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1
00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:56,079
Tha's very fetching on wash-days.
2
00:00:56,078 --> 00:01:01,897
How can I defend myself with an
armful of sheets? Tricky, isn't it?
3
00:01:01,893 --> 00:01:04,513
Get off!
4
00:01:16,822 --> 00:01:19,901
Oh, I'm sorry.
5
00:01:19,900 --> 00:01:23,919
It was that sudden movement
you made.
6
00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:29,776
The stealthy rustle, just like
an enemy crawling through grass.
7
00:01:29,772 --> 00:01:35,451
Jungle grass, of course. Not the
civilian bits you get round here.
8
00:01:35,448 --> 00:01:40,467
Oh, the old trained reflexes
are still sharp. Eeeee, ah!
9
00:01:40,464 --> 00:01:43,083
Yes, razor sharp.
10
00:01:43,082 --> 00:01:46,161
Got to be. Your life depends on it.
11
00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:50,799
I used to say that
to poor old Private Willis.
12
00:01:50,796 --> 00:01:56,615
"Willis," I used to say, "you'll
have to be sharper than that, lad."
13
00:01:56,612 --> 00:01:59,271
Poor old Willis.
14
00:01:59,270 --> 00:02:04,289
There was a tear in his eye
when he took my hand,
15
00:02:04,286 --> 00:02:07,065
just before we buried him.
16
00:02:07,064 --> 00:02:12,083
"Killer," he said... He used
to call me Killer, you know.
17
00:02:12,080 --> 00:02:16,919
"Killer," he said,
"I should have listened.
18
00:02:16,917 --> 00:02:19,596
"I should have listened.
19
00:02:19,595 --> 00:02:27,015
"But I want you to know," he said,
"how glad I am that YOU got the Jap who got me."
20
00:02:28,628 --> 00:02:31,108
And, you know...
21
00:02:43,037 --> 00:02:47,037
PUMP SQUEAKS
22
00:02:53,949 --> 00:02:57,949
SQUEAKING
23
00:03:01,363 --> 00:03:05,983
SQUEAK, SQUEAK, SQUEAK
24
00:03:10,276 --> 00:03:13,696
SQUEAK, SQUEAK
25
00:03:16,432 --> 00:03:19,412
SQUEAK
26
00:03:21,828 --> 00:03:24,808
SPLASH
27
00:03:29,062 --> 00:03:32,101
Have you ever been in love, Cleggy?
28
00:03:32,100 --> 00:03:34,939
Oh, dear, Howard!
29
00:03:34,938 --> 00:03:40,338
Couldn't we talk about the weather,
eh? It's more my style.
30
00:03:49,187 --> 00:03:52,607
BUZZING
31
00:03:56,741 --> 00:04:01,780
You come all the way up a hill,
and there's this insect waiting.
32
00:04:01,777 --> 00:04:05,836
How did it know
we were coming up here?
33
00:04:05,834 --> 00:04:13,313
You don't call these midget
creatures insects. Here we go. Okay, what do YOU call insects?
34
00:04:13,309 --> 00:04:15,988
Ronald (?)
35
00:04:15,987 --> 00:04:23,466
I could tell you tales
about insects. I've seen insects big enough to carry off children.
36
00:04:23,461 --> 00:04:27,520
He DOES talk some fanny.
But fluently.
37
00:04:27,518 --> 00:04:32,517
I've seen these winged things
flying through the jungle,
38
00:04:32,514 --> 00:04:35,313
big as small mangles.
39
00:04:35,312 --> 00:04:39,971
And teeth?
Oh, they could eat steel helmets.
40
00:04:39,969 --> 00:04:48,008
That reminds me, I could eat a
steel helmet. He's always thinking about his stomach. That's not true.
41
00:04:48,002 --> 00:04:55,021
I am thinking about Nora Batty.
Now, there's a lady who could eat steel helmets.
42
00:04:55,017 --> 00:05:00,056
Maybe it was Nora Batty you saw
in the jungle. No, Dorothy Lamour.
43
00:05:00,053 --> 00:05:05,872
That's close enough. Who is Dorothy
Lamour but Nora Batty in a sarong?
44
00:05:05,869 --> 00:05:10,908
No, I'm thinking of Nora
especially today.
45
00:05:10,905 --> 00:05:13,685
Why today? It's wash-day.
46
00:05:16,181 --> 00:05:19,220
It doesn't show. Not MINE.
47
00:05:19,219 --> 00:05:21,758
Hers.
48
00:05:21,757 --> 00:05:26,756
There's something about Nora
on washing-day that gets to me.
49
00:05:26,753 --> 00:05:30,292
She drives me wild.
50
00:05:30,291 --> 00:05:34,130
Tha can keep tha fancy perfumes.
51
00:05:34,128 --> 00:05:40,448
Just give me a sniff of her green
carbolic, boy, and I am away.
52
00:05:51,974 --> 00:05:59,393
There was this species of winged
beetle that used to charge at you like a rugby forward.
53
00:05:59,389 --> 00:06:05,228
It could knock you off your feet.
It didn't worry thee, though? No.
54
00:06:05,224 --> 00:06:10,263
What's that crawling on your
collar, Foggy? What? Get it off!
55
00:06:10,260 --> 00:06:13,040
Get it off!
56
00:06:18,914 --> 00:06:23,153
Old Sylvester.
After a short illness.
57
00:06:23,151 --> 00:06:28,190
I read about it in the paper.
Used to cane me rotten.
58
00:06:28,187 --> 00:06:33,226
He must have been in his nineties.
Not when he was caning me rotten.
59
00:06:33,223 --> 00:06:40,842
I thought he'd been dead for years.
Mind you, several of our teachers gave that impression.
60
00:06:40,837 --> 00:06:45,696
Old Sylvester.
Roughest teacher we ever had.
61
00:06:45,694 --> 00:06:50,733
He said I'd never make any good,
and look where he is now.
62
00:06:50,730 --> 00:06:54,690
ALL TOGETHER:
Old Sylvester.
63
00:07:06,738 --> 00:07:09,718
SLURPING
64
00:07:16,850 --> 00:07:20,069
Big hitter, was Slasher Sylvester.
65
00:07:20,068 --> 00:07:23,207
Left his mark on many a lad.
66
00:07:23,205 --> 00:07:26,465
And in some funny places, too.
67
00:07:27,702 --> 00:07:30,301
Tough, but fair.
68
00:07:30,300 --> 00:07:34,159
Gave me half his
cheese sandwich once.
69
00:07:34,157 --> 00:07:41,656
Very likely. If anybody was ever
eating, you'd be standing there, drooling like a scruffy mongrel.
70
00:07:41,651 --> 00:07:46,050
I were always hungry.
Tell us something new!
71
00:07:46,048 --> 00:07:48,587
You've never grown out of it.
72
00:07:48,586 --> 00:07:51,625
He wasn't a bad old stick.
73
00:07:51,624 --> 00:07:55,863
Especially to his brighter pupils.
74
00:07:55,861 --> 00:08:00,900
Creep! Just 'cos he let tha
give the pencils out.
75
00:08:00,897 --> 00:08:03,476
You big, smarmy dillop.
76
00:08:03,475 --> 00:08:07,635
I was a leader, even in them days.
Creeper!
77
00:08:08,891 --> 00:08:12,670
He was hard on a split infinitive.
78
00:08:12,668 --> 00:08:16,667
He nearly split mine
more than once.
79
00:08:16,665 --> 00:08:19,724
Yeah, you can see that.
80
00:08:19,723 --> 00:08:22,663
Oops, sorry.
81
00:08:28,796 --> 00:08:31,835
Yeah, that'll do.
82
00:08:31,833 --> 00:08:35,892
Okay.
Hey-up, tha missed a bit.
83
00:08:35,890 --> 00:08:40,909
When it comes to cleaning, since when
have you been the expert?
84
00:08:40,907 --> 00:08:43,646
Just be gone before I come back.
85
00:08:43,645 --> 00:08:49,464
By heck, tha does get thaself mixed
up with some rough women, Smiler.
86
00:08:49,460 --> 00:08:54,519
What with her and Nora Batty
and Auntie Wainwright,
87
00:08:54,516 --> 00:08:59,476
I sometimes think that
the Third Reich is alive and well.
88
00:09:01,351 --> 00:09:04,010
A powerful grip, that Ivy.
89
00:09:04,009 --> 00:09:09,068
If I weren't spoken for, I could
go for that Ivy. You've no nerve.
90
00:09:09,065 --> 00:09:13,904
When you're a sex symbol, Norm,
it's not easy.
91
00:09:13,902 --> 00:09:19,422
Sex symbol? You look like a virus
resting between epidemics.
92
00:09:21,516 --> 00:09:24,335
What does a virus look like, Norm?
93
00:09:24,334 --> 00:09:27,014
A sort of small ferret.
94
00:09:30,401 --> 00:09:32,780
Good heavens, look at that!
95
00:09:32,779 --> 00:09:35,938
The things people wear these days!
96
00:09:35,937 --> 00:09:41,216
I know I'm scruffy,
but I've got me pride.
97
00:09:41,213 --> 00:09:46,192
Strikes at the foundations
of British decency, those colours.
98
00:09:46,189 --> 00:09:49,328
With white legs. Ugh!
99
00:09:49,327 --> 00:09:55,407
White! No-one of our generation
would wear shorts like that.
100
00:10:00,538 --> 00:10:03,238
Howard!
101
00:10:04,675 --> 00:10:07,155
I can explain.
102
00:10:13,109 --> 00:10:16,628
Come on, Howard. Tha needs a drink.
103
00:10:16,626 --> 00:10:21,665
It shows a basic decency in Howard
that he's thoroughly ashamed.
104
00:10:21,662 --> 00:10:26,941
Come on. There's nobody in the bar.
Four pints, please, landlord.
105
00:10:26,938 --> 00:10:30,957
What's up with him?
Excessive colouring.
106
00:10:30,955 --> 00:10:35,415
Get thaself in, Howard!
There's nobody here.
107
00:10:37,451 --> 00:10:41,411
I thought you said
there was nobody in!
108
00:10:43,286 --> 00:10:45,925
It's only the barman.
109
00:10:45,924 --> 00:10:49,663
You can hardly expect self-service.
110
00:10:49,661 --> 00:10:57,601
Excessive colouring. I see what you
mean. Don't look at him. He's very embarrassed. I should think so.
111
00:11:00,333 --> 00:11:02,992
It's Pearl's idea.
112
00:11:02,991 --> 00:11:08,030
She knows damn well I wouldn't let
Marina see me dead in this outfit.
113
00:11:08,027 --> 00:11:15,646
Pearl thinks I'm safe, wearing
stuff like this. Well, you're safe from me, that's for sure.
114
00:11:15,642 --> 00:11:20,422
There's none of you happen to have
a long coat?
115
00:11:36,246 --> 00:11:38,905
Have you seen Howard?
116
00:11:38,904 --> 00:11:44,484
My mam said I was never to talk
to gypsies, especially big fellas.
117
00:11:52,914 --> 00:12:00,593
We'll have one more drink for
old Slasher, then we've got to go and leave our technicolour friend.
118
00:12:00,588 --> 00:12:03,387
Go? You can't leave me like this.
119
00:12:03,386 --> 00:12:11,305
We can't walk with you, Howard.
You wouldn't want to mix with the kind of people who'd walk with you.
120
00:12:11,300 --> 00:12:13,959
Be reasonable, Howard.
121
00:12:13,958 --> 00:12:20,058
Why have you got to go? We've got
to pay our respects to old Slasher.
122
00:12:21,752 --> 00:12:24,391
It's all right for him.
123
00:12:24,390 --> 00:12:27,049
Don't worry, Howard.
124
00:12:27,048 --> 00:12:33,048
If Marina sees tha dressed
like that, tha will be dead, too.
125
00:12:44,155 --> 00:12:53,474
How did you manage to get your
husband in colours like that? You apply fear. Sheer, naked fear.
126
00:12:53,468 --> 00:12:57,487
Yes, I've always found
that was best.
127
00:12:57,485 --> 00:13:03,024
You can keep them in regular, good
condition with fear and Epsom salts.
128
00:13:03,021 --> 00:13:07,820
They need discipline.
What about kindness?
129
00:13:07,817 --> 00:13:10,676
Well, of course they need kindness.
130
00:13:10,675 --> 00:13:14,454
Who do you think
buys the Epsom salts?
131
00:13:14,452 --> 00:13:20,291
They need the carrot and the stick.
You can hit them with both.
132
00:13:20,288 --> 00:13:25,287
I treat my Barry with kindness,
whether he likes it or not.
133
00:13:25,284 --> 00:13:28,103
I can't see him in loud colours.
134
00:13:28,102 --> 00:13:34,221
I'd prefer your father oil-covered
than in colours. He looks terrible.
135
00:13:34,217 --> 00:13:39,376
Of course he looks terrible,
but it keeps him indoors.
136
00:13:39,373 --> 00:13:45,352
Where is he now?
On an errand. He'll be back home by now.
137
00:13:45,349 --> 00:13:49,008
He won't loiter, dressed like that.
138
00:13:49,006 --> 00:13:55,866
Terribly bright about the house.
Can't do your eyes any good. He never did.
139
00:14:16,165 --> 00:14:18,984
That was very good of you, lads.
140
00:14:18,983 --> 00:14:26,462
I couldn't have got home otherwise.
Tha could have carried a small tree and pretended tha were a banana.
141
00:14:26,458 --> 00:14:30,077
Next time,
I'll bring my sunglasses.
142
00:14:30,075 --> 00:14:32,715
Hey-up, ain't that Marina?
143
00:14:34,611 --> 00:14:40,311
Oh, God! Don't let her see me!
Don't let her see me like this!
144
00:14:43,864 --> 00:14:46,624
Norman Clegg that was!
145
00:14:50,220 --> 00:14:53,079
Why are you standing like that?
146
00:14:53,077 --> 00:14:57,056
Like what?
Perfectly ordinary standing.
147
00:14:57,054 --> 00:15:00,293
It doesn't look very ordinary to me.
148
00:15:00,292 --> 00:15:03,591
You look weird, like statues.
149
00:15:03,590 --> 00:15:07,869
Pigeons.
We're trying to attract pigeons.
150
00:15:07,866 --> 00:15:15,645
What for?
One damn thing leads to another, doesn't it? We like pigeons.
151
00:15:15,640 --> 00:15:18,699
I know just what you mean, Norman.
152
00:15:18,698 --> 00:15:24,457
I like pigeons.
Little, proud, strutting things.
153
00:15:24,454 --> 00:15:27,493
Has anybody seen Howard?
154
00:15:27,491 --> 00:15:32,310
TOGETHER: Howard Who?
You KNOW Howard who.
155
00:15:32,308 --> 00:15:35,387
Oh, THAT Howard! Never seen him.
156
00:15:35,385 --> 00:15:39,825
Has he been missing long? Too long.
Achoo!
157
00:15:41,301 --> 00:15:44,840
How did you do that? Do what?
158
00:15:44,838 --> 00:15:52,037
Sneeze without moving your face.
It's an old wartime trick he picked up in the jungle.
159
00:15:52,033 --> 00:15:56,532
We did everything
without moving a muscle.
160
00:15:56,530 --> 00:16:02,529
If there's one thing a girl
appreciates, it's moving muscle.
161
00:16:02,525 --> 00:16:05,164
Achoo!
162
00:16:05,163 --> 00:16:07,763
Howard!
163
00:16:11,658 --> 00:16:17,377
But, Marina, I can explain.
You don't owe me any explanation.
164
00:16:17,374 --> 00:16:23,373
If that's the way you want to go,
I can't stop you. What way?
165
00:16:23,369 --> 00:16:28,568
Dressing up flash. It's obvious
you've got a younger woman.
166
00:16:28,565 --> 00:16:34,085
It's not true! I'm faithful to you
and Pearl. I like older women.
167
00:17:04,039 --> 00:17:06,738
What do YOU want?
168
00:17:06,736 --> 00:17:12,295
It's no use asking me that now.
I can't stop. I'm off to a funeral.
169
00:17:12,292 --> 00:17:14,891
You've been drinking.
170
00:17:14,890 --> 00:17:19,969
Just on account of the funeral.
Whose funeral? Old Sylvester's.
171
00:17:19,967 --> 00:17:27,907
A funeral? You look like the back
of Blackett's bus. You can't go to a funeral dressed like that.
172
00:17:29,140 --> 00:17:31,999
That's why I've come to warn thee.
173
00:17:31,997 --> 00:17:37,676
Warn me? About what? I am going down
below to smarten myself up a bit.
174
00:17:37,673 --> 00:17:45,132
And I am going to look
so ravishing, I don't want thee going all to pieces.
175
00:17:45,127 --> 00:17:47,727
I just thought I'd warn you.
176
00:17:56,019 --> 00:18:01,298
Do you think he'll be smart?
If he's not, he can stand outside.
177
00:18:01,295 --> 00:18:06,574
Outside the chapel? The churchyard.
I'm not letting him near the chapel.
178
00:18:06,571 --> 00:18:13,990
He can be so embarrassing
on formal occasions. He can be embarrassing on any occasion.
179
00:18:13,986 --> 00:18:19,005
I could take him to the supermarket
and drill him for a while.
180
00:18:19,002 --> 00:18:24,541
There's an expanse of parade-ground
surface in the supermarket car-park.
181
00:18:24,538 --> 00:18:27,417
I never noticed that. Oh, yes, yes.
182
00:18:27,416 --> 00:18:35,615
I sometimes sneak out there
at night, you know, just to hear me boots slamming to attention.
183
00:18:35,609 --> 00:18:38,408
You're just an old romantic, Foggy.
184
00:18:38,407 --> 00:18:43,426
I bet old Sylvester would still
have you giving out his pencils.
185
00:18:43,423 --> 00:18:46,602
Poor old Sylvester. Such a waste.
186
00:18:46,601 --> 00:18:49,601
It's far too good for a car-park.
187
00:19:04,767 --> 00:19:08,266
Give me the moonlight,
188
00:19:08,265 --> 00:19:11,324
And give me the girl,
189
00:19:11,322 --> 00:19:15,541
And leave the rest...to...me!
190
00:19:15,539 --> 00:19:18,619
Ow! That man!
191
00:19:28,090 --> 00:19:31,070
Oh, yes, that's much better.
192
00:19:32,506 --> 00:19:37,525
Better?! I bet old Sylvester
looks smarter than this.
193
00:19:37,523 --> 00:19:40,402
It goes everywhere, that suit.
194
00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:44,439
The ideal model
for formal occasions.
195
00:19:44,437 --> 00:19:51,956
And you have the advantage
of my introductory offer for new hire customers. Which is what?
196
00:19:51,952 --> 00:19:57,171
It comes complete with matching
accessories. Such as what?
197
00:19:57,168 --> 00:20:02,207
Buttons, belt-loops, pockets.
Oh, a host of inclusive features.
198
00:20:02,204 --> 00:20:04,883
For you, I'll throw in a hat.
199
00:20:04,882 --> 00:20:09,301
He'll take it. No, wait!
Hang on a minute!
200
00:20:09,299 --> 00:20:12,698
You look splendid. Tell him, Clegg.
201
00:20:12,696 --> 00:20:15,555
You look splendid.
202
00:20:15,554 --> 00:20:18,453
His eyes are shut.
203
00:20:18,452 --> 00:20:21,511
I daren't look at Auntie Wainwright.
204
00:20:21,509 --> 00:20:27,488
I swore I'd never set foot in here
without a crucifix and some garlic.
205
00:20:27,485 --> 00:20:31,024
Cleggy, he says I look smart.
206
00:20:31,022 --> 00:20:36,282
A damn sight more presentable than
in that Maurice Chevalier outfit.
207
00:20:38,616 --> 00:20:43,355
Every little breeze
Seems to whisper "Louise"...
208
00:20:43,353 --> 00:20:45,932
Oh!
209
00:20:45,931 --> 00:20:50,571
She's coming back!
See if she casts a shadow.
210
00:20:56,263 --> 00:20:58,922
Who's turned the lights out?
211
00:20:58,921 --> 00:21:02,960
Stop exaggerating.
It fits perfectly.
212
00:21:02,958 --> 00:21:07,958
It transforms him. You could
get elected, dressed like that.
213
00:21:09,673 --> 00:21:14,392
Me hat's too big.
Me boots are too tight.
214
00:21:14,389 --> 00:21:19,928
Is he always this picky? It's
a funeral, not his wedding night.
215
00:21:19,925 --> 00:21:24,244
I found the occasions
to be very similar.
216
00:21:24,242 --> 00:21:31,741
Of course, if he wanted to go
up-market, price-wise, I could fit him with something better.
217
00:21:31,736 --> 00:21:34,316
No, no, this is fine.
218
00:21:50,842 --> 00:21:55,422
Are you going
to old Sylvester's funeral?
219
00:21:57,057 --> 00:22:01,096
A very shrewd deduction.
He's sharp.
220
00:22:01,094 --> 00:22:06,833
There's no better training than
living with Pearl. I'm coming, too.
221
00:22:06,830 --> 00:22:11,769
You can't go dressed like that.
I'll get changed.
222
00:22:11,766 --> 00:22:16,805
If I'm going to a funeral,
I'll be able to wear a dark suit.
223
00:22:16,802 --> 00:22:21,821
I'm looking forward to being
able to wear a dark suit.
224
00:22:21,818 --> 00:22:26,077
A really boring, dull suit,
just like his.
225
00:22:26,075 --> 00:22:31,614
I knew it! No, he didn't mean
boring. He meant...elegant.
226
00:22:31,611 --> 00:22:34,270
Like hell he did!
227
00:22:34,269 --> 00:22:38,028
You've got 20 minutes.
We'll wait.
228
00:22:38,026 --> 00:22:42,965
In the pub.
Do you think that's a good idea?
229
00:22:42,963 --> 00:22:50,982
I don't think it's a BAD idea.
I've heard worse ideas. For a funeral, that is a very good idea.
230
00:22:50,976 --> 00:22:57,315
See? There's a lot going on under
that hat, in the dark. There is.
231
00:22:57,312 --> 00:23:00,771
All right, Howard. In the pub.
232
00:23:00,769 --> 00:23:04,788
I want you to be there
by 15:20 hours.
233
00:23:04,786 --> 00:23:07,425
I'll be there, I'll be there.
234
00:23:07,424 --> 00:23:09,943
15:20 hours?
235
00:23:09,942 --> 00:23:12,742
What kind of time is that?
236
00:23:21,933 --> 00:23:24,972
I can't get over him in that hat!
237
00:23:24,971 --> 00:23:29,830
Bog off! The voice is familiar,
but the hat...
238
00:23:29,827 --> 00:23:34,387
Hey-up! Ignore him.
He's just being accurate.
239
00:23:35,962 --> 00:23:41,601
I told thee this is a stupid hat.
No, no, no, you look much improved.
240
00:23:41,598 --> 00:23:47,377
Why is he laughing? He has no sense
of what's appropriate for a funeral.
241
00:23:47,374 --> 00:23:52,193
Funeral? I hope someone's
going to bury that hat.
242
00:23:52,190 --> 00:23:54,770
I'm not wearing it.
243
00:23:57,786 --> 00:24:00,425
Nay, don't spoil it!
244
00:24:00,424 --> 00:24:03,204
I love it, I love it!
245
00:24:05,001 --> 00:24:10,860
That's better! I couldn't get
used to the all-electric Howard.
246
00:24:10,856 --> 00:24:18,475
It was like living next door
to Disneyland. It feels good to be back in simple monochrome.
247
00:24:18,470 --> 00:24:23,309
Does tha want to borrow a hat?
Not THAT simple.
248
00:24:23,307 --> 00:24:28,526
We ought to be going. Howard needs
a drink. But we've had enough.
249
00:24:28,523 --> 00:24:31,322
Relax, Foggy. It's my round.
250
00:24:31,321 --> 00:24:33,960
Oh, well, in that case...
251
00:24:33,959 --> 00:24:36,818
Could tha lend us a fiver?
252
00:24:36,817 --> 00:24:42,417
I ought to have a drink to old
Sylvester. To old Sylvester.
253
00:24:51,406 --> 00:24:55,845
We're late. We're not.
We're just in time.
254
00:24:55,842 --> 00:25:03,341
Tha's tiddly, Howard. Nonsense!
It's the sheer good spirits of being back in a dark suit.
255
00:25:03,336 --> 00:25:06,515
Looks like tiddly. Why's he tiddly?
256
00:25:06,514 --> 00:25:11,193
There are hats round here
could sober anybody.
257
00:25:11,191 --> 00:25:15,950
Straighten your face.
You're at a funeral.
258
00:25:15,947 --> 00:25:20,907
It's all right for thee.
Tha's got a face fit for a funeral.
259
00:25:23,002 --> 00:25:26,221
That man! Why is that man smiling?
260
00:25:26,219 --> 00:25:31,538
You could get seven day's CB for
a smile like that. It's nothing.
261
00:25:31,535 --> 00:25:35,574
Howard, out with it.
What's tha up to?
262
00:25:35,572 --> 00:25:42,291
Just a stroke of genius,
that's all. Marina! He's up to something with Marina!
263
00:25:42,287 --> 00:25:47,966
Who told you? I knew it! Subversive
activities. What have you done?
264
00:25:47,963 --> 00:25:53,442
I invited her to a funeral. Where's
the harm in attending a funeral?
265
00:25:53,439 --> 00:25:59,878
You'll be seen. It doesn't matter.
She'll be in full black, wearing a veil.
266
00:25:59,874 --> 00:26:04,913
You tricky devil. Not only
electric, but plugged in with it.
267
00:26:04,910 --> 00:26:10,489
We arranged that she'll be waiting
for me in the church of the porch.
268
00:26:10,486 --> 00:26:12,946
Pardon?
269
00:26:26,114 --> 00:26:28,753
He was a good teacher.
270
00:26:28,752 --> 00:26:31,411
He was always fair.
271
00:26:31,410 --> 00:26:35,629
He once gave me
half his cheese sandwich.
272
00:26:35,627 --> 00:26:38,406
I'm glad we came. Me, too.
273
00:26:38,405 --> 00:26:42,365
You don't think
I'd not let you come?
274
00:26:43,841 --> 00:26:48,660
Yes, I...
I don't want to worry anyone...
275
00:26:48,657 --> 00:26:53,396
Don't. It's not an occasion
for extra worry.
276
00:26:53,393 --> 00:26:58,432
This is an occasion for celebrating
the life of a good man. Agreed.
277
00:26:58,430 --> 00:27:02,469
As long as we've got
the right good man.
278
00:27:02,467 --> 00:27:08,246
What are you talking about? See
the name on the coffin. Bickerdyke.
279
00:27:08,242 --> 00:27:11,262
We're at the wrong funeral.
280
00:27:13,458 --> 00:27:18,277
Whoops! Better forget
the church porch, Howard!
281
00:27:18,275 --> 00:27:20,735
Howard?
282
00:27:27,767 --> 00:27:32,727
Who's a cuddly person, then?
Who looks terrific in black?
283
00:28:14,012 --> 00:28:18,972
Subtitles by John Macdonald
BBC Scotland 1992
284
00:28:44,849 --> 00:28:52,788
- It's the Phantom of the Graveyard!
- Have you seen a small person? I'm looking for a small person.
285
00:28:52,783 --> 00:28:57,002
I'm not a small person!
I'm taller than I look!
286
00:28:57,000 --> 00:29:00,140
I'm basically a tall person.
287
00:29:00,190 --> 00:29:04,740
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