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1
00:00:02,755 --> 00:00:05,235
Oh, you're out early.
2
00:00:05,235 --> 00:00:07,675
Hairdresser's. She was booked up.
3
00:00:07,675 --> 00:00:09,555
The only slot she could fit me in.
4
00:00:09,555 --> 00:00:11,535
Come on, then, let's have a look.
5
00:00:11,535 --> 00:00:15,775
You have to wait till I'm in
full war paint and battle gear.
6
00:00:15,775 --> 00:00:18,995
Sounds dangerous.
Should I be nervous?
7
00:00:18,995 --> 00:00:20,835
You're safe enough here.
8
00:00:20,835 --> 00:00:23,655
For the moment, anyway.
9
00:00:23,655 --> 00:00:27,175
Ask me later, when I've got
some bubbly under me belt.
10
00:00:28,835 --> 00:00:31,095
CROCKERY RATTLES
11
00:01:06,675 --> 00:01:11,035
And then, about mid-day,
I want to call home and pick up my best uniform.
12
00:01:11,035 --> 00:01:12,555
What for?
13
00:01:12,555 --> 00:01:14,815
The wedding.
14
00:01:14,815 --> 00:01:18,395
We've not been invited.
We're only handling traffic.
15
00:01:18,395 --> 00:01:19,855
I don't care.
16
00:01:21,635 --> 00:01:24,415
I'm not going all creased up.
17
00:01:24,415 --> 00:01:28,055
It's murder on a uniform,
sitting in these cars.
18
00:01:28,055 --> 00:01:30,575
Should have brought
your ironing board(!)
19
00:01:30,575 --> 00:01:34,215
Then there'd be no room in't boot
for the barbecue and grill.
20
00:01:39,635 --> 00:01:41,955
Does it smell of mothballs?
21
00:01:41,955 --> 00:01:44,275
I could smell it down the street.
22
00:01:44,275 --> 00:01:46,235
You didn't say anything.
23
00:01:46,235 --> 00:01:47,775
I thought it was me.
24
00:01:50,155 --> 00:01:51,215
Phew.
25
00:01:52,435 --> 00:01:57,035
This is one I did while
recovering from the stress of an operation in Albania.
26
00:01:57,035 --> 00:01:59,015
You had an operation in Albania?
27
00:02:00,595 --> 00:02:02,735
It wasn't the appendix.
28
00:02:02,735 --> 00:02:07,175
I was trying to locate
their secret moustache factory.
29
00:02:07,175 --> 00:02:10,055
You've seen the size
of their moustaches.
30
00:02:10,055 --> 00:02:12,335
You didn't think
they were real, did you?
31
00:02:13,795 --> 00:02:15,375
Ohh.
32
00:02:15,375 --> 00:02:19,095
You're not in the mood
for embroidery - I can tell.
33
00:02:19,095 --> 00:02:22,675
I'm getting the feeling
that needlework is wasted on you.
34
00:02:22,675 --> 00:02:24,995
What am I going to wear?
35
00:02:24,995 --> 00:02:26,915
For needlework?
36
00:02:26,915 --> 00:02:29,555
I've never felt it was a problem.
37
00:02:29,555 --> 00:02:31,515
For the wedding.
38
00:02:31,515 --> 00:02:33,675
Ah, the wedding.
39
00:02:33,675 --> 00:02:36,475
You're going to wear your best suit.
40
00:02:36,475 --> 00:02:38,195
It's at home.
41
00:02:38,195 --> 00:02:40,115
Pearl won't let me in.
42
00:02:40,115 --> 00:02:42,195
I'll clear the way for you.
43
00:02:42,195 --> 00:02:44,515
You've been saying that all week,
44
00:02:44,515 --> 00:02:46,675
promising to get me back home.
45
00:02:46,675 --> 00:02:48,415
And today's the day.
46
00:02:48,415 --> 00:02:51,415
She'll let you in
to change your suit.
47
00:02:51,415 --> 00:02:53,775
Once you're in,
you turn on the charm.
48
00:02:53,775 --> 00:02:57,515
Let her see how much
she's been missing.
49
00:02:57,515 --> 00:02:59,335
No scrub that bit.
50
00:02:59,335 --> 00:03:01,995
Let her see how much
you've been missing HER.
51
00:03:01,995 --> 00:03:05,115
Look lost. You're a tragic figure.
52
00:03:05,115 --> 00:03:07,755
Go for the sympathy bit.
53
00:03:07,755 --> 00:03:09,735
We tried that.
54
00:03:09,735 --> 00:03:13,555
Ah, but today,
she's going to a wedding. Heh?
55
00:03:13,555 --> 00:03:16,435
She'll already be all emotional.
56
00:03:16,435 --> 00:03:19,555
They're like that about weddings.
57
00:03:19,555 --> 00:03:21,115
And I must admit...
58
00:03:22,675 --> 00:03:24,135
..I'm the same.
59
00:03:26,915 --> 00:03:28,555
Collars and cuffs, Morton.
60
00:03:28,555 --> 00:03:30,595
She'll be there at the wedding.
61
00:03:30,595 --> 00:03:33,235
My own little bride that was,
62
00:03:33,235 --> 00:03:35,835
the evil little conniving...
63
00:03:35,835 --> 00:03:38,595
Love her dearly, of course.
64
00:03:38,595 --> 00:03:40,355
And I do mean DEARLY.
65
00:03:40,355 --> 00:03:42,415
She took me for the lot.
66
00:03:42,415 --> 00:03:45,995
So did mine. The only thing
she left were the wedding photos.
67
00:03:45,995 --> 00:03:48,075
We're birds of a feather, Morton.
68
00:03:48,075 --> 00:03:51,015
Victims in life's harsh lottery.
69
00:03:51,015 --> 00:03:54,495
Admittedly I'm in a higher
socio-economic group,
70
00:03:54,495 --> 00:03:59,155
but still, I sense
a comradeship between us.
71
00:03:59,155 --> 00:04:01,835
Although don't go noising it about.
72
00:04:01,835 --> 00:04:03,915
I won't say a word.
73
00:04:03,915 --> 00:04:05,635
Very wise. I'd only deny it.
74
00:04:05,635 --> 00:04:07,715
Nobody listens to me, anyway.
75
00:04:07,715 --> 00:04:09,315
What?
76
00:04:09,315 --> 00:04:10,915
You see!
77
00:04:10,915 --> 00:04:12,995
Watch the collar! Watch the collar!
78
00:04:12,995 --> 00:04:15,415
It's a day for looking one's best.
79
00:04:15,415 --> 00:04:19,355
I'll show my ex what she's
in danger of losing entirely,
80
00:04:19,355 --> 00:04:20,955
if she's not careful.
81
00:04:20,955 --> 00:04:22,615
Mine won't be there.
82
00:04:22,615 --> 00:04:25,315
I'm supposed to be
going with a Moira.
83
00:04:25,315 --> 00:04:26,975
Glenda arranged it.
84
00:04:26,975 --> 00:04:29,455
You'll be all right.
I'll guide you through.
85
00:04:29,455 --> 00:04:33,175
Unless of course she's hideous -
in which case, you're on your own.
86
00:04:34,755 --> 00:04:36,455
You can manage hideous.
87
00:04:39,075 --> 00:04:41,515
Go. Get in there, right?
88
00:04:41,515 --> 00:04:43,275
You've got the perfect excuse.
89
00:04:43,275 --> 00:04:45,055
You need your best suit.
90
00:04:51,395 --> 00:04:53,915
Maybe I ought to phone first.
91
00:04:53,915 --> 00:04:55,395
ALL: Go!
92
00:04:58,755 --> 00:05:00,235
Remember, sympathy.
93
00:05:00,235 --> 00:05:01,955
You're a tragic figure.
94
00:05:03,715 --> 00:05:05,575
There's nobody in.
95
00:05:05,575 --> 00:05:08,535
You didn't even knock.
How do you know?
96
00:05:08,535 --> 00:05:12,095
When you've been married
all those years, you just KNOW.
97
00:05:14,835 --> 00:05:16,715
(You see.)
98
00:05:16,715 --> 00:05:18,855
You read tea leaves as well(?)
99
00:05:18,855 --> 00:05:22,675
It's just an instinct
for knowing where your wife is.
100
00:05:22,675 --> 00:05:25,535
And boy, have you needed it!
101
00:05:27,115 --> 00:05:29,735
Give her a smile and a wave.
102
00:05:33,075 --> 00:05:35,395
DOOR SLAMS SHUT
103
00:05:35,395 --> 00:05:37,095
Looks like that wave was goodbye.
104
00:05:40,595 --> 00:05:42,395
Come in, Morton.
105
00:05:42,395 --> 00:05:44,755
Make yourself comfy.
106
00:05:44,755 --> 00:05:46,915
Relax and sit down.
107
00:05:46,915 --> 00:05:49,815
SIT DOWN, Morton!
108
00:05:49,815 --> 00:05:52,795
You thought it was just
an invitation, didn't you?
109
00:05:52,795 --> 00:05:54,555
And you!
110
00:05:54,555 --> 00:05:56,415
If it's about your friend...
111
00:05:56,415 --> 00:05:59,615
After today, she's going
to be YOUR friend, Morton.
112
00:05:59,615 --> 00:06:01,795
She means it.
It's like her "sit down".
113
00:06:01,795 --> 00:06:03,655
You might as well get used to it.
114
00:06:04,955 --> 00:06:06,875
You'll like Moira.
115
00:06:06,875 --> 00:06:08,715
Again, not optional.
116
00:06:08,715 --> 00:06:10,715
Go and put the kettle on, Barry.
117
00:06:10,715 --> 00:06:12,235
Why don't I put the kettle on?
118
00:06:12,235 --> 00:06:14,155
I could... Sit!
119
00:06:15,715 --> 00:06:17,655
Barry!
120
00:06:20,715 --> 00:06:22,295
Now, Morton...
121
00:06:26,575 --> 00:06:29,675
Have you paid Pearl a compliment
lately? Yes.
122
00:06:29,675 --> 00:06:31,755
Such as?
123
00:06:31,755 --> 00:06:33,855
Well...
124
00:06:33,855 --> 00:06:36,875
She knows I think
she makes good gravy.
125
00:06:36,875 --> 00:06:38,575
Ah!
126
00:06:38,575 --> 00:06:41,955
You're a little smoothie
with the ladies.
127
00:06:41,955 --> 00:06:43,815
Man with golden tongue.
128
00:06:45,415 --> 00:06:47,795
Why do you think she's
wearing a headscarf?
129
00:06:47,795 --> 00:06:49,755
She's had her hair done.
130
00:06:49,755 --> 00:06:51,995
So there's your opportunity.
131
00:06:51,995 --> 00:06:54,475
You go home, you knock on the door,
132
00:06:54,475 --> 00:06:57,275
she opens up, you say, "Ahh!"
133
00:06:57,275 --> 00:06:59,075
You take a step backwards
134
00:06:59,075 --> 00:07:00,715
and you say, "Why, Pearl,
135
00:07:00,715 --> 00:07:02,435
"your hair looks stunning."
136
00:07:04,075 --> 00:07:06,535
Doesn't sound like me.
137
00:07:06,535 --> 00:07:09,475
Not the old you.
She threw that one out.
138
00:07:09,475 --> 00:07:11,235
You need a new you.
139
00:07:11,235 --> 00:07:13,315
And a better suit.
140
00:07:13,315 --> 00:07:15,915
Let her see man with golden tongue.
141
00:07:22,475 --> 00:07:24,635
Her hair looks how?
142
00:07:24,635 --> 00:07:26,575
Stunning. Stunning...
143
00:07:36,975 --> 00:07:41,235
Agh! Why, Pearl,
your hair looks stunning.
144
00:07:42,415 --> 00:07:45,915
You can't even see it,
you gormless twit!
145
00:07:52,355 --> 00:07:56,075
Today's the day. I can feel it.
146
00:07:56,075 --> 00:07:58,595
I feel strange with this hairstyle.
147
00:07:58,595 --> 00:08:00,835
These are not hairstyles.
148
00:08:00,835 --> 00:08:03,075
These are man traps.
149
00:08:03,075 --> 00:08:05,955
We are going to drive the men wild.
150
00:08:05,955 --> 00:08:08,095
I think just one will do.
151
00:08:09,335 --> 00:08:13,735
Wrong. We're going to
slaughter across the board.
152
00:08:13,735 --> 00:08:18,235
We're giving out a force-field
of pure femaleness.
153
00:08:18,235 --> 00:08:19,715
Pure(?)
154
00:08:21,055 --> 00:08:28,055
Of intense femaleness...that
the men will not be able to ignore.
155
00:08:28,055 --> 00:08:31,435
Ooh! Here's two now.
Let's show them what we've got.
156
00:08:31,435 --> 00:08:33,295
Pull yourself together, Morton.
157
00:08:35,115 --> 00:08:36,935
Look, it's one of the...
158
00:08:42,115 --> 00:08:44,275
I'm no good with women.
159
00:08:44,275 --> 00:08:47,155
I am, and look where it's got me.
160
00:08:47,155 --> 00:08:49,395
I thought she liked me.
161
00:08:49,395 --> 00:08:52,075
I mean, she took me on honeymoon.
162
00:08:52,075 --> 00:08:54,815
They can be very deceitful.
163
00:08:54,815 --> 00:08:57,835
Mine's still
pretending she hates me.
164
00:09:07,166 --> 00:09:09,386
So, OK, she's thrown you out.
165
00:09:09,386 --> 00:09:12,766
You're all alone in the world.
You're homeless.
166
00:09:12,766 --> 00:09:15,006
Let's look on the bright side.
167
00:09:15,006 --> 00:09:16,926
What's the bright side?
168
00:09:16,926 --> 00:09:18,906
You've always wanted to be free.
169
00:09:18,906 --> 00:09:22,926
Not this free.
Marina might adopt you now.
170
00:09:22,926 --> 00:09:25,626
She's not speaking to me either.
171
00:09:25,626 --> 00:09:27,926
She said goodbye.
172
00:09:27,926 --> 00:09:29,686
Quiet, team.
173
00:09:29,686 --> 00:09:31,786
I need to confide in you.
174
00:09:31,786 --> 00:09:34,726
Nothing you hear
must leave this room.
175
00:09:34,726 --> 00:09:37,746
I have a problem. I can't help it.
176
00:09:37,746 --> 00:09:42,366
I'm not ashamed, and it doesn't mean
I'm any less of a lethal machine,
177
00:09:42,366 --> 00:09:44,506
but I always cry at weddings.
178
00:09:48,526 --> 00:09:50,206
Go on, laugh.
179
00:09:50,206 --> 00:09:53,586
I knew you'd laugh. Well, laugh away.
180
00:09:53,586 --> 00:09:56,306
These things can be controlled.
Agh!
181
00:09:57,406 --> 00:10:00,046
What was that? What was what?
182
00:10:00,046 --> 00:10:02,186
That thing with the knee.
183
00:10:02,186 --> 00:10:05,326
Well, that's it.
That's how I control them.
184
00:10:05,326 --> 00:10:08,846
With one knee?
Sometimes one, sometimes the other.
185
00:10:08,846 --> 00:10:10,786
What, you use both knees?
186
00:10:11,966 --> 00:10:14,766
Not at the same time.
187
00:10:14,766 --> 00:10:17,326
You raise both knees, you fall down.
188
00:10:18,546 --> 00:10:21,486
That thing with the knee -
stops you crying at weddings?
189
00:10:21,486 --> 00:10:23,346
Oh, no, it's not just for weddings.
190
00:10:23,346 --> 00:10:27,066
It's a method for controlling
the emotion in any situation.
191
00:10:27,066 --> 00:10:31,446
A very ancient practice
of a warrior people. The Erics.
192
00:10:31,446 --> 00:10:33,546
The who?
193
00:10:33,546 --> 00:10:37,566
You've heard of the Saxons and
the Franks. These were the Erics.
194
00:10:37,566 --> 00:10:39,866
Great knee-fighters.
195
00:10:39,866 --> 00:10:43,166
Oh, they believed the knee
to be the centre of power.
196
00:10:43,166 --> 00:10:45,346
You'll find it on Google.
197
00:10:45,346 --> 00:10:47,506
A knee in the googles?
I've heard about it.
198
00:10:49,126 --> 00:10:51,566
Never mind knees.
199
00:10:51,566 --> 00:10:54,726
How do I get my suit? No problem.
200
00:10:54,726 --> 00:10:56,846
I'll lend you one of mine.
201
00:10:56,846 --> 00:10:58,846
It's never going to fit.
202
00:10:58,846 --> 00:11:03,746
Exactly. There's no way Pearl is
going to let you go to a wedding dressed like that.
203
00:11:03,746 --> 00:11:07,906
She'll whisk you off home
to get changed.
204
00:11:07,906 --> 00:11:09,926
Is that planning, or what?
205
00:11:13,846 --> 00:11:15,686
Show yourself, Howard.
206
00:11:17,686 --> 00:11:20,246
THEY LAUGH
207
00:11:20,246 --> 00:11:21,386
Ignore them.
208
00:11:21,386 --> 00:11:26,046
You look like someone whose wife is
just about to take pity on him.
209
00:11:33,866 --> 00:11:39,026
If you won't let me get me suit,
I'll have to go in this.
210
00:11:39,026 --> 00:11:42,246
Well, just don't tell anybody
we were once related.
211
00:11:44,766 --> 00:11:47,766
Well, that worked like a dream(!)
212
00:11:51,586 --> 00:11:54,486
It was heartbreaking
to see him when he left.
213
00:11:54,486 --> 00:11:56,046
Heartbreaking?
214
00:11:56,046 --> 00:11:58,626
He looked hilarious in that suit.
215
00:11:58,626 --> 00:12:00,886
"I'm going off down the lane,"
he said.
216
00:12:00,886 --> 00:12:02,506
"I need some space."
217
00:12:02,506 --> 00:12:05,966
How much more space does he need,
in that jacket?
218
00:12:05,966 --> 00:12:08,846
"I need to think things out,"
he said.
219
00:12:08,846 --> 00:12:10,806
Oh, he looked so sad.
220
00:12:10,806 --> 00:12:12,626
It affected us all.
221
00:12:15,406 --> 00:12:17,386
We were tearing up.
222
00:12:17,386 --> 00:12:20,806
Trying to remember
strong men don't cry.
223
00:12:21,886 --> 00:12:28,086
"I'm going to have to get
used to being alone," he said, with a...catch in his voice.
224
00:12:28,086 --> 00:12:29,826
How far has he gone?
225
00:12:29,826 --> 00:12:34,086
It's time he was home,
getting bathed and changed. Home?
226
00:12:34,086 --> 00:12:37,226
You mean here? This house?
227
00:12:37,226 --> 00:12:38,886
It's where he belongs.
228
00:12:38,886 --> 00:12:42,686
Maybe now he won't be so quick
to forget it. We'll fetch him.
229
00:12:42,686 --> 00:12:45,126
No, you won't. I'll fetch him.
230
00:12:45,126 --> 00:12:47,486
I can hardly miss him in that suit.
231
00:12:47,486 --> 00:12:53,886
He's going to get his palm read
loud and clear before he sets his foot back in here.
232
00:12:59,766 --> 00:13:01,306
You'll like Moira.
233
00:13:01,306 --> 00:13:03,926
Is she attractive?
Course she's attractive.
234
00:13:03,926 --> 00:13:05,646
I'm better with ugly.
235
00:13:05,646 --> 00:13:08,126
Moira's a shy person.
236
00:13:08,126 --> 00:13:10,066
That's going to be no good.
237
00:13:10,066 --> 00:13:12,566
We'll both be standing there
saying nothing.
238
00:13:12,566 --> 00:13:19,066
I'm convinced that behind
that shyness, there lurks this demon with the ladies.
239
00:13:19,066 --> 00:13:22,406
You're just saying that.
Feeling better, though, aren't you?
240
00:13:22,406 --> 00:13:24,526
Yes...momentarily.
241
00:13:24,526 --> 00:13:28,486
Hang onto it. That could be
romance waiting for you in there.
242
00:13:40,166 --> 00:13:43,166
The day we were married,
YOU wore a suit.
243
00:13:43,166 --> 00:13:45,246
You couldn't wear a white dress.
244
00:13:45,246 --> 00:13:48,526
It wasn't because I didn't qualify.
245
00:13:48,526 --> 00:13:51,446
I know. It was wartime.
246
00:13:51,446 --> 00:13:54,326
Unless you knew
somebody with a spare parachute,
247
00:13:54,326 --> 00:13:56,326
white silk was unobtainable.
248
00:13:57,886 --> 00:14:00,626
You looked nice in that suit.
249
00:14:00,626 --> 00:14:03,826
Which is more than anyone's
going to say about you.
250
00:14:03,826 --> 00:14:07,146
You had the kind of figure
they all want nowadays.
251
00:14:07,146 --> 00:14:11,666
And what am I now,
a sack of loose chippings? No.
252
00:14:11,666 --> 00:14:16,286
It's just that...
we've had that kind of marriage.
253
00:14:16,286 --> 00:14:19,926
Not white silk but... Careful!
254
00:14:19,926 --> 00:14:21,466
Not a bad suit.
255
00:14:23,366 --> 00:14:25,726
Took you a while to find out.
256
00:14:25,726 --> 00:14:27,886
No, it didn't.
257
00:14:27,886 --> 00:14:30,326
Right from our wedding breakfast,
258
00:14:30,326 --> 00:14:35,466
I was reaching across for something
and you whacked my knuckles with your spoon.
259
00:14:35,466 --> 00:14:38,206
Your mother should have
taught you better manners.
260
00:14:38,206 --> 00:14:40,806
You weren't kidding with that spoon.
261
00:14:40,806 --> 00:14:42,726
It was a right crack.
262
00:14:44,286 --> 00:14:46,946
But that's when I realised...
263
00:14:46,946 --> 00:14:50,046
I was always going to be
looked after.
264
00:14:50,046 --> 00:14:51,646
I was home.
265
00:14:54,426 --> 00:14:58,726
Get yourself inside and get
that suit off. I'll run your bath.
266
00:14:58,726 --> 00:15:01,766
Inside?! In the house?
267
00:15:01,766 --> 00:15:03,646
OUR house?
268
00:15:03,646 --> 00:15:06,846
Well, you're not getting
bathed in the yard.
269
00:15:09,206 --> 00:15:10,886
Are you ready?
270
00:15:10,886 --> 00:15:13,546
I'm ready. I'm ready.
271
00:15:13,546 --> 00:15:16,726
The bus is going to pick us up
at the Stanhope.
272
00:15:16,726 --> 00:15:19,006
What about our own transport?
273
00:15:19,006 --> 00:15:21,786
The milk float? You must be joking.
274
00:15:21,786 --> 00:15:25,446
Nobody's going in their
own transport. They'll be drinking.
275
00:15:25,446 --> 00:15:27,646
How much is the bus?
276
00:15:27,646 --> 00:15:30,646
Hobbo arranged it.
He's got us a bargain.
277
00:15:30,646 --> 00:15:32,646
Have you locked that back door?
278
00:15:32,646 --> 00:15:35,046
You've asked me that twice. Yes.
279
00:15:35,046 --> 00:15:37,226
And are all the bolts on?
280
00:15:37,226 --> 00:15:41,926
Yes. And the man trap's in place,
and the boiling oil's ready(!)
281
00:15:43,526 --> 00:15:46,946
There's no need to be sarcastic.
282
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:51,906
Although I must admit, the man trap
idea does have its attractions.
283
00:15:51,906 --> 00:15:53,786
On your way then, I'm ready.
284
00:15:53,786 --> 00:15:57,866
You're not going like that, are you?
It's not a funeral. It's a wedding.
285
00:15:57,866 --> 00:15:59,566
It's what I always wear.
286
00:15:59,566 --> 00:16:02,426
Exactly!
And it's no good for weddings.
287
00:16:02,426 --> 00:16:05,206
Have you had a look at yourself
lately?
288
00:16:05,206 --> 00:16:07,206
Not since I sold the big mirror.
289
00:16:10,446 --> 00:16:12,566
It's going to be a long day.
290
00:16:12,566 --> 00:16:16,406
Do you think we'll enjoy it?
We'll fake it.
291
00:16:16,406 --> 00:16:18,326
KNOCKING ON DOOR
292
00:16:18,326 --> 00:16:19,966
It's only us.
293
00:16:19,966 --> 00:16:21,726
That narrows it down(!)
294
00:16:24,126 --> 00:16:25,646
Look at you.
295
00:16:26,926 --> 00:16:28,646
And look at you.
296
00:16:28,646 --> 00:16:31,566
You know me.
I'd rather be in combat gear.
297
00:16:31,566 --> 00:16:35,646
My wedding suit turned out
to be combat gear.
298
00:16:35,646 --> 00:16:39,206
Well, I think we all look delicious.
299
00:16:39,206 --> 00:16:41,706
I wish you hadn't said that.
300
00:16:41,706 --> 00:16:44,486
I'm going to feel delicious now,
all day.
301
00:16:45,626 --> 00:16:48,306
Have you got your tissues?
..He cries at weddings.
302
00:16:49,886 --> 00:16:51,566
Not all the time.
303
00:16:52,846 --> 00:16:54,426
I'm not ashamed.
304
00:16:54,426 --> 00:16:57,766
You know what that says about me -
a sensitive nature,
305
00:16:57,766 --> 00:17:02,566
which I think is essential if
you're going to be employed by the state as a killing machine.
306
00:17:04,506 --> 00:17:08,506
Otherwise, you'll just
become an unpleasant person.
307
00:17:24,986 --> 00:17:29,246
Go through there, Barry,
and get those two talking. In there?
308
00:17:29,246 --> 00:17:31,766
It's like walking into a fridge. Ohh.
309
00:17:31,766 --> 00:17:33,906
Why don't I go?
310
00:17:33,906 --> 00:17:37,806
Because you'll bully Morton
and start flirting with Moira.
311
00:17:37,806 --> 00:17:39,486
That was the old me.
312
00:17:39,486 --> 00:17:42,606
Go, Barry. Break the ice in there.
313
00:17:42,606 --> 00:17:45,066
You know Morton. He's in shock.
314
00:17:45,066 --> 00:17:46,766
I doubt if he can speak.
315
00:17:46,766 --> 00:17:48,506
What am I going to say to Moira?
316
00:17:48,506 --> 00:17:50,926
"I like your dress"?
That's me finished.
317
00:17:50,926 --> 00:17:53,566
How much do you like her dress?
318
00:17:53,566 --> 00:17:55,346
Not as much as yours.
319
00:17:55,346 --> 00:17:58,066
Correct answer.
320
00:17:58,066 --> 00:18:00,646
You're now in line
for our big prize.
321
00:18:00,646 --> 00:18:05,126
Why don't you go
and start them, talking even if it's only sign language?
322
00:18:05,126 --> 00:18:06,786
Keep off the pop.
323
00:18:08,686 --> 00:18:11,166
The old you?
324
00:18:11,166 --> 00:18:14,346
I'm on a more spiritual path,
325
00:18:14,346 --> 00:18:19,186
which, as yet, doesn't require me
to give up every pleasure.
326
00:18:19,186 --> 00:18:23,446
Shall we have another
before I go totally ascetic?
327
00:18:23,446 --> 00:18:25,366
I don't think you're in any danger.
328
00:18:29,506 --> 00:18:32,566
Do you think anyone will notice
we're in best uniform?
329
00:18:32,566 --> 00:18:33,926
It's a question of pride.
330
00:18:33,926 --> 00:18:35,946
It's some girl's big day.
331
00:18:35,946 --> 00:18:37,846
We owe her the best.
332
00:18:37,846 --> 00:18:39,626
They'll be hating us, anyway,
333
00:18:39,626 --> 00:18:43,386
because we've got to tell them they
can't park where they want to park.
334
00:18:43,386 --> 00:18:46,026
We can make friends later,
at the buffet.
335
00:18:46,026 --> 00:18:48,006
We're invited to the buffet?
336
00:18:48,006 --> 00:18:52,486
I wouldn't say invited, but if
you turn up with an empty plate, what are they going to do?
337
00:18:55,726 --> 00:18:57,406
Here's the tricky bit.
338
00:18:58,986 --> 00:19:02,426
This is where the crease
in your trousers goes to mush.
339
00:19:12,346 --> 00:19:16,126
Big smiles, ladies. Big smiles.
Could you move in a bit?
340
00:19:16,126 --> 00:19:18,046
Moira, come on!
341
00:19:18,046 --> 00:19:19,606
That's it. A bit more.
342
00:19:19,606 --> 00:19:21,886
Closer... Real close.
343
00:19:21,886 --> 00:19:24,306
A bit more...
344
00:19:24,306 --> 00:19:26,766
Real close. Good, good. That's it.
345
00:19:26,766 --> 00:19:28,686
That's it. A bit more.
346
00:19:28,686 --> 00:19:32,046
Looking good. Now, big smiles...
347
00:19:36,726 --> 00:19:38,806
I'll be with you in a moment.
348
00:19:38,806 --> 00:19:42,926
Just...smile amongst yourselves.
349
00:20:01,946 --> 00:20:06,126
My my! Who's looking
scrumptious today?
350
00:20:06,126 --> 00:20:08,566
Why, thank you.
351
00:20:08,566 --> 00:20:11,246
At last...a gentleman.
352
00:20:11,246 --> 00:20:13,066
Ooh!
353
00:20:16,566 --> 00:20:20,906
Hello, Mr Hobdyke. Miss Davenport!
354
00:20:20,906 --> 00:20:25,026
How...how different you look.
I was hoping you'd think so.
355
00:20:26,506 --> 00:20:29,926
I'm having a bit of trouble.
I hope nothing serious.
356
00:20:29,926 --> 00:20:33,406
Oh, no. No, no. Just the old tripod.
357
00:20:33,406 --> 00:20:35,406
Ohhh!
358
00:20:37,046 --> 00:20:39,426
Watch it. I'm in enough trouble.
359
00:20:42,006 --> 00:20:43,826
Look what I've found.
360
00:20:59,466 --> 00:21:02,286
I understand you're
between marriages.
361
00:21:02,286 --> 00:21:03,766
No, no!
362
00:21:03,766 --> 00:21:06,546
We're a solid team.
363
00:21:06,546 --> 00:21:09,966
I'll be back with her
before you know it.
364
00:21:09,966 --> 00:21:11,606
Poor man.
365
00:21:11,606 --> 00:21:13,766
You miss her.
366
00:21:13,766 --> 00:21:15,946
I do.
367
00:21:15,946 --> 00:21:20,346
In the meantime,
you'll need a sympathetic shoulder.
368
00:21:24,486 --> 00:21:26,246
Ye Gods!
369
00:21:26,246 --> 00:21:28,426
What big shoulders you have.
370
00:21:32,226 --> 00:21:34,646
Got a thing for walls, have you,
Howard?
371
00:21:34,646 --> 00:21:36,866
I daren't look anywhere else.
372
00:21:39,746 --> 00:21:43,266
What time did you order
that bargain bus?
373
00:21:43,266 --> 00:21:45,866
It should be here any minute now.
Ohhh.
374
00:21:51,446 --> 00:21:53,706
Found this person in the shop.
375
00:21:55,446 --> 00:21:58,266
Oh, you look nice.
376
00:21:58,266 --> 00:21:59,826
Don't...don't crush me.
377
00:22:00,966 --> 00:22:03,706
This lot has to go back in stock.
378
00:22:05,206 --> 00:22:06,366
Hey...
379
00:22:06,366 --> 00:22:10,726
Oh, please, please...
Not only cries at weddings, looks like he's ready to scream.
380
00:22:10,726 --> 00:22:11,966
Twitching well...
381
00:22:13,906 --> 00:22:15,466
Wait for leg.
382
00:22:17,266 --> 00:22:19,246
There she goes!
383
00:22:21,766 --> 00:22:23,686
Excuse me.
384
00:22:26,326 --> 00:22:29,026
Why is Moira crying?
385
00:22:31,866 --> 00:22:34,706
Morton's been telling her
his sad stories.
386
00:22:34,706 --> 00:22:36,926
You know Morton -
he only does sad stories.
387
00:22:36,926 --> 00:22:41,746
Well, go and stop him.
It's supposed to be a happy day.
388
00:22:43,966 --> 00:22:46,686
Stay where you are.
389
00:22:46,686 --> 00:22:48,146
He's doing all right.
390
00:22:51,606 --> 00:22:53,406
Did I lock the door?
391
00:22:53,406 --> 00:22:55,246
Twice. I was there.
392
00:22:56,366 --> 00:22:58,206
My memory's going.
393
00:22:58,206 --> 00:22:59,886
I blame this suit.
394
00:23:16,366 --> 00:23:18,606
Nice smiles, ladies...
395
00:23:18,606 --> 00:23:20,086
Woo-oo...
396
00:23:20,086 --> 00:23:22,526
Here we are... Ah...
397
00:23:24,286 --> 00:23:26,806
CAMERA CLICKS
398
00:23:26,806 --> 00:23:28,586
Sorry.
399
00:23:30,086 --> 00:23:32,026
We'll do that again.
400
00:23:35,826 --> 00:23:38,986
How did you get Aunty
refurbished like that?
401
00:23:38,986 --> 00:23:41,606
We had a couple of sherries.
That helped.
402
00:23:41,606 --> 00:23:43,686
She opened bottle of sherry?
403
00:23:43,686 --> 00:23:46,326
No! It was already opened.
404
00:23:46,326 --> 00:23:48,266
About 1936.
405
00:23:52,046 --> 00:23:54,286
You're looking good, Stella.
406
00:23:54,286 --> 00:23:57,626
It happens...occasionally.
407
00:23:59,086 --> 00:24:00,286
HE COUGHS
408
00:24:00,286 --> 00:24:01,726
Is this the...
409
00:24:03,126 --> 00:24:06,366
Is this the...bus for
the wedding party? Hello, Conrad.
410
00:24:06,366 --> 00:24:08,646
Sounds more like, "Goodbye, Conrad!"
411
00:24:08,646 --> 00:24:10,966
Oh, get him a chair, somebody.
412
00:24:10,966 --> 00:24:13,006
Get him an ambulance.
413
00:24:13,006 --> 00:24:14,826
I'll get a glass of water.
414
00:24:14,826 --> 00:24:17,606
I'll be all right
when me sight comes back.
415
00:24:17,606 --> 00:24:20,206
Are you telling us you can't see?
416
00:24:20,206 --> 00:24:21,966
It's only temporary.
417
00:24:21,966 --> 00:24:24,526
Don't fret, love. It's back already.
418
00:24:24,526 --> 00:24:25,726
Here.
419
00:24:25,726 --> 00:24:28,386
Have a glass of water. Ohhh...
420
00:24:31,966 --> 00:24:34,026
Are you the regular driver?
421
00:24:34,026 --> 00:24:37,026
No, I'm filling in for our Barney.
422
00:24:37,026 --> 00:24:38,386
This is his hat.
423
00:24:38,386 --> 00:24:40,906
What happened to Barney?
424
00:24:40,906 --> 00:24:43,686
Oh, he's gone down with some
nasty disease.
425
00:24:43,686 --> 00:24:45,846
HE COUGHS AND SPLUTTERS
426
00:24:45,846 --> 00:24:47,966
MOBILE PHONE RINGS
427
00:24:47,966 --> 00:24:49,306
Sorry.
428
00:24:50,726 --> 00:24:52,166
Hello?
429
00:24:52,166 --> 00:24:53,286
Hello.
430
00:24:53,286 --> 00:24:55,846
Oh, um...hang on, um...
431
00:24:55,846 --> 00:24:57,366
Glenda!
432
00:24:59,086 --> 00:25:00,286
It's Gloria.
433
00:25:00,286 --> 00:25:02,026
Ohhh.
434
00:25:02,026 --> 00:25:04,726
So, how's the blushing bride, then?
435
00:25:06,666 --> 00:25:07,926
Oh, dear.
436
00:25:09,546 --> 00:25:13,646
What can I say, except
you're probably well rid.
437
00:25:15,206 --> 00:25:18,886
I can guess how you must feel.
438
00:25:18,886 --> 00:25:20,846
Don't worry about us.
439
00:25:22,086 --> 00:25:24,946
Oh, don't cry, he's not worth it.
440
00:25:26,606 --> 00:25:28,646
I'll call you tomorrow.
441
00:25:30,206 --> 00:25:32,406
The bridegroom's done a runner.
442
00:25:32,406 --> 00:25:33,946
ALL: Aw...
443
00:25:35,666 --> 00:25:40,346
I know not everybody likes her,
but she didn't deserve that.
444
00:25:40,346 --> 00:25:45,626
Glenda's right. She's well rid of
any lowlife who'd do that.
445
00:25:45,626 --> 00:25:48,546
Well, here we are, all dressed up.
446
00:25:48,546 --> 00:25:52,646
I came ready for a day out
and I'm going to have a day out.
447
00:25:52,646 --> 00:25:55,186
Sounds good to me.
448
00:25:55,186 --> 00:25:58,186
'Ere you, can you see yet?
Course I can see.
449
00:25:58,186 --> 00:26:01,726
Well, all right, prove it, then.
You find us a nice restaurant.
450
00:26:01,726 --> 00:26:02,946
No problem.
451
00:26:33,866 --> 00:26:36,306
Why are they just sitting there?
452
00:26:42,766 --> 00:26:44,846
I'll go and see what I can do.
453
00:26:44,846 --> 00:26:46,506
Are you sure that's wise?
454
00:26:46,506 --> 00:26:49,406
Don't get them any more fire-up
than they'll be already.
455
00:26:49,406 --> 00:26:53,066
It's a tactic to make us feel guilty.
456
00:27:00,326 --> 00:27:02,006
That's far enough, sir.
457
00:27:02,006 --> 00:27:03,446
Are you all right?
458
00:27:03,446 --> 00:27:04,966
We're all fine on the bus.
459
00:27:04,966 --> 00:27:06,326
We're good, sir.
460
00:27:06,326 --> 00:27:08,146
Don't bother yourself. No problem.
461
00:27:08,146 --> 00:27:09,626
No problem?
462
00:27:09,626 --> 00:27:12,586
That's a very tolerant way of
looking at things.
463
00:27:12,586 --> 00:27:15,846
I don't suppose he meant to
be driving like a lunatic, did he?
464
00:27:15,846 --> 00:27:17,446
No, no, no.
465
00:27:17,446 --> 00:27:19,046
It's just the hat.
466
00:27:19,046 --> 00:27:20,926
He, um, loses control of the hat.
467
00:27:20,926 --> 00:27:23,466
Not very good with the bus, either.
468
00:27:23,466 --> 00:27:26,286
Oh... He's standing in for
their Barney.
469
00:27:26,286 --> 00:27:29,446
I'll take charge of him as from now.
470
00:27:29,446 --> 00:27:31,646
That's good enough for us.
471
00:27:31,646 --> 00:27:33,266
Have a nice day.
472
00:27:34,686 --> 00:27:36,046
You...you mean we can go?
473
00:27:36,046 --> 00:27:37,886
Good luck with his hat.
474
00:27:37,886 --> 00:27:39,606
Oh, thank you.
475
00:27:39,606 --> 00:27:41,506
Yes, I'll take charge of that, too!
476
00:27:50,246 --> 00:27:52,506
How did you manage that?
477
00:27:52,506 --> 00:27:55,686
I'm not without influence
in official circles.
478
00:27:56,926 --> 00:27:59,146
ENGINE CHUNTERS AND BANGS
479
00:28:51,126 --> 00:28:54,006
CLEGG: Did I lock the door?
480
00:28:54,006 --> 00:28:57,646
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
481
00:28:57,646 --> 00:28:59,346
E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk
482
00:28:59,396 --> 00:29:03,946
Repair and Synchronization by
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