78
00:03:24,440 --> 00:03:26,920
That's so random.
The wine's old enough to drink.
79
00:03:28,320 --> 00:03:31,240
And we were laughing and laughing
because of wine.
80
00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:35,280
You don't even like wine.
81
00:03:35,320 --> 00:03:36,920
Oh, man,
82
00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:38,760
do you fancy her?
83
00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:40,880
Yes. Definitely.
84
00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:42,640
Definitely, I do, Sophie.
85
00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:45,400
Why are you shouting about
definitely? It's 8 PM.
86
00:03:45,440 --> 00:03:48,160
Sorry. Stath fancies someone.
87
00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:50,920
Who? Girl called Harriet.
88
00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:54,000
OK, well, I thought it might be me.
89
00:03:54,040 --> 00:03:55,520
Well, it's not, it's Harriet.
90
00:03:55,560 --> 00:03:58,520
Well, shut up, then,
because I have to get up at 4am.
91
00:03:58,560 --> 00:04:00,960
Why? I'm a postwoman!
92
00:04:03,960 --> 00:04:05,160
HE SIGHS
93
00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:07,120
When do you want to go to bed?
94
00:04:07,160 --> 00:04:08,480
Not too late.
95
00:04:10,160 --> 00:04:14,280
You, are you staying here
again tonight?
96
00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:15,600
Yeah.
97
00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:19,840
Oh, I'm thinking so much about
my viewing with that girl tomorrow,
98
00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:21,720
it's like a clucking in my head.
99
00:04:21,760 --> 00:04:24,440
I'm thinking about her,
as well, actually.
100
00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:27,160
Are you?
That's quite supportive, innit?
101
00:04:29,280 --> 00:04:32,480
Oh, Sophie, don't go to sleep,
I'm excited.
102
00:04:32,520 --> 00:04:36,680
♪ When you meet someone
and you can't believe your luck
103
00:04:37,880 --> 00:04:42,840
♪ When you meet someone
and you can't believe your luck. ♪
104
00:04:42,880 --> 00:04:46,160
Sophie. Sophie.
105
00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:48,240
Sophie, do you mind
if I have some of this water?
106
00:04:48,280 --> 00:04:49,800
HE GULPS
107
00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:53,960
Oh, my God.
108
00:04:55,320 --> 00:04:58,960
Mm. Oh, brilliant, I was almost
asleep there. With your "Mm."
109
00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:02,040
Sophie, I haven't slept, I feel mad.
110
00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:04,200
HE SNORES
111
00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:09,520
Are you going to drive?
112
00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:10,840
Yes.
113
00:05:12,040 --> 00:05:13,120
There we go...
114
00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:14,280
Ah!
115
00:05:14,320 --> 00:05:15,560
CAR ALARM WAILS
116
00:05:15,600 --> 00:05:17,040
Are you too tired to drive?
117
00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:21,360
I'm actually quite awake now cos
I just smashed into that car.
118
00:05:24,840 --> 00:05:28,000
Oh, lovely. How old did you
say she was? One?
119
00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:29,800
She looks four.
120
00:05:29,840 --> 00:05:31,440
What an old baby!
121
00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:33,320
Sorry, is there anywhere
I can sit down?
122
00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:36,200
Well, we've actually gone a little
bit modern, little bit of a rebrand,
123
00:05:36,240 --> 00:05:37,560
so not at present, no.
124
00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:40,480
Anyway, us single mums have got to
stand up for ourselves, haven't we?
125
00:05:40,520 --> 00:05:41,640
I'm not single.
126
00:05:41,680 --> 00:05:43,120
No, neither, am I, I've got a boyf.
127
00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:47,440
Don't. Do you know where the
desks and tables have gone?
128
00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:49,040
Julian got rid of all the furniture
129
00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:51,520
cos he thinks this looks good.
We're all loving it.
130
00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:53,160
Deanie! On your feet, my man.
131
00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:54,520
No, you're all right.
132
00:05:54,560 --> 00:05:57,400
Come on, I'm trying to get this
whole boutique warehouse vibe going.
133
00:05:57,440 --> 00:06:00,400
You know, I need my top dog!
No, I'm sitting down.
134
00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:03,720
All right, well, just...you know,
don't want you missing out, do I?
135
00:06:07,760 --> 00:06:10,600
What's Stath doing?
SOPHIE: He didn't sleep.
136
00:06:10,640 --> 00:06:12,880
Morning, Al.
Oh, exactly, yeah.
137
00:06:14,560 --> 00:06:16,280
How are you doing, lady, lady?
138
00:06:16,320 --> 00:06:18,120
Oi. Stath's Sister.
139
00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:20,680
Trying to give you more
responsibility here, if you follow?
140
00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:22,840
Yeah, sorry. Stath got
lost on the way here.
141
00:06:22,880 --> 00:06:25,480
I need you to hand these
out on the street for me, OK?
142
00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:27,600
Beautiful bottle of Irish sparkling.
143
00:06:27,640 --> 00:06:29,960
Someone takes one, you send them
into the office,
144
00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:33,040
yeah, for a little chat,
then I can boa constrictor, right?
145
00:06:33,080 --> 00:06:34,520
How are you going to get them in?
146
00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:35,880
Uh, tell them they have to.
147
00:06:35,920 --> 00:06:37,640
Right, what are you going to say?
Passion!
148
00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:39,800
Look, I'll say, "You have
to go in and chat to them
149
00:06:39,840 --> 00:06:41,080
"or I'm calling the police."
150
00:06:41,120 --> 00:06:43,240
Christ. Actually don't mind that.
151
00:06:43,280 --> 00:06:44,560
Come on.
152
00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:46,680
Dean, I want to have
a man chat with ya.
153
00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:48,680
Oh, that's not a desk.
Can't do that.
154
00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:52,320
Where's that guy? Al?
155
00:06:52,360 --> 00:06:55,280
Come over here, man.
It's boys, boys, boys.
156
00:06:55,320 --> 00:06:58,440
♪ Come on over to the
corner where we chat
157
00:06:58,480 --> 00:07:01,320
♪ I don't have a problem with you. ♪
158
00:07:02,840 --> 00:07:03,920
What are we saying, man?
159
00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:05,880
Oh, Jesus, last night man.
160
00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:09,840
I didn't thing, sleep, because
I was too excited for to
161
00:07:09,880 --> 00:07:12,480
get my head down cause I have had
the tour in the day with a girl.
162
00:07:12,520 --> 00:07:13,800
Oooh!
163
00:07:16,040 --> 00:07:17,760
So did, did she take the flat,
or...?
164
00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:20,400
No, I'm going to do the tour...
Where are you going?
165
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,640
I'm going to do a tour
with her this afternoon.
166
00:07:22,680 --> 00:07:24,320
Oh, yeah, is this Harriet Richards?
167
00:07:24,360 --> 00:07:25,720
No, Harriet.
168
00:07:25,760 --> 00:07:28,320
Yeah, no, I've toured her before.
Yes, yeah, very charismatic,
169
00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:30,040
yeah, a bit arty, wasn't she?
170
00:07:30,080 --> 00:07:32,960
Can't really see that being a match,
cos you're more sort of, uh...
171
00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:35,440
..hell. Actual hell.
172
00:07:35,480 --> 00:07:38,480
Oh. Hiya, Vas.
173
00:07:38,520 --> 00:07:40,480
What does the king think
of his new palace, then?
174
00:07:40,520 --> 00:07:42,480
Like I said, I've done
a bit of a Gordon Ramsay.
175
00:07:42,520 --> 00:07:44,520
Is it nice to have nothing at all?
176
00:07:44,560 --> 00:07:46,320
Yeah, well, it's all on these.
177
00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:48,840
That's how we did it at Smithwick's.
It's the game these days.
178
00:07:48,880 --> 00:07:51,360
And did Dean win the game?
He got to keep the chair.
179
00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:53,480
No, no, the only game
that Dean's winning,
180
00:07:53,520 --> 00:07:55,880
is cheekiest legend in the office!
181
00:07:55,920 --> 00:07:57,640
I didn't hear that.
182
00:07:57,680 --> 00:07:59,600
See? New space.
183
00:07:59,640 --> 00:08:01,320
Brings laughter.
184
00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:02,640
Explore.
185
00:08:04,440 --> 00:08:07,800
Do you want some water? You should
go inside, there's nothing. Right.
186
00:08:07,840 --> 00:08:09,360
She's not wrong.
187
00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:11,760
It's amazing watching you,
your hustle.
188
00:08:11,800 --> 00:08:13,360
Is it? Yeah.
189
00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:15,920
Like watching a...a young
Alan Sugar, you know.
190
00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:18,120
Oh.
191
00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:21,360
I...I knew you were a...a triple
threat you know, with...with
192
00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:24,000
the singing and the dancing
and the...and the wit.
193
00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:26,480
But now you've got water thrown
into the mix and it,
194
00:08:26,520 --> 00:08:28,960
it's a little bit much!
It's a lot.
195
00:08:30,160 --> 00:08:32,040
What's your favourite threat?
196
00:08:32,080 --> 00:08:34,640
What? As in the...the triple threat.
197
00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:36,280
Probably singing.
198
00:08:36,320 --> 00:08:40,080
Music has been me and Katya's
life ever since we started in July.
199
00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:41,520
So admirable.
200
00:08:41,560 --> 00:08:44,840
She could be doing water with me
today and we could be doing tracks.
201
00:08:44,880 --> 00:08:48,080
All she does is just post sexy
selfies all day, doing letters.
202
00:08:48,120 --> 00:08:50,960
No, I could,
I could maybe do a track with you.
203
00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:53,880
Maybe, like, a hot track.
Do you do hot tracks?
204
00:08:53,920 --> 00:08:57,400
Oh, no, I... I go to a
choir in Birmingham on Sundays.
205
00:08:57,440 --> 00:09:00,120
So... Like a church,
Whoopi Gold, one?
206
00:09:00,160 --> 00:09:01,360
No. It's...
207
00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:04,600
It's just in an old guy's flat,
it's only three of us.
208
00:09:04,640 --> 00:09:08,960
I'm actually the female soprano,
so I go high. I go high.
209
00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:12,800
Me and Katya both like it low, so
we never know who does what. Right.
210
00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:17,120
♪ You know I'm feeling sneaky
when I'm winking and I'm teasing. ♪
211
00:09:17,160 --> 00:09:19,880
Oh, wow. It's...
212
00:09:19,920 --> 00:09:25,040
♪ And I'm sneaking all night
in the sneaky party, baby. ♪
213
00:09:25,080 --> 00:09:26,720
I don't know, I just...
214
00:09:26,760 --> 00:09:28,280
I just don't know.
215
00:09:28,320 --> 00:09:30,720
Sneaky, sneaky, sneaky. Sneaky.
216
00:09:30,760 --> 00:09:32,560
♪ Sneaky, sneaky, sneaky. ♪
217
00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:34,400
SQUEAKILY:
# Sneaky. ♪
218
00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:36,000
That's what you sound like!
219
00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:38,160
How is your new flat?
220
00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:40,480
I don't have a... My new flat is
quite big, actually.
221
00:09:40,520 --> 00:09:42,000
DOOR OPENS
222
00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:46,840
Hello. Hello.
What's all this?
223
00:09:46,880 --> 00:09:48,440
How are you?
224
00:09:48,480 --> 00:09:51,000
Oh, sorry,
that was weird, sorry.
225
00:09:51,040 --> 00:09:52,600
It was, wasn't it? Yeah.
226
00:09:52,640 --> 00:09:55,440
No, not, yeah, Carole, no.
227
00:09:55,480 --> 00:10:00,440
So, what. have you come just for
a little chuckle with me. or what?
228
00:10:00,480 --> 00:10:03,840
No, I actually came for
the viewing at 10:30.
229
00:10:03,880 --> 00:10:05,000
Wrong.
230
00:10:05,040 --> 00:10:08,080
Cos your viewing's at 12:30,
I've got another one that's ,
231
00:10:08,120 --> 00:10:09,600
a different one that's at 10:30.
232
00:10:09,640 --> 00:10:13,880
Oh, sorry, it's just I said 10:30
and then you said yes,
233
00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:16,040
so I just assumed it was 10:30.
234
00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:17,920
You mustn't assume, sorry.
235
00:10:18,920 --> 00:10:20,160
I can do it, darling.
236
00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:22,560
Yeah, I'll throw myself in
the mix for this one. Oh, no.
237
00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:25,000
No, no, it's OK, I can actually
wait a couple of hours, yeah,
238
00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:27,400
I have to do some prep for
this group discussion thing
239
00:10:27,440 --> 00:10:30,160
I'm running tonight,
so I'll just find a cafe and then...
240
00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:33,640
..and then I'll go with you, Stath.
Sorry, is that right? Yes. Yeah.
241
00:10:33,680 --> 00:10:36,760
Yeah, of course, you've got to
for the dis...discussion...
242
00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:38,440
..that thing, the coffee.
Yeah, yeah.
243
00:10:38,480 --> 00:10:40,960
Exactly, yeah, I have to do
that sometimes as well.
244
00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:42,440
Yeah. Yeah. OK.
245
00:10:42,480 --> 00:10:46,200
So this is my dad, not him,
him, that's my dad.
246
00:10:46,240 --> 00:10:49,000
Hello, hi, hi.
Hello, this is Steven. Hello.
247
00:10:49,040 --> 00:10:50,920
Hello, hi.
This is Stath.
248
00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:52,400
Harriet knows that.
249
00:10:52,440 --> 00:10:53,800
Hello.
250
00:10:53,840 --> 00:10:55,640
Oh. Hello.
251
00:10:57,080 --> 00:10:59,920
Oh, my God. I love this.
252
00:11:09,480 --> 00:11:11,920
See the letting agent on the road!
253
00:11:18,840 --> 00:11:20,960
Is he...? I don't know.
254
00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:23,040
Hey! Hey, hello.
255
00:11:23,080 --> 00:11:24,400
I drove all the way here.
256
00:11:26,160 --> 00:11:27,640
Hello, I'm Harriet.
257
00:11:30,560 --> 00:11:34,000
The whole thing's just going to be
brimming with rooms.
258
00:11:34,040 --> 00:11:35,720
It's a bit bigger actually, than...
Yeah.
259
00:11:35,760 --> 00:11:38,760
..than it looked online, yeah.
It's more light than we thought it
would...
260
00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:41,040
Yes, we were a bit concerned,
looking at the photos,
261
00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:42,760
that you wouldn't actually...
262
00:11:44,440 --> 00:11:45,880
Um, excuse me... Yeah. Yeah.
263
00:11:45,920 --> 00:11:48,840
Tell...tell me about it, man.
264
00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:53,440
The interesting thing is, there's
actually three or four of these
265
00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:55,320
that you might not have seen before.
266
00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:57,000
Other properties, or...?
267
00:11:57,040 --> 00:11:58,520
No, these. Do you mean...? That...
268
00:11:58,560 --> 00:12:00,960
No, I thought there was something
there, there's not. Oh.
269
00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:02,600
Come on.
270
00:12:08,200 --> 00:12:10,640
Mate? Do you need the toilet?
271
00:12:10,680 --> 00:12:13,120
No, no, I was just checking
you're... Are you OK?
272
00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:16,680
Yeah, you OK? You OK? Yeah. Yeah.
Well, that makes three.
273
00:12:16,720 --> 00:12:17,920
Oh, watch out.
274
00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:19,480
To the master bedroom!
275
00:12:19,520 --> 00:12:21,000
For the master...
276
00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:23,200
..of the thing, the tides.
277
00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:31,600
Actually?
278
00:12:31,640 --> 00:12:32,880
Actually/
279
00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:38,280
Are you two from America?
No. Stop asking us that. No.
280
00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:40,960
Let me see,
what's the time, me old mucker?
281
00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:42,520
Um...
282
00:12:42,560 --> 00:12:44,840
Well, it's just gone 12. 12!
283
00:12:44,880 --> 00:12:47,320
What's he doing?
I don't know, is he...?
284
00:12:47,360 --> 00:12:49,720
He's just going. He's just gone.
285
00:12:49,760 --> 00:12:52,160
When he arrived,
did he say his name was Harriet?
286
00:12:56,160 --> 00:12:58,200
HE SNORES
287
00:12:58,240 --> 00:12:59,480
HE SNIFFS
288
00:13:03,280 --> 00:13:06,720
I slept for four hours
and 35 minutes.
289
00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:09,080
I flipping missed her!
290
00:13:16,040 --> 00:13:19,040
Let me know, but it's all above
order, I think you'll find.
291
00:13:20,120 --> 00:13:22,520
Done! You got done!
292
00:13:22,560 --> 00:13:24,120
You snooze, you standing.
293
00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:25,160
Huh... You got me.
294
00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:31,240
BOTH: # I got dumped, dumped
295
00:13:31,280 --> 00:13:34,440
♪ And I'm feeling loony.
296
00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:37,880
♪ Why do I always go
for the nasty chicks
297
00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:39,080
I don't know...
298
00:13:39,120 --> 00:13:41,160
HIGH-PITCHED:
# I got dumped, dumped! And... ♪
299
00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:45,200
Isn't it politically illegal
to call a chick nasty?
300
00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:47,920
Oh, yeah, yeah, it is, yeah.
301
00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:51,800
I think that we should just do
that gangster dirty one we done.
302
00:13:51,840 --> 00:13:55,680
I mean, you know, I guess deep down
we're all thugs. Yeah...
303
00:13:55,720 --> 00:13:57,880
Did you show Harriet around?
How was it?
304
00:13:57,920 --> 00:13:59,680
Does she want to do
another viewing?
305
00:13:59,720 --> 00:14:01,000
Did you tell her I was sorry?
306
00:14:01,040 --> 00:14:03,280
In my car, I suddenly fell
asleep for four hours.
307
00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:05,960
Yeah, she says she doesn't want
the flat no more cos her parents
308
00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:08,720
have got a spare one in West London,
which is nice for her, innit?
309
00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:11,680
Oh, yes, meanwhile, Clerk is telling
me we're going to have to raise
310
00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:14,160
our baby in his dad's hotel
in Morecambe.
311
00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:16,360
And did Harriet say anything, or...?
312
00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:19,280
Yeah, the stuff Carole just said.
313
00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:20,760
Right...!
314
00:14:20,800 --> 00:14:23,880
And she was going on about
some discussion drinks,
315
00:14:23,920 --> 00:14:26,160
some hipster shit that she wants us
to go to tonight.
316
00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:28,160
Are we going to go? Let's go.
Are we going to go?
317
00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:29,520
No, I'm sitting down tonight.
318
00:14:29,560 --> 00:14:32,920
No! Al, are you going to go
to the...the discussion thing?
319
00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:35,360
Oh, well... No, I was actually going
to write some songs...
320
00:14:35,400 --> 00:14:37,000
No, no, no, you're not, no...
321
00:14:37,040 --> 00:14:39,400
I'm not good at discussing.
You know, I'm a shit talker.
322
00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:41,720
No, you're not.
ITALIAN ACCENT: I talk-a the shit!
323
00:14:41,760 --> 00:14:43,040
Italy, Italian...
324
00:14:43,080 --> 00:14:44,760
Um, we've also just got
to finish this track.
325
00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:46,080
That's easy - I'll do a rap.
326
00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:47,720
Give me your phone -
I'll record the rap
327
00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:50,120
and that's the track finished
and that's the time for discussion.
328
00:14:50,160 --> 00:14:52,320
Time for discussion!
329
00:14:56,080 --> 00:14:57,320
It's fine.
330
00:14:57,360 --> 00:15:00,800
You should go out and then maybe
you can come to mine after
331
00:15:00,840 --> 00:15:04,200
the chatting thing
and we can show Katia the song
332
00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:07,720
and have some dips
and spicy crackers.
333
00:15:07,760 --> 00:15:09,440
Yeah. Yes.
334
00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:12,200
Yeah, I'd love that.
335
00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:14,320
RAPS: # Come on, stuckerambos!
336
00:15:14,360 --> 00:15:16,240
♪ Speaking very quickly tonight. ♪
337
00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:18,760
Don't throw phones, Dean!
338
00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:27,560
OK, well it says the idea of
the group is to provide a safe space
339
00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:31,920
to discuss social issues with people
who may not share your beliefs.
340
00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:33,000
Fantastic. Yeah.
341
00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:36,360
It's nice that we're doing
the discussion thing,
but I wish it was just me and her.
342
00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:38,640
I'm worried there's going to be,
like, clever clogs.
343
00:15:38,680 --> 00:15:40,640
You know, if she seems
a little different to you,
344
00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:41,960
that's kind of cool.
345
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:44,640
Yeah, but do you think
she's the same as me?
346
00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:47,360
Yeah. Yeah, I do, yeah.
Just... Just the same.
347
00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:49,440
So, it's seven now.
348
00:15:49,480 --> 00:15:51,520
Erm, we're not going to be there
too long, are we?
349
00:15:51,560 --> 00:15:54,200
Uh, yeah, I think we are,
yeah, too long.
350
00:15:56,360 --> 00:15:58,280
You all right, Harriet?
351
00:15:58,320 --> 00:16:00,760
Oh, my God.
This is so great. Oh! OK, OK...
352
00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:02,640
Bless! Thank you for coming.
353
00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:03,920
I know you guys are coming from
354
00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:05,960
a slightly different place
from these lot, so...
355
00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:08,280
Yeah, we've come from our office.
356
00:16:08,320 --> 00:16:12,440
And, look, this is Al. Al,
say something in Japanese to her.
357
00:16:12,480 --> 00:16:14,640
"Tokidoki" means "sometimes".
358
00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:16,800
Is that true? Yes.
359
00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:20,280
Well, shoes off, firstly, and I
think we're going to get started.
360
00:16:20,320 --> 00:16:22,920
OK, so I think I might be a bit sick
when I say this,
361
00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:25,320
but I think that the key to
loosening up
362
00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:28,160
before we have a big old groan
about life is...fun!
363
00:16:29,920 --> 00:16:31,240
LAUGHTER
364
00:16:31,280 --> 00:16:32,880
SHE IMITATES VOMITING
Oh, no!
365
00:16:32,920 --> 00:16:35,840
See. No, I'll clear that up later.
366
00:16:35,880 --> 00:16:39,680
I get sick too sometimes, Harriet.
SHE CHUCKLES
367
00:16:39,720 --> 00:16:43,160
But when I have too much
hard choccy!
368
00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:46,520
OK, that's very specific. Yes.
OK, OK.
369
00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:49,280
Right, I want to play some
on-theme games,
370
00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:52,200
so, yeah, I want to see
some serious tolerance, OK?
371
00:16:52,240 --> 00:16:54,040
So get up on your feet.
372
00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:56,640
So, if you're ashamed of it,
then shout it!
373
00:16:56,680 --> 00:16:59,080
My parents financially support me!
374
00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:00,280
CHUCKLING AND GROANING
375
00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:01,920
I eat red meat!
376
00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:03,800
My carbon footprint.
377
00:17:03,840 --> 00:17:06,080
My white male privilege.
Yes!
378
00:17:06,120 --> 00:17:08,080
DJ, DJ, DJ!
379
00:17:08,120 --> 00:17:10,640
Sorry, Stath, you're ashamed of DJs?
380
00:17:10,680 --> 00:17:13,080
Oh, no, I was just doing, like,
what's the coolest job?
381
00:17:13,120 --> 00:17:15,760
DJ! Scratch the scratch!
382
00:17:15,800 --> 00:17:19,320
I mean, I love that,
but we're talking about shame.
383
00:17:19,360 --> 00:17:21,320
Oh... Juicy shame.
384
00:17:21,360 --> 00:17:24,160
OK, just because it's a chair to me
doesn't mean it's a chair to you.
385
00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:27,280
What else could the chair be?
Chair...
386
00:17:27,320 --> 00:17:28,720
It's a pedal-stool.
387
00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:30,520
A destitute block of flats.
388
00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:32,640
What?
389
00:17:32,680 --> 00:17:34,600
It's a flat, new brand-new flat,
390
00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:37,400
only a couple of hairs
stamped into the carpet.
391
00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:38,600
Still very nice.
392
00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:41,240
That's a real property that we have
if you want to...to consider that.
393
00:17:41,280 --> 00:17:43,240
STATH APPLAUDS
394
00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:46,760
Make a point, say agree or disagree,
and then move on.
395
00:17:46,800 --> 00:17:48,000
Oh, God.
396
00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:50,160
I don't think people should have
to be sent to prison.
397
00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:53,040
I think the treatment of rats
and mice is just disgusting.
398
00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:54,840
Sorry, who's treating rats and mice.
399
00:17:54,880 --> 00:17:56,640
No, no, treating them badly.
400
00:17:56,680 --> 00:17:58,720
Oh, yes, you want to kill them
whenever you can
401
00:17:58,760 --> 00:18:00,440
in case they spit at you.
402
00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:02,160
No, you don't -
they're living things.
403
00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:03,800
I think we're saying the same thing.
404
00:18:03,840 --> 00:18:06,120
You want to kill all mice badly.
405
00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:08,000
Agree!
406
00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:10,240
Stath, we're not going to
stay for much longer, are we?
407
00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:12,200
Yeah, well, we'll stay, don't worry.
408
00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:14,640
Harriet, after this,
do you want to go for a drink?
409
00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:20,640
Hey, girl.
Hey, babe. How was post?
410
00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:22,080
Uh, whatever, fine.
411
00:18:22,120 --> 00:18:23,720
I had to stay late and I got tired
412
00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:27,000
and I spilt smoothie over
every letter. Hakuna matata.
413
00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:28,160
What have you done?
414
00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:31,560
Well, me and Al wrote a song today
for us
415
00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:34,600
and it's sort of
a nasty, bad girl track.
416
00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:38,560
OK. Sing it.
417
00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:40,880
He's coming over later
to sing it with me
418
00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:42,920
cos it needs his high voice.
419
00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:45,520
Sophie, babe, sing the song.
420
00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:51,200
Two, three, four.
421
00:18:51,240 --> 00:18:53,600
♪ When a gangster comes to town
422
00:18:53,640 --> 00:18:55,760
♪ You better hide in your house,
423
00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:58,360
♪ Cos a gangster,
he don't care who you are
424
00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:01,200
♪ He just shoot, shoot,
shoot, shoot. ♪
425
00:19:02,360 --> 00:19:03,680
That was fucking shit.
426
00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:06,560
Well, it does need a higher part.
I said that.
427
00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:08,560
And also, actually, there is more.
428
00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:13,960
STATH RAPS ON PHONE:
# I got so much money going to buy
the Titanic
429
00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:16,040
♪ Ride the Titanic all
the way to Ayia Napa
430
00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:17,920
♪ When I get to Ayia Napa
I'm going to have a drink
431
00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:20,440
♪ Cos there wasn't any drinks
on the Titanic ride. ♪
432
00:19:20,480 --> 00:19:22,040
That was pretty good.
433
00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:23,920
So, is there anything
that came out of those games
434
00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:25,320
that anyone would like to share?
435
00:19:25,360 --> 00:19:28,200
Anything that pleased or displeased?
436
00:19:28,240 --> 00:19:31,600
Oh, I loved it,
and I think we should all give Harry
437
00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:34,920
a round of a clap for doing
such a good play.
438
00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:38,120
APPLAUSE
439
00:19:39,760 --> 00:19:42,000
I really like this guy.
He's unreal.
440
00:19:42,040 --> 00:19:43,760
Ah, that's so good.
Any, anyone else?
441
00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:46,400
Yeah, I think there's getting
out of your echo chamber,
442
00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:48,200
and there's just mingling
with pricks.
443
00:19:48,240 --> 00:19:51,120
Yes, that is two different things
completely.
444
00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:53,320
He said a thing
that he disagrees with is
445
00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:56,640
when a tenant complains on a viewing
because a box of old medals
446
00:19:56,680 --> 00:20:00,720
has fallen on their son's head
because it makes him feel bad.
447
00:20:00,760 --> 00:20:02,480
What, me?!
448
00:20:02,520 --> 00:20:05,080
No...
That's all right, isn't it?
449
00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:08,000
What, you want me to feel good
because he got a medals all over,
450
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:10,440
scattered on his head,
cutting his head?
451
00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:13,440
He also said some pretty awful
stuff about my mice.
452
00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:15,200
They're YOUR mice.
453
00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:18,720
No, right, no... No, no, no, no,
you don't understand,
454
00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:22,720
I... I'm sorry if I've done offence
to you, but I really, trust me,
455
00:20:22,760 --> 00:20:25,280
yeah, I'm very, VERY nice.
456
00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:27,200
I think you're definitely not nice.
457
00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:30,080
I think that you are fucking
the housing market by overcharging
458
00:20:30,120 --> 00:20:32,480
people so that you can
swan off to your swish lad pad.
459
00:20:32,520 --> 00:20:33,640
Who's swanning?
460
00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:36,600
My dad kicked me out of my flat and
he lives in Cornwall. Birmingham.
461
00:20:36,640 --> 00:20:38,000
OK, good, good.
462
00:20:38,040 --> 00:20:42,040
Well, a healthy debate, although
I would say that the assumptions
463
00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:45,200
that you make, Rose, are reflective
of a wider issue.
464
00:20:45,240 --> 00:20:47,520
I mean, you've barely met
this person
465
00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:49,600
and you've decided you know
everything about him.
466
00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:51,840
Thank you, Harriet.
467
00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:55,320
Did you want to go for a drink
after this? Cos...
468
00:20:55,360 --> 00:20:57,400
Why are tsk-ing all night,
every day?
469
00:20:57,440 --> 00:20:58,680
Do you know what I mean?
470
00:20:58,720 --> 00:21:01,040
I don't know you at all.
471
00:21:01,080 --> 00:21:02,720
Really?
472
00:21:02,760 --> 00:21:04,240
You showed my wife and I a flat.
473
00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:06,960
Nothing.
474
00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:10,360
The whole garden went up in flames.
475
00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:14,680
Oh, no, do you have a pregnant wife?
476
00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:16,080
Is your baby born, bless her?
477
00:21:16,120 --> 00:21:18,480
He is, yeah... Oh!
478
00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:19,760
But I don't...
479
00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:26,600
Actually...fine. Sorry, fuck it.
480
00:21:26,640 --> 00:21:29,880
So the house that you said was fine
for us to view,
481
00:21:29,920 --> 00:21:34,600
after you casually drove away from
that house that was literally
482
00:21:34,640 --> 00:21:37,640
blazing with smoke and fire,
483
00:21:37,680 --> 00:21:42,280
my wife thought that she could hear
a boy screaming inside the house.
484
00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:45,520
I tried to convince her the noise
was coming from the place next door,
485
00:21:45,560 --> 00:21:47,760
but she wouldn't believe me.
486
00:21:47,800 --> 00:21:51,160
So she went inside, and I didn't,
487
00:21:51,200 --> 00:21:54,520
and they...
488
00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:57,280
..they managed to get her out,
sort of concussed,
489
00:21:57,320 --> 00:21:59,160
and when she woke up...
490
00:22:02,520 --> 00:22:05,880
Anyway we're not together any more,
because there's no trust now.
491
00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:10,160
There's no trust now.
492
00:22:20,920 --> 00:22:23,800
Did anyone else think that
when he went into the house,
493
00:22:23,840 --> 00:22:26,240
the wife was going to be dead
when he went in the house?
494
00:22:26,280 --> 00:22:27,920
Oh, my...
495
00:22:27,960 --> 00:22:29,480
OK, I'm sorry.
496
00:22:29,520 --> 00:22:31,960
I think I've made... I think
I've made a mistake here, I think.
497
00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:34,160
What mistake? You thought she was
going to be dead as well?
498
00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:36,200
Fucking hell! What?
499
00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:38,240
I think you have to go.
Just cos he done a story?
500
00:22:38,280 --> 00:22:41,120
I'll show you out. That wasn't real.
Do I have to go?
501
00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:44,520
Harriet, please, I don't want to
have to go back to Al's tonight.
502
00:22:50,120 --> 00:22:52,120
SOPHIE:
# When a gangster comes to town
503
00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:54,440
♪ You better hide in your house
504
00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:56,880
♪ Cos a gangster,
he don't care who you are
505
00:22:56,920 --> 00:23:00,240
♪ He just shoot, shoot,
shoot, shoot. ♪
506
00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:28,040
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