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1
00:00:12,720 --> 00:00:15,075
Erm, 14B Needham Road?
2
00:00:15,800 --> 00:00:17,313
Sorry I'm late, I just ran over there.
3
00:00:17,480 --> 00:00:18,834
- Stath. Perfect to meet you.
- Hi.
4
00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:21,316
I'm Stath, many happy returns.
I'm Stath.
5
00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:22,914
Your daughter. Yes, exactly.
6
00:00:23,360 --> 00:00:26,273
And shall we wait for Mummy to go in
or are we just going to charge in?
7
00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:27,630
Me and her mum are separated.
8
00:00:27,760 --> 00:00:29,159
Oh, God!
9
00:00:29,800 --> 00:00:32,235
#One, two, three, four, five #
10
00:00:33,040 --> 00:00:35,031
That's sort of a song for her
'cause she's quite young.
11
00:00:38,320 --> 00:00:40,197
Oh, and there's a chair!
12
00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:42,238
Michael & Eagle Lettings!
13
00:00:42,360 --> 00:00:45,557
This is a feature, up here,
that we tried to get rid of,
14
00:00:45,720 --> 00:00:47,791
but in the end we decided we loved it.
15
00:00:48,320 --> 00:00:51,233
And as you can see,
there's an absolutely shower.
16
00:00:51,640 --> 00:00:53,597
I mean, why have they
put the television here?
17
00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:54,949
Who's watching TV like that?
18
00:00:55,160 --> 00:00:57,310
Just making sure
there's no one in the bathroom.
19
00:00:57,400 --> 00:00:59,550
Oh, blimey! Oh, there's a man
in the bath, I can see his willy!
20
00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:03,190
(LAUGHS) No,justjoking, it's a lovely,
er, flat, there's no willies.
21
00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:05,430
Imagine you have a party,
look how many people you would fit in,
22
00:01:05,520 --> 00:01:10,071
one, two, three, four, five, six, seven,
and then that's seven,
23
00:01:10,160 --> 00:01:12,037
and if you step like this that's 14,
24
00:01:12,160 --> 00:01:14,276
and then, ah, what's another seven?
25
00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:15,435
- Twenty-one.
- Twenty-one.
26
00:01:16,320 --> 00:01:18,436
Any water that might
get on them... No!
27
00:01:18,760 --> 00:01:20,797
You are going to love
28
00:01:21,480 --> 00:01:22,515
this.
29
00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:24,239
It's a bit damp on the wall there,
isn't it?
30
00:01:24,320 --> 00:01:27,119
Nope, no, no, no, no, no, no.
It's not. It's not damp.
31
00:01:28,360 --> 00:01:31,432
You just don't want
to have the tissue paper
32
00:01:31,520 --> 00:01:33,113
lent against the wall because it...
33
00:01:33,240 --> 00:01:36,153
Because it's going to get wet
because the wall is damp.
34
00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:41,553
Oh, the fun, all the fun of the fair!
35
00:01:41,720 --> 00:01:42,835
Watch her go!
36
00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:46,913
Watch her go!
37
00:01:48,720 --> 00:01:50,119
She loves it!
38
00:01:50,480 --> 00:01:51,914
Unfortunately it doesn't
come with the flat.
39
00:01:52,240 --> 00:01:54,277
Do you want to let the flat
now that I've said that to you?
40
00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:57,038
No, I don't think so.
41
00:01:57,120 --> 00:01:58,110
Sorry.
42
00:01:58,200 --> 00:01:59,190
Why?
43
00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:00,839
Do you want to take the flat?
44
00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:03,391
Erm, it's a lovely place, it really is.
Yeah.
45
00:02:03,520 --> 00:02:06,399
- Erm...
- Do you want to take the flat?
46
00:02:06,480 --> 00:02:09,074
I think we need to have a chat, there's
a few more places we need to look at.
47
00:02:09,160 --> 00:02:12,073
Do you want to take the... The flat?
48
00:02:12,920 --> 00:02:14,354
- No.
- Don't...
49
00:02:14,440 --> 00:02:15,794
(LAMP CLATTERS)
50
00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:19,190
Careful!
51
00:02:19,680 --> 00:02:21,353
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
52
00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:41,513
Do you think if you push someone
they're going to let a flat?
53
00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:44,718
I didn't push them, I pushed them
54
00:02:44,840 --> 00:02:46,990
because I was frustrated
because I got a ticket.
55
00:02:47,560 --> 00:02:48,880
(STATH GROANS)
56
00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:51,595
Is that Smethwicks' bin?
Bloody posh tosh.
57
00:02:51,840 --> 00:02:53,160
Sorry, mate, is that bin in your way?
58
00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:54,833
Yes! Why is it here?
59
00:02:54,920 --> 00:02:56,513
I don't know.
Maybe it just like, rolled there?
60
00:02:56,640 --> 00:02:59,553
(SPEAKING GREEK)
61
00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:02,069
- What?
- Don't put your bin on my office.
62
00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:03,270
Thank you!
63
00:03:03,360 --> 00:03:05,636
You pushed him,
you told me I can't push people.
64
00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:07,199
A bin is not a customer.
65
00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:10,233
And, Mike, is the pigeon
in the house or in the loft?
66
00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:11,640
I got to ask that. I'm sorry.
67
00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:12,830
STATH: Your bin stinks!
68
00:03:13,120 --> 00:03:14,793
It's in the loft, I have,
I have already said...
69
00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:15,990
OK, I'll tell you what.
70
00:03:16,080 --> 00:03:18,356
I'm in a situation now
where I'm literally thinking
71
00:03:18,440 --> 00:03:20,078
we've got to get that pigeon
out of the loft.
72
00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:21,355
That's what I've been... Yeah.
73
00:03:21,480 --> 00:03:22,470
Don't chat and play.
74
00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:24,278
Am I chatting?
I'm thinking about what I've done.
75
00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:25,800
Come with me now!
76
00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:27,518
- Oh, my...
- Your sister is waiting.
77
00:03:29,640 --> 00:03:32,029
I want to talk to you
very gently about something.
78
00:03:32,320 --> 00:03:34,277
- Oh, OK.
- Hold my hand, princess.
79
00:03:35,440 --> 00:03:36,430
(SPEAKS GREEK)
80
00:03:36,520 --> 00:03:37,510
Crumbs, man.
81
00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:40,553
OK, next month, I will going to be 70.
82
00:03:40,640 --> 00:03:42,313
- Oh, my God.
- Why?
83
00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:44,914
Why have you say, "Oh, my God"?
I didn't say something of shock.
84
00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:46,952
- I didn't know.
- I want to tell you,
85
00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:48,355
I'm going to retire so
86
00:03:48,640 --> 00:03:51,234
- I stop working and...
- Am I going to be boss next month?
87
00:03:51,320 --> 00:03:53,152
- No, I haven't finished.
- Am I taking over?
88
00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:54,674
I thought you wanted to do dancing?
89
00:03:54,840 --> 00:03:56,353
Oh yeah, I do want the dancing.
90
00:03:56,520 --> 00:03:57,919
What? How am I not taking over?
91
00:03:58,000 --> 00:04:01,231
It's a family business, man,
I'm the most one of the family.
92
00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:03,476
Of course I want to give it to you,
you're my blood and body,
93
00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:05,238
but look what you do,
pushing and pissing.
94
00:04:05,440 --> 00:04:09,354
Vas, the tenant from Furness Drive
is here about the pigeon.
95
00:04:09,840 --> 00:04:10,910
They don't like having the bird?
96
00:04:11,040 --> 00:04:13,714
No, they don't like it.
I'm going to have to hire someone.
97
00:04:13,880 --> 00:04:15,109
We don't want to hire, actually.
98
00:04:15,640 --> 00:04:16,755
It's nice if you do it, Carole.
99
00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:18,473
Well, I've already had several goes
100
00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:20,517
and it turns out I'm not a bird handler.
101
00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:23,075
- Can't Stath do it?
- I'm not approaching a beak!
102
00:04:23,400 --> 00:04:26,074
Right, no, I'm sorry but you
don't scream near me.
103
00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:28,997
- She is the living end, she is.
- No, she lets plenty,
104
00:04:29,080 --> 00:04:31,549
-plenty, plenty flats.
- Wait, hang on, is Carole taking over?
105
00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:34,877
Oh, my Lord! I want to be boss, please.
106
00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:36,598
What about what I want, baby?
107
00:04:36,720 --> 00:04:41,157
I want to retire so I can laugh all day,
and make a chair and learn iPad.
108
00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:43,556
I want to look at my cousin
in Southampton, eh, Sophia?
109
00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:45,359
Yeah, er, I showed them a video
110
00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:47,829
of Uncle Costa
jiggling around on Facebook.
111
00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:49,558
- Right.
- I want you to show me,
112
00:04:49,760 --> 00:04:51,910
yes, you're the good choice for manager.
113
00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:54,156
Stop pushing and get some viewings. Re!
114
00:04:54,280 --> 00:04:57,193
Yep, but when I go to answer the phone,
like, they all pick it up first.
115
00:04:57,280 --> 00:04:58,509
They're not even very fair to me.
116
00:04:58,600 --> 00:04:59,590
Bloody hell, mate!
117
00:04:59,680 --> 00:05:01,876
You hear the ring,
you don't let it ring twice.
118
00:05:02,040 --> 00:05:04,509
See? Ding ding. "Hello." Gorgeous.
119
00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:06,478
Ding ding. "Hello, can I help you?"
120
00:05:06,560 --> 00:05:08,437
Ding ding. "Good morning,
how are you tonight?"
121
00:05:08,560 --> 00:05:09,789
- Good boy!
- Yeah.
122
00:05:10,040 --> 00:05:11,917
-(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
- Hello, this is Stath!
123
00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:13,798
- VASOS: No. It's the door not the phone.
- Yes.
124
00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:15,309
Carole came back.
125
00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:19,110
SOPHIE: Hi, Al.
126
00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:20,599
Oh, fine, thanks, yep.
How are you doing?
127
00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:23,950
- Hey, Stath, are you OK?
- Good. Good, yeah.
128
00:05:24,080 --> 00:05:25,514
Tricky day, heavy stuff, man.
129
00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:26,590
You doing good, boy?
130
00:05:26,680 --> 00:05:30,560
Yeah,just having a tea, so,
this stuff is just so addictive.
131
00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:33,269
- I'm on about a cup a day now, so, yeah.
- Oh!
132
00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:34,550
Not every day.
133
00:05:34,640 --> 00:05:36,790
You know, sometimes
I have to go and do lets and...
134
00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:38,797
The way this guy tells stories, man.
135
00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:41,310
It's like everything he says is like
a famous old speech
136
00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:43,232
-from like the war or something.
-(ALL LAUGHING)
137
00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:45,717
It's like the radio, so funny.
138
00:05:45,800 --> 00:05:48,110
Sorry, Al, best conversation
I've had in weeks, but I've got to go,
139
00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:50,396
I've got to go pick up the phone.
140
00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:54,712
So do you only like tea
or do you like coffee as well?
141
00:05:54,840 --> 00:05:57,593
Er, no,just... Just tea,
142
00:05:57,720 --> 00:05:59,631
but I've got a cousin
that really likes coffee.
143
00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:02,830
Oh, my God, that's hilarious.
144
00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:04,280
(LAUGHING HEARTILY)
145
00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:08,230
Yes. It's a three-bed flat,
but it feels like a four.
146
00:06:09,480 --> 00:06:10,800
Like a four-bed.
147
00:06:11,680 --> 00:06:13,114
Well, no,
there aren't any beds in it.
148
00:06:13,280 --> 00:06:15,476
-(PHONE RINGING)
- Michael & Eagle Lettings,
149
00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:17,233
- Carole speaking.
- The...
150
00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:20,758
Oh, yep. Yeah, that's fine.
151
00:06:20,840 --> 00:06:22,399
(PHONE RINGING)
152
00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:24,357
- Michael & Eagle Lettings.
- CAROLE: OK. No problem.
153
00:06:24,440 --> 00:06:27,398
Dean, I wanted to answer that one,
thank you, please.
154
00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:29,034
- Muse.
- What?
155
00:06:29,320 --> 00:06:30,719
The band Muse.
156
00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:33,872
Got the whole house to myself now
so it's just Muse 24/7.
157
00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:35,155
Loud Muse!
158
00:06:35,280 --> 00:06:37,794
What are you saying, Marcus?
I don't understand the word, Marcus.
159
00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:39,234
-(PHONE RINGING)
- Come on!
160
00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:40,310
Michael & Eagle Lettings.
161
00:06:40,440 --> 00:06:42,477
Marcus! Making me miss the phone.
Muthes!
162
00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:43,870
Muse.
163
00:06:44,280 --> 00:06:46,590
- We did this dance at college...
- AL: Oh, God!
164
00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:49,195
And they were all caterpillar worms,
165
00:06:49,280 --> 00:06:51,556
and to make the main boy a butterfly...
166
00:06:51,680 --> 00:06:53,318
(BOTH LAUGHING)
167
00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:55,038
...we had to rip his trousers off!
168
00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:56,110
(LAUGHS) Oh, God!
169
00:06:56,880 --> 00:06:58,393
Al, do you have
any spare viewings for...
170
00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:00,079
What, what are you laughing at?
171
00:07:00,160 --> 00:07:01,958
- This one time at dance college...
- Yeah...
172
00:07:02,080 --> 00:07:04,720
When I had to rip
this boy's trousers off
173
00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:06,711
and you could see his pants!
174
00:07:06,920 --> 00:07:08,877
- Oh, my goodness!
- That's so embarrassing
175
00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:10,354
for the guy who loses his trousers.
176
00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:12,671
-(BELLJINGLES)
- Oh, a let!
177
00:07:12,760 --> 00:07:14,592
-(LAUGHING)
-(PHONE RINGING)
178
00:07:15,240 --> 00:07:17,231
No, no, no, I will not...
179
00:07:17,320 --> 00:07:18,754
- Carole, don't.
- Michael & Eagle Lettings,
180
00:07:18,840 --> 00:07:19,830
- Carole speaking.
- No, mine...
181
00:07:19,920 --> 00:07:21,115
You just had a call two seconds ago!
182
00:07:21,200 --> 00:07:22,713
- Ooh, sorry.
- Oh, Al!
183
00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:23,875
Christ!
184
00:07:24,120 --> 00:07:26,157
Be soft as you
come through the door, Al.
185
00:07:26,240 --> 00:07:27,639
We're going to take you to the hospital.
186
00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:28,994
Want me to get you an energy drink?
187
00:07:29,080 --> 00:07:30,070
- Ah, no.
- Right.
188
00:07:30,160 --> 00:07:33,118
- Just keep your head really low.
- So sorry about this,
189
00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:34,873
- I don't know how to...
- Oh no, it's my fault,
190
00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:37,037
I shouldn't have been sat at my desk.
191
00:07:37,120 --> 00:07:39,031
Excuse me, sorry, is this a bad time?
192
00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:41,510
- Er, no, it's wonderful, sorry.
- I've got a viewing
193
00:07:41,640 --> 00:07:44,712
at 59A Pelling Way with Carole?
194
00:07:45,320 --> 00:07:48,711
I'm not Carole,
but I'm going to do that viewing.
195
00:07:48,800 --> 00:07:49,790
(STATH LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
196
00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:53,470
Er, Sophie, can I get the keys
to 59A Pelling Way?
197
00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:55,677
Thank you. Oh, God, that's a bloody...
198
00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:58,952
That's an absolute crooner
of a property that one, you lucky sod.
199
00:07:59,040 --> 00:08:03,079
Give me one second on that, erm, ah,
I've got to do a viewing now.
200
00:08:03,160 --> 00:08:05,071
Erm, what do you reckon, man?
201
00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:07,515
Ah, well, if you could just drop me off
at A&E on the way?
202
00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:09,798
- My face feels very red.
- Yeah, sorry.
203
00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:11,479
- No, it's not on the way.
- Ah.
204
00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:13,471
You could run there?
205
00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:15,870
It's literally it will be like
25 minutes or more to go there.
206
00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:17,229
- Run?
- Yeah.
207
00:08:17,320 --> 00:08:18,469
- All right.
- Should I tell Carole?
208
00:08:18,560 --> 00:08:20,198
No! Thank you very much, Sophie.
209
00:08:20,280 --> 00:08:21,475
(LAUGHING HEARTILY)
210
00:08:21,560 --> 00:08:23,437
Ooh, you're...
You're fantastic, aren't you!
211
00:08:23,520 --> 00:08:25,158
(LAUGHING HEARTILY)
212
00:08:25,400 --> 00:08:26,754
In the back, please!
213
00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:32,678
That blood is mucky!
214
00:08:32,760 --> 00:08:34,910
Yeah. Yeah, it's really flowing now.
215
00:08:35,480 --> 00:08:38,518
I should go to hospital
but Stath is going the other way.
216
00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:42,435
Wait, no,
that is the way to the hospital.
217
00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:44,991
STATH: We're going to get you
a lovely house, Helen!
218
00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:50,989
(POP MUSIC PLAYING ON CAR RADIO)
219
00:08:53,080 --> 00:08:55,993
Oh, good God,
very strong music on there, wasn't it!
220
00:08:56,560 --> 00:08:57,880
I always like this sort of effect.
221
00:08:58,080 --> 00:09:00,390
All crumbly like that.
It's good enough to eat! (LAUGHS)
222
00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:02,273
No, don't eat the house,
you'll get a drippy tummy.
223
00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:04,750
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
Oh, I'm a right cherry,
224
00:09:04,880 --> 00:09:06,473
I've been using my own key for my flat!
225
00:09:06,560 --> 00:09:09,439
(LAUGHS) Oh, bloody hell!
Silly Billy Awards!
226
00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:11,751
I win the Silly Billy Awards!
227
00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:15,750
Oh! Oh, it's nice!
228
00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:19,916
The interesting thing about
this particular property
229
00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:24,671
is that it was actually built around
a time from,
230
00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:25,875
in history,
231
00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:26,990
-which is...
-(ALARM BLARING)
232
00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:28,269
Oh... Oh, God!
233
00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:30,397
(SCREAMS AND LAUGHS)
234
00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:31,675
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
235
00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:35,272
Erm, I... I believe the code buttons
236
00:09:35,360 --> 00:09:38,478
are a bit tricky
to find in the property so...
237
00:09:38,560 --> 00:09:40,119
- Sorry?
- No, I was... I was...
238
00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:42,191
Why don't we...
Why don't I show you around,
239
00:09:42,280 --> 00:09:44,112
er, while I'm trying
to find the code buttons?
240
00:09:44,200 --> 00:09:46,237
- Really?
- Yeah, so the, this, erm...
241
00:09:46,400 --> 00:09:49,552
This bench is actually very good
for sitting on,
242
00:09:49,640 --> 00:09:51,119
and also to put your shoes.
243
00:09:51,280 --> 00:09:55,990
It actually reminds me of a bench
from school in PE, Helen.
244
00:09:56,080 --> 00:09:58,515
Does it remind you
of being in PE, Helen?
245
00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:00,153
- Does it what?
-(SHOUTS) Does the bench
246
00:10:00,240 --> 00:10:02,880
remind you of being
in PE at school, Helen?
247
00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:05,159
Can you just turn that alarm off?
248
00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:06,594
Yeah, with the code, but does...
249
00:10:06,680 --> 00:10:08,956
I said does the bench
remind you of being in PE?
250
00:10:09,040 --> 00:10:10,030
Does it what?
251
00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:13,232
STATH: Does the bench remind you
of being in PE, Helen?
252
00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:16,318
AL: So have you been
to this hospital before?
253
00:10:16,760 --> 00:10:17,795
- Is it nearby?
- Yeah.
254
00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:20,474
Sorry, I've just got a bit
of a sagging feeling in my eye, so...
255
00:10:20,680 --> 00:10:22,796
Oh, my God. Yeah, I know the way.
256
00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:24,996
Erm, I always see it
when I'm on my way to myjumping.
257
00:10:25,160 --> 00:10:27,993
Ah, cool. Sorry, what was that?
"Yourjumping"?
258
00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:30,435
Oh, er, I just go to ajumping class.
259
00:10:30,680 --> 00:10:32,318
- Oh, right.
- It's, er, part of my college.
260
00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:34,950
You just go and jump around
everywhere for an hour.
261
00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:38,672
God, I'd love to do that,
I need to do that.
262
00:10:41,120 --> 00:10:43,157
Sophie do you do, er, Twitter,
263
00:10:43,240 --> 00:10:44,674
-the whole sort of Twitter thing?
- Yeah!
264
00:10:44,760 --> 00:10:46,080
Yeah.
265
00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:48,038
Yeah. Oh, my God, I love it.
266
00:10:48,720 --> 00:10:50,279
Yeah, all my cousins follow me.
267
00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:53,398
I even, yeah, got a reply
from Leona Lewis once,
268
00:10:53,760 --> 00:10:56,832
-she told me she'd had enough.
- Oh, wow. See, that's great.
269
00:10:56,920 --> 00:10:59,992
You know, I do a couple from
the Michael & Eagle account
270
00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:02,031
but I can't play with the big boys.
(CHUCKLES)
271
00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:05,433
My stuff's mainly, uh,
two-bed property to let.
272
00:11:05,640 --> 00:11:07,233
Kind of cool I guess, but, you know.
273
00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:10,758
You should do funny ones
from the work account.
274
00:11:10,880 --> 00:11:12,871
Like, er...
275
00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:15,953
"Check out these flats,
they're doolally crazy!"
276
00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:18,919
(LAUGHING HEARTILY)
277
00:11:19,280 --> 00:11:20,429
Sorry!
278
00:11:21,400 --> 00:11:22,674
That really makes me laugh!
279
00:11:22,840 --> 00:11:24,353
(ALARM BLARING)
280
00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:27,917
(SHOUTS) As you can see, it's actually
a fantastically big bedroom
281
00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:30,674
which means it's very difficult
to find the code buttons.
282
00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:33,593
- OK, can we just look at another place?
- Ah, yeah, we got it!
283
00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:35,911
(GIBBERISH)
284
00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:37,877
-(BLARING CONTINUES)
- Er...
285
00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:44,313
(STRAINING)
286
00:11:44,840 --> 00:11:45,875
(ALARM BEEPS AND STOPS)
287
00:11:46,280 --> 00:11:47,714
Helen,
288
00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:50,116
we did it together!
289
00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:51,310
The controls are...
290
00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:53,073
- Are downstairs, that was me.
- No.
291
00:11:53,160 --> 00:11:55,197
Oh, well done, that was the thermostat.
292
00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:58,631
Erm, I am so sorry, you must be Helen?
293
00:11:58,840 --> 00:11:59,910
- Are you...
- This is Carole,
294
00:12:00,040 --> 00:12:01,872
she gets rid of pigeons for our office
295
00:12:02,240 --> 00:12:03,639
-and lets flats.
- Yes, yes.
296
00:12:03,720 --> 00:12:05,279
Helen, I tell you what,
297
00:12:05,480 --> 00:12:08,154
can you just give us two secs, babe?
Is that OK?
298
00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:10,471
Erm, and by that I do mean seconds,
by the way,
299
00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:13,029
not sex, thank you, in case you...
300
00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:15,276
I'm going to have to watch you, Hel.
That's mad!
301
00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:17,237
Pop yourself in the kitchen,
I'll be along in a minute.
302
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:18,833
Can't wait to chat to you
and get to know you.
303
00:12:18,920 --> 00:12:21,036
- All right, lovely.
- All right!
304
00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:22,310
Don't let her roam around,
305
00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:24,596
she needs us to show her things
in the property, that's what we do.
306
00:12:24,760 --> 00:12:28,833
This is my viewing, OK?
And for me what happened is,
307
00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:30,513
you came along and you nicked it.
308
00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:32,159
You've actually acted illegal,
309
00:12:32,440 --> 00:12:34,272
and I'm going to be finishing up
from now on, OK?
310
00:12:34,360 --> 00:12:35,839
Yeah, I saw her first, OK?
311
00:12:35,920 --> 00:12:39,515
And the early worm catches the...thing,
the dirt.
312
00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:41,429
Go away!
313
00:12:42,920 --> 00:12:45,070
It's my girl Helen!
314
00:12:49,040 --> 00:12:51,156
Hi, er, whereabouts is A&E?
315
00:12:51,680 --> 00:12:53,353
Closest one's
about 20 minutes from here.
316
00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:55,670
- What, I thought this was a hospital.
- No.
317
00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:58,760
Oh, my God, I always thought it was.
318
00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:00,792
I think it's just 'cause it's big.
319
00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:02,593
Sorry, what... What is this place then?
320
00:13:02,680 --> 00:13:04,353
RECEPTIONIST:
Two companies operate out of here,
321
00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:07,193
ones a wine bottle manufacturer HQ
and the other's a copper firm.
322
00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:11,070
We've got some complimentary DVDs
about them if you want.
323
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:14,799
-(SIGHS)
- Thanks very much, that's fantastic.
324
00:13:17,160 --> 00:13:18,833
- CAROLE: Here we go, Hel.
- Thanks.
325
00:13:18,920 --> 00:13:20,194
That alarm though, do you remember?
326
00:13:20,320 --> 00:13:23,278
It was like being in a techno tent
or something, wasn't it?
327
00:13:23,360 --> 00:13:25,795
I offered you a coffee earlier, Helen,
and you said no.
328
00:13:26,280 --> 00:13:29,193
What is it you actually do, erm,
Helen, if you don't mind me asking?
329
00:13:29,320 --> 00:13:30,515
Oh, I'm in graphic design.
330
00:13:30,680 --> 00:13:32,318
Yeah, I thought
you were creative, actually,
331
00:13:32,440 --> 00:13:34,556
'cause I am quite creative,
I can usually spot others.
332
00:13:34,760 --> 00:13:37,832
Yes, and me, me too, very, very much.
333
00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:39,917
Look, Hel, this flat.
334
00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:41,793
I mean, you ask the last tenants,
335
00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:44,560
they were just crying
when they found out they were leaving.
336
00:13:44,640 --> 00:13:46,995
Yeah, 'cause, 'cause the bailiffs come
and they took the table,
337
00:13:47,120 --> 00:13:48,269
it was their grandad's table.
338
00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:49,953
- That wasn't here.
- No.
339
00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:54,679
I don't know you, obviously, erm,
but from what I know of you,
340
00:13:54,880 --> 00:13:58,510
like, thus far, absolutely wonderful,
creative mind,
341
00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:02,072
-hell of a top on, good morals.
- Mmm.
342
00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:05,474
I think you're probably a little bit
like me, actually, aren't you?
343
00:14:05,600 --> 00:14:07,955
I think, you like things
howyou like them,
344
00:14:08,120 --> 00:14:10,157
don't ask me why,just do, don't you?
345
00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:13,153
Just want to come in,
shut the door and go, "Yes, I'm home."
346
00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:15,470
Little glass of wine. That's you, innit?
347
00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:17,239
Am I sort of in the right ballpark
with that?
348
00:14:17,320 --> 00:14:18,719
Um, I think so, yeah.
349
00:14:18,800 --> 00:14:20,154
And from my point of view...
350
00:14:21,240 --> 00:14:22,594
(CHOKES UP)
351
00:14:27,080 --> 00:14:30,198
I thought I had something to say.
I don't. (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
352
00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:33,470
So it's nice.
353
00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:36,633
Yeah, OK, I'm going to...
I'm going to go for it.
354
00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:38,035
- What?
- CAROLE: Ah, Helen!
355
00:14:38,160 --> 00:14:40,720
That's fantastic news, Hel,
you won't regret it, I promise you.
356
00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:42,595
- Lovely.
- STATH: My go on the hand
357
00:14:42,920 --> 00:14:46,595
-much better (LAUGHS) than what I saw.
- That's great.
358
00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:47,750
How is it your let?
359
00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:50,798
I showed her around, you just sat
at the table talking about her tops.
360
00:14:51,080 --> 00:14:53,720
I'm sorry, but you didn't do nothing,
you just went in and bashed around.
361
00:14:53,840 --> 00:14:55,558
No, I chipped in very helpfully,
362
00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:58,109
and at one point she took me aside
and she goes,
363
00:14:58,680 --> 00:15:00,591
"You did this,
you're the reason I'm taking it."
364
00:15:00,920 --> 00:15:02,911
- Let it go, it's my let.
- Yeah, what...
365
00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:05,197
Let me get that for you, Helen.
366
00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:06,315
Just the last few centimetres.
367
00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:08,954
Do you want to just do the contract
here if you want, Hel?
368
00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:10,519
I know, paperwork though, ugh!
369
00:15:10,720 --> 00:15:13,280
Yeah, sorry, Helen,just gently.
370
00:15:13,360 --> 00:15:17,433
Erm, who exactly let you
the property out of...
371
00:15:17,760 --> 00:15:18,750
As in?
372
00:15:18,920 --> 00:15:20,194
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
373
00:15:20,360 --> 00:15:22,158
- Both of you?
- Right.
374
00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:24,153
- Her probably more.
- Carole Collins.
375
00:15:24,280 --> 00:15:25,953
Sorry, Helen, no, how would you know?
376
00:15:26,040 --> 00:15:27,917
You're not a letting agent,
it's not your choice.
377
00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:30,157
- Well, you asked me the question!
- Yeah, well, no,
378
00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:31,549
I'm going back to the office.
379
00:15:31,920 --> 00:15:34,639
Don't. Just leave.
380
00:15:37,920 --> 00:15:39,149
SOPHIE: This one's about wine.
381
00:15:39,720 --> 00:15:42,030
Do you think people watch it,
it's going to make them pissed?
382
00:15:42,480 --> 00:15:44,994
(LAUGHING HEARTILY)
383
00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:48,871
- Oh no, God!
- It's fine.
384
00:15:49,640 --> 00:15:53,156
Sorry,just... There we go.
385
00:15:53,440 --> 00:15:56,000
Do you know where we are, by the way?
What is this area?
386
00:15:56,640 --> 00:15:59,553
Well, the office
is just over there so...
387
00:16:00,880 --> 00:16:04,999
- I wasn't sure why we were waiting here.
- Oh, my God, we're plonkers.
388
00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:07,393
OnlyFoolsandRodney, innit?
389
00:16:07,480 --> 00:16:10,233
(LAUGHING HEARTILY) That's good.
390
00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:13,717
You know what, Sophie, I'm fine.
391
00:16:13,920 --> 00:16:15,797
Yeah, let's just go back to the office.
392
00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:17,149
Don't you have to go to college?
393
00:16:17,240 --> 00:16:19,390
Oh, it's OK, I can dance later,
394
00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:21,039
we have the music channels at ours.
395
00:16:24,040 --> 00:16:27,351
Or you can come to mine and Stath's
tonight and watch these?
396
00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:28,709
Oh, wow! (CHUCKLES)
397
00:16:29,680 --> 00:16:34,550
Actually I should probably go back
to mine, Skype the girlfriend later.
398
00:16:34,880 --> 00:16:37,235
She's having a rough time.
It's very humid in Japan.
399
00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:39,439
Yeah, agreed.
400
00:16:45,920 --> 00:16:48,355
- All right, Al, has Carole got back yet?
- Uh, I don't know, actually.
401
00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:50,039
Oh, your head looks mad!
402
00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:52,432
What is that about?
403
00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:55,440
Ah, well, ha-ha-ha, chuckle, hilarious.
404
00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:56,994
What, you think I can't pull it off?
405
00:16:58,720 --> 00:17:01,712
God, it's a push. What you doing, man?
Come on.
406
00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:04,914
RECORDED VOICE:
In supportofyourcouncil,
407
00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:07,435
please tellus thenature
ofyourcomplaintafter thebeep.
408
00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:10,512
-(BEEPS)
- Bin.
409
00:17:11,120 --> 00:17:12,599
RECORDED VOICE:
I'm sorry, Ididn'tquite...
410
00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:15,189
- Bin.
- RECORDED VOICE: Canyourepeat, please?
411
00:17:15,360 --> 00:17:16,919
- Bin. Bin.
-(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
412
00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:18,434
- Ididn'tquite...
- Er, I just let a flat.
413
00:17:18,600 --> 00:17:20,477
-(SHOUTING IN GREEK)
- No, sorry.
414
00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:22,756
- I'm sorry, Ididn'tquite catch that
- Bin!
415
00:17:22,920 --> 00:17:26,390
Marcus, I got, erm, a let.
Can you put it in the computer?
416
00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:29,552
Her name was Helen... Dale I reckon.
417
00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:31,597
Sure, yeah.
Just to explain the Muse thing...
418
00:17:31,680 --> 00:17:33,159
- No...
- I'm planning a sort of office trip
419
00:17:33,280 --> 00:17:35,032
-for us all to go and see Muse...
- Marcus...
420
00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:36,554
I just need to make
the most of the summer
421
00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:39,234
-now that Gwen's gone and...
- Shut up about your wife,
422
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:40,999
and put the let!
423
00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:42,800
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
424
00:17:42,880 --> 00:17:44,996
Erm, er, would you have
the signed contracts?
425
00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:48,909
- Yeah, I do, yeah.
- Good. Can I see them?
426
00:17:51,520 --> 00:17:53,318
DEAN: It's just flapping around
up there in the loft?
427
00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:54,390
-(CRASH)
- Christ.
428
00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:55,470
Oi, calm it, Stath.
429
00:17:55,560 --> 00:17:57,039
- I know, yeah.
- Yeah, it's flapping around,
430
00:17:57,120 --> 00:17:59,316
it's flying, I don't know
what it's doing, I just want it gone.
431
00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:00,629
Well, obviously that's not on,
432
00:18:00,720 --> 00:18:02,597
so we'll see what we can do
about that for you, sir.
433
00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:04,154
Why can't I get it to dingle?
434
00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:05,310
- Like that.
- You get one?
435
00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:06,953
Yep, 59A Pelling Way.
436
00:18:07,080 --> 00:18:08,150
- Bravo.
-(DOOR OPENS)
437
00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:10,232
What? Shut up, don't lie!
438
00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:13,080
I don't lie, your nose gets bigger
every time I see you, mate.
439
00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:16,039
It's actually a massive nose as well,
so that works.
440
00:18:16,120 --> 00:18:20,159
Marcus, my darling, 59A Pelling Way.
441
00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:22,072
- Yeah.
- Here we go, Helen Shah.
442
00:18:22,160 --> 00:18:24,834
- Yep, Dale... Shah.
- You both let Pelling Way?
443
00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:25,950
- It was her viewing...
- Yes.
444
00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:27,673
...so I took it off her,
fair enough, that's bad,
445
00:18:27,760 --> 00:18:30,434
but then she come back to the flat
and took it back off me,
446
00:18:30,600 --> 00:18:32,591
even after I set the alarm off
and done a load of work,
447
00:18:32,680 --> 00:18:33,954
and showed her a bench and everything.
448
00:18:34,120 --> 00:18:36,111
Erm, right, I'm not arguing with that,
449
00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:37,634
yeah, that is exactly
what happened, yeah.
450
00:18:37,720 --> 00:18:38,710
- No, it's not.
- What?
451
00:18:38,800 --> 00:18:40,199
Why did you took it off her?
452
00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:41,554
- Are you stealing now?
- No.
453
00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:44,991
This morning he is the pushy boy,
now he's the man of the steal.
454
00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:48,760
Is there one thing
that you can do that is a nice thing?
455
00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:51,389
- Yeah.
- Can I go now? This is toxic.
456
00:18:51,480 --> 00:18:54,279
- Are you in charge here?
- Sorry, sorry, Vasos, this is Mike,
457
00:18:54,360 --> 00:18:56,476
he's had a bit of a rough time
with a pigeon.
458
00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:59,154
She said someone will be round today.
It's been weeks.
459
00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:01,391
Deary, deary, yes,
that is quite a rotten shame.
460
00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:04,558
To be fair, I have had several goes,
to be fair, and also to be fair to me...
461
00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:05,914
Not to be fair, to be fair every day.
462
00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:07,274
- I'll do it.
- What?
463
00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:08,794
Yeah, she's too busy
464
00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:10,359
-talking the day away...
- I'm working.
465
00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:13,512
...beep, beep, beep.
Can't we just do it, please, for once?
466
00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:16,559
- Dad, I'm doing it.
- OK, bravo.
467
00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:19,720
Right. So, could you just remind me,
what is it you've got in your house?
468
00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:23,236
- It's just like a simple dove, innit?
- No, it's... It's a pigeon.
469
00:19:23,360 --> 00:19:25,033
- Yeah.
- Oi, has someone hacked our Twitter?
470
00:19:26,080 --> 00:19:29,596
"New two-bed for rent, get crazy
for flats you fucking arseholes"?
471
00:19:29,680 --> 00:19:31,159
I should delete that.
472
00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:34,875
What are you going to do with it?
473
00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:36,951
- Have you got a net or something?
- Yeah.
474
00:19:40,240 --> 00:19:43,039
Like that. Erm, so, what?
475
00:19:43,120 --> 00:19:44,997
I go up and then I give it a quick push
476
00:19:45,120 --> 00:19:47,396
and then it's going
to walk down the ladder?
477
00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:49,312
- What?
- No, erm...
478
00:19:49,880 --> 00:19:51,200
So, what have you heard about it?
479
00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:53,357
Is it, like, quite nice and slow
480
00:19:53,440 --> 00:19:55,192
or is it going to be a bit
quick and ridiculous?
481
00:19:55,280 --> 00:19:56,759
What are you talking about?
It's a pigeon,
482
00:19:56,840 --> 00:19:58,831
-it's flapping around up there.
- I don't want to do it.
483
00:19:58,920 --> 00:20:00,115
- I don't want you to do it!
- I know.
484
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:01,395
- I wanted a professional...
- Right.
485
00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:03,039
...but they sent you,
just get on with it.
486
00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:04,150
I am getting on with it.
487
00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:06,880
I'm bloody doing
a lot of effort for you, actually.
488
00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:08,559
Why are you taking
the ladder away from me?
489
00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:09,869
Because you need to close the hatch.
490
00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:11,917
I'll close it some of the way,
491
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:13,877
but I need to leave it a bit open
so I can breathe.
492
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:15,877
MIKE: Er, no, close it.
493
00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:16,950
Close the hatch!
494
00:20:17,040 --> 00:20:18,838
It's not even up here,
it's probably just rotted away.
495
00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:19,910
Just... Just look for it.
496
00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:22,116
- Close the hatch and look for it.
- STATH: Crumbs, man!
497
00:20:22,760 --> 00:20:24,671
Ugh, I can feel something.
498
00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:26,879
Oh, my God, what is that?
499
00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:28,320
It's like a sort of shirt.
500
00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:29,953
Do you have a shirt up here, Mike?
(SHOUTS)
501
00:20:30,040 --> 00:20:31,155
Oh, shit!
502
00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:32,873
Oh.
503
00:20:33,080 --> 00:20:35,754
Mike, I think that the pigeon
just flew out of the loft.
504
00:20:39,040 --> 00:20:40,235
Christ!
505
00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:42,359
(SHOUTS) What are you doing?
506
00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:43,790
Damn it!
507
00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:45,554
-(EXCLAIMING IN FEAR)
- Get it out!
508
00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:47,154
STATH: Is it on me? Is that on me now?
509
00:20:47,240 --> 00:20:48,594
- No, it's on my bed.
- No, it's on me.
510
00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:50,114
Get the pigeon off me!
511
00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:52,396
- MIKE: It's not on you.
-(YELLS) It is!
512
00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:54,359
I'm going to get it with the...
513
00:20:54,480 --> 00:20:57,472
Come back here, sir, er, young lad.
514
00:20:57,640 --> 00:20:58,789
MIKE: That is not going to do it.
515
00:20:58,880 --> 00:21:00,439
(SCREAMS) Christ!
516
00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:03,075
Did that do it? Is it in?
517
00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:04,309
- No, it didn't!
- No, it's not in!
518
00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:06,473
I can't see it any more.
519
00:21:06,560 --> 00:21:07,550
Beak!
520
00:21:08,280 --> 00:21:09,270
Crumbs!
521
00:21:09,360 --> 00:21:12,512
Ah! No, not any more.
Please, not any more!
522
00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:13,590
Mike!
523
00:21:13,680 --> 00:21:15,318
- What are you doing with the bag?
- What, be more calm with this?
524
00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:16,390
The bag's not going to work.
525
00:21:16,480 --> 00:21:18,357
You need to be more calm,
or I'm not going to... Crumbs!
526
00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:22,756
(HOOVER WHIRRING)
527
00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:28,799
Another telly!
528
00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:31,953
Copy with me out of the window...
529
00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:34,913
Copy with me out of the window, please.
530
00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:37,550
We did it! Good...
531
00:21:37,840 --> 00:21:39,478
- Good job, man.
- I'm going to callyour office.
532
00:21:39,560 --> 00:21:41,597
What you... What office... Shit.
533
00:21:44,040 --> 00:21:45,030
You did that.
534
00:21:45,840 --> 00:21:47,831
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
41505
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