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1
00:00:04,901 --> 00:00:07,626
She's so tiny. I know.
2
00:00:07,763 --> 00:00:09,832
I love the way her
little eyelids flutter.
3
00:00:09,970 --> 00:00:11,592
Really cute.
4
00:00:11,730 --> 00:00:14,143
Isn't she just the most
beautiful thing in the world?
5
00:00:14,281 --> 00:00:15,557
She looks like her mother.
6
00:00:18,281 --> 00:00:19,281
That one.
7
00:00:20,178 --> 00:00:21,350
[STUTTERS] I know.
8
00:00:23,143 --> 00:00:25,385
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
9
00:00:34,385 --> 00:00:35,385
Need any help?
10
00:00:35,454 --> 00:00:38,006
No, sir, you have done enough.
11
00:00:38,144 --> 00:00:40,419
You have delivered a child, so
12
00:00:40,557 --> 00:00:44,385
from now on, all
the pain will be mine.
13
00:00:44,523 --> 00:00:46,120
Although, you know what?
If you could take this one.
14
00:00:46,144 --> 00:00:47,937
It's biting me like
you wouldn't believe.
15
00:00:48,902 --> 00:00:51,730
Hey, little sweetie,
here we are.
16
00:00:51,868 --> 00:00:54,282
All right, sweet darling,
17
00:00:54,420 --> 00:00:56,523
welcome to your new home.
18
00:01:01,282 --> 00:01:02,592
It's usually neater.
19
00:01:02,730 --> 00:01:04,213
Hi, how are you?
20
00:01:05,558 --> 00:01:08,317
Look at all these
presents you got,
21
00:01:08,455 --> 00:01:09,799
and that's just for being born.
22
00:01:09,937 --> 00:01:11,213
You wait till you do something.
23
00:01:12,833 --> 00:01:13,833
Wow.
24
00:01:13,937 --> 00:01:14,937
What?
25
00:01:15,006 --> 00:01:17,041
Just this, this,
the three of us.
26
00:01:17,179 --> 00:01:18,213
Hmm. We're here.
27
00:01:18,351 --> 00:01:19,731
We're all here.
28
00:01:19,868 --> 00:01:20,868
Yes, we are.
29
00:01:22,351 --> 00:01:23,351
It's something, huh?
30
00:01:23,489 --> 00:01:24,627
It is.
31
00:01:30,869 --> 00:01:33,069
So, you're saying we have a
baby now? Good god almighty.
32
00:01:33,110 --> 00:01:35,696
Okay, you know what,
this is gonna be okay.
33
00:01:35,834 --> 00:01:37,386
It is? Yeah, yeah.
I'm sure it will.
34
00:01:37,524 --> 00:01:39,282
[MURRY BARKS] Hey, Murray.
35
00:01:39,420 --> 00:01:41,972
Hey, Murray, look, look,
look. Look who's here. Look.
36
00:01:42,111 --> 00:01:44,524
A whole new person
for you to smell.
37
00:01:44,662 --> 00:01:47,283
Murray, say hello to...
38
00:01:48,111 --> 00:01:50,042
Possibly Julia? Eh.
39
00:01:50,180 --> 00:01:51,386
For my uncle Jules.
40
00:01:51,524 --> 00:01:52,765
How about Lilly?
41
00:01:52,903 --> 00:01:54,455
Lilly. For my aunt Lolly.
42
00:01:54,593 --> 00:01:56,938
Lilly, Lolly... Oh, all right.
43
00:01:57,076 --> 00:01:59,007
Murray, you have a sister.
44
00:01:59,145 --> 00:02:01,490
Look, sweetie. What do
you think about that, huh?
45
00:02:01,627 --> 00:02:02,834
[MURRAY WHINES]
46
00:02:04,145 --> 00:02:06,111
[BABY CRYING] Oh, oh, oh.
47
00:02:06,249 --> 00:02:08,696
[IMITATING ALARM]
It's okay. What is it?
48
00:02:08,834 --> 00:02:10,352
What is it? What's the matter?
49
00:02:10,490 --> 00:02:12,387
All right, you have
to stop doing that.
50
00:02:13,352 --> 00:02:14,559
Sorry. Why is she crying?
51
00:02:14,697 --> 00:02:15,914
I couldn't tell you, personally.
52
00:02:15,938 --> 00:02:17,283
Okay, sweetie, what is it?
53
00:02:17,421 --> 00:02:18,834
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
54
00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:20,432
What? What's... Wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait.
55
00:02:20,456 --> 00:02:21,938
Okay, okay. What?
56
00:02:22,421 --> 00:02:23,559
Aha!
57
00:02:23,697 --> 00:02:24,870
Already they do that?
58
00:02:25,007 --> 00:02:26,628
Yeah. Okay, okay.
59
00:02:26,766 --> 00:02:28,846
Oh, you know what, sweetie?
We got one of those changing tables
60
00:02:28,870 --> 00:02:30,535
you're supposed to use. You put
them right on the changing table,
61
00:02:30,559 --> 00:02:31,742
and then you don't have to
put the kid right, right on the...
62
00:02:31,766 --> 00:02:33,052
On the table, which
is probably not the...
63
00:02:33,076 --> 00:02:34,387
Oh, okay, but that table's good.
64
00:02:36,732 --> 00:02:38,939
May I please have
another diaper... Sure.
65
00:02:39,077 --> 00:02:40,801
Some Destine, and
some baby wipes, please?
66
00:02:40,939 --> 00:02:43,146
Coming right up. Here we go.
67
00:02:43,283 --> 00:02:45,077
I'm lookin... crackers?
68
00:02:45,215 --> 00:02:46,766
Diaper, diaper, diaper, diaper.
69
00:02:47,283 --> 00:02:48,283
Oh, okay.
70
00:02:48,421 --> 00:02:50,077
Diaper. Diaper.
71
00:02:50,215 --> 00:02:51,801
Diaper. Thank you.
72
00:02:51,939 --> 00:02:53,835
Oh, thank you.
73
00:02:54,215 --> 00:02:55,594
Okay.
74
00:02:55,732 --> 00:02:57,697
Maybe not the best
trade daddy ever made.
75
00:02:59,008 --> 00:03:01,422
Didn't really think this one
all the way through, did I?
76
00:03:01,559 --> 00:03:04,215
I can't... you know, uh, hold
on one second. I'll be right back.
77
00:03:04,353 --> 00:03:07,181
All right. So, the
tape goes in the front,
78
00:03:07,319 --> 00:03:09,526
you would think, so
it stands to reason
79
00:03:09,663 --> 00:03:11,319
that this must be the front.
80
00:03:11,457 --> 00:03:15,904
[SIGHS]So we'll
put this under here,
81
00:03:16,939 --> 00:03:19,319
and we tape it
down on that side,
82
00:03:19,457 --> 00:03:21,457
and we tape it
down on this side,
83
00:03:21,595 --> 00:03:23,595
and we have,
84
00:03:23,733 --> 00:03:25,698
and we have... come here.
85
00:03:26,353 --> 00:03:27,629
This is a total disaster.
86
00:03:30,077 --> 00:03:31,422
May I have another
diaper, please?
87
00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:33,698
That was the only diaper
they gave us, sweetie.
88
00:03:33,836 --> 00:03:36,698
They sent us home from
the hospital with one diaper?
89
00:03:36,836 --> 00:03:38,388
Yes. Yes, it'll be
okay. It's okay.
90
00:03:38,526 --> 00:03:39,836
Well, how's that?
91
00:03:39,974 --> 00:03:41,457
Is that better? [CRIES]
92
00:03:41,595 --> 00:03:43,675
Oh, no, no, no. That's
a little too tight. All right.
93
00:03:44,422 --> 00:03:45,457
Gonna be right back.
94
00:03:45,595 --> 00:03:47,216
Where are you
going? Incinerator.
95
00:03:57,216 --> 00:03:58,389
First poop.
96
00:04:01,009 --> 00:04:02,251
You must be very proud.
97
00:04:02,733 --> 00:04:03,905
Well, you know.
98
00:04:05,147 --> 00:04:07,078
Hey, is that... is that?
99
00:04:07,216 --> 00:04:08,698
My first husband, Hal.
100
00:04:08,836 --> 00:04:10,113
Your first husband, Hal.
101
00:04:10,251 --> 00:04:11,836
My first husband, Hal.
102
00:04:11,974 --> 00:04:13,492
Both my husbands
have been called Hal.
103
00:04:13,630 --> 00:04:15,699
My second husband
Hal and I have separated,
104
00:04:15,836 --> 00:04:17,871
and my first husband
Hal and I are rekindled.
105
00:04:18,009 --> 00:04:19,009
All right?
106
00:04:20,182 --> 00:04:21,699
Great. Well, good for you.
107
00:04:21,836 --> 00:04:23,985
Boy, you know, you're like that
woman in the song, Henry the Eighth.
108
00:04:24,009 --> 00:04:26,837
You know, she married
eight guys all named Henry.
109
00:04:27,837 --> 00:04:29,492
Yes, I'm exactly like that.
110
00:04:30,906 --> 00:04:32,986
Would you mind joining me
in the living room, please?
111
00:04:33,320 --> 00:04:35,044
Sure. Pardon.
112
00:04:35,182 --> 00:04:36,492
They've had a child?
113
00:04:36,630 --> 00:04:37,630
I'm afraid so.
114
00:04:40,045 --> 00:04:41,872
Come on, stick. Will you stick?
115
00:04:42,010 --> 00:04:43,045
It's okay.
116
00:04:43,182 --> 00:04:45,010
Bring me some tape. Tape?
117
00:04:45,148 --> 00:04:46,734
Don't judge me. Just
bring me some tape.
118
00:04:46,872 --> 00:04:48,285
Okay.
119
00:04:48,423 --> 00:04:50,744
What's the matter, you never
heard of taping up a diaper before?
120
00:04:50,768 --> 00:04:52,252
Oh, of course I have.
121
00:04:53,699 --> 00:04:54,906
This is really hard.
122
00:04:55,045 --> 00:04:56,321
Hey, I know.
123
00:04:56,458 --> 00:04:58,734
Don't patronize me. No,
no, no. No patronizing.
124
00:04:58,872 --> 00:05:00,286
Hey, cutie.
125
00:05:00,424 --> 00:05:02,262
I don't understand why
I'm having so much trouble.
126
00:05:02,286 --> 00:05:03,941
It seemed so simple
at the hospital.
127
00:05:04,079 --> 00:05:05,459
Well, you know what?
128
00:05:05,596 --> 00:05:07,045
It's gonna be okay. It is?
129
00:05:07,183 --> 00:05:08,355
Yeah.
130
00:05:08,493 --> 00:05:09,734
Okay. Okay.
131
00:05:10,734 --> 00:05:11,975
How does this look?
132
00:05:12,906 --> 00:05:13,975
That's... pssh.
133
00:05:14,114 --> 00:05:15,837
Liar. [DOORBELL BUZZER]
134
00:05:15,975 --> 00:05:18,159
When she bends over, everybody
will think it's the flag of Switzerland.
135
00:05:18,183 --> 00:05:19,286
That's good.
136
00:05:20,148 --> 00:05:21,321
Where is she?
137
00:05:21,459 --> 00:05:23,528
Hey. Hey, uncle Ira.
138
00:05:23,666 --> 00:05:25,045
Say hi to uncle Ira.
139
00:05:25,183 --> 00:05:26,700
Hello, sweetie.
140
00:05:26,838 --> 00:05:28,114
Hi, Snooky.
141
00:05:28,252 --> 00:05:29,597
Hi, muffin-face.
142
00:05:29,735 --> 00:05:30,735
You got a name yet?
143
00:05:30,804 --> 00:05:32,114
Kind of. We're working on it.
144
00:05:32,597 --> 00:05:34,493
Okay, swaddling.
145
00:05:35,079 --> 00:05:38,148
"Place baby diagonally
146
00:05:38,286 --> 00:05:41,493
With head above folded corner."
147
00:05:41,631 --> 00:05:45,046
They mean folded corner
or the pointy folded corner?
148
00:05:46,631 --> 00:05:47,666
Stop watching me.
149
00:05:47,804 --> 00:05:49,149
Okay. Okay.
150
00:05:49,286 --> 00:05:50,562
Kitchen. Sure.
151
00:05:52,424 --> 00:05:54,769
So, Paulie, I got
a gift for the baby.
152
00:05:54,907 --> 00:05:56,769
Oh, you didn't have to do that.
153
00:05:56,907 --> 00:05:59,080
Whoa, whoa, how
much money is in here?
154
00:05:59,218 --> 00:06:00,873
Thousand bucks.
155
00:06:01,011 --> 00:06:02,838
What is she, Connie Corleone?
156
00:06:03,459 --> 00:06:04,700
Where did you get this?
157
00:06:04,838 --> 00:06:06,287
Well, I won a little bet.
158
00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:07,769
On what?
159
00:06:08,322 --> 00:06:09,494
Women's basketball.
160
00:06:10,873 --> 00:06:13,011
Okay, you should be
in a meeting all the time.
161
00:06:13,149 --> 00:06:14,184
JAMIE: Help me!
162
00:06:14,700 --> 00:06:16,322
What happened?
163
00:06:16,460 --> 00:06:18,900
It's like a cruel riddle. It's
like some kind of Rubik's cube.
164
00:06:19,011 --> 00:06:20,942
Sweetie. It cannot
be done. Do it.
165
00:06:21,080 --> 00:06:22,873
Okay. Get away.
Get away. Get away.
166
00:06:23,011 --> 00:06:24,838
Ira, will you swaddle my child?
167
00:06:24,976 --> 00:06:26,253
Okay. Get out of there.
168
00:06:28,149 --> 00:06:29,907
Sweetie, it will be okay.
169
00:06:30,046 --> 00:06:33,011
No, it won't. That is such a bunch
of crap about how okay it's gonna be.
170
00:06:33,149 --> 00:06:34,781
Okay. Do you want
to hear a little secret?
171
00:06:34,805 --> 00:06:36,770
As parents, we may suck.
172
00:06:36,908 --> 00:06:39,218
First of all, can I just say
I think you're doing great?
173
00:06:39,356 --> 00:06:40,667
You do not. Yes, I do.
174
00:06:40,805 --> 00:06:42,712
You do not! Yes. Ira, don't
I think she's doing great?
175
00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:44,081
Please don't make me talk now.
176
00:06:45,356 --> 00:06:47,218
Well isn't there
somebody we could call?
177
00:06:47,356 --> 00:06:49,287
Like a guy, a swaddling guy?
178
00:06:49,425 --> 00:06:50,701
[BUZZER]
179
00:06:50,839 --> 00:06:51,839
Who is it?
180
00:06:51,977 --> 00:06:53,874
THERESA: Oh!
Oh, thank living god.
181
00:06:54,012 --> 00:06:55,367
There's a great
swaddler right there.
182
00:06:55,391 --> 00:06:56,563
Look how life provides.
183
00:06:56,701 --> 00:06:57,805
Hi, Ira.
184
00:06:57,943 --> 00:06:58,977
Theresa. Hi.
185
00:06:59,116 --> 00:07:01,357
Hi, sweetie! Hi, mom.
186
00:07:01,494 --> 00:07:02,494
Oh, honey.
187
00:07:04,494 --> 00:07:05,943
Hi. Hi.
188
00:07:06,081 --> 00:07:08,392
How are you? Oh,
I'm good. I'm good.
189
00:07:08,529 --> 00:07:10,495
How's the baby? She's good.
190
00:07:11,323 --> 00:07:12,461
Was the traffic bad?
191
00:07:12,598 --> 00:07:14,081
No, it was very light.
192
00:07:14,219 --> 00:07:15,219
Good. You're...
193
00:07:15,323 --> 00:07:16,839
Honey, I... I can't breathe.
194
00:07:16,977 --> 00:07:18,323
Oh, I'm sorry.
195
00:07:18,461 --> 00:07:19,908
I'm sorry. I brought
you some things.
196
00:07:20,047 --> 00:07:22,185
A tuna casserole
and some diapers.
197
00:07:22,323 --> 00:07:24,288
Oh, diapers and
casserole, my favorite.
198
00:07:24,977 --> 00:07:26,081
Let's see her.
199
00:07:26,771 --> 00:07:28,219
Ohh! [HIGH-PITCHED]
200
00:07:29,012 --> 00:07:30,426
Will you look at that.
201
00:07:31,633 --> 00:07:33,081
Oh, look.
202
00:07:33,219 --> 00:07:34,771
Oh, hello, precious.
203
00:07:35,254 --> 00:07:37,047
Hello, pumpkin.
204
00:07:37,185 --> 00:07:39,392
Hello, sweet-cheeks.
205
00:07:39,530 --> 00:07:40,564
No name?
206
00:07:40,702 --> 00:07:41,982
Not at all. I'm sorry, we don't.
207
00:07:43,737 --> 00:07:45,840
Interesting diaper. I know.
208
00:07:45,978 --> 00:07:47,875
You know, it's funny
you should say that,
209
00:07:48,013 --> 00:07:49,493
because anything
you can do to show us
210
00:07:49,530 --> 00:07:51,402
how to make it less
interesting and more normal,
211
00:07:51,426 --> 00:07:52,771
we would love that. Oh, no.
212
00:07:52,909 --> 00:07:54,875
No, no, no.
213
00:07:55,013 --> 00:07:56,082
No!
214
00:07:56,220 --> 00:07:57,220
Why not?
215
00:07:57,323 --> 00:07:59,806
Because, when I had you,
216
00:07:59,944 --> 00:08:02,186
my mother butted in, big-time,
217
00:08:02,324 --> 00:08:05,427
and I swore to myself that
I would never, ever, ever
218
00:08:05,564 --> 00:08:07,013
be one of those
mothers who butts in.
219
00:08:07,151 --> 00:08:09,220
No, no. Please butt
in. I need you to butt in.
220
00:08:09,358 --> 00:08:11,255
I have no idea what
I'm doing. Not a clue.
221
00:08:11,393 --> 00:08:12,633
Hey! I'm saying...
222
00:08:15,875 --> 00:08:17,117
Well... all right,
223
00:08:17,255 --> 00:08:19,358
but I'm not... I am
not going to butt in.
224
00:08:19,496 --> 00:08:20,634
I can pitch in,
225
00:08:20,771 --> 00:08:23,117
but just a very, very little.
226
00:08:23,255 --> 00:08:25,645
That would be great. Pitching in
would be great. [ALL TALKING]
227
00:08:25,669 --> 00:08:26,944
Please, a little pitching in.
228
00:08:27,082 --> 00:08:28,289
Okay.
229
00:08:28,427 --> 00:08:30,944
Ira, would you get the
changing table, please,
230
00:08:31,082 --> 00:08:32,438
and bring it over
here? IRA: You got it.
231
00:08:32,462 --> 00:08:35,013
Paul, I need some
baby wipes, cotton balls,
232
00:08:35,151 --> 00:08:36,531
and a dry washcloth.
233
00:08:36,669 --> 00:08:39,841
Coming right up. Oh, also some
index cards and a magic marker.
234
00:08:40,910 --> 00:08:43,703
Let's see if grandma
can still cut it.
235
00:08:43,841 --> 00:08:45,186
All right, sweetheart.
236
00:08:45,324 --> 00:08:47,876
Here we go, darling.
Yes, here we go.
237
00:08:48,014 --> 00:08:50,807
Okay. Now, the key to diapering
238
00:08:50,945 --> 00:08:52,669
is a simple mnemonic device.
239
00:08:52,807 --> 00:08:55,152
S-w-e-e-t.
240
00:08:55,289 --> 00:08:56,393
Sweet. Sweet.
241
00:08:56,531 --> 00:08:58,152
"S", survey,
242
00:08:58,290 --> 00:09:00,014
"W", wipe,
243
00:09:00,152 --> 00:09:01,945
"E", entertain the baby,
244
00:09:02,083 --> 00:09:03,221
coochie coochie, coochie.
245
00:09:03,359 --> 00:09:07,325
While we "E", ease
out Mr. Old, dirty diaper.
246
00:09:07,462 --> 00:09:10,979
"T", tie up Mr. Old,
dirty diaper.
247
00:09:11,118 --> 00:09:13,634
♪ And send him on his way ♪
248
00:09:15,256 --> 00:09:17,014
How is it me again?
249
00:09:17,152 --> 00:09:19,945
Now, it's time for
Mr. Clean diaper.
250
00:09:22,807 --> 00:09:25,394
We are so glad you're here,
believe me. This is such a,
251
00:09:25,532 --> 00:09:27,463
somebody who's done
it, you know what I mean?
252
00:09:29,910 --> 00:09:31,428
Sweet. S-w-e-e-t.
253
00:09:31,566 --> 00:09:32,818
Yes. You may want
to write that down.
254
00:09:32,842 --> 00:09:34,221
Hey, that's what I'm doing.
255
00:09:34,359 --> 00:09:36,118
Okay, now, swaddling is simple,
256
00:09:36,256 --> 00:09:38,532
just think of the word "Tuba."
257
00:09:38,670 --> 00:09:40,739
Tuck under both arms.
258
00:09:40,877 --> 00:09:42,601
This is just brilliant.
259
00:09:42,739 --> 00:09:44,359
Look at that. "Tuba."
260
00:09:44,497 --> 00:09:47,015
All right, here we
go, sweetheart.
261
00:09:47,152 --> 00:09:49,601
Now it's time to discuss
the crib placement.
262
00:09:49,739 --> 00:09:52,463
Mom, I'm so thrilled with
my "Sweet" and my "Tuba,"
263
00:09:52,601 --> 00:09:54,188
I'm just gonna
perfect that for a while.
264
00:09:54,325 --> 00:09:57,290
Oh, well, all right, honey. I'm
gonna go wash my hands again.
265
00:09:57,428 --> 00:09:59,808
Remember, always wash
your hands and often.
266
00:09:59,946 --> 00:10:01,704
Awyhaof.
267
00:10:03,084 --> 00:10:04,153
What?
268
00:10:04,291 --> 00:10:07,153
Aw... aw... awyhaof.
Awyhaof. Awyhaof.
269
00:10:08,980 --> 00:10:11,497
No, honey, that
was just talking.
270
00:10:11,635 --> 00:10:13,946
Oh, that's not a
thing. Okay, all right.
271
00:10:15,533 --> 00:10:17,253
Honey, would you help
me, please, with this?
272
00:10:17,326 --> 00:10:18,464
[BUZZER]
273
00:10:18,602 --> 00:10:19,602
Who's that?
274
00:10:19,635 --> 00:10:21,567
It's me, Burt!
275
00:10:21,704 --> 00:10:23,636
Burt Buchman, your father.
276
00:10:23,773 --> 00:10:25,084
DEBBIE: And Joan and Debbie.
277
00:10:25,222 --> 00:10:27,084
Come in, family of ours.
278
00:10:27,222 --> 00:10:28,567
Ira. Hello.
279
00:10:28,705 --> 00:10:30,015
[BURT EXCITED]
280
00:10:30,153 --> 00:10:32,050
Oh, there she is.
281
00:10:32,188 --> 00:10:34,429
Oh ho ho, doll-face.
282
00:10:34,567 --> 00:10:36,119
Oh, hello, sugar.
283
00:10:36,257 --> 00:10:38,222
Hello... there.
284
00:10:38,360 --> 00:10:40,153
No name yet? BOTH:
We don't have a name.
285
00:10:40,291 --> 00:10:42,531
You know, they got books
now. We're gonna look them over.
286
00:10:42,602 --> 00:10:43,882
We brought you a tuna casserole.
287
00:10:43,981 --> 00:10:45,360
Great. You like tuna casserole?
288
00:10:45,498 --> 00:10:46,636
Apparently tremendously.
289
00:10:46,774 --> 00:10:48,360
[INTERCOM BEEPS] Who's this?
290
00:10:48,498 --> 00:10:50,636
Your mother. She's
down in the lobby.
291
00:10:50,774 --> 00:10:52,134
What's she doing
down in the lobby?
292
00:10:52,222 --> 00:10:54,257
SYLVIA: Hello. Can
anyone hear me?
293
00:10:54,395 --> 00:10:56,222
Yeah, ma... I'm in the lobby.
294
00:10:56,360 --> 00:10:57,912
Can anyone hear me?
295
00:10:58,051 --> 00:10:59,395
Why don't you just come up?
296
00:10:59,533 --> 00:11:02,464
I have what I believe to
be the beginnings of a cold,
297
00:11:02,602 --> 00:11:04,740
and I don't want
to get the baby sick.
298
00:11:04,878 --> 00:11:06,671
That's very considerate
of you, Sylvia.
299
00:11:06,809 --> 00:11:09,843
Oh, not at all. I'm just
so glad to be here...
300
00:11:09,981 --> 00:11:11,051
In the lobby.
301
00:11:12,465 --> 00:11:15,740
Later, Burt will describe
my grandchild to me.
302
00:11:15,878 --> 00:11:18,636
Burt, did you give them
the casserole and the book?
303
00:11:18,774 --> 00:11:20,499
Oh, oh! Yeah. Yeah.
304
00:11:21,258 --> 00:11:22,361
What is this more tuna?
305
00:11:22,499 --> 00:11:24,223
Why don't we put
these in the fridge?
306
00:11:24,361 --> 00:11:26,923
Yeah, you know what, put it next
to its friends, the other casseroles.
307
00:11:26,947 --> 00:11:28,120
[INTERCOM BUZZES]
308
00:11:28,258 --> 00:11:29,706
I'm coming. Yeah?
309
00:11:29,843 --> 00:11:33,292
Listen, tape down the
button so I can hear.
310
00:11:33,430 --> 00:11:34,637
Want me to tape it?
311
00:11:34,775 --> 00:11:36,051
Sure, okay, ma.
312
00:11:36,189 --> 00:11:37,775
Can I say hello to the baby?
313
00:11:37,912 --> 00:11:39,499
Sure.
314
00:11:39,637 --> 00:11:41,844
Hold her up to the
microphone so she can hear me.
315
00:11:41,981 --> 00:11:43,603
Oh, you know, she's,
she can hear you.
316
00:11:43,741 --> 00:11:46,096
She can hear you, ma, believe
me. Babies in Japan can hear you.
317
00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:48,017
Hold her up to the microphone!
318
00:11:48,154 --> 00:11:49,879
I'm holding her! I'm holding.
319
00:11:50,017 --> 00:11:52,292
Burt, is he holding her up?
320
00:11:52,430 --> 00:11:53,499
Uh-huh.
321
00:11:53,637 --> 00:11:55,292
Fine, leave her in the bassinet.
322
00:11:56,086 --> 00:11:57,396
How does she do that?
323
00:11:58,190 --> 00:12:00,086
Hello, sweet girl.
324
00:12:00,224 --> 00:12:02,224
Hello, my beautiful girl.
325
00:12:02,361 --> 00:12:04,259
Hello, sweet girl
326
00:12:04,396 --> 00:12:06,855
whose parents should stop fooling
around and pick a name already.
327
00:12:06,879 --> 00:12:08,599
We're trying. We're
still working on it, ma.
328
00:12:08,637 --> 00:12:10,568
Murray, what are
you doing down there?
329
00:12:10,706 --> 00:12:12,568
[MURRAY SNARLS]
330
00:12:12,706 --> 00:12:15,052
Murray, it's me, Burt,
331
00:12:15,190 --> 00:12:16,224
Burt Buchman,
332
00:12:16,362 --> 00:12:18,637
Paul's father. [MURRAY
SNARLS AGAIN]
333
00:12:18,775 --> 00:12:20,397
What's the matter with him?
334
00:12:20,535 --> 00:12:21,879
He's sulking or something.
335
00:12:22,017 --> 00:12:23,672
He's scared of the baby.
336
00:12:23,810 --> 00:12:25,569
Murray... [SNARLS]
337
00:12:25,706 --> 00:12:27,121
Some nut!
338
00:12:29,982 --> 00:12:32,362
Oh, hi, Burt. Hello. Hello.
[PLAYFUL CHUCKLE]
339
00:12:32,500 --> 00:12:34,638
Honey, is this a good time now?
340
00:12:34,776 --> 00:12:37,086
Good time to... To
discuss crib placement
341
00:12:37,224 --> 00:12:39,500
and its impact on her IQ.
342
00:12:39,638 --> 00:12:41,362
Jamie. Oh, hello.
343
00:12:41,500 --> 00:12:42,500
Hi. Hi.
344
00:12:42,638 --> 00:12:44,259
Look who's here. It's the gals.
345
00:12:47,362 --> 00:12:49,742
You know, I think
it's just wonderful
346
00:12:49,880 --> 00:12:52,121
how the two of you
are sticking with it.
347
00:12:54,466 --> 00:12:57,983
Jamie, we need a refrigerator
allocation discussion.
348
00:12:58,122 --> 00:12:59,811
This cottage cheese,
sentimental value?
349
00:12:59,949 --> 00:13:01,707
We were wondering
'cause it's blue now.
350
00:13:01,845 --> 00:13:03,604
Okay. I'll be right there.
351
00:13:03,742 --> 00:13:05,362
Will you excuse
me for one second.
352
00:13:05,500 --> 00:13:07,431
If it would help, I
could eat something.
353
00:13:07,569 --> 00:13:08,811
Try the casserole.
354
00:13:11,294 --> 00:13:12,535
I'm gonna go.
355
00:13:12,673 --> 00:13:14,408
What do you mean? No, no,
no, no, where you going now?
356
00:13:14,432 --> 00:13:16,053
Oh, Jamie doesn't want me here.
357
00:13:16,191 --> 00:13:18,191
SYLVIA: You know,
excuse... hello!
358
00:13:18,329 --> 00:13:20,604
Listen, uh, I'd like to
make a suggestion.
359
00:13:20,742 --> 00:13:22,329
Ma, hang on one second.
360
00:13:22,467 --> 00:13:24,187
Believe me. She really
does. I swear to you.
361
00:13:24,294 --> 00:13:26,880
You know, I went through a
similar thing with my mother.
362
00:13:27,018 --> 00:13:28,890
Yeah, okay, ma, you know,
it's hard to hear you now,
363
00:13:28,914 --> 00:13:30,374
because I can't...
you're breaking up.
364
00:13:30,398 --> 00:13:32,053
I found that if I just...
[INTERCOM STOPS]
365
00:13:33,880 --> 00:13:35,983
Jamie very much wants you here.
366
00:13:36,122 --> 00:13:38,398
No, she doesn't.
She's just being polite.
367
00:13:38,536 --> 00:13:39,639
Not true.
368
00:13:39,777 --> 00:13:42,881
Paul, she's got you.
You know what to do.
369
00:13:43,018 --> 00:13:45,225
Ah! [CHUCKLES]
370
00:13:45,363 --> 00:13:46,950
Come on, you're
a natural father.
371
00:13:47,087 --> 00:13:48,674
Oh, no, no, no.
372
00:13:48,812 --> 00:13:50,225
Well, you can become a natural.
373
00:13:50,363 --> 00:13:51,708
I don't think... no.
374
00:13:52,812 --> 00:13:54,812
You got all these books.
You can read books.
375
00:13:54,950 --> 00:13:56,260
Yeah, but the books, it's not...
376
00:13:58,743 --> 00:13:59,743
They have pictures.
377
00:13:59,846 --> 00:14:02,019
Even the pic...
no. Pretty pictures.
378
00:14:02,157 --> 00:14:03,984
Between you and
Jamie, you can take,
379
00:14:04,123 --> 00:14:05,432
Jamie is... [MUTTERS]
380
00:14:07,501 --> 00:14:09,432
So, you want me to stay?
381
00:14:09,570 --> 00:14:11,330
[APPROVING GRUNT]
382
00:14:11,467 --> 00:14:12,536
I'll stay.
383
00:14:21,088 --> 00:14:22,123
[FLOORBOARD CREAKS]
384
00:14:22,261 --> 00:14:23,261
Uhh! [STARTLED]
385
00:14:23,364 --> 00:14:24,502
Oh, good. You're up.
386
00:14:26,019 --> 00:14:27,261
Hi. Nice to see you.
387
00:14:27,399 --> 00:14:28,468
Is everything okay?
388
00:14:28,606 --> 00:14:30,295
It's fine. Time
to feed the baby.
389
00:14:30,777 --> 00:14:31,777
What?
390
00:14:31,881 --> 00:14:33,295
Time to feed the baby.
391
00:14:33,433 --> 00:14:36,088
You have to feed her
every 2 and 3/4 hours.
392
00:14:36,226 --> 00:14:38,984
In other words, now,
so up and at 'em.
393
00:14:39,123 --> 00:14:40,675
No, no, no, mom,
whoa. I was gonna
394
00:14:40,813 --> 00:14:42,813
feed her every four
hours or when she cries,
395
00:14:42,950 --> 00:14:44,468
you know, every
two or three, some...
396
00:14:44,606 --> 00:14:47,778
If you want your baby to
have to cry for her meals.
397
00:14:47,916 --> 00:14:50,261
I don't want her to have to cry.
398
00:14:50,399 --> 00:14:55,123
Well, the crying is about
to begin, so it's up to you.
399
00:14:55,261 --> 00:14:56,640
Okay. Okay.
400
00:14:56,778 --> 00:14:58,433
So we're up, we're up, we're up.
401
00:14:58,571 --> 00:14:59,916
We're up.
402
00:15:00,055 --> 00:15:02,675
Oh, we're gonna go over
here to mommy now, yes.
403
00:15:02,813 --> 00:15:04,124
Oh-ho.
404
00:15:05,020 --> 00:15:07,089
Oh, my god, she's beautiful.
405
00:15:07,227 --> 00:15:10,331
Honey, honey, you don't
want her to just take the nipple.
406
00:15:10,468 --> 00:15:12,640
You want her to
take the entire areola.
407
00:15:12,778 --> 00:15:13,916
I know. I know.
408
00:15:21,571 --> 00:15:23,882
She's just the
most beautiful... Ow!
409
00:15:28,434 --> 00:15:30,089
She's like a little angel... ow!
410
00:15:35,089 --> 00:15:36,089
Look at her.
411
00:15:37,124 --> 00:15:38,847
What a thing, huh?
412
00:15:38,985 --> 00:15:40,985
What a thing this is.
413
00:15:42,296 --> 00:15:43,296
Man, I'm hungry.
414
00:15:51,331 --> 00:15:52,400
How we doing?
415
00:15:52,538 --> 00:15:54,262
Just love this so much.
416
00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:56,710
Hey, little baby.
417
00:15:56,848 --> 00:15:57,883
Trade you?
418
00:15:59,434 --> 00:16:01,607
Okey-dokey. That's enough.
419
00:16:01,745 --> 00:16:04,159
Oh, uh, mom, I think
she's still hungry.
420
00:16:04,296 --> 00:16:06,917
Honey, honey, no, no,
that's enough. Come on.
421
00:16:07,056 --> 00:16:08,194
Okay, sweetie.
422
00:16:08,331 --> 00:16:09,331
Okay.
423
00:16:09,434 --> 00:16:11,400
All right, sweetie. Okay.
424
00:16:11,538 --> 00:16:12,917
Okay, honey.
425
00:16:13,056 --> 00:16:14,986
You got her? Yeah.
426
00:16:15,125 --> 00:16:17,297
All right. Now, Paul. Hmm?
427
00:16:17,435 --> 00:16:19,056
After the meal comes?
428
00:16:20,470 --> 00:16:21,470
Pie?
429
00:16:23,883 --> 00:16:25,641
Burping. Burping. Good. Yeah.
430
00:16:25,779 --> 00:16:27,021
I knew that one, too.
431
00:16:27,159 --> 00:16:29,194
Now, the best way
to burp, darling is,
432
00:16:29,332 --> 00:16:30,779
put her on your lap,
433
00:16:30,917 --> 00:16:32,504
and here's how you remember it,
434
00:16:32,642 --> 00:16:36,263
gently rub, evenly
pat, securely held
435
00:16:36,401 --> 00:16:37,814
Or "Greps."
436
00:16:37,952 --> 00:16:40,917
Okay. Right there, that's
my favorite one so far.
437
00:16:41,056 --> 00:16:43,125
I think I'm just gonna
burp her on my shoulder.
438
00:16:43,263 --> 00:16:44,849
Uh, that would be unfortunate.
439
00:16:44,986 --> 00:16:47,780
Well, I think it's a
perfectly good way to do it.
440
00:16:47,918 --> 00:16:51,021
Well, yes, unless you'd
like her to actually burp.
441
00:16:51,159 --> 00:16:54,366
Mom, I'm gonna burp my
child on my shoulder, okay?
442
00:16:55,332 --> 00:16:57,057
Oh ho. Fine. [SARCASTICALLY]
443
00:16:59,297 --> 00:17:00,504
Fine. Hmm?
444
00:17:00,642 --> 00:17:01,711
Here we go.
445
00:17:01,849 --> 00:17:03,401
Oh, now don't you
mutter at me, missy.
446
00:17:03,539 --> 00:17:05,539
If it were up to me, I
wouldn't even be here,
447
00:17:05,677 --> 00:17:08,057
but when I wanted to
leave a long time ago,
448
00:17:08,195 --> 00:17:10,711
your husband wouldn't
let me out the door.
449
00:17:11,780 --> 00:17:12,884
Is that true?
450
00:17:18,884 --> 00:17:20,229
Excuse us.
451
00:17:20,367 --> 00:17:21,412
You know what, sweetie?
Can I... you know what?
452
00:17:21,436 --> 00:17:22,436
Stay.
453
00:17:25,333 --> 00:17:26,333
Hi, Sylvia.
454
00:17:26,471 --> 00:17:27,471
Oh, my god.
455
00:17:27,608 --> 00:17:29,367
I don't want the
baby to catch my cold.
456
00:17:29,505 --> 00:17:31,402
I can't believe
you're still here.
457
00:17:39,091 --> 00:17:41,091
Sweetie, look.
458
00:17:41,953 --> 00:17:43,126
Look.
459
00:17:43,264 --> 00:17:44,471
There's your grandma.
460
00:17:46,712 --> 00:17:49,987
Oh, my goodness.
She's so beautiful.
461
00:17:51,298 --> 00:17:52,747
I can go home now. Thank you.
462
00:17:52,885 --> 00:17:54,091
You're welcome.
463
00:17:54,367 --> 00:17:55,402
No,
464
00:17:56,195 --> 00:17:57,229
I mean,
465
00:17:58,436 --> 00:17:59,574
thank you.
466
00:18:02,643 --> 00:18:03,885
All right, I'm sorry.
467
00:18:04,023 --> 00:18:05,747
I'm sorry, sorry,
sorry, sorry. Just say it.
468
00:18:05,885 --> 00:18:07,127
I'm saying I'm very sorry.
469
00:18:07,264 --> 00:18:09,816
Just, say, you're scared I'm
not gonna be a good mother.
470
00:18:09,954 --> 00:18:10,988
That's not even true.
471
00:18:11,127 --> 00:18:12,850
You know you wanna say it.
472
00:18:12,988 --> 00:18:14,367
You're not
supposed to be it yet.
473
00:18:14,505 --> 00:18:15,678
What?
474
00:18:15,816 --> 00:18:17,058
Nothing. Good?
475
00:18:17,747 --> 00:18:18,816
Yeah. Aha.
476
00:18:18,954 --> 00:18:20,068
Okay, you happy now? Uh-huh.
477
00:18:20,092 --> 00:18:21,471
Good. So now what?
478
00:18:22,265 --> 00:18:23,265
So now I, you know,
479
00:18:23,334 --> 00:18:24,747
I tell your mother to go home.
480
00:18:25,127 --> 00:18:26,885
What?
481
00:18:27,023 --> 00:18:28,319
I'm gonna go upstairs,
and I'll say, "Listen,
482
00:18:28,343 --> 00:18:29,517
we don't need you.
We're fine. Go home."
483
00:18:29,541 --> 00:18:30,541
And then what?
484
00:18:30,678 --> 00:18:32,092
Then she goes home.
485
00:18:32,230 --> 00:18:33,437
And then what?
486
00:18:33,575 --> 00:18:35,265
Then we're in charge.
487
00:18:35,403 --> 00:18:36,575
What, are you kidding me?
488
00:18:38,575 --> 00:18:40,023
She's the only
person in this house
489
00:18:40,161 --> 00:18:43,058
with any clue how to
care for a human life.
490
00:18:43,196 --> 00:18:44,437
Yeah, okay, right now, but...
491
00:18:44,575 --> 00:18:46,265
I cannot even get
this child to burp.
492
00:18:46,403 --> 00:18:47,723
[ELEVATOR DINGS]
Hey, she'll burp.
493
00:18:50,541 --> 00:18:51,541
Any luck?
494
00:18:51,610 --> 00:18:52,679
No, not yet.
495
00:18:58,024 --> 00:18:59,127
I know.
496
00:19:08,265 --> 00:19:10,865
You, you know... you know... you
know what it's like... [STUTTERS]
497
00:19:11,610 --> 00:19:13,368
Okay. You know...
you know, okay.
498
00:19:13,506 --> 00:19:15,679
Okay. Okay. Perfect. Okay. Okay.
499
00:19:15,817 --> 00:19:16,817
You know, you know how...
500
00:19:16,886 --> 00:19:18,369
Honey, before
you pull something.
501
00:19:19,851 --> 00:19:21,679
Mom, I think you
can go home now.
502
00:19:24,128 --> 00:19:25,300
Really? Yeah.
503
00:19:27,266 --> 00:19:28,266
You want me to go?
504
00:19:28,369 --> 00:19:30,473
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm.
505
00:19:30,610 --> 00:19:33,507
Oh, I just wish I could be sure
you'd be all right without me.
506
00:19:33,644 --> 00:19:34,644
Well, we can't...
507
00:19:34,713 --> 00:19:35,955
[BURPS]
508
00:19:38,266 --> 00:19:40,369
I'll leave in the morning.
509
00:19:40,507 --> 00:19:43,335
[BURPS]
510
00:19:44,300 --> 00:19:45,680
What a little goddess you are.
511
00:19:45,818 --> 00:19:47,059
Boy, even I feel better now.
512
00:19:48,645 --> 00:19:50,231
Ah, hold the lift.
513
00:19:51,404 --> 00:19:52,576
Hello. Hello.
514
00:19:52,714 --> 00:19:53,749
Hello.
515
00:20:01,542 --> 00:20:02,852
Is that the child?
516
00:20:05,129 --> 00:20:06,163
Yes.
517
00:20:06,300 --> 00:20:07,300
Mm-hmm.
518
00:20:10,129 --> 00:20:11,129
What's its name?
519
00:20:11,266 --> 00:20:12,404
They don't know yet.
520
00:20:12,542 --> 00:20:13,542
Ah.
521
00:20:16,094 --> 00:20:17,887
Coochie coochie coochie coo.
522
00:20:18,025 --> 00:20:20,163
[BURPS]
523
00:20:27,267 --> 00:20:28,576
Well, good night, then.
524
00:20:30,508 --> 00:20:32,301
Oh, I've got a couple
more mnemonics.
525
00:20:32,439 --> 00:20:33,799
Maybe I could give
them to you now?
526
00:20:33,887 --> 00:20:35,163
Sure, mom. Good.
527
00:20:35,301 --> 00:20:38,646
Now, as to the temperature
of the room she sleeps in,
528
00:20:38,783 --> 00:20:41,336
remember, cooler
really is better.
529
00:20:41,749 --> 00:20:42,818
"Crib."
530
00:20:43,818 --> 00:20:45,681
And the most
important one of all.
531
00:20:45,818 --> 00:20:49,163
Whenever you go anywhere,
no matter what you're packing,
532
00:20:49,301 --> 00:20:53,370
just remember, mothers
always bring extra love.
533
00:20:54,543 --> 00:20:56,267
Ma-bel. Okay.
534
00:20:56,405 --> 00:20:57,474
Ma-bel.
535
00:20:59,439 --> 00:21:00,957
Mabel. Mabel.
536
00:21:01,094 --> 00:21:02,543
Oh, I like that.
537
00:21:02,681 --> 00:21:04,301
I love that.
538
00:21:04,439 --> 00:21:05,819
Gosh, that wasn't so difficult.
539
00:21:10,405 --> 00:21:12,922
And so, we are thrilled
and excited to tell you,
540
00:21:13,061 --> 00:21:16,405
that after an exhaustive search,
we have finally named our child.
541
00:21:17,061 --> 00:21:18,302
Well, there we go.
542
00:21:19,061 --> 00:21:21,164
We would like you all to meet...
543
00:21:21,302 --> 00:21:22,577
Mabel.
544
00:21:40,509 --> 00:21:41,509
[SNIFFS]
545
00:21:41,613 --> 00:21:42,613
Oh. [SNIFFS]
546
00:21:42,647 --> 00:21:43,647
Whew.
547
00:21:43,716 --> 00:21:47,026
[BOTH SNIFFING]
548
00:21:59,302 --> 00:22:01,095
Hey, eureka.
549
00:22:03,958 --> 00:22:05,062
There you go.
37212
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