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1
00:00:01,335 --> 00:00:01,502
.
2
00:00:01,535 --> 00:00:02,436
- All right, everybody,
3
00:00:03,804 --> 00:00:05,239
start to shut up.
Let's go ahead
4
00:00:05,273 --> 00:00:06,440
and wrap up
your current sentences
5
00:00:06,474 --> 00:00:07,808
and get yourselves
to a quiet place.
6
00:00:07,841 --> 00:00:09,243
- Mr. Griffin,
Dan is in my seat.
7
00:00:09,277 --> 00:00:10,611
- Okay, I didn't even
know it was his.
8
00:00:10,644 --> 00:00:12,113
You added me
to this weird class,
9
00:00:12,146 --> 00:00:13,547
and now I don't
know what's going on.
10
00:00:13,581 --> 00:00:14,782
- Calm down, calm down.
11
00:00:14,815 --> 00:00:16,117
Let's don't be
so rule-minded.
12
00:00:16,150 --> 00:00:17,451
No point
in your adult lives
13
00:00:17,485 --> 00:00:18,819
will you ever have
assigned seats.
14
00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:21,189
Besides airplanes.
- And jury duty.
15
00:00:21,222 --> 00:00:23,391
- If I've already undercut
myself, don't add to it.
16
00:00:23,424 --> 00:00:25,793
'Kay? As you all know,
this week we are
17
00:00:25,826 --> 00:00:29,597
devoting our attention to
the psychological dismantling
18
00:00:29,630 --> 00:00:32,733
of my academic rival,
Miles Leonard.
19
00:00:32,766 --> 00:00:34,435
Miles happens to be British.
20
00:00:34,468 --> 00:00:37,071
He also happens to be...
adopted.
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00:00:37,105 --> 00:00:40,774
So this week we will
practice and perfect
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00:00:40,808 --> 00:00:43,611
British accents.
And whosever is best
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00:00:43,644 --> 00:00:47,148
will call him, posing
as his biological birth mother
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00:00:47,181 --> 00:00:49,683
who he's never met,
and tell him some sort of
25
00:00:49,717 --> 00:00:51,519
devastating secret.
26
00:00:54,322 --> 00:00:56,424
Any questions?
- Mr. Griffin,
27
00:00:56,457 --> 00:00:58,826
are you seriously never
gonna teach us biology at all?
28
00:00:58,859 --> 00:01:01,262
- Sure, Sarika.
Maybe, uh,
29
00:01:01,295 --> 00:01:03,231
Pablo Picasso can come in
and teach driver's ed.
30
00:01:03,264 --> 00:01:06,300
Guys, I am a published
Harvard philosophy professor.
31
00:01:06,334 --> 00:01:07,635
I've no interest whatsoever
32
00:01:07,668 --> 00:01:09,537
in teaching biology to you
people, okay?
33
00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:12,240
So drop it. It's a pretty sweet
deal on the table--
34
00:01:12,273 --> 00:01:13,741
play ball, get an A.
Come on, let's make this easy.
35
00:01:13,774 --> 00:01:16,177
I'm just trying to cope
through a year in Toledo
36
00:01:16,210 --> 00:01:18,579
with its miserable
excuse for espresso.
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00:01:19,780 --> 00:01:21,515
Put your hand down.
38
00:01:21,549 --> 00:01:24,718
Next words I hear outta you
better be in a British accent.
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00:01:24,752 --> 00:01:26,787
The bookstore at the mall
40
00:01:26,820 --> 00:01:30,258
has good espresso...
m'lord.
41
00:01:30,291 --> 00:01:33,161
- Hey, not bad!
Looks like Anthony's out
42
00:01:33,194 --> 00:01:35,196
to an early lead.
Nice.
43
00:01:35,229 --> 00:01:38,166
Let's open it up.
And remember...British.
44
00:01:38,199 --> 00:01:40,134
Female.
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00:01:40,168 --> 00:01:42,170
Hurtful. Go.
46
00:01:42,203 --> 00:01:44,505
[overlapping chatter
with accents]
47
00:01:44,538 --> 00:01:46,607
- The mocha latte...
48
00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:49,510
- I abandoned you in the loo.
49
00:01:49,543 --> 00:01:52,346
- * Next time
I'll listen to my heart *
50
00:01:52,380 --> 00:01:55,483
* Next time
well I'll be smart *
51
00:01:55,516 --> 00:02:02,323
*
52
00:02:02,356 --> 00:02:05,226
[dramatic classical music
playing]
53
00:02:05,259 --> 00:02:11,732
*
54
00:02:13,801 --> 00:02:15,736
Ahh...
55
00:02:16,870 --> 00:02:19,640
This is my sanctuary.
56
00:02:19,673 --> 00:02:22,910
*
57
00:02:25,846 --> 00:02:26,914
- Wha--
58
00:02:33,287 --> 00:02:34,722
It's fine.
59
00:02:34,755 --> 00:02:36,324
Ah, it's fine.
60
00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:40,894
Nope.
61
00:02:40,928 --> 00:02:43,564
*
62
00:02:43,597 --> 00:02:45,633
I was kicked
outta the bookstore.
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00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:48,336
Tried to explain to the manager
that their staff "pick"
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00:02:48,369 --> 00:02:50,671
was feel-good soft-core
nonsense.
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00:02:50,704 --> 00:02:52,906
Yeah, I happened to gesture
with my coffee hand,
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00:02:52,940 --> 00:02:55,409
you know, splashed a couple
measly drops on the guy.
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00:02:55,443 --> 00:02:57,478
He starts throwing
the word scalded around--
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00:02:57,511 --> 00:02:58,979
"You've scalded me!"
Next thing I know,
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00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:01,615
this large-calfed tyrant
has his troop of baboons
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00:03:01,649 --> 00:03:03,217
forcibly eject me.
71
00:03:03,251 --> 00:03:04,685
So...new plan.
72
00:03:04,718 --> 00:03:06,687
British accents weren't exactly
taking off anyway.
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00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:09,823
We will now focus on taking
down the Miles display.
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00:03:09,857 --> 00:03:12,560
You will infiltrate the store
by getting jobs there
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00:03:12,593 --> 00:03:14,962
and changing the staff pick,
thereby giving me
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00:03:14,995 --> 00:03:16,564
some semblance of sanctuary
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00:03:16,597 --> 00:03:18,899
in this chili dump
of a town.
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00:03:18,932 --> 00:03:20,468
- Did Miles do something
to you?
79
00:03:20,501 --> 00:03:21,702
Did he get you fired
from Harvard?
80
00:03:21,735 --> 00:03:24,838
- No, Miles just has
this, um...
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00:03:24,872 --> 00:03:27,408
You know, he--he's like--
You know those people that--
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00:03:27,441 --> 00:03:29,610
He wears scarves.
Indoors, you know what I mean?
83
00:03:29,643 --> 00:03:32,413
When he smiles it's like,
"Ehh..." You know?
84
00:03:32,446 --> 00:03:33,847
You just wanna--
It's just ehh--
85
00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:35,683
You know, he's like
one of those people.
86
00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:37,385
Look, do I need to go on,
or are you guys getting this?
87
00:03:37,418 --> 00:03:38,619
- Couldn't you just
find a sanctuary
88
00:03:38,652 --> 00:03:40,321
in a different part
of the store?
89
00:03:40,354 --> 00:03:41,589
That seems easier
than lashing out.
90
00:03:41,622 --> 00:03:43,324
- Does everyone hear him
the way I do?
91
00:03:43,357 --> 00:03:45,393
The grating tone?
That's gonna be fatal
92
00:03:45,426 --> 00:03:46,594
in a job interview, bud.
93
00:03:46,627 --> 00:03:49,263
- Mr. Griffin,
we can't get jobs.
94
00:03:49,297 --> 00:03:51,532
- Yes, you can!
Look, it's easy.
95
00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:53,534
Couple of you get in,
you flip the pic,
96
00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:55,403
and then quit,
for all I care.
97
00:03:55,436 --> 00:03:56,904
I mean, look,
it's a minimum wage job.
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00:03:56,937 --> 00:03:59,340
These things are designed
to be revolving door.
99
00:03:59,373 --> 00:04:03,311
So...who here has ever been
on a job interview?
100
00:04:03,344 --> 00:04:05,613
- Once my grandma asked me
101
00:04:05,646 --> 00:04:08,349
to help her dig onions
in the yard.
102
00:04:09,517 --> 00:04:11,018
- Okay. We're gonna need
some practice.
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00:04:19,493 --> 00:04:21,762
Hello?
- Hey, sorry to interrupt you.
104
00:04:21,795 --> 00:04:25,766
It's, uh, Principal Durbin
from work.
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00:04:25,799 --> 00:04:27,635
I was hoping to see you
106
00:04:27,668 --> 00:04:29,403
in my office
when you have a moment?
107
00:04:31,639 --> 00:04:33,374
Well, you're teaching
a class.
108
00:04:33,407 --> 00:04:34,408
You can't literally
mean now.
109
00:04:34,442 --> 00:04:36,644
- I'm on my way.
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00:04:36,677 --> 00:04:38,379
- Well, you--
111
00:04:38,412 --> 00:04:41,315
- Heather, I want you to
take over for me, okay?
112
00:04:41,349 --> 00:04:42,750
I want you to mock interview
all these people.
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00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:45,653
You guys are gonna do great.
Just need a little work.
114
00:04:45,686 --> 00:04:47,721
It's gonna work.
115
00:04:47,755 --> 00:04:50,524
- That's your signature scent.
She can't--
116
00:04:50,558 --> 00:04:52,393
Ah--pffft! She can't
take that away from you.
117
00:04:52,426 --> 00:04:53,394
Now, scoot.
118
00:04:53,427 --> 00:04:55,529
Sorry, the kids come first.
119
00:04:55,563 --> 00:04:57,498
You're Jack, right?
- Yes.
120
00:04:57,531 --> 00:05:00,033
- H.H. DeMarcus.
I go by Helen.
121
00:05:00,067 --> 00:05:01,935
How was Harvard?
122
00:05:03,771 --> 00:05:04,972
Uh...
123
00:05:05,005 --> 00:05:06,774
let's go with good.
124
00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:08,576
If Durbin's available now,
I'd love to just--
125
00:05:08,609 --> 00:05:10,778
- The annual bake sale
is coming up,
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00:05:10,811 --> 00:05:12,880
and all teachers have to
bring a baked good.
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00:05:12,913 --> 00:05:16,083
I do cream puffs,
and people love 'em a lot.
128
00:05:16,116 --> 00:05:17,618
But the most important part
129
00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:19,720
is that we're raisin' money
for the school.
130
00:05:19,753 --> 00:05:22,089
And I'm gonna write down
"Raisin' Money"
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00:05:22,122 --> 00:05:23,691
as a good cookie name.
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00:05:23,724 --> 00:05:25,693
I write them down
when they come to me.
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00:05:25,726 --> 00:05:27,628
Now, you're getting off easy
because you're new,
134
00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:29,597
so I'm just gonna give you
chocolate chip.
135
00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:31,131
- I should have stopped you
so much earlier.
136
00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:32,766
Why would I ever do that?
137
00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:34,435
- To show us how much
Ram pride ya got!
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00:05:34,468 --> 00:05:35,603
- Oh, I see.
No, we're on the same page.
139
00:05:35,636 --> 00:05:37,438
Put me down
as a definite no.
140
00:05:37,471 --> 00:05:39,707
- You haven't gotten bitten
by the Ram yet.
141
00:05:39,740 --> 00:05:41,709
- Guess not.
- Pam the Ram's comin' at ya.
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00:05:41,742 --> 00:05:44,011
Get ready!
143
00:05:44,044 --> 00:05:46,113
All rams are male.
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00:05:46,146 --> 00:05:47,781
- Pam's a trans ram.
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00:05:49,417 --> 00:05:50,984
Yeah.
146
00:05:51,018 --> 00:05:52,886
Okay.
147
00:05:53,053 --> 00:05:55,456
- Jack comin' in!
148
00:05:57,525 --> 00:05:59,527
Time to
pay the piper, Jack.
149
00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:02,496
- Wha--I love
whatever this is.
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00:06:02,530 --> 00:06:04,097
Is it something
from a movie?
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00:06:04,131 --> 00:06:06,467
- It's a Mercedes ad.
Print.
152
00:06:06,500 --> 00:06:08,602
"Never compromise."
153
00:06:08,636 --> 00:06:10,738
- Ah! Well, you are
nailin' it.
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00:06:10,771 --> 00:06:11,972
So I'm all ears.
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00:06:12,005 --> 00:06:14,642
- You gotta replace the school
sign that you wrecked, homeboy.
156
00:06:14,675 --> 00:06:17,044
Right? It was granite,
very intricate,
157
00:06:17,077 --> 00:06:19,012
very expensive work
on the ram.
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00:06:19,046 --> 00:06:23,851
Jack, this is on you,
and I never...
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00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:25,886
compromise.
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00:06:25,919 --> 00:06:27,888
- It's funny--I've been meaning
to bring this up myself.
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00:06:27,921 --> 00:06:31,158
See, my lawyers were asking
if the sign was far enough back
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00:06:31,191 --> 00:06:33,494
from the road,
legally speaking.
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00:06:33,527 --> 00:06:37,064
And my neck has
really been hurting.
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00:06:37,097 --> 00:06:39,032
You see, the thing is...
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00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:41,134
I also never compromise.
166
00:06:41,168 --> 00:06:44,905
- And as...a man who does
not compromise,
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00:06:44,938 --> 00:06:46,039
I have to respect that.
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00:06:46,073 --> 00:06:48,075
And, um, I'm sure I can
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00:06:48,108 --> 00:06:50,177
trim some fat
from the budget
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00:06:50,210 --> 00:06:52,813
and maybe find some folks
who, unlike us,
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00:06:52,846 --> 00:06:56,049
are willing to compromise.
- Ah.
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00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:58,185
Ahh! Look alive,
Whitlock!
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00:06:58,218 --> 00:06:59,987
Durbin's on the warpath!
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00:07:00,821 --> 00:07:02,155
All right, class,
175
00:07:02,189 --> 00:07:03,957
I'm back, so start to shut...
176
00:07:03,991 --> 00:07:06,494
up.
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00:07:08,696 --> 00:07:09,663
Hmm.
178
00:07:09,697 --> 00:07:12,966
Heather, you, uh,
finish those job interviews?
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00:07:14,101 --> 00:07:16,036
Yeah?
Who'd ya hire?
180
00:07:16,069 --> 00:07:19,206
Somebody had a lotta great
references maybe, huh?
181
00:07:19,239 --> 00:07:21,542
Maybe the boss'
nephew.
182
00:07:24,845 --> 00:07:27,014
Yeah.
183
00:07:27,047 --> 00:07:28,682
That's what I thought.
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00:07:28,716 --> 00:07:30,984
These damn textbooks!
185
00:07:31,018 --> 00:07:33,687
You should all take a page
from how cool Dan Decker is.
186
00:07:33,721 --> 00:07:34,888
You're not gonna see him
187
00:07:34,922 --> 00:07:36,056
thumbing through
a biology textbook.
188
00:07:36,089 --> 00:07:37,791
- Nobody gave me one yet.
189
00:07:37,825 --> 00:07:40,594
- Nobody even gave him one.
How cool is that?
190
00:07:40,628 --> 00:07:42,029
You know what?
191
00:07:42,062 --> 00:07:43,831
Line up with your books
over here. Come on.
192
00:07:43,864 --> 00:07:45,265
Line up with your books,
let's go.
193
00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:47,034
Now, you see all these
open windows?
194
00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:49,703
Aaaaanybody wanna guess
what happens next?
195
00:07:49,737 --> 00:07:51,639
- Mr. Griffin,
we can't throw out our books.
196
00:07:51,672 --> 00:07:52,906
What about the AP test?
197
00:07:52,940 --> 00:07:54,708
- Oh, can we not
throw out the books?
198
00:07:54,742 --> 00:07:56,176
Let's go.
199
00:07:56,209 --> 00:07:58,245
Toss 'em, guys, toss 'em.
200
00:08:02,282 --> 00:08:04,718
Sarika Sarkar,
you gonna be okay?
201
00:08:04,752 --> 00:08:06,987
- Not without my book, no.
202
00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:10,591
- Whaaaaah!
203
00:08:10,624 --> 00:08:11,892
- I didn't.
204
00:08:11,925 --> 00:08:14,027
I didn't--Hand to God,
I did not know.
205
00:08:14,061 --> 00:08:15,963
Oh, man, I coulda really...
206
00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:17,064
I coulda really hurt you.
207
00:08:17,097 --> 00:08:19,132
Whoo! Oh, man.
208
00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:20,934
All right, I was gonna
start in on the interview prep,
209
00:08:20,968 --> 00:08:22,703
but I don't think
I can do it, man.
210
00:08:22,736 --> 00:08:24,905
But I could get arrested
for something like that, dude.
211
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:29,677
- Coach. Coach Novak,
I need to, uh,
212
00:08:29,710 --> 00:08:32,546
talk to you
about the budget.
213
00:08:32,580 --> 00:08:34,648
I need to you, uh...
214
00:08:34,682 --> 00:08:37,685
I need you to cut down
on field chalk.
215
00:08:37,718 --> 00:08:39,987
Can't be, you know,
touching that up every day.
216
00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:42,289
I'm not gonna
compromise.
217
00:08:42,322 --> 00:08:44,291
- I get it.
We're on the same team.
218
00:08:44,324 --> 00:08:45,693
!
219
00:08:45,726 --> 00:08:47,160
- But while we're talkin'
budget,
220
00:08:47,194 --> 00:08:48,896
I need a new P.E. parachute.
221
00:08:48,929 --> 00:08:50,898
The old one got snagged
on a kid's belt buckle.
222
00:08:50,931 --> 00:08:52,666
He got whipped
across the room,
223
00:08:52,700 --> 00:08:55,903
and his buckle gutted
that chute like a trout.
224
00:08:55,936 --> 00:08:58,071
- "Never compromise."
225
00:08:59,740 --> 00:09:01,041
First off, I need to know
226
00:09:01,074 --> 00:09:02,876
when students
get whipped across the gym.
227
00:09:02,910 --> 00:09:06,079
And secondly,
I'm in cutting mode, so--
228
00:09:06,113 --> 00:09:08,215
- Oh, I see. You headed
straight to P.E., huh?
229
00:09:08,248 --> 00:09:09,717
Bottom of the totem pole.
230
00:09:09,750 --> 00:09:12,152
- Dick, I understand
how crucial P.E. is.
231
00:09:12,185 --> 00:09:14,888
I tire out the boys!
232
00:09:14,922 --> 00:09:17,024
You realize what a bunch
of hopped-up boys
233
00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:19,960
who had full energy
would do to this school?
234
00:09:19,993 --> 00:09:22,195
- I'll get you
the parachute.
235
00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:24,698
Find a way to fix it.
236
00:09:26,299 --> 00:09:27,935
- If I didn't tire out
the boys,
237
00:09:27,968 --> 00:09:30,337
this school would be
rubble by lunch!
238
00:09:30,370 --> 00:09:33,273
- Remember, people, this is
for the bookstore interview.
239
00:09:33,306 --> 00:09:35,175
Posture.
Eye contact.
240
00:09:35,208 --> 00:09:37,210
And if I get the sense
you're not really trying,
241
00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:38,746
you get an F.
242
00:09:38,779 --> 00:09:42,850
- I like big books,
and I cannot lie.
243
00:09:43,851 --> 00:09:45,886
- I have a 4.125 GPA.
244
00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:47,721
- Never talk about grades.
No one cares.
245
00:09:47,755 --> 00:09:49,823
They have no impact
on life.
246
00:09:49,857 --> 00:09:50,691
Next!
247
00:09:50,724 --> 00:09:52,259
And greatest weakness?
248
00:09:52,292 --> 00:09:54,061
- My neck.
- Very literal.
249
00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:57,931
- I couldn't even hold my head
up until I was five years old.
250
00:09:57,965 --> 00:09:59,332
- The only job I've ever had
251
00:09:59,366 --> 00:10:01,234
was babysitting
my little brother.
252
00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:02,970
- Look, you guys are trying
to make a good impression here,
253
00:10:03,003 --> 00:10:04,738
so you're gonna have to
straight-up lie.
254
00:10:04,772 --> 00:10:06,907
If you don't, someone else
will, so it's fine.
255
00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:08,809
It's called
holistic consequentialism:
256
00:10:08,842 --> 00:10:11,244
the consequences are the same
either way, so...
257
00:10:11,278 --> 00:10:13,046
lying.
Go!
258
00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:14,848
- My dad is author
Stephen King.
259
00:10:14,882 --> 00:10:16,850
- I have
a normal-strength neck.
260
00:10:16,884 --> 00:10:18,719
If I hear something
behind me,
261
00:10:18,752 --> 00:10:20,754
I turn and look without effort.
262
00:10:20,788 --> 00:10:22,723
- Well, I hope you're all
inheriting money,
263
00:10:22,756 --> 00:10:24,191
because you're completely
unhirable.
264
00:10:24,224 --> 00:10:26,059
I have no choice but to
take a run at this myself,
265
00:10:29,730 --> 00:10:30,030
.
266
00:10:31,999 --> 00:10:33,701
We might lose
a whole academic year.
267
00:10:33,734 --> 00:10:35,803
- We have to do something.
268
00:10:35,836 --> 00:10:37,204
He has all the power.
269
00:10:37,237 --> 00:10:39,039
- We should all show up
at his house,
270
00:10:39,072 --> 00:10:40,407
ambush him,
and refuse to leave
271
00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:42,242
until he gives us
our books back.
272
00:10:42,275 --> 00:10:43,410
Who's in?
- I'm in.
273
00:10:43,443 --> 00:10:45,245
I wanna see
a professor's house.
274
00:10:45,278 --> 00:10:48,281
I bet it's like the library
from "Beauty and the Beast."
275
00:10:48,315 --> 00:10:50,183
- We should ask
Dan Decker.
276
00:10:50,217 --> 00:10:53,153
He's scary,
but Mr. Griffin likes him.
277
00:11:01,762 --> 00:11:03,864
*
278
00:11:03,897 --> 00:11:05,966
- Where is that son of a...
279
00:11:08,435 --> 00:11:11,972
- Jack, you are squeezing
that pen so hard.
280
00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:13,073
What are you working on?
281
00:11:13,106 --> 00:11:15,208
- Revenge.
- Oh ho ho ho.
282
00:11:15,242 --> 00:11:16,744
"Revenge"!
- Somebody call Shonda!
283
00:11:16,777 --> 00:11:18,746
Revenge!
- Little too dramatic.
284
00:11:18,779 --> 00:11:19,913
- "Shonda"...
285
00:11:19,947 --> 00:11:21,281
- There he is!
286
00:11:21,314 --> 00:11:23,250
- Oh, God, not now, Helen,
please.
287
00:11:23,283 --> 00:11:25,719
I-I'm working on a writing
project of great importance.
288
00:11:25,753 --> 00:11:28,021
- Exactly. You're a big
brainiac with these
289
00:11:28,055 --> 00:11:30,824
big thoughts, and there's no
room in your head for cookies.
290
00:11:30,858 --> 00:11:32,960
That's why I made it
even easier for ya.
291
00:11:32,993 --> 00:11:34,194
- You know,
292
00:11:34,227 --> 00:11:36,496
I'm not some absentminded
nutty professor
293
00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:39,032
who's baffled by baking.
I simply don't wanna do it.
294
00:11:39,066 --> 00:11:42,502
- "Nutty Professor" is the
perfect name for your cookies!
295
00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:44,371
- That maniac doesn't care
296
00:11:44,404 --> 00:11:46,039
about first impressions at all.
297
00:11:46,073 --> 00:11:48,942
Iron out your panties, Jack.
298
00:11:48,976 --> 00:11:50,811
- Listen...
299
00:11:50,844 --> 00:11:53,013
- I do not bake cookies...
300
00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:54,414
and I will never waver
on that.
301
00:11:54,447 --> 00:11:57,250
- Look at his nostrils.
- Girl, they are flaring.
302
00:11:57,284 --> 00:11:58,318
- Which one.
303
00:11:58,351 --> 00:11:59,753
- My Michelle mug.
304
00:11:59,787 --> 00:12:01,521
It's got my name on it,
Michelle?
305
00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:03,456
[rapid piano notes
over phone]
306
00:12:03,490 --> 00:12:06,126
- Thank you for calling
Bartholemew's Bookstore.
307
00:12:06,159 --> 00:12:08,328
We appreciate your call.
308
00:12:08,361 --> 00:12:11,498
[classical piano melody
continues]
309
00:12:11,531 --> 00:12:13,901
*
310
00:12:13,934 --> 00:12:16,536
Miles: What is time?
Why are we here?
311
00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:18,138
I'm Miles Leonard...
- No.
312
00:12:18,171 --> 00:12:19,472
Representative!
- Philosopher
313
00:12:19,506 --> 00:12:21,108
and MacArthur Genius.
- Representative!
314
00:12:21,141 --> 00:12:22,375
- "The Question IS
the Answer."
315
00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:26,914
Why are we here?
316
00:12:26,947 --> 00:12:28,816
- I'm Miles Leonard,
philosopher
317
00:12:28,849 --> 00:12:30,818
and MacArthur Genius.
Representative!
318
00:12:30,851 --> 00:12:32,452
- "The Question IS
the Answer."
319
00:12:32,485 --> 00:12:35,856
What is time?
Why are we here?
320
00:12:35,889 --> 00:12:37,557
I'm Miles Leonard,
Philosopher--
321
00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:40,327
- Oh, shut up!
- My book, "The Question
322
00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:41,929
IS the answer."
323
00:12:45,899 --> 00:12:48,101
Representative!
324
00:12:48,135 --> 00:12:51,238
- Let's go around back.
325
00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:52,973
Bartholemew's.
Kyle speaking.
326
00:12:53,006 --> 00:12:54,908
- Hold on, I'm coming,
I'm coming, I'm coming!
327
00:12:56,844 --> 00:12:58,245
- What do you mean,
you don't get involved
328
00:12:58,278 --> 00:13:00,047
in regional staff pics?
What if Cliff
329
00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:01,581
and his underlings
picked "Mein Kampf"?
330
00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:04,317
You've never heard--Well,
it's Adolf Hitler's manifesto.
331
00:13:04,351 --> 00:13:06,219
You might wanna look it up.
332
00:13:06,253 --> 00:13:08,521
"Mein" is spelled like
chow mein,
333
00:13:08,555 --> 00:13:10,423
"Kampf" is spelled like camp.
but with a K,
334
00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:11,859
and stick an F at the end.
335
00:13:11,892 --> 00:13:13,861
No, no, no, no, no,
do-do-don't--
336
00:13:13,894 --> 00:13:15,829
Why are we here?
337
00:13:15,863 --> 00:13:17,397
I'm Miles Leonard.
338
00:13:17,430 --> 00:13:20,367
- We should leave.
This feels like an intrusion.
339
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:22,569
We can use this.
340
00:13:22,602 --> 00:13:25,172
- Ah!
- New plan. If this guy's
341
00:13:25,205 --> 00:13:27,307
gonna teach us,
we need to help him.
342
00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:29,877
- We can't take advantage
of whatever...
343
00:13:29,910 --> 00:13:31,144
this is.
344
00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:36,884
Stick with the plan.
He's vulnerable!
345
00:13:36,917 --> 00:13:40,620
You guys are wimps!
I should have brought girls.
346
00:13:44,624 --> 00:13:44,992
.
347
00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:47,594
- Okay, here he comes.
348
00:13:47,627 --> 00:13:48,996
Everybody remember,
be gentle.
349
00:13:49,029 --> 00:13:50,230
This is a man on the edge.
350
00:13:50,263 --> 00:13:52,399
- All right, everybody,
pipe down.
351
00:13:52,432 --> 00:13:54,868
This plan's
on life-support.
352
00:13:58,038 --> 00:13:59,406
Is this a Mormon school?
353
00:13:59,439 --> 00:14:01,308
- No, silly!
354
00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:04,011
We're doing more interview
prep today, right, Sarika?
355
00:14:04,044 --> 00:14:06,079
- Yeah. I'm psyched about it.
356
00:14:06,113 --> 00:14:09,249
- We made official resumes.
357
00:14:09,282 --> 00:14:11,885
- I watched "Working Girl"
last night.
358
00:14:11,919 --> 00:14:15,022
- Guys, this is a massive
improvement in attitude.
359
00:14:15,055 --> 00:14:16,890
Ha.
- This is much more interesting
360
00:14:16,924 --> 00:14:18,091
than biology.
361
00:14:18,125 --> 00:14:20,293
Thank you.
I-I hate knowledge.
362
00:14:20,327 --> 00:14:22,195
- Don't imply
that I hate knowledge,
363
00:14:22,229 --> 00:14:25,132
but, uh, yeah, why don't we
jump into some interview prep?
364
00:14:25,165 --> 00:14:28,601
Right off the bat, I am seeing
way too many bolo ties.
365
00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:32,906
- Durbin Outfitters!
366
00:14:32,940 --> 00:14:35,075
- Durbin Outfitters!
- Hel-lo!
367
00:14:35,108 --> 00:14:37,177
- We heard you're
giving out money...
368
00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:39,079
Is that what people are saying?
369
00:14:39,112 --> 00:14:41,414
- My kids need a monitor
for presentations.
370
00:14:41,448 --> 00:14:44,351
- Mine need a microphone
also for presentations.
371
00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:46,319
- And my kids
need this technology
372
00:14:46,353 --> 00:14:48,455
where song lyrics pop up
at the bottom of the screen
373
00:14:48,488 --> 00:14:50,590
and there's like a waterfall
and a woman riding a horse.
374
00:14:52,092 --> 00:14:53,493
I can't buy you
a karaoke machine!
375
00:14:53,526 --> 00:14:55,095
I'm looking for cuts!
376
00:14:55,128 --> 00:14:58,065
- Come on, Durbs.
The staff karaoke machine
377
00:14:58,098 --> 00:15:00,968
has been broken for
the last three semesters.
378
00:15:01,001 --> 00:15:02,702
I know there's a song
in you.
379
00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:05,172
- I do a pretty good...
380
00:15:05,205 --> 00:15:07,007
"Thriller," along with
the Vincent Price part.
381
00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:08,141
- Yes!
382
00:15:08,175 --> 00:15:11,211
- I knew it!
383
00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:12,980
- Gotta do it--I love it!
384
00:15:13,013 --> 00:15:14,214
- All right.
385
00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:23,356
Oh, crud, I just bought
a karaoke machine.
386
00:15:28,461 --> 00:15:32,499
- Oh, geez.
There's my sad little guy!
387
00:15:32,532 --> 00:15:33,733
Oh...
388
00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:36,169
Whooooh!
389
00:15:36,203 --> 00:15:38,138
What are you doing?
- Oh, I'm tapped into
390
00:15:38,171 --> 00:15:40,507
your kids, Jack.
They told me what happened--
391
00:15:40,540 --> 00:15:44,011
how you microwaved that
fast food taco with lettuce.
392
00:15:44,044 --> 00:15:45,245
- Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait.
393
00:15:45,278 --> 00:15:47,180
The kids were at my house?
- Yeah.
394
00:15:47,214 --> 00:15:49,716
They saw you drinking
and practicing punching,
395
00:15:49,749 --> 00:15:52,185
and they were worried
you were having
396
00:15:52,219 --> 00:15:54,321
some kinda breakdown, so they
wanted to do something for you.
397
00:15:54,354 --> 00:15:56,089
- That's the reason
they went along
398
00:15:56,123 --> 00:15:57,524
with everything I said
today
399
00:15:57,557 --> 00:15:59,126
- No. Ram pride!
400
00:15:59,159 --> 00:16:01,228
When one of our own
has their horns
401
00:16:01,261 --> 00:16:03,663
stuck in that fence,
we're there
402
00:16:03,696 --> 00:16:05,598
to pull 'em by the caboose,
and that is why
403
00:16:05,632 --> 00:16:07,367
you are off cookie duty.
404
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:09,336
Because you're just under
too much strain.
405
00:16:09,369 --> 00:16:12,005
- I'm under no strain
at all
406
00:16:12,039 --> 00:16:14,007
And there is absolutely
nothing difficult
407
00:16:14,041 --> 00:16:15,275
about baking cookies.
408
00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:17,577
- Sorry, pal,
because it's a no.
409
00:16:17,610 --> 00:16:19,446
They would be blood cookies,
410
00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:21,248
paid for with your sanity.
411
00:16:21,281 --> 00:16:23,716
- You're a ridiculous person.
I'm gonna go.
412
00:16:23,750 --> 00:16:25,752
Okay.
413
00:16:25,785 --> 00:16:28,421
I was pitied
by a pack of dweebs?
414
00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:32,792
*
415
00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:36,029
Dan Decker. Are you part of
that dork recon team
416
00:16:36,063 --> 00:16:38,298
that's peeping in my windows?
417
00:16:38,331 --> 00:16:39,432
- No.
418
00:16:39,466 --> 00:16:42,469
No one really loops me in
on anything.
419
00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:49,442
- You, uh...
420
00:16:49,476 --> 00:16:51,811
always come out here
and eat lunch by yourself?
421
00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:53,680
Thought you'd be like
on a team
422
00:16:53,713 --> 00:16:56,015
or part of a bully crew
or something.
423
00:16:57,117 --> 00:17:00,453
Come on, man.
What's the deal?
424
00:17:00,487 --> 00:17:02,389
- I moved here from Florida
like a year ago,
425
00:17:02,422 --> 00:17:06,059
and I'm kinda not that great
at making friends.
426
00:17:06,093 --> 00:17:08,395
Can't even talk to
the A.P. Bio kids.
427
00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:11,698
- Is that Heather from class
and the body of Wonder Woman?
428
00:17:11,731 --> 00:17:12,765
- No, no.
429
00:17:12,799 --> 00:17:14,334
It--
430
00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:16,069
- You just gotta give them
something they want.
431
00:17:16,103 --> 00:17:18,338
You probably just have to
say the word "Dumbledore,"
432
00:17:18,371 --> 00:17:20,340
and they'd all high-five
each other and go nuts.
433
00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:23,410
But that's not really the path
I like for you anyway, man.
434
00:17:23,443 --> 00:17:25,712
I see you more as like
a lone wolf.
435
00:17:25,745 --> 00:17:28,848
I mean, sure, people try to
rope you into their bake sales,
436
00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:31,184
but...take it
from this guy.
437
00:17:31,218 --> 00:17:33,286
The life of a lone wolf
can be pretty sweet.
438
00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:35,488
- Dude, I don't wanna
be like you.
439
00:17:35,522 --> 00:17:37,124
Your life's a mess.
440
00:17:50,537 --> 00:17:50,703
.
441
00:17:53,540 --> 00:17:56,476
*
442
00:18:00,247 --> 00:18:07,454
*
443
00:18:09,289 --> 00:18:12,759
- Hey, where do you think
you're going with that?
444
00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:14,794
Hey--hey!
445
00:18:14,827 --> 00:18:17,330
- * No good,
do no good *
446
00:18:17,364 --> 00:18:19,132
* And, well, it's true
447
00:18:19,166 --> 00:18:21,734
* 'Cause they never do
what you want 'em to *
448
00:18:21,768 --> 00:18:25,872
* 'Cause people,
they're no good *
449
00:18:25,905 --> 00:18:30,443
* Oh, no, they're no good
at meetings *
450
00:18:30,477 --> 00:18:32,812
* When they come out to play
451
00:18:32,845 --> 00:18:36,249
* And they're no good
for bookings *
452
00:18:36,283 --> 00:18:39,452
* 'Cause we can't make 'em
stay, hey *
453
00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:47,527
*
454
00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:49,196
- This is a croquembouche.
455
00:18:49,229 --> 00:18:52,232
much like your cream puffs,
but more impressive.
456
00:18:52,265 --> 00:18:55,935
It is you who will have
the mental breakdown, Helen.
457
00:18:55,968 --> 00:18:59,239
This is a one-time exception.
Write down everything I say
458
00:18:59,272 --> 00:19:02,242
right now. First,
never dress like this again.
459
00:19:02,275 --> 00:19:04,811
Second, I took down
the Miles cutout myself.
460
00:19:04,844 --> 00:19:07,247
I've been banned from
the bookstore for life,
461
00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:08,815
but...that's okay.
462
00:19:08,848 --> 00:19:10,583
The only true sanctuary
I'll have in this town
463
00:19:10,617 --> 00:19:12,752
is between these two ears
right here.
464
00:19:12,785 --> 00:19:16,223
Third, and finally,
never pity me.
465
00:19:16,256 --> 00:19:17,757
Did any of you go to Harvard?
466
00:19:17,790 --> 00:19:20,527
Have any of you slept with
24 women?
467
00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:23,430
What you saw when you
trespassed on my property
468
00:19:23,463 --> 00:19:24,531
was a man who eats
what he wants,
469
00:19:24,564 --> 00:19:25,665
drinks what he wants,
470
00:19:25,698 --> 00:19:28,801
wears...what he wants.
471
00:19:28,835 --> 00:19:31,638
It is a lifestyle most high
school kids would kill for.
472
00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:34,741
It's sad to me
that you can't see that.
473
00:19:34,774 --> 00:19:36,776
The only embarrassing
part of my day
474
00:19:36,809 --> 00:19:40,413
is the 55 minutes
I have to spend here.
475
00:19:43,583 --> 00:19:45,452
*
476
00:19:45,485 --> 00:19:47,687
One more thing, though.
477
00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:50,790
Does anyone have anything
to say about
478
00:19:50,823 --> 00:19:51,858
Dumbledore?
479
00:19:51,891 --> 00:19:55,395
- Well, actually...
- Dumbledore was clearly...
480
00:19:57,597 --> 00:19:59,299
- Pipe down! Stop!
481
00:19:59,332 --> 00:20:00,967
Stop. Pipe down, pipe down.
482
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:03,703
One at a time.
Let's start with...Dan.
483
00:20:03,736 --> 00:20:05,705
You have the floor.
484
00:20:15,748 --> 00:20:17,850
- If you're so embarrassed
to teach this class,
485
00:20:17,884 --> 00:20:19,519
Miles is probably
the last person
486
00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:20,987
you want getting that
picture.
487
00:20:21,020 --> 00:20:24,691
He won't, if you give
the bio textbooks back.
488
00:20:25,758 --> 00:20:28,928
Like you said:
Give them what they want.
489
00:20:28,961 --> 00:20:32,465
*
490
00:20:32,499 --> 00:20:34,767
- Ha.
491
00:20:35,768 --> 00:20:38,571
One chapter.
Of my choosing.
492
00:20:38,605 --> 00:20:40,573
From the middle of the book.
493
00:20:40,607 --> 00:20:41,708
- All right, Dan!
- Way to go, Dan!
494
00:20:41,741 --> 00:20:45,678
- Yeah, Dan!
- All right, Dan.
495
00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:50,483
- You're rooted.
You're rooted, okay?
496
00:20:50,517 --> 00:20:53,353
No compromise.
497
00:20:53,386 --> 00:20:56,289
Hey, Jack,
I am done compromising.
498
00:20:56,323 --> 00:20:58,758
Now, we have blown
way past the sign on this one.
499
00:20:58,791 --> 00:21:00,893
Your class's lab equipment
is due to be upgraded,
500
00:21:00,927 --> 00:21:02,862
but you're just gonna
have to do without.
501
00:21:02,895 --> 00:21:05,031
- Sounds good.
502
00:21:05,064 --> 00:21:07,567
You can do that, and you're not
gonna shortchange the students?
503
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:09,702
- Won't affect the lesson
plan at all.
504
00:21:09,736 --> 00:21:13,906
*
505
00:21:17,377 --> 00:21:19,746
Never compromise.
36555
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